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Speaker 1: I got neutered. You did, and listen. If there was

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Speaker 1: ever a time for me to rob on some balls,

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Speaker 1: now's the time. How's the time, dead balls? Hey, I'm

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Speaker 1: Cadine and we're the ellis Is. You may know us

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Speaker 1: from posting funny videos without boys and reading each other

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Speaker 1: publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll make you

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Speaker 1: need therby most days. Wow. And one more important thing

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Speaker 1: to mention, we're married. We are. We created this podcast

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Speaker 1: to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics,

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Speaker 1: things most folks don't want to talk about through the

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Speaker 1: lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is the

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Speaker 1: term that we say every day. So when we say

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Speaker 1: dead asks, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth,

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Speaker 1: and nothing but the truth. We're about to take phillo

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Speaker 1: talk to a whole level. Dead ass starts right now.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna just let you know exactly what happened. All right.

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Speaker 1: Went to the doctor. Case said, I want you to

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Speaker 1: take an appointment, go see about getting to a sector me.

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Speaker 1: I said, fine, I went to go see this doctor.

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Speaker 1: He said to me, sir, there are plenty options. One

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Speaker 1: you can go to sleep. I said so, because I'm

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Speaker 1: not staying awake for this. He said, do you want

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Speaker 1: to hear the other options? Said, let me hear the

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Speaker 1: other options. He said, well, you can get a local

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Speaker 1: anesthesia with a needle. So I said, you're gonna put

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Speaker 1: a needle by my nuts. He goes, you won't really

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Speaker 1: feel anything. You may smell a little bit of burning.

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Speaker 1: So I said, oh, so you want to put a

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Speaker 1: needle by my nuts and you want me to smell

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Speaker 1: my nuts burning. I said, if you don't put me

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Speaker 1: to sleep, I'm gonna go to sleep when I see

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Speaker 1: that needle, all right, So he said, fine, you want

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Speaker 1: the anesthesia. Yes, wake up on the morning of my surgery,

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Speaker 1: and KaDee and I are late. We overslept. I thought

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Speaker 1: this was aside from God, Okay, I can't do this.

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Speaker 1: They don't want me to do this. The Lord don't

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Speaker 1: want me to not like a regular we were like

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Speaker 1: we slept the extra like hour. We were supposed to

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Speaker 1: be there at seven forty five. We woke up at

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Speaker 1: seven thirty and the place about forty minutes away. So

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Speaker 1: now I'm just like, everything's going wrong in the morning time,

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Speaker 1: something like I don't even know. So I started telling

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Speaker 1: myself reasons why I shouldn't get this done. So I said,

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Speaker 1: you know, when i'm an email, lm K and if

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Speaker 1: they say it's too late, then I mean, this is

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Speaker 1: the reason why. So I sent the email said hey,

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Speaker 1: me and my wife on our way. I feel like

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Speaker 1: before I could even present, I got an email back

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Speaker 1: saying it's okay, take your time. I said, damn, okay,

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Speaker 1: just drive drive. It was raining that morning. I feel

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Speaker 1: like I was crying. It was, and I had gotten

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Speaker 1: the night before. I was going through the mail and

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Speaker 1: I saw something for the Nutcracker. I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to ask about if you want to

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Speaker 1: go you got jokes. I'm just saying, maybe we can

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Speaker 1: name that episode this episode that let me finish my story?

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Speaker 1: Yo about Yo, I'm so mad right now? We get there,

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Speaker 1: we get to the doctor, right, And the funny thing

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Speaker 1: is when we get to the doctors, like all you

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Speaker 1: see is a bunch of guys with like hoodies on

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Speaker 1: and they're just walking out with their head down and

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Speaker 1: their wife is in the car, and it's like it's

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Speaker 1: like that's exactly what it looks like. It's literally what

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Speaker 1: it was. So I walk in there and on my

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Speaker 1: paperwork out on my chest, up my head hell high.

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Speaker 1: They put the I V in my arm and when

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Speaker 1: I want the same T shirt this T shirt I

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Speaker 1: got on and says create dope humans. The irony of

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Speaker 1: that T shirt. I have a T shirt on that

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Speaker 1: right now that says create dope humans. And I can't

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Speaker 1: do it no more that we did. We did, so

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Speaker 1: I should. It should have a d on it created

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Speaker 1: dope humans because us in the past. But I went

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Speaker 1: to sleep and then when I woke up, my nuts

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Speaker 1: was finished. I was right there. He was right there,

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Speaker 1: hold in your hand, holding my hand. Should have been

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Speaker 1: holding my nuts. She was talking man ship too. Coming

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Speaker 1: out of anesthesia. I was wouldn't be any other way,

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Speaker 1: pastor peace like you used to do. Said pass like

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Speaker 1: you used to do, used to do, used to do

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Speaker 1: because triple are gonna get mad, bath like you do,

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Speaker 1: the peas like it used to you. So yo, y'all,

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Speaker 1: have y'all ever seen Canna's happy in her life? Guys,

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Speaker 1: I'm not laughing at the fact that you had the

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Speaker 1: sext to me. It's just like the theatrics around everything,

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Speaker 1: because you know, nothing can't have for normally for us

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Speaker 1: it's always coming with chips and giggles. Facts. There was

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Speaker 1: nothing giggling about this man. My nuts heard it for

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Speaker 1: a little bit. But it's fine. We'll take a break.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna get the piece. I'll shout out to Martin

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Speaker 1: for y'all who know, Martin is probably my favorite comedian

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Speaker 1: of all time, somebody who I admired as an artist.

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Speaker 1: A lot of his comedy, his physical attributes is a

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Speaker 1: lot of things that I do now just my second

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Speaker 1: nature because I watched so much Martin growing up. It's

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Speaker 1: almost like like he's my Michael Jackson to Chris Brown,

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Speaker 1: and Chris Brown looks at Michael Jackson's like, that's that's

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Speaker 1: my north star. Martin to me is my north star.

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Speaker 1: So past the pieces from the episode where they were

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Speaker 1: having the Thanksgiving competition and Jane ain't do nothing but

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Speaker 1: snapped them scraggly as peggs. That's a great episode that

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Speaker 1: Martin Lawrence all r y'all, we'll be back. All right, now,

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Speaker 1: we're back. So let's break down why I decided to

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Speaker 1: have the v sector me. Okay, so everyone that's like,

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Speaker 1: come on, man, y'all got one morning you come on, man.

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Speaker 1: The girl's out there, she's nowhere nowhere. I am the girl.

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Speaker 1: I'm the girl. I'm the only girl. It's the beginning

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Speaker 1: and middle. I am the one said. You're the queen.

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Speaker 1: You're the queen that rain Rain Supreme, Supreme. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: so in the beginning, you said, you know, made this

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Speaker 1: appointment for me, and I went, let's just be clear

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Speaker 1: that this wasn't just something that I came up with.

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Speaker 1: It was like because it was funny. Devout had an appointment,

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Speaker 1: initially a couple of months ago for a consultation. So

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Speaker 1: in talking when he agreed that you know, okay, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna go ahead and get this pasectomy, I said, all right,

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Speaker 1: I want to find you the best doctor to do

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Speaker 1: it out here in Atlanta. So um, he had to

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Speaker 1: be able to do what a reversal? No no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: put me to sleep. I'll put you to sleep. And

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Speaker 1: I say reversal just because I just feel like if

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Speaker 1: somebody is is this is a specialty vasectomies and reversals,

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Speaker 1: I at least know that he knows it from back,

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Speaker 1: sideways and all that good stuff. No plans to reverse it,

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Speaker 1: but you never know, right, So um, I ended up

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Speaker 1: making an appointment for him just based on scheduling, because

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Speaker 1: to quickly devout doesn't even look at the calendar. I

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Speaker 1: loved at the calendar, so I said, all right, he

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Speaker 1: looks like he's free this day. And I think something

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Speaker 1: ended up coming up work related, and you weren't able

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Speaker 1: to make that meeting. And they called to the confession

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Speaker 1: appointment the day before you're filming, and um, she called

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Speaker 1: and she's like, hey, you don't just want to confirm

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Speaker 1: the appointment and he's just like, ah, yeah, I'm not

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Speaker 1: gonna be able to make that appointment anymore. And I

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Speaker 1: just thought about because she kind of laughed. She laughed, Oh,

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Speaker 1: your wife made this appointment. So I can imagine how

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Speaker 1: many men get cold feet deciding like, you know what,

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Speaker 1: I kind of want to do this, and then my

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Speaker 1: wife makes this appointment, or the wife takes the liberty

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Speaker 1: of making the appointment, and then he's just like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: now I'm not coming to that. How often that happened?

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Speaker 1: That's I mean, we well, we know a couple of

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Speaker 1: friends of ours who told us verbade him that the

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Speaker 1: wife made the appointment and he just didn't go. But

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Speaker 1: I just want to put this out there for your feminists,

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Speaker 1: all you women at being my comments, you know that's

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Speaker 1: team k. Kay did not make me get of a

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Speaker 1: sect to me. All right, So gentlemen, don't don't feel

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Speaker 1: like we took an l because the valve way and

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Speaker 1: just gotta affect me because Kay said, no, I gotta

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Speaker 1: affecting me on my own to protect my wife. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you why. All right. There's a number

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Speaker 1: of things. Number One, everyone knows that Codeine and I

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Speaker 1: love each other immensely, multiple times a week, consistently physically. Okay,

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Speaker 1: we have a lot of sex. Okay, we We've talked

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Speaker 1: about this a lot on the podcast. Anybody who sees

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Speaker 1: this out always to someone. God, you're always touching each other.

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Speaker 1: It's just that's why we have four kids. Yeah, we

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Speaker 1: just we always be on top of each other. And

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Speaker 1: there are some things that have changed in Codeine's health

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Speaker 1: that became alarming to me. In particular. Number one, after

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Speaker 1: we had casts or Dakota, we talked about this. She

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Speaker 1: suffered from postpartum pre clam show, which means more than likely,

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Speaker 1: if she gets pregnant again, she's probably gonna have full

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Speaker 1: pre clamp show while she's pregnant, which is a life

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Speaker 1: of death situation and it's extremely uncomfortable for a mom

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Speaker 1: to go through pregnant PAMP very high risk. And for

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Speaker 1: those of you who don't know, if you haven't listened

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Speaker 1: to that episode where I spoke in detail about my

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Speaker 1: emergency room behind a couple of vergency room videos now

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Speaker 1: that we've been talking about, um, but yeah, this one

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Speaker 1: in particular was just scary for me because I will say,

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Speaker 1: and I think I might have admitted this on an

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Speaker 1: episode that I was toying with the idea of one more.

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Speaker 1: You know, five is my favorite number, so I was like, okay,

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Speaker 1: And to be very honest, um, I had such beautiful

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Speaker 1: experiences pregnant. UM. I also feel like we were in

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Speaker 1: a position and we are in a position in the

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Speaker 1: space where we're just like, you know what, maybe I

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Speaker 1: could do just one more and if we had five boys, okay,

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Speaker 1: or if not we had a girl, cool to um.

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Speaker 1: But then this was really what put the kabash the

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Speaker 1: nail in the coffee for me, was that postpartum preclampion

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Speaker 1: episode because having to now say, oh, man, like having

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Speaker 1: a fifth child and then having full blown preclamption and

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Speaker 1: then running the risk of low birth weight serian section

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Speaker 1: after having all natural births. It was just way too many,

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Speaker 1: way out the pros and the cons. It just didn't

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Speaker 1: make sense for us. We're officially so we were we

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Speaker 1: were we had decided that we were officially having done

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Speaker 1: having children. And at that point Codine said, she's gonna

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Speaker 1: get on birth control until excuse me, until we could

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Speaker 1: figure out when I could get the v sector me.

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Speaker 1: Because Kennina and I had already planned. I know, I

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Speaker 1: made a lot of jokes on social media because we

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Speaker 1: do believe in in making things making people laugh that

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Speaker 1: I said I would never get a v sectum me

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Speaker 1: or every time she talked about it, I would scream

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Speaker 1: and grabbed my nuts and fall on the floor. Um.

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Speaker 1: But it was just it was jokes. But we had

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Speaker 1: already decided that once we were done having kids, I

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Speaker 1: was going to have a vasectomy because it's the easiest

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Speaker 1: way to get contraception. So Codeine got on birth control

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Speaker 1: because we hadn't planned the vasector me yet. And even

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Speaker 1: though she did the copper I u D before she

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Speaker 1: did birth control, the hormonal birth control, her hair fell out,

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Speaker 1: she gained weight, she was moving it was too much,

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Speaker 1: so we decided to go with the para good i

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Speaker 1: u D. But with the i U D, she started

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Speaker 1: having her period every three weeks and they were extremely heavy.

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Speaker 1: Was led to her having let her having low iron

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Speaker 1: and started to develop anemia. So we like dang, So

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Speaker 1: now you know we we didn't use the hormones, we

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Speaker 1: use the copper, and this is happening with the copper.

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Speaker 1: So it's like there's always a side effect with birth control.

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Speaker 1: And it also lowered her libido just having something in

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Speaker 1: her like us having sex. We couldn't have sex to

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Speaker 1: where we want to have sex because she could feel

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Speaker 1: it and she would feel tender or I could feel it.

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Speaker 1: And the last time we had the i u D

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Speaker 1: was when it it got knocked out right before it

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Speaker 1: was after the cast after cast after cast was on

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Speaker 1: its way out. So it was kind of like, all right,

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Speaker 1: now is the time, I guess because he was already

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Speaker 1: kind of coming out. But for us, the whole i

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Speaker 1: u D just never worked with us, like it just

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Speaker 1: it just seemed like it wasn't the safest bet for us.

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Speaker 1: Our body didn't respond well to which she also had

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Speaker 1: issues with the copper and has to see a doctor

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Speaker 1: about that. So it was like, you know what, in

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Speaker 1: order to protect my wife, in order for us to

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Speaker 1: have the sex life we want to have, because Kadin

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Speaker 1: is always a better sex partner when she's not on

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Speaker 1: any type of contraception, I need to get a sectomy.

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Speaker 1: So it wasn't a devow versus Kadeine. Let's see who wins,

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Speaker 1: because it seems like everyone likes to make it a

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Speaker 1: man versus woman things. It's like, he got a sectimy,

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Speaker 1: so the woman one. I made this decision on my

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Speaker 1: own to have a vasectomy. Yeah, because usually the argument

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Speaker 1: is like, well, the woman did all the work, she

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Speaker 1: had all the kids, so this is the one thing

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Speaker 1: you could do, blah blah blah blah blah. But I

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Speaker 1: do also understand, like that's a sensitive topic for men,

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Speaker 1: Like we didn't just regard the fact that some men

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Speaker 1: just don't want that as an option, like they don't

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Speaker 1: like you know, and even when you talk about how

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Speaker 1: you felt physically after the procedure, like give him a

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Speaker 1: little insight on that, because I know too that's an

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Speaker 1: uncomfortable feeling naturally for you guys as well. So I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna be honest I spoke to all my boys who

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Speaker 1: have had vasectomies. Now here's the truth. There are a

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Speaker 1: lot more men who have had vasectomies who are not

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Speaker 1: talking about it. Is another another dead ass podcast, a

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Speaker 1: very taboo topic that people don't talk about. But then

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Speaker 1: you speak to your homeboys like you have sex. A

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Speaker 1: couple of years ago, I have a sected me after

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Speaker 1: my last child and it's like, wow, there are a

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Speaker 1: lot of men walking around with vasectomies. And asked them why.

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Speaker 1: They all said the same thing. They said, well, number one,

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Speaker 1: my sex life got better after I had to a

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Speaker 1: sector ME because my wife felt more normal that she

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Speaker 1: didn't have to take any birth control pills and didn't

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Speaker 1: have an I U D. Additionally, they just knew that

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Speaker 1: they were done. So even when you do take a contraception,

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Speaker 1: you can still have a baby, but of a sector

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Speaker 1: me is the safest way to not have any more kids.

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Speaker 1: So I asked him what the recovery was like, and

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Speaker 1: it was like, it's very simple. You know, you keep

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Speaker 1: the peace because they're smallertle round piece. They form, you know,

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Speaker 1: to the sack right, they keep it cool down there,

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Speaker 1: keep the swelling down. You take the medication for two days.

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Speaker 1: You don't lift anything heavy, you don't run, you don't jump,

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Speaker 1: and well I did all of the next the next

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Speaker 1: podcast you'll hear why I had to do all of

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Speaker 1: those things right, We had in detail, but we had

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Speaker 1: an emergency room visit. I had to pick up Cairo

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Speaker 1: and carry him to the emergency room. Then Jackson had

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Speaker 1: a football game the very next day. Then Cairo had

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Speaker 1: a football game the day after that. Did I want

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Speaker 1: one thing I gonna do with coach? And I had

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Speaker 1: to coach my boys because that's that's what I do.

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Speaker 1: So I was out there on my feet so on,

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Speaker 1: but I didn't do any major lifting. I kept the

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Speaker 1: peas nearby. UM. I took my antibiotics all the way through,

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Speaker 1: and then by the third day I was able to

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Speaker 1: walk super super small. Um I didn't. It didn't require much.

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Speaker 1: Like to be honest, I was. I remember going to

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Speaker 1: sleep and then waking up and thinking like that, how

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Speaker 1: must have asleep for so long? And it was only

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Speaker 1: like forty minutes. Yeah, I think from start to finish,

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Speaker 1: but the actual procedure once you're under fifteen minutes, because

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Speaker 1: I remember me too, was super tired that morning and

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Speaker 1: I could see like the couples walking in out and

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Speaker 1: then the guys would be let go and it was

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Speaker 1: literally like a row of cars and they were all

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Speaker 1: I'm just assuming the women, the spouses whatever, all of

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Speaker 1: them were sitting in the driver's seat just kind of

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Speaker 1: waiting for them to come out. And then the nurse

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Speaker 1: comes out with the couple and yeah, you see him

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Speaker 1: kind of limp into the car and wife helps him in.

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Speaker 1: It was like literally like like the discharge of a

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Speaker 1: woman who had a baby. You know, it was the reverse.

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Speaker 1: It was the reverse of it. It was. It's just

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Speaker 1: so funny to see. What's funny to me is that

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Speaker 1: I'm coaching right all of the parents and coach, you

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Speaker 1: gotta limp, you got an ankle, and this is me. Yeah, man,

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Speaker 1: it's an old football injury. Because now my masculinity, my

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Speaker 1: masculinity is being questioned because I can't tell people that

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Speaker 1: had to affected me out allow who I don't know,

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Speaker 1: So I'm just going to super mato mode. It's like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know, I played in the NFL four years at

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Speaker 1: a couple of knee injuries that forced me to limp,

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Speaker 1: plus the sciatica from all the tackling. I never tackled anybody.

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Speaker 1: I played receiver all the tackling on my back. So

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Speaker 1: that's why I'm limping. Yeah, yeah, that's that's what happened

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Speaker 1: to me while my nut is swollen because I shouldn't be.

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Speaker 1: You should not be on your feet. Bro At every

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Speaker 1: time the value to tell me go sit down, get

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Speaker 1: some risks. You just had a baby. You just had

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Speaker 1: a baby. Now the roles have reversed, and he's just like, Hey,

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Speaker 1: I know my body. I know my body. I've been

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Speaker 1: an elite athlete my whole life. Like wolverine. Yes, that's

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Speaker 1: what I called myself, or call myself wolverine because I

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Speaker 1: heal faster than most humans. So um, well for me, um,

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Speaker 1: one thing that stands out for us as were like

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Speaker 1: closing the chapter in our lives of having children, um,

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Speaker 1: knowing that we're done. I had a split second moment

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Speaker 1: where I was and I said it to you. I

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Speaker 1: was like, I feel like I was like mourning the

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Speaker 1: loss of children. We never had like something so final

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Speaker 1: about the vasectom me. It's almost like a yeah, it's

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Speaker 1: like a woman tying her tubes or something and then

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Speaker 1: knowing that you're done. And I feel like I kind

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Speaker 1: of was forced into the decision being made for myself. Um,

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Speaker 1: my body made the decision after and I kind of

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Speaker 1: struggled with that for a little bit, and for for

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Speaker 1: lack of wanting to sound ungrateful like I'm super grateful

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Speaker 1: that I have for healthy, beautiful boys, my body was

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Speaker 1: able to do everything that it needed to do to

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Speaker 1: bring them earthside. Um. I did have a split second

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Speaker 1: where I felt like that choice was taken away from

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Speaker 1: me because I wasn't the one to say I'm done.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's like the one up between like my body.

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Speaker 1: And at that point, I said, you know what, King,

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Speaker 1: You're just sitting here. You were praying and asking for

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Speaker 1: signs like do you have one more? And then this

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00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:06,200
Speaker 1: truly says to you, girl, stop enough. You are more

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Speaker 1: than content with your boys. You are a boy mom

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Speaker 1: through and through sitting at these football games and the

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Speaker 1: way I've been carrying on like this this life for me,

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Speaker 1: and then I suffer through not to sound me, but

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Speaker 1: I suffer through like the cheerleading, you know, halftime shows,

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Speaker 1: and I'm just like, man, this really wouldn't have been

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Speaker 1: my life because I sure as I do not want

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Speaker 1: to be on nobody's fifty yard line. You know, I'm

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Speaker 1: a boy mom through and through, and I'm thankful for that.

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Speaker 1: But I did have a moment where I kind of

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Speaker 1: felt like, Lord, I'm not being selfish, and I'm grateful,

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Speaker 1: but you know, I just wish I was the one

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Speaker 1: to make the choice, and he was like, Sis, I

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00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:41,520
Speaker 1: made the choice for you. I was, except I was

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Speaker 1: accepting of that, and I was okay with that. That's

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Speaker 1: why it made it that much easier for me to

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Speaker 1: support you through this process, um and also to just

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Speaker 1: looking at how greatly I know it's already um affecting

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Speaker 1: you know, our men mental when it comes to our

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Speaker 1: sex life and us trying to say, all right, we're

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Speaker 1: done with kids. I know that I'm not going to

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Speaker 1: have to go through the whole gamut of getting pregnant,

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Speaker 1: being pregnant, postpartum, recovering, then you know, the post postpartum process. Gentlemen,

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Speaker 1: My my wife disclosed something to me a couple of

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Speaker 1: years ago that I never I never even thought about,

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Speaker 1: and I was just like, yo, why why is sex

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Speaker 1: like to you sometimes so daunting? And she was like,

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Speaker 1: you know, if I'm not on birth control, my concern

377
00:18:26,359 --> 00:18:30,399
Speaker 1: sometimes being if if I get pregnant, and I was like, yo,

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Speaker 1: you know, I never really thought because in my mind

379
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Speaker 1: as a man sometimes like if you get pregning, you're pregnant.

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Speaker 1: We married, we're making money, we're doing good. But I'm

381
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Speaker 1: not thinking like that. Your body literally has to go

382
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Speaker 1: through that for ten months and then another ten months

383
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Speaker 1: of recovery after that. That's a long time for a

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Speaker 1: woman to put all of her life on the hole

385
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Speaker 1: getting her body back do all that other stuff. And

386
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Speaker 1: I started to realize that, you know, as a young man,

387
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Speaker 1: you don't think about it, but then when your wife

388
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Speaker 1: is honest and say, it's hard for me to get

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Speaker 1: excited about sex because I have to also worry am

390
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Speaker 1: I going to get pregnant this time? I think everybody's

391
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:05,680
Speaker 1: been there where they're just like on their period, watch

392
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Speaker 1: like shot Hope on Flow show up this time because

393
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:11,240
Speaker 1: he was a little reckless. You know, everyone, I'm sure

394
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:13,520
Speaker 1: it has been in a position like that, UM, And

395
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Speaker 1: it doesn't allow you to fully just be in those

396
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Speaker 1: moments sometimes when there's like something in the back of

397
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:21,360
Speaker 1: your mind that you're concerned or anxious or worried about UM.

398
00:19:21,359 --> 00:19:23,240
Speaker 1: But it was necessary for me. I feel like now

399
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Speaker 1: that we both decided, all right, we're done. Um, the

400
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:29,199
Speaker 1: timeline kind of went like this. So on a Tuesday,

401
00:19:29,359 --> 00:19:32,639
Speaker 1: after getting some blood work results back two weeks prior

402
00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:35,879
Speaker 1: that showed that my hemoglobin was now low and it

403
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:38,360
Speaker 1: was a direct impact of having the i u D.

404
00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:40,280
Speaker 1: And the doctor confirmed that. When I went to see

405
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:44,680
Speaker 1: her on this Tuesday, UM, I said, Sis, I'm about

406
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:46,639
Speaker 1: to take this i u D out. So she laughed

407
00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:49,720
Speaker 1: and she said, oh, did how we get the vasectomy?

408
00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:52,920
Speaker 1: And I said, he's going on Thursday? And she said, oh,

409
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:56,640
Speaker 1: you know it's not instantaneous, right, I said, I know.

410
00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,480
Speaker 1: So what I'm gonna need you to do is give

411
00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:03,520
Speaker 1: me thing just to make sure that I'm protected for

412
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:07,600
Speaker 1: this temporary moment about six eight weeks, because sperm count

413
00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:11,240
Speaker 1: will decrease gradually after a vasectomy. But doctors recommend having

414
00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:15,320
Speaker 1: your urologists test the specimen once or six weeks and

415
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:17,160
Speaker 1: then again at a week. Right, and they're get they're

416
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:20,879
Speaker 1: they're giving more or less twenty to ejaculations. Yeah, so

417
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,840
Speaker 1: you got work to do between. We got work to do,

418
00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:28,040
Speaker 1: but in the meantime. But in the meantime, you probably

419
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:31,080
Speaker 1: might have twenty in less than eight weeks. I'm sure

420
00:20:31,119 --> 00:20:34,040
Speaker 1: anything we break down the man three to four songs

421
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:38,280
Speaker 1: we times a week in eight weeks, yeah, that'll put

422
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Speaker 1: you at two and those eight weeks exactly. So um,

423
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Speaker 1: I said, please, like, what are my options because the

424
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Speaker 1: last thing I really wanted to do is put another

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Speaker 1: form of contraceptive into my body. But I also just

426
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:55,119
Speaker 1: know how de valid I are, And I said, you

427
00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:56,960
Speaker 1: know what, you know we're supposed to be going on

428
00:20:56,960 --> 00:21:00,239
Speaker 1: a little trip soon. Yeah, I said, let me make

429
00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:04,280
Speaker 1: sure that I take that into account. So she recommended

430
00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:07,040
Speaker 1: to me the mini pill because it's not estrogen and

431
00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:10,120
Speaker 1: progessed your own. It's just progess her own. And if

432
00:21:10,119 --> 00:21:13,960
Speaker 1: you take at the same time every day, it's percent

433
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:16,879
Speaker 1: effective and at least will hold me over and make

434
00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:20,280
Speaker 1: sure that I'm good until you're good. And for me,

435
00:21:20,359 --> 00:21:22,080
Speaker 1: it was just the onus that I wanted to take

436
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:24,480
Speaker 1: on myself to say, Okay, Devout is taking this step

437
00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:28,679
Speaker 1: for me. The reciprocity in the relationship was Kadin had

438
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:31,080
Speaker 1: the four children. Great now Devout is taking this step

439
00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:32,960
Speaker 1: to make sure that now I can rid my body

440
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:36,440
Speaker 1: of any toxins that I can then pour into him

441
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:39,040
Speaker 1: sexually the way he needs me to, because I'll just

442
00:21:39,119 --> 00:21:41,560
Speaker 1: feel like myself again. I just have not felt like

443
00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:44,800
Speaker 1: myself well sexually in a long time. I will say this, though,

444
00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:49,320
Speaker 1: you already have poured more into our sex life over

445
00:21:49,359 --> 00:21:52,000
Speaker 1: the last couple of years, even dealing with all of

446
00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:54,080
Speaker 1: that stuff, which was also another reason why for me

447
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,840
Speaker 1: was easy to make that decision, right because we you know,

448
00:21:57,119 --> 00:21:59,000
Speaker 1: you know, we have a book coming out Shameless Plug

449
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:03,120
Speaker 1: We Over Me Robs February seven, pre artist available now.

450
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:06,680
Speaker 1: But Conin is constantly thinking about me, right, and I'm

451
00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:09,520
Speaker 1: constantly thinking about her. So when I look at the

452
00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:12,360
Speaker 1: way our lives have gone, and we've talked so much

453
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:14,199
Speaker 1: about sex and the issues we've had with sex, so

454
00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:16,840
Speaker 1: that get to the point now where we have such

455
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:19,800
Speaker 1: a better sex life, it was just only made sense

456
00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:21,800
Speaker 1: for me to do what I can do in my

457
00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:25,000
Speaker 1: part to make our sex life even better, you know

458
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:28,640
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. So a lot of times men feel

459
00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:30,200
Speaker 1: like that if you get a sect me, you lost,

460
00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:32,640
Speaker 1: or women don't feel like what you Your man gotta

461
00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:35,159
Speaker 1: a sect me, you won? You once sweet hard It's like, no,

462
00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:38,400
Speaker 1: we both win when we make decisions for each other.

463
00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:40,200
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, because right now it was

464
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:44,159
Speaker 1: about to be pussy on demand nuts heal up. You

465
00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:45,760
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. We don't got to worry about

466
00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:48,720
Speaker 1: none of that stuff. Um, we don't have to work,

467
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:51,120
Speaker 1: first of all. And I don't want to say this

468
00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:55,640
Speaker 1: and sound negatively, right, but when you have to consistently

469
00:22:55,640 --> 00:22:57,560
Speaker 1: worry about when you're gonna have a child or not,

470
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:01,520
Speaker 1: that's hard to get into a mode sexually. And Kadina

471
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:03,800
Speaker 1: and I don't like condoms, right. This is not a

472
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:05,720
Speaker 1: thing where it's like, oh, well, why don't you just

473
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:08,080
Speaker 1: wear a condom? Or Devout don't like wearing condoms because

474
00:23:08,119 --> 00:23:10,480
Speaker 1: they don't like wearing condoms neither. Well, she don't like

475
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:13,360
Speaker 1: what I wear condoms either. So for us, it's like,

476
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:15,280
Speaker 1: let's do what we can to make sure that we

477
00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:17,200
Speaker 1: have the most vibrant sex life and we can swing

478
00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:19,560
Speaker 1: from the chandeliers and I have to focus on it.

479
00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:22,200
Speaker 1: But we love our children. It's just a thing too.

480
00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:25,920
Speaker 1: Where As a man, your wife goes into a heavy

481
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:29,800
Speaker 1: period every three weeks, you wake up and she's like, dang,

482
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:32,199
Speaker 1: I'm bled through. And she said she should send me

483
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:34,399
Speaker 1: pictures that she felt uncomfortable, like it would just be

484
00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:37,080
Speaker 1: so much blood and I'm like, that's not healthy. It

485
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:39,919
Speaker 1: really just isn't healthy to have a foreign object in

486
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:43,240
Speaker 1: your body causing you to lose blood at a faster

487
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:46,160
Speaker 1: rate than what is naturally supposed to happen. And then

488
00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:47,760
Speaker 1: all of the things happened to your body. It was

489
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:50,120
Speaker 1: just like no, like I gotta do this. Yeah, And

490
00:23:50,119 --> 00:23:52,200
Speaker 1: it's crazy, like you talk about men not talking about

491
00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:55,399
Speaker 1: vasectomies often. I was, just, for example, away on a

492
00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:58,240
Speaker 1: batch threat weekend for a friend of mine who's getting married,

493
00:23:58,240 --> 00:23:59,880
Speaker 1: and you know, women kind of get together and it's

494
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:02,200
Speaker 1: crazy how at our age the conversations is so different

495
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:03,600
Speaker 1: than we were in our twenties because this is my

496
00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:07,280
Speaker 1: friend's second marriage. But um, you know, speaking to another

497
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:09,440
Speaker 1: young lady who was just like had to have it

498
00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:12,520
Speaker 1: his direct to me because after she has five children,

499
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:14,760
Speaker 1: and she said, after five children, her uterus just never

500
00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:17,879
Speaker 1: went back down to size and she just naturally bleeds

501
00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:20,400
Speaker 1: more now because her universe is kind of like stretching out,

502
00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:23,000
Speaker 1: you know, a par of leggings for example, and eventually

503
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:25,159
Speaker 1: it's never gonna go back down. You know, it's smaller,

504
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:27,040
Speaker 1: but it's still not the same as it was pre

505
00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:29,960
Speaker 1: babies or after one baby. So in general, she just

506
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:31,600
Speaker 1: had to have it his direct to me because after

507
00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:35,200
Speaker 1: taking out her power guard because of all the then

508
00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:37,280
Speaker 1: her uter is just being bigger. She was just losing

509
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:39,199
Speaker 1: more blood because of that, and had to have his

510
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:42,080
Speaker 1: direct to me. So those conversations are being had, and

511
00:24:42,119 --> 00:24:45,920
Speaker 1: particularly amongst black men and women, if we talk more

512
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:48,320
Speaker 1: about it, yeah, and more often. I think our generation

513
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:50,880
Speaker 1: is making sure that we're having those. It shouldn't even

514
00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:53,160
Speaker 1: be uncomfortable conversation, but they kind of can start that way.

515
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:56,080
Speaker 1: But if you have you know, you feel comfortable in

516
00:24:56,119 --> 00:24:58,679
Speaker 1: certain circles to speak about it, it can really be helpful.

517
00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:03,000
Speaker 1: It's it's difficult from in because oftentimes we feel emasculated.

518
00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:04,240
Speaker 1: You know what. It was just like, oh, you have

519
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:06,320
Speaker 1: affected me. Why your wife made you get a sect me?

520
00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:10,320
Speaker 1: Because the thing where it's like no man volunteers to

521
00:25:10,359 --> 00:25:12,639
Speaker 1: have a a secting me, right, So you had to

522
00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:14,520
Speaker 1: do it because it was something your wife wanted you

523
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:17,200
Speaker 1: to do. That's the thought process behind it. And I'm

524
00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:20,800
Speaker 1: here to speak on that not being the case because

525
00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:22,480
Speaker 1: I can tell you right now, if I told Aden

526
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:24,119
Speaker 1: that I didn't want to have a a secting me.

527
00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:26,800
Speaker 1: She probably would have found no, she definitely would have

528
00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:30,320
Speaker 1: found another way for us to use protection so that

529
00:25:30,359 --> 00:25:32,119
Speaker 1: we can continue our sex life the way it was.

530
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:34,760
Speaker 1: But for me, it was just it was it was me.

531
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:37,199
Speaker 1: I empowered myself to be like, no, if I can

532
00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:39,840
Speaker 1: do this little procedure, and I did ask questions. I said,

533
00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:41,359
Speaker 1: this is my not gonna be the same, it's the

534
00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:45,240
Speaker 1: consistency gonna be the same. Am I gonna lose testosterone?

535
00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:50,640
Speaker 1: You know? And I was just like watery, I didn't

536
00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:54,679
Speaker 1: want I didn't want watery nut Like, no, I know

537
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:57,000
Speaker 1: you don't, even though it help you hydrate. I was

538
00:25:57,040 --> 00:26:03,080
Speaker 1: thinking like it was it's the most elementary thought in mindset.

539
00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:06,760
Speaker 1: But when you don't ask questions, you don't get answered.

540
00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:09,520
Speaker 1: So I asked my boys, I asked the doctor. He

541
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:11,520
Speaker 1: sat down with me for about forty five minutes and

542
00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:15,400
Speaker 1: explained everything would be exactly the same, and I felt

543
00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:18,879
Speaker 1: comfortable making a decision. Um, it is a finite feeling,

544
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:21,480
Speaker 1: Like I look at my four boys and I'm like,

545
00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:24,840
Speaker 1: that's it. I'm not going to have any more children.

546
00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:27,639
Speaker 1: But let me tell you that the best part about

547
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:32,000
Speaker 1: this past weekend, I had to refectory. We had the issue,

548
00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:34,160
Speaker 1: you know, at the emergency room, and we'll talk about

549
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:36,640
Speaker 1: that on the next podcast. But then on the Saturday,

550
00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:40,960
Speaker 1: Jackson went out, had eight yards, Russian almost returned to kick,

551
00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:44,000
Speaker 1: had a touchdown, had two pp us, and I'm like,

552
00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:47,359
Speaker 1: that's my I created that, you know. Then Cairo the

553
00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:51,879
Speaker 1: following day has six touchdowns, you know, capture four flags

554
00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:55,240
Speaker 1: and flag football and they won their game. And it's like,

555
00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:57,760
Speaker 1: I have so much to be thankful for and grateful

556
00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:01,399
Speaker 1: with the children I have. I can't sit here and

557
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:04,080
Speaker 1: think about the children I may possibly would have had

558
00:27:04,119 --> 00:27:06,040
Speaker 1: if I never had the vasecting me. You know what

559
00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:08,639
Speaker 1: I'm saying, Yeah, yeah, exactly. I think it was pretty

560
00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:10,520
Speaker 1: When I look back on it, it's kind of foolish

561
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:12,119
Speaker 1: of me to be like, oh my god, I'm just

562
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:14,120
Speaker 1: like both of us, but yeah, we were both kind

563
00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:15,560
Speaker 1: of just like, oh my god, there's these kids out

564
00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:17,520
Speaker 1: there that we're not going to have, you know. But

565
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:22,640
Speaker 1: you know, but I think it was just us embracing

566
00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:27,080
Speaker 1: the final feeling in that moment, you know, we just

567
00:27:27,119 --> 00:27:28,760
Speaker 1: both had to just say, Okay, this is really it,

568
00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:31,600
Speaker 1: because we just love our kids. So much, and I'm like, shoot,

569
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:34,360
Speaker 1: if I could, I probably would have like ten kids.

570
00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:36,280
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, because we love them so

571
00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:38,800
Speaker 1: much and they're such a light in our life. But

572
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:42,760
Speaker 1: how would you say you were feeling mentally? Like before

573
00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:45,000
Speaker 1: and after you did like a mental prep that you

574
00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:47,840
Speaker 1: feel like you had to have going into it. I mean,

575
00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:50,199
Speaker 1: you have mental forward to through the roof. So I

576
00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:52,479
Speaker 1: wasn't as worried about you, but mentally I wasn't well.

577
00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:54,399
Speaker 1: Once I make a decision about things and then I

578
00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:56,880
Speaker 1: do my research, there's never a lot of back and forth.

579
00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:58,879
Speaker 1: Once you make a decision, you you follow through with

580
00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:01,640
Speaker 1: the decision that you deal with of a consequences happened afterwards.

581
00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:04,240
Speaker 1: I'm not the type of person that goes back and forth.

582
00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:07,720
Speaker 1: So I just felt comfortable. I felt confident. Plus, um,

583
00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:10,200
Speaker 1: it was just it was the commitment that you made

584
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:16,040
Speaker 1: to me for four children, three of them natural, two

585
00:28:16,119 --> 00:28:19,520
Speaker 1: at home, after having a child and almost losing you.

586
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:23,440
Speaker 1: It was like, you made your commitment, right, I gotta

587
00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:25,800
Speaker 1: make my commitment. And then on top of that, you've

588
00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:29,000
Speaker 1: been making such a great commitment sexually to make sure

589
00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:31,560
Speaker 1: that we are good in our space, and it was

590
00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:34,240
Speaker 1: just like I can't wait to give you that that

591
00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:38,360
Speaker 1: freedom of your mind to where it was like, let's

592
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:41,000
Speaker 1: go have fun and I don't have to worry about anything.

593
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:42,640
Speaker 1: I don't have to worry about taking a pill. I

594
00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:45,280
Speaker 1: don't have to worry about checking for strings afterwards. You

595
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:47,160
Speaker 1: don't have to say, babe, calm down. I can feel

596
00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:50,680
Speaker 1: like I felt like this is going to open us

597
00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:55,240
Speaker 1: up sexually in a completely different way because I remember

598
00:28:55,280 --> 00:28:57,480
Speaker 1: when you took the well when it got knocked out

599
00:28:57,480 --> 00:28:59,040
Speaker 1: the first time, and it was like, well, let's try

600
00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:02,800
Speaker 1: to have a fourth baby. I remember how free you

601
00:29:02,840 --> 00:29:05,360
Speaker 1: were sexually then because we were trying to have a

602
00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:08,960
Speaker 1: baby and you were freaking off. It was like yeah,

603
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:11,400
Speaker 1: So it was like there was no limitations. I felt

604
00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:14,160
Speaker 1: like it right. So so I have a question for you,

605
00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:18,760
Speaker 1: like what what made you get to that point? And

606
00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:20,680
Speaker 1: we haven't talked about sex in a while. We typically

607
00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:23,120
Speaker 1: do our second episode every year as a sex episode,

608
00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:26,600
Speaker 1: and we talked a lot about our problems with sex,

609
00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:28,400
Speaker 1: and I feel like we got to a point over

610
00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:31,360
Speaker 1: the last I think three years where sex hasn't been

611
00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:34,920
Speaker 1: the problem. So we haven't really had that many sex episodes.

612
00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:37,600
Speaker 1: How did you get to the point where you were like,

613
00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:40,640
Speaker 1: I think I figured out what what I need to

614
00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:42,760
Speaker 1: do or what you needed to do, right, And this

615
00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:48,040
Speaker 1: is like you mean prevoseective. Yeah, I just, to be

616
00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:50,520
Speaker 1: quite honest, I just got tired of us being in

617
00:29:50,560 --> 00:29:53,240
Speaker 1: the same space, knowing that there were so many things

618
00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:55,640
Speaker 1: that I could control to make things better for us

619
00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:57,920
Speaker 1: that I just was neglecting to do, and then we

620
00:29:57,920 --> 00:30:00,520
Speaker 1: would end up in these you know, bad and forth

621
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:03,680
Speaker 1: discussions about the same ship, and there was just no change.

622
00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:06,560
Speaker 1: And I think in part it was me just knowing

623
00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:08,880
Speaker 1: like ship, like, Okay, we may potentially have another kid,

624
00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:11,560
Speaker 1: so it's just like that that just looming over my

625
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:14,160
Speaker 1: head knowing to also to like I was still on

626
00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:16,080
Speaker 1: some sort of birth control, so that was looming over

627
00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:18,200
Speaker 1: my head. But I also felt like, man like de

628
00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:21,400
Speaker 1: Val just deserves to enjoy me, and we deserve to

629
00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:24,240
Speaker 1: enjoy each other in a space where we just don't

630
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:27,680
Speaker 1: have any limitations, that we can just do whatever we

631
00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:29,960
Speaker 1: want to each other sexually and not have to feel

632
00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:32,960
Speaker 1: the repercussions of having to worry. I mean, you've busted

633
00:30:32,960 --> 00:30:34,520
Speaker 1: your tail to make sure that I was in a

634
00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:38,040
Speaker 1: space where I'm comfortable in this house, like we don't

635
00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:40,120
Speaker 1: have anything to worry about. You've taken so much worry

636
00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:43,440
Speaker 1: and so much of my everyday um concerns off of

637
00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:45,960
Speaker 1: my plate. That I was just like, I just have

638
00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:48,520
Speaker 1: to do my part, and I could be better able

639
00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:52,000
Speaker 1: at doing my part if I am fully just green

640
00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:55,960
Speaker 1: again you know nothing in my body, um, and if

641
00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:58,200
Speaker 1: you're willing to do this for our family and for

642
00:30:58,320 --> 00:31:00,680
Speaker 1: us and for our relationship and for our sex life.

643
00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:03,040
Speaker 1: And you found out the benefits to of just Prostate

644
00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:06,760
Speaker 1: Health Act after um that ship, Like, now is the

645
00:31:06,760 --> 00:31:09,640
Speaker 1: time for us to really just turn up, Like all

646
00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:12,280
Speaker 1: of those things that I've been promising you and and

647
00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:15,040
Speaker 1: just not fulfilling, Now is the time to do it

648
00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:16,800
Speaker 1: because we have a space to do it. You're saying,

649
00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:20,120
Speaker 1: there's just a moment of accountability, like they really was,

650
00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:21,920
Speaker 1: And this is this is this is going to sound crazy,

651
00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:23,520
Speaker 1: but I do think that this is important for people

652
00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:25,640
Speaker 1: to hear. Like, if you want a woman to be

653
00:31:25,680 --> 00:31:27,680
Speaker 1: open sexually, you have to try to remove as much

654
00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:29,960
Speaker 1: stress from her life as possible. Right, it's hard for

655
00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:32,800
Speaker 1: a woman to you guys are built different than us.

656
00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:35,320
Speaker 1: When I'm stressed, and when a man is stressed, we

657
00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:37,080
Speaker 1: look for a release, right, So it's like, then I

658
00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:40,000
Speaker 1: want to fuck right. For women, when you're stressed, it's

659
00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:41,800
Speaker 1: not the same, it's not the same thing. You're not

660
00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:44,280
Speaker 1: thinking about having a sexual release. For man, it is.

661
00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:48,640
Speaker 1: So I felt like, for me, if I remove as

662
00:31:48,680 --> 00:31:50,880
Speaker 1: many of the stresses away from you, you know, having

663
00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:53,080
Speaker 1: your mom and dad here to help us, making sure

664
00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:55,000
Speaker 1: you don't have to work full time. Of course, everybody

665
00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:57,640
Speaker 1: can't provide that for that woman, but I felt like

666
00:31:57,720 --> 00:31:59,640
Speaker 1: for me, being able to provide that would put you

667
00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:02,680
Speaker 1: in a a sense of peace so that you can

668
00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:06,200
Speaker 1: be open absolutely. And that's another reason why it was

669
00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:08,760
Speaker 1: difficult for me to continue to have excuses. Like I

670
00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:11,000
Speaker 1: was tired of just having excuses. I'm like, my husband's

671
00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:13,719
Speaker 1: doing everything in his power to make sure that i'm good.

672
00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:16,240
Speaker 1: Like I can't complain about being tired, because why I

673
00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:18,280
Speaker 1: have help with kids, like you know, and those things,

674
00:32:18,320 --> 00:32:21,080
Speaker 1: just like human things happen and we get tired. I'm

675
00:32:21,120 --> 00:32:24,200
Speaker 1: just like, enough with the excuses. I need to make

676
00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:25,840
Speaker 1: sure that my husband is taken care of if he

677
00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:28,760
Speaker 1: wants to be monogamous with me, And that's the same

678
00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:31,400
Speaker 1: thing I'm requesting from him. I have to make sure

679
00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:34,640
Speaker 1: that I'm doing my part, and I wasn't doing my part.

680
00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:38,320
Speaker 1: I can admit that I wasn't. Um well, that's that's

681
00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:40,640
Speaker 1: I mean, that's that's honest to say. Though you know

682
00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:42,720
Speaker 1: how many women won't say that I just wasn't doing

683
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:45,280
Speaker 1: my part because it's easy for because we we see

684
00:32:45,280 --> 00:32:47,640
Speaker 1: it all the time on social media. People listen on podcasts,

685
00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:49,400
Speaker 1: the first thing they will say was, what she gave

686
00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:51,000
Speaker 1: you three whole boys at the time, we had three

687
00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:53,720
Speaker 1: whole boys, or Caneine is tired. And even when you

688
00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:56,720
Speaker 1: you know, even when people would say, well, de Val

689
00:32:56,880 --> 00:32:59,160
Speaker 1: is a very active father, Becaunin doesn't have to work

690
00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:01,800
Speaker 1: full time, like why she's so tired? They were still like,

691
00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:04,040
Speaker 1: but now she don't have to and it's like no.

692
00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:07,920
Speaker 1: At some point, as a woman, if you require monogamy,

693
00:33:08,040 --> 00:33:11,120
Speaker 1: there's a responsibility to take care of your partner's sexual needs.

694
00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:14,080
Speaker 1: But that's how I felt with the vasectomy. If I'm

695
00:33:14,080 --> 00:33:17,120
Speaker 1: requiring you to be monogamous, I have to take care

696
00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:19,520
Speaker 1: of your sexual health, right so we literally, in this moment,

697
00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:21,040
Speaker 1: we're taking care of you to each other. You see

698
00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:23,400
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. That's the biggest thing. It's like you

699
00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:25,040
Speaker 1: were like, you know what, I have to do better

700
00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:26,640
Speaker 1: to take care of my husband, And I said, you know,

701
00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:28,840
Speaker 1: I gotta get a sectomy, because if it's going to

702
00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:31,640
Speaker 1: help take care of my wife's sexual health, she's not

703
00:33:31,680 --> 00:33:33,920
Speaker 1: bleeding consistently, she don't have periods too often, she don't

704
00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:36,440
Speaker 1: have to worry about something far in her body. I

705
00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:39,400
Speaker 1: have to be accountable. So what's funny how couples, when

706
00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:42,160
Speaker 1: they start to use accountability as a way to be

707
00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:45,200
Speaker 1: better for their partner, can grow together. As opposed to

708
00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:48,080
Speaker 1: looking the place you see what I'm saying, As opposed

709
00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:50,600
Speaker 1: to you saying de value not doing this and me

710
00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:53,200
Speaker 1: saying what, Kadine, you weren't doing that, we just said,

711
00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:55,520
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm responsible to do this. And now

712
00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:57,479
Speaker 1: look at where we are for sure, And I just

713
00:33:57,760 --> 00:33:59,800
Speaker 1: I got tired of trying to find reasons, to find,

714
00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:02,320
Speaker 1: you know, excuses to not be what you needed for me,

715
00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:04,880
Speaker 1: for what what you needed me to be for you.

716
00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:07,760
Speaker 1: I should say, um, that just gets exhausting. And at

717
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:09,879
Speaker 1: this point I'm just like yo, I just I feel

718
00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:13,160
Speaker 1: like we were putting in an uncomfortable space for a while.

719
00:34:13,719 --> 00:34:15,920
Speaker 1: And now you know how you're in that uncomfortable space

720
00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:17,560
Speaker 1: and you feel like it's going to be some growth

721
00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:19,680
Speaker 1: from it. I just feel like there are a lot

722
00:34:19,680 --> 00:34:21,799
Speaker 1: of aspects of my life where I've been feeling really

723
00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:25,560
Speaker 1: uncomfortable lately. Um, And that kind of probably be a

724
00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:29,160
Speaker 1: whole another episode, but um, and I've been very to

725
00:34:29,160 --> 00:34:31,440
Speaker 1: cut you off. Can you just give an example. I

726
00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:32,560
Speaker 1: just want to hear it, like, I just want to

727
00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:35,800
Speaker 1: hear yeah, Like, I've just been feeling very uncomfortable, very uneasy,

728
00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:41,360
Speaker 1: very anxious about a lot of areas in my life

729
00:34:41,560 --> 00:34:45,120
Speaker 1: where you are, where I am, purpose where I'm going.

730
00:34:45,760 --> 00:34:48,879
Speaker 1: And I think what triggered this for me is this

731
00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:52,400
Speaker 1: knowing that we're done with children. It's almost as if

732
00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:55,040
Speaker 1: I'm stepping into another phase of life. I'm trying to

733
00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:58,880
Speaker 1: regain who Codein is. I'm trying to reclaim who Codein is.

734
00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:01,160
Speaker 1: I'm trying to rediscuss for who Kardine is, because with

735
00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:05,480
Speaker 1: each child, with each year that passes, I felt really unrecognizable,

736
00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:08,279
Speaker 1: like I didn't recognize myself, let me tell you, And

737
00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:09,600
Speaker 1: it's hard for me to show up for you and

738
00:35:09,680 --> 00:35:11,040
Speaker 1: I don't even know what the funk I am. I'm

739
00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:13,879
Speaker 1: going to tell you why that one. That's profound. Right

740
00:35:14,239 --> 00:35:18,920
Speaker 1: as a man, I've never in my life I thought

741
00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:23,000
Speaker 1: about kids stopping or starting any point of my life. Yeah,

742
00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:25,520
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. That's that's and and and

743
00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:27,759
Speaker 1: hearing you say that, it's kind of kind of like

744
00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:30,120
Speaker 1: ding light bulb. Even now, even though we talk often,

745
00:35:30,239 --> 00:35:33,080
Speaker 1: right because when we when we have these podcasts, it

746
00:35:33,160 --> 00:35:36,799
Speaker 1: still is a way for discovery. But I'm hearing you

747
00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:40,200
Speaker 1: say with every aspect of your life, you had to think, Okay,

748
00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:41,960
Speaker 1: I gotta I'm gonna have a child, so this is

749
00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:43,719
Speaker 1: gonna stop, and I'm gonna have to start this over.

750
00:35:44,239 --> 00:35:45,960
Speaker 1: As a man, I've never had to think about that.

751
00:35:46,040 --> 00:35:48,279
Speaker 1: It was over having a child. I'm gonna just go

752
00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:50,800
Speaker 1: harder while my wife is going through this to make sure.

753
00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:54,319
Speaker 1: But I never have to stop anything. That downtime fox

754
00:35:54,400 --> 00:35:56,719
Speaker 1: with you because you're like, shoot, I was on my

755
00:35:56,760 --> 00:35:59,160
Speaker 1: way to doing this, but now I'm gonna have to stop, reset,

756
00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:01,239
Speaker 1: get my body that do this, do the third And

757
00:36:01,239 --> 00:36:03,759
Speaker 1: it's just like with each child, there's more responsibility. There's

758
00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:05,640
Speaker 1: one more person that you have to take into account.

759
00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:07,880
Speaker 1: There's one more person to have to care for, and

760
00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:10,239
Speaker 1: that ship is exhausting, and then you know, we talked

761
00:36:10,239 --> 00:36:14,400
Speaker 1: about women losing themselves in in motherhood and in relationships

762
00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:15,799
Speaker 1: and stuff like that. But for me, it was more

763
00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:18,799
Speaker 1: than that. It was just like I just really was

764
00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:22,200
Speaker 1: feeling like I need this is a growth period for me,

765
00:36:22,239 --> 00:36:24,839
Speaker 1: so I really need to investigate how can I take

766
00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:28,000
Speaker 1: accountability for the different ways I've shown up or not

767
00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:30,480
Speaker 1: shown up? And not just my relationship with you, but

768
00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:33,359
Speaker 1: as a mom, as a sister, as a friend, as

769
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:36,200
Speaker 1: a as a you know client, for example, to my manager,

770
00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:40,160
Speaker 1: like how am I not being productive enough? Um? How

771
00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:42,960
Speaker 1: how am I not you know, walking in the path

772
00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:46,040
Speaker 1: that I know is for me? And sometimes I don't

773
00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:48,239
Speaker 1: even know what that path is because I had to rediscover.

774
00:36:48,800 --> 00:36:53,080
Speaker 1: So I'm going through that phase right now. But accountability

775
00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:55,400
Speaker 1: heads help. And that's something that has been an issue

776
00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:58,360
Speaker 1: for my family, my immediate family, like just growing, Like

777
00:36:58,440 --> 00:37:00,560
Speaker 1: no one wants to be accountable for any thing, because

778
00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:03,600
Speaker 1: there's this pursuit of perfection that we have to be

779
00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:06,600
Speaker 1: everything to everyone and to be that perfect person. And

780
00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:08,600
Speaker 1: when you don't feel like you're on that path and

781
00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:10,880
Speaker 1: you're not doing it the way that you should be

782
00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:13,919
Speaker 1: doing it, you know it becomes to be a lot

783
00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:15,839
Speaker 1: and you want to, you know, to put you want

784
00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:19,960
Speaker 1: to do the drake, you know, but then it's just like, wait,

785
00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:22,640
Speaker 1: how can I reclaim my life? And it starts with

786
00:37:22,680 --> 00:37:25,440
Speaker 1: me being accountable in so many different aspects. So it

787
00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:28,560
Speaker 1: was a lot of tough moments for me being like, damn,

788
00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:31,680
Speaker 1: I I can't expect this from my son. For example,

789
00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:34,840
Speaker 1: if I'm not leading by that example, or are seeing

790
00:37:34,920 --> 00:37:38,680
Speaker 1: us seeing something that my son exhibits, that's something in

791
00:37:38,719 --> 00:37:41,239
Speaker 1: myself that I don't like, or something that I'm trying

792
00:37:41,280 --> 00:37:45,320
Speaker 1: to work on, or something that's handered. Yeah, it's handered

793
00:37:45,320 --> 00:37:47,719
Speaker 1: me from progress. And it's just like damn kitting. Now

794
00:37:47,760 --> 00:37:48,960
Speaker 1: you have to get to the root of why you

795
00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:50,920
Speaker 1: can't be an example to your son, because what I

796
00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:53,000
Speaker 1: would hate for is one of my sons to come

797
00:37:53,040 --> 00:37:54,480
Speaker 1: to me one day and say, well, Mom, you say

798
00:37:54,520 --> 00:37:55,920
Speaker 1: this is that in the third but you don't do that,

799
00:37:57,120 --> 00:37:58,759
Speaker 1: And I just don't want to be that parent. I

800
00:37:58,760 --> 00:38:01,200
Speaker 1: don't want to be that person. So having kids and

801
00:38:01,239 --> 00:38:05,000
Speaker 1: watching your kids exhibit behavior that it's similar to you

802
00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:07,920
Speaker 1: showed you where you needed to be more accountable, and

803
00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:10,720
Speaker 1: that led you to being more accountable as a wife

804
00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:14,279
Speaker 1: in every aspect of life and I'm still working on it.

805
00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:17,399
Speaker 1: So having kids made you a better wife, because having

806
00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:19,560
Speaker 1: kids definitely made me a better father. For I'm not

807
00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:22,640
Speaker 1: even gonna like our attention to detail now, like ship

808
00:38:22,719 --> 00:38:24,799
Speaker 1: life is crazy, scheduled to hectic and stuff like that,

809
00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:27,000
Speaker 1: But I was meant to be a mom and wife

810
00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:29,719
Speaker 1: like I know that. So the crazy part is we

811
00:38:29,760 --> 00:38:32,839
Speaker 1: had this conversation and remember that it was the saying

812
00:38:32,840 --> 00:38:34,440
Speaker 1: I just came up what it was even saying. But

813
00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:40,000
Speaker 1: pretty much, what's harder than being accountable and what's harder

814
00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:45,960
Speaker 1: then watching yourself watching all your insecurities happen, is watching

815
00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:50,520
Speaker 1: your children exhibit the same insecurities you have because you

816
00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:54,439
Speaker 1: projected it on them. That to me is what tried

817
00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:56,560
Speaker 1: to what made me want to be a better husband,

818
00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:58,920
Speaker 1: because I said, my sons have to watch me. I

819
00:38:58,920 --> 00:39:00,799
Speaker 1: don't want my sons to have the fears I have

820
00:39:01,080 --> 00:39:03,080
Speaker 1: or exhibit the bad behavior that I have that I

821
00:39:03,120 --> 00:39:05,560
Speaker 1: know I have, so I have to move better so

822
00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:08,680
Speaker 1: that they can move better and live better. So it

823
00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:10,880
Speaker 1: kind of forced me to be more accountable. And I'm

824
00:39:10,920 --> 00:39:12,839
Speaker 1: hearing you say this now because Kadina and I do

825
00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:14,960
Speaker 1: talk a lot about each other, but sometimes we have

826
00:39:15,080 --> 00:39:18,080
Speaker 1: these conversations mid podcasts that was like, wow, we haven't

827
00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:20,600
Speaker 1: talked about that, and even even you saying now, like

828
00:39:20,640 --> 00:39:22,840
Speaker 1: you just realize you just needed to be a better wife.

829
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:25,360
Speaker 1: You don't hear a lot of women say that, And

830
00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:27,920
Speaker 1: I'm gonna honestly say that as a man. You may

831
00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:29,640
Speaker 1: get some I may get some flat for it, but

832
00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:31,879
Speaker 1: I don't give a fuck. We live in a time

833
00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:34,359
Speaker 1: now where everyone is looking to point the finger at

834
00:39:34,400 --> 00:39:38,640
Speaker 1: someone else. So to hear a woman say, now, I

835
00:39:38,719 --> 00:39:41,359
Speaker 1: just realized I needed to just be better and not

836
00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:43,680
Speaker 1: give any excuses, And to say you got tired of

837
00:39:43,719 --> 00:39:46,960
Speaker 1: hearing your own excuses and hearing wise is like because

838
00:39:46,960 --> 00:39:48,880
Speaker 1: you saw your sons and if they make an excuse

839
00:39:48,920 --> 00:39:50,399
Speaker 1: that you wouldn't want to hear, You'd be like, damn

840
00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:52,640
Speaker 1: where they get that from? Because honestly, it just wasn't

841
00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:54,680
Speaker 1: making sense anymore. Like I couldn't even justify half the

842
00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:56,200
Speaker 1: ship what I was saying, Like, think about it. When

843
00:39:56,200 --> 00:39:58,160
Speaker 1: we've had these discussions, sometimes you're just sitting there, You're like,

844
00:39:58,160 --> 00:39:59,839
Speaker 1: why are you why aren't you saying anything? And I'm

845
00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:03,400
Speaker 1: just like, bro, like I'm excused out, like, I like,

846
00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:06,640
Speaker 1: what more can I say in this moment? And ship?

847
00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:08,439
Speaker 1: It might be even selfish on my part. I got

848
00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:10,160
Speaker 1: just tired of talking about the same ship over and over,

849
00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:12,560
Speaker 1: and I'm like, why are you talking about this? Because

850
00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:14,440
Speaker 1: you know what you're supposed to do. That's why we're

851
00:40:14,440 --> 00:40:16,640
Speaker 1: having this conversation again, you know. And one thing device

852
00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:19,600
Speaker 1: gonna do is hold me accountable, and that's what I need. Um.

853
00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:23,120
Speaker 1: So yeah, I've kind of just employed that in different

854
00:40:23,160 --> 00:40:25,839
Speaker 1: aspects of my life now. So I'm interested to see

855
00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:28,680
Speaker 1: how Candeine unfolds over the next couple of months and

856
00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:31,520
Speaker 1: years because I feel like who I'm meant to be

857
00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:34,520
Speaker 1: um now that I have my children and told and

858
00:40:34,520 --> 00:40:37,760
Speaker 1: I have my husband, and you know, my career hasn't

859
00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:40,480
Speaker 1: even seen the heights or the potential that it has.

860
00:40:40,640 --> 00:40:44,359
Speaker 1: You just get. It's in part because I just self

861
00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:46,440
Speaker 1: that self sabotaging away because I'm like, I know I'm

862
00:40:46,440 --> 00:40:48,440
Speaker 1: gonna have to stop and come back. I know I'm

863
00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:50,160
Speaker 1: gonna have to stop and come back, but then no

864
00:40:50,239 --> 00:40:53,240
Speaker 1: one's stopping it now. That's and to be honest, that's

865
00:40:53,239 --> 00:40:55,640
Speaker 1: why I was excited about this vasectomy, you know, to

866
00:40:55,680 --> 00:40:59,040
Speaker 1: watch you unfold and now I'm excited to unfold them legs.

867
00:41:00,080 --> 00:41:02,399
Speaker 1: Period and I ain't got to worry about nine coming

868
00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:04,960
Speaker 1: out period. And then I mean, the most I worry

869
00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:06,480
Speaker 1: about is a period. But it's not gonna be as

870
00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:08,600
Speaker 1: bad as it's been, because who wants to have a

871
00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:11,480
Speaker 1: period every like for every one to twenty two days

872
00:41:12,360 --> 00:41:15,680
Speaker 1: as long as hell? And oh it's just embarrassing moments

873
00:41:15,719 --> 00:41:18,480
Speaker 1: like nobody gets time for that at all. So, um,

874
00:41:18,520 --> 00:41:20,759
Speaker 1: two more facts about vasecto music case you're considering it

875
00:41:20,840 --> 00:41:24,040
Speaker 1: or wondering. Doctors say that vasectomys should be considered permanent,

876
00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:26,239
Speaker 1: but there's always ways to reverse them. So if you

877
00:41:26,280 --> 00:41:28,720
Speaker 1: decide you want to change your mind and go back,

878
00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:32,200
Speaker 1: go back, ain't nobody going back in. You cut me

879
00:41:32,239 --> 00:41:34,920
Speaker 1: one time, one time and another that's it. You ain't

880
00:41:34,920 --> 00:41:37,520
Speaker 1: cutting two times. And if the reversal is within ten

881
00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:40,240
Speaker 1: years of the vasectomy, the success rate is about sixty,

882
00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:44,880
Speaker 1: but after fifteen years it can drop to half. About

883
00:41:46,360 --> 00:41:48,279
Speaker 1: decide within ten years if you have a vasectomy, you

884
00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:51,000
Speaker 1: want to get it reversed. All right, y'all think this

885
00:41:51,040 --> 00:41:53,840
Speaker 1: is a good little spot, um to take a break.

886
00:41:53,880 --> 00:41:56,120
Speaker 1: But before we go into a break, um, One of

887
00:41:56,160 --> 00:41:57,920
Speaker 1: the questions on the rundown was have we shared this

888
00:41:57,960 --> 00:42:00,000
Speaker 1: information with friends and family and what do they think

889
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:02,120
Speaker 1: about the choice. You were on the fence about sharing

890
00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:04,839
Speaker 1: whether or not you do you know why you were

891
00:42:04,880 --> 00:42:07,680
Speaker 1: debating it, um I was. I was on defense about

892
00:42:08,160 --> 00:42:11,040
Speaker 1: sharing it because I feel like when you become a

893
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:15,960
Speaker 1: public figure, right, people use your experiences as an example

894
00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:19,120
Speaker 1: as to why other people should follow right, And I

895
00:42:19,200 --> 00:42:22,400
Speaker 1: made my decision for my own personal reasons. I would

896
00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:25,000
Speaker 1: never want anyone else to say to another guy, well,

897
00:42:25,080 --> 00:42:27,080
Speaker 1: you should do it because Devou did it. You know

898
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:29,160
Speaker 1: what I'm saying the same way, the same way when

899
00:42:29,239 --> 00:42:31,799
Speaker 1: we talk about the sex episodes and you talk about

900
00:42:31,840 --> 00:42:33,680
Speaker 1: some of the things that you do for me sexually.

901
00:42:33,719 --> 00:42:36,719
Speaker 1: I don't ever want a man to try to gaslight

902
00:42:37,239 --> 00:42:40,040
Speaker 1: their wife and be like, well, Codean does this. You

903
00:42:40,080 --> 00:42:42,840
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Like like I I get approached

904
00:42:42,840 --> 00:42:44,520
Speaker 1: from men all the time when we're at the airpoint,

905
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:46,399
Speaker 1: like why you'd be saying all that night about your wife?

906
00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:48,400
Speaker 1: All the time my wife was saying, how come you

907
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:50,680
Speaker 1: don't talk to me about this. I don't ever want

908
00:42:50,719 --> 00:42:53,320
Speaker 1: anyone to use, especially something as serious as if a

909
00:42:53,400 --> 00:42:55,839
Speaker 1: sect to me or use me as an example as well.

910
00:42:55,880 --> 00:42:57,960
Speaker 1: Devo did it, so you should do it. So I

911
00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:00,880
Speaker 1: was kind of on the edge on the order about sharing,

912
00:43:01,280 --> 00:43:04,279
Speaker 1: but I felt comfortable sharing because I felt like it

913
00:43:04,320 --> 00:43:08,160
Speaker 1: would be important for men to hear my reasons and

914
00:43:08,200 --> 00:43:10,560
Speaker 1: also to hear the advantages of how it helped us,

915
00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:15,279
Speaker 1: both sexually but also spiritually, because now spiritually you don't

916
00:43:15,320 --> 00:43:17,400
Speaker 1: have to worry about what if I get pregnant. You

917
00:43:17,440 --> 00:43:20,160
Speaker 1: can focus on where you want to take your life

918
00:43:20,280 --> 00:43:24,279
Speaker 1: as an individual, right and and people don't realize that

919
00:43:25,200 --> 00:43:27,279
Speaker 1: when you have someone that oh and I never realized that,

920
00:43:27,320 --> 00:43:29,840
Speaker 1: when you have someone that's like, okay, I can start this,

921
00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:32,000
Speaker 1: but saying if if we have another baby, then that's

922
00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:33,920
Speaker 1: gonna set me back two years. I don't ever have

923
00:43:33,960 --> 00:43:35,880
Speaker 1: to think about that. You know how hard that is

924
00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:40,320
Speaker 1: for someone spiritually to restart over and over again, very trying.

925
00:43:40,560 --> 00:43:42,360
Speaker 1: So for me it was just like, I want to

926
00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:45,600
Speaker 1: share this with gentlemen if they're considering it to hear

927
00:43:45,680 --> 00:43:48,759
Speaker 1: other reasons other than you know what I'm saying, Well,

928
00:43:48,800 --> 00:43:51,120
Speaker 1: your wife had kids, is your turn, because that's typically

929
00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:53,160
Speaker 1: what you always here. Your wife had babies, she had

930
00:43:53,160 --> 00:43:55,440
Speaker 1: a baby. You can have a procedure. Yeah, it's like

931
00:43:55,480 --> 00:43:58,319
Speaker 1: that's that can never be an excuse, especially with the

932
00:43:58,320 --> 00:44:00,719
Speaker 1: divorce rates being so high. You want to You never

933
00:44:00,760 --> 00:44:03,279
Speaker 1: want to do something so permanent, right, and then what

934
00:44:03,320 --> 00:44:05,080
Speaker 1: if it don't work out, because then he gonna be like,

935
00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:08,560
Speaker 1: I gotta for you. You ain't going nowhere, And it's

936
00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:10,920
Speaker 1: like no one wants to hear that, right, So it's like,

937
00:44:11,040 --> 00:44:13,760
Speaker 1: make sure you make your own reasons. You've heard my reasons.

938
00:44:14,360 --> 00:44:17,279
Speaker 1: You know. I had my own personal reasons sexually. I

939
00:44:17,320 --> 00:44:19,680
Speaker 1: also had my own reasons for doing it for my

940
00:44:19,719 --> 00:44:22,799
Speaker 1: wife health wise, so it was like, just create more

941
00:44:22,840 --> 00:44:24,680
Speaker 1: peace in my home. So that's why I chose to share,

942
00:44:24,719 --> 00:44:26,879
Speaker 1: and I hope it helps someone else create more peace

943
00:44:26,880 --> 00:44:28,399
Speaker 1: in their home. Yeah, for sure. I know. There's also

944
00:44:28,440 --> 00:44:30,200
Speaker 1: like an age range where they like, for example, if

945
00:44:30,239 --> 00:44:32,360
Speaker 1: a woman is tying her tubes, like the doctors just

946
00:44:32,440 --> 00:44:34,560
Speaker 1: won't tie your tubes before. I think it's like thirty

947
00:44:34,600 --> 00:44:36,879
Speaker 1: five because sometimes you may be going through a rough patch.

948
00:44:36,960 --> 00:44:40,080
Speaker 1: You like that because I can't, and then you just

949
00:44:40,360 --> 00:44:42,400
Speaker 1: independent in a situation where you're just like ship like

950
00:44:42,400 --> 00:44:44,560
Speaker 1: I wish I could have the baby right now, and

951
00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:47,920
Speaker 1: which I've heard that some versions of the tube relegation

952
00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:52,120
Speaker 1: is um reversible. Yeah, but I don't know what their

953
00:44:52,200 --> 00:44:55,799
Speaker 1: rates are for that in terms of effectiveness. Okay, all right,

954
00:44:55,760 --> 00:44:57,120
Speaker 1: now it's a good time to take a little break.

955
00:44:57,160 --> 00:44:59,239
Speaker 1: We have to list of letters that we always like

956
00:44:59,280 --> 00:45:02,600
Speaker 1: to dive into you. So let's go pay some bills

957
00:45:02,680 --> 00:45:15,120
Speaker 1: and we will come right back. All right, I'll go first.

958
00:45:15,520 --> 00:45:17,680
Speaker 1: You know, I'm saying, since I had second you know

959
00:45:17,680 --> 00:45:20,359
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, I'm gonna keep throwing at it every time.

960
00:45:20,400 --> 00:45:21,920
Speaker 1: You know how cage you're throw to me. I had

961
00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:24,239
Speaker 1: three whole boys. That's gonna be my saying. Now every

962
00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:27,959
Speaker 1: time fo whole boys, every time she asked me about something,

963
00:45:27,960 --> 00:45:30,760
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be like, you can get me a bear.

964
00:45:31,360 --> 00:45:34,360
Speaker 1: I'm thirsty Thursday. I'll just throw it out there whatever

965
00:45:34,400 --> 00:45:38,520
Speaker 1: I can. I'm going first today because because I'm a

966
00:45:38,600 --> 00:45:41,759
Speaker 1: milk it to skim milk it. You know, you see

967
00:45:41,760 --> 00:45:44,839
Speaker 1: how she's so nasty now, like now that she skim milk,

968
00:45:44,880 --> 00:45:46,560
Speaker 1: that's what you call my nut. Now it ain't whole

969
00:45:46,560 --> 00:45:50,240
Speaker 1: milky skim milk. That's hilarious. Well, I'm watching my figure,

970
00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:56,360
Speaker 1: So calorie count, you just let everybody know you swallow. Hey,

971
00:45:56,719 --> 00:45:58,440
Speaker 1: it depends on the day. It's funny to be that

972
00:45:58,520 --> 00:46:01,960
Speaker 1: this mast everyone's like spit sile spce like it depends

973
00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:05,120
Speaker 1: on what they wants. Yeah, yeah, she nasty. This is

974
00:46:05,120 --> 00:46:06,719
Speaker 1: why had to get a refected me. If I ain't

975
00:46:06,719 --> 00:46:09,920
Speaker 1: get a sect. Should be pregnant every other everyally year

976
00:46:09,960 --> 00:46:11,919
Speaker 1: should be pregnant because the other year before that she'd

977
00:46:11,920 --> 00:46:14,880
Speaker 1: be having a baby. But um, let me go to

978
00:46:14,960 --> 00:46:17,880
Speaker 1: listen to letters. So I'm writing in to find out

979
00:46:17,920 --> 00:46:20,399
Speaker 1: how you guys decided you were officially done having kids.

980
00:46:20,680 --> 00:46:22,440
Speaker 1: I just turned thirty years old and I have an

981
00:46:22,440 --> 00:46:24,680
Speaker 1: eleven year old son. I've been with my fiance for

982
00:46:24,719 --> 00:46:26,360
Speaker 1: two and a half years, dating for three and a

983
00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:29,719
Speaker 1: half years. He has two daughters, thirteen and eleven years old,

984
00:46:29,800 --> 00:46:33,200
Speaker 1: from previous relationships. Now that our families are officially blended,

985
00:46:33,239 --> 00:46:36,000
Speaker 1: we have been considering the vasectorm me process. The closer

986
00:46:36,040 --> 00:46:38,480
Speaker 1: we get to our wedding date, I am secretly struggling

987
00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:40,959
Speaker 1: to decide if I really don't want any more kids.

988
00:46:41,040 --> 00:46:43,000
Speaker 1: The thought of not having a child with my husband

989
00:46:43,040 --> 00:46:45,839
Speaker 1: seems strange to me. That's where we were to um

990
00:46:46,160 --> 00:46:48,560
Speaker 1: when we were dating. When we were dating, I got

991
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:50,960
Speaker 1: pregnant and decided to terminate the pregnancy out of fear

992
00:46:51,040 --> 00:46:54,720
Speaker 1: a child would accelerate our relationship faster than I was ready.

993
00:46:55,040 --> 00:46:57,640
Speaker 1: When we officially got together, I wanted another child, but

994
00:46:57,719 --> 00:47:00,640
Speaker 1: I didn't. Oh, he wanted another Excuse me, he want

995
00:47:00,640 --> 00:47:03,040
Speaker 1: another child, but I didn't. Then when I thought I

996
00:47:03,120 --> 00:47:05,640
Speaker 1: wanted another child, he didn't. We got on the same

997
00:47:05,719 --> 00:47:07,759
Speaker 1: page for the last year and have agreed we are

998
00:47:07,840 --> 00:47:10,799
Speaker 1: both fulfilled with the children we do have. But now

999
00:47:10,920 --> 00:47:13,360
Speaker 1: I'm back to wondering if we are making the right choice.

1000
00:47:13,880 --> 00:47:15,800
Speaker 1: Thank you for the help. I think the fact that

1001
00:47:15,880 --> 00:47:17,319
Speaker 1: you wish you wash you ain't going back and forth

1002
00:47:17,320 --> 00:47:19,080
Speaker 1: probably means that you're not done. I wouldn't have a

1003
00:47:19,160 --> 00:47:20,920
Speaker 1: vasect to me if you wish you were. Yeah, I

1004
00:47:20,920 --> 00:47:23,840
Speaker 1: wouldn't do it either. Um. That's how Deval and I

1005
00:47:23,960 --> 00:47:26,600
Speaker 1: were for between three and four. Actually, it was kind

1006
00:47:26,640 --> 00:47:28,319
Speaker 1: of like, all right, we're both one of three kids.

1007
00:47:28,400 --> 00:47:30,920
Speaker 1: Three fields normal, three fields natural, But was kind of

1008
00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:33,279
Speaker 1: like yeah, but I kind of envisioned like four kids,

1009
00:47:33,320 --> 00:47:35,719
Speaker 1: and I was like okay, And then somebody gave me

1010
00:47:35,719 --> 00:47:37,880
Speaker 1: the example of just like, well, if they're doubling up

1011
00:47:37,880 --> 00:47:40,040
Speaker 1: on the roller coaster, somebody's gonna be right themselves. You know,

1012
00:47:40,520 --> 00:47:42,040
Speaker 1: it was just a little funny things like that, But

1013
00:47:42,239 --> 00:47:45,080
Speaker 1: I knew deep down that I was not finished. I

1014
00:47:45,160 --> 00:47:47,640
Speaker 1: knew deep down. So it's literally a gut feeling that

1015
00:47:47,760 --> 00:47:50,600
Speaker 1: you feel, and it's kind of like definitive UM, at

1016
00:47:50,680 --> 00:47:53,120
Speaker 1: least for women who have spoken to and like I

1017
00:47:53,200 --> 00:47:55,480
Speaker 1: expressed in this podcast episode, I felt that the decision

1018
00:47:55,560 --> 00:47:57,080
Speaker 1: was kind of made for me when I was praying

1019
00:47:57,160 --> 00:48:00,319
Speaker 1: for UM. I'm praying for a sign and and God

1020
00:48:00,560 --> 00:48:03,239
Speaker 1: gave me that. So if you haven't gotten your signances,

1021
00:48:03,680 --> 00:48:06,080
Speaker 1: this might be your sign actually that you're not done.

1022
00:48:06,480 --> 00:48:08,000
Speaker 1: And I can see that one. And even if you

1023
00:48:08,080 --> 00:48:10,920
Speaker 1: have your own child, you know, outside of your your spouse,

1024
00:48:11,320 --> 00:48:13,840
Speaker 1: and then he has his own children, like wanting that

1025
00:48:14,040 --> 00:48:17,800
Speaker 1: to bond together, having that one child together might be

1026
00:48:17,920 --> 00:48:20,880
Speaker 1: the thing that you need. So I would agree for

1027
00:48:21,120 --> 00:48:23,120
Speaker 1: for him, for example, if he says that he's done

1028
00:48:23,160 --> 00:48:24,840
Speaker 1: having kids, because there are some men who like I,

1029
00:48:24,880 --> 00:48:27,280
Speaker 1: don't want any more kids. It's not just women. If

1030
00:48:27,320 --> 00:48:29,080
Speaker 1: you're a man who just decided you don't want to

1031
00:48:29,120 --> 00:48:30,800
Speaker 1: have any more kids, I think you should speak to

1032
00:48:30,880 --> 00:48:33,200
Speaker 1: your spouse about it before you have a v sectomy.

1033
00:48:33,200 --> 00:48:34,680
Speaker 1: I would never go and just have a va sectomy

1034
00:48:34,719 --> 00:48:38,040
Speaker 1: without telling my spouse. But if you're if you're a man,

1035
00:48:38,160 --> 00:48:39,520
Speaker 1: and you decide you don't want to have more kids,

1036
00:48:39,520 --> 00:48:40,960
Speaker 1: you want to have ava sector me. It's your body,

1037
00:48:41,000 --> 00:48:43,360
Speaker 1: it's your choice, the same way a woman can decide

1038
00:48:43,400 --> 00:48:45,560
Speaker 1: whether she wants to terminate a pregnancy or not, whether

1039
00:48:45,640 --> 00:48:47,759
Speaker 1: she wants to be on birth control or not. If

1040
00:48:47,800 --> 00:48:50,280
Speaker 1: he wants to have a vasectomy, and you guys collectively

1041
00:48:50,360 --> 00:48:52,440
Speaker 1: decide that that's the way you want to go do that,

1042
00:48:52,880 --> 00:48:55,800
Speaker 1: But it has to be a collective decision Codeina and

1043
00:48:55,840 --> 00:48:58,000
Speaker 1: I also talk about I don't even talk about it

1044
00:48:58,000 --> 00:48:59,480
Speaker 1: in the book, but I'm telling you y'all gotta read it.

1045
00:48:59,480 --> 00:49:01,000
Speaker 1: When y'all read the book, you're going to learn a

1046
00:49:01,120 --> 00:49:04,000
Speaker 1: lot about us and the decisions we had to make

1047
00:49:04,800 --> 00:49:09,160
Speaker 1: when we were dating, especially as as uh teenagers, self

1048
00:49:09,200 --> 00:49:11,640
Speaker 1: decisions and self decisions were made. Were here to talk

1049
00:49:11,680 --> 00:49:15,160
Speaker 1: about it, right about it? Yes, be in constant communication

1050
00:49:15,239 --> 00:49:17,480
Speaker 1: with each other, and don't make a finite decision like

1051
00:49:17,560 --> 00:49:22,239
Speaker 1: a vasectomy until you're sure absolutely all right, Hey they're

1052
00:49:22,280 --> 00:49:24,560
Speaker 1: getting a deville. Let me say, I adore you guys,

1053
00:49:24,880 --> 00:49:27,759
Speaker 1: thank you. I don't have any married people in my life,

1054
00:49:27,800 --> 00:49:30,640
Speaker 1: so I get insight on relationships and it's been truly

1055
00:49:30,680 --> 00:49:33,160
Speaker 1: helpful to me. So thank you all for being so honest.

1056
00:49:33,680 --> 00:49:35,359
Speaker 1: I'm a thirty year old single woman with a ten

1057
00:49:35,440 --> 00:49:38,160
Speaker 1: year old daughter for context, I have a great paying

1058
00:49:38,239 --> 00:49:41,400
Speaker 1: job and I'm finishing my degree in political science. I

1059
00:49:41,440 --> 00:49:43,560
Speaker 1: am finally at the age in position where I'm ready

1060
00:49:43,600 --> 00:49:46,320
Speaker 1: to actually date and settle down. So that has started

1061
00:49:46,440 --> 00:49:49,480
Speaker 1: my dating process with a purpose journey. I must say,

1062
00:49:49,920 --> 00:49:53,440
Speaker 1: the dating pool is trash, y'all. So we've been hearing um.

1063
00:49:53,520 --> 00:49:55,640
Speaker 1: I really want to find the parents of these men

1064
00:49:55,719 --> 00:49:58,279
Speaker 1: and ask them what the hell this is. I have

1065
00:49:58,360 --> 00:50:00,359
Speaker 1: a list of qualities I look for, and I'm MutS say.

1066
00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:03,680
Speaker 1: Devo has shown me the way men should carry themselves.

1067
00:50:04,840 --> 00:50:06,320
Speaker 1: I want to be clear, I'm not looking for a

1068
00:50:06,400 --> 00:50:09,440
Speaker 1: Devo or comparing every man to Devo. But I listened

1069
00:50:09,440 --> 00:50:11,880
Speaker 1: to what Devo says about men and how they operate

1070
00:50:12,000 --> 00:50:14,759
Speaker 1: and base my list off of that. I look for

1071
00:50:14,880 --> 00:50:17,440
Speaker 1: men that you can handle. Listen some big as us

1072
00:50:17,440 --> 00:50:20,560
Speaker 1: to fail over, hey, baby, um. I look for men

1073
00:50:20,719 --> 00:50:23,919
Speaker 1: that can handle themselves in the multitude of settings. One

1074
00:50:24,040 --> 00:50:28,760
Speaker 1: that has consistent work, work or consistent source of income.

1075
00:50:29,800 --> 00:50:32,600
Speaker 1: M A man that has plans for the future, men

1076
00:50:32,719 --> 00:50:36,680
Speaker 1: that can effectively communicate and that have the potential to

1077
00:50:36,880 --> 00:50:41,560
Speaker 1: lead as some of the main thing. I updated a

1078
00:50:41,640 --> 00:50:43,400
Speaker 1: few men over the past two years, and they've all

1079
00:50:43,480 --> 00:50:45,680
Speaker 1: lacked one or more of these qualities that I desire.

1080
00:50:46,440 --> 00:50:49,000
Speaker 1: We may have great chemistry, but I can't see any

1081
00:50:49,080 --> 00:50:52,640
Speaker 1: long term plans with these men. I'll normally say, Okay,

1082
00:50:52,760 --> 00:50:55,040
Speaker 1: we are semi young, so we have we are all

1083
00:50:55,120 --> 00:50:57,680
Speaker 1: still growing. But by the second X on my list,

1084
00:50:57,880 --> 00:51:01,279
Speaker 1: I'm running for the hills. Am expectations too high for

1085
00:51:01,400 --> 00:51:03,239
Speaker 1: a man? Or should I stick to the things that

1086
00:51:03,360 --> 00:51:06,279
Speaker 1: I require and keep searching the dating pool for what

1087
00:51:06,440 --> 00:51:09,200
Speaker 1: I want? I feel if I shortened my list, I

1088
00:51:09,320 --> 00:51:11,919
Speaker 1: may be settling because I get older. I'm getting older

1089
00:51:11,960 --> 00:51:15,120
Speaker 1: and these eggs will be dust soon. Um please let

1090
00:51:15,200 --> 00:51:16,960
Speaker 1: me know what you guys think. Love all It's p S.

1091
00:51:17,000 --> 00:51:18,480
Speaker 1: When I saw the opening for the team of the

1092
00:51:18,520 --> 00:51:20,600
Speaker 1: first time, I got teary eyed. I've been on this

1093
00:51:20,719 --> 00:51:22,560
Speaker 1: journey with you all for years and I'm just so

1094
00:51:22,680 --> 00:51:26,160
Speaker 1: proud of Devot and all his accomplishments. You guys a family,

1095
00:51:26,280 --> 00:51:28,160
Speaker 1: and I love to see all in Thank you, sis,

1096
00:51:28,280 --> 00:51:31,160
Speaker 1: thank you so much. Thanks to celebrate and Devot because

1097
00:51:31,200 --> 00:51:33,359
Speaker 1: it's the team, and that show was all him. People

1098
00:51:33,400 --> 00:51:35,920
Speaker 1: like to celebrate Devot and I together, but that was all.

1099
00:51:36,520 --> 00:51:39,880
Speaker 1: They congratulate me for the team, and I'm like, congratulate him.

1100
00:51:39,960 --> 00:51:42,960
Speaker 1: That was all him. So um so thank you for

1101
00:51:43,040 --> 00:51:49,399
Speaker 1: that sis. Alright, so Devot, don't I don't settle, Listen,

1102
00:51:49,440 --> 00:51:52,359
Speaker 1: I don't ever. I will never in my life tell

1103
00:51:52,440 --> 00:51:55,760
Speaker 1: anybody this is too long. No, you know what I wanted.

1104
00:51:56,000 --> 00:51:58,560
Speaker 1: I wanted a beautiful woman with a sense of humor,

1105
00:51:58,680 --> 00:52:01,040
Speaker 1: with a fat ass, with a pig face, with long

1106
00:52:01,160 --> 00:52:04,279
Speaker 1: hair that's funny. And that's what I got, and and

1107
00:52:04,400 --> 00:52:06,600
Speaker 1: and and when I think about my life, I didn't

1108
00:52:06,640 --> 00:52:09,640
Speaker 1: settle for anything in any aspect of my life. When

1109
00:52:09,680 --> 00:52:12,359
Speaker 1: they came to sports, when it came to academia, when

1110
00:52:12,400 --> 00:52:15,440
Speaker 1: they came to building my businesses, when it came to

1111
00:52:15,560 --> 00:52:18,719
Speaker 1: my TV career, I just never settled. So when people say,

1112
00:52:18,760 --> 00:52:21,719
Speaker 1: should I settle off? My list too long? I say no, No.

1113
00:52:22,080 --> 00:52:23,719
Speaker 1: If you looked at my list for all the things

1114
00:52:23,760 --> 00:52:26,640
Speaker 1: I wanted my life, not just my woman, but where

1115
00:52:26,680 --> 00:52:28,239
Speaker 1: I want to live, how I want to live, how

1116
00:52:28,280 --> 00:52:30,080
Speaker 1: many kids I wanted, what I wanted to do with

1117
00:52:30,200 --> 00:52:33,600
Speaker 1: my life. I've never settled. The idea of settling, to me,

1118
00:52:34,280 --> 00:52:37,560
Speaker 1: is a recipe for disaster because the minute you settle,

1119
00:52:37,680 --> 00:52:40,440
Speaker 1: and you settle with that person, when you're not getting

1120
00:52:40,480 --> 00:52:42,680
Speaker 1: the things that you really desired, you're gonna have resentment

1121
00:52:42,760 --> 00:52:45,520
Speaker 1: towards that person. And it's not fair to that person

1122
00:52:45,600 --> 00:52:48,040
Speaker 1: that you settled with them. And you know what I'm saying.

1123
00:52:48,040 --> 00:52:49,440
Speaker 1: You settled with them, and I was like, you're not

1124
00:52:49,480 --> 00:52:53,200
Speaker 1: anything I ever wanted. Well, you chose that, motherfucker. Don't settle.

1125
00:52:53,480 --> 00:52:55,680
Speaker 1: Work your ass off and be deliberate about what you

1126
00:52:55,760 --> 00:52:58,919
Speaker 1: want until you get it, period for sure. And since

1127
00:52:59,040 --> 00:53:00,560
Speaker 1: just make sure that when you have your list of

1128
00:53:00,640 --> 00:53:02,319
Speaker 1: things that you're looking for with a man, that you're

1129
00:53:02,360 --> 00:53:05,080
Speaker 1: bringing something to the table as well too, because a

1130
00:53:05,160 --> 00:53:07,800
Speaker 1: lot of times, okay, one thing we're good for is

1131
00:53:07,840 --> 00:53:10,520
Speaker 1: a list. This be good for a list. We're doing

1132
00:53:10,600 --> 00:53:12,440
Speaker 1: all these things that we know that we want this

1133
00:53:12,520 --> 00:53:14,439
Speaker 1: man to have. And you know you want that build

1134
00:53:14,440 --> 00:53:17,240
Speaker 1: a beer man, But since do you have the qualities

1135
00:53:17,280 --> 00:53:20,080
Speaker 1: that can match someone who you're trying to pull. Make

1136
00:53:20,120 --> 00:53:22,759
Speaker 1: sure that you are deliberate about that as well too,

1137
00:53:23,239 --> 00:53:27,120
Speaker 1: because it can be a problem. Okay, no, no, no,

1138
00:53:27,239 --> 00:53:29,440
Speaker 1: you're right, I'm looking at you know, I'm looking at

1139
00:53:29,480 --> 00:53:32,040
Speaker 1: you know. You're actually right because when I said I

1140
00:53:32,080 --> 00:53:33,759
Speaker 1: don't settle and I have my list, right, and I

1141
00:53:33,840 --> 00:53:36,000
Speaker 1: thought about all the things I wanted in a woman,

1142
00:53:36,719 --> 00:53:40,879
Speaker 1: I definitely said, is the woman that I desire? Does

1143
00:53:40,960 --> 00:53:44,399
Speaker 1: the woman that I desire desire me? And if if

1144
00:53:44,520 --> 00:53:47,000
Speaker 1: I feel like they don't desire me, I have to

1145
00:53:47,160 --> 00:53:50,239
Speaker 1: build myself up to be desirable for the type of

1146
00:53:50,280 --> 00:53:53,400
Speaker 1: woman that I want. So you just really touched on something.

1147
00:53:53,520 --> 00:53:55,880
Speaker 1: If you have a list, make sure you have a

1148
00:53:55,960 --> 00:53:58,480
Speaker 1: list of your own, and then you can put yourself

1149
00:53:59,080 --> 00:54:02,040
Speaker 1: in that category be deserving of that. So you definitely

1150
00:54:02,080 --> 00:54:03,960
Speaker 1: touched and I didn't touch on that. That was always

1151
00:54:04,000 --> 00:54:06,280
Speaker 1: big on settling. But you're absolutely right, right, No, absolutely,

1152
00:54:06,280 --> 00:54:08,160
Speaker 1: I mean I agree to like, don't settle at all

1153
00:54:08,360 --> 00:54:10,560
Speaker 1: for sure. But in addition to that, just make sure

1154
00:54:10,600 --> 00:54:14,399
Speaker 1: that because sometimes you fall into these traps or whatever,

1155
00:54:14,440 --> 00:54:17,120
Speaker 1: at least her seeing with dating is that you keep

1156
00:54:17,160 --> 00:54:19,400
Speaker 1: talking about you know, many shiped women ship because of

1157
00:54:19,400 --> 00:54:21,120
Speaker 1: the type of what we spoke about. This the type

1158
00:54:21,120 --> 00:54:23,000
Speaker 1: of person that you're attracting or the type of person

1159
00:54:23,080 --> 00:54:25,120
Speaker 1: that you're you know you're ending up with. It. There's

1160
00:54:25,120 --> 00:54:27,640
Speaker 1: a similar pattern of these people having the same qualities.

1161
00:54:27,640 --> 00:54:30,279
Speaker 1: It's probably because you list sucked up or because you

1162
00:54:30,360 --> 00:54:33,000
Speaker 1: know you're looking at the wrong pool of people. So, UM,

1163
00:54:33,040 --> 00:54:34,920
Speaker 1: good luck to use this. I'm sure that he's out

1164
00:54:34,960 --> 00:54:37,520
Speaker 1: there and in the meantime, says, freeze your eggs. That's

1165
00:54:37,520 --> 00:54:38,960
Speaker 1: one piece of advice I have for you. Like that

1166
00:54:39,080 --> 00:54:42,440
Speaker 1: was something else that we spoke about the second marriage

1167
00:54:42,440 --> 00:54:44,160
Speaker 1: back to rette party, is that we're in an age

1168
00:54:44,200 --> 00:54:46,200
Speaker 1: group where women are talking about ship. I'm still single,

1169
00:54:46,320 --> 00:54:49,000
Speaker 1: I'm thirty something years old, and you know, I'm considering

1170
00:54:49,040 --> 00:54:51,200
Speaker 1: wanted to have children. How is that going to happen

1171
00:54:51,280 --> 00:54:54,000
Speaker 1: for me? And then my sister now working in fertility UM,

1172
00:54:54,320 --> 00:54:55,920
Speaker 1: she has been giving a lot of insight to the

1173
00:54:56,000 --> 00:54:59,400
Speaker 1: friends of mine about what the procedures are. If you

1174
00:54:59,480 --> 00:55:01,600
Speaker 1: are one to have children but not quite ready yet

1175
00:55:01,680 --> 00:55:04,479
Speaker 1: or don't have a partner, UM, consider freezing your eggs.

1176
00:55:04,560 --> 00:55:07,759
Speaker 1: At least they'll be UM in a good space, viable eggs,

1177
00:55:07,760 --> 00:55:10,360
Speaker 1: so when you're ready, you can make that happen for yourself.

1178
00:55:10,480 --> 00:55:13,319
Speaker 1: So good luck to you. S s all right. If

1179
00:55:13,320 --> 00:55:14,959
Speaker 1: you want to be featured as one of our listener letters,

1180
00:55:15,280 --> 00:55:17,879
Speaker 1: email us at dead as Advice at gmail. Dot com.

1181
00:55:18,120 --> 00:55:20,320
Speaker 1: That's d E A d A S S A D

1182
00:55:20,480 --> 00:55:24,520
Speaker 1: V I C E at gmail dot com. Alright, time

1183
00:55:24,520 --> 00:55:27,640
Speaker 1: for moment of truth. We're talking to vows vasectomy. What's

1184
00:55:27,640 --> 00:55:29,879
Speaker 1: the today's episode going to be called? So we can't

1185
00:55:29,920 --> 00:55:32,440
Speaker 1: just call it Devows episode, DeVos e sectomy. We can

1186
00:55:32,560 --> 00:55:38,120
Speaker 1: call it these nuts of the Nutcracker. I think it's

1187
00:55:38,160 --> 00:55:40,279
Speaker 1: super cute too. That's not it's not going to be

1188
00:55:40,360 --> 00:55:44,000
Speaker 1: the name. Well, fine, Um, do you have a moment

1189
00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:46,000
Speaker 1: of truth now that you've been the one to experience

1190
00:55:46,120 --> 00:55:49,080
Speaker 1: this process and this journey? Um, what do you have

1191
00:55:49,160 --> 00:55:52,600
Speaker 1: to say? My My moment of truth in this whole

1192
00:55:52,680 --> 00:55:54,920
Speaker 1: process is that I've reached the point where I realized

1193
00:55:55,000 --> 00:55:57,160
Speaker 1: that the greater good of my family is more important

1194
00:55:57,200 --> 00:56:01,080
Speaker 1: than my needs and my wants. No, I never wanted

1195
00:56:01,120 --> 00:56:03,439
Speaker 1: to get a vasectomy. I was afraid of the pain.

1196
00:56:03,600 --> 00:56:05,680
Speaker 1: I was afraid of being emasculated because I could no

1197
00:56:05,800 --> 00:56:08,520
Speaker 1: longer having kids. But when I look at our family

1198
00:56:08,719 --> 00:56:10,719
Speaker 1: in totality, and I look at how it can help

1199
00:56:10,760 --> 00:56:13,960
Speaker 1: you health wise, UM, putting the limit on how many

1200
00:56:14,040 --> 00:56:15,759
Speaker 1: kids we have so that I can give a certain

1201
00:56:15,800 --> 00:56:18,600
Speaker 1: amount of attention to all the kids, but also help

1202
00:56:18,719 --> 00:56:22,839
Speaker 1: you spiritually feel like you don't have to worry about

1203
00:56:22,880 --> 00:56:24,640
Speaker 1: what's going to be next if you have another child.

1204
00:56:24,760 --> 00:56:27,000
Speaker 1: It was so worth it, And if I had to

1205
00:56:27,080 --> 00:56:28,719
Speaker 1: do it again the same way, I definitely would do

1206
00:56:28,760 --> 00:56:31,000
Speaker 1: it again. I love that. I guess my moment of

1207
00:56:31,040 --> 00:56:33,840
Speaker 1: truth is like a thank you to you, UM for

1208
00:56:34,000 --> 00:56:36,960
Speaker 1: just seeing me, you know, in this space, because all

1209
00:56:37,040 --> 00:56:39,239
Speaker 1: of the vasectomy had nothing really to do with me,

1210
00:56:39,400 --> 00:56:42,279
Speaker 1: because I'm not physically going through it. UM, thank you

1211
00:56:42,360 --> 00:56:44,279
Speaker 1: for seeing that I was in a space where I

1212
00:56:44,400 --> 00:56:48,480
Speaker 1: needed help and for the betterment of my health, for

1213
00:56:48,560 --> 00:56:52,840
Speaker 1: the betterment of our relationship, our sex life, and just

1214
00:56:52,920 --> 00:56:55,319
Speaker 1: our life in general. Because we're at the age now

1215
00:56:55,360 --> 00:56:57,680
Speaker 1: we're concerned about each other's health and how we're able

1216
00:56:57,719 --> 00:57:00,640
Speaker 1: to prolong this life together UM from a from a

1217
00:57:00,719 --> 00:57:04,080
Speaker 1: health standpoint, UM, from a mental standpoint UM. And we

1218
00:57:04,160 --> 00:57:06,120
Speaker 1: just want to continue to grow into whatever greatness we

1219
00:57:06,200 --> 00:57:07,640
Speaker 1: have for each other. And I feel like we're at

1220
00:57:07,640 --> 00:57:11,040
Speaker 1: a space now where we can just finally say, once

1221
00:57:11,080 --> 00:57:15,080
Speaker 1: you get that last test eight weeks from now, ejaculations,

1222
00:57:15,080 --> 00:57:17,120
Speaker 1: we're gonna get on that soon as soon as you can.

1223
00:57:17,280 --> 00:57:21,680
Speaker 1: But I just I'm just excited to see where this

1224
00:57:21,880 --> 00:57:23,720
Speaker 1: next level of life is going to go for us because,

1225
00:57:23,720 --> 00:57:25,760
Speaker 1: like I said, I feel like I've been super uncomfortable

1226
00:57:25,800 --> 00:57:31,520
Speaker 1: lately with myself and UM, growth is inevitable when I'm

1227
00:57:31,560 --> 00:57:33,560
Speaker 1: in a space like this, and I'm just happy that

1228
00:57:33,640 --> 00:57:37,240
Speaker 1: I can do it alongside you. Let's fighting back. Here's

1229
00:57:37,240 --> 00:57:40,520
Speaker 1: this episode. I love I love you. You know that

1230
00:57:41,360 --> 00:57:43,880
Speaker 1: there's no other way to warm your girls, hurt getting

1231
00:57:43,880 --> 00:57:46,800
Speaker 1: your It's just I don't know about that. I don't

1232
00:57:46,800 --> 00:57:50,200
Speaker 1: know how we took that turn there, but I say

1233
00:57:50,240 --> 00:57:51,560
Speaker 1: that in jest. But now I love you, and I

1234
00:57:51,640 --> 00:57:54,160
Speaker 1: thank you for always considering me and for seeing me um,

1235
00:57:54,280 --> 00:57:56,000
Speaker 1: and I thank you for doing this because you do

1236
00:57:56,160 --> 00:57:59,080
Speaker 1: that for me. I feel like you deserve to enjoy

1237
00:57:59,520 --> 00:58:03,680
Speaker 1: what's left of our lives together along one and a

1238
00:58:03,760 --> 00:58:07,840
Speaker 1: happy sex sex sexually. I want to say we can

1239
00:58:07,880 --> 00:58:10,160
Speaker 1: explore each other in different ways now would be great.

1240
00:58:10,160 --> 00:58:14,439
Speaker 1: I'm looking forward to that. I can't wait. Let's see

1241
00:58:14,480 --> 00:58:21,000
Speaker 1: what season ten and living in twil Alright, y'all be

1242
00:58:21,120 --> 00:58:23,720
Speaker 1: sure to follow us on the podcast page. It's dead

1243
00:58:23,760 --> 00:58:26,240
Speaker 1: as the podcast and you can find me at Cadena.

1244
00:58:26,280 --> 00:58:28,280
Speaker 1: I am and I am devout. And if you're listening

1245
00:58:28,360 --> 00:58:32,720
Speaker 1: to Apple podcasts, be sure to rate, review and subscribe.

1246
00:58:33,240 --> 00:58:37,280
Speaker 1: Dead Ass Baby dead Ass is a production of I

1247
00:58:37,440 --> 00:58:40,520
Speaker 1: Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by the Norapinia

1248
00:58:40,840 --> 00:58:43,920
Speaker 1: and Triple Follow the podcast on social media at dead

1249
00:58:43,960 --> 00:58:45,840
Speaker 1: as the Podcast and Never miss a Thing