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Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that started the hot new cosmetic trend.

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Speaker 1: You've heard of unibrows. Now Hollywood's all about narears. No

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Speaker 1: combining your backside from two cheeks into one giant.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's amazing. No butt crack here.

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Speaker 1: Brooke just booked an appointment for her husband thanks to

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Speaker 1: laser stories.

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Speaker 2: It doesn't matter. He looks so good.

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Speaker 1: The segment where we read weird news stories around the glove,

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Speaker 1: just like everyone else does, except we've got a laser.

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Speaker 1: Those other monogiachts just don't. This first laser story is

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Speaker 1: out of Florida. Your twelve year old niece isn't the

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Speaker 1: only one who would lie, cheat and steel to see

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Speaker 1: Taylor Swift.

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Speaker 2: I think a lot of you. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Recently, a forty four year old man got arrested for

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Speaker 1: posing as a security guard to get into a show

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Speaker 1: near Miami. I know, I gotta give him credit, especially

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Speaker 1: like this time of year when those Halloween costumes.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, his name is Ivan Marriotti. Sounds like a bodyguard,

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Speaker 2: security guard. You know, that's a scary name.

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Speaker 1: Actual security guards called the police after they saw him

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Speaker 1: down near the floor area.

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Speaker 2: Wow, pretty good seats if you ask me. Caught him.

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Speaker 2: He was on stage.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, wait a minute, he needed to do a ditch

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Speaker 1: the friendship bracelet before he put on.

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Speaker 2: The security uniform.

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Speaker 1: He was in a suit with a badge around his neck,

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Speaker 1: and when he was questioned, he told the cops he'd

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Speaker 1: been hired by four women to escort them to the

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Speaker 1: Era's tour show, but he didn't have a ticket.

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Speaker 2: That might actually be true, still, well, cops.

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Speaker 1: Talked to the women who confirmed they did pay him

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Speaker 1: to drive them there, but they didn't hire him for security,

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Speaker 1: and they did not know why he had a badge.

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Speaker 1: He's listed as a ride share driver in the police.

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Speaker 1: He just got too excited, you know, in the in

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Speaker 1: the uber their songs.

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Speaker 2: He's like, oh my god, waits.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. He's now facing charges for impersonating an officer and

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Speaker 1: interfering with an entertainment event. He is not facing charges

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Speaker 1: for being a closet swifty, which is punishable with death

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Speaker 1: by glitter, because.

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Speaker 2: Why would you closet your swifty hood? Yeah, I should

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Speaker 2: always be out in the open. This next Lazer story

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Speaker 2: is out of Starguard, Poland.

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Speaker 1: A man was driving down the highway when he was

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Speaker 1: surprised by a white sheet that fluttered onto his.

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Speaker 2: Car windshield the ghost.

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Speaker 1: So he pulled over and stopped, only to push it

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Speaker 1: away and see a dead body lying in the road.

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Speaker 2: So you're kind of right, probably ghost over that body.

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Speaker 2: Tell me it wasn't run over by him, The man

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Speaker 2: in front of the car.

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Speaker 1: Well, that's what he originally thought. He thought he hit

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Speaker 1: the person, but turned out not to be the case.

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Speaker 1: Apparently a funeral home was transporting a corpse when it

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Speaker 1: fell out of the parson in the trap, Dad.

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Speaker 2: I told you to lock the back door.

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Speaker 1: A photo of the body circulated around local media, forcing

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Speaker 1: the funeral home to take accountability. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Here was their public statement.

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Speaker 1: It is with deep regret that we inform you that

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Speaker 1: because of a faulty electric tailgate lock, an unfortunate event

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Speaker 1: occurred which the body of a deceased person held up traffic.

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Speaker 2: They feel bad for the traffic. That's that's the biggest problem.

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Speaker 1: They continued, saying, this is the first and only time

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Speaker 1: a body has fallen out of our hearse.

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Speaker 2: You mean that we got caught.

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Speaker 1: It does not reflect the high standards of our company.

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Speaker 1: Our deepest sympathies have been relayed towards.

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Speaker 2: The families I wonder what that phone call was, like

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Speaker 2: the waiting at the gravesite for them, and like it

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Speaker 2: comes with some skid marks when we need to make again.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, sure this next Lazer stories out of Halloween Headquarters,

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Speaker 1: a group of registered dietaries just released a list of

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Speaker 1: the healthiest Halloween candies out there.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I love good news. These are the healthy ist

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Speaker 2: doesn't mean that they are healthy. All I hear is

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Speaker 2: health Okay.

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Speaker 1: Number one on the list is peanut Eminem's because it

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Speaker 1: has multiple components like peanuts, and you're getting just a

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Speaker 1: little more substance than simply corn syrup and sugar. Those

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Speaker 1: beat out Reese's, peanut Buttercups and Snickers. Are you saying

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Speaker 1: the other two are still on the top three list,

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Speaker 1: because yeah, those.

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Speaker 2: Were high up on the list.

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Speaker 1: Peanuts or peanut elements to them a well, reess have

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Speaker 1: about the same amount of fiber, they do have a

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Speaker 1: whole lot more sugar, and Snicks actually contain no fiber,

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Speaker 1: has only one gram of protein compared to Eminem's with

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Speaker 1: a whopping two grams.

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Speaker 2: Of protein double. That's how I hear that.

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Speaker 1: So if chocolate isn't your thing, though, the study says

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Speaker 1: Smarties are way better for you than sour Patch kids.

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Speaker 1: Interesting Smarties contain just twenty five calories and six grams

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Speaker 1: of sugar, while sour Patch kids hit at one hundred

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Speaker 1: and ten cows and twenty four grams of sugar.

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Speaker 2: You hold them between your fingers and you eat it

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Speaker 2: on the little edges. Literally, gonna say that for old people.

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Speaker 2: I'm not kidding. No, my kids love them, Are you

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Speaker 2: kidding me? They love Smarties more than well they love

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Speaker 2: sour Patches. They're like tablets. They're so good. You got

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Speaker 2: to crush them up first before you do them. Yeah, no,

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Speaker 2: you don't do that. Yeah, you just get Pixy stick

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Speaker 2: for that.

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Speaker 1: Jack.

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Speaker 2: Super cool.

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Speaker 1: However, they did end their study by reminding people that

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Speaker 1: all candy in general has little to zero nutritional value.

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Speaker 2: No, I can't hear you.

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Speaker 1: So, no matter what the researchers say, please do not

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Speaker 1: go loading up on peanut m and ms because you

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Speaker 1: think it's healthy my headphones?

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Speaker 2: What'd you say?

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Speaker 1: John?

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Speaker 2: Next?

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Speaker 1: Laser stories out of marketing mania. The Wall Street Journal

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Speaker 1: just did a big article on a trendy business idea

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Speaker 1: called chaos packaging.

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Speaker 2: What's that?

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Speaker 1: That's when companies sell products and containers that they wouldn't

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Speaker 1: normally go in. For example, a brand called Vacation sells

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Speaker 1: a sunblock called Classic Whip that looks just like a

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Speaker 1: can of Ready Whip Creamy.

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Speaker 2: It comes out of the popular this summer. It's like

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Speaker 2: it comes out like whipped cream. Yes, but it is

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Speaker 2: SPF thirty sun block.

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Speaker 1: It's funny because you're on the beach and it looks

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Speaker 1: like you're holding account wi cream and.

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Speaker 2: Like rubbing it all over your body.

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Speaker 1: And it makes sunblock fun fun, you know, so like

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Speaker 1: the kids are more into it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Other examples include a brand called Flow that's flo that

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Speaker 1: sells tampons in ice cream tubs. Right, no actual ice

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Speaker 1: cream in there, just the tough.

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Speaker 2: That's disappointing because the sometimes during that period, I would

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Speaker 2: like more ice cream. Ice cream, got it.

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Speaker 1: A liquor brand called Engine sells gin in motor oil cans,

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Speaker 1: and the brand's Liquid Death sells water in tall Boy

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Speaker 1: cans that used to be just for beer become trendy

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Speaker 1: for startups because it helps their products stand out, but it.

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Speaker 2: Can also be confusing.

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Speaker 1: It's One of Flow's founders also said they've heard of

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Speaker 1: people accidentally putting their tampons into the fridge thinking that

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Speaker 1: it was actually ice cream. The idea does seem to work, though.

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Speaker 1: The whipped cream Sunblock folks say they get around five

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Speaker 1: million views on TikTok every week, and Liquid Death was

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Speaker 1: recently valued at one point four billion dollars. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I remember that came out and I was like, is

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Speaker 2: this canned water? You guys are idiots. It's like the

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Speaker 2: biggest product of the market.

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Speaker 1: Maybe we should market our little mascot guy differently. What

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Speaker 1: about replacing his shell with a Domino's pizza box.

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Speaker 2: Oh, fresh fast and free. If he doesn't get to

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Speaker 2: you in thirty days or less, I think he's free

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Speaker 2: all the time. It's a slow turtle joke.

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Speaker 1: I guess that was our three thousands turtle joke of

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Speaker 1: this segment.

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Speaker 2: I'm so proud of us.

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Speaker 1: Turtle humor never gets old, and that sound means Zo

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Speaker 1: Stories has come to an end for the day.

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Speaker 2: We'll do it again the same time on Friday. Brooke

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Speaker 2: and Jeffrey in the morning