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Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine.

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Speaker 2: I'm really excited about today, Chelsea.

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Speaker 1: Oh oh wow, you have a little party boomer. I

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Speaker 1: actually a little podcast party boomer.

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Speaker 2: Can I tell you why, Chelsea? We are finally going

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Speaker 2: to do some matchmaking.

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Speaker 3: Oh that's nice, callers, pay attention. Are these just for

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Speaker 3: gay people or is this for hetero heterogenerous heado generous couples?

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Speaker 4: You know?

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Speaker 2: Here is the thing. When I finally dug into the emails,

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Speaker 2: I thought to myself, like, how am I going to

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Speaker 2: hook these people up?

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Speaker 5: Right?

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Speaker 2: Because people are all over the country, all over the

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Speaker 2: world emailing in. Some people are gay, some people are straight,

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Speaker 2: et cetera. There are a lot of straight women that

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Speaker 2: wrote in. And I you know, we will do our

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Speaker 2: best for you ladies, but yes, it's going to be

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Speaker 2: more successful for gay guys.

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Speaker 1: Okay, well take whatever we can tell you. You know

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Speaker 1: what I mean. We have to help who we can help.

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Speaker 2: Yes, But I thought what we'd do. I thought we

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Speaker 2: can do sort of a crowdsourcing thing and then we'll

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Speaker 2: let people side into their into an email that we

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Speaker 2: create for them. Cute, Chelsea, I have some updates from

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Speaker 2: some previous callers. Are you ready for this?

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Speaker 1: Yes?

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Speaker 2: Okay, Well, this first one is from a recent piece

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Speaker 2: of advice that we gave Melanie. She was from an

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Speaker 2: episode that you and I had done together. Her airbnb

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Speaker 2: host was a little older, little sexy older man situation.

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Speaker 2: She was worried about putting the moves. Uh huh, She says,

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Speaker 2: I have a very happy update for you. After another

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Speaker 2: month of growing closer and getting flirty, my host finally

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Speaker 2: bit the bullet while we were on a hike.

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Speaker 1: Together, add sister. I love it.

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Speaker 2: Until me he'd like to be more than friends. Needless

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Speaker 2: to say, I was so relieved since I've clearly been

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Speaker 2: such a chicken about making a move Since then, we

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Speaker 2: went on a first official date where he took me

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Speaker 2: to the movies and surprised me with roses. We finally

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Speaker 2: said everything we've been holding in, and things moved quickly.

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Speaker 3: Ever, I love that part or you tell each other

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Speaker 3: all the times you were about to say something and

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Speaker 3: you didn't, and then they tell you what they were thinking.

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Speaker 1: That's the most exciting time of a reallyationship. It's the best.

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Speaker 3: It's a very very beginning where you're just flirting and

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Speaker 3: like trying to like be on your best behavior.

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Speaker 2: And like filling in the gaps from things that have

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Speaker 2: already happened, like here's where my head was at with that.

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Speaker 2: He treats me like absolute gold, and I'm stunned that

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Speaker 2: it's even possible to feel so adored by an emotionally

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Speaker 2: available man. I'm being showered with words of adoration and

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Speaker 2: we're already talking about finding ways for me to stay

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Speaker 2: here in New Zealand long term. It's a big adjustment.

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Speaker 2: Living in the same house and dating a much older

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Speaker 2: man is all new territory for me. But I'm more

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Speaker 2: than ready to heal all the dating app drama I

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Speaker 2: endured in my twenties. Thanks again for your encouragement and

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Speaker 2: all you do on this podcast. Hopefully I can provide

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Speaker 2: more happy updates soon. In gratitude a Melanie.

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Speaker 1: And stay in New Zealand.

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Speaker 3: That's a safe place for global warming too. They're saying

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Speaker 3: New Zealand US. All the bunkers are over there.

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Speaker 2: Are there?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, they have a lot of millionaires and billionaires have

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Speaker 3: built like bunkers into the side of the mountains in

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Speaker 3: New Zealand, even though it's pretty much an island.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it doesn't have huge elevation but has protective rock

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Speaker 1: layering and there are hills and stuff. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: We have a friend who is a Kiwi and he

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Speaker 2: did COVID right. He decided to like leave his terrible

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Speaker 2: wife and go back to New Zealand at the beginning

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Speaker 2: of COVID, and he was like, I got there. You

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Speaker 2: have to quarantine for two weeks, right, so they put

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Speaker 2: you up. The government put you up in a nice

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Speaker 2: hotel on the beach and one hour a day they

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Speaker 2: would like have someone follow you for your like romantic

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Speaker 2: walk on the beach so you could have some outdoors time.

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Speaker 2: And then they give you like steak dinners every night

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Speaker 2: for two weeks, all on the government. I was like,

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Speaker 2: good job New Zealand.

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Speaker 1: For when you were stressed out.

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Speaker 2: No, just like during the beginning of COVID when he

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Speaker 2: had to quarantine because they only let.

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Speaker 1: Yeah that is nice.

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Speaker 3: Yes, I'm having dinner with my friends tonight and he

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Speaker 3: just texted me, do you want sushi or steak?

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Speaker 1: I'm like sushi.

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Speaker 2: I don't want steak any early.

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Speaker 3: I don't know even when my bell gets steak for

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Speaker 3: the house. I look at it now and I'm just

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Speaker 3: so disgusted. I can't even eat it. I can eat

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Speaker 3: a burger, but steak itself starting to get really grossed

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Speaker 3: out by I know.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes you do just get the ick like I sometimes

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Speaker 2: we'll get the ick for chicken for like two years ago.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I had that about salmon, and now

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Speaker 3: I'm down, deep down, I'm upriver with salmon.

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Speaker 2: I love salmon.

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Speaker 1: You know why.

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Speaker 3: I also like salmon because bears love salmon, and I

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Speaker 3: love fucking watching bears try and catch salmon. Do you

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Speaker 3: watch YouTube videos or it's just like your canon stadium?

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I watch are bears and fat fat babies?

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Speaker 1: Oh yes, I love both of those things.

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Speaker 3: It's amazing how a lot of people do not like

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Speaker 3: fat babies because I forward that stuff to my girlfriends

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Speaker 3: and a lot of them are like, stop sending us this.

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Speaker 3: They're like, this is gross. I'm like what, I think

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Speaker 3: it's beautiful. I mean, when is the time to be

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Speaker 3: a fatty unless.

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Speaker 2: It's absolutely easiest time to do it?

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Speaker 1: See?

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Speaker 2: My thing right now is just like dogs that are

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Speaker 2: howling or like singing quote unquote, and people will write

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Speaker 2: these like jazz tunes underneath them, and it cracks me

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Speaker 2: up every single time. I just absolutely love it. Dog

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Speaker 2: humor is pretty solid, solid, It's solid.

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Speaker 1: Okay.

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Speaker 3: On that note, we're gonna take a quick break and

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Speaker 3: will be right back, and we're back.

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Speaker 2: We are well, h says dear Chelsea. I'm an almost

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Speaker 2: thirty three year old woman living alone in a major

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Speaker 2: city in Washington State, which I recently relocated to to

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Speaker 2: be closer to certain members of my family. My relationship

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Speaker 2: with my mother has gotten a little bit better in

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Speaker 2: recent years as both of us have been going to therapy,

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Speaker 2: but still honestly has quite a ways to go. I

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Speaker 2: love her very much and do believe she's a wonderful

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Speaker 2: person underneath it all. My mom has never liked any

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Speaker 2: person I've ever introduced her to, whether they were romantic

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Speaker 2: or a friend. She always seems to see the worst

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Speaker 2: in people, even when they've never given her any reason

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Speaker 2: to be suspicious or wary. In all my adult life,

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Speaker 2: I have simply tried to accept that that's how she is,

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Speaker 2: and let her unsolicited opinions about me and my life

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Speaker 2: choices roll off my back like water off a ducts back,

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Speaker 2: as you like to say. Periods of time in which

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Speaker 2: I've gone low contact or given her a strict information

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Speaker 2: diet to preserve my joy and protect myself from her

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Speaker 2: unsolicited opinions. But I've also tried to do right by

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Speaker 2: her and make her proud. I've been dating my boyfriend

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Speaker 2: for a few months, and recently it felt like a

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Speaker 2: good time to casually introduce him to some of my people,

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Speaker 2: my folks included. I felt that it all went well.

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Speaker 2: All of my friends absolutely loved him, and the meeting

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Speaker 2: with my folks seemed very chill and cordial. Then a

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Speaker 2: week after that, my mom expressed significant concern. She said

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Speaker 2: that he makes her feel uncomfortable, that she feels he

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Speaker 2: is potentially dangerous, and has a gut feeling that he's

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Speaker 2: bad news. I maintained my composure to hear her out,

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Speaker 2: but gently pressed to ask if he said anything rude

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Speaker 2: or did anything inappropriate that made her feel this way.

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Speaker 2: She said no, it was just her intuition exactly. I

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Speaker 2: feel I should mention that he does have an alternative look.

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Speaker 2: He's missing a few teeth from a traumatic altercation in

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Speaker 2: his youth and looks a bit rough around the edge.

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Speaker 2: I've heard his stories and get zero red flags from them,

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Speaker 2: and honestly find it very hot that he has his

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Speaker 2: own style. He's in touch with himself, and I find

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Speaker 2: his look very attractive. He's a wonderful man who treats

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Speaker 2: me better than I've ever been treated, and is much

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Speaker 2: softer on the inside than he looks on the outside. However,

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Speaker 2: I truly value intuition. Do I put stock in hers

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Speaker 2: or trust my own? Sincerely?

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Speaker 6: H Hi, h Hi, Chelsea, Hi Catherine, So great to

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Speaker 6: meet you.

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Speaker 1: Is that a cabbage patch kid behind you in that window?

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Speaker 2: So some weird dull?

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Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm a nanny, so there's all sorts of kid.

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Speaker 1: Oh oh, I see copy of that.

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Speaker 2: Yes, we are catching her during nap time.

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Speaker 3: So it sounds like you have a long history of

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Speaker 3: this dynamic in your relationship, right, that she's been pulling

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Speaker 3: this shit for years and years.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, and to the point where I want to honor

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Speaker 6: her perspective and I want to always consider if there

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Speaker 6: may be is some truth to any of her complaints,

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Speaker 6: you know, But when I really think about it, I

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Speaker 6: just can't quite figure out what her deal is, why

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Speaker 6: there's consistently a problem.

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Speaker 1: And has her intuition been right before?

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Speaker 6: Not really, I mean, not in anything else. I mean,

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Speaker 6: she's been correct that my relationships in the past didn't

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Speaker 6: last forever. But that was my choice and a good one.

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Speaker 3: But that's more factual, that's not intuitive, right, that's what happened.

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Speaker 1: Happened.

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Speaker 3: I would put a lot less value in what her

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Speaker 3: intuition is telling her. There is a nice way to

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Speaker 3: say this to her, though, because you have a great

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Speaker 3: opportunity because you just said all of these things that

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Speaker 3: make your boyfriend or I don't know if you're calling

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Speaker 3: him that yet, are you calling him your boyfriend? Okay,

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Speaker 3: your boyfriend like shady kind of characteristics like he's missing

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Speaker 3: a couple of teeth, or what people would frame as

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Speaker 3: rough around the edges as you mentioned like that, right,

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Speaker 3: I think that's really open minded of you that that

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Speaker 3: doesn't bother you. That's a great place to start to say,

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Speaker 3: to just engage in this conversation and go, you know,

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Speaker 3: while I can understand for this, this and this reasons

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Speaker 3: that might have made you uncomfortable, but I don't really

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Speaker 3: look at those things as you know, I think those

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Speaker 3: are characteristic of who he is, not as character flaws,

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Speaker 3: you know, And you can use your own language to

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Speaker 3: say all of this, but it's a great opportunity to

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Speaker 3: a be soft and gentle honor her intuition, and also

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Speaker 3: let her know it's really no longer welcome. You're a

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Speaker 3: woman now. You don't need her opinion, you don't need

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Speaker 3: her approval. She's not even proven herself to be good

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Speaker 3: at listening to her intuition. These are judgments, not intuitiveness.

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Speaker 3: You know, judgment and intuition are two different things.

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Speaker 6: So yeah, well, thank you for clarifying, because that's kind

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Speaker 6: of where I was trying to draw the line as well,

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Speaker 6: where it's like, if it actually felt like intuition, if

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Speaker 6: it was coming from a best friend who actually knows

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Speaker 6: me really really well.

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Speaker 1: Or has a track record of steering you in the

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Speaker 1: right direction.

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Speaker 6: Then I would be taking it super seriously. But with her,

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Speaker 6: it's like, now, I think that's just a nice word

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Speaker 6: for judgment.

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Speaker 2: For me, it's a big green flag to me that

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Speaker 2: all your friends really really liked him, and that you

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Speaker 2: know he got along with the rest of your people.

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Speaker 2: And I think you know you have this track record

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Speaker 2: with your mom of like, she doesn't like your friends,

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Speaker 2: she doesn't like whoever you bring home. I think you

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Speaker 2: mentioned she loves everybody your sister brings home.

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Speaker 4: M M.

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Speaker 2: Of course, when you just gotta feel amazing. But you mentioned,

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Speaker 2: you know, wanting to do right by her and make

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Speaker 2: her proud, and I think for me, especially, like that's

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Speaker 2: something I carry with me all the time that I'm

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Speaker 2: working on. Dismantling in my thirties is just like being

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Speaker 2: okay with sort of disappointing my parents and in ways

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Speaker 2: that are sort of large and small, and often you know,

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Speaker 2: the result is not as catastrophic as I thought it

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Speaker 2: was going to be in in previous years. And you know,

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Speaker 2: like Chelsea said, having a conversation with her reminding her,

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Speaker 2: don't judge a book by its cover. That's not what

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Speaker 2: I'm doing. And I'd love to see him prove you wrong.

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Speaker 2: And you know, whether or not we stay together for

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Speaker 2: the long haul. I think he's a great person and

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Speaker 2: would love for you to get to know him better.

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Speaker 6: Right, So would you both say that would you recommend

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Speaker 6: that I wait to have that conversation with her and

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Speaker 6: then kind of feel out how any future meetings between

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Speaker 6: them might go, because I I don't want to completely

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Speaker 6: bar him from any part of my family life just

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Speaker 6: because she's going to get pissy.

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Speaker 2: But I also don't want to.

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Speaker 3: I think you're going to be surprised by her reaction

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Speaker 3: to this because it doesn't sound like you've had this

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Speaker 3: conversation with her before.

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Speaker 6: Correct not on this subject, but I have essentially said

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Speaker 6: very similar things to her opinions about either my school

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Speaker 6: or my career or my this or my you know whatever.

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Speaker 6: So just different topic, you know.

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Speaker 1: We'll use this topic, and trying to like just change

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Speaker 1: the approach, even just slightly different, so that it's memorable

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Speaker 1: for both of you in a positive way, because I

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Speaker 1: think you don't seem like an angry person. But get

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Speaker 1: rid of any anger.

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Speaker 3: Or accusation, okay, because even calling out her judgment is

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Speaker 3: really her accusing him of being something that she has

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Speaker 3: no proof to bear witness of. So I think you're

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Speaker 3: gonna look at this and you're gonna be proud of yourself.

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Speaker 3: And it cannot be understated to every single person who's

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Speaker 3: listening today. When you act and courage and you stand

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Speaker 3: up to something that bothers you in a loving way,

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Speaker 3: it's like you evolve to the next level of being

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Speaker 3: a human being because you won't ever have to struggle

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Speaker 3: with that kind of thing again. So it's worth every

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Speaker 3: minute that you spend thinking about it and executing it

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Speaker 3: in the like, in your highest vibe and really getting

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Speaker 3: the message across to your mother in a loving way.

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Speaker 3: And I guarantee you will be You will be very

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Speaker 3: surprised by the response, because I don't think you're gonna

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Speaker 3: have to worry about when to schedule after even if

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Speaker 3: she gets mad, Initially, she's going to come down and

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Speaker 3: think about what happened, and she's going to know that

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Speaker 3: she wants to see you.

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Speaker 1: That's going to be, you know, a double thing, and

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Speaker 1: she's going to want.

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Speaker 3: To prove to you that she's not judgmental and that

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Speaker 3: her intuition is right. And in that effort, she will

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Speaker 3: be wanting to spend time with you. And that's not

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Speaker 3: to say that her intuition is right, but that will

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Speaker 3: be her motivation, do.

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Speaker 1: You know what I mean?

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Speaker 3: Because you came at her at a different level, and

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Speaker 3: then that requires a different response. You can't mingle the

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Speaker 3: same way when you're doing it differently.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and you know you've learned this lesson not to

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Speaker 2: judge a book by its cover. You really like this guy,

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Speaker 2: he seems really great, but she hasn't learned that lesson yet.

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Speaker 2: So coming at her with a sort of like you

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Speaker 2: don't have to say this to her, but in your

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Speaker 2: mind being like aw, like she has she's not quite

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Speaker 2: there yet, you're encouraging her like maybe just have an

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Speaker 2: open mind. I really like him, and maybe you'll you'll

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Speaker 2: have a different opinion down the road, and then like

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Speaker 2: leaving it at that. I think whether to like talk

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Speaker 2: to her about it or shoot her a text is

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Speaker 2: dependent on like how sort of activated you think that

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Speaker 2: you will be. Do you feel like you can have

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Speaker 2: this conversation with her in person and not get upset

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Speaker 2: with her, or do you think maybe shoot her a text.

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Speaker 6: At some point, I feel like I can as long

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Speaker 6: as things haven't been like getting inflammatory earlier on that

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Speaker 6: you know, hang out or conversation. But she is in

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Speaker 6: town actually for the next couple of days, so I've

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Speaker 6: just been kind of keeping things neutral around a little

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Speaker 6: bit of an information diet, just calling like normal and

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Speaker 6: just shooting the breeze, not really bringing it up, just

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Speaker 6: trying to not upset myself with it. So I feel

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Speaker 6: like if the opportunity presents itself and makes sense, then

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Speaker 6: I might go for it, and if not, then I

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Speaker 6: might just wait a little bit longer and maybe add

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Speaker 6: something like that into a text the next time that

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Speaker 6: I'm going to be in her orbit.

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Speaker 2: And also, you know, the more that you do bring

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Speaker 2: him around, the less of sort of a shock his

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Speaker 2: appearance will be. Like when you get to know someone,

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Speaker 2: their appearance in a weird way sort of fades away.

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Speaker 2: You don't notice these sort of really specific things about

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Speaker 2: them that you might have noticed so much in the beginning.

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Speaker 2: So you know, I would definitely encourage you to like

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Speaker 2: keep bringing him around.

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Speaker 6: Awesome, we'll do cool.

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Speaker 2: And also will you text us a picture of him too,

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Speaker 2: or like the two of you together?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 6: Absolutely, it's going to be from a rocky horror picture show.

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Speaker 6: So we're going to look all sorts of interesting.

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Speaker 1: Love it perfect, good life.

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Speaker 2: Thank you so much, Age.

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Speaker 6: Thank you so much, both of you. Love your show

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Speaker 6: so much.

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Speaker 1: Thank you.

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Speaker 2: Good luck with the babies.

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Speaker 4: Thank you.

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Speaker 6: Have a great day, you too. I bye.

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Speaker 2: My mom by the way, who was about to be

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Speaker 2: in town. Every time she comes, she's like, do you

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Speaker 2: have any tattoos? No, Mom, I still don't have any tattoos.

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Speaker 2: That's like her greatest fear.

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Speaker 1: For it is that's fun.

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Speaker 4: Nice.

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Speaker 1: Oh my nieces have tattoos. They do have tattoos. I

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Speaker 1: don't have any, but they do.

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Speaker 2: Well, you can still be buried in Jewish cemetery then.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, right, well, yes, I hope they put me on fire, though,

355
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Speaker 3: set me on fire and tossed me into the ocean.

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Speaker 1: I hope they tossed me into the mouth of an anaconda.

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Speaker 2: That sounds wonderful, actually, well. Our next caller is Christina

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Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea. I'm thirty three and my boyfriend is forty six.

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Speaker 2: We both currently live in California. We dated for six months,

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Speaker 2: then he abruptly ended things. I was completely caught off

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Speaker 2: guard and heartbroken, of course. However, two weeks later, my

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Speaker 2: dad and my grandmother died on the same day coincidentally,

363
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Speaker 2: and my uncle died on my birthday a few months later, so,

364
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Speaker 2: needless to say, I wasn't that concerned with the breakup.

365
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Speaker 2: Six months went by and we ended up reconnecting and

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Speaker 2: have since been together almost a year now. His father

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Speaker 2: died a few months ago, and he's dealt with mental

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Speaker 2: health issues on and off and is currently on antidepressants.

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Speaker 2: We truly love each other and spending time together. However,

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Speaker 2: I'm at a place where I want to know what

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Speaker 2: he wants for the future. Anytime I bring that up,

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Speaker 2: he gets uncomfortable and frustrated, and he says he has

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Speaker 2: to figure himself out first. My question is am I

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Speaker 2: wasting my time with him? Should I stick it out

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Speaker 2: and wait for him to figure out what he wants marriage,

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Speaker 2: family or bachelor life, etc. And also is he too

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Speaker 2: old for me? Thanks? Christina?

378
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Speaker 3: Hi Christina, Hello, Hi telse me, I would say that

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Speaker 3: it sounds.

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Speaker 1: Like you should probably move on. Oh man, Yeah. I

381
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Speaker 1: don't think that.

382
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Speaker 3: Neither of these things are issues singular, but I think

383
00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:04,119
Speaker 3: collectively they become some issue. Like I don't care about

384
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Speaker 3: the age difference, but somebody at that age who's still

385
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Speaker 3: not ready to figure out what his life goals are,

386
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Speaker 3: it doesn't make sense. That's too old, Like you should

387
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Speaker 3: at least have your feet underneath you enough to say

388
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Speaker 3: yay or nay, because that can just be him stringing

389
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Speaker 3: you along until you give him an ultimatum. You know,

390
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Speaker 3: maybe that's what it is either way, or if it's

391
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Speaker 3: genuinely he doesn't know either way not hot, those aren't

392
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Speaker 3: hot qualities and they're not promising and they're not good

393
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Speaker 3: for you.

394
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Speaker 1: And then on the.

395
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Speaker 3: Other side of it, like the breakup that you had

396
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Speaker 3: and then you getting over it. Obviously you had other

397
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Speaker 3: things to go, but like that's proof that you got

398
00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:38,080
Speaker 3: past him once.

399
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Speaker 1: Like I have no.

400
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Speaker 3: Problem imagining you getting over him again. Yeah, so that's

401
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:46,920
Speaker 3: a positive thing to think about. You don't need three

402
00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:49,439
Speaker 3: people to die for that to happen either, Like you

403
00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:53,280
Speaker 3: can get over him, you know it's possible. And I

404
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:56,679
Speaker 3: just don't think, especially when you've broken up with someone

405
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Speaker 3: and you got back together, that there's any room if

406
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Speaker 3: one of if you wants to be in this for

407
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Speaker 3: the long haul. There's no room for Like I don't know,

408
00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:08,520
Speaker 3: you were just in a relationship, you broke up because

409
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Speaker 3: it didn't work out, and now you're back together. You're

410
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:13,160
Speaker 3: not going through that cycle of things again. Either you're

411
00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:16,200
Speaker 3: back together to stay together, or you're back together and

412
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Speaker 3: it's whoopsie doodle, it's time to break up again.

413
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Speaker 4: Yeah. I agree.

414
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:24,800
Speaker 2: The year mark feels like I mean, first of all,

415
00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:26,560
Speaker 2: as Chelsea said, his age, like it does sort of

416
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Speaker 2: feel like I have forty six. You should kind of

417
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Speaker 2: know what you want from life enough.

418
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Speaker 3: To know if you want to be with someone that

419
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Speaker 3: you that you've been intimate and in a long term relationship.

420
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Speaker 2: With absolutely and make a future together.

421
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Speaker 1: What's the wishy washy that's so unattractive?

422
00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:41,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not like you guys have been together three

423
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Speaker 2: months and he's not sure if he wants like marriage

424
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Speaker 2: and kids with you. You've been together on and off

425
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Speaker 2: for a year and a half.

426
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Speaker 7: Yeah, And I joke because the only reason that we

427
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:53,080
Speaker 7: really got back together this last time, I blame it

428
00:18:53,119 --> 00:18:57,280
Speaker 7: on my dog because my dog had an emergency one

429
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Speaker 7: night and he was like the first person that I called,

430
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Speaker 7: and so he was there right away. But if it

431
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Speaker 7: really weren't for that, it's kind of like I've put

432
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Speaker 7: in the effort.

433
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Speaker 3: And you initiated the get back together then, like that

434
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:12,920
Speaker 3: was you. So that's another reason that you should probably

435
00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:17,119
Speaker 3: move on. This doesn't sound like a him and you

436
00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:20,160
Speaker 3: relationship of fifty to fifty. It sounds like you making

437
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:22,720
Speaker 3: the moves and him like okay or maybe not.

438
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Speaker 7: I hate to say it, but I'm thirty three and

439
00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:27,840
Speaker 7: so I kind of want some answers, and you know,

440
00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:29,920
Speaker 7: it would just make me feel better to know what's

441
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:32,960
Speaker 7: going to happen in a way, even though that might

442
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Speaker 7: not even work out.

443
00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:35,920
Speaker 3: So yeah, I mean, you could present it in a

444
00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,439
Speaker 3: very direct, upfront way that's like doesn't give a lot

445
00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:40,719
Speaker 3: of room for figuring it out. Like, hey, buddy, I'm

446
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:42,359
Speaker 3: kind of getting the sense that you're not down for

447
00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:46,040
Speaker 3: what I'm down for. That's totally fine. There's no requirement

448
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:47,720
Speaker 3: for you to be with me or for me to

449
00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:49,439
Speaker 3: be with you. But if you're not ready for that

450
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:51,439
Speaker 3: and you can't commit to like a future together, then

451
00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:53,480
Speaker 3: I'm more interested in finding somebody who will.

452
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:56,200
Speaker 1: And you know, no hard feelings.

453
00:19:55,880 --> 00:20:00,240
Speaker 2: At all, Chelsea, You've given this type of advice before,

454
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:04,119
Speaker 2: but that conversation like may include a breakup, maybe not

455
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:07,600
Speaker 2: right at that moment in that conversation, but shortly thereafter.

456
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,480
Speaker 2: And you know, sometimes when you do cap that with

457
00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:12,679
Speaker 2: a breakup of like, okay, then I do need to

458
00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:15,119
Speaker 2: move on. Like two weeks later, they're right back, like

459
00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:17,080
Speaker 2: knock on your door, Like, no, I figured it out.

460
00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:20,000
Speaker 2: I do want marriage and family and a kid's yeah.

461
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:21,600
Speaker 7: That is true, And I kind of have given him

462
00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:24,439
Speaker 7: a little bit more grease because, like I put in

463
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:26,679
Speaker 7: the letter, you know, his dad passed away and so

464
00:20:27,119 --> 00:20:30,159
Speaker 7: he's been my depressant and that can have obviously a

465
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:31,720
Speaker 7: big effect on lot.

466
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:35,680
Speaker 3: What everyone's dad passes away. It's not an excuse. It's

467
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:38,000
Speaker 3: something to be sensitive about, but it's not the end

468
00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:40,840
Speaker 3: of the world. Everybody is dealing with that at some

469
00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:41,760
Speaker 3: point in their lives.

470
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:42,840
Speaker 7: Yeah, that's true.

471
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:45,840
Speaker 2: How important I mean, obviously you wouldn't be writing in

472
00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:48,439
Speaker 2: if it wasn't. But what's your trajectory as far as

473
00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:50,240
Speaker 2: I feel like I want to be getting married and

474
00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:53,080
Speaker 2: having kids, like sooner rather than later? Is it deal

475
00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:55,320
Speaker 2: breaker level for you? Where are you at on that?

476
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:59,240
Speaker 7: You know, I'm not in a super rushed I want

477
00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:01,680
Speaker 7: it to be their right situation. Otherwise I don't want

478
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:04,760
Speaker 7: to do it at all. But I want to be

479
00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:07,240
Speaker 7: with someone that at least kind of wants the same

480
00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:12,159
Speaker 7: things and the future. So he doesn't really think that

481
00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:15,720
Speaker 7: he knows, and so I'm just like, how long is

482
00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:17,640
Speaker 7: it going to take for him to figure that out?

483
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:17,919
Speaker 2: You know?

484
00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:21,480
Speaker 7: And then I'm getting older and so I just, you know,

485
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:24,040
Speaker 7: would like to have some sort of certainty in a way.

486
00:21:24,119 --> 00:21:27,720
Speaker 2: I think, Yeah, you sound very confident when you're talking

487
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:30,320
Speaker 2: to us about this, and I would encourage you to

488
00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:32,800
Speaker 2: take that into your conversation with him, like leave the

489
00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:36,080
Speaker 2: koy stuff behind, Like Chelsea said, be super direct and

490
00:21:36,119 --> 00:21:38,320
Speaker 2: be like, here's where I'm at. This is what I'm

491
00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:40,680
Speaker 2: looking for in my five year plan whatever you know,

492
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:42,919
Speaker 2: quote unquote, but this is what I'm looking for in

493
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:45,320
Speaker 2: the near future. Is that something you want as well?

494
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:46,639
Speaker 2: And I know is okay?

495
00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:47,400
Speaker 1: Yeah?

496
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:49,359
Speaker 7: And the reason I brought up the age things because

497
00:21:49,359 --> 00:21:53,720
Speaker 7: sometimes when I do come at him direct, it's almost

498
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:56,439
Speaker 7: like he can kind of talk back to me in

499
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:59,359
Speaker 7: a way where he acts like he is older than

500
00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:02,000
Speaker 7: me and those more what he does. But I'm feeling

501
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:03,680
Speaker 7: like that's becoming more of an issue.

502
00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:07,480
Speaker 2: Well, and you're not twenty three, yeah, you're thirty three.

503
00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:08,200
Speaker 1: Yeah.

504
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:10,119
Speaker 3: And another thing to remember is, you know, when you

505
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:13,760
Speaker 3: are breaking up with someone, like to not think about

506
00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:15,960
Speaker 3: what you're losing, but to think about the adventures that

507
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:17,040
Speaker 3: you're about to embark on.

508
00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:19,080
Speaker 1: Like there's so much coming up for you.

509
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:21,800
Speaker 3: When you say goodbye to a situation, it doesn't matter

510
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:24,880
Speaker 3: if it's the right decision or the wrong decision. You're

511
00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:27,879
Speaker 3: like up for new stuff all the time happening. You

512
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:29,920
Speaker 3: need to focus on that when you're breaking up instead

513
00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:32,199
Speaker 3: of women who focus on I'm gonna be alone, I'm

514
00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:33,119
Speaker 3: gonna be alone, I'm gonna be loon.

515
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:34,399
Speaker 1: I'm gonna miss them, I'm gonn miss him.

516
00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:37,159
Speaker 3: You're gonna be with yourself and you're gonna have a

517
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:39,040
Speaker 3: good time, and you're gonna go out with your friends

518
00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:41,679
Speaker 3: and family and whatever makes you happy. And if you

519
00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:43,320
Speaker 3: want to stay in bed for three days, you're also

520
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:46,159
Speaker 3: gonna be able to do that. But it's not the

521
00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:48,600
Speaker 3: end of the world for any of us. As we're learning,

522
00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:51,359
Speaker 3: relationships are an opportunity to do it the right way.

523
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:54,760
Speaker 3: When you're leaving someone, do it with style and grace

524
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:57,800
Speaker 3: and no anger and be like, all right, party on,

525
00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:00,320
Speaker 3: you know. And if you guys end up back together, great,

526
00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:01,639
Speaker 3: and if you don't even better.

527
00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:04,360
Speaker 7: Yeah, that is true. And it's sometimes hard to make

528
00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:07,040
Speaker 7: that decision. I mean, like I was thinking about it,

529
00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:09,159
Speaker 7: is it harder to break up with someone or to

530
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:09,960
Speaker 7: be broken up with?

531
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:11,520
Speaker 2: Ah?

532
00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:13,440
Speaker 1: The age old question. I don't know.

533
00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:17,640
Speaker 3: I think I prefer to be broken up with, yes

534
00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:22,679
Speaker 3: for that, but I need until I don't until I'm

535
00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:24,400
Speaker 3: broken up with and then I won't like it at all.

536
00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:28,480
Speaker 2: When are you gonna have this conversation with him? You think, Well,

537
00:23:28,680 --> 00:23:29,359
Speaker 2: I did tell.

538
00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:31,879
Speaker 7: Him that I was going to be talking to you guys,

539
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:35,280
Speaker 7: and so he was joking and he said, well great,

540
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:37,000
Speaker 7: He's like none, I'm gonna have to say she talked

541
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,119
Speaker 7: to Chelsea Handler, and now she broke up with me

542
00:23:39,119 --> 00:23:40,200
Speaker 7: because Chelsea talk.

543
00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:43,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, that is already a thing. I think that's out there.

544
00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:45,600
Speaker 3: Man. I can't go anywhere alone with men. I need

545
00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:48,560
Speaker 3: security at all times. Men hate me so much.

546
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:51,440
Speaker 2: Well tell him we actually said, or get off the pot.

547
00:23:53,359 --> 00:23:54,320
Speaker 1: Just say Chelsea said.

548
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:57,040
Speaker 3: This doesn't have to be an angry or a combative conversation.

549
00:23:57,200 --> 00:24:00,240
Speaker 3: She just thinks we should both be as completely.

550
00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:00,760
Speaker 1: Honest as possible.

551
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:03,720
Speaker 3: And if his honesty is that he really doesn't know,

552
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:06,480
Speaker 3: then you have to find somebody who does know.

553
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:09,119
Speaker 7: Yeah, And I mean the tough part about it is

554
00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:12,720
Speaker 7: that's like it's logic versus emotion in a way, so

555
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:16,240
Speaker 7: it's hard to differentiate the two of those. You know, logically,

556
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:18,639
Speaker 7: this makes sense, but then emotionally it's like we do

557
00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:21,600
Speaker 7: love each other. So to make that decision is tough

558
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:24,760
Speaker 7: because he hasn't really done anything wrong necessarily that I

559
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:25,119
Speaker 7: know of.

560
00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:28,679
Speaker 2: But yeah, well give us an update as soon as

561
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:30,960
Speaker 2: you have a conversation with him. And then also like

562
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:32,879
Speaker 2: when you kind of figure out what's next for you,

563
00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:36,040
Speaker 2: or if he decides to man up and wants the

564
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:36,879
Speaker 2: same future as you do.

565
00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:41,520
Speaker 3: And emotions like you're talking about practicality or practical things,

566
00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:45,439
Speaker 3: And emotions like emotions aren't thought, they are feelings, you know.

567
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:47,840
Speaker 3: It's what you do with that feeling that becomes the

568
00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:50,360
Speaker 3: thought of your emotion. So while you could be missing

569
00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:53,760
Speaker 3: somebody and grieving them, you can still be excited about

570
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:56,080
Speaker 3: the possibilities beyond that relationship.

571
00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:59,880
Speaker 7: Yeah, that is true. Well, yes, I'll keep you guys posted.

572
00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:01,280
Speaker 2: And thank you so much.

573
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:04,119
Speaker 7: My mom got tickets to your show in October and

574
00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:05,639
Speaker 7: DC so fun.

575
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:08,320
Speaker 1: Okay, cool, I'll see her then. Thanks so much.

576
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:10,640
Speaker 2: Christina, thank you guys so much.

577
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:11,280
Speaker 4: Ye.

578
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:15,880
Speaker 2: I guess she's adorable. She's so sweet. Well, Chelsea, we

579
00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:19,720
Speaker 2: have our calling in backup segment today and I want

580
00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:21,840
Speaker 2: to say thanks to our partners at Betterhelp Response.

581
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:23,159
Speaker 1: Right, Yes, thank you Better Help.

582
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:26,840
Speaker 2: And today we're joined by Courtney Cope. They're a licensed

583
00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:30,639
Speaker 2: marriage and family therapist and principal clinical operations manager at

584
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:35,840
Speaker 2: Better Help. Hi Courtney, Hello there, Well, our first question

585
00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:41,159
Speaker 2: comes from and dear Chelsea. Within the past six months,

586
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:43,280
Speaker 2: I've had a resurgence of self care and a new

587
00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:47,480
Speaker 2: outlook on health and fitness. I've been exercising and eating healthy,

588
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:50,199
Speaker 2: and for the first time ever, I'm seeing health and

589
00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:52,960
Speaker 2: fitness as an act of self love and nourishment rather

590
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:56,040
Speaker 2: than trying to change my body or punish myself. My

591
00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:58,479
Speaker 2: best friend is at a really low point in her life.

592
00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:02,680
Speaker 2: She previously struggled with sorted eating and exercising and all

593
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:04,600
Speaker 2: around is just not in a place in her life

594
00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:06,359
Speaker 2: where she's ready to get back into it, which I

595
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:09,800
Speaker 2: fully respect. Here's the thing. We have a previous history

596
00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:12,000
Speaker 2: of using each other as excuses to go out and

597
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,680
Speaker 2: get hammered and not take care of ourselves, and I'm

598
00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:18,800
Speaker 2: outgrowing that need. My struggle is that I'm very determined

599
00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:22,000
Speaker 2: and enthusiastic about my newfound love for changing my lifestyle,

600
00:26:22,119 --> 00:26:24,040
Speaker 2: and whenever I mention wanting to make it to a

601
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:26,800
Speaker 2: workout class or not drink so much when we go out,

602
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:29,240
Speaker 2: she acts like it's a joke or doesn't take it seriously.

603
00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:31,840
Speaker 2: I've tried to get her to join my workout classes

604
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:33,399
Speaker 2: with me, but she's not at a place where she

605
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:37,120
Speaker 2: can afford a gym membership either. Whenever she suggests going

606
00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:39,120
Speaker 2: somewhere to eat, I want to bring up that, yes,

607
00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:41,359
Speaker 2: I'd love to, but I'm trying to eat healthier and

608
00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:43,359
Speaker 2: would rather just eat the food I have at home.

609
00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:46,040
Speaker 2: But I worry about triggering her ed or making her

610
00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:48,480
Speaker 2: feel bad about herself when it's really not about her

611
00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:50,919
Speaker 2: at all. How can I make it clear that this

612
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:53,120
Speaker 2: isn't just a phase, this is just something I'm really

613
00:26:53,119 --> 00:26:55,680
Speaker 2: trying to accomplish and I'm loving. How can I get

614
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:58,000
Speaker 2: her to take me seriously and see that this is

615
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:01,000
Speaker 2: self love without triggering her and making her feel bad

616
00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:03,720
Speaker 2: for where she's at in life? Is it possible? Am

617
00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:05,919
Speaker 2: I in the wrong? Thanks so much for all you do.

618
00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:09,600
Speaker 5: And this is such a layered question. And the thing

619
00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:13,040
Speaker 5: that came to mind was the concept of seasonality in

620
00:27:13,119 --> 00:27:16,560
Speaker 5: friendships and how sometimes there are seasons where we're in

621
00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:18,840
Speaker 5: step and we're doing all the same things. We're going

622
00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:20,760
Speaker 5: to the same place, as we're listening to the same music,

623
00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:23,760
Speaker 5: we have the same hobbies. And then there are seasons

624
00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:27,320
Speaker 5: where we begin to kind of diversify our interests, or

625
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:30,520
Speaker 5: it changes, our circumstance changes, maybe we move away, maybe

626
00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:32,840
Speaker 5: we get a different job, all these kinds of things.

627
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:36,280
Speaker 5: So what I'm hearing is that she's entering into a

628
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:40,720
Speaker 5: slightly different season potentially than her friend. And I just

629
00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:43,040
Speaker 5: want to first of all, reassure the listener above all,

630
00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:47,160
Speaker 5: this type of experience is totally common and super normal

631
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:47,919
Speaker 5: for friendships.

632
00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:50,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I also think there's a way to sort

633
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:54,040
Speaker 2: of get the train on your tracks. So, you know,

634
00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:55,240
Speaker 2: if you don't want to go out and you do

635
00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:57,240
Speaker 2: want to eat the food you have at home, invite

636
00:27:57,240 --> 00:27:59,800
Speaker 2: her over, you know, invite her over for whatever healthy

637
00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:02,240
Speaker 2: things you want to make and whatever healthy drink you

638
00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:04,680
Speaker 2: want to drink if you're drinking. But there's also ways

639
00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:07,480
Speaker 2: to find a restaurant that has really healthy options.

640
00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:09,800
Speaker 3: And also just try not to shove it down her

641
00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:12,560
Speaker 3: throat so much like you're making it seems like you're

642
00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:15,639
Speaker 3: making a lot of proclamations about what you're doing. Is

643
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:19,720
Speaker 3: sometimes it's more impactful to make the changes without advertising them.

644
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:21,040
Speaker 2: I think that's a very good point.

645
00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:24,439
Speaker 5: Right, like, let your actions speak for yourself, because I

646
00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:27,879
Speaker 5: did hear you know, the question was what do I

647
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:30,280
Speaker 5: do so that she doesn't, you know, feel bad or

648
00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:32,600
Speaker 5: she might question and it's like, well, if you're just

649
00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:35,600
Speaker 5: doing it right, no, if sands orbut's about it it's

650
00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:38,560
Speaker 5: really hard for people to make comments about it or

651
00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:40,520
Speaker 5: you know, be upset that you're doing It's like, you're

652
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:41,440
Speaker 5: just out there doing it.

653
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:44,240
Speaker 2: Chelsea, what do you think about? You know? She mentions

654
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:46,440
Speaker 2: that the friend acts like it's a joke or sort

655
00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:48,600
Speaker 2: of blows it off. That to me feels like a

656
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:49,960
Speaker 2: little bit of an insecurity thing.

657
00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:53,960
Speaker 3: Well, it just feels like another reason to stop making proclamations.

658
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:56,440
Speaker 3: She's not taking you seriously. You can't make someone take

659
00:28:56,480 --> 00:28:59,720
Speaker 3: you seriously by repeating what they're not taking you seriously about.

660
00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:02,480
Speaker 1: So keep it to yourself. I know you want it

661
00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:03,400
Speaker 1: to be a long term thing.

662
00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:06,120
Speaker 3: It's like when you announce that you're quitting smoking and

663
00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:08,960
Speaker 3: then you don't quit. You know, it's like the dynamic

664
00:29:09,520 --> 00:29:11,160
Speaker 3: if you don't stick to this. Of course you want

665
00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:13,000
Speaker 3: to stick to this, you want to make lifestyle changes,

666
00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:15,920
Speaker 3: but give it a year and when those changes are permanent,

667
00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:18,520
Speaker 3: then you could start espousing your you know what happened

668
00:29:18,560 --> 00:29:21,040
Speaker 3: and everything. But it's easy to not take someone seriously

669
00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:23,160
Speaker 3: when they're into something new. So I wouldn't even put

670
00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:24,680
Speaker 3: that on her friend so much. I would just like,

671
00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:27,640
Speaker 3: unless it's mean or whatever, she's not in that situation.

672
00:29:27,720 --> 00:29:30,440
Speaker 3: So of course she doesn't want you drinking less and dieting.

673
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:33,480
Speaker 3: That's not fun for her. So I wouldn't put too

674
00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:35,800
Speaker 3: much weight on it. I would just say do your thing,

675
00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:38,160
Speaker 3: and if she could come along with you for some

676
00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 3: of that, great, And you know, if you take some

677
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:42,560
Speaker 3: time apart during this time, that's also fun.

678
00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:43,320
Speaker 4: Right.

679
00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:47,080
Speaker 5: That's a total typical part of adult relationships. And even

680
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:49,320
Speaker 5: just if you want to be compassionate towards your friend

681
00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:52,040
Speaker 5: and not even bring some of these things into the mix,

682
00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:55,600
Speaker 5: just plan things like events that are not food related,

683
00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:58,200
Speaker 5: so going to a museum, go to the movies, go

684
00:29:58,280 --> 00:30:01,240
Speaker 5: roller skating, or go on a but like bring your

685
00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:03,360
Speaker 5: own food and instead of like, oh, we'll go out

686
00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:05,720
Speaker 5: and we'll find a place, like focusing on things that

687
00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:09,200
Speaker 5: will allow you to have parallel play, enjoy the activity

688
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:12,840
Speaker 5: you're doing without making it about going out, drinking alcohol,

689
00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:16,000
Speaker 5: indulging in whatever foods like that will allow you to

690
00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:19,360
Speaker 5: kindle that friendship and keep it intimate.

691
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:21,360
Speaker 2: Because that's the other thing I hear is there is.

692
00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:25,120
Speaker 5: An aspect of worrying of losing this friendship or them

693
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:27,600
Speaker 5: becoming more distant because they used to go out and

694
00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:29,320
Speaker 5: use each other. She says, we use each other for

695
00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:32,320
Speaker 5: excuses to like make unhealthy habits and go out drinking.

696
00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:36,120
Speaker 5: So if you just transition your friendship to we find

697
00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:39,400
Speaker 5: meaning doing these other things, now, that allows it to

698
00:30:39,440 --> 00:30:41,160
Speaker 5: be more of an easeful transition.

699
00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:44,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I like that suggestion because it's not like, hey,

700
00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:46,080
Speaker 2: why don't we go for a hike. It's like let's

701
00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:48,160
Speaker 2: go to a museum, which is like still active, but

702
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:49,920
Speaker 2: it's not like, hey, we're going to go for a run,

703
00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:51,840
Speaker 2: or we're going to go to a spin class or whatever.

704
00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:55,400
Speaker 2: I feel like usually the advice is to sort of

705
00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:58,880
Speaker 2: be really honest and open and confront the person, but

706
00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:01,720
Speaker 2: in this case that's not necessary and in fact, like

707
00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:02,880
Speaker 2: taking it a notch back.

708
00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:07,160
Speaker 5: I would say the only caveat to potentially having a

709
00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:09,440
Speaker 5: conversation with your friend is, you know, she does mention

710
00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:13,640
Speaker 5: triggering her friend's disordered eating, and so if that is

711
00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:17,479
Speaker 5: a true concern and she wants to make sure she

712
00:31:17,520 --> 00:31:20,880
Speaker 5: doesn't put her friend in an awkward position in the moment,

713
00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:24,800
Speaker 5: she could ahead of time just say something casual like hey,

714
00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:27,479
Speaker 5: you know, before they're together, text her give her a

715
00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:29,600
Speaker 5: calicy like hey, is now a time for me to

716
00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:33,000
Speaker 5: talk about something important. Great, So I just want to

717
00:31:33,040 --> 00:31:36,560
Speaker 5: let you know that I am making some changes in

718
00:31:36,600 --> 00:31:38,480
Speaker 5: my life, and I just want to make sure that

719
00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:41,200
Speaker 5: these changes because I know we've bonded in the past

720
00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:44,640
Speaker 5: over going out drinking and you know, maybe making some

721
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:46,640
Speaker 5: choices that we were like, oh, that wasn't the healthiest

722
00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:48,880
Speaker 5: choice for us. I'm just going to be making different choices,

723
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:50,280
Speaker 5: and I just want to give you a heads up

724
00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:53,000
Speaker 5: because I wouldn't want that to impact our friendship, and

725
00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:55,000
Speaker 5: I want to make sure we're finding fun things to

726
00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:58,280
Speaker 5: do moving forward. That would be my caveat if she

727
00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:02,080
Speaker 5: genuinely is concerned about figuring her friend, But otherwise, I

728
00:32:02,120 --> 00:32:05,520
Speaker 5: think it's totally fine to just live your life exactly

729
00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:08,120
Speaker 5: what Chelsea was saying, like, live your life, go out,

730
00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:11,920
Speaker 5: be about it, don't talk about it, and then if

731
00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:14,640
Speaker 5: conflict arises down the road or her friend's like, how

732
00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:16,800
Speaker 5: come you're not going out with me anymore? Or how

733
00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:19,160
Speaker 5: come you know you keep turning me down, then you

734
00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:21,320
Speaker 5: can have a conversation about it, because then that's really

735
00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:25,360
Speaker 5: about the connection of the friendship versus the actual food

736
00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:26,680
Speaker 5: or drinks that they're consuming.

737
00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:30,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure, and thank you for writing in and

738
00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:32,800
Speaker 2: of course thank you to our calling him back up

739
00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:36,360
Speaker 2: sponsor Better Help, and to Courtney Cope, who is a

740
00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:40,520
Speaker 2: licensed marriage and family therapist and principal clinical operations manager

741
00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:41,560
Speaker 2: at Betterhelp.

742
00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:45,440
Speaker 1: Thank you, Thanks Cortney. Bye bye bye.

743
00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:47,680
Speaker 2: Let's take a quick break and we'll be back with

744
00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:48,800
Speaker 2: some matchmaking.

745
00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:53,080
Speaker 1: Can you please not saying matchmaking? Can you please not?

746
00:32:54,120 --> 00:33:02,640
Speaker 3: We'll be right back. We're back with matchmaking. That's how

747
00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:06,640
Speaker 3: we're saying it, matchmaking. Every time you saying matchmaking, two

748
00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:08,560
Speaker 3: three hard boiled eggs fly out of your mouth.

749
00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:18,720
Speaker 2: Well, Chelsea, we're here with our first matchmaking folks candidate.

750
00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:20,960
Speaker 1: So he wants to be hooked up this guy?

751
00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:23,600
Speaker 2: Yes, okay, And you know, we had talked about doing

752
00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:26,400
Speaker 2: an episode about this, but I thought we could potentially

753
00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:29,400
Speaker 2: make this a recurring segment so we can match make

754
00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:33,000
Speaker 2: more people. I mean, I'm over here just like dreaming

755
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:34,640
Speaker 2: of all the love that's going to happen, and like

756
00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:37,560
Speaker 2: hoping for dear Chelsea babies and all of these things.

757
00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:40,120
Speaker 2: So I'm way down in the future. I'm picking out

758
00:33:40,120 --> 00:33:40,920
Speaker 2: curtains for everybody.

759
00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:42,560
Speaker 8: Also, that might be tough with all the game and

760
00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:45,240
Speaker 8: you're going to connect they can adapt.

761
00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:48,480
Speaker 3: By the way, in speaking of matchmaking, there's a bunch

762
00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:51,280
Speaker 3: of child Free and Crushing Its shirts available on our website.

763
00:33:51,280 --> 00:33:54,120
Speaker 3: In addition to Dear Chelsea Merch, we designed a child

764
00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:56,400
Speaker 3: Free and Crushing Its shirt which has been our biggest

765
00:33:56,400 --> 00:33:57,000
Speaker 3: tour seller.

766
00:33:57,120 --> 00:33:59,000
Speaker 1: So I'm sure some of the callers would like that.

767
00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:03,560
Speaker 2: That's amazing. I love that, Chelseahandler dot com. Well, our

768
00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:07,080
Speaker 2: first person to match is Patrick, and I thought how

769
00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:10,239
Speaker 2: we'd go about this is we are going to at

770
00:34:10,239 --> 00:34:14,320
Speaker 2: the end of this give people his Instagram so people

771
00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:18,320
Speaker 2: can slide right into his DMS. If Patrick sounds like

772
00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:20,960
Speaker 2: someone you might be interested in. Patrick. By the way,

773
00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:24,360
Speaker 2: when I first chatted with him, he was at his

774
00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:28,200
Speaker 2: ex's house walking his ex'es jog and he said, I

775
00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:31,400
Speaker 2: know you just had an episode saying don't do that anymore?

776
00:34:31,520 --> 00:34:31,759
Speaker 1: Is it?

777
00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:34,719
Speaker 2: It depends on the situation, but it seems like it

778
00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:38,960
Speaker 2: was a positive, so he says. I recently wrote in

779
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:41,319
Speaker 2: an email to say every time I felt like I

780
00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:43,799
Speaker 2: needed to write in, I've listened to your podcast and

781
00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:47,640
Speaker 2: found my answer to highly specific situations from wanting to

782
00:34:47,640 --> 00:34:51,000
Speaker 2: fire an assistant to ending a friendship over chewing should

783
00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:53,400
Speaker 2: I buy a car, or if I should buy land

784
00:34:53,480 --> 00:34:55,799
Speaker 2: or make a career move. Your podcast has steered me

785
00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:59,160
Speaker 2: in the best direction. Nowadays. Everything in my life is

786
00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:02,920
Speaker 2: going pretty fucking swimmingly. I'm a successful visual artist, not

787
00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:06,640
Speaker 2: the starving kind, an uncle, a great friend, fucking funny,

788
00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:08,960
Speaker 2: and I'm a sweet ass dog dad. But the right

789
00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:11,760
Speaker 2: guy just hasn't come along. I've got my shit together

790
00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:14,960
Speaker 2: therapy wise, and I'm definitely of the same mindset as

791
00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:17,720
Speaker 2: you when you say when you're healthy, you'll attract healthy.

792
00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:20,520
Speaker 2: I'm on the apps, I've gone on dates, and it's

793
00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:22,839
Speaker 2: been a healthy amount of time since I've had a relationship.

794
00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:24,920
Speaker 2: But I think the universe was waiting for our paths

795
00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:27,439
Speaker 2: to align so that Chelsea can just say, oh fuck,

796
00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:31,400
Speaker 2: let's set this bitch up with someone. Perfect problem solved. PS.

797
00:35:31,480 --> 00:35:34,400
Speaker 2: I'm thirty four, gay, af and first nation which is

798
00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:38,879
Speaker 2: Native American to you, XO Patrick, and Patrick is going

799
00:35:38,920 --> 00:35:41,160
Speaker 2: to be joining us. Hi.

800
00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:42,520
Speaker 1: How are you? Hi?

801
00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:44,360
Speaker 4: I'm so good. I'm just going to put this on

802
00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:45,040
Speaker 4: to not disturb.

803
00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:48,839
Speaker 1: Good luck getting it off of that. So what kind

804
00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:50,280
Speaker 1: of guy are you looking for? Patrick?

805
00:35:50,360 --> 00:35:52,719
Speaker 3: What interests you are you open? Do you have a

806
00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:55,320
Speaker 3: very specific expectations.

807
00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:58,960
Speaker 8: Tell us I'm quite broad and tall, so I think

808
00:35:58,960 --> 00:36:01,480
Speaker 8: someone like a little bit more broad and tall like myself.

809
00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:05,400
Speaker 8: I am half Native American and I can't grow a beard,

810
00:36:05,480 --> 00:36:09,080
Speaker 8: so someone that has a beard, you know, chest hair

811
00:36:09,239 --> 00:36:10,080
Speaker 8: two would be sick.

812
00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:15,759
Speaker 1: Are you a top or a bottom? Does that matter?

813
00:36:15,880 --> 00:36:17,000
Speaker 4: I'm like a little bit both.

814
00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:19,840
Speaker 1: Oh, yourse your worse. Yeah, I wanted to use that

815
00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:24,760
Speaker 1: in a sentence for a while. You're welcome, Thank you Patrick.

816
00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:26,560
Speaker 2: I know I've told Chelsea that you were walking your

817
00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:27,640
Speaker 2: excess dog when we met.

818
00:36:27,920 --> 00:36:28,120
Speaker 4: Yeah.

819
00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:30,879
Speaker 3: What's your relationship history? How many relationships have you had

820
00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:32,200
Speaker 3: and how for how long?

821
00:36:32,520 --> 00:36:36,080
Speaker 8: Well, I'm thirty four, i am going to be thirty

822
00:36:36,120 --> 00:36:39,560
Speaker 8: five this year, and I've had maybe like five relationships

823
00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:43,600
Speaker 8: since I was like twenty, you know, one for like

824
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:45,560
Speaker 8: a couple of years, one for a year, one for

825
00:36:45,600 --> 00:36:48,120
Speaker 8: like six months.

826
00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:49,560
Speaker 1: And then like one night stands and fine in between.

827
00:36:50,400 --> 00:36:51,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah for sure.

828
00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:54,280
Speaker 1: And have you ever had a really really bad breakup?

829
00:36:55,640 --> 00:36:57,600
Speaker 4: Yeah? It was. Yeah.

830
00:36:57,680 --> 00:36:59,520
Speaker 8: I think like the first ones when you're really young,

831
00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:01,160
Speaker 8: you kind of I don't really know how to react,

832
00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:05,360
Speaker 8: and especially being a gay person that came out at twenty,

833
00:37:05,440 --> 00:37:08,880
Speaker 8: like straight people always have years ahead of us in

834
00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:11,279
Speaker 8: terms of like being able to date people for like

835
00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:13,360
Speaker 8: since they were you know, kind of kids.

836
00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:16,920
Speaker 4: So I just didn't have the right kind of foundation

837
00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:19,680
Speaker 4: to deal with it. But that was like twelve years ago.

838
00:37:19,719 --> 00:37:20,000
Speaker 4: I'm good.

839
00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:21,160
Speaker 2: Now, Yeah that's good.

840
00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:23,080
Speaker 3: And have you been to therapy? Are you do you

841
00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:24,520
Speaker 3: go to therapy? Are you into any of that?

842
00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:26,200
Speaker 4: Yeah? Totally.

843
00:37:26,239 --> 00:37:28,839
Speaker 8: The last one, I was like, okay, so I have

844
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:31,279
Speaker 8: a pattern of just breaking up with dudes and just

845
00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:34,000
Speaker 8: kind of ghosting or it's kind of like a mutual ghosting.

846
00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:35,439
Speaker 8: And I was like, you know what, these are all

847
00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:38,040
Speaker 8: great people like I kind of I don't want to

848
00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:40,480
Speaker 8: kind of continue this pattern. So I went to therapy

849
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:43,120
Speaker 8: and my ex and I are friends, like in a

850
00:37:43,239 --> 00:37:45,759
Speaker 8: positive way, I would say, So that's why I was

851
00:37:45,800 --> 00:37:50,200
Speaker 8: babysitting with dogs, and my dog and his dog are dating,

852
00:37:50,239 --> 00:37:51,919
Speaker 8: so like, you know, we have to stay in touch.

853
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:54,719
Speaker 3: And are you do you would you say you have

854
00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:57,680
Speaker 3: a strong personality, like mild personality?

855
00:37:57,840 --> 00:37:59,040
Speaker 1: How would you describe yourself?

856
00:37:59,280 --> 00:38:02,399
Speaker 8: I would say I have been told him quite even Keel,

857
00:38:02,719 --> 00:38:03,200
Speaker 8: I used.

858
00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:03,719
Speaker 4: To go out a lot.

859
00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:06,360
Speaker 8: I kind of like, I live in Toronto, Canada, but

860
00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:08,960
Speaker 8: I'm building a house up north, like seven hours away,

861
00:38:09,040 --> 00:38:11,200
Speaker 8: kind of on the lake. So I do like coming

862
00:38:11,239 --> 00:38:13,440
Speaker 8: back to the city for you know, some excitement, but

863
00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:15,399
Speaker 8: then it's fucking nice to leave too.

864
00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:18,680
Speaker 3: Okay, so let's say three words to describe yourself. What

865
00:38:18,719 --> 00:38:19,319
Speaker 3: would you say?

866
00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:25,279
Speaker 8: Okay, fun, adventurous and solid, amazing, and because this is

867
00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:27,399
Speaker 8: an audio medium, just to describe him.

868
00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:30,280
Speaker 2: He's got a full head of hair, nice dark hair,

869
00:38:30,480 --> 00:38:33,400
Speaker 2: he's beefy, he's sexy. He's got a cute tank on

870
00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:35,719
Speaker 2: that I think he designed, right Patrick, I.

871
00:38:35,680 --> 00:38:38,640
Speaker 4: Did for a Pride a couple of years ago. Yeah. That.

872
00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:41,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, I would have sex with you if you were straight.

873
00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:43,120
Speaker 1: So there you go. I think it is human of

874
00:38:43,120 --> 00:38:47,319
Speaker 1: sex with you. Of the endorsement we're looking for, and

875
00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:48,120
Speaker 1: he has a great laugh.

876
00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:52,880
Speaker 2: But we should also say your location and also you

877
00:38:52,960 --> 00:38:55,880
Speaker 2: have a vacation home that sounds like which is great.

878
00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:58,399
Speaker 1: Which is a great way to get people in. That's

879
00:38:58,440 --> 00:38:59,480
Speaker 1: a great lure.

880
00:39:00,520 --> 00:39:04,439
Speaker 4: I'm building. It's it's coming along. Yeah.

881
00:39:04,480 --> 00:39:07,000
Speaker 8: I'm an artist and graphic designer and I have had

882
00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:09,600
Speaker 8: my own business the last eight nine years and it's

883
00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:12,480
Speaker 8: kind of mind blowing to myself even that I'm like

884
00:39:12,520 --> 00:39:14,640
Speaker 8: able to build a house but that's so cool.

885
00:39:15,160 --> 00:39:15,759
Speaker 4: Here we go.

886
00:39:16,239 --> 00:39:19,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you are Toronto ish.

887
00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:23,480
Speaker 8: Yeah, Toronto is It's where my clothes are. But I'm,

888
00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:25,319
Speaker 8: like I said, I'm kind of up north a lot

889
00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:27,680
Speaker 8: just to get out of the city, especially in the summer.

890
00:39:27,719 --> 00:39:30,040
Speaker 4: It's fucking hot ast shit here. I didn't have time

891
00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:30,600
Speaker 4: to go get my.

892
00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:32,840
Speaker 8: Ac before I got back here, so I'm like a

893
00:39:32,880 --> 00:39:35,840
Speaker 8: little bit damp at the moment.

894
00:39:35,920 --> 00:39:39,920
Speaker 2: But thank you for not saying it's moist. I truly

895
00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:42,600
Speaker 2: appreciate it. But now I've said it so gross.

896
00:39:42,600 --> 00:39:42,839
Speaker 4: Word.

897
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:47,120
Speaker 2: Well, I have three little dating game questions.

898
00:39:47,320 --> 00:39:49,200
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, okay, look, okay.

899
00:39:50,520 --> 00:39:53,319
Speaker 2: Just maybe we add some little game show music under

900
00:39:53,320 --> 00:39:56,719
Speaker 2: this baby if we want to get wild. Okay, So

901
00:39:56,760 --> 00:40:00,560
Speaker 2: our first question is our weekend plans have just gotten

902
00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:02,560
Speaker 2: rained out. What are we doing instead?

903
00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:08,560
Speaker 4: We are watching movies and cookies?

904
00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:11,839
Speaker 3: Fucking fucking I'm sorry I had to answer that because

905
00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:12,640
Speaker 3: that's my answer.

906
00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:14,640
Speaker 1: We're fucking pasta first.

907
00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:16,720
Speaker 4: And then and then the fucking Yeah, we need some energy.

908
00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:18,319
Speaker 1: That's fun fucking in the rain.

909
00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:20,479
Speaker 4: Yeah, pasta from scratch, it's so much better.

910
00:40:20,760 --> 00:40:24,560
Speaker 2: Yes, all right, if you found a fifty dollars bill

911
00:40:24,680 --> 00:40:26,879
Speaker 2: on the ground in a busy area. Would you keep

912
00:40:26,920 --> 00:40:28,320
Speaker 2: it or try to find the owner.

913
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:31,160
Speaker 4: I wouldn't try hard to find the owner, but if.

914
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:35,200
Speaker 1: You're that's exactly what I would say.

915
00:40:35,280 --> 00:40:38,240
Speaker 3: I'd look around and then I'd be like, yeah, exactly,

916
00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:41,120
Speaker 3: give it to someone else or not think about it often.

917
00:40:41,360 --> 00:40:43,240
Speaker 2: Yes, well he's honest, fellas.

918
00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:45,520
Speaker 4: That's what you get from is it American? An American

919
00:40:45,560 --> 00:40:46,520
Speaker 4: fifty or Canadians?

920
00:40:47,840 --> 00:40:50,040
Speaker 2: A water main broke and you got to leave work

921
00:40:50,120 --> 00:40:52,520
Speaker 2: three hours early, which sort of doesn't apply since you

922
00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:55,520
Speaker 2: work for yourself. But imagine what do you do with

923
00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:57,080
Speaker 2: your newly free time.

924
00:40:57,800 --> 00:40:59,920
Speaker 4: We're taking the dog's dog only have one.

925
00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:02,319
Speaker 8: We're taking the dog to the lake and hopefully there's

926
00:41:02,320 --> 00:41:04,640
Speaker 8: a beach involved, and we're going to bring snacks and

927
00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:06,120
Speaker 8: some Baga.

928
00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:08,239
Speaker 1: Sodas and yeah, don't forget your edibles.

929
00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:10,799
Speaker 4: I will bring some just in case someone needs them.

930
00:41:11,040 --> 00:41:13,680
Speaker 1: I should be an adult camp counselor as well. I should.

931
00:41:15,680 --> 00:41:18,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, it has to be legal adult activity, so it

932
00:41:18,120 --> 00:41:21,040
Speaker 3: has to be with adults, maybe remedial adults, is.

933
00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:22,920
Speaker 4: What I were side hustle. I can see it.

934
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:27,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, I like it awesome. Well Patrick, if you want

935
00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:29,200
Speaker 2: to just read out your Instagram handle it.

936
00:41:29,239 --> 00:41:32,600
Speaker 8: Sure, Patrick, Hunter Underscore Art is the insta where you

937
00:41:32,600 --> 00:41:35,880
Speaker 8: can find me and keep pictures of my dog and

938
00:41:36,840 --> 00:41:39,719
Speaker 8: all the artwork mostly pictures of my dog, but there

939
00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:40,719
Speaker 8: is some artwork on there.

940
00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:42,440
Speaker 2: Great and I will put that in the show notes

941
00:41:42,480 --> 00:41:45,920
Speaker 2: as well, so fellows can just click and check you

942
00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:47,120
Speaker 2: out and slide into the dams.

943
00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:48,799
Speaker 4: All right, I can't wait.

944
00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:50,319
Speaker 1: Okay, I can't wait either.

945
00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:54,480
Speaker 4: All Right, I'll let you know how it goes.

946
00:41:54,680 --> 00:41:58,520
Speaker 1: Okay by Patrick, Thank you, Patrick, over, and now we're

947
00:41:58,520 --> 00:42:00,760
Speaker 1: going to take a quick break. I will be right back.

948
00:42:05,120 --> 00:42:07,640
Speaker 2: Well, we had some new and interesting things today, Chelsea,

949
00:42:08,239 --> 00:42:11,839
Speaker 2: remind me what they were. We had some matchmaking. Yes,

950
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:13,359
Speaker 2: we had a couple of cotchmaking.

951
00:42:13,760 --> 00:42:15,879
Speaker 1: This is where things are gonna really hit the fan.

952
00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:17,279
Speaker 1: I think things in a good way.

953
00:42:17,719 --> 00:42:19,319
Speaker 3: I think there is going to be a lot of

954
00:42:19,360 --> 00:42:22,120
Speaker 3: matchmaking happening on this podcast, and now we're using and

955
00:42:22,440 --> 00:42:25,480
Speaker 3: especially to the people that we want to be happy exactly.

956
00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:28,560
Speaker 2: We have so many amazing people writing in and I'm

957
00:42:28,600 --> 00:42:31,600
Speaker 2: really excited to feature some more matchmakings.

958
00:42:31,680 --> 00:42:34,080
Speaker 3: You know, there's a great match would be a straight

959
00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:37,759
Speaker 3: woman comes on here and a straight man and they

960
00:42:37,840 --> 00:42:41,120
Speaker 3: end up being soul Bates. He's listening to Jaior Chelsea

961
00:42:41,280 --> 00:42:43,680
Speaker 3: and he comes and meets this woman talk about a

962
00:42:43,719 --> 00:42:46,960
Speaker 3: self actual life that would be like the most together

963
00:42:47,040 --> 00:42:47,799
Speaker 3: guy that I know.

964
00:42:47,960 --> 00:42:48,560
Speaker 2: That is true.

965
00:42:48,719 --> 00:42:50,000
Speaker 1: He's the most with it.

966
00:42:50,280 --> 00:42:53,360
Speaker 2: And honestly, if he's single and he's listening to this podcast,

967
00:42:53,600 --> 00:42:56,200
Speaker 2: he has the pick of the litter because there's so

968
00:42:56,239 --> 00:42:59,080
Speaker 2: many straight women who listened to this podcast. Thanks so much,

969
00:42:59,120 --> 00:43:00,000
Speaker 2: this has been so much fun.

970
00:43:00,160 --> 00:43:03,920
Speaker 3: Okay, we'll see you guys next week. My Okay, guys,

971
00:43:03,960 --> 00:43:06,480
Speaker 3: we have added more shows to my Little Big Bitch tour.

972
00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:09,160
Speaker 3: I added another second show in Toronto, so I have

973
00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:12,320
Speaker 3: two shows in Toronto now the December seventh, December eighth,

974
00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:16,400
Speaker 3: December ninth, I'm in Ottawa, and two new shows at

975
00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:19,920
Speaker 3: December fifteenth, on a Friday, We're doing a seven thirty

976
00:43:19,920 --> 00:43:22,800
Speaker 3: and ten pm show with Kevin Hart and Friends that's

977
00:43:22,840 --> 00:43:27,080
Speaker 3: in Thackerville, Oklahoma. And all my other shows you can

978
00:43:27,120 --> 00:43:29,719
Speaker 3: buy tickets for at Chelseahandler dot com. I'm starting my

979
00:43:29,800 --> 00:43:34,279
Speaker 3: tour backup on September twenty ninth in New York City

980
00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:36,399
Speaker 3: at The Beacon, which is sold out, but the next

981
00:43:36,520 --> 00:43:39,000
Speaker 3: night there are tickets available. September thirtieth at the Beacon,

982
00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:41,000
Speaker 3: So for all fall dates, you can go to Chelsea

983
00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:41,600
Speaker 3: handler dot com.

984
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:42,840
Speaker 1: For tickets, you'll see me.

985
00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:48,560
Speaker 2: Courtney Cope's input is general psychological information based on research

986
00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:51,920
Speaker 2: and clinical experience. It's intended to be general and informational

987
00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:55,040
Speaker 2: in nature. It does not represent or indicate an established

988
00:43:55,040 --> 00:43:59,080
Speaker 2: clinical or professional relationship with those inquiring for guidance. Courtney's

989
00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:02,080
Speaker 2: feedback is in respect to a written question, and therefore

990
00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:06,400
Speaker 2: there are likely unknown considerations given the limited context. Also,

991
00:44:06,600 --> 00:44:08,480
Speaker 2: just because you might hear something on the show that

992
00:44:08,560 --> 00:44:12,040
Speaker 2: sounds similar to what you're experiencing, beware of self diagnosis.

993
00:44:12,600 --> 00:44:15,480
Speaker 2: Diagnosis is not required to find relief, and you'll want

994
00:44:15,520 --> 00:44:18,600
Speaker 2: to find a qualified professional to assess and explore diagnoses

995
00:44:18,920 --> 00:44:21,600
Speaker 2: if that's important to you. If you or your partner

996
00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:25,200
Speaker 2: are in crisis and uncertain of whether you can maintain safety,

997
00:44:25,360 --> 00:44:28,320
Speaker 2: reach out for support like crisis hotlines and local authorities

998
00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:30,560
Speaker 2: have a safety plan that can be done with a

999
00:44:30,560 --> 00:44:33,759
Speaker 2: therapist too. If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us

1000
00:44:33,760 --> 00:44:37,080
Speaker 2: an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com

1001
00:44:37,120 --> 00:44:39,800
Speaker 2: and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea

1002
00:44:39,960 --> 00:44:43,680
Speaker 2: is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law,

1003
00:44:44,000 --> 00:44:46,360
Speaker 2: and be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler

1004
00:44:46,360 --> 00:44:49,120
Speaker 2: dot com