Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine. Oh hello, Chelsea, Oh hello. I have an
Speaker 1: update from Chloe, who we talked to on our laure
Speaker 1: Lynn Jackson episode. She was the one who was having
Speaker 1: trouble finding work and she'd kind of like been going
Speaker 1: after it for so long and wasn't getting any feedback
Speaker 1: or any responses to her resumes. So Chloe says, Laura
Speaker 1: Lyn Jackson is magical. On January third, I started a
Speaker 1: full time job working in media and marketing at a
Speaker 1: local indie book publisher. Can you believe it? Thanks for
Speaker 1: reaching out, and big thanks for blessing me with being
Speaker 1: seen by Laura Lynn Jackson. It's all happening. Ah. Yes,
Speaker 1: it was like she was, like two weeks to the
Speaker 1: day after I shifted my energy, it all started happening.
Speaker 1: I thought that was so great. And then she also
Speaker 1: said one last thing. Knowing what Laurelyn Jackson is about
Speaker 1: signs angels, I can't help but feel like these angels
Speaker 1: helped work some magic for me. My new job is
Speaker 1: across the street from a place called Chewies. Oh that's
Speaker 1: so cute. That's so sweet. Yeah, just loved that. I
Speaker 1: just loved that. So, you know what this stuff about
Speaker 1: shifting your energy. It really is true. Works everybody. It works.
Speaker 1: And if people don't know what we're talking about, all
Speaker 1: the books we're talking about, we'll teach you the way.
Speaker 1: And if you're listening to us and you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: what does that mean? What does that mean? It's like,
Speaker 1: you want to bring positivity into your life. You want
Speaker 1: to bring inspiration into your life. You want to attract goodness,
Speaker 1: right and high vibes. You don't want to sit around
Speaker 1: being negative, like you just have to think all the
Speaker 1: negative thoughts pile up, pile up, and then you are
Speaker 1: just like a negative trash bin, Like you are just
Speaker 1: attracting that and you're stuck. And so when you start
Speaker 1: to flip it and just go, okay, I'm going to
Speaker 1: look at this as a positive. Even when things don't
Speaker 1: turn out the way you want go, this is an
Speaker 1: opportunity for growth. This is an opportunity for me not
Speaker 1: to get upset and from me to figure out a
Speaker 1: solution without getting angry, without reacting. You'll be amazed at
Speaker 1: how quickly you can grow and how quickly things start
Speaker 1: to be easier. It's like life doesn't have to be hard.
Speaker 1: We make it hard by our reactions to things, so
Speaker 1: you could always choose another way. Well, with that in mind,
Speaker 1: we have somebody really exciting joining us today. I have
Speaker 1: recommended her book a bunch of times, even on this podcast.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah. She's celebrating the ten year anniversary of
Speaker 1: her number one New York Times bestseller You Are a Badass,
Speaker 1: How to Stop Doubting your Greatness and Start Living an
Speaker 1: Awesome Life. And she has a few other books too,
Speaker 1: but we're celebrating the ten year anniversary of this one,
Speaker 1: so please welcome New York Times bestselling author and celebrated
Speaker 1: voice in the world of self development, Jen Cinchero. Hi, Jen,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for having me on. I'm so psyched.
Speaker 1: Oh Hi, nice to meet you, Jen, You too, Chelsea.
Speaker 1: You are just such a badass. Oh well, yes, well
Speaker 1: you wrote the book on badasses. This is I know
Speaker 1: you're coming up on your ten year anniversary, right, yeah,
Speaker 1: for your book which was a very big, big hit
Speaker 1: and continues to be, which is called You Are a Badass,
Speaker 1: How to Stop Doubting your greatness and Start Living an
Speaker 1: Awesome life. And Catherine is very passionate and it has
Speaker 1: been very passionate about your book, so it's very inspiring. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've mentioned it on this podcast and many times we
Speaker 1: get a lot of people calling in who are like,
Speaker 1: I'm just feeling so lost. I don't know what to
Speaker 1: do next. And I know for me, when I was
Speaker 1: at a very similar point in my life to that,
Speaker 1: you know, your book was very life changing for me.
Speaker 1: So happy to hear that. But Jen, tell us a
Speaker 1: little bit about what kind of woke you up, because
Speaker 1: I know you were kind of going through a crisis
Speaker 1: of sorts right when you decided to take your life
Speaker 1: by the balls and make something happen with yourself. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was like a forty year crisis basically, just like
Speaker 1: you know, I was have been a lot of fun.
Speaker 1: I was traveling, I was playing music, but I was
Speaker 1: just always so broken. I was actually living in a
Speaker 1: garage in an alley in Venice Beach, and I was
Speaker 1: like forty years old, and I was just like, seriously,
Speaker 1: this is the best you can do. So, you know,
Speaker 1: it wasn't sort of like the lightning bolt, like I
Speaker 1: almost got hit by a bus and then I finally
Speaker 1: got my ship together. But it was more just first
Speaker 1: of all, being broke is bull of ring. And second
Speaker 1: of all, I was like, I just had this feeling
Speaker 1: that there was so much more I could be doing
Speaker 1: with my life and that I wasn't doing it, and
Speaker 1: that was so much more painful than anything, honestly, and
Speaker 1: so I just made the decision. And you know, you
Speaker 1: don't have to wait until your life completely bottoms out
Speaker 1: to make a decision to change stuff. So I just
Speaker 1: I made the decision. I started reading all the self
Speaker 1: help books. I went to all the any seminar. I
Speaker 1: was there with like my little name tech high five
Speaker 1: in people telling them they're awesome, hugging all these weird strangers,
Speaker 1: Like I didn't care. Whatever I had to do, I
Speaker 1: did it. And then in that process, you know, I
Speaker 1: had read every self help book under the sun. I
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, I could write a any one. No
Speaker 1: one's written a funny one. Where's the one with all
Speaker 1: the curses? And like, can write stories making fun of
Speaker 1: my family and stuff like that. So that's that's sort
Speaker 1: of what led to the idea, because I was a
Speaker 1: writer already. I broke right. And then what happened after that?
Speaker 1: You just started writing a book. I hired a coach,
Speaker 1: and I was reading the books, and I started my
Speaker 1: own online life coaching business, started making a lot of
Speaker 1: money and really figured that if I could crack the code,
Speaker 1: like because really I was so deeply immersed in a
Speaker 1: poverty consciousness and it was such a part of my identity,
Speaker 1: and I was like, if I can get my act together,
Speaker 1: anybody can. Like I was just so white knuckling it,
Speaker 1: you know, fighting for like, oh, I can't make money,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm living in a garage of my forties.
Speaker 1: Like I was proving it all the time. So I
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, my story was so deep and so
Speaker 1: boring and lasted so long that I knew I could
Speaker 1: tell that the people how to do it. So that's
Speaker 1: that's sort of what inspired me writing the book. And
Speaker 1: then it just took off. It was sort of a
Speaker 1: slow build. I call it yellow Snowball because it just
Speaker 1: kept getting bigger and bigger. And we didn't make it
Speaker 1: onto the New York Times list until three years after
Speaker 1: the book was out, and it's stayed off like five years.
Speaker 1: It just keeps growing. It's incredible. Wow, that's incredible. So
Speaker 1: you talk a lot about manifestation, but you also talk
Speaker 1: about doing all of the work that is needed in
Speaker 1: order to manifest something and which is I think a
Speaker 1: good area to start talking about as well, because I
Speaker 1: think a lot of people think, Okay, if I manifested,
Speaker 1: I think it's going to happen. Like it's not a
Speaker 1: magic trick. You actually have to move towards that goal, right,
Speaker 1: and you gotta do a lot of stuff that scares
Speaker 1: the crap out of you. So that really is sort
Speaker 1: of the you know, the teachings, it's all the things.
Speaker 1: It's the meditating and getting quiet and allowing universal intelligence
Speaker 1: to lead the way and follow your intuition instead of
Speaker 1: following your mindset, which is what got you where you
Speaker 1: are right now. So it really is about thinking outside
Speaker 1: the box instead of saying things like I can't afford it,
Speaker 1: I'm too broke, you know, to sort of shift it
Speaker 1: to money flows to me easily and freely, which is
Speaker 1: what I kept saying over and over even though I
Speaker 1: was still living in the garage. But it's about opening
Speaker 1: up to the greater possibility instead of staying with your
Speaker 1: blinders on. And then opportunities come your way that have
Speaker 1: been there all along. But then you're like, oh, maybe
Speaker 1: I should hire that coach who charges one a third
Speaker 1: of my annual income. You know, then when you start
Speaker 1: to shift your mindset the possibilities that arise, you don't
Speaker 1: suddenly excuse your way out of them. You start to
Speaker 1: figure out how you're going to figure it out and
Speaker 1: make it happen. And how has your life changed since
Speaker 1: you were forty? Oh my god, I now have a
Speaker 1: garage instead of living it. It's been so much fun.
Speaker 1: I mean, I've written three more books in the Badass brand.
Speaker 1: I've been traveling the world and helping wake people up.
Speaker 1: You know, it's so much fun to really be able
Speaker 1: to help people live their one and only life on
Speaker 1: planet Earth and am much more satisfied and fun way.
Speaker 1: So it's just it's been awesome. Yeah, it is a
Speaker 1: real gift to be able to like inspire people and
Speaker 1: lift them up out of their depression or negative space
Speaker 1: that they're in and be like, come on, you can
Speaker 1: get the ball rolling in a different direction. And I
Speaker 1: think it just takes you know, sometimes you can't get
Speaker 1: that from within. Sometimes you do need somebody else to
Speaker 1: kick you in the ass before you understand that you
Speaker 1: need to kick yourself in the ass to keep things moving.
Speaker 1: Because there's always a choice about how we're going to
Speaker 1: move forward. And if we're going to accept our circumstances
Speaker 1: or we're going to do everything we can to change them,
Speaker 1: right exactly, you have to have ambition about what your
Speaker 1: future is going to be. Yeah, And I think what
Speaker 1: you said, like do whatever it takes like that really
Speaker 1: is sort of you know, we all get to a
Speaker 1: certain point and then we freak out because it's too
Speaker 1: expensive or we might look stupid. And when you've made
Speaker 1: that decision that you're not screwing around anymore, you run
Speaker 1: straight towards the thing that scares the crap out of
Speaker 1: you the most. And I really feel like that makes
Speaker 1: all the difference in the world. And I also think, honestly,
Speaker 1: like what you're doing, and you know, doing it with
Speaker 1: some comedy and some levity, I feel like that opens
Speaker 1: it up to a whole new audience who wouldn't touch
Speaker 1: this kind of stuff with a ten foot pole. So
Speaker 1: that was part of my goal too. Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: that's so important for someone who might be just dipping
Speaker 1: their toe into this water, like reading books. I know, Jen,
Speaker 1: you've talked about like thinking Grow Rich and these other
Speaker 1: like kind of more old school self help books, but
Speaker 1: constantly filling your mind with something that is going to
Speaker 1: raise your frequency is so hugely helpful. I know something
Speaker 1: both of you do. Yeah, it's important because it's easy
Speaker 1: to sit and watch a dumb show. That's easy. It's
Speaker 1: better to watch something you don't know anything about, like
Speaker 1: a documentary or you know, I watched this full Swing
Speaker 1: golf documentary. I can't stand golf, but I'm like, well
Speaker 1: that's better than watching some fucking stupid drama about you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. At least I'm going to learn
Speaker 1: about golf. Like maybe I'll need to know something about
Speaker 1: golf one day. Hopefully I don't ever need to know
Speaker 1: anything about it. But you know, all of those things,
Speaker 1: it's like you make choices about how to like fill
Speaker 1: your cup more right, my cup of knowledge, Like it's
Speaker 1: so important for me to always be learning and to
Speaker 1: always be leaning something. I read three fiction books when
Speaker 1: I got to Whistler this year, and I was like,
Speaker 1: that's enough, Okay, you had your cake, and now it's
Speaker 1: time to do some real work. Like the next book
Speaker 1: has to be, you know, like a serious nonfiction historical
Speaker 1: Like I have put so much pressure on myself. But
Speaker 1: it's like their argument about not putting too much pressure
Speaker 1: on or not putting enough pressure on yourself, you know,
Speaker 1: like we do have to pressure ourselves. Everything comes from us,
Speaker 1: Everything comes from within. And when you are not trying
Speaker 1: to evolve or learn, then you kind of are stagnant
Speaker 1: and you kind of are stuck and you're just doing
Speaker 1: the things that you like to do all the time.
Speaker 1: It's like that should be a huge part of your life,
Speaker 1: doing things you like to do. But it's also so
Speaker 1: beneficial to constantly be challenging and learning. Like my niece
Speaker 1: was up here and she was talking about Martin Luther
Speaker 1: and Lutheranism and how, you know, the Protestant Church and
Speaker 1: how it was created. And I was like, huh, I
Speaker 1: don't remember that name. And I must have missed that
Speaker 1: day or week or month about Lutheranism and Martin Luther.
Speaker 1: And she told me all about it, you know, and
Speaker 1: then I got a book. I'm like, all right, my
Speaker 1: eighteen year old niece just schooled me on Martin Luther.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, okay, great motivating, Like she just motivated
Speaker 1: me to go read a book about Martin Luther, so
Speaker 1: now I know what the fuck I'm talking about. And
Speaker 1: that feels so good to like, the knowledge is power
Speaker 1: more knowledge, more power, more growth. Well, and like you said,
Speaker 1: when you fill your cup, it can overflow onto the
Speaker 1: people around you with knowledge, with brightness, with lightness, all that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I call it going to the spiritual gym. Like you
Speaker 1: don't get to get in shape and then stay in shape,
Speaker 1: like you gotta keep exercising the mindset muscle. So absolutely, absolutely,
Speaker 1: and the exercise of meditation, this comes up all the time,
Speaker 1: how boring it is, or people I don't think they're
Speaker 1: doing it well because their thoughts are moving. It's like,
Speaker 1: it's okay if your thoughts are moving. If you can't
Speaker 1: control your thoughts and you can't be completely blank, that's okay.
Speaker 1: It's the act of the meditation cumulatively that adds to you,
Speaker 1: like that brings something. You're setting a certain amount of
Speaker 1: time aside every morning to be with yourself. That's something
Speaker 1: that's not nothing, regardless of whether you think you're doing
Speaker 1: it well or not, because there isn't really a measure
Speaker 1: of that either. And what other little tricks do you
Speaker 1: have up your sleeve, things that you do as a
Speaker 1: part of your daily routine. Let's see, I'm big hiker,
Speaker 1: so getting outside and moving is always a great energy
Speaker 1: shifter for me. Music definitely. When I was working on this,
Speaker 1: I had to put a moratorium on listening to Neil
Speaker 1: Young because a lot of Neil but he's so fucking depressing,
Speaker 1: and it was so depressing. I know. I have a
Speaker 1: Neil Young playlist too, and sometimes I'm like, no, I'm
Speaker 1: going to kill myself. It's like, yeah, I put on
Speaker 1: Paul Simon to feel good and then Neil Young pops
Speaker 1: up and I'm like, no, no, no no, it's too dark
Speaker 1: to get chick done here. Yeah, so it was no
Speaker 1: Neil Young. But like you know, music that pumps you up,
Speaker 1: hanging out with people who inspire you is great. Listening
Speaker 1: to podcasts like this, you know, just but you gotta
Speaker 1: have it down. You gotta have a routine down. You
Speaker 1: can't just sort of wing it every morning. I think
Speaker 1: it's really important to know when you're meditating, to know
Speaker 1: where you're meditating, to know, you know, have your playlist,
Speaker 1: have your little routine. If you read a book for
Speaker 1: like five minutes every morning, you got to make it
Speaker 1: like a gym workout, because otherwise you won't do it.
Speaker 1: And then you know, then you wake up at ninety
Speaker 1: with your teeth in a cup and you're like, what
Speaker 1: happened to my life? I was going to be so
Speaker 1: oftme so, and what can you think of it? As
Speaker 1: far as you're life coaching. Are there any examples of
Speaker 1: really inspiring transformations that you were able to see in
Speaker 1: another person? Oh? Yeah, so so many. One of the
Speaker 1: things I love that has been coming up a lot
Speaker 1: is people with money. I think. I think money is
Speaker 1: so interesting and because I studied it so in depth
Speaker 1: and because I really had such a massive transformation around
Speaker 1: and I'm a little obsessed by it and that whole
Speaker 1: concept that money is currency and currency is energy. So
Speaker 1: money is just an energetic exchange between people. And when
Speaker 1: you work the WICKEDI woo and like meditate and get
Speaker 1: in touch with source and focus on abundance and being
Speaker 1: in the flow energetically with money, which really is what
Speaker 1: it's all about. That's what the mantras are about. And
Speaker 1: that's why you don't walk around saying I can't afford it,
Speaker 1: and you say money flows to me easily and freely.
Speaker 1: That's about that frequency. And I can't tell you how
Speaker 1: many clients of mine have had stories about needing an
Speaker 1: exact amount of money this one guy that I just
Speaker 1: talked to you had a business that tanked and he
Speaker 1: needed two hundred and forty nine thousand dollars to sort
Speaker 1: of carry his lifestyle over and to start to launch
Speaker 1: his new business. And that amount of money came in
Speaker 1: out of the clear blue sky, just so unexpected, and
Speaker 1: it was from an old business that he forgot that
Speaker 1: he was closing down. But it was the exact amount
Speaker 1: of money. And this happens all the time when people
Speaker 1: need to pay their rent or you know whatever. It is.
Speaker 1: So the energy that you put on money and the
Speaker 1: focus of the specifics it comes in all the time,
Speaker 1: which is really exciting. I had a really similar experience
Speaker 1: not long ago. I had a job that was supposed
Speaker 1: to pay me this like a very weirdly specific amount
Speaker 1: of money, and I wound up leaving that job because
Speaker 1: the fit wasn't right, the energy was bad, it was
Speaker 1: a bit toxic, etc. And I felt like it was
Speaker 1: the right thing for me to leave that job. And
Speaker 1: when I went on to the next job, I felt
Speaker 1: this sort of confirmation that there had been the right choice,
Speaker 1: because I wound up getting a bonus of exactly that
Speaker 1: same amount of money for the next thing that I
Speaker 1: wound up doing, and it just felt a little bit
Speaker 1: like a nod from the universe of like you did
Speaker 1: the right thing. And what was one of the most
Speaker 1: impactful things for you, Catherine when you read the book Originally,
Speaker 1: I think having mantras and having those sorts of things
Speaker 1: were really helpful for me. And there was a time
Speaker 1: in the beginning where it felt like I was faking it,
Speaker 1: Like it felt, you know, I was coming from a
Speaker 1: place where there was some self deprecating humor, this sort
Speaker 1: of self talk stuff, and it wasn't fun for anyone
Speaker 1: else to hear it. It also wasn't fun for me.
Speaker 1: And so reading your book talked about like, even if
Speaker 1: it feels like you're totally faking it, changing the language
Speaker 1: around how you talk to yourself. You know, it starts
Speaker 1: with you have the thought or you say the thing
Speaker 1: that's derogatory or negative, and then you switch and you
Speaker 1: might say this thing that feels so out of character,
Speaker 1: whether it's about beauty, or whether it's about positivity or
Speaker 1: how successful you are or money. Saying to yourself something
Speaker 1: different it feels very difficult at first, but then after
Speaker 1: a while it becomes such a habit and it raises
Speaker 1: your energy, Like it just makes you feel so much
Speaker 1: better to talk about yourself, to talk about the way
Speaker 1: you live your life in a positive way that it
Speaker 1: changes everything around you. It changes how people react to you,
Speaker 1: It changes the sort of opportunities that come to you.
Speaker 1: It changes just really how you feel on a really
Speaker 1: deep level. And that was huge. Yeah, And it's like
Speaker 1: a job. It's a full time job to keep yourself
Speaker 1: and your vibration high. Yes, it's active work. It's not
Speaker 1: like you can just fix yourself and like you go
Speaker 1: to therapy and you're done, or you learn how to meditate,
Speaker 1: but you're done with that too, Like yeah, no, you
Speaker 1: have to actively constantly bring yourself up right, you know,
Speaker 1: and keep yourself there. Yeah, and you know, and you know,
Speaker 1: the self help role gets a lot of shade for
Speaker 1: being like, yeah, you're gonna be all Pollyanna, like somebody
Speaker 1: runs over your foot and you're supposed to be in
Speaker 1: a good mood about it. You know. It's not about
Speaker 1: not being human and not having emotions and not having
Speaker 1: temper tantrums when freaking out and pity parties and all that,
Speaker 1: But it's about not identifying with that and not staying
Speaker 1: there and not feeding the beast and dragging it through
Speaker 1: the mud forever. You know, it's about feeling your feelings
Speaker 1: and then making conscious choices on where you're going to
Speaker 1: place your focus moving forward. Yeah, and also not being
Speaker 1: a victim. You know, I can imagine that you must
Speaker 1: have felt like a victim for a long time living
Speaker 1: in a garage, But like, there isn't a victim. We're
Speaker 1: not victims. Like, we have the ability to pull ourselves
Speaker 1: out of anything. So when you're in that victim state
Speaker 1: of mind and you're blaming everybody else for everything that's
Speaker 1: going on in your life, like, then you are stuck.
Speaker 1: You have to take yourself out, take responsibility for your
Speaker 1: own actions and behave like a fucking queen. Behave like
Speaker 1: you want to be seen and like you want to
Speaker 1: see yourself, and that means raising it up, like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I only have the power to take care of myself.
Speaker 1: You know, I used to be such a victim mentality.
Speaker 1: I would be broken. I would blame this person and
Speaker 1: that person. It's like you're broke because you're waiting tables
Speaker 1: and you don't save any money. That's why you're broke.
Speaker 1: That's why you have to ask for loans from your
Speaker 1: family every year when I was in my twenties, you know,
Speaker 1: and if they didn't want to give me money, I'd
Speaker 1: be mad at them. I'd be like, oh, how can
Speaker 1: you not help me? It's like what like it was
Speaker 1: just such an immature state of mind, you know. So
Speaker 1: every one of us is a queen, okay, And I'm
Speaker 1: talking to all the gay men out there too. You
Speaker 1: guys are queens with us, okay. So, Katherine, what do
Speaker 1: we have in store for us today? I think a
Speaker 1: lot of stuff that is right up both of your alleys.
Speaker 1: We have a question about meditation, which I think is
Speaker 1: really good and solid. We have some self love stuff,
Speaker 1: some stuff around how people feel about them, how do
Speaker 1: I change my life? Stuff. But let's take a quick
Speaker 1: break and we'll be right back with Jen and Chelsea.
Speaker 1: And we're back. We're back, So, Jen, we have people
Speaker 1: right in. We also have callers who will be joining
Speaker 1: us as well. But I wanted to start with this question,
Speaker 1: and I thought it was very sweet and very honest,
Speaker 1: Drew says, Dear Chelsea, My question is not related to
Speaker 1: any specific problem I'm enduring or a situation i'm dealing
Speaker 1: with It's general and broad, and I'm afraid it might
Speaker 1: sound dumb. But what is meditation? You talk about it
Speaker 1: all the time and how transformative it's been for you.
Speaker 1: I feel like I need a transformation too, but I'm
Speaker 1: not sure where to start. Do I download Headspace and
Speaker 1: just start listening to their recordings? Do I just sit
Speaker 1: in silence for a few minutes? What do you think
Speaker 1: about when you meditate? How do you do it? Thanks
Speaker 1: for being a source of humor, advice and love for
Speaker 1: millions of people. I genuinely can't explain how iconic and
Speaker 1: important you are. Please keep doing you, Drew. I would
Speaker 1: say that meditation is whatever works for you. Yes, download Headspace.
Speaker 1: Start there. That's very pedestrian, right, like, you can get
Speaker 1: into it. It's clear, it's guided. It helps you understand
Speaker 1: what you're doing. And the idea of meditation is to
Speaker 1: drop all of your thoughts. But that's the goal. That's
Speaker 1: not always the act, you know what I mean, It's
Speaker 1: hard for us to drop our thoughts. The goal of
Speaker 1: meditation is to be focusing on your breath, to be
Speaker 1: envisioning the thing that makes you calm down and focus
Speaker 1: on your in and out breath a lot. You know,
Speaker 1: there's different forms of meditation, but to just get into it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the idea that you think you need it means you do.
Speaker 1: Everyone can benefit from meditation, and many people do it
Speaker 1: by sitting alone without any guidance. I don't. I have
Speaker 1: the Chopra app, which I like because there are classes
Speaker 1: and series, so I can do like a class for
Speaker 1: ten days and every morning it's twenty minutes on you
Speaker 1: letting go or a spiritual awakening or whatever you choose.
Speaker 1: But headspace is probably the easiest way to get into meditation,
Speaker 1: I would say. So that's a great start, and then
Speaker 1: you decide what you like. You sample a bunch. You know,
Speaker 1: you can try calm, you can try the Chopra app,
Speaker 1: you can try at our toll, you can try like
Speaker 1: all these different kinds of ways to do it. And
Speaker 1: it's an important gift to give to yourself because it's
Speaker 1: forcing you to sit still, and most of us are
Speaker 1: not doing that. You know, we're not sitting still without
Speaker 1: watching TV or reading a book or working on something
Speaker 1: we were sitting. We're never sitting still alone with our thoughts.
Speaker 1: And the idea of meditation is to drop your thoughts
Speaker 1: to have your thoughts just stay out of the way.
Speaker 1: Like when a thought comes, you're supposed to be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: let it pass, and then I'm going to get back
Speaker 1: into the breathing and the focusing on myself. I always
Speaker 1: think about like these beautiful lights around me. I think
Speaker 1: about my mother, and my brother is like my spirit
Speaker 1: guides and all of that niceness. I just it's all
Speaker 1: love and happiness and warm fuzzies for me. Jen, what's
Speaker 1: your experience with meditation. I'm in just a better mood
Speaker 1: if I do it, I'm nicer, my friends like me more. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a good intention setting for the day. Yeah. And
Speaker 1: I also recommend if you're starting and it's difficult, to
Speaker 1: start small, like start with seven minutes and then just
Speaker 1: work your way up. Don't make yourself to thirty minutes
Speaker 1: right at the get go. And honestly, for me, it's
Speaker 1: just when you slow down your thoughts and you move
Speaker 1: them aside, it strengthens your intuition, it strengthens your connection
Speaker 1: with the universal intelligence, which knows a hell of a
Speaker 1: lot more than we do. So if you're looking for answers,
Speaker 1: sometimes it's really nice to just sort of have that
Speaker 1: question floating around, and then you can meditate and just
Speaker 1: whatever little hunch you get, like if it's like go
Speaker 1: buy all over a bread, that might lead you towards
Speaker 1: something that you're looking for answers for it, you just
Speaker 1: don't really know. So the thing that I think is
Speaker 1: so lovely about meditation is it strengthens your ability to
Speaker 1: hear those hunches and to feel those hits and then
Speaker 1: to go act on them. And that's where the real
Speaker 1: party starts, because what do they say, like ninety percent
Speaker 1: of our thoughts are just regurgitated and aren't actually helpful
Speaker 1: and are not moving us in the direction we want
Speaker 1: to be going. So we get into habits of thought,
Speaker 1: and so when you want to change your life, you
Speaker 1: don't want to keep thinking the same damn thoughts because
Speaker 1: those are the ones that got you where you are
Speaker 1: right now. So that's the great thing about meditations that
Speaker 1: it breaks that habit of thought and allows you to
Speaker 1: expand your thought process and just go a lot, a
Speaker 1: lot bigger than where you are right now. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: I think that's why this question did come up for Drew,
Speaker 1: is it can look so many different ways, Like Chelsea,
Speaker 1: I remember on the Ben Bruno episode, He was like,
Speaker 1: why don't meditate? But I do this box breathing where
Speaker 1: I breathe in for four, hold it for four, breathe
Speaker 1: off for four. And you're like, but that is meditation.
Speaker 1: You know, you're focusing on your breath, you're listening, you're
Speaker 1: getting quiet, and it can look so different for everybody. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: no one's ever started meditating and been like that fucked
Speaker 1: me up, so just start. Yeah. It wasn't it the
Speaker 1: Dolly Llama who said everybody should meditate for an hour
Speaker 1: unless you're really busy, and then you should meditate for two. Yes. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it helps with sleep, it helps with all the so Drew,
Speaker 1: let us know how it goes on your meditation journey.
Speaker 1: Our next question comes from a caller. We have Kennya
Speaker 1: here with us. Kennya is thirty five and she says,
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, I first want to start by saying, how
Speaker 1: amazing you are in your podcast is exactly what I needed.
Speaker 1: I love how honest you are, and I strive to
Speaker 1: be like that instead of just trying to people please
Speaker 1: all the time. I'm Canadian and love how much you
Speaker 1: love my country. So here is where I need help.
Speaker 1: I was single, for a very long time until I
Speaker 1: found an amazing man who is truly just one of
Speaker 1: the best humans I've ever met, and now we're getting married.
Speaker 1: We had the finance talk very early on, but I
Speaker 1: still have a hard time not feeling embarrassed about my
Speaker 1: student loan debt. My fiance is very supportive, but I've
Speaker 1: always been a very independent person. I've paid my own
Speaker 1: bills since I was sixteen and never ask for help financially.
Speaker 1: So I'm having a hard time, and I just feel
Speaker 1: bad to bring this burden of my student loan into
Speaker 1: our marriage. I know I'm very hard on myself. Even
Speaker 1: when I'm wedding planning, I try to do the bare
Speaker 1: minimum because I feel like I don't deserve to spend
Speaker 1: much on anything because I'm still paying my student loan.
Speaker 1: How can I stop feeling embarrassed about my debt and
Speaker 1: learn to ask for help when I need it. I
Speaker 1: want to be excited about my future and my wedding,
Speaker 1: but the anxiety and worry about money is just so overpowering.
Speaker 1: Love Kenya, worry. I was reading that. I was reading
Speaker 1: that about worry and stress and what a waste of
Speaker 1: a time. Both of those things are right, stressing about
Speaker 1: things or overthinking things and running through this same obsessing
Speaker 1: about things. It's such a waste of energy. And when
Speaker 1: you're talking about jen like telling yourself a new story,
Speaker 1: that's exactly what it is. You have to start creating
Speaker 1: a new narrative that is in your head and discarding
Speaker 1: the old one, which is easier said than done. But
Speaker 1: it's easier than people think. It's just so much easier
Speaker 1: than people think. Yeah, the choice, and it really is.
Speaker 1: And it's that awareness of like, Okay, I keep telling
Speaker 1: myself that I'm a big fat loser because I'm in debt.
Speaker 1: But at least once you become aware of that, you
Speaker 1: can change the thought. You know, you can really focus
Speaker 1: on changing that mantra. It's like when something doesn't go
Speaker 1: the way that you are expecting it to go, Like
Speaker 1: even in a day, like oh, something gets canceled or
Speaker 1: the person that's picking you up can no longer pick
Speaker 1: you up, Like the reaction to that should be like Okay, great,
Speaker 1: now let me figure out another way, not like fuck.
Speaker 1: People get so stuck in their reaction to something like oh,
Speaker 1: I can't believe she's not picking me up. I can't
Speaker 1: how am I supposed to get there. Now, it's like
Speaker 1: pretty easily if you just use your head, like you
Speaker 1: can find another way. There's always another way, And it's
Speaker 1: just so much less hard on your body and brain
Speaker 1: to stop obsessing and belaboring the same idea. So true.
Speaker 1: I mean, they say disease is disease, like it is
Speaker 1: hard on your body, like that kind of stuff. It's
Speaker 1: really unhealthy. Stress is a massive killer, you know. It's
Speaker 1: also like in this book I Love Letting Go, they're
Speaker 1: talking about being okay with embarrassing yourself. There's a very
Speaker 1: specific chapter on dancing, and I don't dance because I'm
Speaker 1: very self conscious when I dance, and it talked about
Speaker 1: letting go, let go of your insecurity, let go be
Speaker 1: free with your body. And this weekend I went to
Speaker 1: this party and I danced for like two hours. My
Speaker 1: friends had never seen me dance like that. I was like,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna fucking
Speaker 1: go and just look like an idiot and who gives
Speaker 1: a shit? And there were hundreds of people there, and
Speaker 1: I did look like an idiot because my friend videotaped
Speaker 1: me and showed it to me the next day but
Speaker 1: I was able to laugh at myself instead of being embarrassed,
Speaker 1: you know, I was able to go good, good for
Speaker 1: you for trying something new. You want to be free.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be the person who's at a
Speaker 1: party that doesn't dance and is you know, kind of
Speaker 1: like just embarrassed to show people that I don't really
Speaker 1: know what I'm doing, or that I'm a little tone
Speaker 1: deaf who gives a shit. And I know that's probably
Speaker 1: surprising to hear from me, but it's true, Like that
Speaker 1: was the one thing that I'm very self conscious about.
Speaker 1: So I'm trying to dismantle that and making myself go
Speaker 1: to places and dance. That's so interesting. So what is
Speaker 1: it that you think? Like what are you thinking about
Speaker 1: why you can't do it because you just don't have
Speaker 1: the moves? Like what I just I'm in my head,
Speaker 1: I've got this thing like you can't catch the beat,
Speaker 1: you don't know how to dance, And I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you do. You can find there's a bunch of more
Speaker 1: on dancing out there, like why don't you just become
Speaker 1: one of them? Like everyone And it's obviously very freeing
Speaker 1: to do it, but there was a very specific chapter
Speaker 1: in this book about a person who was scared to
Speaker 1: do it, and I was like it resonated. It was
Speaker 1: like speaking directly to me. I felt, hi, Hi Kenya Jen,
Speaker 1: Do you have some thoughts for Kenya? Well, yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean every it's all perception, right, So it sounds like
Speaker 1: your husband's cool with it, You've got all the support
Speaker 1: around it, and this is just something you're doing to
Speaker 1: yourself because it's so fun. Yeah. Yeah. So you know,
Speaker 1: we were talking earlier about how money is currency and
Speaker 1: currency is energy, and the energy that you put around this,
Speaker 1: you're just it's like any other nasty belief you've got
Speaker 1: about yourself. It's all in your head, and you get
Speaker 1: to choose whether you focus on your lack of money
Speaker 1: or you get to choose to focus on the fact
Speaker 1: that you have so much support and so much love
Speaker 1: from your husband and this is one of the most
Speaker 1: exciting things that's ever going to happen to you, and
Speaker 1: that money is fluid and it comes and it goes,
Speaker 1: and of course you can get out of this debt.
Speaker 1: And it really is just a mindset and getting that
Speaker 1: excitement in yourself, because do you believe deep down that
Speaker 1: you can make money, like somewhere down is the gut
Speaker 1: of you. Yes, Like I've always been a triple job
Speaker 1: kind of person, double job, but once I met my fiance,
Speaker 1: I kind of I realized I had to dive back
Speaker 1: on the work because I wasn't focusing as match in
Speaker 1: our relationship because I was working so much. I had
Speaker 1: a full time job and a part time job, so
Speaker 1: literally the hours that I had free, I was working
Speaker 1: so because I had that in the back of my
Speaker 1: head and I knew he was the one I was
Speaker 1: going to marry, so I was just trying to work
Speaker 1: so hard to kind of make it less of this
Speaker 1: big debt by the time we were ready to get married. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think a shift for you might be around not
Speaker 1: having to break your back over working so many jobs.
Speaker 1: I don't think that's what it's going to be about
Speaker 1: for you moving forward. Maybe there's a different shift for
Speaker 1: you that's about finding a job that's better paying in
Speaker 1: your same field or a totally different job altogether, you know,
Speaker 1: because you may have skills that you can put to
Speaker 1: use in another line of work that pays a lot better.
Speaker 1: But the other thing, too, is you know your fans
Speaker 1: is going into this with full knowledge you're not hiding
Speaker 1: anything from him. I'm sure he had debts that, whether
Speaker 1: student or otherwise, that he had to pay off with
Speaker 1: a car payment or whatever else. You know, these are
Speaker 1: things that come up in life. We have things that
Speaker 1: we have to pay for. And I don't think that
Speaker 1: that is something that means you need to cut things
Speaker 1: from your wedding. You know, give yourself your budget and
Speaker 1: you know, do your best to stick to it. But
Speaker 1: conflating those two things, I think is not something that
Speaker 1: you need to be doing, because I think you deserve
Speaker 1: to have a beautiful wedding that feels like you and
Speaker 1: you guys have the rest of your lives to deal
Speaker 1: with this payment and get it out of the way
Speaker 1: and be able to live your lives. Yeah, I guess
Speaker 1: where it comes to. Like I find that I always
Speaker 1: have a hard time being the okay, I need help
Speaker 1: kind of thing and not even asking for it because
Speaker 1: I know I don't need to ask her, but just
Speaker 1: knowing that he will take on this set for us
Speaker 1: to be able to like afford a house or anything.
Speaker 1: So it's just it's almost like you guys said, like
Speaker 1: I have to mentally prepare and mentally be okay that
Speaker 1: this is what I have to deal with. I mean,
Speaker 1: my Suner loaness what got me through school and then
Speaker 1: I'm able to get a job and paid for it,
Speaker 1: which I'm grateful for. But I guess yes, mentally, I
Speaker 1: just have to does your fiance no about your dad
Speaker 1: yet or no? Oh? Yeah, yeah. We had talked about
Speaker 1: it at the beginning of our relationship before he even proposed,
Speaker 1: so he knew and he was just like, Okay, we
Speaker 1: gotta get a page so we can get a bigger
Speaker 1: house because his house too. So it just I don't know,
Speaker 1: I feel like we're both equally. Yeah, but listen, you're
Speaker 1: in a great situation that you're not even seeing. Like
Speaker 1: you told him, he's fine with it and he wants
Speaker 1: to help you. That's incredible. That's an incredible support system.
Speaker 1: This is a great development. You got an education that
Speaker 1: unfortunately you have to pay all this money for. But
Speaker 1: you have your education and now you have your husband
Speaker 1: and he's supportive of it. Like, there isn't a bad
Speaker 1: side to this. You just have to move forward and
Speaker 1: continue paying down your debt so that it isn't on
Speaker 1: us off your back. But it's nothing to be ashamed of.
Speaker 1: Do you know any hundreds of millions of people have
Speaker 1: college debt? I mean, come on, you're not the only one.
Speaker 1: Nothing to be ashamed of. It's not like you got
Speaker 1: in debt on your own because you shop too much
Speaker 1: and now you have like sixty thousand dollars and you
Speaker 1: have nothing to show for it. You have an education,
Speaker 1: So like all of this is just these are all
Speaker 1: good things. You're moving towards your goals. And so instead
Speaker 1: of looking at it like you're some burden, look at
Speaker 1: it as now you have a new sense of freedom.
Speaker 1: Now you have help to pay down your student loans. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, and then one day you're going to be
Speaker 1: able to help him with something. And I would recommend
Speaker 1: Jen's book You are a badass at making money. Two
Speaker 1: of the biggest lessons I think for me from that
Speaker 1: book were money is a thing that like, we have
Speaker 1: all of these really emotional associations with and it can
Speaker 1: fill our heads with a whole lot of trash, just
Speaker 1: like you know in your situation, Like it's not as
Speaker 1: much about the money as it is about how you're
Speaker 1: thinking about it. And the other thing is that money
Speaker 1: is a renewable resource. You know, we think like I
Speaker 1: spent all this money and we have these like bills
Speaker 1: weighing over us. But like we talked about, maybe it's
Speaker 1: not about working two three jobs. Maybe it's about finding
Speaker 1: the thing that will actually pay you more or your
Speaker 1: future husband. But at the same time, like money is
Speaker 1: a renewable resource and it's going to keep coming to you.
Speaker 1: You're hard working, You're going to figure it out and
Speaker 1: it's not like you have this finite limited amount moving forward.
Speaker 1: Think of it that way. That's been really helpful for me.
Speaker 1: I know, yeah, no, that's really helpful. And I also
Speaker 1: want to just chime in with this is such an opportunity. Also,
Speaker 1: he wants to help you, Like this is part of
Speaker 1: your relationship where it is about receiving and allowing him
Speaker 1: to help you. You know, you're not dumping a big
Speaker 1: burden on him, like he wants to provide for you.
Speaker 1: He loves you. So I think it also is really
Speaker 1: going to help crack you open and have an even
Speaker 1: more intimate relationship with him. It's not to say you're
Speaker 1: not going to do everything you can to pay down
Speaker 1: the debt and just you know, put your feet up
Speaker 1: and eat bond bonds. For the rest of your marriage.
Speaker 1: But let him help you and let him feel like
Speaker 1: a man and take care of you. Know, and guilt
Speaker 1: is just a wasted, wasted, wasted emotion. Stop feeling guilty,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Move into action. Move into action,
Speaker 1: and you have something beautiful to look forward to, a
Speaker 1: beautiful wedding. You're going to have one, hopefully, so make
Speaker 1: a count and stop beating yourself up about all of
Speaker 1: the other stuff. Enjoy the moment that you're in instead
Speaker 1: of worrying about past decisions. It's like your decisions were right.
Speaker 1: You had no choice. What are we going to do?
Speaker 1: Not get an education? No, you want an education, so
Speaker 1: you did what was necessary. These are all good things. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: and I also recommende. It's kind of a fun exercise
Speaker 1: you can do where you write a letter to money
Speaker 1: as if it's a person, so that you can unearth
Speaker 1: all of your weirdness around Money is the most loaded topic,
Speaker 1: like more than religion, more than sex. Like money is
Speaker 1: just got so much going on, So write it stream
Speaker 1: of consciousness. Push yourself and just like dear Money, I
Speaker 1: love you, but I feel like a dirty whore admitting
Speaker 1: I want you around like you get into your stuff
Speaker 1: around it and see the push pull that you've got.
Speaker 1: And then once you pick like the three hottest things
Speaker 1: that are the most icky to you, that's when you
Speaker 1: flip those ones on their heads and really work on
Speaker 1: shifting your mindset. This can be such a gift for you.
Speaker 1: This can be way more about getting over this debt.
Speaker 1: This can be about you becoming rich and really facing
Speaker 1: your money issues. So it can be a really good thing. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: it definitely sounds when you guys talk about it. I
Speaker 1: can see that my issue has always been asking for
Speaker 1: help at something, hope, and that we are way like
Speaker 1: we're always so we are about talking about money. So yes,
Speaker 1: that's really helpful. Guys. Yeah, we are going into a
Speaker 1: partnership so you don't have to do it all yourself anymore, right, Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: for sure. Well Kenya send us a wedding photo and
Speaker 1: we wish you the best of luck. Let us know
Speaker 1: how it goes, Okay. I will thank you so much
Speaker 1: for all your help. It was lovely talking to you all.
Speaker 1: Thank you, bye bye bye. Oh what a sweetie. This
Speaker 1: question is from Hayley. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a
Speaker 1: thirty four year old married mother of two working in
Speaker 1: the fast fashion industry in New York City. On paper,
Speaker 1: I think my life looks pretty put together. I've been
Speaker 1: with my husband since we were eighteen, though he would
Speaker 1: tell you we've been together since kindergarten, which is only
Speaker 1: partly a lie. My kids are healthy and happy and
Speaker 1: smart and wonderful. We love having help from both sides
Speaker 1: of our family taking care of our kids, so my
Speaker 1: husband and I can both work and provide for our family.
Speaker 1: I've spent the last twelve years establishing myself at a
Speaker 1: company where I started as an unpaid intern and worked
Speaker 1: my way up to an established integral part of our organization.
Speaker 1: Like I said, on paper, my life seems pretty great. However,
Speaker 1: I find myself struggling to find purpose and meeting in
Speaker 1: my day to day life. I wouldn't say I'm depressed,
Speaker 1: but I do wake up with this lackluster feeling. More
Speaker 1: and more I no longer feel challenged at work, and
Speaker 1: while I love my kids and husband, I don't want
Speaker 1: my legacy to be just a mom or a wife.
Speaker 1: As awful as that sounds to say aloud or even
Speaker 1: write in an email, it sounds silly, but as long
Speaker 1: as I can remember. I feel as though I'm meant
Speaker 1: to do more in life. I just can't figure out
Speaker 1: what that more is. I thought fashion was my passion,
Speaker 1: and while I do enjoy being successful at my job,
Speaker 1: I just don't know that this is where I'm supposed
Speaker 1: to be. I have so many ideas of what I
Speaker 1: could possibly do. I've always wanted to write a novel,
Speaker 1: or flip houses, or start my own event planning business,
Speaker 1: or become an interior designer. I find myself doomscrolling my
Speaker 1: social media accounts at night of all these creatives with
Speaker 1: this feeling like I can do this too, followed immediately
Speaker 1: by but can I? And so I end up doing nothing.
Speaker 1: All my ideas seem like pipe dreams or things that
Speaker 1: will take time away from what's supposed to be my priority,
Speaker 1: my family and providing for them. I want to be great,
Speaker 1: but maybe I should be happy with success. The success
Speaker 1: and perfect life on paper I already have helped me
Speaker 1: to feel less guilty about wanting more. Haley, see Jen,
Speaker 1: do you want to take this one from the top? Sure? Thanks, Hailey. Listen, Well,
Speaker 1: first of all, you totally do know what you want
Speaker 1: to do, so I think we can get caught. And
Speaker 1: that's sort of like I'm not sure, I'm confused, but
Speaker 1: the reality is, you know, and you're scared. But the
Speaker 1: great news is like all those things that you said
Speaker 1: are amazing, And so I think that you should just
Speaker 1: go for it and start to plot out how you
Speaker 1: could do it and start looking more deeply into it
Speaker 1: and following people who are doing it and maybe talk
Speaker 1: to some of them, take them out for coffee, and
Speaker 1: think of it as a real thing. You know, you
Speaker 1: got one go as the you that is you on
Speaker 1: planet Earth, and we it's in our nature to keep growing.
Speaker 1: You know, plants and trees they just keep growing until
Speaker 1: they die. And that's us. We're not meant to hit
Speaker 1: a certain level and then just coast along. We're supposed
Speaker 1: to keep blossoming and expanding. And it's your birthright, that's
Speaker 1: your nature as a living creature on Earth. So you
Speaker 1: know that guilt is really I understand that you feel it,
Speaker 1: but it doesn't honestly make sense for your nature. And
Speaker 1: also I want to say, like your kids, what a
Speaker 1: great role model you're going to be when you allow
Speaker 1: yourself to just keep blossoming and keep changing into who
Speaker 1: you're becoming. I mean, that's a really, really great role
Speaker 1: model for your kids. Yeah. I mean my sister started
Speaker 1: her own air piercing company, and she was working for
Speaker 1: another company at one point, and then I guess something
Speaker 1: happened where they weren't going to be because she's a
Speaker 1: REGI nurse, so they were only using real nurses, and
Speaker 1: then they kind of started hiring other people and my
Speaker 1: sister was like, I don't know about this. I wanted
Speaker 1: it to be like a special you know, nurses are
Speaker 1: coming and doing your piercings. And I was like, well,
Speaker 1: start your own company. And she's like, ah, it's just
Speaker 1: such a headache. What am I going to do? Cut
Speaker 1: to she started her own company. She is the happiest,
Speaker 1: most productive she's ever been. She has piercings every day,
Speaker 1: so she's like eight to ten. She goes to parties
Speaker 1: and pierces like ten girls at a time. She's so fulfilled.
Speaker 1: She finally got it, she got a business license. She
Speaker 1: did all the shit that she thought she didn't want
Speaker 1: to have to deal with, and she is empowered. She
Speaker 1: is living her like best life because she has created
Speaker 1: her own source of income. It's meaningful, it's purposeful. And
Speaker 1: she loves it. She loves meeting new people, she loves
Speaker 1: going to their houses. She loves giving their little certificate
Speaker 1: of bravery for the little two year olds, like get
Speaker 1: their ears pierced. Well, their mother's like at their ears spears.
Speaker 1: But whatever, her whole vibe has changed, so like, you're
Speaker 1: only going to increase your magneticism by following your dreams.
Speaker 1: Your family is going to appreciate you more. You're set
Speaker 1: up in a success already. You've got a great husband,
Speaker 1: you've got great kids. Like, there is no barrier for you.
Speaker 1: You have all of this opportunity and it's only this
Speaker 1: voice in your head that's telling you you can't do it.
Speaker 1: So tell that voice that you're a fucking queen. Absolutely absolutely.
Speaker 1: And I think too, you know, I agree with John.
Speaker 1: I think like in your heart you actually know what
Speaker 1: it is. But throw stuff at the wall and see
Speaker 1: what sticks. Try a few different things, see what you
Speaker 1: actually like. This makes me think of I just started
Speaker 1: following this woman on Instagram. She's like in her seventies.
Speaker 1: She is basically just like an internet grandma who's adorable
Speaker 1: and says wonderful, positive, beautiful things, and you know, calls
Speaker 1: her followers, my darlings, and just encourages you and it
Speaker 1: is the most lovely, wonderful thing to like wake up
Speaker 1: two in the morning. But she talks about like, for
Speaker 1: years I thought I could do this social media thing,
Speaker 1: and so many people were like, Nah, it's really tough.
Speaker 1: You can't really do it. It's tough, it's hard. You
Speaker 1: won't give men followers da da. But so one day
Speaker 1: she just woke up and was like, I'm going to
Speaker 1: start doing this. And now she's got this massive following
Speaker 1: and this beautiful cohort of people who are just like
Speaker 1: positive and lovely and just waking up one morning and
Speaker 1: be like, what if I do What if I do this?
Speaker 1: You know? Yeah, and just take steps in the direction.
Speaker 1: If you choose interior design, there shouldn't be a limit
Speaker 1: to what you want to do, right, So if you
Speaker 1: pick one thing to start with so that it's not overwhelming,
Speaker 1: like say you do go down the interior design route,
Speaker 1: you know, just start making steps in that direction. Start
Speaker 1: an Instagram page, Start talking to people who you might help.
Speaker 1: Start taking pictures of things that you find to be
Speaker 1: beautiful and things that you would like to replicate, you know,
Speaker 1: and design themes and homes. There are steps you can
Speaker 1: take in each direction for all of the things that
Speaker 1: you mentioned. Just pick one and start there. And if
Speaker 1: after a few months you're like, wait, this doesn't feel right,
Speaker 1: then you know that it's not right and you move
Speaker 1: on to the next thing. But I bet you it
Speaker 1: will be right. It's just a matter of taking that
Speaker 1: first step and then everything kind of comes together because
Speaker 1: you have to show the universe, the energy, the world
Speaker 1: that you are motivated enough to make some differences, and
Speaker 1: then everything kind of comes together knowing that your energy
Speaker 1: has shifted, because right now you're in a state of
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's a little ambivalent, it's a little
Speaker 1: just non active. And in order to create that kind
Speaker 1: of surge and inspiration, you got to get moving and
Speaker 1: then it will all come together in that way, you know,
Speaker 1: like you got to say, Okay, this is what I want,
Speaker 1: this is the direction I'm moving in, and things will
Speaker 1: start to open for you, and doors will start to open.
Speaker 1: You'll be like, oh okay. All it takes is like
Speaker 1: a shift in intention. Agreed, totally great, Well, Lozette says,
Speaker 1: oh I knew a Lazette in high school. Lazette, that's
Speaker 1: the only thing, isn't that a character in which you
Speaker 1: McCall it? Yes, lame is isn't Lazette all the characters Cosette,
Speaker 1: that's Collette Cozette. Oh shit, I knew it was an
Speaker 1: at such a something in between those teams, those two.
Speaker 1: But Lozette says, and I think it's cute. She was
Speaker 1: going by Les and she's like, no, Lazette is my
Speaker 1: real name. That's what I That's what I want to
Speaker 1: go by. And I was like, right, yes, she says,
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, my name's Lizette. And I have a problem
Speaker 1: that may seem simple but is honestly complex. One of
Speaker 1: my deep core beliefs is that I am unlovable. Because
Speaker 1: of this, I struggle so much with being able to
Speaker 1: accept love from others. My brain is also constantly looking
Speaker 1: for evidence to prove this belief right. I've found more
Speaker 1: evidence to prove me right than wrong. Therefore I stay
Speaker 1: in this mindset. I'm twenty six and I've struggled with
Speaker 1: mental health issues for over a decade. Now I go
Speaker 1: to therapy, I have a good support system, I take
Speaker 1: my medication, and I have a wonderful boyfriend. Despite all this,
Speaker 1: I still hate myself, and I feel as though everyone
Speaker 1: is all in on the fact that I'm unlovable, worthless,
Speaker 1: and very ugly. I tell my therapist about this, and
Speaker 1: all she says is that's not true, You're lovable. Like okay,
Speaker 1: that doesn't really help in dismantling my core beliefs. I
Speaker 1: want to be happy with myself and be a light
Speaker 1: for others. I don't know what to do to achieve this.
Speaker 1: Because I believe this about myself. I reject the love
Speaker 1: an affection my boyfriend gives me, which isn't fair to him.
Speaker 1: I want to be loved so badly, but I believe
Speaker 1: I'm unworthy of it. I feel as though I have
Speaker 1: to keep this mindset because I want people to know
Speaker 1: I'm also in on the joke. You think I'm ugly.
Speaker 1: That's fine, because I already know I am so nice. Try.
Speaker 1: I would appreciate any advice I can use to not
Speaker 1: only accept love from others, but also start to find
Speaker 1: the love within and feel that I'm worthy of it. Lazette, Oh, Hilazette. Hi,
Speaker 1: First of all, please, we need to talk to you.
Speaker 1: This is an emergency situation. Yeah, okay, okay, okay, You're
Speaker 1: never allowed to talk about yourself being ugly again. Okay,
Speaker 1: first of all, you're adorable, but that's not even the point.
Speaker 1: No one is ugly. You have such a negative conversation
Speaker 1: going on with yourself, and when you're looking for negative stuff,
Speaker 1: you're going to find it. When you're looking for positive stuff,
Speaker 1: you're also going to find it. So it's a choice
Speaker 1: between looking for the negative or looking for all the
Speaker 1: things that make you lovable instead of saying you're not lovable.
Speaker 1: What are the things that make you lovable? You tell
Speaker 1: me right now. I think I'm good at my dog. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think I am very personable, I'm very talkative. I
Speaker 1: think things that invite people in So yeah, great, Yeah,
Speaker 1: those are great things. Those are great qualities. You're adorable.
Speaker 1: Look at you. You're laughing, you're giggly, you have a
Speaker 1: nice disposition, You're you're letting your thoughts take you to
Speaker 1: a place that you don't even need to visit. You
Speaker 1: could be living your best life on this planet right now,
Speaker 1: but you're choosing to hear a different story. You have
Speaker 1: a boyfriend that loves you, and you need to accept
Speaker 1: that love. You have to doubly accept it now because
Speaker 1: you have an assignment from us. Okay, you have to
Speaker 1: overcorrect what you are doing. So every morning you have
Speaker 1: to get up and list ten things about yourself that
Speaker 1: make you lovable that you know to be true about
Speaker 1: yourself and why you are lovable. Every single morning, you're
Speaker 1: going to start doing that. And it can be the
Speaker 1: same things, it can be different things, whatever. Just get
Speaker 1: in the habit of that. And every time you're thinking
Speaker 1: about a negative thought, I want you to get in
Speaker 1: the habit of flipping that thought because whatever your negative
Speaker 1: thought is, there's an opposite thought. Right. If you're fearful,
Speaker 1: there's love that if you're scared, there's confidence. You know
Speaker 1: what I mean? You choose think about whatever the opposite
Speaker 1: feeling of the word that you're feeling about yourself is.
Speaker 1: Choose that word and think about all of the things
Speaker 1: that are that relate to you with that word. Love, courage, strength, confidence,
Speaker 1: Those are the things that you need to instill in
Speaker 1: yourself moving forward. You're a fucking badass who nobody ever
Speaker 1: told you were unlovable. You told yourself that and you
Speaker 1: can't be trusted at this point because you told yourself
Speaker 1: a lot of negative things. So we have to completely
Speaker 1: reverse engineer you well. And I think that's a really
Speaker 1: good point, Chelsea. You know, we think that every thought
Speaker 1: that pops into our brains is the truth. But the
Speaker 1: truth is it's not, or is someone else is about us,
Speaker 1: It's not their thoughts. We all have this like little
Speaker 1: voice in our head. You're choosing to let that run
Speaker 1: you instead of choosing you running you. You know what
Speaker 1: I mean. We all have that little devil's whatever it is,
Speaker 1: you know, like a little devil on our shoulder saying
Speaker 1: you're not You're not good enough, You're not good enough,
Speaker 1: you're not smart enough, you're not pretty enough. If you're
Speaker 1: not this enough, Yes you are, Like that is not
Speaker 1: the voice that we are listening to. And in order
Speaker 1: to like make your life the fullest and reach your
Speaker 1: potential and your purpose. You're a teacher that already says
Speaker 1: something great about you, you know what I mean. You're
Speaker 1: devoting your life to helping little people in the world,
Speaker 1: or you know, younger people in the world. I don't
Speaker 1: know what age you teach, but you're already doing so
Speaker 1: many things like these are a value that's valuable. You
Speaker 1: are a value, and you have a purpose and the
Speaker 1: sooner you lean into it. The sooner your whole world
Speaker 1: is going to open up and these thoughts are going
Speaker 1: to start to diminish. And the good news is too
Speaker 1: our brains are plastic. They are extensively changeable. When you
Speaker 1: hear that voice, if it's like, oh my god, I'm
Speaker 1: so ugly, look at yourself on the mirror, and even
Speaker 1: if it sounds fag as, he'll just be like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I look beautiful today. Oh my god, I
Speaker 1: look incredible. All I so, I read Jen as our
Speaker 1: our guest Who's with us Today? And I had read
Speaker 1: her book You're a Badass around the same time that
Speaker 1: I started watching a lot of YouTube videos. Yes, this
Speaker 1: is who, this is who we have okay. I was
Speaker 1: like her names okay, a lie okay. And Trixie Mattel,
Speaker 1: who's a drag queen, also was like somebody. I was
Speaker 1: watching a lot of her, and Trixie is always like
Speaker 1: I'm an icon, I'm a legend, I look gorgeous and
Speaker 1: so much this way that's like funny and cute. It's
Speaker 1: like it's so much more fun than the self deprecating
Speaker 1: like well, no, you know, I'm already a failure or
Speaker 1: I'm you know, I'm no, no more of that, no
Speaker 1: more of that. Jen, What do you think about what
Speaker 1: do you think about that? Yeah? I mean awesome you guys,
Speaker 1: And and and also see what you can get away with,
Speaker 1: like I love taking this level of levity and just
Speaker 1: like getting out of your drama. I mean, like I'm
Speaker 1: still a blame such allusion and just I just want
Speaker 1: to see if I can get two guys to look
Speaker 1: at me on the street. I just want to see
Speaker 1: if I bandexs over pants and rock like make it
Speaker 1: more fun, bring some more fun back into it. And
Speaker 1: also remember, nobody knows what the fuck they're doing. We're all,
Speaker 1: I mean, we all have doubts and fears and insecurities
Speaker 1: and everybody nobody has it all going on anyway. So
Speaker 1: don't expect yourself to be at the top of your
Speaker 1: game all of the time. And when you're not feeling
Speaker 1: at the top of your game, it's a moment in time.
Speaker 1: It's not your identity. It's just you're just having a
Speaker 1: little hiccup, and there are lessons to be learned in
Speaker 1: that hiccup. So look for the lessons when when you're
Speaker 1: feeling that way, don't buy into them. So much. And
Speaker 1: also look at yourself through the eyes of your little students.
Speaker 1: How much do they love you and who you really are?
Speaker 1: Come on now, like what is your fan couple? Right right?
Speaker 1: So seriously, next time you go down that rabbit hole
Speaker 1: of thinking you suck, look at it through your most
Speaker 1: adoring students' eyes and think about what that person would
Speaker 1: say about what you're thinking. And I like what Catherine
Speaker 1: said too about like just start saying it out loud,
Speaker 1: like look at me, I'm beautiful, Look at me, I'm beautiful.
Speaker 1: Look at me, I'm beautiful, even if it's a joke
Speaker 1: to yourself, Like it's good to start saying these things
Speaker 1: to yourself, you know, and not taking it so seriously
Speaker 1: because you, first of all, you are beautiful inside and out,
Speaker 1: so like, where are you getting this from? It's just
Speaker 1: so silly. So yeah, you just have to really focus
Speaker 1: on be really paying attention to your thoughts and be
Speaker 1: really paying attention to go Nope, that's not what I'm
Speaker 1: going to think today. What's the opposite of that emotion?
Speaker 1: You know, I'm going to be confident about this. I'm
Speaker 1: not going to be insecure. I'm going to act confidently
Speaker 1: right here, and before you know it, acting confidently will
Speaker 1: make you confident. Yeah, it will become automatic. There's a
Speaker 1: kind of outdated thing that we women do too, which
Speaker 1: is like if I talk that way about myself, I'm
Speaker 1: conceited or what? Get rid of that? Like that is
Speaker 1: old fashioned, that never mattered. We are allowed to talk
Speaker 1: about ourselves as if we are valuable and beautiful and lovable.
Speaker 1: And that's not going to come across in a way
Speaker 1: that makes you seem that way. So start telling yourself
Speaker 1: that because it will, like Chelsea said, become automatic. And
Speaker 1: now say I'm a queen three times in a row. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm a queen. I'm a queen. I'm a queen. There, yes,
Speaker 1: there we go. You even got the nims. Now go girl. Yeah,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for calling in, Lizatte, and now
Speaker 1: you have something to listen back to next time you
Speaker 1: need to remind you. Thank you. I appreciate all three
Speaker 1: of you so much. Chelsea, I've literally haven't found yourself eleven.
Speaker 1: So thank you. You're welcome, Honey, You're so welcome. Thank you.
Speaker 1: Bye bye, okay bye. What a total cutie. She's adorable.
Speaker 1: I know. My first conversation she was like sweating at
Speaker 1: the gym. She still looked cute. I was like, come on, now,
Speaker 1: come on, we got to fix this outfit. She's got
Speaker 1: it going on. I know. Well, let's take a quick
Speaker 1: break and we will be back to wrap up with
Speaker 1: Jenn and Chelsea, and we're back all right. Well, Jen,
Speaker 1: this is the point in the show where I ask,
Speaker 1: do you have any advice you'd like? From Chelsea? So
Speaker 1: much God, but I whittled it down. I would love
Speaker 1: some tips on writing stand up and writing good talks, like,
Speaker 1: because you know, writing books is one thing, but speaking
Speaker 1: is different. I a whole bunch of speaking engagements coming up,
Speaker 1: and like, how do you do it? You eat an
Speaker 1: edible and have all your friends over or do you
Speaker 1: have a team? Do you do it yourself? And then
Speaker 1: put on a talent show? Like what's what's your methodology?
Speaker 1: I mean I usually write, you know, for stand up
Speaker 1: and prey like doing. I mean sometimes I have writers
Speaker 1: helped me if I'm doing an event, but for stand
Speaker 1: up it's pretty much me. I'm not really you know,
Speaker 1: every once in a while I'll have someone come out
Speaker 1: and see if they have like any punchlines for me.
Speaker 1: But I think when you infuse you know, humor into
Speaker 1: like real educative kind of topics like you're doing, you know,
Speaker 1: there's just good personal stories to choose from that you
Speaker 1: that are relatable, you know, like even if you don't
Speaker 1: think they're relatable. Sharing of yourself I think is always relatable,
Speaker 1: Like when you're telling a story about anything, you know,
Speaker 1: when it's personal, people feel like they're being invited into
Speaker 1: your life and you're sharing that with them. And then
Speaker 1: there's a like level of comfort that I notice by
Speaker 1: even you know, I'm very self deprecating, and not in
Speaker 1: a hate self hating way or self immolating way. I
Speaker 1: just like, you know, I'm always talking about all the
Speaker 1: things that I can't get right or mess up, but
Speaker 1: how they keep trying. And I find that I think
Speaker 1: when you infuse any sort of things with just personal stories,
Speaker 1: the humor kind of comes like you're going to know
Speaker 1: what's the funny punchline to that story, or if you
Speaker 1: have to exaggerate a story to make it even funnier.
Speaker 1: You know, it's citing examples of things to help people,
Speaker 1: as like teaching moments. I think anything you can draw
Speaker 1: from your personal life, you know, there's always a way
Speaker 1: to make everything is funny after two weeks. Everything except
Speaker 1: you know, the death of someone that's not fun after
Speaker 1: two weeks, but everything else is funny. So no matter what,
Speaker 1: like you know, you can always just pull from your
Speaker 1: personal arsenal and you'll be surprised how many people kind
Speaker 1: of have the same feelings or I have the same experiences.
Speaker 1: I always find I'm always amazed when people come up
Speaker 1: and be like, oh my god, I'm just like you.
Speaker 1: I'm like, really, I thought I was one in a million,
Speaker 1: But the reason why people do relate to me is
Speaker 1: because I am like so many other people, not that
Speaker 1: I'm one in a million, I'm one of you know,
Speaker 1: millions of us who feel this way. So yeah, relatability,
Speaker 1: I think is the key ingredient to really connecting with anybody. Cool.
Speaker 1: That's great. Oh thank you, Jen, Yeah, that was awesome.
Speaker 1: So nice to meet with you and speak with you.
Speaker 1: Thanks for contributing today and helping these people. Oh thank
Speaker 1: you so much. I just want to say I am
Speaker 1: also child free and the stuff you are doing is
Speaker 1: just killing me. I love good for the wombs everywhere
Speaker 1: who love it. Okay, take care and don't forget everybody.
Speaker 1: My new special Revolution is now streaming on Netflix and
Speaker 1: it's badass. And then I'm doing a tour, a little
Speaker 1: Big Bitch tour. Go to Chelsea Hamler dot com for tickets.
Speaker 1: I've added some new dates. I added a date in Monticello,
Speaker 1: New York. I'm coming to Colorado to Red Rocks Amphitheater.
Speaker 1: I'm coming to klam Miszoo, and then I'm coming to
Speaker 1: a bunch of places in Tennessee, Memphis, Knoxville, and Chattanooga.
Speaker 1: That's May nineteenth, twentieth, and twenty first, and then I'll
Speaker 1: be in Atlantic City June tenth, which is almost sold out,
Speaker 1: so get your tickets. If you'd like advice from Chelsea,
Speaker 1: shoot us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail
Speaker 1: dot com and be sure to include your phone number.
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive
Speaker 1: producer Katherine Law and be sure to check out our
Speaker 1: march at Chelsea Hamler dot com