WEBVTT - Matchmaker Matchmaker with Chelsea + Catherine 0:00:00.920 --> 0:00:01.800 Hi, Catherine. 0:00:02.080 --> 0:00:04.320 I'm really excited about today, Chelsea. 0:00:04.600 --> 0:00:07.120 Oh oh wow, you have a little party boomer. I 0:00:07.680 --> 0:00:09.520 actually a little podcast party boomer. 0:00:09.800 --> 0:00:12.720 Can I tell you why, Chelsea? We are finally going 0:00:12.760 --> 0:00:15.400 to do some matchmaking. 0:00:16.079 --> 0:00:20.680 Oh that's nice, callers, pay attention. Are these just for 0:00:20.760 --> 0:00:26.080 gay people or is this for hetero heterogenerous heado generous couples? 0:00:26.520 --> 0:00:26.720 You know? 0:00:26.880 --> 0:00:30.160 Here is the thing. When I finally dug into the emails, 0:00:30.440 --> 0:00:32.000 I thought to myself, like, how am I going to 0:00:32.080 --> 0:00:32.839 hook these people up? 0:00:32.920 --> 0:00:33.000 Right? 0:00:33.000 --> 0:00:36.240 Because people are all over the country, all over the 0:00:36.280 --> 0:00:40.200 world emailing in. Some people are gay, some people are straight, 0:00:40.200 --> 0:00:42.519 et cetera. There are a lot of straight women that 0:00:42.600 --> 0:00:45.000 wrote in. And I you know, we will do our 0:00:45.040 --> 0:00:48.080 best for you ladies, but yes, it's going to be 0:00:48.080 --> 0:00:49.520 more successful for gay guys. 0:00:49.520 --> 0:00:51.880 Okay, well take whatever we can tell you. You know 0:00:51.920 --> 0:00:53.600 what I mean. We have to help who we can help. 0:00:53.760 --> 0:00:56.120 Yes, But I thought what we'd do. I thought we 0:00:56.160 --> 0:00:58.880 can do sort of a crowdsourcing thing and then we'll 0:00:58.960 --> 0:01:01.200 let people side into their into an email that we 0:01:01.280 --> 0:01:05.640 create for them. Cute, Chelsea, I have some updates from 0:01:05.640 --> 0:01:07.679 some previous callers. Are you ready for this? 0:01:07.880 --> 0:01:08.160 Yes? 0:01:08.440 --> 0:01:11.800 Okay, Well, this first one is from a recent piece 0:01:11.800 --> 0:01:15.400 of advice that we gave Melanie. She was from an 0:01:15.480 --> 0:01:18.119 episode that you and I had done together. Her airbnb 0:01:18.280 --> 0:01:21.560 host was a little older, little sexy older man situation. 0:01:21.840 --> 0:01:25.040 She was worried about putting the moves. Uh huh, She says, 0:01:25.080 --> 0:01:27.919 I have a very happy update for you. After another 0:01:27.959 --> 0:01:31.200 month of growing closer and getting flirty, my host finally 0:01:31.240 --> 0:01:32.960 bit the bullet while we were on a hike. 0:01:32.800 --> 0:01:35.679 Together, add sister. I love it. 0:01:35.400 --> 0:01:38.600 Until me he'd like to be more than friends. Needless 0:01:38.600 --> 0:01:40.960 to say, I was so relieved since I've clearly been 0:01:41.000 --> 0:01:43.880 such a chicken about making a move Since then, we 0:01:43.920 --> 0:01:46.240 went on a first official date where he took me 0:01:46.280 --> 0:01:49.320 to the movies and surprised me with roses. We finally 0:01:49.360 --> 0:01:52.240 said everything we've been holding in, and things moved quickly. 0:01:52.240 --> 0:01:54.120 Ever, I love that part or you tell each other 0:01:54.160 --> 0:01:55.760 all the times you were about to say something and 0:01:55.840 --> 0:01:57.880 you didn't, and then they tell you what they were thinking. 0:01:58.240 --> 0:02:01.000 That's the most exciting time of a reallyationship. It's the best. 0:02:01.040 --> 0:02:03.680 It's a very very beginning where you're just flirting and 0:02:03.760 --> 0:02:06.400 like trying to like be on your best behavior. 0:02:06.040 --> 0:02:07.800 And like filling in the gaps from things that have 0:02:07.880 --> 0:02:10.160 already happened, like here's where my head was at with that. 0:02:10.840 --> 0:02:13.400 He treats me like absolute gold, and I'm stunned that 0:02:13.400 --> 0:02:16.359 it's even possible to feel so adored by an emotionally 0:02:16.440 --> 0:02:20.800 available man. I'm being showered with words of adoration and 0:02:20.840 --> 0:02:22.880 we're already talking about finding ways for me to stay 0:02:22.919 --> 0:02:26.120 here in New Zealand long term. It's a big adjustment. 0:02:26.160 --> 0:02:28.120 Living in the same house and dating a much older 0:02:28.120 --> 0:02:30.880 man is all new territory for me. But I'm more 0:02:30.919 --> 0:02:33.200 than ready to heal all the dating app drama I 0:02:33.320 --> 0:02:36.480 endured in my twenties. Thanks again for your encouragement and 0:02:36.520 --> 0:02:38.960 all you do on this podcast. Hopefully I can provide 0:02:39.120 --> 0:02:43.000 more happy updates soon. In gratitude a Melanie. 0:02:42.440 --> 0:02:43.400 And stay in New Zealand. 0:02:43.480 --> 0:02:45.800 That's a safe place for global warming too. They're saying 0:02:45.840 --> 0:02:48.399 New Zealand US. All the bunkers are over there. 0:02:49.040 --> 0:02:49.480 Are there? 0:02:49.639 --> 0:02:52.760 Yeah, they have a lot of millionaires and billionaires have 0:02:52.800 --> 0:02:55.040 built like bunkers into the side of the mountains in 0:02:55.080 --> 0:02:57.000 New Zealand, even though it's pretty much an island. 0:02:57.200 --> 0:03:01.119 Yeah, it doesn't have huge elevation but has protective rock 0:03:01.200 --> 0:03:04.160 layering and there are hills and stuff. Yeah. 0:03:04.480 --> 0:03:06.560 We have a friend who is a Kiwi and he 0:03:06.960 --> 0:03:10.120 did COVID right. He decided to like leave his terrible 0:03:10.120 --> 0:03:12.560 wife and go back to New Zealand at the beginning 0:03:12.639 --> 0:03:16.160 of COVID, and he was like, I got there. You 0:03:16.160 --> 0:03:18.520 have to quarantine for two weeks, right, so they put 0:03:18.560 --> 0:03:20.320 you up. The government put you up in a nice 0:03:20.320 --> 0:03:23.560 hotel on the beach and one hour a day they 0:03:23.600 --> 0:03:26.200 would like have someone follow you for your like romantic 0:03:26.280 --> 0:03:28.720 walk on the beach so you could have some outdoors time. 0:03:28.800 --> 0:03:30.680 And then they give you like steak dinners every night 0:03:30.720 --> 0:03:32.440 for two weeks, all on the government. I was like, 0:03:32.480 --> 0:03:33.760 good job New Zealand. 0:03:33.639 --> 0:03:35.320 For when you were stressed out. 0:03:36.160 --> 0:03:38.360 No, just like during the beginning of COVID when he 0:03:38.400 --> 0:03:40.120 had to quarantine because they only let. 0:03:42.080 --> 0:03:43.400 Yeah that is nice. 0:03:43.680 --> 0:03:45.840 Yes, I'm having dinner with my friends tonight and he 0:03:45.960 --> 0:03:47.880 just texted me, do you want sushi or steak? 0:03:47.920 --> 0:03:49.280 I'm like sushi. 0:03:50.600 --> 0:03:52.200 I don't want steak any early. 0:03:52.440 --> 0:03:54.440 I don't know even when my bell gets steak for 0:03:54.440 --> 0:03:55.840 the house. I look at it now and I'm just 0:03:55.880 --> 0:03:58.320 so disgusted. I can't even eat it. I can eat 0:03:58.320 --> 0:04:01.080 a burger, but steak itself starting to get really grossed 0:04:01.080 --> 0:04:01.800 out by I know. 0:04:01.800 --> 0:04:03.760 Sometimes you do just get the ick like I sometimes 0:04:03.760 --> 0:04:05.720 we'll get the ick for chicken for like two years ago. 0:04:05.840 --> 0:04:07.920 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I had that about salmon, and now 0:04:07.920 --> 0:04:10.760 I'm down, deep down, I'm upriver with salmon. 0:04:11.200 --> 0:04:12.080 I love salmon. 0:04:12.600 --> 0:04:12.920 You know why. 0:04:12.960 --> 0:04:15.680 I also like salmon because bears love salmon, and I 0:04:15.720 --> 0:04:19.400 love fucking watching bears try and catch salmon. Do you 0:04:19.480 --> 0:04:21.799 watch YouTube videos or it's just like your canon stadium? 0:04:22.040 --> 0:04:24.839 Oh yeah, I watch are bears and fat fat babies? 0:04:24.960 --> 0:04:27.360 Oh yes, I love both of those things. 0:04:27.800 --> 0:04:30.640 It's amazing how a lot of people do not like 0:04:30.680 --> 0:04:33.560 fat babies because I forward that stuff to my girlfriends 0:04:33.560 --> 0:04:35.480 and a lot of them are like, stop sending us this. 0:04:35.880 --> 0:04:39.000 They're like, this is gross. I'm like what, I think 0:04:39.040 --> 0:04:41.880 it's beautiful. I mean, when is the time to be 0:04:41.960 --> 0:04:43.360 a fatty unless. 0:04:43.080 --> 0:04:46.560 It's absolutely easiest time to do it? 0:04:46.839 --> 0:04:47.159 See? 0:04:47.200 --> 0:04:49.520 My thing right now is just like dogs that are 0:04:49.560 --> 0:04:53.000 howling or like singing quote unquote, and people will write 0:04:53.000 --> 0:04:55.760 these like jazz tunes underneath them, and it cracks me 0:04:55.839 --> 0:04:58.400 up every single time. I just absolutely love it. Dog 0:04:58.480 --> 0:05:01.360 humor is pretty solid, solid, It's solid. 0:05:01.960 --> 0:05:02.320 Okay. 0:05:02.440 --> 0:05:04.360 On that note, we're gonna take a quick break and 0:05:04.440 --> 0:05:11.120 will be right back, and we're back. 0:05:11.360 --> 0:05:16.039 We are well, h says dear Chelsea. I'm an almost 0:05:16.120 --> 0:05:18.680 thirty three year old woman living alone in a major 0:05:18.720 --> 0:05:21.680 city in Washington State, which I recently relocated to to 0:05:21.720 --> 0:05:25.160 be closer to certain members of my family. My relationship 0:05:25.200 --> 0:05:26.960 with my mother has gotten a little bit better in 0:05:27.000 --> 0:05:29.479 recent years as both of us have been going to therapy, 0:05:29.920 --> 0:05:32.240 but still honestly has quite a ways to go. I 0:05:32.279 --> 0:05:34.599 love her very much and do believe she's a wonderful 0:05:34.640 --> 0:05:37.760 person underneath it all. My mom has never liked any 0:05:37.760 --> 0:05:41.040 person I've ever introduced her to, whether they were romantic 0:05:41.160 --> 0:05:43.960 or a friend. She always seems to see the worst 0:05:43.960 --> 0:05:46.599 in people, even when they've never given her any reason 0:05:46.640 --> 0:05:49.880 to be suspicious or wary. In all my adult life, 0:05:49.920 --> 0:05:52.720 I have simply tried to accept that that's how she is, 0:05:52.800 --> 0:05:55.360 and let her unsolicited opinions about me and my life 0:05:55.440 --> 0:05:58.280 choices roll off my back like water off a ducts back, 0:05:58.320 --> 0:06:01.279 as you like to say. Periods of time in which 0:06:01.279 --> 0:06:04.279 I've gone low contact or given her a strict information 0:06:04.440 --> 0:06:07.520 diet to preserve my joy and protect myself from her 0:06:07.600 --> 0:06:10.680 unsolicited opinions. But I've also tried to do right by 0:06:10.680 --> 0:06:13.919 her and make her proud. I've been dating my boyfriend 0:06:13.920 --> 0:06:16.160 for a few months, and recently it felt like a 0:06:16.200 --> 0:06:18.880 good time to casually introduce him to some of my people, 0:06:19.080 --> 0:06:21.960 my folks included. I felt that it all went well. 0:06:22.120 --> 0:06:24.799 All of my friends absolutely loved him, and the meeting 0:06:24.800 --> 0:06:28.080 with my folks seemed very chill and cordial. Then a 0:06:28.120 --> 0:06:32.360 week after that, my mom expressed significant concern. She said 0:06:32.360 --> 0:06:35.359 that he makes her feel uncomfortable, that she feels he 0:06:35.400 --> 0:06:38.240 is potentially dangerous, and has a gut feeling that he's 0:06:38.320 --> 0:06:41.680 bad news. I maintained my composure to hear her out, 0:06:41.760 --> 0:06:44.799 but gently pressed to ask if he said anything rude 0:06:44.920 --> 0:06:47.320 or did anything inappropriate that made her feel this way. 0:06:47.760 --> 0:06:51.560 She said no, it was just her intuition exactly. I 0:06:51.600 --> 0:06:54.360 feel I should mention that he does have an alternative look. 0:06:54.680 --> 0:06:57.320 He's missing a few teeth from a traumatic altercation in 0:06:57.360 --> 0:07:00.480 his youth and looks a bit rough around the edge. 0:07:00.800 --> 0:07:03.360 I've heard his stories and get zero red flags from them, 0:07:03.440 --> 0:07:05.640 and honestly find it very hot that he has his 0:07:05.680 --> 0:07:08.440 own style. He's in touch with himself, and I find 0:07:08.440 --> 0:07:11.880 his look very attractive. He's a wonderful man who treats 0:07:11.880 --> 0:07:13.880 me better than I've ever been treated, and is much 0:07:13.920 --> 0:07:16.960 softer on the inside than he looks on the outside. However, 0:07:17.200 --> 0:07:20.360 I truly value intuition. Do I put stock in hers 0:07:20.480 --> 0:07:22.040 or trust my own? Sincerely? 0:07:22.360 --> 0:07:27.320 H Hi, h Hi, Chelsea, Hi Catherine, So great to 0:07:27.320 --> 0:07:27.680 meet you. 0:07:28.040 --> 0:07:30.760 Is that a cabbage patch kid behind you in that window? 0:07:30.840 --> 0:07:32.000 So some weird dull? 0:07:32.280 --> 0:07:34.680 Yeah, I'm a nanny, so there's all sorts of kid. 0:07:34.720 --> 0:07:36.040 Oh oh, I see copy of that. 0:07:36.280 --> 0:07:38.080 Yes, we are catching her during nap time. 0:07:38.560 --> 0:07:40.440 So it sounds like you have a long history of 0:07:40.480 --> 0:07:43.520 this dynamic in your relationship, right, that she's been pulling 0:07:43.560 --> 0:07:44.800 this shit for years and years. 0:07:45.160 --> 0:07:47.520 Yeah, and to the point where I want to honor 0:07:47.560 --> 0:07:50.120 her perspective and I want to always consider if there 0:07:50.160 --> 0:07:54.200 may be is some truth to any of her complaints, 0:07:54.240 --> 0:07:56.920 you know, But when I really think about it, I 0:07:57.000 --> 0:08:00.520 just can't quite figure out what her deal is, why 0:08:00.560 --> 0:08:02.400 there's consistently a problem. 0:08:02.320 --> 0:08:04.440 And has her intuition been right before? 0:08:05.240 --> 0:08:08.200 Not really, I mean, not in anything else. I mean, 0:08:08.240 --> 0:08:11.400 she's been correct that my relationships in the past didn't 0:08:11.440 --> 0:08:14.640 last forever. But that was my choice and a good one. 0:08:14.640 --> 0:08:18.360 But that's more factual, that's not intuitive, right, that's what happened. 0:08:18.400 --> 0:08:18.760 Happened. 0:08:19.120 --> 0:08:22.400 I would put a lot less value in what her 0:08:22.560 --> 0:08:25.760 intuition is telling her. There is a nice way to 0:08:25.800 --> 0:08:27.640 say this to her, though, because you have a great 0:08:27.640 --> 0:08:30.080 opportunity because you just said all of these things that 0:08:30.160 --> 0:08:32.720 make your boyfriend or I don't know if you're calling 0:08:32.800 --> 0:08:34.960 him that yet, are you calling him your boyfriend? Okay, 0:08:34.960 --> 0:08:38.319 your boyfriend like shady kind of characteristics like he's missing 0:08:38.360 --> 0:08:40.600 a couple of teeth, or what people would frame as 0:08:40.960 --> 0:08:43.679 rough around the edges as you mentioned like that, right, 0:08:43.920 --> 0:08:46.120 I think that's really open minded of you that that 0:08:46.160 --> 0:08:48.959 doesn't bother you. That's a great place to start to say, 0:08:49.440 --> 0:08:51.600 to just engage in this conversation and go, you know, 0:08:51.640 --> 0:08:54.880 while I can understand for this, this and this reasons 0:08:54.960 --> 0:08:57.800 that might have made you uncomfortable, but I don't really 0:08:57.840 --> 0:08:59.719 look at those things as you know, I think those 0:08:59.720 --> 0:09:04.160 are characteristic of who he is, not as character flaws, 0:09:04.400 --> 0:09:06.120 you know, And you can use your own language to 0:09:06.120 --> 0:09:08.880 say all of this, but it's a great opportunity to 0:09:08.960 --> 0:09:14.120 a be soft and gentle honor her intuition, and also 0:09:14.240 --> 0:09:17.640 let her know it's really no longer welcome. You're a 0:09:17.679 --> 0:09:20.240 woman now. You don't need her opinion, you don't need 0:09:20.240 --> 0:09:23.560 her approval. She's not even proven herself to be good 0:09:23.600 --> 0:09:28.080 at listening to her intuition. These are judgments, not intuitiveness. 0:09:28.200 --> 0:09:30.880 You know, judgment and intuition are two different things. 0:09:31.720 --> 0:09:35.120 So yeah, well, thank you for clarifying, because that's kind 0:09:35.120 --> 0:09:37.040 of where I was trying to draw the line as well, 0:09:37.080 --> 0:09:39.920 where it's like, if it actually felt like intuition, if 0:09:39.920 --> 0:09:43.160 it was coming from a best friend who actually knows 0:09:43.200 --> 0:09:44.319 me really really well. 0:09:44.240 --> 0:09:46.760 Or has a track record of steering you in the 0:09:46.840 --> 0:09:47.880 right direction. 0:09:48.600 --> 0:09:51.560 Then I would be taking it super seriously. But with her, 0:09:51.640 --> 0:09:53.600 it's like, now, I think that's just a nice word 0:09:53.640 --> 0:09:54.280 for judgment. 0:09:54.679 --> 0:09:57.360 For me, it's a big green flag to me that 0:09:57.400 --> 0:10:01.440 all your friends really really liked him, and that you 0:10:01.480 --> 0:10:03.280 know he got along with the rest of your people. 0:10:03.800 --> 0:10:05.520 And I think you know you have this track record 0:10:05.600 --> 0:10:07.240 with your mom of like, she doesn't like your friends, 0:10:07.240 --> 0:10:08.800 she doesn't like whoever you bring home. I think you 0:10:08.840 --> 0:10:10.680 mentioned she loves everybody your sister brings home. 0:10:11.080 --> 0:10:11.439 M M. 0:10:12.559 --> 0:10:15.760 Of course, when you just gotta feel amazing. But you mentioned, 0:10:15.760 --> 0:10:17.480 you know, wanting to do right by her and make 0:10:17.520 --> 0:10:20.240 her proud, and I think for me, especially, like that's 0:10:20.280 --> 0:10:22.440 something I carry with me all the time that I'm 0:10:22.600 --> 0:10:26.080 working on. Dismantling in my thirties is just like being 0:10:26.240 --> 0:10:30.080 okay with sort of disappointing my parents and in ways 0:10:30.080 --> 0:10:33.280 that are sort of large and small, and often you know, 0:10:33.400 --> 0:10:36.040 the result is not as catastrophic as I thought it 0:10:36.160 --> 0:10:40.520 was going to be in in previous years. And you know, 0:10:40.679 --> 0:10:43.079 like Chelsea said, having a conversation with her reminding her, 0:10:43.280 --> 0:10:45.400 don't judge a book by its cover. That's not what 0:10:45.440 --> 0:10:47.840 I'm doing. And I'd love to see him prove you wrong. 0:10:47.920 --> 0:10:50.000 And you know, whether or not we stay together for 0:10:50.080 --> 0:10:52.520 the long haul. I think he's a great person and 0:10:52.760 --> 0:10:54.320 would love for you to get to know him better. 0:10:55.320 --> 0:10:58.640 Right, So would you both say that would you recommend 0:10:58.800 --> 0:11:02.600 that I wait to have that conversation with her and 0:11:02.720 --> 0:11:08.280 then kind of feel out how any future meetings between 0:11:08.280 --> 0:11:11.479 them might go, because I I don't want to completely 0:11:11.600 --> 0:11:14.160 bar him from any part of my family life just 0:11:14.400 --> 0:11:15.640 because she's going to get pissy. 0:11:15.720 --> 0:11:17.040 But I also don't want to. 0:11:17.240 --> 0:11:19.079 I think you're going to be surprised by her reaction 0:11:19.160 --> 0:11:21.000 to this because it doesn't sound like you've had this 0:11:21.040 --> 0:11:22.280 conversation with her before. 0:11:22.320 --> 0:11:26.840 Correct not on this subject, but I have essentially said 0:11:26.960 --> 0:11:31.319 very similar things to her opinions about either my school 0:11:31.440 --> 0:11:34.280 or my career or my this or my you know whatever. 0:11:34.520 --> 0:11:37.319 So just different topic, you know. 0:11:37.320 --> 0:11:39.959 We'll use this topic, and trying to like just change 0:11:40.000 --> 0:11:43.319 the approach, even just slightly different, so that it's memorable 0:11:43.320 --> 0:11:45.240 for both of you in a positive way, because I 0:11:45.280 --> 0:11:47.600 think you don't seem like an angry person. But get 0:11:47.720 --> 0:11:49.280 rid of any anger. 0:11:49.400 --> 0:11:54.280 Or accusation, okay, because even calling out her judgment is 0:11:54.360 --> 0:11:57.480 really her accusing him of being something that she has 0:11:57.559 --> 0:12:01.439 no proof to bear witness of. So I think you're 0:12:01.440 --> 0:12:03.320 gonna look at this and you're gonna be proud of yourself. 0:12:03.360 --> 0:12:05.679 And it cannot be understated to every single person who's 0:12:05.679 --> 0:12:09.040 listening today. When you act and courage and you stand 0:12:09.160 --> 0:12:12.319 up to something that bothers you in a loving way, 0:12:12.679 --> 0:12:15.640 it's like you evolve to the next level of being 0:12:15.640 --> 0:12:18.800 a human being because you won't ever have to struggle 0:12:18.840 --> 0:12:22.280 with that kind of thing again. So it's worth every 0:12:22.320 --> 0:12:25.120 minute that you spend thinking about it and executing it 0:12:25.160 --> 0:12:28.360 in the like, in your highest vibe and really getting 0:12:28.360 --> 0:12:30.079 the message across to your mother in a loving way. 0:12:30.120 --> 0:12:32.600 And I guarantee you will be You will be very 0:12:32.640 --> 0:12:35.000 surprised by the response, because I don't think you're gonna 0:12:35.000 --> 0:12:37.400 have to worry about when to schedule after even if 0:12:37.440 --> 0:12:39.240 she gets mad, Initially, she's going to come down and 0:12:39.280 --> 0:12:42.440 think about what happened, and she's going to know that 0:12:42.559 --> 0:12:43.360 she wants to see you. 0:12:43.440 --> 0:12:45.560 That's going to be, you know, a double thing, and 0:12:45.600 --> 0:12:46.360 she's going to want. 0:12:46.200 --> 0:12:48.200 To prove to you that she's not judgmental and that 0:12:48.240 --> 0:12:51.440 her intuition is right. And in that effort, she will 0:12:51.440 --> 0:12:53.760 be wanting to spend time with you. And that's not 0:12:53.800 --> 0:12:55.760 to say that her intuition is right, but that will 0:12:55.760 --> 0:12:56.800 be her motivation, do. 0:12:56.800 --> 0:12:57.480 You know what I mean? 0:12:57.840 --> 0:12:59.800 Because you came at her at a different level, and 0:12:59.800 --> 0:13:02.920 then that requires a different response. You can't mingle the 0:13:02.920 --> 0:13:04.440 same way when you're doing it differently. 0:13:04.920 --> 0:13:07.240 Yeah, and you know you've learned this lesson not to 0:13:07.280 --> 0:13:09.640 judge a book by its cover. You really like this guy, 0:13:09.720 --> 0:13:12.720 he seems really great, but she hasn't learned that lesson yet. 0:13:12.760 --> 0:13:14.520 So coming at her with a sort of like you 0:13:14.520 --> 0:13:15.839 don't have to say this to her, but in your 0:13:15.840 --> 0:13:18.440 mind being like aw, like she has she's not quite 0:13:18.440 --> 0:13:20.839 there yet, you're encouraging her like maybe just have an 0:13:20.840 --> 0:13:23.520 open mind. I really like him, and maybe you'll you'll 0:13:23.559 --> 0:13:26.160 have a different opinion down the road, and then like 0:13:26.360 --> 0:13:28.680 leaving it at that. I think whether to like talk 0:13:28.720 --> 0:13:31.360 to her about it or shoot her a text is 0:13:31.679 --> 0:13:34.520 dependent on like how sort of activated you think that 0:13:34.600 --> 0:13:36.679 you will be. Do you feel like you can have 0:13:36.720 --> 0:13:39.559 this conversation with her in person and not get upset 0:13:39.640 --> 0:13:42.440 with her, or do you think maybe shoot her a text. 0:13:42.880 --> 0:13:46.199 At some point, I feel like I can as long 0:13:46.240 --> 0:13:49.800 as things haven't been like getting inflammatory earlier on that 0:13:50.640 --> 0:13:54.160 you know, hang out or conversation. But she is in 0:13:54.200 --> 0:13:57.520 town actually for the next couple of days, so I've 0:13:57.559 --> 0:14:00.680 just been kind of keeping things neutral around a little 0:14:00.679 --> 0:14:03.760 bit of an information diet, just calling like normal and 0:14:03.920 --> 0:14:06.920 just shooting the breeze, not really bringing it up, just 0:14:07.000 --> 0:14:11.560 trying to not upset myself with it. So I feel 0:14:11.559 --> 0:14:16.480 like if the opportunity presents itself and makes sense, then 0:14:16.480 --> 0:14:19.240 I might go for it, and if not, then I 0:14:19.320 --> 0:14:22.120 might just wait a little bit longer and maybe add 0:14:22.240 --> 0:14:25.080 something like that into a text the next time that 0:14:25.880 --> 0:14:27.120 I'm going to be in her orbit. 0:14:27.520 --> 0:14:30.000 And also, you know, the more that you do bring 0:14:30.080 --> 0:14:31.960 him around, the less of sort of a shock his 0:14:32.040 --> 0:14:34.360 appearance will be. Like when you get to know someone, 0:14:34.440 --> 0:14:37.240 their appearance in a weird way sort of fades away. 0:14:37.240 --> 0:14:40.080 You don't notice these sort of really specific things about 0:14:40.080 --> 0:14:42.320 them that you might have noticed so much in the beginning. 0:14:42.440 --> 0:14:44.400 So you know, I would definitely encourage you to like 0:14:44.480 --> 0:14:45.480 keep bringing him around. 0:14:46.120 --> 0:14:48.080 Awesome, we'll do cool. 0:14:48.240 --> 0:14:50.360 And also will you text us a picture of him too, 0:14:50.880 --> 0:14:52.040 or like the two of you together? 0:14:52.400 --> 0:14:52.800 Yeah? 0:14:52.840 --> 0:14:55.840 Absolutely, it's going to be from a rocky horror picture show. 0:14:55.880 --> 0:14:57.680 So we're going to look all sorts of interesting. 0:14:58.680 --> 0:14:59.960 Love it perfect, good life. 0:15:00.400 --> 0:15:02.040 Thank you so much, Age. 0:15:01.760 --> 0:15:04.400 Thank you so much, both of you. Love your show 0:15:04.520 --> 0:15:05.080 so much. 0:15:05.440 --> 0:15:05.880 Thank you. 0:15:06.360 --> 0:15:07.400 Good luck with the babies. 0:15:07.920 --> 0:15:08.480 Thank you. 0:15:08.840 --> 0:15:12.600 Have a great day, you too. I bye. 0:15:12.640 --> 0:15:14.040 My mom by the way, who was about to be 0:15:14.080 --> 0:15:16.720 in town. Every time she comes, she's like, do you 0:15:16.760 --> 0:15:20.239 have any tattoos? No, Mom, I still don't have any tattoos. 0:15:20.280 --> 0:15:21.560 That's like her greatest fear. 0:15:21.360 --> 0:15:22.960 For it is that's fun. 0:15:23.080 --> 0:15:23.280 Nice. 0:15:24.080 --> 0:15:26.800 Oh my nieces have tattoos. They do have tattoos. I 0:15:26.840 --> 0:15:28.040 don't have any, but they do. 0:15:28.600 --> 0:15:30.640 Well, you can still be buried in Jewish cemetery then. 0:15:30.960 --> 0:15:33.920 Yeah, right, well, yes, I hope they put me on fire, though, 0:15:33.960 --> 0:15:35.960 set me on fire and tossed me into the ocean. 0:15:36.840 --> 0:15:38.880 I hope they tossed me into the mouth of an anaconda. 0:15:39.720 --> 0:15:43.880 That sounds wonderful, actually, well. Our next caller is Christina 0:15:44.840 --> 0:15:48.360 Dear Chelsea. I'm thirty three and my boyfriend is forty six. 0:15:48.640 --> 0:15:51.880 We both currently live in California. We dated for six months, 0:15:51.920 --> 0:15:55.000 then he abruptly ended things. I was completely caught off 0:15:55.000 --> 0:15:58.640 guard and heartbroken, of course. However, two weeks later, my 0:15:58.760 --> 0:16:02.080 dad and my grandmother died on the same day coincidentally, 0:16:02.280 --> 0:16:04.720 and my uncle died on my birthday a few months later, so, 0:16:04.800 --> 0:16:07.320 needless to say, I wasn't that concerned with the breakup. 0:16:08.120 --> 0:16:10.840 Six months went by and we ended up reconnecting and 0:16:10.920 --> 0:16:13.680 have since been together almost a year now. His father 0:16:13.760 --> 0:16:15.840 died a few months ago, and he's dealt with mental 0:16:15.840 --> 0:16:19.120 health issues on and off and is currently on antidepressants. 0:16:19.440 --> 0:16:22.280 We truly love each other and spending time together. However, 0:16:22.320 --> 0:16:24.080 I'm at a place where I want to know what 0:16:24.160 --> 0:16:27.200 he wants for the future. Anytime I bring that up, 0:16:27.440 --> 0:16:30.360 he gets uncomfortable and frustrated, and he says he has 0:16:30.400 --> 0:16:34.120 to figure himself out first. My question is am I 0:16:34.160 --> 0:16:36.480 wasting my time with him? Should I stick it out 0:16:36.480 --> 0:16:38.760 and wait for him to figure out what he wants marriage, 0:16:38.760 --> 0:16:42.360 family or bachelor life, etc. And also is he too 0:16:42.360 --> 0:16:44.520 old for me? Thanks? Christina? 0:16:44.920 --> 0:16:49.480 Hi Christina, Hello, Hi telse me, I would say that 0:16:50.040 --> 0:16:51.520 it sounds. 0:16:51.000 --> 0:16:55.520 Like you should probably move on. Oh man, Yeah. I 0:16:55.560 --> 0:16:56.360 don't think that. 0:16:57.760 --> 0:17:00.680 Neither of these things are issues singular, but I think 0:17:00.840 --> 0:17:04.119 collectively they become some issue. Like I don't care about 0:17:04.119 --> 0:17:06.440 the age difference, but somebody at that age who's still 0:17:06.480 --> 0:17:09.040 not ready to figure out what his life goals are, 0:17:09.160 --> 0:17:11.359 it doesn't make sense. That's too old, Like you should 0:17:11.359 --> 0:17:13.880 at least have your feet underneath you enough to say 0:17:13.960 --> 0:17:16.159 yay or nay, because that can just be him stringing 0:17:16.200 --> 0:17:18.639 you along until you give him an ultimatum. You know, 0:17:18.760 --> 0:17:21.720 maybe that's what it is either way, or if it's 0:17:21.840 --> 0:17:25.320 genuinely he doesn't know either way not hot, those aren't 0:17:25.320 --> 0:17:27.600 hot qualities and they're not promising and they're not good 0:17:27.680 --> 0:17:27.960 for you. 0:17:28.640 --> 0:17:29.240 And then on the. 0:17:29.160 --> 0:17:31.639 Other side of it, like the breakup that you had 0:17:32.400 --> 0:17:34.800 and then you getting over it. Obviously you had other 0:17:34.840 --> 0:17:37.280 things to go, but like that's proof that you got 0:17:37.320 --> 0:17:38.080 past him once. 0:17:38.200 --> 0:17:38.840 Like I have no. 0:17:38.840 --> 0:17:44.040 Problem imagining you getting over him again. Yeah, so that's 0:17:44.400 --> 0:17:46.920