WEBVTT - Finding Love in Your Second Act with Jennie Garth 0:00:00.800 --> 0:00:03.000 Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea, how are you? 0:00:03.400 --> 0:00:07.040 Greetings for my winter Wonderland. It's snowing, snowing, snowing. I'm happy, happy, happy. 0:00:07.720 --> 0:00:09.760 I love your background when you're there, it's just like 0:00:09.880 --> 0:00:11.200 beautiful snowy trees. 0:00:11.520 --> 0:00:11.720 I know. 0:00:11.800 --> 0:00:13.680 I love coming into my house and seeing my whole 0:00:13.720 --> 0:00:15.840 podcast set up at my dining room table. So if 0:00:15.880 --> 0:00:17.800 you have to eat anything, which I never sit down 0:00:17.800 --> 0:00:20.680 to really do anyway, I just stand at the kitchen 0:00:20.680 --> 0:00:23.840 counter and eat and then. And I had a phone 0:00:23.880 --> 0:00:25.160 call the other day and I didn't know how to 0:00:25.160 --> 0:00:27.840 disentangle any I had a sorry, a zoom, and I 0:00:27.880 --> 0:00:30.600 didn't know how to disentangle all of the podcast equipment. 0:00:30.960 --> 0:00:32.839 So I just did it like I was doing a 0:00:32.880 --> 0:00:36.480 podcast with my headphones on. And everyone's like, you don't 0:00:36.640 --> 0:00:39.440 need headphones for this, and I'm like, I know, I. 0:00:39.400 --> 0:00:41.320 Know, I mean, you know what, go above and beyond 0:00:41.320 --> 0:00:43.280 whenever you can, right, Chelsea, always Always. 0:00:43.360 --> 0:00:45.559 My new book is ready for pre order everyone. It's 0:00:45.600 --> 0:00:48.080 called I'll Have What She's Having. You can pre order 0:00:48.120 --> 0:00:50.800 it now on Amazon. 0:00:50.720 --> 0:00:54.520 And they can find live mean greets right on your website. 0:00:54.560 --> 0:00:57.360 Oh yes, I'm doing I'm doing some live events for 0:00:57.440 --> 0:01:00.000 my book. It's very exciting. It comes out February twenty 0:01:00.400 --> 0:01:04.920 on my fiftieth birthday. Everybody, so help me celebrate. And 0:01:05.280 --> 0:01:08.640 I have two shows left this year. I have New 0:01:08.800 --> 0:01:12.360 Orleans at the Mahalia Jackson Theater on December twenty eighth, 0:01:12.480 --> 0:01:14.720 and then on December twenty ninth, I am in Atlanta, 0:01:15.200 --> 0:01:17.840 So if you are in those areas, get your tickets 0:01:17.920 --> 0:01:21.760 because I am wrapping up the year. Some good movies, 0:01:21.760 --> 0:01:24.440 you guys. I've been watching lots of movies because that's good. 0:01:25.000 --> 0:01:27.440 Conclave is awesome. That's Ray Fines. 0:01:27.600 --> 0:01:28.800 Oh, I cannot wait to see it. 0:01:28.880 --> 0:01:31.560 I'd like to have sex with him, and he is 0:01:31.600 --> 0:01:34.400 so good in that. That's a great movie. Another one 0:01:34.520 --> 0:01:37.320 is Baby Girl Nicole Kidman's movies really good. 0:01:37.640 --> 0:01:41.160 Yeah, that's really good. She just is so brave. She 0:01:41.240 --> 0:01:42.759 does everything she does. 0:01:43.080 --> 0:01:45.920 Yeah, she's like basically dry humping herself on the floor. 0:01:46.319 --> 0:01:48.840 What else did I see? I saw the substance would 0:01:48.840 --> 0:01:50.800 do me more very disturbing. 0:01:50.400 --> 0:01:50.760 Did you. 0:01:51.160 --> 0:01:52.880 I loved the substance. 0:01:53.280 --> 0:01:55.480 I just like cracked up the entire time. It was 0:01:55.560 --> 0:01:57.800 so like I was like giggling in the movie theater. 0:01:57.960 --> 0:02:00.400 By the end, everyone was giggling with me, just like 0:02:00.560 --> 0:02:03.640 it's so overwhelming. But I know two people who threw 0:02:03.720 --> 0:02:04.440 up when they watched. 0:02:04.520 --> 0:02:07.960 Oh ah, no, I'm not a week like that. I 0:02:07.960 --> 0:02:10.040 don't have a week's stomach like that. I should say 0:02:11.280 --> 0:02:15.359 what else? Oh, but Doug, Doug has been I did 0:02:15.440 --> 0:02:18.600 discovered bones. My friend brought him a bone, and now 0:02:18.639 --> 0:02:20.560 he is so funny. He has three bones and he 0:02:20.600 --> 0:02:23.440 puts them in a basket and then when people come over, 0:02:23.520 --> 0:02:25.960 he goes and gets the bones to display his bone 0:02:26.000 --> 0:02:27.800 collection to all the people that come over. 0:02:28.200 --> 0:02:29.680 I said, I go, what is he doing? And my 0:02:29.720 --> 0:02:31.960 friend's like, I think he's showing off his bones. And 0:02:32.000 --> 0:02:33.320 then he takes this big. 0:02:33.080 --> 0:02:36.160 Bone and circles the whole area and brings it and 0:02:36.200 --> 0:02:38.720 shows everyone how big his bone is. Oh I'm my god, 0:02:38.840 --> 0:02:43.040 Oh my god, Doug, you are so fucking adorable. I 0:02:43.080 --> 0:02:45.280 would never have pieced together what he was doing had 0:02:45.320 --> 0:02:46.200 someone not told me. 0:02:46.600 --> 0:02:49.880 Oh my god, what a cutie. I know, so funny. 0:02:49.960 --> 0:02:52.280 I love he puts them in a basket. Yeah, he 0:02:52.480 --> 0:02:54.320 has it like and he like hid one in the 0:02:54.360 --> 0:02:55.000 couch the other day. 0:02:55.040 --> 0:02:57.720 I'm like, no, thank you, And I mean he goes, 0:02:57.760 --> 0:02:59.840 he hides it and then he checks. He circles around. 0:03:00.040 --> 0:03:01.839 It's like three or four times to make sure it's there. 0:03:02.320 --> 0:03:03.440 He is such a dog. 0:03:03.880 --> 0:03:05.280 He's got a big personality. 0:03:05.520 --> 0:03:06.480 Yeah, he does. He goes. 0:03:06.560 --> 0:03:08.520 He does have a big personality. I have a great 0:03:08.520 --> 0:03:10.480 dog walker here. It takes him out for like two 0:03:10.600 --> 0:03:11.200 or three hours. 0:03:11.240 --> 0:03:13.640 I'm like, thank god, Well, and he needs that too, right, 0:03:13.639 --> 0:03:15.920 because he's like he's a snow dog, like he's got 0:03:15.919 --> 0:03:17.280 all that hair loves. 0:03:17.240 --> 0:03:19.760 So he just jumps into the snow, buries his face 0:03:19.800 --> 0:03:21.799 in it, and then wiggles his body around it. 0:03:21.840 --> 0:03:27.200 He'll do that for two hours. I mean, he's so lovable. Well, 0:03:27.240 --> 0:03:29.320 I'm so glad you're having so much fun. 0:03:29.400 --> 0:03:31.880 And we have a really exciting guest today that we 0:03:31.960 --> 0:03:32.639 recorded with in. 0:03:32.720 --> 0:03:35.880 La Yes, our guest today is an actress, a designer, 0:03:35.920 --> 0:03:38.880 and host of the podcast I Choose Me. Please welcome 0:03:38.920 --> 0:03:42.200 Jenny Garth. Okay, Jenny Garth. Here you are, I'm here. 0:03:42.320 --> 0:03:44.920 I'm late. She's we're in her car still she just 0:03:44.960 --> 0:03:47.040 pulled in. You're late, I'm late, we're all late. 0:03:47.200 --> 0:03:49.760 The four h five was four h fiving. It was 0:03:50.080 --> 0:03:50.520 a lot. 0:03:51.120 --> 0:03:54.040 The traffic in Los Angeles is so not even worth 0:03:54.080 --> 0:03:57.560 discussing because it's so disappointing on every level. I was 0:03:57.560 --> 0:03:59.320 telling my friend, the only time that I don't hit 0:03:59.320 --> 0:04:01.800 traffic is when I land at five pm to go home, 0:04:02.360 --> 0:04:04.200 And five pm you would think is the worst hour. 0:04:04.680 --> 0:04:05.840 And for some reason, when you I. 0:04:05.840 --> 0:04:07.640 Land at five, I get home in thirty minutes, and 0:04:07.680 --> 0:04:09.880 when I land at one in the afternoon on a Monday, 0:04:09.920 --> 0:04:10.840 it takes me an hour. 0:04:11.280 --> 0:04:13.280 I'm like, this is so so stupid. 0:04:13.360 --> 0:04:14.840 First of all, they need to build like a double 0:04:14.880 --> 0:04:19.279 decker highway somewhere or everywhere, or gytrail or like, I 0:04:19.279 --> 0:04:20.200 don't know, some. 0:04:20.040 --> 0:04:23.680 Sort of public transportation public it's a little late for that. 0:04:23.800 --> 0:04:26.160 I think it's a i'ven off for a flying car. 0:04:26.920 --> 0:04:28.680 Okay, Jenny, you have a lot of things going on. 0:04:28.800 --> 0:04:32.159 You have I choose me, me, I choose me again, 0:04:33.000 --> 0:04:34.680 and then I choose me. I love that you're choosing 0:04:34.680 --> 0:04:35.559 yourself so much. 0:04:35.880 --> 0:04:37.680 It's a message we all need to hear. 0:04:37.960 --> 0:04:39.880 I know, well, tell me about it because Okay, so 0:04:39.920 --> 0:04:41.240 you have you have a live. 0:04:41.120 --> 0:04:43.080 Event coming up to that I want to talk about 0:04:43.120 --> 0:04:45.640 at the iHeart Theater, which is on January eleventh, and 0:04:45.680 --> 0:04:49.760 it's all about women and women choosing themselves. It's about 0:04:49.760 --> 0:04:53.160 female empowerment. It's about feeling good about yourself and feeling 0:04:53.240 --> 0:04:56.560 strong about making decisions that benefit yourself. 0:04:56.760 --> 0:04:59.680 Right, So let's start with that. Okay, Yeah, I'm very 0:04:59.720 --> 0:05:00.960 sad put this event together. 0:05:01.040 --> 0:05:01.719 It's my first. 0:05:01.800 --> 0:05:03.359 This is my inaugural event, and I hope to be 0:05:03.360 --> 0:05:04.719 able to do it in other cities. 0:05:05.360 --> 0:05:06.039 That's my goal. 0:05:06.279 --> 0:05:09.000 And it's just about bringing a group of fabulous women 0:05:09.080 --> 0:05:13.640 together to converge and share and inspire one another. I 0:05:13.800 --> 0:05:18.120 found in going to events like this, or being in 0:05:18.160 --> 0:05:21.320 groups of women that I don't know, so empowering and 0:05:21.360 --> 0:05:24.120 so insightful and just like they fire me up and 0:05:24.279 --> 0:05:26.040 it makes me want to be a better person and 0:05:26.080 --> 0:05:27.840 do better for my own self and my own life. 0:05:28.120 --> 0:05:29.760 And I'm very excited about it. 0:05:29.920 --> 0:05:30.919 So what led you to? 0:05:31.520 --> 0:05:33.640 I mean, I feel like we probably have similar stories 0:05:33.640 --> 0:05:37.480 and like awakening our desires to please ourself rather than 0:05:37.520 --> 0:05:40.160 go around pleasing others. But you probably have a little 0:05:40.160 --> 0:05:42.840 bit of a different background because you are a mother, 0:05:43.160 --> 0:05:46.039 you've been married three times, right, or that you're on 0:05:46.080 --> 0:05:48.440 your third marriage, hopefully this will be the last. 0:05:48.600 --> 0:05:49.640 I mean, that'd be nice. 0:05:49.680 --> 0:05:51.159 I'd be nice. Well, third times of char am I 0:05:51.160 --> 0:05:52.480 thing I think if even if. 0:05:52.320 --> 0:05:53.720 It doesn't work out, it will be my. 0:05:53.720 --> 0:05:58.880 Last A great answer, great answer. So what led you 0:05:58.960 --> 0:06:03.240 to did you you start therapy? What happened to when 0:06:03.240 --> 0:06:06.120 did you become more in touch with yourself and more 0:06:06.120 --> 0:06:08.920 in touch with helping other women become in touch with them? 0:06:08.960 --> 0:06:09.640 So I think it. 0:06:09.600 --> 0:06:14.320 Started when I had my divorce from my second husband. Yeah, Peter, 0:06:14.440 --> 0:06:15.520 we were together for seven times. 0:06:15.520 --> 0:06:16.800 It was her last time I think I saw you. 0:06:16.839 --> 0:06:19.480 It was with Peter Fetchinelli in at my birthday in Cabo, 0:06:19.560 --> 0:06:22.160 like my thirty third birthday or something. 0:06:22.320 --> 0:06:24.480 I was trying to remember the last time I saw you. 0:06:24.520 --> 0:06:26.320 And it can't have been the last time I saw you. 0:06:26.320 --> 0:06:27.080 No, I don't think it was. 0:06:27.120 --> 0:06:29.880 But that was significant because I just remember dancing in 0:06:29.920 --> 0:06:30.880 a cage. 0:06:32.080 --> 0:06:32.800 In Mexico. 0:06:33.000 --> 0:06:34.800 Yeah, there was a lot of cage dancing on that. 0:06:35.360 --> 0:06:37.520 It was like it was it was my early days 0:06:37.560 --> 0:06:39.680 at Chelsea Lately, and we decided I decided to just 0:06:39.720 --> 0:06:43.760 throw a fiesta in Mexico and everyone flew down and 0:06:43.760 --> 0:06:45.520 we had like, I don't know, one hundred and fifty 0:06:45.520 --> 0:06:47.360 people there and we got blotted all weekend. 0:06:47.440 --> 0:06:48.039 It was fun. 0:06:48.120 --> 0:06:49.880 It was very it was very fun. 0:06:50.040 --> 0:06:53.560 So anyway, I think after that that divorce sort of 0:06:53.560 --> 0:06:56.760 turned into my awakening of like what, who, how? 0:06:56.800 --> 0:06:57.480 All the things? 0:06:57.520 --> 0:06:59.920 You know, because you're just sort of flattened, and I 0:07:00.080 --> 0:07:02.920 to know which way was up for a while, and. 0:07:02.880 --> 0:07:04.920 It took me a great, a great period of time, 0:07:05.040 --> 0:07:07.960 with a lot of therapy, a lot of just searching. 0:07:08.160 --> 0:07:12.560 I'm a very curious person by nature, so anytime, you know, 0:07:12.640 --> 0:07:15.800 someone would say come to this you know, gathering and 0:07:15.840 --> 0:07:18.200 we're going to learn about this, I'm there. I'm ready 0:07:18.240 --> 0:07:19.559 with just an open mind. 0:07:20.240 --> 0:07:21.480 And so I think that was the. 0:07:21.400 --> 0:07:23.760 Beginning of like really trying to figure out who am 0:07:23.800 --> 0:07:27.280 I if I'm not this wife, or if I'm not 0:07:27.720 --> 0:07:30.520 the matrix of this family, or if I'm not I mean, 0:07:30.560 --> 0:07:32.920 I was still the mother of my our three daughters, 0:07:32.960 --> 0:07:35.080 but they would leave me every other week and so 0:07:35.160 --> 0:07:37.280 then I would be left alone with just me, and 0:07:37.320 --> 0:07:40.880 I had no idea who that person was because I 0:07:40.920 --> 0:07:44.240 was always busy fitting or fulfilling someone else's needs. 0:07:44.480 --> 0:07:46.360 How did that Because I think for some people who 0:07:46.400 --> 0:07:48.360 go through divorce and then they split their children up, 0:07:48.400 --> 0:07:50.280 like for some people, it's a huge party. 0:07:50.320 --> 0:07:51.040 They're like, oh my. 0:07:51.000 --> 0:07:53.440 God, I have some free time, free time, and I 0:07:53.480 --> 0:07:56.520 have an opportunity to have my own identity again. And 0:07:56.600 --> 0:07:59.400 other people, I think feel more lost when they have 0:07:59.480 --> 0:08:00.920 that they don't have their children all the time. 0:08:00.960 --> 0:08:01.960 So which was it for you? 0:08:02.320 --> 0:08:02.840 It was both? 0:08:02.920 --> 0:08:06.440 At first I felt lost, I remember just it was 0:08:07.240 --> 0:08:09.360 agonizing when he would take them away from me, and 0:08:09.360 --> 0:08:11.360 I think it was even more agonizing because there was 0:08:11.400 --> 0:08:13.760 another woman that they were going to be with with him, 0:08:13.800 --> 0:08:17.760 and it was just really not fun for a good minute. 0:08:17.880 --> 0:08:20.640 And then it became like, hey, look at I have 0:08:20.720 --> 0:08:23.120 free time. I can focus on my own needs, I 0:08:23.120 --> 0:08:25.000 can do what I want. And it was just like 0:08:25.040 --> 0:08:27.520 this experience that I had never had because I had 0:08:27.520 --> 0:08:28.920 a kid when I was twenty. 0:08:28.720 --> 0:08:29.360 Three years old. 0:08:29.520 --> 0:08:31.560 That was when I first started, and I was working 0:08:31.600 --> 0:08:34.600 all the time and always you know, being on schedule 0:08:34.880 --> 0:08:37.760 and running the ship, and so I was like, wow, 0:08:37.840 --> 0:08:41.080 a whole week of me time. And then it just 0:08:41.080 --> 0:08:43.280 started to fall like what do I want to do? 0:08:43.400 --> 0:08:43.600 You know? 0:08:44.160 --> 0:08:46.040 So what was that period of time For people who 0:08:46.040 --> 0:08:48.120 are listening, who are experiencing that are going through a 0:08:48.160 --> 0:08:51.520 divorce that's traumatizing or upsetting, which most divorces are, right, 0:08:51.559 --> 0:08:53.559 I mean, it's kind of unusual to go through a 0:08:53.600 --> 0:08:54.120 divorce and be. 0:08:54.080 --> 0:08:57.720 Like that was a good that was great. I guess 0:08:57.720 --> 0:09:00.480 that's a conscious uncoupling. But even a conscious couple, I. 0:09:01.320 --> 0:09:03.440 Don't think so. I don't think they a divorce of 0:09:03.440 --> 0:09:06.680 any kind can be called fun. But yeah, I started 0:09:06.679 --> 0:09:09.640 traveling on my own by myself. I went to Bali 0:09:09.800 --> 0:09:12.800 on a women's excursion where I knew no one, and 0:09:12.880 --> 0:09:15.880 I went to San Miguel, dan Though and did some 0:09:16.200 --> 0:09:19.160 just soul searching and fell asleep in the back of 0:09:19.200 --> 0:09:21.640 a cab in Mexico and woke up in San Miguel. 0:09:22.880 --> 0:09:25.760 I was like, Wow, thank you God for keeping me alive. 0:09:26.080 --> 0:09:28.079 But you're like, wow, am I going to another Chelsea 0:09:28.120 --> 0:09:29.120 Handler birthday? 0:09:29.840 --> 0:09:33.360 It could have been, but just like really getting so 0:09:33.360 --> 0:09:37.800 so quiet with myself and not partying and not being 0:09:37.840 --> 0:09:39.960 around a lot of people from my past, but just 0:09:40.080 --> 0:09:41.120 really being alone. 0:09:41.720 --> 0:09:44.240 And that was like eye opening for me. 0:09:44.480 --> 0:09:46.920 Yeah, I think that's true for everyone. 0:09:47.200 --> 0:09:49.960 I feel like the biggest telltale sign for people who 0:09:50.000 --> 0:09:52.280 are are in need of that or the people who 0:09:52.320 --> 0:09:53.480 are so scared to be alone. 0:09:53.559 --> 0:09:55.440 Right, you know your first reaction is like I don't 0:09:55.440 --> 0:09:55.960 want to be alone. 0:09:55.960 --> 0:09:58.240 I don't want to be alone, And like I talk 0:09:58.280 --> 0:10:00.360 about this in my book too, my new book, like 0:10:00.800 --> 0:10:03.320 it is so important. That is where the truth is. 0:10:03.559 --> 0:10:06.560 When you can be alone with yourself and find yourself 0:10:06.640 --> 0:10:09.040 and find out who you really are and what you're 0:10:09.080 --> 0:10:12.520 really interested in, when no one else is impacting your decisions. 0:10:12.679 --> 0:10:14.560 Yeah, like what do you like to do? 0:10:14.800 --> 0:10:15.800 What do you want to do? 0:10:15.880 --> 0:10:19.280 What brings you close to yourself and actually not doing 0:10:19.360 --> 0:10:22.800 anything but being with yourself, which many people who haven't 0:10:22.840 --> 0:10:24.920 done that don't even understand what that means. It's like, 0:10:24.960 --> 0:10:28.079 what do you mean? And it's like actually sitting outside 0:10:28.080 --> 0:10:30.360 and looking at the trees for an hour and a half, 0:10:30.920 --> 0:10:34.160 not talking, not reading, not looking at your phone, but 0:10:34.240 --> 0:10:37.320 actually just being with yourself and nature is where you 0:10:37.400 --> 0:10:40.559 find out, Oh this is a different kind of vibration 0:10:40.880 --> 0:10:41.760 that I'm tapping into. 0:10:41.920 --> 0:10:45.440 Yeah, it's the best feeling. I recommend it to anyone. 0:10:45.880 --> 0:10:47.720 Just go be alone for a minute. 0:10:47.840 --> 0:10:49.760 So out of all of this and out of like 0:10:49.800 --> 0:10:50.560 your self work. 0:10:50.920 --> 0:10:54.600 Every time you went, you would get more in touch 0:10:54.640 --> 0:10:58.800 with yourself or become more more deeply aligned or attuned. 0:10:58.320 --> 0:10:59.320 To I would just be. 0:10:59.440 --> 0:11:02.520 I would feel myself settling into who I was because 0:11:02.559 --> 0:11:04.880 also being an actress and being an actress so young, 0:11:05.760 --> 0:11:10.840 you are thrown into other people's shoes. You know, you're 0:11:10.880 --> 0:11:13.280 living other people's lives on the daily all day long 0:11:13.320 --> 0:11:16.360 as you act. And then they're like, okay, bye, we're 0:11:16.400 --> 0:11:18.600 wrapped and you leave, and you're like, wait, where do 0:11:18.679 --> 0:11:18.960 I go? 0:11:19.440 --> 0:11:21.199 Who do I talk to? What do I do? Should 0:11:21.200 --> 0:11:22.840 I go to the bathroom or should I eat dinner? 0:11:22.880 --> 0:11:23.200 I don't know. 0:11:23.960 --> 0:11:27.240 So there was a lot of just me figuring out myself, 0:11:27.880 --> 0:11:30.880 and I think it was the best work that I've 0:11:30.880 --> 0:11:33.000 ever you know, the best time that I've ever had 0:11:33.080 --> 0:11:35.520 is that growing. And then I started to like date. 0:11:36.320 --> 0:11:38.400 Everyone was like, you got to start trying to just 0:11:38.520 --> 0:11:40.400 date people, and I was so against it. I said, 0:11:40.440 --> 0:11:42.800 I'd rather lick the bottom of my shoe than go 0:11:42.800 --> 0:11:45.160 out on a date with somebody. But it ended up 0:11:45.200 --> 0:11:48.240 I ended up dating just random people, all different types, 0:11:48.760 --> 0:11:52.280 really trying things out that I had never tried, as 0:11:52.320 --> 0:11:57.040 far as different types of guys, and just seeing what 0:11:57.120 --> 0:11:59.720 I liked and what I didn't like. And I was 0:11:59.760 --> 0:12:02.760 able to really determine, like this is what I want 0:12:02.800 --> 0:12:05.080 in my life. My life is so good. I'm so 0:12:05.120 --> 0:12:08.239 self sufficient, I can be on my own. I love myself, 0:12:08.800 --> 0:12:11.600 but what kind of person do I want to allow 0:12:11.679 --> 0:12:14.680 back into my life? And so I was able to 0:12:14.679 --> 0:12:19.320 get clarity in just exploring, you know, and trying different things. 0:12:19.679 --> 0:12:22.160 And so that led you to your husband now that 0:12:22.200 --> 0:12:25.480 you're with, Yes, and you guys also, you guys were 0:12:25.480 --> 0:12:27.920 separated for a while, right, And what was that? 0:12:27.960 --> 0:12:28.720 Can you talk about that? 0:12:28.920 --> 0:12:31.440 My god? We got married in like five minutes? 0:12:31.880 --> 0:12:33.800 How long after you, Matt? Did you get three months? 0:12:33.840 --> 0:12:34.640 We got engaged? 0:12:34.679 --> 0:12:37.840 Six months we were married, okay, And it was like 0:12:37.920 --> 0:12:40.000 a big wedding and all the girls and you know, 0:12:40.000 --> 0:12:40.839 everybody was like. 0:12:40.840 --> 0:12:42.880 Okay, let's jump on board this train. 0:12:43.520 --> 0:12:47.360 They were used to I can make some quick decisions, 0:12:47.440 --> 0:12:49.800 let's call them. And they were used to that. And 0:12:49.840 --> 0:12:51.880 so everybody felt good about it, and everybody liked Dave 0:12:51.880 --> 0:12:54.040 a lot, because nobody doesn't like a Dave. 0:12:54.160 --> 0:12:56.280 There's no Dave that people don't like. I don't think. 0:12:56.760 --> 0:12:59.680 And he's really special. He's a good guy. He was 0:12:59.800 --> 0:13:03.120 very young, He's nine years younger than me. And I 0:13:03.120 --> 0:13:06.040 remember telling him I see so much potential in You 0:13:07.240 --> 0:13:10.040 don't say that to a guy. They don't want to 0:13:10.080 --> 0:13:13.880 hear that. But I didn't mean it, like in a 0:13:13.920 --> 0:13:16.959 condescending way. I minted in, like, I see what you're 0:13:17.000 --> 0:13:19.720 going to grow into, and I love that, Like I 0:13:19.760 --> 0:13:21.640 love who you are right now. But what I see 0:13:21.679 --> 0:13:24.760 for your future and how that connects with my future, 0:13:24.840 --> 0:13:26.800 I think it's going to be great. So I was 0:13:26.880 --> 0:13:31.760 really investing in that relationship, just emotionally and with you know, 0:13:31.880 --> 0:13:36.080 with my time. And a year into it, he realized, 0:13:36.400 --> 0:13:40.040 oh shit, I'm into deep. I have three step daughters, 0:13:40.080 --> 0:13:42.560 all of a sudden, I have four female dogs, all 0:13:42.559 --> 0:13:44.079 of a sudden. I live in the hills all of 0:13:44.080 --> 0:13:46.120 a sudden. He lived in an apartment in Silver Lake 0:13:46.160 --> 0:13:49.920 and was a bartender, and he just stepped into this 0:13:50.000 --> 0:13:53.160 life that he thought looked really great, and yeah, it 0:13:53.240 --> 0:13:56.000 was really fun and exciting, but it was a lot, 0:13:56.320 --> 0:13:59.320 and it was too much for him. And he you 0:13:59.360 --> 0:14:07.400 know that flow the flight, flight freeze, fly, fight, flight freeze. 0:14:07.559 --> 0:14:11.360 He flew, I froze, he flew, and he flew for 0:14:11.400 --> 0:14:14.719 a year and we proceeded with divorce. Every all the paperwork. 0:14:14.760 --> 0:14:18.400 He had the paperwork in the back of his truck. 0:14:19.680 --> 0:14:22.040 I think he might still have it. Honestly, It's like 0:14:22.080 --> 0:14:25.440 a big Manila envelope full of paperwork. And we were 0:14:25.480 --> 0:14:27.720 ready to sign. It was like two days before we 0:14:27.720 --> 0:14:29.840 were signing, and we got together one last time just 0:14:29.840 --> 0:14:33.760 to talk it out and realized, like I think he 0:14:33.880 --> 0:14:36.600 had a lot of time to realize, like a relationship 0:14:36.640 --> 0:14:40.160 isn't just fun and sparkly and rainbows. It is work, 0:14:40.360 --> 0:14:43.800 and it takes commitment, and you have to not only 0:14:43.840 --> 0:14:46.280 work on the relationship, you have to be willing to 0:14:46.360 --> 0:14:49.000 work on yourself. And for me, I need a person 0:14:49.080 --> 0:14:53.440 that is always wanting to grow and evolve and move forward, 0:14:53.560 --> 0:14:56.120 like that's how I am, and I get really bored 0:14:56.200 --> 0:14:58.520 if I'm stagnant. I like to move I like to 0:14:58.760 --> 0:15:01.480 shake things up all the time. And so he just 0:15:01.520 --> 0:15:05.320 had to really kind of accept those terms and realize 0:15:05.320 --> 0:15:06.640 if they were going to work for him or not. 0:15:06.880 --> 0:15:09.200 And I think he ultimately was like, you're my person, 0:15:09.600 --> 0:15:11.200 and I know this isn't going to be easy, but 0:15:11.360 --> 0:15:15.640 let's try. And so we did and we're still together. 0:15:16.440 --> 0:15:17.160 That's amazing. 0:15:17.280 --> 0:15:19.880 It really is, Like I don't know how that happened, 0:15:19.880 --> 0:15:22.640 but we worked. We went and started, you know, going 0:15:22.680 --> 0:15:26.120 to therapy individually, figuring out our shit on our own 0:15:26.240 --> 0:15:28.800 so that we could come together and share it and 0:15:28.960 --> 0:15:31.320 grow together in that way, And. 0:15:31.320 --> 0:15:33.360 When you guys met, like the two days before you 0:15:33.440 --> 0:15:36.920 were going to file for divorce, what were your intentions 0:15:36.920 --> 0:15:38.680 going into that meeting with him? 0:15:38.760 --> 0:15:39.880 Were you ready to. 0:15:39.840 --> 0:15:42.280 Call it or were you still hopeful that you guys 0:15:42.320 --> 0:15:47.040 could remedy the or rectify the relationship For situation. 0:15:47.360 --> 0:15:51.760 Most in most instances, I'm usually not a good breakup, 0:15:51.880 --> 0:15:56.600 Like I hold on tight, I attach, and I get like, 0:15:56.760 --> 0:15:58.040 I feel like, what can I do? 0:15:58.120 --> 0:15:58.960 How can I fix this? 0:15:59.000 --> 0:16:00.600 I don't want to be a failure, And I certainly 0:16:00.640 --> 0:16:03.200 didn't want to be a failure in this my third marriage. 0:16:03.240 --> 0:16:04.920 Like I was like, that was one of the big 0:16:04.960 --> 0:16:06.840 things that I had to get past, letting go out 0:16:06.880 --> 0:16:10.160 of my girls. You know, there were so many things 0:16:10.160 --> 0:16:12.040 that I had to get past. So in the beginning, 0:16:12.160 --> 0:16:17.000 I was very just trying so hard to make it 0:16:17.040 --> 0:16:19.840 work all the time, and I kept getting met with 0:16:20.080 --> 0:16:22.200 just like a wall. He was not there. And the 0:16:22.200 --> 0:16:25.360 more I tried, the taller that wall got. And so 0:16:25.640 --> 0:16:27.880 there came a time when I just stopped trying and 0:16:27.920 --> 0:16:30.560 I realized I have to let go. He's not an 0:16:30.560 --> 0:16:33.480 option for me anymore. And I would repeatedly tell myself, 0:16:33.520 --> 0:16:34.920 like when I would start to think of him every 0:16:34.920 --> 0:16:37.800 five minutes, or you know, be emotional or feel the feelings. 0:16:38.360 --> 0:16:40.240 At some point I had to say, he is not 0:16:40.280 --> 0:16:43.600 an option for you, so move forward. And I had 0:16:43.600 --> 0:16:46.280 a just kind of tough love myself, and in doing that, 0:16:47.240 --> 0:16:50.560 I got so strong and happy with my life. And 0:16:50.600 --> 0:16:54.600 of course that's when it happens. Then knock knock, knock, Hey, 0:16:54.680 --> 0:16:55.880 let's meet up. 0:16:56.200 --> 0:16:57.720 Yeah, But that's the art of letting go. 0:16:57.920 --> 0:17:01.080 Like that's another great example of not holding on so 0:17:01.240 --> 0:17:03.400 tightly to things when you do release it and back 0:17:03.480 --> 0:17:05.760 into quote unquote the universe. I don't know why I'm 0:17:05.760 --> 0:17:09.439 saying quote unquote, because we are in a universe, but 0:17:09.960 --> 0:17:12.359 things will come back to you if they are meant 0:17:12.359 --> 0:17:15.000 for you, like once you really like let it go, 0:17:15.560 --> 0:17:18.159 because we all have we attached to ideas all the 0:17:18.200 --> 0:17:20.840