Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea, how are you?
Speaker 2: Greetings for my winter Wonderland. It's snowing, snowing, snowing. I'm happy, happy, happy.
Speaker 3: I love your background when you're there, it's just like
Speaker 3: beautiful snowy trees.
Speaker 4: I know.
Speaker 2: I love coming into my house and seeing my whole
Speaker 2: podcast set up at my dining room table. So if
Speaker 2: you have to eat anything, which I never sit down
Speaker 2: to really do anyway, I just stand at the kitchen
Speaker 2: counter and eat and then. And I had a phone
Speaker 2: call the other day and I didn't know how to
Speaker 2: disentangle any I had a sorry, a zoom, and I
Speaker 2: didn't know how to disentangle all of the podcast equipment.
Speaker 2: So I just did it like I was doing a
Speaker 2: podcast with my headphones on. And everyone's like, you don't
Speaker 2: need headphones for this, and I'm like, I know, I.
Speaker 5: Know, I mean, you know what, go above and beyond
Speaker 5: whenever you can, right, Chelsea, always Always.
Speaker 2: My new book is ready for pre order everyone. It's
Speaker 2: called I'll Have What She's Having. You can pre order
Speaker 2: it now on Amazon.
Speaker 3: And they can find live mean greets right on your website.
Speaker 2: Oh yes, I'm doing I'm doing some live events for
Speaker 2: my book. It's very exciting. It comes out February twenty
Speaker 2: on my fiftieth birthday. Everybody, so help me celebrate. And
Speaker 2: I have two shows left this year. I have New
Speaker 2: Orleans at the Mahalia Jackson Theater on December twenty eighth,
Speaker 2: and then on December twenty ninth, I am in Atlanta,
Speaker 2: So if you are in those areas, get your tickets
Speaker 2: because I am wrapping up the year. Some good movies,
Speaker 2: you guys. I've been watching lots of movies because that's good.
Speaker 2: Conclave is awesome. That's Ray Fines.
Speaker 1: Oh, I cannot wait to see it.
Speaker 2: I'd like to have sex with him, and he is
Speaker 2: so good in that. That's a great movie. Another one
Speaker 2: is Baby Girl Nicole Kidman's movies really good.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's really good. She just is so brave. She
Speaker 5: does everything she does.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's like basically dry humping herself on the floor.
Speaker 2: What else did I see? I saw the substance would
Speaker 2: do me more very disturbing.
Speaker 5: Did you.
Speaker 1: I loved the substance.
Speaker 5: I just like cracked up the entire time. It was
Speaker 5: so like I was like giggling in the movie theater.
Speaker 5: By the end, everyone was giggling with me, just like
Speaker 5: it's so overwhelming. But I know two people who threw
Speaker 5: up when they watched.
Speaker 2: Oh ah, no, I'm not a week like that. I
Speaker 2: don't have a week's stomach like that. I should say
Speaker 2: what else? Oh, but Doug, Doug has been I did
Speaker 2: discovered bones. My friend brought him a bone, and now
Speaker 2: he is so funny. He has three bones and he
Speaker 2: puts them in a basket and then when people come over,
Speaker 2: he goes and gets the bones to display his bone
Speaker 2: collection to all the people that come over.
Speaker 5: I said, I go, what is he doing? And my
Speaker 5: friend's like, I think he's showing off his bones. And
Speaker 5: then he takes this big.
Speaker 2: Bone and circles the whole area and brings it and
Speaker 2: shows everyone how big his bone is. Oh I'm my god,
Speaker 2: Oh my god, Doug, you are so fucking adorable. I
Speaker 2: would never have pieced together what he was doing had
Speaker 2: someone not told me.
Speaker 5: Oh my god, what a cutie. I know, so funny.
Speaker 5: I love he puts them in a basket. Yeah, he
Speaker 5: has it like and he like hid one in the
Speaker 5: couch the other day.
Speaker 2: I'm like, no, thank you, And I mean he goes,
Speaker 2: he hides it and then he checks. He circles around.
Speaker 2: It's like three or four times to make sure it's there.
Speaker 2: He is such a dog.
Speaker 1: He's got a big personality.
Speaker 5: Yeah, he does. He goes.
Speaker 2: He does have a big personality. I have a great
Speaker 2: dog walker here. It takes him out for like two
Speaker 2: or three hours.
Speaker 3: I'm like, thank god, Well, and he needs that too, right,
Speaker 3: because he's like he's a snow dog, like he's got
Speaker 3: all that hair loves.
Speaker 2: So he just jumps into the snow, buries his face
Speaker 2: in it, and then wiggles his body around it.
Speaker 5: He'll do that for two hours. I mean, he's so lovable. Well,
Speaker 5: I'm so glad you're having so much fun.
Speaker 3: And we have a really exciting guest today that we
Speaker 3: recorded with in.
Speaker 2: La Yes, our guest today is an actress, a designer,
Speaker 2: and host of the podcast I Choose Me. Please welcome
Speaker 2: Jenny Garth. Okay, Jenny Garth. Here you are, I'm here.
Speaker 5: I'm late. She's we're in her car still she just
Speaker 5: pulled in. You're late, I'm late, we're all late.
Speaker 1: The four h five was four h fiving. It was
Speaker 1: a lot.
Speaker 2: The traffic in Los Angeles is so not even worth
Speaker 2: discussing because it's so disappointing on every level. I was
Speaker 2: telling my friend, the only time that I don't hit
Speaker 2: traffic is when I land at five pm to go home,
Speaker 2: And five pm you would think is the worst hour.
Speaker 5: And for some reason, when you I.
Speaker 2: Land at five, I get home in thirty minutes, and
Speaker 2: when I land at one in the afternoon on a Monday,
Speaker 2: it takes me an hour.
Speaker 5: I'm like, this is so so stupid.
Speaker 2: First of all, they need to build like a double
Speaker 2: decker highway somewhere or everywhere, or gytrail or like, I
Speaker 2: don't know, some.
Speaker 5: Sort of public transportation public it's a little late for that.
Speaker 1: I think it's a i'ven off for a flying car.
Speaker 5: Okay, Jenny, you have a lot of things going on.
Speaker 2: You have I choose me, me, I choose me again,
Speaker 2: and then I choose me. I love that you're choosing
Speaker 2: yourself so much.
Speaker 1: It's a message we all need to hear.
Speaker 5: I know, well, tell me about it because Okay, so
Speaker 5: you have you have a live.
Speaker 2: Event coming up to that I want to talk about
Speaker 2: at the iHeart Theater, which is on January eleventh, and
Speaker 2: it's all about women and women choosing themselves. It's about
Speaker 2: female empowerment. It's about feeling good about yourself and feeling
Speaker 2: strong about making decisions that benefit yourself.
Speaker 4: Right, So let's start with that. Okay, Yeah, I'm very
Speaker 4: sad put this event together.
Speaker 1: It's my first.
Speaker 4: This is my inaugural event, and I hope to be
Speaker 4: able to do it in other cities.
Speaker 1: That's my goal.
Speaker 4: And it's just about bringing a group of fabulous women
Speaker 4: together to converge and share and inspire one another. I
Speaker 4: found in going to events like this, or being in
Speaker 4: groups of women that I don't know, so empowering and
Speaker 4: so insightful and just like they fire me up and
Speaker 4: it makes me want to be a better person and
Speaker 4: do better for my own self and my own life.
Speaker 1: And I'm very excited about it.
Speaker 5: So what led you to?
Speaker 2: I mean, I feel like we probably have similar stories
Speaker 2: and like awakening our desires to please ourself rather than
Speaker 2: go around pleasing others. But you probably have a little
Speaker 2: bit of a different background because you are a mother,
Speaker 2: you've been married three times, right, or that you're on
Speaker 2: your third marriage, hopefully this will be the last.
Speaker 1: I mean, that'd be nice.
Speaker 5: I'd be nice. Well, third times of char am I
Speaker 5: thing I think if even if.
Speaker 1: It doesn't work out, it will be my.
Speaker 2: Last A great answer, great answer. So what led you
Speaker 2: to did you you start therapy? What happened to when
Speaker 2: did you become more in touch with yourself and more
Speaker 2: in touch with helping other women become in touch with them?
Speaker 6: So I think it.
Speaker 4: Started when I had my divorce from my second husband. Yeah, Peter,
Speaker 4: we were together for seven times.
Speaker 5: It was her last time I think I saw you.
Speaker 2: It was with Peter Fetchinelli in at my birthday in Cabo,
Speaker 2: like my thirty third birthday or something.
Speaker 1: I was trying to remember the last time I saw you.
Speaker 5: And it can't have been the last time I saw you.
Speaker 1: No, I don't think it was.
Speaker 4: But that was significant because I just remember dancing in
Speaker 4: a cage.
Speaker 1: In Mexico.
Speaker 5: Yeah, there was a lot of cage dancing on that.
Speaker 2: It was like it was it was my early days
Speaker 2: at Chelsea Lately, and we decided I decided to just
Speaker 2: throw a fiesta in Mexico and everyone flew down and
Speaker 2: we had like, I don't know, one hundred and fifty
Speaker 2: people there and we got blotted all weekend.
Speaker 1: It was fun.
Speaker 5: It was very it was very fun.
Speaker 4: So anyway, I think after that that divorce sort of
Speaker 4: turned into my awakening of like what, who, how?
Speaker 1: All the things?
Speaker 4: You know, because you're just sort of flattened, and I
Speaker 4: to know which way was up for a while, and.
Speaker 1: It took me a great, a great period of time,
Speaker 1: with a lot of therapy, a lot of just searching.
Speaker 4: I'm a very curious person by nature, so anytime, you know,
Speaker 4: someone would say come to this you know, gathering and
Speaker 4: we're going to learn about this, I'm there. I'm ready
Speaker 4: with just an open mind.
Speaker 1: And so I think that was the.
Speaker 4: Beginning of like really trying to figure out who am
Speaker 4: I if I'm not this wife, or if I'm not
Speaker 4: the matrix of this family, or if I'm not I mean,
Speaker 4: I was still the mother of my our three daughters,
Speaker 4: but they would leave me every other week and so
Speaker 4: then I would be left alone with just me, and
Speaker 4: I had no idea who that person was because I
Speaker 4: was always busy fitting or fulfilling someone else's needs.
Speaker 2: How did that Because I think for some people who
Speaker 2: go through divorce and then they split their children up,
Speaker 2: like for some people, it's a huge party.
Speaker 5: They're like, oh my.
Speaker 2: God, I have some free time, free time, and I
Speaker 2: have an opportunity to have my own identity again. And
Speaker 2: other people, I think feel more lost when they have
Speaker 2: that they don't have their children all the time.
Speaker 5: So which was it for you?
Speaker 1: It was both?
Speaker 4: At first I felt lost, I remember just it was
Speaker 4: agonizing when he would take them away from me, and
Speaker 4: I think it was even more agonizing because there was
Speaker 4: another woman that they were going to be with with him,
Speaker 4: and it was just really not fun for a good minute.
Speaker 4: And then it became like, hey, look at I have
Speaker 4: free time. I can focus on my own needs, I
Speaker 4: can do what I want. And it was just like
Speaker 4: this experience that I had never had because I had
Speaker 4: a kid when I was twenty.
Speaker 1: Three years old.
Speaker 4: That was when I first started, and I was working
Speaker 4: all the time and always you know, being on schedule
Speaker 4: and running the ship, and so I was like, wow,
Speaker 4: a whole week of me time. And then it just
Speaker 4: started to fall like what do I want to do?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 2: So what was that period of time For people who
Speaker 2: are listening, who are experiencing that are going through a
Speaker 2: divorce that's traumatizing or upsetting, which most divorces are, right,
Speaker 2: I mean, it's kind of unusual to go through a
Speaker 2: divorce and be.
Speaker 5: Like that was a good that was great. I guess
Speaker 5: that's a conscious uncoupling. But even a conscious couple, I.
Speaker 4: Don't think so. I don't think they a divorce of
Speaker 4: any kind can be called fun. But yeah, I started
Speaker 4: traveling on my own by myself. I went to Bali
Speaker 4: on a women's excursion where I knew no one, and
Speaker 4: I went to San Miguel, dan Though and did some
Speaker 4: just soul searching and fell asleep in the back of
Speaker 4: a cab in Mexico and woke up in San Miguel.
Speaker 1: I was like, Wow, thank you God for keeping me alive.
Speaker 2: But you're like, wow, am I going to another Chelsea
Speaker 2: Handler birthday?
Speaker 4: It could have been, but just like really getting so
Speaker 4: so quiet with myself and not partying and not being
Speaker 4: around a lot of people from my past, but just
Speaker 4: really being alone.
Speaker 1: And that was like eye opening for me.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think that's true for everyone.
Speaker 2: I feel like the biggest telltale sign for people who
Speaker 2: are are in need of that or the people who
Speaker 2: are so scared to be alone.
Speaker 5: Right, you know your first reaction is like I don't
Speaker 5: want to be alone.
Speaker 2: I don't want to be alone, And like I talk
Speaker 2: about this in my book too, my new book, like
Speaker 2: it is so important. That is where the truth is.
Speaker 2: When you can be alone with yourself and find yourself
Speaker 2: and find out who you really are and what you're
Speaker 2: really interested in, when no one else is impacting your decisions.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like what do you like to do?
Speaker 5: What do you want to do?
Speaker 2: What brings you close to yourself and actually not doing
Speaker 2: anything but being with yourself, which many people who haven't
Speaker 2: done that don't even understand what that means. It's like,
Speaker 2: what do you mean? And it's like actually sitting outside
Speaker 2: and looking at the trees for an hour and a half,
Speaker 2: not talking, not reading, not looking at your phone, but
Speaker 2: actually just being with yourself and nature is where you
Speaker 2: find out, Oh this is a different kind of vibration
Speaker 2: that I'm tapping into.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's the best feeling. I recommend it to anyone.
Speaker 4: Just go be alone for a minute.
Speaker 5: So out of all of this and out of like
Speaker 5: your self work.
Speaker 2: Every time you went, you would get more in touch
Speaker 2: with yourself or become more more deeply aligned or attuned.
Speaker 1: To I would just be.
Speaker 4: I would feel myself settling into who I was because
Speaker 4: also being an actress and being an actress so young,
Speaker 4: you are thrown into other people's shoes. You know, you're
Speaker 4: living other people's lives on the daily all day long
Speaker 4: as you act. And then they're like, okay, bye, we're
Speaker 4: wrapped and you leave, and you're like, wait, where do
Speaker 4: I go?
Speaker 1: Who do I talk to? What do I do? Should
Speaker 1: I go to the bathroom or should I eat dinner?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 4: So there was a lot of just me figuring out myself,
Speaker 4: and I think it was the best work that I've
Speaker 4: ever you know, the best time that I've ever had
Speaker 4: is that growing. And then I started to like date.
Speaker 4: Everyone was like, you got to start trying to just
Speaker 4: date people, and I was so against it. I said,
Speaker 4: I'd rather lick the bottom of my shoe than go
Speaker 4: out on a date with somebody. But it ended up
Speaker 4: I ended up dating just random people, all different types,
Speaker 4: really trying things out that I had never tried, as
Speaker 4: far as different types of guys, and just seeing what
Speaker 4: I liked and what I didn't like. And I was
Speaker 4: able to really determine, like this is what I want
Speaker 4: in my life. My life is so good. I'm so
Speaker 4: self sufficient, I can be on my own. I love myself,
Speaker 4: but what kind of person do I want to allow
Speaker 4: back into my life? And so I was able to
Speaker 4: get clarity in just exploring, you know, and trying different things.
Speaker 2: And so that led you to your husband now that
Speaker 2: you're with, Yes, and you guys also, you guys were
Speaker 2: separated for a while, right, And what was that?
Speaker 5: Can you talk about that?
Speaker 1: My god? We got married in like five minutes?
Speaker 5: How long after you, Matt? Did you get three months?
Speaker 1: We got engaged?
Speaker 4: Six months we were married, okay, And it was like
Speaker 4: a big wedding and all the girls and you know,
Speaker 4: everybody was like.
Speaker 1: Okay, let's jump on board this train.
Speaker 4: They were used to I can make some quick decisions,
Speaker 4: let's call them. And they were used to that. And
Speaker 4: so everybody felt good about it, and everybody liked Dave
Speaker 4: a lot, because nobody doesn't like a Dave.
Speaker 1: There's no Dave that people don't like. I don't think.
Speaker 4: And he's really special. He's a good guy. He was
Speaker 4: very young, He's nine years younger than me. And I
Speaker 4: remember telling him I see so much potential in You
Speaker 4: don't say that to a guy. They don't want to
Speaker 4: hear that. But I didn't mean it, like in a
Speaker 4: condescending way. I minted in, like, I see what you're
Speaker 4: going to grow into, and I love that, Like I
Speaker 4: love who you are right now. But what I see
Speaker 4: for your future and how that connects with my future,
Speaker 4: I think it's going to be great. So I was
Speaker 4: really investing in that relationship, just emotionally and with you know,
Speaker 4: with my time. And a year into it, he realized,
Speaker 4: oh shit, I'm into deep. I have three step daughters,
Speaker 4: all of a sudden, I have four female dogs, all
Speaker 4: of a sudden. I live in the hills all of
Speaker 4: a sudden. He lived in an apartment in Silver Lake
Speaker 4: and was a bartender, and he just stepped into this
Speaker 4: life that he thought looked really great, and yeah, it
Speaker 4: was really fun and exciting, but it was a lot,
Speaker 4: and it was too much for him. And he you
Speaker 4: know that flow the flight, flight freeze, fly, fight, flight freeze.
Speaker 4: He flew, I froze, he flew, and he flew for
Speaker 4: a year and we proceeded with divorce. Every all the paperwork.
Speaker 4: He had the paperwork in the back of his truck.
Speaker 4: I think he might still have it. Honestly, It's like
Speaker 4: a big Manila envelope full of paperwork. And we were
Speaker 4: ready to sign. It was like two days before we
Speaker 4: were signing, and we got together one last time just
Speaker 4: to talk it out and realized, like I think he
Speaker 4: had a lot of time to realize, like a relationship
Speaker 4: isn't just fun and sparkly and rainbows. It is work,
Speaker 4: and it takes commitment, and you have to not only
Speaker 4: work on the relationship, you have to be willing to
Speaker 4: work on yourself. And for me, I need a person
Speaker 4: that is always wanting to grow and evolve and move forward,
Speaker 4: like that's how I am, and I get really bored
Speaker 4: if I'm stagnant. I like to move I like to
Speaker 4: shake things up all the time. And so he just
Speaker 4: had to really kind of accept those terms and realize
Speaker 4: if they were going to work for him or not.
Speaker 4: And I think he ultimately was like, you're my person,
Speaker 4: and I know this isn't going to be easy, but
Speaker 4: let's try. And so we did and we're still together.
Speaker 5: That's amazing.
Speaker 4: It really is, Like I don't know how that happened,
Speaker 4: but we worked. We went and started, you know, going
Speaker 4: to therapy individually, figuring out our shit on our own
Speaker 4: so that we could come together and share it and
Speaker 4: grow together in that way, And.
Speaker 2: When you guys met, like the two days before you
Speaker 2: were going to file for divorce, what were your intentions
Speaker 2: going into that meeting with him?
Speaker 5: Were you ready to.
Speaker 2: Call it or were you still hopeful that you guys
Speaker 2: could remedy the or rectify the relationship For situation.
Speaker 4: Most in most instances, I'm usually not a good breakup,
Speaker 4: Like I hold on tight, I attach, and I get like,
Speaker 4: I feel like, what can I do?
Speaker 1: How can I fix this?
Speaker 4: I don't want to be a failure, And I certainly
Speaker 4: didn't want to be a failure in this my third marriage.
Speaker 4: Like I was like, that was one of the big
Speaker 4: things that I had to get past, letting go out
Speaker 4: of my girls. You know, there were so many things
Speaker 4: that I had to get past. So in the beginning,
Speaker 4: I was very just trying so hard to make it
Speaker 4: work all the time, and I kept getting met with
Speaker 4: just like a wall. He was not there. And the
Speaker 4: more I tried, the taller that wall got. And so
Speaker 4: there came a time when I just stopped trying and
Speaker 4: I realized I have to let go. He's not an
Speaker 4: option for me anymore. And I would repeatedly tell myself,
Speaker 4: like when I would start to think of him every
Speaker 4: five minutes, or you know, be emotional or feel the feelings.
Speaker 4: At some point I had to say, he is not
Speaker 4: an option for you, so move forward. And I had
Speaker 4: a just kind of tough love myself, and in doing that,
Speaker 4: I got so strong and happy with my life. And
Speaker 4: of course that's when it happens. Then knock knock, knock, Hey,
Speaker 4: let's meet up.
Speaker 5: Yeah, But that's the art of letting go.
Speaker 2: Like that's another great example of not holding on so
Speaker 2: tightly to things when you do release it and back
Speaker 2: into quote unquote the universe. I don't know why I'm
Speaker 2: saying quote unquote, because we are in a universe, but
Speaker 2: things will come back to you if they are meant
Speaker 2: for you, like once you really like let it go,
Speaker 2: because we all have we attached to ideas all the
Speaker 2: time that we think are right for ourselves, you know,
Speaker 2: whether it's a relationship, whether it's a job, whether it's
Speaker 2: an experience. And as soon as you realize something isn't
Speaker 2: going to go the way you envisioned it going, is
Speaker 2: when you can let go of it, which is the
Speaker 2: only way to really you know, which is hard to practice,
Speaker 2: but it's proven, Like it's proven scientifically even that when
Speaker 2: you let go and release of something and you're emotionally,
Speaker 2: that's when it does come back to you.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I had that horse poster up in my room. It
Speaker 4: was like, let it go. If it comes back to you,
Speaker 4: it was meant to be you, don't you know, Yeah.
Speaker 5: And if it doesn't, it was never yours to begin with.
Speaker 4: Right, Yeah, So I think that And that's weird too
Speaker 4: because now there's so much discussion about not manifesting, but
Speaker 4: it's a little bit more than manifestent, like thinking about
Speaker 4: what you want in your life and visualizing it and
Speaker 4: then they say it happens, like if you have just
Speaker 4: a clear definition in your mind of what you want,
Speaker 4: it happens.
Speaker 1: And I think that's really.
Speaker 4: True when it's just you, like you like setting yourself
Speaker 4: up for something. But I think when you put those
Speaker 4: expectations on a relationship, it's different because there are two
Speaker 4: energies involved, and so maybe you want different things, maybe
Speaker 4: you both have different visions. You guys have to get
Speaker 4: really clear on is the vision that you see for
Speaker 4: your future mutual.
Speaker 2: And also but when you get your energy flowing in
Speaker 2: the right state, when it's like in sync with the universe,
Speaker 2: you are going to attract other energy that is like that, right,
Speaker 2: And so then that takes out the kind of equation
Speaker 2: of making sure you're on the same page because you
Speaker 2: kind of what you put out is.
Speaker 5: What you get back.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so did your girls notice a big transformation in you,
Speaker 2: like when you started doing the work once you guys
Speaker 2: broke up when you used broke up with Peter, And
Speaker 2: how long was it in between the two husbands?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 4: God, eight years maybe, Okay, that's fine, fun, that's a
Speaker 4: long time.
Speaker 1: I can't remember.
Speaker 4: But yeah, my girls have seen me, I think because
Speaker 4: I was so young as a mom, they've seen me
Speaker 4: go through that divorce and they've seen me just at
Speaker 4: the bottom of my barrel and they've seen the worst.
Speaker 4: So they knew that, Okay, this is going to be
Speaker 4: hard going through another breakup. They were very helpful, but
Speaker 4: also at the same time, like, let me do my thing.
Speaker 4: They would go to their dads and not worry about me,
Speaker 4: and I tried to keep it really like compartmentalized for them.
Speaker 2: It's just such a fascinating thing to me to think
Speaker 2: of being a mother and dealing with all of that stuff, right,
Speaker 2: Like mothers don't get enough credit for the fact that
Speaker 2: they're living through their own personal life. Human you're also
Speaker 2: having to be a parent and be the person with
Speaker 2: all of the answers to your children.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's the thing, and we talk about My youngest
Speaker 4: actually said to me one time she was being an asshole,
Speaker 4: and I said, we separated from while, and she came
Speaker 4: back to me She's like, Mom, I'm really sorry. I
Speaker 4: just kind of realized that you're living your life for
Speaker 4: the first time too. You have no idea what you're doing.
Speaker 4: I was like, exactly, I have no idea what I'm doing.
Speaker 4: I'm making this shit up as I go and I'm
Speaker 4: hoping it works out. And anytime they come to me
Speaker 4: for advice, you know, I really do take a minute
Speaker 4: and think about it because I don't know. Sometimes I
Speaker 4: don't have the answer and sometimes I don't know, and
Speaker 4: that's how humans are. And so it's about like getting
Speaker 4: quiet again, going back to that and just letting the
Speaker 4: messages come to you, and if you're willing to listen
Speaker 4: and receive them, then you have some sort of guidance
Speaker 4: going forward. Once you get through things, they're never just
Speaker 4: gone forever. It's always just sort of one of the
Speaker 4: fibers of who you are. And I think that because
Speaker 4: I've had so many crazy experiences and so many fibers
Speaker 4: that make me who I am, I can really relate
Speaker 4: to a lot of different scenarios. And I think my
Speaker 4: girls feel comfortable learning to me, to talk to me
Speaker 4: about things that maybe they wouldn't normally. I certainly didn't
Speaker 4: feel comfortable talking to my mom about certain things. So
Speaker 4: that's what I just keep trying to make sure that
Speaker 4: I'm a person that they can go to whether it's
Speaker 4: good or bad or ugly.
Speaker 1: We're in it together, yeah.
Speaker 2: And also we're alive during a time where that is
Speaker 2: the norm rather than the you know exception. People are
Speaker 2: always like God, everyone's too open. It's like, you can't
Speaker 2: be too open. There's no such thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean that's how we're all learning and growing.
Speaker 1: That's how we're all becoming more aware and open.
Speaker 4: Like, I think it's a great thing that everybody's talking
Speaker 4: about everything now.
Speaker 2: So your clothing line is me and it's available on QVC. Oh,
Speaker 2: I hope you make a fortune on QVC. I was
Speaker 2: just some I just was with some woman who sold
Speaker 2: her makeup brand that launched on QVC and she sold
Speaker 2: it for one point two billion dollars.
Speaker 5: Oh my god, so yeah, that happens to you.
Speaker 4: Amazing. I'm just really having a great time. I never
Speaker 4: saw this coming. I didn't I never wanted to be
Speaker 4: a fashion designer, and actually, when the opportunity came to me,
Speaker 4: I was like, why me? I don't think I can
Speaker 4: do this, and everybody else does this?
Speaker 1: Not me?
Speaker 4: All those thoughts came pouring in, and then I had
Speaker 4: to really just set those aside and say, why not you.
Speaker 4: You've been wearing clothes since you were born, You've been
Speaker 4: fitted all your life in different you know, by different
Speaker 4: stylists and wardrobe people. So I just sort of said,
Speaker 4: I just I always say why not me? Let's keep going,
Speaker 4: keep going, pushing myself forward to whatever the next challenge is.
Speaker 4: And I learned I learned that very recently that why
Speaker 4: not me? Like that's the force that keeps me going.
Speaker 4: And I'm doing it with my middle daughter, Lola. She's
Speaker 4: designing with me. She wants to be in the fashion
Speaker 4: industry and she's in college for that. So it is
Speaker 4: an amazing gift to be able to work with her
Speaker 4: develop a brand from the ground up.
Speaker 1: With her and run it with her.
Speaker 4: So it's just like it's the gift that keeps on giving.
Speaker 4: And when I see women wearing our clothes, I feel
Speaker 4: so just proud and they feel good about themselves in them,
Speaker 4: and that's that's the ultimate goal.
Speaker 5: And so what kind of clothing is it?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 5: Is it for It's for everybody?
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's it's everyday, very wearable streetwear that it's not
Speaker 4: too high fashion, it's always comfortable, and I really work
Speaker 4: to work with sustainable materials and so we know we
Speaker 4: have big goals within our company and things that we're
Speaker 4: working on, and it's just really exciting to be at
Speaker 4: a at a place where there's that kind of future.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that is exciting. Sounds like everything's going great.
Speaker 4: Yeah, the clothes are really comfortable and people are loving them,
Speaker 4: and I feel confident about talking about them and encouraging people,
Speaker 4: you know, to look and feel their best every day.
Speaker 5: And so where can people find them?
Speaker 2: They I'm obviously easy.
Speaker 1: And we have yeah me by Jenny Garth or Jennygarth
Speaker 1: dot com.
Speaker 2: It's all okay, it's all great, great, and I know
Speaker 2: we're going to take a break and we'll be right
Speaker 2: back with Jenny Garth.
Speaker 5: And we're back. We are back.
Speaker 3: We are going to start with some callers today.
Speaker 5: My favorite, we have live people. Jenny, did you pull
Speaker 5: up in a pickup truck today?
Speaker 3: I did?
Speaker 2: Oh.
Speaker 5: I love that. I don't have a car, very unexpected.
Speaker 5: You don't have a car. I don't have a car.
Speaker 4: I gave my car back because it was a Tesla
Speaker 4: and I don't like him anymore, so I gave my
Speaker 4: He just creeps me out.
Speaker 5: Did what you mean? He just creeps you out? He's
Speaker 5: so creepy.
Speaker 1: I gave back to it was like, get it away
Speaker 1: from me.
Speaker 2: I mean, I can't imagine how many people have returned
Speaker 2: their Teslas.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I don't even have a car.
Speaker 7: Now.
Speaker 4: That's my husband's car and he had to get a
Speaker 4: ride to work with his business partner. But I love
Speaker 4: driving a pack. I feel like a badass.
Speaker 3: We saw a like tan brown, like the worst color
Speaker 3: brown you can imagine, cyber truck today.
Speaker 5: It was like diarrhea. One of those cyber truck.
Speaker 1: You know what I got say?
Speaker 4: I am fascinated by those and I secretly want one.
Speaker 4: I'm just like I secretly wanted a Hummer when it
Speaker 4: came out. But it's just because I like big things
Speaker 4: that protect you.
Speaker 5: That car, though, doesn't even seem like you could see
Speaker 5: out of it.
Speaker 3: You can't. You can't see out the bag.
Speaker 1: There's like a camera. Oh spaceship.
Speaker 3: Yes, well, Benji is our first caller, and he says,
Speaker 3: dear Chelsea. I've been a performer since the age of five,
Speaker 3: when I did my first church skit, and haven't been
Speaker 3: able to get rid of that itch ever since. But
Speaker 3: I did get rid of the church part. I went
Speaker 3: to college for a BFA in musical theater and spent
Speaker 3: the majority of my twenties performing at Universal, Disney and
Speaker 3: regional theaters in Florida. I got to work on some
Speaker 3: incredible projects, but after some time, I found myself regretting
Speaker 3: not ever shooting my shot in NYC, so I took
Speaker 3: the leap and moved there. In twenty seventeen. I felt
Speaker 3: like I was starting to make headway with opportunities and
Speaker 3: casting directors after a few years of diligent auditioning, but
Speaker 3: then the pandemic hit and everything came to a grinding halt.
Speaker 3: I guess my question is how do you handle working
Speaker 3: through life when you feel your career might be growing stagnant.
Speaker 3: I was in a serious relationship that ended, and it
Speaker 3: seemed best to move back to Florida, where I felt well,
Speaker 3: I had more success. But now I'm currently working an
Speaker 3: office job and feel unfulfilled. Is it shameful for me
Speaker 3: to give up on my dreams of performing to work
Speaker 3: a job with some consistency?
Speaker 5: Adore you always at Benji? Hi, Benji, Hi, Hi, you
Speaker 5: look like a performer.
Speaker 1: Oh that's me. Yeah.
Speaker 5: This is our special guest Jenny Garth is here today.
Speaker 1: Hi. Oh my god, Hi, it's so nice to meet you. Guys.
Speaker 1: Nice to meet you. Where are you, Benji. I'm at
Speaker 1: Daytona Beach, Florida, but Orlando, Florida as well. Hope I'll
Speaker 1: come back and forth.
Speaker 2: Okay, So you've been working a desk job most recently. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: and you feel unfulfilled. Is there any way you can
Speaker 2: do some performing or some stage stuff on the side
Speaker 2: while you're working at desk job.
Speaker 1: I don't know why.
Speaker 6: My boy work at Universal and I recently got back
Speaker 6: working there from being away for a few years. But
Speaker 6: unfortunately i'm union actor equity, so it's hard to do
Speaker 6: like fun side projects because I have to do it union,
Speaker 6: and so in order to do performing, I have to
Speaker 6: basically do a union gig versus you know, like ever
Speaker 6: I want to do a fun right, no communator show
Speaker 6: or just something fun for that just to fulfill that need.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and union jobs are a little more time consuming, right,
Speaker 4: a little bit more commitment.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 6: And now that I'm doing a full time office job,
Speaker 6: it's hard to take time off to try to do
Speaker 6: a full show because the show requires so much commitment.
Speaker 2: So you're not going to be able to do both
Speaker 2: things at the same time, basically, And are you and
Speaker 2: what about financially are you able to? I mean it
Speaker 2: sounds like you have to work, right, Yeah, so you.
Speaker 6: Have to work forty hours a week doing the day
Speaker 6: job and then you know, a lot of people do
Speaker 6: like side fun projects and that kind of thing. But
Speaker 6: because I'm a union either I have to drop the
Speaker 6: union and kind of commit to working full time with
Speaker 6: the office job and then doing performing for fun or
Speaker 6: performing full time as a union worker.
Speaker 1: It's different.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean it sounds to me.
Speaker 2: I don't know, Jenny, You'll tell me what you think
Speaker 2: or tell us what you think, but it sounds to me, like,
Speaker 2: I don't know if the union aspect is as important
Speaker 2: as your creative outlet, Like if you really want to
Speaker 2: need your creative outlet and you can't afford to be
Speaker 2: a full time performer in the moment, you can either
Speaker 2: you have two choices. You can either focus on work,
Speaker 2: save up as much money as you can to like
Speaker 2: focus on taking a break and really going after jobs
Speaker 2: that are within the union and really auditioning and like
Speaker 2: setting aside I don't know, six weeks, two months, three months,
Speaker 2: whatever you can afford, if you've saved enough money to
Speaker 2: really just audition or continue your job and then do
Speaker 2: some non union stuff on the side, which is it
Speaker 2: sounds and I think is more easily attainable.
Speaker 6: That's kind of where I'm leaning towards you. There's like
Speaker 6: a badge of honor to get union, to fight for it,
Speaker 6: to get to the projects where you've grown enough credits
Speaker 6: so you can get union. But you know now that
Speaker 6: I'm not performing full time and committing to that full time,
Speaker 6: like it's I feel like I'm unfulfilled.
Speaker 2: Right, I hear you, do you have any at all
Speaker 2: opportunities that you where you could quit your best job
Speaker 2: and do a union job full time, and.
Speaker 6: When I move back to Florida, no, like there's only
Speaker 6: like a couple theaters that have union work.
Speaker 1: I see.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's hard, it's so hard. But I have to say, Benji,
Speaker 4: you are exactly where you're supposed to be. Even if
Speaker 4: you're not performing in this very moment, You're doing what
Speaker 4: you're supposed to do. And I think if you just
Speaker 4: know that you are exactly where you are supposed to be,
Speaker 4: doors will open before you and then you'll be like,
Speaker 4: it'll turn into this magical experience that you didn't even
Speaker 4: see coming, and you know, who knows what will come next.
Speaker 1: If you are just open.
Speaker 4: If you try your best to stay in a really
Speaker 4: grateful place. You're so grateful for the job that you
Speaker 4: have now because it's paying your bills, and you're really
Speaker 4: open to whatever is out there. I mean, that's all
Speaker 4: you can do. Because we all have these situations where
Speaker 4: we have to pay the bills and we have to
Speaker 4: and there are things out there we'd rather be doing
Speaker 4: or things that we love do to do more. But
Speaker 4: you are doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing
Speaker 4: right now.
Speaker 3: I also wonder if there are some other creative outlets
Speaker 3: that you could take advantage of, you know, and expand
Speaker 3: your horizons with that. Like maybe it's joining the Gay
Speaker 3: Men's Chorus if you're a singer, or joining a club and.
Speaker 5: I want to join the game me too.
Speaker 1: It's fun, it's the most lovely.
Speaker 6: There are other things that you can do outside the
Speaker 6: union that are not, like I said, like at the
Speaker 6: theme parks. Sure that's union or non union. You can
Speaker 6: do that if you're a union or non union. So
Speaker 6: that's what I'm trying to do right now, and I'm
Speaker 6: working my way back into it. But I just, yeah,
Speaker 6: I wanted to know what you guys have your thoughts
Speaker 6: on that.
Speaker 3: Are you committed to staying in Florida or is there
Speaker 3: any thought about going back to New York.
Speaker 6: No, not necessarily. It was just the path that seemed
Speaker 6: the best forward. You know. I've got older parents, grandparents
Speaker 6: that kind of help the time, and so I wanted
Speaker 6: to come back to be with family for a little bit.
Speaker 6: And I've been here for like a year or so,
Speaker 6: and so I want to maybe pursue going somewhere else
Speaker 6: after this.
Speaker 5: Well that sounds good. I mean, it sounds like you
Speaker 5: have a lot of options there.
Speaker 2: Like I agree with Jenny, and like you know, being
Speaker 2: very grateful for the position that you're in. You're making
Speaker 2: money or you know, earning enough of a living to
Speaker 2: support yourself, you are close to your family.
Speaker 5: Make sure you're taking all those things into account.
Speaker 2: You don't have to constantly be living out your fantasy
Speaker 2: dream in order to live out your fantasy life.
Speaker 5: This is what you need to do for the time being.
Speaker 2: And and take our advice about whether to do some
Speaker 2: stuff on the side that's non union, I wouldn't really
Speaker 2: worry about that. I mean, people do that in this
Speaker 2: industry all the time, people who are union work and
Speaker 2: non union jobs.
Speaker 5: You know, it's frowned upon, but you can people do it.
Speaker 2: So And if it's a matter of just getting your
Speaker 2: juices flowing and getting a having a creative outlet, then
Speaker 2: absolutely do little things on the side. Do some stand
Speaker 2: up comedy, do some writing, do some singing, do whatever
Speaker 2: it is that gets you going and makes it feel
Speaker 2: a little bit like. This job isn't the end all
Speaker 2: be all. It's kind of a temporary thing. And when
Speaker 2: you're ready to leave Florida or you are, you're ready
Speaker 2: to look for a more permanent opportunity.
Speaker 5: Then then I think that will also reveal itself.
Speaker 6: I really appreciate you guys, Thank you so much.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Benji, have fun in Florida while it's still on
Speaker 2: top of the on top of land.
Speaker 1: It's still not that yet, so don't worry.
Speaker 2: It's not going to get cold again, so don't worry.
Speaker 2: Global global warming is here and we're living it.
Speaker 6: You guys are amazing.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much.
Speaker 6: Were taking the time and talk to me. I really
Speaker 6: appreciate you guys. Thank you. Bye.
Speaker 2: Happy And he's not even fulfilling his dreams and he's
Speaker 2: in such a good.
Speaker 1: That's good.
Speaker 2: I'm fulfilling my dreams and I'm ready to fucking kill myself.
Speaker 5: I asked my sister she could euthanize me the other day.
Speaker 5: I'm like, you can do that.
Speaker 1: You can do you careend it when you're ready where
Speaker 1: I don't know that my you're creating a plan.
Speaker 2: Well, you can do it in Oregon, but you have
Speaker 2: to go through this whole testing situation where you I
Speaker 2: believe I haven't researched it because I'm not. I am
Speaker 2: sort of serious, but not quietly. Yeah, but what I
Speaker 2: am like, if you have to be diagnosed with some
Speaker 2: sort of fatal disease in order to get approved. Oh,
Speaker 2: you don't go through the suffering, you can't.
Speaker 4: Just thought.
Speaker 5: It was just like, I don't think you can just make.
Speaker 2: A plantively opt out, even though I mean, you have
Speaker 2: a cousin who's a doctor.
Speaker 5: And he said, if I really feel that way, he
Speaker 5: will help youthanize me.
Speaker 1: Exall, excellent.
Speaker 3: Well, our next caller is Adam Dear Chelsea. I'm a
Speaker 3: thirty four year old male living in Orlando who's recently
Speaker 3: out of a situationship and who knows what the hell
Speaker 3: it was at this point. My therapist lately has taught
Speaker 3: me the concept of attachment styles and relationships and helped
Speaker 3: me realize that I have an anxious attachment style. The
Speaker 3: guy I was seeing has a dismissive, avoidant attachment style.
Speaker 3: To make a long story short, since twenty twenty, he
Speaker 3: and I would ebb and flow, however, mostly because he
Speaker 3: would disappear and be very isolated and not make any contact.
Speaker 3: He would always say it's because he is tied down
Speaker 3: with work and he just appreciates his space. At first,
Speaker 3: I thought he was just being a typical Orlando gay
Speaker 3: and had ulterior motives, but nope, he was just too busy,
Speaker 3: putting in long hours at work and taking some me time. However,
Speaker 3: at random times, he would just kind of show up
Speaker 3: again and hang around longer and longer each time before
Speaker 3: repeating the process, mostly saying he needed some time. It
Speaker 3: didn't have the capacity for anything serious. All behaviors. I
Speaker 3: eventually learned of being a dismissive avoidant. Earlier this year,
Speaker 3: the process repeated itself, and this was the longest he
Speaker 3: had been around. I don't know what it is about him,
Speaker 3: but I'd always fall for him again and fall victim
Speaker 3: to the illusion that maybe this time it would be different,
Speaker 3: while things seemed a bit more serious. This time, history did,
Speaker 3: unfortunately repeat itself and we have not talked since July.
Speaker 3: Learning about attachment styles has helped me accept this, that
Speaker 3: this will never work and I am moving on. How
Speaker 3: do I see the signs in the future and not
Speaker 3: repeat my mistakes with the next guy? Thanks so much, Adam, Hi, Adam, Adam.
Speaker 5: Oh good, this is our special guest Jenny Guard today.
Speaker 4: Hello, oh hello, how are you? I want to be
Speaker 4: best for with them already I can tell you. Look,
Speaker 4: you might probably have the same attachment style. Maybe I
Speaker 4: don't even know what mine is, Adam.
Speaker 2: I think there's avoidant, and there's avoidant, then there's anxious,
Speaker 2: and then there's secure.
Speaker 5: Right, Yeah, those are the three.
Speaker 7: I think there might be more. I think there's for me,
Speaker 7: you know, dismissive awaiting kind of stands out because one
Speaker 7: thing I learned from my therapist is that being in
Speaker 7: an anxious attachment style I attract DA's and so I'm like,
Speaker 7: this is so interesting, Like I've never really learned about
Speaker 7: this concept.
Speaker 5: But he d dismissive avoidant.
Speaker 1: So there's a lot of hybrid I thought Eve meant
Speaker 1: like a lawyer.
Speaker 5: You could be.
Speaker 2: You could yeah, you could be anxious avoidant, you could
Speaker 2: be just avoidant, you could be yeah. But I think listen,
Speaker 2: First of all, the identification of it is your first step.
Speaker 2: Once you understand what you are, then you understand what
Speaker 2: you're attracting, and you can change your course at the
Speaker 2: pattern that you within which you meet men like this
Speaker 2: guy doesn't sound like your guy, but it does sound
Speaker 2: like it was a great learning tool for you to
Speaker 2: understan and this kind of relationship so that if you
Speaker 2: find yourself talking and getting close to someone like this again,
Speaker 2: you're going to understand, Oh, this is not my type
Speaker 2: of person. At the same time, you can also work
Speaker 2: on your attachment style. Certain people bring out the anxiousness
Speaker 2: in other people. I'm not an anxious attachment person, but
Speaker 2: I've had I've been in a relationship where I was
Speaker 2: anxious and I was insecure about the relationship.
Speaker 5: But that was the combination of the two of us together,
Speaker 5: you know.
Speaker 2: So you just have to be like alerted in your
Speaker 2: thinking and aware, which it sounds like you are, and
Speaker 2: that you've worked through this with your therapist about what
Speaker 2: your kind of pitfalls are, and then you're more easily
Speaker 2: able to identify other people's kinds of styles. And I
Speaker 2: think just by knowing it, you're going to make better choices.
Speaker 2: Like you're gonna go, oh, this guy is not the
Speaker 2: kind of guy for me. I have this one guy
Speaker 2: who hits on me all the time, right, He's constantly
Speaker 2: blowing up my dms.
Speaker 5: He'll show up whenever I'm doing shows and he's cute.
Speaker 2: I'm not really interested, but like, even if I were interested,
Speaker 2: I understand what.
Speaker 5: His style is and it's not my style.
Speaker 2: I'm like you, he comes in and out every couple months,
Speaker 2: and then it's like full court pressing me. And then
Speaker 2: you know, in between those months, I'm sure he's got
Speaker 2: a girlfriend.
Speaker 5: I'm sure he's got other things going on. I'm not
Speaker 5: at the top of his list.
Speaker 2: But then when he sees me or he's reminded of me,
Speaker 2: he's always like trying to say, Chelsea, we got to
Speaker 2: get together, we got to go out. I'm like, I'm
Speaker 2: not interested in you. I can already smell your number,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. And so I think you
Speaker 2: just have to understand who you are before you can
Speaker 2: understand who anyone else is.
Speaker 5: And it sounds like you've done that work. Yeah you think, Jenny,
Speaker 5: I think that.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Acknowledging what where you are and what you want is
Speaker 4: so so important. What you want for your future, and
Speaker 4: because of your experience in your past, you know what
Speaker 4: you don't want, and so being able to be very
Speaker 4: straightforward with yourself in those moments of whether it's temptation
Speaker 4: or you're at a crossroads with choice, you can tell
Speaker 4: yourself that's not the life that I want, that's not
Speaker 4: serving me the most important person. So I think you're
Speaker 4: really doing the right thing by going to therapy and
Speaker 4: you know, getting this sort of awareness and it's really
Speaker 4: going to serve you moving forward.
Speaker 2: And also, you know, when you meet people, every opportunity,
Speaker 2: every person you meet romantically is an opportunity to break
Speaker 2: a pattern. You have an opportunity here to never make
Speaker 2: this kind of mistake again. No sorry, it's not a mistake,
Speaker 2: but to never date a person like that again. You
Speaker 2: want to break your own cycles. And I'm really big
Speaker 2: into that. I like to not make mistakes multiple times
Speaker 2: because then you just start to feel like, what's wrong
Speaker 2: with me? You know, So make that the last type
Speaker 2: of guy like that that you date. The next time,
Speaker 2: when you see the writing on the wall, you could
Speaker 2: be like, no, no, no, this is not for me, and
Speaker 2: you're going to find someone who's a little bit more
Speaker 2: where you are, someone who expects what you expect, and
Speaker 2: someone who's as communicative and as consistent as you are.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 7: Absolutely, you know. I think there's a good learning experience
Speaker 7: in the sense that, like you know, these types of
Speaker 7: people are very independent, and so it's a good learning
Speaker 7: experience in terms of like learned me to kind of
Speaker 7: you know, take the moments for me. You know, when
Speaker 7: we were kind of chatting in this situationship or whatever
Speaker 7: you want to call it, but just take some self
Speaker 7: care time and just making me appreciate that independent time.
Speaker 7: And I think for me, something I'm struggling with right
Speaker 7: now is that we kind of bonded recently he kind
Speaker 7: of slid into the DMS again. Yeah, cycle of communication.
Speaker 7: I'm like, you know, I really don't want to go
Speaker 7: down this repeated pattern here, But it's hard.
Speaker 2: I know it's hard, but like, seriously, is it that hard.
Speaker 2: It's not that hard when someone's not right for you.
Speaker 2: There are billions of people on this planet. There are
Speaker 2: over three hundred million people in this country. You will
Speaker 2: find another person that you were interested in. It's really
Speaker 2: not that hard to set a boundary and keep.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you need to be tough love, You need to
Speaker 4: be tough with yourself, you know, and just remember that
Speaker 4: you are the only one that's taking care of you.
Speaker 4: He's not taking care of you. So whatever is in
Speaker 4: your best interest is what you have to keep in mind.
Speaker 4: That you got to keep your eye on the prize
Speaker 4: and you are, yes, exactly, well.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 7: I appreciate that.
Speaker 5: Okay, Well, good back with everything.
Speaker 1: Bye, thank you, bye bye.
Speaker 5: I like good luck with everything. Bye, goodbye.
Speaker 4: Listen.
Speaker 1: We're trying, We're trying out.
Speaker 5: We are we are. You're giving great advice, Jenny. Yeah,
Speaker 5: and your voice is so soothing.
Speaker 1: Oh I try, Well, that's my voice. I can't.
Speaker 2: Yeah no, but it is soothing. It's probably very soothing
Speaker 2: to your girls.
Speaker 1: I would imagine they like it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's good voice for podcasting. Jenny also has a podcast,
Speaker 5: Well I Choose me too too. I found out a
Speaker 5: different podcast.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Well, and I'm producing a third one call I Do
Speaker 4: Part two, which is about finding love and your second act. Oh,
Speaker 4: we do that one and I did it with Amy
Speaker 4: Roeback and d J.
Speaker 1: Holmes.
Speaker 5: Amy Roback the oh Amy road Back.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know you're talking about. Okay, great, oh part two.
Speaker 2: That's perfect for our listeners too. I'm sure there's a
Speaker 2: lot of women who are looking for their Part two.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well.
Speaker 3: Our next question comes from Isabelle, and this is a
Speaker 3: co parenting sort of question.
Speaker 5: Okay, ah too.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 3: On Isabelle says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a thirty six year
Speaker 3: old woman and have been dating a great guy for
Speaker 3: six months now. We're super compatible in many ways, and
Speaker 3: although we've only known each other for a relatively short time.
Speaker 3: I feel like this could be a longer lasting thing.
Speaker 3: There's only one thing that bothers me, and that's his ex.
Speaker 3: They were together for seven years, and then they had
Speaker 3: an on again, off again thing for about a year
Speaker 3: after breaking up, which pretty much only ended when I
Speaker 3: entered the picture, so they never had an actual clean break.
Speaker 5: I normally wouldn't care if a partner keeps touch with
Speaker 5: an ex.
Speaker 3: I sporatically text with my ex husband, who is part
Speaker 3: of my life for fifteen years, but we also had
Speaker 3: a no contact phase for two years after separating, so
Speaker 3: clean break and we both moved on and can be
Speaker 3: happy for each other now. My boyfriend, on the other hand,
Speaker 3: has kept in touch with his ex this whole time,
Speaker 3: and his main reason is that she wants to see
Speaker 3: their dogs. Sometimes he drops them off at her place,
Speaker 3: but they've also walked the dogs together, and I always
Speaker 3: hear about these things after the fact. Don't get me wrong,
Speaker 3: I understand the immense love you can have for an animal.
Speaker 3: I love my cat more than most or maybe all people.
Speaker 3: But I also think that breakups come with losses and
Speaker 3: we can't always get what we want. I have a
Speaker 3: feeling she's trying to keep a foot in the door
Speaker 3: by requesting to see the dogs, and it's just a
Speaker 3: reason for her to communicate with him. I'm not normally
Speaker 3: a jealous person, but this bothers me. He's also never
Speaker 3: offered for me to meet her, and I don't think
Speaker 3: he'd want me to. I've brought this up with him
Speaker 3: and we ended up having our first fight over this.
Speaker 5: Ever since then, he.
Speaker 3: Hasn't brought her up at all, so I'm assuming he's
Speaker 3: just avoiding conflict by not telling me about their dog
Speaker 3: parenting meetups anymore. I'm not worried he's sleeping with her,
Speaker 3: but I am jealous that he won't let go of
Speaker 3: that relationship because, on top of everything, they're trauma bonded,
Speaker 3: and I feel like he will never reach this level
Speaker 3: of vulnerability with me that he has with her. My
Speaker 3: question is, how can I open this conversation again without
Speaker 3: it ending in a fight. I just want him to
Speaker 3: be honest, and I do want to be informed about
Speaker 3: their level of contact.
Speaker 1: Isabelle, Isabelle, Oh, isabel the Flag.
Speaker 5: I know, I know, I hate to be like you know.
Speaker 2: I don't ever want women to act in jealousy or
Speaker 2: out of jealousy. But there is something that's so codependent.
Speaker 2: I guess we learned interdependent. It's the opposite of codndent,
Speaker 2: but codependent that is.
Speaker 5: A red flag.
Speaker 2: Like that is like, okay, he's he has to go
Speaker 2: be with her and and you're not exposed to her
Speaker 2: at all.
Speaker 5: That means there is something Is.
Speaker 4: He doing it for the dogs or is he doing
Speaker 4: it for drop off?
Speaker 5: I don't think the.
Speaker 1: Dogs really care.
Speaker 5: I don't think dogs care either. That dog he never
Speaker 5: saw me again. I think he'd.
Speaker 4: Exactly he finds somebody else to write, right. I think
Speaker 4: that that is the biggest thing here. I feel like
Speaker 4: he's got to put his money where his mouth is.
Speaker 4: And if that means that he needs to end a
Speaker 4: relationship that is not serving your new his new relationship,
Speaker 4: well then that's a choice that he has to make.
Speaker 1: And it's not an easy choice, you know.
Speaker 4: But if I mean, you seem to be kind of
Speaker 4: okay with them being friends, but you just want.
Speaker 1: To be in the loop.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but be in the loop.
Speaker 2: You were in the loop and you didn't like it,
Speaker 2: and now you're out of the loop and you don't
Speaker 2: like that.
Speaker 5: So you're not going to like either one.
Speaker 2: And it's like he's got one foot in his old
Speaker 2: relationship and one foot in his new relationship, is what
Speaker 2: it sounds like, So I would I wouldn't be worried
Speaker 2: about his reaction to you stating what your boundaries are.
Speaker 2: Either you have boundaries or you don't, and if you
Speaker 2: have them, you have to be confident in stating what
Speaker 2: they are, which is, I don't feel comfortable with this
Speaker 2: relationship anymore.
Speaker 5: If you do feel.
Speaker 2: Comfortable with the relationship, then you just have to accept
Speaker 2: it and stop asking questions about it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's kind of like it's one or the other.
Speaker 1: It's black and white, really.
Speaker 2: Right, And I wouldn't I think if you say to yourself, Okay,
Speaker 2: I'm fine with them being in a relationship, he knows
Speaker 2: how you feel now, so he's going to avoid telling
Speaker 2: you anything about it, and that then it works.
Speaker 5: That's going to.
Speaker 2: Create more tension and more of a chasm between the
Speaker 2: two of you. And I think it's important to say, like,
Speaker 2: this doesn't feel right to me, Like I don't think
Speaker 2: you want me to feel this way, And if you
Speaker 2: don't care that I feel this way, then that's a
Speaker 2: bigger issue.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: The fact that it caused the argument, that's the biggest or.
Speaker 2: Because listen, if I went to someone that I was
Speaker 2: in a relationship with and I said, hey, this this
Speaker 2: bothers me.
Speaker 5: This isn't a man.
Speaker 2: It's not like we're talking about your relative that you
Speaker 2: have to go see. This is an old flame that
Speaker 2: you're sharing a dog with that you never officially ended
Speaker 2: a relationship with.
Speaker 5: That doesn't make me feel good. That makes me feel
Speaker 5: very like.
Speaker 2: I question that, and I question your motives for seeing
Speaker 2: her because is the dog telling you that he needs
Speaker 2: to see her?
Speaker 5: What's going on exact?
Speaker 3: Or like drop the dog off and then you know
Speaker 3: what I mean, it's it's important to you walk kid.
Speaker 4: Yeah, my ex husband would drop the kids off and
Speaker 4: then leave. It's not like we hung out. I got
Speaker 4: anything out.
Speaker 1: Of seeing walks together.
Speaker 4: No, no, no, this is You've got to definitely speak
Speaker 4: up and fight for your right because this doesn't sound
Speaker 4: like it's it's beneficial to you in the long.
Speaker 2: Run, especially if you have not been exposed to this woman,
Speaker 2: then that's a secret.
Speaker 5: If you're not in.
Speaker 2: The relationship, then there's no open dialogue about the fact
Speaker 2: that you are in a relationship and that she's aware
Speaker 2: of what the status of your relationship is. So, yeah,
Speaker 2: how you would bring it up again without it resulting
Speaker 2: in that. I think it's probably going to result in
Speaker 2: an argument as it did the first time. But I
Speaker 2: think you do need to be honest and just say
Speaker 2: everything we said and be like, listen, this doesn't make
Speaker 2: me feel good.
Speaker 5: I don't feel secure.
Speaker 2: This isn't what I'm looking for in terms of being
Speaker 2: in a trusting relationship.
Speaker 4: You just need to put it on the table and
Speaker 4: you need to define what you want and if he
Speaker 4: can't give that to you, then you need to figure
Speaker 4: out what your next move is.
Speaker 5: Hit us back when you come up with that.
Speaker 1: Let's hear.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, let's take a break and we'll come back
Speaker 3: with one more question and my.
Speaker 2: Pub Okay, great, we'll be right back and we're back
Speaker 2: with Jennie Garth. Jennie Garth, who chooses, She chooses her?
Speaker 2: I choose me, Catherine, you choose you?
Speaker 3: I sure do, I sure do.
Speaker 1: It's all about choices.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's all about us and choices.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 3: And I do love that you're having, like a women's group.
Speaker 3: Some of the most important decisions in my life have
Speaker 3: been made after going to a women's group like that,
Speaker 3: like a meetup sort of thing. And I remember there
Speaker 3: was one that I went to where I was like
Speaker 3: sort of toying with moving to California, and it was
Speaker 3: like a big sort of deal.
Speaker 5: But I was like, maybe this is what I'm on
Speaker 5: fire about and excited about.
Speaker 3: And then the rest of the weekend, all the women
Speaker 3: were like, you're the one who's moving to California, and
Speaker 3: it became a truth while we were together. There's so
Speaker 3: much power in getting women to oh that's interesting.
Speaker 2: What's like a crazy story that you've heard or or
Speaker 2: an inspiring story that you've heard from a woman.
Speaker 1: A common theme is not.
Speaker 4: Knowing how to choose yourself, having been taking care of
Speaker 4: other people all your life, or taught to be a
Speaker 4: people pleaser, or put in this position that you aren't
Speaker 4: be able to breathe in or shine in. And I
Speaker 4: think it's it's very very scary to break out of
Speaker 4: a mold or a box that you've been put in,
Speaker 4: especially if you're doing it alone.
Speaker 2: Well, even just our last the person that wrote in
Speaker 2: about her boyfriend and the dog and the ex that's
Speaker 2: just like, how do I bring up this conversation again
Speaker 2: without it turning cantankerous or it's like, but that's not
Speaker 2: your problem, Like you're stating what you want. If he
Speaker 2: gets mad, then that's your answer right there. Like it's
Speaker 2: such a theme with women not being able to state
Speaker 2: what you want or stand up for yourself, whether it's
Speaker 2: on this level or on a like in a level
Speaker 2: where you're coming out of a marriage and having to
Speaker 2: like reidentify who you are.
Speaker 3: Lindsey says, dear Chelsea, thank you for your unapologetic, intelligent,
Speaker 3: bravery and unwavering support you show to women everywhere. You're
Speaker 3: welcome as a female physician in Texas. I needed some
Speaker 3: levity and light after the recent election, and I was
Speaker 3: thrilled to discover you had a podcast. I've been devouring
Speaker 3: all the episodes now for the advice. In short, my
Speaker 3: brother filed for divorce a year and a half ago,
Speaker 3: and I advocated for him. He and my sister in
Speaker 3: law have since reconciled, and therefore they've cut me off.
Speaker 3: There is severe asymmetry in their relationship. He's devoted, loyal
Speaker 3: and golden retriever in human form, and she has had
Speaker 3: multiple affairs checks the boxes in the DSM for narcissist
Speaker 3: and has slandered my brother's reputation to friends as a
Speaker 3: reason for her cheating. It's hard to capture the events succinctly,
Speaker 3: but here we go. My brother's wife cheated for years,
Speaker 3: denied it. He found evidence, he confided in me plans
Speaker 3: to divorce her. For one month, we spent many hours
Speaker 3: texting and on the phone, where I learned.
Speaker 1: The details of her behavior.
Speaker 3: I gave him advice STD council and also educated him
Speaker 3: on personality disorders, of which she has I think at
Speaker 3: least one. The month he filed for divorce, we went
Speaker 3: on a family trip, and while we were away, she
Speaker 3: got into his iPad and read every single text exchanged
Speaker 3: between us. She did a one to eighty and went
Speaker 3: from telling him she was miserable in the marriage to
Speaker 3: begging for him back. It was the first time she
Speaker 3: admitted to cheating, because she'd read in our text that
Speaker 3: we already had proof prior to that, he'd endured nearly
Speaker 3: a decade of gaslighting about it. Once there was evidence
Speaker 3: and she knew lying wasn't an option, she made grand
Speaker 3: gestures and begged her entire family to emotionally manipulate him
Speaker 3: into staying with her, so they reconciled. When my brother
Speaker 3: told me about their reconciliation, my advice was to give
Speaker 3: it some time, spend some time apart before getting back together.
Speaker 3: I advised that if she had the capacity to change,
Speaker 3: that some time apart could give her the opportunity to
Speaker 3: show with her actions that changes.
Speaker 1: Have been made.
Speaker 3: But my sister in law never showed signs of shame, regret, embarrassment,
Speaker 3: or remorse. She instead has been on a war path
Speaker 3: to cut us out of their lives. They've decided to
Speaker 3: seal the deal with a pregnancy, of course, and two
Speaker 3: of us siblings have been excluded from their lives because
Speaker 3: of the advice we gave him a year and a
Speaker 3: half ago. We dropped it and have only sent loving texts,
Speaker 3: but those texts are met with long, angry texts back,
Speaker 3: demanding we recant our prior advice and make a grand
Speaker 3: gesture saying we approve and celebrate the reconciliation. We've been
Speaker 3: the bigger people throughout the entire scenario. The most heartbreaking
Speaker 3: thing is that my brother has learned to use the
Speaker 3: tools of her aggressive communitytion and gaslighting now. So I
Speaker 3: guess when you live with the narcissist for ten years,
Speaker 3: you adopt their methods.
Speaker 1: So what is my ask?
Speaker 3: I'm not sure I know. But during the holiday season,
Speaker 3: this rift has become a huge problem. As you can imagine,
Speaker 3: they tried to make me unwelcome at my parents' holiday
Speaker 3: table last year, and this year the sentiment is more
Speaker 3: of the same. I've been told by my brother and
Speaker 3: his wife that the only way we can move forward
Speaker 3: in our relationship is for me to meet with her
Speaker 3: so she can rate me for the sentiments I shared
Speaker 3: privately over text with my brother. I've told them I
Speaker 3: won't sit down for that meeting because it's toxic and
Speaker 3: our conversations were never meant for her.
Speaker 5: What would Chelsea do?
Speaker 2: Lindsey, Okay, I'm going to use mel Robin's advice right here.
Speaker 2: She has a new book called Let Them, and that's
Speaker 2: what you need to do.
Speaker 5: Let them.
Speaker 2: Let them go have their family and their toxic relationship,
Speaker 2: and let them have their babies who will most likely
Speaker 2: will hopefully not be toxic.
Speaker 5: But let them.
Speaker 2: There's nothing you can do. There is absolutely nothing you
Speaker 2: can do besides go on with your life. And it's
Speaker 2: so sad that you don't have a brother really right now.
Speaker 2: Hopefully that won't be permanent. But there is no point
Speaker 2: in getting involved with them in any way. It is
Speaker 2: so toxic and now that you have to kind of
Speaker 2: say goodbye to your brother in the relationship that you
Speaker 2: had with him. And while that sounds harsh, it's true,
Speaker 2: Like there's no point you're going to torture yourself.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she just needs to step back.
Speaker 5: Step back.
Speaker 2: They can't take away your parents. You have your own
Speaker 2: relationship with them, and if you have to suffer through
Speaker 2: them on the holidays, then so be it. But don't
Speaker 2: get involved in their drama. Don't try to negotiate anything
Speaker 2: with them.
Speaker 5: Just back out because your.
Speaker 2: Brother needs to understand also that he has been isolated
Speaker 2: by his wife, like she is making sure that everyone
Speaker 2: in his life is not there for you to sit
Speaker 2: down for an appointment to get berated as one of
Speaker 2: the most ludicrous things I've ever heard, Like, fuck off.
Speaker 2: You were his counselor and you were his helper and
Speaker 2: now you're getting punished.
Speaker 1: Why don't you understand how he's allowing this to happen.
Speaker 2: Well, he's brainwashed too, He's like, you know how you
Speaker 2: know how women and men alike can do that to women,
Speaker 2: to other people, like if you're an easy going, really
Speaker 2: easygo and she said he was kind of like a
Speaker 2: Labrador retreat or something like that. Like you can easily
Speaker 2: be manipulated by another person and then kind of get
Speaker 2: brainwashed by them.
Speaker 5: It's not dissimilar from being in a cult.
Speaker 2: It's just one person that's controlling you, and it's all
Speaker 2: very controlling. Anyone who does that and tries to isolate
Speaker 2: you from your family is that's abuse.
Speaker 5: By the way, this.
Speaker 3: Specific type of behavior in the UK, they call it
Speaker 3: coercive control and they've actually just made it illegal. It's
Speaker 3: not illegal here in the US, but like you actually
Speaker 3: can get in trouble legally for controlling your partner in
Speaker 3: the UK.
Speaker 5: That's great.
Speaker 1: How do they define it? Like the gaping point, I.
Speaker 3: Mean, it's it's these elements of like cutting someone off
Speaker 3: from their family, and there's a whole lot of things
Speaker 3: that go into it. But these like toxic boyfriends, are
Speaker 3: toxic you know, girlfriends or wives, these sorts of things.
Speaker 5: There are consequences for it now at.
Speaker 4: Least well he's there are consequences to what he's experiencing too.
Speaker 4: When she's experiencing, he's going to lose a sister, somebody
Speaker 4: that's looking in right, looking out for his best interest,
Speaker 4: and he's losing more than you're losing, probably because he's
Speaker 4: caught up in this cycle of listening to the wrong
Speaker 4: person instead of listening to himself.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so that's I mean, that sucks and I'm sorry,
Speaker 2: but yeah, I would get yourself extricate yourself from that dynamic.
Speaker 3: Is there like an emotion or a mantra that you
Speaker 3: would send her in with when she does see them
Speaker 3: at holidays and has to sort of be a sivolt
Speaker 3: just it's mel Robbins.
Speaker 2: Let them, let them do their thing, let them be toxic,
Speaker 2: let them have a dysfunctional relationship, let them be angry,
Speaker 2: let them be abusive to each other.
Speaker 5: It's none of your business anymore.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: And on that note, we're gonna thank Jenny Garth for
Speaker 2: being here today.
Speaker 1: I'm so happy to be here. Thank you.
Speaker 5: I know, it's so nice to see you.
Speaker 2: Her podcasts Choose Me podcast and there's part two podcasts,
Speaker 2: then there's an another one.
Speaker 5: What's the name of the third one you're producing.
Speaker 1: That is a it's called Nino two one og.
Speaker 2: It's a oh we even talk about nine or two
Speaker 2: one oh, but we had too much other stuff to
Speaker 2: talk about. You can also find her clothing line on QVC.
Speaker 2: It's called Me by Jenny Garth, or you can go
Speaker 2: to Jennygarth dot com and find it.
Speaker 1: And then what day is your Women's group? January eleventh?
Speaker 2: January eleventh at iHeart Theater in Los Angeles.
Speaker 1: Okay, that sounds fun, It'll be fun.
Speaker 5: Well, was nice to see you, Thanks to goodbye everybody.
Speaker 2: Okay, guys, stand up shows that I have coming up
Speaker 2: December twenty eighth, I'm coming in New Orleans right before
Speaker 2: New Year's and then I'll be in Atlanta, Georgia on
Speaker 2: December twenty ninth. And those are the rest of my
Speaker 2: stand up dates for this year. It's over New Tour
Speaker 2: New Year. If you'd like.
Speaker 3: Advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at Dear Chelsea
Speaker 3: podcast at gmail dot com and be sure to include
Speaker 3: your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by
Speaker 3: Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law and be sure to
Speaker 3: check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com