WEBVTT - Creativity + Dominant Stories w/Alex Lacamoire 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:02.960 I'm Shonda Rhymes and we're bringing Dominant Stories, created by 0:00:02.960 --> 0:00:05.960 Shawn land Audio in partnership with the Self Steam Project. 0:00:10.080 --> 0:00:12.880 I know what it's like to be so in on 0:00:13.039 --> 0:00:16.239 something that you like, listen to the albums constantly, and 0:00:16.320 --> 0:00:18.680 you read all the literature you can, and it's all 0:00:18.720 --> 0:00:22.200 you talk about, and it overtakes your your thoughts, right, 0:00:22.320 --> 0:00:27.000 it just consumes you. So when I see that happening 0:00:27.000 --> 0:00:29.600 to something that I was a part of, my God, 0:00:29.680 --> 0:00:37.160 I feel so lucky. Hey, I'm Jess Weener and this 0:00:37.240 --> 0:00:40.720 is Dominant Stories, the podcast that helps us reclaim and 0:00:40.800 --> 0:00:45.360 rewrite the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves, about our bodies, 0:00:45.479 --> 0:00:55.080 our beauty, our creativity, and our identities. Hey everybody, I'm 0:00:55.200 --> 0:00:58.640 Jess and welcome back to Dominant Stories. You've heard me 0:00:58.840 --> 0:01:02.200 talk a lot on the show about the relationship between 0:01:02.280 --> 0:01:04.760 the stories that we tell ourselves and the way that 0:01:04.840 --> 0:01:08.720 we creatively express ourselves out in the world, because I 0:01:08.760 --> 0:01:12.440 believe that when our dominant stories run our lives, when 0:01:12.440 --> 0:01:15.920 they've gone unexamined, they can actually stop us from taking 0:01:15.959 --> 0:01:19.200 creative risks that bring us closer to a life that 0:01:19.280 --> 0:01:22.360 we long for. And by the way, that could be 0:01:22.440 --> 0:01:25.200 in the arts and sports and business and education, because 0:01:25.240 --> 0:01:29.000 spoiler alert, I actually believe we all express ourselves creatively 0:01:29.000 --> 0:01:32.600 in some fashion, But how do you manage that inner 0:01:32.720 --> 0:01:35.360 narrative so that it doesn't get in the way of 0:01:35.400 --> 0:01:40.000 your genius? So on today's show, I am going to 0:01:40.040 --> 0:01:44.160 be talking to a real life musical genius who also 0:01:44.280 --> 0:01:47.720 happens to be a dear childhood friend of mine, and 0:01:47.800 --> 0:01:54.280 that is Alex Lackamore. Alex is an award winning music director, arranger, 0:01:54.360 --> 0:01:57.760 and composer. You know him best for his work on 0:01:57.840 --> 0:02:03.160 Broadways critically claimed show oh Little shows like Hamilton's Dear 0:02:03.200 --> 0:02:07.280 Evan Hansen and in the Heights. He's won three Tony's, 0:02:07.560 --> 0:02:11.600 four Grammys, and an Emmy, And most recently, Alex composed 0:02:11.639 --> 0:02:14.680 the score for Netflix Vivo and he's serving as the 0:02:14.720 --> 0:02:18.560 executive music producer on the film Tick Tick Boom. And 0:02:18.600 --> 0:02:21.840 if that wasn't already so impressive, Alex is a co 0:02:21.960 --> 0:02:26.519 founder of this incredible organization called Muse, which provides access 0:02:26.520 --> 0:02:30.880 and internships and mentorships to support historically marginalized people of 0:02:30.919 --> 0:02:35.480 color to cultivate more racial equity in theater and music departments. 0:02:36.000 --> 0:02:40.840 He also if that wasn't enough. Is a gem of 0:02:40.880 --> 0:02:44.200 a human you will soon see, with warmth and grace 0:02:44.400 --> 0:02:47.280 that is on par with his talent. We've known each 0:02:47.320 --> 0:02:51.359 other for over thirty years and I have never interviewed 0:02:51.440 --> 0:02:55.000 him professionally before. So here we go. I can't wait 0:02:55.000 --> 0:03:11.000 for you to listen. Let's dig it, Alex. Let's okay, 0:03:11.080 --> 0:03:13.520 let's talk about us, because we've known each other since 0:03:13.600 --> 0:03:17.040 I think we were twelve. Oh my god, that's probably right. Yeah, 0:03:17.080 --> 0:03:20.720 Junior High School stood Southwood Middle School. We went to 0:03:20.760 --> 0:03:24.360 the same performing arts middle school and high schools. So 0:03:24.480 --> 0:03:28.280 here's my recollection of you as baby Alex, which was 0:03:28.400 --> 0:03:33.280 like so sweet, already so ridiculously. I know you do 0:03:33.320 --> 0:03:35.680 a million of these kind of interviews around your career, 0:03:35.760 --> 0:03:37.600 but I wanted to talk a little bit about the 0:03:37.600 --> 0:03:42.320 man behind the music because for me, I remember falling 0:03:42.320 --> 0:03:44.600 in love with storytelling. I was thinking about this. It 0:03:44.640 --> 0:03:47.520 actually came when my sister and my dad and I 0:03:47.560 --> 0:03:50.680 would act out our bedtime stories. So my dad worked 0:03:50.720 --> 0:03:52.800 a lot but always made sure he was home to 0:03:53.200 --> 0:03:55.560 put us to bed, and but he would never read 0:03:55.560 --> 0:03:57.360 the stories. We would always act them out. And I 0:03:57.400 --> 0:04:00.800 can remember it like five six seven, like that was 0:04:00.840 --> 0:04:03.400 where I knew I wanted to play and tell stories. 0:04:03.480 --> 0:04:07.320 And for you, like, do you have a first memory 0:04:07.360 --> 0:04:10.000 of falling in love with music? Is that a conscious 0:04:10.040 --> 0:04:13.280 memory for you? Falling in love with music for the 0:04:13.320 --> 0:04:16.400 first time. I know about that just from stories that 0:04:16.440 --> 0:04:18.960 people have told me. And I have a cousin that 0:04:19.080 --> 0:04:21.080 told me that, like when I was too I would 0:04:21.080 --> 0:04:23.440 sit in front of the stereo speakers and just like 0:04:23.560 --> 0:04:27.560 stare into the speakers and just be transfixed by the music. 0:04:27.920 --> 0:04:31.480 And I'm told by my mom that before I even 0:04:31.560 --> 0:04:34.719 knew how to read, I knew what record I wanted 0:04:34.760 --> 0:04:37.479 to listen to because I associated a certain song to 0:04:37.640 --> 0:04:41.200 the logo of the forty five And I would say, oh, Mom, 0:04:41.240 --> 0:04:43.239 I want to hear Blue by You by Linda Ronstand 0:04:43.320 --> 0:04:45.280 or whatever, and she would grab a certain record and 0:04:45.600 --> 0:04:47.160 I would be like, no, Mom, it's not that when 0:04:47.160 --> 0:04:49.080 it's the other one, And like, how did I know? 0:04:49.160 --> 0:04:51.239 I just like knew by the color of the logo 0:04:51.760 --> 0:04:54.719 of the on the record. So I guess for whatever reason, 0:04:54.800 --> 0:04:57.119 like my love of music has always been around. And 0:04:57.279 --> 0:05:00.159 even when I had a toy piano I big we 0:05:00.360 --> 0:05:04.039 barely remember playing that thing, but that apparently is what 0:05:04.320 --> 0:05:06.960 led my parents to say, oh, wow, he has an 0:05:07.000 --> 0:05:09.479 interest in music. I mean, who knows if I was 0:05:09.520 --> 0:05:11.840 actually hitting the right notes as I played along to 0:05:11.960 --> 0:05:15.240 the radio. Maybe I was close, you know. But since then, 0:05:15.320 --> 0:05:17.080 music has just been a part of my life. It's 0:05:17.120 --> 0:05:19.520 how like I I measure things in my life. It's 0:05:19.520 --> 0:05:22.240 how I associate certain feelings certain times, it's how I 0:05:22.279 --> 0:05:26.479 remember dates. Music kind of saved me a little bit. 0:05:27.680 --> 0:05:30.680 I just felt so awkward as a kid, and you know, 0:05:30.800 --> 0:05:32.599 I had a hard time finding people around me that 0:05:32.720 --> 0:05:36.200 loved music as much as I did. And my music 0:05:36.320 --> 0:05:39.640 was kind of like this weird superpower that I didn't 0:05:39.640 --> 0:05:43.320 really get to display. And it wasn't until people realize, oh, 0:05:43.360 --> 0:05:47.640 Alex plays piano that I've started to like not become popular, 0:05:47.720 --> 0:05:50.960 but like I just had something that people could point 0:05:51.000 --> 0:05:54.159 to or relate to me on. That's why going to 0:05:54.279 --> 0:05:56.680 our performing arts junior high school, like that's where I 0:05:56.720 --> 0:05:59.280 really started to click. And like even meeting you and 0:05:59.800 --> 0:06:01.920 me all the kids in the theater department, j I 0:06:01.920 --> 0:06:05.320 can't tell you how size makershift that was in my life. 0:06:05.320 --> 0:06:08.480 To be able to meet you and to meet everyone 0:06:08.560 --> 0:06:11.360 around you that really just like it was just that 0:06:11.360 --> 0:06:15.000 that communal aspect, that family thing that theater provides, and 0:06:15.040 --> 0:06:17.599 what I saw that you all had and what I 0:06:17.640 --> 0:06:19.640 saw that you were all inviting me to be a 0:06:19.680 --> 0:06:22.599 part of, right, because like me to get invited to 0:06:22.640 --> 0:06:24.560 like the cast parties, right to me, to get to 0:06:24.640 --> 0:06:28.240 know your mom, who was so instrumental and like kind 0:06:28.240 --> 0:06:31.440 of like being the this big mother hand to all 0:06:31.560 --> 0:06:34.680 these kids. It was just this family feeling that I 0:06:34.720 --> 0:06:36.640 was just wanting so much in my social life, and 0:06:36.640 --> 0:06:38.200 that really provided it for me. So it was all 0:06:38.200 --> 0:06:41.080 through music and all through aren't. Yeah. They used to 0:06:41.120 --> 0:06:45.000 call my mom drama Mama. That's so interesting to hear 0:06:45.080 --> 0:06:48.440 you talk about that time in our life because when 0:06:48.440 --> 0:06:50.760 we're at that age and stage of life, like our 0:06:50.839 --> 0:06:54.800 dominant stories about where we fit, who we are, if 0:06:54.800 --> 0:06:57.880 we're good enough, is obviously so rampid. You know. Sarah 0:06:57.960 --> 0:06:59.600 Brellis and I were talking about this and like our 0:06:59.680 --> 0:07:02.479 very episode that like theater is the place where the 0:07:02.480 --> 0:07:05.440 misfits go, where we fit sort of like always a 0:07:05.440 --> 0:07:07.960 little bit being on the outside, and then when you 0:07:08.040 --> 0:07:10.559 play together and when you make something together, you form 0:07:10.640 --> 0:07:14.280 this family. And you were always such an incredible part 0:07:14.320 --> 0:07:18.040 of that. But take us back to like that mindset 0:07:18.200 --> 0:07:21.880 for you as a young kid, about like the dominant narratives, 0:07:21.880 --> 0:07:24.000 because you were saying you felt awkward or you felt 0:07:24.000 --> 0:07:26.840 like do you remember the stories you would tell yourself 0:07:26.880 --> 0:07:29.240 about yourself at that age? Did you have kind of 0:07:29.280 --> 0:07:32.040 a negative narrative running through your head? The first one 0:07:32.040 --> 0:07:34.040 that comes to mind is like, oh my god, girls 0:07:34.080 --> 0:07:36.520 don't like me. Like that was a big thing for me. 0:07:36.640 --> 0:07:40.400 Like I definitely was in love with girls in third 0:07:40.400 --> 0:07:42.400 grade and like, oh my gosh, she's never gonna notice 0:07:42.400 --> 0:07:44.640 me and all that. That was a very big dominant 0:07:44.680 --> 0:07:47.120 store for me. And the other thing for me was like, oh, wow, 0:07:47.120 --> 0:07:49.720 I'm not popular enough. I'm not cool enough, you know, 0:07:49.800 --> 0:07:53.440 because you would see TV shows and movies like, Oh, 0:07:53.480 --> 0:07:55.680 there's this group of people and they're well known and 0:07:55.680 --> 0:07:58.080 they were liked and they get you know, watching all 0:07:58.080 --> 0:08:01.080 those John Hughes movies and like, wow, what is it 0:08:01.120 --> 0:08:02.920 like to be at a crazy party like that? Like 0:08:02.960 --> 0:08:05.920 I had no idea, and I wanted that so much. 0:08:06.400 --> 0:08:10.720 There was definitely a thing that I wanted so much 0:08:10.720 --> 0:08:12.360 to be a part of that I just didn't feel 0:08:12.400 --> 0:08:15.760 like I could be a part of. And like I said, 0:08:15.800 --> 0:08:20.160 it wasn't until this music thing, until people saw, oh wow, 0:08:20.200 --> 0:08:23.239 Alex can do something like I have this vivid memory 0:08:23.280 --> 0:08:25.640 of being at the cast party for what was probably 0:08:25.680 --> 0:08:28.920 Oliver or you know, a Finian's Rainbow. I don't know, 0:08:29.000 --> 0:08:32.640 but my memory is is at someone's house and it's 0:08:32.640 --> 0:08:36.720 probably eleven o'clock at night, and I'm probably I'm gonna 0:08:36.760 --> 0:08:40.160 stay thirteen years old, and I'm at the piano and 0:08:40.200 --> 0:08:43.600 I cannot see anything around me except for people all 0:08:43.640 --> 0:08:46.520 surrounding me around the piano singing the hits of the 0:08:46.640 --> 0:08:49.080 day that I'm playing. And people are singing, and like, 0:08:49.080 --> 0:08:51.280 oh my god, people are singing because I'm playing, Like 0:08:51.320 --> 0:08:52.959 if I stopped playing, they want sings. So all of 0:08:53.000 --> 0:08:55.800 a sudden there's this like there's this relationship as being 0:08:55.800 --> 0:08:58.520 formed and like I'm making and it is magic in 0:08:58.520 --> 0:09:00.880 a way, right because like play these notes and they 0:09:00.920 --> 0:09:03.120 go into the air and people feel inspired to sing. 0:09:03.120 --> 0:09:06.880 But like once I felt that ability to like make 0:09:06.880 --> 0:09:09.280 a shift in something and do it through my music, 0:09:09.280 --> 0:09:12.120 which I loved anyway, it just was so easy. I 0:09:12.160 --> 0:09:14.840 just bought that home. I think one of those cast 0:09:14.880 --> 0:09:16.800 parties at least was at my house, because I do 0:09:16.880 --> 0:09:20.199 have those memories and probably some like pictures that I'll 0:09:20.240 --> 0:09:23.680 have to dig out somewhere of us. The hair was 0:09:23.760 --> 0:09:26.800 like the memorable moment for me, and like the higher 0:09:26.840 --> 0:09:30.800 the hair, the closer to God. Um. You know, I 0:09:30.800 --> 0:09:33.560 don't think I ever noticed or knew that you were 0:09:33.840 --> 0:09:36.560 hearing aids in did you wear them when we're Yeah, 0:09:36.559 --> 0:09:41.800 I never ever noticed? Yeah, seriously, you know, yeah, I 0:09:41.840 --> 0:09:43.800 was like, I mean, I I know about your hearing loss, 0:09:43.800 --> 0:09:47.400 but I don't think I ever like remember that being 0:09:47.440 --> 0:09:51.200 a part of how I thought about you or even like, yeah, 0:09:51.200 --> 0:09:53.480 it was not conscious for me, but obviously was. I 0:09:53.520 --> 0:09:55.520 know it was conscious for you because you've talked about 0:09:55.559 --> 0:09:57.440 like what that was like for you, and I wanted 0:09:57.480 --> 0:09:59.320 to take a little bit of a moment to have 0:09:59.520 --> 0:10:02.560 you speak more about that. When did you start wearing them? 0:10:02.640 --> 0:10:05.120 Like what did mom or dad notice first? Like I'm 0:10:05.120 --> 0:10:07.319 curious because I don't know that part of your story 0:10:07.360 --> 0:10:10.360 as well. Yeah, well, you know, it's interesting. I think 0:10:10.440 --> 0:10:14.360 I might know why maybe you don't relate hearing aids 0:10:14.400 --> 0:10:16.720 with me, And that's problem because at some point in 0:10:16.760 --> 0:10:18.760 junior high I did stop wearing them because I was 0:10:18.760 --> 0:10:22.160 self conscious about them. Interesting, So to answer your question. 0:10:22.160 --> 0:10:25.160 I think my mom first noticed when I was around 0:10:25.200 --> 0:10:27.160 four that she would call me from the other room 0:10:27.200 --> 0:10:29.920 and I wouldn't hear her, or she would notice how 0:10:29.960 --> 0:10:32.480 close I was sitting to the TV set and I 0:10:32.480 --> 0:10:34.080 would say, Oh, it's because I can't hear if i'm 0:10:34.120 --> 0:10:36.679 I'm far away. And I was around that time they 0:10:36.760 --> 0:10:39.040 I got tested from my hearing and I got fitted 0:10:39.080 --> 0:10:41.240 for hearing aids. And back then, this is like what 0:10:41.360 --> 0:10:44.960 nineteen eighty or so, they were big. Yeah, the technology 0:10:44.960 --> 0:10:46.520 at the time when they would fit behind the ear 0:10:47.040 --> 0:10:50.120 and you would just see this this apparatus just hanging 0:10:50.160 --> 0:10:52.680 at the top of your your ear lobe. And I 0:10:52.760 --> 0:10:55.559 think I wore them all throughout until I got the 0:10:55.640 --> 0:10:59.120 junior high and then somewhere along the line because they're 0:10:59.120 --> 0:11:02.360 not covered by my family couldn't afford a pair, so 0:11:02.480 --> 0:11:05.920 I only rocked one hearing aid because when one was 0:11:05.960 --> 0:11:09.640 better than none. And then I just distinctly remember that 0:11:09.760 --> 0:11:13.360 certain age where it's puberty and its subconsciousness, and enough 0:11:13.400 --> 0:11:15.719 people were asking me, Hey, what's that thing behind your 0:11:15.760 --> 0:11:18.800 ear that I didn't want them to ask anymore, so 0:11:18.920 --> 0:11:20.880 I just stopped wearing them all together. I just didn't 0:11:21.200 --> 0:11:23.080 that to me was another way to not fit in. 0:11:23.120 --> 0:11:25.120 Another way to not be cool is to where you're 0:11:25.160 --> 0:11:29.040 hearing it. And as a result, I missed so much 0:11:29.120 --> 0:11:31.720 just I mean, like my thing was okay. I always 0:11:31.760 --> 0:11:33.360 had to sit at the front of the class in 0:11:33.480 --> 0:11:36.480 order to hear the teacher. Friends jokes would happen, and 0:11:36.480 --> 0:11:38.280 I would be like, what they say, what they say. 0:11:39.000 --> 0:11:42.880 I still remember being in high school and my girlfriend 0:11:42.920 --> 0:11:45.080 at the time, they had a big viewing party at 0:11:45.120 --> 0:11:46.920 her house to watch Silence of the Lambs because it 0:11:46.960 --> 0:11:49.040 was like the hot movie at the time, and it 0:11:49.080 --> 0:11:51.720 was like twenty people in a dark room and that 0:11:51.840 --> 0:11:54.040 TV had to be so soft because her mom was 0:11:54.080 --> 0:11:56.360 asleep in the other room. But she was cool with 0:11:56.440 --> 0:11:58.880 us being there watching and I missed the entire movie. 0:11:58.960 --> 0:12:03.080 I couldn't hear of sucking thing because I couldn't in 0:12:03.120 --> 0:12:04.720 a big public room being like what they say what 0:12:04.800 --> 0:12:07.480 they say? Like after the third time, it's like, Alex stop. 0:12:07.559 --> 0:12:09.600 And that's what started to happen for me. The ship 0:12:09.760 --> 0:12:12.840 was somewhere along the line. I started to just sense 0:12:12.840 --> 0:12:15.720 people getting aggravated about me asking them all the time 0:12:15.880 --> 0:12:18.600 because you know, they say, hey, this guy's what the 0:12:18.640 --> 0:12:22.000 guy's blew what this guy is blewe Alex. When that 0:12:22.040 --> 0:12:25.480 happens enough times, you start to cower a little. You 0:12:25.520 --> 0:12:27.760 start to sometimes just not ask and just let things 0:12:27.800 --> 0:12:30.800 go by and act as if you you understood. You know, 0:12:30.880 --> 0:12:33.080 it became the things like oh, Alex, he doesn't understand. 0:12:33.120 --> 0:12:35.240 They just laugh off the fact that Alex didn't catch 0:12:35.320 --> 0:12:37.720 the joke. And I think once I got the college 0:12:37.720 --> 0:12:41.840 and enough new people, by that point, the technology of 0:12:41.880 --> 0:12:45.040 hearing aids had changed and they fit inside the ear 0:12:45.280 --> 0:12:48.360 and people don't necessarily notice them. So I've known people 0:12:48.360 --> 0:12:51.720 for years who have been around me as I'm wearing 0:12:51.760 --> 0:12:53.719 hearing aids, and they don't notice that they wear them, 0:12:54.080 --> 0:12:56.000 which is so odd to me, because if someone else 0:12:56.080 --> 0:12:58.160 is wearing hearing aids, that's the first thing I noticed 0:12:58.200 --> 0:13:00.960 that they have hearing as. Of course, I want to 0:13:00.960 --> 0:13:03.160 play this clip that you did for our hometown, an 0:13:03.200 --> 0:13:05.400 interview that you did for our hometown paper, the Miami Harold, 0:13:05.679 --> 0:13:10.440 where you talk about how that hearing loss transformed the 0:13:10.440 --> 0:13:15.079 way you connected to music. Okay, my hearing loss probably 0:13:15.280 --> 0:13:18.440 makes me listen a little harder, makes me listen a 0:13:18.480 --> 0:13:21.320 little more closely to music. And I also feel like 0:13:21.600 --> 0:13:24.600 the fact that I don't hear, like you know, it's 0:13:24.600 --> 0:13:27.679 hard for me to hear someone when they're talking very 0:13:27.679 --> 0:13:30.000 far away. So because of that, it allows me to 0:13:30.040 --> 0:13:31.920 kind of live in my own bubble. So I think 0:13:31.960 --> 0:13:34.440 that actually developed a lot of focus for me, because 0:13:34.440 --> 0:13:37.240 I can really focus in and zero in on music 0:13:37.280 --> 0:13:39.079 and just tune out the world and tune out everything 0:13:39.120 --> 0:13:41.480 around me. Maybe because of the fact that I have 0:13:41.559 --> 0:13:44.520 to work to listen, work to hear, makes me kind 0:13:44.559 --> 0:13:48.240 of get into finer details of music that by now 0:13:48.280 --> 0:13:51.520 they're just very second nature to me. But I often wonder, like, 0:13:51.720 --> 0:13:55.200 is you know, my handicap actually an asset? What do 0:13:55.200 --> 0:13:57.720 you think little Alex would hear about hearing you say 0:13:57.760 --> 0:14:01.240 that now you know it's I wonder what little Alex 0:14:01.280 --> 0:14:03.680 would think, because I don't know that I ever thought 0:14:03.720 --> 0:14:05.560 to myself, oh, my hearing is going to get in 0:14:05.600 --> 0:14:07.839 the way of the enjoying music. And that's where I 0:14:07.840 --> 0:14:10.640 feel like I'm lucky that it was never a detriment, 0:14:11.200 --> 0:14:13.600 Like it was just very apparent that like my hearing 0:14:13.679 --> 0:14:16.800 loss was not getting in the way of me playing 0:14:17.000 --> 0:14:20.400 music and having it feel like my language and having 0:14:20.400 --> 0:14:23.360 it feel like something that I felt drawn to or 0:14:23.560 --> 0:14:26.560 felt that I was good at as kids were all 0:14:26.560 --> 0:14:28.560 taught that Beethoven was deaf at a certain point in 0:14:28.600 --> 0:14:30.800 his life. So maybe somewhere in my mind, I'm like, 0:14:30.840 --> 0:14:34.080 oh there, yeah, it was so maybe that sea was planted. 0:14:34.880 --> 0:14:37.040 I bring this forward too, because I think for those 0:14:37.040 --> 0:14:40.520 people who are listening who might have their own stories 0:14:40.560 --> 0:14:43.440 about abilities or that they have or they don't have, 0:14:43.560 --> 0:14:46.680 or they wish they had keep them from creating and 0:14:46.720 --> 0:14:49.680 going after what they really want to do and be 0:14:49.760 --> 0:14:53.280 in the world. I agree. I agree, and I'm fortunate 0:14:53.320 --> 0:14:55.080 that I had a lot of support around me. Right, 0:14:55.120 --> 0:14:57.720 I had parents that believed in what I did. You know, 0:14:57.760 --> 0:15:00.920 I had Rick Adams are are directing teach Yeah, he 0:15:00.960 --> 0:15:03.320 was the director of our program. Yeah, in the director 0:15:03.360 --> 0:15:05.800 of the program. So those are people who were like, hey, 0:15:05.840 --> 0:15:08.120 Alex can do this, like hey, here's something that he's 0:15:08.120 --> 0:15:09.520 going to and would lift me up in that way. 0:15:09.560 --> 0:15:11.880 It was that support that helped me, you know, just 0:15:12.000 --> 0:15:14.560 those people who can kind of like recognize something and 0:15:15.160 --> 0:15:21.360 zero in on that, and that's what built me up. Alright, alright, 0:15:21.400 --> 0:15:23.400 I called time out for a second. Let's take a 0:15:23.480 --> 0:15:40.640 short break to hear these messages, all right, now, back 0:15:40.720 --> 0:15:51.880 to our conduct, I want to talk about kind of 0:15:51.920 --> 0:15:54.240 this journey. So you went to Berkeley College of Music, 0:15:54.400 --> 0:15:56.960 and now at this point you said there was always 0:15:56.960 --> 0:15:59.120 this moment in your life where you're like, Okay, I'm 0:15:59.160 --> 0:16:01.760 going to be doing music forever when you thought about 0:16:01.800 --> 0:16:04.560 going into the industry, because I think that's what those 0:16:04.560 --> 0:16:07.160 colleges also begin to prep you for, right, is thinking 0:16:07.200 --> 0:16:12.240 about like life afterwards. Were you already aware or thinking 0:16:12.280 --> 0:16:16.840 about how the industry has gatekeepers for whose stories get 0:16:16.880 --> 0:16:21.840 told and don't get told? You know, I think there's 0:16:21.840 --> 0:16:25.680 definitely something about when you're young and when you're learning 0:16:25.720 --> 0:16:28.240 that there's a world that can see him a little 0:16:28.320 --> 0:16:32.000 impenetrable in a certain way. And you mentioned taking trips 0:16:32.080 --> 0:16:33.680 up to New York to see Broadway. I don't know 0:16:33.680 --> 0:16:35.520 about you, but you know, as a kid in Miami, 0:16:35.560 --> 0:16:39.280 Broadway felt so far away, it felt almost impossible, much 0:16:39.320 --> 0:16:42.120 in the same way where you know, even being at school. 0:16:42.720 --> 0:16:45.160 Let's say, for example, a clinic would be held and 0:16:45.280 --> 0:16:49.160 you'd see Will Calhoun, the drummer from Living Color to 0:16:49.280 --> 0:16:51.880 a clinic, and I would see what he's doing, like, 0:16:51.920 --> 0:16:53.600 oh my god, that guy's in a rock band and 0:16:53.640 --> 0:16:56.120 he's touring the world. Oh my god, Like that felt 0:16:56.120 --> 0:16:58.240 like something I would want to do and yet felt 0:16:58.280 --> 0:17:03.320 really impossible. And then, through life happening, through opportunities, happening, 0:17:03.400 --> 0:17:07.560 through fate, through chance, whatever it is, you kind of 0:17:07.560 --> 0:17:10.600 get to these rooms and to get to these situations, 0:17:10.640 --> 0:17:12.880 and you feel as though you don't belong, and yet 0:17:12.880 --> 0:17:15.240 all of a sudden you realize, oh wait, I totally belong, 0:17:15.359 --> 0:17:18.040 Like I totally know what I'm doing. Oh, these are 0:17:18.240 --> 0:17:21.000 human beings just like us. These are people just like us. 0:17:21.040 --> 0:17:23.560 They've got their issues just like us, right, I think 0:17:23.560 --> 0:17:25.760 got their hang ups just like us. I know I've 0:17:25.800 --> 0:17:28.440 been in situations where I've said, hey, I don't think 0:17:28.440 --> 0:17:31.440 I can do this, and there's someone just above you. 0:17:31.440 --> 0:17:34.320 He's like, oh no, no, no, you totally can. I'm like, okay, 0:17:34.359 --> 0:17:36.359 if they think I can do it, then I can't 0:17:36.359 --> 0:17:39.560 do it. And it's just that little help from someone, 0:17:39.640 --> 0:17:42.240 or that little suggestion or that little opportunity to let 0:17:42.280 --> 0:17:46.359 you know, oh, this world is normal. It is not 0:17:46.520 --> 0:17:48.239 that much different from what it is that you are 0:17:48.280 --> 0:17:51.840 already doing. So I don't know that I felt like 0:17:51.880 --> 0:17:54.240 that they were like gatekeepers who like decide, oh you 0:17:54.320 --> 0:17:56.560 get in you don't da da da, But I know 0:17:56.640 --> 0:18:01.359 that they definitely felt like there was another spear that like, 0:18:01.400 --> 0:18:03.399 oh my god, that thing is rotating over there, Like 0:18:03.440 --> 0:18:06.080 how do I get there? Can I get there? Do 0:18:06.119 --> 0:18:09.560 I belong there? Am I worthy of it? I'm curious 0:18:09.560 --> 0:18:12.920 about the moment when you tackle multiple projects at one time, 0:18:13.520 --> 0:18:15.399 if you do that, or when you were building in 0:18:15.400 --> 0:18:17.879 your career, if you were taking on lots of projects, 0:18:18.240 --> 0:18:21.280 do you get scared when you're taking on multiple things? 0:18:21.359 --> 0:18:22.840 Do you ever doubt if you can do it? Do 0:18:22.920 --> 0:18:25.320 those dominant voices kind of come back in and are like, 0:18:25.800 --> 0:18:28.159 oh boy, you took on too much, or you're not 0:18:28.200 --> 0:18:30.080 going to get this done. Like I'm curious what that 0:18:30.160 --> 0:18:34.440 dialogue sounds like. Yes to all of it. Um, It's 0:18:34.480 --> 0:18:37.480 always been this way for me. I was always trying 0:18:37.480 --> 0:18:40.679 to like balance a million things at once and have 0:18:40.880 --> 0:18:43.080 music be a part of it. So I guess if 0:18:43.080 --> 0:18:45.199 I think back there, even being in junior high and 0:18:45.440 --> 0:18:49.080 like trying to deal with like the eight classes of 0:18:49.200 --> 0:18:51.959 like the of the math and the science and the history, 0:18:52.200 --> 0:18:56.000 and with the three extra classes of choir and theory 0:18:56.119 --> 0:18:59.560 and piano, and after that having to do the homework 0:19:00.040 --> 0:19:03.639 and doing the rehearsal for their community theater production of 0:19:03.640 --> 0:19:06.359 Pipping down the Street and at the same time practicing 0:19:06.359 --> 0:19:08.760 your classical piano so that you could play a solo 0:19:08.920 --> 0:19:12.680 piano concert in Meridith City in Mexico at the age 0:19:12.680 --> 0:19:16.200 of thirteen, which I did. I was doing all that stuff, 0:19:16.800 --> 0:19:19.560 same thing with high school, and I do have memories 0:19:19.600 --> 0:19:22.680 of my mom being like, you aren't taken on too much, 0:19:23.160 --> 0:19:25.600 and me just like finding a way to push through it, 0:19:26.400 --> 0:19:29.000 and things kind of felt by the wayside, Like there 0:19:29.000 --> 0:19:31.560 are certain books for English class that I didn't read, 0:19:31.680 --> 0:19:34.320 you know, there's certain tests that I could have done 0:19:34.359 --> 0:19:38.040 better at. But in the music world, like that's where 0:19:38.040 --> 0:19:41.320 I got the straight days. So there are times, yes 0:19:41.359 --> 0:19:43.679 in my life where I feel like I'm biting off 0:19:43.680 --> 0:19:45.439 a little bit more than I can choose, because what 0:19:45.640 --> 0:19:49.400 is sacrificed then is my sleep, my relaxed time, my 0:19:49.480 --> 0:19:52.320 time with my wife, my time with my family, all 0:19:52.400 --> 0:19:56.560 that it goes away. I'm learning now I'm forty six now, 0:19:56.680 --> 0:20:00.560 like I just starting to notice my out I can't 0:20:00.720 --> 0:20:03.200 do this stuff now that I used to be able 0:20:03.240 --> 0:20:07.360 to do my twenties, the all nighters and the degree 0:20:07.400 --> 0:20:10.440 of stuff like it's now starting to feel too much, 0:20:10.480 --> 0:20:12.159 to the point that even I'm saying, Yo, this is 0:20:12.200 --> 0:20:15.080 too much. And this past couple of years, particularly for me, 0:20:15.200 --> 0:20:17.959 was a pretty stressful and difficult one in terms of 0:20:18.000 --> 0:20:20.400 like things being on top of each other. But what's 0:20:20.440 --> 0:20:22.920 difficult is that there are all things I wanted to do. 0:20:23.119 --> 0:20:25.320 They are all things that felt important to me, and 0:20:25.359 --> 0:20:27.680 there were things that I would have regretted not being 0:20:27.680 --> 0:20:29.960 a part of and things that I felt like I 0:20:30.160 --> 0:20:33.240 learned something from along the way. I guess the price 0:20:33.280 --> 0:20:36.120 I paid is some extra stress and you know, some 0:20:36.560 --> 0:20:39.560 bags under my eyes. But I now I'm going to 0:20:39.600 --> 0:20:41.520 be just more careful about what it is that I 0:20:41.560 --> 0:20:45.040 do say yes too, because I am feeling the want, 0:20:45.119 --> 0:20:48.440 the desire to slow down. I want to travel. There's 0:20:48.480 --> 0:20:51.600 like countries I haven't been to write, There's experiences I 0:20:51.640 --> 0:20:54.480