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Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that's helping wives get their husbands

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Speaker 1: out of the bathroom with new spring loaded toilets sees

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Speaker 1: where after five minutes on the john the seat will

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Speaker 1: auto flush and then eject your husband back out into

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Speaker 1: the real world. Yeah, who cares if he's got indigestion.

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Speaker 1: The sink needs fixing now thanks to Laser Story, the

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Speaker 1: segment where we read weird news stories around the globe

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Speaker 1: just like everyone else does, except we've got a laser

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Speaker 1: and there's other porcelain procrastinators just don't. This first Laser

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Speaker 1: story is out of Las Vegas. If you're in Sin City,

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Speaker 1: you can stay at the Flamingo Hotel, but they should

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Speaker 1: really post signs that say you're not allowed to bring

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Speaker 1: a real flamingo back to your room.

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Speaker 2: They have by the pool. Yes, they'll say there shouldn't

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Speaker 2: need to be a rule for that job.

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Speaker 1: I think they need that because a thirty three year

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Speaker 1: old tourist from Canada named Mitchell Fairbarne was staying at

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Speaker 1: that exact hotel when apparently he'd been drinking ah a

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Speaker 1: little too much, as you do in Vegas, and he

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Speaker 1: climbed into the Flamingo habitat grabbed one of the birds

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Speaker 1: and took off.

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Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, that's gotta be like an endangered so

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Speaker 2: there's got to be a big fine here.

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Speaker 1: The surveillance cameras caught him bringing Peachee the Flamingo back

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Speaker 1: to his room your name. Luckily cop showed up within minutes,

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Speaker 1: and that's when Mitchell initially told police that he went

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Speaker 1: into the habitat because he saw a flamingo in distress.

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Speaker 2: Yes, the flamingo was suffering impact.

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Speaker 1: It was just standing in the sunshine. And the good

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Speaker 1: news was that he knew how to pop a bird's

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Speaker 1: wing back into place thanks to his background as a

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Speaker 1: farm boy.

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Speaker 2: No, don't don't do that. There's no flamingos on the

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Speaker 2: farms you were on.

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Speaker 1: Well, obviously there was no truth whatsoever to this, and

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Speaker 1: he was arrested and thrown in jail. Peachee was cared

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Speaker 1: for by a local veterinarian and is expected to make

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Speaker 1: a full recovery.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, winger heard.

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Speaker 1: Everybody has a crazy Vegas story, and now Peachy the

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Speaker 1: Flamingo has one too, Like I ordered food at three am,

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Speaker 1: thing to.

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Speaker 2: Wake up in the movie with like a tiger in

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Speaker 2: your bedroom. Yeah, not as like cool, a wake up

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Speaker 2: with a flamingo.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, this next Lasuer story is out of the TV taverns.

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Speaker 2: There's a new reality show that's making news.

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Speaker 1: It's actually over in the UK, and it's called Handcuffed,

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Speaker 1: Last Pair standing, which.

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Speaker 2: Criminal gets arrested first. It's not a crime show.

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Speaker 1: It starts with eighteen contestants or nine pairs, and, like

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Speaker 1: the title suggests, you're handcuffed to each other, but you

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Speaker 1: don't get to choose who. Oh, and of course the

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Speaker 1: diabolical producers are going to pick the two most unlike

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Speaker 1: people to pair up with each other. For example, one

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Speaker 1: pair is a self confessed prude who is chained to

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Speaker 1: an adult film star.

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Speaker 2: Do you think reality TV producers sleep well at night?

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Speaker 1: Like?

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Speaker 2: I just did that? Oh yeah, it is smiling so evil.

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Speaker 1: Hopefully the film start didn't have to work while they

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Speaker 1: were doing it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Another one is a plus sized fashion brand owner connected

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Speaker 1: to a woman who openly says large people are lazy.

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Speaker 2: Now I'm seeing the theme here. Are we gonna go with?

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Speaker 2: Who's gonna fight first? Yeah? You should put the opposite

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Speaker 2: political parties next to each other. Actually might make progress

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Speaker 2: on that one. We can come together. But you get

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Speaker 2: the point.

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Speaker 1: Each pair's handcuffed together and they have to do everything

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Speaker 1: with one another in order to stay in the game.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: The only time that they're given any distance is if

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Speaker 1: they have to go number two, and even then the

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Speaker 1: cuffs aren't fully taken off. Instead, producers just extend their

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Speaker 1: distance with a longer chain.

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Speaker 2: Signs up for this stuff? How much money are they winning?

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Speaker 2: It's about worldwide fame and recognition, Brooke, Yeah, get them.

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Speaker 2: We haven't named one of their actual names.

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Speaker 1: Well, so far, no one's dropped out in the first

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Speaker 1: two episodes of the show, but there have been a

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Speaker 1: lot of tears and drama.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and now we want to know.

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Speaker 1: Who on this show should be handcuffed together? And how

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Speaker 1: long do you think we could make it? Oh?

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Speaker 2: I want to be handcuffed Ashton because he could slip

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Speaker 2: all those cuffs really easily, tiny little.

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Speaker 1: Risks stuck in the cups, Brook, I'd be fine with

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Speaker 1: that of us by myself.

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Speaker 2: I see, you're big enough where you could just drag

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Speaker 2: him wherever you wanted to go.

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Speaker 1: He couldn't fight you, gotcha. This next Lazer story is

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Speaker 1: out of fast food frenzy. This just in Wendy's is

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Speaker 1: hiring a Chief Tasting Officer or CTO, and it pays

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Speaker 1: one hundred grand.

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Speaker 2: Wendy's is our family favorite.

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Speaker 1: Might it is a temporary role, not an ongoing thing,

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Speaker 1: but the job listing says that basically, you'll be paid

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Speaker 1: to eat wen Bees.

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Speaker 2: The reason we started loving it was it was the

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Speaker 2: only place my grandma would.

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Speaker 1: Eat because she had a real germ phobia and they

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Speaker 1: were one of They were like the only ones at

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Speaker 1: the time that would put gloves on, and they make

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Speaker 1: them fresh.

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Speaker 2: I think they make them. I prefer the glove. I

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Speaker 2: prefer non glove fast food experience.

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Speaker 1: Here's a snippet from the ad quote you'll help bring

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Speaker 1: the vibes, taste, and creativity to the company in ways

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Speaker 1: no one else can.

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Speaker 2: Oh, they get AI to write that.

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Speaker 1: Basically, you'll get paid to eat, be chill and maybe

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Speaker 1: make some content.

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Speaker 2: Maybe it sounds like definitely and content means social media stuff.

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Speaker 2: By the way, what else were you going to?

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Speaker 1: Did your head go?

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Speaker 2: I don't know, So you're using your mouth to taste

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Speaker 2: the food. It could be an only fans thing, you know.

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: But the ideal candidate is an influencer or someone who

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Speaker 1: wants to become an influencer. Okay, and we'll have the

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Speaker 1: link for you to apply up on the Brook and

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Speaker 1: Jeffrey ins to stories. And according to the listing, a

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Speaker 1: lot of people are qualified for this. The required skills

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Speaker 1: listed include a human mouth, a pulse, and opinions.

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Speaker 2: Hey, you probably can't be a vegetarian or gluten free.

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Speaker 1: It would be funny to see a vegetarian try this, though,

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Speaker 1: I'd watch that This final laser story is out of Veggieville.

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Speaker 1: Scientists in Japan just developed a new breed of onion

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Speaker 1: that you can chop up without crying.

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Speaker 2: Dude, I look like someone died every time I cook

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Speaker 2: with onions. I looks so sad.

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Speaker 1: Well, there's absolutely no hack or trick that you have

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Speaker 1: to follow. These particular onions are called smile balls.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 1: They were developed by a Japanese research team who's work

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Speaker 1: with onions actually won them a Nobel Prize in twenty thirteen.

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Speaker 2: You smile no Bell Prize.

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Speaker 1: Yes, back then we were all laughing at how hilariously

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Speaker 1: stupid it was to research why onions would make you cry.

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Speaker 1: But now this group's about to become ultra rich. Over Ito.

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Speaker 2: Wow, I wonder if you could do the opposite and

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Speaker 2: make them stronger instead of smile balls depression balls.

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Speaker 1: So the scientists were able to discover that the enzyme

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Speaker 1: that creates volatile gas reacts to natural moisture in your

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Speaker 1: eye and it forces your eyes to water and flush

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Speaker 1: out the irritants.

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Speaker 2: Alexis, did you follow that?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Enzymes are bad.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so this new breed has that enzyme completely removed.

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Speaker 2: That's why we need to call regular onions now cry

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Speaker 2: balls the balls for sure.

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Speaker 1: I like it. So the new onion tastes just like

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Speaker 1: an onion, has the same nutritional value, but doesn't ruin

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Speaker 1: your mass scara when.

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Speaker 2: You're trying to cook good.

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Speaker 1: Plus, it only costs ninety three cents, which is a

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Speaker 1: small price to pay to not be sobbing over your

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Speaker 1: cutting board.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, it's amazing, isn't science? Rachel.

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Speaker 1: Now, this guy's hoping that the next big breakthrough is

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Speaker 1: going to be shoes with d sized.

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Speaker 2: Heel enhancements, and that might make him crash. It's so beautiful.

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Speaker 1: And that sound means Laser Stories has come to an

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Speaker 1: end for the day. We'll do it again, same time

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Speaker 1: on Wednesday,