WEBVTT - 8 Ways to Improve Your Circle & Accelerate Your Impact in the World 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:03.080 Hey, everyone, Welcome back to our Purpose, the number one 0:00:03.120 --> 0:00:05.840 health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every 0:00:05.840 --> 0:00:09.240 single one of you. I am so excited to share 0:00:09.320 --> 0:00:12.959 this very special conversation with you today. I know that 0:00:13.000 --> 0:00:16.720 I usually dive into a theme, but this podcast was 0:00:16.760 --> 0:00:19.960 super deep. I think I opened up like I haven't 0:00:20.000 --> 0:00:22.319 for a long long time in a conversation with my 0:00:22.400 --> 0:00:26.400 dear friend Stephen Bartlett on his podcast Diary of a CEO. 0:00:26.560 --> 0:00:29.479 And I know you're going to love this conversation. I 0:00:29.560 --> 0:00:32.480 talk a lot about the journey I've been on, mistakes, 0:00:32.479 --> 0:00:35.920 I've made flaws, I have things I'm personally working on, 0:00:36.360 --> 0:00:38.040 and I think it's going to give you a deeper 0:00:38.080 --> 0:00:41.720 insight into our relationship. So I'm excited for you to 0:00:41.760 --> 0:00:44.640 listen to this makes you tag me share your insights, 0:00:44.680 --> 0:00:47.440 I cannot wait to see them. Thank you so much. 0:00:47.920 --> 0:00:51.000 This is a really difficult question to ask, but it 0:00:51.120 --> 0:00:54.440 is the best question you can ask yourself. I enjoyed 0:00:54.480 --> 0:00:57.840 being a monk as much as I enjoy understanding media, 0:00:58.040 --> 0:01:00.760 and that's really paradoxical for a lot of people, but 0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:05.280 that's just my truth. I've always wanted to share meditation 0:01:05.440 --> 0:01:08.040 at scale with the world. If you just keep trying 0:01:08.080 --> 0:01:10.960 to change your environment, hoping that your life's going to improve, 0:01:11.120 --> 0:01:13.200 You're going to feel dissatisfied at the next place. And 0:01:13.240 --> 0:01:15.160 I feel we're just conditioned to say, Okay, you don't 0:01:15.160 --> 0:01:16.959 like your job, quit your job. You don't like your relationship, 0:01:17.000 --> 0:01:19.400 quit your relationship. And I think we just keep saying 0:01:19.440 --> 0:01:22.119 that it's this external shell that we're in, when it's 0:01:22.120 --> 0:01:24.720 actually this shell and what's happening inside of it that's 0:01:24.760 --> 0:01:28.520 defining all of these perspectives. I believe that to create 0:01:28.600 --> 0:01:32.160 happiness day to day, in one year, in one month, 0:01:32.360 --> 0:01:36.280 in a week, you have to have quick one. Can 0:01:36.319 --> 0:01:37.760 you do me a favor if you're listening to this 0:01:38.080 --> 0:01:40.959 and hit the subscribe button, the follow button, or wherever 0:01:40.959 --> 0:01:43.520 you're listening to this podcast, thank you so much. Jet 0:01:43.800 --> 0:01:47.720 is a household name all around the world. Here's someone 0:01:47.760 --> 0:01:53.200 that's provided inspiration, wisdom, and insight to billions of people 0:01:53.480 --> 0:01:56.400 using social media. I don't need to tell you who 0:01:56.480 --> 0:02:01.720 he is because his reputation precedes himself. In his early years, 0:02:01.760 --> 0:02:05.400 he was lost. Becoming a monk helped him to find himself, 0:02:05.880 --> 0:02:08.280 and through service, he's gone on to touch the lives 0:02:08.280 --> 0:02:12.000 of billions of people through social media, but who is 0:02:12.040 --> 0:02:16.400 he really? Who's the guy behind the following? Me and 0:02:16.480 --> 0:02:18.799 Jay have a connection that I'm yet to experience with 0:02:19.200 --> 0:02:21.800 pretty much any guests that's sat here with me, and 0:02:21.880 --> 0:02:24.080 I know you're going to feel that today. This is 0:02:24.120 --> 0:02:30.000 a truly special, honest, open conversation between two men about 0:02:30.080 --> 0:02:33.480 so many things that I genuinely think the world needs 0:02:33.480 --> 0:02:37.440 to hear. Thank you, Jay, And when I say thank 0:02:37.480 --> 0:02:40.040 you to Jay, you're going to understand why. Shortly, so, 0:02:40.120 --> 0:02:43.120 without further ado, I'm Stephen Butlett, and this is the 0:02:43.200 --> 0:02:46.959 diver CEO. I hope nobody's listening, but if you are, 0:02:47.520 --> 0:02:57.920 then please keep this to yourself. First of all, you 0:02:57.960 --> 0:02:59.959 know I usually start these podcasts in a much more serio. 0:03:00.200 --> 0:03:03.240 But it's good to see you back in the UK. Mat, 0:03:03.320 --> 0:03:04.560 It's good to see you. And I was just saying 0:03:04.600 --> 0:03:06.400 this to you offline that I think the first time 0:03:06.440 --> 0:03:09.520 we met was around three years ago, three or four 0:03:09.600 --> 0:03:12.160 years ago New York, and I think we had this 0:03:12.160 --> 0:03:15.440 plan to become best friends. We're like, we're going to 0:03:15.480 --> 0:03:17.799 see each other, this is this, and then all of 0:03:17.840 --> 0:03:20.200 a sudden I moved to La Yeah, and then you 0:03:20.280 --> 0:03:22.239 moved back to London too. But it's so good to 0:03:22.240 --> 0:03:24.120 see you, man, It's great to be real and I 0:03:24.160 --> 0:03:25.880 do feel like we've got so much in common in 0:03:25.880 --> 0:03:28.160 so many unbelievable ways. But the reason why I was 0:03:28.200 --> 0:03:30.359 so excited by this conversation is because we've also got 0:03:30.400 --> 0:03:33.320 so many We've walked a different path in our lives, 0:03:34.280 --> 0:03:38.040 and you're such a self aware, sort of self analytical 0:03:38.160 --> 0:03:40.840 human being. So the wisdom that I've gained from watching 0:03:40.840 --> 0:03:43.200 you online over the years is someone that comes from London, 0:03:43.440 --> 0:03:45.320 is from the UK as well, and is speaking to 0:03:45.360 --> 0:03:47.400 the world through their content and channels. I find I 0:03:47.440 --> 0:03:51.440 found truly inspirational. So let's get into it. So one 0:03:51.440 --> 0:03:53.040 of the things I always start with people, and I 0:03:53.080 --> 0:03:56.280 think this comes from my experience with like studying childhood psychology, 0:03:56.400 --> 0:03:59.400 is trying to understand what it was in that early 0:03:59.480 --> 0:04:02.600 years that that has led them to go on the 0:04:02.640 --> 0:04:04.720 path they went on and ultimately to be sat here. 0:04:04.960 --> 0:04:06.840 When you look back at those early years in your 0:04:06.840 --> 0:04:10.320 life in growing up in London, what were the formative 0:04:10.440 --> 0:04:13.400 things that you point out in hindsight and go to 0:04:13.400 --> 0:04:14.880 you know, I wouldn't be who I am now A 0:04:14.880 --> 0:04:18.000 bit of an anomaly if that hadn't happened. I think 0:04:18.040 --> 0:04:21.120 one of the biggest things would be that I felt 0:04:21.920 --> 0:04:25.160 I mediated my parents' marriage when I was younger, and 0:04:25.240 --> 0:04:28.120 so I was there go to person for my mom 0:04:28.160 --> 0:04:31.359 and my dad, and I have a really good relationship 0:04:31.400 --> 0:04:34.920 with both of them and love them both, and they 0:04:34.920 --> 0:04:38.120 would come to me with their challenges and their issues 0:04:38.520 --> 0:04:41.920 and their pain points, and as I was growing up, 0:04:41.960 --> 0:04:47.640 I felt that I was always trying to reconcile, discuss, converse, 0:04:47.720 --> 0:04:51.160 and negotiate for both of them on either side. And 0:04:51.320 --> 0:04:53.240 one thing I realized very early on as a young 0:04:53.320 --> 0:04:56.800 child was I never wanted to take a side. I 0:04:56.839 --> 0:04:59.520 never wanted to make one of them win and one 0:04:59.560 --> 0:05:01.840 of them loose. I never saw one of them right 0:05:01.880 --> 0:05:05.240 and one of them wrong. I really saw them both 0:05:05.720 --> 0:05:09.880 as two humans who are trying their best, but just 0:05:09.960 --> 0:05:15.240 like me, were naturally flawed and fallible and made mistakes. 0:05:16.040 --> 0:05:18.480 And I think that gave me a sense of compassion 0:05:19.440 --> 0:05:22.279 that runs through to today for myself and for others 0:05:22.279 --> 0:05:24.239 and for people that I work with and the people 0:05:24.279 --> 0:05:29.160 that we communicate through the podcast and videos, because I 0:05:29.240 --> 0:05:31.640 just saw very early on in my life that people 0:05:31.680 --> 0:05:35.440 could mean well, people could try their best people could 0:05:36.080 --> 0:05:41.040 try to be loving and share kindness, but they could 0:05:41.080 --> 0:05:44.400 still feel that things weren't working out for them. So 0:05:44.440 --> 0:05:47.960 I look at that as a massive moment in my past, 0:05:48.760 --> 0:05:51.640 because now when I look back at it, I think 0:05:52.120 --> 0:05:54.520 I've just been doing this for so long, Like I 0:05:54.600 --> 0:05:57.160 feel like I started doing this when I was probably 0:05:57.200 --> 0:06:00.479 six seven, maybe ten years old, and now to be 0:06:00.520 --> 0:06:04.240 still doing it today, it feels like something that was 0:06:04.279 --> 0:06:08.080 a natural role that I embodied at that time, and 0:06:08.200 --> 0:06:12.200 it's now a role that is evolved into looking internally 0:06:12.240 --> 0:06:15.760 for myself, also looking at the things that I adopted 0:06:15.760 --> 0:06:19.120 from that time that were uncomfortable and things that made 0:06:19.120 --> 0:06:22.480 me question my own self worth and my own meaning 0:06:22.480 --> 0:06:27.560 of life. I would say that for me, I realized 0:06:27.600 --> 0:06:32.800 that we either try to repeat or avoid what we 0:06:32.839 --> 0:06:37.200 saw in our childhood, and that happens either unconsciously or consciously. 0:06:37.720 --> 0:06:41.440 So you could be unconsciously repeating what you saw in 0:06:41.480 --> 0:06:45.560 your childhood, or you could be consciously avoiding it. And 0:06:45.600 --> 0:06:48.040 I found that there were parts of me that were 0:06:48.080 --> 0:06:51.400 really great at avoiding some of the negative things, but 0:06:51.480 --> 0:06:54.360 there were also subconscious parts of me that adopted some 0:06:54.400 --> 0:06:57.200 of those behavior traits that I only discovered in the 0:06:57.279 --> 0:06:59.760 last two years, and so I'll give you an example. 0:07:00.520 --> 0:07:08.680 My wife, I sometimes played the role of sacrificing and overgiving, 0:07:09.560 --> 0:07:13.920 but then expecting her to give the same amount back. Now, 0:07:13.960 --> 0:07:17.640 the way I see sacrifice now is that if you 0:07:17.680 --> 0:07:21.160 sacrifice something for someone and then you want it back, 0:07:21.960 --> 0:07:25.680 it's not a sacrifice. It's a transaction. You can't give 0:07:25.720 --> 0:07:28.520 someone a discount and then ask them to pay full 0:07:28.560 --> 0:07:32.560 price and then say it was a sacrifice, because it wasn't. 0:07:32.560 --> 0:07:35.440 It was a transaction. And I saw that in my 0:07:35.560 --> 0:07:38.560 life because of the way I had received loved from 0:07:38.600 --> 0:07:42.200 extended families, or love from school or teachers or whatever 0:07:42.200 --> 0:07:44.800 it may have been. I was loved in that way 0:07:44.960 --> 0:07:47.560 where I was loved but then made to feel guilty 0:07:47.560 --> 0:07:50.440 if I didn't repay it in full. And I saw 0:07:50.520 --> 0:07:54.920 myself adopting that in my own loving relationships with my wife, 0:07:54.920 --> 0:07:57.560 with my family, with my sister. And I literally only 0:07:57.560 --> 0:08:01.080 spotted that two years ago, and I thought myself, this 0:08:01.160 --> 0:08:04.640 has to stop. I can't repeat this cycle. What is 0:08:04.680 --> 0:08:07.400 the work you do to spot those to illuminate some 0:08:07.440 --> 0:08:11.120 of those kind of subconscious behavior patterns that because we 0:08:11.160 --> 0:08:12.680 all have them going on in the back room of 0:08:12.680 --> 0:08:16.320 our lives and our minds. We have our childhood, the 0:08:16.400 --> 0:08:19.800 lessons we learn and the limiting beliefs we learn, almost 0:08:19.800 --> 0:08:22.440 acting as the puppet master of our adult lives. And 0:08:22.640 --> 0:08:24.760 so how does one become get to a point where 0:08:24.800 --> 0:08:27.200 they can spot that and go, do you know what 0:08:27.240 --> 0:08:29.680 that comes from that? What is there an exercise you've done? 0:08:29.760 --> 0:08:31.720 Is there? You know? You tell me? I think the 0:08:31.760 --> 0:08:34.760 first thing is that when you experience conflict with someone, 0:08:34.880 --> 0:08:38.080 or you experience a disagreement or a disconnect with someone, 0:08:38.800 --> 0:08:43.320 our society version is blame them. It's their fault. They 0:08:43.440 --> 0:08:46.440 upset you, they're wrong, and our friends will agree with that. 0:08:46.600 --> 0:08:48.200 When you go and tell your friend that so and 0:08:48.240 --> 0:08:50.800 so did something, they'll say, oh, yeah, well you know 0:08:50.880 --> 0:08:54.640 he or she's a x y z XYZ sorry x 0:08:54.840 --> 0:08:58.800 y z the spreading to a sturb in America the 0:08:59.240 --> 0:09:02.320 x y z of their so and so. They're like this, 0:09:02.480 --> 0:09:05.920 they're like that, And actually, in that moment, I think 0:09:05.960 --> 0:09:09.720 the best thing we can do is what's my accountability 0:09:09.760 --> 0:09:14.080 in this? What part of this have I created for myself? 0:09:14.920 --> 0:09:19.040 This is a really uncomfortable, difficult question to ask, but 0:09:19.160 --> 0:09:22.600 it is the best question you can ask yourself if 0:09:22.640 --> 0:09:26.880 every time something goes wrong or something doesn't work out, 0:09:27.559 --> 0:09:31.800 instead of blaming someone else or blaming yourself, if you 0:09:31.840 --> 0:09:36.840 can pause and say what part of this am I 0:09:37.040 --> 0:09:40.240 responsible for? And I think the reason why that's difficult 0:09:40.760 --> 0:09:43.240 is because we see everything as binary. We see it 0:09:43.320 --> 0:09:46.000 as it's either their fault or it's all my fault. 0:09:46.200 --> 0:09:48.840 It's all your fault, or it's all my fault. And 0:09:48.920 --> 0:09:52.480 the truth is there is no oil. It's all parts. 0:09:53.040 --> 0:09:56.360 It's partly your fault and it's partly my fault. But 0:09:56.400 --> 0:09:59.480 if I don't understand what my part to play is, 0:10:00.640 --> 0:10:03.160 then I can't actually understand it. So the first step 0:10:03.240 --> 0:10:05.880 is what's my part? That's the first part of the exercise. 0:10:06.520 --> 0:10:08.360 The second part of the exercise is, now that I 0:10:08.400 --> 0:10:11.600 know what my part is, let me focus on what 0:10:11.840 --> 0:10:14.400 skill I'm missing, Let me focus on what growth I 0:10:14.520 --> 0:10:17.679 haven't had. Let me focus on what part of my 0:10:17.760 --> 0:10:21.960 life feels incomplete that makes me act in my incomplete 0:10:22.000 --> 0:10:24.840 way with others. So what part of me is missing? 0:10:25.280 --> 0:10:28.439 And I found that when I was over sacrificing or overgiving, 0:10:29.040 --> 0:10:31.760 that's because I was trying to demand love from someone 0:10:31.840 --> 0:10:34.640 else and demand validation from someone else. So I was 0:10:34.679 --> 0:10:37.800 almost trying to achieve or earn that love and validation, 0:10:38.559 --> 0:10:41.880 and so I realized I wasn't giving it to myself. 0:10:42.600 --> 0:10:45.040 And so now I've realized that whatever you want from 0:10:45.080 --> 0:10:48.840 someone else, give it to yourself first. If you want 0:10:48.840 --> 0:10:52.319 compliments from someone else, give them to yourself first. If 0:10:52.360 --> 0:10:55.760 you want validation from someone else, give it to yourself first, 0:10:55.960 --> 0:10:58.160 because no matter how many of them they give you, 0:10:58.720 --> 0:11:01.120 if you never gave it to yourself in the first place, 0:11:01.720 --> 0:11:04.199 it will never be enough. So that's the second step. 0:11:04.240 --> 0:11:06.560 Whatever you want from someone else, give it to yourself first. 0:11:06.800 --> 0:11:08.600 And the third step, I'd say to get to that 0:11:08.679 --> 0:11:14.760 self awareness is simply sitting down and plotting the three 0:11:14.880 --> 0:11:17.960 most difficult times in your life. So sit down and 0:11:18.000 --> 0:11:20.599 write down what would have been the three most difficult 0:11:20.640 --> 0:11:25.079 times in my life for the most painful decision making 0:11:26.240 --> 0:11:29.880 points of transition in my life, And then ask yourself, 0:11:29.920 --> 0:11:33.920 when you made good decisions, what was the environment like, 0:11:34.679 --> 0:11:38.120 who are you listening to? What were people saying around you? 0:11:38.640 --> 0:11:42.400 And when you made poor decisions, what was the environment like? 0:11:42.720 --> 0:11:45.480 What were people saying? Who are you listening to? And 0:11:45.520 --> 0:11:47.560 you'll start to spot a pattern. And I found that 0:11:47.640 --> 0:11:50.760 in my life, anytime I make a good decision, most 0:11:50.800 --> 0:11:53.520 people disagree with me. I have to listen to my 0:11:53.600 --> 0:11:57.320 inner voice, and I'm usually doing something against the grain. 0:11:57.679 --> 0:12:00.560 Now that's my pattern, but everyone has to find their own. 0:12:01.400 --> 0:12:03.400 You've reached a point of self awareness where you can 0:12:03.559 --> 0:12:05.920 literally pinpoint the steps of doing that, and obviously you're 0:12:05.920 --> 0:12:10.079 coaching and all the work you do has exacerbated that extremely. 0:12:10.520 --> 0:12:13.800 Is there like a practical day to day habit you've 0:12:13.840 --> 0:12:16.720 installed in your life to be able to look back 0:12:16.720 --> 0:12:19.520 at how Jay's behaving on like is it a notepad, 0:12:19.679 --> 0:12:21.959 is it voice notes in your phone? Is it meditation? 0:12:22.080 --> 0:12:24.480 What is the day to day practice that's got you 0:12:24.520 --> 0:12:28.199 to this point? So I would say that over time, 0:12:28.240 --> 0:12:30.840 I've done journaling. I love voice notes because I like 0:12:30.960 --> 0:12:33.920 speaking sometimes more than writing. But I'd say the biggest one, 0:12:34.160 --> 0:12:36.760 if I'm completely honest with you, Stephen, like sitting here 0:12:36.800 --> 0:12:38.680 with you and you're looking in my eyes asking me 0:12:38.679 --> 0:12:41.400 that question, I'm like, the honest answer is I talk 0:12:41.480 --> 0:12:44.800 to myself a lot while driving. I talk out loud 0:12:44.800 --> 0:12:47.880 to myself a lot, and I will sit there while 0:12:47.880 --> 0:12:52.560 I'm driving and I will talk through that day about 0:12:52.559 --> 0:12:56.240 a situation where I didn't like how I behaved, or 0:12:56.280 --> 0:12:59.079 a situation where I was really happy about how I behaved. 0:12:59.440 --> 0:13:01.240 And so I'll pin point. And I always think it's 0:13:01.280 --> 0:13:05.000 really powerful to pinpoint a point where you were below 0:13:05.040 --> 0:13:08.520 your expectation and a point where you were above your expectation. 0:13:09.120 --> 0:13:12.120 And I'll sit there and ask myself, why was it 0:13:12.160 --> 0:13:15.920 that I was above my expectation? Why did I have 0:13:16.040 --> 0:13:18.240 the ability in that moment to act in that way. 0:13:18.720 --> 0:13:20.720 I'll give an example of where I was below my expectation. 0:13:20.800 --> 0:13:23.400 The other day. I was going to play tennis with 0:13:23.440 --> 0:13:25.840 a friend in the morning, and I was running late 0:13:26.480 --> 0:13:30.079 because I woke up. I was figuring things out that morning. 0:13:30.120 --> 0:13:32.080 I had a few work emails from the night before. 0:13:32.200 --> 0:13:34.559 I'm eight hours ahead of LA right now, so I 0:13:34.559 --> 0:13:36.680 had things to catch up on. I'm running late to 0:13:36.679 --> 0:13:39.360 play tennis. We've got the court booked and it's only 0:13:39.400 --> 0:13:41.280 booked for an hour, so we might be late something 0:13:41.320 --> 0:13:46.240 really insignificant. By the way. I turn up and I 0:13:46.360 --> 0:13:47.840 meet the lady at the front and they haven't been 0:13:47.840 --> 0:13:49.800 able to give me a membership card because I'm only 0:13:49.800 --> 0:13:52.000 here for ten days. And then I'm like, here's my 0:13:52.040 --> 0:13:54.760 membership number, and they can't figure it out, and they 0:13:54.760 --> 0:13:56.120 don't know if I'm in the system, and I were 0:13:56.120 --> 0:13:59.600 getting later for the court, and I'm holding my own 0:14:00.320 --> 0:14:02.960 and I'm on the verge of just being like, get 0:14:03.000 --> 0:14:06.080 on with it, like can't we This is not that complicated, 0:14:07.040 --> 0:14:10.960 and I resist from that. But in my head, I'm thinking, 0:14:11.000 --> 0:14:13.520 why did that even happen? Like why am I even 0:14:13.559 --> 0:14:16.760 feeling the urge to put a simple person trying to 0:14:16.760 --> 0:14:19.800 do their job? Why am I thinking to release my 0:14:19.960 --> 0:14:23.000 anger and anguish onto them? And when I thought about 0:14:23.000 --> 0:14:25.160 that later that day, it was all because I was late. 0:14:25.600 --> 0:14:27.800 I was frustrated that my friend's going to be upset 0:14:27.800 --> 0:14:29.760 that we're thirty minutes late for the court. I was 0:14:29.840 --> 0:14:31.920 upset that we're going to get even less time, and 0:14:31.960 --> 0:14:33.840 I was about to take it out on an innocent 0:14:33.960 --> 0:14:37.080 person who actually has nothing to do with any of it, 0:14:37.240 --> 0:14:39.160 who's trying to do their job. And so for me 0:14:40.160 --> 0:14:45.640 talking out loud when I'm on my own spending time, actually, 0:14:46.000 --> 0:14:50.840 now what I'm answering your question, spending time alone is 0:14:50.880 --> 0:14:53.600 the only place where you get to have these conversations. 0:14:54.120 --> 0:14:57.360 And most of us are spending time away from being 0:14:57.360 --> 0:15:00.960 alone because we're scared of having these conversations. I'm sure 0:15:01.000 --> 0:15:03.640 you've seen. They did that study where they asked men 0:15:03.680 --> 0:15:07.360 and women whether they either wanted to be alone with 0:15:07.400 --> 0:15:13.400 their thoughts for fifteen minutes or give themselves an electric shock. Now, 0:15:13.480 --> 0:15:18.840 the results will surprise you. Thirty percent of women gave 0:15:18.840 --> 0:15:23.040 themselves an electric shock and sixty percent of men gave 0:15:23.080 --> 0:15:26.240 themselves an electric shark, and the reason was because they 0:15:26.320 --> 0:15:29.480 didn't want to be alone with their thoughts for fifteen minutes. 0:15:29.920 --> 0:15:34.040 We struggle so much with the idea of being present 0:15:34.120 --> 0:15:37.120 in our own minds and bodies and hearts that we 0:15:37.200 --> 0:15:43.320 distract ourselves. So really the habit is being present with myself, 0:15:43.440 --> 0:15:47.840 with my thoughts and working through when I'm happy with 0:15:47.880 --> 0:15:50.440 myself and when I think I could have done better. 0:15:51.360 --> 0:15:54.640 You know, I really really can relate to that point 0:15:54.680 --> 0:15:57.880 about not wanting to be alone with your thoughts, not 0:15:57.920 --> 0:16:00.360 from my own experiences, but because I've got friends around me, 0:16:00.400 --> 0:16:02.040 specifically over the last year when we've been in this 0:16:02.120 --> 0:16:05.200 lockdown who have really struggled, and even over the Christmas period, 0:16:05.240 --> 0:16:07.160 I've got a couple of friends who really really struggle 0:16:07.200 --> 0:16:10.440 because they are alone with their thoughts. And You've spoken 0:16:10.480 --> 0:16:12.440 there to the value of sitting alone with your thoughts 0:16:12.480 --> 0:16:15.920 and silence and self contemplation. But what is it in 0:16:15.960 --> 0:16:18.800 the in a human that makes them not want to 0:16:19.400 --> 0:16:21.800 be alone with their thoughts? Wife For some o their 0:16:21.840 --> 0:16:26.440 thoughts so such an unpleasant place to be. I think 0:16:26.480 --> 0:16:34.720 it's because we've equated loneliness and being alone with abandonment, 0:16:36.600 --> 0:16:42.040 and those are two completely different ideas. You can be lonely, 0:16:42.480 --> 0:16:48.320 but that doesn't mean you've been abandoned, and we confuse 0:16:48.440 --> 0:16:50.920 this so much. Paul Tillott writes about this, and he 0:16:50.960 --> 0:16:55.120 says that the challenge today is that we think that 0:16:55.160 --> 0:16:59.680 there's only one word for being alone, and we call 0:16:59.760 --> 0:17:03.080 it loneliness. And he says we've forgotten about a second word. 0:17:03.120 --> 0:17:08.359 It's called solitude. Solitude and loneliness externally look the same, 0:17:09.280 --> 0:17:13.000 but they're completely different things. And he says that solitude 0:17:13.040 --> 0:17:17.040 is the strength of being alone and loneliness is the weakness. 0:17:17.119 --> 0:17:20.240 And to me, it's because being alone feels like abandonment. 0:17:20.240 --> 0:17:22.639 It feels like everyone has left us. It feels like 0:17:22.640 --> 0:17:24.520 we're alone at the end of the party and no 0:17:24.560 --> 0:17:29.520 one's going to stay. We've created a feeling of being 0:17:29.800 --> 0:17:37.880 enamored and being forced to admire being together, my other half, 0:17:38.440 --> 0:17:42.840 my better half, the person who completes me. It's like 0:17:42.920 --> 0:17:47.159 all of this language is phrased in a way to 0:17:47.240 --> 0:17:51.760 make you feel half and incomplete. When someone came to 0:17:51.800 --> 0:17:53.680 school and they didn't have someone to sit next to them, 0:17:54.240 --> 0:17:57.040 that person was considered the loner. If you had a 0:17:57.080 --> 0:18:01.000 birthday party and no one showed up, you were unpopular. 0:18:01.560 --> 0:18:05.240 All of our self worth since we were young has 0:18:05.280 --> 0:18:09.320 been defined by do you have people around you? Not 0:18:09.359 --> 0:18:12.600 the quality of those people, not the depth of those people, 0:18:13.040 --> 0:18:15.959 not how much those people actually love you, just did 0:18:16.040 --> 0:18:18.920 you have people around you? And so we've just been 0:18:18.960 --> 0:18:23.520 conditioned to believe that being alone means being lonely, means 0:18:23.560 --> 0:18:28.960 being abandoned, when actually being in solitude could be the 0:18:28.960 --> 0:18:31.040 most beautiful thing we could do. So it's just as 0:18:31.040 --> 0:18:35.520 a society we've got to unlearn that conditioning that's made 0:18:35.600 --> 0:18:39.400 us forcefully believe that if you don't have someone else, 0:18:39.440 --> 0:18:41.200 If you turn up to your wedding and you don't 0:18:41.240 --> 0:18:44.000 have a plus one, that's like one of the most 0:18:44.000 --> 0:18:46.600 stressful things for people. I don't know who I'm going 0:18:46.640 --> 0:18:49.600 to take. Why is it that prom if you don't 0:18:49.640 --> 0:18:55.320 have a date. Every single major life event, graduating weddings, 0:18:55.600 --> 0:19:01.920 they're all based around having someone else there to celebrate you. Why, like, 0:19:02.080 --> 0:19:05.199 why why why can't we just celebrate ourselves? And I 0:19:05.240 --> 0:19:07.240 think that's where we've lost it. We've lost the idea 0:19:07.280 --> 0:19:09.760 of celebrating ourselves. Do you think that I was just 0:19:09.840 --> 0:19:11.520 thinking that, thinking that through, and I was thinking, you know, 0:19:11.560 --> 0:19:14.399 if ten thousand years ago on the in the tribes 0:19:14.400 --> 0:19:17.399 of Africa, if I was without if I was without 0:19:17.440 --> 0:19:21.440 a tribe, I would have been, from a reproductive standpoint 0:19:21.480 --> 0:19:24.120 less attractive. No woman would want to have been with me, 0:19:24.160 --> 0:19:26.639 because a tribe speaks to the resources I can provide 0:19:26.640 --> 0:19:29.040 in bringing up, you know, a baby for our family. 0:19:29.119 --> 0:19:30.879 But also you know, I would have been in a 0:19:30.880 --> 0:19:33.920 great danger. My social status would have decayed. And typically 0:19:34.119 --> 0:19:36.240 they see this in tribes, I think in monkeys, where 0:19:36.440 --> 0:19:38.479 if you if you fall out of the tribe, eventually 0:19:38.520 --> 0:19:41.200 you get sick or die. So do you think that's 0:19:41.200 --> 0:19:44.000 a prehistoric part of our conditioning or is it like 0:19:44.000 --> 0:19:49.760 a social New Age social construct? I think prehistorically it 0:19:49.840 --> 0:19:53.320 makes sense, But I think the social construct has been 0:19:53.440 --> 0:20:00.960 that equating solitude or loneliness with isolation, seclusion, and separation, 0:20:01.520 --> 0:20:04.159 and I think we confuse the two ideas. Spending time 0:20:04.200 --> 0:20:07.440 every day in solitude is not me saying to you, 0:20:08.080 --> 0:20:11.120 don't talk to anyone or yeah, you're good enough, right, yeah, 0:20:11.119 --> 0:20:13.840 And it's not like me saying spending some time talking 0:20:13.840 --> 0:20:16.520 to yourself and being alone with your thoughts means never 0:20:16.600 --> 0:20:18.440 go to a party or an event, like I think. 0:20:18.840 --> 0:20:21.960 I just think we've got really poor as humans as 0:20:22.160 --> 0:20:27.800 entertaining two ideas that are supposedly conflicting but recognizing that 0:20:27.840 --> 0:20:31.120 there's a middle ground, like we're poor at saying okay, well, 0:20:31.400 --> 0:20:34.280 Jay and Stephen aren't saying be alone or be surrounded 0:20:34.280 --> 0:20:37.480 by people. We're saying, spend some time alone and be 0:20:37.560 --> 0:20:39.760 intentional about who you spend your time with. And for 0:20:39.800 --> 0:20:41.480 some reason the human mind goes, no, no, no, I 0:20:41.520 --> 0:20:43.240 think you're telling me that I have to go live 0:20:43.280 --> 0:20:45.680 in a forest and be away from everyone. But that's 0:20:45.720 --> 0:20:49.639 not really what solitude is. Solitude is I am comfortable 0:20:50.240 --> 0:20:53.320 spending time with myself for a few moments a day, 0:20:53.600 --> 0:20:57.280 enjoying my own company, and speaking of spending time with people. Then, 0:20:57.440 --> 0:20:59.160 so one of the concepts you write a lot about 0:20:59.240 --> 0:21:03.760 is this kind of seven five percent rule people often 0:21:03.800 --> 0:21:06.400 discuss the importance of the company you keep, whether it's 0:21:06.480 --> 0:21:09.439 their wisdom, their attitude, their positivity, their optimism, whatever, and 0:21:09.480 --> 0:21:11.160 the effect that can have on you as a human being. 0:21:12.160 --> 0:21:13.840 What have you done in your life? And also what 0:21:13.960 --> 0:21:18.040 is the importance from what you've experienced of surrounding yourself 0:21:18.080 --> 0:21:21.520 with people that have good values, that are equally ambitious, 0:21:21.520 --> 0:21:24.439 that share a sort of similarities as it relates to 0:21:24.480 --> 0:21:27.320 who you want to become. Is it important? Does it matter? 0:21:28.400 --> 0:21:31.520 I think one of the biggest mistakes I've made, and 0:21:31.600 --> 0:21:35.080 I think we make as humans, is we often look 0:21:35.160 --> 0:21:40.600 for divinity in humanity. You're looking for that divine person 0:21:41.119 --> 0:21:46.080 that has all the answers and that is infallible and perfect. 0:21:46.840 --> 0:21:51.720 And when you seek divinity in humanity, you're left with 0:21:52.840 --> 0:21:58.280 insecurity and anxiety because no one fulfills that divine search. 0:21:58.840 --> 0:22:01.719 And So, for me, what I really had to understand 0:22:01.760 --> 0:22:03.840 as I went down that road and felt like I 0:22:03.920 --> 0:22:07.639 was let down and felt like people made me feel 0:22:07.800 --> 0:22:11.720 unworthy or unequipped, was I recognized that there were four 0:22:12.359 --> 0:22:20.000 pillars of relationships, and they are care, competence, consistency, and character. 0:22:20.880 --> 0:22:23.919 Every single person in your life is going to be 0:22:23.960 --> 0:22:26.160 able to give you, or should be able to give you, 0:22:26.440 --> 0:22:32.280 at least one of these four characteristics. Very rarely, if ever, 0:22:32.600 --> 0:22:36.080 will one person give you all four. And if you're lucky, 0:22:36.119 --> 0:22:37.600 you might have a few people in your life that 0:22:37.720 --> 0:22:39.960 give you two or three. So let's talk about each 0:22:39.960 --> 0:22:43.639 of them. Care my mom. There is no one in 0:22:43.680 --> 0:22:46.000 the world who cares for me more than my mom. 0:22:46.080 --> 0:22:48.600 She would do anything for me. She'd be there for 0:22:48.680 --> 0:22:51.520 me all. She wants to make sure. It doesn't matter 0:22:51.600 --> 0:22:53.520 what I've achieved or what I've done. If she picks 0:22:53.560 --> 0:22:55.080 up the phone to me, her first question is have 0:22:55.160 --> 0:22:59.240 you eaten? What did you eat? Are you safe? Are 0:22:59.280 --> 0:23:02.360 you healthy? Right Like, that's all she cares about. Now, 0:23:02.359 --> 0:23:05.040 my mum isn't the person that I go to for 0:23:05.119 --> 0:23:09.160 business advice, or she's not the person I'm saying hypothetically 0:23:09.400 --> 0:23:13.239 that I go to for social media advice. That's not 0:23:13.280 --> 0:23:16.280 her competence. But she doesn't need to be. She cares 0:23:16.280 --> 0:23:18.399 for me, and that's what I get from her. Now, 0:23:18.480 --> 0:23:22.760 let's go to competence. If I'm thinking about starting a business, 0:23:23.440 --> 0:23:26.520 you dragon over here, right like, you'd be a great 0:23:26.560 --> 0:23:29.080 friend to call up. You're someone who understands what it 0:23:29.119 --> 0:23:33.840 takes to get investors, scale a business, build teams, manage internationally, 0:23:34.359 --> 0:23:37.960 grow scale cell Like you have that journey and you 0:23:38.040 --> 0:23:40.520 have that network, you have that career. I'd also care 0:23:40.560 --> 0:23:42.159 about you. I know you also care about me. So 0:23:42.160 --> 0:23:44.040 I've got two out of four in you, and you've 0:23:44.040 --> 0:23:46.919 got good character. You don't have the consistency because we 0:23:46.920 --> 0:23:50.920 don't see each other enough. So so three out of four, yeah, 0:23:51.000 --> 0:23:54.399 seventy and so for that, for me, is that perfect 0:23:54.440 --> 0:23:56.560 example of there's competence there, and there is care there, 0:23:56.560 --> 0:23:58.920 which is wonderful, and there's character there. I believe you're 0:23:58.960 --> 0:24:01.359 someone of good character, and that's the next one. Character. 0:24:01.760 --> 0:24:04.000 There are some people in our life that hold us 0:24:04.040 --> 0:24:08.400 to higher values. They help us grow with greater integrity. 0:24:08.560 --> 0:24:11.320 They help us see things beyond what we're chasing. They 0:24:11.359 --> 0:24:14.520 make us look beyond our desires and make us recognize 0:24:14.560 --> 0:24:17.160 that there's so much more to life. And those people 0:24:17.200 --> 0:24:20.240 who are massively important, and those people may not be 0:24:20.280 --> 0:24:22.199 the people we see every week. They may not be 0:24:22.240 --> 0:24:23.960 the people we see every day, they may not be 0:24:24.000 --> 0:24:26.080 the people that we call up. But you need them 0:24:26.119 --> 0:24:29.360 as your compass, the people with character or your compass. 0:24:30.160 --> 0:24:32.200 And then Finally, you have the people that are consistent. 0:24:32.640 --> 0:24:36.080 You have some mates that you just know are always 0:24:36.119 --> 0:24:38.320 going to pick up the phone. You know that if 0:24:38.320 --> 0:24:41.200 you need to move house, you've got a family emergency, 0:24:41.280 --> 0:24:43.879 you know which friend you call. They may not be 0:24:43.920 --> 0:24:47.320 the competent business advisor. They may care about you, but 0:24:47.359 --> 0:24:49.280 they don't care about you as deeply as your mom does. 0:24:49.480 --> 0:24:54.160 But they are consistently, always there for you. And that's beautiful. 0:24:54.200 --> 0:24:57.040 But the problem is when we look at our consistent friend, 0:24:57.080 --> 0:24:59.480 we think, well, why are you not competent? We look 0:24:59.520 --> 0:25:01.600 at our and friend we think, why don't you have 0:25:01.600 --> 0:25:04.280 a good character. We look at our character friend and say, well, 0:25:04.280 --> 0:25:06.720 why are you always there? And so we're always looking 0:25:06.720 --> 0:25:10.399 for which see they don't have, rather than appreciating for 0:25:10.440 --> 0:25:13.320 them for exactly what they bring to our life. You know, 0:25:13.359 --> 0:25:16.200 I met your wonderful wife. Yeah you do, Yeah, and 0:25:16.280 --> 0:25:19.720 you yeah. Honestly, in a room full of hundreds and 0:25:19.800 --> 0:25:22.800 hundreds of people, if there was a light, like if 0:25:22.840 --> 0:25:25.800 she felt like a physical like a light in the room, 0:25:25.840 --> 0:25:30.400 just her energy was just unbelievable. And it's it's remarkable 0:25:30.480 --> 0:25:33.000 because she felt so much like you in so many ways. 0:25:33.520 --> 0:25:36.280 I'm guessing when you were talking about that third point 0:25:36.280 --> 0:25:39.720 about character and values and showing you things in life 0:25:39.720 --> 0:25:41.280 that are beyond what you might have thought and the 0:25:41.280 --> 0:25:44.879 meaning of life. And you know, from my own ten minutes, 0:25:44.880 --> 0:25:46.760 you know, conversation with her, I feel like she must 0:25:46.760 --> 0:25:50.119 be in that category, right, Yeah, right, I always used 0:25:50.160 --> 0:25:52.520 to say to people late, so people become friends with me, 0:25:53.720 --> 0:25:55.680 and I hope they liked me, and then I introduced 0:25:55.680 --> 0:25:57.720 them to my wife, and then I never hear from 0:25:57.720 --> 0:26:00.560 the beginning. So she steals all my friends. And I'm 0:26:00.600 --> 0:26:03.439 not even just saying that, like that's genuinely true. She 0:26:03.520 --> 0:26:05.600 has stolen every single one of my friends as soon 0:26:05.600 --> 0:26:08.240 as they meet, so I can't introduce anyone to her anymore. 0:26:08.640 --> 0:26:11.640 But yeah, she's just I don't know how. And it's 0:26:11.680 --> 0:26:14.359 it's been interesting because my wife has taught me so 0:26:14.440 --> 0:26:20.400 much more about me and life than I ever thought 0:26:20.440 --> 0:26:25.040 a partner could. And it's because as my so, my 0:26:25.040 --> 0:26:28.840 wife and i've been together since before my external career 0:26:28.880 --> 0:26:33.000 took off, and so she was with me when I 0:26:33.040 --> 0:26:35.960 had no money, no job. She introduced me to her 0:26:36.000 --> 0:26:39.200 family when I had no money, no job. I met 0:26:39.240 --> 0:26:41.879 her parents, I met her extended family, I had no 0:26:42.040 --> 0:26:45.040 career plan. So I've been with her for around eight 0:26:45.119 --> 0:26:50.000 years now, and far before everything kind of took off externally. 0:26:50.400 --> 0:26:54.880 And what was really really phenomenal was as my life 0:26:54.880 --> 0:27:00.080 took off externally, I started to develop this need a 0:27:00.200 --> 0:27:04.840 validation from her for what I was achieving. So if 0:27:04.840 --> 0:27:07.400 I'd get a big deal, I'd been like, look look 0:27:07.400 --> 0:27:08.840 at look what I did, like look what I did, 0:27:08.840 --> 0:27:12.480 Like isn't this amazing? And she wouldn't be impressed by it. 0:27:12.960 --> 0:27:15.200 And then if I did something and it went viral, 0:27:15.240 --> 0:27:16.480 I'd be oh, look at this, look at this, like 0:27:16.600 --> 0:27:19.320 look how cool this is? Like isn't this amazing? And 0:27:19.400 --> 0:27:21.840 she wasn't impressed by it. And then if I was 0:27:21.840 --> 0:27:23.360 on the front cover of a magazine or something, I'd 0:27:23.359 --> 0:27:24.720 be like, oh, look how cool this is? Like look 0:27:24.840 --> 0:27:29.280 look at this and she wouldn't admire it. And for 0:27:29.359 --> 0:27:31.200 a long time I started to think did I marry 0:27:31.240 --> 0:27:34.400 the wrong person? And I was thinking to myself, did 0:27:34.440 --> 0:27:36.960 I am I with the wrong person? Because I know 0:27:37.040 --> 0:27:39.840 plenty of people who are telling me that that covers 0:27:39.880 --> 0:27:42.439 amazing and that video is amazing, and that podcast is amazing, 0:27:42.440 --> 0:27:45.720 and that person's amazing, Like am I? Like? Am I 0:27:45.920 --> 0:27:50.320 not worthy of respect. And I realized as I and 0:27:50.400 --> 0:27:52.760 I reflected on that. As I said earlier, I was like, 0:27:52.840 --> 0:27:55.960 what part of this am I accountable for? And the 0:27:56.000 --> 0:28:00.919 answer was really simple, my life. My wife loved me 0:28:01.840 --> 0:28:06.600 for everything that came before that. She loves me despite 0:28:06.640 --> 0:28:08.919 all of that. If all of that was to go 0:28:08.960 --> 0:28:11.960 away tomorrow, she'd still love me. And I was like, 0:28:12.119 --> 0:28:15.360 isn't that the most beautiful thing? Like, isn't that what 0:28:15.400 --> 0:28:18.639 we all want? Isn't that what we're truly craving is 0:28:18.640 --> 0:28:23.760 that we are loved beyond our appearance, our achievements, our ambitions, 0:28:24.280 --> 0:28:28.359 and our goals. And I had that, but I wasn't 0:28:28.400 --> 0:28:30.840 seeing that because I wanted to be loved for my ambitions, 0:28:30.880 --> 0:28:33.600 my achievements, my goals. And so yes, when you talk 0:28:33.640 --> 0:28:35.880 about my wife being a light, she's one of those 0:28:35.920 --> 0:28:38.840 people for sure, because she's been my guide and my coach, 0:28:38.960 --> 0:28:41.440 my teacher without even knowing you. If you asked her 0:28:41.440 --> 0:28:44.760 this question, she wouldn't say that she was doing it intentionally, 0:28:45.480 --> 0:28:48.320 But she's been such a great teacher ENLiGHT in my 0:28:48.360 --> 0:28:51.000 life in so many ways, and so I'm always just 0:28:51.080 --> 0:28:54.600 trying to anytime she annoys me, I'm like, there's a 0:28:54.680 --> 0:28:56.840 lesson in this for me, and there's going to be 0:28:56.880 --> 0:29:00.960 something really profound in this for me, because she's she's 0:29:01.000 --> 0:29:03.840 she's cut from a different class. She's she's remarkable. I 0:29:03.880 --> 0:29:05.600 don't even know how she's like her parents. Her parents 0:29:05.640 --> 0:29:08.080 are incredible and you know they've they've given her a 0:29:08.080 --> 0:29:10.360 lot of love, and so I see that kind of 0:29:10.360 --> 0:29:13.000 flow through her. It's so funny. I burst out laughing then, 0:29:13.000 --> 0:29:15.400 because it reminds me a lot of my girlfriend. And 0:29:15.480 --> 0:29:17.480 I've said this on this podcast a lot, and it's 0:29:17.680 --> 0:29:22.760 I've never actually realized the kind of fundamental truth in 0:29:23.560 --> 0:29:27.200 what you said there. But whenever I talk about my girlfriend, 0:29:27.240 --> 0:29:30.040 I say, she doesn't really care it when I if 0:29:30.080 --> 0:29:32.200 I'm number one in the charts or if I'm number 0:29:32.200 --> 0:29:34.160 one here. Of that, the reaction I get from her 0:29:34.280 --> 0:29:37.040 versus other people like my boys is kind of a 0:29:37.040 --> 0:29:40.120 bit more mute. I think maybe she just doesn't care 0:29:40.160 --> 0:29:42.880 about my you know, my like preferce. But you've what 0:29:42.920 --> 0:29:45.640 you've highlighted there is in fact that is somebody that 0:29:45.840 --> 0:29:49.880 values something else. Yes, in you so, but my girlfriend 0:29:49.920 --> 0:29:52.719 would be very very happy and very very impressed with 0:29:52.800 --> 0:29:54.600 me doing a bunch of other things that would maybe 0:29:54.640 --> 0:29:57.080 a bit more pure in their views, she would celebrate 0:29:57.120 --> 0:30:00.240 those things. It's not like she's not celebrating me. It's 0:30:00.400 --> 0:30:03.160 I don't get the euphoria from the like number one 0:30:03.200 --> 0:30:05.760 in the podcast chart. Yes, and it's a question of values, 0:30:05.800 --> 0:30:07.960 and in fact, as you say, that's what we should 0:30:07.960 --> 0:30:11.160 all be looking for. But society has taught me that 0:30:11.280 --> 0:30:13.600 you clap when you get big numbers on stuff, or 0:30:13.640 --> 0:30:15.600 you go number one, or the bank balance is big. 0:30:16.280 --> 0:30:19.760 So that's so interesting. It's probably I guess someone's going 0:30:19.800 --> 0:30:21.280 to draw the conclusion from that. They're going to look 0:30:21.280 --> 0:30:23.160 at their partner who's been clapping because they've got like 0:30:23.360 --> 0:30:27.240 a promotion at work. You've got a bad value enough 0:30:28.240 --> 0:30:30.440 and not at all we should should we should be 0:30:30.600 --> 0:30:33.719 supportive partners about everything that our partners do. But it 0:30:33.880 --> 0:30:37.320 is beautiful that you get an opportunity to learn about 0:30:37.320 --> 0:30:40.440 your partner's values by what they value in your own success. 0:30:41.040 --> 0:30:43.600 And that doesn't mean that, like you just said, like 0:30:43.680 --> 0:30:46.600 your girlfriend or my wife is not happy when something 0:30:46.600 --> 0:30:48.840 goes number one or does great. Of course they're happy, 0:30:49.040 --> 0:30:52.120 but there's something deeper than that that makes them happier. 0:30:52.800 --> 0:30:55.120 And I think that's really special and that's that character 0:30:55.120 --> 0:30:57.040 in that life. When I was reading through your story 0:30:57.080 --> 0:30:59.200 and from what I've observed with your story, there was 0:30:59.640 --> 0:31:03.760 some interesting similarities that really reminded me of mine. But 0:31:04.640 --> 0:31:07.440 I feel like our an exception, and it's it's you. 0:31:08.080 --> 0:31:10.160 And you know what you said it before we started talking, 0:31:10.960 --> 0:31:14.320 you said, um, we were talking about various business things 0:31:14.360 --> 0:31:18.400 and business decisions you've made, and also we were talking 0:31:18.400 --> 0:31:21.600 about you moving to la after just going there with 0:31:21.640 --> 0:31:24.360 your wife for a week, and you said, well, it 0:31:24.400 --> 0:31:26.640 just felt like the right thing to do. We were 0:31:26.680 --> 0:31:28.080 there for one week and it felt like the right 0:31:28.120 --> 0:31:29.440 thing to do it. So, although you were leaving New 0:31:29.520 --> 0:31:31.400 York where you had all of this stuff and you 0:31:31.680 --> 0:31:36.280 were starting to build your presence there, you used your 0:31:36.480 --> 0:31:38.760 your compass became how you felt. And when I looked 0:31:38.800 --> 0:31:44.120 through your your history from your very very early days 0:31:44.160 --> 0:31:47.120 from a teenager to school to university, to going off 0:31:47.160 --> 0:31:49.800 and becoming a monk, to getting a job at a 0:31:49.920 --> 0:31:52.600 centure then pick getting picked up by Arianna Huffington at 0:31:52.640 --> 0:31:55.880 Huffington Post and quitting after six months because you were 0:31:55.880 --> 0:31:59.200 doing this other thing. You are a remarkable quitter and 0:31:59.240 --> 0:32:01.520 you seem to be one that's guided by this compass 0:32:01.600 --> 0:32:05.040 of how does this feel? Not what will people think? 0:32:05.800 --> 0:32:08.760 Talk to me about that, and is that observation accurate. 0:32:09.400 --> 0:32:11.200 It's such a hard way to live in one sense, 0:32:11.240 --> 0:32:14.520 and such an easy way to live in one that observation. 0:32:14.720 --> 0:32:16.800 I never put it in those words, but I love 0:32:16.880 --> 0:32:19.400 those words. And I've heard you talk about that before, 0:32:19.520 --> 0:32:22.240 about being a good quitter, and I love that. I 0:32:23.360 --> 0:32:26.000 think what you're saying is true. I agree with you. 0:32:26.560 --> 0:32:29.000 I've never articulated in the way you just did, but 0:32:29.040 --> 0:32:33.560 it feels so true. I, from a very young age, 0:32:34.120 --> 0:32:38.920 just felt there was this strong inner voice, and I 0:32:38.960 --> 0:32:41.960 believe everyone has it. This isn't me being religious or 0:32:42.080 --> 0:32:45.160 spiritual or woo woo. This is me saying that there 0:32:45.320 --> 0:32:47.720 is a voice that we all hear in our minds, 0:32:47.760 --> 0:32:49.840 in our hearts, in our heads, wherever you want to 0:32:50.160 --> 0:32:54.920 say it is, it's there. And the challenge that happens 0:32:55.040 --> 0:32:57.680 is in our early years, you're told to tell it 0:32:57.720 --> 0:33:01.880 to be quiet. So term that voices, well maybe no, no, no, 0:33:01.880 --> 0:33:04.680 no no, Just do what they're saying, Do what they're told. 0:33:05.560 --> 0:33:08.920 Get on that conveyor belt, get on that assembly line, 0:33:09.600 --> 0:33:12.880 stick that barcode on your back, become a machine, go 0:33:13.040 --> 0:33:16.160 be a robot, and and it's almost programmed. And so 0:33:16.240 --> 0:33:19.000 that voice that is not machine like, that voice is 0:33:19.040 --> 0:33:21.840 the human inside of us is being trained to be 0:33:21.880 --> 0:33:25.600 a machine. And so we start treating ourselves like machines. 0:33:26.280 --> 0:33:29.960 And machines you just programmed them and then press enter 0:33:30.000 --> 0:33:32.240 and then it gives you what it wants. But we 0:33:32.320 --> 0:33:35.720 don't function that way. We're a conversation in the universe. 0:33:35.800 --> 0:33:39.960 We're not a program. And so if you're a conversation 0:33:40.040 --> 0:33:43.920 and you're an interaction, you're dynamic. That in a voice 0:33:43.960 --> 0:33:49.840 becomes so squashed that now by the time we're twenty thirty, fifty, sixty, seventy, 0:33:49.880 --> 0:33:52.160 whatever age you are, you can't hear it anymore. So 0:33:52.200 --> 0:33:55.200 you say, oh, that's some spiritual mumbo jumbo stuff because 0:33:55.240 --> 0:33:58.080 I don't hear that voice. But that's just because we 0:33:58.200 --> 0:34:01.719 quiettend it. So for me even till this day, and 0:34:01.760 --> 0:34:04.560 by the way, I have more things trying to quiet 0:34:04.600 --> 0:34:08.880 that voice today. I had a conversation with my team recently. 0:34:09.520 --> 0:34:11.120 I was talking about a few new things I wanted 0:34:11.160 --> 0:34:13.160 to try out this year, and a lot of people 0:34:13.160 --> 0:34:14.759 said to me, they said, Jay, don't you think that's 0:34:14.760 --> 0:34:17.560 a risk to the brand you've created. Don't you think 0:34:17.560 --> 0:34:20.839 that's a risk to who you are? And I said, well, 0:34:20.880 --> 0:34:23.680 I haven't worked this hard to not do what I 0:34:23.719 --> 0:34:27.280 truly want, Like, I haven't got this far by being 0:34:27.280 --> 0:34:30.480 someone else. I've got this far by being true to myself. 0:34:31.000 --> 0:34:34.600 So I can only continue to do that. And so, yes, 0:34:34.680 --> 0:34:37.440 there are things that I do that are slightly unconventional 0:34:37.480 --> 0:34:39.640 for people who've been monks in the past. There are 0:34:39.640 --> 0:34:41.759 certain ways that I live my life, and there are 0:34:41.760 --> 0:34:43.480 certain things that I enjoy. And I always say this, 0:34:43.880 --> 0:34:46.680 I enjoyed being a monk as much as I enjoy 0:34:46.800 --> 0:34:51.360 understanding media. And that's really paradoxical for a lot of people, 0:34:51.400 --> 0:34:54.760 but that's just my truth. I enjoy building a business 0:34:54.760 --> 0:34:57.560 and learning about what it takes as much as I 0:34:57.640 --> 0:35:00.719 learned trying to understand how to meditate deeper and go internal. 0:35:01.040 --> 0:35:06.280 I enjoy and appreciate what I gain from all these pursuits, 0:35:06.920 --> 0:35:11.359 and I see them as being this beautiful, you know, 0:35:11.480 --> 0:35:17.319 beautiful symbiotic, synergetic combination of learning in life and experience. 0:35:17.600 --> 0:35:19.480 But the problem is our mind has said, no, those 0:35:19.480 --> 0:35:22.520 things are paradoxical. That's an oxymoron. You can't connect those 0:35:22.560 --> 0:35:26.560 two things. Those two things are unconnectable. And I'm like, well, 0:35:26.640 --> 0:35:30.880 Steve Jobs said that creativity is connecting things, and connected 0:35:30.960 --> 0:35:34.880 thinkers will rule the futures. So if we can't spot 0:35:35.040 --> 0:35:40.120 connections in anomalies, then I think we actually sell ourselves short. 0:35:40.200 --> 0:35:43.080 And so when you say being a remarkable quitter, I 0:35:43.160 --> 0:35:47.280 see that as me saying I only have trained myself 0:35:47.320 --> 0:35:49.240 to know that I can only do what I really 0:35:49.280 --> 0:35:52.759 feel like doing with the awareness that this could be 0:35:52.840 --> 0:35:55.720 a risk. But I'm okay with that. Does that answer 0:35:55.719 --> 0:35:58.200 your question? Yeah? Yeah, And you know you brought up 0:35:58.200 --> 0:36:00.799 another point there, which I think is equally This sounds 0:36:00.800 --> 0:36:02.600 a bit like a pun but equally connected, which is, 0:36:03.320 --> 0:36:05.319 you know, society will give you a label. They'll say, hey, 0:36:05.320 --> 0:36:08.040 you're a monk, so act I can behave like a monk. 0:36:08.080 --> 0:36:10.200 We know what monks I here's the instruction manual of 0:36:10.239 --> 0:36:12.960 being a monk. And if you do anything other than 0:36:13.160 --> 0:36:15.719 the instruction manual there, then they'll say contradiction. Yeah, they'll 0:36:15.760 --> 0:36:17.680 say you're a monk. How do you live in laj Yes, 0:36:17.800 --> 0:36:20.720 you have, you have a nice home, you make money, 0:36:21.360 --> 0:36:24.000 And then and so is what is it about these 0:36:24.080 --> 0:36:26.680 labels that we give people and then we society then 0:36:26.719 --> 0:36:28.680 tries to enforce and if you step outside of the 0:36:28.920 --> 0:36:31.440 implicit instructions of the box that we've labeled you in, 0:36:31.680 --> 0:36:35.320 we go fraud. Yeah, what is that? There's a really 0:36:35.320 --> 0:36:38.640 good meme on social media that I've seen fly about 0:36:38.680 --> 0:36:44.640 for years and it says society says, be yourself and 0:36:44.680 --> 0:36:48.000 then it says no, not like that. And I don't 0:36:48.040 --> 0:36:49.800 know who invented it, but it's been out there in 0:36:50.200 --> 0:36:52.000 the meme world for years and I love it because 0:36:52.000 --> 0:36:54.080 I'm like, that's exactly it. And I the way you 0:36:54.160 --> 0:36:56.120 just explain what you said, I've actually never heard it 0:36:56.120 --> 0:36:58.800 said better than that. So you've just explained in thirty seconds. 0:36:59.120 --> 0:37:01.800 I've running around them about for the past three minutes. 0:37:02.440 --> 0:37:05.240 But that's exactly it. That we want to label people, 0:37:05.640 --> 0:37:09.239 we want to label things, we want to label everyone. Now, 0:37:09.320 --> 0:37:12.480 let's take the rock to wind the Rock Johnson. We 0:37:13.080 --> 0:37:16.600 could label him a wrestler, but that wrestler is one 0:37:16.640 --> 0:37:18.960 of the biggest actors in the world today, and forget actors, 0:37:19.000 --> 0:37:22.279 he's a brand beyond that. Now, if we labeled him 0:37:22.280 --> 0:37:23.759 as a wrestler and said no, no no, no, you just 0:37:23.880 --> 0:37:26.480 have to stay a wrestler. You never get to see this. 0:37:26.520 --> 0:37:29.000 If you look at Steve Jobs, well, you started by 0:37:29.040 --> 0:37:32.040 making computers. You're a computer maker, so just make computers. 0:37:32.400 --> 0:37:35.239 Why are you inventing iTunes? Why are you inventing the phone? Now? 0:37:35.239 --> 0:37:38.440 I think it gets harder when it gets to things 0:37:38.560 --> 0:37:42.520 that are spiritually intertwined. And I grew up with a 0:37:42.560 --> 0:37:46.080 belief for a long time that if you were truly spiritual, 0:37:46.719 --> 0:37:49.760 you had to be poor, you had to have nothing, 0:37:49.880 --> 0:37:54.080 you had to be completely detached and disconnected. And I 0:37:54.200 --> 0:37:56.960 found that that's a worthy pursuit and has some beautiful 0:37:57.000 --> 0:38:00.319 rewards at the end of it as a journey. But 0:38:00.440 --> 0:38:03.040 I also saw, having lived that life as a monk, 0:38:03.320 --> 0:38:07.600 that there were certain areas of impact, certain conversations that 0:38:07.640 --> 0:38:09.759 we never got to be a part of. There were 0:38:09.800 --> 0:38:13.400 certain things in mainstream society that we never got to shift. 0:38:13.840 --> 0:38:16.719 And that's something that called out to my heart personally, 0:38:17.280 --> 0:38:21.000 where I felt, well, what if mental health was mainstream, 0:38:21.040 --> 0:38:24.239 that that was a mainstream conversation, that everyone in the 0:38:24.280 --> 0:38:27.600 world had access to the tools to help themselves for 0:38:27.840 --> 0:38:32.640 free through podcasting, through interviews, through books, through videos, through content. 0:38:32.719 --> 0:38:35.279 What if everyone in the world had access to what 0:38:35.360 --> 0:38:38.120 I have access to as a monk. But what does 0:38:38.160 --> 0:38:41.720 that need? That needs staff? It needs employees, it needs 0:38:41.760 --> 0:38:45.200 eight cameras, it needs a microphone, it needs people, it 0:38:45.200 --> 0:38:48.880 needs teams, It needs a business. So what looks like 0:38:48.920 --> 0:38:51.799 a business on the outside is just purpose on the inside. 0:38:52.560 --> 0:38:57.799 But we're so scored and trained to judge things for 0:38:57.880 --> 0:39:01.880 what they externally look like what they internally are that 0:39:01.960 --> 0:39:05.600 we don't give ourselves that expansive, abundant mindset to say, well, 0:39:05.600 --> 0:39:07.640 maybe this could be more now. I'm not saying that 0:39:07.719 --> 0:39:10.279 I don't have imperfections, and I'm not saying that I 0:39:10.320 --> 0:39:14.480 don't love things as well. Like I like nice things. 0:39:14.560 --> 0:39:19.600 I like nice clothes, I like fashion, I like I 0:39:19.680 --> 0:39:21.959 like living in a nice space. So I like nice 0:39:22.000 --> 0:39:24.759 things and I would never shy away from that. But 0:39:24.840 --> 0:39:27.680 I'm also fully aware that I don't depend on my 0:39:27.800 --> 0:39:31.040 happiness on those things. I'm not putting what I believe 0:39:31.160 --> 0:39:33.520 is going to make me joyful on those things. But 0:39:33.560 --> 0:39:36.399 I appreciate having them, but I've also appreciated life when 0:39:36.440 --> 0:39:39.759 I didn't have them, So they've never defined whether I've 0:39:39.800 --> 0:39:42.719 worked hard or worked on my purpose, if that makes sense. 0:39:43.719 --> 0:39:45.719 There's two times in this conversation where you've you've made 0:39:45.719 --> 0:39:48.239 points where the kind of conclusion that my head has 0:39:48.280 --> 0:39:50.200 arrived at is we have to meet in the middle 0:39:50.239 --> 0:39:52.279 list if we're going to make progress. The first time 0:39:52.320 --> 0:39:54.680 you did that was when you were talking about having 0:39:54.880 --> 0:39:57.239 like an argument with a wife or a partner or 0:39:57.280 --> 0:39:59.080 whatever it might be. And you've got to actually like 0:39:59.280 --> 0:40:00.960 meet in the middle. And this is maybe where I 0:40:01.000 --> 0:40:02.960 can improve. And maybe this is where you know, you 0:40:03.440 --> 0:40:05.080 stepped a file and then you said it again there 0:40:05.120 --> 0:40:09.440 with the example of spirituality, and probably like the business world, 0:40:09.560 --> 0:40:12.600 they're seen as polar opposites. One is all about, you know, 0:40:12.840 --> 0:40:16.040 maybe a less less of a desire for material possession 0:40:16.040 --> 0:40:19.080 and attainment and climbing in capitalism, and the other is 0:40:19.120 --> 0:40:22.399 the definition of it. And you're saying, well, really, if 0:40:22.440 --> 0:40:25.359 we are to spread the message of spirituality around the world, 0:40:25.800 --> 0:40:27.600 we're going to need to learn a little bit from 0:40:27.600 --> 0:40:30.920 the other side about building and scaling. And and I 0:40:30.960 --> 0:40:33.440 just think that phrase the truthers in the middle, has 0:40:33.480 --> 0:40:35.040 haunted me for the last couple of weeks since I 0:40:35.040 --> 0:40:38.759 came back from Indonesia, because it seems to be the 0:40:38.840 --> 0:40:40.640 nature of everything and we're actually moving away from that 0:40:40.640 --> 0:40:44.399 as a polarized society, black, white police, the people rich 0:40:44.520 --> 0:40:49.760 poor exactly. And it's beautiful you said that actually because 0:40:49.760 --> 0:40:52.759 the Buddha always talked about the middle path, so he 0:40:52.840 --> 0:40:55.560 called it the middle path. Into that reason, from what 0:40:55.600 --> 0:40:58.480 you just said that it was always about the middle path, 0:40:58.560 --> 0:41:01.640 that the answer was somewhere. I interviewed Kristen Bell recently 0:41:01.960 --> 0:41:04.120 and she wrote a book called Why the World Needs 0:41:04.120 --> 0:41:06.600 More Purple People, And that's because of the red and 0:41:06.640 --> 0:41:09.480 Blue States. So the idea of this idea of like 0:41:09.640 --> 0:41:12.319 meeting in the middle, that there's some answers that you 0:41:12.440 --> 0:41:16.359 only come across if you can entertain this idea and 0:41:16.520 --> 0:41:19.719 this idea and look for the connection. And what I 0:41:19.760 --> 0:41:23.360 love is that for everything we're talking about, someone's thought 0:41:23.360 --> 0:41:27.160 about it and talked about it before. And when I 0:41:27.160 --> 0:41:29.879 think of someone who defined what we're talking about really well. 0:41:29.920 --> 0:41:32.840 And this is a quote, a thought, that an insight 0:41:32.920 --> 0:41:35.200 that I try and live my life by, and it's 0:41:35.200 --> 0:41:38.400 from Martin Luther King, and he said that the people 0:41:38.440 --> 0:41:43.479 that love peace need to learn to organize themselves as 0:41:43.520 --> 0:41:47.160 well as the people who love war. And to me, 0:41:47.280 --> 0:41:51.160 that's what's been missing for so long in spirituality, and 0:41:51.320 --> 0:41:54.440 wellness and health is that we can speak about these 0:41:54.480 --> 0:41:58.040 things in this really organic, beautiful way. But if it 0:41:58.040 --> 0:42:02.240 doesn't get organized and doesn't get strategic, and it doesn't 0:42:02.280 --> 0:42:06.319 get focused, it just kind of feels like splattered pain 0:42:07.080 --> 0:42:10.600 and it doesn't allow people to practically apply in their life. 0:42:10.640 --> 0:42:12.880 So sometimes when people say, Jay, what you're saying is 0:42:12.880 --> 0:42:16.720 so simple, it's so basic, I'm like, yeah, I'm choosing 0:42:16.719 --> 0:42:20.319 to do that because that's what we all need. Like 0:42:20.440 --> 0:42:22.560 don't we all need to make this really simple and 0:42:22.680 --> 0:42:24.960 easy and practical. I know that's what I need. And 0:42:25.000 --> 0:42:26.640 by the way, I love getting caught up in a 0:42:26.680 --> 0:42:29.680 heady intellectual conversation and I've studied the Vaders that are 0:42:29.719 --> 0:42:32.040 five thousand years old, and I can reloff versus and 0:42:32.280 --> 0:42:36.919 talk about philosophical intricacies. But I don't think that's going 0:42:36.960 --> 0:42:39.640 to help people at this stage, and that doesn't help 0:42:39.680 --> 0:42:42.080 me when I started. So for me, I like to 0:42:42.120 --> 0:42:45.040 focus in on how can we get focused around powerful 0:42:45.360 --> 0:42:49.000 simple ideas And a powerful simple idea that loads of 0:42:49.000 --> 0:42:50.880 my guests come here and talk about, and it's interesting 0:42:50.880 --> 0:42:53.800 that they do because they are incredibly successful people. Typically, 0:42:54.640 --> 0:42:58.640 is this idea of meditation and the power of meditation. Now, 0:42:58.680 --> 0:43:02.480 I've heard this meditation for many a year, and increasingly 0:43:02.480 --> 0:43:04.960 over time I've become more compelled by it and started 0:43:05.000 --> 0:43:08.319 doing it, thanks a lot to my girlfriend as well. So, 0:43:08.840 --> 0:43:10.400 and you write about it a lot in your book, 0:43:10.440 --> 0:43:12.359 I mean a couple of the chapters mentioned, I mean 0:43:12.360 --> 0:43:15.280 pretty several of the chapters mentioned. The para of meditation. 0:43:15.920 --> 0:43:18.680 Talk to me about this simple idea of meditation and 0:43:18.760 --> 0:43:21.520 what the impact has been for you and can be 0:43:21.560 --> 0:43:26.879 for those listening. So in the book, I present three 0:43:27.040 --> 0:43:31.200 different types of meditation that I was trained in as 0:43:31.200 --> 0:43:33.839 a monk and that I was exposed to, and they 0:43:33.880 --> 0:43:38.200 are breathwork, visualization, and mantra. So if you look at 0:43:38.239 --> 0:43:40.520 all types of meditations that exist today in the world, 0:43:40.600 --> 0:43:43.560 there are three tools or three formats in which you 0:43:43.600 --> 0:43:46.680 can do it. Breathwork obviously, naturally, it says it in 0:43:46.680 --> 0:43:49.640 the name. It's all about your breathing, and breathwork is 0:43:49.680 --> 0:43:53.399 generally aimed at body and physical So if you're having 0:43:53.440 --> 0:43:56.799 physical anxiety, physical stress, if you're rushing around, your heart 0:43:56.920 --> 0:43:59.399 rate's gone up, breathwork is a beautiful way to come 0:43:59.400 --> 0:44:02.719 back into a life. Now, visualization is really interesting because 0:44:02.800 --> 0:44:06.239 visualization is used by everyone, from Lewis Hamilton when he's 0:44:06.320 --> 0:44:09.480 driving his car around a track through to David Beckham 0:44:09.520 --> 0:44:12.640 before he took a free kick. Visualization was the art 0:44:12.680 --> 0:44:17.920 of sitting in one place, closing your eyes and visualizing 0:44:18.840 --> 0:44:20.839 what's that track going to look like, what's that turn 0:44:20.960 --> 0:44:23.439 going to feel like, how's that ball going to move? 0:44:24.080 --> 0:44:27.719 It's visualizing the process, not the result, and that's what's fascinating. 0:44:27.719 --> 0:44:30.800 Western society has made it all about visualizing the result. 0:44:31.239 --> 0:44:33.399 Visualize yourself at the top of the podium and the goal. 0:44:33.800 --> 0:44:36.240 The smartest people in the world of visualizing the process 0:44:36.280 --> 0:44:39.360 and the work and the journey. And that's where manifestation 0:44:39.400 --> 0:44:41.239 has gone wrong. We can get back to that and 0:44:41.280 --> 0:44:46.400 then finally mantra or sound. So the oldest text on 0:44:46.520 --> 0:44:51.399 meditation believe that sound has the power to transport and 0:44:51.480 --> 0:44:53.840 connect us in a way that no other type of 0:44:53.880 --> 0:44:58.080 meditation can. Now we all have experience of this. When 0:44:58.080 --> 0:45:01.720 you hear a song from your past, you're taken back 0:45:01.719 --> 0:45:06.160 there immediately. When you hear a song that has maybe 0:45:06.200 --> 0:45:08.800 some ego in it, or there's a song that you 0:45:09.840 --> 0:45:11.640 listen to on your way to a party or a 0:45:11.719 --> 0:45:13.799 nightclub because it pumps you up and it makes you 0:45:13.800 --> 0:45:16.240 feel good. There are songs that makes you feel violent. 0:45:17.080 --> 0:45:20.000 Sound has the ability to wake you up in the morning. 0:45:20.040 --> 0:45:22.640 You don't wake up by sight, you don't wake up 0:45:22.680 --> 0:45:25.439 by scent, you don't wake up by taste. You wake 0:45:25.520 --> 0:45:29.360 up by sound. Sound has the power to awaken deeper 0:45:29.400 --> 0:45:31.879 parts of us depending on what level it's at. So 0:45:32.120 --> 0:45:35.239 when you look at meditation, you have breathwork, you have visualization, 0:45:35.360 --> 0:45:39.399 you have sound. You can try a mix, you can 0:45:39.440 --> 0:45:44.000 try one or the other. Ultimately, for me, meditation is 0:45:44.040 --> 0:45:47.800 an opportunity to build a relationship with yourself. That's truly 0:45:47.840 --> 0:45:50.520 what it is. To build your relationship with your body, 0:45:50.840 --> 0:45:53.759 with your mind, with your heart, and with your consciousness. 0:45:54.040 --> 0:45:57.720 And as you continue to meditate through breathwork, through visualization, 0:45:58.360 --> 0:46:01.799 through mantra and sound, that's all that's doing. It's just 0:46:01.960 --> 0:46:04.880 deepening your relationship with yourself. It's almost like saying, oh, 0:46:04.880 --> 0:46:06.560 when I'm with my girlfriend or my wife, what do 0:46:06.600 --> 0:46:09.520 I do? Oh? There is a few activities and experiences 0:46:09.520 --> 0:46:11.120 that you do. You go out for dinner, you watch 0:46:11.120 --> 0:46:13.040 a movie, you go for a walk. Okay, well what 0:46:13.040 --> 0:46:15.080 do I do on my own? Well, when I meditate 0:46:15.120 --> 0:46:17.480 on my own I get to know myself better, and 0:46:17.560 --> 0:46:20.719 that's the beginning of what meditation is. But the greatest 0:46:20.760 --> 0:46:24.080 benefits of meditation come from using the right tool for 0:46:24.120 --> 0:46:27.399 the right part of your life. So before I'm coming 0:46:27.400 --> 0:46:29.920 on a podcast like this or going on stage, if 0:46:29.960 --> 0:46:32.919 I'm feeling nervous or my heart rates going up, I've 0:46:32.960 --> 0:46:36.360 recognized that that's because I care. It's because I really 0:46:36.360 --> 0:46:38.279 really care what I'm about to do, and I want 0:46:38.320 --> 0:46:40.840 to be of service to others. I want what I 0:46:40.920 --> 0:46:43.520 say to help someone. I want what I say to 0:46:43.600 --> 0:46:48.600 hopefully start someone's meditation journey potentially, And if that's the case, 0:46:48.880 --> 0:46:51.759 then I need to be aligned. So I'll practice breathwork. 0:46:52.200 --> 0:46:55.440 I'll breathe in for four and out for four. This 0:46:55.640 --> 0:46:59.360 simple practice just brings me back into alignment. See Stephen, 0:46:59.400 --> 0:47:02.120 we all have this experience. How many times have you 0:47:02.160 --> 0:47:05.280 ever woken up and you feel your mind is ahead 0:47:05.320 --> 0:47:07.960 of your body every day your body was in bed 0:47:08.040 --> 0:47:11.719 and your mind is racing, Or you experience the opposite, 0:47:12.600 --> 0:47:16.200 your body is racing and your mind is still in bed. 0:47:17.239 --> 0:47:21.320 So most of our stress and tension in life comes 0:47:21.360 --> 0:47:23.720 from a lack of alignment in our body and our mind. 0:47:24.040 --> 0:47:26.919 Our body's racing one hundred miles per hour and our 0:47:26.920 --> 0:47:29.120 mind is slow, or our mind's racing one hundred miles 0:47:29.160 --> 0:47:31.480 per hour and our body is slow. To bring them 0:47:31.480 --> 0:47:33.800 back into alignment, you breathe in for the same amount 0:47:33.840 --> 0:47:36.839 of time as you breathe out. Simply doing that brings 0:47:36.840 --> 0:47:41.040 you back into alignment. Visualization I use for when I 0:47:41.080 --> 0:47:43.960 think I'm about to start a difficult journey and I 0:47:44.000 --> 0:47:46.799 think I may lose a bit of patience or I 0:47:46.800 --> 0:47:49.640 feel like I really need to practice this. Imagine this 0:47:49.760 --> 0:47:51.640 is I'm about to go on stage doing something that's 0:47:51.640 --> 0:47:54.040 really big deal and important for me. I'm going to 0:47:54.160 --> 0:47:57.359 visualize myself pacing back and forth on stage. I'm going 0:47:57.400 --> 0:48:00.880 to visualize myself communicating that message. I'm going to visualize 0:48:00.880 --> 0:48:05.120 myself being really energetic on stage. Notice I'm not visualizing 0:48:05.320 --> 0:48:08.759 people clapping. I'm not visualizing people saying that was amazing, 0:48:09.160 --> 0:48:12.440 because that's just setting a false expectation. I'm visualizing my 0:48:12.640 --> 0:48:15.880 performance being the best that it possibly can. And the 0:48:16.000 --> 0:48:18.040 mantra and sound, which is a big part of my 0:48:18.080 --> 0:48:20.719 meditation every day, I do to connect with my deeper self. 0:48:20.719 --> 0:48:23.240 I do to awaken parts of me that are forgotten 0:48:23.280 --> 0:48:26.800 and to feel a connection to a higher power in 0:48:26.880 --> 0:48:29.640 the divine. There's so many people listening, right, And you 0:48:29.680 --> 0:48:33.040 said that so beautifully and eloquently. Who I imagine listen 0:48:33.120 --> 0:48:35.000 to me doing these podcasts and they maybe tuned in 0:48:35.000 --> 0:48:37.200 it because they wanted a business podcast, and they go out, 0:48:37.200 --> 0:48:40.080 here go Steve again talking about meditation or whatever. And 0:48:41.560 --> 0:48:46.279 that reaction is probably caused by the I don't know, 0:48:46.920 --> 0:48:50.680 the historic kind of snobbery that surrounds spirituality. It can 0:48:50.760 --> 0:48:54.480 be quite an exclusive club, right, and the terminology can 0:48:54.480 --> 0:48:57.960 feel very exclusive to normal people and chakras and all 0:48:58.000 --> 0:49:01.360 of this stuff in alignment. It can and when words 0:49:01.400 --> 0:49:04.160 like that are said to some people who are who 0:49:04.160 --> 0:49:06.040 aren't near the middle, who are very much at the 0:49:06.080 --> 0:49:08.360 other end of the spectrum, they just turn off to it. 0:49:08.760 --> 0:49:10.880 So if I was to be someone who's listening to 0:49:10.880 --> 0:49:12.759 this now driving in my van on my way to 0:49:13.120 --> 0:49:14.759 work this morning, and I see a lot of people 0:49:14.760 --> 0:49:17.799 in their vans driving listening to the podcast, what would 0:49:17.840 --> 0:49:19.840 you say, is a really good just a first step 0:49:19.880 --> 0:49:26.680 to investigate for themselves subjectively if meditation can add value 0:49:26.680 --> 0:49:28.680 to their life. Where would they start? Yeah, I would 0:49:28.760 --> 0:49:32.200 say that the first thing you want to do is 0:49:32.360 --> 0:49:35.120 put something in your schedule, in your calendar, which is 0:49:35.160 --> 0:49:37.920 time for you. If you look at your schedule, you 0:49:37.960 --> 0:49:41.040 would never cancel an important meeting with someone else. But 0:49:41.160 --> 0:49:44.080 we don't even schedule one with ourselves. There is nothing 0:49:44.120 --> 0:49:46.560 in the calendar that time with myself, time for me, 0:49:46.680 --> 0:49:50.399 time for you, time for just this, this whole thing 0:49:50.440 --> 0:49:52.879 that's going on right now. Literally put it in for 0:49:52.920 --> 0:49:55.000 five minutes a day. It's kind of five minutes for 0:49:55.000 --> 0:49:57.280 two minutes a day. Just put it in there, because 0:49:57.280 --> 0:49:59.560 if you start putting that in there, you might then 0:49:59.600 --> 0:50:01.239 tomorrow Okay, well what am I going to do with 0:50:01.320 --> 0:50:03.319 this time? I've got five minutes? Wow? Okay, what am 0:50:03.320 --> 0:50:05.040 I going to do with it? So start putting it 0:50:05.080 --> 0:50:07.400 in there. That's the first step. The second step, I 0:50:07.400 --> 0:50:10.160 would say, it's definitely focused on your breath. I think 0:50:10.160 --> 0:50:12.799 the breath is just something we can all relate to. 0:50:12.840 --> 0:50:15.520 Its tangible by the way athletes have to learn how 0:50:15.560 --> 0:50:18.040 to control their breath. Musicians have to learn how to 0:50:18.080 --> 0:50:20.759 control their breath. Whether you're adele or whether you're a 0:50:21.120 --> 0:50:24.279 football player, you have to learn how to breathe in 0:50:24.360 --> 0:50:27.880 order to perform. Me, you and everyone. We're all athletes 0:50:27.920 --> 0:50:30.080 in different ways. We all use our bodies, we all 0:50:30.160 --> 0:50:32.680 use our minds, whether you're a business person or whether 0:50:32.719 --> 0:50:35.640 you're an actual athlete playing on a court or a pit. 0:50:35.719 --> 0:50:37.280 But are you saying that I don't know how to breathe? 0:50:37.680 --> 0:50:39.040 I am saying you don't know how to breathe, Yeah, 0:50:39.080 --> 0:50:41.360 and not used specifically. I'm saying that most people don't 0:50:41.360 --> 0:50:43.320 know how to breathe. And I didn't know how to 0:50:43.320 --> 0:50:45.440 breathe until I was taught how to breathe. And I 0:50:45.440 --> 0:50:48.480 know that sounds ridiculous, But how many times a day 0:50:48.480 --> 0:50:50.839 do you get out of breath? I know there's dams 0:50:50.840 --> 0:50:52.480 of days that I get out of breath. How many 0:50:52.480 --> 0:50:54.640 times of the day do you feel that when you're 0:50:54.680 --> 0:50:59.200 experiencing an emotion, your breath changes, Like when you're crying 0:50:59.320 --> 0:51:02.680 or you're sad, or you're upset, your breath changes. When 0:51:02.680 --> 0:51:05.840 you're happy and elated, your breath changes. So our breath 0:51:05.920 --> 0:51:09.520 is connected to every single emotion. So if we want 0:51:09.520 --> 0:51:12.040 to navigate our emotions in our life, we have to 0:51:12.080 --> 0:51:14.120 train our breath. So I would just say to everyone, 0:51:14.280 --> 0:51:16.880 take out two to three minutes and just take a 0:51:16.920 --> 0:51:19.759 moment to breathe. In and out and breathe in for 0:51:19.800 --> 0:51:21.800 four and out for four. Just try it as simply 0:51:21.840 --> 0:51:23.839 as that. Now, if you're someone who struggles to get 0:51:23.840 --> 0:51:26.000 to sleep, which can often be something that I think 0:51:26.000 --> 0:51:28.560 everyone struggles with, that's when you want to breathe out 0:51:28.600 --> 0:51:30.680 for longer than you breathe in. So if you're breathing 0:51:30.719 --> 0:51:33.279 in for four, breathe out for more than four to 0:51:33.360 --> 0:51:35.719 relax and rest your body. And if you're one of 0:51:35.719 --> 0:51:37.600 these people that goes Jay, I've got you know, I've 0:51:37.640 --> 0:51:39.279 got like you. I've got to do a delivery today, 0:51:39.280 --> 0:51:40.840 I've got to run to this meeting. I've got to 0:51:40.840 --> 0:51:44.359 get to this, and you need more energy. Breathe out 0:51:44.480 --> 0:51:46.759 for less time than you breathe in. So you may 0:51:46.800 --> 0:51:49.239 breathe in for a second and breathe out for a millisecond. 0:51:49.280 --> 0:51:51.640 It's a really sharp breath out and if you do that, 0:51:51.719 --> 0:51:54.200 you'll feel this pumping energy in your body. And so 0:51:54.280 --> 0:51:56.200 to me, it's these are really practical tools that I 0:51:56.200 --> 0:51:58.200 think we all need to sleep. So everyone knows their 0:51:58.239 --> 0:52:00.839 meditation for sleep. We all need to get energized. So 0:52:00.880 --> 0:52:03.200 that's a simple meditation of energized, and we all need 0:52:03.280 --> 0:52:06.439 to just feel like we're not rushing, So I think 0:52:06.440 --> 0:52:09.560 those are hopefully quick things that feel practical to anyone 0:52:09.600 --> 0:52:11.760 and everyone. Yeah, I mean, I'm I think my natural 0:52:11.760 --> 0:52:13.600 position on things is to be a little bit of 0:52:13.640 --> 0:52:16.480 a skeptic. And I when I was in Indonesia the 0:52:16.560 --> 0:52:19.880 last time, my girlfriend brought me to see a breathwork 0:52:20.000 --> 0:52:22.640 coach and before we did the breathwork, he explained it 0:52:22.680 --> 0:52:25.279 to me. And so this is as a logical guy 0:52:25.480 --> 0:52:28.480 like I am, the explanation matters a lot. And he 0:52:28.520 --> 0:52:31.480 was talking to me about how we pretty much live 0:52:31.520 --> 0:52:33.959 most of our lives these days because of the overstimulation, 0:52:34.000 --> 0:52:36.200 because of the stress, because of the screens in this 0:52:36.320 --> 0:52:38.920 kind of like permanent state of fight or flight. And 0:52:38.960 --> 0:52:40.640 when you look at what happens in flight, and I 0:52:40.640 --> 0:52:43.239 studied biology, I know what happens to the body and 0:52:43.560 --> 0:52:48.000 anatomically and physically what happens to your digestive tract. And 0:52:48.080 --> 0:52:49.640 I mean, this is what a lot of people say 0:52:49.680 --> 0:52:52.160 when they say I'm nervous and they've lost their appetite. 0:52:52.360 --> 0:52:56.080 That's your body preparing and keeping the minerals and nutrients 0:52:56.120 --> 0:52:59.360 it needs to expend energy to help you in a situation. 0:52:59.480 --> 0:53:01.400 On the Sarah getty when a line is running at you. 0:53:01.440 --> 0:53:04.520 That's a very prehistoric, innate part of our conditioning. And 0:53:04.560 --> 0:53:08.200 we do live on edge. Our notifications, run our lives 0:53:08.239 --> 0:53:10.160 and all of these things. So when we think about 0:53:10.160 --> 0:53:12.040 why people might be getting a little bit more anxious 0:53:12.080 --> 0:53:15.239 day to day, it's probably because we're living in like 0:53:15.239 --> 0:53:17.120 a heightened state or fight or flight. And one of 0:53:17.120 --> 0:53:18.719 the things that happens in fight or flight, as well 0:53:18.719 --> 0:53:21.279 as your breathing changes. So yeah, and and then I 0:53:21.320 --> 0:53:23.000 think about the moments where I'm feeling a little bit 0:53:23.000 --> 0:53:26.280 stressed and one thing I've done my funny say funny, 0:53:26.320 --> 0:53:28.600 my head went straight to New York City. As I'll go, 0:53:28.760 --> 0:53:32.759 I'll stop, and I'll go. And whenever I do that, 0:53:32.840 --> 0:53:38.600 someone turns to me and goes, Okay, I guess I'm yeah, yeah, 0:53:38.640 --> 0:53:41.440 but no, I completely agree. And I think it's one 0:53:41.440 --> 0:53:43.520 of those things that I think everybody listening, regardless of 0:53:43.520 --> 0:53:45.680 who you are or how much of a tough guy 0:53:45.719 --> 0:53:50.600 you are, you should definitely a tough guy. Yeah, not really, 0:53:50.880 --> 0:53:53.839 not really, I'm a bit soft around the edges this. 0:53:53.960 --> 0:53:55.840 Let's talk a little bit about fear then, because we 0:53:55.920 --> 0:53:59.279 talked about that there in your book In chapter three, 0:53:59.719 --> 0:54:02.160 you talk about there being good fear and bad fear. 0:54:03.080 --> 0:54:09.200 How can fear be a good thing? I realize that 0:54:09.360 --> 0:54:14.879 fear could be healthy or unhealthy based on how I 0:54:15.000 --> 0:54:19.319 used it, And most of us don't realize that we 0:54:19.400 --> 0:54:23.280 get consumed by fear instead of using fear. So fear 0:54:23.480 --> 0:54:29.360 becomes our being in the sense that fear becomes what 0:54:29.440 --> 0:54:31.640 controls us. It tells us what we should do and 0:54:31.719 --> 0:54:33.880 what we shouldn't do. It tells us how we should 0:54:33.880 --> 0:54:36.399 think and we shouldn't think. It stops us from doing 0:54:36.440 --> 0:54:40.719 stuff that's really important to us, and it makes us 0:54:40.719 --> 0:54:43.359 do things that we would never ever do. It makes 0:54:43.440 --> 0:54:45.719 us say things to people that we love that we 0:54:45.760 --> 0:54:48.040 would never want to say to them. And on the 0:54:48.080 --> 0:54:50.080 other end, it stops you from saying things you really 0:54:50.080 --> 0:54:52.040 want to say to someone because you don't want to 0:54:52.040 --> 0:54:55.240 appear weak and your ego won't let you. So fear 0:54:55.360 --> 0:54:58.920 takes this really magnetic controlling effect on our whole lives. 0:54:59.600 --> 0:55:02.400 But fear, at the same time can be one of 0:55:02.440 --> 0:55:06.240 the healthiest things because it's basically giving you a signal 0:55:07.080 --> 0:55:10.640 as to what's important. It's basically giving you as a 0:55:10.680 --> 0:55:13.560 signal as to how you feel and when you use 0:55:13.600 --> 0:55:18.800 it as a signal, not as a suggestion or a push, 0:55:18.840 --> 0:55:22.359 it changes everything. So let's beg that practical. When you 0:55:22.560 --> 0:55:25.399 are in your home, and if the fire alarm goes off, 0:55:26.120 --> 0:55:29.160 that gives you a signal to say, check for the fire. 0:55:29.360 --> 0:55:31.799 Check if there's a fire right now. If you go, 0:55:31.960 --> 0:55:34.719 or just turn it off, it doesn't matter. Let's let's 0:55:34.719 --> 0:55:38.200 avoid my fear. Let's avoid it. Let's just turn it off. 0:55:38.280 --> 0:55:41.520 Let's forget about it. Your house could burn down, or 0:55:41.600 --> 0:55:44.160 if you're lucky, there was nothing and it's fine. But 0:55:44.239 --> 0:55:47.640 the odds are that there could be a fire. Now, 0:55:47.680 --> 0:55:49.960 if you're someone who goes well, let me inspect it. 0:55:50.360 --> 0:55:53.080 Let me be curious about that. I am scared that 0:55:53.080 --> 0:55:54.640 there's a fire in my house now that I've heard 0:55:54.680 --> 0:55:57.480 the fire alarm. But let me be curious, let me inspect, 0:55:57.640 --> 0:56:01.080 let me check. Imagine we are our fear in that way. 0:56:01.360 --> 0:56:04.000 Imagine every time I felt scared of something, I said, well, 0:56:04.080 --> 0:56:05.879 let me get curious about this. Why am I scared 0:56:05.920 --> 0:56:09.840 of this? Why is it affecting me so much? What 0:56:10.040 --> 0:56:12.680 about this scares me? Is it all of it or 0:56:12.760 --> 0:56:14.640 is it just a part of it. When you start 0:56:14.719 --> 0:56:16.839 doing it, you start to break that fear down. And 0:56:16.880 --> 0:56:19.759 that's the healthy way of looking at fear rather than 0:56:19.800 --> 0:56:22.680 the unhealthy way of saying, forget about it, keep it 0:56:22.719 --> 0:56:25.319 away from me. I don't want to go there. And 0:56:25.360 --> 0:56:29.200 so for me, I really feel that fear is what 0:56:29.400 --> 0:56:33.480 blocks us from these beautiful breakthroughs in life, and it 0:56:33.600 --> 0:56:35.920 has such a chokehold on us, like it's such a 0:56:35.960 --> 0:56:38.160 strong hold on us. And I think most of us 0:56:38.160 --> 0:56:41.040 are living our lives because we're scared of what someone 0:56:41.080 --> 0:56:45.160 will say, what someone will think, or what someone will do. 0:56:46.000 --> 0:56:49.800 And that feels like something that we're going to regret 0:56:49.840 --> 0:56:53.080 when we're at the end of our lives. Well, they do, right, 0:56:53.120 --> 0:56:55.480 So the interview people, as you know, on their deathbed, 0:56:55.480 --> 0:56:57.239 and this is the number one regret of they're drying 0:56:57.440 --> 0:57:00.160 your dms. They must be full of people that are 0:57:00.480 --> 0:57:02.920 exhibiting exactly that behavior, because I know mine are ye 0:57:03.040 --> 0:57:05.520 a young person saying I'm in this job, I'm in 0:57:05.520 --> 0:57:11.239 this relationship. It sucks, but yeah, fear, right, yes, fear 0:57:11.280 --> 0:57:13.480 of change, fear of uncertainty, whatever it might be. What 0:57:13.560 --> 0:57:15.920 do you typically say to those people that you know 0:57:16.600 --> 0:57:18.760 they hate the situation they're in, but the fear is 0:57:18.840 --> 0:57:23.080 kind of imprisoning them into an action. I think I 0:57:23.120 --> 0:57:25.480 always meet it. I always. I'm saying this to someone 0:57:25.520 --> 0:57:28.280 on my team this morning. Actually, I always try and 0:57:28.360 --> 0:57:33.720 meet everyone with compassion and not judgment, because I know 0:57:33.720 --> 0:57:35.840 what it feels like to experience that, and I still 0:57:35.840 --> 0:57:38.360 experience that in different areas of my life, so it's 0:57:38.400 --> 0:57:40.800 always there. And I think if you don't meet it 0:57:40.800 --> 0:57:44.000 with compassion, you can kind of say something really energetic 0:57:44.080 --> 0:57:45.720 in the moment and kind of make them feel like 0:57:45.760 --> 0:57:49.040 they've solved it, but that isn't really wearing it down. 0:57:49.520 --> 0:57:51.680 I think for me, the first thing is to acknowledge 0:57:51.720 --> 0:57:55.240 that that fear is real, to acknowledge that there potentially 0:57:55.240 --> 0:57:58.280 will be backlash, that there potentially will be someone who's upset, 0:57:58.520 --> 0:58:00.480 because I think often we're told just do what you 0:58:00.480 --> 0:58:02.000 want and it doesn't matter, and I'm like, well, it 0:58:02.000 --> 0:58:04.760 does matter, because maybe you are a good person. You 0:58:04.800 --> 0:58:06.680 don't want someone to be upset, or you don't want 0:58:06.680 --> 0:58:08.560 to let your parents down, or you don't want to 0:58:08.600 --> 0:58:11.800 hurt someone right, or you don't want to ruin your 0:58:11.800 --> 0:58:14.240 reputation by quitting your job, or whatever it may be. 0:58:14.880 --> 0:58:17.360 And I think it's important to acknowledge that that's real 0:58:17.400 --> 0:58:20.440 and that may happen. But I think what I try 0:58:20.480 --> 0:58:22.400 and do next is say, okay, well, let's say you 0:58:22.440 --> 0:58:25.360 didn't change anything, how are you going to feel in 0:58:25.400 --> 0:58:28.400 five to ten years? And that's my favorite question to 0:58:28.400 --> 0:58:32.280 ask someone. Let's not change anything about your life. How 0:58:32.320 --> 0:58:34.960 does it feel in five to ten years, And if 0:58:34.960 --> 0:58:38.080 it feels worse then what you think it is now. 0:58:38.600 --> 0:58:40.800 Chances are that even if you're going to hurt someone, 0:58:40.840 --> 0:58:42.760 that's probably the better way to go. But if you 0:58:42.800 --> 0:58:45.520 say you're going to feel the same or better, then sure, 0:58:45.640 --> 0:58:47.440 just accept that. And most people will say, well, no, 0:58:47.520 --> 0:58:49.680 if I don't change anything, if I don't get out 0:58:49.680 --> 0:58:51.840 of this, my life's going to be worse. But here's 0:58:51.840 --> 0:58:55.840 the other thing. I think we're always conditioned to think 0:58:56.280 --> 0:58:59.920 that we need to change our situation to create a 0:59:00.120 --> 0:59:03.720 change in our life, and actually, with what both of 0:59:03.800 --> 0:59:06.920 us believe, it's all about a change in perspective and mindset. 0:59:07.400 --> 0:59:12.000 I have learned things from jobs that I hated but 0:59:12.120 --> 0:59:14.880 that are so useful to me right now. I have 0:59:15.040 --> 0:59:18.560 learned things from relationships with people I've had and those 0:59:18.600 --> 0:59:21.640 people that I didn't get along with, but those lessons 0:59:21.640 --> 0:59:24.840 are still serving me today. I've been in countless situations 0:59:24.840 --> 0:59:27.320 where I wanted to get out that situation, but that 0:59:27.360 --> 0:59:31.720 situation was perfectly designed to show me something. And the 0:59:31.760 --> 0:59:34.760 problem is we're constantly trying to just move and get away. 0:59:34.800 --> 0:59:37.040 And so really, what I say to everyone is, I 0:59:37.080 --> 0:59:41.320 want you to find out what is the perspective shift 0:59:41.360 --> 0:59:43.800 that this situation is trying to create in your life, 0:59:44.040 --> 0:59:47.320 because if you take that with you, that perspective is 0:59:47.320 --> 0:59:49.960 going to stay with you no matter the situation. But 0:59:50.000 --> 0:59:52.360 if you just keep trying to change your environment hoping 0:59:52.400 --> 0:59:54.919 that your life's going to improve, you're going to feel 0:59:54.920 --> 0:59:57.000 dissatisfied at the next place and the next place on 0:59:57.120 --> 0:59:59.440 the one after that. And I feel we're just conditioned 0:59:59.440 --> 1:00:01.240 to say, Okay, like your job, quit your job. You 1:00:01.240 --> 1:00:03.960 don't like your relationship, quit your relationship. It's not the 1:00:04.040 --> 1:00:06.560 job of relationship, it's the way you see it. And 1:00:06.640 --> 1:00:09.360 I think we just keep saying that it's this external 1:00:09.440 --> 1:00:12.280 shell that we're in, when it's actually this shell and 1:00:12.360 --> 1:00:15.240 what's happening inside of it that's defining all of these 1:00:15.280 --> 1:00:18.959 perspectives so much. I mean, that was an unbelievably beautiful answer, 1:00:18.960 --> 1:00:20.840 and I'm going to one hundred percent still that answer. 1:00:20.880 --> 1:00:24.120 I want you to know, especially that five year point, 1:00:24.120 --> 1:00:26.840 because it is a really good sort of mental gain 1:00:26.960 --> 1:00:30.280 to role play. One of the things I was thinking 1:00:30.320 --> 1:00:32.800 when you know you were talking then, is about a 1:00:32.800 --> 1:00:35.600 lot of those messages that will get on Instagram or 1:00:35.600 --> 1:00:38.080 wherever it might be. They're centered in insecurity, some kind 1:00:38.120 --> 1:00:40.520 of insecurity. And because we have a lot of followers, 1:00:40.560 --> 1:00:43.080 you significantly more than me, and because we have a 1:00:43.080 --> 1:00:46.680 big audience, what people will assume is that we have 1:00:46.720 --> 1:00:48.960 all the answers, but we've got it all figured out, 1:00:48.960 --> 1:00:50.760 and that we live our lives like saints. And I 1:00:50.800 --> 1:00:52.680 always want to be really clear on this podcast that 1:00:52.720 --> 1:00:55.520 I absolutely do not say. So let's talk about that. 1:00:55.760 --> 1:00:57.280 How about we go back and forward and we just 1:00:57.320 --> 1:00:59.920 say a couple of things we're really really bad at 1:01:00.080 --> 1:01:02.320 we want to improve on. Whether they are insecurities, they 1:01:02.320 --> 1:01:06.640 are lessons wisdom we know but we don't follow, etc. Etc. 1:01:06.920 --> 1:01:11.720 You please be my guests. However, this one's been the 1:01:11.720 --> 1:01:13.680 one that the universe keeps teaching me. So when if 1:01:13.680 --> 1:01:15.320 I think about this question, this is the first thing 1:01:15.320 --> 1:01:19.520 that came into my mind, I keep believing that I'm 1:01:19.560 --> 1:01:22.760 going to meet someone who's going to help me take 1:01:22.800 --> 1:01:25.760 my work to the next level. And so I always 1:01:25.760 --> 1:01:27.320 have had this belief and I don't know where it 1:01:27.320 --> 1:01:29.040 comes from. It's it's one of those ones that I 1:01:29.040 --> 1:01:32.880 still need to figure out, where every year I'll be like, oh, well, yeah, yeah, 1:01:32.880 --> 1:01:34.880 if I'm working with that person, that person like as 1:01:34.880 --> 1:01:37.520 a manager or an agent or whatever, it was like, 1:01:37.560 --> 1:01:39.960 that person's going to help me get to another stage. 1:01:40.520 --> 1:01:42.400 And the universe just keeps teaching me every year that 1:01:42.480 --> 1:01:44.720 it's you. It's you, it's you, it's you. Like You've 1:01:44.760 --> 1:01:46.320 got to do it for yourself. There's not going to 1:01:46.400 --> 1:01:49.200 be anyone that comes into your life and changes your life. 1:01:49.200 --> 1:01:53.720 But my naivety every year is to try and look 1:01:53.760 --> 1:01:57.360 for that person. And if someone asked me and said, well, Jay, 1:01:57.360 --> 1:01:58.720 who's going to be that person for me? I would 1:01:58.760 --> 1:02:00.720 tell them not what do you talk about to you? 1:02:00.840 --> 1:02:02.400 That's what I would say to them. Off the bat. 1:02:02.520 --> 1:02:05.240 I would say to someone, stop depending on other people. 1:02:05.520 --> 1:02:07.440 Stop waiting for someone to change your life. You have 1:02:07.480 --> 1:02:09.760 to change your life. But then in my own life, 1:02:09.800 --> 1:02:12.640 I keep my action show that I'm still looking for that. 1:02:12.720 --> 1:02:14.240 So that's the first thing I'm sure that let's go 1:02:14.280 --> 1:02:16.080 back and forth. I like this, Yeah, there's going to 1:02:16.120 --> 1:02:19.280 be plenty more. Okay, so loads came to mind, So 1:02:19.280 --> 1:02:20.960 I'll just I'll try and start from the top. So 1:02:21.280 --> 1:02:23.880 the first thing that came to mind that I know 1:02:24.480 --> 1:02:26.720 the truth upon and I would preach about on this podcast, 1:02:26.720 --> 1:02:30.240 but I find out hard to do is I still 1:02:30.440 --> 1:02:32.680 kind of impose my own bias and beliefs on the 1:02:32.680 --> 1:02:37.360 world onto others. And I still loosely don't understand why 1:02:37.560 --> 1:02:39.200 everybody doesn't want to do what I want to do 1:02:39.200 --> 1:02:41.400 with their life. So I don't understand why everybody doesn't 1:02:41.400 --> 1:02:45.040 want to be successful and climb the ladder and pursue 1:02:45.600 --> 1:02:48.760 and have nice things and build wealth and build an empire. 1:02:49.240 --> 1:02:52.440 So sometimes there's this real bias in the advice I 1:02:52.480 --> 1:02:54.720 give people, and this real kind of like naivety and 1:02:54.760 --> 1:02:57.840 lack of understanding that happiness is the north star. We 1:02:57.880 --> 1:03:00.280 will have our own path to getting there. I can 1:03:00.320 --> 1:03:04.520 even exhibit that as an employer, A voice can sometimes 1:03:04.600 --> 1:03:07.880 question why team members might not behave in the same 1:03:07.920 --> 1:03:10.960 way as me, And it's fundamentally because again, the north 1:03:11.000 --> 1:03:13.680 star is happiness, and their path to being happy is 1:03:13.720 --> 1:03:15.600 not the same as mine. And that's a really dangerous 1:03:15.600 --> 1:03:17.760 game to play, especially when you've got a big platform, 1:03:17.840 --> 1:03:21.480 because you'll make people feel inadequate for their journey to 1:03:21.560 --> 1:03:24.520 happiness because it doesn't resemble your own. And so I 1:03:24.560 --> 1:03:26.960 really need to get better at understanding we will have 1:03:27.000 --> 1:03:28.840 different paths. And if I just say to myself, the 1:03:28.880 --> 1:03:30.520 north star is happiness and we will have our own 1:03:30.560 --> 1:03:34.080 ways there, then I can stop preaching upon people or 1:03:34.120 --> 1:03:37.120 assuming that because they are not following my path they 1:03:37.120 --> 1:03:41.000 are incorrect. Yes, yes, I love that. I think one 1:03:41.000 --> 1:03:44.320 of the biggest things I obviously talk about is asking 1:03:44.360 --> 1:03:47.320 people to take time for themselves and make time for themselves. 1:03:48.680 --> 1:03:51.480 You only know where this is going, and I think 1:03:51.480 --> 1:03:55.120 it's really interesting because I think I try, and I 1:03:55.160 --> 1:03:59.320 think I do, but I know that this year when 1:03:59.320 --> 1:04:02.560 it came to so I try and take a full 1:04:02.640 --> 1:04:04.640 month off every year for myself, and usually I go 1:04:04.680 --> 1:04:06.680 to India, and because of COVID, I haven't been able 1:04:06.720 --> 1:04:09.520 to go for the last two years. And I usually 1:04:09.560 --> 1:04:12.080 go and live with the monks again and take part 1:04:12.080 --> 1:04:14.000 in all the meditations and practices for a month, and 1:04:14.040 --> 1:04:16.080 it's one of my favorite things to do, and I 1:04:16.120 --> 1:04:17.600 haven't been able to do it for the last two years, 1:04:17.600 --> 1:04:19.320 so I still decided I would take a month off, 1:04:20.000 --> 1:04:22.840 and it came and I said I would do from 1:04:22.840 --> 1:04:26.520 the fifteenth of December to the fifteenth of Jan and 1:04:26.560 --> 1:04:28.600 then I found out a week before that I kind 1:04:28.600 --> 1:04:30.280 of had to stay for an extra week in LA 1:04:30.400 --> 1:04:32.400 for work, so I delayed it and I was like, oh, 1:04:32.480 --> 1:04:35.000 I'm going to do a twenty second of December to 1:04:35.680 --> 1:04:39.720 the seventeenth of Jan. And then I got to London. 1:04:39.760 --> 1:04:41.240 I started taking that break off, but it was like 1:04:41.360 --> 1:04:42.880 I got to a point where I could see that 1:04:42.920 --> 1:04:46.800 I'd been delaying my self care and I kept delaying 1:04:46.840 --> 1:04:49.280 it even by that week, and in that week before 1:04:49.280 --> 1:04:52.840 I left, I could tell that I needed a break, 1:04:53.120 --> 1:04:55.520 like I needed to switch off. And my advice to 1:04:55.560 --> 1:04:58.080 everyone is, don't let it get to that point. You've 1:04:58.080 --> 1:05:01.040 got to take it. Just before that, I was planning 1:05:01.080 --> 1:05:03.800 on doing that, it was scheduled, but because of commitments 1:05:03.800 --> 1:05:06.560 and priorities and important things, I had to push that 1:05:06.640 --> 1:05:10.280 extra mile. And sure, I'm fine and I'm okay, and 1:05:10.320 --> 1:05:13.360 I feel great, but I don't think that that's sustainable, 1:05:13.800 --> 1:05:17.520 and I think it was a different journey. And this 1:05:17.600 --> 1:05:21.280 is being honest too. I don't think I'm a proponent 1:05:21.320 --> 1:05:23.880 of work life balance, although it may appear that way. 1:05:23.920 --> 1:05:26.520 So this may actually be a perception thing. I think 1:05:26.560 --> 1:05:30.200 people may perceive that Jay believes imperfect work life balance, 1:05:30.720 --> 1:05:33.520 and the truth is, I don't. I believe in purpose. 1:05:33.920 --> 1:05:36.520 And purpose to me is being obsessed about what you 1:05:36.600 --> 1:05:40.080 care about and what's important to you. And so for me, 1:05:40.160 --> 1:05:42.520 what I do is my purpose, and so I'm obsessed 1:05:42.560 --> 1:05:44.400 about it. I care about it. I love it, I 1:05:44.520 --> 1:05:48.440 breathe it, I live it. And when I was building, 1:05:48.600 --> 1:05:52.720 I was working eighteen hours a day. I was you know, 1:05:53.720 --> 1:05:55.720 a couple of those were meditations, sure, but then I 1:05:55.760 --> 1:05:58.560 was sleeping for six hours. But I was working eighteen 1:05:58.600 --> 1:06:00.919 hours a days for two to three year straight, seven 1:06:01.040 --> 1:06:04.000 days a week. And I think the perception is often 1:06:04.400 --> 1:06:06.800 people may feel that, no, J, you live a perfectly 1:06:06.840 --> 1:06:09.080 balanced life, and I'm like, well, no, no, I haven't. 1:06:09.120 --> 1:06:14.920 Like there's a different skill required to go upwards, then stay, maintain, 1:06:15.160 --> 1:06:17.680 create momentum, Like it's a different gear that you're in 1:06:17.720 --> 1:06:20.480 all the time. And so today my life is far 1:06:20.600 --> 1:06:23.560 more disciplined in my health and wellness than it's ever 1:06:23.600 --> 1:06:26.640 been before. But there have been periods of the years 1:06:27.080 --> 1:06:30.360 getting here that didn't look like that at all. If that, oh, yes, 1:06:30.600 --> 1:06:32.880 I completely get that. Thank you for showing that. Yeah, 1:06:32.920 --> 1:06:35.600 that's super valuable. My next one would be what you 1:06:35.680 --> 1:06:39.360 described at the tennis court, which was some days, especially 1:06:39.400 --> 1:06:41.920 because I mean, these are probably everything I say now 1:06:42.000 --> 1:06:43.320 is probably going to be an excuse, but I'm going 1:06:43.360 --> 1:06:45.160 to say it anyway, but I've presented it as an excuse, 1:06:45.160 --> 1:06:48.680 so hopefully that kind of is okay. I think I've 1:06:48.720 --> 1:06:51.120 geared my mind to care so much about the like 1:06:51.240 --> 1:06:54.680 being time efficient. Yes that in situations where things aren't 1:06:54.720 --> 1:06:59.680 moving with the efficiency that I demand from my business life. Yeah, 1:07:00.080 --> 1:07:02.960 bring your hand up here, that I might because because 1:07:02.960 --> 1:07:06.600 of my expectations are of efficiency and speed. When I 1:07:06.680 --> 1:07:09.040 encounter a situation, maybe like the people that were bumbling 1:07:09.080 --> 1:07:10.960 around with the clipboard at the tennis court that you described, 1:07:11.000 --> 1:07:14.880 trying to find your membership or whatever, my expectation goes on, Matt, 1:07:15.440 --> 1:07:18.200 frustration arrives, and then I might compromise on the way 1:07:18.240 --> 1:07:21.360 that I behave and that might mean being abrupt, being 1:07:21.720 --> 1:07:25.000 too forward with somebody, or being too harsh, or lacking 1:07:25.040 --> 1:07:27.400 compassion in the way that I say something. People don't 1:07:27.440 --> 1:07:30.600 know this about me but when I'm alone, I think 1:07:30.640 --> 1:07:32.680 about this. It's probably the number one thing I think about. 1:07:32.760 --> 1:07:34.680 I reflect on how I treated people that day. Yes, 1:07:34.840 --> 1:07:36.560 and there's been too many days in a row where 1:07:36.560 --> 1:07:39.520 I've gone, you fucked that up against THEE. Be better tomorrow. 1:07:39.560 --> 1:07:42.800 And then I'll come into tomorrow. The expectation will go in, Matt, 1:07:43.440 --> 1:07:45.200 I'll become a person I don't want to be, and 1:07:45.200 --> 1:07:46.720 I'll say to myself in my private time, I say, 1:07:46.720 --> 1:07:48.680 you fuck that up again. And I've been doing that 1:07:48.720 --> 1:07:51.960 too much for too long. I think we all have. 1:07:52.040 --> 1:07:54.200 I talked about in my book. I had this. I 1:07:54.240 --> 1:07:56.040 had this moment the same thing as you just said. 1:07:56.560 --> 1:07:59.040 I this was a couple of years ago in La 1:07:59.160 --> 1:08:02.040 and I was traveling around in ubers and going here 1:08:02.040 --> 1:08:04.280 and there and getting in or lift and calling one 1:08:04.280 --> 1:08:07.080 and jumping in and going on. And I got in 1:08:07.320 --> 1:08:10.160 and I was on my phone and doing whatever. And 1:08:10.160 --> 1:08:13.520 then five minutes later I realized we hadn't moved. And 1:08:14.640 --> 1:08:17.200 and that's how consumed I was on my phone, whether 1:08:17.240 --> 1:08:20.400 I was scrolling or texting or emailing. And I said 1:08:20.400 --> 1:08:23.200 to the driver, I said, is everything okay? And he said, 1:08:23.760 --> 1:08:26.320 you didn't say hello? And he said I said a 1:08:26.360 --> 1:08:29.120 hello to you five minutes ago and you didn't say hello, 1:08:30.200 --> 1:08:34.080 and I just it was such a like I was 1:08:34.160 --> 1:08:35.720 late for my meeting. I was late for a big 1:08:35.720 --> 1:08:40.320 thing where I felt terrible. I felt so so bad, 1:08:40.360 --> 1:08:43.320 and I was like, I really want people to connect 1:08:43.320 --> 1:08:45.920 with everyone as a human. And I said, I'm so sorry. 1:08:45.920 --> 1:08:49.800 What's your name like? And then and he started driving in. 1:08:50.000 --> 1:08:52.000 He wasn't trying to he wasn't even trying to be 1:08:52.040 --> 1:08:54.000 abrasive like some people say, oh, well, that's a bit, 1:08:54.120 --> 1:08:56.080 he's not doing this. I actually don't think it's his 1:08:56.080 --> 1:08:57.640 fault at all. I think he taught me such a 1:08:57.720 --> 1:08:59.479 valuable lesson because I was just kind of like, oh, 1:08:59.520 --> 1:09:02.960 yeah's as booked it. Treating him like a robot, treating 1:09:03.000 --> 1:09:04.840 him like a machine. And yet one day we'll have 1:09:04.960 --> 1:09:06.960 driver this cars and I won't have to say hello. Sure, 1:09:07.080 --> 1:09:12.200 But treating a human in that way, I think that 1:09:12.240 --> 1:09:15.360 goes against everything I stand for. Is that I want 1:09:15.479 --> 1:09:18.280 us to become more human and I want us to 1:09:18.360 --> 1:09:22.200 not lose our humanity as technology advances. And I love 1:09:22.200 --> 1:09:25.879 technology and it's great, but let's not lose our ability 1:09:25.920 --> 1:09:28.400 to have human connection, which is what brings so much 1:09:28.520 --> 1:09:31.320 joy to our lives, and so yeah, I you know, 1:09:31.560 --> 1:09:34.360 that's one of those moments that I was like, Yeah, 1:09:34.600 --> 1:09:37.800 you're really trying to teach me a lesson here, because yeah, 1:09:37.840 --> 1:09:39.720 you know what, this this whole back and forward, if 1:09:39.720 --> 1:09:41.760 it's taught us anything, it's that even people that you 1:09:41.840 --> 1:09:46.040 presume to have the answers from the outside, in fact, 1:09:46.120 --> 1:09:50.759 maybe the correct answer is to understand one's own faults, 1:09:51.120 --> 1:09:54.240 understand we're all really really imperfect, to be self aware 1:09:54.240 --> 1:09:56.760 about those faults, and then make a commitment to being 1:09:56.800 --> 1:10:00.400 better every day. I think I'll die imperfect trying to 1:10:00.400 --> 1:10:03.240 be better. I don't think i'll die perfect. And I 1:10:03.320 --> 1:10:06.840 think I think that is maybe there'll probably be people 1:10:06.840 --> 1:10:09.240 that view the work that you do and say, God, 1:10:09.240 --> 1:10:11.960 he's got it all figured out one hundred percent of things, 1:10:12.280 --> 1:10:15.320 and I don't. So I'm inadequate. Yes, I need to 1:10:15.400 --> 1:10:17.520 be Jay. And if I'm not Jay, then I'm inadequate. 1:10:17.640 --> 1:10:20.719 I'm morally wrong my values about I'm a bad person. 1:10:21.280 --> 1:10:23.200 So that's kind of I love that. I'm so glad. 1:10:23.200 --> 1:10:25.040 I love the back and forth. Two you know, for me, 1:10:25.120 --> 1:10:28.080 it's it's always wonderful to talk about these things, and 1:10:28.120 --> 1:10:31.200 I think that's what our generation is changed in this 1:10:31.280 --> 1:10:34.000 space because I think we did live at a time 1:10:34.040 --> 1:10:39.120 when gurus and guides and coaches were revered as flawless 1:10:39.160 --> 1:10:42.200 perfect and you never really saw the behind the scenes. 1:10:42.240 --> 1:10:43.880 And I think I always say to my team, like 1:10:43.920 --> 1:10:46.360 I'm always trying to I don't want I don't even 1:10:46.439 --> 1:10:50.400 want that pressure. It's it's pressure, and it actually stops 1:10:50.400 --> 1:10:53.600 you from being sincere and genuine and authentic. And I 1:10:53.680 --> 1:10:56.639 feel that pressure sometimes, like I feel that pressure when 1:10:56.880 --> 1:10:58.720 someone has a question and I need to rush off, 1:10:58.760 --> 1:11:00.120 and I'm like, I want to answer it, but I 1:11:00.160 --> 1:11:02.400 also need to rush off, and I feel that pressure, 1:11:02.600 --> 1:11:05.639 and it's just I've realized they don't want that pressure, 1:11:05.680 --> 1:11:07.400 like because I'm not perfect and I don't want to 1:11:07.400 --> 1:11:09.240 try and pretend I am, or I don't want to 1:11:09.240 --> 1:11:11.479 have to live up to it because it will just 1:11:11.600 --> 1:11:14.800 let someone down. And it's really interesting because this was 1:11:14.840 --> 1:11:18.720 around probably around eleven years ago now, and I was 1:11:18.760 --> 1:11:21.040 mentoring before I became a monk. When I was a monk, 1:11:21.080 --> 1:11:22.719 I was a mentor, and then I became a coach, 1:11:23.120 --> 1:11:25.719 And whenever I took on a mentee or a coach, 1:11:26.360 --> 1:11:29.599 coaching client or anyone. One of the first things I'd 1:11:29.600 --> 1:11:31.840 say to them in our first meeting is I just 1:11:31.920 --> 1:11:33.760 want you to know that I will let you down. 1:11:34.400 --> 1:11:36.200 I just want you to know that there will be 1:11:36.280 --> 1:11:40.559 something I do that upsets you, disappoints you, or lets 1:11:40.600 --> 1:11:43.760 you down. If you're okay with that, let's get started, like, 1:11:43.840 --> 1:11:46.439 let's get going. And I saw the amount of people 1:11:46.479 --> 1:11:49.080 that walked out that door. Really yeah, there were people 1:11:49.080 --> 1:11:53.000 that left because they were expecting divinity and humanity and 1:11:53.040 --> 1:11:55.920 they were expecting perfection. And I'm really happy that they 1:11:56.080 --> 1:11:58.400 left because I would never have been able to live 1:11:58.439 --> 1:12:00.000 up to that. And I don't even want the pressure. 1:12:00.600 --> 1:12:02.760 And so I'm really clear with people even now, like 1:12:02.800 --> 1:12:04.400 I work with so many clients and that's one of 1:12:04.439 --> 1:12:06.479 the first things I'll say to them. And you see 1:12:06.520 --> 1:12:09.160 that the people that stay recognize that because they understand 1:12:09.200 --> 1:12:12.040 they have flaws and we all do. And I also 1:12:12.080 --> 1:12:15.640 took off the pressure, especially in coaching, where a lot 1:12:15.720 --> 1:12:18.360 of people think you can change their life, and as 1:12:18.400 --> 1:12:21.559 an immature coach or therapist, you may think you can 1:12:21.640 --> 1:12:24.720 change someone else's life. And the more I've coached and 1:12:24.760 --> 1:12:28.160 the more hours I've wrapped up with coaching, the more, 1:12:28.200 --> 1:12:32.519 I've realized I can't change someone's life. I don't have 1:12:32.640 --> 1:12:35.920 what it takes to change someone's life. I don't have 1:12:35.960 --> 1:12:39.640 to say something profound every word I say, and not 1:12:39.760 --> 1:12:42.280 everything I say is going to be perfect and incredible 1:12:42.479 --> 1:12:46.040 and insightful. And if I can let go of that, 1:12:46.160 --> 1:12:50.360 I actually might allow something beautiful to happen. Actually trying 1:12:50.400 --> 1:12:52.439 to do all those things, trying to say something profound 1:12:52.479 --> 1:12:57.519 every sentence, trying to magically solve someone's problems, trying to 1:12:57.680 --> 1:13:01.000 be perfect, all of these things actually lock something beautiful 1:13:01.080 --> 1:13:03.800 from happening. Kind of interesting because it very much links 1:13:03.840 --> 1:13:06.240 to what you said about not putting the expectation on 1:13:06.280 --> 1:13:08.160 the outcome. You said that earlier. I'm not going to 1:13:08.200 --> 1:13:10.439 try and change your life today, but let's just focus in, 1:13:10.479 --> 1:13:12.840 as you said earlier, on the process of what we 1:13:12.880 --> 1:13:15.040 can do today. I guess part of my point. The 1:13:15.080 --> 1:13:18.000 first thing that came to mind there was we both 1:13:18.000 --> 1:13:20.000 write quotes and put them out on the internet and 1:13:20.040 --> 1:13:22.080 that kind of thing. But I'm going to be completely honest. 1:13:22.080 --> 1:13:24.080 When I write quotes on Instagram, I have no expectation 1:13:24.120 --> 1:13:26.240 that it's going to change the life of pretty much. 1:13:26.439 --> 1:13:29.000 I actually don't think even if people agree with it, 1:13:29.439 --> 1:13:32.519 most of them won't actually do anything, probably over ninety 1:13:32.960 --> 1:13:36.040 maybe ninety nine of them. But what does it take 1:13:36.080 --> 1:13:38.280 to have an impact on someone's life. Is it something 1:13:38.320 --> 1:13:40.280 that you can do as a coach or is it 1:13:40.560 --> 1:13:43.640 something inside them that is you're just the oxygen to 1:13:43.680 --> 1:13:47.000 their flame? What is it? I believe that we need 1:13:47.360 --> 1:13:52.920 different language, different perspectives, different faces, different voices to connect 1:13:52.920 --> 1:13:55.679 with every person on the planet. You're going to say 1:13:55.880 --> 1:13:59.400 the same thing in your own way, from your own 1:13:59.400 --> 1:14:01.599 mind and heart and your experience, and that's going to 1:14:01.600 --> 1:14:03.479 touch someone in a way that what I said can't. 1:14:03.720 --> 1:14:06.080 And then I'm going to say something in a context 1:14:06.120 --> 1:14:07.960 that's going to impact someone else that your words may 1:14:08.000 --> 1:14:12.679 not speak to. Because I've heard truth again and again 1:14:12.720 --> 1:14:15.400 and again and again and again, and then I hear 1:14:15.439 --> 1:14:19.800 it again last week and it clicks because I heard 1:14:19.840 --> 1:14:22.280 it from someone that said it in a way that 1:14:22.640 --> 1:14:24.880 speaks to the language of my soul. Let's speak to 1:14:24.920 --> 1:14:27.400 the language of my mind and heart. And I think 1:14:27.479 --> 1:14:30.840 that's what's so fascinating about needing more voices and more 1:14:30.880 --> 1:14:33.519 faces and more people trying to serve. But when you 1:14:33.600 --> 1:14:37.479 talk about what creates change in coaching. There's four steps 1:14:37.880 --> 1:14:44.200 to making a change in someone's life. It goes theoretical, meaningful, practical, 1:14:44.560 --> 1:14:48.599 and applicable. So most people when they like a post 1:14:48.680 --> 1:14:53.240 on Instagram or maybe they comment, that's them saying theoretically, 1:14:53.240 --> 1:14:56.280 I agree with this, and I understand it. I understand 1:14:56.320 --> 1:14:59.439 the theory that what you're saying is true, and I 1:14:59.479 --> 1:15:02.519 like it and I agree with it theoretically. But that 1:15:02.600 --> 1:15:08.080 theoretical understanding doesn't create transformation. That theoretical understanding doesn't change 1:15:08.080 --> 1:15:11.000 someone's life. It may hit them here and hit them here. 1:15:11.640 --> 1:15:13.840 The next step actually is from here too here, which 1:15:13.920 --> 1:15:16.719 is is it meaningful to them? So I'll give an example. 1:15:16.800 --> 1:15:19.719 Let's say someone reads a quote but they just lost 1:15:19.760 --> 1:15:23.080 their parent or they just lost a family member they love. 1:15:24.600 --> 1:15:26.200 I know I've had that happen to me in the 1:15:26.240 --> 1:15:28.320 last couple of years. I'm sure many people listening have. 1:15:29.280 --> 1:15:33.120 Now it's not theory, it's meaningful because it's hit your heart. 1:15:33.120 --> 1:15:36.439 It's gone from here to here, and you're like, okay, 1:15:36.479 --> 1:15:39.880 that really resonated. But again, that doesn't change your life 1:15:40.400 --> 1:15:43.680 because now it's meaningful, it's emotional, it's internal, but that 1:15:43.720 --> 1:15:46.240 hasn't changed in your action or your behavior. So the 1:15:46.280 --> 1:15:50.880 next step is making that practical. Okay, Stephen wrote that 1:15:50.920 --> 1:15:53.559 amazing quote, how do I make that practical? Let me reflect, 1:15:53.560 --> 1:15:55.960 this is the work that the coachee or the client 1:15:56.040 --> 1:15:59.200 needs to do. Okay, Stephen presented it beautifully. It connected 1:15:59.200 --> 1:16:02.000 with my head, It hit my heart. How do I 1:16:02.000 --> 1:16:04.320 actually make that practically in my day to day life? 1:16:04.680 --> 1:16:06.479 I'm not Stephen, I'm not Jay. How do I actually 1:16:06.520 --> 1:16:08.680 practically do that? And then finally, what's the part that 1:16:08.760 --> 1:16:11.920 I apply and take action on? So as a receiver 1:16:12.080 --> 1:16:15.559 of wisdom and knowledge, you have to do half that journey. 1:16:16.240 --> 1:16:18.520 All you can do is the theoretical and the meaningful, 1:16:18.720 --> 1:16:21.080 and you may even help with practical tips and application, 1:16:21.360 --> 1:16:23.840 But someone still has to sit there and go, how 1:16:23.840 --> 1:16:25.840 do I do that? Unless you're sitting there with the 1:16:25.920 --> 1:16:28.919 one on one obviously, and you can't do the practical 1:16:29.000 --> 1:16:32.240 bit for someone else forever. Ever. Yeah, you could help 1:16:32.240 --> 1:16:34.760 them today or tomorrow, totally, not for a lifetime. It's 1:16:34.800 --> 1:16:36.479 not going to be the fishing rod. Over the years, 1:16:36.520 --> 1:16:39.280 I've tried to kind of simplify what happiness is and 1:16:39.320 --> 1:16:41.400 I sit here with my guests and Mogadat was great 1:16:41.400 --> 1:16:43.200 at that as well. Yeah, of course it is unbelievable. 1:16:43.800 --> 1:16:46.559 Kind of the concept of happiness. What are the kind 1:16:46.560 --> 1:16:51.080 of simple fundamentals that Jay Shetty requires in his life 1:16:51.280 --> 1:16:53.880 to live a happy life. I'm going to use the 1:16:53.880 --> 1:16:56.160 word happy. I know it's a shitty word in many respects, 1:16:56.160 --> 1:16:59.080 but I just want to use that as the word. Yeah, 1:16:59.160 --> 1:17:04.320 I'd say that I look at happiness as daily habits 1:17:04.920 --> 1:17:08.760 and then deeper purpose. So there's things you can do 1:17:08.840 --> 1:17:11.960 daily that keep that happiness kind of moving and feel 1:17:11.960 --> 1:17:15.960 it's growing. And then there's almost the objective, the compass, 1:17:16.080 --> 1:17:20.160 the reason why you live and why you exist. And 1:17:20.360 --> 1:17:25.839 for me, it's been really clear that finding your passion 1:17:26.080 --> 1:17:29.200 and using it in the service of others is what 1:17:29.400 --> 1:17:33.479 creates the greatest, deepest happiness. When you find what you love, 1:17:33.520 --> 1:17:36.200 what you excel at, what you're brilliant at, and then 1:17:36.280 --> 1:17:40.160 you can actually use that to improve people's lives and 1:17:40.280 --> 1:17:44.880 you can use that skill, that passion, that energy to 1:17:45.120 --> 1:17:49.040 make a difference in someone's life. There is no better 1:17:49.080 --> 1:17:51.559 feeling than that. And what I find is I meet 1:17:51.600 --> 1:17:54.920 a lot of people who've mastered their passion, but not 1:17:54.960 --> 1:17:58.400 for service. They mastered it for business. They mastered it 1:17:58.439 --> 1:18:01.599 for money. They are mastered it for success and they 1:18:01.680 --> 1:18:03.799 have all of that, but they haven't got the service 1:18:03.840 --> 1:18:06.920 element in their life. They don't understand how to use 1:18:06.960 --> 1:18:11.200 their passion for a purpose, and so they feel unequipped. 1:18:11.520 --> 1:18:13.160 And then I know lots of people who are trying 1:18:13.160 --> 1:18:15.080 to serve or trying to make a difference, or trying 1:18:15.080 --> 1:18:16.519 to do charity work. They're trying to do all this 1:18:16.560 --> 1:18:19.160 good work and they feel good about it, but they 1:18:19.200 --> 1:18:23.040 still don't feel fulfilled because they're missing what is my 1:18:23.120 --> 1:18:27.439 special role, Like what's my position, what's my offering? In 1:18:27.479 --> 1:18:29.639 this space? You kind of get lost after a while. 1:18:30.240 --> 1:18:32.799 And so to me, happiness is where both come together, 1:18:32.840 --> 1:18:35.120 where it's like I know what I love and what 1:18:35.280 --> 1:18:38.479 makes me happy, and when I do that for others 1:18:38.560 --> 1:18:41.600 to improve their lives, it makes them happy. So if 1:18:41.640 --> 1:18:43.519 you can do what makes you happy and do it 1:18:43.560 --> 1:18:45.800 for others and it makes them happy, that's going to 1:18:45.880 --> 1:18:49.679 give you happiness. And I have tested that principle time 1:18:49.680 --> 1:18:52.719 and time again with clients, with friends, with family, with myself, 1:18:52.920 --> 1:18:54.880 and I've seen it to be true again and again 1:18:54.920 --> 1:18:58.640 and again. But that's that bigger happiness piece. Let's go 1:18:58.680 --> 1:19:01.680 to the daily habits daily stuff, and I want to 1:19:01.680 --> 1:19:03.559 try and avoid the stuff that I think people have 1:19:03.640 --> 1:19:05.960 heard and people have probably come across before in many 1:19:05.960 --> 1:19:08.360 different places. Maybe I've spoken about the maybe other people have. 1:19:09.439 --> 1:19:11.160 But one of the biggest ones for me is I 1:19:11.240 --> 1:19:13.839 read a book a few years ago about flow state, 1:19:14.400 --> 1:19:17.759 and that book really transformed how I felt about things, 1:19:18.479 --> 1:19:21.960 and it talks about how being in flow is the 1:19:22.120 --> 1:19:28.559 intersection where your skills and your challenge match. So if 1:19:28.600 --> 1:19:33.320 your skills are higher than your challenge, you'll feel bored, lethargic, 1:19:33.560 --> 1:19:36.880 and maybe feel stuck. But if your challenge is greater 1:19:36.920 --> 1:19:42.120 than your skills, you feel overwhelmed, potentially depressed and disconnected 1:19:42.160 --> 1:19:45.679 and disappointed. So most of us are living in one 1:19:45.720 --> 1:19:49.919 of those discrepancies, and I find on a daily basis, 1:19:49.960 --> 1:19:53.559 I'm playing around with that equation for happiness because that 1:19:53.680 --> 1:19:56.840 flow state when you know you have a skill and 1:19:56.920 --> 1:19:59.640 your challenge is met, and even if you lose, you 1:19:59.720 --> 1:20:01.680 still get such a joy out of it because you 1:20:01.720 --> 1:20:04.320 know that you're still working in the right direction. And 1:20:04.400 --> 1:20:07.840 I think that is an underplayed part of happiness because 1:20:07.840 --> 1:20:11.160 it doesn't sound like something predictable or obvious because people go, well, 1:20:11.200 --> 1:20:14.360 that's achievement. That's ambition. It's actually not. It's just saying 1:20:15.479 --> 1:20:18.120 for most people, it's either all their challenges are greater 1:20:18.120 --> 1:20:20.040 than their skill or their skills greater than their challenge. 1:20:20.040 --> 1:20:22.679 So I would ask everyone to say, look at your life. 1:20:23.160 --> 1:20:25.400 Do you need to improve your skills or do you 1:20:25.439 --> 1:20:28.240 need to broaden your challenge? Is this a year of 1:20:28.280 --> 1:20:31.520 expanding your challenges or is this a year of broadening 1:20:31.520 --> 1:20:34.080 your skills? And I promise you if you start with that, 1:20:34.120 --> 1:20:37.360 you're going to get so busy and active changing one 1:20:37.360 --> 1:20:41.439 of those that happiness is going to naturally flow. This 1:20:41.640 --> 1:20:44.839 comes into a little model like created of creating happiness 1:20:44.840 --> 1:20:48.680 for my year, and that one sits in one of them, 1:20:48.680 --> 1:20:51.080 so I'll explain which one it's in. I believe that 1:20:51.120 --> 1:20:55.200 to create happiness day to day, in one year, in 1:20:55.280 --> 1:21:00.320 one month, in a week, you have to have three things. 1:21:01.280 --> 1:21:03.880 You have to learn something every year, you have to 1:21:04.000 --> 1:21:06.679 launch something every year, and you have to love something 1:21:06.720 --> 1:21:09.280 every year. And that's how I've lived for the last 1:21:09.640 --> 1:21:13.320 three to five years. Every year I'm learning something, every 1:21:13.360 --> 1:21:16.599 year I'm launching something, and every year I'm loving something. 1:21:16.920 --> 1:21:18.960 And I'll give you an example. So when I talk 1:21:18.960 --> 1:21:23.519 about flow state that comes into the idea of grazing 1:21:23.520 --> 1:21:27.639 your challenge is like launching something. The reason why launching 1:21:27.680 --> 1:21:31.160 something creates happiness is because it creates a feeling of nervousness, 1:21:31.400 --> 1:21:34.440 It creates a feeling of butterflies, creates a feeling of excitement, 1:21:34.600 --> 1:21:36.680 like I don't know what's going to happen. We all 1:21:36.720 --> 1:21:39.000 need a feeling of surprise in life. We all need 1:21:39.000 --> 1:21:42.040 that feeling of I don't know. The sense of the 1:21:42.120 --> 1:21:47.920 unknown can actually cause happiness. And so launching something is 1:21:47.960 --> 1:21:49.719 such a powerful way. And I think too many people 1:21:49.760 --> 1:21:52.800 will think for five years, and think for ten years 1:21:52.960 --> 1:21:56.080 and maybe launch one thing in their whole life. And 1:21:56.520 --> 1:21:57.920 me and you have both. I mean, i'd love to 1:21:57.920 --> 1:22:00.439 I can't wait to interview on my podcast, but I 1:22:00.479 --> 1:22:02.479 have launched so much stuff. That's fair. We're going to 1:22:02.520 --> 1:22:05.360 get into that. Yeah, but that launch creates so much joy, 1:22:05.400 --> 1:22:07.320 It creates so much happiness. So launch something and we 1:22:07.360 --> 1:22:10.000 can dive into that. Then there's learn something, which is 1:22:10.040 --> 1:22:11.880 what we just talked about learning as skills. So that's 1:22:11.920 --> 1:22:14.680 the that's the idea of creating a flow state by 1:22:14.680 --> 1:22:16.280 saying what skill do I want to learn? And every 1:22:16.360 --> 1:22:19.519 year I pick a skill, and it's usually based on 1:22:19.680 --> 1:22:22.800 what I want to launch the next year. So I'll go, Okay, 1:22:22.800 --> 1:22:25.799 I need to learn podcasting. So twenty eighteen I studied podcasting. 1:22:25.840 --> 1:22:29.439 Twenty nineteen we launched the podcast. So what you learn 1:22:29.640 --> 1:22:32.280 turns in what you launch, and what you launch turns 1:22:32.280 --> 1:22:34.479 into what you love. And what we try and do 1:22:34.560 --> 1:22:35.719 is you try and do it the other way around. 1:22:35.720 --> 1:22:38.840 We try and love something before we learn and launch. 1:22:38.920 --> 1:22:42.360 It doesn't make sense. You've got to learn about something 1:22:42.479 --> 1:22:45.240 first and then you can fall in love with it. 1:22:45.640 --> 1:22:48.160 You can't love something and then learn about it. You can, 1:22:48.400 --> 1:22:50.880 but it doesn't always work that way. So I try 1:22:50.920 --> 1:22:52.680 and plan my years out in that way. I go, 1:22:52.800 --> 1:22:53.960 what am I going to learn, what am I going 1:22:54.000 --> 1:22:56.920 to launch, and what am I going to love? So yeah, 1:22:57.000 --> 1:22:59.000 I think that's how I try and create happiness on 1:22:59.080 --> 1:23:02.280 a daily, weekly, monthly basis without diving into things like 1:23:02.400 --> 1:23:06.360 gratitude and meditation, which are huge parts of my daily happiness. 1:23:06.479 --> 1:23:08.519 But I think those are ideas that are out there 1:23:08.560 --> 1:23:10.960 and that we've talked about before, probably, And you've launched 1:23:10.960 --> 1:23:14.000 a lot of stuff, a lot of stuff, and we're 1:23:14.000 --> 1:23:15.479 going to talk a little bit about some of those 1:23:15.479 --> 1:23:18.519 things that you've launched. I mean, you've got your Genius Community, 1:23:18.600 --> 1:23:21.000 which which has been going for a long time now, brilliant, 1:23:21.800 --> 1:23:24.600 a really brilliant business and really a standout business in 1:23:24.680 --> 1:23:28.520 this whole industry in terms of the way you executed 1:23:28.560 --> 1:23:32.040 it and the I mean even the design of the programs. 1:23:32.120 --> 1:23:34.240 And I remember going on the website and trying to 1:23:34.280 --> 1:23:37.320 I thinking to myself, would I be able to make 1:23:37.400 --> 1:23:40.960 something as quality as this in the future, and sort 1:23:41.000 --> 1:23:43.479 of modeling myself on that. You've got your certification score 1:23:43.520 --> 1:23:46.160 for coaches as well, You've launched your tea business, and 1:23:46.240 --> 1:23:49.640 there's also really I guess this is a bit of 1:23:49.640 --> 1:23:54.000 an exclusive, your partnership with Calm, the mindfulness meditation app, 1:23:54.280 --> 1:23:56.280 and I think they also call themselves a sleep app 1:23:56.320 --> 1:23:59.360 as well. Now I think that's a more modern description 1:23:59.400 --> 1:24:03.120 of them. So why did you partner with Calm? So 1:24:03.560 --> 1:24:06.040 Michael and I Michael was one of the co founders 1:24:06.080 --> 1:24:11.800 of Calm podcast, Yes exactly, yes, And we got introduced 1:24:12.080 --> 1:24:16.280 probably around four years ago now, and he came over 1:24:16.320 --> 1:24:20.120 for lunch to my place. We were hanging out, connecting, 1:24:20.160 --> 1:24:22.479 getting to know each other. He was being told that 1:24:23.320 --> 1:24:24.880 he should really connect with me, and I was being 1:24:24.920 --> 1:24:27.320 told I should connect with him, and finally we got together. 1:24:27.400 --> 1:24:28.760 So we had lunch at my home. My wife made 1:24:28.840 --> 1:24:32.600 us this incredible lunch and we sat down and he 1:24:32.800 --> 1:24:34.760 brought a friend and I had a couple of people 1:24:34.800 --> 1:24:38.559 there and we just hung out. And in that meeting, 1:24:39.520 --> 1:24:43.280 I met someone who I really believed was not trying 1:24:43.360 --> 1:24:46.040 to build an app, and I met someone who was 1:24:46.080 --> 1:24:49.200 not trying to build a platform, and I met someone 1:24:49.240 --> 1:24:53.559 who was not trying to build technology. He was trying 1:24:53.560 --> 1:24:56.680 to build an experience. He was trying to build a 1:24:57.160 --> 1:24:59.200 journey for people to go on. He was trying to 1:24:59.360 --> 1:25:03.679 build a practical daily habit for each and every single 1:25:03.760 --> 1:25:06.680 person in the world. And that was really beautiful for 1:25:06.760 --> 1:25:10.200 me to hear because I've been an admirer of Calm 1:25:10.680 --> 1:25:12.920 when it first started out, and I first heard about 1:25:12.960 --> 1:25:17.160 it probably eight years before we met, and I've been 1:25:17.200 --> 1:25:19.280 seeing what they were doing and creating, and to meet 1:25:19.320 --> 1:25:22.599 the person behind it, and for them to be as genuine, 1:25:22.600 --> 1:25:24.479 sincere and wonderful as Michael as you've met him, so 1:25:24.520 --> 1:25:26.679 you know what he's like. I was really blown away 1:25:26.720 --> 1:25:28.479 by that. I was just blown away by that vision 1:25:29.240 --> 1:25:33.959 and having spent hours and years meditating in the monastery 1:25:34.000 --> 1:25:38.920 and then meditating afterwards. I've always wanted to share meditation 1:25:39.160 --> 1:25:42.280 at scale with the world. I think it's a habit 1:25:42.840 --> 1:25:46.040 that eighty to ninety percent of the world's most healthy, wealthy, 1:25:46.080 --> 1:25:49.840 and successful people live by. So if we could make 1:25:49.920 --> 1:25:53.960 it accessible, practical, and relevant to each and every person's 1:25:54.120 --> 1:25:58.519 daily life, can you imagine the transformation that they'll have. 1:25:59.400 --> 1:26:01.200 And I've prints that as a monk. I saw it 1:26:01.680 --> 1:26:03.760 for years and years and years. I've seen it. Last year, 1:26:03.920 --> 1:26:08.080 during the pandemic, I went live for twenty days on 1:26:08.160 --> 1:26:11.840 Instagram and taught meditation just to everyone and anyone. Because 1:26:12.439 --> 1:26:14.800 I felt quite inadequate. I was like, I'm not a 1:26:14.880 --> 1:26:19.080 frontline worker. I can't save lives. I'm not a delivery person. 1:26:19.120 --> 1:26:21.000 I'm not helping people with their groceries and their food. 1:26:21.000 --> 1:26:22.760 I was like, what can I offer? And I thought, well, 1:26:22.840 --> 1:26:25.080 maybe if people are going to have a minute of 1:26:25.160 --> 1:26:27.519 peace and calm, then that might be worth it. And 1:26:27.600 --> 1:26:29.720 across forty days, I end up doing fourteen instead of 1:26:29.720 --> 1:26:32.519 twenty across forty days with twenty million people tune in, 1:26:33.040 --> 1:26:35.120 and it was just so mind blowing to me and 1:26:35.479 --> 1:26:38.559 most of the people were saying they'd never meditated before, 1:26:39.320 --> 1:26:41.240 and I thought to myself, how beautiful that was. And 1:26:41.320 --> 1:26:43.040 one of the biggest piece of feedback I get from 1:26:43.040 --> 1:26:45.120 my audiences, Well, Jay, we want to meditate with you 1:26:45.160 --> 1:26:48.080 every day. Why can't we keep doing that? And I 1:26:48.240 --> 1:26:51.520 was like, Wow, those forty days of live meditations were 1:26:51.640 --> 1:26:53.760 really intense and a lot of work went into them. 1:26:54.439 --> 1:26:57.679 So I wanted a home for where I could share 1:26:57.800 --> 1:27:03.360 meditation every single day, a new piece of meditation insight 1:27:03.880 --> 1:27:06.679 that each and every single person could build a daily 1:27:06.760 --> 1:27:11.160 habit every day of seven minutes a day. You're going 1:27:11.200 --> 1:27:13.040 to do seven minutes a day, every day, seven minutes 1:27:13.040 --> 1:27:14.920 a day, every day, five days a week, five days 1:27:14.960 --> 1:27:17.200 a week, not weekends. You get days off. Everyone gets 1:27:17.200 --> 1:27:18.840 two days off. You don't have to meditate on the weekends. 1:27:18.840 --> 1:27:20.639 You can sleep in, but you're going to You've recorded 1:27:20.640 --> 1:27:25.720 a meditation in camp. We haven't recorded all again, we 1:27:25.760 --> 1:27:27.760 haven't recorded all of them because they're fresh and they're moving, 1:27:27.840 --> 1:27:30.320 and they're based on my weekly inspiration, so we record 1:27:30.400 --> 1:27:32.360 them monthly. Nice, So we record them monthly. So I've 1:27:32.400 --> 1:27:34.800 recorded for the next month ahead because I have to, 1:27:34.880 --> 1:27:38.120 because everyone's going to need them. But I'm basing it 1:27:38.200 --> 1:27:39.960 on like what my inspiration is that week and what 1:27:40.040 --> 1:27:42.000 my day is that week. But it's a seven minute meditation, 1:27:42.280 --> 1:27:44.759 and I truly believe that everyone can find seven minutes. 1:27:45.560 --> 1:27:48.000 And if everyone could just find seven minutes in their 1:27:48.080 --> 1:27:49.920 day in their calendar, as I said that they put 1:27:49.960 --> 1:27:53.439 aside for themselves, I believe in those seven minutes, everyone 1:27:53.479 --> 1:27:56.280 could build a beautiful habit. Now, the difference with our 1:27:56.360 --> 1:27:59.880 meditation is that the meditations we've created, we believe that 1:28:00.080 --> 1:28:04.040 meditations that inspire action. So all of them are not 1:28:04.160 --> 1:28:07.280 just sitting there on your own with yourself breathing. They're 1:28:07.400 --> 1:28:10.800 interconnected with a change in your daily behavior. So each 1:28:10.840 --> 1:28:12.920 and every single one of them have a takeaway, have 1:28:13.040 --> 1:28:15.840 an insight that you can go and apply no matter 1:28:15.960 --> 1:28:18.720 what you do across the world. So the goal is 1:28:18.760 --> 1:28:22.360 where meditation meets action, where meditation can actually help you 1:28:23.080 --> 1:28:25.840 change how you feel that day through your real life. 1:28:26.200 --> 1:28:28.519 And so why I chose Calm Words, I wanted a home. 1:28:29.160 --> 1:28:31.760 I wanted to work with Michael and the team who 1:28:31.800 --> 1:28:36.160 I just believe are dreaming beautifully about how to bring 1:28:36.240 --> 1:28:39.320 meditation to the world. And so sincerely and genuinely care 1:28:39.439 --> 1:28:43.240 about each and every person. And I just love how 1:28:45.080 --> 1:28:49.240 I would say, I love how universally they approach meditation. 1:28:50.040 --> 1:28:55.400 I think they approach meditation in this universal, expansive, abundant 1:28:55.479 --> 1:28:59.639 mindset way, which makes story be a part of meditation, 1:29:00.120 --> 1:29:02.360 which makes visualization be a part of meditation. And that's 1:29:02.360 --> 1:29:04.200 how I was trained in meditation as a monk. So 1:29:04.520 --> 1:29:07.599 it feels very philosophically aligned as well. You know, you've 1:29:07.640 --> 1:29:11.960 done so much, and really from what I observed, even 1:29:12.600 --> 1:29:15.680 you really started in two thousand and i'd say the 1:29:16.160 --> 1:29:18.320 sort of external social media content channel he started in 1:29:18.360 --> 1:29:21.479 two thousand and sixteen. Yes, that is mad. That is mad. 1:29:21.560 --> 1:29:25.920 You've gone from two thou sixteen making your first content 1:29:26.040 --> 1:29:29.200 to ruin two and twenty two now just and you're 1:29:29.240 --> 1:29:33.919 this global household name as it relates to content, self improvement, meditation, 1:29:34.000 --> 1:29:36.680 all of these topics. Right, that's a short period of 1:29:36.760 --> 1:29:39.320 time when you look back and you try and connect 1:29:39.320 --> 1:29:42.479 the docks, as Steve Jobs often did, about how Apple 1:29:42.560 --> 1:29:44.679 came to be in the little moments and the little things, 1:29:45.160 --> 1:29:48.200 whether it was a moment of good fortune or whether 1:29:48.280 --> 1:29:51.439 it was something that you have spotted in hindsight and 1:29:51.560 --> 1:29:56.040 your character, Why was jay Chetty successful in such a 1:29:56.080 --> 1:29:58.280 short period of time in such a big way. Give 1:29:58.360 --> 1:30:01.080 me the honest, practical answer. Don't want anything I want 1:30:01.360 --> 1:30:04.400 why why were you successful? So I'm gonna give you 1:30:04.520 --> 1:30:06.760 the I'm gonna give you my monk answer, and then 1:30:06.760 --> 1:30:08.719 I'm gonna give then I'm gonna give the media answer. 1:30:09.160 --> 1:30:11.600 So and I live by both, right, like you have to. 1:30:11.680 --> 1:30:13.240 You have to see things as both. And that's why 1:30:13.240 --> 1:30:17.320 I love my monk answer is I was really fortunate 1:30:17.600 --> 1:30:20.320 to meet incredible people when I was young. I met 1:30:20.320 --> 1:30:23.799 a few people that absolutely transform my life. I'm eternally 1:30:23.840 --> 1:30:26.640 indebted to them, grateful to them, and I owe it 1:30:26.720 --> 1:30:28.679 all to them, and so I give all my success 1:30:28.760 --> 1:30:32.280 to them, you know, without meeting those amazing mentors and 1:30:32.439 --> 1:30:36.320 those phenomenal thought leaders and thinkers who are not famous, 1:30:36.360 --> 1:30:39.040 who are not known, who are not present like they're 1:30:39.040 --> 1:30:41.120 not they're not in the social media world, they're not 1:30:41.320 --> 1:30:45.200 big names or whatever. Those people, you know, those people, 1:30:45.720 --> 1:30:47.479 If I never met them, none of this would have happened. 1:30:47.479 --> 1:30:49.000 And I can see that's the emotion in your face 1:30:49.040 --> 1:30:51.960 when you say this. Yeah, I just I really, you know, 1:30:52.040 --> 1:30:56.160 we skipped it earlier, but I just feel like the 1:30:56.360 --> 1:31:00.120 gratitude that I have for people who saw potential in 1:31:00.240 --> 1:31:04.400 me when I didn't see it in myself. That is 1:31:04.479 --> 1:31:06.840 just the greatest gift you can give to someone. Like 1:31:07.040 --> 1:31:09.600 I today have self awareness and I have confidence and 1:31:09.680 --> 1:31:12.400 I know who I am, and I wasn't always like that, 1:31:12.600 --> 1:31:15.360 Like there were tons of years where I was insecure, 1:31:15.520 --> 1:31:18.519 and you know, I was bullied for being overweight, and 1:31:18.640 --> 1:31:21.080 I was bullied for being the only Indian at school, 1:31:21.200 --> 1:31:23.120 and there was so much like baggage to do with 1:31:23.320 --> 1:31:27.280 just my body language I used and all this kind 1:31:27.320 --> 1:31:30.840 of stuff. And to have someone noticed that you may 1:31:30.960 --> 1:31:34.600 have something, I mean, you've had that and that is 1:31:34.680 --> 1:31:36.960 just you. You like, honor that person for the rest 1:31:37.000 --> 1:31:38.439 of your life. And the best thing is those people 1:31:38.479 --> 1:31:40.760 don't even want it. So you know, the best thing 1:31:40.800 --> 1:31:42.800 about all of this is the people they are not going, oh, yeah, 1:31:42.840 --> 1:31:45.360 we did that. They're actually saying no, no, no, it's 1:31:45.400 --> 1:31:47.720 not us, like it's you. And I think that's the 1:31:47.800 --> 1:31:50.080 beauty of that. So I have to say that it's 1:31:50.120 --> 1:31:53.679 important that I share that answer, not because I'm trying 1:31:53.720 --> 1:31:57.280 to give a more strategic answer, but I think it's 1:31:57.320 --> 1:31:59.720 important because it is a big part of it, and 1:32:00.000 --> 1:32:01.200 so that would be the monks that I met, it 1:32:01.240 --> 1:32:02.680 would be the coaches that I met, the guys that 1:32:02.760 --> 1:32:06.120 I met. Looking at it from a very practical strategic standpoint, 1:32:06.200 --> 1:32:10.400 shifting now, my parents forced me to go to public 1:32:10.520 --> 1:32:13.080 speaking and drama school when I was eleven years old, 1:32:14.160 --> 1:32:16.960 and I really didn't want to go because I was shy, 1:32:17.720 --> 1:32:20.120 I was unconfident, I was insecure about being on stage 1:32:20.240 --> 1:32:22.559 or being in a public setting. I actually loved acting 1:32:22.600 --> 1:32:24.600 growing up. I really enjoyed acting and doing theater and 1:32:24.680 --> 1:32:27.280 things like that where I was playing another character, but 1:32:27.400 --> 1:32:30.240 being myself on stage that was the last thing I 1:32:30.320 --> 1:32:32.240 wanted to do. And my parents saw that, and they 1:32:32.240 --> 1:32:34.360 saw that as something that I should work on. So 1:32:34.479 --> 1:32:37.640 they forced me and my school to enroll me in 1:32:37.720 --> 1:32:41.080 a public speaking course. So from the age of eleven 1:32:41.400 --> 1:32:44.559 through to the age of eighteen, for three hours a day, 1:32:44.680 --> 1:32:46.920 three days a week, so nine hours a week for 1:32:47.200 --> 1:32:50.720 seven years, I went to public speaking school. Really for 1:32:51.040 --> 1:32:54.120 seven years of my life, I went to public speaking school. 1:32:54.600 --> 1:32:56.760 So when I look back at my ability to communicate, 1:32:56.800 --> 1:32:59.320 my ability to understand ideas, and by the way, public 1:32:59.320 --> 1:33:02.360 speaking school is examination based too, so we had exams 1:33:02.400 --> 1:33:04.559 where they would give you a topic fifteen minutes before. 1:33:05.000 --> 1:33:06.960 You have fifteen minutes to research a topic from the 1:33:07.000 --> 1:33:08.680 books in the room that they give you because there 1:33:08.760 --> 1:33:10.840 was no smartphone at the time when we were eleven 1:33:10.880 --> 1:33:13.320 twelve years old, and you'd have to create a speech 1:33:13.360 --> 1:33:15.200 in fifteen minutes about that subject from the books that 1:33:15.280 --> 1:33:17.240 were in the room. You had to read from a 1:33:17.280 --> 1:33:19.240 book that you'd never read before. They'd pick a random 1:33:19.280 --> 1:33:20.800 page and they'd ask you to read it out. So 1:33:21.120 --> 1:33:22.840 the examination of a public and this was at the 1:33:22.960 --> 1:33:25.320 London Academy of Music, Drama and Arts, it's called Lambda, 1:33:26.200 --> 1:33:29.040 and that's where I studied for seven years. So that's 1:33:29.080 --> 1:33:32.280 a very strategic skill set that I had the time 1:33:32.320 --> 1:33:34.920 to develop thanks to my parents, you know, like without 1:33:34.960 --> 1:33:36.799 my parents that none of that would have ever happened. 1:33:37.200 --> 1:33:39.000 And I think that's a big part of why people 1:33:39.439 --> 1:33:42.600 hopefully appreciate how I communicate ideas because I've spent a 1:33:42.640 --> 1:33:46.439 lot of time understanding communication. But when I was eighteen, 1:33:46.439 --> 1:33:48.800 I had nothing to talk about. So even though I 1:33:48.840 --> 1:33:50.680 had all these tools and skills, I didn't really use 1:33:50.800 --> 1:33:53.439 them because I didn't care about anything. So sure I 1:33:53.520 --> 1:33:56.280 gave a good presentation at university and work experience and 1:33:56.360 --> 1:33:59.600 an internship, but it was never something that brought me 1:33:59.640 --> 1:34:02.400 to life. And so then when I met the monks 1:34:02.720 --> 1:34:05.000 and I got an opportunity to study the Vaders, which 1:34:05.000 --> 1:34:07.680 are five thousand years old, and again we were put 1:34:07.720 --> 1:34:10.799 through rigorous study. We sat down, we had to learn verses, 1:34:10.840 --> 1:34:14.840 we had to analyze purports, commentaries on ancient scriptures, We 1:34:14.920 --> 1:34:18.040 had to do comparative analysis of religions and tradition. Like 1:34:18.280 --> 1:34:20.400 when I was a monk. We were massively trained in 1:34:20.479 --> 1:34:24.080 philosophical analysis, and that to me gave me a real 1:34:24.160 --> 1:34:26.240 strength and confidence in these ideas. So some of the 1:34:26.320 --> 1:34:29.240 ideas I present today that may sound simple, they're based 1:34:29.280 --> 1:34:32.760 on these really ancient, deep truths that I've had the 1:34:32.920 --> 1:34:37.200 time to grapple with the greats who really understand them. 1:34:37.800 --> 1:34:39.840 So that to me is a big benefit I've had 1:34:39.920 --> 1:34:46.480 where I've had three years of complete dedication to studying philosophy, 1:34:46.760 --> 1:34:50.639 and not just studying the intellectual areas, but the practical 1:34:50.680 --> 1:34:53.320 and the applicable areas as well. So thanks to my 1:34:53.400 --> 1:34:56.280 monk teachers who gave me there. And then when I 1:34:56.360 --> 1:34:59.320 went to accenture where people were like JU was just 1:34:59.400 --> 1:35:01.080 a monk, Why did you go to accenture. I had 1:35:01.080 --> 1:35:02.840 to pay the bills. I couldn't rely my parents, and 1:35:03.280 --> 1:35:04.920 you know, my parents are not wealthy that they could 1:35:04.920 --> 1:35:07.960 pay my way through life, and I moved back into 1:35:08.000 --> 1:35:10.479 their I moved back into my childhood bedroom. When I 1:35:10.600 --> 1:35:14.040 was twenty six, living with my parents with twenty five 1:35:14.760 --> 1:35:17.720 eighteen thousand pounds worth of debt and just feeling that, 1:35:18.720 --> 1:35:19.960 you know, I was like, what do I do now? 1:35:20.479 --> 1:35:24.120 And I applied to forty companies that would have given 1:35:24.160 --> 1:35:26.160 me a job. I'm a first class honors degree student, 1:35:26.200 --> 1:35:29.400 I'm a straight A student, and I was rejected from 1:35:29.439 --> 1:35:32.080 forty companies because, surprise, surprise, no one wanted to hire 1:35:32.120 --> 1:35:34.840 a monk. So everyone goes, what are your transferable skills? 1:35:34.880 --> 1:35:37.160 Sitting quietly and sitting on the floor like no one 1:35:37.280 --> 1:35:39.799 needs that. So forty companies say no to me. Excentia 1:35:39.840 --> 1:35:43.120 finally give me a shot, and I meet someone called 1:35:43.160 --> 1:35:45.479 Thomas Power. And Thomas Power I don't know if you 1:35:45.479 --> 1:35:48.559 ever met him. Actually he's London based. He started up 1:35:48.600 --> 1:35:51.560 like an early LinkedIn kind of version called Academy, and 1:35:51.680 --> 1:35:54.439 he's very networked in London in the business space. Definitely 1:35:54.479 --> 1:35:57.479 want to introduce you guys. He's awesome and he was 1:35:57.560 --> 1:35:59.880 brought in by Accentia to train us in social media 1:36:00.680 --> 1:36:03.280 and train us in this new wave of this new 1:36:03.360 --> 1:36:06.160 thing that was happening. And it's really interesting because we've 1:36:06.200 --> 1:36:07.600 talked about it, me and him many times. I'm going 1:36:07.640 --> 1:36:10.200 to have him on my podcast soon. And I realized that. 1:36:10.200 --> 1:36:11.679 I was like, you didn't really teach me much about 1:36:11.680 --> 1:36:15.439 social media, but you've really taught me about breaking my mindset. 1:36:15.479 --> 1:36:17.560 And he would always repeat Napoleon Hill, You'd become what 1:36:17.680 --> 1:36:19.639 you think about, and he'd always tell me that. I'd 1:36:19.640 --> 1:36:21.960 be like, keep saying that to yourself, and I'd keep 1:36:21.960 --> 1:36:23.719 saying that to myself. And you've become what you think about, 1:36:23.720 --> 1:36:25.439 you become And I was like, oh, what am I thinking? 1:36:25.439 --> 1:36:27.240 Abou I'm not thinking about anything, So what am I 1:36:27.280 --> 1:36:29.840 going to become? Nothing? And it was just really interesting. 1:36:29.880 --> 1:36:31.280 And so he would give me these little tools and 1:36:31.360 --> 1:36:34.480 little things to play with. He had another one called ours, 1:36:34.560 --> 1:36:37.479 which he would say that successful people have to be open, random, 1:36:37.520 --> 1:36:41.759 and supportive, and he'd say that most unsuccessful people are closed, 1:36:41.960 --> 1:36:45.720 selective and controlling CSC. And he was saying that when 1:36:45.800 --> 1:36:48.880 you live in a CSC mindset, you limit your growth. 1:36:49.360 --> 1:36:52.000 But when you live in an ours mindset, open, random, 1:36:52.040 --> 1:36:54.559 and supportive, you expand your growth. So you would encourage 1:36:54.560 --> 1:36:56.960 me to be open with strangers on Twitter. He'd encourage 1:36:56.960 --> 1:36:58.600 me to be open with random people would meet at 1:36:58.600 --> 1:37:01.480 a conference, and he would just training me in behaviors 1:37:01.520 --> 1:37:04.479 and mindsets. It wasn't like how to post and what 1:37:04.640 --> 1:37:06.800 time to post, and this is how you make It 1:37:06.920 --> 1:37:09.200 wasn't how to make something go viral like that wasn't it. 1:37:09.320 --> 1:37:11.840 It was how to engage, how to push your comfort zone, 1:37:11.880 --> 1:37:14.360 how to challenge your fear. Why are you so uncomfortable 1:37:14.439 --> 1:37:16.680 to walk up to that person and tweet them? You know, 1:37:16.840 --> 1:37:19.640 all of those kind of things. And I saw that. 1:37:19.760 --> 1:37:22.760 My mind just became just open to the idea. So 1:37:22.800 --> 1:37:24.840 he always told me, you're an entrepreneur. I'd be like, no, 1:37:24.920 --> 1:37:26.559 I'm not. I'm not. I'm meant to work for someone. 1:37:27.040 --> 1:37:29.599 And so he would keep pushing me until I'd get 1:37:29.600 --> 1:37:31.160 really angry with him, like you don't even know who 1:37:31.160 --> 1:37:34.360 I am. Only for me to realize he saw something 1:37:34.400 --> 1:37:36.840 in me that I never saw. And then I'd say, 1:37:36.920 --> 1:37:39.880 from there on, that's kind of what gets me to 1:37:39.920 --> 1:37:42.120 the beginning of it. I would say that for ten 1:37:42.280 --> 1:37:46.760 years before twenty and sixteen, I was making content and 1:37:46.960 --> 1:37:50.240 delivering it in small venues in London. So I had 1:37:50.280 --> 1:37:53.760 an event in London at university called Think out Loud. 1:37:54.240 --> 1:37:57.560 Every single week, I would design a poster on photoshop. 1:37:57.640 --> 1:37:59.960 I taught myself photoshop, and I would make a post 1:38:00.479 --> 1:38:04.200 and I would talk about a movie from a philosophical, psychological, 1:38:04.280 --> 1:38:07.040 and spiritual perspective. So I'd take a movie like Inception 1:38:07.360 --> 1:38:10.160 and I'd break it down, and ten students would come 1:38:10.200 --> 1:38:12.720 every week. And then I'd teach meditation, which I'd learned 1:38:12.720 --> 1:38:14.760 from the monks, and then twenty students would come. And 1:38:14.800 --> 1:38:16.800 then by the time I finished university, a hundred people 1:38:16.840 --> 1:38:19.519 came every single week to hear me break down. And 1:38:19.600 --> 1:38:22.080 this was no followers. The events were free. I was 1:38:22.160 --> 1:38:24.800 preparing for free, doing everything for free, and I loved 1:38:24.840 --> 1:38:26.920 it and I got so much joy. And then afterwards, 1:38:27.000 --> 1:38:29.680 when I was at Accenture, I ran an event in 1:38:29.800 --> 1:38:33.400 London called Conscious Living and it was just it was 1:38:33.400 --> 1:38:35.120 an event which was probably like five pounds on a 1:38:35.160 --> 1:38:38.400 Friday night, and again I was teaching philosophy, spirituality and meditation, 1:38:39.160 --> 1:38:41.040 and I was lucky. If five people turned up, it 1:38:41.080 --> 1:38:43.280 wasn't university anymore where you could go and deck the 1:38:43.800 --> 1:38:46.880 halls with flyers and posters in the common room in 1:38:46.920 --> 1:38:49.240 the community area. So we'd get like five to ten 1:38:49.280 --> 1:38:52.000 people every Friday night, paying five to ten quidge just 1:38:52.080 --> 1:38:54.360 for the food that we gave and the posters that 1:38:54.400 --> 1:38:57.280 we made, just to cover the costs. So for ten years, 1:38:57.360 --> 1:39:06.720 before I ever made a piece of content online, I've practiced, rehearsed, experimented, grappled, 1:39:07.600 --> 1:39:10.599 challenged these ideas again and again and again and again 1:39:10.640 --> 1:39:13.719 and again, without any followers, without any money, and without 1:39:13.720 --> 1:39:15.400 anything else coming from it apart from the fact that 1:39:15.439 --> 1:39:17.479 I love it. I love the idea of reading a 1:39:17.520 --> 1:39:19.800 book and trying to make it relevant. So I would 1:39:19.840 --> 1:39:21.880 say that the biggest reason is because I've done this 1:39:22.040 --> 1:39:24.920 for ten years offline before it ever went online. So 1:39:25.000 --> 1:39:26.560 I've been doing it for like sixteen years, and that 1:39:26.600 --> 1:39:30.200 doesn't count the eleven year old public speaking classes. It's 1:39:30.240 --> 1:39:32.840 really there's something really beautiful about that because I think 1:39:32.880 --> 1:39:35.760 it gives a sense of it's incredibly inspiring, but it 1:39:35.840 --> 1:39:38.240 also gives a sense of peace to people who are 1:39:38.240 --> 1:39:39.800 at a stage in their journey where they sat on 1:39:39.840 --> 1:39:42.400 the phones in a call center selling I don't know, 1:39:42.520 --> 1:39:46.160 double glazing like I was, and they're thinking this is 1:39:46.200 --> 1:39:49.599 a waste of time. They're thinking picking up this phone 1:39:49.600 --> 1:39:51.800 and trying to persuade Margaret to buy some windows is 1:39:51.840 --> 1:39:55.360 a waste of time and it's not serving where I 1:39:55.439 --> 1:39:57.280 want to go. And it's only in hindsight when you 1:39:57.280 --> 1:39:59.200 speak to people like yourself, where you hear about Steve 1:39:59.240 --> 1:40:01.839 Jobs Journey, or really anybody that sits aron this podcast 1:40:01.960 --> 1:40:04.400 New Yeah, like those are some of the most unbelievably 1:40:04.479 --> 1:40:08.479 formative and most pivotal experiences as it relates to the 1:40:08.640 --> 1:40:10.680 thing you will go on to do, and you never 1:40:10.760 --> 1:40:12.280 know when that's going to happen, right, You never know 1:40:12.439 --> 1:40:16.759 when opportunity is going to meet preparation in your life totally. 1:40:16.920 --> 1:40:18.960 And that also speaks to something you said earlier, which 1:40:19.000 --> 1:40:20.960 is it's about the mindset you have when you're doing 1:40:21.000 --> 1:40:23.800 those things. And if you believe, I think, if you 1:40:23.920 --> 1:40:26.120 believe that sitting on that phone is going to be 1:40:26.160 --> 1:40:29.360 the rest of your life forever, you're increasing the chances 1:40:29.400 --> 1:40:31.200 of that being the case. And I'm not putting down 1:40:31.200 --> 1:40:32.800 people that do call center jobs. It's actually one of 1:40:32.800 --> 1:40:35.360 myne one of my favorite and the job I did 1:40:35.400 --> 1:40:38.599 the longest. But I just think that's such an important 1:40:38.640 --> 1:40:41.639 mindset shift that can inspire and not to demotivate. Yeah, 1:40:41.640 --> 1:40:42.920 I think we have to look at our life as 1:40:42.960 --> 1:40:46.160 a series of things that add up each other, rather 1:40:46.240 --> 1:40:48.360 than like this is a waste, this is a waste, 1:40:48.400 --> 1:40:50.360 and that's not a waste. And by the way, you 1:40:50.439 --> 1:40:53.560 said call center that sparked memory. I had a internship 1:40:53.600 --> 1:40:56.639 when I was sixteen years old at the Business Design 1:40:56.720 --> 1:40:59.759 Center in angel And I was working for a company 1:40:59.800 --> 1:41:04.800 called Upper Street Events that sold events space two companies 1:41:04.960 --> 1:41:08.160 for these big exhibitions and events that happen in the venue. 1:41:08.760 --> 1:41:15.639 And I remember at sixteen having to call up Nissan, BMW, VW, Audi, Vauxhall, etc. 1:41:16.040 --> 1:41:18.400 Because they're doing a big car exhibition. Now, by the way, 1:41:18.439 --> 1:41:20.920 I was a sixteen year old kid who didn't really 1:41:20.960 --> 1:41:22.800 know I was doing, but the people trained me really 1:41:22.840 --> 1:41:26.120 well and would I was cold calling. And I completely 1:41:26.120 --> 1:41:28.280 agree with you. I think that gave me so much 1:41:28.400 --> 1:41:30.200 confidence to be able to pick up the phone to 1:41:30.320 --> 1:41:33.200 anyone and everyone, to tweet anyone and everyone, to DM 1:41:33.320 --> 1:41:36.080 anyone and everyone. By the way, Krishano Ronaldo has the 1:41:36.160 --> 1:41:39.240 longest list of dms from me that he's never seen. Right, 1:41:39.320 --> 1:41:41.040 he has the longest list of dms from me that 1:41:41.080 --> 1:41:42.800 he's never seen. But I'm hoping that one day he's 1:41:42.800 --> 1:41:44.360 going to see them and I'm going to get to 1:41:44.400 --> 1:41:46.320 interview him. And it's the idea of like, I don't 1:41:46.680 --> 1:41:48.360 I'm not worried if he doesn't see them. I'm not 1:41:48.479 --> 1:41:50.960 upset if one day he sees thirty dms from me, 1:41:51.560 --> 1:41:53.479 because I know that that's what it takes, and I'm 1:41:53.520 --> 1:41:56.000 okay with that. There's no ego that I'm so happy. 1:41:56.200 --> 1:41:58.040 If Krishana Ranada opened it up and saw, oh, this 1:41:58.120 --> 1:42:01.680 guy's desperate, I would take that all day, because I 1:42:01.840 --> 1:42:04.000 think he's a I think he has a phenomenal mind, 1:42:04.320 --> 1:42:06.960 and I would love to sit down with him what 1:42:07.080 --> 1:42:08.920 did you lose? Right? But that comes from when you're 1:42:08.960 --> 1:42:11.960 cold calling in the call center. You learn that mindset 1:42:12.000 --> 1:42:13.920 of what did I lose if this person said no? 1:42:14.640 --> 1:42:17.479 And there's three hundred people on this list, and that 1:42:17.640 --> 1:42:19.240 person might be the one that wants and now and 1:42:19.320 --> 1:42:21.439 that person might come back around, and you get to 1:42:21.520 --> 1:42:24.560 develop those skills. So I just I just hope that 1:42:24.680 --> 1:42:27.120 wherever you are listening to this right now, wherever you're 1:42:27.160 --> 1:42:30.040 watching it, you just take a moment to realize that 1:42:30.200 --> 1:42:32.640 that place can teach you everything you need to know 1:42:32.720 --> 1:42:34.840 about your purpose. And if you just approach it in 1:42:34.920 --> 1:42:37.120 that way, you're going to walk to work with a 1:42:37.160 --> 1:42:39.400 pepper in your step and like this energy that's going 1:42:39.439 --> 1:42:42.320 to be so electric and so magnetic that everyone's going 1:42:42.360 --> 1:42:44.320 to know what's going on with you. And all it 1:42:44.479 --> 1:42:46.839 is is that you're looking at life as an addition 1:42:46.960 --> 1:42:50.639 rather than a subtraction, and you're receiving a completely different way. Right. Yeah, 1:42:51.120 --> 1:42:54.080 we have a long standing tradition on this podcast where 1:42:54.120 --> 1:42:56.200 the previous guest writes a question for the next guest 1:42:56.280 --> 1:43:00.479 in the diary. That's genius additions. But I love it. 1:43:00.600 --> 1:43:02.120 What the reason why we did it, and I've never 1:43:02.160 --> 1:43:05.080 really explained this is we want to basically connect the 1:43:05.520 --> 1:43:07.519 episodes together and the guests together in some way, and 1:43:08.600 --> 1:43:11.960 by question written in the diaries our way. Um, who 1:43:12.040 --> 1:43:14.799 came up with that great idea? It's brilliant, It's absolutely fantastic. 1:43:14.800 --> 1:43:17.360 I'm going to tell my team, I'm not happy with 1:43:17.479 --> 1:43:21.080 my team from what we were talking about. It's funny 1:43:21.120 --> 1:43:24.000 can message my team It's funny because this question is 1:43:24.000 --> 1:43:26.479 actually when I think I asked you already, so I'm 1:43:26.479 --> 1:43:28.360 gonna ask me another one. Everyone you can pick a big, 1:43:28.400 --> 1:43:31.280 a random one, can just make one up. So the 1:43:31.360 --> 1:43:38.599 question asked, what is your definition of true success? I'd 1:43:38.640 --> 1:43:43.200 say my definition of true success is that there are 1:43:43.240 --> 1:43:47.200 four important decisions we make in our life, and if 1:43:47.320 --> 1:43:53.600 you can make every decision intentionally with the desire to 1:43:54.640 --> 1:43:58.600 learn and serve, then that's all you can do. So 1:43:58.760 --> 1:44:01.160 the fore most important asions we make in our life 1:44:01.640 --> 1:44:04.960 are how do I feel about myself, what do I 1:44:05.040 --> 1:44:07.400 do for money? Who do I give my love to? 1:44:08.320 --> 1:44:10.840 And how do I serve others? And if you spend 1:44:10.880 --> 1:44:15.479 your life focusing on intentionally making those choices, then your 1:44:15.520 --> 1:44:18.240 life is a success because all you can do is 1:44:18.280 --> 1:44:21.120 try to live intentionally and try to hope that it 1:44:21.200 --> 1:44:25.240 helps other people. Amen, listen, Jay, I can't thank you 1:44:25.360 --> 1:44:27.240 enough for coming here and doing this. I know you 1:44:27.360 --> 1:44:31.960 are very in demand, very very very successful man who's 1:44:32.000 --> 1:44:33.400 only in the UK for a short period of time, 1:44:33.400 --> 1:44:35.080 so it's a true honor that you would come here 1:44:35.120 --> 1:44:36.560 and sit with me and have this conversation for me. 1:44:36.680 --> 1:44:39.479 You've been a real role model in many many ways, 1:44:39.600 --> 1:44:42.559 and you know, you've led the way in the content 1:44:42.640 --> 1:44:45.880 the self development that helping people change their lives domain, 1:44:46.120 --> 1:44:48.040 especially as someone that comes from the same country as 1:44:48.080 --> 1:44:50.720 me for the longest time. So I've always looked to 1:44:50.760 --> 1:44:52.400 you for the last i don't know seven years since 1:44:52.439 --> 1:44:54.639 i've I've started doing this, and I think your success 1:44:54.840 --> 1:44:57.879 has propelled and enabled mine from a point of inspiration 1:44:57.960 --> 1:44:59.920 but also from giving me a blueprint on how to 1:45:00.000 --> 1:45:01.600 to serve. So I've never got to say that to 1:45:01.640 --> 1:45:02.840 you before, but i really want to say thank you 1:45:02.920 --> 1:45:05.479 because that's um. You know, you've helped You're probably the 1:45:05.560 --> 1:45:07.000 reason I get to help people as well in my 1:45:07.040 --> 1:45:09.000 own way, So that means you know, it means a 1:45:09.080 --> 1:45:10.320 ton to me that you'd come here and sit with 1:45:10.439 --> 1:45:13.519 me and yeah, it's you. That's probably one of the 1:45:13.560 --> 1:45:16.080 most humbling things anyone's ever said to me. Because I'm 1:45:16.080 --> 1:45:18.040 a huge fan of the podcast. I think you do 1:45:18.080 --> 1:45:20.879 an incredible job, and I think you have some amazing 1:45:20.920 --> 1:45:23.560 guess guests that I've never sat down with or you know, 1:45:23.640 --> 1:45:26.599 may not be in my rate, my radar or radius, 1:45:26.640 --> 1:45:28.760 and you've shared things with them that I've just been 1:45:28.800 --> 1:45:32.080 phenomenal and so when I'm listening and watching, I want 1:45:32.080 --> 1:45:33.320 to get my hairdcut. Yeah. I was talking to my 1:45:34.080 --> 1:45:35.800 hairdresser about you, and I was like, oh, I'm going 1:45:35.800 --> 1:45:38.320 on this podcast tomorrow and you know, and he listens 1:45:38.320 --> 1:45:40.360 to you as well and knows who you are, and 1:45:41.240 --> 1:45:43.559 and I was just like yeah, And the easiest thing 1:45:43.600 --> 1:45:45.080 that came back to me was just yes, even was 1:45:45.080 --> 1:45:46.680 a really nice guy, Like he's really down to earth, 1:45:46.760 --> 1:45:49.640 he's really humble, And I find that phenomenal because of 1:45:49.840 --> 1:45:53.479 your age, because of what you've achieved, I've never felt 1:45:53.600 --> 1:45:57.639 like even a drop of ego around you. And whether 1:45:57.720 --> 1:46:00.479 that's in your online presence, whether that's when we met 1:46:00.520 --> 1:46:03.040 in New York, whether that's on Twitter all those years ago, 1:46:03.080 --> 1:46:06.560 whether it's today before we were on cameras, and I 1:46:06.720 --> 1:46:09.639 really appreciate that. I think as monks, we were trained 1:46:10.280 --> 1:46:14.680 that the most admirable quality in a humanist humility like 1:46:14.800 --> 1:46:17.320 that was seen as like the if we could say 1:46:17.360 --> 1:46:19.439 that in the material world, the highest thing about someone 1:46:19.600 --> 1:46:23.439 is whatever it is. The currency in monk life was humility. 1:46:23.800 --> 1:46:25.600 And so when I meet people who have humility, I 1:46:26.000 --> 1:46:28.160 really they're like, they're like the people that I get 1:46:28.200 --> 1:46:30.439 drawn to the most and you just have it in 1:46:30.479 --> 1:46:33.160 bags for and I just think you're going to go 1:46:33.240 --> 1:46:36.760 off and do even more incredible, successful, phenomenal things for 1:46:36.840 --> 1:46:38.920 the world. And I'm excited to watch. I'm excited to 1:46:39.000 --> 1:46:42.040 be a fan of a friend, and hopefully we get 1:46:42.080 --> 1:46:44.640 to do stuff together too. But this was beautiful, man, 1:46:44.720 --> 1:46:46.439 Thank you so much, Thank thank you for having I 1:46:46.520 --> 1:46:48.960 wanted to come on. This is beautiful, this brilliant. I 1:46:48.960 --> 1:46:50.360 hope we do it more and I can't wait to 1:46:50.439 --> 1:46:52.639 have you one. I'm very exciting now that you're coming 1:46:52.680 --> 1:46:57.760 to a Lacy, We're gonna have you. Thank you so 1:46:57.960 --> 1:47:00.559 much for listening to that conversation. Make sure you tag 1:47:00.720 --> 1:47:03.320 me and Stephen, letting us know what you learned from this, 1:47:03.600 --> 1:47:06.639 what you took away, maybe something that made you reflect 1:47:06.720 --> 1:47:10.320 and introspect. And I'll see you again next week. Thanks 1:47:10.360 --> 1:47:10.840 for listening.