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Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea, how are you?

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Speaker 2: Greetings for my winter Wonderland. It's snowing, snowing, snowing. I'm happy, happy, happy.

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Speaker 3: I love your background when you're there, it's just like

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Speaker 3: beautiful snowy trees.

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Speaker 4: I know.

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Speaker 2: I love coming into my house and seeing my whole

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Speaker 2: podcast set up at my dining room table. So if

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Speaker 2: you have to eat anything, which I never sit down

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Speaker 2: to really do anyway, I just stand at the kitchen

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Speaker 2: counter and eat and then. And I had a phone

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Speaker 2: call the other day and I didn't know how to

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Speaker 2: disentangle any I had a sorry, a zoom, and I

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Speaker 2: didn't know how to disentangle all of the podcast equipment.

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Speaker 2: So I just did it like I was doing a

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Speaker 2: podcast with my headphones on. And everyone's like, you don't

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Speaker 2: need headphones for this, and I'm like, I know, I.

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Speaker 5: Know, I mean, you know what, go above and beyond

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Speaker 5: whenever you can, right, Chelsea, always Always.

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Speaker 2: My new book is ready for pre order everyone. It's

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Speaker 2: called I'll Have What She's Having. You can pre order

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Speaker 2: it now on Amazon.

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Speaker 3: And they can find live mean greets right on your website.

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Speaker 2: Oh yes, I'm doing I'm doing some live events for

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Speaker 2: my book. It's very exciting. It comes out February twenty

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Speaker 2: on my fiftieth birthday. Everybody, so help me celebrate. And

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Speaker 2: I have two shows left this year. I have New

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Speaker 2: Orleans at the Mahalia Jackson Theater on December twenty eighth,

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Speaker 2: and then on December twenty ninth, I am in Atlanta,

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Speaker 2: So if you are in those areas, get your tickets

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Speaker 2: because I am wrapping up the year. Some good movies,

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Speaker 2: you guys. I've been watching lots of movies because that's good.

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Speaker 2: Conclave is awesome. That's Ray Fines.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I cannot wait to see it.

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Speaker 2: I'd like to have sex with him, and he is

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Speaker 2: so good in that. That's a great movie. Another one

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Speaker 2: is Baby Girl Nicole Kidman's movies really good.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, that's really good. She just is so brave. She

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Speaker 5: does everything she does.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, she's like basically dry humping herself on the floor.

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Speaker 2: What else did I see? I saw the substance would

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Speaker 2: do me more very disturbing.

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Speaker 5: Did you.

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Speaker 1: I loved the substance.

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Speaker 5: I just like cracked up the entire time. It was

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Speaker 5: so like I was like giggling in the movie theater.

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Speaker 5: By the end, everyone was giggling with me, just like

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Speaker 5: it's so overwhelming. But I know two people who threw

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Speaker 5: up when they watched.

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Speaker 2: Oh ah, no, I'm not a week like that. I

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Speaker 2: don't have a week's stomach like that. I should say

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Speaker 2: what else? Oh, but Doug, Doug has been I did

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Speaker 2: discovered bones. My friend brought him a bone, and now

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Speaker 2: he is so funny. He has three bones and he

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Speaker 2: puts them in a basket and then when people come over,

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Speaker 2: he goes and gets the bones to display his bone

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Speaker 2: collection to all the people that come over.

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Speaker 5: I said, I go, what is he doing? And my

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Speaker 5: friend's like, I think he's showing off his bones. And

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Speaker 5: then he takes this big.

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Speaker 2: Bone and circles the whole area and brings it and

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Speaker 2: shows everyone how big his bone is. Oh I'm my god,

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, Doug, you are so fucking adorable. I

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Speaker 2: would never have pieced together what he was doing had

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Speaker 2: someone not told me.

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Speaker 5: Oh my god, what a cutie. I know, so funny.

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Speaker 5: I love he puts them in a basket. Yeah, he

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Speaker 5: has it like and he like hid one in the

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Speaker 5: couch the other day.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, no, thank you, And I mean he goes,

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Speaker 2: he hides it and then he checks. He circles around.

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Speaker 2: It's like three or four times to make sure it's there.

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Speaker 2: He is such a dog.

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Speaker 1: He's got a big personality.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, he does. He goes.

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Speaker 2: He does have a big personality. I have a great

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Speaker 2: dog walker here. It takes him out for like two

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Speaker 2: or three hours.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, thank god, Well, and he needs that too, right,

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Speaker 3: because he's like he's a snow dog, like he's got

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Speaker 3: all that hair loves.

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Speaker 2: So he just jumps into the snow, buries his face

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Speaker 2: in it, and then wiggles his body around it.

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Speaker 5: He'll do that for two hours. I mean, he's so lovable. Well,

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Speaker 5: I'm so glad you're having so much fun.

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Speaker 3: And we have a really exciting guest today that we

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Speaker 3: recorded with in.

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Speaker 2: La Yes, our guest today is an actress, a designer,

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Speaker 2: and host of the podcast I Choose Me. Please welcome

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Speaker 2: Jenny Garth. Okay, Jenny Garth. Here you are, I'm here.

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Speaker 5: I'm late. She's we're in her car still she just

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Speaker 5: pulled in. You're late, I'm late, we're all late.

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Speaker 1: The four h five was four h fiving. It was

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Speaker 1: a lot.

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Speaker 2: The traffic in Los Angeles is so not even worth

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Speaker 2: discussing because it's so disappointing on every level. I was

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Speaker 2: telling my friend, the only time that I don't hit

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Speaker 2: traffic is when I land at five pm to go home,

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Speaker 2: And five pm you would think is the worst hour.

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Speaker 5: And for some reason, when you I.

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Speaker 2: Land at five, I get home in thirty minutes, and

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Speaker 2: when I land at one in the afternoon on a Monday,

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Speaker 2: it takes me an hour.

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Speaker 5: I'm like, this is so so stupid.

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Speaker 2: First of all, they need to build like a double

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Speaker 2: decker highway somewhere or everywhere, or gytrail or like, I

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Speaker 2: don't know, some.

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Speaker 5: Sort of public transportation public it's a little late for that.

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Speaker 1: I think it's a i'ven off for a flying car.

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Speaker 5: Okay, Jenny, you have a lot of things going on.

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Speaker 2: You have I choose me, me, I choose me again,

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Speaker 2: and then I choose me. I love that you're choosing

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Speaker 2: yourself so much.

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Speaker 1: It's a message we all need to hear.

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Speaker 5: I know, well, tell me about it because Okay, so

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Speaker 5: you have you have a live.

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Speaker 2: Event coming up to that I want to talk about

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Speaker 2: at the iHeart Theater, which is on January eleventh, and

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Speaker 2: it's all about women and women choosing themselves. It's about

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Speaker 2: female empowerment. It's about feeling good about yourself and feeling

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Speaker 2: strong about making decisions that benefit yourself.

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Speaker 4: Right, So let's start with that. Okay, Yeah, I'm very

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Speaker 4: sad put this event together.

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Speaker 1: It's my first.

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Speaker 4: This is my inaugural event, and I hope to be

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Speaker 4: able to do it in other cities.

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Speaker 1: That's my goal.

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Speaker 4: And it's just about bringing a group of fabulous women

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Speaker 4: together to converge and share and inspire one another. I

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Speaker 4: found in going to events like this, or being in

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Speaker 4: groups of women that I don't know, so empowering and

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Speaker 4: so insightful and just like they fire me up and

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Speaker 4: it makes me want to be a better person and

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Speaker 4: do better for my own self and my own life.

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Speaker 1: And I'm very excited about it.

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Speaker 5: So what led you to?

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Speaker 2: I mean, I feel like we probably have similar stories

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Speaker 2: and like awakening our desires to please ourself rather than

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Speaker 2: go around pleasing others. But you probably have a little

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Speaker 2: bit of a different background because you are a mother,

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Speaker 2: you've been married three times, right, or that you're on

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Speaker 2: your third marriage, hopefully this will be the last.

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Speaker 1: I mean, that'd be nice.

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Speaker 5: I'd be nice. Well, third times of char am I

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Speaker 5: thing I think if even if.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't work out, it will be my.

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Speaker 2: Last A great answer, great answer. So what led you

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Speaker 2: to did you you start therapy? What happened to when

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Speaker 2: did you become more in touch with yourself and more

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Speaker 2: in touch with helping other women become in touch with them?

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Speaker 6: So I think it.

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Speaker 4: Started when I had my divorce from my second husband. Yeah, Peter,

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Speaker 4: we were together for seven times.

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Speaker 5: It was her last time I think I saw you.

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Speaker 2: It was with Peter Fetchinelli in at my birthday in Cabo,

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Speaker 2: like my thirty third birthday or something.

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Speaker 1: I was trying to remember the last time I saw you.

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Speaker 5: And it can't have been the last time I saw you.

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Speaker 1: No, I don't think it was.

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Speaker 4: But that was significant because I just remember dancing in

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Speaker 4: a cage.

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Speaker 1: In Mexico.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, there was a lot of cage dancing on that.

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Speaker 2: It was like it was it was my early days

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Speaker 2: at Chelsea Lately, and we decided I decided to just

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Speaker 2: throw a fiesta in Mexico and everyone flew down and

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Speaker 2: we had like, I don't know, one hundred and fifty

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Speaker 2: people there and we got blotted all weekend.

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Speaker 1: It was fun.

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Speaker 5: It was very it was very fun.

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Speaker 4: So anyway, I think after that that divorce sort of

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Speaker 4: turned into my awakening of like what, who, how?

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Speaker 1: All the things?

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Speaker 4: You know, because you're just sort of flattened, and I

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Speaker 4: to know which way was up for a while, and.

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Speaker 1: It took me a great, a great period of time,

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Speaker 1: with a lot of therapy, a lot of just searching.

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Speaker 4: I'm a very curious person by nature, so anytime, you know,

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Speaker 4: someone would say come to this you know, gathering and

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Speaker 4: we're going to learn about this, I'm there. I'm ready

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Speaker 4: with just an open mind.

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Speaker 1: And so I think that was the.

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Speaker 4: Beginning of like really trying to figure out who am

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Speaker 4: I if I'm not this wife, or if I'm not

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Speaker 4: the matrix of this family, or if I'm not I mean,

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Speaker 4: I was still the mother of my our three daughters,

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Speaker 4: but they would leave me every other week and so

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Speaker 4: then I would be left alone with just me, and

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Speaker 4: I had no idea who that person was because I

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Speaker 4: was always busy fitting or fulfilling someone else's needs.

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Speaker 2: How did that Because I think for some people who

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Speaker 2: go through divorce and then they split their children up,

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Speaker 2: like for some people, it's a huge party.

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Speaker 5: They're like, oh my.

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Speaker 2: God, I have some free time, free time, and I

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Speaker 2: have an opportunity to have my own identity again. And

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Speaker 2: other people, I think feel more lost when they have

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Speaker 2: that they don't have their children all the time.

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Speaker 5: So which was it for you?

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Speaker 1: It was both?

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Speaker 4: At first I felt lost, I remember just it was

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Speaker 4: agonizing when he would take them away from me, and

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Speaker 4: I think it was even more agonizing because there was

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Speaker 4: another woman that they were going to be with with him,

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Speaker 4: and it was just really not fun for a good minute.

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Speaker 4: And then it became like, hey, look at I have

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Speaker 4: free time. I can focus on my own needs, I

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Speaker 4: can do what I want. And it was just like

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Speaker 4: this experience that I had never had because I had

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Speaker 4: a kid when I was twenty.

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Speaker 1: Three years old.

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Speaker 4: That was when I first started, and I was working

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Speaker 4: all the time and always you know, being on schedule

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Speaker 4: and running the ship, and so I was like, wow,

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Speaker 4: a whole week of me time. And then it just

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Speaker 4: started to fall like what do I want to do?

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Speaker 1: You know?

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Speaker 2: So what was that period of time For people who

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Speaker 2: are listening, who are experiencing that are going through a

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Speaker 2: divorce that's traumatizing or upsetting, which most divorces are, right,

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Speaker 2: I mean, it's kind of unusual to go through a

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Speaker 2: divorce and be.

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Speaker 5: Like that was a good that was great. I guess

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Speaker 5: that's a conscious uncoupling. But even a conscious couple, I.

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Speaker 4: Don't think so. I don't think they a divorce of

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Speaker 4: any kind can be called fun. But yeah, I started

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Speaker 4: traveling on my own by myself. I went to Bali

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Speaker 4: on a women's excursion where I knew no one, and

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Speaker 4: I went to San Miguel, dan Though and did some

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Speaker 4: just soul searching and fell asleep in the back of

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Speaker 4: a cab in Mexico and woke up in San Miguel.

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Speaker 1: I was like, Wow, thank you God for keeping me alive.

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Speaker 2: But you're like, wow, am I going to another Chelsea

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Speaker 2: Handler birthday?

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Speaker 4: It could have been, but just like really getting so

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Speaker 4: so quiet with myself and not partying and not being

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Speaker 4: around a lot of people from my past, but just

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Speaker 4: really being alone.

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Speaker 1: And that was like eye opening for me.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I think that's true for everyone.

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Speaker 2: I feel like the biggest telltale sign for people who

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Speaker 2: are are in need of that or the people who

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Speaker 2: are so scared to be alone.

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Speaker 5: Right, you know your first reaction is like I don't

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Speaker 5: want to be alone.

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Speaker 2: I don't want to be alone, And like I talk

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Speaker 2: about this in my book too, my new book, like

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Speaker 2: it is so important. That is where the truth is.

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Speaker 2: When you can be alone with yourself and find yourself

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Speaker 2: and find out who you really are and what you're

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Speaker 2: really interested in, when no one else is impacting your decisions.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, like what do you like to do?

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Speaker 5: What do you want to do?

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Speaker 2: What brings you close to yourself and actually not doing

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Speaker 2: anything but being with yourself, which many people who haven't

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Speaker 2: done that don't even understand what that means. It's like,

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Speaker 2: what do you mean? And it's like actually sitting outside

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Speaker 2: and looking at the trees for an hour and a half,

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Speaker 2: not talking, not reading, not looking at your phone, but

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Speaker 2: actually just being with yourself and nature is where you

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Speaker 2: find out, Oh this is a different kind of vibration

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Speaker 2: that I'm tapping into.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's the best feeling. I recommend it to anyone.

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Speaker 4: Just go be alone for a minute.

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Speaker 5: So out of all of this and out of like

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Speaker 5: your self work.

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Speaker 2: Every time you went, you would get more in touch

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Speaker 2: with yourself or become more more deeply aligned or attuned.

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Speaker 1: To I would just be.

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Speaker 4: I would feel myself settling into who I was because

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Speaker 4: also being an actress and being an actress so young,

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Speaker 4: you are thrown into other people's shoes. You know, you're

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Speaker 4: living other people's lives on the daily all day long

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Speaker 4: as you act. And then they're like, okay, bye, we're

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Speaker 4: wrapped and you leave, and you're like, wait, where do

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Speaker 4: I go?

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Speaker 1: Who do I talk to? What do I do? Should

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Speaker 1: I go to the bathroom or should I eat dinner?

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 4: So there was a lot of just me figuring out myself,

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Speaker 4: and I think it was the best work that I've

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Speaker 4: ever you know, the best time that I've ever had

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Speaker 4: is that growing. And then I started to like date.

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Speaker 4: Everyone was like, you got to start trying to just

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Speaker 4: date people, and I was so against it. I said,

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Speaker 4: I'd rather lick the bottom of my shoe than go

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Speaker 4: out on a date with somebody. But it ended up

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Speaker 4: I ended up dating just random people, all different types,

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Speaker 4: really trying things out that I had never tried, as

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Speaker 4: far as different types of guys, and just seeing what

290
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Speaker 4: I liked and what I didn't like. And I was

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Speaker 4: able to really determine, like this is what I want

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Speaker 4: in my life. My life is so good. I'm so

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Speaker 4: self sufficient, I can be on my own. I love myself,

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Speaker 4: but what kind of person do I want to allow

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Speaker 4: back into my life? And so I was able to

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Speaker 4: get clarity in just exploring, you know, and trying different things.

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Speaker 2: And so that led you to your husband now that

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Speaker 2: you're with, Yes, and you guys also, you guys were

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Speaker 2: separated for a while, right, And what was that?

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Speaker 5: Can you talk about that?

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Speaker 1: My god? We got married in like five minutes?

302
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Speaker 5: How long after you, Matt? Did you get three months?

303
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Speaker 1: We got engaged?

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Speaker 4: Six months we were married, okay, And it was like

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Speaker 4: a big wedding and all the girls and you know,

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Speaker 4: everybody was like.

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Speaker 1: Okay, let's jump on board this train.

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Speaker 4: They were used to I can make some quick decisions,

309
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Speaker 4: let's call them. And they were used to that. And

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Speaker 4: so everybody felt good about it, and everybody liked Dave

311
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Speaker 4: a lot, because nobody doesn't like a Dave.

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Speaker 1: There's no Dave that people don't like. I don't think.

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Speaker 4: And he's really special. He's a good guy. He was

314
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Speaker 4: very young, He's nine years younger than me. And I

315
00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:06,040
Speaker 4: remember telling him I see so much potential in You

316
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Speaker 4: don't say that to a guy. They don't want to

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Speaker 4: hear that. But I didn't mean it, like in a

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Speaker 4: condescending way. I minted in, like, I see what you're

319
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Speaker 4: going to grow into, and I love that, Like I

320
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Speaker 4: love who you are right now. But what I see

321
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Speaker 4: for your future and how that connects with my future,

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Speaker 4: I think it's going to be great. So I was

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Speaker 4: really investing in that relationship, just emotionally and with you know,

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Speaker 4: with my time. And a year into it, he realized,

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Speaker 4: oh shit, I'm into deep. I have three step daughters,

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Speaker 4: all of a sudden, I have four female dogs, all

327
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Speaker 4: of a sudden. I live in the hills all of

328
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Speaker 4: a sudden. He lived in an apartment in Silver Lake

329
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Speaker 4: and was a bartender, and he just stepped into this

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Speaker 4: life that he thought looked really great, and yeah, it

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Speaker 4: was really fun and exciting, but it was a lot,

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Speaker 4: and it was too much for him. And he you

333
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Speaker 4: know that flow the flight, flight freeze, fly, fight, flight freeze.

334
00:14:07,559 --> 00:14:11,360
Speaker 4: He flew, I froze, he flew, and he flew for

335
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:14,719
Speaker 4: a year and we proceeded with divorce. Every all the paperwork.

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Speaker 4: He had the paperwork in the back of his truck.

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00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:22,040
Speaker 4: I think he might still have it. Honestly, It's like

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00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:25,440
Speaker 4: a big Manila envelope full of paperwork. And we were

339
00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:27,720
Speaker 4: ready to sign. It was like two days before we

340
00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:29,840
Speaker 4: were signing, and we got together one last time just

341
00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:33,760
Speaker 4: to talk it out and realized, like I think he

342
00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:36,600
Speaker 4: had a lot of time to realize, like a relationship

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00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:40,160
Speaker 4: isn't just fun and sparkly and rainbows. It is work,

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00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:43,800
Speaker 4: and it takes commitment, and you have to not only

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00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:46,280
Speaker 4: work on the relationship, you have to be willing to

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Speaker 4: work on yourself. And for me, I need a person

347
00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:53,440
Speaker 4: that is always wanting to grow and evolve and move forward,

348
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Speaker 4: like that's how I am, and I get really bored

349
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Speaker 4: if I'm stagnant. I like to move I like to

350
00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:01,480
Speaker 4: shake things up all the time. And so he just

351
00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:05,320
Speaker 4: had to really kind of accept those terms and realize

352
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Speaker 4: if they were going to work for him or not.

353
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Speaker 4: And I think he ultimately was like, you're my person,

354
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Speaker 4: and I know this isn't going to be easy, but

355
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Speaker 4: let's try. And so we did and we're still together.

356
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Speaker 5: That's amazing.

357
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Speaker 4: It really is, Like I don't know how that happened,

358
00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:22,640
Speaker 4: but we worked. We went and started, you know, going

359
00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:26,120
Speaker 4: to therapy individually, figuring out our shit on our own

360
00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:28,800
Speaker 4: so that we could come together and share it and

361
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Speaker 4: grow together in that way, And.

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Speaker 2: When you guys met, like the two days before you

363
00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:36,920
Speaker 2: were going to file for divorce, what were your intentions

364
00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:38,680
Speaker 2: going into that meeting with him?

365
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Speaker 5: Were you ready to.

366
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Speaker 2: Call it or were you still hopeful that you guys

367
00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:47,040
Speaker 2: could remedy the or rectify the relationship For situation.

368
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Speaker 4: Most in most instances, I'm usually not a good breakup,

369
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Speaker 4: Like I hold on tight, I attach, and I get like,

370
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Speaker 4: I feel like, what can I do?

371
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Speaker 1: How can I fix this?

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Speaker 4: I don't want to be a failure, And I certainly

373
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Speaker 4: didn't want to be a failure in this my third marriage.

374
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Speaker 4: Like I was like, that was one of the big

375
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Speaker 4: things that I had to get past, letting go out

376
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Speaker 4: of my girls. You know, there were so many things

377
00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:12,040
Speaker 4: that I had to get past. So in the beginning,

378
00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:17,000
Speaker 4: I was very just trying so hard to make it

379
00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:19,840
Speaker 4: work all the time, and I kept getting met with

380
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:22,200
Speaker 4: just like a wall. He was not there. And the

381
00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:25,360
Speaker 4: more I tried, the taller that wall got. And so

382
00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:27,880
Speaker 4: there came a time when I just stopped trying and

383
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,560
Speaker 4: I realized I have to let go. He's not an

384
00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:33,480
Speaker 4: option for me anymore. And I would repeatedly tell myself,

385
00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:34,920
Speaker 4: like when I would start to think of him every

386
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:37,800
Speaker 4: five minutes, or you know, be emotional or feel the feelings.

387
00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:40,240
Speaker 4: At some point I had to say, he is not

388
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:43,600
Speaker 4: an option for you, so move forward. And I had

389
00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:46,280
Speaker 4: a just kind of tough love myself, and in doing that,

390
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:50,560
Speaker 4: I got so strong and happy with my life. And

391
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:54,600
Speaker 4: of course that's when it happens. Then knock knock, knock, Hey,

392
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:55,880
Speaker 4: let's meet up.

393
00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:57,720
Speaker 5: Yeah, But that's the art of letting go.

394
00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:01,080
Speaker 2: Like that's another great example of not holding on so

395
00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:03,400
Speaker 2: tightly to things when you do release it and back

396
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:05,760
Speaker 2: into quote unquote the universe. I don't know why I'm

397
00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:09,439
Speaker 2: saying quote unquote, because we are in a universe, but

398
00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:12,359
Speaker 2: things will come back to you if they are meant

399
00:17:12,359 --> 00:17:15,000
Speaker 2: for you, like once you really like let it go,

400
00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:18,159
Speaker 2: because we all have we attached to ideas all the

401
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,840
Speaker 2: time that we think are right for ourselves, you know,

402
00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:23,240
Speaker 2: whether it's a relationship, whether it's a job, whether it's

403
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:25,760
Speaker 2: an experience. And as soon as you realize something isn't

404
00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:28,719
Speaker 2: going to go the way you envisioned it going, is

405
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:30,560
Speaker 2: when you can let go of it, which is the

406
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:33,560
Speaker 2: only way to really you know, which is hard to practice,

407
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:37,760
Speaker 2: but it's proven, Like it's proven scientifically even that when

408
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:40,840
Speaker 2: you let go and release of something and you're emotionally,

409
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:42,439
Speaker 2: that's when it does come back to you.

410
00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:42,760
Speaker 1: Yeah.

411
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:44,840
Speaker 4: I had that horse poster up in my room. It

412
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:47,480
Speaker 4: was like, let it go. If it comes back to you,

413
00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:49,320
Speaker 4: it was meant to be you, don't you know, Yeah.

414
00:17:49,119 --> 00:17:51,000
Speaker 5: And if it doesn't, it was never yours to begin with.

415
00:17:51,119 --> 00:17:54,560
Speaker 4: Right, Yeah, So I think that And that's weird too

416
00:17:54,640 --> 00:18:00,040
Speaker 4: because now there's so much discussion about not manifesting, but

417
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:02,240
Speaker 4: it's a little bit more than manifestent, like thinking about

418
00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:06,400
Speaker 4: what you want in your life and visualizing it and

419
00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:10,159
Speaker 4: then they say it happens, like if you have just

420
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:13,040
Speaker 4: a clear definition in your mind of what you want,

421
00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:14,080
Speaker 4: it happens.

422
00:18:14,119 --> 00:18:15,600
Speaker 1: And I think that's really.

423
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:20,159
Speaker 4: True when it's just you, like you like setting yourself

424
00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:22,360
Speaker 4: up for something. But I think when you put those

425
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:26,320
Speaker 4: expectations on a relationship, it's different because there are two

426
00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:29,920
Speaker 4: energies involved, and so maybe you want different things, maybe

427
00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:31,840
Speaker 4: you both have different visions. You guys have to get

428
00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:34,840
Speaker 4: really clear on is the vision that you see for

429
00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:36,840
Speaker 4: your future mutual.

430
00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:39,000
Speaker 2: And also but when you get your energy flowing in

431
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:41,880
Speaker 2: the right state, when it's like in sync with the universe,

432
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:45,760
Speaker 2: you are going to attract other energy that is like that, right,

433
00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:48,160
Speaker 2: And so then that takes out the kind of equation

434
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:50,159
Speaker 2: of making sure you're on the same page because you

435
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:52,000
Speaker 2: kind of what you put out is.

436
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:52,760
Speaker 5: What you get back.

437
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:57,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, so did your girls notice a big transformation in you,

438
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,000
Speaker 2: like when you started doing the work once you guys

439
00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:01,800
Speaker 2: broke up when you used broke up with Peter, And

440
00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:04,880
Speaker 2: how long was it in between the two husbands?

441
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:05,240
Speaker 1: Oh?

442
00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:08,040
Speaker 4: God, eight years maybe, Okay, that's fine, fun, that's a

443
00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:08,440
Speaker 4: long time.

444
00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:09,240
Speaker 1: I can't remember.

445
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:12,520
Speaker 4: But yeah, my girls have seen me, I think because

446
00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:14,480
Speaker 4: I was so young as a mom, they've seen me

447
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,240
Speaker 4: go through that divorce and they've seen me just at

448
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:21,639
Speaker 4: the bottom of my barrel and they've seen the worst.

449
00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:25,520
Speaker 4: So they knew that, Okay, this is going to be

450
00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:29,000
Speaker 4: hard going through another breakup. They were very helpful, but

451
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:30,960
Speaker 4: also at the same time, like, let me do my thing.

452
00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:32,879
Speaker 4: They would go to their dads and not worry about me,

453
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:36,600
Speaker 4: and I tried to keep it really like compartmentalized for them.

454
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:39,440
Speaker 2: It's just such a fascinating thing to me to think

455
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:42,440
Speaker 2: of being a mother and dealing with all of that stuff, right,

456
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:44,680
Speaker 2: Like mothers don't get enough credit for the fact that

457
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:47,560
Speaker 2: they're living through their own personal life. Human you're also

458
00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:49,800
Speaker 2: having to be a parent and be the person with

459
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:51,720
Speaker 2: all of the answers to your children.

460
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:55,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's the thing, and we talk about My youngest

461
00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:58,040
Speaker 4: actually said to me one time she was being an asshole,

462
00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:00,719
Speaker 4: and I said, we separated from while, and she came

463
00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:02,679
Speaker 4: back to me She's like, Mom, I'm really sorry. I

464
00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:05,960
Speaker 4: just kind of realized that you're living your life for

465
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:07,840
Speaker 4: the first time too. You have no idea what you're doing.

466
00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:10,720
Speaker 4: I was like, exactly, I have no idea what I'm doing.

467
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:13,080
Speaker 4: I'm making this shit up as I go and I'm

468
00:20:13,119 --> 00:20:16,320
Speaker 4: hoping it works out. And anytime they come to me

469
00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:19,000
Speaker 4: for advice, you know, I really do take a minute

470
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:23,879
Speaker 4: and think about it because I don't know. Sometimes I

471
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:26,080
Speaker 4: don't have the answer and sometimes I don't know, and

472
00:20:26,119 --> 00:20:29,240
Speaker 4: that's how humans are. And so it's about like getting

473
00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:32,639
Speaker 4: quiet again, going back to that and just letting the

474
00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:35,600
Speaker 4: messages come to you, and if you're willing to listen

475
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:38,720
Speaker 4: and receive them, then you have some sort of guidance

476
00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:41,679
Speaker 4: going forward. Once you get through things, they're never just

477
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:43,919
Speaker 4: gone forever. It's always just sort of one of the

478
00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:47,000
Speaker 4: fibers of who you are. And I think that because

479
00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:52,720
Speaker 4: I've had so many crazy experiences and so many fibers

480
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:55,960
Speaker 4: that make me who I am, I can really relate

481
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:58,159
Speaker 4: to a lot of different scenarios. And I think my

482
00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:00,960
Speaker 4: girls feel comfortable learning to me, to talk to me

483
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:05,000
Speaker 4: about things that maybe they wouldn't normally. I certainly didn't

484
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:07,520
Speaker 4: feel comfortable talking to my mom about certain things. So

485
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,320
Speaker 4: that's what I just keep trying to make sure that

486
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:13,040
Speaker 4: I'm a person that they can go to whether it's

487
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:14,040
Speaker 4: good or bad or ugly.

488
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:15,640
Speaker 1: We're in it together, yeah.

489
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:17,679
Speaker 2: And also we're alive during a time where that is

490
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:22,000
Speaker 2: the norm rather than the you know exception. People are

491
00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:24,520
Speaker 2: always like God, everyone's too open. It's like, you can't

492
00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:26,160
Speaker 2: be too open. There's no such thing.

493
00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:28,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean that's how we're all learning and growing.

494
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:30,320
Speaker 1: That's how we're all becoming more aware and open.

495
00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:33,359
Speaker 4: Like, I think it's a great thing that everybody's talking

496
00:21:33,359 --> 00:21:34,320
Speaker 4: about everything now.

497
00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:39,120
Speaker 2: So your clothing line is me and it's available on QVC. Oh,

498
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:41,760
Speaker 2: I hope you make a fortune on QVC. I was

499
00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:44,040
Speaker 2: just some I just was with some woman who sold

500
00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:46,320
Speaker 2: her makeup brand that launched on QVC and she sold

501
00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:49,000
Speaker 2: it for one point two billion dollars.

502
00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:51,920
Speaker 5: Oh my god, so yeah, that happens to you.

503
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:55,400
Speaker 4: Amazing. I'm just really having a great time. I never

504
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:58,000
Speaker 4: saw this coming. I didn't I never wanted to be

505
00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:02,119
Speaker 4: a fashion designer, and actually, when the opportunity came to me,

506
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:04,040
Speaker 4: I was like, why me? I don't think I can

507
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:05,639
Speaker 4: do this, and everybody else does this?

508
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:06,000
Speaker 1: Not me?

509
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:09,440
Speaker 4: All those thoughts came pouring in, and then I had

510
00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:13,520
Speaker 4: to really just set those aside and say, why not you.

511
00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:16,880
Speaker 4: You've been wearing clothes since you were born, You've been

512
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:19,520
Speaker 4: fitted all your life in different you know, by different

513
00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:21,880
Speaker 4: stylists and wardrobe people. So I just sort of said,

514
00:22:22,119 --> 00:22:24,320
Speaker 4: I just I always say why not me? Let's keep going,

515
00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:27,280
Speaker 4: keep going, pushing myself forward to whatever the next challenge is.

516
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:31,240
Speaker 4: And I learned I learned that very recently that why

517
00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:34,520
Speaker 4: not me? Like that's the force that keeps me going.

518
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:38,080
Speaker 4: And I'm doing it with my middle daughter, Lola. She's

519
00:22:38,119 --> 00:22:40,520
Speaker 4: designing with me. She wants to be in the fashion

520
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:43,119
Speaker 4: industry and she's in college for that. So it is

521
00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:47,240
Speaker 4: an amazing gift to be able to work with her

522
00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:49,320
Speaker 4: develop a brand from the ground up.

523
00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:51,560
Speaker 1: With her and run it with her.

524
00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:54,720
Speaker 4: So it's just like it's the gift that keeps on giving.

525
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:58,119
Speaker 4: And when I see women wearing our clothes, I feel

526
00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:02,320
Speaker 4: so just proud and they feel good about themselves in them,

527
00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:03,840
Speaker 4: and that's that's the ultimate goal.

528
00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:05,600
Speaker 5: And so what kind of clothing is it?

529
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:05,800
Speaker 2: Like?

530
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:07,160
Speaker 5: Is it for It's for everybody?

531
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:12,439
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's it's everyday, very wearable streetwear that it's not

532
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:16,080
Speaker 4: too high fashion, it's always comfortable, and I really work

533
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:20,800
Speaker 4: to work with sustainable materials and so we know we

534
00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:23,600
Speaker 4: have big goals within our company and things that we're

535
00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:26,479
Speaker 4: working on, and it's just really exciting to be at

536
00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:28,879
Speaker 4: a at a place where there's that kind of future.

537
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:29,159
Speaker 1: You know.

538
00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:32,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, that is exciting. Sounds like everything's going great.

539
00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:35,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, the clothes are really comfortable and people are loving them,

540
00:23:35,359 --> 00:23:39,960
Speaker 4: and I feel confident about talking about them and encouraging people,

541
00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:43,160
Speaker 4: you know, to look and feel their best every day.

542
00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:44,840
Speaker 5: And so where can people find them?

543
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:46,320
Speaker 2: They I'm obviously easy.

544
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:50,440
Speaker 1: And we have yeah me by Jenny Garth or Jennygarth

545
00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:50,880
Speaker 1: dot com.

546
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:52,520
Speaker 2: It's all okay, it's all great, great, and I know

547
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:53,800
Speaker 2: we're going to take a break and we'll be right

548
00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:55,000
Speaker 2: back with Jenny Garth.

549
00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:00,879
Speaker 5: And we're back. We are back.

550
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:03,240
Speaker 3: We are going to start with some callers today.

551
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:07,480
Speaker 5: My favorite, we have live people. Jenny, did you pull

552
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:09,040
Speaker 5: up in a pickup truck today?

553
00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:09,480
Speaker 3: I did?

554
00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:09,800
Speaker 2: Oh.

555
00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:12,760
Speaker 5: I love that. I don't have a car, very unexpected.

556
00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:14,360
Speaker 5: You don't have a car. I don't have a car.

557
00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:16,880
Speaker 4: I gave my car back because it was a Tesla

558
00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:20,439
Speaker 4: and I don't like him anymore, so I gave my

559
00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:22,080
Speaker 4: He just creeps me out.

560
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:24,640
Speaker 5: Did what you mean? He just creeps you out? He's

561
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:26,160
Speaker 5: so creepy.

562
00:24:26,359 --> 00:24:28,200
Speaker 1: I gave back to it was like, get it away

563
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:28,399
Speaker 1: from me.

564
00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:30,240
Speaker 2: I mean, I can't imagine how many people have returned

565
00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:30,920
Speaker 2: their Teslas.

566
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:32,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I don't even have a car.

567
00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:32,960
Speaker 7: Now.

568
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:35,080
Speaker 4: That's my husband's car and he had to get a

569
00:24:35,119 --> 00:24:38,359
Speaker 4: ride to work with his business partner. But I love

570
00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:40,680
Speaker 4: driving a pack. I feel like a badass.

571
00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:45,080
Speaker 3: We saw a like tan brown, like the worst color

572
00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:47,760
Speaker 3: brown you can imagine, cyber truck today.

573
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:51,760
Speaker 5: It was like diarrhea. One of those cyber truck.

574
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:52,960
Speaker 1: You know what I got say?

575
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:56,000
Speaker 4: I am fascinated by those and I secretly want one.

576
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:58,359
Speaker 4: I'm just like I secretly wanted a Hummer when it

577
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:01,360
Speaker 4: came out. But it's just because I like big things

578
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:02,159
Speaker 4: that protect you.

579
00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:05,280
Speaker 5: That car, though, doesn't even seem like you could see

580
00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:05,720
Speaker 5: out of it.

581
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:07,120
Speaker 3: You can't. You can't see out the bag.

582
00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:09,000
Speaker 1: There's like a camera. Oh spaceship.

583
00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:13,359
Speaker 3: Yes, well, Benji is our first caller, and he says,

584
00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:16,560
Speaker 3: dear Chelsea. I've been a performer since the age of five,

585
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:19,000
Speaker 3: when I did my first church skit, and haven't been

586
00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:21,320
Speaker 3: able to get rid of that itch ever since. But

587
00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:23,480
Speaker 3: I did get rid of the church part. I went

588
00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:26,080
Speaker 3: to college for a BFA in musical theater and spent

589
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:29,479
Speaker 3: the majority of my twenties performing at Universal, Disney and

590
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:32,159
Speaker 3: regional theaters in Florida. I got to work on some

591
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:35,360
Speaker 3: incredible projects, but after some time, I found myself regretting

592
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:38,280
Speaker 3: not ever shooting my shot in NYC, so I took

593
00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:41,359
Speaker 3: the leap and moved there. In twenty seventeen. I felt

594
00:25:41,359 --> 00:25:43,720
Speaker 3: like I was starting to make headway with opportunities and

595
00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:47,080
Speaker 3: casting directors after a few years of diligent auditioning, but

596
00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:49,800
Speaker 3: then the pandemic hit and everything came to a grinding halt.

597
00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:52,800
Speaker 3: I guess my question is how do you handle working

598
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:55,480
Speaker 3: through life when you feel your career might be growing stagnant.

599
00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:57,919
Speaker 3: I was in a serious relationship that ended, and it

600
00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:00,080
Speaker 3: seemed best to move back to Florida, where I felt well,

601
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:02,679
Speaker 3: I had more success. But now I'm currently working an

602
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:05,280
Speaker 3: office job and feel unfulfilled. Is it shameful for me

603
00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:07,080
Speaker 3: to give up on my dreams of performing to work

604
00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:08,520
Speaker 3: a job with some consistency?

605
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:13,040
Speaker 5: Adore you always at Benji? Hi, Benji, Hi, Hi, you

606
00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:14,000
Speaker 5: look like a performer.

607
00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:16,040
Speaker 1: Oh that's me. Yeah.

608
00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:18,960
Speaker 5: This is our special guest Jenny Garth is here today.

609
00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:22,760
Speaker 1: Hi. Oh my god, Hi, it's so nice to meet you. Guys.

610
00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:26,600
Speaker 1: Nice to meet you. Where are you, Benji. I'm at

611
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:29,720
Speaker 1: Daytona Beach, Florida, but Orlando, Florida as well. Hope I'll

612
00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:30,399
Speaker 1: come back and forth.

613
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:35,600
Speaker 2: Okay, So you've been working a desk job most recently. Yeah, yeah,

614
00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:37,640
Speaker 2: and you feel unfulfilled. Is there any way you can

615
00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:41,119
Speaker 2: do some performing or some stage stuff on the side

616
00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:42,560
Speaker 2: while you're working at desk job.

617
00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:43,600
Speaker 1: I don't know why.

618
00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:48,560
Speaker 6: My boy work at Universal and I recently got back

619
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:51,919
Speaker 6: working there from being away for a few years. But

620
00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:56,960
Speaker 6: unfortunately i'm union actor equity, so it's hard to do

621
00:26:57,119 --> 00:27:01,520
Speaker 6: like fun side projects because I have to do it union,

622
00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:04,960
Speaker 6: and so in order to do performing, I have to

623
00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:08,199
Speaker 6: basically do a union gig versus you know, like ever

624
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:11,240
Speaker 6: I want to do a fun right, no communator show

625
00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:13,760
Speaker 6: or just something fun for that just to fulfill that need.

626
00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:16,919
Speaker 4: Yeah, and union jobs are a little more time consuming, right,

627
00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:18,000
Speaker 4: a little bit more commitment.

628
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:19,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, exactly.

629
00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:22,400
Speaker 6: And now that I'm doing a full time office job,

630
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:26,040
Speaker 6: it's hard to take time off to try to do

631
00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:29,760
Speaker 6: a full show because the show requires so much commitment.

632
00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:31,880
Speaker 2: So you're not going to be able to do both

633
00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:34,520
Speaker 2: things at the same time, basically, And are you and

634
00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:37,600
Speaker 2: what about financially are you able to? I mean it

635
00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:39,800
Speaker 2: sounds like you have to work, right, Yeah, so you.

636
00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:41,840
Speaker 6: Have to work forty hours a week doing the day

637
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:44,120
Speaker 6: job and then you know, a lot of people do

638
00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:47,000
Speaker 6: like side fun projects and that kind of thing. But

639
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:48,960
Speaker 6: because I'm a union either I have to drop the

640
00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:53,399
Speaker 6: union and kind of commit to working full time with

641
00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:56,800
Speaker 6: the office job and then doing performing for fun or

642
00:27:57,080 --> 00:27:59,159
Speaker 6: performing full time as a union worker.

643
00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:01,159
Speaker 1: It's different.

644
00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:03,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean it sounds to me.

645
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:06,040
Speaker 2: I don't know, Jenny, You'll tell me what you think

646
00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:07,879
Speaker 2: or tell us what you think, but it sounds to me, like,

647
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:11,160
Speaker 2: I don't know if the union aspect is as important

648
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:13,919
Speaker 2: as your creative outlet, Like if you really want to

649
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:16,720
Speaker 2: need your creative outlet and you can't afford to be

650
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:19,080
Speaker 2: a full time performer in the moment, you can either

651
00:28:19,119 --> 00:28:21,600
Speaker 2: you have two choices. You can either focus on work,

652
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:24,000
Speaker 2: save up as much money as you can to like

653
00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:27,640
Speaker 2: focus on taking a break and really going after jobs

654
00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:30,720
Speaker 2: that are within the union and really auditioning and like

655
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:34,200
Speaker 2: setting aside I don't know, six weeks, two months, three months,

656
00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:36,480
Speaker 2: whatever you can afford, if you've saved enough money to

657
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:41,080
Speaker 2: really just audition or continue your job and then do

658
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:43,760
Speaker 2: some non union stuff on the side, which is it

659
00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:46,760
Speaker 2: sounds and I think is more easily attainable.

660
00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:49,240
Speaker 6: That's kind of where I'm leaning towards you. There's like

661
00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:52,240
Speaker 6: a badge of honor to get union, to fight for it,

662
00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:54,640
Speaker 6: to get to the projects where you've grown enough credits

663
00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:57,840
Speaker 6: so you can get union. But you know now that

664
00:28:57,920 --> 00:29:02,240
Speaker 6: I'm not performing full time and committing to that full time,

665
00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:05,400
Speaker 6: like it's I feel like I'm unfulfilled.

666
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:07,280
Speaker 2: Right, I hear you, do you have any at all

667
00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:10,040
Speaker 2: opportunities that you where you could quit your best job

668
00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:12,200
Speaker 2: and do a union job full time, and.

669
00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:15,000
Speaker 6: When I move back to Florida, no, like there's only

670
00:29:15,040 --> 00:29:17,400
Speaker 6: like a couple theaters that have union work.

671
00:29:17,760 --> 00:29:18,160
Speaker 1: I see.

672
00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:21,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's hard, it's so hard. But I have to say, Benji,

673
00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:23,560
Speaker 4: you are exactly where you're supposed to be. Even if

674
00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:27,200
Speaker 4: you're not performing in this very moment, You're doing what

675
00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:29,480
Speaker 4: you're supposed to do. And I think if you just

676
00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:32,840
Speaker 4: know that you are exactly where you are supposed to be,

677
00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:36,240
Speaker 4: doors will open before you and then you'll be like,

678
00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:39,120
Speaker 4: it'll turn into this magical experience that you didn't even

679
00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:42,160
Speaker 4: see coming, and you know, who knows what will come next.

680
00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:44,280
Speaker 1: If you are just open.

681
00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:46,920
Speaker 4: If you try your best to stay in a really

682
00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:50,280
Speaker 4: grateful place. You're so grateful for the job that you

683
00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:53,080
Speaker 4: have now because it's paying your bills, and you're really

684
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:55,480
Speaker 4: open to whatever is out there. I mean, that's all

685
00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:58,200
Speaker 4: you can do. Because we all have these situations where

686
00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:00,000
Speaker 4: we have to pay the bills and we have to

687
00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:02,880
Speaker 4: and there are things out there we'd rather be doing

688
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:05,160
Speaker 4: or things that we love do to do more. But

689
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:08,760
Speaker 4: you are doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing

690
00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:09,320
Speaker 4: right now.

691
00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:13,480
Speaker 3: I also wonder if there are some other creative outlets

692
00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:16,240
Speaker 3: that you could take advantage of, you know, and expand

693
00:30:16,280 --> 00:30:19,400
Speaker 3: your horizons with that. Like maybe it's joining the Gay

694
00:30:19,440 --> 00:30:22,120
Speaker 3: Men's Chorus if you're a singer, or joining a club and.

695
00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:24,440
Speaker 5: I want to join the game me too.

696
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:27,160
Speaker 1: It's fun, it's the most lovely.

697
00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:30,080
Speaker 6: There are other things that you can do outside the

698
00:30:30,160 --> 00:30:32,640
Speaker 6: union that are not, like I said, like at the

699
00:30:32,640 --> 00:30:36,320
Speaker 6: theme parks. Sure that's union or non union. You can

700
00:30:36,360 --> 00:30:38,360
Speaker 6: do that if you're a union or non union. So

701
00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:41,720
Speaker 6: that's what I'm trying to do right now, and I'm

702
00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:43,840
Speaker 6: working my way back into it. But I just, yeah,

703
00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:45,680
Speaker 6: I wanted to know what you guys have your thoughts

704
00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:46,000
Speaker 6: on that.

705
00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:48,360
Speaker 3: Are you committed to staying in Florida or is there

706
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:49,760
Speaker 3: any thought about going back to New York.

707
00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:54,040
Speaker 6: No, not necessarily. It was just the path that seemed

708
00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:58,640
Speaker 6: the best forward. You know. I've got older parents, grandparents

709
00:30:58,680 --> 00:31:01,000
Speaker 6: that kind of help the time, and so I wanted

710
00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:04,000
Speaker 6: to come back to be with family for a little bit.

711
00:31:04,360 --> 00:31:06,480
Speaker 6: And I've been here for like a year or so,

712
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:10,160
Speaker 6: and so I want to maybe pursue going somewhere else

713
00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:10,640
Speaker 6: after this.

714
00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:12,720
Speaker 5: Well that sounds good. I mean, it sounds like you

715
00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:14,000
Speaker 5: have a lot of options there.

716
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:17,880
Speaker 2: Like I agree with Jenny, and like you know, being

717
00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:20,160
Speaker 2: very grateful for the position that you're in. You're making

718
00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:23,440
Speaker 2: money or you know, earning enough of a living to

719
00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:25,360
Speaker 2: support yourself, you are close to your family.

720
00:31:25,600 --> 00:31:27,680
Speaker 5: Make sure you're taking all those things into account.

721
00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:32,480
Speaker 2: You don't have to constantly be living out your fantasy

722
00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:35,280
Speaker 2: dream in order to live out your fantasy life.

723
00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:37,280
Speaker 5: This is what you need to do for the time being.

724
00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:40,239
Speaker 2: And and take our advice about whether to do some

725
00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:42,479
Speaker 2: stuff on the side that's non union, I wouldn't really

726
00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:44,600
Speaker 2: worry about that. I mean, people do that in this

727
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:47,360
Speaker 2: industry all the time, people who are union work and

728
00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:48,440
Speaker 2: non union jobs.

729
00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:51,040
Speaker 5: You know, it's frowned upon, but you can people do it.

730
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:53,440
Speaker 2: So And if it's a matter of just getting your

731
00:31:53,480 --> 00:31:56,040
Speaker 2: juices flowing and getting a having a creative outlet, then

732
00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:59,080
Speaker 2: absolutely do little things on the side. Do some stand

733
00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:02,520
Speaker 2: up comedy, do some writing, do some singing, do whatever

734
00:32:02,560 --> 00:32:05,000
Speaker 2: it is that gets you going and makes it feel

735
00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:07,640
Speaker 2: a little bit like. This job isn't the end all

736
00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:10,560
Speaker 2: be all. It's kind of a temporary thing. And when

737
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:13,000
Speaker 2: you're ready to leave Florida or you are, you're ready

738
00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:14,960
Speaker 2: to look for a more permanent opportunity.

739
00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:17,600
Speaker 5: Then then I think that will also reveal itself.

740
00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:20,120
Speaker 6: I really appreciate you guys, Thank you so much.

741
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:23,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, Benji, have fun in Florida while it's still on

742
00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:25,400
Speaker 2: top of the on top of land.

743
00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:29,720
Speaker 1: It's still not that yet, so don't worry.

744
00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:31,560
Speaker 2: It's not going to get cold again, so don't worry.

745
00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:33,920
Speaker 2: Global global warming is here and we're living it.

746
00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:35,680
Speaker 6: You guys are amazing.

747
00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:36,400
Speaker 1: Thank you so much.

748
00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:37,800
Speaker 6: Were taking the time and talk to me. I really

749
00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:41,080
Speaker 6: appreciate you guys. Thank you. Bye.

750
00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:44,920
Speaker 2: Happy And he's not even fulfilling his dreams and he's

751
00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:45,640
Speaker 2: in such a good.

752
00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:47,760
Speaker 1: That's good.

753
00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:50,640
Speaker 2: I'm fulfilling my dreams and I'm ready to fucking kill myself.

754
00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:53,200
Speaker 5: I asked my sister she could euthanize me the other day.

755
00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:55,280
Speaker 5: I'm like, you can do that.

756
00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:58,680
Speaker 1: You can do you careend it when you're ready where

757
00:32:58,840 --> 00:33:01,160
Speaker 1: I don't know that my you're creating a plan.

758
00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:03,440
Speaker 2: Well, you can do it in Oregon, but you have

759
00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:05,719
Speaker 2: to go through this whole testing situation where you I

760
00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:08,360
Speaker 2: believe I haven't researched it because I'm not. I am

761
00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:10,560
Speaker 2: sort of serious, but not quietly. Yeah, but what I

762
00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:12,960
Speaker 2: am like, if you have to be diagnosed with some

763
00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:15,840
Speaker 2: sort of fatal disease in order to get approved. Oh,

764
00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:17,880
Speaker 2: you don't go through the suffering, you can't.

765
00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:18,160
Speaker 4: Just thought.

766
00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:19,720
Speaker 5: It was just like, I don't think you can just make.

767
00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:22,640
Speaker 2: A plantively opt out, even though I mean, you have

768
00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:23,720
Speaker 2: a cousin who's a doctor.

769
00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:25,320
Speaker 5: And he said, if I really feel that way, he

770
00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:26,400
Speaker 5: will help youthanize me.

771
00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:27,560
Speaker 1: Exall, excellent.

772
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:31,640
Speaker 3: Well, our next caller is Adam Dear Chelsea. I'm a

773
00:33:31,680 --> 00:33:34,240
Speaker 3: thirty four year old male living in Orlando who's recently

774
00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:36,680
Speaker 3: out of a situationship and who knows what the hell

775
00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:39,360
Speaker 3: it was at this point. My therapist lately has taught

776
00:33:39,360 --> 00:33:42,320
Speaker 3: me the concept of attachment styles and relationships and helped

777
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:45,120
Speaker 3: me realize that I have an anxious attachment style. The

778
00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:48,400
Speaker 3: guy I was seeing has a dismissive, avoidant attachment style.

779
00:33:49,040 --> 00:33:51,360
Speaker 3: To make a long story short, since twenty twenty, he

780
00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:53,560
Speaker 3: and I would ebb and flow, however, mostly because he

781
00:33:53,560 --> 00:33:56,600
Speaker 3: would disappear and be very isolated and not make any contact.

782
00:33:56,960 --> 00:33:59,400
Speaker 3: He would always say it's because he is tied down

783
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:02,480
Speaker 3: with work and he just appreciates his space. At first,

784
00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:04,520
Speaker 3: I thought he was just being a typical Orlando gay

785
00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:07,480
Speaker 3: and had ulterior motives, but nope, he was just too busy,

786
00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:11,080
Speaker 3: putting in long hours at work and taking some me time. However,

787
00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:13,040
Speaker 3: at random times, he would just kind of show up

788
00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:15,399
Speaker 3: again and hang around longer and longer each time before

789
00:34:15,440 --> 00:34:18,520
Speaker 3: repeating the process, mostly saying he needed some time. It

790
00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:21,840
Speaker 3: didn't have the capacity for anything serious. All behaviors. I

791
00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:25,520
Speaker 3: eventually learned of being a dismissive avoidant. Earlier this year,

792
00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:27,759
Speaker 3: the process repeated itself, and this was the longest he

793
00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:30,239
Speaker 3: had been around. I don't know what it is about him,

794
00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:32,680
Speaker 3: but I'd always fall for him again and fall victim

795
00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:34,920
Speaker 3: to the illusion that maybe this time it would be different,

796
00:34:35,400 --> 00:34:37,920
Speaker 3: while things seemed a bit more serious. This time, history did,

797
00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:40,640
Speaker 3: unfortunately repeat itself and we have not talked since July.

798
00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:44,120
Speaker 3: Learning about attachment styles has helped me accept this, that

799
00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:46,640
Speaker 3: this will never work and I am moving on. How

800
00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:48,239
Speaker 3: do I see the signs in the future and not

801
00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:53,160
Speaker 3: repeat my mistakes with the next guy? Thanks so much, Adam, Hi, Adam, Adam.

802
00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:56,520
Speaker 5: Oh good, this is our special guest Jenny Guard today.

803
00:34:56,640 --> 00:34:59,680
Speaker 4: Hello, oh hello, how are you? I want to be

804
00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:02,800
Speaker 4: best for with them already I can tell you. Look,

805
00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:06,120
Speaker 4: you might probably have the same attachment style. Maybe I

806
00:35:06,160 --> 00:35:07,600
Speaker 4: don't even know what mine is, Adam.

807
00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:11,120
Speaker 2: I think there's avoidant, and there's avoidant, then there's anxious,

808
00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:13,080
Speaker 2: and then there's secure.

809
00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:14,919
Speaker 5: Right, Yeah, those are the three.

810
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:17,719
Speaker 7: I think there might be more. I think there's for me,

811
00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:21,520
Speaker 7: you know, dismissive awaiting kind of stands out because one

812
00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:23,080
Speaker 7: thing I learned from my therapist is that being in

813
00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:26,160
Speaker 7: an anxious attachment style I attract DA's and so I'm like,

814
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:28,560
Speaker 7: this is so interesting, Like I've never really learned about

815
00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:29,040
Speaker 7: this concept.

816
00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:31,800
Speaker 5: But he d dismissive avoidant.

817
00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:33,680
Speaker 1: So there's a lot of hybrid I thought Eve meant

818
00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:34,160
Speaker 1: like a lawyer.

819
00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:34,799
Speaker 5: You could be.

820
00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:38,759
Speaker 2: You could yeah, you could be anxious avoidant, you could

821
00:35:38,760 --> 00:35:41,960
Speaker 2: be just avoidant, you could be yeah. But I think listen,

822
00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:44,960
Speaker 2: First of all, the identification of it is your first step.

823
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:47,759
Speaker 2: Once you understand what you are, then you understand what

824
00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:50,560
Speaker 2: you're attracting, and you can change your course at the

825
00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:53,839
Speaker 2: pattern that you within which you meet men like this

826
00:35:53,880 --> 00:35:57,320
Speaker 2: guy doesn't sound like your guy, but it does sound

827
00:35:57,360 --> 00:35:59,560
Speaker 2: like it was a great learning tool for you to

828
00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:02,560
Speaker 2: understan and this kind of relationship so that if you

829
00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:06,400
Speaker 2: find yourself talking and getting close to someone like this again,

830
00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:09,240
Speaker 2: you're going to understand, Oh, this is not my type

831
00:36:09,239 --> 00:36:11,839
Speaker 2: of person. At the same time, you can also work

832
00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:15,840
Speaker 2: on your attachment style. Certain people bring out the anxiousness

833
00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:19,520
Speaker 2: in other people. I'm not an anxious attachment person, but

834
00:36:19,560 --> 00:36:21,719
Speaker 2: I've had I've been in a relationship where I was

835
00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:24,560
Speaker 2: anxious and I was insecure about the relationship.

836
00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:27,120
Speaker 5: But that was the combination of the two of us together,

837
00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:27,839
Speaker 5: you know.

838
00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:30,719
Speaker 2: So you just have to be like alerted in your

839
00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:33,600
Speaker 2: thinking and aware, which it sounds like you are, and

840
00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:36,120
Speaker 2: that you've worked through this with your therapist about what

841
00:36:36,200 --> 00:36:39,680
Speaker 2: your kind of pitfalls are, and then you're more easily

842
00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:43,279
Speaker 2: able to identify other people's kinds of styles. And I

843
00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:46,200
Speaker 2: think just by knowing it, you're going to make better choices.

844
00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:48,719
Speaker 2: Like you're gonna go, oh, this guy is not the

845
00:36:48,800 --> 00:36:51,319
Speaker 2: kind of guy for me. I have this one guy

846
00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:54,719
Speaker 2: who hits on me all the time, right, He's constantly

847
00:36:54,719 --> 00:36:55,720
Speaker 2: blowing up my dms.

848
00:36:55,719 --> 00:36:59,280
Speaker 5: He'll show up whenever I'm doing shows and he's cute.

849
00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:02,520
Speaker 2: I'm not really interested, but like, even if I were interested,

850
00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:03,840
Speaker 2: I understand what.

851
00:37:03,960 --> 00:37:05,760
Speaker 5: His style is and it's not my style.

852
00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:09,040
Speaker 2: I'm like you, he comes in and out every couple months,

853
00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:12,040
Speaker 2: and then it's like full court pressing me. And then

854
00:37:12,160 --> 00:37:14,000
Speaker 2: you know, in between those months, I'm sure he's got

855
00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:14,480
Speaker 2: a girlfriend.

856
00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:16,560
Speaker 5: I'm sure he's got other things going on. I'm not

857
00:37:16,600 --> 00:37:17,720
Speaker 5: at the top of his list.

858
00:37:18,040 --> 00:37:20,160
Speaker 2: But then when he sees me or he's reminded of me,

859
00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:21,960
Speaker 2: he's always like trying to say, Chelsea, we got to

860
00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:23,440
Speaker 2: get together, we got to go out. I'm like, I'm

861
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:25,880
Speaker 2: not interested in you. I can already smell your number,

862
00:37:25,960 --> 00:37:28,920
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. And so I think you

863
00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:31,319
Speaker 2: just have to understand who you are before you can

864
00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:32,680
Speaker 2: understand who anyone else is.

865
00:37:32,719 --> 00:37:35,360
Speaker 5: And it sounds like you've done that work. Yeah you think, Jenny,

866
00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:36,000
Speaker 5: I think that.

867
00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:36,879
Speaker 1: Yeah.

868
00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:39,920
Speaker 4: Acknowledging what where you are and what you want is

869
00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:42,960
Speaker 4: so so important. What you want for your future, and

870
00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:46,200
Speaker 4: because of your experience in your past, you know what

871
00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:49,960
Speaker 4: you don't want, and so being able to be very

872
00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:53,640
Speaker 4: straightforward with yourself in those moments of whether it's temptation

873
00:37:53,840 --> 00:37:56,719
Speaker 4: or you're at a crossroads with choice, you can tell

874
00:37:56,719 --> 00:37:59,239
Speaker 4: yourself that's not the life that I want, that's not

875
00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:03,239
Speaker 4: serving me the most important person. So I think you're

876
00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:07,000
Speaker 4: really doing the right thing by going to therapy and

877
00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:10,040
Speaker 4: you know, getting this sort of awareness and it's really

878
00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:11,440
Speaker 4: going to serve you moving forward.

879
00:38:11,760 --> 00:38:15,440
Speaker 2: And also, you know, when you meet people, every opportunity,

880
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:18,919
Speaker 2: every person you meet romantically is an opportunity to break

881
00:38:18,920 --> 00:38:21,839
Speaker 2: a pattern. You have an opportunity here to never make

882
00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:24,840
Speaker 2: this kind of mistake again. No sorry, it's not a mistake,

883
00:38:24,880 --> 00:38:27,680
Speaker 2: but to never date a person like that again. You

884
00:38:27,719 --> 00:38:30,000
Speaker 2: want to break your own cycles. And I'm really big

885
00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:32,600
Speaker 2: into that. I like to not make mistakes multiple times

886
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:35,200
Speaker 2: because then you just start to feel like, what's wrong

887
00:38:35,239 --> 00:38:38,319
Speaker 2: with me? You know, So make that the last type

888
00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:40,520
Speaker 2: of guy like that that you date. The next time,

889
00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:41,919
Speaker 2: when you see the writing on the wall, you could

890
00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:43,640
Speaker 2: be like, no, no, no, this is not for me, and

891
00:38:43,680 --> 00:38:45,560
Speaker 2: you're going to find someone who's a little bit more

892
00:38:45,719 --> 00:38:48,759
Speaker 2: where you are, someone who expects what you expect, and

893
00:38:48,800 --> 00:38:52,160
Speaker 2: someone who's as communicative and as consistent as you are.

894
00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:52,839
Speaker 4: Yeah.

895
00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:54,920
Speaker 7: Absolutely, you know. I think there's a good learning experience

896
00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:57,200
Speaker 7: in the sense that, like you know, these types of

897
00:38:57,200 --> 00:39:00,680
Speaker 7: people are very independent, and so it's a good learning

898
00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:03,279
Speaker 7: experience in terms of like learned me to kind of

899
00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:06,160
Speaker 7: you know, take the moments for me. You know, when

900
00:39:06,160 --> 00:39:08,279
Speaker 7: we were kind of chatting in this situationship or whatever

901
00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:10,960
Speaker 7: you want to call it, but just take some self

902
00:39:10,960 --> 00:39:14,200
Speaker 7: care time and just making me appreciate that independent time.

903
00:39:14,239 --> 00:39:16,200
Speaker 7: And I think for me, something I'm struggling with right

904
00:39:16,239 --> 00:39:18,799
Speaker 7: now is that we kind of bonded recently he kind

905
00:39:18,800 --> 00:39:25,840
Speaker 7: of slid into the DMS again. Yeah, cycle of communication.

906
00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:27,160
Speaker 7: I'm like, you know, I really don't want to go

907
00:39:27,200 --> 00:39:29,200
Speaker 7: down this repeated pattern here, But it's hard.

908
00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:33,080
Speaker 2: I know it's hard, but like, seriously, is it that hard.

909
00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:36,160
Speaker 2: It's not that hard when someone's not right for you.

910
00:39:36,480 --> 00:39:39,680
Speaker 2: There are billions of people on this planet. There are

911
00:39:39,760 --> 00:39:42,680
Speaker 2: over three hundred million people in this country. You will

912
00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:45,520
Speaker 2: find another person that you were interested in. It's really

913
00:39:45,560 --> 00:39:48,000
Speaker 2: not that hard to set a boundary and keep.

914
00:39:47,920 --> 00:39:49,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, you need to be tough love, You need to

915
00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:52,920
Speaker 4: be tough with yourself, you know, and just remember that

916
00:39:53,040 --> 00:39:54,919
Speaker 4: you are the only one that's taking care of you.

917
00:39:55,280 --> 00:39:57,480
Speaker 4: He's not taking care of you. So whatever is in

918
00:39:57,520 --> 00:39:59,759
Speaker 4: your best interest is what you have to keep in mind.

919
00:39:59,800 --> 00:40:02,040
Speaker 4: That you got to keep your eye on the prize

920
00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:05,240
Speaker 4: and you are, yes, exactly, well.

921
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:05,440
Speaker 1: Thank you.

922
00:40:05,480 --> 00:40:06,239
Speaker 7: I appreciate that.

923
00:40:07,719 --> 00:40:09,440
Speaker 5: Okay, Well, good back with everything.

924
00:40:09,640 --> 00:40:12,960
Speaker 1: Bye, thank you, bye bye.

925
00:40:13,560 --> 00:40:17,640
Speaker 5: I like good luck with everything. Bye, goodbye.

926
00:40:18,960 --> 00:40:19,240
Speaker 4: Listen.

927
00:40:19,280 --> 00:40:20,520
Speaker 1: We're trying, We're trying out.

928
00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:23,240
Speaker 5: We are we are. You're giving great advice, Jenny. Yeah,

929
00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:24,560
Speaker 5: and your voice is so soothing.

930
00:40:24,719 --> 00:40:26,839
Speaker 1: Oh I try, Well, that's my voice. I can't.

931
00:40:26,880 --> 00:40:29,280
Speaker 2: Yeah no, but it is soothing. It's probably very soothing

932
00:40:29,280 --> 00:40:30,000
Speaker 2: to your girls.

933
00:40:30,520 --> 00:40:31,839
Speaker 1: I would imagine they like it.

934
00:40:31,960 --> 00:40:35,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's good voice for podcasting. Jenny also has a podcast,

935
00:40:35,719 --> 00:40:38,400
Speaker 5: Well I Choose me too too. I found out a

936
00:40:38,440 --> 00:40:39,160
Speaker 5: different podcast.

937
00:40:39,320 --> 00:40:39,560
Speaker 1: Yeah.

938
00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:41,759
Speaker 4: Well, and I'm producing a third one call I Do

939
00:40:41,840 --> 00:40:45,640
Speaker 4: Part two, which is about finding love and your second act. Oh,

940
00:40:45,719 --> 00:40:48,000
Speaker 4: we do that one and I did it with Amy

941
00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:50,279
Speaker 4: Roeback and d J.

942
00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:50,920
Speaker 1: Holmes.

943
00:40:51,040 --> 00:40:53,440
Speaker 5: Amy Roback the oh Amy road Back.

944
00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:56,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know you're talking about. Okay, great, oh part two.

945
00:40:56,320 --> 00:40:58,279
Speaker 2: That's perfect for our listeners too. I'm sure there's a

946
00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:00,120
Speaker 2: lot of women who are looking for their Part two.

947
00:41:00,239 --> 00:41:01,279
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well.

948
00:41:01,280 --> 00:41:04,120
Speaker 3: Our next question comes from Isabelle, and this is a

949
00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:05,720
Speaker 3: co parenting sort of question.

950
00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:07,399
Speaker 5: Okay, ah too.

951
00:41:07,719 --> 00:41:07,959
Speaker 7: Yeah.

952
00:41:09,280 --> 00:41:12,920
Speaker 3: On Isabelle says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a thirty six year

953
00:41:12,960 --> 00:41:14,840
Speaker 3: old woman and have been dating a great guy for

954
00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:18,040
Speaker 3: six months now. We're super compatible in many ways, and

955
00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:20,800
Speaker 3: although we've only known each other for a relatively short time.

956
00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:22,799
Speaker 3: I feel like this could be a longer lasting thing.

957
00:41:23,160 --> 00:41:25,840
Speaker 3: There's only one thing that bothers me, and that's his ex.

958
00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:28,480
Speaker 3: They were together for seven years, and then they had

959
00:41:28,480 --> 00:41:30,480
Speaker 3: an on again, off again thing for about a year

960
00:41:30,520 --> 00:41:32,960
Speaker 3: after breaking up, which pretty much only ended when I

961
00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:35,760
Speaker 3: entered the picture, so they never had an actual clean break.

962
00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:38,400
Speaker 5: I normally wouldn't care if a partner keeps touch with

963
00:41:38,440 --> 00:41:38,840
Speaker 5: an ex.

964
00:41:38,960 --> 00:41:41,319
Speaker 3: I sporatically text with my ex husband, who is part

965
00:41:41,320 --> 00:41:43,239
Speaker 3: of my life for fifteen years, but we also had

966
00:41:43,239 --> 00:41:45,840
Speaker 3: a no contact phase for two years after separating, so

967
00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:47,640
Speaker 3: clean break and we both moved on and can be

968
00:41:47,640 --> 00:41:50,399
Speaker 3: happy for each other now. My boyfriend, on the other hand,

969
00:41:50,480 --> 00:41:52,720
Speaker 3: has kept in touch with his ex this whole time,

970
00:41:52,960 --> 00:41:54,839
Speaker 3: and his main reason is that she wants to see

971
00:41:54,920 --> 00:41:57,640
Speaker 3: their dogs. Sometimes he drops them off at her place,

972
00:41:57,680 --> 00:42:00,000
Speaker 3: but they've also walked the dogs together, and I always

973
00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:02,840
Speaker 3: hear about these things after the fact. Don't get me wrong,

974
00:42:02,880 --> 00:42:05,200
Speaker 3: I understand the immense love you can have for an animal.

975
00:42:05,280 --> 00:42:07,600
Speaker 3: I love my cat more than most or maybe all people.

976
00:42:08,080 --> 00:42:10,239
Speaker 3: But I also think that breakups come with losses and

977
00:42:10,280 --> 00:42:12,279
Speaker 3: we can't always get what we want. I have a

978
00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:13,919
Speaker 3: feeling she's trying to keep a foot in the door

979
00:42:13,960 --> 00:42:16,080
Speaker 3: by requesting to see the dogs, and it's just a

980
00:42:16,120 --> 00:42:18,760
Speaker 3: reason for her to communicate with him. I'm not normally

981
00:42:18,800 --> 00:42:21,839
Speaker 3: a jealous person, but this bothers me. He's also never

982
00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:23,759
Speaker 3: offered for me to meet her, and I don't think

983
00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:26,000
Speaker 3: he'd want me to. I've brought this up with him

984
00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:28,000
Speaker 3: and we ended up having our first fight over this.

985
00:42:28,360 --> 00:42:29,960
Speaker 5: Ever since then, he.

986
00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:32,839
Speaker 3: Hasn't brought her up at all, so I'm assuming he's

987
00:42:32,840 --> 00:42:35,160
Speaker 3: just avoiding conflict by not telling me about their dog

988
00:42:35,239 --> 00:42:38,359
Speaker 3: parenting meetups anymore. I'm not worried he's sleeping with her,

989
00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:40,120
Speaker 3: but I am jealous that he won't let go of

990
00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:43,120
Speaker 3: that relationship because, on top of everything, they're trauma bonded,

991
00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:44,959
Speaker 3: and I feel like he will never reach this level

992
00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:47,759
Speaker 3: of vulnerability with me that he has with her. My

993
00:42:47,880 --> 00:42:50,800
Speaker 3: question is, how can I open this conversation again without

994
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:52,640
Speaker 3: it ending in a fight. I just want him to

995
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:54,520
Speaker 3: be honest, and I do want to be informed about

996
00:42:54,520 --> 00:42:55,600
Speaker 3: their level of contact.

997
00:42:55,719 --> 00:42:59,720
Speaker 1: Isabelle, Isabelle, Oh, isabel the Flag.

998
00:43:00,360 --> 00:43:03,799
Speaker 5: I know, I know, I hate to be like you know.

999
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:07,400
Speaker 2: I don't ever want women to act in jealousy or

1000
00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:11,600
Speaker 2: out of jealousy. But there is something that's so codependent.

1001
00:43:12,640 --> 00:43:15,279
Speaker 2: I guess we learned interdependent. It's the opposite of codndent,

1002
00:43:16,239 --> 00:43:18,400
Speaker 2: but codependent that is.

1003
00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:19,080
Speaker 5: A red flag.

1004
00:43:19,200 --> 00:43:22,400
Speaker 2: Like that is like, okay, he's he has to go

1005
00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:25,200
Speaker 2: be with her and and you're not exposed to her

1006
00:43:25,239 --> 00:43:25,560
Speaker 2: at all.

1007
00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:28,719
Speaker 5: That means there is something Is.

1008
00:43:28,680 --> 00:43:30,680
Speaker 4: He doing it for the dogs or is he doing

1009
00:43:30,760 --> 00:43:32,920
Speaker 4: it for drop off?

1010
00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:33,600
Speaker 5: I don't think the.

1011
00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:34,600
Speaker 1: Dogs really care.

1012
00:43:35,040 --> 00:43:37,799
Speaker 5: I don't think dogs care either. That dog he never

1013
00:43:37,840 --> 00:43:38,880
Speaker 5: saw me again. I think he'd.

1014
00:43:38,760 --> 00:43:42,479
Speaker 4: Exactly he finds somebody else to write, right. I think

1015
00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:45,480
Speaker 4: that that is the biggest thing here. I feel like

1016
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:49,200
Speaker 4: he's got to put his money where his mouth is.

1017
00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:52,600
Speaker 4: And if that means that he needs to end a

1018
00:43:52,640 --> 00:43:57,040
Speaker 4: relationship that is not serving your new his new relationship,

1019
00:43:57,080 --> 00:43:58,600
Speaker 4: well then that's a choice that he has to make.

1020
00:43:58,600 --> 00:43:59,920
Speaker 1: And it's not an easy choice, you know.

1021
00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:03,360
Speaker 4: But if I mean, you seem to be kind of

1022
00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:05,520
Speaker 4: okay with them being friends, but you just want.

1023
00:44:05,320 --> 00:44:06,320
Speaker 1: To be in the loop.

1024
00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:08,479
Speaker 5: Yeah, but be in the loop.

1025
00:44:08,560 --> 00:44:10,080
Speaker 2: You were in the loop and you didn't like it,

1026
00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:11,480
Speaker 2: and now you're out of the loop and you don't

1027
00:44:11,520 --> 00:44:11,719
Speaker 2: like that.

1028
00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:13,880
Speaker 5: So you're not going to like either one.

1029
00:44:14,040 --> 00:44:16,359
Speaker 2: And it's like he's got one foot in his old

1030
00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:19,000
Speaker 2: relationship and one foot in his new relationship, is what

1031
00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:21,960
Speaker 2: it sounds like, So I would I wouldn't be worried

1032
00:44:21,960 --> 00:44:25,919
Speaker 2: about his reaction to you stating what your boundaries are.

1033
00:44:26,320 --> 00:44:28,440
Speaker 2: Either you have boundaries or you don't, and if you

1034
00:44:28,520 --> 00:44:31,200
Speaker 2: have them, you have to be confident in stating what

1035
00:44:31,280 --> 00:44:34,120
Speaker 2: they are, which is, I don't feel comfortable with this

1036
00:44:34,160 --> 00:44:35,320
Speaker 2: relationship anymore.

1037
00:44:35,600 --> 00:44:36,440
Speaker 5: If you do feel.

1038
00:44:36,280 --> 00:44:38,280
Speaker 2: Comfortable with the relationship, then you just have to accept

1039
00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:39,879
Speaker 2: it and stop asking questions about it.

1040
00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:41,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's kind of like it's one or the other.

1041
00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:43,240
Speaker 1: It's black and white, really.

1042
00:44:43,160 --> 00:44:46,719
Speaker 2: Right, And I wouldn't I think if you say to yourself, Okay,

1043
00:44:46,760 --> 00:44:49,759
Speaker 2: I'm fine with them being in a relationship, he knows

1044
00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:52,040
Speaker 2: how you feel now, so he's going to avoid telling

1045
00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:54,479
Speaker 2: you anything about it, and that then it works.

1046
00:44:54,600 --> 00:44:55,120
Speaker 5: That's going to.

1047
00:44:55,080 --> 00:44:58,080
Speaker 2: Create more tension and more of a chasm between the

1048
00:44:58,080 --> 00:45:01,200
Speaker 2: two of you. And I think it's important to say, like,

1049
00:45:01,239 --> 00:45:03,359
Speaker 2: this doesn't feel right to me, Like I don't think

1050
00:45:03,400 --> 00:45:04,799
Speaker 2: you want me to feel this way, And if you

1051
00:45:04,800 --> 00:45:06,400
Speaker 2: don't care that I feel this way, then that's a

1052
00:45:06,400 --> 00:45:07,000
Speaker 2: bigger issue.

1053
00:45:07,239 --> 00:45:07,359
Speaker 1: Right.

1054
00:45:07,560 --> 00:45:10,040
Speaker 3: The fact that it caused the argument, that's the biggest or.

1055
00:45:10,239 --> 00:45:12,360
Speaker 2: Because listen, if I went to someone that I was

1056
00:45:12,880 --> 00:45:14,960
Speaker 2: in a relationship with and I said, hey, this this

1057
00:45:15,080 --> 00:45:15,600
Speaker 2: bothers me.

1058
00:45:16,040 --> 00:45:16,839
Speaker 5: This isn't a man.

1059
00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:19,160
Speaker 2: It's not like we're talking about your relative that you

1060
00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:21,839
Speaker 2: have to go see. This is an old flame that

1061
00:45:21,880 --> 00:45:25,200
Speaker 2: you're sharing a dog with that you never officially ended

1062
00:45:25,200 --> 00:45:26,040
Speaker 2: a relationship with.

1063
00:45:26,239 --> 00:45:28,160
Speaker 5: That doesn't make me feel good. That makes me feel

1064
00:45:28,360 --> 00:45:29,040
Speaker 5: very like.

1065
00:45:29,360 --> 00:45:32,240
Speaker 2: I question that, and I question your motives for seeing

1066
00:45:32,280 --> 00:45:34,839
Speaker 2: her because is the dog telling you that he needs

1067
00:45:34,840 --> 00:45:35,279
Speaker 2: to see her?

1068
00:45:35,360 --> 00:45:37,000
Speaker 5: What's going on exact?

1069
00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:39,080
Speaker 3: Or like drop the dog off and then you know

1070
00:45:39,120 --> 00:45:42,600
Speaker 3: what I mean, it's it's important to you walk kid.

1071
00:45:42,719 --> 00:45:45,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, my ex husband would drop the kids off and

1072
00:45:45,440 --> 00:45:47,680
Speaker 4: then leave. It's not like we hung out. I got

1073
00:45:47,719 --> 00:45:48,560
Speaker 4: anything out.

1074
00:45:48,440 --> 00:45:50,480
Speaker 1: Of seeing walks together.

1075
00:45:50,640 --> 00:45:54,040
Speaker 4: No, no, no, this is You've got to definitely speak

1076
00:45:54,160 --> 00:45:57,800
Speaker 4: up and fight for your right because this doesn't sound

1077
00:45:57,840 --> 00:46:00,800
Speaker 4: like it's it's beneficial to you in the long.

1078
00:46:00,719 --> 00:46:04,320
Speaker 2: Run, especially if you have not been exposed to this woman,

1079
00:46:04,760 --> 00:46:05,920
Speaker 2: then that's a secret.

1080
00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:07,040
Speaker 5: If you're not in.

1081
00:46:06,920 --> 00:46:09,839
Speaker 2: The relationship, then there's no open dialogue about the fact

1082
00:46:09,880 --> 00:46:12,760
Speaker 2: that you are in a relationship and that she's aware

1083
00:46:12,800 --> 00:46:16,920
Speaker 2: of what the status of your relationship is. So, yeah,

1084
00:46:16,960 --> 00:46:19,719
Speaker 2: how you would bring it up again without it resulting

1085
00:46:19,760 --> 00:46:21,279
Speaker 2: in that. I think it's probably going to result in

1086
00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:23,480
Speaker 2: an argument as it did the first time. But I

1087
00:46:23,520 --> 00:46:25,279
Speaker 2: think you do need to be honest and just say

1088
00:46:25,320 --> 00:46:27,399
Speaker 2: everything we said and be like, listen, this doesn't make

1089
00:46:27,400 --> 00:46:27,960
Speaker 2: me feel good.

1090
00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:28,920
Speaker 5: I don't feel secure.

1091
00:46:29,239 --> 00:46:31,879
Speaker 2: This isn't what I'm looking for in terms of being

1092
00:46:31,880 --> 00:46:33,640
Speaker 2: in a trusting relationship.

1093
00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:35,880
Speaker 4: You just need to put it on the table and

1094
00:46:36,160 --> 00:46:39,319
Speaker 4: you need to define what you want and if he

1095
00:46:39,360 --> 00:46:41,440
Speaker 4: can't give that to you, then you need to figure

1096
00:46:41,440 --> 00:46:42,440
Speaker 4: out what your next move is.

1097
00:46:43,960 --> 00:46:45,200
Speaker 5: Hit us back when you come up with that.

1098
00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:45,839
Speaker 1: Let's hear.

1099
00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:48,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, let's take a break and we'll come back

1100
00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:49,839
Speaker 3: with one more question and my.

1101
00:46:49,800 --> 00:46:56,640
Speaker 2: Pub Okay, great, we'll be right back and we're back

1102
00:46:56,680 --> 00:47:00,799
Speaker 2: with Jennie Garth. Jennie Garth, who chooses, She chooses her?

1103
00:47:01,280 --> 00:47:03,799
Speaker 2: I choose me, Catherine, you choose you?

1104
00:47:04,080 --> 00:47:05,480
Speaker 3: I sure do, I sure do.

1105
00:47:05,719 --> 00:47:06,760
Speaker 1: It's all about choices.

1106
00:47:06,960 --> 00:47:09,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's all about us and choices.

1107
00:47:09,760 --> 00:47:10,160
Speaker 1: That's right.

1108
00:47:10,320 --> 00:47:12,399
Speaker 3: And I do love that you're having, like a women's group.

1109
00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:14,719
Speaker 3: Some of the most important decisions in my life have

1110
00:47:14,800 --> 00:47:17,160
Speaker 3: been made after going to a women's group like that,

1111
00:47:17,280 --> 00:47:20,000
Speaker 3: like a meetup sort of thing. And I remember there

1112
00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:21,520
Speaker 3: was one that I went to where I was like

1113
00:47:21,600 --> 00:47:24,160
Speaker 3: sort of toying with moving to California, and it was

1114
00:47:24,160 --> 00:47:25,160
Speaker 3: like a big sort of deal.

1115
00:47:25,200 --> 00:47:26,400
Speaker 5: But I was like, maybe this is what I'm on

1116
00:47:26,440 --> 00:47:27,640
Speaker 5: fire about and excited about.

1117
00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:29,640
Speaker 3: And then the rest of the weekend, all the women

1118
00:47:29,680 --> 00:47:31,880
Speaker 3: were like, you're the one who's moving to California, and

1119
00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:35,000
Speaker 3: it became a truth while we were together. There's so

1120
00:47:35,080 --> 00:47:37,080
Speaker 3: much power in getting women to oh that's interesting.

1121
00:47:37,920 --> 00:47:40,840
Speaker 2: What's like a crazy story that you've heard or or

1122
00:47:40,840 --> 00:47:43,040
Speaker 2: an inspiring story that you've heard from a woman.

1123
00:47:43,520 --> 00:47:45,799
Speaker 1: A common theme is not.

1124
00:47:46,239 --> 00:47:50,120
Speaker 4: Knowing how to choose yourself, having been taking care of

1125
00:47:50,160 --> 00:47:52,080
Speaker 4: other people all your life, or taught to be a

1126
00:47:52,080 --> 00:47:56,840
Speaker 4: people pleaser, or put in this position that you aren't

1127
00:47:56,960 --> 00:47:59,600
Speaker 4: be able to breathe in or shine in. And I

1128
00:47:59,600 --> 00:48:02,960
Speaker 4: think it's it's very very scary to break out of

1129
00:48:03,000 --> 00:48:05,000
Speaker 4: a mold or a box that you've been put in,

1130
00:48:05,120 --> 00:48:06,600
Speaker 4: especially if you're doing it alone.

1131
00:48:06,680 --> 00:48:09,319
Speaker 2: Well, even just our last the person that wrote in

1132
00:48:09,360 --> 00:48:11,880
Speaker 2: about her boyfriend and the dog and the ex that's

1133
00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:14,720
Speaker 2: just like, how do I bring up this conversation again

1134
00:48:14,760 --> 00:48:18,640
Speaker 2: without it turning cantankerous or it's like, but that's not

1135
00:48:18,680 --> 00:48:20,840
Speaker 2: your problem, Like you're stating what you want. If he

1136
00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:23,960
Speaker 2: gets mad, then that's your answer right there. Like it's

1137
00:48:23,960 --> 00:48:26,080
Speaker 2: such a theme with women not being able to state

1138
00:48:26,360 --> 00:48:28,799
Speaker 2: what you want or stand up for yourself, whether it's

1139
00:48:28,800 --> 00:48:31,000
Speaker 2: on this level or on a like in a level

1140
00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:33,080
Speaker 2: where you're coming out of a marriage and having to

1141
00:48:33,200 --> 00:48:35,160
Speaker 2: like reidentify who you are.

1142
00:48:36,960 --> 00:48:41,200
Speaker 3: Lindsey says, dear Chelsea, thank you for your unapologetic, intelligent,

1143
00:48:41,280 --> 00:48:44,480
Speaker 3: bravery and unwavering support you show to women everywhere. You're

1144
00:48:44,600 --> 00:48:48,239
Speaker 3: welcome as a female physician in Texas. I needed some

1145
00:48:48,320 --> 00:48:50,319
Speaker 3: levity and light after the recent election, and I was

1146
00:48:50,360 --> 00:48:53,200
Speaker 3: thrilled to discover you had a podcast. I've been devouring

1147
00:48:53,200 --> 00:48:56,520
Speaker 3: all the episodes now for the advice. In short, my

1148
00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:58,919
Speaker 3: brother filed for divorce a year and a half ago,

1149
00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:01,640
Speaker 3: and I advocated for him. He and my sister in

1150
00:49:01,680 --> 00:49:04,640
Speaker 3: law have since reconciled, and therefore they've cut me off.

1151
00:49:05,520 --> 00:49:09,440
Speaker 3: There is severe asymmetry in their relationship. He's devoted, loyal

1152
00:49:09,560 --> 00:49:12,279
Speaker 3: and golden retriever in human form, and she has had

1153
00:49:12,360 --> 00:49:15,680
Speaker 3: multiple affairs checks the boxes in the DSM for narcissist

1154
00:49:15,760 --> 00:49:18,719
Speaker 3: and has slandered my brother's reputation to friends as a

1155
00:49:18,840 --> 00:49:22,759
Speaker 3: reason for her cheating. It's hard to capture the events succinctly,

1156
00:49:22,920 --> 00:49:25,680
Speaker 3: but here we go. My brother's wife cheated for years,

1157
00:49:25,840 --> 00:49:29,080
Speaker 3: denied it. He found evidence, he confided in me plans

1158
00:49:29,080 --> 00:49:31,560
Speaker 3: to divorce her. For one month, we spent many hours

1159
00:49:31,560 --> 00:49:33,400
Speaker 3: texting and on the phone, where I learned.

1160
00:49:33,160 --> 00:49:34,360
Speaker 1: The details of her behavior.

1161
00:49:34,880 --> 00:49:38,040
Speaker 3: I gave him advice STD council and also educated him

1162
00:49:38,080 --> 00:49:40,520
Speaker 3: on personality disorders, of which she has I think at

1163
00:49:40,600 --> 00:49:43,239
Speaker 3: least one. The month he filed for divorce, we went

1164
00:49:43,280 --> 00:49:45,440
Speaker 3: on a family trip, and while we were away, she

1165
00:49:45,520 --> 00:49:48,600
Speaker 3: got into his iPad and read every single text exchanged

1166
00:49:48,640 --> 00:49:51,040
Speaker 3: between us. She did a one to eighty and went

1167
00:49:51,040 --> 00:49:53,160
Speaker 3: from telling him she was miserable in the marriage to

1168
00:49:53,200 --> 00:49:55,719
Speaker 3: begging for him back. It was the first time she

1169
00:49:55,760 --> 00:49:57,840
Speaker 3: admitted to cheating, because she'd read in our text that

1170
00:49:57,880 --> 00:50:01,040
Speaker 3: we already had proof prior to that, he'd endured nearly

1171
00:50:01,080 --> 00:50:04,120
Speaker 3: a decade of gaslighting about it. Once there was evidence

1172
00:50:04,160 --> 00:50:06,480
Speaker 3: and she knew lying wasn't an option, she made grand

1173
00:50:06,520 --> 00:50:09,560
Speaker 3: gestures and begged her entire family to emotionally manipulate him

1174
00:50:09,600 --> 00:50:12,680
Speaker 3: into staying with her, so they reconciled. When my brother

1175
00:50:12,719 --> 00:50:15,160
Speaker 3: told me about their reconciliation, my advice was to give

1176
00:50:15,160 --> 00:50:18,120
Speaker 3: it some time, spend some time apart before getting back together.

1177
00:50:18,640 --> 00:50:20,800
Speaker 3: I advised that if she had the capacity to change,

1178
00:50:20,880 --> 00:50:23,040
Speaker 3: that some time apart could give her the opportunity to

1179
00:50:23,080 --> 00:50:24,920
Speaker 3: show with her actions that changes.

1180
00:50:24,640 --> 00:50:25,440
Speaker 1: Have been made.

1181
00:50:25,640 --> 00:50:28,960
Speaker 3: But my sister in law never showed signs of shame, regret, embarrassment,

1182
00:50:29,080 --> 00:50:31,759
Speaker 3: or remorse. She instead has been on a war path

1183
00:50:31,800 --> 00:50:33,719
Speaker 3: to cut us out of their lives. They've decided to

1184
00:50:33,760 --> 00:50:37,479
Speaker 3: seal the deal with a pregnancy, of course, and two

1185
00:50:37,520 --> 00:50:40,000
Speaker 3: of us siblings have been excluded from their lives because

1186
00:50:40,120 --> 00:50:41,560
Speaker 3: of the advice we gave him a year and a

1187
00:50:41,600 --> 00:50:44,520
Speaker 3: half ago. We dropped it and have only sent loving texts,

1188
00:50:44,600 --> 00:50:46,879
Speaker 3: but those texts are met with long, angry texts back,

1189
00:50:46,920 --> 00:50:49,720
Speaker 3: demanding we recant our prior advice and make a grand

1190
00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:53,319
Speaker 3: gesture saying we approve and celebrate the reconciliation. We've been

1191
00:50:53,360 --> 00:50:56,800
Speaker 3: the bigger people throughout the entire scenario. The most heartbreaking

1192
00:50:56,840 --> 00:50:58,719
Speaker 3: thing is that my brother has learned to use the

1193
00:50:58,719 --> 00:51:01,960
Speaker 3: tools of her aggressive communitytion and gaslighting now. So I

1194
00:51:01,960 --> 00:51:03,759
Speaker 3: guess when you live with the narcissist for ten years,

1195
00:51:03,800 --> 00:51:04,840
Speaker 3: you adopt their methods.

1196
00:51:05,160 --> 00:51:06,000
Speaker 1: So what is my ask?

1197
00:51:06,280 --> 00:51:08,920
Speaker 3: I'm not sure I know. But during the holiday season,

1198
00:51:08,960 --> 00:51:11,680
Speaker 3: this rift has become a huge problem. As you can imagine,

1199
00:51:11,760 --> 00:51:14,280
Speaker 3: they tried to make me unwelcome at my parents' holiday

1200
00:51:14,280 --> 00:51:16,879
Speaker 3: table last year, and this year the sentiment is more

1201
00:51:16,880 --> 00:51:19,319
Speaker 3: of the same. I've been told by my brother and

1202
00:51:19,360 --> 00:51:21,440
Speaker 3: his wife that the only way we can move forward

1203
00:51:21,480 --> 00:51:23,520
Speaker 3: in our relationship is for me to meet with her

1204
00:51:23,600 --> 00:51:26,040
Speaker 3: so she can rate me for the sentiments I shared

1205
00:51:26,080 --> 00:51:29,080
Speaker 3: privately over text with my brother. I've told them I

1206
00:51:29,080 --> 00:51:31,200
Speaker 3: won't sit down for that meeting because it's toxic and

1207
00:51:31,239 --> 00:51:33,399
Speaker 3: our conversations were never meant for her.

1208
00:51:33,920 --> 00:51:34,799
Speaker 5: What would Chelsea do?

1209
00:51:35,040 --> 00:51:38,680
Speaker 2: Lindsey, Okay, I'm going to use mel Robin's advice right here.

1210
00:51:39,400 --> 00:51:42,399
Speaker 2: She has a new book called Let Them, and that's

1211
00:51:42,440 --> 00:51:43,160
Speaker 2: what you need to do.

1212
00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:43,839
Speaker 5: Let them.

1213
00:51:44,200 --> 00:51:47,920
Speaker 2: Let them go have their family and their toxic relationship,

1214
00:51:47,920 --> 00:51:50,800
Speaker 2: and let them have their babies who will most likely

1215
00:51:50,840 --> 00:51:52,280
Speaker 2: will hopefully not be toxic.

1216
00:51:52,760 --> 00:51:53,800
Speaker 5: But let them.

1217
00:51:53,840 --> 00:51:56,719
Speaker 2: There's nothing you can do. There is absolutely nothing you

1218
00:51:56,760 --> 00:52:00,279
Speaker 2: can do besides go on with your life. And it's

1219
00:52:00,280 --> 00:52:03,920
Speaker 2: so sad that you don't have a brother really right now.

1220
00:52:04,360 --> 00:52:07,960
Speaker 2: Hopefully that won't be permanent. But there is no point

1221
00:52:08,200 --> 00:52:11,360
Speaker 2: in getting involved with them in any way. It is

1222
00:52:11,400 --> 00:52:14,239
Speaker 2: so toxic and now that you have to kind of

1223
00:52:14,239 --> 00:52:16,160
Speaker 2: say goodbye to your brother in the relationship that you

1224
00:52:16,239 --> 00:52:19,480
Speaker 2: had with him. And while that sounds harsh, it's true,

1225
00:52:19,600 --> 00:52:22,120
Speaker 2: Like there's no point you're going to torture yourself.

1226
00:52:22,880 --> 00:52:24,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, she just needs to step back.

1227
00:52:24,880 --> 00:52:25,399
Speaker 5: Step back.

1228
00:52:26,440 --> 00:52:28,080
Speaker 2: They can't take away your parents. You have your own

1229
00:52:28,120 --> 00:52:30,759
Speaker 2: relationship with them, and if you have to suffer through

1230
00:52:30,760 --> 00:52:32,760
Speaker 2: them on the holidays, then so be it. But don't

1231
00:52:32,760 --> 00:52:36,960
Speaker 2: get involved in their drama. Don't try to negotiate anything

1232
00:52:36,960 --> 00:52:37,680
Speaker 2: with them.

1233
00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:40,480
Speaker 5: Just back out because your.

1234
00:52:40,320 --> 00:52:44,640
Speaker 2: Brother needs to understand also that he has been isolated

1235
00:52:44,680 --> 00:52:47,600
Speaker 2: by his wife, like she is making sure that everyone

1236
00:52:47,640 --> 00:52:49,520
Speaker 2: in his life is not there for you to sit

1237
00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:51,360
Speaker 2: down for an appointment to get berated as one of

1238
00:52:51,400 --> 00:52:54,200
Speaker 2: the most ludicrous things I've ever heard, Like, fuck off.

1239
00:52:54,280 --> 00:52:57,880
Speaker 2: You were his counselor and you were his helper and

1240
00:52:57,920 --> 00:52:58,920
Speaker 2: now you're getting punished.

1241
00:52:59,000 --> 00:53:01,280
Speaker 1: Why don't you understand how he's allowing this to happen.

1242
00:53:01,360 --> 00:53:04,160
Speaker 2: Well, he's brainwashed too, He's like, you know how you

1243
00:53:04,200 --> 00:53:07,080
Speaker 2: know how women and men alike can do that to women,

1244
00:53:07,120 --> 00:53:10,480
Speaker 2: to other people, like if you're an easy going, really

1245
00:53:10,480 --> 00:53:12,200
Speaker 2: easygo and she said he was kind of like a

1246
00:53:12,280 --> 00:53:15,520
Speaker 2: Labrador retreat or something like that. Like you can easily

1247
00:53:15,520 --> 00:53:18,319
Speaker 2: be manipulated by another person and then kind of get

1248
00:53:18,320 --> 00:53:19,200
Speaker 2: brainwashed by them.

1249
00:53:19,239 --> 00:53:21,000
Speaker 5: It's not dissimilar from being in a cult.

1250
00:53:21,320 --> 00:53:24,480
Speaker 2: It's just one person that's controlling you, and it's all

1251
00:53:24,600 --> 00:53:27,280
Speaker 2: very controlling. Anyone who does that and tries to isolate

1252
00:53:27,320 --> 00:53:29,640
Speaker 2: you from your family is that's abuse.

1253
00:53:30,080 --> 00:53:31,080
Speaker 5: By the way, this.

1254
00:53:31,080 --> 00:53:34,040
Speaker 3: Specific type of behavior in the UK, they call it

1255
00:53:34,200 --> 00:53:36,839
Speaker 3: coercive control and they've actually just made it illegal. It's

1256
00:53:36,840 --> 00:53:39,080
Speaker 3: not illegal here in the US, but like you actually

1257
00:53:39,120 --> 00:53:43,360
Speaker 3: can get in trouble legally for controlling your partner in

1258
00:53:43,440 --> 00:53:43,839
Speaker 3: the UK.

1259
00:53:44,080 --> 00:53:44,600
Speaker 5: That's great.

1260
00:53:44,640 --> 00:53:48,600
Speaker 1: How do they define it? Like the gaping point, I.

1261
00:53:48,560 --> 00:53:50,880
Speaker 3: Mean, it's it's these elements of like cutting someone off

1262
00:53:50,920 --> 00:53:53,120
Speaker 3: from their family, and there's a whole lot of things

1263
00:53:53,160 --> 00:53:55,719
Speaker 3: that go into it. But these like toxic boyfriends, are

1264
00:53:55,760 --> 00:53:58,200
Speaker 3: toxic you know, girlfriends or wives, these sorts of things.

1265
00:53:58,360 --> 00:53:59,799
Speaker 5: There are consequences for it now at.

1266
00:53:59,719 --> 00:54:03,799
Speaker 4: Least well he's there are consequences to what he's experiencing too.

1267
00:54:03,840 --> 00:54:06,800
Speaker 4: When she's experiencing, he's going to lose a sister, somebody

1268
00:54:06,840 --> 00:54:11,120
Speaker 4: that's looking in right, looking out for his best interest,

1269
00:54:11,680 --> 00:54:15,640
Speaker 4: and he's losing more than you're losing, probably because he's

1270
00:54:15,640 --> 00:54:18,640
Speaker 4: caught up in this cycle of listening to the wrong

1271
00:54:19,160 --> 00:54:21,080
Speaker 4: person instead of listening to himself.

1272
00:54:22,239 --> 00:54:24,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, so that's I mean, that sucks and I'm sorry,

1273
00:54:24,680 --> 00:54:27,960
Speaker 2: but yeah, I would get yourself extricate yourself from that dynamic.

1274
00:54:28,280 --> 00:54:31,000
Speaker 3: Is there like an emotion or a mantra that you

1275
00:54:31,000 --> 00:54:33,200
Speaker 3: would send her in with when she does see them

1276
00:54:33,400 --> 00:54:36,240
Speaker 3: at holidays and has to sort of be a sivolt

1277
00:54:36,560 --> 00:54:38,200
Speaker 3: just it's mel Robbins.

1278
00:54:38,280 --> 00:54:41,800
Speaker 2: Let them, let them do their thing, let them be toxic,

1279
00:54:42,160 --> 00:54:45,000
Speaker 2: let them have a dysfunctional relationship, let them be angry,

1280
00:54:45,120 --> 00:54:46,560
Speaker 2: let them be abusive to each other.

1281
00:54:46,760 --> 00:54:48,320
Speaker 5: It's none of your business anymore.

1282
00:54:48,680 --> 00:54:49,040
Speaker 1: Okay.

1283
00:54:49,239 --> 00:54:51,920
Speaker 2: And on that note, we're gonna thank Jenny Garth for

1284
00:54:52,000 --> 00:54:52,720
Speaker 2: being here today.

1285
00:54:53,120 --> 00:54:54,320
Speaker 1: I'm so happy to be here. Thank you.

1286
00:54:54,360 --> 00:54:55,760
Speaker 5: I know, it's so nice to see you.

1287
00:54:55,960 --> 00:54:59,480
Speaker 2: Her podcasts Choose Me podcast and there's part two podcasts,

1288
00:54:59,520 --> 00:55:00,440
Speaker 2: then there's an another one.

1289
00:55:00,440 --> 00:55:02,279
Speaker 5: What's the name of the third one you're producing.

1290
00:55:02,080 --> 00:55:04,120
Speaker 1: That is a it's called Nino two one og.

1291
00:55:04,280 --> 00:55:06,399
Speaker 2: It's a oh we even talk about nine or two

1292
00:55:06,400 --> 00:55:08,279
Speaker 2: one oh, but we had too much other stuff to

1293
00:55:08,280 --> 00:55:11,759
Speaker 2: talk about. You can also find her clothing line on QVC.

1294
00:55:12,040 --> 00:55:14,239
Speaker 2: It's called Me by Jenny Garth, or you can go

1295
00:55:14,239 --> 00:55:15,839
Speaker 2: to Jennygarth dot com and find it.

1296
00:55:15,920 --> 00:55:18,560
Speaker 1: And then what day is your Women's group? January eleventh?

1297
00:55:18,719 --> 00:55:21,919
Speaker 2: January eleventh at iHeart Theater in Los Angeles.

1298
00:55:22,160 --> 00:55:23,919
Speaker 1: Okay, that sounds fun, It'll be fun.

1299
00:55:24,280 --> 00:55:26,799
Speaker 5: Well, was nice to see you, Thanks to goodbye everybody.

1300
00:55:27,280 --> 00:55:29,640
Speaker 2: Okay, guys, stand up shows that I have coming up

1301
00:55:29,760 --> 00:55:33,360
Speaker 2: December twenty eighth, I'm coming in New Orleans right before

1302
00:55:33,360 --> 00:55:35,440
Speaker 2: New Year's and then I'll be in Atlanta, Georgia on

1303
00:55:35,480 --> 00:55:38,120
Speaker 2: December twenty ninth. And those are the rest of my

1304
00:55:38,160 --> 00:55:41,279
Speaker 2: stand up dates for this year. It's over New Tour

1305
00:55:41,800 --> 00:55:43,719
Speaker 2: New Year. If you'd like.

1306
00:55:43,719 --> 00:55:46,600
Speaker 3: Advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at Dear Chelsea

1307
00:55:46,680 --> 00:55:49,120
Speaker 3: podcast at gmail dot com and be sure to include

1308
00:55:49,160 --> 00:55:52,480
Speaker 3: your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by

1309
00:55:52,520 --> 00:55:55,680
Speaker 3: Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law and be sure to

1310
00:55:55,760 --> 00:56:01,520
Speaker 3: check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com