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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Jonas is Sam your og Okay storytime

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Speaker 1: podcast hosts.

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Speaker 2: We have some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 1: But before that, we have a quick two minute break

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Speaker 1: from the sponsors that keep the show alive.

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Speaker 3: I refuse to share my birthday with my step mother.

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Speaker 4: Oh, the evil step mother has a separate birthday.

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Speaker 3: My stepmother's birthday is the day after mine. Since my

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Speaker 3: father started dating her about ten years ago, I've been

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Speaker 3: expected to share almost every celebration we make for my

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Speaker 3: birthday with her. I was fine with it because I

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Speaker 3: was early in my twenties and had other people to

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Speaker 3: celebrate with, namely my mom and friends, but it still

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Speaker 3: bothered me that my dad and I couldn't have our

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Speaker 3: own thing. By the way, this comes from throw away

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Speaker 3: birthday tad And if you want to sue your own stories,

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Speaker 3: what are the r size okay stories? I'm so burden.

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Speaker 3: So I'm married with two kids, eight mal and three female,

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Speaker 3: and we have a little tradition. Because I was born

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Speaker 3: in the second half of June, there is usually a

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Speaker 3: Pixar movie playing in theaters. Every year on my birthday.

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Speaker 3: We go to the movies to watch it and then

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Speaker 3: have dinner together. We've been doing this since my son

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Speaker 3: was through. Though we watched the movies at home during

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Speaker 3: the VID, this year we were able to watch Inside

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Speaker 3: Out too. It would be my daughter's first time joining us.

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Speaker 3: She just started sitting through movies, so we're all very excited.

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Speaker 3: I never told my father or stepmother about this tradition.

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Speaker 3: Last week we were visiting them. My kids told them

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Speaker 3: we'd be going to the movies for my birthday, and

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Speaker 3: I ended up explaining everything. The next day, my father

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Speaker 3: and stepmother called me to tell me they're paying for

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Speaker 3: the whole family, me, kids, husbands, and both of them

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Speaker 3: to go to the movies and have dinner, just like

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Speaker 3: a planned. It was obvious they intended to celebrate my

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Speaker 3: stepmother's birthday at the same time. They referred to it

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Speaker 3: as our birthdays and suggested her favorite place for dinner.

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Speaker 3: I told them that, while I understood it was close

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Speaker 3: to her birthday as well, this tradition intended to be

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Speaker 3: on mine to celebrate, and I refer to enjoy it

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Speaker 3: with my children and husband. As such, I prefer to

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Speaker 3: fay for it myself and would appreciate if they didn't

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Speaker 3: join us. They both were very upset. My father called

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Speaker 3: me entitled for refusing to celebrate my stepmother's birthday as

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Speaker 3: well as mine, and said, I'm sending being a terrible

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Speaker 3: message to my kids by refusing to share. I feel

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Speaker 3: like I'm too old to be acting like this over

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Speaker 3: my birthday, but I don't want to share this tradition

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Speaker 3: with her. Am I the a hole, grand Quip says,

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Speaker 3: not the a hole. I love how you have chosen

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Speaker 3: to celebrate your birthday with the tradition that includes your children.

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Speaker 3: This is very sweet and I know they will each

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Speaker 3: remember this tradition when they are wrong. Your father and

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Speaker 3: stepmom are way out of line for trying to barge

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Speaker 3: into your birthday plans. I would normally suggest explaining to

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Speaker 3: your father that you want to keep your birthday celebration

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Speaker 3: as it is, just do. I'll be in the children, However,

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Speaker 3: this would probably be a waste of time, so why bother.

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Speaker 3: I hope they don't know the theater you're going to

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Speaker 3: go to and the showtime. I wouldn't put it past

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Speaker 3: them to just show up anyways. Obi says, we don't

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Speaker 3: know what theater we're going to yet, and they won't

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Speaker 3: be informed once we know. Freshad says, so while it

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Speaker 3: was very inconsiderable for them to invite themselves, basically offering

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Speaker 3: to pay as a sweetener. I don't know if anyone

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Speaker 3: over the age of twenty five who really celebrates their

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Speaker 3: own birthday or expects it to be unless it's a milestone.

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Speaker 3: If my parents offer to take me to dinner, I'll go,

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Speaker 3: but at a legit not turned down a free mill

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Speaker 3: wherever I want to go any day. My husband knows

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Speaker 3: I don't want or expect anything. As the years have

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Speaker 3: gone by, he has understood how unimportant my birthday is.

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Speaker 3: On his birthday, same thing. I can tell that anything

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Speaker 3: I do he really appreciates, but thanks it's totally unnecessary

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Speaker 3: and kind of wonders why. To be honest, I think

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Speaker 3: we only bother with the cakes. It's for our children

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Speaker 3: because they really really want a birthday cake. On the

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Speaker 3: other hand, I had c sections on my second and

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Speaker 3: third kids were scheduled. My obgyn originally wanted the second

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Speaker 3: baby on my birthday. I'm right on the edge of

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Speaker 3: being a Gemini or so. I was like, we don't

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Speaker 3: need another gym in the house. Can we push it

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Speaker 3: just a little? He was born three days after my birthday. Yes,

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Speaker 3: It was partially because I didn't really want another gymni,

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Speaker 3: but I definitely didn't want to share my birthday, so

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Speaker 3: I get that regard. When I was younger, I would

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Speaker 3: share my birthday slash Father's Day celebrations with the men

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Speaker 3: and our family and never mind it. And I expect

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Speaker 3: as my son gets into his teen years, our family

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Speaker 3: will go, oh, well, your birthday dinner to celebrate both

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Speaker 3: of us. And I don't really care, not the a hole.

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Speaker 3: I do think you're kind of immature do it this year.

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Speaker 3: Now they know it's a tradition for you and your kids,

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Speaker 3: and hopefully we'll know better than two butt in next year.

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Speaker 3: If so, then it's more appropriate tell them to give

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Speaker 3: you space since they have already known for a year.

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Speaker 3: I also think that you told them and they didn't

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Speaker 3: respect it as a bigger problem than a grown woman

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Speaker 3: wanting to have a birthday's tradition. But that's still weird. Hope,

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Speaker 3: he says, sounds like you and your son's birthdays are

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Speaker 3: very close to mine. I'll take the opportunity to stay.

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Speaker 3: I'm turning thirty two. My birthday is not an event

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Speaker 3: I look forward to all year, but I do care

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Speaker 3: about it and enjoy celebrating it. I don't think there's

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Speaker 3: a problem with that. If I'd never been expected to

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Speaker 3: share my birthday with my stepmother before, I wouldn't mind

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Speaker 3: doing it now. But it happened frequently for years, so

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Speaker 3: do it this year doesn't really apply. I will turn

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Speaker 3: down any gifts that come with strings attached. Meals included.

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Speaker 3: Ad Few says unless the stepmom is younger than OPI.

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Speaker 3: When it put it past them about how childish dad

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Speaker 3: and stepmom are behaving, Opi says she's not. I don't

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Speaker 3: think I'd ever be able to look at my father

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Speaker 3: in the face if she was younger than me. Lady

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Speaker 3: Havoc says, you could always let them plan and then

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Speaker 3: they announced the theater. You just go somewhere different. Ope,

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Speaker 3: he says, it's not worth it. I don't want to

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Speaker 3: cause a bigger scene or make this a bigger deal.

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Speaker 3: I just want it to be over. We got an update.

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Speaker 3: What will the father and stuff mother do next? Everyone

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Speaker 3: has a birthday on a day.

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Speaker 5: Guess what if your birthday was on January first, or

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Speaker 5: July fourth, or four.

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Speaker 6: There's only so many days in a year.

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Speaker 3: And my brother day share a birthday. We share a birthday,

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Speaker 3: and I gave me like on a gift for my brother.

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Speaker 3: Well I'm here, but anyways, Yeah, everybody's got a birthday.

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Speaker 5: Also, it's it's not like, oh, my birthdays this day

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Speaker 5: and I only have to celebrate it on this day.

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Speaker 5: You can go to like push it to a weekend,

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Speaker 5: push it to next week. Yeah, it's okay, it's not

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Speaker 5: there's no crime against that. Yeah I did that. I

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Speaker 5: pushed like I was like, oh, my birthday's on a Wednesday.

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Speaker 5: I don't want I went out for dinner, but I'm like,

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Speaker 5: I'm not going out with friends.

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Speaker 2: I want to go out.

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Speaker 3: Yeah he didn't. He didn't invite me to his birthday dinner.

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Speaker 6: Whoa key on?

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Speaker 3: How'd you do that?

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 5: I actually like Angie's cool about it, but yeah, I

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Speaker 5: don't know.

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Speaker 7: I feel like, I mean, if the real reason that

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Speaker 7: if you're upset just because you're.

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Speaker 6: Like, man, I don't want to remind it my birthday.

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Speaker 7: But if you're upset because like you just want a

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Speaker 7: special time like with just your dad, which is like

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Speaker 7: at one point what it kind of sounded like it was,

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Speaker 7: then tell him that just trying to figure something out

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Speaker 7: just heay, Like I just really like just get down

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Speaker 7: to the root of the problem and talk about that

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Speaker 7: and then figure it out, because like if maybe you

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Speaker 7: can do something else, or maybe he'll understand why you're.

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Speaker 6: Like dung ho for this, you know, or cherry birthday.

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Speaker 6: I don't know.

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Speaker 7: It doesn't seem like that big of a deal as

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Speaker 7: long as like that message is communicated.

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Speaker 3: First of all, as I write this, I've just celebrated

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Speaker 3: my birthday June twenty second with my husband and kids.

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Speaker 3: We all watched L e O in theaters and went

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Speaker 3: to a restaurant I love. It was wonderful. My father's

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Speaker 3: step mother were not involved, as they have traveled for

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Speaker 3: her birthday. Secondly, your comments on my first post, as

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Speaker 3: well as some other things I had going on in

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Speaker 3: my life at the time, led me to reflect a

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Speaker 3: lot about my relationship with my father. I've chosen to

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Speaker 3: save the majority of that for therapy. But what's most

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Speaker 3: relevant here is that I realized I really don't know

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Speaker 3: how to celebrate my birthday. I've been expected to prioritize

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Speaker 3: what others wanted since I was a team, the things

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Speaker 3: we do and the places i'd celebrate at were rarely

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Speaker 3: my pigs and always for someone else's benefit. Whenever I

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Speaker 3: said anything about that, I get told I was acting spoiled.

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Speaker 3: My stepmother's presence made it a lot worse. At least

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Speaker 3: when I was younger, it still felt like it was

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Speaker 3: about me. I genuinely love the birthday tradition I have

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Speaker 3: with my family, but I have no idea what I'd

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Speaker 3: like to do Otherwise one day me and my children

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Speaker 3: might grow out of this, or these films will plummet

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Speaker 3: into quality to a degree I can't defend. If that

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Speaker 3: time comes, I'm going to need a backup plan. I've

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Speaker 3: spent the majority of my last year discovering things I'm

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Speaker 3: genuinely enjoying doing. I'm almost always busy at work, so

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Speaker 3: I still am working on it, but I've made some progress.

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Speaker 3: Turns out I love pinball, pain board games, and building miniatures.

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Speaker 3: My ability on all the above range from mediocre it's awful,

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Speaker 3: but I have time to learn, and the list keeps going.

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Speaker 3: My husband just got me a huge lego set for

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Speaker 3: my birthday night. We started working on it after the

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Speaker 3: kids went to bed, and we'll take us a while

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Speaker 3: to finish it, but I love it. Already. As for

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Speaker 3: my father and stepmother after our celebration last year, which

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Speaker 3: they didn't hijack as some of you thought they would.

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Speaker 3: Thanks for rough for a while, I ended up having

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Speaker 3: a few long conversations with my father about their relationship.

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Speaker 3: Most relevant here, I made it very clear that the

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Speaker 3: fact we couldn't at least celebrate my birthday properately upset

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Speaker 3: me a lot, and I will not share my birthday

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Speaker 3: with my stepmother anymore. Overall, our relationship is doing all right,

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Speaker 3: not great, but it's better than last year. I do

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Speaker 3: feel like it's something we're both working on and improving.

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Speaker 3: I think that's everything. Thanks everyone, That's it.

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Speaker 2: That's all I got.

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Speaker 7: Okay, So she's she's speaking her truth, standing up for

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Speaker 7: her birthday.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 7: And yeah maybe she Hopefully she just won't feel not

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Speaker 7: as special in the future.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and you need daddy daughter. Tom.

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Speaker 1: I got a vasectomy from my wife, but she still

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Speaker 1: got pregnant.

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Speaker 5: Mmm.

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Speaker 6: Doctor's not very good at his job.

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Speaker 2: Ooh.

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Speaker 1: So we spent two years together in college and got

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Speaker 1: married the fall after we graduated, spent two years exploring

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Speaker 1: our relationship, and finally got settled down and was ready

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Speaker 1: to raise a family. She got off birth control and

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Speaker 1: her libido took off, but it took three years for

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Speaker 1: us to get pregnant. But we got a beautiful girl finally,

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Speaker 1: by congrats. By the way, this comes from Throwaway Too

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Speaker 1: Unsure and if you want to submit your own stories,

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Speaker 1: go to the r slash Okay storytime Separate. So after

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Speaker 1: a couple of months, my wife got back on birth

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Speaker 1: control and had a hard time with it. Her doctor

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Speaker 1: switched her meds several times, but she had bad side

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Speaker 1: effects with each one.

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Speaker 2: Birth control sucks. Man, It's tough. That's tough.

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Speaker 1: We talked about it and were unsure if we wanted

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Speaker 1: another child, and since it was easier for me to

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Speaker 1: just get a vasectomy reversed later, if we decided to

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Speaker 1: have more children, I have the operation, he said, He said, you.

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Speaker 6: Sniffs, and I will sacrifice for you.

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Speaker 2: Ooh we like that.

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Speaker 3: Like that?

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Speaker 2: We like that. Uh.

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Speaker 1: That was three years ago, and after coming off birth control,

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Speaker 1: my wife has felt a lot better and spicy sleep

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Speaker 1: has been worry free since we can no longer get pregnant.

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Speaker 1: We actually have spicy sleep more now than when we

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Speaker 1: were in college. But then three weeks ago my wife

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Speaker 1: was late for her period, which isn't that unusual for her.

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Speaker 1: Then I noticed her front air bags were a little tender,

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Speaker 1: and she started what seemed like signs of morning.

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Speaker 2: Second, how was that the first thing you noticed? Ope?

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Speaker 2: You dirty, dirty dog?

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Speaker 6: Like wouldn't she have noticed that?

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Speaker 2: Right?

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Speaker 8: How did you notice that before she Didjeez, that's how

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Speaker 8: thorough He's always on it.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, he's always doing his check.

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Speaker 2: Always doing it.

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Speaker 6: I want you to get breast cancer, very thorough.

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Speaker 2: I gotta make sure personally. I have to personally ensure. Now.

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Speaker 1: I know there have been cases of nature reversing vasectomies.

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Speaker 1: So I went to the doctor and had my baby

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Speaker 1: g count checked, and the verdict was, I'm still sterile.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, but I didn't tell my wife. Oh no, oh,

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Speaker 2: is this the problem.

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Speaker 4: I thought it was gonna be like, oh, the sect

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Speaker 4: tomy didn't work, cheating?

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Speaker 1: No, yeah, yes, Sophia, Yes, I noerved it.

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Speaker 2: Excerpted.

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Speaker 6: That's such a bummer.

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Speaker 2: This is eternity of a fair babies.

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Speaker 6: I really didn't even expect it.

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Speaker 2: I'm bummed, that's right.

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Speaker 1: My wife finally went to her doctorate and confirmed that

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Speaker 1: she was pregnant, so she had me go to the

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Speaker 1: doctor to get tested. I didn't go right away because

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Speaker 1: I was literally sick from the stress of the situation.

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Speaker 1: I had all sorts of six scenarios going through my head.

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Speaker 1: In the end, I got retested, and I took my

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Speaker 1: daughter in and had a DNA test done. I got

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Speaker 1: both test results back today and got violently little after

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Speaker 1: reading them. Yes, I am sterile, and no, my daughter

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Speaker 1: is not mine.

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Speaker 4: No, no, no, yep.

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Speaker 1: When my wife got home, I showed her my test

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Speaker 1: and she denied any wrongdoing and saying that there was

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Speaker 1: a problem with the test, and I showed her the

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Speaker 1: test from last week and she broke down crying. I

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Speaker 1: finally got it out of her who she had slept with,

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Speaker 1: and that it only happened once and the Wiener wrapper

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Speaker 1: must have failed.

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Speaker 4: Okay, well, so it happened twice because you are pregnant again.

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Speaker 1: I made her tell me the story three times, and

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Speaker 1: each time I asked her if that was the whole

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Speaker 1: truth and if there was anything else that she needed

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Speaker 1: to tell me, because another lie would mean we were three.

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Speaker 1: She said that that was the only time she had

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Speaker 1: ever done anything like that before. I told her how

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Speaker 1: much this hurt me, and asked her how she could

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Speaker 1: do this to our family and if it was worth it.

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Speaker 1: I asked her if she wanted a divorce, and she

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Speaker 1: pleaded with me to forgive her and just put this

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Speaker 1: behind us. I said I couldn't raise someone else's child

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Speaker 1: and asked her if she'd be willing to terminate the

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Speaker 1: pregnancy in order to.

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Speaker 6: Stay to go.

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Speaker 2: WHOAOA, That that is too far.

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Speaker 6: I don't think you can ask her to do that.

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Speaker 2: That is too far.

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Speaker 6: I think if you want to ask her to do that,

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Speaker 6: to divorce.

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Speaker 2: Her, Yeah, you don't have to raise absolutely.

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Speaker 4: Don't have to raise the child. Yeah, don't ask her

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Speaker 4: to That's that's too fun.

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Speaker 2: That is absolutely too far.

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Speaker 9: No.

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Speaker 1: So she cried the rest of the night, but when

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Speaker 1: we went to bed, she said she would do whatever

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Speaker 1: it took to save our marriage. Oh God, So I

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Speaker 1: never brought up the DNA test. I will contact a

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Speaker 1: lawyer next week to see what my options are about

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Speaker 1: if I have to pay child support on our first child.

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Speaker 1: If she had come clean about the father of our

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Speaker 1: first child, I could have swallowed my pride and tried

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Speaker 1: to work to forgive her. But she thought she was

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Speaker 1: in the clear and didn't need to confess to anything else,

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Speaker 1: no telling what I'll never know. We have not just

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Speaker 1: an update, but a lawyer update, a very legal update

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Speaker 1: on the horizon.

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Speaker 6: Wait did she say yes?

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Speaker 2: She said yes.

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Speaker 1: But you know what's crazy is I think literally, I

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Speaker 1: think what you said is true where he was literally

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Speaker 1: just testing her, which kind of makes it it was

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Speaker 1: already second, it's even more sick and twisted of op

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Speaker 1: to do that.

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Speaker 6: I think it's so like, you know, she cheated on

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Speaker 6: you twice.

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Speaker 4: Yes, you know you're leaving her, and you're still asking

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00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:31,040
Speaker 4: her to do like, yeah, she very much betrayed you.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, and she's a cheater.

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Speaker 2: But like there's a line that's disgusting.

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Speaker 4: That's you're leaving her, just leave her. Yeah, I don't

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Speaker 4: like this.

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Speaker 6: Everyone sucks here.

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Speaker 1: Well let's get into this lawyer update. So Opie says.

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Speaker 1: My lawyer is awesome. She had me bring in a

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Speaker 1: bunch of paperwork, bank statements, and medical and DNA results

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00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:52,560
Speaker 1: and had me tell her my story. Her assistant sat

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Speaker 1: in with us and took notes while my lawyer went

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00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:56,600
Speaker 1: through my documents. After I finished, she asked a few

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00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:59,400
Speaker 1: questions and spelled out my options. I live in an

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Speaker 1: at fault state, which is good and bad. Good as

348
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Speaker 1: in it gives us leverage, bad as in it takes

349
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Speaker 1: much longer and is much more expensive. In the case

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00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:10,000
Speaker 1: of the first child, if my wife agrees to sign

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00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:13,080
Speaker 1: the papers, my liability for child support is an easy fix,

352
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:16,120
Speaker 1: so there you go. If she doesn't agree, then a

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00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:18,840
Speaker 1: court ordered DNA test and judgment from the court can

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Speaker 1: remove me without my wife's consent, which I have to imagine. Well,

355
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Speaker 1: I mean, I guess it maybe would get It's possible,

356
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:29,400
Speaker 1: but I imagine it would go where he wouldn't have

357
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Speaker 1: to pay child support. Either way, I will most likely

358
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Speaker 1: not have to pay child support. One way is just

359
00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:36,080
Speaker 1: more expensive than the other. Since my wife is a

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00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:38,560
Speaker 1: good job and earns close to what I do. She

361
00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:41,200
Speaker 1: didn't think the judge would award her in any alimony,

362
00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:44,240
Speaker 1: and all of that, plus dividing up property and other

363
00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:47,560
Speaker 1: things can be negotiated before judge gets involved. The bad

364
00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:50,040
Speaker 1: news was due to the holidays. They couldn't have the

365
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:52,960
Speaker 1: papers ready before Christmas, but definitely would before the end

366
00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:55,320
Speaker 1: of the year. She advised me to say nothing until

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00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:57,720
Speaker 1: my wife got served. My lawyer gave me a list

368
00:15:57,720 --> 00:16:00,400
Speaker 1: of things to do before and after Christmas. Before they

369
00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:02,920
Speaker 1: served my wife. One thing they did point out was

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00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:05,200
Speaker 1: since we were actually trying to have a baby, there

371
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:07,480
Speaker 1: was a possibility that my wife didn't know that the

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00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:11,800
Speaker 1: child wasn't mine. My wife has an appointment with her

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Speaker 1: obi tomorrow.

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00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:15,200
Speaker 6: No, but she does know because he told her.

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00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,440
Speaker 1: She does know now, but I guess at the time,

376
00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:21,880
Speaker 1: uh like before he revealed that he knew, Yeah, she

377
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:25,400
Speaker 1: was cheating. So I mean, I guess it could change things,

378
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:27,520
Speaker 1: but I don't. I feel like the end result will

379
00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:31,520
Speaker 1: probably still be roughly the same. Yeah, of like okay,

380
00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:34,680
Speaker 1: like you did still like half an affair and then

381
00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:37,000
Speaker 1: have this child with the other guy, even if you

382
00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:37,520
Speaker 1: thought it.

383
00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:38,800
Speaker 6: Was I don't think it really.

384
00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:41,440
Speaker 1: I mean, he had a vasectomy for God's sake to me,

385
00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:45,920
Speaker 1: So like how in what like what's the legal reasonable doubt?

386
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:48,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, you show you were Like, Yeah, here's my doctor

387
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:51,520
Speaker 4: telling me that the sectomy was successful. Here's me going

388
00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:53,600
Speaker 4: again and him telling me that I'm still sterile.

389
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:56,520
Speaker 1: Here's my wife's acknowledging over text that I got of

390
00:16:56,560 --> 00:17:01,760
Speaker 1: a seconomy. It's very it's easily provable. I feel like, yeah, anyway, hey, listen,

391
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:04,840
Speaker 1: why not lawyer is over here, but we have an

392
00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:09,159
Speaker 1: update of getting served. Oh my, So, I met my

393
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,399
Speaker 1: sister at my house and we started moving my stuff

394
00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:14,439
Speaker 1: to her house while the divorce goes through, or at

395
00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:16,760
Speaker 1: least until my soon to be ex wife leaves and

396
00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:18,920
Speaker 1: I get possession of a house. We took four car

397
00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:20,879
Speaker 1: loads to her house and came back for the rest

398
00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:22,040
Speaker 1: rent a truck.

399
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:27,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're doing this Terribly're right, You're doing everything wrong.

400
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:30,040
Speaker 1: My sister felt it important for her to be there

401
00:17:30,119 --> 00:17:32,760
Speaker 1: for support and as a witness. I also moved the

402
00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:35,080
Speaker 1: nanny cam into the living room so it could record

403
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:37,880
Speaker 1: everything into the cloud. At about ten forty five am,

404
00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:39,879
Speaker 1: I got a text from a lawyer saying that she

405
00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:42,240
Speaker 1: had been served. I sent her an email saying that

406
00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:44,280
Speaker 1: I'm at the house when she is ready to talk.

407
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:46,399
Speaker 1: A couple of minutes later, I got a text from

408
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:50,600
Speaker 1: my wife saying why blah blah blah blah blah blahs.

409
00:17:51,119 --> 00:17:53,320
Speaker 1: So I resent the first text and waited for her

410
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:55,919
Speaker 1: to get home. She sent several text and voicemails. They

411
00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:58,879
Speaker 1: don't mention anything about cheating, just how she thought we

412
00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:01,200
Speaker 1: were working this out, and she thought we would sit

413
00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:03,800
Speaker 1: down and have a conversation before proceeding with a divorce.

414
00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:07,760
Speaker 1: I wonder where she thought that, ocause Ope told her

415
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:11,840
Speaker 1: that right, yeah, she was playing the family card and

416
00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:14,280
Speaker 1: how this will devastate the child in our families.

417
00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:16,040
Speaker 2: I mean yeah again.

418
00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:19,360
Speaker 1: Anyways, how she feels betrayed, that was a good one.

419
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:21,719
Speaker 1: She was still sharing her location and it took her

420
00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:24,120
Speaker 1: twenty minutes before she left work. She then stopped at

421
00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:27,040
Speaker 1: nearby Walgreens for a few minutes. Now he's tracking her.

422
00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:30,560
Speaker 1: The purpose of the stop at Walgreens became clear as

423
00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:34,400
Speaker 1: a police car pulled in behind her in the driveway.

424
00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:38,320
Speaker 1: According to the officers, she got the police there because

425
00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:40,919
Speaker 1: she was afraid that we had pew pews.

426
00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:44,679
Speaker 2: In the house. You know, the pew pews. Hmmm.

427
00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:47,959
Speaker 1: I showed the office okay, okay, here we go. Oh

428
00:18:48,119 --> 00:18:51,320
Speaker 1: so they did, yeah, yeah, okay, we.

429
00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:51,640
Speaker 2: Were like what.

430
00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:55,440
Speaker 1: I showed the officers my empty peepew safe and said

431
00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:57,600
Speaker 1: that I had to remove them to another secure location.

432
00:18:57,960 --> 00:18:59,680
Speaker 1: We went back to the living room and I showed

433
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,000
Speaker 1: my wife the paternity test that I had done that

434
00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:05,960
Speaker 1: showed her that her daughter was not mine. Her response

435
00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:08,760
Speaker 1: was denial and disbelief, which appeared genuine.

436
00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:11,240
Speaker 2: She broke down and I didn't know. Yeah, it's possible

437
00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:12,000
Speaker 2: you didn't know.

438
00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:15,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, she broke down and cried for about ten minutes.

439
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,280
Speaker 1: I told her this was the final straw and why

440
00:19:17,359 --> 00:19:20,119
Speaker 1: I wanted the divorce. At about that time, the police

441
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,640
Speaker 1: officers reminded me to keep it civil and made their

442
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:24,639
Speaker 1: exit after I told them I was leaving soon to

443
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:26,720
Speaker 1: stay at my sister's house. When I asked who the

444
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:30,560
Speaker 1: child's father was, she claimed she didn't know. I asked

445
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:32,960
Speaker 1: if there were many guys she was sleeping with, or

446
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,480
Speaker 1: if she just didn't know his name. I asked how

447
00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:38,280
Speaker 1: many times she had cheated on me between pregnancies, to

448
00:19:38,359 --> 00:19:39,400
Speaker 1: which she said.

449
00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:41,440
Speaker 2: It was just the two of them. I don't believe

450
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:44,199
Speaker 2: one person for that and one person for that.

451
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:47,679
Speaker 4: I don't know if I entirely believe her because she

452
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:50,880
Speaker 4: said it was just the one before, right, I feel

453
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:53,800
Speaker 4: like she's just going to, you know, confess to whatever

454
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:54,720
Speaker 4: he already knows.

455
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:57,320
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, it's like, hey, what do you know? Okay,

456
00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:00,440
Speaker 2: yes I did that, but I did nothing more else.

457
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:02,679
Speaker 6: Oh, you found out the other thing. Well, it was

458
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:03,840
Speaker 6: just those two things.

459
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:06,920
Speaker 1: Don't look into it, sure, don't look into the other

460
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:09,600
Speaker 1: thing makes because the other thing is false.

461
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:10,600
Speaker 6: It's a lie.

462
00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:12,600
Speaker 2: And I didn't do that shit.

463
00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:15,400
Speaker 6: You have proof I did that.

464
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:16,280
Speaker 2: I just did that.

465
00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:19,800
Speaker 1: So I told her that I had said earlier, if

466
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:21,840
Speaker 1: she didn't tell the whole truth, that I was done.

467
00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:23,920
Speaker 1: I reminded her that I also told her that I

468
00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:26,760
Speaker 1: couldn't slash, wouldn't raise someone else's child, and that she

469
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:28,800
Speaker 1: had better figure out who the real father was because

470
00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:31,600
Speaker 1: I wasn't paying child support for someone else's baby.

471
00:20:32,119 --> 00:20:34,840
Speaker 2: Again, it just is an innocent baby. I don't know.

472
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:36,840
Speaker 2: I don't know that that part.

473
00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:40,880
Speaker 4: I understand my child support, Yeah, sure, I get that,

474
00:20:41,119 --> 00:20:42,359
Speaker 4: but like I just.

475
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:44,840
Speaker 2: It's the energy. Yeah, it's the vibe. It's the vibe.

476
00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:47,000
Speaker 1: She wanted to know what we were going to tell

477
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:48,800
Speaker 1: our daughter, and I said that was up to her

478
00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:51,000
Speaker 1: because this was her mess and I wasn't taking the

479
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:52,639
Speaker 1: blame or cleaning it up for her.

480
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:53,920
Speaker 2: That is fair.

481
00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:56,720
Speaker 1: I drafted a couple of emails last week, one for

482
00:20:56,800 --> 00:21:00,000
Speaker 1: our friends and family with copies of all the time

483
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,560
Speaker 1: test results and reasons why I was asking for divorce,

484
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:05,560
Speaker 1: the other for my wife and copies of the same

485
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:08,040
Speaker 1: tests along with what I knew and things that I

486
00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:10,240
Speaker 1: had told her previously. I had to run it through

487
00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:11,919
Speaker 1: my lawyer and make a couple of edits before she

488
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:13,879
Speaker 1: signed off on it, and I sent copies to all

489
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:15,879
Speaker 1: of our friends and relatives when she pulled into the

490
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:18,880
Speaker 1: driveway this afternoon. Most of the feedback has been one

491
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:22,040
Speaker 1: sided and very colorful. In the end, I told her

492
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:23,959
Speaker 1: that if she had been truthful, we might have been

493
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:26,480
Speaker 1: able to work things out, but I couldn't trust a lying,

494
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:28,960
Speaker 1: serial cheater. And I told her if she had gotten

495
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:31,639
Speaker 1: her tubes tied instead of me getting a vasectomy, she

496
00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:34,199
Speaker 1: might have gotten away with it. I mean, that is

497
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:39,159
Speaker 1: technically speaking true. And you know it's crazy. We started

498
00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:41,080
Speaker 1: the story with op being like, Okay, let me.

499
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:44,679
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm doing the most Like I understand that you

500
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:47,919
Speaker 4: are your body is being very much affected by a

501
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:50,560
Speaker 4: birth control so let me let me take this one.

502
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:54,680
Speaker 5: Do you this is that's why he's so like adamant

503
00:21:54,760 --> 00:22:00,359
Speaker 5: to get revenge or like get at her, right, But

504
00:22:00,359 --> 00:22:02,439
Speaker 5: do you think that's like, oh, I did this for you.

505
00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:04,240
Speaker 5: I mean, all of course, all the lies and the

506
00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:06,959
Speaker 5: cheating and all that, but also on top of that,

507
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:09,679
Speaker 5: like I don't know, like his motives are like I

508
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:12,359
Speaker 5: get his I understand like he's upset, but his motives

509
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:16,080
Speaker 5: are like very aggressive and very insidious.

510
00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:17,479
Speaker 2: Yeah, it could be.

511
00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:21,639
Speaker 1: It could be essentially the nice guy of like, oh

512
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:23,879
Speaker 1: I did this, and yes he did do that for her,

513
00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:27,960
Speaker 1: and it is good. But that doesn't again, it doesn't

514
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:31,359
Speaker 1: mean you can just become this like cruel person.

515
00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:34,760
Speaker 5: Yeah, Like, what did he expect when he's like psych

516
00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:39,240
Speaker 5: I'm not the father. Nobody wins, like, no one's happy.

517
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:41,160
Speaker 5: Did he think he was to get a little happiness

518
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:41,560
Speaker 5: out of this?

519
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:43,040
Speaker 6: I think probably.

520
00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:46,080
Speaker 4: I think he's you know, lashing out because she lied

521
00:22:46,119 --> 00:22:49,879
Speaker 4: to him. Yeah, and he's upset, and I think hopefully,

522
00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:53,199
Speaker 4: you know, in the long run, he'll kind of go

523
00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:55,399
Speaker 4: to therapy and realize, oh, I probably shouldn't have done

524
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:55,840
Speaker 4: it like that.

525
00:22:56,359 --> 00:22:59,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, let's hope. Yeah, let's see if we got a

526
00:22:59,119 --> 00:23:02,320
Speaker 1: redemption arc here. So Opie said, I told her she

527
00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:04,200
Speaker 1: needed to get a lawyer so we could move forward

528
00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:05,080
Speaker 1: and start to heal.

529
00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:07,320
Speaker 2: And we have an update. I'm gonna I'm gonna dive

530
00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:08,520
Speaker 2: right into this one, boys and girls.

531
00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:11,320
Speaker 1: So we had our second meeting with the lawyers today

532
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:14,200
Speaker 1: and we signed off on almost everything except the house

533
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:16,280
Speaker 1: still waiting for the appraisal to come back and figure

534
00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:19,120
Speaker 1: out that split motions got filed today and a court

535
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:21,400
Speaker 1: ordered paternity test was scheduled for all three of us.

536
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:24,000
Speaker 1: Since soon to be ex wife didn't fight me on everything,

537
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:28,280
Speaker 1: we filed a no fault divorce petition. If everything goes right,

538
00:23:28,359 --> 00:23:30,879
Speaker 1: I get the house back on February fifteenth and the

539
00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:34,240
Speaker 1: divorce will be final on April fifth. The lawyers did

540
00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:36,920
Speaker 1: a better job keeping up separated, and the conversation between

541
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:39,280
Speaker 1: the two of us at a minimum. I was a

542
00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:41,960
Speaker 1: little worried when she came in, pale, with no energy

543
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:44,320
Speaker 1: to speak of. I couldn't tell if it was lack

544
00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:46,800
Speaker 1: of sleep or maybe over medicated.

545
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:48,280
Speaker 2: Isn't she pregnant still?

546
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:52,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean pregnant and also going through divorce.

547
00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:56,720
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, that's uh, that's that'll that'll probably take a toll.

548
00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:57,119
Speaker 6: Yeah.

549
00:23:57,160 --> 00:24:00,119
Speaker 1: Honestly, she just stared out the windows as a lawyer

550
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:02,680
Speaker 1: read everything to us before we signed some of the papers.

551
00:24:03,119 --> 00:24:05,760
Speaker 1: Walking out felt like I had shed a giant weight

552
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:08,359
Speaker 1: from around my neck. HR got me signed up for

553
00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:12,879
Speaker 1: therapy tomorrow. Good, maybe we'll maybe we'll have a redemption arc.

554
00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:14,160
Speaker 6: You need this?

555
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:17,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, my boss had to put a bottle of champagne

556
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:19,520
Speaker 1: on my desk, offered me some time off if I

557
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:21,480
Speaker 1: needed it, but I told him I was excited to

558
00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:24,000
Speaker 1: get back to work. And we have some relevant comments,

559
00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:28,480
Speaker 1: but just real quick. Yeah, I highly doubt anyone in

560
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:30,600
Speaker 1: his life who has been like supporting him and all

561
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:32,919
Speaker 1: us knows the things that he said.

562
00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:34,199
Speaker 2: I doubt it he is.

563
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:35,880
Speaker 6: I mean they probably know that.

564
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:38,560
Speaker 2: You know she probably told that.

565
00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:42,679
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, but let's get into these relevant comments. Critical

566
00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:45,520
Speaker 1: Bank fifty two to sixty nine says, did she disclose

567
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:50,040
Speaker 1: any more info about her infidelity slash child's ID or

568
00:24:50,119 --> 00:24:50,400
Speaker 1: is he.

569
00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:53,280
Speaker 2: Just running through the motions at this point? Opie says she.

570
00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:55,560
Speaker 1: Had already told me who the biodad was, but I

571
00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:57,639
Speaker 1: don't know if I can believe her doesn't matter to

572
00:24:57,680 --> 00:24:59,840
Speaker 1: me at this point. She did say she hasn't reached

573
00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:02,280
Speaker 1: out to him yet, which makes me think she is deflecting.

574
00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:05,439
Speaker 1: Not my monkey, not my circus anymore. You should have

575
00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:09,200
Speaker 1: had that energy. That energy would have been way better earlier.

576
00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:10,240
Speaker 2: Yeah.

577
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:13,159
Speaker 1: Equivalent B eighty eight to six says, did you know

578
00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:15,119
Speaker 1: the bio dad? Was he part of your friend group?

579
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:18,000
Speaker 1: What happened at the first meeting with the lawyers. Opie says,

580
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:20,240
Speaker 1: I think I remember meeting him at a time or two,

581
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:22,680
Speaker 1: but he was not part of our friend group. First

582
00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:25,520
Speaker 1: meeting was just a prelimb with my lawyer outlining our

583
00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:28,080
Speaker 1: terms at what we intended to do if she contested

584
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:31,320
Speaker 1: to any of our terms, and deleted says how are

585
00:25:31,359 --> 00:25:33,000
Speaker 1: you doing? Can you update us?

586
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:34,000
Speaker 6: Clearly not well?

587
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:35,360
Speaker 2: Not well?

588
00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:37,520
Speaker 6: Like it is very much not well.

589
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:42,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh man, Opie says. My ex got her share

590
00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:43,920
Speaker 1: of the equity on the house and has already moved

591
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:46,520
Speaker 1: into her new apartment and I moved back into it tomorrow.

592
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:49,520
Speaker 1: Court ordered DNA test came back and the judge has

593
00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:52,680
Speaker 1: approved the motions to terminate my paternal rights and obligations.

594
00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:54,240
Speaker 2: There we go as we expected.

595
00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:57,160
Speaker 1: The divorce won't be final until April, but for all

596
00:25:57,200 --> 00:25:59,160
Speaker 1: intents and purposes, I am free.

597
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:01,200
Speaker 2: Only contact I have with my.

598
00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:03,800
Speaker 1: Ex's messages through my lawyer or meetings at the lawyer's

599
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:06,399
Speaker 1: office with her presence. I blocked the X and some

600
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:08,679
Speaker 1: of her family and friends. She has said that she

601
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:10,600
Speaker 1: wants to sit down and talk at some point, but

602
00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:12,840
Speaker 1: my lawyer said that it should wait till after the

603
00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:17,159
Speaker 1: divorce's final, I had dinner with the fair partner's wife again.

604
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:19,879
Speaker 2: Where was that? What do you mean again? That happened?

605
00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:23,200
Speaker 2: We'll learned about that. Where was Why didn't you say? Again?

606
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:25,879
Speaker 6: Yeah? How what type of dinner?

607
00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:31,840
Speaker 1: Because we've we've seen a swap switcheroo before.

608
00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:39,080
Speaker 2: Hmmmm, he's still on his vengeance to her. Oh man, man,

609
00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:39,560
Speaker 2: I'm going to.

610
00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:48,080
Speaker 4: Take here's wife seeking comfort who understands the situation. Maybe

611
00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:48,639
Speaker 4: it's okay.

612
00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:53,120
Speaker 1: So he says, I had dinner with a fair partner's

613
00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:56,000
Speaker 1: wife again. As this has happened before, news to us,

614
00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:58,320
Speaker 1: as we keep each other up to date on our

615
00:26:58,359 --> 00:26:59,080
Speaker 1: ex spouses.

616
00:26:59,359 --> 00:27:00,800
Speaker 2: I almost feel sorry for him.

617
00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:03,560
Speaker 1: She got him fired and is determined to drag out

618
00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:06,600
Speaker 1: the divorce and inflict as much pain as possible.

619
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:09,439
Speaker 2: Well, I guess sounds familiar, Yeah right?

620
00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:14,520
Speaker 1: Like equivalent B eighty eight six says, how did she

621
00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:15,800
Speaker 1: get the affair partner fired?

622
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:19,080
Speaker 2: Was the affair partner and employee of the school district? Okay?

623
00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:22,320
Speaker 1: Obie says a fair partner worked for her family's business.

624
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:24,880
Speaker 1: She told her dad and uncle, who ran the business,

625
00:27:25,359 --> 00:27:28,280
Speaker 1: what he did. She didn't have to ask twice. They

626
00:27:28,359 --> 00:27:31,080
Speaker 1: took his laptop, company phone credit card and company car

627
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:34,840
Speaker 1: the next morning with no notice. All he got was

628
00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:38,280
Speaker 1: a cardboard box with his personal stuff and was escorted

629
00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:41,760
Speaker 1: out all in about fifteen minutes. Equivalent. B eighty eight

630
00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:44,880
Speaker 1: six says you had dinner with her twice. I get

631
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:48,919
Speaker 1: the impression that you like her. You could have easily

632
00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:53,119
Speaker 1: caught up with her over the phone. Sometimes both bsme

633
00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:56,879
Speaker 1: becomes support systems for each other. I guess the you

634
00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:59,399
Speaker 1: know kind of the victims in this case, it is

635
00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:02,440
Speaker 1: not uncommon for both bs to really like each other.

636
00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:04,760
Speaker 2: And for more to develop. Or am I reading into

637
00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:05,639
Speaker 2: this too much?

638
00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:10,080
Speaker 1: Let us know, opie response comrades in arms to speak,

639
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:14,160
Speaker 1: we have been able to fill in the holes of

640
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:17,440
Speaker 1: what we know about our spouse's affairs.

641
00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:25,240
Speaker 8: Ah okay, sure, and we both have a macabre interest

642
00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:27,880
Speaker 8: in the fate of our exes and their affair partners.

643
00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:30,399
Speaker 2: Yes, a sinister one.

644
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:33,520
Speaker 1: All evidence from both sides point to about six weeks

645
00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:35,240
Speaker 1: and them meeting up three times.

646
00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:37,920
Speaker 2: The amount of spicy sleep is hard to say.

647
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:40,800
Speaker 1: Okay, wow, so they they hooked up a lot more

648
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:42,600
Speaker 1: than just the just once.

649
00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:45,400
Speaker 6: Yeah, than the just once, which makes sense.

650
00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:51,000
Speaker 1: It's just once. Yeah. Update number two tormenting my ex

651
00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:52,400
Speaker 1: wife's affair partner.

652
00:28:52,800 --> 00:29:01,560
Speaker 4: Oh no, uh ma'n no, whoa Noh.

653
00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:03,760
Speaker 1: Well, let's get into update number two, tormenting my ex

654
00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:08,320
Speaker 1: wife's affair partner. So throughout and after my divorce, I

655
00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:12,360
Speaker 1: have kept in contact with Sharon, the other betrayed wife,

656
00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:15,120
Speaker 1: as we had shared details about our ex's affairs and

657
00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:17,560
Speaker 1: both of us were interested in the consequences of our

658
00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:21,880
Speaker 1: spouses ended up suffering, and we provided each other moral support.

659
00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:23,120
Speaker 2: Gee, you don't say.

660
00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:25,400
Speaker 1: We talk on the phone and usually have dinner once

661
00:29:25,520 --> 00:29:27,160
Speaker 1: or twice a month to catch up.

662
00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:29,680
Speaker 2: I feel like this is gonna become something.

663
00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:30,880
Speaker 6: Guys are into each other.

664
00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:32,800
Speaker 2: I feel like you're into each other.

665
00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:35,840
Speaker 1: Last month, Sharon the betrayed wife said that one of

666
00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:37,880
Speaker 1: her friends was getting married and had invited her to

667
00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:41,479
Speaker 1: the wedding. Her ex, Stan, the affair partner of my wife,

668
00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:43,960
Speaker 1: was also invited as he was a friend of the groom.

669
00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:46,920
Speaker 1: Her invitation had a plus one, and she pitched me

670
00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:49,239
Speaker 1: the idea of going with her.

671
00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:51,640
Speaker 6: Oh my god, Okay, well, actually, you know what, this

672
00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:53,800
Speaker 6: is not as bad as I thought it could be. Yes,

673
00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:55,720
Speaker 6: this is so much better than I thought it was

674
00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:56,120
Speaker 6: gonna be.

675
00:29:56,240 --> 00:30:00,640
Speaker 2: If if you're gonna do something, this is of the

676
00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:03,120
Speaker 2: you know you guys into each other.

677
00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:06,560
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, maybe, both as moral support and as a

678
00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:09,400
Speaker 1: dig at her ex Stan. It was a weekend event

679
00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:13,320
Speaker 1: and we would share a room with double beds. Strictly petonic.

680
00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:16,520
Speaker 1: The idea amused me, So I agree we could share

681
00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:18,720
Speaker 1: a room, dude.

682
00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:21,160
Speaker 6: This is yeah, I'm sure it was Patana.

683
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:23,800
Speaker 1: So we flew in the day before the wedding and

684
00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:26,560
Speaker 1: had dinner with several of Cheryl's friends. I was introduced

685
00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:29,840
Speaker 1: as her friend, no mention of her history and the divorce.

686
00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:33,080
Speaker 1: We didn't run into Stan until right before the ceremony

687
00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:35,840
Speaker 1: as they escorted us to the bride side. While Stan

688
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:38,880
Speaker 1: was seated on the groom side. Needless to say, he

689
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:41,560
Speaker 1: was less than pleased and kept looking over at us,

690
00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:43,120
Speaker 1: something Sharon was well aware of.

691
00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:44,320
Speaker 2: I can imagine.

692
00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:46,560
Speaker 1: At the reception, we were seated with some of Sharon's

693
00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:48,760
Speaker 1: friends from the night before, and we picked up where

694
00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:52,320
Speaker 1: we left off and everyone was quite engaged. Stan was

695
00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:54,480
Speaker 1: seated at a table across the room from us, but

696
00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:57,440
Speaker 1: in a clear view, we danced a bit together and

697
00:30:57,560 --> 00:30:59,320
Speaker 1: probably drank more than we should.

698
00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:01,040
Speaker 9: Uh.

699
00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:03,720
Speaker 1: There was a brief confrontation with Stan and Sharon, but

700
00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:08,040
Speaker 1: her friends diffused it quickly and spirited Sharon Sharon away.

701
00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:11,200
Speaker 1: At the hotel after the reception, we had drinks with

702
00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:14,880
Speaker 1: two other couples. Several comments about Stan shooting daggers at

703
00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:17,520
Speaker 1: us all nights, and a few about how cute a

704
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:21,320
Speaker 1: couple we made, and questions about if we were serious

705
00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:25,480
Speaker 1: or not. We laughed it off and said we were

706
00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:27,960
Speaker 1: just friends. I had to support Sharon on the way

707
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:30,680
Speaker 1: to the room and had my arm around her. On

708
00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:34,920
Speaker 1: the cramped elevator ride. We were standing quite close. When

709
00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:37,400
Speaker 1: we got to the room. There was a tense moment

710
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:39,440
Speaker 1: and we shook hands.

711
00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:43,120
Speaker 4: We're yeah, and we kissed.

712
00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:46,240
Speaker 6: We're all shocked. No one shocked.

713
00:31:47,040 --> 00:31:49,360
Speaker 4: Everyone saw that coming from miles away.

714
00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:54,400
Speaker 6: Yep, ye, this is the least surprising thing in the

715
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:55,080
Speaker 6: whole story.

716
00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:58,920
Speaker 2: I'm floored. I'm I never could have believed it ever

717
00:31:59,080 --> 00:31:59,560
Speaker 2: in my life.

718
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:04,760
Speaker 1: Come on, come on, good judgment lost out to the

719
00:32:04,800 --> 00:32:07,200
Speaker 1: booze and we ended up sleeping together.

720
00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:08,880
Speaker 10: Shot.

721
00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:11,400
Speaker 6: I'm so surprised.

722
00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:14,120
Speaker 1: So the next morning we never spoke much about the

723
00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:16,200
Speaker 1: elephant of the room, and we rushed out to catch

724
00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:18,719
Speaker 1: our flight home. We did run into stand as we

725
00:32:18,720 --> 00:32:21,120
Speaker 1: were checking out, and he made a Snyder mark and

726
00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:23,560
Speaker 1: walked off. Once we were on the plane, we talked

727
00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:25,920
Speaker 1: about what had happened that neither of us were sorry,

728
00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:28,040
Speaker 1: but questioned the wisdom of the timing.

729
00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:30,160
Speaker 6: Yeah, probably not great.

730
00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:32,720
Speaker 1: We both agreed and we each needed some time to

731
00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:35,200
Speaker 1: process what had happened, and agreed to have dinner next

732
00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:36,479
Speaker 1: week and talk about it then.

733
00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:39,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, more dinner dates, that's what dinner sure?

734
00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:42,840
Speaker 1: Okay, I know neither of us has tried to date

735
00:32:42,920 --> 00:32:45,240
Speaker 1: since our divorce. I haven't been in the right headspace

736
00:32:45,280 --> 00:32:47,520
Speaker 1: to even flirt, much less date. I have a session

737
00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:49,720
Speaker 1: already scheduled with my therapist where I'll bring this up.

738
00:32:49,880 --> 00:32:52,840
Speaker 1: But we did have a great weekend at the wedding. Hey,

739
00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:53,960
Speaker 1: it's Sam, your og host.

740
00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:55,680
Speaker 2: Here. We'll get back to the stories. But here's three

741
00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:56,880
Speaker 2: minutes bads from our sponsor.

742
00:32:57,360 --> 00:33:00,480
Speaker 4: My husband still lives with his parents even and after

743
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:04,720
Speaker 4: we got married, you discussed me. My husband, thirty seven male,

744
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:07,719
Speaker 4: and I twenty nine female, have been together for almost

745
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:11,200
Speaker 4: six years, married for a little over one. I moved

746
00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:13,800
Speaker 4: from Canada to the US to be with him, left

747
00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:17,000
Speaker 4: behind my friends, the life I knew because I thought

748
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:21,000
Speaker 4: marriage would finally mean we'd share our lives for real.

749
00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:23,400
Speaker 4: But now that I'm here, it doesn't feel like we

750
00:33:23,480 --> 00:33:25,880
Speaker 4: live together at all. By the way, this comes from

751
00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:28,600
Speaker 4: stranded and surviving and if you want to spit your

752
00:33:28,600 --> 00:33:31,240
Speaker 4: own stories, go to the r slash okay, storytime separate it.

753
00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:35,040
Speaker 4: So he spends almost all of his time at his parents' house.

754
00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:38,200
Speaker 4: He goes there for breakfast every morning, works remotely from there,

755
00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:42,280
Speaker 4: showers there, keeps all of his stuff, his clothes, his computer,

756
00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:45,840
Speaker 4: everything there. I also work remotely, but I'm alone in

757
00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:46,400
Speaker 4: our home.

758
00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:47,760
Speaker 6: Every day.

759
00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:50,640
Speaker 4: Around three thirty PM, I go over to join them

760
00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:53,560
Speaker 4: for lunch. I help wash the dishes. Sometimes I stay

761
00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:56,200
Speaker 4: longer just to be with him. At six thirty pm,

762
00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:58,360
Speaker 4: we usually go to the gym together. That's one of

763
00:33:58,360 --> 00:34:00,720
Speaker 4: the few parts of the day we share. But on

764
00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:03,920
Speaker 4: days we don't go. I'm just home alone from after

765
00:34:04,040 --> 00:34:07,480
Speaker 4: lunch until about eleven PM, when he finally comes back

766
00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:11,000
Speaker 4: to sleep. He says, I should be grateful, uh that

767
00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:14,080
Speaker 4: I have it easy, that I don't appreciate how good

768
00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:17,000
Speaker 4: my life is. But I didn't imagine marriage would feel

769
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:19,520
Speaker 4: like this, Like I'm still waiting for it to begin

770
00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:22,239
Speaker 4: it's not a great start when it seems like you're

771
00:34:22,280 --> 00:34:24,960
Speaker 4: bringing up issues and he's like, well, you should be grateful.

772
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:26,560
Speaker 6: Yeah, you can't complain.

773
00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:29,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, you should be grateful that I get to do

774
00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:32,560
Speaker 1: what I want. Then I just don't have to consider

775
00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:34,800
Speaker 1: your feelings at all. You should, you should, you should

776
00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:35,239
Speaker 1: love that.

777
00:34:35,719 --> 00:34:36,160
Speaker 2: Yeah.

778
00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:38,719
Speaker 4: I try to hold things together. I do most of

779
00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:41,520
Speaker 4: the tours at home. I try not to complain because, well,

780
00:34:41,560 --> 00:34:44,960
Speaker 4: he's not really here. I've also been the one buying furniture,

781
00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:48,480
Speaker 4: decorating slowly to try and make this place feel like

782
00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:49,280
Speaker 4: a real home.

783
00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:50,520
Speaker 6: He's never really.

784
00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:52,879
Speaker 4: Bought anything for the house, I guess because he doesn't

785
00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:53,640
Speaker 4: see it as his.

786
00:34:54,280 --> 00:34:55,840
Speaker 6: But lately I'm tired.

787
00:34:56,239 --> 00:34:58,719
Speaker 4: I don't feel motivated to add anything else to the

788
00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:01,880
Speaker 4: space because no matter what I do, it still feels

789
00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:05,840
Speaker 4: like it's just my space, not ours. Last weekend, he

790
00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:08,000
Speaker 4: said we should save money and stop eating out.

791
00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:08,960
Speaker 2: I agreed.

792
00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:11,920
Speaker 4: I actually love cooking, but I don't really get the

793
00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:15,560
Speaker 4: chance to because he's always wanting to eat at his parents' house.

794
00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:19,240
Speaker 4: He says it's easier that his mom does a better job.

795
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:22,520
Speaker 4: So I finally made lunch for him. I was excited,

796
00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:25,480
Speaker 4: but for one of the dishes. I used the wrong oil.

797
00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:27,719
Speaker 4: He only had all of oil at home, and he

798
00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:30,279
Speaker 4: got so upset. He later even called me a.

799
00:35:30,239 --> 00:35:34,840
Speaker 2: Moral Nope, no, no, nope, no.

800
00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:35,120
Speaker 6: Nope no.

801
00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:37,480
Speaker 4: He also said I needed to learn from his mother

802
00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:41,040
Speaker 4: and that I wasted so long cooking three hours including

803
00:35:41,080 --> 00:35:43,000
Speaker 4: prep cooking and washing the dishes.

804
00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:46,600
Speaker 2: Sorry, why are you washing the dishes because she did

805
00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:48,080
Speaker 2: such a terrible job.

806
00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:50,560
Speaker 4: Uh yeah, you got to get out of here. He

807
00:35:50,640 --> 00:35:53,080
Speaker 4: does not want to be in a relationship with you.

808
00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:55,080
Speaker 4: If someone makes me a sandwichm me.

809
00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:58,120
Speaker 5: If somebody need makes me a sandwich, I get so like,

810
00:35:58,760 --> 00:35:59,960
Speaker 5: oh that's cured age.

811
00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:01,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, I will cry.

812
00:36:02,239 --> 00:36:04,360
Speaker 4: I don't think I'll ever forget the way that felt.

813
00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:06,880
Speaker 4: I had a miscarriage last year with him, and before

814
00:36:06,960 --> 00:36:08,600
Speaker 4: that happened, he wasn't really.

815
00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:08,840
Speaker 6: There for me.

816
00:36:09,360 --> 00:36:12,680
Speaker 4: I carried heavy suitcases by myself. He wasn't around for

817
00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:15,239
Speaker 4: me that much. He was mostly busy with his own

818
00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:18,440
Speaker 4: chores and his parents' chores. But during the miscarriage he

819
00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:22,320
Speaker 4: showed up. He was supportive. He even cried multiple times

820
00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:25,080
Speaker 4: for the loss of our baby, and afterward he told

821
00:36:25,160 --> 00:36:28,080
Speaker 4: me that if I ever got pregnant again, he would

822
00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:30,240
Speaker 4: move in and actually be present.

823
00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:32,960
Speaker 6: What are you talking about?

824
00:36:33,320 --> 00:36:34,880
Speaker 2: He will be there for the baby, That's.

825
00:36:34,719 --> 00:36:36,080
Speaker 6: What are you talking about.

826
00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:38,839
Speaker 4: He literally just told you he would only be there

827
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:41,839
Speaker 4: if you had a baby. He would only move in

828
00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:44,360
Speaker 4: and be present if you had a baby.

829
00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:45,560
Speaker 6: Are you guys even married?

830
00:36:45,719 --> 00:36:48,440
Speaker 1: But she's hearing it like like, if you ever have

831
00:36:48,480 --> 00:36:49,640
Speaker 1: a baby, I'll move in.

832
00:36:50,120 --> 00:36:50,680
Speaker 6: I'll be there.

833
00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:53,760
Speaker 1: Where is he saying, like, yeah, if we have a baby,

834
00:36:53,760 --> 00:36:57,040
Speaker 1: I'll move in. But like otherwise, I'm gonna eat freaking

835
00:36:57,600 --> 00:36:59,800
Speaker 1: toastitos at my freaking mom's basement.

836
00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:00,880
Speaker 6: Insane.

837
00:37:01,440 --> 00:37:04,840
Speaker 4: Now, my period is eighteen days late, but I've tested

838
00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:07,840
Speaker 4: negative on pregnancy tests. Oh and I asked his opinion,

839
00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:10,279
Speaker 4: I'm moving in. He says the solution is for me

840
00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:12,759
Speaker 4: to move into his parents' house so we can all

841
00:37:12,760 --> 00:37:15,759
Speaker 4: be together. I know he wants to take care of them,

842
00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:19,800
Speaker 4: they're getting older. He says it would make life easier

843
00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:22,600
Speaker 4: for him, for them, not for you.

844
00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:22,719
Speaker 2: What.

845
00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:25,440
Speaker 4: I get it, But I've already given up so much.

846
00:37:25,560 --> 00:37:27,960
Speaker 4: I just really want my own space. I've never really

847
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:30,759
Speaker 4: had my own space growing up. And the confusing part

848
00:37:30,840 --> 00:37:34,360
Speaker 4: is we also have good times. He can be sweet

849
00:37:34,480 --> 00:37:38,040
Speaker 4: and funny and supportive. In certain moments, we laugh together,

850
00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:41,240
Speaker 4: sometimes we go to the gym. We have quiet, peaceful

851
00:37:41,239 --> 00:37:44,120
Speaker 4: weekends now and then, But it's like those moments never

852
00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:47,280
Speaker 4: fully erase the weight of everything else. He also refuses

853
00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:50,440
Speaker 4: to have an official wedding. Y'all, what is this.

854
00:37:50,680 --> 00:37:52,360
Speaker 2: So you're not married?

855
00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:55,839
Speaker 4: Well, I'm wondering if they're like they've had like a

856
00:37:56,080 --> 00:37:59,040
Speaker 4: civil wedding, but not the whole ceremony and stuff. I

857
00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:02,440
Speaker 4: don't know, but official wedding does sound like they're not married.

858
00:38:02,719 --> 00:38:05,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, yeah, maybe they're. Maybe they have the paperwork,

859
00:38:05,280 --> 00:38:06,239
Speaker 2: the other paper That's what.

860
00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:07,640
Speaker 6: I was thinking, like legally married.

861
00:38:07,800 --> 00:38:08,000
Speaker 2: Right.

862
00:38:08,080 --> 00:38:10,480
Speaker 4: I've told him so many times that it means something

863
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:12,880
Speaker 4: to me, but he says I care about the wrong things,

864
00:38:13,120 --> 00:38:15,120
Speaker 4: and when I talk about my dreams or ideas, he

865
00:38:15,239 --> 00:38:22,880
Speaker 4: shuts them down. Girloir says, I need to be practical.

866
00:38:23,200 --> 00:38:24,280
Speaker 6: Just find another job.

867
00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:28,160
Speaker 4: My current job is around ninety eight k Canada or

868
00:38:28,239 --> 00:38:32,040
Speaker 4: Canadian dollars. Have a baby, help him buy another house

869
00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:34,520
Speaker 4: so we can all live with his parents. He does

870
00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:37,960
Speaker 4: pay for the mortgage, and since I'm still earning Canadian dollars,

871
00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:39,960
Speaker 4: he says he doesn't want me to contribute right now

872
00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:43,120
Speaker 4: because the exchange rate is bad. He's also made it

873
00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:45,520
Speaker 4: clear that he wants me to start earning in US

874
00:38:45,680 --> 00:38:49,040
Speaker 4: dollars as soon as possible to help him. And honestly,

875
00:38:49,080 --> 00:38:52,279
Speaker 4: I feel bad that I can't contribute more financially. It

876
00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:54,360
Speaker 4: makes me wonder if I even have the right to

877
00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:58,040
Speaker 4: complain about how things feel. Yes, like, maybe I should

878
00:38:58,040 --> 00:39:01,520
Speaker 4: be quiet, grateful and stop asking for no. No, I

879
00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:03,680
Speaker 4: don't know what to do as anyone else felt like

880
00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:04,720
Speaker 4: this in their marriage.

881
00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:05,840
Speaker 6: And there is an update.

882
00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:09,799
Speaker 4: You need to leave him run because he's already left too.

883
00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:12,239
Speaker 4: He was never with you, He was always with his parents.

884
00:39:12,520 --> 00:39:16,279
Speaker 5: You got together with him and his parents. Yeah, Oh

885
00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:16,840
Speaker 5: it's nice.

886
00:39:16,920 --> 00:39:20,360
Speaker 1: He just needs to, uh, you guys need to get divorced,

887
00:39:20,400 --> 00:39:23,760
Speaker 1: and he needs to propose to the people he really

888
00:39:24,239 --> 00:39:25,880
Speaker 1: is married to his parents, his parents.

889
00:39:25,960 --> 00:39:29,279
Speaker 4: Yeah, and then they get moved together forever. Yes, there

890
00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:32,000
Speaker 4: is a part I didn't include in my original post.

891
00:39:32,239 --> 00:39:35,479
Speaker 4: His mom does have some health problems. Her kidneys aren't

892
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:38,000
Speaker 4: functioning that well and she has high blood pressure. He

893
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:40,760
Speaker 4: helps her put her medications into the weekly medicine box

894
00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:44,120
Speaker 4: and monitors her blood pressure daily. And he's even said

895
00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:47,160
Speaker 4: he's willing to donate his kidney to but the doctors

896
00:39:47,160 --> 00:39:49,440
Speaker 4: have said she's not at that stage yet and advised

897
00:39:49,440 --> 00:39:52,000
Speaker 4: against it. But when I stay over at his parents' place,

898
00:39:52,480 --> 00:39:54,720
Speaker 4: most of the time, he's just on his computer, watching

899
00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:57,840
Speaker 4: tiktoks or lying in bed. Yep, he helps when asked,

900
00:39:57,960 --> 00:40:01,319
Speaker 4: but it's not constant care. For example, he would help

901
00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:04,120
Speaker 4: his parents buy groceries, help his dad with navigating text

902
00:40:04,120 --> 00:40:07,120
Speaker 4: stuff on the phone. And I keep thinking, couldn't we

903
00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:10,320
Speaker 4: have our own home and still be present for his parents.

904
00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:13,480
Speaker 4: Our home is just a five minute walk away from

905
00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:14,239
Speaker 4: his parents' house.

906
00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:17,239
Speaker 2: Wow, why are we? Why are we with him?

907
00:40:17,520 --> 00:40:20,280
Speaker 4: For all the questions asking why I stayed so long,

908
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:22,480
Speaker 4: it's because when we're both in a good place, he

909
00:40:22,560 --> 00:40:25,640
Speaker 4: can be very sweet, kind, loving, and our conversations go

910
00:40:25,760 --> 00:40:29,680
Speaker 4: very deep. And yeah, that's that's because people are very

911
00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:31,440
Speaker 4: good at love bombing to get you to stay.

912
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:35,120
Speaker 1: Indeed, he's doing that to continue to get what he

913
00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:37,279
Speaker 1: wants and just not care about you.

914
00:40:37,400 --> 00:40:40,480
Speaker 4: We've had nights talking for hours when we were long distance.

915
00:40:40,680 --> 00:40:43,359
Speaker 4: I feel like that sort of connection is rare hard

916
00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:46,160
Speaker 4: to find. I've only had that kind of connection with

917
00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:47,440
Speaker 4: one other person before.

918
00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:52,200
Speaker 2: Well, we desperately desperate desperately need. There's so much. Oh,

919
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:53,200
Speaker 2: you're freaking awesome.

920
00:40:53,360 --> 00:40:55,319
Speaker 6: Yeah, don't have a child with this man.

921
00:40:55,520 --> 00:40:58,880
Speaker 2: Don't please please don't please, please please don't do that.

922
00:40:59,719 --> 00:41:03,239
Speaker 4: Yeah, but there's a little bit left the story. And

923
00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:05,960
Speaker 4: one other thing is marrying him gave me the push

924
00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:08,799
Speaker 4: to leave my original home with my mom. I love

925
00:41:08,880 --> 00:41:10,680
Speaker 4: my mom, but growing up, my mom has been a

926
00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:14,520
Speaker 4: very critical person. She's always negative, kind of like my husband,

927
00:41:14,960 --> 00:41:17,960
Speaker 4: and we had to tiptoe around my mom's emotions. Basically,

928
00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:20,640
Speaker 4: our house was always messy. We don't really have food

929
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:23,200
Speaker 4: on the table. Me and my sister always do the tours.

930
00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:25,799
Speaker 4: I've taken on the parent role at home and took

931
00:41:25,920 --> 00:41:28,880
Speaker 4: various part time jobs and helped provide for my mom.

932
00:41:29,360 --> 00:41:32,840
Speaker 4: Even now, I send my mom fifteen hundred dollars Canadian

933
00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:35,840
Speaker 4: every month. I've given so much of my life to

934
00:41:35,880 --> 00:41:38,759
Speaker 4: my mom, and getting married gave me a reason to

935
00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:41,160
Speaker 4: move out. As of today, I didn't go over to

936
00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:44,120
Speaker 4: his parents for lunch. He hasn't really contacted me, and

937
00:41:44,160 --> 00:41:46,520
Speaker 4: I guess he went to the gym alone. And some

938
00:41:46,560 --> 00:41:50,400
Speaker 4: comments comment one. He also refuses to have an official wedding.

939
00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:55,040
Speaker 6: So are you legally contractually married? Him or not. If not,

940
00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:56,600
Speaker 6: just pack up and go home.

941
00:41:57,120 --> 00:42:00,520
Speaker 4: If you are consult a lawyer asap, it might be

942
00:42:00,680 --> 00:42:03,480
Speaker 4: eligible for an annulment. I would suggest that you take

943
00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:07,240
Speaker 4: the following steps. Don't spend ascent more in decorating his house.

944
00:42:07,719 --> 00:42:10,840
Speaker 4: Sell the non essential furniture you bought. Don't go to

945
00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:13,600
Speaker 4: his parents place for lunch. Spend the time at home

946
00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:17,399
Speaker 4: making lunch for yourself, looking for yourself. Either stop having

947
00:42:17,480 --> 00:42:20,160
Speaker 4: spicy sleep with him, or go back onto birth control.

948
00:42:20,520 --> 00:42:24,200
Speaker 4: This is a very weird and unusual situation. Are there

949
00:42:24,239 --> 00:42:27,400
Speaker 4: any cultural dynamics in play e g. That he would

950
00:42:27,880 --> 00:42:30,160
Speaker 4: be expected to live with and pay for his parents?

951
00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:30,680
Speaker 2: Ope?

952
00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:33,640
Speaker 6: He responds, thank you for taking the time to write this.

953
00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:38,040
Speaker 4: I really appreciate it. To give some context. He's Chinese Filipino,

954
00:42:38,080 --> 00:42:40,600
Speaker 4: and I'm Chinese. He's told me in the past that

955
00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:43,480
Speaker 4: it's normal in his culture the Philippines for the sun

956
00:42:43,600 --> 00:42:46,080
Speaker 4: to take care of the parents, and he wants to

957
00:42:46,080 --> 00:42:49,319
Speaker 4: have a multi generational family under one roof. I've told

958
00:42:49,360 --> 00:42:51,800
Speaker 4: him before marriage, I want us to have our own home.

959
00:42:52,280 --> 00:42:55,040
Speaker 4: I think our current living arrangement is his middle ground.

960
00:42:55,480 --> 00:42:57,960
Speaker 4: We are legally married, but he doesn't want a wedding

961
00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:01,560
Speaker 4: ceremony or says we will have one later on or

962
00:43:01,600 --> 00:43:05,520
Speaker 4: after kids. Thank you for the advice he wrote, And folks,

963
00:43:05,560 --> 00:43:07,240
Speaker 4: that is the end of that story.

964
00:43:07,560 --> 00:43:12,120
Speaker 5: All right, Hey, you're a local Filipino here, talk to us. Yeah,

965
00:43:12,239 --> 00:43:15,719
Speaker 5: we love our weddings. I've like, yeah, I'm not saying

966
00:43:15,719 --> 00:43:19,799
Speaker 5: speaking for every single Filipino, but they're mainly Catholic and

967
00:43:19,840 --> 00:43:21,360
Speaker 5: they love extravagant weddings.

968
00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:24,279
Speaker 4: Well, I'm interested by his claim that, like this is

969
00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:27,040
Speaker 4: all very traditional and stuff, but then not having you know,

970
00:43:27,400 --> 00:43:30,320
Speaker 4: the very basic tradition of like having a wedding.

971
00:43:30,520 --> 00:43:34,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, but then also I understand the taking care of

972
00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:38,000
Speaker 5: your parents thing. That is one thing I like, you know,

973
00:43:38,600 --> 00:43:41,920
Speaker 5: that's just like Filipinos. A lot of Asian households have that,

974
00:43:42,080 --> 00:43:43,880
Speaker 5: or a lot of you know, other cultures have that

975
00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:47,279
Speaker 5: where they stay together in one house and it's a

976
00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:49,920
Speaker 5: huge family and even when you get married.

977
00:43:50,120 --> 00:43:51,920
Speaker 2: Sometimes you move in. We've read stories like this.

978
00:43:52,080 --> 00:43:54,000
Speaker 6: Yeah, and it wasn't just taking care of his family.

979
00:43:54,160 --> 00:43:56,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's not taking care of it. He's not caring.

980
00:43:56,360 --> 00:43:59,839
Speaker 5: He's thirty seven, he's practically forty, and he's they're taking

981
00:43:59,840 --> 00:44:02,840
Speaker 5: care of him. Yep, he's shown no signs if it

982
00:44:02,920 --> 00:44:05,840
Speaker 5: was him, like, Okay, we're living under our roof and

983
00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:08,200
Speaker 5: my parents are living with us because they're elderly and

984
00:44:08,200 --> 00:44:09,080
Speaker 5: we have to take care of them.

985
00:44:09,160 --> 00:44:09,600
Speaker 2: Is one thing.

986
00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:12,680
Speaker 5: But he's like, no, I want to live there because

987
00:44:12,719 --> 00:44:17,640
Speaker 5: mommy makes the food better and she's not doing well.

988
00:44:17,680 --> 00:44:20,200
Speaker 5: But I'll only do it when she asks for my help. Yeah,

989
00:44:20,239 --> 00:44:21,000
Speaker 5: he's a man child.

990
00:44:21,440 --> 00:44:23,560
Speaker 1: Yep, I'll give her my kidney because how else am

991
00:44:23,640 --> 00:44:24,839
Speaker 1: I going to get my laundry done?

992
00:44:24,960 --> 00:44:26,799
Speaker 6: Yeah, that isly. I guess it's worth it.

993
00:44:27,280 --> 00:44:28,359
Speaker 2: I guess I'll do it.

994
00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:32,120
Speaker 6: But folks, that's the end of that story. Hopefully she

995
00:44:32,160 --> 00:44:32,640
Speaker 6: gets out.

996
00:44:33,040 --> 00:44:36,680
Speaker 2: Please please leave, Please please do that. I'm in love

997
00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:39,600
Speaker 2: with my son's mother, but she wants to leave. She'd

998
00:44:39,640 --> 00:44:42,080
Speaker 2: let her leave if she wants to so.

999
00:44:42,520 --> 00:44:46,040
Speaker 5: I twenty seven male, met Mila twenty five female, like

1000
00:44:46,120 --> 00:44:48,920
Speaker 5: four years ago at a bar. Long story short. It

1001
00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:51,080
Speaker 5: was a mutual friend's birthday. We were at this bar

1002
00:44:51,520 --> 00:44:53,919
Speaker 5: and we had both just gotten out of long term relationships.

1003
00:44:54,160 --> 00:44:57,560
Speaker 5: Hers was five years mine was four. A lot of

1004
00:44:57,680 --> 00:45:01,719
Speaker 5: drinking later. It was Hella aw waking up unclothed on

1005
00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:05,959
Speaker 5: the birthday dude's couch with Mila, But honestly, that wasn't

1006
00:45:05,960 --> 00:45:08,800
Speaker 5: even the wildest thing that happened that night. The Birthday

1007
00:45:08,800 --> 00:45:12,920
Speaker 5: guy he did something way worse. By the way, this

1008
00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:17,160
Speaker 5: comes from user throw Ra twenty one twelve one.

1009
00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:18,400
Speaker 2: Wow. That's a lot of numbers.

1010
00:45:18,480 --> 00:45:19,960
Speaker 5: If you want to hit your own stories, go to

1011
00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:21,960
Speaker 5: the r slash Okay, short time supread it?

1012
00:45:22,200 --> 00:45:22,600
Speaker 2: Wow.

1013
00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:26,600
Speaker 5: Anyway, after all that, me and Mila were both super

1014
00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:29,080
Speaker 5: awkward about it. She ligit looked like she wanted to

1015
00:45:29,080 --> 00:45:32,080
Speaker 5: crawl under a rock. Neither of us wanted anything serious

1016
00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:34,120
Speaker 5: since we both had just gotten out of serious relationships

1017
00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:36,759
Speaker 5: with our exes, but we still swapped numbers and went

1018
00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:37,640
Speaker 5: our separate ways.

1019
00:45:37,719 --> 00:45:40,040
Speaker 9: Are we not getting what the worst thing was that

1020
00:45:40,080 --> 00:45:40,799
Speaker 9: the that the.

1021
00:45:40,760 --> 00:45:45,000
Speaker 2: Birthday boy did it was his birthday. No, that's okay,

1022
00:45:45,040 --> 00:45:46,720
Speaker 2: I want to know. That's okay.

1023
00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:50,040
Speaker 5: Fast forward like three months Mila taxed me up asking

1024
00:45:50,120 --> 00:45:52,440
Speaker 5: to grab coffee. I thought it was kind of weird,

1025
00:45:52,560 --> 00:45:54,000
Speaker 5: but I figured she might want to go on a

1026
00:45:54,080 --> 00:45:56,319
Speaker 5: date or something. When I got there, she looked like

1027
00:45:56,320 --> 00:45:58,719
Speaker 5: she'd been crying. As soon as I sat down, she

1028
00:45:58,840 --> 00:46:03,080
Speaker 5: just started bawling. Turns out she was pregnant. She hadn't

1029
00:46:03,120 --> 00:46:05,759
Speaker 5: realized because she was super stressed out and tired. But

1030
00:46:05,880 --> 00:46:08,680
Speaker 5: I was the only person she'd slept with. My whole

1031
00:46:09,040 --> 00:46:10,720
Speaker 5: life whipped upside down.

1032
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:11,799
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna say it.

1033
00:46:12,120 --> 00:46:15,319
Speaker 5: We did a DNA test and it was mine. Then

1034
00:46:15,480 --> 00:46:17,320
Speaker 5: she moved in with me because she was sharing a

1035
00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:19,879
Speaker 5: room with a roommate. The guest room became hers, and

1036
00:46:19,920 --> 00:46:23,880
Speaker 5: my office is now Andrea's room, but we'll call him Andy.

1037
00:46:24,120 --> 00:46:26,200
Speaker 5: Having a kid wasn't exactly in my plans, but since

1038
00:46:26,239 --> 00:46:30,120
Speaker 5: Andy came along, my life's been better. Honestly, over the years,

1039
00:46:30,239 --> 00:46:33,720
Speaker 5: me and Mila never really had a romantic relationship, except

1040
00:46:33,719 --> 00:46:36,279
Speaker 5: for this one time she kissed me. After Andy was born,

1041
00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:39,720
Speaker 5: we got along. I support them. I'm paying for Mila's

1042
00:46:39,760 --> 00:46:41,480
Speaker 5: grad school. She finishes the next year.

1043
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:42,319
Speaker 2: We split the.

1044
00:46:42,280 --> 00:46:45,160
Speaker 5: Chores, and I'm always there for whatever she needs. So

1045
00:46:45,280 --> 00:46:49,120
Speaker 5: in November, Andy's gonna turn three. Oh, we've been planning

1046
00:46:49,120 --> 00:46:53,080
Speaker 5: his birthday. It's around Halloween, so he and his friends

1047
00:46:53,120 --> 00:46:54,279
Speaker 5: are all gonna dress up.

1048
00:46:55,320 --> 00:46:57,800
Speaker 2: He wants to go as Bingo from Blue All.

1049
00:47:00,920 --> 00:47:00,960
Speaker 9: You.

1050
00:47:04,320 --> 00:47:06,560
Speaker 5: During one of our talks, Mila asked if I wanted

1051
00:47:06,560 --> 00:47:09,400
Speaker 5: her to move out. She said, now that Andy's three,

1052
00:47:09,440 --> 00:47:12,719
Speaker 5: we could co parent separately. And I could even get

1053
00:47:12,719 --> 00:47:15,480
Speaker 5: a girlfriend if I wanted to. I just want blanket

1054
00:47:15,480 --> 00:47:18,160
Speaker 5: and said no and dip to my room.

1055
00:47:18,719 --> 00:47:21,759
Speaker 2: No. No, here's the thing.

1056
00:47:22,440 --> 00:47:26,160
Speaker 5: I love her having Andy's everything to me. But I'm

1057
00:47:26,200 --> 00:47:31,520
Speaker 5: also legit in love with her. She's smart, beautiful, caring, thoughtful, kind, dedicated.

1058
00:47:31,640 --> 00:47:34,560
Speaker 5: She's literally the most perfect person ever. But I'm way

1059
00:47:34,560 --> 00:47:37,200
Speaker 5: too scared to tell her. My god, you have been

1060
00:47:37,239 --> 00:47:38,480
Speaker 5: living with her and you have a kid.

1061
00:47:39,520 --> 00:47:42,640
Speaker 9: Gad, you can love her, You can tell her this.

1062
00:47:42,640 --> 00:47:46,359
Speaker 2: This guy is so like Jen? What is this? What Jen?

1063
00:47:46,520 --> 00:47:48,799
Speaker 2: Is this? He's afraid to talk about his feelings.

1064
00:47:48,800 --> 00:47:49,360
Speaker 6: Millennial?

1065
00:47:49,600 --> 00:47:53,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, any generation. From what I've seen, it's like this.

1066
00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:56,600
Speaker 11: There seems to be no age limit to people being

1067
00:47:56,840 --> 00:47:59,200
Speaker 11: completely incapable of expressing their emotions.

1068
00:47:59,400 --> 00:48:00,319
Speaker 2: No, these are.

1069
00:48:00,239 --> 00:48:02,359
Speaker 9: Pretty quick to be like this is how it is.

1070
00:48:02,560 --> 00:48:05,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's like I'm gonna cope this in a weird way.

1071
00:48:06,080 --> 00:48:08,720
Speaker 5: We have a kid together, and I'm terrified of ruining

1072
00:48:08,760 --> 00:48:11,680
Speaker 5: everything between us as parents and friends. I don't know

1073
00:48:11,680 --> 00:48:13,239
Speaker 5: if I should just tell her how I feel or

1074
00:48:13,239 --> 00:48:15,920
Speaker 5: just keep pretending everything's fine so I don't mess up

1075
00:48:15,960 --> 00:48:16,399
Speaker 5: what we have.

1076
00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:17,919
Speaker 2: What did the birthday? Boy?

1077
00:48:17,960 --> 00:48:18,040
Speaker 10: Do?

1078
00:48:18,239 --> 00:48:20,240
Speaker 5: I hope this doesn't violate any rules in the sub.

1079
00:48:20,440 --> 00:48:22,880
Speaker 5: I didn't comment on the original post, but I snooped

1080
00:48:22,920 --> 00:48:25,080
Speaker 5: in his comments to see what the heck the birthday

1081
00:48:25,080 --> 00:48:28,200
Speaker 5: boy did. I found out, man, the real question should

1082
00:48:28,239 --> 00:48:30,719
Speaker 5: be what didn't he do on his birthday? We hit

1083
00:48:30,800 --> 00:48:33,839
Speaker 5: up this bar and everyone got totally wasted. Then there

1084
00:48:33,880 --> 00:48:36,319
Speaker 5: was an after party at his place. We walked there

1085
00:48:36,600 --> 00:48:38,920
Speaker 5: and I was up front with Mila and some other friends.

1086
00:48:39,280 --> 00:48:41,560
Speaker 5: After that, all I know is from the stories, cause

1087
00:48:41,760 --> 00:48:44,719
Speaker 5: I spent the night with Mila. But apparently he got

1088
00:48:44,719 --> 00:48:47,520
Speaker 5: home barefoot with some random dog he stole from someone's house.

1089
00:48:51,640 --> 00:48:53,720
Speaker 5: He decided to get back at his girlfriend for cheating

1090
00:48:53,719 --> 00:48:55,799
Speaker 5: on him, told everyone about it, and then hooked up

1091
00:48:55,800 --> 00:48:58,680
Speaker 5: with her sister. While his girlfriend cried outside the room,

1092
00:48:59,080 --> 00:49:01,080
Speaker 5: He ran around the neighbor in his boxers and ended

1093
00:49:01,120 --> 00:49:01,920
Speaker 5: up passing out.

1094
00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:05,279
Speaker 2: On the lawn, dogging the stolen dog. He still has

1095
00:49:05,280 --> 00:49:08,759
Speaker 2: the dog to his day. He stolen dog, Now give

1096
00:49:08,800 --> 00:49:11,640
Speaker 2: it a dog back. We never found the owners. I

1097
00:49:11,640 --> 00:49:14,440
Speaker 2: think the dog didn't have any owners. I think I

1098
00:49:14,440 --> 00:49:18,280
Speaker 2: thought the dog was the exes wait and see solo

1099
00:49:18,400 --> 00:49:19,560
Speaker 2: random person's dog.

1100
00:49:19,960 --> 00:49:23,200
Speaker 11: I thought it was just to imagine that it applied

1101
00:49:23,239 --> 00:49:25,840
Speaker 11: to any other situation. It's just like, yeah, I don't know.

1102
00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:28,719
Speaker 11: I just I looked around for whoever owned this thing,

1103
00:49:28,760 --> 00:49:30,359
Speaker 11: and I just didn't find him. So I just kept

1104
00:49:30,360 --> 00:49:30,760
Speaker 11: it forever.

1105
00:49:31,200 --> 00:49:33,680
Speaker 2: I mean, they can. I mean every situation that's bad

1106
00:49:33,680 --> 00:49:34,680
Speaker 2: and dog is bad.

1107
00:49:35,760 --> 00:49:39,520
Speaker 6: The other bigger thing was in front of him.

1108
00:49:39,560 --> 00:49:42,759
Speaker 2: Well, OPI did not disappoint. I'm not gonna lie. Okie,

1109
00:49:42,800 --> 00:49:45,279
Speaker 2: did not disappoint with you. We needed that.

1110
00:49:45,480 --> 00:49:48,319
Speaker 5: But we do have an update update. I finally talked

1111
00:49:48,360 --> 00:49:49,840
Speaker 5: to her about my feelings.

1112
00:49:49,920 --> 00:49:52,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was gonna say, we should have just talked,

1113
00:49:52,640 --> 00:49:55,680
Speaker 2: talked it out. It's very very simple solution here. Hell,

1114
00:49:55,920 --> 00:49:56,480
Speaker 2: you love her?

1115
00:49:56,840 --> 00:50:00,160
Speaker 5: Yes, so I twenty seveny mail posted my st or

1116
00:50:00,200 --> 00:50:02,440
Speaker 5: a few days ago, and yesterday I finally talked to

1117
00:50:02,440 --> 00:50:05,440
Speaker 5: Mila twenty five female quick recap. Me and Mila had

1118
00:50:05,440 --> 00:50:07,799
Speaker 5: a baby together after a one night after a one

1119
00:50:07,880 --> 00:50:10,520
Speaker 5: night stand. Ever since, we've been living together, and I'm

1120
00:50:10,560 --> 00:50:14,040
Speaker 5: in love with her. She's absolutely stunning, brave, taking even,

1121
00:50:14,200 --> 00:50:15,799
Speaker 5: but I've been too scared to tell her how I

1122
00:50:15,840 --> 00:50:17,239
Speaker 5: feel because I didn't want to.

1123
00:50:17,160 --> 00:50:18,760
Speaker 2: Mess up our co parenting situation.

1124
00:50:19,320 --> 00:50:22,240
Speaker 5: So I left work early, picked up Andy from the nursery,

1125
00:50:22,440 --> 00:50:25,560
Speaker 5: and dropped him off at my mom's. I bought some flowers,

1126
00:50:25,600 --> 00:50:28,279
Speaker 5: Oh my God, cleaned up the house while she was

1127
00:50:28,320 --> 00:50:30,880
Speaker 5: in class, and texted her saying she didn't need to

1128
00:50:30,880 --> 00:50:33,480
Speaker 5: pick up Andy and just come home because we needed

1129
00:50:33,480 --> 00:50:33,839
Speaker 5: to talk.

1130
00:50:34,200 --> 00:50:35,719
Speaker 2: Hm hmm, that's a scary thing.

1131
00:50:35,800 --> 00:50:36,799
Speaker 9: Is that how you said it?

1132
00:50:37,200 --> 00:50:37,439
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1133
00:50:37,520 --> 00:50:39,160
Speaker 9: That that's how we went about that.

1134
00:50:39,640 --> 00:50:42,359
Speaker 5: When she got home, she looked at me with her

1135
00:50:42,400 --> 00:50:45,080
Speaker 5: big eyes wide open, and the first thing she asked

1136
00:50:45,080 --> 00:50:47,480
Speaker 5: about was our kid. I hugged her for a while,

1137
00:50:47,960 --> 00:50:50,960
Speaker 5: but she went full mommy bear mode and kept asking about.

1138
00:50:50,760 --> 00:50:51,439
Speaker 2: Our baby boy.

1139
00:50:51,960 --> 00:50:54,200
Speaker 5: After I reassured her that he was with my mom

1140
00:50:54,239 --> 00:50:56,960
Speaker 5: and totally fine, she finally calmed down. I brought her

1141
00:50:57,000 --> 00:50:59,600
Speaker 5: to the living room, gave her the bouquet, and started talking.

1142
00:51:00,080 --> 00:51:02,319
Speaker 5: It was a long convo. I told her how I'd

1143
00:51:02,320 --> 00:51:04,839
Speaker 5: been scared of ruining things and how it hurt. When

1144
00:51:04,840 --> 00:51:07,000
Speaker 5: she asked if I wanted her to leave, she admitted

1145
00:51:07,080 --> 00:51:09,360
Speaker 5: she was afraid she was missing up my life, that

1146
00:51:09,440 --> 00:51:11,960
Speaker 5: she feels like a burden sometimes and even blames herself

1147
00:51:11,960 --> 00:51:15,440
Speaker 5: for ruining my life with the pregnancy. I shut that

1148
00:51:15,560 --> 00:51:19,440
Speaker 5: crap down real quick. I never wanted kids, but honestly,

1149
00:51:19,520 --> 00:51:22,319
Speaker 5: since Andy and Mila came into my life, Everything's been

1150
00:51:22,360 --> 00:51:26,680
Speaker 5: way better. It's been the best, most challenging mistake I've

1151
00:51:26,680 --> 00:51:29,520
Speaker 5: ever made. She also said she likes me too, and

1152
00:51:29,560 --> 00:51:31,959
Speaker 5: she's felt that way since she was pregnant, but wasn't

1153
00:51:32,000 --> 00:51:34,760
Speaker 5: sure if it was just the hormones. After the baby,

1154
00:51:34,840 --> 00:51:37,239
Speaker 5: she felt embarrassed to say anything because she didn't feel

1155
00:51:37,280 --> 00:51:39,480
Speaker 5: comfortable in her body anymore. She never got back to

1156
00:51:39,520 --> 00:51:42,360
Speaker 5: her pre pregnancy body and thought I wouldn't find her attractive,

1157
00:51:42,719 --> 00:51:46,120
Speaker 5: But to me, she's the most beautiful and hot woman

1158
00:51:46,200 --> 00:51:50,200
Speaker 5: on this planet. She also admitted she'd get jealous when

1159
00:51:50,239 --> 00:51:52,520
Speaker 5: I went on dates, even though she knew it didn't

1160
00:51:52,520 --> 00:51:54,319
Speaker 5: make sense because we weren't a thing.

1161
00:51:54,440 --> 00:51:57,399
Speaker 9: Oh poo, that's why she was like, so you can

1162
00:51:57,520 --> 00:52:00,320
Speaker 9: see someone if you want and see someone.

1163
00:52:00,560 --> 00:52:01,359
Speaker 6: Feeling it out.

1164
00:52:02,160 --> 00:52:06,800
Speaker 5: I honestly, if she went on dates, I'd be passing

1165
00:52:06,840 --> 00:52:09,600
Speaker 5: away of jealousy too. We talked for a long time,

1166
00:52:09,719 --> 00:52:12,759
Speaker 5: even got into some deeper, more personal stuff. By the

1167
00:52:12,800 --> 00:52:14,960
Speaker 5: time we were done, it was late. We went to

1168
00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:17,680
Speaker 5: the small restaurant near our place for dinner. No wine

1169
00:52:17,760 --> 00:52:19,480
Speaker 5: because I was driving, but.

1170
00:52:19,520 --> 00:52:22,759
Speaker 2: It was amazing. We chatted about music, movies, and she

1171
00:52:22,840 --> 00:52:27,120
Speaker 2: went off about what is that? Aso, what is that?

1172
00:52:27,239 --> 00:52:27,960
Speaker 2: You want to look that up?

1173
00:52:28,800 --> 00:52:30,040
Speaker 1: That you knew me?

1174
00:52:30,280 --> 00:52:32,759
Speaker 2: It's a song of ice and fire? All right?

1175
00:52:32,840 --> 00:52:36,200
Speaker 5: Nerd about Game of Thrones for ages while rambled out

1176
00:52:36,280 --> 00:52:38,839
Speaker 5: load of the rings I went I knew. We talked

1177
00:52:38,840 --> 00:52:41,399
Speaker 5: about life and random stuff. At the end of the night,

1178
00:52:41,680 --> 00:52:44,759
Speaker 5: I got a few smooches in the car like we

1179
00:52:44,800 --> 00:52:48,239
Speaker 5: didn't even live together, which was kind of cute. Then

1180
00:52:48,280 --> 00:52:50,279
Speaker 5: we watched a horror movie awful movie, by the way,

1181
00:52:50,800 --> 00:52:53,479
Speaker 5: but you've asleep cuddling me. It was a day full

1182
00:52:53,600 --> 00:52:58,600
Speaker 5: of winds. Date update too. We have an update too.

1183
00:52:59,080 --> 00:53:01,040
Speaker 5: Carly's gushing over there.

1184
00:53:02,239 --> 00:53:03,239
Speaker 2: I'm so excited.

1185
00:53:03,520 --> 00:53:05,960
Speaker 9: Halfway through, I was like, wait, the title, the title.

1186
00:53:06,080 --> 00:53:09,120
Speaker 9: She wants to leave. But then but then it wasn't

1187
00:53:09,160 --> 00:53:11,920
Speaker 9: like that and we were good again, or so we thought.

1188
00:53:12,440 --> 00:53:13,040
Speaker 2: No.

1189
00:53:13,040 --> 00:53:17,680
Speaker 9: No, I think it was just the no update too.

1190
00:53:18,239 --> 00:53:20,799
Speaker 2: I finally talked to her about my feelings.

1191
00:53:21,160 --> 00:53:23,799
Speaker 5: So I saw a TikTok video about my story and

1192
00:53:23,840 --> 00:53:27,279
Speaker 5: it's kind of embarrassing having a piece of my life narrated.

1193
00:53:26,840 --> 00:53:31,160
Speaker 2: By ai ha ha. We're not telling it else if

1194
00:53:31,160 --> 00:53:31,719
Speaker 2: you want us to be.

1195
00:53:32,239 --> 00:53:35,160
Speaker 5: No, I decided to give you all an update, but First,

1196
00:53:35,200 --> 00:53:39,880
Speaker 5: a quick note, please use protection. I read some concerning

1197
00:53:39,880 --> 00:53:43,080
Speaker 5: comments about my situation. Yeah, I was pretty.

1198
00:53:42,840 --> 00:53:45,920
Speaker 2: Wasted and reckless and things could have turned out way worse.

1199
00:53:46,480 --> 00:53:47,840
Speaker 2: Don't be like me.

1200
00:53:48,480 --> 00:53:51,280
Speaker 5: All right, here's what's been going on these past few months.

1201
00:53:51,680 --> 00:53:53,960
Speaker 5: We broke up and she moved to another city.

1202
00:53:54,880 --> 00:54:00,719
Speaker 10: Just kidding, jeez, what back ha ha ha ha Oopsie's

1203
00:54:01,120 --> 00:54:05,320
Speaker 10: I'm telling you he has been a cry He's a millennial.

1204
00:54:05,480 --> 00:54:07,640
Speaker 5: He's like, just like, he's a silly, goofy guy, and

1205
00:54:07,680 --> 00:54:09,759
Speaker 5: he's like, oh yeah, he's he doesn't know how to

1206
00:54:09,800 --> 00:54:11,520
Speaker 5: deal with any of this stuff. He's just like, ah,

1207
00:54:11,640 --> 00:54:14,960
Speaker 5: that's funny, right. Andy's birthday was amazing. Everyone showed up

1208
00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:17,560
Speaker 5: in costumes and the kids loved it. Andy dressed his bingo,

1209
00:54:17,600 --> 00:54:20,040
Speaker 5: which is so freaking cute. I would his bandit and

1210
00:54:20,080 --> 00:54:21,080
Speaker 5: Mila when is chilly?

1211
00:54:21,320 --> 00:54:26,879
Speaker 6: Yes, yes, that's what I wanted. I really wanted that.

1212
00:54:29,320 --> 00:54:31,719
Speaker 5: Andy was over the moon that we all dressed up.

1213
00:54:32,040 --> 00:54:34,440
Speaker 5: But what melted my heart was when we were getting

1214
00:54:34,480 --> 00:54:36,719
Speaker 5: ready in the bedroom and my little guy said, I

1215
00:54:36,920 --> 00:54:40,280
Speaker 5: always wanted this. I think the way our dynamic was before,

1216
00:54:40,480 --> 00:54:42,799
Speaker 5: we didn't really have these sweet family moments, and it

1217
00:54:42,800 --> 00:54:45,480
Speaker 5: makes me so happy that my son gets to experience

1218
00:54:45,560 --> 00:54:49,399
Speaker 5: this now. So yeah, we're officially dating now, and it's

1219
00:54:49,400 --> 00:54:53,440
Speaker 5: been nothing short of amazing. She's happy, my little guy's happy,

1220
00:54:53,480 --> 00:54:55,839
Speaker 5: and nothing makes me happier than seeing them like this.

1221
00:54:56,440 --> 00:54:59,080
Speaker 5: Has it been perfect? Heck no, it's the start of

1222
00:54:59,080 --> 00:55:01,520
Speaker 5: a relationship with a lo out of baggage. We're doing

1223
00:55:01,520 --> 00:55:04,400
Speaker 5: couples therapy mm hmm, because we've been living together and

1224
00:55:04,440 --> 00:55:06,839
Speaker 5: acting as a family way longer than we've been an

1225
00:55:06,840 --> 00:55:09,680
Speaker 5: actual couple. The first month was kinder off. I felt

1226
00:55:09,719 --> 00:55:12,239
Speaker 5: awkward about being intimate at home, and so did she,

1227
00:55:12,840 --> 00:55:15,440
Speaker 5: most because of the family dynamic we had before. But

1228
00:55:15,480 --> 00:55:18,120
Speaker 5: I think we're building something really good. I don't have

1229
00:55:18,200 --> 00:55:20,279
Speaker 5: much else to update for now, but I'll definitely share

1230
00:55:20,280 --> 00:55:22,640
Speaker 5: if anything new happened. I told her about this count

1231
00:55:22,880 --> 00:55:25,560
Speaker 5: so to the hottest we've been alive. You've got my heart,

1232
00:55:25,760 --> 00:55:28,000
Speaker 5: love you, Amelia, my Mila.

1233
00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:29,920
Speaker 2: He's gonna cry.

1234
00:55:31,680 --> 00:55:32,839
Speaker 6: I'm so excited.

1235
00:55:33,719 --> 00:55:35,680
Speaker 5: Carly's already over the moon. I don't think I need

1236
00:55:35,680 --> 00:55:37,879
Speaker 5: anything else from her. I'm just gonna finish the story though.

1237
00:55:37,880 --> 00:55:41,440
Speaker 6: Even what else do we even need? Legend is good now?

1238
00:55:42,040 --> 00:55:44,000
Speaker 2: Update number three. A while ago, I.

1239
00:55:43,960 --> 00:55:45,719
Speaker 5: Posted here about how I was in love with my

1240
00:55:45,840 --> 00:55:48,600
Speaker 5: baby's mom, and I was strongly encouraged to talk to her,

1241
00:55:48,719 --> 00:55:51,479
Speaker 5: and I did. We've been together for eight months now,

1242
00:55:51,640 --> 00:55:59,240
Speaker 5: and these eight months have been the best of my life. Yeah,

1243
00:55:59,640 --> 00:56:01,799
Speaker 5: everything is worth it as long as I'm with her.

1244
00:56:02,160 --> 00:56:04,080
Speaker 5: Every day during these eight months, I go to bed

1245
00:56:04,160 --> 00:56:07,000
Speaker 5: knowing that everything I experience with her is worth living.

1246
00:56:07,520 --> 00:56:08,680
Speaker 2: Now we're the biggest update.

1247
00:56:09,160 --> 00:56:10,720
Speaker 6: I proposed to hers.

1248
00:56:11,080 --> 00:56:13,640
Speaker 3: Oh my god, Oh my god.

1249
00:56:15,719 --> 00:56:23,360
Speaker 11: That was like I felt that vibrate in the walls.

1250
00:56:21,000 --> 00:56:27,480
Speaker 5: And she said yes, just like Carly did. Exciting and

1251
00:56:27,600 --> 00:56:30,040
Speaker 5: unlike the first time. We're already planning to give our

1252
00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:33,920
Speaker 5: Andy a little brother or sister. Right after the wedding.

1253
00:56:34,840 --> 00:56:39,720
Speaker 5: She's crying. She's got tears in her eyes. Thank you, Reddit.

1254
00:56:40,160 --> 00:56:42,960
Speaker 5: I think this will be my last update. PS. The

1255
00:56:43,080 --> 00:56:47,720
Speaker 5: dog Oswald is fine. Back to the friend get yourself

1256
00:56:47,719 --> 00:56:51,040
Speaker 5: a dog too. At it other platforms, I saw some

1257
00:56:51,080 --> 00:56:54,200
Speaker 5: really disturbed comments. Some people are really worried about the

1258
00:56:54,239 --> 00:56:56,320
Speaker 5: fact that I pay for stuff for my now fiance.

1259
00:56:57,000 --> 00:56:59,640
Speaker 5: Just want to say I'm not struggling financially, and even

1260
00:56:59,640 --> 00:57:01,839
Speaker 5: if she didn't want to be with me, I still

1261
00:57:01,840 --> 00:57:04,160
Speaker 5: cover everything for her until she had a solid career

1262
00:57:04,200 --> 00:57:06,759
Speaker 5: in place of her own. My main concern is my son.

1263
00:57:07,160 --> 00:57:09,280
Speaker 5: If I can give him and his mom a better life,

1264
00:57:09,600 --> 00:57:12,160
Speaker 5: why wouldn't I. I think that as a dad, it's

1265
00:57:12,200 --> 00:57:14,840
Speaker 5: my job to make sure my kid has the same opportunities,

1266
00:57:15,080 --> 00:57:17,280
Speaker 5: and I'll keep doing that no matter if I'm with

1267
00:57:17,320 --> 00:57:18,120
Speaker 5: his mom or not.

1268
00:57:19,520 --> 00:57:20,520
Speaker 9: I'm so happy.

1269
00:57:21,800 --> 00:57:26,240
Speaker 5: Wow wopw everything's a w wow.

1270
00:57:26,240 --> 00:57:30,080
Speaker 2: That was call the day. Everyone. Hey, it's John here,

1271
00:57:30,120 --> 00:57:30,919
Speaker 2: og host of the show.

1272
00:57:30,920 --> 00:57:32,440
Speaker 1: We're going to get back to these juicy stories, but

1273
00:57:32,440 --> 00:57:34,520
Speaker 1: here's a quick three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

1274
00:57:35,000 --> 00:57:38,200
Speaker 9: My boyfriend gave me rules to follow, but he broke

1275
00:57:38,240 --> 00:57:39,080
Speaker 9: them himself.

1276
00:57:39,680 --> 00:57:41,640
Speaker 2: Rules are technically meant to be broken.

1277
00:57:41,720 --> 00:57:45,040
Speaker 9: So hello everyone, I have a bit of a weird

1278
00:57:45,040 --> 00:57:47,520
Speaker 9: predicament to share with you. I have been dating my

1279
00:57:47,600 --> 00:57:51,040
Speaker 9: boyfriend will call him Peter for about seven months now.

1280
00:57:51,560 --> 00:57:55,840
Speaker 9: When we get along, we get along spectacularly. Our chemistry

1281
00:57:55,960 --> 00:57:59,440
Speaker 9: is off the charts. We're playful, we're both driven, we

1282
00:57:59,480 --> 00:58:04,120
Speaker 9: have similar interests, same career path, we both read for leisure,

1283
00:58:04,360 --> 00:58:07,840
Speaker 9: both interested in exercise. I've been told by many friends

1284
00:58:07,920 --> 00:58:10,360
Speaker 9: that they can just sense how much we care about

1285
00:58:10,360 --> 00:58:14,400
Speaker 9: each other and that we have the same disposition calm, relaxed, sweet.

1286
00:58:14,560 --> 00:58:16,600
Speaker 9: If not for the following stuff, I would be head

1287
00:58:16,600 --> 00:58:19,720
Speaker 9: over heels for him. Heck, I already am when he's

1288
00:58:19,800 --> 00:58:22,600
Speaker 9: not acting this way. By the way, this comes from

1289
00:58:22,680 --> 00:58:25,120
Speaker 9: rules Rules Rules seven and if you want to submit

1290
00:58:25,160 --> 00:58:28,040
Speaker 9: your own stories, go to the r slash okay storytime subreddit.

1291
00:58:28,440 --> 00:58:32,360
Speaker 9: So this stuff started happening about a month in. Peter

1292
00:58:32,600 --> 00:58:36,400
Speaker 9: is an extremely jealous person. He's admitted this to me.

1293
00:58:36,960 --> 00:58:40,600
Speaker 9: He can also be a big, judgmental and conservative. The

1294
00:58:40,680 --> 00:58:42,920
Speaker 9: following is a list of things he's asked me to

1295
00:58:42,960 --> 00:58:45,720
Speaker 9: do for him throughout the course of our relationship. I

1296
00:58:45,760 --> 00:58:48,400
Speaker 9: haven't asked for anything like this in return, and I've

1297
00:58:48,560 --> 00:58:50,760
Speaker 9: even asked him if he feels like I've done the same,

1298
00:58:50,880 --> 00:58:54,440
Speaker 9: and he said no, no cursing, no low cut shirts,

1299
00:58:54,960 --> 00:58:57,960
Speaker 9: no devil's lettuce. Not a big deal. I've smoked less

1300
00:58:57,960 --> 00:59:00,240
Speaker 9: than ten times and was okay with giving this up

1301
00:59:00,240 --> 00:59:03,920
Speaker 9: for him. He prefers me to not get wasted. Not

1302
00:59:04,040 --> 00:59:05,920
Speaker 9: a big deal. I don't drink a lot, but it

1303
00:59:06,000 --> 00:59:07,960
Speaker 9: kind of sucks that I can never let loose and

1304
00:59:08,000 --> 00:59:10,640
Speaker 9: get tipsy with my friends without a comment from him.

1305
00:59:11,080 --> 00:59:14,600
Speaker 9: No perverted jokes with him or anyone else. He says

1306
00:59:14,640 --> 00:59:16,760
Speaker 9: the jokes would be funny if a guy said them,

1307
00:59:16,880 --> 00:59:17,800
Speaker 9: but they're not funny.

1308
00:59:17,800 --> 00:59:20,160
Speaker 5: If I do it, break up, break up, break up,

1309
00:59:20,200 --> 00:59:21,040
Speaker 5: break up, break up.

1310
00:59:21,080 --> 00:59:24,000
Speaker 2: If can you imagine if our relationship was out? No,

1311
00:59:25,040 --> 00:59:28,040
Speaker 2: if there wouldn't be on now, No, this is ridiculous.

1312
00:59:28,120 --> 00:59:29,720
Speaker 9: The second that he told you what to wear?

1313
00:59:29,800 --> 00:59:31,640
Speaker 2: Now, no, who is this man?

1314
00:59:31,840 --> 00:59:34,400
Speaker 11: My question is, it's like, and so the first month

1315
00:59:34,840 --> 00:59:36,240
Speaker 11: he started setting on those rules.

1316
00:59:36,040 --> 00:59:38,360
Speaker 2: It's like, why did why did we not leave?

1317
00:59:38,960 --> 00:59:42,760
Speaker 5: All I'm getting I'm sorry from this guy is somebody's

1318
00:59:42,800 --> 00:59:44,240
Speaker 5: a little insecure.

1319
00:59:44,760 --> 00:59:47,280
Speaker 9: I'm getting he's controlling you. He's controlling you. He's trying

1320
00:59:47,280 --> 00:59:48,640
Speaker 9: to control you. He's controlling you.

1321
00:59:48,800 --> 00:59:52,800
Speaker 2: I guarantee you. This man does not find women funny. No, No,

1322
00:59:52,880 --> 00:59:55,640
Speaker 2: he's like, oh, I guarantee you. I guarantee you.

1323
00:59:55,720 --> 00:59:59,040
Speaker 5: Even if you farted, he'd like, break up, we're done

1324
00:59:59,280 --> 01:00:00,080
Speaker 5: you the girls.

1325
00:59:59,880 --> 01:00:03,240
Speaker 11: On oh women, did you just pass wand yeah, uh

1326
01:00:03,240 --> 01:00:04,960
Speaker 11: oh you gotta go and sad clean that up.

1327
01:00:05,880 --> 01:00:06,800
Speaker 2: This guy sucks.

1328
01:00:07,240 --> 01:00:10,640
Speaker 9: No using a joking little kid voice with his friends,

1329
01:00:10,720 --> 01:00:14,680
Speaker 9: even girls. No talking about other guys around him because

1330
01:00:14,680 --> 01:00:18,240
Speaker 9: he thinks I'm trying to make him jealous. No talking

1331
01:00:18,320 --> 01:00:22,720
Speaker 9: about past relationships even though he does this. No emojis

1332
01:00:22,880 --> 01:00:24,520
Speaker 9: in texts with other guys.

1333
01:00:25,040 --> 01:00:26,520
Speaker 2: Oh my god, it's still going.

1334
01:00:27,200 --> 01:00:31,040
Speaker 9: No exclamation points are sounding too flirty or happy when

1335
01:00:31,080 --> 01:00:35,480
Speaker 9: talking to guys. Audibly say goodbye when we part ways,

1336
01:00:35,960 --> 01:00:39,440
Speaker 9: verbally greet him even if I'm late to class. No

1337
01:00:39,600 --> 01:00:42,640
Speaker 9: speaking to male friends on the telephone or texting after

1338
01:00:42,720 --> 01:00:43,680
Speaker 9: ten pm at night.

1339
01:00:44,320 --> 01:00:46,320
Speaker 11: I'm just gonna let you know you have like seven

1340
01:00:46,400 --> 01:00:49,040
Speaker 11: more cos there's like seven more.

1341
01:00:50,560 --> 01:00:51,280
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1342
01:00:51,480 --> 01:00:53,720
Speaker 9: Text him when I leave my apartment and I'm on

1343
01:00:53,840 --> 01:00:56,800
Speaker 9: the way to school. This isn't a specific rule, but

1344
01:00:56,880 --> 01:00:59,200
Speaker 9: if I don't text him for three to four hours

1345
01:00:59,240 --> 01:01:02,360
Speaker 9: during the day, he'll say, oh, hi, there, silent one,

1346
01:01:02,440 --> 01:01:04,920
Speaker 9: what have you been up to. He likes me to

1347
01:01:04,960 --> 01:01:07,360
Speaker 9: stop by his study space when I get to school,

1348
01:01:07,560 --> 01:01:10,440
Speaker 9: before class, after class, and before I leave at the

1349
01:01:10,480 --> 01:01:13,280
Speaker 9: end of the day. He's stopped by my space less

1350
01:01:13,320 --> 01:01:16,680
Speaker 9: than ten times in our seven months together. We've had

1351
01:01:16,680 --> 01:01:18,520
Speaker 9: a bit of a power struggle when I've wanted to

1352
01:01:18,560 --> 01:01:21,320
Speaker 9: go out with my group of friends. There is a

1353
01:01:21,400 --> 01:01:25,000
Speaker 9: structured timetable of how much I'm allowed to talk to

1354
01:01:25,080 --> 01:01:27,360
Speaker 9: my ex. We broke up two and a half years

1355
01:01:27,400 --> 01:01:30,440
Speaker 9: ago and had a year of silence. Recently, we've been

1356
01:01:30,480 --> 01:01:33,680
Speaker 9: speaking on Facebook. He doesn't have my phone number. It's

1357
01:01:33,720 --> 01:01:36,960
Speaker 9: just random stuff about our undergraduate just friendly stuff, lighthearted.

1358
01:01:37,440 --> 01:01:39,720
Speaker 9: I'm only allowed to talk to him once every three

1359
01:01:39,760 --> 01:01:43,560
Speaker 9: weeks for ten to fifteen minutes. If he facebooks me

1360
01:01:43,800 --> 01:01:46,920
Speaker 9: and it's been outside those three weeks, I'm not supposed

1361
01:01:46,960 --> 01:01:49,880
Speaker 9: to respond. He still gets mad even when the x

1362
01:01:49,920 --> 01:01:52,360
Speaker 9: facebooks me. Okay, don't text.

1363
01:01:52,080 --> 01:01:56,000
Speaker 5: Your ex, but also undergraduate stuff.

1364
01:01:56,040 --> 01:01:58,760
Speaker 2: I guess, but like, I'm sorry. My brain is so

1365
01:01:59,360 --> 01:02:01,080
Speaker 2: fried from all of these rules.

1366
01:02:01,120 --> 01:02:01,640
Speaker 9: Oh there's more.

1367
01:02:01,720 --> 01:02:02,160
Speaker 6: There's more.

1368
01:02:02,240 --> 01:02:05,160
Speaker 9: I'm not supposed to flirt with members of the opposite gender.

1369
01:02:05,680 --> 01:02:06,280
Speaker 2: I don't.

1370
01:02:06,560 --> 01:02:09,960
Speaker 9: However, He's seen interactions between guys and me, and it

1371
01:02:10,000 --> 01:02:14,720
Speaker 9: appears he thinks that anything along the lines of smiling, laughing,

1372
01:02:15,400 --> 01:02:21,760
Speaker 9: or sarcasm are grounds for flirting. He doesn't like easily

1373
01:02:21,960 --> 01:02:24,240
Speaker 9: eighty percent of the guys I interact with on a

1374
01:02:24,320 --> 01:02:27,720
Speaker 9: regular basis. There have been a few incidents that have

1375
01:02:27,800 --> 01:02:30,560
Speaker 9: bothered me in the time we've been together. Just just

1376
01:02:30,640 --> 01:02:34,200
Speaker 9: a few, in the interest of time. The most recent

1377
01:02:34,280 --> 01:02:36,440
Speaker 9: problem he and I have been having is my friend

1378
01:02:36,480 --> 01:02:40,560
Speaker 9: named James. James graduated last year from the program that

1379
01:02:40,600 --> 01:02:43,560
Speaker 9: Peter and I are in together. He's a big brother

1380
01:02:43,640 --> 01:02:46,960
Speaker 9: type to me. He was assigned TA for the class

1381
01:02:47,000 --> 01:02:49,000
Speaker 9: I was in, and I went to a study group

1382
01:02:49,080 --> 01:02:52,680
Speaker 9: he led. We became friends. We've been friends for three

1383
01:02:52,760 --> 01:02:56,320
Speaker 9: years and nothing has ever happened, and neither James nor

1384
01:02:56,440 --> 01:02:59,680
Speaker 9: I have ever shown any interest in it. We just

1385
01:02:59,760 --> 01:03:02,920
Speaker 9: have similar political views and give each other dating advice.

1386
01:03:03,040 --> 01:03:06,760
Speaker 9: On occasion, James came to visit the school and he

1387
01:03:06,800 --> 01:03:08,880
Speaker 9: and I got together for lunch while he was here.

1388
01:03:09,480 --> 01:03:11,760
Speaker 9: He was here for three days and I saw him

1389
01:03:11,920 --> 01:03:15,440
Speaker 9: once for only an hour before he visited. We texted

1390
01:03:15,480 --> 01:03:19,120
Speaker 9: back and forth maybe once every ten days. Since he visited,

1391
01:03:19,240 --> 01:03:22,200
Speaker 9: it's been two to three times a week, about ten

1392
01:03:22,280 --> 01:03:24,840
Speaker 9: texts at a time. The fact that you have to

1393
01:03:24,920 --> 01:03:27,680
Speaker 9: think about how much you are texting a friend of yours.

1394
01:03:27,760 --> 01:03:29,520
Speaker 9: The fact that you need like a database and you

1395
01:03:29,560 --> 01:03:32,800
Speaker 9: are subconsciously worried about the reaction that your boyfriend is

1396
01:03:32,840 --> 01:03:33,520
Speaker 9: going to have.

1397
01:03:34,200 --> 01:03:39,120
Speaker 5: You need stats, literal stats of who you text, when

1398
01:03:39,160 --> 01:03:42,320
Speaker 5: you text, how you text, how long you text, no

1399
01:03:42,440 --> 01:03:45,680
Speaker 5: emojis by the way, Hey O P, can you breathe?

1400
01:03:46,280 --> 01:03:47,200
Speaker 2: Are you able to breathe?

1401
01:03:47,200 --> 01:03:49,040
Speaker 5: Because it seems like that's gonna be one of his

1402
01:03:49,120 --> 01:03:51,720
Speaker 5: rules because that's this is ridiculous.

1403
01:03:51,120 --> 01:03:54,480
Speaker 9: Nothing outrageous. I imagine it'll start lessening when it's been

1404
01:03:54,520 --> 01:03:57,640
Speaker 9: longer since his visit and Exam's approach. He's in a

1405
01:03:57,680 --> 01:04:00,320
Speaker 9: new city without a lot of friends, and I enjoy

1406
01:04:00,360 --> 01:04:03,440
Speaker 9: talking to him because he's working. He usually texts me

1407
01:04:03,520 --> 01:04:07,160
Speaker 9: on Saturday and Sunday more than the work week. James

1408
01:04:07,200 --> 01:04:10,160
Speaker 9: texted me last Saturday morning. I didn't answer, so he

1409
01:04:10,200 --> 01:04:13,360
Speaker 9: followed up with the text on Sunday. We chatted briefly

1410
01:04:13,440 --> 01:04:15,920
Speaker 9: about a TV show. Then he texted me again this

1411
01:04:16,000 --> 01:04:18,560
Speaker 9: Saturday to tell me about his date the night before.

1412
01:04:19,160 --> 01:04:23,040
Speaker 9: This has been driving Peter up the wall. He's demanded

1413
01:04:23,040 --> 01:04:25,680
Speaker 9: to see the text back and forth, even though I

1414
01:04:25,760 --> 01:04:28,520
Speaker 9: strongly object to this as I think it's an invasion

1415
01:04:28,520 --> 01:04:31,720
Speaker 9: of privacy. Only seven months in, I let him see

1416
01:04:31,760 --> 01:04:35,240
Speaker 9: all the texts. There was nothing inappropriate there. This is

1417
01:04:35,280 --> 01:04:37,160
Speaker 9: where the no emoji rule came from.

1418
01:04:37,160 --> 01:04:37,440
Speaker 6: Though.

1419
01:04:37,880 --> 01:04:40,680
Speaker 9: However, Peter says that James is a shark and is

1420
01:04:40,760 --> 01:04:42,920
Speaker 9: only friends with me because he wants to date me.

1421
01:04:43,440 --> 01:04:46,240
Speaker 9: This is ridiculous because James and I have no feelings

1422
01:04:46,240 --> 01:04:49,280
Speaker 9: toward each other, act more like siblings and are going

1423
01:04:49,320 --> 01:04:52,080
Speaker 9: to be living in different states for the rest of

1424
01:04:52,120 --> 01:04:56,080
Speaker 9: our lives. Peter causes a fight every time he notices

1425
01:04:56,160 --> 01:04:59,040
Speaker 9: James texting me, or gets pouty and silent until I

1426
01:04:59,120 --> 01:05:02,600
Speaker 9: ask him what's wrong, and then we fight. You're seven

1427
01:05:02,640 --> 01:05:07,960
Speaker 9: months in Dump this man. Leave this man, please dump him,

1428
01:05:08,600 --> 01:05:10,840
Speaker 9: not me. But this is the most.

1429
01:05:10,880 --> 01:05:12,480
Speaker 6: Oh, my god, the more.

1430
01:05:12,680 --> 01:05:13,480
Speaker 5: Oh.

1431
01:05:13,600 --> 01:05:17,720
Speaker 9: About two hours ago, Peter gave me another role. He

1432
01:05:17,800 --> 01:05:20,560
Speaker 9: wants me to arrange it so James only texts me

1433
01:05:20,800 --> 01:05:23,640
Speaker 9: once a week. No word yet on how many texts

1434
01:05:23,640 --> 01:05:26,360
Speaker 9: I would be allowed to exchange with him. He also

1435
01:05:26,440 --> 01:05:29,760
Speaker 9: says he doesn't want us talking about intimate things. When

1436
01:05:29,760 --> 01:05:32,120
Speaker 9: I asked him what that entailed, he brought up that

1437
01:05:32,200 --> 01:05:34,120
Speaker 9: he was mad that I told James that I was

1438
01:05:34,160 --> 01:05:37,160
Speaker 9: going to take a nap in the last conversation we had.

1439
01:05:37,640 --> 01:05:41,040
Speaker 9: I only told James that as a conversation ender, so

1440
01:05:41,080 --> 01:05:45,240
Speaker 9: he wouldn't wonder why I wasn't responding. Peter just seems unreasonable.

1441
01:05:45,840 --> 01:05:48,040
Speaker 9: I guess here's the big problem. None of those were

1442
01:05:48,080 --> 01:05:48,480
Speaker 9: the big.

1443
01:05:48,360 --> 01:05:49,680
Speaker 2: Problem, Girle pop.

1444
01:05:50,440 --> 01:05:54,240
Speaker 9: This man is completely controlling your every move. I feel

1445
01:05:54,280 --> 01:05:56,840
Speaker 9: like Peter gets mad about something, fights with me until

1446
01:05:56,880 --> 01:06:00,200
Speaker 9: I'm worn down, then comes up with a compromise, which

1447
01:06:00,200 --> 01:06:03,520
Speaker 9: is really just him imposing another rule on me. There

1448
01:06:03,640 --> 01:06:05,560
Speaker 9: was a guy who liked me at the beginning of

1449
01:06:05,560 --> 01:06:07,880
Speaker 9: the year that I eventually had to block on my

1450
01:06:08,040 --> 01:06:11,560
Speaker 9: phone because Peter got so mad about it. He asked

1451
01:06:11,600 --> 01:06:14,240
Speaker 9: me twice to show him that the guy is really blocked.

1452
01:06:14,480 --> 01:06:17,760
Speaker 9: He really is same thing happened with the ex, and

1453
01:06:17,840 --> 01:06:21,200
Speaker 9: I know his end game is me never speaking to

1454
01:06:21,240 --> 01:06:24,360
Speaker 9: the X again. Peter had a jealousy issue with my

1455
01:06:24,400 --> 01:06:26,480
Speaker 9: friend Rob and wore me down to the point that

1456
01:06:26,520 --> 01:06:30,200
Speaker 9: I basically just avoid Rob now. Rob even approached to

1457
01:06:30,360 --> 01:06:32,840
Speaker 9: ask if I was mad at him and apologized for

1458
01:06:32,880 --> 01:06:35,360
Speaker 9: whatever he did. I just feel like this is going

1459
01:06:35,400 --> 01:06:38,200
Speaker 9: to keep happening over and over. I never get the

1460
01:06:38,240 --> 01:06:41,240
Speaker 9: benefit of the doubt. James is constantly afraid I'm going

1461
01:06:41,280 --> 01:06:44,960
Speaker 9: to be stolen, and I feel like I teetertotter between

1462
01:06:45,000 --> 01:06:47,760
Speaker 9: wanting to give him what he asks so he'll feel

1463
01:06:47,800 --> 01:06:51,600
Speaker 9: comfortable and feeling like it will never be enough. I

1464
01:06:51,680 --> 01:06:54,760
Speaker 9: feel like a caged animal because he's keeping you like

1465
01:06:54,840 --> 01:06:57,920
Speaker 9: you are one. I'm afraid every time James texts me

1466
01:06:58,080 --> 01:07:00,320
Speaker 9: or any guy speaks to me in front of me. Peter,

1467
01:07:00,880 --> 01:07:04,080
Speaker 9: I like him so much, but this jealousy is driving

1468
01:07:04,120 --> 01:07:07,400
Speaker 9: me crazy. I'm also afraid if we're together, I'm going

1469
01:07:07,440 --> 01:07:09,160
Speaker 9: to get to the point where I'm not allowed to

1470
01:07:09,200 --> 01:07:12,600
Speaker 9: be friendly with fifty percent of the population. I'm in

1471
01:07:12,720 --> 01:07:16,880
Speaker 9: danger of losing a total of three good, respectful guy friends,

1472
01:07:17,280 --> 01:07:20,240
Speaker 9: all of which I've known for longer than Peter. I

1473
01:07:20,320 --> 01:07:22,880
Speaker 9: knew Rob for two years, James for three, and the

1474
01:07:22,880 --> 01:07:25,920
Speaker 9: ex for nearly six. I'm not a bad person or

1475
01:07:25,960 --> 01:07:28,640
Speaker 9: a bad girlfriend, and I'm tired of being treated this way.

1476
01:07:29,240 --> 01:07:34,680
Speaker 9: We fight at least weekly, sometimes twice a week over

1477
01:07:34,720 --> 01:07:37,600
Speaker 9: an issue like this. I just wanted to stop and

1478
01:07:37,640 --> 01:07:40,320
Speaker 9: be with the person I fell so hard for. He

1479
01:07:40,440 --> 01:07:42,200
Speaker 9: was lying to you. This is not the person you

1480
01:07:42,240 --> 01:07:45,160
Speaker 9: fell so hard for. He never was. He's lying to you.

1481
01:07:45,640 --> 01:07:47,240
Speaker 9: But I also don't want to end up in a

1482
01:07:47,280 --> 01:07:50,400
Speaker 9: controlling relationship with someone who can't manage their jealousy.

1483
01:07:50,560 --> 01:07:54,400
Speaker 2: You already are one. You are already in one. Has

1484
01:07:54,440 --> 01:07:59,000
Speaker 2: no one told you that this is ridiculous and inhumane?

1485
01:08:00,120 --> 01:08:05,520
Speaker 9: But in an extremely controlling relationship and for a sweet child.

1486
01:08:06,480 --> 01:08:07,520
Speaker 9: You're not gonna realize it.

1487
01:08:07,560 --> 01:08:10,880
Speaker 2: But you need to just dump him. There's no point there.

1488
01:08:11,240 --> 01:08:13,800
Speaker 2: The fact that he just keeps coming up with more, yeah,

1489
01:08:13,880 --> 01:08:15,120
Speaker 2: more rules.

1490
01:08:14,840 --> 01:08:17,000
Speaker 9: Like Caitlyn says, first it'll be the guy friends, then

1491
01:08:17,040 --> 01:08:18,960
Speaker 9: the girlfriends, and then family.

1492
01:08:18,600 --> 01:08:20,519
Speaker 5: And then you're just gonna be a robot. You're gonna

1493
01:08:20,560 --> 01:08:23,120
Speaker 5: be You're he's treating you like you're a robot. He's

1494
01:08:23,240 --> 01:08:26,200
Speaker 5: these rules are just I'm programming you to just not

1495
01:08:26,280 --> 01:08:27,040
Speaker 5: do this anymore.

1496
01:08:27,080 --> 01:08:29,439
Speaker 9: It's the classic way that this all starts. They will

1497
01:08:29,680 --> 01:08:32,200
Speaker 9: isolate you from everybody that you know, and then they

1498
01:08:32,200 --> 01:08:33,519
Speaker 9: will have complete control over you.

1499
01:08:33,560 --> 01:08:35,280
Speaker 5: And then he's gonna play the victim once you call

1500
01:08:35,400 --> 01:08:37,560
Speaker 5: him out on it, or break any of the rules.

1501
01:08:37,280 --> 01:08:39,200
Speaker 9: Or make you feel bad until you wear down again.

1502
01:08:39,520 --> 01:08:40,479
Speaker 2: Yeah, just get out.

1503
01:08:40,880 --> 01:08:43,920
Speaker 9: Any advice ever been on his side or mine. He's

1504
01:08:43,960 --> 01:08:46,799
Speaker 9: already going to a counselor, but our school only provides

1505
01:08:46,960 --> 01:08:50,280
Speaker 9: one every two weeks, and he missed his last appointment.

1506
01:08:50,720 --> 01:08:52,960
Speaker 9: He's open to couples counseling, but I don't know if

1507
01:08:52,960 --> 01:08:55,800
Speaker 9: there's a point seven months in because he missed the

1508
01:08:55,840 --> 01:08:58,559
Speaker 9: last appointment. He hasn't brought up the jealousy thing with

1509
01:08:58,640 --> 01:09:02,040
Speaker 9: his counselor yet. He's willing to read books on this topic,

1510
01:09:02,120 --> 01:09:04,000
Speaker 9: but I feel like the problem is that he won't

1511
01:09:04,080 --> 01:09:06,760
Speaker 9: start to get better until he really trusts me and

1512
01:09:06,840 --> 01:09:09,639
Speaker 9: wants to change. He says that he does, but then

1513
01:09:09,680 --> 01:09:13,000
Speaker 9: he keeps doing this stuff. We have an update. I

1514
01:09:13,200 --> 01:09:16,680
Speaker 9: just my boyfriend gave me rules to follow, but he

1515
01:09:16,800 --> 01:09:19,920
Speaker 9: broke them himself. We have an update. I went and

1516
01:09:19,960 --> 01:09:23,280
Speaker 9: picked up a book two days ago about controlling relationships,

1517
01:09:23,560 --> 01:09:26,400
Speaker 9: which was recommended to me by a few redditors. I've

1518
01:09:26,400 --> 01:09:29,840
Speaker 9: read one hundred and sixty pages so far. Honestly, I'm

1519
01:09:29,840 --> 01:09:32,240
Speaker 9: so turned around in this relationship that I don't know

1520
01:09:32,280 --> 01:09:35,680
Speaker 9: what's happening anymore. I do, thank god. I do think

1521
01:09:35,760 --> 01:09:40,040
Speaker 9: that this relationship has some disturbingly manipulative and controlling elements

1522
01:09:40,080 --> 01:09:45,280
Speaker 9: coming from Peter, some all some. The thing is, I

1523
01:09:45,320 --> 01:09:48,320
Speaker 9: cannot even remember the like four good things that you

1524
01:09:48,479 --> 01:09:50,080
Speaker 9: kind of mentioned about this man.

1525
01:09:50,280 --> 01:09:52,320
Speaker 2: We have the same in there are none the same.

1526
01:09:52,439 --> 01:09:53,520
Speaker 9: We have the same degree.

1527
01:09:53,840 --> 01:09:58,000
Speaker 5: We have the same degree. He's crazy when he controls me,

1528
01:09:58,040 --> 01:09:59,679
Speaker 5: and I can only laugh at some of his jokes.

1529
01:10:00,080 --> 01:10:03,599
Speaker 9: I can't be funny. I can't be fun girls aren't funny?

1530
01:10:03,640 --> 01:10:04,240
Speaker 2: What do you mean?

1531
01:10:06,080 --> 01:10:09,200
Speaker 9: We've had several incidents in the last four weeks which

1532
01:10:09,200 --> 01:10:12,760
Speaker 9: have been very disheartening. Here are a sample. I went

1533
01:10:12,800 --> 01:10:15,080
Speaker 9: out to Happy hour with friends, a guy and girl

1534
01:10:15,080 --> 01:10:17,720
Speaker 9: that are engaged to each other. At five pm, while

1535
01:10:17,720 --> 01:10:20,280
Speaker 9: Peter studied. I guess he assumed we were eating dinner

1536
01:10:20,280 --> 01:10:23,080
Speaker 9: together because we eat most of our meals together. He

1537
01:10:23,160 --> 01:10:25,679
Speaker 9: didn't confirm that, though he knew where I was going

1538
01:10:25,720 --> 01:10:27,719
Speaker 9: and who I was with. I put my phone away

1539
01:10:27,760 --> 01:10:30,640
Speaker 9: because my friends both had their phones away and it

1540
01:10:30,720 --> 01:10:33,320
Speaker 9: was just us three. My phone was on silent because

1541
01:10:33,360 --> 01:10:35,800
Speaker 9: I had been in the library. Also, you're with your friends,

1542
01:10:35,880 --> 01:10:38,120
Speaker 9: shouldn't have to check your phone all the time. I

1543
01:10:38,280 --> 01:10:40,920
Speaker 9: checked my phone every half hour or so. Last time

1544
01:10:40,920 --> 01:10:42,840
Speaker 9: I checked it, he had sent me a text asking

1545
01:10:42,840 --> 01:10:46,080
Speaker 9: about dinner, and then a snarky follow up. Fifteen minutes later.

1546
01:10:46,560 --> 01:10:49,479
Speaker 9: I had ordered an appetizer with my friends and wasn't hungry.

1547
01:10:50,040 --> 01:10:51,720
Speaker 9: I told him to go ahead and eat without me

1548
01:10:51,800 --> 01:10:54,320
Speaker 9: and we'd meet up later. I decided to go back

1549
01:10:54,360 --> 01:10:56,160
Speaker 9: to my friend's house to play with their dog and

1550
01:10:56,240 --> 01:10:59,200
Speaker 9: have another adult beverage. Peter had told me that he

1551
01:10:59,280 --> 01:11:02,000
Speaker 9: was going to study until ten pm and then wanted

1552
01:11:02,000 --> 01:11:04,719
Speaker 9: to spend the night together. All of a sudden, Peter

1553
01:11:04,920 --> 01:11:06,600
Speaker 9: was mad at me for not telling him I was

1554
01:11:06,680 --> 01:11:11,000
Speaker 9: eating not telling him. We switched locations even though I

1555
01:11:11,080 --> 01:11:13,960
Speaker 9: did within ten minutes of switching places and telling me

1556
01:11:14,040 --> 01:11:16,840
Speaker 9: that he had a right as my boyfriend to know

1557
01:11:16,880 --> 01:11:20,480
Speaker 9: where I was. He said I was inconsiderate and selfish.

1558
01:11:20,560 --> 01:11:23,439
Speaker 9: He was texting me every ten to fifteen minutes, angry

1559
01:11:23,439 --> 01:11:26,800
Speaker 9: at me, and completely ruined the night. I couldn't hide

1560
01:11:26,880 --> 01:11:28,960
Speaker 9: from my friends that I was upset, and it was

1561
01:11:29,040 --> 01:11:32,720
Speaker 9: borderline humiliating. I went home by ten PM, but I

1562
01:11:32,760 --> 01:11:35,439
Speaker 9: didn't want to see him because I was angry. He

1563
01:11:35,479 --> 01:11:38,639
Speaker 9: didn't apologize until the next day, after we talked about

1564
01:11:38,680 --> 01:11:43,160
Speaker 9: it extensively, and even then tried to justify it. I

1565
01:11:43,200 --> 01:11:45,559
Speaker 9: feel weird around my friends now that they've seen this.

1566
01:11:45,920 --> 01:11:48,120
Speaker 9: Peter and I had a good day on Tuesday. We

1567
01:11:48,160 --> 01:11:51,720
Speaker 9: had fun, were getting along, et cetera. I came over

1568
01:11:51,760 --> 01:11:54,280
Speaker 9: to his place, took a nap, He went to soccer,

1569
01:11:54,400 --> 01:11:57,439
Speaker 9: and then I ordered us dinner. We ate together and bonded.

1570
01:11:57,920 --> 01:12:00,400
Speaker 9: I checked my phone. I keep it in my backpack

1571
01:12:00,520 --> 01:12:04,200
Speaker 9: now at his request, and he saw that I had

1572
01:12:04,240 --> 01:12:06,479
Speaker 9: a text. He wanted to know who it was from

1573
01:12:06,560 --> 01:12:09,160
Speaker 9: and what it said. I told him it was from James,

1574
01:12:09,320 --> 01:12:12,280
Speaker 9: asking where I was studying this summer, my home state

1575
01:12:12,360 --> 01:12:16,240
Speaker 9: or my school state. Peter started lecturing me about getting

1576
01:12:16,280 --> 01:12:20,240
Speaker 9: text after ten pm. I'm sorry, should he call it?

1577
01:12:20,280 --> 01:12:20,400
Speaker 7: Like?

1578
01:12:20,560 --> 01:12:23,960
Speaker 9: Do you want to control the whole world? It was

1579
01:12:24,040 --> 01:12:25,200
Speaker 9: ten thirty where we were.

1580
01:12:26,600 --> 01:12:31,600
Speaker 2: I've ever heard who's texting you? I didn't do anything.

1581
01:12:31,880 --> 01:12:34,840
Speaker 5: Is this guy your boyfriend? Or You're like like, I

1582
01:12:34,880 --> 01:12:36,240
Speaker 5: don't know beyond.

1583
01:12:37,520 --> 01:12:37,720
Speaker 6: Yeah?

1584
01:12:37,760 --> 01:12:40,240
Speaker 5: Literally by what is this? It's not even like a father.

1585
01:12:40,520 --> 01:12:41,800
Speaker 5: I was like, oh, it sounds like your father. Like

1586
01:12:41,840 --> 01:12:43,639
Speaker 5: you can't talk to boys after this or time.

1587
01:12:44,000 --> 01:12:47,479
Speaker 9: He talked about how it was inappropriate he wouldn't talk

1588
01:12:47,520 --> 01:12:50,559
Speaker 9: to a girl so late, and asked why James wanted

1589
01:12:50,600 --> 01:12:53,280
Speaker 9: to know where I was. He asked if James was

1590
01:12:53,320 --> 01:12:56,559
Speaker 9: planning on visiting me. James and I have no plans

1591
01:12:56,640 --> 01:13:00,439
Speaker 9: like that, whatsoever. Later I got chapstick out of my

1592
01:13:00,479 --> 01:13:03,760
Speaker 9: backpack and Peter started accusing me of sneaking around to

1593
01:13:03,800 --> 01:13:07,879
Speaker 9: text James back. I wasn't. He asked me three times

1594
01:13:07,880 --> 01:13:10,320
Speaker 9: if that's what I did. I almost left, but Peter

1595
01:13:10,439 --> 01:13:13,080
Speaker 9: convinced me to stay. No, he's not the one I

1596
01:13:13,120 --> 01:13:14,280
Speaker 9: can boom.

1597
01:13:14,360 --> 01:13:14,680
Speaker 7: All of a.

1598
01:13:14,680 --> 01:13:18,160
Speaker 9: Sudden, I felt suspicious. I asked to see his Facebook

1599
01:13:18,240 --> 01:13:20,400
Speaker 9: chat log so I could see when he had last

1600
01:13:20,439 --> 01:13:23,200
Speaker 9: Facebook his ax that he swears he hasn't spoken to

1601
01:13:23,400 --> 01:13:26,799
Speaker 9: He refused stop it with the XES. I ended up leaving,

1602
01:13:27,000 --> 01:13:29,519
Speaker 9: then coming back and saying if he wouldn't show me

1603
01:13:29,560 --> 01:13:32,479
Speaker 9: the same transparency he demanded from me, it was over.

1604
01:13:33,040 --> 01:13:36,480
Speaker 9: He still tried to say no. In retrospect, I'm horrified

1605
01:13:36,520 --> 01:13:39,320
Speaker 9: by how angry I felt. I've never ever felt like

1606
01:13:39,360 --> 01:13:42,240
Speaker 9: that towards another person. He ended up showing me the

1607
01:13:42,280 --> 01:13:45,599
Speaker 9: log he had a long conversation with his ex from

1608
01:13:45,680 --> 01:13:49,200
Speaker 9: Christmas Eve, which was laden with inside jokes, flirting, and

1609
01:13:49,360 --> 01:13:53,759
Speaker 9: spicy related references. I asked to see his phone. Whole

1610
01:13:53,840 --> 01:13:56,120
Speaker 9: months were missing from his call log, but he had

1611
01:13:56,160 --> 01:13:59,200
Speaker 9: two voicemails from her which insinuated they had some contact

1612
01:13:59,240 --> 01:14:02,000
Speaker 9: with each other. He swears that's all there is, but

1613
01:14:02,160 --> 01:14:04,920
Speaker 9: almost half his call log is gone. This is something

1614
01:14:04,960 --> 01:14:08,879
Speaker 9: I could forgive in a normal relationship with remorse and change,

1615
01:14:09,439 --> 01:14:11,960
Speaker 9: but it hurts a lot considering that he's breaking rules.

1616
01:14:12,000 --> 01:14:16,439
Speaker 9: He's given me, lied and ben hippocritical. She's blocked him now,

1617
01:14:16,479 --> 01:14:19,600
Speaker 9: but that's not the point. He's got me to the

1618
01:14:19,600 --> 01:14:22,000
Speaker 9: point where I feel guilty every time my male friend

1619
01:14:22,040 --> 01:14:25,160
Speaker 9: talks to me, and I've actually started believing that I'm

1620
01:14:25,240 --> 01:14:28,400
Speaker 9: doing something wrong if I laugh at a guy's friend's joke.

1621
01:14:28,880 --> 01:14:31,160
Speaker 9: I feel sick when my phone goes off if I'm

1622
01:14:31,200 --> 01:14:35,040
Speaker 9: around him. I've been reading literature on controlling relationships and

1623
01:14:35,080 --> 01:14:38,400
Speaker 9: shared my concerns with him that he's meandering into this territory.

1624
01:14:38,479 --> 01:14:40,960
Speaker 9: He's been dismissive of it almost every time I've brought

1625
01:14:40,960 --> 01:14:43,519
Speaker 9: it up. I've had three friends tell me they're concerned

1626
01:14:43,600 --> 01:14:46,679
Speaker 9: based on the rules and his jealousy a plus friends.

1627
01:14:47,240 --> 01:14:49,840
Speaker 9: He just says he has high standards and boundaries and

1628
01:14:49,880 --> 01:14:52,800
Speaker 9: that I would be jealous too if the roles were reversed.

1629
01:14:52,920 --> 01:14:55,840
Speaker 9: I don't think I would be, but he insists I would.

1630
01:14:56,320 --> 01:14:58,320
Speaker 9: I just feel like he doesn't listen to me or

1631
01:14:58,400 --> 01:15:01,960
Speaker 9: take me seriously. I thought things were getting better. He

1632
01:15:02,080 --> 01:15:04,680
Speaker 9: said I could just text James whenever I wanted and

1633
01:15:04,720 --> 01:15:08,599
Speaker 9: he would be less harsh or critical in general. Yesterday, though,

1634
01:15:08,840 --> 01:15:11,400
Speaker 9: he asked if I had responded to James and why

1635
01:15:11,680 --> 01:15:14,519
Speaker 9: that guy wanted to know where I was, and said

1636
01:15:14,520 --> 01:15:17,680
Speaker 9: it was weird James was being so nosy. I think

1637
01:15:17,800 --> 01:15:21,479
Speaker 9: James was just making conversation because he's your friend of years.

1638
01:15:21,760 --> 01:15:22,200
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1639
01:15:22,320 --> 01:15:25,439
Speaker 9: Then last night I was studying with friends and Peter

1640
01:15:25,560 --> 01:15:28,720
Speaker 9: walked by. Peter and I had just fought. We had

1641
01:15:28,720 --> 01:15:32,120
Speaker 9: been at dinner ten minutes before, and I was midward

1642
01:15:32,160 --> 01:15:34,839
Speaker 9: in conversation with a friend and just made eye contact

1643
01:15:34,880 --> 01:15:37,679
Speaker 9: with him and looked away. I got a text asking

1644
01:15:37,760 --> 01:15:41,479
Speaker 9: why I didn't smile and wave. I apologized and said

1645
01:15:41,520 --> 01:15:44,160
Speaker 9: it was my fault and didn't mean to hurt his feelings.

1646
01:15:44,479 --> 01:15:47,160
Speaker 9: I then got more text saying I was cold and

1647
01:15:47,240 --> 01:15:50,719
Speaker 9: demanding an explanation. That got me upset, and I tried

1648
01:15:50,760 --> 01:15:53,640
Speaker 9: to tell him that the constant criticism and control was

1649
01:15:53,760 --> 01:15:56,080
Speaker 9: too much, that I felt like he was trying to

1650
01:15:56,120 --> 01:15:58,839
Speaker 9: control my emotions and make me pretend to be happy

1651
01:15:58,880 --> 01:16:02,120
Speaker 9: when I wasn't. He told me I was overreacting and

1652
01:16:02,200 --> 01:16:04,760
Speaker 9: he was tired of arguing and just wanted to be

1653
01:16:04,840 --> 01:16:07,639
Speaker 9: good and nice. I feel like he starts a fight,

1654
01:16:07,840 --> 01:16:11,000
Speaker 9: expresses his feelings, then wants it to be over, even

1655
01:16:11,040 --> 01:16:13,559
Speaker 9: though the criticism and control is really wearing me down

1656
01:16:13,720 --> 01:16:14,880
Speaker 9: and making me agitated.

1657
01:16:14,960 --> 01:16:17,040
Speaker 5: See this is where you like. You have your friends

1658
01:16:17,040 --> 01:16:20,519
Speaker 5: and your support system. You know they're there for a reason,

1659
01:16:21,200 --> 01:16:24,240
Speaker 5: and they they know you sometimes better than you do.

1660
01:16:25,080 --> 01:16:25,439
Speaker 9: M M.

1661
01:16:25,840 --> 01:16:27,760
Speaker 5: And I get it, Like you said before, you don't

1662
01:16:28,320 --> 01:16:31,840
Speaker 5: because you're so isolated from that, and I guarantee you

1663
01:16:32,400 --> 01:16:35,479
Speaker 5: I'm not. It's not when or it's not if. It's

1664
01:16:35,520 --> 01:16:37,599
Speaker 5: when you get out of this relationship, so that you're

1665
01:16:37,840 --> 01:16:39,439
Speaker 5: it's gonna be so freeing and you're gonna find a

1666
01:16:39,479 --> 01:16:42,559
Speaker 5: partner that you're like, it's so eye opening that you're like,

1667
01:16:42,560 --> 01:16:44,599
Speaker 5: this is what a relationship should be like, and it's

1668
01:16:44,600 --> 01:16:45,200
Speaker 5: so healthy.

1669
01:16:45,920 --> 01:16:50,480
Speaker 2: It's crazy. No, go to the wide to the wide. Yeah, sorry,

1670
01:16:50,560 --> 01:16:51,600
Speaker 2: great relationships.

1671
01:16:51,720 --> 01:16:53,400
Speaker 9: I just feel like if I stay with him, I'm

1672
01:16:53,400 --> 01:16:56,320
Speaker 9: going to end up giving in and letting him criticize me,

1673
01:16:56,960 --> 01:17:00,360
Speaker 9: letting go of my guy friends and apologizing when I'm up.

1674
01:17:00,920 --> 01:17:03,760
Speaker 9: Is not even you messing up? That I'll just end

1675
01:17:03,840 --> 01:17:06,599
Speaker 9: up a shell of myself and cater to his needs

1676
01:17:06,640 --> 01:17:07,559
Speaker 9: instead of compromise.

1677
01:17:07,680 --> 01:17:10,479
Speaker 2: That's what you're already in. You're already a shell of yourself.

1678
01:17:10,600 --> 01:17:14,639
Speaker 5: You again, don't talk to your friends, You've cut off

1679
01:17:14,680 --> 01:17:17,519
Speaker 5: people that you care for, And you know, I get

1680
01:17:17,520 --> 01:17:20,160
Speaker 5: the X is like I get it from a perspective,

1681
01:17:20,200 --> 01:17:22,920
Speaker 5: I guess, but of your cordial I guess it makes sense.

1682
01:17:23,080 --> 01:17:27,240
Speaker 2: But like everybody else, I don't know that the X.

1683
01:17:27,200 --> 01:17:29,720
Speaker 9: Thing is also completely negated when he's also texting his

1684
01:17:30,800 --> 01:17:33,720
Speaker 9: go I think he gets insecure and doesn't know how

1685
01:17:33,720 --> 01:17:35,439
Speaker 9: to fix it, so he wants me to do it

1686
01:17:35,479 --> 01:17:38,800
Speaker 9: instead of asking himself if he's overreacting.

1687
01:17:38,160 --> 01:17:41,240
Speaker 2: That's not that's not it. You're almost there.

1688
01:17:41,720 --> 01:17:44,400
Speaker 9: I mean, he definitely just doesn't want to fix anything.

1689
01:17:44,400 --> 01:17:47,200
Speaker 9: And I'm sure he's insecure, but this is well beyond that.

1690
01:17:47,840 --> 01:17:50,599
Speaker 9: I think that's how we get all these rules. He's

1691
01:17:50,600 --> 01:17:53,479
Speaker 9: fixing symptoms and not the root. Cause I don't think

1692
01:17:53,560 --> 01:17:56,720
Speaker 9: any of this is malicious. I think it's all malicious.

1693
01:17:57,600 --> 01:18:00,760
Speaker 5: Yeah, you're like kind of there, and you're swimming so

1694
01:18:01,320 --> 01:18:02,040
Speaker 5: in the wrong way.

1695
01:18:02,320 --> 01:18:05,720
Speaker 9: I tried to break up with him again again two

1696
01:18:05,880 --> 01:18:12,120
Speaker 9: days ago. Again he begged me to wait until after finals,

1697
01:18:12,160 --> 01:18:13,840
Speaker 9: so it's a little bit better for him, you know.

1698
01:18:14,400 --> 01:18:15,160
Speaker 2: Eight days.

1699
01:18:15,760 --> 01:18:19,519
Speaker 9: Eventually I agreed, but it can you break up with

1700
01:18:19,560 --> 01:18:21,240
Speaker 9: me in eight days? I'm not really feeling it. I

1701
01:18:21,320 --> 01:18:24,280
Speaker 9: know eventually I agreed, but said that there would be

1702
01:18:24,360 --> 01:18:28,320
Speaker 9: no sleepovers or physical affection. He says he knows now

1703
01:18:28,360 --> 01:18:31,479
Speaker 9: that he's being controlling and manipulative and he'll change.

1704
01:18:31,640 --> 01:18:33,560
Speaker 2: That's a blatant lie.

1705
01:18:33,360 --> 01:18:36,320
Speaker 9: But I'm not seeing any change. I just feel so

1706
01:18:36,520 --> 01:18:40,000
Speaker 9: confused as to whether I'm overreacting or not. He wants

1707
01:18:40,040 --> 01:18:42,040
Speaker 9: to read the book when I'm done with it and

1708
01:18:42,120 --> 01:18:44,760
Speaker 9: says he'll learn from it and wants to stay with me.

1709
01:18:45,160 --> 01:18:48,400
Speaker 9: In eight days, finals are over. In seventeen days, I

1710
01:18:48,520 --> 01:18:52,040
Speaker 9: graduate from law school. I just feel so bad about

1711
01:18:52,080 --> 01:18:55,120
Speaker 9: myself and confused. We have some comments.

1712
01:18:55,400 --> 01:18:59,160
Speaker 2: Great into the comments. Brain is hurting from all.

1713
01:18:59,200 --> 01:19:04,160
Speaker 9: This man comment comment one you're reluctant to because manipulators

1714
01:19:04,200 --> 01:19:07,200
Speaker 9: find ways of picking at your brain to get that reaction.

1715
01:19:07,840 --> 01:19:10,519
Speaker 9: I'm a stranger. I have no emotional connection to you

1716
01:19:10,720 --> 01:19:16,200
Speaker 9: or him. He is controlling, he is manipulative. You aren't happy.

1717
01:19:16,920 --> 01:19:18,720
Speaker 9: Maybe get a friend to go with you to meet

1718
01:19:18,800 --> 01:19:21,040
Speaker 9: up with him in a public place. Tell him it's

1719
01:19:21,080 --> 01:19:23,799
Speaker 9: over and there is nothing to talk about or to fix.

1720
01:19:24,320 --> 01:19:27,519
Speaker 9: There is no rectifying your relationship and you are done

1721
01:19:27,560 --> 01:19:31,080
Speaker 9: with him. Cut contact, block his number, block him on

1722
01:19:31,120 --> 01:19:35,479
Speaker 9: social media, etc. You aren't unreasonable or over dramatic. You

1723
01:19:35,520 --> 01:19:39,639
Speaker 9: aren't ruining anything because there's nothing to ruin. This isn't

1724
01:19:39,680 --> 01:19:42,439
Speaker 9: a relationship anymore. You can do this.

1725
01:19:44,040 --> 01:19:44,839
Speaker 2: Curly Pop.

1726
01:19:45,400 --> 01:19:47,720
Speaker 5: No, I need an update where she breaks up with

1727
01:19:47,800 --> 01:19:49,000
Speaker 5: him and she's like, I need you.

1728
01:19:49,040 --> 01:19:52,760
Speaker 2: Guys are so right. Everyone was right. But him, Oh, man,

1729
01:19:53,280 --> 01:19:54,560
Speaker 2: is there an update to code on that?

1730
01:19:55,040 --> 01:19:55,160
Speaker 5: Uh?

1731
01:19:55,479 --> 01:19:58,080
Speaker 2: I'm looking. I don't think so, thought me. Let me

1732
01:19:58,120 --> 01:19:59,879
Speaker 2: tumble check. That's okay.

1733
01:20:00,080 --> 01:20:02,439
Speaker 9: I'm going to go with they went eight days and

1734
01:20:02,479 --> 01:20:03,439
Speaker 9: she broke up with them.

1735
01:20:03,840 --> 01:20:08,880
Speaker 2: I yeah, I hope, I really hope. So oh what

1736
01:20:09,080 --> 01:20:11,680
Speaker 2: we did it to? It's not really an update, It's

1737
01:20:11,680 --> 01:20:13,120
Speaker 2: more like a completely separate post.

1738
01:20:13,200 --> 01:20:15,680
Speaker 11: But I'll give you the title two years out of

1739
01:20:15,800 --> 01:20:18,719
Speaker 11: a relationship and I'm so happy I could burst.

1740
01:20:19,320 --> 01:20:23,200
Speaker 2: Thank you. She did it, everybody, she did she did it.

1741
01:20:25,120 --> 01:20:25,240
Speaker 11: Uh.

1742
01:20:25,680 --> 01:20:27,840
Speaker 2: Here, there's another list. There's another list here. Let me

1743
01:20:27,880 --> 01:20:28,719
Speaker 2: give you a list.

1744
01:20:28,920 --> 01:20:30,320
Speaker 11: Here's a list of things that have happened to me

1745
01:20:30,320 --> 01:20:32,080
Speaker 11: in the last two years that have been better than

1746
01:20:32,080 --> 01:20:36,000
Speaker 11: my terrible relationship. Passing my state bar exam, becoming a lawyer,

1747
01:20:36,000 --> 01:20:38,400
Speaker 11: starting a new job where I feel challenged and respected,

1748
01:20:38,560 --> 01:20:41,400
Speaker 11: getting a gorgeous new apartment, getting into the best shape

1749
01:20:41,400 --> 01:20:43,559
Speaker 11: of my life. Making friends with a strong group of

1750
01:20:43,560 --> 01:20:46,280
Speaker 11: intelligent swim in that my ex would have never let

1751
01:20:46,360 --> 01:20:49,760
Speaker 11: me be friends. Yes, doing what I want without being

1752
01:20:49,760 --> 01:20:53,120
Speaker 11: guilted for not following my exes expectations, getting a cat

1753
01:20:53,160 --> 01:20:55,479
Speaker 11: and not needing to worry about her safety around my ex,

1754
01:20:55,760 --> 01:20:58,919
Speaker 11: leaving my house without having to give text updates, smiling

1755
01:20:59,000 --> 01:21:03,400
Speaker 11: at strangers without being questioned, being approached to run for office,

1756
01:21:03,760 --> 01:21:05,760
Speaker 11: and saying yes because I wanted to.

1757
01:21:06,600 --> 01:21:09,880
Speaker 2: And then the last bullet point is just literally everything.

1758
01:21:10,520 --> 01:21:12,639
Speaker 2: So she did it. We got there.

1759
01:21:13,200 --> 01:21:15,840
Speaker 5: Like I said, it's not a matter, it's a matter

1760
01:21:15,880 --> 01:21:16,320
Speaker 5: of when.

1761
01:21:16,439 --> 01:21:17,200
Speaker 2: And you did it.

1762
01:21:17,400 --> 01:21:20,080
Speaker 5: Your dad, I look at you, your life is so much.

1763
01:21:21,600 --> 01:21:25,080
Speaker 5: Oh wow, wow, what a leech that man was. And again,

1764
01:21:25,120 --> 01:21:29,400
Speaker 5: if you're in that situation, or this situation sounds remotely

1765
01:21:30,200 --> 01:21:34,320
Speaker 5: you know, close to this story, seek your support system

1766
01:21:34,400 --> 01:21:37,960
Speaker 5: that is not him, talk to them and you know,

1767
01:21:38,720 --> 01:21:42,000
Speaker 5: maybe start taking a step back and realizing this is

1768
01:21:42,080 --> 01:21:42,960
Speaker 5: not healthy.

1769
01:21:42,720 --> 01:21:45,160
Speaker 2: For me and this is not right. So that is

1770
01:21:45,200 --> 01:21:45,960
Speaker 2: the end of that story.