Speaker 1: Wake that ass up in the morning. Breakfast Club Morning,
Speaker 1: Everybody's DJ n V. Charlamagne the Guy. We are the
Speaker 1: Breakfast Club. We got a special guest in the building,
Speaker 1: my guy. He's an author, New York Time best selling author.
Speaker 1: He's an entrepreneur, he is a podcast host and now
Speaker 1: he is a model as well. Ladies and gentlemen. Jay Shedding.
Speaker 2: By the way, Jay Sheddy is more than the podcast hosts.
Speaker 2: He has one of the top ten biggest podcasts in the.
Speaker 3: World's right, Okay, I think that's a very important to
Speaker 3: note because everybody got a podcast. Okay.
Speaker 2: Jay said he has one of the top ten biggest
Speaker 2: podcasts in the world. Is the number five, I think.
Speaker 4: I think so that's on Spotify. I think that's what
Speaker 4: it came out as. But no, thank you for having me, guys.
Speaker 4: I love being here with you, guys. I'm so grateful
Speaker 4: to be back to your Congrats on the new studio.
Speaker 4: And that's not new for you for your viewers, but
Speaker 4: it's new for me being in in with you. But
Speaker 4: thank you, Thank you, guys.
Speaker 2: You're one of the people always use as a model
Speaker 2: man when people tell me, like, you know, how do
Speaker 2: I get started in podcasting or broadcasting always say you
Speaker 2: got to be your true authentic self and you got
Speaker 2: to provide something that you know maybe missing. And you
Speaker 2: came with healing, you know, conversations about mental health, love,
Speaker 2: and you filled the very big void in the marketplace,
Speaker 2: a void that I didn't even think people knew it
Speaker 2: was missing.
Speaker 4: Wow. That that means a lot coming from you. I
Speaker 4: think whenever you're starting anything right, it's about finding the
Speaker 4: space in the market and then figuring out what you
Speaker 4: just said, that authentic part that you can match with
Speaker 4: that space. And I think for me, I love all
Speaker 4: the podcasts that exists in the world, and they serve
Speaker 4: so many different purposes. There's so many that I listened to,
Speaker 4: But for me, I was I remember I was at
Speaker 4: this event and the event was called Building Meaningful Lives,
Speaker 4: and Tom Brady was speaking at the event, and then
Speaker 4: they were asking questions. And I don't know Tom Brady,
Speaker 4: and you know, we don't know each other, we've never connected.
Speaker 4: But I saw a lot of questions being asked to him,
Speaker 4: and all the questions were about the rings and the
Speaker 4: games and the sports, and I could tell that he
Speaker 4: was trying to talk about meaningful things because the conference
Speaker 4: was building meaningful lives. And again I don't know him,
Speaker 4: so I've never checked this with him, but from my perspective,
Speaker 4: I could. I felt my intuition suggested that he wanted
Speaker 4: to go in a direction that he couldn't go in
Speaker 4: because everyone just wanted him to talk about sports. And
Speaker 4: I was like, Okay, I want to build the platform
Speaker 4: where someone like him could go in the direction they
Speaker 4: want to go in. That's like when you came on
Speaker 4: the show and you need to come back, we need
Speaker 4: to have you back on. You know, when you came on,
Speaker 4: it was like, we could go in the direction that
Speaker 4: you want to talk about that some people don't have
Speaker 4: the platform to do that for, you know. So that's
Speaker 4: where it came from.
Speaker 3: You know. We had a Kevin Gates up here.
Speaker 2: He's a rapper and he has a song called I
Speaker 2: think it's called I Can Heal You, you know, and he's
Speaker 2: talking about, you know the fact that he feels like
Speaker 2: he can heal women, right, but just in general, do
Speaker 2: you think you can heal people?
Speaker 5: I can't heal people. I'm not that powerful.
Speaker 4: I don't think I have the power or the capacity
Speaker 4: to heal people. But I believe the universe does. I
Speaker 4: believe energy does. I believe frequency does. And I think
Speaker 4: that all we're trying to do is introduce people to
Speaker 4: all of these ideas, concepts, practices, habits, mindsets that they
Speaker 4: can then implement. I think people taking on that power
Speaker 4: is too much pressure. I think taking on that pressure
Speaker 4: of I'm gonna heal you, I'm gonna heal people. Wow,
Speaker 4: I think I would crumble if I felt that way,
Speaker 4: I would I would not last two seconds.
Speaker 5: And so I have never felt that.
Speaker 4: And I've always felt that I've been a vessel for
Speaker 4: my teachers and mentors and guides. I feel that I've
Speaker 4: been so invested in a lot of people will say
Speaker 4: to me, like, Jay, you're so young, how did you
Speaker 4: learn this? And I'll say, I just got lucky. I
Speaker 4: had great mentors, great teachers, great guides, and I'm just
Speaker 4: trying to share what I've learned through me. And yeah,
Speaker 4: I don't want I don't want the pressure of trying
Speaker 4: to be a savior, messiah or a cha.
Speaker 1: You can heal people do your experience though, because people,
Speaker 1: you know, I think a lot of times they feel
Speaker 1: like they're alone. And if you explain your story and
Speaker 1: tell them how you got through your tough times or
Speaker 1: whatever that you've been through. It can, like you said,
Speaker 1: give somebody a roadmap of what they can do. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: you know, for every situation that you try might not
Speaker 1: work for somebody, you know, but it'll give them a
Speaker 1: guide to maybe something that can put them on their healings.
Speaker 4: Absolutely. Absolutely, yeah, I agree with that. I agree with that,
Speaker 4: but I feel like that is still so much on
Speaker 4: that person. And I feel like that's what we've seen,
Speaker 4: whether it's mental health, whether it's growth, whether it's personal development,
Speaker 4: so much of the accountability and responsibility is on the
Speaker 4: receiver of knowledge. My teachers would always give this beautiful example.
Speaker 4: They'd say, because sometimes right I go to listen to
Speaker 4: a talk, or you go listen to a podcast, and
Speaker 4: the person who's teaching you is maybe not the best orator,
Speaker 4: they're not the best communicator, they're not the person who's
Speaker 4: coming at it with all the you know, gems and
Speaker 4: everything else. And my teachers would say to me, if
Speaker 4: you're sitting in a class like that, you may think
Speaker 4: the speakers at a zero, but that means you need
Speaker 4: to rise to a ten to extract greatness from them.
Speaker 5: Whereas if your.
Speaker 4: Speakers at a ten, you get to coast at a
Speaker 4: zero and you may extract nothing from them because they
Speaker 4: just entertained your mind. And so I think as a listener,
Speaker 4: as a practitioner, we've got a is our game to
Speaker 4: extract greatness from who we're listening to and implement in
Speaker 4: our lives.
Speaker 5: If that makes sense?
Speaker 3: Does everybody know?
Speaker 2: I feel like everybody deserves healing, But does everybody deserve healing?
Speaker 4: I would say that let's go around down this thought
Speaker 4: experiment to answer that question. So I've been thinking a
Speaker 4: lot about this. If we could simplify the purpose.
Speaker 5: Of life to be.
Speaker 4: To love and be loved, if we could agree that
Speaker 4: we think that loving others and being loved by others
Speaker 4: feels like a meaningful purpose in our lives.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 4: What's really interesting about that is that because of how
Speaker 4: we've been loved growing up, we chase to do things
Speaker 4: in order to be loved. So we start thinking, well,
Speaker 4: in order for me to be loved, I need to
Speaker 4: build a big business. I need to look a certain way.
Speaker 4: I need to have a certain amount of followers, I
Speaker 4: need to build a podcast, whatever it may be. So
Speaker 4: we start doing lots of stuff in order to be loved,
Speaker 4: because we think to love and be loved we need
Speaker 4: to do big things. Then what ends up happening is
Speaker 4: we end up in a space where we realize that
Speaker 4: doesn't lead to love. I'm not loved more because I
Speaker 4: have more followers. I'm not loved more because I have
Speaker 4: more money. I'm not loved more because I have more,
Speaker 4: which then begs the question going to your earlier question,
Speaker 4: we need to heal that idea. So I think everyone
Speaker 4: deserves healing because everyone's been misled, whether it's by the system,
Speaker 4: whether it's by society, whether it's about conditioning. So if
Speaker 4: you look at the journey as to why everyone deserves healing,
Speaker 4: it's because everyone started from a purer place, where everyone
Speaker 4: started from a more naive place but got led down
Speaker 4: a certain path that then requires them to have healing.
Speaker 4: So I think everyone deserves healing. What do you think, gentlemen?
Speaker 5: No, no, no, think deeply I do.
Speaker 2: I just hear people say that you know, and I
Speaker 2: think what I what I would tell folks is you know,
Speaker 2: that's like you said, that's really not a to you
Speaker 2: to decide. You know, if a person, regardless of what
Speaker 2: they've been through. If they decide to go on their
Speaker 2: healing journey, that's between them and their creator, and that's
Speaker 2: between them and their their trauma.
Speaker 3: Who am I to say that person doesn't deserve Yeah, yeah, I.
Speaker 2: Guess the other question too, would be does everybody deserve
Speaker 2: forgiveness and grace?
Speaker 4: I mean, here's here's how I like to look at it.
Speaker 4: Let's let's pretend that we lived in a world. Actually,
Speaker 4: we don't need to pretend that is the world. Let's
Speaker 4: let's live in a world where there is no forgiveness
Speaker 4: and grace. Lord have mercy, right exactly. Let's let's see
Speaker 4: what what would that look like like. Let's do a
Speaker 4: thought experiment. You have a planet, there's no forgiveness, there's
Speaker 4: no grace. I would struggle to live in that world
Speaker 4: because I know I need forgiveness and grace not only
Speaker 4: from myself but from the people around me. If my
Speaker 4: wife wasn't forgiving and getting give me grace, that would
Speaker 4: be a really tough relationship. If my mom didn't forgive
Speaker 4: me and give me grace, that would be a tough relationship.
Speaker 4: If my boss, if you know, whatever else in my life,
Speaker 4: I think we'd actually all be living with more anxiety,
Speaker 4: more stress, and we'd internalize that lack of forgiveness and
Speaker 4: project it back onto ourselves and that would pervent you
Speaker 4: a cycle. By the way, that's kind of where we're
Speaker 4: at right now. And I think a lot of our
Speaker 4: lack of capacity for forgiveness and grace for others actually
Speaker 4: comes because we don't give ourselves the benefit of the doubt, right,
Speaker 4: Like you know, amazing things can happen whereby we literally
Speaker 4: will you know, I think I'm sure you've heard this too,
Speaker 4: where it's like I loved you until you did this.
Speaker 4: I believed in you until you did this, And it's
Speaker 4: almost like we don't give ourself a second chance. And
Speaker 4: because we don't give ourselves a second chance, we don't
Speaker 4: give others a second chance. And I believe that everyone
Speaker 4: deserves forgiveness and grace if they are willing to choose
Speaker 4: the path of reformation, if they're willing to go on
Speaker 4: the path and do the work of saying I have
Speaker 4: had some challenges, I've made some mistakes. I'm willing to grow.
Speaker 4: That's but sometimes it's a chicken and egg situation because
Speaker 4: sometimes for someone to have that reaction, they need to
Speaker 4: feel that there is an opportunity for forgiveness and grace.
Speaker 4: So often people are so scared that people won't forgive
Speaker 4: them that they don't want to admit it. Right, Let's
Speaker 4: take a very basic example, like you know someone's let's
Speaker 4: take something that I think you know, someone's cheated on
Speaker 4: their partner. Not not an ideal situation, not a great thing.
Speaker 4: Do we just let that person get away with it?
Speaker 4: Of course not. But partly that person may be scared
Speaker 4: of sharing it because they're scared they won't be forgiveness
Speaker 4: and grace that's true now, or scared to lose or
Speaker 4: scared to lose now they've made a mistake and they
Speaker 4: should be held accountable regardless because if they were in
Speaker 4: a committed relationship. But it's this chicken and egg situation
Speaker 4: of like what comes first? And I don't know the
Speaker 4: answer to that because it requires so much from the
Speaker 4: person who's been hurt, and it's sad because you've already
Speaker 4: been hurt and now more is required of you. A
Speaker 4: lot of people feel that way, that they're the one
Speaker 4: who's been high, but they've going to be the bigger person.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think a lot of times with forgiveness sometimes
Speaker 1: it's why the person asks for forgiveness, so why the
Speaker 1: person is sorry. Right. So, like you said in the
Speaker 1: cheating situation, right, it's quick and easy for a person
Speaker 1: to say, Okay, I'm sorry because they got caught. You know.
Speaker 1: Same thing with somebody when they say something wild online. Right,
Speaker 1: the first reason they want to apologize really is they
Speaker 1: want things to get back to normal or are they
Speaker 1: really sorry? Did they really understand what they did? It
Speaker 1: hurts somebody, And I think that's the problem when it
Speaker 1: comes to forgiving somebody. Right, it's easy to say I
Speaker 1: forgive you. You slap me in my face, and I say, okay,
Speaker 1: I forgive you, But no, I don't, not until we
Speaker 1: have the conversation and why you slap me in the face,
Speaker 1: why you said what you said, how do you affect me,
Speaker 1: and then we can get to that path. But I
Speaker 1: think a lot of times it's easy for people to
Speaker 1: say I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do it. I
Speaker 1: went to rehabits over right, and the world is supposed
Speaker 1: to open back up. But if you can't explain to
Speaker 1: me why you did what you did and assure me
Speaker 1: why it can't happen again, I can never forgive you,
Speaker 1: and people be like, we'll forgive you means this, that
Speaker 1: and the other. No, I don't think about you, but
Speaker 1: that's that's my reason of feeling that way.
Speaker 4: That's yeah, that's the best. I fully agree with everything
Speaker 4: you just said. That's that's that's what's missing is you
Speaker 4: just you said something so subtle and so passively. I
Speaker 4: want to highlight for everyone because I'm like, that is
Speaker 4: It's like we want to say sorry often because we
Speaker 4: want things to go back to normal correct and that
Speaker 4: that is the mistake, Like that isn't worthy of forgiveness,
Speaker 4: and we need to go deeper than that.
Speaker 2: You just sat down with First Lady Michelle Obama. Conversation
Speaker 2: was everywhere right, and she expressed how terrified she was
Speaker 2: about this election year. What was it like hearing that
Speaker 2: from her? And how do you process that? Does that
Speaker 2: give you anxiety when.
Speaker 3: You hear it?
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's an interesting thought process because I can't vote
Speaker 4: in this country. I moved here eight years ago. I
Speaker 4: have a green card, but I don't you know, I
Speaker 4: don't have voting rights, and I moved here the year
Speaker 4: Trump became president in twenty six and so I've had
Speaker 4: an interesting education in the United States, and I haven't.
Speaker 4: You know, I didn't grow up learning American history or
Speaker 4: American politics, so I'm also very uneducated in that space. Specifically,
Speaker 4: I think for me, I look at most things as
Speaker 4: things I can and can't control. And when I think
Speaker 4: about things that make me anxious on a global scale,
Speaker 4: I often ask myself what is the root of that
Speaker 4: anxiety in my community? So if I'm seeing whether it's ignorance,
Speaker 4: whether it's a lack of understanding, whether it's a lack
Speaker 4: of curiosity, openness, compassion on a global scale, I'm asking myself,
Speaker 4: where does that exist within me and my friends and
Speaker 4: my society, and how do I start impacting that because
Speaker 4: that I can control. And so I've been practicing that
Speaker 4: for a long time because I feel that there's a
Speaker 4: lot of things that give me anxiety, Like there's a
Speaker 4: lot of things that can stress me out. There's something
Speaker 4: new in the news every day that can do that.
Speaker 4: But for me, what's really interesting is saying, okay, where
Speaker 4: is Like I read this beautiful quote from f Scott
Speaker 4: Fitzgerald a few years back, and it's beautiful and he
Speaker 4: said that I don't have my phone.
Speaker 5: Others i'd read it right, but type in type in.
Speaker 4: The type in two opposites and f Scott Fitzgerald or
Speaker 4: posing ideas correct, but look for the full quote because
Speaker 4: they only quote half of it sometimes and it's so,
Speaker 4: and read a longer version of that quest.
Speaker 2: See the test of a first rate the ability the
Speaker 2: whole tool posing sides in mind at the same time
Speaker 2: and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example,
Speaker 2: be able to see that things are hopeless, yet be
Speaker 2: determined to make them otherwise.
Speaker 4: That I love that right, like to be able to
Speaker 4: hold this is I think the biggest challenge we're facing
Speaker 4: in the human mind is that we're not able in
Speaker 4: our microworld and in a macro world to be able
Speaker 4: to hold two opposing ideas at the same time still
Speaker 4: retain the ability to function.
Speaker 5: So, as F.
Speaker 4: Scott Fitzgerald said, I should be able to see that
Speaker 4: everything seems hopeless, yet be determined to make them otherwise.
Speaker 4: That to me is where I like to live and
Speaker 4: where I like to function. Is that how can I
Speaker 4: accept that things are beyond my control? I'm not powerful
Speaker 4: enough yet control what I can try to do, and
Speaker 4: so I kind of look at ignorance in my own
Speaker 4: community and my own friends group, in our WhatsApp chats,
Speaker 4: in our tech threads, like where is that ignorance? Where
Speaker 4: is that you know? Where are the missing links? And
Speaker 4: how can I start to impact and influence my friends
Speaker 4: to be more open minded, to be more curious, to
Speaker 4: be better learners. And myself, by the way too, to
Speaker 4: question where I'm easy quick to shut people down, Like
Speaker 4: I've noticed that so much in me recently, Like if
Speaker 4: I'm judging someone, I've really been asking myself, can I
Speaker 4: look for that quality of me? Because I really believe
Speaker 4: that the reason I'm judging it and I'm so triggered
Speaker 4: by it is because I know it's inside myself, and
Speaker 4: my judgment is just a reflexion of me not introspecting enough.
Speaker 4: So to me, I try and bring down global events
Speaker 4: into the personal and intimate, because otherwise it's so chaotic
Speaker 4: and so hard to deal with.
Speaker 1: I believe some people's judgment is a reflection of the masses, right,
Speaker 1: And that's my biggest thing I have with social media,
Speaker 1: And sometimes when people talk about their healing journey or
Speaker 1: some of the things that they do, I think they
Speaker 1: look for out actual without actually doing the necessary work.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 1: So somebody might see Charlemagne and he's evolved, and he'll
Speaker 1: explain the ways that he evolved, and somebody might jump
Speaker 1: on it because they've seen it work for Charlemagne, but
Speaker 1: it won't work for them because it's not in their heart,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I think a lot of times,
Speaker 1: with social media and what you said about the masses,
Speaker 1: I think people follow a fake way of doing it
Speaker 1: to pray for healing instead of trying to find their
Speaker 1: own journey. And I think that's the difficult part. And
Speaker 1: I try to tell people and I think, you know,
Speaker 1: with some of the things that you're doing, you trying
Speaker 1: to find your own healing journey. Yes, you know. You
Speaker 1: give him example with George Charlomagne gives an example of his.
Speaker 1: I give an example of mine. But a lot of
Speaker 1: times people will try to followed that and it doesn't
Speaker 1: open up their own mind to some of their other thoughts.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, that's so powerful. And I think the beautiful
Speaker 4: thing about anyone who has gone on a healing journey
Speaker 4: realizes how unique yet similar it is. Like if we
Speaker 4: sat down and we talked about healing journeys, all three
Speaker 4: of us, we'd find so many similarities, yet so many differences.
Speaker 4: And that's the beauty of it that when you go
Speaker 4: down that path. And yeah, I would encourage everyone to
Speaker 4: not try and imitate. It's almost like, you know, a
Speaker 4: few years ago, people's morning routines became really popular, and
Speaker 4: all of a sudden, everyone's trying to do the Einstein
Speaker 4: morning routine or whatever it may be. And it's like,
Speaker 4: you're not going to become that person by doing their
Speaker 4: morning routine. That's a part of who they are. But
Speaker 4: what you're saying is that there's an essence, there's a
Speaker 4: heart there that you're totally missing out on. So yeah,
Speaker 4: I fully agree you can't. You can't imitate someone's morning
Speaker 4: routine and suddenly become them.
Speaker 2: I like what you said too, can you can you
Speaker 2: really find truth in this world of extremes because it
Speaker 2: feels like everybody got to pick a side. Yeah, and
Speaker 2: like we talked about it, what you came in, Like
Speaker 2: I could sit down and have a conversation with somebody
Speaker 2: and people will look at that as an endorsement. No,
Speaker 2: we're just having a conversation because there's got to be
Speaker 2: some nuance in all of this. Right that I got
Speaker 2: a spiritual you know, leader one of my spiritual teachers
Speaker 2: of Lutha YadA, she always says, she says, there's no
Speaker 2: such thing as right and wrong in humans.
Speaker 4: Do you do you believe that there's no such thing
Speaker 4: as right and wrong? I mean you could see that
Speaker 4: from the I guess it depends what level of I
Speaker 4: guess it depends on what level of humanity you're talking about. Right,
Speaker 4: they're legal, there's right and wrong. I guess morally there's
Speaker 4: right and wrong, and then I guess thought wise or
Speaker 4: perception wise. Then you get into muddy a territory because
Speaker 4: then what is right and wrong? Because everyone's looking at everything.
Speaker 4: If you just think about the multiple lenses that we've had,
Speaker 4: it's like if you imagine that every life experience you've
Speaker 4: had is a crack in the mirror. Right the parents
Speaker 4: you had, the town you grew up in, the friends
Speaker 4: you had growing up, the school you went to, your
Speaker 4: first job, your first love, your first heartbreak. Imagine all
Speaker 4: of those are cracks in a mirror. Now every time
Speaker 4: you're looking in that mirror, imagine how many different reflections
Speaker 4: and distorted reflections you're seeing. We're basically dealing with that
Speaker 4: with eight billion people. So the amount of distortion in perception, reflection,
Speaker 4: perspective is so variegated that how can any one of
Speaker 4: us know what the truth is or what right and
Speaker 4: wrong is because it's there's the options unlimited, like you
Speaker 4: would need an algorithm, and even an algorithm couldn't compute
Speaker 4: the depths of the trauma, the impact the experience like
Speaker 4: it would require it would require a God's brain in
Speaker 4: order to formulate and contextualize all of those experiences. So
Speaker 4: I do think there was this I don't know where
Speaker 4: it's from, but I remember seeing it in Cobra Kai,
Speaker 4: of all places. But there was this great line that said,
Speaker 4: there's there's always three sides to every story, yours, mine
Speaker 4: and the truth. But I think the challenge is that
Speaker 4: the truth part is we're not.
Speaker 5: Even the subjective, it's objective.
Speaker 4: But I don't even think what you just said rightly
Speaker 4: is in order. Then if we're saying there's three sides
Speaker 4: to every story, but we're only living on one side,
Speaker 4: the only way to get to the middle ground. And
Speaker 4: by the way, the middle ground has been a philosophical standpoint.
Speaker 4: The Buddhoo talked about the middle path. We talk about
Speaker 4: living a balanced life. We talk about finding the core,
Speaker 4: the heart, the center. If you look at all philosophical,
Speaker 4: spiritual well being traditions, it's always about the middle, the heart,
Speaker 4: the center of the core. Yet the only way to
Speaker 4: get to the middle is by looking at both extremes.
Speaker 4: You're not going to get to the middle by being
Speaker 4: on any of one side of any thought. And so
Speaker 4: I think, what you just said, Charlemagne, and what you
Speaker 4: do here so beautifully is I love. And I try
Speaker 4: and do this too, to have conversations that people don't
Speaker 4: expect me to have with people that people maybe confused
Speaker 4: as to why I'm sitting down with them, in order
Speaker 4: to understand the cracks the mirror, That's what I'm fascinated.
Speaker 4: But I'm fascinated by the cracks on the mirror because
Speaker 4: how they got to how they think is even more
Speaker 4: important to me than how they think. Because if we
Speaker 4: understand how someone got to how they think, we can
Speaker 4: help save the future, because we can make sure that
Speaker 4: their experiences are slightly more variegated, diverse, supported, in order
Speaker 4: to have healthier ideas in the future.
Speaker 3: Do you do you feel like most people are just performing?
Speaker 5: What do you mean by that?
Speaker 2: Because when sometimes when you sit down with these people,
Speaker 2: you realize like, oh, this is this is just an act,
Speaker 2: like you know what I mean, You're just doing this
Speaker 2: because of what can what can come come from it.
Speaker 2: So it's like when I'm having a conversation with somebody,
Speaker 2: I try to remove all of that and get to
Speaker 2: what you just said, and you usually get to that
Speaker 2: by seeing how a person got to where they are.
Speaker 3: And then when you that's when you realize like, oh,
Speaker 3: this isn't.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think it's hard right now, Like there's this
Speaker 4: meme on social media that I love and it's all
Speaker 4: text and it says society says, be yourself and then
Speaker 4: society says, no, not like that, and it's brilliant, right,
Speaker 4: And so what I've realized is society says, I want
Speaker 4: to know what you feel, and then it goes but
Speaker 4: if you let me tell you that again, society says,
Speaker 4: I want to know what you feel. But then if
Speaker 4: what you feel doesn't make me feel good, then I
Speaker 4: don't know what you want to feel. And so I
Speaker 4: think people have actually kind of regressed into performing because
Speaker 4: they're so scared of being judged for every word they say.
Speaker 4: And then there's the side of people performing because they
Speaker 4: think that they have to abide by certain rules or
Speaker 4: they have to you know, sit with a particular thought
Speaker 4: process or whatever it may be. But I think in
Speaker 4: our attempt to be more authentic as a society, we've
Speaker 4: actually started blocking authenticity because if your authenticity doesn't make
Speaker 4: me feel good, then I'm rejecting it. And that doesn't
Speaker 4: actually make make sense, you know, it doesn't. You can't
Speaker 4: if you say something that I don't like, I can
Speaker 4: say I don't like it, but I can't tell you
Speaker 4: that that's wrong.
Speaker 2: Yeah, don't say I'm real until I say something that
Speaker 2: you don't agree with. Yeah, exactly, But it can't be
Speaker 2: that way. I should still be real, Like, come on.
Speaker 1: But is it all an interpretation?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 1: Like you've been married eight years. Sometimes when you get
Speaker 1: into an argument or you know, a disagreement with your wife,
Speaker 1: it might not be right or wrong. It might be
Speaker 1: how you interpret things right. So you know, if your
Speaker 1: wife says something, you'd be like you had an attitude
Speaker 1: and it makes you upset, But really she didn't have
Speaker 1: an attitude. So I think a lot of what we
Speaker 1: see in this world is interpretation.
Speaker 5: Absolutely.
Speaker 4: I try and and That's why I think the self
Speaker 4: interpretation point is so much more important. I think we
Speaker 4: get so lost in social media. We've mentioned it here,
Speaker 4: and by the way, obviously I love social media. Without it,
Speaker 4: I wouldn't even have had a career. I wouldn't be
Speaker 4: here today. So I'm very grateful to social media. But
Speaker 4: the point is that I think we get so lost
Speaker 4: in other people's marriages, other people's careers, other people's failures,
Speaker 4: that we don't make the time to reflect on our own.
Speaker 4: So when I find myself being agitated with my wife
Speaker 4: or being irritated with my wife, I look back as
Speaker 4: to why did I behave that way, And nineteen percent
Speaker 4: of the time, it's because I have a certain fear.
Speaker 4: I have a certain insecurity. Sometimes my fear is actually
Speaker 4: a positive fear of Let's say my wife asks me
Speaker 4: a really important question, but I'm about to walk into
Speaker 4: this interview. My agitated, non mindful response is going to
Speaker 4: be I've got time for this right now, talk to
Speaker 4: you later, right, which is the worst thing to say.
Speaker 4: But I've been there. I'm just gonna put my hand down.
Speaker 4: I've done that right, Like I've said, Hey, I haven't
Speaker 4: got time for this.
Speaker 5: Right now, I.
Speaker 1: Would never say that, boy, you got more. I ain't
Speaker 1: got time for that.
Speaker 4: I said that in the past, right I've said that before,
Speaker 4: and I feel terrible for saying that now when I
Speaker 4: look back at that, and I've reflected on that, and
Speaker 4: my wife's very forgiving and kind, and so she tolerates
Speaker 4: me deeply and I appreciate her for that. But when
Speaker 4: I reflect on having made that mistake, the real reason
Speaker 4: is twofold one is it's not that I haven't got
Speaker 4: time for it. I actually really care about her and
Speaker 4: I want to give her a really good answer. I
Speaker 4: just am scared that I won't be able to do
Speaker 4: that in thirty seconds, and so now I'm just trying
Speaker 4: to pass it off because I don't want to take
Speaker 4: on the fear. So there's actually a well intentioned thing there.
Speaker 4: It's not that I actually think I'm too busy, and
Speaker 4: then sometimes I'm like, well, my life's more important. Like
Speaker 4: I remember this time, my wife would come up to
Speaker 4: me and say I've had a really bad day, and
Speaker 4: I'd say, tell me about it. I've had a really
Speaker 4: bad week, and I was using her pain.
Speaker 1: You're trumping her pain exactly.
Speaker 4: I was using her pain to validate my pain because
Speaker 4: I haven't spent time validating my pain in private, because
Speaker 4: I haven't taken that time to acknowledge and recognize that
Speaker 4: I'm having a challenging week. I'm now using and taking
Speaker 4: her moment of connecting with her partner to make it
Speaker 4: about me. And so again, when I reflect on that,
Speaker 4: why am I doing that? It's because I haven't taken
Speaker 4: time for myself. And I think that's where I want
Speaker 4: people to live more, because we could actually heal so
Speaker 4: many of our daily irritations and agitations simply by going, God,
Speaker 4: I'm scared, I'm being insecure and I'm not validating my
Speaker 4: own pain.
Speaker 2: How many times do you? I mean, how often have
Speaker 2: you broken your own eight rules of love?
Speaker 5: Oh? Every day? Every day, man, every day.
Speaker 4: I don't think it's you know, it goes back to
Speaker 4: that how can I heal someone I'm still healing myself.
Speaker 4: And it goes to the reality of and I think
Speaker 4: we all know this at this table. Everything in life
Speaker 4: is a process, right, Like even if you took something
Speaker 4: really tangible, like we say this person is rich, we
Speaker 4: talk about them as if they can never lose it,
Speaker 4: and that will always be theirs. That's actually not true.
Speaker 4: People could lose all their money. We talk about someone
Speaker 4: being famous, you could lose that. So in the same
Speaker 4: way healing progress development, you.
Speaker 5: Can lose it.
Speaker 4: And I think we've got so lost in that destination addiction,
Speaker 4: the belief that you get to a point from which
Speaker 4: there is no return. And I think that destination addiction
Speaker 4: is really misleading in the wellness space because we feel like,
Speaker 4: oh now, why healed?
Speaker 5: And I think it.
Speaker 4: Comes from this idea of if you think about it right.
Speaker 4: Social media is full of before and off the pictures,
Speaker 4: this where I used to be, look at where I
Speaker 4: am now, right, And it's always like saying I used
Speaker 4: to be in a bad place, now I'm in a
Speaker 4: great place.
Speaker 5: No process, no process.
Speaker 4: And linear when the real life life is this every day. Sure,
Speaker 4: it's just cyclical. And I think we've made our minds
Speaker 4: feel that journey's are linear. It's like A to B,
Speaker 4: like going from LA to New York or New York
Speaker 4: to LA.
Speaker 5: It's linear.
Speaker 4: But we know that life is so much more cyclical,
Speaker 4: and so yes, I've broken the eight Rules of Love
Speaker 4: every day, every week of my life.
Speaker 2: One of the things you said, man that I think
Speaker 2: is so important that I want people to really get
Speaker 2: from this if they don't get nothing else from this conversation.
Speaker 2: Is like, there's no manual for any of this. You're
Speaker 2: not going to be the perfect husband, You're not going
Speaker 2: to be the perfect father. I spend so much time
Speaker 2: simply apologizing to my wife and apologizing to my kids
Speaker 2: because I don't ever want them to think that I'm
Speaker 2: trying to come off with some perfect human who never
Speaker 2: gets anything wrong right.
Speaker 3: And I think that is that's very important to do.
Speaker 3: And just being present, like.
Speaker 2: When you're when you're when your wife calls you, your
Speaker 2: child calls you, even if you in that moment you
Speaker 2: weren't present. As soon as I'm done whatever I'm doing,
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry that you know I had to do that,
Speaker 2: but I had to go do X, Y and Z
Speaker 2: in that moment.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Absolutely, And I think I think the thing about the
Speaker 4: point you just made, and I hope this is what
Speaker 4: someone takes away from this as well, is I think
Speaker 4: a lot of us in our minds when we do introspect,
Speaker 4: we're quite heavy and harsh on ourselves. I think a
Speaker 4: lot of people are walking around with a internal in
Speaker 4: a critical voice, that is completely making them feel terrible.
Speaker 4: And so when anyone says something externally, it's worse. And
Speaker 4: I just want to remind people that you can't hate
Speaker 4: yourself into change, Like you can't guilt yourself into growth.
Speaker 4: You can't blame yourself into a breakthrough. When was the
Speaker 4: last time you changed who you were because someone hated you?
Speaker 3: Never?
Speaker 4: When was the last time you I ported someone you
Speaker 4: hate deeply? So if you're hating, blaming, guilty yourself, it
Speaker 4: may get you started, but it won't get you there.
Speaker 4: And so anyone who's giving themselves a hard time, I'm
Speaker 4: not saying to give yourself an easy time, but that
Speaker 4: in aer grace, that in a forgiveness is such an
Speaker 4: important part of you actually becoming better. So you're not
Speaker 4: doing it because you're trying to take it easy on yourself.
Speaker 4: You're doing it because it's gonna let you get through
Speaker 4: the hard times.
Speaker 1: The most important thing I think for a lot of
Speaker 1: people is back to what you said, with forgiveness and grace, right,
Speaker 1: A lot of things that we do is learn behavior.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: Why do people pop their children usually because they got
Speaker 1: popped as a child, you know, Why do people talk
Speaker 1: the way that they talk, usually because their parents talk
Speaker 1: to them, or their parents are the same thing, or
Speaker 1: they do that. But a lot of times when you're
Speaker 1: in the moment, you don't see that. Right when my
Speaker 1: dad told me, don't go out, don't do this, don't
Speaker 1: do that, my first reaction was like, I hate them.
Speaker 1: My other friends can do it and I can't. But
Speaker 1: now as a parent, it's the same thing. Now I
Speaker 1: understand why he said what he said, but you always
Speaker 1: pray that you get it before that family member. It's
Speaker 1: this earth, you know what I mean. And I thank
Speaker 1: God every day that my dad is still here, that
Speaker 1: I didn't leave being mad at him. And you know,
Speaker 1: I try to explain more to my kids because I
Speaker 1: never want them to feel that way, but I know
Speaker 1: they must feel the same way when they be like
Speaker 1: I can't go to my friend's house or sleep over.
Speaker 3: Why?
Speaker 1: And I know they might be mad because their friends
Speaker 1: do it. But that grace and forgiveness. We have to
Speaker 1: understand that a lot of the stuff that we do
Speaker 1: is learned behavior, even if it's not right. We have
Speaker 1: to realize that a lot of the things that we
Speaker 1: learned and we were taught were fucked up.
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's that famous quote you just reminded me of
Speaker 4: that says, by the time you realize that your parents
Speaker 4: are right, your kids are telling you that you're wrong.
Speaker 5: And it's that awkward position that we end up in.
Speaker 5: But you know what's really interesting about that.
Speaker 4: I was talking to someone about this at dinner last night,
Speaker 4: and there's this old story that I heard a while ago,
Speaker 4: and it's always resonated with me, even with my own childhood,
Speaker 4: not in particular, but in essence. So the story goes
Speaker 4: that these two men were interviewed and one was an alcoholic,
Speaker 4: the other one and never drunk alcohol, and they were brothers,
Speaker 4: and they interviewed them and then they asked the one
Speaker 4: who drank alcohol and was an alcoholic, he said, why
Speaker 4: are you an alcoholic? He said, my dad was an alcoholic.
Speaker 4: And then they asked the other brother, why don't you drink?
Speaker 4: And he said, my dad was an alcoholic. And so
Speaker 4: I think a lot of us got an education and
Speaker 4: what not to do, but we ended up repeating it
Speaker 4: instead of breaking the cycle. And I feel like in
Speaker 4: my life I had to I got a great education
Speaker 4: in a lot of my areas of life in what
Speaker 4: not to do and who not to be, And I
Speaker 4: took all those little notes down, and I think that's
Speaker 4: what's improved my life. So I think if we're constantly
Speaker 4: waiting for the perfect example and the perfect space and
Speaker 4: the perfect surroundings and the perfect aren't an uncle and
Speaker 4: the perfect parent, it's like we may be waiting forever
Speaker 4: because no one's perfect. So we almost have to make
Speaker 4: a list of what not to do, but what not to.
Speaker 3: Do, but also how to.
Speaker 2: That's why that's why podcast like On Purpose is so important.
Speaker 2: That's why podcasts like you know, Debbie Brown Deeply Well
Speaker 2: is so important because we learn how to, you know,
Speaker 2: break break a lot these cycles.
Speaker 5: Absolutely.
Speaker 3: Are you wearing gap right now?
Speaker 5: No? Not right now? Okay, I'm just because you saw that.
Speaker 5: You saw that, that's why that's.
Speaker 3: Just thought you was handsome.
Speaker 5: I was like, all right, DJM. You know you know,
Speaker 5: I wasn't expecting that from you. Thank you, man. I
Speaker 5: appreciate you and your wife.
Speaker 3: The holiday holiday Gap campaign, yeah yeah, we.
Speaker 4: We were just you know, when we got asked to
Speaker 4: do that, it was like we couldn't believe it.
Speaker 5: We're like, what is this?
Speaker 4: You know, like we grew up watching the gap campaigns
Speaker 4: like the holiday campaigns especially, and any I've said to
Speaker 4: my wife, any time I get to do any work
Speaker 4: with her is my favorite thing because I get to
Speaker 4: hang with her all day. And so that shoot was fun.
Speaker 4: They made it fun. The creative team was fantastic, Like
Speaker 4: it was a good time. We walked out of there
Speaker 4: having having had a great day. So it was a
Speaker 4: lot of fun. And then it was it was surreal
Speaker 4: because you know, yeah, definitely never been a model.
Speaker 2: So do you have a question yourself when you get
Speaker 2: approached to do things like that, because you know, people think,
Speaker 2: for whatever, for whatever reason, what it is you do.
Speaker 3: Oh, you shouldn't have a campaign.
Speaker 2: You're supposed to be a guru, you know, do you
Speaker 2: have a question yourself about Yeah?
Speaker 4: Absolutely, I've I've had the challenges. I've had to sit
Speaker 4: with that question so much. And here's what I've come
Speaker 4: out with. One of the reasons I do it is
Speaker 4: because I don't want to be the guru. I don't
Speaker 4: want to be that. I'm a normal guy who likes
Speaker 4: nice things, who is married, who's happily married, who who's
Speaker 4: living in the normal world, who has businesses like everything.
Speaker 4: It's like, I just I want to be that because
Speaker 4: I think that the you know, the putting anyone up
Speaker 4: on a pedestal, that person will always let you down
Speaker 4: because it's it's hard for anyone to live up to that,
Speaker 4: and so I would rather take myself off of it
Speaker 4: and normalize it and be good with that. And at
Speaker 4: the same time, I think, I look at it and
Speaker 4: I go, in my opinion, I'm hoping that someone's going
Speaker 4: to see that and be reminded of wellness and be
Speaker 4: reminded of well being from the perspective of like, oh yeah,
Speaker 4: generally they do that thing. So I'm hoping that it's
Speaker 4: actually helping us get the message out there more. And
Speaker 4: maybe I'm wrong, but I also look at it as
Speaker 4: things I enjoy doing and things I love doing with
Speaker 4: my wife, and I live life in that way and
Speaker 4: a lot of the opportunities come my way. One of
Speaker 4: the things that I've really been working on, and this
Speaker 4: is probably the most thoughtful answer I can give to this,
Speaker 4: is I've realized that a lot of opportunities I give today,
Speaker 4: a lot of opportunities I get today, they feel like
Speaker 4: a high five to my sixteen year old self and
Speaker 4: my twelve year old self and even my five year
Speaker 4: old self and then there's the more evolved me of today.
Speaker 4: And so I'm living these two lives, and I think
Speaker 4: we all are living the life of what are inner
Speaker 4: child desired and then are evolved today's self desires. And
Speaker 4: I've just found that there are certain opportunities that fulfill
Speaker 4: it for that inner child that I don't want to abandon,
Speaker 4: because what I'm worried about is that if I abandon it,
Speaker 4: there'll be some more biddenness, some more resentment that will develop,
Speaker 4: that will grow in the future. And so I want
Speaker 4: to make sure that I acknowledge the needs of that
Speaker 4: in a child that maybe weren't met at that age
Speaker 4: or that stage in my life. And so that's kind
Speaker 4: of what I refer to a lot when I'm trying
Speaker 4: to make these decisions.
Speaker 2: I don't have a problem with it, because you know,
Speaker 2: we always say stop making stupid people famous, So so
Speaker 2: why not make the small ones if the small ones
Speaker 2: can get the light on them.
Speaker 1: Why not?
Speaker 2: Because when the amplifies that more people you know, come
Speaker 2: in and pay attention. I want to ask you to
Speaker 2: do you get pushed back from people who will watch
Speaker 2: you sit down with a Michelle Obama or a Jada
Speaker 2: Pinkett smith Man.
Speaker 3: Why didn't you challenge them on this? Why didn't you
Speaker 3: challenge them on that?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't get pushed back for not challenging people
Speaker 4: because I think the questions I ask are challenging in
Speaker 4: a different way. But I think I'll get pushed back
Speaker 4: because someone doesn't like that person. But what I've found
Speaker 4: every single time is that when someone actually listens to
Speaker 4: the episode or watches it on YouTube, if you look
Speaker 4: at that common section, it is spectacular, like when someone's
Speaker 4: actually taking out time out of the day to listen
Speaker 4: for an hour or watch for an hour, and then
Speaker 4: you see the comments section, you'll see people having complete
Speaker 4: I had people reaching out about both those episodes, the
Speaker 4: President Biden interview as well that we did earlier last year,
Speaker 4: and the comments of people who actually listened to it.
Speaker 4: And by the way, a lot of people were like, hey,
Speaker 4: I don't agree with this person's politics. I'm actually on
Speaker 4: completely on the other side. But I just want you
Speaker 4: to know that listening to this interview was so enlightening
Speaker 4: from a human perspective. Thank you for putting it out there.
Speaker 4: And I respect that approach because I think that's why
Speaker 4: I do the interview. I don't do the interview for
Speaker 4: any other reason apart from us looking at the broken
Speaker 4: mirror and looking back and saying, Okay, where can I
Speaker 4: resonate with the humanity of this individual or where can
Speaker 4: I relate to this person? So yeah, I think that's
Speaker 4: generally the pushback. But the comments section. I encourage you
Speaker 4: on those episodes to go look at the YouTube comment section.
Speaker 4: It's phenomenal to read what people are getting.
Speaker 2: Yeah, cause I think your conversation with Jada pin it's
Speaker 2: smith the clips is what's set off to Jada Pink hatred.
Speaker 3: Not because of you, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: But if you didn't watch the whole conversation and context
Speaker 2: and you just saw clips.
Speaker 3: Yeah, she got a tech Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah. And Jada's a dear friend for me, so it's yeah,
Speaker 4: it's it's a tough one because I think any clip
Speaker 4: about anyone.
Speaker 5: I said, someone say this to me today.
Speaker 4: Yesterday they said to me Jay, they meant me for
Speaker 4: the first time, and they were like, Jay, you're so
Speaker 4: much nicer in person. I didn't like you off a
Speaker 4: few Instagram and I was like, fair enough, that's cool.
Speaker 4: But it's so hard for me to be all of
Speaker 4: myself in thirty seconds, and I'm trying my best. You're
Speaker 4: trying your best, You'll try your best, but it's hard
Speaker 4: for any of.
Speaker 2: Us, Like they did not to like about you on
Speaker 2: Instagram with your wife. No, yeah, puppies looking your fate.
Speaker 4: No, in the sense of I think he was just
Speaker 4: like you know, I feel like you feel a bit
Speaker 4: like whatever it was like whatever.
Speaker 5: I don't even know what it was.
Speaker 4: But I think all of us, if you judged any
Speaker 4: of ourself at thirty second real, oh, I'm sure all
Speaker 4: of us would agree, it's not who we are, you know. So,
Speaker 4: and that's why I've start I do stuff with my
Speaker 4: wife because I feel I'm most myself when I'm with
Speaker 4: my wife because naturally it's the person I spend the
Speaker 4: most time with. And so, but even even with all
Speaker 4: of us, like, I've got to meet you guys in
Speaker 4: person a few times now. We win Canned with iHeart On,
Speaker 4: you know, for the festival last year together. And I
Speaker 4: think when you've met people in person, that's the only
Speaker 4: time you're going to feel like you've got to know them.
Speaker 4: I don't think anyone under I feel like if someone
Speaker 4: if someone okay, If someone follows me on Instagram, they
Speaker 4: understand maybe ten percent of who I am. If they
Speaker 4: listen to my podcast, they probably understand seventy five percent
Speaker 4: of who I am because they're really dialing into who
Speaker 4: I am. If they've read my books and my podcast,
Speaker 4: they're probably like at that eighty nine percent. If they've
Speaker 4: seen me live, there at that ninety five percent. And
Speaker 4: then when someone's met me in person, it's one hundred percent.
Speaker 4: And so I think it's all percentages. And I you know,
Speaker 4: I hope that we all again going back to forgiveness
Speaker 4: and grace. I hope that we can all give each
Speaker 4: other a bit more benefit of the doubt because I
Speaker 4: think it will go a long way for people.
Speaker 3: And you officiated been in j Lowe's wedding.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that was a year and a half ago.
Speaker 3: You licensed to do that.
Speaker 5: I had to do the online kind of you know.
Speaker 3: Did they I mean, why did they?
Speaker 4: But I don't think you have to be in Georgia.
Speaker 4: I don't think you need to be licensed so that
Speaker 4: I don't know the rules of that.
Speaker 3: I can't remember why did they pick you?
Speaker 4: So I'd collaborated with Jen for a while, like we've
Speaker 4: done a bunch of stuff together. Because she came on
Speaker 4: the show a few years ago. We'd had a few
Speaker 4: great offline conversations. I went and officiated weddings as part
Speaker 4: of the launch of her last movie on her special
Speaker 4: and it was just, you know, it just I was
Speaker 4: really grateful for the opportunity. I was, you know, pinching
Speaker 4: myself as well. And you know, for me, I love love,
Speaker 4: like I'm a massive lover of love. And I'd sent
Speaker 4: her the book as well, and I think that kind
Speaker 4: of made it happen too. I'd sent the book and
Speaker 4: when it was being written, and she appreciated it and
Speaker 4: she wrote me a beautiful testimonial for it, and that
Speaker 4: kind of led to the wedding as well. And it
Speaker 4: was like, I felt like I was just trying to
Speaker 4: make sure I didn't cry, Like I'm that kind of
Speaker 4: guy who like ugly cries during a wedding and like
Speaker 4: gets really soppy, and like, you know, she's walking down
Speaker 4: the aisle, bend's there, he's tearing up. I'm like, don't cry, dude,
Speaker 4: You're going to ruin this.
Speaker 5: Do not cry.
Speaker 4: And I just had to hold it together just to
Speaker 4: get through because I was like, I'm about the ball.
Speaker 4: So yeah, it was specially it's an amazing experience.
Speaker 3: I know you probably got to runch. I got like
Speaker 3: one more question for you.
Speaker 2: You say, language has created the word loneliness.
Speaker 3: They expressed the pain of being alone, and it.
Speaker 2: Has created the word solitude, express the glory of being alone.
Speaker 3: Could you could expound on that?
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a Paul Tillich quote. The writer Paul Tillich
Speaker 4: said that, and to me, I extrapolated from his work
Speaker 4: for my book because I was realizing that language and
Speaker 4: the way we use words completely defines how we think
Speaker 4: about things. So when you hear the word loneliness, you
Speaker 4: think sadness, you think potentially depression, you think negativity. Of course,
Speaker 4: solitude is spending time alone with yourself, but with strength,
Speaker 4: with courage, as Paul Tillet says, glory. So what I've
Speaker 4: realized is we've got to be so careful with the
Speaker 4: language we use in our minds. Every single word is
Speaker 4: a seed for either a weed or a flower, and
Speaker 4: so every single word that you say is defining. So
Speaker 4: if I keep saying I'm lonely, I'm lonely, I'm lonely,
Speaker 4: that's going to impact how I feel but if I
Speaker 4: say I'm in solitude all of a sudden, there's a
Speaker 4: strength that comes with that. And so I just want
Speaker 4: to encourage people to recognize that being alone doesn't have
Speaker 4: to be a weakness. It can be a time of
Speaker 4: strength and self awareness and personal growth. But it is
Speaker 4: about the language that we use with ourselves. And so
Speaker 4: I would ask everyone to this one activity. Think about
Speaker 4: the one word that comes to your mind the moment
Speaker 4: you wake up or the moment you go to sleep.
Speaker 4: Make that word a word that you want it to be.
Speaker 4: Don't let the word you go to sleep with, and
Speaker 4: don't let the word you wake up with be a
Speaker 4: word that makes you feel negative, unhealthy, or weak. Because
Speaker 4: those studies show we have sixty to eighty thoughts per day,
Speaker 4: and eighty percent of them are negative, and eighty percent
Speaker 4: of them are repetitive, which means you're having the same
Speaker 4: negative word or thought repeating. It's not like we're having
Speaker 4: lots of different thoughts. It's the same thought. Now, you
Speaker 4: can't control sixty to eighty thousand thoughts, but you can
Speaker 4: control two thoughts of the day. So just master the
Speaker 4: first door of the day and the last thought of
Speaker 4: the day, and make it a thought and a word
Speaker 4: that you want.
Speaker 3: It to be. I wonder what when that study was done.
Speaker 2: I wonder was it before social media after because I
Speaker 2: feel like with social media is probably trippled it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I probably read it that.
Speaker 4: That's that probably I've read in the last three to
Speaker 4: four years. So I guess while social media is around.
Speaker 4: But yeah, I mean now it could have totally tripled.
Speaker 4: But it's interesting because it's the same thought often.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Right, It's a lot of time we keep saying the
Speaker 4: same thing. I'm so tired, I'm so tired that thought
Speaker 4: could life last a year? Or like, oh god, I'm
Speaker 4: so scared at work, I'm so anxious, that could last
Speaker 4: a year?
Speaker 3: So oh, one more thing?
Speaker 5: Yeah, man, is there anything Jay Shady hates? Ooh ooh
Speaker 5: that is that's a great question. I need to give
Speaker 5: a good answer for that. He think about that.
Speaker 4: By dint of the answer I was going to give,
Speaker 4: I have to I can't. So the answer is I
Speaker 4: don't because I think hate personally, collectively, individually doesn't lead
Speaker 4: to greatness. I've never seen hate lead to greatness. I've
Speaker 4: never seen hate lead to purpose. I've never seen hate
Speaker 4: lead to a positive outcome, and so I think hating
Speaker 4: anything is setting yourself up to never see the greatness
Speaker 4: to goodness in it, and so I'd prefer not to
Speaker 4: hate anything.
Speaker 3: What about the Notebook.
Speaker 4: I don't hate the Notebook, but I have heard I
Speaker 4: have thoughts about the Notebook. I don't hate the number.
Speaker 4: I find it hilarious as to how many. And I was,
Speaker 4: like I said, I'm a hopeless romantic. I've been like
Speaker 4: that my whole life because I grew up watching Hollywood
Speaker 4: movies thinking that that's how I was meant to fall
Speaker 4: in love. I was that person who felt for that.
Speaker 4: And now I've read about something that they call Disney
Speaker 4: Princess syndrome, where people walk around like feeling like they're
Speaker 4: going to be saved by their partner, Like you're gonna
Speaker 4: have a night in shining armor, Who's going to come
Speaker 4: in and rescue you. I think there's Disney Prince syndrome
Speaker 4: as well, were we want to go and save someone
Speaker 4: and we want to be the be all and end
Speaker 4: all of everything. So the Notebook just has some really
Speaker 4: questionable lines where like Ryan Gosling's character says to Regie
Speaker 4: mccadam's character, He'll say things like, oh, you know, I
Speaker 4: could be anything you want me to be. I'll be anything, right,
Speaker 4: we've heard that. But then the other thing is she's
Speaker 4: on a Ferrist wheel. Is thats called ferrist wheel, right,
Speaker 4: that's what you call it, ferrest wheel. I have to
Speaker 4: check my British and American, but yeah, she's on the
Speaker 4: Ferrist wheel. He's hanging off the Ferrist wheel. And he goes,
Speaker 4: if you don't go on a date with me, I
Speaker 4: will fall, like I'll let go. That's really unhealthy, Like
Speaker 4: that is like saying to someone I'm I'm going to
Speaker 4: commit if you don't go out with me and those
Speaker 4: and we think it's a movie. It doesn't matter. I
Speaker 4: know people who've heard that from people. I've had people
Speaker 4: who've stalk I know people who've stalked people who've had
Speaker 4: people chase them down, who've said things like that to people.
Speaker 3: So I didn't kill myself, you leave me exactly.
Speaker 4: So I think we've got to be careful about these
Speaker 4: ideas if you're watching his entertainment.
Speaker 5: It was really funny.
Speaker 4: I was talking to someone the other day and they
Speaker 4: were like, They're like, I didn't sleep so well, and
Speaker 4: I was like, what did you watch last night and
Speaker 4: they went an American nightmare, and I was.
Speaker 5: Like, yeah, obviously, what do you expect?
Speaker 4: So whenever anyone tells me they wake up with anxiety,
Speaker 4: the first question I says, what did you watch last night?
Speaker 4: Because that is going to tell me what was in
Speaker 4: your brain? So yeah, I don't hate the number.
Speaker 3: You think it's a horror movie though, it will make.
Speaker 5: Your life into a horror movie for sure.
Speaker 1: Well, j Sheddy, ladies and gentlemen, where can they follow you? Jay?
Speaker 4: Come and check out the podcast On Purpose. It's where
Speaker 4: I'm pouring my heart and soul and you know, excited
Speaker 4: to share so many more amazing, maybe thought provoking, maybe
Speaker 4: even pushing you slightly conversations to come and join us
Speaker 4: at On Purpose.
Speaker 2: And his latest book was Eight Rules of Love that
Speaker 2: came out last year, How to Find It, Keep It
Speaker 2: and let it Go?
Speaker 4: You got a new book coming or no, no, no,
Speaker 4: This was just I was just excited to be back
Speaker 4: with you and hanging and actually, do you know what,
Speaker 4: sometimes I love these conversations because I came here not
Speaker 4: knowing where it was going to go, and then you
Speaker 4: guys just guide it beautifully. So this was wonderful man,
Speaker 4: thank you guys.
Speaker 1: Jay Shaddy, It's the Breakfast Club. Good morning, wake that
Speaker 1: ass up in the morning.
Speaker 3: The Breakfast Club