1 00:00:00,920 --> 00:00:03,880 Speaker 1: We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This 2 00:00:04,559 --> 00:00:09,080 Speaker 1: is How Men Thick and I heard radio podcast. Hello everyone, Hey, 3 00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:11,680 Speaker 1: it's Ross Matthews. I don't know you know who I am, 4 00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:13,920 Speaker 1: but maybe you saw me on RuPaul's Drag Race as 5 00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:17,320 Speaker 1: a judge, or on Chelsea Lately or The Red Carpets 6 00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:19,160 Speaker 1: like you know Tonight Show with Jay lenn and now 7 00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:22,200 Speaker 1: I'm on the Drew Barrymore Show every single day. I'm 8 00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:24,880 Speaker 1: also an author, man up a name dropper two of 9 00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:27,320 Speaker 1: my books, and enough about me. I am so happy 10 00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:31,280 Speaker 1: to be guest hosting How Men Think. That's right. I'm 11 00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:33,640 Speaker 1: gonna answer all your questions and try to help you 12 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:36,519 Speaker 1: understand how men think. I would like to understand how 13 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:40,120 Speaker 1: men think. I have a little insight. Um, But first, 14 00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:43,800 Speaker 1: this is eleven questions with me, Ross Matthews. All right, 15 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:45,839 Speaker 1: let's get into it. I don't know these questions, but 16 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:49,760 Speaker 1: I'm going to answer them and nothing's off like off limits, 17 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:52,680 Speaker 1: So we're just gonna go there. Up. First, what am 18 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:55,520 Speaker 1: I known for? Well, I mean I just told you 19 00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:59,600 Speaker 1: who are you in number two? Who are you in 20 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:03,320 Speaker 1: your purse? Still life? Oh? I'm much uh more normal 21 00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:05,240 Speaker 1: in my personal life, you know. On television, I wear 22 00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:09,160 Speaker 1: like you know and Drew Grace sequence and on Drew Barry. 23 00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:11,200 Speaker 1: I'm sure I wear suits, but in real life, I'm 24 00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:14,680 Speaker 1: like elastic head to toe. I live in Palm Springs 25 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:17,399 Speaker 1: for you know, part of the year and then New 26 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:20,280 Speaker 1: York the rest of the year. And um, I really 27 00:01:20,319 --> 00:01:25,120 Speaker 1: just enjoy being home with my fiance and watching fiance 28 00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:28,760 Speaker 1: like a normal person. Uh. Question number three, the three 29 00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:32,600 Speaker 1: shows that you are binge watching, Well, hello, y fiance 30 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:35,800 Speaker 1: the other way and before the ninety Days, and then 31 00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:38,200 Speaker 1: I also watched A Single Life where um, after the 32 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:41,000 Speaker 1: couple's inevitably break up after ninety day, they go on 33 00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:43,760 Speaker 1: that show. I know I need to get a life, 34 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:47,560 Speaker 1: don't judge me. Question number four, what is your favorite food? Oh, 35 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:50,440 Speaker 1: hands down pizza. I don't really eat it because my body. 36 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:52,640 Speaker 1: I'm getting it together. You know, I lost sixty pounds 37 00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:55,520 Speaker 1: and um keeping it off. But I had to break 38 00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:58,400 Speaker 1: up with Pizza. It was hard for me. And uh, 39 00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:02,240 Speaker 1: whenever I see him, it's still still hurts. Uh. Number five, 40 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:04,960 Speaker 1: tell us about your career. Well, you know, I always 41 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:07,000 Speaker 1: wanted to be on television ever since I was a 42 00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:08,919 Speaker 1: little kid growing up in a farm town and now 43 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:13,120 Speaker 1: I just celebrated twenty years on TV starting at the 44 00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:15,720 Speaker 1: Tonight Show with Jay Leno was a correspondent and you know, 45 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:19,320 Speaker 1: still going, still going. Question number six, what is my 46 00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:22,880 Speaker 1: biggest fear in life? You know, I really think it's 47 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,160 Speaker 1: not living up to my potential. I know that it 48 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:28,160 Speaker 1: should be like heights or something like that. But I 49 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:30,200 Speaker 1: used to be afraid of heights until I went skydiving. 50 00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:35,519 Speaker 1: That'll cure that. Question number seven, what is my biggest pet? Peeves? Oh? 51 00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:39,480 Speaker 1: How are people who are like just mean for no reason? 52 00:02:39,639 --> 00:02:42,680 Speaker 1: Like sometimes you know, like you have to stand up 53 00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:44,560 Speaker 1: for yourself or you have to point out that something's 54 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:47,320 Speaker 1: wrong or fight injustice and you have to, you know, 55 00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:51,600 Speaker 1: really go there. But some people are just malicious just 56 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:53,600 Speaker 1: for the sake of it. Yeah, I don't like those people. 57 00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:58,320 Speaker 1: Question number eight, What makes me the most happy? You know, 58 00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:03,320 Speaker 1: A lot makes me happy. Um My, my fiance and 59 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:05,960 Speaker 1: and are the life we built makes me really happy 60 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:09,120 Speaker 1: and proud. My dogs make me happy. I have three 61 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:13,840 Speaker 1: little rescued chihuahuas who are like so unbelievably cute. And 62 00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:16,680 Speaker 1: then you know, I think we all have a purpose here. 63 00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:20,160 Speaker 1: My purpose is to like communicate and make people smile. 64 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:23,240 Speaker 1: I think so when I'm on stage and I'm creating 65 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:26,240 Speaker 1: a moment with an audience, um or even unlike my 66 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:30,880 Speaker 1: podcast straight Talk or here with you all, creating and 67 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:33,640 Speaker 1: connecting is why I'm here and that makes me happy. 68 00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:37,880 Speaker 1: Question number nine, what is my ideal Saturday morning? Oh? Please? Okay? 69 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:39,600 Speaker 1: I am up early because I went to bed early. 70 00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:40,840 Speaker 1: You know what I mean. I am. I live my 71 00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:43,960 Speaker 1: life like an active senior citizen. So I am up early. 72 00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:46,640 Speaker 1: I get so much done by ten am. Uh. And 73 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:49,200 Speaker 1: then at ten am, home Goods open. So girl, you know, 74 00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:50,920 Speaker 1: I'm a home Goods because I need some sort of 75 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,360 Speaker 1: chokey for that shelf right there. It's been driving me crazy. 76 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:56,680 Speaker 1: So um. And then I got a brunch, which is 77 00:03:56,680 --> 00:04:00,040 Speaker 1: just a way of life. Hello homosexual and um and 78 00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:02,840 Speaker 1: uh you know, nap, try an do a little now. 79 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:05,200 Speaker 1: If I'm in Palm Springs, I hit the penny slots 80 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:10,360 Speaker 1: or I go uh an taking. And I'm here in 81 00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:12,920 Speaker 1: New York, you know, we just try to stay warm 82 00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:16,880 Speaker 1: because it's freezing. Number ten? What uh? What am I 83 00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:22,360 Speaker 1: more of an athlete or an armshare quarterback? I mean, okay, 84 00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:25,120 Speaker 1: I think these are metaphors. So because I'm not an athlete. 85 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,359 Speaker 1: But in life, am I a doer? Or am I 86 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:30,520 Speaker 1: sit back and critique er? Oh? I'm a doer, and 87 00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:33,799 Speaker 1: then I'll critique it and question number eleven. What keeps 88 00:04:33,839 --> 00:04:36,840 Speaker 1: me motivated? Well, it's the same thing. It relates back 89 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:39,960 Speaker 1: to what my biggest fear is. What keeps me motivated 90 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:42,800 Speaker 1: is to reach my potential to do what I am 91 00:04:42,839 --> 00:04:46,000 Speaker 1: meant to do here on this earth. So, um, I 92 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:48,400 Speaker 1: keep trying. I don't like a work in progress. I 93 00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:50,480 Speaker 1: like the idea of perfection in progress because I don't 94 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:52,760 Speaker 1: think we ever achieved it, but we can always keep trying. 95 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:55,320 Speaker 1: All right. That's enough for me though, because I know 96 00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:58,320 Speaker 1: you have questions and you've been hitting up the instagram 97 00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:02,160 Speaker 1: How Men Thinks? So coming up, we're turning it around 98 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:14,200 Speaker 1: on you. I'm gonna be answering your questions. Hi again 99 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:17,880 Speaker 1: me Ross Matthews guests so saying how men think this week? 100 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:20,880 Speaker 1: And we have turned the reins over to you. You 101 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:23,760 Speaker 1: have questions for me. These have been written in on 102 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:26,600 Speaker 1: the Instagram How Men Think? Let's get going. Here's our 103 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:29,440 Speaker 1: first question. It says, Ross, You're the life of the party. Well, 104 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:32,440 Speaker 1: thanks for noticing. Have you always been this outgoing? Do 105 00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:34,560 Speaker 1: guys like it when a girl is the life of 106 00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:37,719 Speaker 1: the party or is it intimidating? Well, okay, that's a 107 00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:40,480 Speaker 1: two parter. So have I always been this outgoing girl? 108 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:42,080 Speaker 1: I've just always been me, you know what I mean? 109 00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:46,200 Speaker 1: And I remember there was a time when, um, I 110 00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:49,000 Speaker 1: realized like how different I was from everybody else, and 111 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,919 Speaker 1: I thought, oh, I could really just hate myself or 112 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:52,800 Speaker 1: I could just be all in. And it was so 113 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:55,120 Speaker 1: much easier just to be all in, right, It took 114 00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:57,920 Speaker 1: so much more effort to hate. So I've just always 115 00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:00,360 Speaker 1: been like this. And then do people lie get when 116 00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:03,600 Speaker 1: other people are the life of the party? Are isn't intimidating? 117 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:07,040 Speaker 1: It depends on the person. Um Some some people are 118 00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:09,919 Speaker 1: really turned off by it because it brings a spotlight 119 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:13,279 Speaker 1: onto them they don't like or maybe they're competitive about 120 00:06:13,279 --> 00:06:17,800 Speaker 1: the spotlight. So I think it's better when relationships have 121 00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:20,880 Speaker 1: a flower and a gardener. Have you heard that that 122 00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:25,440 Speaker 1: metaphor before? Where one person likes the spotlight and the 123 00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:28,000 Speaker 1: other person loves to be a support system. If you 124 00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:30,680 Speaker 1: can find that sort of dynamic, you've got you've got 125 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:34,000 Speaker 1: a good relationship going. All right. Next question, when did 126 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:35,680 Speaker 1: you know you were ready to settle down? Was it 127 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:37,640 Speaker 1: full speed ahead once you're ready, or did you ever 128 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:41,560 Speaker 1: second guess making a relationship official? Well, uh, for me 129 00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:45,560 Speaker 1: and my fiance Wellington, it was a no brainer. We met. 130 00:06:46,279 --> 00:06:49,200 Speaker 1: It started with a breakfast burrito on a rooftop pool 131 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,440 Speaker 1: in Portavarta. It was like nine in the morning and 132 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:53,720 Speaker 1: I saw him and we started talking and it felt 133 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:55,919 Speaker 1: like I had known him my whole life. And so no, 134 00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:58,200 Speaker 1: I didn't pump any break are you can When you 135 00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:00,120 Speaker 1: win the lottery, what do you do? You rush to 136 00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:03,360 Speaker 1: put that check in the bank. So about a year 137 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:05,719 Speaker 1: into our relationship, I put a ring on it, and 138 00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:10,920 Speaker 1: now we're planning the wedding. Next question, you're a homeowner. 139 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:13,520 Speaker 1: How do you make sure your home feels equally like 140 00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:17,040 Speaker 1: one partner's home as the others. Yeah, so I I've 141 00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:19,520 Speaker 1: you know, I've had many homes, but this is the 142 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:22,160 Speaker 1: first time that I bought a home with somebody. Uh. 143 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,760 Speaker 1: My fiance and I just purchased a new home on 144 00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:26,920 Speaker 1: the East Coast. I'll always still live in Palm Springs, 145 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:31,320 Speaker 1: but the home is beautiful and it is important. You 146 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:34,400 Speaker 1: cannot be overbearing when you are decorating a home or 147 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:37,119 Speaker 1: it's going to feel like one person is a guest 148 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:39,440 Speaker 1: in a home. So you know, I think you have 149 00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:43,760 Speaker 1: to have equal part power of veto where uh if 150 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:46,840 Speaker 1: if I like something and I want it and my 151 00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:51,440 Speaker 1: fiance Willington vetos it, it's it's sorry, you're not coming 152 00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:54,559 Speaker 1: home with us. So you don't have to love everything, 153 00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:57,640 Speaker 1: but you do have to have that ultimate power to 154 00:07:57,720 --> 00:08:02,440 Speaker 1: say noope. Next question, As a judge RuPaul's dag race, 155 00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:05,240 Speaker 1: you watch how others express themselves. How do you help 156 00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:08,040 Speaker 1: a partner that doesn't know how to express their needs 157 00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:10,360 Speaker 1: and wants? Well, girl, I don't know how to help you, 158 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:12,240 Speaker 1: because if you're with a partner that doesn't know how 159 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:14,240 Speaker 1: to express what they need and want, then your partner 160 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:17,600 Speaker 1: needs to do work on themselves because I don't think 161 00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:19,920 Speaker 1: you're capable of being in a grown up a relationship 162 00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:23,080 Speaker 1: if you are not a fully formed version of yourself. 163 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:25,240 Speaker 1: And it sounds like maybe the person you're with needs 164 00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:27,640 Speaker 1: a little time back in the oven to fully bake 165 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:30,320 Speaker 1: all right. Next question, what if a guy is not 166 00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:34,440 Speaker 1: funny through text at the beginning of the talking stage. 167 00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:36,320 Speaker 1: Is this a red flag? If I'm looking for a 168 00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:39,160 Speaker 1: fun and adventurous partner. I don't know if it's a 169 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:42,080 Speaker 1: red flag. Some people are good text, like you know, 170 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:44,719 Speaker 1: I give good text. I have to say my punctuation 171 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:47,120 Speaker 1: is on point to think very much, and I'm able 172 00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:50,599 Speaker 1: to use a little riotion and emojis to be hilarious. 173 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:53,960 Speaker 1: But maybe that's not the right forum. I would certainly 174 00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:57,240 Speaker 1: give this person a chance. I are l in real 175 00:08:57,440 --> 00:09:00,800 Speaker 1: life before you discard them, But I will say no 176 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:04,720 Speaker 1: sense of humor is always a red flag. Up next, 177 00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:09,160 Speaker 1: As a woman in my thirties, I'm so over being single. 178 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:12,600 Speaker 1: Am I settling if I reevaluate my standards? If I 179 00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:16,080 Speaker 1: do reevaluate my standards, will I be unhappy in my 180 00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:18,520 Speaker 1: future relationship? You know, we talked about this on The 181 00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:21,120 Speaker 1: Drew Barrymore Show. All the time Drew talks about when 182 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:24,160 Speaker 1: she was younger, she wanted a bad boy and uh, 183 00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:27,720 Speaker 1: you know, someone with edge, And now the only priority 184 00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:31,360 Speaker 1: she has is are you nice? So I don't think 185 00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:34,680 Speaker 1: you're settling at all by reevaluating your standards. Think about it. 186 00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:38,480 Speaker 1: You're in your thirties now. You probably have been into 187 00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:40,360 Speaker 1: the same type of person or same type of guy 188 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:42,400 Speaker 1: since you were like in your teens and your twenties. 189 00:09:42,559 --> 00:09:44,920 Speaker 1: How's that working out for you? So? I think you 190 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:48,760 Speaker 1: do need to reapproach dating as somebody in your thirties now, 191 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:51,720 Speaker 1: just like we reapproach food. Right. We used to eat 192 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:54,280 Speaker 1: bags of fun In's Girl. I have been there, Cheetah 193 00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:57,719 Speaker 1: high um. But that's young food. And what that does 194 00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:00,199 Speaker 1: to your body now is like you know, you a 195 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,400 Speaker 1: whole pizza, You're gonna be on the toilet the next day, 196 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:04,840 Speaker 1: just on comfy. And you have to think about that 197 00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:09,520 Speaker 1: with men as well, because men can be junk food. 198 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,120 Speaker 1: It may feel really good in the moment, but then 199 00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:15,199 Speaker 1: you're on the emotional toilet for a week or two after. 200 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:18,240 Speaker 1: So how about just doing things that are good for us, 201 00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:21,920 Speaker 1: whether it's food or people. So if that means re evaluating, 202 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:25,440 Speaker 1: I'm all in for that. Well that was fun. Thanks 203 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:28,720 Speaker 1: for your questions. And next coming up, we're hitting the phones. 204 00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:31,120 Speaker 1: That's right, you're calling me. We're gonna do this live. 205 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:44,679 Speaker 1: Nothing's off limits. It's Ross Matthews on how men thinks? Hi, Katie, 206 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:47,560 Speaker 1: how are you? I'm good? How are you? Ross? I 207 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:53,440 Speaker 1: am a phenomenal Now how can I help you today? Well? So, Okay, 208 00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:56,040 Speaker 1: my friends and I have been talking and we've come 209 00:10:56,080 --> 00:11:00,200 Speaker 1: to the consensus that we all agree it's okay to 210 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:04,440 Speaker 1: check our boyfriend's phones. Check you check your check your 211 00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:08,360 Speaker 1: boyfriend's phone, like pick it up and so like when 212 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:11,120 Speaker 1: he's not looking to just kind of give a little glance, 213 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:13,480 Speaker 1: like kind of like pick it up and you know, 214 00:11:13,559 --> 00:11:15,200 Speaker 1: trying to see what kind of information we can get 215 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:20,320 Speaker 1: out of it. But I feel kind of guilty doing it. Yeah, 216 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:23,240 Speaker 1: and I don't know, Like I know, my friends say 217 00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:27,000 Speaker 1: that it's fine, but um, I don't know. I just 218 00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:31,160 Speaker 1: feel kind of weird. So I'm not quite sure if 219 00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:34,760 Speaker 1: I'm the right here. And um, you know, if he 220 00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:40,040 Speaker 1: found out, do you think he would be met? Um? 221 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:43,080 Speaker 1: I mean we're in a relationship and we're on paper, 222 00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:48,840 Speaker 1: are sharing exactly everything, but you know, is there a 223 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:51,959 Speaker 1: better way to check his phone without him finding out? 224 00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:54,800 Speaker 1: And like if if I did find something, like should 225 00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:57,080 Speaker 1: I confront him? Like I feel like I'm just presented 226 00:11:57,120 --> 00:12:01,839 Speaker 1: with all these different problems and I feel kind of guilty. Well, 227 00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:03,720 Speaker 1: let me ask you a question. Do you trust your boyfriend? 228 00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:07,400 Speaker 1: I do? I do? And like I think it's just 229 00:12:07,679 --> 00:12:10,840 Speaker 1: I'm just I'm a bit of a snoop um. And 230 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:12,680 Speaker 1: it's not so much that I feel like I'm gonna 231 00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:16,040 Speaker 1: find that he's, you know, cheating on me or something, 232 00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:17,800 Speaker 1: but like I just kind of like want to see 233 00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:22,480 Speaker 1: surprises before they happen. I mean, like I feel like 234 00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:25,560 Speaker 1: I'm I'm approaching this in a more innocent way. But 235 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:31,160 Speaker 1: I mean, am I still the jerk in this? Yes? 236 00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:35,400 Speaker 1: You are the jerk in this? Yes you are, because 237 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:37,199 Speaker 1: if you trust your boyfriend, then you need to trust 238 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:39,000 Speaker 1: your boyfriend. You can't say you trust somebody and then 239 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:41,120 Speaker 1: check their phone. So this is on you. But if 240 00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:43,560 Speaker 1: he leaves it out, it's not It's not like he's 241 00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:45,960 Speaker 1: hiding it. So I'm just I'm just he leaves it 242 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:48,000 Speaker 1: out because he trusts you not to check his phone. 243 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:53,480 Speaker 1: So if you have a reason to not to not 244 00:12:53,559 --> 00:12:55,439 Speaker 1: trust your boyfriend, the growing up thing to do is 245 00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:58,160 Speaker 1: to ask your boyfriend about that reason. I think I 246 00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:01,480 Speaker 1: think checking somebody's phone is one of the most vile 247 00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:04,280 Speaker 1: things you can do because you're not using your grown 248 00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:06,160 Speaker 1: up girl. You want, you want the answer, you want 249 00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:08,520 Speaker 1: me to agree with you. No, No, I just hate 250 00:13:08,559 --> 00:13:11,360 Speaker 1: the answer. No, I felt fair enough. This is no. 251 00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:14,439 Speaker 1: It is such an invasion of privacy. And if you 252 00:13:14,559 --> 00:13:17,720 Speaker 1: have an issue or a concern or a question for 253 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:19,880 Speaker 1: your boyfriend, use your gowing up words and ask him 254 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:24,319 Speaker 1: about it. But it seems like the right thing to do. 255 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:28,760 Speaker 1: But that's hard. Well, who said being a grown up 256 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:33,000 Speaker 1: was easy? No one, no one. That's why kids don't 257 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:35,240 Speaker 1: do it. But now you are. You are a grown up. 258 00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:37,640 Speaker 1: You're in a grown up relationship. If and if you 259 00:13:37,679 --> 00:13:40,959 Speaker 1: want this to go anywhere with him, do not. This 260 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:42,719 Speaker 1: is true. I don't. I don't want this to be 261 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:45,120 Speaker 1: like a bone of contention, Like I don't want him 262 00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:50,680 Speaker 1: to to find out that I've been sneaky, even if 263 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:54,400 Speaker 1: I feel it was in good attentions. But you're right, actually, 264 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:57,560 Speaker 1: just I should just talk to him because in an 265 00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:02,360 Speaker 1: adult relationship, he's just going to tell me the truth. Uh. 266 00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:05,680 Speaker 1: And and if you're not capable of not checking his phone, 267 00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:08,360 Speaker 1: then you're not capable of being in an adult relationship. 268 00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:14,839 Speaker 1: So just sit in that. Okay mm hmm mm hmm okay, Okay, 269 00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:19,040 Speaker 1: you got this. I appreciate it. Yes, thank you, thank you, 270 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:24,520 Speaker 1: You're welcome. Um, don't do it. Thank you so much, Katie, 271 00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:27,400 Speaker 1: and good luck to you and your boyfriend. Thank you. Ross. 272 00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:31,920 Speaker 1: I'm I feel pretty good, you know, you know, aside 273 00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:34,280 Speaker 1: from what I've done, but you know, I feel good 274 00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:37,480 Speaker 1: about our future. I appreciate that. All right, Well, you 275 00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:40,360 Speaker 1: keep calling it if you need need any more help, 276 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:45,000 Speaker 1: but be a good trusting person, all right? Up next, Hi, Sarah, 277 00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:49,520 Speaker 1: it's Ross. How can I help you? Well, I'm a 278 00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:52,200 Speaker 1: woman who is type A someone who likes to have 279 00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:56,360 Speaker 1: plans and always follows through. And if a date flakes 280 00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:59,240 Speaker 1: on me once, should I give him a second chance 281 00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:02,880 Speaker 1: or should I just say bye bye bye? I mean, 282 00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:06,560 Speaker 1: how many chances are too many chances? Or am I 283 00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:10,080 Speaker 1: being too harsh? Well? Okay, it's sort of a gut thing, 284 00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:14,480 Speaker 1: right because legitimately things can come up and people have 285 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:17,720 Speaker 1: to cancel last minute. Right, So if you feel like, hmmmm, 286 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:20,800 Speaker 1: this is this is this is real deal stuff, then 287 00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:22,400 Speaker 1: I would say give him another chance. But if you 288 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:25,200 Speaker 1: just think this person is a flake, that, I mean, 289 00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:28,240 Speaker 1: it's okay to be like bye, because you know, we 290 00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:29,960 Speaker 1: are all really busy. I mean, I got a lot 291 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:33,440 Speaker 1: going on, don't you. Yeah. I mean you're kind of 292 00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:37,600 Speaker 1: just saying, follow my gut. That's exactly what I'm saying, 293 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:39,840 Speaker 1: you know, because there's no there's no right, there's no 294 00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:42,800 Speaker 1: yes or no to this because sometimes things come up. 295 00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:44,640 Speaker 1: I've had to cancel things before. I'm sure you have to, 296 00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:48,640 Speaker 1: but I don't know, Like I think there's there's a 297 00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:52,200 Speaker 1: lot to your intuition. So is there a guy in 298 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:57,840 Speaker 1: particular this happened recently? Um, yeah, I mean it's it's 299 00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:00,880 Speaker 1: happened a few times. But yes, Reese Lee, and he 300 00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:02,880 Speaker 1: just said it was a mix up, you know, he 301 00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:06,720 Speaker 1: thought it was another day. But I mean it's it's 302 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:10,440 Speaker 1: so inconvenient and disappointing when that happens, even just once. 303 00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:12,640 Speaker 1: It is. But do you feel like he was being 304 00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:18,880 Speaker 1: sincere mm hmm um, I actually do this time. I 305 00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:21,240 Speaker 1: think you know, I think he was. So maybe I 306 00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:25,040 Speaker 1: should just give him another chance? Yeah, one one more chance? 307 00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:28,560 Speaker 1: You get one? Yeah, if I think if if you 308 00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:31,080 Speaker 1: feel like they're their intentions are real and in their 309 00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:33,360 Speaker 1: in their legit, then you know I would give him 310 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:38,120 Speaker 1: another chance. Okay, Well, thank you? That helps me? Yeah, 311 00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:40,360 Speaker 1: all right. I wish you luck, you know, and I 312 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,320 Speaker 1: will tell you this, The fact that you're open to 313 00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:45,440 Speaker 1: giving someone else another chance is a really good sign 314 00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:48,320 Speaker 1: for you and love because that you're gonna have to 315 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:51,080 Speaker 1: do that when you find even the right person. Um, 316 00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:54,920 Speaker 1: sometimes people need to take to well, that is true. 317 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:57,200 Speaker 1: It's tough out there, but you've got to give people 318 00:16:57,240 --> 00:16:59,360 Speaker 1: a break sometimes and hope that they do the same 319 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:03,240 Speaker 1: for you. Right words, Sarah words, all right, thank you, 320 00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:05,640 Speaker 1: a good luck to you. Thanks so much, take care 321 00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:15,600 Speaker 1: you too, Bye bye. Al right, next caller, Catherine, it's Ross. Hi. Um, 322 00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:19,919 Speaker 1: I'm so excited. It's sorry, I'm excited too, And how 323 00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:25,800 Speaker 1: can I help you? Um? Well, I guess I I 324 00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:31,239 Speaker 1: grew up in a pretty traditional conservative household. Um, and 325 00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:33,600 Speaker 1: like when I reached the age where I was allowed 326 00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:36,280 Speaker 1: to date, I was always really nervous to tell my parents, 327 00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:40,639 Speaker 1: Like who I was interested in? Was that? How old 328 00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:45,960 Speaker 1: when you were allowed to date? Um, seventeen seventeen, So 329 00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:49,000 Speaker 1: like you were seeing all your friends at like fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, 330 00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:51,840 Speaker 1: like go on dates experience, they probably get their first kiss, 331 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:56,800 Speaker 1: and you were just sitting there like twiddling your thumbs. Yeah. 332 00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:58,480 Speaker 1: I mean like a lot of my friends also grew 333 00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:02,000 Speaker 1: up in pretty conservative households too, so you know, it 334 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:05,439 Speaker 1: wasn't I didn't feel like out of the loop, but 335 00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:11,280 Speaker 1: I guess until yeah, yeah, but um, I guess I 336 00:18:11,359 --> 00:18:14,639 Speaker 1: never really cared about like what anybody's gender was, you know, 337 00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:17,200 Speaker 1: I cared about like who they were on the inside. 338 00:18:17,359 --> 00:18:20,720 Speaker 1: And then, um, this past year, I met this I 339 00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:24,679 Speaker 1: met this girl, and like I really fell for her 340 00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:31,480 Speaker 1: really hard, and yeah we doo um and like we've 341 00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:34,200 Speaker 1: been together every day, um, you know since we met. 342 00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:38,920 Speaker 1: And I'm so scared to tell my parents about her. Um, 343 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:43,879 Speaker 1: I just all all the questions, like all the judgment, um, 344 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:47,880 Speaker 1: you know, like I don't know, Like I just want 345 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:49,840 Speaker 1: to know, Like, is there is there ever going to 346 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:53,760 Speaker 1: be a good time to tell them, like they they're 347 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:57,600 Speaker 1: talking to There's not gonna be a good time right time, 348 00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:01,280 Speaker 1: but there is going to be the best way, okay. 349 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:05,720 Speaker 1: And the best way is you have to steady yourself 350 00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:12,960 Speaker 1: for whatever reaction, you know, because because I it could 351 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:16,280 Speaker 1: go in a variety of different ways, right, So you 352 00:19:16,359 --> 00:19:18,320 Speaker 1: need to prepare yourself for that. It's one of the 353 00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:23,639 Speaker 1: burdens that comes with being, um, a person who is 354 00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:26,920 Speaker 1: in same sex relationships or I don't I don't want 355 00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:28,840 Speaker 1: to label you, but I can tell you my experience 356 00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:31,920 Speaker 1: when I came out as gay to my family. One 357 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:35,479 Speaker 1: of the things I had to reckon or reconcile was 358 00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,199 Speaker 1: the thought that I may lose my family to be 359 00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:41,680 Speaker 1: who I am. Yeah, I was very lucky. I was 360 00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:47,000 Speaker 1: very lucky that my family, um was wonderful, wonderful, But 361 00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:49,320 Speaker 1: I also didn't come from a deeply religious family. So 362 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:51,600 Speaker 1: you need to if you're gonna be who you are, 363 00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:54,359 Speaker 1: which I suggest that you do, and be with who 364 00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:58,200 Speaker 1: you love. I think that's the best way to live, right. Um, 365 00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:00,639 Speaker 1: you need to steady yourself for the p stability that 366 00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:06,560 Speaker 1: people may not welcome that, even in your family. I 367 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:08,119 Speaker 1: would like to think that your family is going to 368 00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:10,639 Speaker 1: rise up to this moment, and I really hope they do. 369 00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:12,840 Speaker 1: And they sound like they did a good job raising you. 370 00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:15,320 Speaker 1: You sound like a really good human, So I think 371 00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:19,639 Speaker 1: it takes good humans to make good humans. So I 372 00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:23,719 Speaker 1: would um anticipate them to be able to rise up 373 00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:26,480 Speaker 1: to meet you here, but also steady yourself in case 374 00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:32,200 Speaker 1: they can't. That's just the reality of it. Okay, okay, okay, 375 00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:35,439 Speaker 1: And no matter what, no matter what, listen to me, 376 00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:39,400 Speaker 1: listen to me say this, okay, no matter what, now 377 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:43,600 Speaker 1: that you are perfect as is and that your love 378 00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:51,680 Speaker 1: is so special. H thank you. You're welcome and good 379 00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:53,840 Speaker 1: luck to you, Catherine. And I'm so happy you found 380 00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:58,320 Speaker 1: someone that makes you sound like that because I can't 381 00:20:58,359 --> 00:21:00,359 Speaker 1: see you, but I can hear you smile when you 382 00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:05,320 Speaker 1: talk about her. Thank you. I really appreciate it. Thank you, 383 00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:11,240 Speaker 1: good luck to you. Thanks by al. Right, next on 384 00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:15,520 Speaker 1: the line, let's say hi to Jennifer. Hi, Well, thanks 385 00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:18,840 Speaker 1: for calling in And how can I help you? Okay, 386 00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:21,960 Speaker 1: So I need some advice. Um, I'm someone who's really 387 00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:26,840 Speaker 1: into fashion. Yeah, I love to dress up and I'm 388 00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:30,000 Speaker 1: really I'm sorry my arm No, I hope that was 389 00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:34,600 Speaker 1: you wearing like something with bells on it? Is that? What? Yeah? 390 00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:37,879 Speaker 1: That's my phone? Sorry? What are you wearing right now? 391 00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:40,040 Speaker 1: Can I ask you, Jennifer, if you're into fashion, like 392 00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:42,480 Speaker 1: what I what outfit do you have on today? Okay? 393 00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:45,520 Speaker 1: So I have these nice high waisted um like their pants, 394 00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:47,800 Speaker 1: but they're like, um cinched in the waist. They have 395 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:51,199 Speaker 1: buttoned their like emerald green kind of like army pants, 396 00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:57,280 Speaker 1: but like you know, like the baggy kind and uh 397 00:21:57,560 --> 00:22:00,320 Speaker 1: a nice little like it's like it's like I can't 398 00:22:00,359 --> 00:22:04,040 Speaker 1: it's like a cammy but it's like a has embroidered 399 00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:07,320 Speaker 1: stuff on it. Um, Cammy is in camusol and so 400 00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:09,879 Speaker 1: what you're saying, yeah, I love you, I love you 401 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:12,920 Speaker 1: abbreviated camusa for that for me, thank you, thank you? 402 00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:15,000 Speaker 1: Like a visual And what kind of shoe would you 403 00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:18,000 Speaker 1: pair with this outfit? Oh? You know, like a nice 404 00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:22,679 Speaker 1: black standard boot tight on the ankle, but the pants 405 00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:28,040 Speaker 1: obviously are freda be over understood myself and wearing a 406 00:22:28,119 --> 00:22:32,879 Speaker 1: silk button up under a cardigan or a cardi. Um 407 00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:35,800 Speaker 1: that's green, black, brown SNEeSe and a purple back. Isn't 408 00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:40,640 Speaker 1: that interesting? It's like, yeah, okay, let's focus now, Jennifer, 409 00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:43,920 Speaker 1: you're into fashion. What do you I love purple too. 410 00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,879 Speaker 1: I usually look like Barney where I wear purple, so 411 00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:49,760 Speaker 1: I try to use it sparingly, Jennifer, focus, What do 412 00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:53,040 Speaker 1: you need for me? Okay? So I'm really creative with 413 00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:55,480 Speaker 1: my outfits, you know that. Um. But I'm having a 414 00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:58,720 Speaker 1: hard time with the menum dating and their fashion sense 415 00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:03,439 Speaker 1: because I'm really it's something I focus on. UM. So, like, 416 00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:07,080 Speaker 1: I really find a guy attractive unless he's really dressed impeccably. 417 00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,520 Speaker 1: And I'm wondering if like I'm being too picky or 418 00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:13,440 Speaker 1: how I can deal with that, Like, is it rude 419 00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:15,920 Speaker 1: to tell somebody that, like, I don't like his wardrobe, 420 00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:19,120 Speaker 1: and like, how do I inchum into good taste? One 421 00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:22,280 Speaker 1: he has horrible taste, or like I don't know, like 422 00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:24,760 Speaker 1: are there nice phrases that I can suggest, like if 423 00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:26,600 Speaker 1: he's wearing an ugly shirt or pants, or like I 424 00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:29,760 Speaker 1: don't like shoes, or I don't know how to approach 425 00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:32,920 Speaker 1: this dilemma. Well, a couple a couple of things. Okay, 426 00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:34,800 Speaker 1: I'm gonna break a couple of things down. One who 427 00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:37,280 Speaker 1: asked you about his clothes for starters who asked, maybe 428 00:23:37,359 --> 00:23:40,880 Speaker 1: he likes it? Right, So you cannot try to date 429 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:44,160 Speaker 1: a version of yourself because um, there's only one of you, right, 430 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:47,560 Speaker 1: So you need to be open to meeting somebody who 431 00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:52,359 Speaker 1: has their own definition of good taste, because because like 432 00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:55,840 Speaker 1: you know, you don't make the rules. Right. Yeah, let 433 00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:59,360 Speaker 1: me give you an example. We have different areas of interest, 434 00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:02,560 Speaker 1: and it doesn't mean we're not compatible. If your hearts 435 00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:05,080 Speaker 1: and your rhythms and your personalities are compatible, it's kind 436 00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:07,600 Speaker 1: of a beautiful thing to be very different. For example, 437 00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:11,400 Speaker 1: I know I'm like an encyclopedia of pop culture and knowledge. 438 00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:15,800 Speaker 1: My fiance Wellington, he's an academic. He doesn't know anything 439 00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:18,280 Speaker 1: of anybody, what anybody is. We went to dinner with 440 00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:21,119 Speaker 1: Rosie o'donald one time and my friend and I was like, 441 00:24:21,119 --> 00:24:23,239 Speaker 1: a Rosie's you know, and he's like, oh yeah, So 442 00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:25,920 Speaker 1: we hit this great dinner and afterwards he said she's 443 00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:27,440 Speaker 1: so nice, like oh yeah. He goes, she doesn't look 444 00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:29,000 Speaker 1: like she looked on the sitcom and I said, no 445 00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:31,639 Speaker 1: talk show and he goes, no sitcom Roxanne. And I 446 00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:33,280 Speaker 1: was like, Okay, you're so wrong. On so many level. 447 00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:35,480 Speaker 1: You thought that was Rosanne bar but it was Rosie o'donald. 448 00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:38,280 Speaker 1: But my but my point isn't so he doesn't know 449 00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:42,080 Speaker 1: my world that's so bad. And he's not like me, 450 00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:45,640 Speaker 1: but that doesn't mean that that he's not perfect for me. 451 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:47,520 Speaker 1: So if you were to find a guy who was 452 00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:51,840 Speaker 1: wearing god forbid, pleaded khakis and like a like a 453 00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:55,480 Speaker 1: gray polo and why, I mean, can you even imagine 454 00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:59,159 Speaker 1: like a vel gros shoe, Like you kind of have 455 00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:01,640 Speaker 1: to find the beauty be in his differences with you, 456 00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:04,400 Speaker 1: if his heart is pure, if his intentions are pure, 457 00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:06,320 Speaker 1: and if he shows up for you in a beautiful 458 00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:12,399 Speaker 1: way like who cares? Yeah, it's just like I notice 459 00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:16,159 Speaker 1: it and it bothers me. There's probably things about you 460 00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:19,840 Speaker 1: that bother him. Yeah, so I think it's okay for 461 00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:22,040 Speaker 1: you to say, like, Babe, I hate those pants, but 462 00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:25,560 Speaker 1: are you happy in those pants? Okay, congratulations on your pants. Now, like, 463 00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:27,320 Speaker 1: let's go to lunch. You know, I don't think you 464 00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:29,479 Speaker 1: need to sit there and stew with it or resent 465 00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:32,800 Speaker 1: him for his pleated khakis. You can say it, but 466 00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:35,080 Speaker 1: if he hasn't, and you know he'll, you know, he'll 467 00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:36,919 Speaker 1: probably say, oh, can you pick them out for me? 468 00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:40,240 Speaker 1: Because I don't even care? And then there's your opening. 469 00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:44,080 Speaker 1: But like to like look at him and roll your 470 00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:46,560 Speaker 1: eyes and resent him for wearing that is not healthy 471 00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:48,800 Speaker 1: to just be open and be like, Babe, those pants 472 00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:50,680 Speaker 1: gots to go. And if you take a fense, then 473 00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:53,040 Speaker 1: then you say, God bless your pants. If those make 474 00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:55,800 Speaker 1: you happy, then wear them every day. But my my 475 00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:57,960 Speaker 1: guess is he's probably gonna like not even notice and 476 00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:04,159 Speaker 1: say like, okay you pick out Yeah no, yeah, I 477 00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:06,320 Speaker 1: mean you just saying that it makes me think, oh, 478 00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:08,600 Speaker 1: I should have more of a comedic flair on this, 479 00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:11,840 Speaker 1: like be really honest about it, just put it out 480 00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:14,320 Speaker 1: there because I get nervous about being honest, and maybe 481 00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:16,760 Speaker 1: it's better if I just say I don't like those pants, 482 00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:19,199 Speaker 1: like where'd you get them? So here's my question for 483 00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:21,000 Speaker 1: you. You You say this is an interesting You say I 484 00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:24,680 Speaker 1: get nervous being honest. Yeah, because I feel like I 485 00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:28,520 Speaker 1: don't want to hurt his feeling or like anybody's feelings. Yes, 486 00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:33,680 Speaker 1: but when you're partnering with somebody, you've got to say 487 00:26:34,359 --> 00:26:38,040 Speaker 1: my fiance Valentine calls it, you have to have courageous conversations. 488 00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:42,080 Speaker 1: So when you say I'm nervous to be honest, then 489 00:26:42,119 --> 00:26:45,640 Speaker 1: you've got some some work to do on you. Yeah, 490 00:26:46,119 --> 00:26:49,880 Speaker 1: because my question is you're nervous of what to hurt 491 00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:53,960 Speaker 1: his feelings? And then what happens if you hurt his feelings? Um, 492 00:26:54,040 --> 00:26:56,480 Speaker 1: he gets offended and doesn't, you know, want to be 493 00:26:56,520 --> 00:27:00,280 Speaker 1: with me? Do you want to be with someone who 494 00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:02,600 Speaker 1: want doesn't want to be with you at your authentic 495 00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:09,399 Speaker 1: mm hmm Yeah, I mean I guess like I'm aware 496 00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:11,560 Speaker 1: of how I mean. I've had people in the past 497 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:14,359 Speaker 1: I have, you know, they've had bad reactions to me, 498 00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:18,440 Speaker 1: picking out what they don't like, what I don't like, 499 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:21,040 Speaker 1: you know, in what they're wearing, and then they're just 500 00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:26,840 Speaker 1: offended and they're like, you know, curse at me. Well 501 00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:31,480 Speaker 1: that's unfortunate because because if you're being honest with someone 502 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:37,159 Speaker 1: with good intentions and kindness, that can only lead to 503 00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:39,520 Speaker 1: a better place and a better understanding. But you've got 504 00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:41,400 Speaker 1: to go in. You have to say it with all us, 505 00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:43,440 Speaker 1: say it with kindness, and say it with good intentions. 506 00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:46,640 Speaker 1: So if you if you want to say something, if 507 00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:48,919 Speaker 1: you need to say something, you do it that way. 508 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:51,040 Speaker 1: But my my question too is like, is he a 509 00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:55,520 Speaker 1: good human who makes you feel good? Yeah? Yeah, so far, 510 00:27:56,440 --> 00:28:00,399 Speaker 1: so far, so you know, maybe maybe we fcus on 511 00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:06,199 Speaker 1: that and not on the terrible style. Okay, okay, okay, 512 00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:10,080 Speaker 1: thank you, thank you, and good luck to you. Thanks, 513 00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:15,040 Speaker 1: have a good day you too. And finally, let's say 514 00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:20,520 Speaker 1: hello to Kelly. Hi there, Hi, I'm wonderful and I'm 515 00:28:20,560 --> 00:28:23,840 Speaker 1: here to help. This is how many thinks. Let let 516 00:28:23,880 --> 00:28:25,399 Speaker 1: me let me take a swing at it. What do 517 00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:31,320 Speaker 1: you need? I am exhausted, Like I'm on the dating 518 00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:35,280 Speaker 1: apps and it is rough out here. Um the dating 519 00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:37,760 Speaker 1: app I'm on it requires the woman to send the 520 00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:40,800 Speaker 1: first message, and I really put like time and thought 521 00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:43,160 Speaker 1: into it. To come up with these like funny and 522 00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:46,479 Speaker 1: woody lines. I mean, I definitely think they're funny and woody, 523 00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:50,000 Speaker 1: but I literally like it's silent on the other end, 524 00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:53,080 Speaker 1: And I don't know, should I just be more casual? 525 00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:55,320 Speaker 1: Is it's just intimidating to guys? Or what are some 526 00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:58,600 Speaker 1: like fun and like funny and cute or like sexy 527 00:28:58,800 --> 00:29:01,920 Speaker 1: lines that I can send to actually like get some 528 00:29:01,960 --> 00:29:07,440 Speaker 1: attention and return, or like I'm lost. God, you know, 529 00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:11,040 Speaker 1: it is so tough out there, and the apps I 530 00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:13,719 Speaker 1: think just make it worse because it almost takes like this, 531 00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:18,479 Speaker 1: like the humanity out of it, you know. Um, I 532 00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:21,160 Speaker 1: would honestly like, Okay, I think you have to take 533 00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:24,479 Speaker 1: a multi pronged approach at dating. I think you have 534 00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:27,520 Speaker 1: to hit the apps and multiple apps because you need 535 00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:31,120 Speaker 1: different approaches. Right, So the app you're on the woman 536 00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:33,880 Speaker 1: is supposed to say hello first, okay, great? Do that? 537 00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:37,520 Speaker 1: You gotta get another one's too, you know, um, because 538 00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:40,840 Speaker 1: I just think, you know, if you were like fishing 539 00:29:41,160 --> 00:29:43,560 Speaker 1: for fish, right and you had multiple polls, why not 540 00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:46,480 Speaker 1: throw them all out there to catch the right one, right? 541 00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:48,640 Speaker 1: And then I also need you to be out there 542 00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:51,000 Speaker 1: in the real world too, and I know, right now 543 00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:52,880 Speaker 1: that's sort of tough because the world's shut down in 544 00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:56,520 Speaker 1: many ways, but it's you know, it's still doable. You know. 545 00:29:56,760 --> 00:29:58,640 Speaker 1: The Pilgrims just put the hair on a pony, a 546 00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:00,479 Speaker 1: little lip gloss on, and they went and sat at 547 00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:02,360 Speaker 1: a bar and ordered a cocktail and like let the 548 00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:04,480 Speaker 1: whole place know they were by themselves. You know, I 549 00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:06,440 Speaker 1: think you got to do that more so many times 550 00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:08,240 Speaker 1: people go out with a group of friends. No one 551 00:30:08,320 --> 00:30:10,480 Speaker 1: hits on you and a group of friends, You've got 552 00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:14,960 Speaker 1: to go by yourself into the real world and look up. 553 00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:18,080 Speaker 1: Don't be on your phone, just look up and be there. 554 00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:21,360 Speaker 1: You will be shocked at how many people you'll meet 555 00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:26,760 Speaker 1: I r L in real life. That's true. Um, are 556 00:30:26,800 --> 00:30:29,560 Speaker 1: you are you open to trying Are you open to 557 00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:33,600 Speaker 1: trying another app? Yeah? I mean I guess I didn't 558 00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:35,640 Speaker 1: really think about that, but you're you're right. I mean, 559 00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:38,200 Speaker 1: maybe it's the approach within itself that just isn't working 560 00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:42,120 Speaker 1: for me, or you know, maybe I should try a 561 00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:45,360 Speaker 1: variety and see, like if I'm getting different responses or 562 00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:48,479 Speaker 1: feedback in other places. Totally. I like the idea of 563 00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:51,880 Speaker 1: like having one attitude on on one app and then 564 00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:54,760 Speaker 1: like a slightly different version of yourself. I mean it's 565 00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:57,520 Speaker 1: all you, right, but like you know, there's you at 566 00:30:57,560 --> 00:31:01,560 Speaker 1: work and there's you um at the club right, very 567 00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:05,760 Speaker 1: different me. So if one of your apps is like 568 00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:08,480 Speaker 1: you at work, I mean there's no issue. And I'm 569 00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:12,080 Speaker 1: not saying like you know, how how down. I'm just saying, like, 570 00:31:12,280 --> 00:31:15,040 Speaker 1: you know, maybe like highlight another aspect of your personality 571 00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:19,680 Speaker 1: and another app. Yeah, it's a good idea. M. And 572 00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:22,840 Speaker 1: then it is a lot of work. But what Okay, 573 00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:27,480 Speaker 1: but anything you want in life that is worth it 574 00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:30,840 Speaker 1: is work. You know, finding a partner is work because 575 00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:32,800 Speaker 1: you've got to get out of the house. You've got 576 00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:35,680 Speaker 1: to you've got to be present. You can't be like 577 00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:39,320 Speaker 1: on on Instagram, you know, scrolling. You've got to be present. 578 00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:42,000 Speaker 1: You have to be interested, you have to be interesting, 579 00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:43,920 Speaker 1: you have to show up and you have to have 580 00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:48,240 Speaker 1: follow through. It is not easy work finding the love 581 00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:51,800 Speaker 1: of your life. But it is worth it. Thanks for 582 00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:55,200 Speaker 1: reminding me of that part. M. Okay, I'm not worried 583 00:31:55,200 --> 00:32:00,120 Speaker 1: about you. I'll tell you why, because you've identified the problem. M. 584 00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:03,840 Speaker 1: You've identified that, like you're putting this effort out there 585 00:32:03,840 --> 00:32:06,440 Speaker 1: and not getting a return, so you need to change 586 00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:11,320 Speaker 1: your approach. Yeah, m hmm, just like you would with 587 00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:15,880 Speaker 1: anything else in the world, you know. So I think 588 00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:19,160 Speaker 1: you've got this, and uh, there are some people who, um, 589 00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:21,480 Speaker 1: I would like sit and like really lecture. You're not 590 00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:24,840 Speaker 1: going to be one of them. Thanks. I guess I'll 591 00:32:24,840 --> 00:32:27,720 Speaker 1: just create some more profiles and make some fun out 592 00:32:27,720 --> 00:32:29,920 Speaker 1: of it. Yeah, and go out in the to the 593 00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:32,440 Speaker 1: real world too. Okay, I'll be present. Don't go out 594 00:32:32,440 --> 00:32:34,000 Speaker 1: with a gup of friends. Like I said, go there, 595 00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:38,360 Speaker 1: sit there, make some eye contact, look around, smile at people. Um. 596 00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:39,800 Speaker 1: You know, that's how they used to do it back 597 00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:41,760 Speaker 1: in the cave days, and so let's do it that 598 00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:46,640 Speaker 1: way again. Okay. I'll make it fun. Yes, and have 599 00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:49,560 Speaker 1: fun with it. Really. I know it's like it feels 600 00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:53,520 Speaker 1: like you're running to something, but you gotta enjoy the journey. Yeah, 601 00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:57,760 Speaker 1: all right, thanks for the motivation. I'm gonna I'll do it. 602 00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:00,600 Speaker 1: I'll do good good luck And you want to hold down, 603 00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:02,280 Speaker 1: you should a hog down to you if you want to. 604 00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:04,200 Speaker 1: I might have to do that too, just a little bit, 605 00:33:04,760 --> 00:33:07,080 Speaker 1: a little a little hold down never hurt anybody. Thank you, 606 00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:09,360 Speaker 1: Thank you, Kelly you, good luck to you, Thank you 607 00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:12,360 Speaker 1: for your time, Thank you well, this has been so 608 00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:15,160 Speaker 1: much fun. Um you know, getting to know you have 609 00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:17,840 Speaker 1: you get to know me a little bit more. Taking 610 00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:20,479 Speaker 1: your calls was my favorite part. So thank you for 611 00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:23,040 Speaker 1: all of you who reached out. If you want to 612 00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:24,640 Speaker 1: hang out with me more, you can do it every 613 00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:27,480 Speaker 1: single weekday on The Drew Barrymore Show and of course 614 00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:31,320 Speaker 1: on RuPaul's Drag Race, airing now season fourteen, Fridays at 615 00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:33,880 Speaker 1: eight on v h one. Or you can listen to 616 00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:37,720 Speaker 1: my podcast Straight Talk with Ross Matthews and until next time, 617 00:33:38,160 --> 00:33:41,880 Speaker 1: have funny guys and be safe. This is how men think. 618 00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:46,400 Speaker 1: An I Heart Radio London audio production. Listen each Thursday 619 00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:49,760 Speaker 1: on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever 620 00:33:49,840 --> 00:33:51,000 Speaker 1: you get your podcasts.