Speaker 1: Oh h, I suck good dating with Dean, Vanessa and
Speaker 1: Jared and I heard radio podcast. Hey, welcome to an
Speaker 1: all new episode of Help by Second Dating. My name
Speaker 1: is Jared Haven. I am joined by the beautiful Vanessa Grimaldi.
Speaker 1: A ground of applause for Vanessa. We have Easton and
Speaker 1: Mark in studio. Dean is still halfway across the world.
Speaker 1: Who the hell knows where that man is? And we're
Speaker 1: gonna have a dating expert, Susan from Betty who has
Speaker 1: been on the show before. She will be on a
Speaker 1: little bit later, but let's catch up with Vanessa. Vanessa,
Speaker 1: how's your life going? Are you dating Peter from The Bachelor? Ha?
Speaker 1: Ha straight to the point, Um, it's so funny. So
Speaker 1: I spoke about this with Dean. I think the week
Speaker 1: that Peter and I met in person, and it was
Speaker 1: a random encounter. He was in Seattle. I was in
Speaker 1: Seattle visiting Taylor Um from NIX season, and so we
Speaker 1: all went out one night to do a paint night.
Speaker 1: He came to join us because he had I don't
Speaker 1: think anyone to like hang out with then because it's
Speaker 1: flight got canceled or whatever. So we all hung out
Speaker 1: and obviously as soon as he posted a picture, it
Speaker 1: went viral, and everyone's like, the minute you post a
Speaker 1: picture of someone with the opposite gender, everyone starts assuming
Speaker 1: that you're automatically dating, and it's like, no, there's like
Speaker 1: zero romantic interest there, at least on I don't think
Speaker 1: on his end either. But well, I'm seeing Peter House
Speaker 1: cross Crouse crowskying cross crossing. I think it's crowds k
Speaker 1: r a U S. Well, anytime you post a picture,
Speaker 1: like Vanessa said, with the opposite sex on Instagram, you
Speaker 1: immediately assume these two people are dating, specifically when you're
Speaker 1: from the Bachelor franchise. So I remember, I mean whenever
Speaker 1: I post a picture with Ashley, people would immediately assume
Speaker 1: that we were dating, or they would comment saying they'd
Speaker 1: want us to be together. But I would post pictures
Speaker 1: with other girls from the franchise too, and then people
Speaker 1: would say the exact same thing. So I was a
Speaker 1: little confused on that. Well, I'm glad you cleared that up.
Speaker 1: That's too bad that you guys aren't dating. That'd be
Speaker 1: a really great story, especially for this podcast. But that's okay,
Speaker 1: that's okay. Speaking of Bachelor people, I saw that you
Speaker 1: were in Vegas with my I Want and Only X
Speaker 1: from the Bachelor? Are you speaking about a man named Nick?
Speaker 1: I am speaking of a man named Nick. Well, obviously
Speaker 1: Nick and I are good friends. And I was in
Speaker 1: Vegas this past weekend because randomly enough I was part
Speaker 1: of the Chippendale show. I saw that. So how did that?
Speaker 1: How did that work? Did they contact you? So? Long
Speaker 1: story short. A while ago, I got offered to be
Speaker 1: a part of the Chip and Dale show. They reached
Speaker 1: out to me, and they were interested to have Ashley
Speaker 1: in the audience and then me a part of the show,
Speaker 1: kind of have it almost like a gimmicky thing, you know,
Speaker 1: like host a Bachelor night type thing. And I was
Speaker 1: very interested in it because I have a hard time
Speaker 1: saying no to anything because I only live once and
Speaker 1: I really want to do as much as I can.
Speaker 1: And now on my desk, you know, right before I die,
Speaker 1: I can say, hey, you know what, I was a
Speaker 1: part of a Chippendale show. Um, but it was cool.
Speaker 1: So we went there and I wanted Tanner and Jade
Speaker 1: to come to because I wanted kind of I wanted
Speaker 1: my friends there. I wanted people for not on moral support,
Speaker 1: but also so they could just make fun of me
Speaker 1: and ridicule me throughout the entire experience. Uh, and it
Speaker 1: was a lot of fun. We went to Vegas and
Speaker 1: I did a little hurstal beforehand. UH did some dance
Speaker 1: choreography very shortly. They didn't let me do as much
Speaker 1: as I wanted to, um, because they were actually really cool.
Speaker 1: They didn't want to make me feel uncomfortable in any way.
Speaker 1: But it was cool to get up on stage. I
Speaker 1: was wearing the bow tie and the cuffs and I
Speaker 1: had my shirt off, so before I went up there,
Speaker 1: I didn't I didn't fast, but I was trying to
Speaker 1: get my body ready. So about two weeks before we
Speaker 1: went to Vegas, I was trying to eat as healthy
Speaker 1: as possible as working out every day. I got my
Speaker 1: first ever spray tan, which was quite an experience. I
Speaker 1: was nervous I was gonna turn orange, but it actually
Speaker 1: turned out really nicely. And No, I went to a
Speaker 1: spray tan salon and I think Beverly Hills. You went
Speaker 1: all the way. You actually got a professionally done Oh
Speaker 1: hell yeah. But it was weird because I was inspecting
Speaker 1: in the spray tann salon. I've never gotten one but
Speaker 1: I was expecting a machine to spray me. But no, no,
Speaker 1: there was There was a girl that I was just
Speaker 1: in boxers and she sprayed my entire body right. There
Speaker 1: was a very intimate experience. I had a similar experience
Speaker 1: the first time I did it too. What did you
Speaker 1: get a spray tan for? I did it when and
Speaker 1: I went on my hendymo into Hawaii. That's so sweet.
Speaker 1: And uh, my dad is a bodybuilder and I used
Speaker 1: to help out with his spray t hands. Uh as
Speaker 1: I told the girl working there about it, and she
Speaker 1: was like, oh, what machine did you use? And I
Speaker 1: was like, I just use a paintbrush and wait, did
Speaker 1: you do yourself? I used to help with my dad
Speaker 1: with the hard reach spots on his back and everything.
Speaker 1: How old were you? I was like ten eleven. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I didn't exists back then. Oh it's a time honored tradition.
Speaker 1: It goes back a long way. I don't mean to hijack,
Speaker 1: but spray tanning is an intimate thing to do with somebody,
Speaker 1: very intimate. Was just a room and actually, Vanessa, your
Speaker 1: ex Nick was in the room with me. He came
Speaker 1: because he got spray tan almost every week for dancing
Speaker 1: that's what he said, because I was asking advice about it,
Speaker 1: and uh, he was like, well, I got a spray
Speaker 1: tan pretty much every week when I was on Dancing
Speaker 1: with the Stars. Um, but it was cool. It was
Speaker 1: I wanted to be tam because I didn't want to
Speaker 1: go up on stage and have people be blinded by
Speaker 1: my paleness, and so it was fun. I love being
Speaker 1: on stage, so being on stage with the other Chippendale dancers,
Speaker 1: they were super cool. I thought these guys were going
Speaker 1: to be super bros and just like pretty much annexed
Speaker 1: me out of the group and be like, who's this guy.
Speaker 1: Who's he think he is? But they were super welcoming,
Speaker 1: super warm. Yeah, that's why I was. I was expecting
Speaker 1: it to be like a click. You know, especially these
Speaker 1: Chippendale dancers. They're jack they're ripped, they have women all
Speaker 1: over them, so you expect them to have a pretty
Speaker 1: big ego. But a lot of them were super down earth,
Speaker 1: super welcoming, super nice and going on stage, they made
Speaker 1: me feel very comfortable. At the finale was when I
Speaker 1: had to go out on stage with my shirt off
Speaker 1: and just the bowtime cuffs and there was like a
Speaker 1: little dance number that they do. Do you have underwear?
Speaker 1: I had pants on? That I had? I had pants on. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was just free willing it out there, just the
Speaker 1: bow tie. Um. But it was it was they have
Speaker 1: like a little dance number, and my thing. I was
Speaker 1: supposed to just go to the front of stage and
Speaker 1: like lift my fist. But then I looked around me
Speaker 1: and I noticed that the steps were pretty simple that
Speaker 1: they were doing. So I was like, I can do that, guys,
Speaker 1: if you just give me like two or three times
Speaker 1: of practice, I can do that. So I ended up
Speaker 1: practicing with him getting getting the dance steps down. And
Speaker 1: it was cool because one of the guys next to me,
Speaker 1: he gave me like a little cue. So when the
Speaker 1: beat was about to drop, when they started doing their moves,
Speaker 1: he was he was gonna be like, Okay, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: yell here we go. So as soon as I heard
Speaker 1: here we go, that's when I knew, okay, right left
Speaker 1: out up boom, and so it was fun. I had
Speaker 1: a I had a blast. Even actually noticed, oh, there
Speaker 1: it is right there, that's me. I saw. It's it's
Speaker 1: on It's out on YouTube, and I recommend everybody to
Speaker 1: google it. I've only seen you with clothes on. I
Speaker 1: didn't realize that you're actually in really good shape. I'm
Speaker 1: really good. Appreciate you blend right in with the guys.
Speaker 1: I I blended in more than I anticipated. The only
Speaker 1: thing is they don't have hair on their chests, and
Speaker 1: obviously I'm a very hairy man. Not very hairy, but
Speaker 1: on the chest. Okay, but it looks good. Yeah, thanks buddy,
Speaker 1: I appreciate it. I I didn't fast like I said
Speaker 1: for two weeks, but I worked out as much as
Speaker 1: I possibly could. And the day before I barely ate anything. Uh,
Speaker 1: and I didn't I tried not to drink a lot
Speaker 1: of water because I wanted I didn't want to be bloated.
Speaker 1: And then it was funny because when we first got
Speaker 1: on stage, I had my clothes on and we did
Speaker 1: a little bit of a game show where I had
Speaker 1: to judge lap dances. So we called three women from
Speaker 1: the audience up on stage, and I was, uh like
Speaker 1: the director who had to judge each lap dance and
Speaker 1: hand out a rose to whoever won. I know, of course,
Speaker 1: you know, you got to involve roses somehow. And then
Speaker 1: I went backstage and I wasn't on until the finale,
Speaker 1: which was like a half hour later, which would be
Speaker 1: the first time that I didn't have my shirt on.
Speaker 1: And in my dressing room there were weights. So for
Speaker 1: the half hour, I am lifting weights in my room
Speaker 1: by myself, like sweating, and then they had it wasn't
Speaker 1: baby oil, but it was some sort of tanning oil.
Speaker 1: So I lude myself up with that to make myself
Speaker 1: as shiny as possible because that adds a little definition,
Speaker 1: whether you believe it or not. And just even tan
Speaker 1: adds definition. You automatically feel like ten times better when
Speaker 1: you're a little bit you know, darker. Oh totally. So
Speaker 1: that's why I made sure I had a tan, I
Speaker 1: had the oil on. I was getting my last little
Speaker 1: pump in. I didn't drink any water, and then I
Speaker 1: walked downstairs and I was apparently really shiny, and uh,
Speaker 1: one of the Chip and Dale dancers like, well, I
Speaker 1: see you got the oil on and Eastern you just
Speaker 1: sent me a very nice picture of myself, uh, from
Speaker 1: stage with my fist in the air, very proud. You
Speaker 1: know what it was. I've always wanted to be in
Speaker 1: a boy band and felt I felt like I was
Speaker 1: in the back. Everyone has like a sexual face on
Speaker 1: Jared was like, I was so proud, like I did it.
Speaker 1: I did it? You guys, I mean that white built though.
Speaker 1: Was that your decision because that's questionable? No, no, no no, no,
Speaker 1: that's like their uniforms. So at the end they all
Speaker 1: wear black jeans with that white belt and white shoes. Um.
Speaker 1: So they gave me the jeans and the belt. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't own that white belt. Pak you Vanessa with
Speaker 1: the huge silver buckle, Um, it'd be a good look though.
Speaker 1: I'd wear it now. Bo is cool. They gave me
Speaker 1: some silver airs, they gave me the bow tie cuffs
Speaker 1: to wear, and and then I they gave me like
Speaker 1: these American flag boxers. It was a great experience. I
Speaker 1: loved every second of it. I have a question for you,
Speaker 1: So this could be t M I, but do you
Speaker 1: like role play in my personal life? Yeah? I'm not
Speaker 1: a huge role play guy. I after this experience, you
Speaker 1: might just show up. I hope you did you want
Speaker 1: Did you ever watch Sex in the City where some
Speaker 1: matha lies down naked with sushi rolls all over her
Speaker 1: body into the house. Maybe you're gonna show up like
Speaker 1: half naked with those boxers and ash She's gonna walk
Speaker 1: in one day and there was like stripper music in
Speaker 1: the background. I mean, you move with that belt. I'm
Speaker 1: not going to say that. I want to do a
Speaker 1: little magic mic number for Ashley in the privacy of
Speaker 1: our home. I may also have a pair of boxers
Speaker 1: that are tuxedo so they have like a bow tie
Speaker 1: on the front of them, which are very classy if
Speaker 1: I may say so myself. Um, but I'm not huge
Speaker 1: into role play. I'm more of, uh, how do I
Speaker 1: put it. I'm more of like a passionate, passionate man. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm very passionate. But sometimes like my imagination runs like
Speaker 1: in so many different colors, So sometimes I'm like, I
Speaker 1: want to pretend to be this person, and I'm like
Speaker 1: randomly surprised the person I'm dating as like them suits,
Speaker 1: and I'll be like hello Mr So and so walking
Speaker 1: through my well. This obviously begs the question, was the
Speaker 1: craziest thing you've ever dressed up as? Oh? Me? Oh?
Speaker 1: Who me? Who are you talking to? Think I'm talking to? Yeah, Easton,
Speaker 1: what's the craziest thing you've dressed up as? A lot
Speaker 1: of costumes? The the craziest thing I've ever dressed up
Speaker 1: as um. I mean a messius is pretty good. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I don't think anything crazy. I like the realistic
Speaker 1: idea of like, oh, I'm a baker, Well can I
Speaker 1: thank you today? Village people? Have you ever been the
Speaker 1: dirty little school teacher? No, because I feel like that's
Speaker 1: way too like, you know, I'm a school teacher. That's
Speaker 1: way too much. That's fair. Yeah, Nope, nope, not not
Speaker 1: not going that. All right, that's what could you do?
Speaker 1: A teacher and a parent conference? Like could that be
Speaker 1: a scenario? Mark? Yes, Now we're talking for the next
Speaker 1: person they date. Hold on, So you tell me that
Speaker 1: being faking being like a dirty teacher is too much,
Speaker 1: but a parent teacher conference isn't. I've never role played that,
Speaker 1: but I think it's I think it's important to be um,
Speaker 1: to explore when you're really comfortable with someone. And I mean,
Speaker 1: the longest relationship I've ever had was two years and
Speaker 1: a half, and within those two years, we were very
Speaker 1: comfortable with each other and we I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: getting into way too much detail right now, but basically,
Speaker 1: all this to say is I'm not against it if
Speaker 1: it's done safely and if it's done in a respectful manner.
Speaker 1: I love every second of it. I'm a big lingerie guy.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie that I'm not. I'm like, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna work cocked in granny panties and what mark you're
Speaker 1: shaking your head over there? You're not a not a
Speaker 1: I'm not a lingerie guy. Know? Interesting? No? I I
Speaker 1: how do I phrase this? Yeah? Um, I think that
Speaker 1: that's unnecessary. Yeah, I don't think it's necessary. But just
Speaker 1: like role play isn't necessary, it's a it's it's fun.
Speaker 1: So I'm um, it's so expensive being a female. Like
Speaker 1: the other day obviously, it was like I had to
Speaker 1: go to pharmacy. It was the day of the month,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, it's so expensive. I have to buy tampons,
Speaker 1: and then I have to think of like you know,
Speaker 1: women who are on birth control. Um, that's expensive every
Speaker 1: month too, And then I have to buy the lingerie,
Speaker 1: and then I have to shave my legs and I
Speaker 1: have you know, there's all these things that women need
Speaker 1: to do in order for what we think is what
Speaker 1: men are looking for. Well, I'm assuming the lingerie would
Speaker 1: be for a guy you're in a relationship with, so
Speaker 1: it might be the guy's responsibility to buy the lingerie
Speaker 1: he wants to see you in. Okay, there we go. Then, yes,
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't buy myself lingerie. Yeah that's fair.
Speaker 1: I can understand that I've bought money that's basically not
Speaker 1: going to stay on for long. Yeah. But that's the
Speaker 1: best part about it is that it's it's not meant
Speaker 1: to be on for long. I always had a rule,
Speaker 1: So who do you think of this? I always had
Speaker 1: a rule before I was married that I would never
Speaker 1: buy a girlfriend lingerie because that would be then worn
Speaker 1: in the future with a different guy. Oh and that
Speaker 1: always bothered me. Now that I'm married, it's no problem
Speaker 1: and whatever. But by the time that was rule. Is
Speaker 1: that a rule or is that? Am I being facility?
Speaker 1: I guess I never thought that far ahead. Well, you're
Speaker 1: engaged now, so you're done. Oh yeah, I would buy Ashley.
Speaker 1: I have bought Ashley laundry. I'm not afraid of Have
Speaker 1: you bought previous girlfriends LAUNDERI okay, but that smiles dared. Uh,
Speaker 1: let's see, that's a toughie. I gotta go back in
Speaker 1: the old journal anyway. Moving on, Um and Vanessa, do
Speaker 1: you have lingerie that previous boyfriends have bought you. I've
Speaker 1: no no boyfriend has ever bought me launder right, granny panty.
Speaker 1: I don't believe for one second that you only wear
Speaker 1: granny panties. No, listen, I'm I literally when I go
Speaker 1: to bed, these are my padamas right now. Like it's
Speaker 1: an army top and that's what I'll show up in
Speaker 1: and like some old baggy pants that have a holes
Speaker 1: in it. I'm not sexy when I go to bed,
Speaker 1: like I'm not, and I don't. I don't feel like
Speaker 1: you know, obviously every once in a while. That's why
Speaker 1: I'm like the whole idea of role plays exciting because
Speaker 1: I get to like be this character and you know,
Speaker 1: but when it comes to that that part, I don't.
Speaker 1: I just don't feel like I have to put in
Speaker 1: that extra. It's really bad to say. No, I'm not
Speaker 1: saying every day, this is a very limited like hey,
Speaker 1: special date night, I'm gonna get dressed up. You should
Speaker 1: get dressed up to and let's do something you shouldn't
Speaker 1: wear lingerie every day. I do have a question though,
Speaker 1: about women's underwear. H Is there like I feel like
Speaker 1: in every teen movie I've seen. There's like the one
Speaker 1: pair of underwear that women wear that like it's like
Speaker 1: black lace that that that's like the one they're gonna
Speaker 1: wear on the big night? Is that true on the
Speaker 1: big night? Like the day? Do you have like a
Speaker 1: pair like you're like, if I ever want to go out,
Speaker 1: like if I might be seen in these, I'm wearing these. Um.
Speaker 1: I think it's like a pair of underwear that every
Speaker 1: woman feels very sexy in. Um. But that's like a
Speaker 1: pair of booty shorts or like booty you know, like
Speaker 1: u is shoes, a little bit of the butt cheek
Speaker 1: or yeah, something where you feel like you feel good
Speaker 1: at you know, But it doesn't necessarily mean that it's
Speaker 1: going to end up being that kind of night. It
Speaker 1: can also give you that boost of confidence when you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm where am I like my nice bro my matching
Speaker 1: underwear on broad tonight and I'm going to go out
Speaker 1: and have fun and talk to a guy. No, you
Speaker 1: never planned for it to happen, but you just prepare
Speaker 1: for it just in case that's the big Do you
Speaker 1: do the opposite? Do you wear granny panties to ensure
Speaker 1: that it won't go any farther than you're planning on going.
Speaker 1: I like, won't shave for a month. That's my strategy. Well,
Speaker 1: you know, Susan's our guest today. She'd be good to
Speaker 1: wait on some of these topics. Let's get her in
Speaker 1: here in a minute to weigh in. But before Susan
Speaker 1: comes in, I do want to talk about something that
Speaker 1: we've been talking about the podcast for weeks now, and
Speaker 1: that is the Amazon Fire TV. The Amazon vir TV.
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Speaker 1: watch Mojo a lot. Do you guys watch that YouTube
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Speaker 1: it's mainly about film, but also incorporates different aspects of
Speaker 1: music pop culture. But it's like do I I watch
Speaker 1: it for hours on end, but I've been you know,
Speaker 1: I've also been watching The Good Play, so I've talked
Speaker 1: about that. Actually that's Ashley's choice. My choice is Barry
Speaker 1: on hbo UM. So you know, as you get engaged,
Speaker 1: you compromise. But we're watching that with the and the
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Speaker 1: The other day, I got a talk text from when
Speaker 1: I best his friend. She lived in Toronto, so she
Speaker 1: doesn't see me every day, and she was trying to
Speaker 1: figure out what to buy me for Christmas. And she's like,
Speaker 1: you got You travel so much and they keep seeing
Speaker 1: your Instagram stories and I see you like in this
Speaker 1: really like comfortable, like cozy leggings and um, it looks
Speaker 1: like you're working out, but you're traveling with them. And
Speaker 1: she's like, what are they? And I'm like their outdoor voices.
Speaker 1: So it's this company that I discovered. They are the
Speaker 1: most comfortable, affordable, cozy, trendy leggings and tops that I
Speaker 1: can possibly like. I love them so much. But it's
Speaker 1: not only for workout. You can also travel with them
Speaker 1: or if you're doing your holiday shopping like my friend
Speaker 1: is in Toronto. Um, shopping right now during the holidays
Speaker 1: is quite a sport. I don't know about you scared,
Speaker 1: But do you like to wear cozy things when you shop? Uh? Well,
Speaker 1: of course, I mean usually I wear jeans. And actually,
Speaker 1: Ashley makes fun of me all the time because I'm
Speaker 1: the type of guy that will wear jeans anytime I
Speaker 1: go out or if I'm on a plane or traveling anywhere.
Speaker 1: So I really need to kind of like expand my
Speaker 1: horizon on sweatpants because Ashley pretty much doesn't leave the
Speaker 1: house unless she's wearing sweatpants. But yeah, traveling a lot,
Speaker 1: I need to get more comfortable. Uh. And also just
Speaker 1: as a guy's perspective in terms of the outdoor voices
Speaker 1: leggings that you're talking about, big yes on that one
Speaker 1: thumbs up. Ashley has a pair and they're very uh
Speaker 1: form fitting. Let me say they really are. So that's
Speaker 1: the thing. They have the signature textured compression that hugs
Speaker 1: and sculps and supports you while you're hiking or dogging
Speaker 1: or running through the shopping mall. I'm always in them,
Speaker 1: I'm always wearing them. They're super comfortable, um, and they're
Speaker 1: made with really like this amazing fabric um and they
Speaker 1: just look amazing. Right now, I'm obsessed with these new
Speaker 1: legings that I just got out. Their two tones, like
Speaker 1: the two tone three tone leggings really um and I
Speaker 1: especially love because I feel like I have short legs.
Speaker 1: If you buy three quarter length, um, they make your
Speaker 1: legs if you're longer. So they're the tech sweat three
Speaker 1: quarter two tone leggings there could they're the Coyote atmosphere color.
Speaker 1: They're like kind of like white and beige, which I
Speaker 1: think is like really nice for like this time of
Speaker 1: the year. Vanessa, you have short legs, I feel like
Speaker 1: I have. Sure, I'm five with three right, so I
Speaker 1: feel like if I wear leggings that go all the
Speaker 1: way down to my ankles and makes my legs look shorter,
Speaker 1: but if I wear three I'm obsessed with three quarter
Speaker 1: length leggings. So these are my new favorite obsession. Um
Speaker 1: and even have like this other tone where it's like
Speaker 1: blue and black. UM. So Outdoor Voices, I love them.
Speaker 1: I live in them, I travel with them, I work
Speaker 1: out in them. They make high quality active apparel that's
Speaker 1: perfect for gym life or everyday life. They're they're fashionable
Speaker 1: UM and they're all about integrating fun into everything that
Speaker 1: they do. So the Outdoor Voices clothing line is engineered
Speaker 1: for performance and designed for having fun, with a fabric
Speaker 1: offered for every single type of activity that you do.
Speaker 1: Like I said, they have the signature textured compression that
Speaker 1: basically makes you look like your toned and it's nice
Speaker 1: and tight and you're sculpted. So even when you're traveling
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Speaker 1: I'm obsessed with these leggings Tech Sweat three quarter lane
Speaker 1: two tone leggings coyote and atmosphere white and beige. I
Speaker 1: think they're sexy and I think, um, maybe you should
Speaker 1: get askally this for Christmas. Oh you think I already
Speaker 1: haven't come on now, you're such a good boyfriend. Well,
Speaker 1: I'm technically a fiance, but I got you. Thanks for
Speaker 1: reminding me. I'm still single. Joining us in studio is
Speaker 1: the relationship expert, Susan, trim Betty. Susan, thank you so
Speaker 1: much for joining us. Oh, thank you for having It's
Speaker 1: our pleasure. Did I say your last name correctly? Yes,
Speaker 1: you did, trim Betty. Oh. Perfect. I was studying all
Speaker 1: night about it, So, Susan, we were actually just having
Speaker 1: a discussion with S and I about laingerie and role
Speaker 1: play in the bedroom. I don't know how comfortable you
Speaker 1: are we're talking about that. I don't know if you
Speaker 1: had any for you want to talk about? Perfect? So
Speaker 1: what is your advice about that? Do you think couples
Speaker 1: should do that? I think to each his own right,
Speaker 1: so when I actually do matchmaking as well. So what
Speaker 1: I say is, you know I can't get into bed
Speaker 1: with you. So if you have any questions, and I've
Speaker 1: heard some really wild questions, you know, feel free to
Speaker 1: ask me. If I don't know, I'll find out. I'll
Speaker 1: ask around, right, But yeah, I mean, hey, whatever floats
Speaker 1: your boat if you if you like lingerie for four play.
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, whatever exactly now you said talk about that.
Speaker 1: How early in the dating process did you start talking
Speaker 1: about stuff like that? Are we talking about my personal life? No? No, no, no,
Speaker 1: no no no, just in general. Well, I think, like,
Speaker 1: you know, I think you have to be exclusive before
Speaker 1: you go there, right, Otherwise you're never going to get
Speaker 1: into a relationship because like what guy isn't gonna be like, yeah,
Speaker 1: please dress out play you know, play like your nurse.
Speaker 1: I mean they all love nurses, right because they're so caring.
Speaker 1: So if you can get like in a little shirt outfit, right. So,
Speaker 1: but I think you have to be exclusive and then
Speaker 1: you can talk about it, right, whatever you want to
Speaker 1: talk about, okay, perfect? Well, which to get your two
Speaker 1: cents on that? What do you visit? Well? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: I'm very I believe that we're all wired very differently.
Speaker 1: Some people are more into the exclusive type of relationships. Um,
Speaker 1: when I was living out in l A, open relationships
Speaker 1: or a thing that I'm not wired that way, So
Speaker 1: it's very hard for me to date when I was
Speaker 1: out in California. Um, so open relationships are a thing
Speaker 1: in l A. Yes, what do you mean people don't
Speaker 1: believe in being exclusive, Like, yeah, we'll date for five
Speaker 1: six months and we'll still date other people at the
Speaker 1: same time. And I'm like, na, either you're with me
Speaker 1: and me alone, or I'm not sharing you with anyone else.
Speaker 1: I don't want to have to just I don't know,
Speaker 1: especially if you're in that stage in the relationship where
Speaker 1: you're being intimate with someone. For me, I want to
Speaker 1: respect my body and I want to be with someone
Speaker 1: who respects the body as well, So I want to
Speaker 1: be able to have that conversation of being exclusively exclusive
Speaker 1: when it comes to intimacy. Let me ask. Believing that
Speaker 1: up artists said the same thing this morning. She was like,
Speaker 1: do you match people for like open relationships or are
Speaker 1: you imagining them for exclusivity? And you know, I mean
Speaker 1: it's true. I think they are a little bit more
Speaker 1: open minded in l A than what they would be
Speaker 1: saying in the Midwest. But well, of course, l A.
Speaker 1: There's so many We've said it million times of the podcast,
Speaker 1: sparkly things like everybody's always looking over your shoulder for
Speaker 1: the next best thing. That's I mean, that describes l
Speaker 1: A perfectly. Um, Yeah, there are a lot of guys
Speaker 1: out here that are noncommittal. And I say guys because
Speaker 1: it's more so guys that are unwilling to commit in
Speaker 1: a relationship than women in my in my opinion at
Speaker 1: least or my experience. Um so who knows, but Susan
Speaker 1: you you just also said that you are not only
Speaker 1: a relationship expert, um, but you're a matchmaker. So tell
Speaker 1: us a little bit about that. So I'm an upscale
Speaker 1: matchmaker and um, celebrity matchmaker. What does that mean? Upscale matchmaker?
Speaker 1: So I'm not picking um, well, you have to be
Speaker 1: able to afford me quite frankly, you know time, oh
Speaker 1: my goodness of fifteen all the way up to a
Speaker 1: quarter million dollars to a quarter million dollars. Yes, and
Speaker 1: you too could be one of my matches. Well, so
Speaker 1: basically what I do is, you know, we recruit for love.
Speaker 1: So I have the paying client, all right, and then
Speaker 1: I get into what it is they're really looking for,
Speaker 1: and I make sure that they are looking for something
Speaker 1: serious and that they can commit because some people, what
Speaker 1: they say and what they do are two different things.
Speaker 1: And then the match is free. Um. We recruit um
Speaker 1: in very upscale circles. So if you google me, you'll
Speaker 1: get a feel for that. UM. So hypothetically, if Vanessa
Speaker 1: was one of your clients, you would what would be
Speaker 1: the first steps? Oh? I think she's doing well. I
Speaker 1: mean I just googled her and I saw Peter Krauss
Speaker 1: come up. We already talked about that girl. He's an
Speaker 1: amazing guy. He's a good looking man. Yeah. Anyone listening
Speaker 1: to this whatever you see online? Yeah? So no, I
Speaker 1: I'm I've been on really interesting dates. I'm very optimistic, um,
Speaker 1: which is different from the last couple episodes ever recorded.
Speaker 1: I was like, uh, dating people are I had like
Speaker 1: the worst type of luck. But I wanted to ask
Speaker 1: you because I posted this on my account and some
Speaker 1: um of our followers asked when would it be the
Speaker 1: right time? Because we're talking about being exclusive, So when
Speaker 1: would it be the right time to make things official?
Speaker 1: How early? How is it too early on in a relationship?
Speaker 1: If it's a month or three months in? Is it
Speaker 1: six months in? Um? Should the guy still ask the
Speaker 1: woman do you want to be my girlfriend? Um? So,
Speaker 1: how do you have that exclusive talk? And when is
Speaker 1: it the right time to have it? So? I feel
Speaker 1: like men are in a position of power with this
Speaker 1: exclusivity thing right, and the woman a lot of times
Speaker 1: is asking however, Okay, a lot of times a man,
Speaker 1: when he has a good thing tries to lock it
Speaker 1: down and he's not necessarily sincere. So what I say
Speaker 1: is for it takes ninety days for you to really
Speaker 1: know the real person. So it's okay to say, Okay,
Speaker 1: i'm dating you, I'm only dating you, but I want
Speaker 1: to wait to see how this pans out, because you
Speaker 1: don't see the real person for ninety days. Your first
Speaker 1: fight make it or break it, you know, and that's
Speaker 1: when the first time you will see the real person.
Speaker 1: And I've had so many people come to me and
Speaker 1: I say, um, you know, don't lock it down, don't
Speaker 1: lock it down, and they lock it down in like
Speaker 1: thirty days. Oh yeah, we're exclusive. I like them. And
Speaker 1: guess what I mean. I was just on Dr Oz
Speaker 1: not too long ago with a lady and he was
Speaker 1: in an accident, like around day sixty and the nurse
Speaker 1: coming and taking care of him. He was in the
Speaker 1: accident with her the night before, cheating with the lady
Speaker 1: coming to me and um, yeah, so I mean I
Speaker 1: see that a lot. I don't know. I guess I'm
Speaker 1: a little confused though, because you say, if a guy
Speaker 1: is trying to lock it down to early, he might
Speaker 1: be insincere as well. And you don't know anybody until
Speaker 1: day ninety, you don't really see the red really, So
Speaker 1: are you saying that people should not the committal like
Speaker 1: commit to another person until after they know them for
Speaker 1: three months? Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying. I'm saying
Speaker 1: it takes three months make it or break it first fight, right,
Speaker 1: here's my question, in the first three months, if you
Speaker 1: are not committed to one person, does that restrict you
Speaker 1: from going on dates with other people? Because here's the question.
Speaker 1: Here's my question for you, is that if you don't
Speaker 1: know somebody in the first ninety days, so what you're
Speaker 1: saying is don't commit to them because it's too soon,
Speaker 1: my question would be, well, does that prevent you from
Speaker 1: going on dates with other people? Because not at all.
Speaker 1: So you're giving that relationship in the first ninety days
Speaker 1: of fair chance if you're shopping it around. If it's yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I think you are given in a chance.
Speaker 1: You're making that person prove themselves both ways, and you
Speaker 1: really don't need to keep going out with other people
Speaker 1: if you're feeling it, you could tell them, hey, I'm
Speaker 1: feeling this relationship, I'm liking you. I just want to
Speaker 1: give it some time to make sure this is what
Speaker 1: I think it is, because they need to prove it
Speaker 1: to you, right fair. But I feel like guys used
Speaker 1: that as an excuse all the time. Like a lot
Speaker 1: of guys, I feel like we'll tell women be like,
Speaker 1: I just want to take it slow. I'm not sure,
Speaker 1: but I'm into you. And I think we've had a
Speaker 1: lot of girls reach out to this podcast saying like,
Speaker 1: what do I do? We've been dating for two months.
Speaker 1: He says he really likes me, but he refuses to
Speaker 1: commit in a relationship with me. Is he just stringing
Speaker 1: me along? Or is he serious about this? And a
Speaker 1: lot of times I think both Vanessa and I are
Speaker 1: in agreements that the guys are probably just stringing them
Speaker 1: along if they're refusing to commit, specifically after like, you know,
Speaker 1: knowing these people for more than a month, Vanessa, what
Speaker 1: are your thoughts about it? I think that um um,
Speaker 1: every relationship is different, and if you have two people
Speaker 1: that are open in communicating their thoughts and how they're processing, um,
Speaker 1: the relationship. Whatever work for the both of you works
Speaker 1: for the both of you. I don't think there are
Speaker 1: any set rules in you know, taking that much time,
Speaker 1: it takes years to really get to no person. We're
Speaker 1: changing every day. After you get married, you change like
Speaker 1: you don't really know the person because the person that
Speaker 1: you're your significant other is changing every day. And so
Speaker 1: I think if you're in a committed relationship where you're
Speaker 1: honest about where you stand emotionally, then whatever rules you
Speaker 1: guys apply into your relationship is whatever rules you apply
Speaker 1: to you guys and might not apply to another relationship.
Speaker 1: Like I know someone right now that is openly dating
Speaker 1: other people, and she and her significant other are honest
Speaker 1: about when they're going on other dates and they've been
Speaker 1: together or they've known each other for a couple of months.
Speaker 1: I can't relate to that. I I am not wired
Speaker 1: that way, um, but it works for them, And so
Speaker 1: I think at the end of the day, it just
Speaker 1: comes down to communicating, communicating whether or not you're ready
Speaker 1: to seriously commit to someone. And I think it has
Speaker 1: a lot to do with age. I'm thirty one right now,
Speaker 1: and I've had conversations with people that I've gone on
Speaker 1: dates with where they're not in the right mind state
Speaker 1: to seriously date someone. And I do appreciate that honesty,
Speaker 1: and I'm like a ran a grand a thank you next,
Speaker 1: or they are in a state where they want to
Speaker 1: find someone. And you know, I keep hearing that the
Speaker 1: sentence when when you know, you know, um, and I
Speaker 1: want to be able to be jared right when you
Speaker 1: know you know, like you can't really know it expressing
Speaker 1: why it is that person, you just know it in
Speaker 1: your gut that that's the person that you want to
Speaker 1: spend the rest of your life with. I have mixed
Speaker 1: feelings about that statement. And this is coming from someone
Speaker 1: who's engaged in madly in love. And I will spend
Speaker 1: the rest of my life with Ashley, but I'm not
Speaker 1: sure if you know you know. I think of all
Speaker 1: the times you thought you knew when you knew and
Speaker 1: you were wrong. I think that's like a false sense
Speaker 1: of chemistry, right, And that's what I think, although I
Speaker 1: know that I'm guilty, Like I tell all my clients
Speaker 1: to keep an open mind, but you know, I like
Speaker 1: told ark In a handsome and that's exactly what I
Speaker 1: fell for. And I'm married, right and still madly in love.
Speaker 1: But I think that there is a sense of like
Speaker 1: you know when you know, but you wait to see
Speaker 1: if it pans out, which goes back to what I
Speaker 1: was saying, like these guys don't want to commit. Actions
Speaker 1: speak louder than words. You both speak, you both think
Speaker 1: you're on the same page, right, and but you've gotta
Speaker 1: wait to see if the actions line up because a
Speaker 1: player is kind of like a con artist in a way, right,
Speaker 1: because actions aren't going to line up, and so you're
Speaker 1: just kind of keeping it real for a while to
Speaker 1: make sure that they are who they say they are
Speaker 1: because it's next next on Tinder, right do you think
Speaker 1: do you think that's asking a lot of people though?
Speaker 1: And that's my only question is not when you get
Speaker 1: broken heart at left and right and you know, like
Speaker 1: you just keep getting played by the player you know
Speaker 1: totally of course, right, there's players on both sides, both
Speaker 1: men and women, um, and it's dating is a very
Speaker 1: difficult world, uh to navigate through today. I just feel that,
Speaker 1: for example, Vanessa, let me ask you a hypothetical question.
Speaker 1: If a guy came up to you and you guys
Speaker 1: were went on a few dates and the chemistry was
Speaker 1: there and it was really good, and you like this guy,
Speaker 1: and he said, I really like you too. I want
Speaker 1: to work towards a relationship. Um, I cannot commit to
Speaker 1: you right now because I want to wait to see
Speaker 1: how it pans out. Like this guy would want to wait.
Speaker 1: He would. For example, you guys were only at three
Speaker 1: or four dates in and he was like, I don't
Speaker 1: want to commit to you right now. I want to
Speaker 1: give it a you know, maybe another month, a couple
Speaker 1: of months, really get to know each other more and
Speaker 1: figure out if this is a lifetime. You got to
Speaker 1: say yes, yes, it's only three or four dates for all,
Speaker 1: you know. You know, he's like the serial killer. So
Speaker 1: you I'm just saying you gotta wait to see and
Speaker 1: that will open up your world. But now, if he's
Speaker 1: acting like he doesn't want to commit, it's I'm not
Speaker 1: saying you really have to date someone else. I'm saying,
Speaker 1: if you want to go for it, you can say
Speaker 1: you're the only person I'm seeing right now, but I
Speaker 1: want to wait before I jump in. You know, That's
Speaker 1: that's what I think, because three or four days you
Speaker 1: don't know what you don't know, You probably run off
Speaker 1: screaming down the alley with most of you've got since you, um,
Speaker 1: you're a relationship investigator, and I want to get um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I want to talk about that, and you have like
Speaker 1: line techniques and tracking a cheater and all that I
Speaker 1: want to know since I think we we all come
Speaker 1: into new relationships with insecurities because of things that we
Speaker 1: had to deal with in past relationships. I don't think
Speaker 1: I've ever been cheated on. I don't. I don't think
Speaker 1: I've ever been cheated on. So I don't have an
Speaker 1: insecurity when it comes to finding someone that is loyal
Speaker 1: because I haven't been through that. Liars, on the other hand, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I date liars. So how can we track a liar?
Speaker 1: How can we detect when that red flag is there?
Speaker 1: And we should start waving that white one and run?
Speaker 1: So what are I'm so glad to us Okay, because
Speaker 1: that's your ninety days you watch you don't necessarily know, right,
Speaker 1: they're not going to look you straight in the eye,
Speaker 1: first of all. Uh, and that's like your number one thing.
Speaker 1: When they're lying, they might you know, there might be
Speaker 1: certain things that they do. They cover their mouth, they
Speaker 1: shake their head no as they're telling you something right
Speaker 1: because it's not the truth. So there's certain giveaways. I'm
Speaker 1: not a body language expert, but I mean you could
Speaker 1: you could read into that. But what I have found
Speaker 1: is a in your gut? Do you believe it to
Speaker 1: be true? All right? Trust your gut? So many people
Speaker 1: don't trust their gut. And then you just wait and
Speaker 1: you listen, and you know they're going to tell you
Speaker 1: whatever it is they told you, okay, one time, two times,
Speaker 1: three times? Is it consistent? The truth is consistent. A
Speaker 1: lie is not consistent. It'll be a different story every time.
Speaker 1: It would be just something very ache where they might
Speaker 1: get angry. You know, suppose you catch someone in a
Speaker 1: lie and you confront them and they get very angry
Speaker 1: and they blame you, like, okay, cheating, I'm not cheating
Speaker 1: on you. You must be crazy. You must be cheating
Speaker 1: on me. So you know, they kind of pass it
Speaker 1: back on you and project on you. Crazy is a
Speaker 1: word that men should not use on females because I
Speaker 1: find that that's just them projecting their like either they're
Speaker 1: insecurity or projecting like whatever they're going whatever is going
Speaker 1: on internally with them onto the woman, like you're crazy
Speaker 1: for thinking this or you're crazy putting these people that
Speaker 1: are true, And so I really do agree with the
Speaker 1: whole intuition thing. Um, I feel like I'm a very
Speaker 1: intuitive person and it gets me so frustrated because I
Speaker 1: talk about self sabotaging relationships and have a tendency to
Speaker 1: do that early on. But I think it's because if
Speaker 1: I really dissect I self sabotage because I know this
Speaker 1: person isn't right for me. So I'm stuck between my
Speaker 1: intuition telling me run and also my hardhead saying talk
Speaker 1: it out of it a shot and see how far
Speaker 1: you can take this. And so I end up going
Speaker 1: with what my hearthead is telling me to do and
Speaker 1: to keep trying to make things work in the relationship,
Speaker 1: and at the end of the day, it doesn't end
Speaker 1: up working out. In my in my intuition was always right.
Speaker 1: And so now I'm in a position where I am
Speaker 1: very self aware of the things that I know. Um,
Speaker 1: I have a tendency of doing like self sabotaging and
Speaker 1: understanding why that why that's there. But because I'm so
Speaker 1: black and white for me, as soon as there's one
Speaker 1: thing that's inconsistent in someone, I'm like done I don't
Speaker 1: want to deal with you like I'm coming with such
Speaker 1: a clean slate. There's really no skeletons in my closet. Um.
Speaker 1: My romantic love life is literally up on the internet.
Speaker 1: You can search whatever you want to search. There's no
Speaker 1: reason for me to lie about anything. And so in
Speaker 1: my position, sometimes it's hard to date someone and to
Speaker 1: really get to know their authentic self. And I guess
Speaker 1: that's where the ninety days come in. Um. But because
Speaker 1: I'm such a hopeless dramatic, I'm like, no, I want
Speaker 1: to get to all you and like one date, I
Speaker 1: want to know all about you. And so the being
Speaker 1: ancient when it comes to relationships is something I know
Speaker 1: I need to work on, right. And apparently you already
Speaker 1: know that you're um, you self sabotage, So if you
Speaker 1: know why you do that, and I mean, I think
Speaker 1: that's the right approach, just to sit back. And you
Speaker 1: said one key thing inconsistent. When they when somebody presents
Speaker 1: you with something that's inconsistent, they're not going to tell
Speaker 1: you everything on the first date. And you shouldn't know
Speaker 1: anything like that on the first date. You should just
Speaker 1: be flirting and smiling each other and taking it slow.
Speaker 1: Those are the best relationships that unfold. And I mean
Speaker 1: you you just know when I met my husband, I
Speaker 1: knew my husband was sincere and a story, right, And
Speaker 1: there is that sense of intuition. And the more you did,
Speaker 1: I think, the more you get it. I guess my question,
Speaker 1: I'm confused. So when you said you met your husband
Speaker 1: you knew he was sincere, did you commit to him quickly? No?
Speaker 1: So even though you knew here sincere, right, we were like,
Speaker 1: I'm still going to wait on this. Yeah, well what
Speaker 1: thing to wait? Were you dating other people or you
Speaker 1: just weren't giving of yourself just yeah, well I was
Speaker 1: just waiting to see No, I don't think I was
Speaker 1: dating other people. Didn't really have time. Um, but you know,
Speaker 1: you just wait to see that everything is as say,
Speaker 1: first of all, you got to know what it is
Speaker 1: you're looking for. And so if I tell you what
Speaker 1: I'm you know how many guys you say I want
Speaker 1: a commitment or you're in this relationship already and you
Speaker 1: know you're kind of giving them an ultimatum and they
Speaker 1: say no, okay, and then you walk and they say yes,
Speaker 1: yes right, and um, I will I will come back,
Speaker 1: come back and then they don't write. So that's what
Speaker 1: you gotta do. You gotta wait. You want this, whatever
Speaker 1: it is you want, you know, you wait to see
Speaker 1: are they really going to back it up and give
Speaker 1: it to me? Because anybody's going to say because they
Speaker 1: want what they want, right They everybody has needs, right
Speaker 1: they want to get their needs met, whatever that may be.
Speaker 1: And as long as their needs are getting met and
Speaker 1: your needs are getting meant, then I think it's okay
Speaker 1: to go forward. But sometimes if you're in the beginning
Speaker 1: and you realize you're not getting your needs met even
Speaker 1: though they said that they would or acted like they
Speaker 1: wanted to, right, then you have to walk. But you
Speaker 1: have to wait to see. That's not something you're going
Speaker 1: to really know on the first date. I'm sure they're
Speaker 1: all going to say, listen, I have clients they slipped
Speaker 1: in there. You know, they say they want to get married,
Speaker 1: and you know they want a professional woman. That's great,
Speaker 1: but at the end of the day, you know the
Speaker 1: women that they really are attracted to or something else,
Speaker 1: And I just have to say, I'm sorry, you know
Speaker 1: you really aren't after what you say you're after. Until
Speaker 1: you get that straight, I can't help you right, And
Speaker 1: there's a lot of people that have that confusion. I think, um,
Speaker 1: coming off of a show like The Bachelor, where everything
Speaker 1: is so fast paid. You get to meet someone, you
Speaker 1: spend very little time with them, and then all of
Speaker 1: a sudden you're engaged to them and you're basically starting,
Speaker 1: you know, from square one all over again, after basically
Speaker 1: doing the biggest step in getting engaged. And I think
Speaker 1: for me it worked because I'm someone that is go
Speaker 1: It goes against everything you're saying to Susan. I am
Speaker 1: someone that is fast paced when it comes to relationships.
Speaker 1: I know what I want to know what I'm looking for,
Speaker 1: and let's try this out. Let's go all in or
Speaker 1: let's not. And so I'm either dating someone, seriously dating someone,
Speaker 1: or I'm really single, like I'm not a nowhere in between. Um,
Speaker 1: and I've gotten a little bit better. I spoke about this.
Speaker 1: I was dating someone recently in the summer and he
Speaker 1: was someone that was not committal, and I went with
Speaker 1: the flow and I felt really good to step outside
Speaker 1: of my comfort zone. And but at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, I realized, this is not me and this
Speaker 1: is the last time I give my heart up to
Speaker 1: someone that isn't deserving of it. But he said so
Speaker 1: in the beginning, right, Um, Honestly, his actions were very different,
Speaker 1: And that's where actually flatt of the words. He wanted
Speaker 1: to have babies, and I'm like, you're talking, you're preaching
Speaker 1: to the choir, like the only thing I ever wanted,
Speaker 1: like his kids. But I knew deep down that he
Speaker 1: was saying these things too, you know, make me like
Speaker 1: him more or whatever the cases. So I was aware
Speaker 1: of that, and I knew deep down he wasn't someone
Speaker 1: I was gonna seriously date. But it was still like
Speaker 1: it was a nice chance. It was a nice um
Speaker 1: change instead of like seriously dating someone and going and
Speaker 1: really quickly so tracking a cheater. I'm sure everyone that's
Speaker 1: listening to this like, oh, I want to know how
Speaker 1: look and the blackest cheata. Before we get into that,
Speaker 1: I just want to ask one thing, because we talked
Speaker 1: so much about dating and relationships and waiting or committing
Speaker 1: and and the dudes and the don'ts and and trust
Speaker 1: your instinct, but also, you know, think with your head
Speaker 1: not your heart. Do you think that sometimes we just
Speaker 1: psychic ourselves out? No, not at all. I mean I
Speaker 1: think that's just like when you're leading with your heart
Speaker 1: and projecting I want this, that's when I think you
Speaker 1: like yourself out. I mean, if you take an approach
Speaker 1: this is this is what I need, this is what
Speaker 1: I want. Then and you know where you're going. You're
Speaker 1: gonna get it. It's like any goal, right, you're gonna
Speaker 1: it's going to happen. Do you think sometimes we overthink
Speaker 1: things and maybe are in our own head too much
Speaker 1: of like okay, well we have to make them wait,
Speaker 1: or no, we should commit now, or like almost looking
Speaker 1: for something that's that's not there, um whether that be
Speaker 1: good or bad, because like you know, sometimes I get concerned,
Speaker 1: like even like tracking a liar. It's like, well, you know,
Speaker 1: body language, hand over mouth, Like if I put my
Speaker 1: hand over my mouth now next time I'm talking to somebody,
Speaker 1: are they're gonna be like ah liar? Sometimes I get
Speaker 1: concerned about that because we do live in such a
Speaker 1: transparent world, in a modern world where everything is is
Speaker 1: online and we have instant gratification for for knowledge or
Speaker 1: likes on Instagram or what have you, And sometimes I think,
Speaker 1: are we just overthinking things? I don't know? Probably in
Speaker 1: a lot of ways, like like you self sabotage. You
Speaker 1: probably overthink your relationships. Um, yeah, I mean in a
Speaker 1: lot of ways. I'm sure we do overthink things, but
Speaker 1: you're not overthinking it to know what it is you
Speaker 1: want out of a relationship. So as I want to
Speaker 1: get married, i want to have kids, or I don't
Speaker 1: want to get married, but I want to have kids,
Speaker 1: and this is the person I want to be with
Speaker 1: for the you know, the rest of my life. That's,
Speaker 1: you know, knowing what you want and overthinking things, I
Speaker 1: think are two different things. As a matter of fact,
Speaker 1: I think you do need to put a lot of
Speaker 1: thought into that. When I talk to a client, sometimes
Speaker 1: it takes, like believe it or not, three or four
Speaker 1: hours to get down to what you really want. And
Speaker 1: they thought they knew. And a lot of times that's
Speaker 1: why you're not really finding it. You spend all this time,
Speaker 1: you're right over analyzing everything with your girlfriends, and you know,
Speaker 1: guys don't, you know, traditionally talk too much about what
Speaker 1: they want, right except on you know, these podcasts, But anyway, yeah,
Speaker 1: you do. You spend so much time that you lose
Speaker 1: the real point of what is And I'm looking for
Speaker 1: what's going to make me happy? What is superficial and
Speaker 1: what is it I really need to make me happy?
Speaker 1: Do you believe in finessa? Do you believe in some
Speaker 1: I believe that there are a number of people that
Speaker 1: are really great matches for us. I don't believe there's
Speaker 1: once but secific person that you're meant to be with,
Speaker 1: because there's a whole a ton of people in this world,
Speaker 1: and because I live in one part of this one
Speaker 1: in a country. Now, does that really mean that the
Speaker 1: love of my life is in my country? Like No,
Speaker 1: I think that's kind of crazy to think that. UM.
Speaker 1: For me, at least, I believe that in every stage
Speaker 1: in your life there is someone that comes into it
Speaker 1: and you could either be with them or not. I
Speaker 1: do think that when I was younger, in my early twenties,
Speaker 1: I felt really hard and in love with one specific person. However,
Speaker 1: the timing of things not great. He did not want
Speaker 1: to have kids. I wanted to have kids. There are
Speaker 1: a number of people that were meant to be with. Um, Susan,
Speaker 1: I agree there's the right person for the right time
Speaker 1: in your life. It isn't just one person and that's another.
Speaker 1: I think that's an example of overthinking things. You know,
Speaker 1: you're looking for your soul made. Oh my god, this
Speaker 1: one person out of all these billions of people. No,
Speaker 1: it could be any number, and some are a better
Speaker 1: fit than others, I know. And that's where I sometimes
Speaker 1: I get into the overthinking part because, as I think,
Speaker 1: some people do look for that one person that they're
Speaker 1: supposed to spend the rest of their life with, when
Speaker 1: in actuality it might be multiple people. And for example,
Speaker 1: if you're in a relation for somebody that you truly love,
Speaker 1: but something is wrong and there's something that you guys
Speaker 1: are not on the same page about, where is the line? Like?
Speaker 1: What line is that? Is it? Is it marriage? Is
Speaker 1: it kids? Is it? Is it financial? Is it where
Speaker 1: you want to live in the world? Is it family? Like?
Speaker 1: But here's the thing, like, how, for example, Vanessa can
Speaker 1: speak to this a little bit. You come off the Bachelor,
Speaker 1: you're engaged, you're madly in love with someone, and then
Speaker 1: you get back into the real world and you're like, wow,
Speaker 1: we have a lot of differences though, but we're in love.
Speaker 1: So how hard should we fight for this relationship? And
Speaker 1: I wanted to get your thoughts, both your thoughts on that. Well,
Speaker 1: can I talk. I'll just give you my faults because
Speaker 1: I actually gave media comments about your breakup. So anyway,
Speaker 1: so it kind of ties in with what I'm saying here. So, um,
Speaker 1: I think it was to Elite Daily and they asked
Speaker 1: me what I thought about the breakup. And it's kind
Speaker 1: of interesting because you know, I love The Bachelor and
Speaker 1: the Bachelorette, and yeah, I really do. Yeah, So I
Speaker 1: did something like with one of the former Bachelor's in
Speaker 1: my dating boot camp, so I watch it. After that,
Speaker 1: I started watching it all the time, and I really
Speaker 1: love it because, A you get to see a lot
Speaker 1: of dating mistakes if you watch it that people make.
Speaker 1: But back to you, it ties in with what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: It's a it's a fake world, the same thing as
Speaker 1: like you have a couple of dates. That's a fake world.
Speaker 1: You have these couple of great dates, right And anyway,
Speaker 1: when you get out in the real world, then that's
Speaker 1: when you're starting to see the real person and you're
Speaker 1: kind of like suddenly starting to date really in the
Speaker 1: real world. And so when it comes down to you
Speaker 1: know all of this, Um, I just think that you know,
Speaker 1: dating is tough. It's hard, you know, and you. Everybody.
Speaker 1: I could call it less authenticity and dating. Everybody's going next, next, next, right,
Speaker 1: and it's just a crazy world. Well, I guess, Vanessa.
Speaker 1: My question to you is, how man, it's gonna sound bad?
Speaker 1: How important is love? Because I'm sure you you can
Speaker 1: probably say, I you know, I'm assuming you have the
Speaker 1: show in love with Nick and it obviously didn't work out.
Speaker 1: You know, have to speak into details, but it's it's
Speaker 1: interesting as an overall scope of like, well, what's the
Speaker 1: most important thing? Is it? Well? Are we on the
Speaker 1: same page about kids? Are we on the same page
Speaker 1: about where we're gonna live? Not just with your relationship
Speaker 1: with Nick, but just for everybody out there, Like you know,
Speaker 1: in in the ranking where does love rank? Is it
Speaker 1: number one? Is it the most important thing over everything?
Speaker 1: I think compatibility equals strong love, and Nick and I
Speaker 1: were in love with each other once we got engaged. Um,
Speaker 1: I think there was a moment of realizing like, oh,
Speaker 1: we are so different. We didn't get a chance to
Speaker 1: realize this while we're filming, because you're living in the moment.
Speaker 1: It's kind of like long distance relationships where it's always
Speaker 1: a high because whenever you see each other. It's been
Speaker 1: so long, and I mean, listen, I love long distance relationships,
Speaker 1: but of course, like it takes a longer period of
Speaker 1: time to really get to no person if you're seeing
Speaker 1: them once a month or whatever. UM. And for us,
Speaker 1: like we did love each other, and we realized how
Speaker 1: different we were, and we took the steps we needed to.
Speaker 1: We communicated about it, we went to couples therapy, and
Speaker 1: then we started to realize there's certain things that we're
Speaker 1: not willing to compromise on, which was which were our
Speaker 1: core values, which made up who we were, which also
Speaker 1: spoke volumes on how we weren't going to be able
Speaker 1: to be as happy and as authentically ourselves and the
Speaker 1: relationship in order to move forward. And it wasn't It
Speaker 1: was so hard making that decision, the number of panic
Speaker 1: attacks that I had. UM. I remember like once we
Speaker 1: were lying down in bed and he went to the
Speaker 1: gym and I woke up and he wasn't in the
Speaker 1: bed next to me, and I woke up like it's
Speaker 1: hysterically crying like what are you? And I couldn't. I
Speaker 1: knew that it was like the beginning stages of the
Speaker 1: relationship UM making its way to an end, and so
Speaker 1: it was a process that we had to take together
Speaker 1: and realize that it was something that we both wanted.
Speaker 1: And I think it was so beautiful at the end
Speaker 1: when we finally like looked at each other and said, like,
Speaker 1: we love each other, but it's just not it's not
Speaker 1: going to work. And so oftentimes when people do break up,
Speaker 1: it's one person who wants out and the other person
Speaker 1: is stuck in the bargaining phase of a breakup and
Speaker 1: wanting to get them back without realizing like, oh wait,
Speaker 1: we're really if one person wants out, ultimately you're not
Speaker 1: really meant to be together, right, Yeah, it really doesn't
Speaker 1: take well, is it? Is it unfair for somebody in
Speaker 1: a relationship to have second guessing? Everybody has second guessing.
Speaker 1: I think that's just a matter of psychology. Well, like
Speaker 1: say it say you're in a relationship someone and they're like,
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about breaking up because I don't know if
Speaker 1: it's working. Is that Does that define somebody as being
Speaker 1: out of the relationship or is it possibly maybe they're
Speaker 1: having doubts? Yeah, no, doubting is fine. But I think
Speaker 1: if someone has made their decision and saying I don't
Speaker 1: want to be with you anymore. To me, that's the
Speaker 1: ultimate insult. And I'm I should be the queen of
Speaker 1: getting my heartbroken because I literally will cry my eyes
Speaker 1: out if a guy like and something after a week
Speaker 1: and I'm like, why, But that's just because my egos bruised. Right,
Speaker 1: So at the end of the day, I think it's
Speaker 1: if someone doesn't want to be with you, and that's
Speaker 1: not someone that's going to stick by you through harder
Speaker 1: times in life, and that's not someone that you should
Speaker 1: want to picture a future with, right, And just don't
Speaker 1: really take that much work. I mean you hear people go,
Speaker 1: oh my god, it's work, but we do it every day.
Speaker 1: No relationships take commitment. When it's that much work, you
Speaker 1: know it's not gonna work. No, true, And you're right,
Speaker 1: like there is It is okay for someone to doubt something,
Speaker 1: but not okay for someone to completely say I'm out
Speaker 1: of the relationship. But you know one thing, Vanessa and
Speaker 1: Susan that you don't have to doubt or guess on
Speaker 1: that's twenty three and me, Oh, I know it's your favorite, Vanessa,
Speaker 1: it is your absolute favorite. So we've talked about twenty
Speaker 1: three and me many times on the podcast, So twenty
Speaker 1: three and Me helps you understand what your DNA can
Speaker 1: tell you about you and your family story. It's named
Speaker 1: for the twenty three pairs of chromosomes that make up
Speaker 1: our d N. A twenty three and Me Health and
Speaker 1: Ancestry service includes ninety personalized genetic reports that offers DNA
Speaker 1: insights on what makes you unique? Vanessa, Have you ever
Speaker 1: done twenty three and Me? I have? And it's actually
Speaker 1: really simple because I spoke about it. We always talked
Speaker 1: about on the podcast. I spoke about with my friends.
Speaker 1: This guy that actually recently went on a date with UM.
Speaker 1: He came by and I know, Susan, you talk about
Speaker 1: like being safe when it comes to dating and stuff
Speaker 1: like that, and I was reading some of your notes.
Speaker 1: I was like, ooop, see he came or he came
Speaker 1: to my house way too early. UM. But he's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I did twenty three and me testing and he saw
Speaker 1: that he had, like he started questioning his mom about
Speaker 1: their background and their history and stuff because he's UM,
Speaker 1: he's Eastern European and they anyways, he found some crazy
Speaker 1: stuff in there. And it's really simple. All you have
Speaker 1: to do is spit into a tube. Like literally, that's
Speaker 1: all you have to do. You spit into a tube
Speaker 1: that the twenty three and Me Kit provides. You register
Speaker 1: your sample to your personal twenty three and Me account,
Speaker 1: and then in a few weeks you receive a personalized
Speaker 1: online report and you can get so much information on this.
Speaker 1: You can learn how basically your genes they role in
Speaker 1: your well being and your lifestyle choices, like your muscle composition. Um,
Speaker 1: and I actually wanted to. I'm waiting for my result
Speaker 1: tests to come in, but I actually have like really
Speaker 1: good muscle memory compared to everyone else in my family,
Speaker 1: and I want to. I want my family members to
Speaker 1: do this too, so we can compare a result so
Speaker 1: I know he studies have found that almost all elite
Speaker 1: power athletes have a specific genetic variant in a gene
Speaker 1: related to a muscle composition. And I want to know
Speaker 1: if I have that gene. And you might find that
Speaker 1: version of that gene if you end up doing the test,
Speaker 1: and That's what I'm waiting to see. And the cool
Speaker 1: thing about twenty three you right now is that through
Speaker 1: December twenty five, the d n A twenty three and
Speaker 1: Me Kit is on sale. It makes for a perfect
Speaker 1: holiday gift all year, especially this time of year obviously.
Speaker 1: And now, like I said, through December twenty five, you
Speaker 1: can get thirty off any twenty three and me kit.
Speaker 1: You can order your d n A kit at twenty
Speaker 1: three and me dot com slash Dean. That's d E
Speaker 1: A N that's the number two three A N d
Speaker 1: M E dot com slash Dean. Check it out off
Speaker 1: now through December. You can get it as a family gift.
Speaker 1: I know a lot of people are looking to find
Speaker 1: out more about their heritage, more about their background. It's
Speaker 1: a it's a really cool gift. I'm excited to get
Speaker 1: my results back. Um, I believe I'm I'm I'm like
Speaker 1: about ten percent Native American. So I'm curious to see
Speaker 1: how accurate that is, Like is your life a lie
Speaker 1: or are you accurate? I mean, my life has always
Speaker 1: been a lie, and I'm just figuring out how much
Speaker 1: of a lie really is Um and Susan, I wanted
Speaker 1: to get back to a question that Vanessa had for
Speaker 1: you after I speak upon the legacy box, which is
Speaker 1: something that we can never forget about this podcast because
Speaker 1: how many times we mentioned the legacy box. The legacy continues,
Speaker 1: the legacy will forever continue. Um. So I've always been
Speaker 1: someone who I might not like going Christmas shopping for
Speaker 1: the family and friends, like I like shopping online. Right
Speaker 1: especially living in l A. I don't know what's Canada like?
Speaker 1: Oh no, are you kidding me? Girl? Canada? Right now?
Speaker 1: I'm looking up, but there's a snowstorm, so I don't
Speaker 1: want to say she's inside, she's inside. How much snow
Speaker 1: do you have there? Well, it just started snowing today
Speaker 1: and it's like really thick snow flicks soum and it's
Speaker 1: been like minus through. Yesterday was like minus twenty degrees.
Speaker 1: So I've been high aberrating and I've been doing a
Speaker 1: lot of online shopping a legacy box. I missed the
Speaker 1: snow so much. God, I can't wait to go back east. Um,
Speaker 1: I miss snow, but I certainly don't miss crowds. And
Speaker 1: anytime I go to a mall back home or even
Speaker 1: in l A, it's crazy this time of year. But
Speaker 1: with the Legacy Box, you and skip all of that.
Speaker 1: All you have to do is send your legacy box
Speaker 1: filled with all your home videos and pictures and then
Speaker 1: they'll do the rest for you. They have they help
Speaker 1: in professionally digitalizing your moments on a thumb drive, digital
Speaker 1: download or a DVD. This is actually a great gift
Speaker 1: for my grandparents because my grandparents they don't have social
Speaker 1: media and stuff, and like you know, they don't want
Speaker 1: to start rumbling like going through old boxes and things
Speaker 1: like that. They always say like, oh, you guys never
Speaker 1: send me pictures or there's never any videos, and I
Speaker 1: never really know what's going on in your life. And
Speaker 1: I don't have social media to keep myself updated. So
Speaker 1: I ways, this is actually a great idea. I'm getting
Speaker 1: a couple of pictures UM printed for them, and I'm
Speaker 1: getting them um the Legacy Box so they can not
Speaker 1: make me feel guilty about having a social media account
Speaker 1: and that they don't have it. So this is actually
Speaker 1: a great idea for them holidays. It's really easy to follow.
Speaker 1: The instructions are super simple, and they have safety bar
Speaker 1: codes that are included for every item. Legacy Box is
Speaker 1: the world's largest most trusted digitizer of home movies and photos.
Speaker 1: And I mean, this is something that I thought about too,
Speaker 1: and Mica is a lot of personal things that I'd
Speaker 1: be putting out there. But it's super secure, it's really safe,
Speaker 1: and it's done by hand right in the USA. Um So,
Speaker 1: there's never been a better time to do digitally preserve
Speaker 1: your memories. Visit legacy box dot com today to get started.
Speaker 1: Plus for a limited time get this, they're offering our
Speaker 1: listeners an exclusive discount, and who doesn't love exclusive discounts,
Speaker 1: especially around this time of the year. Go to legacy
Speaker 1: box dot com slash Dean. It's always Dean d E
Speaker 1: A N to get off your first order. So go
Speaker 1: to legacy box dot com slash Dean to get forty
Speaker 1: percent off your first order and get started preserving memories
Speaker 1: from your past. I mean, it's such a great idea,
Speaker 1: especially for this for the holidays. Um well, the code
Speaker 1: is always Dean because it's short, simple, easy to spell.
Speaker 1: And also they're not gonna have slash Vanessa that's very long,
Speaker 1: and they won't have slash Jared because I'm five letters.
Speaker 1: Dean is four letters. It just completely makes sense. And
Speaker 1: I've talked about on the podcast before about I have
Speaker 1: a home video at my house that's an hour and
Speaker 1: a half long from my ages like four to six,
Speaker 1: my dad with his VHS video camera. It's god. I
Speaker 1: miss those days. I wish I grew up in the nineties.
Speaker 1: I'm a nineties kid. I always have it always will be.
Speaker 1: But this home video is everything to me, and I'm
Speaker 1: always nervous that it's going to get destroyed because it's
Speaker 1: not an old VHS player and every time we put
Speaker 1: it in too, the old you know VHS DVD thing.
Speaker 1: I don't even know what the VHS player. I guess
Speaker 1: we'd call it a VCR Thank you Holy Molly. It's
Speaker 1: been a little while since I've used one of those,
Speaker 1: but I'm always concerned that the tapes are gonna get
Speaker 1: destroyed in the vs v c R because it hasn't
Speaker 1: been used in so long and legitimately the only time
Speaker 1: we use the VSR v c R C. It's been
Speaker 1: so long since I've used it, I don't even know
Speaker 1: how to say the letters properly. Well. Also, can I
Speaker 1: just say with the rain, there was somebody in I
Speaker 1: Heart where they shared like her cameras and all her
Speaker 1: like uh like USB stuff, all saved on in a
Speaker 1: box in her garage, and then it all got ruined.
Speaker 1: It was like all these pictures and photo albums. So
Speaker 1: it's like even in our generation like we keep things
Speaker 1: like safe and sound, but you just never know what happens.
Speaker 1: So just getting it all digital, like dig digitized, that
Speaker 1: is a tough words different. Um, it's so smart, like
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be just VCR like doing it
Speaker 1: now is so crucial to those things in the USB.
Speaker 1: Put them in a nice little shelf, nobody sees them,
Speaker 1: not cluttery. Yeah, they won't get damaged by the rain
Speaker 1: or the v c R. Susan, I wanted to get
Speaker 1: back to a question that Vanessa asked you earlier before
Speaker 1: we started getting into all this, which is how to
Speaker 1: track a cheater? Mm hmm Okay, is this somebody that's
Speaker 1: actually cheating or just somebody that you know as a player.
Speaker 1: So so here's the thing, Okay, what what the relationship
Speaker 1: investigator title you're talking about is? So I have a
Speaker 1: background in liquidating for audent portfolios, so it's really easy,
Speaker 1: you know, like these are people that steal identities, like
Speaker 1: to figure out a condom artist, and so for a
Speaker 1: lot of my celebrity clients, I check out, um these
Speaker 1: people that come into their life. And I also use
Speaker 1: that expertise for all my matches and do my own
Speaker 1: background text so I can really tell. So when you
Speaker 1: track somebody that's lying, I mean when you're in a
Speaker 1: relationship and they're cheating. I mean, first of all, do
Speaker 1: they take their cell phone to the bathroom with them constantly?
Speaker 1: Is it like lockdown like Fort Knox, right, going in
Speaker 1: the shower with them and they're like, you're crazy, You're crazy,
Speaker 1: I just need my phone with me all the time.
Speaker 1: I'm just used to it, right, So that is like
Speaker 1: a big sign um. You know, they're obviously talking on
Speaker 1: their phone to someone and you just don't know who
Speaker 1: it is, and they're not really open. So when you're
Speaker 1: in a relationship, I mean the person you know, this
Speaker 1: is like an open book, right, so you know everything,
Speaker 1: But suddenly you don't feel that you know everything. You
Speaker 1: feel crazy. Okay, So you might not be that person
Speaker 1: that it um checks up on them constantly and looking
Speaker 1: through their cell phone and looking at text messages or
Speaker 1: checking their calendar. But suddenly you're snooping, right, because they
Speaker 1: are inciting that in you. If you are not a
Speaker 1: jealous individual and you're feeling that you're picking up, you're
Speaker 1: going to say something, Yeah, well I wanted to ask
Speaker 1: me something, so I totally agree, your intuition kicks and
Speaker 1: you're like, I don't know, I feel like something is up.
Speaker 1: But sometimes like you might be in that mode where
Speaker 1: you get super insecure, so you always feel like something
Speaker 1: is up. So you have to determine whether it's you
Speaker 1: going like, oh my god, like there's too much on
Speaker 1: your head. So if you're dating someone and you're over
Speaker 1: at their house and they happen to leave the house,
Speaker 1: do you and I think I may have asked you
Speaker 1: this last time, should you encourage people to kind of
Speaker 1: snoop around just to see what the person is up to?
Speaker 1: Like you're smirking as if you have had personal experience
Speaker 1: with this. Of course I've done this. I've done this.
Speaker 1: I haven't like gone like real deep into drawers and stuff,
Speaker 1: but if there's something I just want to like, oh
Speaker 1: what's this? Like? Oh I just want to connect the
Speaker 1: dots sometimes, you know? Is that? Is that not encouraged?
Speaker 1: It's not encouraged. She shouldn't do that, right, Um, it's okay.
Speaker 1: I mean, don't like beat yourself up if you do.
Speaker 1: I mean a lot of people do this. But what
Speaker 1: I'm saying is that crazy sense of snooping that usually
Speaker 1: means something's up. And I'm gonna tell you something. A
Speaker 1: h of the people that have ever thought something was up,
Speaker 1: you know, we're right, absolutely Okay. You know a crazy
Speaker 1: person when they come to you, you know, they think
Speaker 1: everybody's scheeting whatever, like a jealous person. You know that,
Speaker 1: you know, And I'm gonna take that a little step
Speaker 1: further with my background, like all right, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, so somebody like wrong, They're never wrong.
Speaker 1: Peop a crazy jealous person every days, like they're cheating
Speaker 1: on me. That's that's different. Like that is like, that's
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. That's the exception. And everybody knows somebody
Speaker 1: like that, right, I mean that's an abusive person really okay,
Speaker 1: Like if you have that and a guy and he's
Speaker 1: always like, oh you were five minutes late? Where were you? What?
Speaker 1: I mean, they're crazy, they're abusive. I've seen women like
Speaker 1: that with guys whatever. You know, that's on the side, right,
Speaker 1: that doesn't count. But people that think they're being cheated on.
Speaker 1: You're dating someone, you're you're married, you're in a long
Speaker 1: term relationship, whatever. You suddenly everything has been great and
Speaker 1: you suddenly think they're cheating on you, And it's not
Speaker 1: just like this fleeting thought anyway. The bottom line is
Speaker 1: you're right, and not only are you right, a lot
Speaker 1: of times you know the person they're cheating with if
Speaker 1: you had to search and and I think, like I said,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take this back, if you had like a
Speaker 1: relationship um fraud, like somebody stole from you, like committed
Speaker 1: identity for all against you in its relationship, not being
Speaker 1: like just some random fraud rings stealing a bunch of identities,
Speaker 1: but like if somebody you know that you came into
Speaker 1: contact with, and it doesn't mean you know them personally
Speaker 1: to be somebody you work with, it stole your identity.
Speaker 1: You know that's been in my background. If it's a
Speaker 1: relationship fraud, you always know. I shouldn't say a hundred
Speaker 1: percent at the time, but I've had numerous people who know.
Speaker 1: But let me tell you about cheating. Like I remember
Speaker 1: this lady coming to me and she said, can you
Speaker 1: I think my husband's cheating on me, and I think
Speaker 1: he's living someplace with this woman he set up another residence.
Speaker 1: And I said, well, why do you think that? And
Speaker 1: she said, I found this toll ticket way back when
Speaker 1: and so anyway, the bottom line was, I said, well,
Speaker 1: who do you think he's cheating with? And she knew
Speaker 1: And a lot of people know that you know in
Speaker 1: your heart of hearts, and if you've come across that person,
Speaker 1: met that person, you kind of can connect the dots,
Speaker 1: which isn't the same as jealousy. You just kind of
Speaker 1: know because you're connected, right, call it some sort of
Speaker 1: cosmic connection. Yeah, but I really don't even know that
Speaker 1: it's cosmic. You're just so you know, bonded that you
Speaker 1: know when something's off, and you also know, like I
Speaker 1: don't know, maybe it was unconscious she picked up on
Speaker 1: something with the other person that when you met them. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Um so, Susan, I want you to talk a little
Speaker 1: bit about your your matchmaking as well. So you offer
Speaker 1: a service, you say you're a celebrity matchmaker. You can't
Speaker 1: disclose any celebrity that you've worked with. Let me see.
Speaker 1: Um no, but well I guess I can. I have
Speaker 1: confidentiality agreements, but um so, my contract automatically gives confidentiality.
Speaker 1: I did fix up Sarah Silverman in September for her show,
Speaker 1: so I could say that, um so this was aired. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I love America. But it wasn't exactly you know, it
Speaker 1: was an authentic match. But you know I heard later
Speaker 1: she said on Howard Stern, I think that she was
Speaker 1: never going to marry him because he wasn't Jewish. But
Speaker 1: you know, that's not how I delivered what they asked
Speaker 1: me to deliver, which you know, I'm not a magician,
Speaker 1: but I got as close as I could. She on
Speaker 1: her show examines you know, other people's values, so that's
Speaker 1: what she was doing. And it was a great match.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, she's lovely. Yeah, she is lovely. I
Speaker 1: mean she's mark, she's funny. I mean she's a really
Speaker 1: great package. And she's filthy dirty. Yeah, she's fantastic. You know.
Speaker 1: So he's like she said some really crazy things and
Speaker 1: you know, I just thought it was hilarious. She's really cool. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's lovely. Might be wondering this. Can people who come
Speaker 1: to you and you just for the line detection or
Speaker 1: the tracking? Yes, so, um, you can go at exclusive
Speaker 1: matchmaking dot net. I do a service called Investigate your Date.
Speaker 1: I'll check them out. I'm not a private investigator, you know,
Speaker 1: so I'm not out there. That's what a private investigator does.
Speaker 1: They get footage. But I can tell you a lot
Speaker 1: more things, like, for example, like listen, you can if
Speaker 1: you're in a relationship with some money, you're living together,
Speaker 1: you can get their text messages, right, you can set
Speaker 1: your phone settings like their face, and you can find
Speaker 1: out a lot Like there's all sorts of like little tricks.
Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, I mean, you
Speaker 1: know what you know. I mean, I go back to
Speaker 1: that gut instinct. But yeah, if you want to come,
Speaker 1: that's all it is. Confirmation you want the photos, all right.
Speaker 1: But a lot of times dating today, you know, I'll
Speaker 1: have people to come to me and I'll be like,
Speaker 1: it's really a scam. I think a financial scams run
Speaker 1: rampant on online dating. That's like the biggest scam. And
Speaker 1: like they might come to me, um and say, well,
Speaker 1: you know, i'm dating this woman. I don't ask me
Speaker 1: why they keep dating her, you know, but I know
Speaker 1: she has a different name. I think she's married. But
Speaker 1: she's getting money from me. She's I've given her hundreds
Speaker 1: of thousands of dollars and she's now blocked me on
Speaker 1: all social media. And these are like really incredible man, right,
Speaker 1: and she's telling me she's in a village, you know,
Speaker 1: with her grandmother, you know, in South America. But I
Speaker 1: think she's right here with her husband. You probably find
Speaker 1: her in a restaurant. So you know, it's not like
Speaker 1: I'm out there. I would hire a private investigator to
Speaker 1: get the photos. Don't ask me why anybody would get
Speaker 1: in that deep. But at that point, I think they
Speaker 1: were like totally tricked and sucked in. And you know,
Speaker 1: a beautiful woman, uh, you know, a man grasping at
Speaker 1: her and what he thought she really was, but she's
Speaker 1: really just a gun or has you got to look out?
Speaker 1: There's a lot of them, Yeah, but most of it's
Speaker 1: just like is he married? Is she married? You know,
Speaker 1: dig up their past. Um, that's the kind of stuff
Speaker 1: I do. So I like to call myself really like
Speaker 1: a matchmaker to the rich and famous. Um. But we
Speaker 1: are rolling out a new service for you know, young professionals. Um.
Speaker 1: That's a big demographic. You know, they're really frustrated with
Speaker 1: these dating apps. I mean, and like I said, it's
Speaker 1: you know, it's next, next, next. Is there ever really
Speaker 1: a connection? I mean, I do know people that have
Speaker 1: met married, but you know, people don't take a good
Speaker 1: hard look at the person in front of them and
Speaker 1: the ruling amount for all the wrong reasons. Well, Susan,
Speaker 1: where else canna people find you? Um exclusive matchmaking dot net.
Speaker 1: You can reach out on Twitter at exclusive underscore match. Um.
Speaker 1: I love to tweet about the Bachelor and the Bachelor.
Speaker 1: Are you alive tweeter? Do you tweet live during the show? Yes?
Speaker 1: I do. Well, that's man, that is a true fan
Speaker 1: right that I started doing that. Um, after I met
Speaker 1: one of the Bachelor's they just like really enjoyed Tachelor Nation. Um. Well,
Speaker 1: I had Chris in christ Souls for my dating camp
Speaker 1: and you know, he was lovely, wonderful and you know,
Speaker 1: you know, it was great and I just loved meeting
Speaker 1: a lot of the folks totally. That's pretty cool. Well,
Speaker 1: Susan Trombretti, thank you so much for coming in. You
Speaker 1: are incredible and we'd love to have you back anytime.
Speaker 1: I'd love to come back perfect. Well, you'll be back,
Speaker 1: good luck, all right, thanks Susan. Vanessa. I'm having a
Speaker 1: mini panic attack because I just realized that two weeks
Speaker 1: from today is Christmas. But I haven't done any of
Speaker 1: my shopping, which is a real issue. Um, But what
Speaker 1: I look forward to at Christmas is obviously the holiday
Speaker 1: parties where the family gets together. Nobody drives, everybody you know,
Speaker 1: takes uber as we get a little slashed. It's a
Speaker 1: good time. Van Alsa. You hosting Christmas party this year?
Speaker 1: I am. So I've basically been living in my new
Speaker 1: place since I I've been back home so like since May,
Speaker 1: and no one has really been here. Um and my
Speaker 1: parents are divorce. If just put my time equally during
Speaker 1: the holidays, and I kind of want to have everyone
Speaker 1: get together. You do, and so we all have Like Luckily,
Speaker 1: there's not many people, um, like in l A who
Speaker 1: are like gluten intolerant or have like all these allergies
Speaker 1: and stuff. But that's a great thing about Thrive Market.
Speaker 1: There's so many great snacks and things that you can
Speaker 1: get for people who do have those allergies. Like I
Speaker 1: have a friend who's allergic to peanuts and gluten and
Speaker 1: eggs and whatever, and so I pulled up the Thrive
Speaker 1: Market website and we went through like a bunch of
Speaker 1: items that I know I can get for her that
Speaker 1: she can specifically buy and and eat and enjoy. Like
Speaker 1: my sister is obsessed to another level. At one point
Speaker 1: I accidentally bought the wrong box. But you know, the
Speaker 1: Simple Mills Crunchy chocolate chip cookies. They're gluten free and
Speaker 1: they're like super healthy and yeah, so they're like gluten
Speaker 1: free and she's obsessed with those. So I got a
Speaker 1: few boxes for her so when she does come over
Speaker 1: for the holidays she can feast off of that. I
Speaker 1: don't know if there's any specific items that you off
Speaker 1: that you love off of five Market, but there's this honey,
Speaker 1: organic honey that I put in my um. I've been
Speaker 1: sick for like the last two weeks, so this is
Speaker 1: I forgot what the name is, but it's an organic
Speaker 1: honey company that I bought off of Thrive Market UM
Speaker 1: that I put in my in my tea every morning.
Speaker 1: Am I excited about Thrive Market? Have you met me?
Speaker 1: I'm currently standing up in studio with a box of
Speaker 1: Thrive Market right next to me, pulling out items. For example,
Speaker 1: the almond butter creamy. I love peanut butter, but I
Speaker 1: have that. I have that in the morning and I
Speaker 1: put my honey and I dress a honey over on
Speaker 1: top of that on my on my tilt every morning.
Speaker 1: It's my favorite. I love peanut butter, but I love
Speaker 1: the almond butter better one because it's healthier and too,
Speaker 1: it tastes exactly the same. I also love the garlic
Speaker 1: ali mayo because it's made with real avocado oil. I
Speaker 1: don't know what that means, but it tastes fantastic and
Speaker 1: it's healthier for me, so I'm all about it. I
Speaker 1: also like snacks. We got the cheddar snack mixed right here. Um,
Speaker 1: we have ranch dressing with avocado oil, so pretty much
Speaker 1: everything is made with avocado oil to make it healthier,
Speaker 1: but it tastes exactly the same. And Thrive is so cool.
Speaker 1: It's so awesome. It's an online marketplace and it makes
Speaker 1: healthy living easy and affordable, which is perfect because I'm
Speaker 1: very cheap. It's like hopeful it's but just way better
Speaker 1: because it gets delivered to your door, which is pretty cool.
Speaker 1: You can shop for thousands of the best selling non
Speaker 1: gmo foods and natural part of products. Like we said,
Speaker 1: I love the almond butter. That's absolutely my favorite. It's
Speaker 1: non gmo, it's organic, and it's creamy, which makes it
Speaker 1: even more fantastic. On top of dry market prices being
Speaker 1: up to off, they're also giving us our listeners an
Speaker 1: extra off your first order and a free thirty day trial.
Speaker 1: So all you have to do is go to thrive
Speaker 1: Market dot com slash Dean. Everything is Dean, but like
Speaker 1: we talked about, it's very simple. That's d E A N.
Speaker 1: There's no code necessary. Like we said, all you have
Speaker 1: to do is go to Thrive Market dot com slash
Speaker 1: Dean and the discount will automatically be applied to the checkout.
Speaker 1: I love Thrive Market. It's delivered to our door pretty
Speaker 1: much every two weeks, I'd say I get a new
Speaker 1: box of Thrive Market. It makes it way easier than
Speaker 1: going to the grocery store because Whole Foods, I'm there
Speaker 1: for like an hour and a half. It's very expensive
Speaker 1: between parking, driving, they're coming home, unloading the groceries, and
Speaker 1: then cooking it all myself. It's exhausting. That's why thrives
Speaker 1: really awesome because it's not just food as well. They
Speaker 1: have a lot of beauty products on there. They have
Speaker 1: household cleaners. I'm on their website right now and I'm
Speaker 1: looking at some of their makeup line. They have, like um,
Speaker 1: you know Jessica Album's line, The Honest company. They have
Speaker 1: like a bunch of products from the Honest Company, which
Speaker 1: I love. It's really like their their body washes and
Speaker 1: stuff like that. Their hands so they have fragrant fragrances.
Speaker 1: They have a section for men's skincare, to nails, lip care.
Speaker 1: I mean, the list goes on and on. There's even
Speaker 1: things for babies and kids, which a lot of my
Speaker 1: friends are popping out babies like a lot nowadays, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I have baby fever, but I got myself
Speaker 1: a man first. They have stuff for the home, stuff
Speaker 1: for your pets. They even have a holiday section. This
Speaker 1: works out perfectly for you because for your holiday party,
Speaker 1: you can not only shop for the food that you're
Speaker 1: gonna cook for everybody, but you can also shop for
Speaker 1: the household products that you're going to clean your house
Speaker 1: with before everybody comes over. Yes, you know it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and they have like organic non GMO products. Um. I'm
Speaker 1: online now and I'm looking. There's an organic kimono white
Speaker 1: robe which looks super cozy and it's off. So I'm
Speaker 1: just looking on their website. There's so many discounts, um,
Speaker 1: and there's just so many different products. I mean, you
Speaker 1: literally can do your groceries. You can buy Christmas gifts
Speaker 1: on this thing. Um. Drive Market is just like my
Speaker 1: new obsession. It is truly an online market. It's an
Speaker 1: online grocery store, which is really cool because everybody needs
Speaker 1: to go to a grocery store, including myself, and it's
Speaker 1: annoying and I hate it. But now Thrive makes it
Speaker 1: a lot easier, and they're a lot cheaper. Like we said,
Speaker 1: their prices are already usually about fift off compared to
Speaker 1: other market prices, and now they're giving you, guys an
Speaker 1: extra off and for your your first order and a
Speaker 1: free thirty day trial. Once again, all I have, dudes,
Speaker 1: go to Thrive market dot com slash dean that's Thrive
Speaker 1: market dot com slash d e a n. We have
Speaker 1: an email, don't we Yes, indeed we do. Sky needs
Speaker 1: your help and she'd like you to weigh out in
Speaker 1: her situation. If you don't mind, we don't mind. I
Speaker 1: went on a first date last week with a guy
Speaker 1: I met off Hinge. The date went really well. By
Speaker 1: the time I got home, he texted me about hanging
Speaker 1: out again the next day. He suggested a movie at
Speaker 1: his place on Saturday. Well, I wanted to avoid the
Speaker 1: Netflix and Chill second date, so I said I was busy,
Speaker 1: and we agreed to a brunch date soon. So on Saturday,
Speaker 1: I went to show my friends profile and check out
Speaker 1: this guy went out with and he wasn't in my matches.
Speaker 1: He either unmatched me or deleted his account, and I
Speaker 1: have not heard from him. I should note I did
Speaker 1: some Facebook creeping and discovered he just got out of
Speaker 1: a four year relationship about a month ago. Could this
Speaker 1: ghosting be due to the sudden realization of his that
Speaker 1: he isn't ready to date or is there potentially something else.
Speaker 1: I was so excited about a first day that I
Speaker 1: finally enjoyed, and now I'm left more confused than ever.
Speaker 1: Do we really need to answer this? I mean, sky,
Speaker 1: I do want to answer this? Well, of course I'm
Speaker 1: gonna answer it. No, Okay. So I have mixed emotions
Speaker 1: about the whole, like it wanted it too early to
Speaker 1: start dating someone and he just got he recently got
Speaker 1: out of a four year relationship a month ago. That
Speaker 1: is like, okay, is he ready to seriously commit to
Speaker 1: another relations ship orthy just looking to date around? So
Speaker 1: I was so excepting my first day that I finally
Speaker 1: enjoyed it now and left more confused than ever. Well,
Speaker 1: you know what if he if he unmatched you, if
Speaker 1: he doesn't have a profile anymore on where where would
Speaker 1: you meet him on hand? Then literally just move on
Speaker 1: to the next guy you're on a dating app. I'm
Speaker 1: sure there's more fish in the sea. Um. I wouldn't
Speaker 1: worry too much about him, and I would suggest to
Speaker 1: not go down a deep dark hole and start to
Speaker 1: do a bunch of research and try to connect the dots.
Speaker 1: It's pretty simple, whatever the case is. If you guys,
Speaker 1: guys aren't meeting up, and you guys are meeting up
Speaker 1: on the Saturday, and there's all these like red flags
Speaker 1: like don't I would be like, run as fast as
Speaker 1: you can. Yeah. Absolutely, this guy absolutely just wanted to
Speaker 1: sleep with you. I mean that's what it appears to me.
Speaker 1: He went on a date, found that you were cute,
Speaker 1: invited you over to his house the next night. You
Speaker 1: said no because you didn't want to do the Netflix
Speaker 1: and chill, completely understandable. And then the next day he
Speaker 1: unmatches you and unfriends you. Of course, out women are
Speaker 1: so sweet and kind, you know that She's like, we
Speaker 1: only want you know what I looked into it, and
Speaker 1: he just got off a relationship. He must not be
Speaker 1: ready to day yet that's not how guys thinks. Not
Speaker 1: completely different. God, well, hey, I've been out of the
Speaker 1: game a while, but this guy just got dump He's
Speaker 1: looking to get back on the horse as quickly as possible.
Speaker 1: And that's the difference with men and women. Men like
Speaker 1: to get out there and get it going again. Women
Speaker 1: like to kind of be sad for a little bit,
Speaker 1: and then usually what happens is it reverses. Women after
Speaker 1: a couple of weeks get over it and want to
Speaker 1: get out there. Man after a couple of weeks realize
Speaker 1: what they're missing and they go through a little bit
Speaker 1: of a sad time too. But the couple of days
Speaker 1: after he broke up, he's looking to get out there
Speaker 1: and make something happen. And that's where you came in
Speaker 1: this guy. And I'm sorry that he wasn't for you,
Speaker 1: but it sounds like it wasn't okay, Scott, you were
Speaker 1: going to be the rebound girl. It worked out well
Speaker 1: that it's in that you guys didn't end up hanging out.
Speaker 1: He just got out of a long term relationship. Like
Speaker 1: Mark said, he's just getting back into the game. He's
Speaker 1: single now and he's wrankling ready to mingle, and you weren't,
Speaker 1: which is completely fine. And he was like, okay, well
Speaker 1: I'm onto the next you know what. Take it as
Speaker 1: a compliment. He thought you were really hot. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: there you go. Yeah, so there you go. That's pretty good.
Speaker 1: We want to do the Alexis one. Well, that one
Speaker 1: is kind of Dean centric, but we can run through it.
Speaker 1: Let's try it. And she just broke up after four
Speaker 1: years and she wants to travel around alone to a
Speaker 1: different country or even just a different state. She lives
Speaker 1: on Long Island, New York. I'd love to hear any
Speaker 1: and all recommendations of a place that's solo travel or friendly,
Speaker 1: especially from Dean, since he travels alone so frequently, and
Speaker 1: if Dean needs a travel buddy, she's willing to be
Speaker 1: that person. Thank you in advance. Where have you guys
Speaker 1: gone that you could recommend to Alexis? The first thing
Speaker 1: I would recommend to Alexis is there is a difference
Speaker 1: between a guy traveling alone and a girl traveling alone.
Speaker 1: So please, wherever you go, do a lot of research.
Speaker 1: If you end up going alone, and be safe, you know,
Speaker 1: just if you go to some sort of resort, don't
Speaker 1: leave that area, things of that nature. Uh for me,
Speaker 1: I don't know, go to Hawaii it worked out for
Speaker 1: forgetting Sarah Marshall. You know, UM, I don't know as
Speaker 1: a female, I'm I don't think I feel safe traveling
Speaker 1: by myself, especially because like nowadays, the way I travel,
Speaker 1: I just go with the flow and I don't really
Speaker 1: have I don't know where I'm staying with hotel, staying out,
Speaker 1: where to go eat and whatever, so I would always
Speaker 1: have to connect with strangers. Um. So maybe I would suggest,
Speaker 1: like find a friend who is supportive of what you're
Speaker 1: going through, or maybe someone that is in the same
Speaker 1: position as you, and make it a girl's trip, like
Speaker 1: you and another girl and just like go hang out.
Speaker 1: Are you and your sister or um? I don't I
Speaker 1: don't know. Dean travels quite a bit by himself, so
Speaker 1: he probably has way more information than like packing South
Speaker 1: America right now. Seriously, he's over Instagram. But I don't
Speaker 1: know that i'd recommend that Alexis go to South America
Speaker 1: by herself. No, I even would say maybe stay in
Speaker 1: the country. You know, if you're gonna just do a
Speaker 1: nice little quick trip. A nice little Canada's always a
Speaker 1: safe option. Canada anywhere within the Northern America continent. I
Speaker 1: would suggest exist you should probably go to Well that
Speaker 1: does it. For our episode today, I want to do
Speaker 1: a couple of quick Big thank you to Susan from
Speaker 1: Betty for coming in and giving us all your knowledge
Speaker 1: about relationships. Big thank you to Amazon fire Tv again.
Speaker 1: You can head to Amazon dot com slash I Suck
Speaker 1: podcast to order a fire TV of your very own.
Speaker 1: Thank you to Outdoor Voices Vanessa's favorite off your first
Speaker 1: order of a hundred dollars or more. You can visit
Speaker 1: Outdoor Voices dot com slash help and enter h E.
Speaker 1: L P. And I really want you guys to check
Speaker 1: out there. My favorite pair of leggings with the two
Speaker 1: tone leggings of Coyote and Atmosphere Tech Sweat three quarter length.
Speaker 1: My favorite super cozy, super comfortable. They called your Dairy
Speaker 1: Air and they're they're just great to travel in in
Speaker 1: um and to to work out in um. Also for
Speaker 1: you can get off a twenty three kit at three
Speaker 1: dot com slash Dean find out about your d NA.
Speaker 1: Steve if you got that muscle composition DNA that Jared
Speaker 1: definitely wants. Um Legacy Box. Go to Legacy box dot com,
Speaker 1: slash Dean and save today. Also another great holiday gift
Speaker 1: idea and also a big thank you to Thrive Market.
Speaker 1: You can get an extra off your first order and
Speaker 1: a free thirty day trial at thrive market dot com.
Speaker 1: Slash Dean, d e A, and Vanessa. You are wonderful
Speaker 1: as always. Thank you so much, Mark East and tor
Speaker 1: In Studio. You guys are incredible. Thanks for myself, I
Speaker 1: guess and guys tune in next week. Please check out
Speaker 1: the Facebook group. I know I said every week, but
Speaker 1: it's incredible in there a lot of discussion, a lot
Speaker 1: of friends being made, a lot of advice being thrown around.
Speaker 1: So check out the Facebook group help I Second Dating
Speaker 1: Podcast Facebook group and tune in next week where hopefully
Speaker 1: we all suck a little less. Follow help by Suck
Speaker 1: at Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared on I Heart
Speaker 1: Radio or wherever you listen to podcast two