1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:02,120 Speaker 1: Bug it up, hold on tight, we got it for you. 2 00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:04,800 Speaker 1: Here it is the strong every letter, Thank you, nephew. 3 00:00:04,920 --> 00:00:08,840 Speaker 1: Subjects do I choose my man or my friends? Here 4 00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:12,280 Speaker 1: Stephen Shirley, I am a young, healthy, and wise beyond 5 00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:16,240 Speaker 1: my years, single woman that is a leader to my peers. 6 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:19,720 Speaker 1: At my young age, I have found the most handsome 7 00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:24,919 Speaker 1: and amazing man of my dreams. He is respectful, has 8 00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:28,800 Speaker 1: a great job, a beautiful home, and he treats me 9 00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:32,919 Speaker 1: like a queen. But here is the problem. Well, it's 10 00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:35,199 Speaker 1: not a problem for us. It's more a problem for 11 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:38,680 Speaker 1: our friends and family. I am twenty two years old 12 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:43,639 Speaker 1: and he is forty two years old. Now I know 13 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:46,879 Speaker 1: you are also shocked by our age difference, but I 14 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:50,880 Speaker 1: love him and believe age has nothing to do with it. 15 00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:54,200 Speaker 1: When I introduced him to my friends, they all judged 16 00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:57,440 Speaker 1: him immediately because of his age. You can tell that 17 00:00:57,560 --> 00:01:01,200 Speaker 1: he is a bit older. They that he's using me 18 00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:03,960 Speaker 1: and it won't last because he is just going through 19 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:06,800 Speaker 1: a phase. They didn't even want to get to know 20 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:11,000 Speaker 1: him and experience his great personality. My family is not 21 00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:14,399 Speaker 1: happy with me dating him either. We've been together for 22 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:17,440 Speaker 1: a year and he says we're soul mates, and he 23 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:20,920 Speaker 1: wants to marry me. I know if I marry him, 24 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:24,360 Speaker 1: I would be choosing him over my friends. I know 25 00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:27,560 Speaker 1: my family will love me regardless, but now I am 26 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:30,919 Speaker 1: having doubts about marrying him because I want it all 27 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:34,520 Speaker 1: my friends and my husband. What do you think is 28 00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:39,000 Speaker 1: age that important? I need your advice? Well, you know, 29 00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:41,640 Speaker 1: I gotta tell you this. First off, it's your life. 30 00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:44,560 Speaker 1: You can't get married and you can't live for and 31 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:47,680 Speaker 1: have a relationship for your friends. This is your life 32 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:50,919 Speaker 1: and your relationship. I mean, if they're really your friends, 33 00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:53,840 Speaker 1: that they're truly your friends, even though they may not 34 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:57,560 Speaker 1: agree with who you're with. But if they're your friends, 35 00:01:57,560 --> 00:01:59,800 Speaker 1: they're going to support you and be there for you 36 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:03,200 Speaker 1: if anything goes wrong or whatever you need, they'll be 37 00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:05,960 Speaker 1: there for you if they're your friends. But I definitely 38 00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:09,560 Speaker 1: don't want to ignore this enormous elephant in this letter, 39 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:12,320 Speaker 1: and that's that you were twenty two and he is 40 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:16,639 Speaker 1: forty two. I mean, this is a huge age difference. 41 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,600 Speaker 1: I mean, you know, I'm not saying a marriage can't work. 42 00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:21,760 Speaker 1: I'm sure there are some out there that have with 43 00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:26,200 Speaker 1: a twenty year age span, but it's definitely a chance 44 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:29,400 Speaker 1: you're taking. It's a chance it could work, who knows, 45 00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:32,280 Speaker 1: But you have to have things in common. You say, 46 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:35,280 Speaker 1: you guys have been together for a year. You say, 47 00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:39,080 Speaker 1: he says your soulmates, and he wants to marry you. 48 00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:42,160 Speaker 1: But now you're having doubts because you want your friends 49 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:46,359 Speaker 1: and you want him. I mean, this is why your 50 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:49,320 Speaker 1: friends are and your family are a little upset, and 51 00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:53,280 Speaker 1: they're so judgmental because of the big age difference. You know, 52 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:57,399 Speaker 1: they probably see things that you don't see. They say 53 00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:00,040 Speaker 1: he's using you? Is he using you? Or are you 54 00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:04,639 Speaker 1: too love to see that? You know? I just say, 55 00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:07,480 Speaker 1: don't be so much worried about whether your friends are 56 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:11,360 Speaker 1: gonna still be around or not, you know, and having 57 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:14,320 Speaker 1: to choose between them and your man. You're gonna choose 58 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,639 Speaker 1: your man in this instance. I mean, you really are 59 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:18,600 Speaker 1: going to choose your man because you love him, and 60 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:21,639 Speaker 1: he's older, and he'll probably be able to persuade you 61 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:26,400 Speaker 1: to choose him. So you know, keep your friends, don't 62 00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:28,600 Speaker 1: get rid of your friends. You gotta keep your friends 63 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:31,519 Speaker 1: because you're going to need them in case anything goes 64 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:34,000 Speaker 1: wrong in this relationship. I'm not saying it is, but 65 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:39,400 Speaker 1: it could steve because of the age difference. Well, here's 66 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:43,920 Speaker 1: my view on this. You say you found the most 67 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:48,520 Speaker 1: handsome and amazing man of my dreams. You say he's respectful, 68 00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:52,600 Speaker 1: has a great job, he has a beautiful home, and 69 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:56,240 Speaker 1: you say he treats you like a queen. Now right there, 70 00:03:56,280 --> 00:04:00,560 Speaker 1: describing that you found the guy that more women are 71 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:06,040 Speaker 1: looking for. But then you said not nobody else. You 72 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:11,800 Speaker 1: said here's the problem. But then you try to preface 73 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:14,640 Speaker 1: it by saying, well, it's not a problem for us, 74 00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:19,000 Speaker 1: it's more of a problem for our friends and family. 75 00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:23,600 Speaker 1: Wait a minute, so I didn't hear nothing about problems 76 00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:26,240 Speaker 1: with your friends. I just heard in the latter problem 77 00:04:26,279 --> 00:04:30,720 Speaker 1: with your friends. Are you saying his friends have problems 78 00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:36,159 Speaker 1: with it too, it's more of your friend situation or 79 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:38,280 Speaker 1: is it you all friends? Because you said it's more 80 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:41,400 Speaker 1: of a problem for our friends and family. Now you're 81 00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:44,000 Speaker 1: twenty two, he forty two. That's a twenty year gap. 82 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:49,000 Speaker 1: Now then you say, now, I see this is a 83 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:53,000 Speaker 1: lot of you assuming, because then you say, I know 84 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:58,120 Speaker 1: you are also shocked by our age difference. We didn't 85 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:02,599 Speaker 1: say that. Sherley didn't say she was shocked by We're 86 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:07,279 Speaker 1: just reading the letter, But you keep prefacing everything with 87 00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:11,600 Speaker 1: it's a problem. Well, it's really not a problem for us. 88 00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:15,040 Speaker 1: Then you say you're shocked by age difference. See this 89 00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:18,920 Speaker 1: is a problem for you, young lady. But I love 90 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:21,440 Speaker 1: him and I believe age has nothing to do with it. 91 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:26,800 Speaker 1: But then when you introduced him to your friends, they 92 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:31,279 Speaker 1: judge him immediately because of his age. Then you said 93 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:35,000 Speaker 1: you can tell that he's a bit older. Well, now 94 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:38,520 Speaker 1: what does that mean. What did he do in front 95 00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:42,200 Speaker 1: of your kid ass friend that just made his ass 96 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:46,240 Speaker 1: look old? Was his pants pulled up right up on 97 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:51,080 Speaker 1: his chair? Come on, I'm just saying because you said 98 00:05:51,839 --> 00:05:57,240 Speaker 1: you can tell he's a bit old. Does he have 99 00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:03,840 Speaker 1: a cigarette behind his ear when he talking? Does he 100 00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:06,200 Speaker 1: have a pack of cus roll up in the sleeve 101 00:06:06,279 --> 00:06:11,960 Speaker 1: of his white T shirt? Does he have on sandals 102 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:15,800 Speaker 1: with black socks? Do I choose my man or my friends? 103 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:22,039 Speaker 1: Let's recap. Well, this is twenty age twenty year age 104 00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:24,200 Speaker 1: difference between twenty two year old girl and it's forty 105 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:29,839 Speaker 1: two year old man, and he's everything she's ever wanted. 106 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:33,159 Speaker 1: But here's the problem, she said, But here's the problem. 107 00:06:33,279 --> 00:06:36,640 Speaker 1: Then she she said, well, it's not a problem for us. 108 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:40,800 Speaker 1: Then she said, it's more of a problem for our 109 00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:43,719 Speaker 1: friends and family. Now in the letter, she never mentioned 110 00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:47,080 Speaker 1: anything about his friends and family, just her friends and family. 111 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:50,600 Speaker 1: So then she said she knowed me and Shirley shocked 112 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:53,440 Speaker 1: by your age difference. But I love him. I believe 113 00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:55,520 Speaker 1: ain't nothing they've gotten doing it. When I introduced to 114 00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:58,839 Speaker 1: my friend, they judge him immediately because of his age. 115 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:03,880 Speaker 1: You can hell, he is a bit old. Come on, 116 00:07:04,839 --> 00:07:11,040 Speaker 1: what when he walked up to your feet? Did he 117 00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:15,880 Speaker 1: have on a cane? Go? I'm just I'm just trying. 118 00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:19,520 Speaker 1: You know, when you when you say you can tell 119 00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:26,080 Speaker 1: he's a bit older. When y'all pulled up in the car, 120 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:33,680 Speaker 1: was the tent on his window bubbling? Really? I'm just 121 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:38,640 Speaker 1: telling these old school problems. Now, we just talked about 122 00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:41,040 Speaker 1: the car right now. Was it pillars in the back 123 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:46,560 Speaker 1: of the window of the car pillar? I'm just asking. 124 00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:52,360 Speaker 1: In twenty nineteen, I'm just asking just what was it 125 00:07:52,760 --> 00:08:00,960 Speaker 1: about him that screamed old? Let me ask you this 126 00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:11,760 Speaker 1: right here? Did he have on Jordan Jeans jordash? I 127 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:17,680 Speaker 1: thought Jordan had made him Michael Jordan. Yeah, I thought 128 00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:23,040 Speaker 1: he would went French and was calling him Georgadh, So 129 00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:27,280 Speaker 1: I don't know what it is. Then your friends told 130 00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:31,360 Speaker 1: you that he's using me and it won't last because 131 00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:35,280 Speaker 1: he's going through a friend phase. Well, let's talk about 132 00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:38,280 Speaker 1: this phase that he could be going through and why 133 00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:42,200 Speaker 1: I won't last. Here's the problem I see that you're 134 00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:45,319 Speaker 1: gonna have. And then let me throw this in. They 135 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:48,000 Speaker 1: don't even want to get to know him and experience 136 00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:51,880 Speaker 1: his great personality. And you say your family ain't happy 137 00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:54,800 Speaker 1: with me dating him either. Now y'all been together for 138 00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:57,200 Speaker 1: a year and he says with soul mates and he 139 00:08:57,240 --> 00:09:00,000 Speaker 1: wants to marry me. I know if I marry him, 140 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:03,000 Speaker 1: I could be choosing him over my friends. And I 141 00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:06,280 Speaker 1: know my family will love me regardless. But now let 142 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:10,160 Speaker 1: me just say this, let me finish this letter. I 143 00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:12,079 Speaker 1: know my family will love me godless, but now I'm 144 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:14,920 Speaker 1: having doubts about marrying him because I want it all 145 00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:18,320 Speaker 1: my friends and my husband. What do you think is 146 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:21,360 Speaker 1: age that important? I need your advice? Well, let me 147 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:24,680 Speaker 1: just say this to you. Let's say, y'all, dude, get 148 00:09:24,679 --> 00:09:28,160 Speaker 1: married and you are happy. In ten years, he gonna 149 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:31,839 Speaker 1: be fifty two and you're gonna be thirty two. You're 150 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:36,960 Speaker 1: gonna be still scaling up. He's scaling down because he's 151 00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:42,840 Speaker 1: crossed the sentry mark. So as you get better as 152 00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:46,160 Speaker 1: a woman, though you're thirty two, you're not even as 153 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:50,280 Speaker 1: fine as you're going to be. You got some more 154 00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:55,760 Speaker 1: years where you're gonna get real fine. All his fine 155 00:09:55,880 --> 00:10:02,160 Speaker 1: days about damn Neil behind what all his fine days 156 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:06,160 Speaker 1: is about Damn Neil the hand? Now you think he 157 00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:14,680 Speaker 1: looks a bit older, now you'll just wait until his 158 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:19,200 Speaker 1: ass and when you see already and he don't have 159 00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:25,640 Speaker 1: no music downloading, that's already. He still got that little 160 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:29,720 Speaker 1: vinyl case in the back that you snap and it's CDs. 161 00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:35,000 Speaker 1: Oh wow. So let's just start there. Man. Now here's 162 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:39,160 Speaker 1: your problem. You're gonna reach your point in this relationship 163 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:44,000 Speaker 1: where the difference is going to be very noticeable, and 164 00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:46,400 Speaker 1: it's gonna be things you're gonna want in life and 165 00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:51,199 Speaker 1: things he's gonna want in life. At thirty two, you'll 166 00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:54,840 Speaker 1: be wanting to take exciting vacations. At fifty two, he 167 00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:57,400 Speaker 1: can't too. I know, I'm sixty two and I like 168 00:10:57,480 --> 00:11:00,560 Speaker 1: great vacations, but that's all. But when I get on 169 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:02,960 Speaker 1: my great vacation, okay, what I want to do. I 170 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:07,679 Speaker 1: want to send my great vacation having ass down. Yeah nothing, Now, 171 00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:12,360 Speaker 1: I don't do events, go out and explore the country, 172 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:18,240 Speaker 1: climbing cliffs. And if you have a child, it's a 173 00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:22,800 Speaker 1: twenty year gal. You know, twenty ain't all that bad. 174 00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:26,440 Speaker 1: But you know when he ten, granddaddy gonna be coming 175 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:30,040 Speaker 1: up to the school. That's what the other kids is 176 00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:38,679 Speaker 1: gonna thank you, But it's his damn daddy. Now, your friends, 177 00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:42,280 Speaker 1: it's sad that you have to choose, because how your 178 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:46,200 Speaker 1: friends making you choose like this. I got some news 179 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:50,480 Speaker 1: for you that ain't your real friends. Because your friends 180 00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:54,160 Speaker 1: will not make you choose between them or him. Those 181 00:11:54,200 --> 00:12:00,320 Speaker 1: are not friends. It's just not so. I'm sorry, but 182 00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:03,760 Speaker 1: it's gonna be some problems with this age gap. And 183 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:07,600 Speaker 1: if you don't think it is, they're coming. Y'all might 184 00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:12,200 Speaker 1: be soul mates, but you know, for how long? All right? 185 00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:15,760 Speaker 1: Listen email us on Instagram us your thoughts on today's 186 00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:18,559 Speaker 1: Strawberry Letter. It's Steve Harvey FM and check out the 187 00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:22,840 Speaker 1: Strawberry Letter podcast on demand. You're listening to the Steve 188 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:23,959 Speaker 1: Harvey Morning Show.