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Speaker 1: Wake that ass up in the morning. Breakfast Club Morning,

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Speaker 1: Everybody's DJ n V. Charlamagne the Guy. We are the

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Speaker 1: Breakfast Club. We got a special guest in the building,

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Speaker 1: my guy. He's an author, New York Time best selling author.

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Speaker 1: He's an entrepreneur, he is a podcast host and now

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Speaker 1: he is a model as well. Ladies and gentlemen. Jay Shedding.

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Speaker 2: By the way, Jay Sheddy is more than the podcast hosts.

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Speaker 2: He has one of the top ten biggest podcasts in the.

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Speaker 3: World's right, Okay, I think that's a very important to

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Speaker 3: note because everybody got a podcast. Okay.

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Speaker 2: Jay said he has one of the top ten biggest

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Speaker 2: podcasts in the world. Is the number five, I think.

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Speaker 4: I think so that's on Spotify. I think that's what

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Speaker 4: it came out as. But no, thank you for having me, guys.

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Speaker 4: I love being here with you, guys. I'm so grateful

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Speaker 4: to be back to your Congrats on the new studio.

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Speaker 4: And that's not new for you for your viewers, but

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Speaker 4: it's new for me being in in with you. But

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Speaker 4: thank you, Thank you, guys.

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Speaker 2: You're one of the people always use as a model

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Speaker 2: man when people tell me, like, you know, how do

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Speaker 2: I get started in podcasting or broadcasting always say you

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Speaker 2: got to be your true authentic self and you got

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Speaker 2: to provide something that you know maybe missing. And you

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Speaker 2: came with healing, you know, conversations about mental health, love,

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Speaker 2: and you filled the very big void in the marketplace,

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Speaker 2: a void that I didn't even think people knew it

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Speaker 2: was missing.

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Speaker 4: Wow. That that means a lot coming from you. I

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Speaker 4: think whenever you're starting anything right, it's about finding the

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Speaker 4: space in the market and then figuring out what you

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Speaker 4: just said, that authentic part that you can match with

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Speaker 4: that space. And I think for me, I love all

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Speaker 4: the podcasts that exists in the world, and they serve

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Speaker 4: so many different purposes. There's so many that I listened to,

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Speaker 4: But for me, I was I remember I was at

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Speaker 4: this event and the event was called Building Meaningful Lives,

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Speaker 4: and Tom Brady was speaking at the event, and then

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Speaker 4: they were asking questions. And I don't know Tom Brady,

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Speaker 4: and you know, we don't know each other, we've never connected.

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Speaker 4: But I saw a lot of questions being asked to him,

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Speaker 4: and all the questions were about the rings and the

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Speaker 4: games and the sports, and I could tell that he

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Speaker 4: was trying to talk about meaningful things because the conference

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Speaker 4: was building meaningful lives. And again I don't know him,

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Speaker 4: so I've never checked this with him, but from my perspective,

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Speaker 4: I could. I felt my intuition suggested that he wanted

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Speaker 4: to go in a direction that he couldn't go in

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Speaker 4: because everyone just wanted him to talk about sports. And

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Speaker 4: I was like, Okay, I want to build the platform

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Speaker 4: where someone like him could go in the direction they

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Speaker 4: want to go in. That's like when you came on

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Speaker 4: the show and you need to come back, we need

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Speaker 4: to have you back on. You know, when you came on,

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Speaker 4: it was like, we could go in the direction that

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Speaker 4: you want to talk about that some people don't have

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Speaker 4: the platform to do that for, you know. So that's

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Speaker 4: where it came from.

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Speaker 3: You know. We had a Kevin Gates up here.

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Speaker 2: He's a rapper and he has a song called I

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Speaker 2: think it's called I Can Heal You, you know, and he's

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Speaker 2: talking about, you know the fact that he feels like

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Speaker 2: he can heal women, right, but just in general, do

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Speaker 2: you think you can heal people?

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Speaker 5: I can't heal people. I'm not that powerful.

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Speaker 4: I don't think I have the power or the capacity

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Speaker 4: to heal people. But I believe the universe does. I

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Speaker 4: believe energy does. I believe frequency does. And I think

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Speaker 4: that all we're trying to do is introduce people to

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Speaker 4: all of these ideas, concepts, practices, habits, mindsets that they

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Speaker 4: can then implement. I think people taking on that power

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Speaker 4: is too much pressure. I think taking on that pressure

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Speaker 4: of I'm gonna heal you, I'm gonna heal people. Wow,

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Speaker 4: I think I would crumble if I felt that way,

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Speaker 4: I would I would not last two seconds.

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Speaker 5: And so I have never felt that.

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Speaker 4: And I've always felt that I've been a vessel for

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Speaker 4: my teachers and mentors and guides. I feel that I've

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Speaker 4: been so invested in a lot of people will say

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Speaker 4: to me, like, Jay, you're so young, how did you

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Speaker 4: learn this? And I'll say, I just got lucky. I

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Speaker 4: had great mentors, great teachers, great guides, and I'm just

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Speaker 4: trying to share what I've learned through me. And yeah,

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Speaker 4: I don't want I don't want the pressure of trying

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Speaker 4: to be a savior, messiah or a cha.

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Speaker 1: You can heal people do your experience though, because people,

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Speaker 1: you know, I think a lot of times they feel

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Speaker 1: like they're alone. And if you explain your story and

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Speaker 1: tell them how you got through your tough times or

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Speaker 1: whatever that you've been through. It can, like you said,

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Speaker 1: give somebody a roadmap of what they can do. Absolutely,

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Speaker 1: you know, for every situation that you try might not

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Speaker 1: work for somebody, you know, but it'll give them a

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Speaker 1: guide to maybe something that can put them on their healings.

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Speaker 4: Absolutely. Absolutely, yeah, I agree with that. I agree with that,

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Speaker 4: but I feel like that is still so much on

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Speaker 4: that person. And I feel like that's what we've seen,

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Speaker 4: whether it's mental health, whether it's growth, whether it's personal development,

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Speaker 4: so much of the accountability and responsibility is on the

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Speaker 4: receiver of knowledge. My teachers would always give this beautiful example.

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Speaker 4: They'd say, because sometimes right I go to listen to

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Speaker 4: a talk, or you go listen to a podcast, and

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Speaker 4: the person who's teaching you is maybe not the best orator,

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Speaker 4: they're not the best communicator, they're not the person who's

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Speaker 4: coming at it with all the you know, gems and

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Speaker 4: everything else. And my teachers would say to me, if

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Speaker 4: you're sitting in a class like that, you may think

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Speaker 4: the speakers at a zero, but that means you need

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Speaker 4: to rise to a ten to extract greatness from them.

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Speaker 5: Whereas if your.

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Speaker 4: Speakers at a ten, you get to coast at a

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Speaker 4: zero and you may extract nothing from them because they

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Speaker 4: just entertained your mind. And so I think as a listener,

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Speaker 4: as a practitioner, we've got a is our game to

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Speaker 4: extract greatness from who we're listening to and implement in

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Speaker 4: our lives.

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Speaker 5: If that makes sense?

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Speaker 3: Does everybody know?

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Speaker 2: I feel like everybody deserves healing, But does everybody deserve healing?

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Speaker 4: I would say that let's go around down this thought

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Speaker 4: experiment to answer that question. So I've been thinking a

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Speaker 4: lot about this. If we could simplify the purpose.

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Speaker 5: Of life to be.

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Speaker 4: To love and be loved, if we could agree that

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Speaker 4: we think that loving others and being loved by others

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Speaker 4: feels like a meaningful purpose in our lives.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 4: What's really interesting about that is that because of how

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Speaker 4: we've been loved growing up, we chase to do things

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Speaker 4: in order to be loved. So we start thinking, well,

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Speaker 4: in order for me to be loved, I need to

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Speaker 4: build a big business. I need to look a certain way.

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Speaker 4: I need to have a certain amount of followers, I

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Speaker 4: need to build a podcast, whatever it may be. So

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Speaker 4: we start doing lots of stuff in order to be loved,

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Speaker 4: because we think to love and be loved we need

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Speaker 4: to do big things. Then what ends up happening is

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Speaker 4: we end up in a space where we realize that

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Speaker 4: doesn't lead to love. I'm not loved more because I

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Speaker 4: have more followers. I'm not loved more because I have

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Speaker 4: more money. I'm not loved more because I have more,

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Speaker 4: which then begs the question going to your earlier question,

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Speaker 4: we need to heal that idea. So I think everyone

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Speaker 4: deserves healing because everyone's been misled, whether it's by the system,

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Speaker 4: whether it's by society, whether it's about conditioning. So if

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Speaker 4: you look at the journey as to why everyone deserves healing,

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Speaker 4: it's because everyone started from a purer place, where everyone

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Speaker 4: started from a more naive place but got led down

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Speaker 4: a certain path that then requires them to have healing.

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Speaker 4: So I think everyone deserves healing. What do you think, gentlemen?

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Speaker 5: No, no, no, think deeply I do.

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Speaker 2: I just hear people say that you know, and I

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Speaker 2: think what I what I would tell folks is you know,

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Speaker 2: that's like you said, that's really not a to you

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Speaker 2: to decide. You know, if a person, regardless of what

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Speaker 2: they've been through. If they decide to go on their

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Speaker 2: healing journey, that's between them and their creator, and that's

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Speaker 2: between them and their their trauma.

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Speaker 3: Who am I to say that person doesn't deserve Yeah, yeah, I.

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Speaker 2: Guess the other question too, would be does everybody deserve

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Speaker 2: forgiveness and grace?

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Speaker 4: I mean, here's here's how I like to look at it.

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Speaker 4: Let's let's pretend that we lived in a world. Actually,

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Speaker 4: we don't need to pretend that is the world. Let's

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Speaker 4: let's live in a world where there is no forgiveness

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Speaker 4: and grace. Lord have mercy, right exactly. Let's let's see

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Speaker 4: what what would that look like like. Let's do a

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Speaker 4: thought experiment. You have a planet, there's no forgiveness, there's

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Speaker 4: no grace. I would struggle to live in that world

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Speaker 4: because I know I need forgiveness and grace not only

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Speaker 4: from myself but from the people around me. If my

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Speaker 4: wife wasn't forgiving and getting give me grace, that would

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Speaker 4: be a really tough relationship. If my mom didn't forgive

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Speaker 4: me and give me grace, that would be a tough relationship.

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Speaker 4: If my boss, if you know, whatever else in my life,

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Speaker 4: I think we'd actually all be living with more anxiety,

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Speaker 4: more stress, and we'd internalize that lack of forgiveness and

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Speaker 4: project it back onto ourselves and that would pervent you

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Speaker 4: a cycle. By the way, that's kind of where we're

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Speaker 4: at right now. And I think a lot of our

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Speaker 4: lack of capacity for forgiveness and grace for others actually

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Speaker 4: comes because we don't give ourselves the benefit of the doubt, right,

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Speaker 4: Like you know, amazing things can happen whereby we literally

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Speaker 4: will you know, I think I'm sure you've heard this too,

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Speaker 4: where it's like I loved you until you did this.

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Speaker 4: I believed in you until you did this, And it's

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Speaker 4: almost like we don't give ourself a second chance. And

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Speaker 4: because we don't give ourselves a second chance, we don't

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Speaker 4: give others a second chance. And I believe that everyone

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Speaker 4: deserves forgiveness and grace if they are willing to choose

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Speaker 4: the path of reformation, if they're willing to go on

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Speaker 4: the path and do the work of saying I have

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Speaker 4: had some challenges, I've made some mistakes. I'm willing to grow.

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Speaker 4: That's but sometimes it's a chicken and egg situation because

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Speaker 4: sometimes for someone to have that reaction, they need to

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Speaker 4: feel that there is an opportunity for forgiveness and grace.

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Speaker 4: So often people are so scared that people won't forgive

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Speaker 4: them that they don't want to admit it. Right, Let's

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Speaker 4: take a very basic example, like you know someone's let's

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Speaker 4: take something that I think you know, someone's cheated on

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Speaker 4: their partner. Not not an ideal situation, not a great thing.

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Speaker 4: Do we just let that person get away with it?

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Speaker 4: Of course not. But partly that person may be scared

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Speaker 4: of sharing it because they're scared they won't be forgiveness

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Speaker 4: and grace that's true now, or scared to lose or

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Speaker 4: scared to lose now they've made a mistake and they

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Speaker 4: should be held accountable regardless because if they were in

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Speaker 4: a committed relationship. But it's this chicken and egg situation

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Speaker 4: of like what comes first? And I don't know the

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Speaker 4: answer to that because it requires so much from the

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Speaker 4: person who's been hurt, and it's sad because you've already

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Speaker 4: been hurt and now more is required of you. A

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Speaker 4: lot of people feel that way, that they're the one

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Speaker 4: who's been high, but they've going to be the bigger person.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think a lot of times with forgiveness sometimes

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Speaker 1: it's why the person asks for forgiveness, so why the

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Speaker 1: person is sorry. Right. So, like you said in the

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Speaker 1: cheating situation, right, it's quick and easy for a person

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Speaker 1: to say, Okay, I'm sorry because they got caught. You know.

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Speaker 1: Same thing with somebody when they say something wild online. Right,

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Speaker 1: the first reason they want to apologize really is they

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Speaker 1: want things to get back to normal or are they

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Speaker 1: really sorry? Did they really understand what they did? It

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Speaker 1: hurts somebody, And I think that's the problem when it

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Speaker 1: comes to forgiving somebody. Right, it's easy to say I

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Speaker 1: forgive you. You slap me in my face, and I say, okay,

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Speaker 1: I forgive you, But no, I don't, not until we

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Speaker 1: have the conversation and why you slap me in the face,

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Speaker 1: why you said what you said, how do you affect me,

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Speaker 1: and then we can get to that path. But I

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Speaker 1: think a lot of times it's easy for people to

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Speaker 1: say I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do it. I

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Speaker 1: went to rehabits over right, and the world is supposed

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Speaker 1: to open back up. But if you can't explain to

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Speaker 1: me why you did what you did and assure me

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Speaker 1: why it can't happen again, I can never forgive you,

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Speaker 1: and people be like, we'll forgive you means this, that

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Speaker 1: and the other. No, I don't think about you, but

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Speaker 1: that's that's my reason of feeling that way.

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Speaker 4: That's yeah, that's the best. I fully agree with everything

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Speaker 4: you just said. That's that's that's what's missing is you

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Speaker 4: just you said something so subtle and so passively. I

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Speaker 4: want to highlight for everyone because I'm like, that is

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Speaker 4: It's like we want to say sorry often because we

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Speaker 4: want things to go back to normal correct and that

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Speaker 4: that is the mistake, Like that isn't worthy of forgiveness,

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Speaker 4: and we need to go deeper than that.

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Speaker 2: You just sat down with First Lady Michelle Obama. Conversation

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Speaker 2: was everywhere right, and she expressed how terrified she was

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Speaker 2: about this election year. What was it like hearing that

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Speaker 2: from her? And how do you process that? Does that

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Speaker 2: give you anxiety when.

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Speaker 3: You hear it?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's an interesting thought process because I can't vote

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Speaker 4: in this country. I moved here eight years ago. I

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Speaker 4: have a green card, but I don't you know, I

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Speaker 4: don't have voting rights, and I moved here the year

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Speaker 4: Trump became president in twenty six and so I've had

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Speaker 4: an interesting education in the United States, and I haven't.

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Speaker 4: You know, I didn't grow up learning American history or

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Speaker 4: American politics, so I'm also very uneducated in that space. Specifically,

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Speaker 4: I think for me, I look at most things as

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Speaker 4: things I can and can't control. And when I think

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Speaker 4: about things that make me anxious on a global scale,

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Speaker 4: I often ask myself what is the root of that

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Speaker 4: anxiety in my community? So if I'm seeing whether it's ignorance,

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Speaker 4: whether it's a lack of understanding, whether it's a lack

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Speaker 4: of curiosity, openness, compassion on a global scale, I'm asking myself,

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Speaker 4: where does that exist within me and my friends and

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Speaker 4: my society, and how do I start impacting that because

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Speaker 4: that I can control. And so I've been practicing that

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Speaker 4: for a long time because I feel that there's a

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Speaker 4: lot of things that give me anxiety, Like there's a

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Speaker 4: lot of things that can stress me out. There's something

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Speaker 4: new in the news every day that can do that.

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Speaker 4: But for me, what's really interesting is saying, okay, where

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Speaker 4: is Like I read this beautiful quote from f Scott

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Speaker 4: Fitzgerald a few years back, and it's beautiful and he

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Speaker 4: said that I don't have my phone.

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Speaker 5: Others i'd read it right, but type in type in.

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Speaker 4: The type in two opposites and f Scott Fitzgerald or

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Speaker 4: posing ideas correct, but look for the full quote because

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Speaker 4: they only quote half of it sometimes and it's so,

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Speaker 4: and read a longer version of that quest.

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Speaker 2: See the test of a first rate the ability the

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Speaker 2: whole tool posing sides in mind at the same time

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Speaker 2: and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example,

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Speaker 2: be able to see that things are hopeless, yet be

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Speaker 2: determined to make them otherwise.

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Speaker 4: That I love that right, like to be able to

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Speaker 4: hold this is I think the biggest challenge we're facing

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Speaker 4: in the human mind is that we're not able in

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Speaker 4: our microworld and in a macro world to be able

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Speaker 4: to hold two opposing ideas at the same time still

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Speaker 4: retain the ability to function.

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Speaker 5: So, as F.

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Speaker 4: Scott Fitzgerald said, I should be able to see that

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Speaker 4: everything seems hopeless, yet be determined to make them otherwise.

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Speaker 4: That to me is where I like to live and

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Speaker 4: where I like to function. Is that how can I

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Speaker 4: accept that things are beyond my control? I'm not powerful

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Speaker 4: enough yet control what I can try to do, and

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Speaker 4: so I kind of look at ignorance in my own

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Speaker 4: community and my own friends group, in our WhatsApp chats,

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Speaker 4: in our tech threads, like where is that ignorance? Where

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Speaker 4: is that you know? Where are the missing links? And

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Speaker 4: how can I start to impact and influence my friends

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Speaker 4: to be more open minded, to be more curious, to

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Speaker 4: be better learners. And myself, by the way too, to

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Speaker 4: question where I'm easy quick to shut people down, Like

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Speaker 4: I've noticed that so much in me recently, Like if

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Speaker 4: I'm judging someone, I've really been asking myself, can I

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Speaker 4: look for that quality of me? Because I really believe

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Speaker 4: that the reason I'm judging it and I'm so triggered

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Speaker 4: by it is because I know it's inside myself, and

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Speaker 4: my judgment is just a reflexion of me not introspecting enough.

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Speaker 4: So to me, I try and bring down global events

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Speaker 4: into the personal and intimate, because otherwise it's so chaotic

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Speaker 4: and so hard to deal with.

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Speaker 1: I believe some people's judgment is a reflection of the masses, right,

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Speaker 1: And that's my biggest thing I have with social media,

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Speaker 1: And sometimes when people talk about their healing journey or

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Speaker 1: some of the things that they do, I think they

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Speaker 1: look for out actual without actually doing the necessary work.

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Speaker 4: Right.

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Speaker 1: So somebody might see Charlemagne and he's evolved, and he'll

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Speaker 1: explain the ways that he evolved, and somebody might jump

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Speaker 1: on it because they've seen it work for Charlemagne, but

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Speaker 1: it won't work for them because it's not in their heart,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I think a lot of times,

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Speaker 1: with social media and what you said about the masses,

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Speaker 1: I think people follow a fake way of doing it

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Speaker 1: to pray for healing instead of trying to find their

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Speaker 1: own journey. And I think that's the difficult part. And

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Speaker 1: I try to tell people and I think, you know,

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Speaker 1: with some of the things that you're doing, you trying

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Speaker 1: to find your own healing journey. Yes, you know. You

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Speaker 1: give him example with George Charlomagne gives an example of his.

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Speaker 1: I give an example of mine. But a lot of

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Speaker 1: times people will try to followed that and it doesn't

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Speaker 1: open up their own mind to some of their other thoughts.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, that's so powerful. And I think the beautiful

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Speaker 4: thing about anyone who has gone on a healing journey

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Speaker 4: realizes how unique yet similar it is. Like if we

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Speaker 4: sat down and we talked about healing journeys, all three

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Speaker 4: of us, we'd find so many similarities, yet so many differences.

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Speaker 4: And that's the beauty of it that when you go

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Speaker 4: down that path. And yeah, I would encourage everyone to

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Speaker 4: not try and imitate. It's almost like, you know, a

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Speaker 4: few years ago, people's morning routines became really popular, and

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Speaker 4: all of a sudden, everyone's trying to do the Einstein

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Speaker 4: morning routine or whatever it may be. And it's like,

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Speaker 4: you're not going to become that person by doing their

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Speaker 4: morning routine. That's a part of who they are. But

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Speaker 4: what you're saying is that there's an essence, there's a

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Speaker 4: heart there that you're totally missing out on. So yeah,

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Speaker 4: I fully agree you can't. You can't imitate someone's morning

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Speaker 4: routine and suddenly become them.

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Speaker 2: I like what you said too, can you can you

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Speaker 2: really find truth in this world of extremes because it

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Speaker 2: feels like everybody got to pick a side. Yeah, and

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Speaker 2: like we talked about it, what you came in, Like

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Speaker 2: I could sit down and have a conversation with somebody

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Speaker 2: and people will look at that as an endorsement. No,

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Speaker 2: we're just having a conversation because there's got to be

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Speaker 2: some nuance in all of this. Right that I got

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Speaker 2: a spiritual you know, leader one of my spiritual teachers

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Speaker 2: of Lutha YadA, she always says, she says, there's no

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Speaker 2: such thing as right and wrong in humans.

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Speaker 4: Do you do you believe that there's no such thing

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Speaker 4: as right and wrong? I mean you could see that

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Speaker 4: from the I guess it depends what level of I

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Speaker 4: guess it depends on what level of humanity you're talking about. Right,

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Speaker 4: they're legal, there's right and wrong. I guess morally there's

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Speaker 4: right and wrong, and then I guess thought wise or

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Speaker 4: perception wise. Then you get into muddy a territory because

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Speaker 4: then what is right and wrong? Because everyone's looking at everything.

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Speaker 4: If you just think about the multiple lenses that we've had,

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Speaker 4: it's like if you imagine that every life experience you've

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Speaker 4: had is a crack in the mirror. Right the parents

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Speaker 4: you had, the town you grew up in, the friends

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Speaker 4: you had growing up, the school you went to, your

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Speaker 4: first job, your first love, your first heartbreak. Imagine all

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Speaker 4: of those are cracks in a mirror. Now every time

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Speaker 4: you're looking in that mirror, imagine how many different reflections

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Speaker 4: and distorted reflections you're seeing. We're basically dealing with that

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Speaker 4: with eight billion people. So the amount of distortion in perception, reflection,

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Speaker 4: perspective is so variegated that how can any one of

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Speaker 4: us know what the truth is or what right and

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Speaker 4: wrong is because it's there's the options unlimited, like you

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Speaker 4: would need an algorithm, and even an algorithm couldn't compute

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Speaker 4: the depths of the trauma, the impact the experience like

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Speaker 4: it would require it would require a God's brain in

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Speaker 4: order to formulate and contextualize all of those experiences. So

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Speaker 4: I do think there was this I don't know where

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Speaker 4: it's from, but I remember seeing it in Cobra Kai,

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Speaker 4: of all places. But there was this great line that said,

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Speaker 4: there's there's always three sides to every story, yours, mine

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Speaker 4: and the truth. But I think the challenge is that

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Speaker 4: the truth part is we're not.

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Speaker 5: Even the subjective, it's objective.

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Speaker 4: But I don't even think what you just said rightly

403
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Speaker 4: is in order. Then if we're saying there's three sides

404
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Speaker 4: to every story, but we're only living on one side,

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Speaker 4: the only way to get to the middle ground. And

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Speaker 4: by the way, the middle ground has been a philosophical standpoint.

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Speaker 4: The Buddhoo talked about the middle path. We talk about

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Speaker 4: living a balanced life. We talk about finding the core,

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Speaker 4: the heart, the center. If you look at all philosophical,

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Speaker 4: spiritual well being traditions, it's always about the middle, the heart,

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Speaker 4: the center of the core. Yet the only way to

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Speaker 4: get to the middle is by looking at both extremes.

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Speaker 4: You're not going to get to the middle by being

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Speaker 4: on any of one side of any thought. And so

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Speaker 4: I think, what you just said, Charlemagne, and what you

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Speaker 4: do here so beautifully is I love. And I try

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Speaker 4: and do this too, to have conversations that people don't

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Speaker 4: expect me to have with people that people maybe confused

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Speaker 4: as to why I'm sitting down with them, in order

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Speaker 4: to understand the cracks the mirror, That's what I'm fascinated.

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Speaker 4: But I'm fascinated by the cracks on the mirror because

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Speaker 4: how they got to how they think is even more

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Speaker 4: important to me than how they think. Because if we

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Speaker 4: understand how someone got to how they think, we can

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Speaker 4: help save the future, because we can make sure that

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Speaker 4: their experiences are slightly more variegated, diverse, supported, in order

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Speaker 4: to have healthier ideas in the future.

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Speaker 3: Do you do you feel like most people are just performing?

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Speaker 5: What do you mean by that?

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Speaker 2: Because when sometimes when you sit down with these people,

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Speaker 2: you realize like, oh, this is this is just an act,

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Speaker 2: like you know what I mean, You're just doing this

433
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:40,080
Speaker 2: because of what can what can come come from it.

434
00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:42,080
Speaker 2: So it's like when I'm having a conversation with somebody,

435
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:43,960
Speaker 2: I try to remove all of that and get to

436
00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:46,240
Speaker 2: what you just said, and you usually get to that

437
00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:49,600
Speaker 2: by seeing how a person got to where they are.

438
00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:51,600
Speaker 3: And then when you that's when you realize like, oh,

439
00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:52,520
Speaker 3: this isn't.

440
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:56,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think it's hard right now, Like there's this

441
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:59,200
Speaker 4: meme on social media that I love and it's all

442
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:03,560
Speaker 4: text and it says society says, be yourself and then

443
00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:08,400
Speaker 4: society says, no, not like that, and it's brilliant, right,

444
00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:12,120
Speaker 4: And so what I've realized is society says, I want

445
00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:14,679
Speaker 4: to know what you feel, and then it goes but

446
00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:18,159
Speaker 4: if you let me tell you that again, society says,

447
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:22,200
Speaker 4: I want to know what you feel. But then if

448
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:24,879
Speaker 4: what you feel doesn't make me feel good, then I

449
00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:27,119
Speaker 4: don't know what you want to feel. And so I

450
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:32,159
Speaker 4: think people have actually kind of regressed into performing because

451
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:35,440
Speaker 4: they're so scared of being judged for every word they say.

452
00:21:36,119 --> 00:21:39,680
Speaker 4: And then there's the side of people performing because they

453
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:42,240
Speaker 4: think that they have to abide by certain rules or

454
00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:44,760
Speaker 4: they have to you know, sit with a particular thought

455
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:47,280
Speaker 4: process or whatever it may be. But I think in

456
00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:50,640
Speaker 4: our attempt to be more authentic as a society, we've

457
00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:55,240
Speaker 4: actually started blocking authenticity because if your authenticity doesn't make

458
00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:58,959
Speaker 4: me feel good, then I'm rejecting it. And that doesn't

459
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:02,119
Speaker 4: actually make make sense, you know, it doesn't. You can't

460
00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:04,119
Speaker 4: if you say something that I don't like, I can

461
00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:06,280
Speaker 4: say I don't like it, but I can't tell you

462
00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:07,359
Speaker 4: that that's wrong.

463
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:09,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, don't say I'm real until I say something that

464
00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:12,119
Speaker 2: you don't agree with. Yeah, exactly, But it can't be

465
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:15,000
Speaker 2: that way. I should still be real, Like, come on.

466
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:16,600
Speaker 1: But is it all an interpretation?

467
00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:16,960
Speaker 3: Right?

468
00:22:17,359 --> 00:22:20,520
Speaker 1: Like you've been married eight years. Sometimes when you get

469
00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:24,720
Speaker 1: into an argument or you know, a disagreement with your wife,

470
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:26,480
Speaker 1: it might not be right or wrong. It might be

471
00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:28,600
Speaker 1: how you interpret things right. So you know, if your

472
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:30,240
Speaker 1: wife says something, you'd be like you had an attitude

473
00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:32,159
Speaker 1: and it makes you upset, But really she didn't have

474
00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:34,120
Speaker 1: an attitude. So I think a lot of what we

475
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:36,000
Speaker 1: see in this world is interpretation.

476
00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:37,000
Speaker 5: Absolutely.

477
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:39,600
Speaker 4: I try and and That's why I think the self

478
00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:42,359
Speaker 4: interpretation point is so much more important. I think we

479
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:44,640
Speaker 4: get so lost in social media. We've mentioned it here,

480
00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:47,080
Speaker 4: and by the way, obviously I love social media. Without it,

481
00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:49,240
Speaker 4: I wouldn't even have had a career. I wouldn't be

482
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:52,399
Speaker 4: here today. So I'm very grateful to social media. But

483
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:54,280
Speaker 4: the point is that I think we get so lost

484
00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:58,200
Speaker 4: in other people's marriages, other people's careers, other people's failures,

485
00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:01,480
Speaker 4: that we don't make the time to reflect on our own.

486
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:04,280
Speaker 4: So when I find myself being agitated with my wife

487
00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:06,920
Speaker 4: or being irritated with my wife, I look back as

488
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:09,520
Speaker 4: to why did I behave that way, And nineteen percent

489
00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:11,080
Speaker 4: of the time, it's because I have a certain fear.

490
00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:14,560
Speaker 4: I have a certain insecurity. Sometimes my fear is actually

491
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:17,199
Speaker 4: a positive fear of Let's say my wife asks me

492
00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:19,800
Speaker 4: a really important question, but I'm about to walk into

493
00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:24,359
Speaker 4: this interview. My agitated, non mindful response is going to

494
00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:26,679
Speaker 4: be I've got time for this right now, talk to

495
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:29,120
Speaker 4: you later, right, which is the worst thing to say.

496
00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:31,239
Speaker 4: But I've been there. I'm just gonna put my hand down.

497
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:34,320
Speaker 4: I've done that right, Like I've said, Hey, I haven't

498
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:34,840
Speaker 4: got time for this.

499
00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:35,879
Speaker 5: Right now, I.

500
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:38,320
Speaker 1: Would never say that, boy, you got more. I ain't

501
00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:38,920
Speaker 1: got time for that.

502
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:42,320
Speaker 4: I said that in the past, right I've said that before,

503
00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:44,720
Speaker 4: and I feel terrible for saying that now when I

504
00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:47,639
Speaker 4: look back at that, and I've reflected on that, and

505
00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:50,120
Speaker 4: my wife's very forgiving and kind, and so she tolerates

506
00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:53,320
Speaker 4: me deeply and I appreciate her for that. But when

507
00:23:53,359 --> 00:23:55,800
Speaker 4: I reflect on having made that mistake, the real reason

508
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:58,600
Speaker 4: is twofold one is it's not that I haven't got

509
00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:00,320
Speaker 4: time for it. I actually really care about her and

510
00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:02,560
Speaker 4: I want to give her a really good answer. I

511
00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:04,439
Speaker 4: just am scared that I won't be able to do

512
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:06,640
Speaker 4: that in thirty seconds, and so now I'm just trying

513
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:08,320
Speaker 4: to pass it off because I don't want to take

514
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:11,040
Speaker 4: on the fear. So there's actually a well intentioned thing there.

515
00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:13,199
Speaker 4: It's not that I actually think I'm too busy, and

516
00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:15,879
Speaker 4: then sometimes I'm like, well, my life's more important. Like

517
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:18,679
Speaker 4: I remember this time, my wife would come up to

518
00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:22,000
Speaker 4: me and say I've had a really bad day, and

519
00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:24,040
Speaker 4: I'd say, tell me about it. I've had a really

520
00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:26,480
Speaker 4: bad week, and I was using her pain.

521
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:28,360
Speaker 1: You're trumping her pain exactly.

522
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:31,200
Speaker 4: I was using her pain to validate my pain because

523
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:34,359
Speaker 4: I haven't spent time validating my pain in private, because

524
00:24:34,359 --> 00:24:37,240
Speaker 4: I haven't taken that time to acknowledge and recognize that

525
00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:41,640
Speaker 4: I'm having a challenging week. I'm now using and taking

526
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:45,119
Speaker 4: her moment of connecting with her partner to make it

527
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:47,399
Speaker 4: about me. And so again, when I reflect on that,

528
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:49,920
Speaker 4: why am I doing that? It's because I haven't taken

529
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,240
Speaker 4: time for myself. And I think that's where I want

530
00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:55,320
Speaker 4: people to live more, because we could actually heal so

531
00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:59,880
Speaker 4: many of our daily irritations and agitations simply by going, God,

532
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:03,760
Speaker 4: I'm scared, I'm being insecure and I'm not validating my

533
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:04,240
Speaker 4: own pain.

534
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:06,280
Speaker 2: How many times do you? I mean, how often have

535
00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:07,840
Speaker 2: you broken your own eight rules of love?

536
00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:12,400
Speaker 5: Oh? Every day? Every day, man, every day.

537
00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:14,560
Speaker 4: I don't think it's you know, it goes back to

538
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:16,720
Speaker 4: that how can I heal someone I'm still healing myself.

539
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:19,119
Speaker 4: And it goes to the reality of and I think

540
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:22,440
Speaker 4: we all know this at this table. Everything in life

541
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:25,879
Speaker 4: is a process, right, Like even if you took something

542
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:30,040
Speaker 4: really tangible, like we say this person is rich, we

543
00:25:30,119 --> 00:25:32,320
Speaker 4: talk about them as if they can never lose it,

544
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:35,639
Speaker 4: and that will always be theirs. That's actually not true.

545
00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:38,760
Speaker 4: People could lose all their money. We talk about someone

546
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:41,760
Speaker 4: being famous, you could lose that. So in the same

547
00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:44,880
Speaker 4: way healing progress development, you.

548
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:45,320
Speaker 5: Can lose it.

549
00:25:45,359 --> 00:25:48,680
Speaker 4: And I think we've got so lost in that destination addiction,

550
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:51,480
Speaker 4: the belief that you get to a point from which

551
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:55,000
Speaker 4: there is no return. And I think that destination addiction

552
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:59,240
Speaker 4: is really misleading in the wellness space because we feel like,

553
00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:00,560
Speaker 4: oh now, why healed?

554
00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:01,400
Speaker 5: And I think it.

555
00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:03,639
Speaker 4: Comes from this idea of if you think about it right.

556
00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:05,600
Speaker 4: Social media is full of before and off the pictures,

557
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:07,560
Speaker 4: this where I used to be, look at where I

558
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:10,440
Speaker 4: am now, right, And it's always like saying I used

559
00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:11,679
Speaker 4: to be in a bad place, now I'm in a

560
00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:12,240
Speaker 4: great place.

561
00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:14,400
Speaker 5: No process, no process.

562
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:17,440
Speaker 4: And linear when the real life life is this every day. Sure,

563
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:21,600
Speaker 4: it's just cyclical. And I think we've made our minds

564
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:24,639
Speaker 4: feel that journey's are linear. It's like A to B,

565
00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:27,239
Speaker 4: like going from LA to New York or New York

566
00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:27,680
Speaker 4: to LA.

567
00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:28,400
Speaker 5: It's linear.

568
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:30,600
Speaker 4: But we know that life is so much more cyclical,

569
00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:33,200
Speaker 4: and so yes, I've broken the eight Rules of Love

570
00:26:33,359 --> 00:26:34,920
Speaker 4: every day, every week of my life.

571
00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:36,360
Speaker 2: One of the things you said, man that I think

572
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:39,000
Speaker 2: is so important that I want people to really get

573
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:40,840
Speaker 2: from this if they don't get nothing else from this conversation.

574
00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:45,440
Speaker 2: Is like, there's no manual for any of this. You're

575
00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:47,760
Speaker 2: not going to be the perfect husband, You're not going

576
00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:50,439
Speaker 2: to be the perfect father. I spend so much time

577
00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:54,200
Speaker 2: simply apologizing to my wife and apologizing to my kids

578
00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:56,880
Speaker 2: because I don't ever want them to think that I'm

579
00:26:56,880 --> 00:26:59,440
Speaker 2: trying to come off with some perfect human who never

580
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:01,440
Speaker 2: gets anything wrong right.

581
00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:04,680
Speaker 3: And I think that is that's very important to do.

582
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:06,360
Speaker 3: And just being present, like.

583
00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:07,960
Speaker 2: When you're when you're when your wife calls you, your

584
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:10,359
Speaker 2: child calls you, even if you in that moment you

585
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:12,640
Speaker 2: weren't present. As soon as I'm done whatever I'm doing,

586
00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:14,879
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry that you know I had to do that,

587
00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:16,480
Speaker 2: but I had to go do X, Y and Z

588
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:17,639
Speaker 2: in that moment.

589
00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:18,160
Speaker 5: Yeah.

590
00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:20,080
Speaker 4: Absolutely, And I think I think the thing about the

591
00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:22,040
Speaker 4: point you just made, and I hope this is what

592
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:24,360
Speaker 4: someone takes away from this as well, is I think

593
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:27,000
Speaker 4: a lot of us in our minds when we do introspect,

594
00:27:27,359 --> 00:27:30,000
Speaker 4: we're quite heavy and harsh on ourselves. I think a

595
00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:36,119
Speaker 4: lot of people are walking around with a internal in

596
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:39,640
Speaker 4: a critical voice, that is completely making them feel terrible.

597
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:42,119
Speaker 4: And so when anyone says something externally, it's worse. And

598
00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:45,000
Speaker 4: I just want to remind people that you can't hate

599
00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:48,960
Speaker 4: yourself into change, Like you can't guilt yourself into growth.

600
00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:53,240
Speaker 4: You can't blame yourself into a breakthrough. When was the

601
00:27:53,359 --> 00:27:57,600
Speaker 4: last time you changed who you were because someone hated you?

602
00:27:57,640 --> 00:27:57,880
Speaker 3: Never?

603
00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:01,120
Speaker 4: When was the last time you I ported someone you

604
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:05,919
Speaker 4: hate deeply? So if you're hating, blaming, guilty yourself, it

605
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:08,160
Speaker 4: may get you started, but it won't get you there.

606
00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:10,639
Speaker 4: And so anyone who's giving themselves a hard time, I'm

607
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:13,280
Speaker 4: not saying to give yourself an easy time, but that

608
00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:15,959
Speaker 4: in aer grace, that in a forgiveness is such an

609
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:18,760
Speaker 4: important part of you actually becoming better. So you're not

610
00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:21,200
Speaker 4: doing it because you're trying to take it easy on yourself.

611
00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:23,120
Speaker 4: You're doing it because it's gonna let you get through

612
00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:23,840
Speaker 4: the hard times.

613
00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:26,520
Speaker 1: The most important thing I think for a lot of

614
00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:29,360
Speaker 1: people is back to what you said, with forgiveness and grace, right,

615
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:31,920
Speaker 1: A lot of things that we do is learn behavior.

616
00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:32,480
Speaker 3: Right.

617
00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:35,840
Speaker 1: Why do people pop their children usually because they got

618
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:37,920
Speaker 1: popped as a child, you know, Why do people talk

619
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:40,080
Speaker 1: the way that they talk, usually because their parents talk

620
00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:42,040
Speaker 1: to them, or their parents are the same thing, or

621
00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:44,080
Speaker 1: they do that. But a lot of times when you're

622
00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:46,080
Speaker 1: in the moment, you don't see that. Right when my

623
00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:48,200
Speaker 1: dad told me, don't go out, don't do this, don't

624
00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:50,320
Speaker 1: do that, my first reaction was like, I hate them.

625
00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:52,440
Speaker 1: My other friends can do it and I can't. But

626
00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:55,160
Speaker 1: now as a parent, it's the same thing. Now I

627
00:28:55,280 --> 00:28:58,080
Speaker 1: understand why he said what he said, but you always

628
00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:01,440
Speaker 1: pray that you get it before that family member. It's

629
00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:02,720
Speaker 1: this earth, you know what I mean. And I thank

630
00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:04,720
Speaker 1: God every day that my dad is still here, that

631
00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:07,080
Speaker 1: I didn't leave being mad at him. And you know,

632
00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:10,440
Speaker 1: I try to explain more to my kids because I

633
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:11,880
Speaker 1: never want them to feel that way, but I know

634
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:13,320
Speaker 1: they must feel the same way when they be like

635
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:14,920
Speaker 1: I can't go to my friend's house or sleep over.

636
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:15,200
Speaker 3: Why?

637
00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:17,200
Speaker 1: And I know they might be mad because their friends

638
00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:19,640
Speaker 1: do it. But that grace and forgiveness. We have to

639
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:21,840
Speaker 1: understand that a lot of the stuff that we do

640
00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:24,240
Speaker 1: is learned behavior, even if it's not right. We have

641
00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:26,440
Speaker 1: to realize that a lot of the things that we

642
00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:28,200
Speaker 1: learned and we were taught were fucked up.

643
00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:30,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's that famous quote you just reminded me of

644
00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:34,600
Speaker 4: that says, by the time you realize that your parents

645
00:29:34,640 --> 00:29:36,440
Speaker 4: are right, your kids are telling you that you're wrong.

646
00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:39,840
Speaker 5: And it's that awkward position that we end up in.

647
00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:41,800
Speaker 5: But you know what's really interesting about that.

648
00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:43,720
Speaker 4: I was talking to someone about this at dinner last night,

649
00:29:44,520 --> 00:29:48,560
Speaker 4: and there's this old story that I heard a while ago,

650
00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:51,960
Speaker 4: and it's always resonated with me, even with my own childhood,

651
00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:56,000
Speaker 4: not in particular, but in essence. So the story goes

652
00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:59,800
Speaker 4: that these two men were interviewed and one was an alcoholic,

653
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:02,600
Speaker 4: the other one and never drunk alcohol, and they were brothers,

654
00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:05,280
Speaker 4: and they interviewed them and then they asked the one

655
00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:07,200
Speaker 4: who drank alcohol and was an alcoholic, he said, why

656
00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:10,200
Speaker 4: are you an alcoholic? He said, my dad was an alcoholic.

657
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:12,360
Speaker 4: And then they asked the other brother, why don't you drink?

658
00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:14,520
Speaker 4: And he said, my dad was an alcoholic. And so

659
00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:16,400
Speaker 4: I think a lot of us got an education and

660
00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:19,560
Speaker 4: what not to do, but we ended up repeating it

661
00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:22,920
Speaker 4: instead of breaking the cycle. And I feel like in

662
00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:25,280
Speaker 4: my life I had to I got a great education

663
00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:27,000
Speaker 4: in a lot of my areas of life in what

664
00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:29,600
Speaker 4: not to do and who not to be, And I

665
00:30:29,640 --> 00:30:32,160
Speaker 4: took all those little notes down, and I think that's

666
00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:34,400
Speaker 4: what's improved my life. So I think if we're constantly

667
00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:37,760
Speaker 4: waiting for the perfect example and the perfect space and

668
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:40,840
Speaker 4: the perfect surroundings and the perfect aren't an uncle and

669
00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:43,560
Speaker 4: the perfect parent, it's like we may be waiting forever

670
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:46,040
Speaker 4: because no one's perfect. So we almost have to make

671
00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:48,760
Speaker 4: a list of what not to do, but what not to.

672
00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:50,040
Speaker 3: Do, but also how to.

673
00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:53,240
Speaker 2: That's why that's why podcast like On Purpose is so important.

674
00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:55,760
Speaker 2: That's why podcasts like you know, Debbie Brown Deeply Well

675
00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:59,040
Speaker 2: is so important because we learn how to, you know,

676
00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:00,560
Speaker 2: break break a lot these cycles.

677
00:31:00,600 --> 00:31:01,160
Speaker 5: Absolutely.

678
00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:02,360
Speaker 3: Are you wearing gap right now?

679
00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:05,080
Speaker 5: No? Not right now? Okay, I'm just because you saw that.

680
00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:09,240
Speaker 5: You saw that, that's why that's.

681
00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:12,080
Speaker 3: Just thought you was handsome.

682
00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:18,360
Speaker 5: I was like, all right, DJM. You know you know,

683
00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:21,000
Speaker 5: I wasn't expecting that from you. Thank you, man. I

684
00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:22,360
Speaker 5: appreciate you and your wife.

685
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:25,000
Speaker 3: The holiday holiday Gap campaign, yeah yeah, we.

686
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:27,000
Speaker 4: We were just you know, when we got asked to

687
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:29,000
Speaker 4: do that, it was like we couldn't believe it.

688
00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:29,920
Speaker 5: We're like, what is this?

689
00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:32,600
Speaker 4: You know, like we grew up watching the gap campaigns

690
00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:36,680
Speaker 4: like the holiday campaigns especially, and any I've said to

691
00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:38,920
Speaker 4: my wife, any time I get to do any work

692
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:40,840
Speaker 4: with her is my favorite thing because I get to

693
00:31:40,840 --> 00:31:43,080
Speaker 4: hang with her all day. And so that shoot was fun.

694
00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:45,320
Speaker 4: They made it fun. The creative team was fantastic, Like

695
00:31:45,360 --> 00:31:47,440
Speaker 4: it was a good time. We walked out of there

696
00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:49,720
Speaker 4: having having had a great day. So it was a

697
00:31:49,760 --> 00:31:52,080
Speaker 4: lot of fun. And then it was it was surreal

698
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:55,280
Speaker 4: because you know, yeah, definitely never been a model.

699
00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:57,240
Speaker 2: So do you have a question yourself when you get

700
00:31:57,240 --> 00:32:00,280
Speaker 2: approached to do things like that, because you know, people think,

701
00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:03,840
Speaker 2: for whatever, for whatever reason, what it is you do.

702
00:32:03,840 --> 00:32:06,040
Speaker 3: Oh, you shouldn't have a campaign.

703
00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:09,320
Speaker 2: You're supposed to be a guru, you know, do you

704
00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:11,000
Speaker 2: have a question yourself about Yeah?

705
00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:14,440
Speaker 4: Absolutely, I've I've had the challenges. I've had to sit

706
00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:17,000
Speaker 4: with that question so much. And here's what I've come

707
00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:19,160
Speaker 4: out with. One of the reasons I do it is

708
00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:21,760
Speaker 4: because I don't want to be the guru. I don't

709
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:24,760
Speaker 4: want to be that. I'm a normal guy who likes

710
00:32:24,840 --> 00:32:28,320
Speaker 4: nice things, who is married, who's happily married, who who's

711
00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:31,680
Speaker 4: living in the normal world, who has businesses like everything.

712
00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:34,360
Speaker 4: It's like, I just I want to be that because

713
00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:38,120
Speaker 4: I think that the you know, the putting anyone up

714
00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:41,080
Speaker 4: on a pedestal, that person will always let you down

715
00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:43,680
Speaker 4: because it's it's hard for anyone to live up to that,

716
00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:46,400
Speaker 4: and so I would rather take myself off of it

717
00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:49,680
Speaker 4: and normalize it and be good with that. And at

718
00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:51,800
Speaker 4: the same time, I think, I look at it and

719
00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:54,600
Speaker 4: I go, in my opinion, I'm hoping that someone's going

720
00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:57,320
Speaker 4: to see that and be reminded of wellness and be

721
00:32:57,400 --> 00:33:00,680
Speaker 4: reminded of well being from the perspective of like, oh yeah,

722
00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:03,040
Speaker 4: generally they do that thing. So I'm hoping that it's

723
00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:05,920
Speaker 4: actually helping us get the message out there more. And

724
00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:07,880
Speaker 4: maybe I'm wrong, but I also look at it as

725
00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:10,200
Speaker 4: things I enjoy doing and things I love doing with

726
00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:11,880
Speaker 4: my wife, and I live life in that way and

727
00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:14,160
Speaker 4: a lot of the opportunities come my way. One of

728
00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:15,880
Speaker 4: the things that I've really been working on, and this

729
00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:18,800
Speaker 4: is probably the most thoughtful answer I can give to this,

730
00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:21,560
Speaker 4: is I've realized that a lot of opportunities I give today,

731
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:27,479
Speaker 4: a lot of opportunities I get today, they feel like

732
00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:30,640
Speaker 4: a high five to my sixteen year old self and

733
00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:33,080
Speaker 4: my twelve year old self and even my five year

734
00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:37,840
Speaker 4: old self and then there's the more evolved me of today.

735
00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:41,280
Speaker 4: And so I'm living these two lives, and I think

736
00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:43,960
Speaker 4: we all are living the life of what are inner

737
00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:48,680
Speaker 4: child desired and then are evolved today's self desires. And

738
00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:51,840
Speaker 4: I've just found that there are certain opportunities that fulfill

739
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:55,120
Speaker 4: it for that inner child that I don't want to abandon,

740
00:33:55,400 --> 00:33:57,720
Speaker 4: because what I'm worried about is that if I abandon it,

741
00:33:57,960 --> 00:34:01,600
Speaker 4: there'll be some more biddenness, some more resentment that will develop,

742
00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:03,360
Speaker 4: that will grow in the future. And so I want

743
00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:05,800
Speaker 4: to make sure that I acknowledge the needs of that

744
00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:07,720
Speaker 4: in a child that maybe weren't met at that age

745
00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:09,640
Speaker 4: or that stage in my life. And so that's kind

746
00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:11,319
Speaker 4: of what I refer to a lot when I'm trying

747
00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:12,200
Speaker 4: to make these decisions.

748
00:34:12,239 --> 00:34:13,400
Speaker 2: I don't have a problem with it, because you know,

749
00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:17,400
Speaker 2: we always say stop making stupid people famous, So so

750
00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:19,719
Speaker 2: why not make the small ones if the small ones

751
00:34:19,719 --> 00:34:20,640
Speaker 2: can get the light on them.

752
00:34:20,680 --> 00:34:21,000
Speaker 1: Why not?

753
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:24,080
Speaker 2: Because when the amplifies that more people you know, come

754
00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:26,319
Speaker 2: in and pay attention. I want to ask you to

755
00:34:26,440 --> 00:34:29,359
Speaker 2: do you get pushed back from people who will watch

756
00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:31,640
Speaker 2: you sit down with a Michelle Obama or a Jada

757
00:34:31,680 --> 00:34:32,600
Speaker 2: Pinkett smith Man.

758
00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:34,440
Speaker 3: Why didn't you challenge them on this? Why didn't you

759
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:35,279
Speaker 3: challenge them on that?

760
00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:38,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't get pushed back for not challenging people

761
00:34:38,560 --> 00:34:40,480
Speaker 4: because I think the questions I ask are challenging in

762
00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:43,040
Speaker 4: a different way. But I think I'll get pushed back

763
00:34:43,040 --> 00:34:46,600
Speaker 4: because someone doesn't like that person. But what I've found

764
00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:50,719
Speaker 4: every single time is that when someone actually listens to

765
00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:54,080
Speaker 4: the episode or watches it on YouTube, if you look

766
00:34:54,120 --> 00:34:59,560
Speaker 4: at that common section, it is spectacular, like when someone's

767
00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:01,640
Speaker 4: actually taking out time out of the day to listen

768
00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:03,719
Speaker 4: for an hour or watch for an hour, and then

769
00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:07,440
Speaker 4: you see the comments section, you'll see people having complete

770
00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:10,400
Speaker 4: I had people reaching out about both those episodes, the

771
00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:13,839
Speaker 4: President Biden interview as well that we did earlier last year,

772
00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:16,920
Speaker 4: and the comments of people who actually listened to it.

773
00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:18,479
Speaker 4: And by the way, a lot of people were like, hey,

774
00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:22,279
Speaker 4: I don't agree with this person's politics. I'm actually on

775
00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:24,920
Speaker 4: completely on the other side. But I just want you

776
00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:28,120
Speaker 4: to know that listening to this interview was so enlightening

777
00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:30,520
Speaker 4: from a human perspective. Thank you for putting it out there.

778
00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:33,359
Speaker 4: And I respect that approach because I think that's why

779
00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:36,400
Speaker 4: I do the interview. I don't do the interview for

780
00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:39,120
Speaker 4: any other reason apart from us looking at the broken

781
00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:42,120
Speaker 4: mirror and looking back and saying, Okay, where can I

782
00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:44,960
Speaker 4: resonate with the humanity of this individual or where can

783
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:47,719
Speaker 4: I relate to this person? So yeah, I think that's

784
00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:51,600
Speaker 4: generally the pushback. But the comments section. I encourage you

785
00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:53,880
Speaker 4: on those episodes to go look at the YouTube comment section.

786
00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:57,640
Speaker 4: It's phenomenal to read what people are getting.

787
00:35:57,680 --> 00:36:00,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, cause I think your conversation with Jada pin it's

788
00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:04,359
Speaker 2: smith the clips is what's set off to Jada Pink hatred.

789
00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:06,799
Speaker 3: Not because of you, you know what I mean.

790
00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:11,280
Speaker 2: But if you didn't watch the whole conversation and context

791
00:36:11,280 --> 00:36:12,800
Speaker 2: and you just saw clips.

792
00:36:12,520 --> 00:36:14,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, she got a tech Yeah.

793
00:36:14,239 --> 00:36:17,040
Speaker 4: Yeah. And Jada's a dear friend for me, so it's yeah,

794
00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:20,160
Speaker 4: it's it's a tough one because I think any clip

795
00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:21,520
Speaker 4: about anyone.

796
00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:23,000
Speaker 5: I said, someone say this to me today.

797
00:36:23,080 --> 00:36:25,160
Speaker 4: Yesterday they said to me Jay, they meant me for

798
00:36:25,160 --> 00:36:27,360
Speaker 4: the first time, and they were like, Jay, you're so

799
00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:30,000
Speaker 4: much nicer in person. I didn't like you off a

800
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:32,799
Speaker 4: few Instagram and I was like, fair enough, that's cool.

801
00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:35,799
Speaker 4: But it's so hard for me to be all of

802
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:39,160
Speaker 4: myself in thirty seconds, and I'm trying my best. You're

803
00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:41,399
Speaker 4: trying your best, You'll try your best, but it's hard

804
00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:42,000
Speaker 4: for any of.

805
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:43,480
Speaker 2: Us, Like they did not to like about you on

806
00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:47,879
Speaker 2: Instagram with your wife. No, yeah, puppies looking your fate.

807
00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:51,319
Speaker 4: No, in the sense of I think he was just

808
00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:53,359
Speaker 4: like you know, I feel like you feel a bit

809
00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:55,000
Speaker 4: like whatever it was like whatever.

810
00:36:55,239 --> 00:36:56,120
Speaker 5: I don't even know what it was.

811
00:36:56,160 --> 00:36:58,879
Speaker 4: But I think all of us, if you judged any

812
00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:01,560
Speaker 4: of ourself at thirty second real, oh, I'm sure all

813
00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:03,480
Speaker 4: of us would agree, it's not who we are, you know. So,

814
00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:05,560
Speaker 4: and that's why I've start I do stuff with my

815
00:37:05,600 --> 00:37:07,560
Speaker 4: wife because I feel I'm most myself when I'm with

816
00:37:07,600 --> 00:37:10,239
Speaker 4: my wife because naturally it's the person I spend the

817
00:37:10,239 --> 00:37:12,719
Speaker 4: most time with. And so, but even even with all

818
00:37:12,760 --> 00:37:14,400
Speaker 4: of us, like, I've got to meet you guys in

819
00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:17,239
Speaker 4: person a few times now. We win Canned with iHeart On,

820
00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:21,359
Speaker 4: you know, for the festival last year together. And I

821
00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:23,840
Speaker 4: think when you've met people in person, that's the only

822
00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:25,799
Speaker 4: time you're going to feel like you've got to know them.

823
00:37:26,040 --> 00:37:28,800
Speaker 4: I don't think anyone under I feel like if someone

824
00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:31,120
Speaker 4: if someone okay, If someone follows me on Instagram, they

825
00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:33,920
Speaker 4: understand maybe ten percent of who I am. If they

826
00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:36,839
Speaker 4: listen to my podcast, they probably understand seventy five percent

827
00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:38,719
Speaker 4: of who I am because they're really dialing into who

828
00:37:38,719 --> 00:37:40,440
Speaker 4: I am. If they've read my books and my podcast,

829
00:37:40,440 --> 00:37:42,120
Speaker 4: they're probably like at that eighty nine percent. If they've

830
00:37:42,160 --> 00:37:43,960
Speaker 4: seen me live, there at that ninety five percent. And

831
00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:45,839
Speaker 4: then when someone's met me in person, it's one hundred percent.

832
00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:49,719
Speaker 4: And so I think it's all percentages. And I you know,

833
00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:52,560
Speaker 4: I hope that we all again going back to forgiveness

834
00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:54,680
Speaker 4: and grace. I hope that we can all give each

835
00:37:54,680 --> 00:37:57,160
Speaker 4: other a bit more benefit of the doubt because I

836
00:37:57,200 --> 00:37:58,800
Speaker 4: think it will go a long way for people.

837
00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:01,640
Speaker 3: And you officiated been in j Lowe's wedding.

838
00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:03,719
Speaker 5: Yeah, that was a year and a half ago.

839
00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:04,839
Speaker 3: You licensed to do that.

840
00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:07,759
Speaker 5: I had to do the online kind of you know.

841
00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:09,520
Speaker 3: Did they I mean, why did they?

842
00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:11,560
Speaker 4: But I don't think you have to be in Georgia.

843
00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:13,960
Speaker 4: I don't think you need to be licensed so that

844
00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:14,960
Speaker 4: I don't know the rules of that.

845
00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:16,200
Speaker 3: I can't remember why did they pick you?

846
00:38:17,239 --> 00:38:20,319
Speaker 4: So I'd collaborated with Jen for a while, like we've

847
00:38:20,320 --> 00:38:22,040
Speaker 4: done a bunch of stuff together. Because she came on

848
00:38:22,040 --> 00:38:23,680
Speaker 4: the show a few years ago. We'd had a few

849
00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:28,319
Speaker 4: great offline conversations. I went and officiated weddings as part

850
00:38:28,360 --> 00:38:31,600
Speaker 4: of the launch of her last movie on her special

851
00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:35,440
Speaker 4: and it was just, you know, it just I was

852
00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:38,000
Speaker 4: really grateful for the opportunity. I was, you know, pinching

853
00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:40,839
Speaker 4: myself as well. And you know, for me, I love love,

854
00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:45,919
Speaker 4: like I'm a massive lover of love. And I'd sent

855
00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:47,640
Speaker 4: her the book as well, and I think that kind

856
00:38:47,680 --> 00:38:49,799
Speaker 4: of made it happen too. I'd sent the book and

857
00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:52,640
Speaker 4: when it was being written, and she appreciated it and

858
00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:55,040
Speaker 4: she wrote me a beautiful testimonial for it, and that

859
00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:58,640
Speaker 4: kind of led to the wedding as well. And it

860
00:38:58,719 --> 00:39:01,600
Speaker 4: was like, I felt like I was just trying to

861
00:39:01,640 --> 00:39:04,120
Speaker 4: make sure I didn't cry, Like I'm that kind of

862
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:06,600
Speaker 4: guy who like ugly cries during a wedding and like

863
00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:09,080
Speaker 4: gets really soppy, and like, you know, she's walking down

864
00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:12,000
Speaker 4: the aisle, bend's there, he's tearing up. I'm like, don't cry, dude,

865
00:39:12,200 --> 00:39:13,040
Speaker 4: You're going to ruin this.

866
00:39:13,120 --> 00:39:13,920
Speaker 5: Do not cry.

867
00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:16,360
Speaker 4: And I just had to hold it together just to

868
00:39:16,360 --> 00:39:18,040
Speaker 4: get through because I was like, I'm about the ball.

869
00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:20,280
Speaker 4: So yeah, it was specially it's an amazing experience.

870
00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:22,520
Speaker 3: I know you probably got to runch. I got like

871
00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:23,680
Speaker 3: one more question for you.

872
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:27,480
Speaker 2: You say, language has created the word loneliness.

873
00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:30,399
Speaker 3: They expressed the pain of being alone, and it.

874
00:39:30,360 --> 00:39:34,960
Speaker 2: Has created the word solitude, express the glory of being alone.

875
00:39:35,120 --> 00:39:36,120
Speaker 3: Could you could expound on that?

876
00:39:36,239 --> 00:39:38,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a Paul Tillich quote. The writer Paul Tillich

877
00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:42,280
Speaker 4: said that, and to me, I extrapolated from his work

878
00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:46,279
Speaker 4: for my book because I was realizing that language and

879
00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:49,200
Speaker 4: the way we use words completely defines how we think

880
00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:52,160
Speaker 4: about things. So when you hear the word loneliness, you

881
00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:56,680
Speaker 4: think sadness, you think potentially depression, you think negativity. Of course,

882
00:39:57,120 --> 00:40:01,520
Speaker 4: solitude is spending time alone with yourself, but with strength,

883
00:40:01,680 --> 00:40:05,200
Speaker 4: with courage, as Paul Tillet says, glory. So what I've

884
00:40:05,239 --> 00:40:07,360
Speaker 4: realized is we've got to be so careful with the

885
00:40:07,440 --> 00:40:10,719
Speaker 4: language we use in our minds. Every single word is

886
00:40:10,760 --> 00:40:14,239
Speaker 4: a seed for either a weed or a flower, and

887
00:40:14,280 --> 00:40:17,080
Speaker 4: so every single word that you say is defining. So

888
00:40:17,080 --> 00:40:19,480
Speaker 4: if I keep saying I'm lonely, I'm lonely, I'm lonely,

889
00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:21,640
Speaker 4: that's going to impact how I feel but if I

890
00:40:21,680 --> 00:40:23,960
Speaker 4: say I'm in solitude all of a sudden, there's a

891
00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:25,920
Speaker 4: strength that comes with that. And so I just want

892
00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:29,399
Speaker 4: to encourage people to recognize that being alone doesn't have

893
00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:32,000
Speaker 4: to be a weakness. It can be a time of

894
00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:35,040
Speaker 4: strength and self awareness and personal growth. But it is

895
00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:37,359
Speaker 4: about the language that we use with ourselves. And so

896
00:40:37,719 --> 00:40:40,880
Speaker 4: I would ask everyone to this one activity. Think about

897
00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:43,520
Speaker 4: the one word that comes to your mind the moment

898
00:40:43,560 --> 00:40:46,000
Speaker 4: you wake up or the moment you go to sleep.

899
00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:48,719
Speaker 4: Make that word a word that you want it to be.

900
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:50,640
Speaker 4: Don't let the word you go to sleep with, and

901
00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:52,839
Speaker 4: don't let the word you wake up with be a

902
00:40:52,880 --> 00:40:57,280
Speaker 4: word that makes you feel negative, unhealthy, or weak. Because

903
00:40:57,360 --> 00:41:00,759
Speaker 4: those studies show we have sixty to eighty thoughts per day,

904
00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:03,799
Speaker 4: and eighty percent of them are negative, and eighty percent

905
00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:06,240
Speaker 4: of them are repetitive, which means you're having the same

906
00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:09,359
Speaker 4: negative word or thought repeating. It's not like we're having

907
00:41:09,400 --> 00:41:11,719
Speaker 4: lots of different thoughts. It's the same thought. Now, you

908
00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:14,200
Speaker 4: can't control sixty to eighty thousand thoughts, but you can

909
00:41:14,280 --> 00:41:16,279
Speaker 4: control two thoughts of the day. So just master the

910
00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:17,680
Speaker 4: first door of the day and the last thought of

911
00:41:17,680 --> 00:41:19,600
Speaker 4: the day, and make it a thought and a word

912
00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:20,160
Speaker 4: that you want.

913
00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:21,600
Speaker 3: It to be. I wonder what when that study was done.

914
00:41:21,640 --> 00:41:23,640
Speaker 2: I wonder was it before social media after because I

915
00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:25,200
Speaker 2: feel like with social media is probably trippled it.

916
00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:26,360
Speaker 5: Yeah, I probably read it that.

917
00:41:26,680 --> 00:41:28,799
Speaker 4: That's that probably I've read in the last three to

918
00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:31,479
Speaker 4: four years. So I guess while social media is around.

919
00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:33,520
Speaker 4: But yeah, I mean now it could have totally tripled.

920
00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:35,480
Speaker 4: But it's interesting because it's the same thought often.

921
00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:36,040
Speaker 3: Yeah.

922
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:37,719
Speaker 4: Right, It's a lot of time we keep saying the

923
00:41:37,719 --> 00:41:40,200
Speaker 4: same thing. I'm so tired, I'm so tired that thought

924
00:41:40,239 --> 00:41:43,040
Speaker 4: could life last a year? Or like, oh god, I'm

925
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:45,239
Speaker 4: so scared at work, I'm so anxious, that could last

926
00:41:45,239 --> 00:41:45,600
Speaker 4: a year?

927
00:41:45,719 --> 00:41:47,480
Speaker 3: So oh, one more thing?

928
00:41:47,560 --> 00:41:51,400
Speaker 5: Yeah, man, is there anything Jay Shady hates? Ooh ooh

929
00:41:51,560 --> 00:41:54,120
Speaker 5: that is that's a great question. I need to give

930
00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:56,040
Speaker 5: a good answer for that. He think about that.

931
00:42:08,320 --> 00:42:11,080
Speaker 4: By dint of the answer I was going to give,

932
00:42:11,239 --> 00:42:14,920
Speaker 4: I have to I can't. So the answer is I

933
00:42:14,960 --> 00:42:23,640
Speaker 4: don't because I think hate personally, collectively, individually doesn't lead

934
00:42:23,640 --> 00:42:26,879
Speaker 4: to greatness. I've never seen hate lead to greatness. I've

935
00:42:26,880 --> 00:42:29,320
Speaker 4: never seen hate lead to purpose. I've never seen hate

936
00:42:29,400 --> 00:42:33,000
Speaker 4: lead to a positive outcome, and so I think hating

937
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:35,880
Speaker 4: anything is setting yourself up to never see the greatness

938
00:42:35,880 --> 00:42:38,840
Speaker 4: to goodness in it, and so I'd prefer not to

939
00:42:38,880 --> 00:42:39,440
Speaker 4: hate anything.

940
00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:43,719
Speaker 3: What about the Notebook.

941
00:42:43,719 --> 00:42:46,120
Speaker 4: I don't hate the Notebook, but I have heard I

942
00:42:46,160 --> 00:42:49,240
Speaker 4: have thoughts about the Notebook. I don't hate the number.

943
00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:52,239
Speaker 4: I find it hilarious as to how many. And I was,

944
00:42:52,280 --> 00:42:54,680
Speaker 4: like I said, I'm a hopeless romantic. I've been like

945
00:42:54,719 --> 00:42:56,960
Speaker 4: that my whole life because I grew up watching Hollywood

946
00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:59,200
Speaker 4: movies thinking that that's how I was meant to fall

947
00:42:59,200 --> 00:43:01,120
Speaker 4: in love. I was that person who felt for that.

948
00:43:01,440 --> 00:43:03,680
Speaker 4: And now I've read about something that they call Disney

949
00:43:03,719 --> 00:43:07,080
Speaker 4: Princess syndrome, where people walk around like feeling like they're

950
00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:09,799
Speaker 4: going to be saved by their partner, Like you're gonna

951
00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:11,600
Speaker 4: have a night in shining armor, Who's going to come

952
00:43:11,600 --> 00:43:14,840
Speaker 4: in and rescue you. I think there's Disney Prince syndrome

953
00:43:14,880 --> 00:43:16,800
Speaker 4: as well, were we want to go and save someone

954
00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:18,839
Speaker 4: and we want to be the be all and end

955
00:43:18,880 --> 00:43:21,240
Speaker 4: all of everything. So the Notebook just has some really

956
00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:26,399
Speaker 4: questionable lines where like Ryan Gosling's character says to Regie

957
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:29,360
Speaker 4: mccadam's character, He'll say things like, oh, you know, I

958
00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:32,440
Speaker 4: could be anything you want me to be. I'll be anything, right,

959
00:43:32,480 --> 00:43:34,600
Speaker 4: we've heard that. But then the other thing is she's

960
00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:36,920
Speaker 4: on a Ferrist wheel. Is thats called ferrist wheel, right,

961
00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:40,200
Speaker 4: that's what you call it, ferrest wheel. I have to

962
00:43:40,280 --> 00:43:42,960
Speaker 4: check my British and American, but yeah, she's on the

963
00:43:42,960 --> 00:43:45,960
Speaker 4: Ferrist wheel. He's hanging off the Ferrist wheel. And he goes,

964
00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:47,359
Speaker 4: if you don't go on a date with me, I

965
00:43:47,400 --> 00:43:51,640
Speaker 4: will fall, like I'll let go. That's really unhealthy, Like

966
00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:55,600
Speaker 4: that is like saying to someone I'm I'm going to

967
00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:59,279
Speaker 4: commit if you don't go out with me and those

968
00:43:59,600 --> 00:44:01,440
Speaker 4: and we think it's a movie. It doesn't matter. I

969
00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:03,879
Speaker 4: know people who've heard that from people. I've had people

970
00:44:03,880 --> 00:44:06,560
Speaker 4: who've stalk I know people who've stalked people who've had

971
00:44:06,600 --> 00:44:09,400
Speaker 4: people chase them down, who've said things like that to people.

972
00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:12,280
Speaker 3: So I didn't kill myself, you leave me exactly.

973
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:14,279
Speaker 4: So I think we've got to be careful about these

974
00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:15,720
Speaker 4: ideas if you're watching his entertainment.

975
00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:16,319
Speaker 5: It was really funny.

976
00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:17,520
Speaker 4: I was talking to someone the other day and they

977
00:44:17,560 --> 00:44:19,480
Speaker 4: were like, They're like, I didn't sleep so well, and

978
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:20,719
Speaker 4: I was like, what did you watch last night and

979
00:44:20,760 --> 00:44:22,080
Speaker 4: they went an American nightmare, and I was.

980
00:44:22,080 --> 00:44:23,800
Speaker 5: Like, yeah, obviously, what do you expect?

981
00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:25,880
Speaker 4: So whenever anyone tells me they wake up with anxiety,

982
00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:27,759
Speaker 4: the first question I says, what did you watch last night?

983
00:44:28,120 --> 00:44:30,000
Speaker 4: Because that is going to tell me what was in

984
00:44:30,040 --> 00:44:33,200
Speaker 4: your brain? So yeah, I don't hate the number.

985
00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:37,280
Speaker 3: You think it's a horror movie though, it will make.

986
00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:39,399
Speaker 5: Your life into a horror movie for sure.

987
00:44:39,640 --> 00:44:42,200
Speaker 1: Well, j Sheddy, ladies and gentlemen, where can they follow you? Jay?

988
00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:45,000
Speaker 4: Come and check out the podcast On Purpose. It's where

989
00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:47,560
Speaker 4: I'm pouring my heart and soul and you know, excited

990
00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:51,960
Speaker 4: to share so many more amazing, maybe thought provoking, maybe

991
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:54,719
Speaker 4: even pushing you slightly conversations to come and join us

992
00:44:54,760 --> 00:44:55,360
Speaker 4: at On Purpose.

993
00:44:55,400 --> 00:44:57,120
Speaker 2: And his latest book was Eight Rules of Love that

994
00:44:57,200 --> 00:44:59,320
Speaker 2: came out last year, How to Find It, Keep It

995
00:44:59,360 --> 00:44:59,920
Speaker 2: and let it Go?

996
00:45:00,239 --> 00:45:02,520
Speaker 4: You got a new book coming or no, no, no,

997
00:45:02,560 --> 00:45:04,359
Speaker 4: This was just I was just excited to be back

998
00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:05,640
Speaker 4: with you and hanging and actually, do you know what,

999
00:45:05,680 --> 00:45:08,319
Speaker 4: sometimes I love these conversations because I came here not

1000
00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:10,120
Speaker 4: knowing where it was going to go, and then you

1001
00:45:10,160 --> 00:45:12,120
Speaker 4: guys just guide it beautifully. So this was wonderful man,

1002
00:45:13,080 --> 00:45:13,840
Speaker 4: thank you guys.

1003
00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:16,560
Speaker 1: Jay Shaddy, It's the Breakfast Club. Good morning, wake that

1004
00:45:16,680 --> 00:45:18,240
Speaker 1: ass up in the morning.

1005
00:45:18,320 --> 00:45:19,400
Speaker 3: The Breakfast Club