Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central. It's been already rough. I
Speaker 1: just want to check in on all of you, everybody
Speaker 1: who works here. I know it's been a really rough
Speaker 1: time this past week. Um, A lot of cartoon characters
Speaker 1: have been changing their outfits, and I just want to
Speaker 1: make sure you guys are all feeling safe and secure.
Speaker 1: The Eminem's thing rock people. Um. Now, Disney announced that
Speaker 1: Many is going to be wearing a pant suit. People
Speaker 1: are losing their ship over this because apparently they liked
Speaker 1: those sexy, sleek legs of hers. A lot of people
Speaker 1: don't know what this means for the future of the country.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. I I didn't ever think a
Speaker 1: country could be this angry about cartoon characters changing their outfits.
Speaker 1: Like people are angry Many Mouse should be wearing that
Speaker 1: Many skirt. Okay, it's Calledge's called Many Mouse, not not
Speaker 1: pants mouse. Okay, I want to see that ash. Okay,
Speaker 1: people literally on the news being just destroying the fabric
Speaker 1: of society. Huh, what's next, Donald Duck? You're not gonna
Speaker 1: be able to see Dick were different outfits. The only
Speaker 1: people who shouldn't wear different outfits is like people who
Speaker 1: are geniuses because they don't want to waste time, Like
Speaker 1: like Albert Einstein. He says he wore the same clothes
Speaker 1: every day because he didn't want to waste time thinking
Speaker 1: about what he was gonna wear. He's like, I'm trying
Speaker 1: to solve the universe. I can't figure out if like
Speaker 1: check goes with polka dot. You know what I mean,
Speaker 1: trying to figure it out. Steve Jobs, same thing. He
Speaker 1: was like, Yo, same outfit. I'm not wasting my brain power.
Speaker 1: A lot of people do that in like life. Now
Speaker 1: they go like, yeah, I don't waste time thinking because
Speaker 1: I want to. But people don't realize not picking your
Speaker 1: clothes doesn't mean you're automatically become smarter. Some people are
Speaker 1: still dumbasses. But now you just wear the same clothes
Speaker 1: every day. I don't think people realize that that might
Speaker 1: be the one saving grace that you have, because now
Speaker 1: you're coming with the same dumb ship every day and
Speaker 1: you look the same. At least if you switch things up,
Speaker 1: people like that ship was dumb again, but nice shirts
Speaker 1: coming to you from the heart of times. He knew
Speaker 1: York City the only city in America. It's the Daily
Speaker 1: Show here's edition tonight. Schools in americrant white football is weird,
Speaker 1: Lindsay even. This is The Daily Show with Trevor no Hey,
Speaker 1: what's going on? Everybody? Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm
Speaker 1: Trevor Noah. Let's jump straight into today's headlines and we
Speaker 1: begin with the Supreme Court. The world's lamest gospel choir
Speaker 1: today major news people. Supreme Court Justice Stephen Bryan has
Speaker 1: officially announced that he is retiring. And I know you're thinking, wait,
Speaker 1: we spoke about this yesterday. No, that wasn't officially. That
Speaker 1: was unofficially. That was like a tweet that was official,
Speaker 1: but it wasn't official. This is official, official, right, and
Speaker 1: this is gonna have ramifications. But before we get into
Speaker 1: the politics, let's take a moment to honor Justice Bryan's career.
Speaker 1: And that's enough of that, alright. So, Joe Biden, you
Speaker 1: may remember, promised during the campaign that he was going
Speaker 1: to nominate a black woman if an opening on the
Speaker 1: Supreme Court came up, because he cares deeply about representation
Speaker 1: and winning Georgia. And so now it looks like that's
Speaker 1: what he's planning to do. But everyone is not happy
Speaker 1: about that. Right off the bat, he is excluding all
Speaker 1: potential candidates who are not African American women. So if
Speaker 1: you're a man, if you happen to be white, an
Speaker 1: Asian American, Hispanic American, Joe Biden will not even look
Speaker 1: at your resume. To exclude certain candidates based solely on
Speaker 1: race and gender is beyond extremely divisive. Uh, it may
Speaker 1: even be illegal. I don't think the president should ever
Speaker 1: ever insult the first he's going to nominate by saying
Speaker 1: you're not the most qualified person, You're just the most
Speaker 1: qualified black woman person. Well, what kind of a qualification
Speaker 1: is that being a black woman? I mean, is this
Speaker 1: our standards now in terms of the highest court in
Speaker 1: the land. You almost got the impression that Joe Biden
Speaker 1: believes all black are the same, They're identical. This is
Speaker 1: exactly why decent Americans hated segregation. It's humanized people. And
Speaker 1: why isn't there an American Indian on the court or
Speaker 1: a gender queer. Why isn't there an Afghan refugee under consideration? Yeah,
Speaker 1: and why isn't there a sexy eminem under consideration? I'm
Speaker 1: talking about one of those M and m's that goes
Speaker 1: right from the legs straight to the shell. Did we
Speaker 1: all just get horny? Just me? Look, man, there's a
Speaker 1: lot to unpack here. But most importantly, being a black
Speaker 1: woman isn't the qualification? All right, Joe Biden is gonna
Speaker 1: pick a black woman who is also qualified. These people
Speaker 1: act like Biden is just going to show up at
Speaker 1: the mall and be like, Yo, Shaniqua, come with me.
Speaker 1: My name is Regina. It doesn't matter. Just put on
Speaker 1: these roads. I need to help with abortion. No, she's
Speaker 1: going to be qualified. And why is that a bad thing?
Speaker 1: Why not trying to make the Supreme Court a little
Speaker 1: more representative of the country it represents. I mean, their
Speaker 1: rulings impact the lives of every person in the country,
Speaker 1: So it would be nice to have at least one
Speaker 1: justice on there who's had to ask the Walgreens guy
Speaker 1: to unlock the shampoo shelf. But at the same time,
Speaker 1: at the same time, I also hear what these Fox
Speaker 1: people are saying. You know, it shouldn't matter whether you're
Speaker 1: black or white. This position should only go to the
Speaker 1: most qualified judge who also thinks that guns of people.
Speaker 1: And I mean I feel bad for Tucker Carlson. Of
Speaker 1: course he's upset. You think about it. For almost all
Speaker 1: of American history, the entire Supreme Court was white dudes
Speaker 1: with both ties and weird hair. And now that's all gone.
Speaker 1: It's all gone. Where has Tucker's representation? Lacrosse lives matter? People?
Speaker 1: All right, let's move on from America to America. As
Speaker 1: a strange dad, Great Britain, their Prime Minister Bars Johnson
Speaker 1: has been embroiled in scandal ever since it was discovered
Speaker 1: that while Britain's were in lockdown, he broke the rules
Speaker 1: and threw a bunch of office party. And apparently they
Speaker 1: were partying for everything. Retirement parties, birthday parties, regular hangout parties.
Speaker 1: Ship they were throwing parties just because someone figured out
Speaker 1: how to unjam the printer. It's working, It's rarely working well.
Speaker 1: Dis calls for a spot of bubbly Greg Greg Greg
Speaker 1: Greg Greg Greg And as if that wasn't bad enough,
Speaker 1: now Boris has another scandal brewing. British Privateister Boris Johnson
Speaker 1: get this is once again on the defense over another issue.
Speaker 1: This time it's whether he authorized the evacuation of cats
Speaker 1: and dogs from Afghanistan. The batchel of leaked emails of
Speaker 1: here to contradict Johnson's claims of having nothing to do
Speaker 1: with the evacuation of animals from a British charity in
Speaker 1: Afghanistan as the country fell to the Taliban and human
Speaker 1: beings were scrambling to find a way out of that country.
Speaker 1: And the Prime Minister has always denied intervening and denial,
Speaker 1: he repeated this lunchtime. This whole thing is is total
Speaker 1: rub The military always a prioritized human beings and that
Speaker 1: was quite right, and I think we should be incredibly
Speaker 1: proud of about picking and what it achieved. Can I
Speaker 1: be honest, this is the most white people scandal of
Speaker 1: all time. You rescued pets before human beings. Guys, you
Speaker 1: have to prioritize saving people over animals because people will
Speaker 1: be grateful about it. You rescue a cat from Afghanistan,
Speaker 1: act like it's doing you a favor. Yeah, thanks. Now.
Speaker 1: Boris says that this whole scandal is total rule bomb,
Speaker 1: so you can tell his stress because British people only
Speaker 1: bust out the obscure vegetables when their backs are against
Speaker 1: the wall. Prince Andrew, what were you doing on Jeffrey
Speaker 1: Epstein's island Old Brussels sprouts? It's not what you think.
Speaker 1: This is where you realize how special Trump was at
Speaker 1: getting out of a jam. Right, remember that guy, because
Speaker 1: where most politicians try and undo the scandal that Trump
Speaker 1: was a genius man, he would just add another one
Speaker 1: to throw us off the trail. I know you're upset,
Speaker 1: but why are we talking about me sleeping with a
Speaker 1: borne star when I'm about overthrow the government? Huh? After
Speaker 1: real story, folks, throwing over my own government, and I'm
Speaker 1: gonna overthrow it with me and shade it. Now I'm down,
Speaker 1: all right. Finally, let us turn to today's big education
Speaker 1: use I before E except after sea. Apparently it's not true.
Speaker 1: You can just flip that ship. I based my whole
Speaker 1: personality on that. Also, another education story is over the
Speaker 1: last few months, they have been big movements by conservatives
Speaker 1: to put limits on what kids can learn in schools.
Speaker 1: Laws saying that you can't teach divisive concepts about race,
Speaker 1: laws saying that books should be pulled from libraries for
Speaker 1: talking about gender identity. Basically, at this point, if it's
Speaker 1: not math science or how to hide from a shooter,
Speaker 1: they don't think it's appropriate for kids to know about.
Speaker 1: And now one school board is going After a surprising
Speaker 1: new targets, a Tennessee school board decided to ban the
Speaker 1: pool Serprize winning graphic novel Mouse. It's the only graphic
Speaker 1: novel will ever to win the Pulitzer, but the mckinn
Speaker 1: County school Board in Tennessee has banned the book. One
Speaker 1: board member said, quote, it shows people hanging, It shows
Speaker 1: them killing kids. Why does the educational system promote this
Speaker 1: kind of stuff? It's not wise or healthy. Mouse is
Speaker 1: widely seen as the gold standard when it comes to
Speaker 1: teaching kids about the Holocaust, given its unique voice, it's
Speaker 1: unique approach. This decision baffling the author of Mouse, Art Spiegelman.
Speaker 1: He was interviewed by CNBC about this decision and he
Speaker 1: said this, it's leaving me with my jaw open, like what.
Speaker 1: I also understand that Tennessee is obviously demented. There's something
Speaker 1: going on very very haywire there. Now, if you don't
Speaker 1: know Mouse, the whole reason this book is taught in
Speaker 1: middle school is that it's a serious book about the
Speaker 1: Holocaust that kids actually want to read and adults too, right,
Speaker 1: because a subject this huge and horrifying is hard to
Speaker 1: get your head around. So what Mouse does is it
Speaker 1: turns all of the people into cartoon animals. Right. The
Speaker 1: Jews are represent it by mice, the Germans are represented
Speaker 1: by cats. And because that's a trope that we're familiar
Speaker 1: with from comic books, it helps people process this event
Speaker 1: that's unthinkable otherwise, I mean, it's either a comic book
Speaker 1: or that Peanuts special. It's genocide, Charlie Brown. No. But seriously, though,
Speaker 1: just because you show something doesn't mean you're promoting it.
Speaker 1: You need to include certain stories because they represent reality. Right.
Speaker 1: It's like having the N word in Huckleberry Finn, or
Speaker 1: the N word in to Kill a Marking Bird, or
Speaker 1: the N word in Of Mice and Men, or the
Speaker 1: N word Goodnight Moon. Wow, they said the N word
Speaker 1: a lot. So listen, Tennessee school Board. You don't need
Speaker 1: to be denying the Holocaust. Okay, that's YouTube's job. Stay
Speaker 1: in your lane. And when you teach kids, teach them
Speaker 1: the whole truth. You can't teach it while avoiding some
Speaker 1: of the unpleasant parts. That's not the thing. That's history.
Speaker 1: Is supposed to teach it properly, and it's gonna make
Speaker 1: these kids look really dumb later on in life. Ah. Yes,
Speaker 1: the Holocaust when are millions of people were given free pajamas? No, Okay,
Speaker 1: enough of that. Let's move on to our main story,
Speaker 1: which is once again about the coronavirus pandemic. And I
Speaker 1: know it seems like we talk about COVID every single day,
Speaker 1: but don't worry, this is a new variant. One thing
Speaker 1: everyone agrees on is that sooner or later kids need
Speaker 1: to be back in school because zoom classes are a nightmare,
Speaker 1: and they were especially hard for the teachers at that
Speaker 1: Euphoria High school. Well, everyone, please turn on your cameras.
Speaker 1: Everyone turn out. Wait wait, wait, is that a penis
Speaker 1: is a turn it off? Turn it off? Now. Unfortunately,
Speaker 1: schools have to contend with COVID, which also likes everyone
Speaker 1: being inside classrooms. So how are schools dealing with in
Speaker 1: person classes during a pandemic. Well, let's find out in
Speaker 1: another installment of Getting Back to Normalish. If there's one
Speaker 1: thing we've learned about COVID is that it spreads most
Speaker 1: when people are crowded indoors. And if there's one thing
Speaker 1: that schools are about, it's crowding people into tight spaces classrooms, hallways, lockers.
Speaker 1: So as you can imagine this has caused a lot
Speaker 1: of problems for students. Since ol Across started, countless kids
Speaker 1: around the country have gotten infected or they've had to
Speaker 1: isolate because some kids in their class got infected. And
Speaker 1: when you think about it, it's disorienting not to know
Speaker 1: what each day is going to bring. Are they going
Speaker 1: to be in class, are they going to be home?
Speaker 1: Is the bullying going to be in personal or cyber
Speaker 1: You need to plan. It's been chaos for students, which
Speaker 1: is why some schools have decided to do away with
Speaker 1: the indoor parts of indoor learning altogether. The pandemic has
Speaker 1: many parents in school districts still struggling with remote versus
Speaker 1: in person learning, but some schools are finding a compromise
Speaker 1: in the great outdoors. Despite frigid temperatures in Wisconsin and Maine,
Speaker 1: these schools moved some classes outside to help prevent the spread.
Speaker 1: Seventeen schools in Portland, Maine built outdoor learning spaces, plenty
Speaker 1: of winter gear and WiFi with windschill it's minus seven. Ye,
Speaker 1: that's right, COVID. You're not gonna get these kids because
Speaker 1: they're gonna freeze to death. First checkmate, And look, I
Speaker 1: know those classrooms might be colder than the middle of
Speaker 1: a trade to Joe's Burrito, but there are probably a
Speaker 1: lot of benefits for the students. Yeah, younger kids get
Speaker 1: to play in the snow, and high schools they don't
Speaker 1: have to worry about spontaneous erections anymore. Everybody wins not
Speaker 1: to mention. These kids will be the first generation that
Speaker 1: can outflex their grandparents about how hard they had it.
Speaker 1: I used to walk ten miles in the snow just
Speaker 1: to get to school. Bitch, snow was my school. But
Speaker 1: if kids are stressed out by everything that's going on,
Speaker 1: it's also hard on the teachers. A lot of them
Speaker 1: are staying home because they're either worried about getting COVID
Speaker 1: or they already have it, which is why there's a
Speaker 1: big teacher shortage right now all across the country. And
Speaker 1: that's a problem because without teachers, you don't have a school.
Speaker 1: I mean now, it's just JUVI. So schools around the
Speaker 1: country are trying to solve their staffing problems with whoever
Speaker 1: they can find. As O Macron surges on, teachers are
Speaker 1: calling out with COVID, leading to a potential crisis across
Speaker 1: the nations. Schools with record numbers calling in sick. Thousands
Speaker 1: of schools have been forced to close. Schools scrambling to
Speaker 1: keep kids in the classroom, forced to come up with
Speaker 1: creative solutions. In Miami, a staggering sevent d teachers called
Speaker 1: in sick today. It was all hands on decks. Even
Speaker 1: the district superintendent filled in as a substitute science teacher.
Speaker 1: In Michigan, lunch ladies and school bus drivers are stepping
Speaker 1: in to supervise classes. School districts facing teacher shortages are
Speaker 1: asking parents and alum to fill in as substitutes. Hundreds
Speaker 1: of parents in Palo Alto, California are volunteering at schools,
Speaker 1: doing anything from light custodial work to food services, clean tables.
Speaker 1: I've swept floors. In New Mexico, the governor now calling
Speaker 1: on the National Guard to teach kids. In Oklahoma, off
Speaker 1: duty police officers are now stepping into teach wow, using
Speaker 1: cops as substitute teachers. I mean, that's one way to
Speaker 1: get the black kids raising their hands in class. Kevin,
Speaker 1: did you did you have a question? Sir? I just
Speaker 1: don't want any trouble. It would actually be pretty funny
Speaker 1: if the teachers and cops switched jobs permanently because you gotta.
Speaker 1: It would be so nice to get pulled over by
Speaker 1: a teacher for a change, because they just be like, sir,
Speaker 1: do you know how fast you're going? Because you see
Speaker 1: you left Tulsa at three oh a pm and arrived
Speaker 1: here two hours later, which means I'm not hating, though
Speaker 1: I'm not hitting. I think it's great that people from
Speaker 1: the community are stepping up. But let's not forget there's
Speaker 1: no way to replace a professional substitute teacher. Yeah, do
Speaker 1: you think anyone can just show up, pass out a worksheet,
Speaker 1: and then get roasted for eight hours by a bunch
Speaker 1: of eleven year old No, that is an art form.
Speaker 1: So a lot of these pandemic policies have been hard
Speaker 1: on students and teachers, but the people making the policies
Speaker 1: aren't getting off easy. And I'm talking about the local
Speaker 1: school boards. Yeah, they're stuck in the middle between parents
Speaker 1: who are terrified of their kids safety and parents who
Speaker 1: are terrified that the mosques their kids wear will turn
Speaker 1: their kids into tiny little Fauci's. I'm home from school, mom,
Speaker 1: and all the data supports me getting some mac and
Speaker 1: cheese right now. Follow the science mommy. So school boards
Speaker 1: are in a tough spot, and uh not every parent
Speaker 1: is showing their appreciation this school board meeting in Virginia
Speaker 1: taking a wild tern Thursday as a Page County parent
Speaker 1: was rested and released on a five thousand dollar bond
Speaker 1: after she was captured on tape threatening to bring guns
Speaker 1: to her children's school if a district continued to enforce
Speaker 1: their mask mandate. My children will not come to school
Speaker 1: on Monday with a mask on. All right, that's not happening,
Speaker 1: and I will bring every single gun loaded and ready
Speaker 1: to I will call every that's three minutes if you've
Speaker 1: gone past your path. It's a policy, thank you. M hmm.
Speaker 1: I'll see y'all on Monday. So you don't want to
Speaker 1: hear the end of the threat. I mean, I know
Speaker 1: there's a time policy, but if someone's threatening to kill me,
Speaker 1: I want to hear what they have to say, so
Speaker 1: I don't know how to escape. I mean, this does
Speaker 1: show you how often school boards get death threats screened
Speaker 1: at them. Do you see how calm those people were.
Speaker 1: This woman is talking about bringing every loaded on to
Speaker 1: the school, and they're like time is out. Thank you.
Speaker 1: The next speaker is Jennifer Higgins, who has a proposal
Speaker 1: for burning down our houses. Go ahead, Jennifer, and please
Speaker 1: remember keep it to three minutes. For more on the
Speaker 1: disruption that oh Macron is causing with schools. Let's go
Speaker 1: out now to Roy Wood Jr. Who is standing outside
Speaker 1: a random school. Do I have to be out here? Trevor?
Speaker 1: It's gold as hell. I could just talk to you
Speaker 1: in the studio. I'm sorry, Roy, that's not possible. This
Speaker 1: is how the news is. You see, we're talking about
Speaker 1: a school, so you have to be at a school. Otherwise,
Speaker 1: how old the people trust what a school is? Anyway,
Speaker 1: let's talk about all the chaos in schools right now, Roy,
Speaker 1: It almost feels like we're back in rights. It's sure
Speaker 1: as ship does. I'm so fat up with Oh Macron. Man.
Speaker 1: It's ruining everything. It's ruining things for students, for teachers, parents, everybody.
Speaker 1: Not to mention all the money I'm losing on these
Speaker 1: shirts I printed up a couple of months ago. Look
Speaker 1: at this man and sold a single one of these. Damn,
Speaker 1: Oh my Cron. You don't know the overhead on that
Speaker 1: really gives you a new appreciation for all those chill viruses.
Speaker 1: We have out there. Yeah, that's so well. I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: did you say chill viruses? I don't think there's such
Speaker 1: a thing as a chill virus, Roy, No, I think
Speaker 1: that's where you're wrong, Trevor. There are plenty of viruses
Speaker 1: out there just keeping to themselves, not stirring up trouble
Speaker 1: all the time, like hepatitis A. I'm sorry, Roy, are
Speaker 1: you saying that hepatitis A is a chill virus? Yeah,
Speaker 1: totally chill virus, Trevor, calm as hell. Nobody's getting hepatitis
Speaker 1: A just standing in line at Walmart. Only why you're
Speaker 1: getting it is if you go out to eating the
Speaker 1: cook don't wash his hands after wiping his ass. You
Speaker 1: don't have to worry about mask or boost shots with hepatitis.
Speaker 1: Just don't order a sloppy Joe the truck stop and
Speaker 1: you're good. Well, Roy, I wasn't planning on it, But yeah,
Speaker 1: I see what you're saying. You know, like, maybe we
Speaker 1: should give credit to all those viruses out there that
Speaker 1: I'm next annoying day today, Like, like, what's that virus
Speaker 1: that causes mono? You're talking about? My boy Epstein barr
Speaker 1: Or also known as the kissing disease. Now you may
Speaker 1: not know this, Trevor, but you know why they call
Speaker 1: it the kissing disease because you get it from kissing.
Speaker 1: It's one of a few diseases where the diagnosis comes
Speaker 1: with a half five. That's so true, Roy, You know,
Speaker 1: the doctor's just like I got good news and bad news.
Speaker 1: The bad news is you got Mono. The good news
Speaker 1: is my man. Yeah. By the way, did you know
Speaker 1: that Epstein Bar is named after Jeffrey Epstein and former
Speaker 1: Attorney General Bill Barr. It's the first collapse before Bar
Speaker 1: killed Epstein in the jail cell. I did not know that, Roy, Well,
Speaker 1: now you do. I don't preach. I teach. And here's
Speaker 1: one other virus that I've never really appreciated until Corona
Speaker 1: came along, Her Pies. I don't I don't know, man.
Speaker 1: I don't think I'm ready to throw my support behind
Speaker 1: her Pies. Well you should be. Did you know, Trevor.
Speaker 1: Two hundred million people in this country have herpies. But
Speaker 1: it's such a chill virus that most people don't even
Speaker 1: realize they have it. It's just like Cinemax sitting up
Speaker 1: their Channel six thirty seven just minding his own business.
Speaker 1: Sil I bet you have herpies. No, I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't have her piece. I do not. Roy, Statistically, you
Speaker 1: probably do. I don't. I'm sure that I don't. Roy.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Chad. Look, it doesn't matter if
Speaker 1: or how you got herbies, man. The point is I
Speaker 1: want to take a moment to apologize to all the
Speaker 1: chill viruses out there. We took you for granted before,
Speaker 1: but no longer. We appreciate you and all you do
Speaker 1: for us. From Heape all the way to Trevor Noah's herpies.
Speaker 1: Thank you. I do not. I do not have her pies.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. All Right, we're gonna take a
Speaker 1: quick break and when we come back, Ronni Chang will
Speaker 1: explain why American football makes no sense. You don't want
Speaker 1: to miss it. We can cut out all the herpes stuff, right,
Speaker 1: we just cut off the herpes. We we're live. Okay,
Speaker 1: she's just gonna have herpes, my herd pieces one. I
Speaker 1: don't have herpet. I'm just saying the thing he said
Speaker 1: about my herpes on TV. Now it's confirmed he has it. Yes,
Speaker 1: yes he does. Okay, just making sure. Welcome back to
Speaker 1: the Daily Show. If you spent your whole life in America,
Speaker 1: you might not know what other countries think about this
Speaker 1: great country. Well, luckily, Ronnie Chang is happy to tell
Speaker 1: you in his new segment America w CF. As someone
Speaker 1: who has lived all over the world, it's my responsibility
Speaker 1: to let Americans know that the rest of us think
Speaker 1: a lot of what you guys do is super weird.
Speaker 1: For example, American football, did you guys think of as
Speaker 1: the most normal thing ever? But let me assure you
Speaker 1: everything about it is crazy. Before the game even starts,
Speaker 1: everyone has to stand up and sing the national anthem together.
Speaker 1: Nobody else on the planet does that. We just assume
Speaker 1: everyone knows what country that in before the game starts.
Speaker 1: And then there's a game itself. First of all, the
Speaker 1: teams all have like three people. That's not a sport,
Speaker 1: that's an army. There's so many people that everyone has
Speaker 1: their own special little job to do. Like one guy
Speaker 1: throws the ball, one guy kicks the ball, one guy
Speaker 1: throws the ball to the guy who throws the ball.
Speaker 1: And speaking of the ball, this is a normal either. Okay,
Speaker 1: balls are supposed to be around, that's the main thing
Speaker 1: that makes it a ball. But in this insane sport.
Speaker 1: Even the ball has brain damage. And what's if the
Speaker 1: scoring six points for a touchdown, one point for the
Speaker 1: kick after you make it, but if you make the
Speaker 1: same kick before you scored, it would have been three points.
Speaker 1: And you can also score touchdown again after the touchdown,
Speaker 1: but this time it's only worth two points. Who came
Speaker 1: out of the ship? If you ask me, a touchdown
Speaker 1: should be worth one hundred points. The player deserves it.
Speaker 1: He basically dodged a mugging with a slippery almond in
Speaker 1: his head, and one hundred points would be way easy
Speaker 1: to keep up within all these other numbers. How do
Speaker 1: you people get drunk at these games and still follow
Speaker 1: along without a spreadsheet? And speaking of drinking, you guys
Speaker 1: realize how weird tailgated is. Right, Like, I don't care
Speaker 1: how you want to brand it. Getting drunk in a
Speaker 1: parking lot isn't a family activity. It's assigned to get
Speaker 1: a life together. I feel like the whole thing started
Speaker 1: because a bunch of pickup trucks broke down in a
Speaker 1: stadium parking lot and they just tried to play it
Speaker 1: off like, oh no, no, no, we meant to park
Speaker 1: here for five hours before the game. But if you're
Speaker 1: tailgating at a game, better not be too young, because
Speaker 1: don't forget about America's super weird drinking age. You gotta
Speaker 1: be twenty one to drink in this country. That doesn't
Speaker 1: make sense. Okay. I guess to try and keep college
Speaker 1: kids from becoming alcoholics or something, but I'm pretty sure
Speaker 1: that experiment has failed. College dorms are so soaked in
Speaker 1: booze that if you lit a mad the whole building
Speaker 1: would explode. So maybe you're not going to a game.
Speaker 1: Maybe you're watching at home instead, in which case you'll
Speaker 1: probably see about fifty TV ads for prescription drugs, which
Speaker 1: I know you think is normal, but trust me, you're
Speaker 1: the only ones. There's a reason this doesn't happen in
Speaker 1: other countries. Most of the people watching TV on doctors,
Speaker 1: so there's no reason to market to them directly, especially
Speaker 1: the way they do it. They always ask you questions like, hey,
Speaker 1: are you sad or achy or fighting? Yes, I'm all
Speaker 1: those things right now because I'm a person. If someone
Speaker 1: needs a drug, the doctor will prescribe it. You shouldn't
Speaker 1: have to ask them if it's right for you. This
Speaker 1: doesn't happen in any part of medical care. Okay, there's
Speaker 1: no TV as asking you to ask your doctor whether
Speaker 1: they should cut your balls and make you cough. Your
Speaker 1: perfect doctor will do that on their own. Look, do
Speaker 1: your thing, America, Okay. Just know that whenever you're ready,
Speaker 1: you're more than welcome to join the rest of the
Speaker 1: world and stop following soccer, a sport where the ball
Speaker 1: is around, the scoring is simple, and the only thing
Speaker 1: fans are doing in the parking law is fighting each
Speaker 1: other to the death like God intended. Thank you so
Speaker 1: much for that, Ronnie. All Right, when we come back,
Speaker 1: Olympic champion Lindsey Vonn will be joining me right here
Speaker 1: on the show, so don't go away. Welcome back to
Speaker 1: The Daily Show. My guest tonight is Olympic gold medalist
Speaker 1: and the most decorated female skier of all time, Lindsey Vonne.
Speaker 1: She's here to talk about her new memoir about her
Speaker 1: record breaking skiing career and her new journey as an entrepreneur.
Speaker 1: Von Welcome to The Daily Show. Thanks for having me. Um.
Speaker 1: I've known you for a few years, so I knew
Speaker 1: some of the stories in this book, but like I
Speaker 1: didn't know how much of a let me choose my
Speaker 1: words carefully, crazy person like no, no, no, you know what,
Speaker 1: I'll tell you what. I'll tell you why, because like
Speaker 1: I struggle to plan what I'm gonna do next week.
Speaker 1: In life, you had a ten year plan to make
Speaker 1: it to the Olympics. And this is a plan as
Speaker 1: a nine year old, I have to add on top
Speaker 1: of that. So at nine years old, you're like, I
Speaker 1: want to go to the Olympics in ten years. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean my dad definitely helped me with the planning. Um,
Speaker 1: but we had like, yeah, I met Pigby Street, my
Speaker 1: idol when I was nine, came home and I was like,
Speaker 1: this is it. This is what I want to do.
Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, let's make a plan. We
Speaker 1: printed out calendars, we had highlighters. It was like a
Speaker 1: whole thing. What are you planning in that tenures? I mean,
Speaker 1: like you're the greatest, but what takes ten years? I
Speaker 1: need to understand what it's When you're nine, you have
Speaker 1: to like build up a point profile. You know, certain
Speaker 1: requirements that you have to make in order to kind
Speaker 1: of make the progression to even get to the USC
Speaker 1: team and then to the Olympics. So and my dad
Speaker 1: was a racer when he was growing out junior rator,
Speaker 1: so he knew kind of all the levels that I
Speaker 1: need to get. And you know, obviously I had to
Speaker 1: start expanding my repertoire because I was from Minnesota, so
Speaker 1: three vertical feet is not a place where you learned
Speaker 1: downhill skiing. So we had to move to Colorado when
Speaker 1: I was twelve, and it was like, you know, the
Speaker 1: ten plan was extensive. I understand. I mean, yeah, Minnesota
Speaker 1: might not have been great for your repertoire, but it
Speaker 1: was great for preparing you for the doldrums of the cold.
Speaker 1: Do you even feel cold anyway? Like everyone is dying
Speaker 1: here in New York, Everyone's freezing. And then today when
Speaker 1: you came in, I was like, Oh, she's just gonna
Speaker 1: come in like a tank top and be like, oh
Speaker 1: summer day, everybody. How are you doing? Hate there? Like
Speaker 1: the bane of the cold? Like that's the cold? You
Speaker 1: are the bane of the cold. I mean, why don't
Speaker 1: you think I ski fast to get out of the cold. Exactly? Literally,
Speaker 1: I make it to the bottom as fast I can.
Speaker 1: I put my clothes back on. Okay, yeah, I also
Speaker 1: didn't know and this was really cool to read in
Speaker 1: the book. You're an interesting human being in that you
Speaker 1: you talk about how like how hard life was for you.
Speaker 1: In some instances, athletes used to be told, hey, don't
Speaker 1: don't tell people really depressed. You're gonna lose everything, endorsements,
Speaker 1: don't people don't want you on a team. You came
Speaker 1: out and said, Hey, I'm struggling with depression and this
Speaker 1: is what I'm doing about it. But what was interesting
Speaker 1: to me is the fact that you you don't you
Speaker 1: don't seem to have fear when it comes to the
Speaker 1: slopes though, like life is the scary thing, and then
Speaker 1: you're going down a hill and I don't know how
Speaker 1: many miles an hour fur miles not correct, and there's
Speaker 1: no fear. No, I mean the skiing is like the
Speaker 1: most simple thing in my life, the easiest thing. Everything
Speaker 1: else was hard, and skiing was like my sanctuary. How
Speaker 1: many times have you crashed? I mean we don't have enough,
Speaker 1: you know hours in the show too. After the first crash.
Speaker 1: No fear, No, it's just that's part of the job,
Speaker 1: you know, like that's that's the risk factor and skiing
Speaker 1: and that's honestly one of the things that makes exciting.
Speaker 1: Wouldn't wouldn't be exciting if every time you fell you
Speaker 1: fell into a pile of pillows. Well, that's what I
Speaker 1: thought it was. I wanted to go skiing. I don't
Speaker 1: know how to ski, and I always wanted to learn
Speaker 1: how to ski. And then and then no, and then
Speaker 1: I saw all of your injuries, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I thought, the whole point of skiings that you fall
Speaker 1: into like clouds and then you don't get hurt. And
Speaker 1: then though it's not as soft as it may appear. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you see, that's ridiculous. It's hard. Um, Lindsey Vonna has
Speaker 1: gone on to inspire so many people. You know, you're mentoring,
Speaker 1: you know, some of the skiers, some of the athletes
Speaker 1: who are going to to the to the Winter Olympics.
Speaker 1: You're gonna be commentating on that when you when you're watching, um,
Speaker 1: the Olympics. Do you have favorites? Do you have sports
Speaker 1: that you love? Is it always going to be skiing?
Speaker 1: Or there's someone to like sports where you're like, no,
Speaker 1: this is like my secret passion. Like curling is my ship,
Speaker 1: that's how our role. I mean, I'm from Minnesota, so
Speaker 1: curling should be my ship. But it's not. Sorry, I
Speaker 1: love figure skating. I just think it's really cool, like
Speaker 1: figure skating in gymnastics or my jam. But you know,
Speaker 1: I always love alpine skiing. And of course I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be taring for people that you know, I've helped over
Speaker 1: the last couple of years and throughout my career UM
Speaker 1: and obviously t USA UM. But it's also gonna be
Speaker 1: you know, hard a little bit to watch because I
Speaker 1: would be missed. I will miss computing a little bit.
Speaker 1: One of the hardest things athletes face is the fact
Speaker 1: that their careers are essentially over when life sort of begins. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, athlete talk about this all the time. You know,
Speaker 1: with it's you know Chris Bosh, you know, with it's
Speaker 1: doing Wade, with it's yourself, everyone goes, yeah, I'm I'm
Speaker 1: thirty six years old, thirty seven years old, and now
Speaker 1: life is over. How have you dealt with that? It
Speaker 1: was a tough transition. I think the first year was
Speaker 1: was really hard. And even though I had set up
Speaker 1: business and I had so much to do, it didn't
Speaker 1: take away from the fact that you know, skiing was
Speaker 1: was gone. You know, it's something you've done your entire life,
Speaker 1: and it's not like a career change where you know
Speaker 1: I could change your mind and go back to it.
Speaker 1: It's like one day you wake up and literally what
Speaker 1: you love to do is no longer possible. So it
Speaker 1: was just I don't know, it's a hard moment for me,
Speaker 1: but I figured it out and I found new passions
Speaker 1: and new ways to challenge myself. I think that's the
Speaker 1: most important thing. You know, athletes are very driven and
Speaker 1: goal oriented, and we just need something to push ourselves towards.
Speaker 1: And for me, that's become business us. And you know,
Speaker 1: I've been venture capital bit now, so there's just a
Speaker 1: lot of things that are going on which you know,
Speaker 1: excites me. It's not going any five miles now are
Speaker 1: down a mountain, but you know, I will make do
Speaker 1: with what I have. Are there any things that you
Speaker 1: that you miss, that you that you try and apply
Speaker 1: to your life now? Like I didn't know, for instance,
Speaker 1: that before you went downhill you would you would spit.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I was reading that correctly. You
Speaker 1: you were spitting all the things that pick out my book.
Speaker 1: You know, we can talk about spinning, but the like
Speaker 1: I didn't understand this, well, I don't know. I think
Speaker 1: that's just something that I naturally did. But I guess
Speaker 1: it's like boost test saucetone. I think some athletes do it.
Speaker 1: It's not very s before like you do the thing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just like I don't know, it's a it's a thing.
Speaker 1: Do you do that now? Before big meetings. I could
Speaker 1: bring back the throne. I don't think the boardroom is
Speaker 1: meant for. You do outside the boardroom obviously. I mean
Speaker 1: there's a civilized environment. You just outside the border before
Speaker 1: the border, in the back, before I go to my meeting,
Speaker 1: you know, get into don't knock it before you try. Livon,
Speaker 1: congratulations on writing an amazing book. It's really fun. It's
Speaker 1: a really inspiring story. Um, I think people will really
Speaker 1: enjoy it. And good luck for the Olympics, good luck
Speaker 1: for the world of venture capital and business, and hopefully
Speaker 1: we'll see you again on the show. Thank you, all right, people,
Speaker 1: Lindsay's memoir Rise is available wherever books are sold. We've
Speaker 1: got to take a quick break, but we'll be right
Speaker 1: back after this. Well, that's our show for tonight's but
Speaker 1: before we go, today is Holocaust Remembrance Day, so please
Speaker 1: consider supporting the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum. It's a
Speaker 1: living memorial that seeks to inspire citizens and leaders worldwide
Speaker 1: to confront hatred, prevent genocide, and promote human dignity. If
Speaker 1: you would like to help support their programs, then please
Speaker 1: donate at the link below. Until next time, stay safe
Speaker 1: out there, get your vaccine, and remember, if you're out
Speaker 1: in the woods and you come across a classroom of students,
Speaker 1: that's their home, and they're more scared of you than
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