WEBVTT - Reshape a memory

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning.

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<v Speaker 1>This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's

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<v Speaker 1>tip is that you can reshape a memory, particularly if

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<v Speaker 1>you have had a negative experience in the past that

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<v Speaker 1>continues to bother you to some degree. You might be

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<v Speaker 1>able to highlight a particular part of that memory that

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<v Speaker 1>shows something you like about yourself. That can make a

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<v Speaker 1>negative memory a little less bad. I am sure we

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<v Speaker 1>have all had experiences in our lives that haven't gone

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<v Speaker 1>exactly how we wanted. If we're not careful, these can

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<v Speaker 1>scar pretty deeply. For instance, I know someone who had

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<v Speaker 1>a rough start to college and wound up needing to

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<v Speaker 1>withdraw with failing grades. Yikes, right, This person was smart

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<v Speaker 1>enough to go to college and had family members who

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<v Speaker 1>were incredibly proud of them for doing so, and then

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<v Speaker 1>that happened. The first story that comes to mind is failure.

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<v Speaker 1>But after some dark months, this person decided to try

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<v Speaker 1>again with lots of studying and organizational help, and she

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<v Speaker 1>wound up doing okay. With some work, she was able

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<v Speaker 1>to reshape the original memory. There is a difference between

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<v Speaker 1>failing at something specific and being a failure. She was

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<v Speaker 1>able to rewrite the memory as being willing to try

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<v Speaker 1>hard things, and that when something didn't work out, she

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<v Speaker 1>was tough enough to learn from her mistakes that reshaped

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<v Speaker 1>the memory into something more positive. Perhaps you have something

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<v Speaker 1>similar in your life. I probably don't have to nudge

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<v Speaker 1>you to call up the unpleasant memory. Maybe you already

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<v Speaker 1>think about it way more than you intend to, So

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<v Speaker 1>the next time you are doing so, see if you

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<v Speaker 1>can reshape it a little bit. Think about what you

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<v Speaker 1>like most about yourself. What traits make you proud when

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<v Speaker 1>you've been at your best? What were you doing now?

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<v Speaker 1>Think about this unpleasant memory. Were there any moments in

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<v Speaker 1>this event or moments afterwards that could have featured these

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<v Speaker 1>traits you like about yourself? Yes, the business went bankrupt,

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<v Speaker 1>but you were a really good mentoring boss with your

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<v Speaker 1>employees while it lasted. Yes, you shouldn't have lost your temper,

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<v Speaker 1>and you are now dealing with the fallout from that.

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<v Speaker 1>But that also stems from being intensely loyal to the

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<v Speaker 1>people in your life and not wanting to see them

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<v Speaker 1>be unhappy, and of itself is not a bad thing,

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<v Speaker 1>even if there were ramifications that weren't great. Anyway, we

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<v Speaker 1>have all had low moments in life, and it's good

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<v Speaker 1>to learn from these when we can. I am not

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<v Speaker 1>in favor of letting ourselves completely off the hook when

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<v Speaker 1>we have made big messes. But when all we are

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<v Speaker 1>learning is that we are failures or that we are

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<v Speaker 1>terrible people, that is not going to be particularly helpful.

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<v Speaker 1>Better to see if there is some good trait to

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<v Speaker 1>hook on and then reshape the memory With that in mind,

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<v Speaker 1>it becomes part of life story rather than something we

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<v Speaker 1>can't get past. In the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks

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<v Speaker 1>for listening, and here's to making the most of our time.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast. If you've got questions, ideas,

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<v Speaker 1>or feedback, you can reach me at Laura at Laura

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<v Speaker 1>vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartMedia.

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