1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:03,080 Speaker 1: Hey, everyone, Welcome back to our Purpose, the number one 2 00:00:03,120 --> 00:00:05,840 Speaker 1: health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every 3 00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:09,240 Speaker 1: single one of you. I am so excited to share 4 00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:12,959 Speaker 1: this very special conversation with you today. I know that 5 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:16,720 Speaker 1: I usually dive into a theme, but this podcast was 6 00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:19,960 Speaker 1: super deep. I think I opened up like I haven't 7 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:22,319 Speaker 1: for a long long time in a conversation with my 8 00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:26,400 Speaker 1: dear friend Stephen Bartlett on his podcast Diary of a CEO. 9 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:29,479 Speaker 1: And I know you're going to love this conversation. I 10 00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:32,480 Speaker 1: talk a lot about the journey I've been on, mistakes, 11 00:00:32,479 --> 00:00:35,920 Speaker 1: I've made flaws, I have things I'm personally working on, 12 00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:38,040 Speaker 1: and I think it's going to give you a deeper 13 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:41,720 Speaker 1: insight into our relationship. So I'm excited for you to 14 00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:44,640 Speaker 1: listen to this makes you tag me share your insights, 15 00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:47,440 Speaker 1: I cannot wait to see them. Thank you so much. 16 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:51,000 Speaker 1: This is a really difficult question to ask, but it 17 00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:54,440 Speaker 1: is the best question you can ask yourself. I enjoyed 18 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:57,840 Speaker 1: being a monk as much as I enjoy understanding media, 19 00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:00,760 Speaker 1: and that's really paradoxical for a lot of people, but 20 00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:05,280 Speaker 1: that's just my truth. I've always wanted to share meditation 21 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:08,040 Speaker 1: at scale with the world. If you just keep trying 22 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:10,960 Speaker 1: to change your environment, hoping that your life's going to improve, 23 00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:13,200 Speaker 1: You're going to feel dissatisfied at the next place. And 24 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,160 Speaker 1: I feel we're just conditioned to say, Okay, you don't 25 00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:16,959 Speaker 1: like your job, quit your job. You don't like your relationship, 26 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:19,400 Speaker 1: quit your relationship. And I think we just keep saying 27 00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:22,119 Speaker 1: that it's this external shell that we're in, when it's 28 00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:24,720 Speaker 1: actually this shell and what's happening inside of it that's 29 00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:28,520 Speaker 1: defining all of these perspectives. I believe that to create 30 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:32,160 Speaker 1: happiness day to day, in one year, in one month, 31 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:36,280 Speaker 1: in a week, you have to have quick one. Can 32 00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:37,760 Speaker 1: you do me a favor if you're listening to this 33 00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:40,959 Speaker 1: and hit the subscribe button, the follow button, or wherever 34 00:01:40,959 --> 00:01:43,520 Speaker 1: you're listening to this podcast, thank you so much. Jet 35 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:47,720 Speaker 1: is a household name all around the world. Here's someone 36 00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:53,200 Speaker 1: that's provided inspiration, wisdom, and insight to billions of people 37 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:56,400 Speaker 1: using social media. I don't need to tell you who 38 00:01:56,480 --> 00:02:01,720 Speaker 1: he is because his reputation precedes himself. In his early years, 39 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:05,400 Speaker 1: he was lost. Becoming a monk helped him to find himself, 40 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:08,280 Speaker 1: and through service, he's gone on to touch the lives 41 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:12,000 Speaker 1: of billions of people through social media, but who is 42 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:16,400 Speaker 1: he really? Who's the guy behind the following? Me and 43 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:18,799 Speaker 1: Jay have a connection that I'm yet to experience with 44 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:21,800 Speaker 1: pretty much any guests that's sat here with me, and 45 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:24,080 Speaker 1: I know you're going to feel that today. This is 46 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:30,000 Speaker 1: a truly special, honest, open conversation between two men about 47 00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:33,480 Speaker 1: so many things that I genuinely think the world needs 48 00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:37,440 Speaker 1: to hear. Thank you, Jay, And when I say thank 49 00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:40,040 Speaker 1: you to Jay, you're going to understand why. Shortly, so, 50 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:43,120 Speaker 1: without further ado, I'm Stephen Butlett, and this is the 51 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:46,959 Speaker 1: diver CEO. I hope nobody's listening, but if you are, 52 00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:57,920 Speaker 1: then please keep this to yourself. First of all, you 53 00:02:57,960 --> 00:02:59,959 Speaker 1: know I usually start these podcasts in a much more serio. 54 00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:03,240 Speaker 1: But it's good to see you back in the UK. Mat, 55 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:04,560 Speaker 1: It's good to see you. And I was just saying 56 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:06,400 Speaker 1: this to you offline that I think the first time 57 00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:09,520 Speaker 1: we met was around three years ago, three or four 58 00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:12,160 Speaker 1: years ago New York, and I think we had this 59 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:15,440 Speaker 1: plan to become best friends. We're like, we're going to 60 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:17,799 Speaker 1: see each other, this is this, and then all of 61 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:20,200 Speaker 1: a sudden I moved to La Yeah, and then you 62 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:22,239 Speaker 1: moved back to London too. But it's so good to 63 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:24,120 Speaker 1: see you, man, It's great to be real and I 64 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:25,880 Speaker 1: do feel like we've got so much in common in 65 00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:28,160 Speaker 1: so many unbelievable ways. But the reason why I was 66 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:30,359 Speaker 1: so excited by this conversation is because we've also got 67 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:33,320 Speaker 1: so many We've walked a different path in our lives, 68 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:38,040 Speaker 1: and you're such a self aware, sort of self analytical 69 00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:40,840 Speaker 1: human being. So the wisdom that I've gained from watching 70 00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:43,200 Speaker 1: you online over the years is someone that comes from London, 71 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:45,320 Speaker 1: is from the UK as well, and is speaking to 72 00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:47,400 Speaker 1: the world through their content and channels. I find I 73 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:51,440 Speaker 1: found truly inspirational. So let's get into it. So one 74 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,040 Speaker 1: of the things I always start with people, and I 75 00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:56,280 Speaker 1: think this comes from my experience with like studying childhood psychology, 76 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:59,400 Speaker 1: is trying to understand what it was in that early 77 00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:02,600 Speaker 1: years that that has led them to go on the 78 00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:04,720 Speaker 1: path they went on and ultimately to be sat here. 79 00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:06,840 Speaker 1: When you look back at those early years in your 80 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:10,320 Speaker 1: life in growing up in London, what were the formative 81 00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:13,400 Speaker 1: things that you point out in hindsight and go to 82 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:14,880 Speaker 1: you know, I wouldn't be who I am now A 83 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:18,000 Speaker 1: bit of an anomaly if that hadn't happened. I think 84 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:21,120 Speaker 1: one of the biggest things would be that I felt 85 00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:25,160 Speaker 1: I mediated my parents' marriage when I was younger, and 86 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:28,120 Speaker 1: so I was there go to person for my mom 87 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:31,359 Speaker 1: and my dad, and I have a really good relationship 88 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:34,920 Speaker 1: with both of them and love them both, and they 89 00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:38,120 Speaker 1: would come to me with their challenges and their issues 90 00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:41,920 Speaker 1: and their pain points, and as I was growing up, 91 00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:47,640 Speaker 1: I felt that I was always trying to reconcile, discuss, converse, 92 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:51,160 Speaker 1: and negotiate for both of them on either side. And 93 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:53,240 Speaker 1: one thing I realized very early on as a young 94 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:56,800 Speaker 1: child was I never wanted to take a side. I 95 00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:59,520 Speaker 1: never wanted to make one of them win and one 96 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,840 Speaker 1: of them loose. I never saw one of them right 97 00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:05,240 Speaker 1: and one of them wrong. I really saw them both 98 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:09,880 Speaker 1: as two humans who are trying their best, but just 99 00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:15,240 Speaker 1: like me, were naturally flawed and fallible and made mistakes. 100 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:18,480 Speaker 1: And I think that gave me a sense of compassion 101 00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:22,279 Speaker 1: that runs through to today for myself and for others 102 00:05:22,279 --> 00:05:24,239 Speaker 1: and for people that I work with and the people 103 00:05:24,279 --> 00:05:29,160 Speaker 1: that we communicate through the podcast and videos, because I 104 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:31,640 Speaker 1: just saw very early on in my life that people 105 00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:35,440 Speaker 1: could mean well, people could try their best people could 106 00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:41,040 Speaker 1: try to be loving and share kindness, but they could 107 00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:44,400 Speaker 1: still feel that things weren't working out for them. So 108 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:47,960 Speaker 1: I look at that as a massive moment in my past, 109 00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:51,640 Speaker 1: because now when I look back at it, I think 110 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:54,520 Speaker 1: I've just been doing this for so long, Like I 111 00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:57,160 Speaker 1: feel like I started doing this when I was probably 112 00:05:57,200 --> 00:06:00,479 Speaker 1: six seven, maybe ten years old, and now to be 113 00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:04,240 Speaker 1: still doing it today, it feels like something that was 114 00:06:04,279 --> 00:06:08,080 Speaker 1: a natural role that I embodied at that time, and 115 00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:12,200 Speaker 1: it's now a role that is evolved into looking internally 116 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:15,760 Speaker 1: for myself, also looking at the things that I adopted 117 00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:19,120 Speaker 1: from that time that were uncomfortable and things that made 118 00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:22,480 Speaker 1: me question my own self worth and my own meaning 119 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:27,560 Speaker 1: of life. I would say that for me, I realized 120 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:32,800 Speaker 1: that we either try to repeat or avoid what we 121 00:06:32,839 --> 00:06:37,200 Speaker 1: saw in our childhood, and that happens either unconsciously or consciously. 122 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:41,440 Speaker 1: So you could be unconsciously repeating what you saw in 123 00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:45,560 Speaker 1: your childhood, or you could be consciously avoiding it. And 124 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:48,040 Speaker 1: I found that there were parts of me that were 125 00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:51,400 Speaker 1: really great at avoiding some of the negative things, but 126 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:54,360 Speaker 1: there were also subconscious parts of me that adopted some 127 00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:57,200 Speaker 1: of those behavior traits that I only discovered in the 128 00:06:57,279 --> 00:06:59,760 Speaker 1: last two years, and so I'll give you an example. 129 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:08,680 Speaker 1: My wife, I sometimes played the role of sacrificing and overgiving, 130 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:13,920 Speaker 1: but then expecting her to give the same amount back. Now, 131 00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:17,640 Speaker 1: the way I see sacrifice now is that if you 132 00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:21,160 Speaker 1: sacrifice something for someone and then you want it back, 133 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:25,680 Speaker 1: it's not a sacrifice. It's a transaction. You can't give 134 00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:28,520 Speaker 1: someone a discount and then ask them to pay full 135 00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:32,560 Speaker 1: price and then say it was a sacrifice, because it wasn't. 136 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:35,440 Speaker 1: It was a transaction. And I saw that in my 137 00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:38,560 Speaker 1: life because of the way I had received loved from 138 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:42,200 Speaker 1: extended families, or love from school or teachers or whatever 139 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,800 Speaker 1: it may have been. I was loved in that way 140 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:47,560 Speaker 1: where I was loved but then made to feel guilty 141 00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:50,440 Speaker 1: if I didn't repay it in full. And I saw 142 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:54,920 Speaker 1: myself adopting that in my own loving relationships with my wife, 143 00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:57,560 Speaker 1: with my family, with my sister. And I literally only 144 00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:01,080 Speaker 1: spotted that two years ago, and I thought myself, this 145 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:04,640 Speaker 1: has to stop. I can't repeat this cycle. What is 146 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:07,400 Speaker 1: the work you do to spot those to illuminate some 147 00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:11,120 Speaker 1: of those kind of subconscious behavior patterns that because we 148 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:12,680 Speaker 1: all have them going on in the back room of 149 00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:16,320 Speaker 1: our lives and our minds. We have our childhood, the 150 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:19,800 Speaker 1: lessons we learn and the limiting beliefs we learn, almost 151 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:22,440 Speaker 1: acting as the puppet master of our adult lives. And 152 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:24,760 Speaker 1: so how does one become get to a point where 153 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:27,200 Speaker 1: they can spot that and go, do you know what 154 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,680 Speaker 1: that comes from that? What is there an exercise you've done? 155 00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:31,720 Speaker 1: Is there? You know? You tell me? I think the 156 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:34,760 Speaker 1: first thing is that when you experience conflict with someone, 157 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:38,080 Speaker 1: or you experience a disagreement or a disconnect with someone, 158 00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:43,320 Speaker 1: our society version is blame them. It's their fault. They 159 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:46,440 Speaker 1: upset you, they're wrong, and our friends will agree with that. 160 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:48,200 Speaker 1: When you go and tell your friend that so and 161 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:50,800 Speaker 1: so did something, they'll say, oh, yeah, well you know 162 00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:54,640 Speaker 1: he or she's a x y z XYZ sorry x 163 00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:58,800 Speaker 1: y z the spreading to a sturb in America the 164 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:02,320 Speaker 1: x y z of their so and so. They're like this, 165 00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:05,920 Speaker 1: they're like that, And actually, in that moment, I think 166 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:09,720 Speaker 1: the best thing we can do is what's my accountability 167 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:14,080 Speaker 1: in this? What part of this have I created for myself? 168 00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:19,040 Speaker 1: This is a really uncomfortable, difficult question to ask, but 169 00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:22,600 Speaker 1: it is the best question you can ask yourself if 170 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:26,880 Speaker 1: every time something goes wrong or something doesn't work out, 171 00:09:27,559 --> 00:09:31,800 Speaker 1: instead of blaming someone else or blaming yourself, if you 172 00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:36,840 Speaker 1: can pause and say what part of this am I 173 00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:40,240 Speaker 1: responsible for? And I think the reason why that's difficult 174 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:43,240 Speaker 1: is because we see everything as binary. We see it 175 00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:46,000 Speaker 1: as it's either their fault or it's all my fault. 176 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:48,840 Speaker 1: It's all your fault, or it's all my fault. And 177 00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:52,480 Speaker 1: the truth is there is no oil. It's all parts. 178 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:56,360 Speaker 1: It's partly your fault and it's partly my fault. But 179 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:59,480 Speaker 1: if I don't understand what my part to play is, 180 00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:03,160 Speaker 1: then I can't actually understand it. So the first step 181 00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:05,880 Speaker 1: is what's my part? That's the first part of the exercise. 182 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:08,360 Speaker 1: The second part of the exercise is, now that I 183 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:11,600 Speaker 1: know what my part is, let me focus on what 184 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:14,400 Speaker 1: skill I'm missing, Let me focus on what growth I 185 00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:17,679 Speaker 1: haven't had. Let me focus on what part of my 186 00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:21,960 Speaker 1: life feels incomplete that makes me act in my incomplete 187 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:24,840 Speaker 1: way with others. So what part of me is missing? 188 00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:28,439 Speaker 1: And I found that when I was over sacrificing or overgiving, 189 00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:31,760 Speaker 1: that's because I was trying to demand love from someone 190 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:34,640 Speaker 1: else and demand validation from someone else. So I was 191 00:10:34,679 --> 00:10:37,800 Speaker 1: almost trying to achieve or earn that love and validation, 192 00:10:38,559 --> 00:10:41,880 Speaker 1: and so I realized I wasn't giving it to myself. 193 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:45,040 Speaker 1: And so now I've realized that whatever you want from 194 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:48,840 Speaker 1: someone else, give it to yourself first. If you want 195 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:52,319 Speaker 1: compliments from someone else, give them to yourself first. If 196 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:55,760 Speaker 1: you want validation from someone else, give it to yourself first, 197 00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:58,160 Speaker 1: because no matter how many of them they give you, 198 00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:01,120 Speaker 1: if you never gave it to yourself in the first place, 199 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:04,199 Speaker 1: it will never be enough. So that's the second step. 200 00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:06,560 Speaker 1: Whatever you want from someone else, give it to yourself first. 201 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,600 Speaker 1: And the third step, I'd say to get to that 202 00:11:08,679 --> 00:11:14,760 Speaker 1: self awareness is simply sitting down and plotting the three 203 00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:17,960 Speaker 1: most difficult times in your life. So sit down and 204 00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:20,599 Speaker 1: write down what would have been the three most difficult 205 00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:25,079 Speaker 1: times in my life for the most painful decision making 206 00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:29,880 Speaker 1: points of transition in my life, And then ask yourself, 207 00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:33,920 Speaker 1: when you made good decisions, what was the environment like, 208 00:11:34,679 --> 00:11:38,120 Speaker 1: who are you listening to? What were people saying around you? 209 00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:42,400 Speaker 1: And when you made poor decisions, what was the environment like? 210 00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:45,480 Speaker 1: What were people saying? Who are you listening to? And 211 00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:47,560 Speaker 1: you'll start to spot a pattern. And I found that 212 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:50,760 Speaker 1: in my life, anytime I make a good decision, most 213 00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:53,520 Speaker 1: people disagree with me. I have to listen to my 214 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:57,320 Speaker 1: inner voice, and I'm usually doing something against the grain. 215 00:11:57,679 --> 00:12:00,560 Speaker 1: Now that's my pattern, but everyone has to find their own. 216 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,400 Speaker 1: You've reached a point of self awareness where you can 217 00:12:03,559 --> 00:12:05,920 Speaker 1: literally pinpoint the steps of doing that, and obviously you're 218 00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:10,079 Speaker 1: coaching and all the work you do has exacerbated that extremely. 219 00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:13,800 Speaker 1: Is there like a practical day to day habit you've 220 00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:16,720 Speaker 1: installed in your life to be able to look back 221 00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:19,520 Speaker 1: at how Jay's behaving on like is it a notepad, 222 00:12:19,679 --> 00:12:21,959 Speaker 1: is it voice notes in your phone? Is it meditation? 223 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:24,480 Speaker 1: What is the day to day practice that's got you 224 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:28,199 Speaker 1: to this point? So I would say that over time, 225 00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:30,840 Speaker 1: I've done journaling. I love voice notes because I like 226 00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:33,920 Speaker 1: speaking sometimes more than writing. But I'd say the biggest one, 227 00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:36,760 Speaker 1: if I'm completely honest with you, Stephen, like sitting here 228 00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:38,680 Speaker 1: with you and you're looking in my eyes asking me 229 00:12:38,679 --> 00:12:41,400 Speaker 1: that question, I'm like, the honest answer is I talk 230 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:44,800 Speaker 1: to myself a lot while driving. I talk out loud 231 00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:47,880 Speaker 1: to myself a lot, and I will sit there while 232 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:52,560 Speaker 1: I'm driving and I will talk through that day about 233 00:12:52,559 --> 00:12:56,240 Speaker 1: a situation where I didn't like how I behaved, or 234 00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:59,079 Speaker 1: a situation where I was really happy about how I behaved. 235 00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:01,240 Speaker 1: And so I'll pin point. And I always think it's 236 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:05,000 Speaker 1: really powerful to pinpoint a point where you were below 237 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:08,520 Speaker 1: your expectation and a point where you were above your expectation. 238 00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:12,120 Speaker 1: And I'll sit there and ask myself, why was it 239 00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:15,920 Speaker 1: that I was above my expectation? Why did I have 240 00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:18,240 Speaker 1: the ability in that moment to act in that way. 241 00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:20,720 Speaker 1: I'll give an example of where I was below my expectation. 242 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:23,400 Speaker 1: The other day. I was going to play tennis with 243 00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:25,840 Speaker 1: a friend in the morning, and I was running late 244 00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:30,079 Speaker 1: because I woke up. I was figuring things out that morning. 245 00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:32,080 Speaker 1: I had a few work emails from the night before. 246 00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:34,559 Speaker 1: I'm eight hours ahead of LA right now, so I 247 00:13:34,559 --> 00:13:36,680 Speaker 1: had things to catch up on. I'm running late to 248 00:13:36,679 --> 00:13:39,360 Speaker 1: play tennis. We've got the court booked and it's only 249 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,280 Speaker 1: booked for an hour, so we might be late something 250 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:46,240 Speaker 1: really insignificant. By the way. I turn up and I 251 00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:47,840 Speaker 1: meet the lady at the front and they haven't been 252 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:49,800 Speaker 1: able to give me a membership card because I'm only 253 00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:52,000 Speaker 1: here for ten days. And then I'm like, here's my 254 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,760 Speaker 1: membership number, and they can't figure it out, and they 255 00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:56,120 Speaker 1: don't know if I'm in the system, and I were 256 00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:59,600 Speaker 1: getting later for the court, and I'm holding my own 257 00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:02,960 Speaker 1: and I'm on the verge of just being like, get 258 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:06,080 Speaker 1: on with it, like can't we This is not that complicated, 259 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:10,960 Speaker 1: and I resist from that. But in my head, I'm thinking, 260 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:13,520 Speaker 1: why did that even happen? Like why am I even 261 00:14:13,559 --> 00:14:16,760 Speaker 1: feeling the urge to put a simple person trying to 262 00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:19,800 Speaker 1: do their job? Why am I thinking to release my 263 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:23,000 Speaker 1: anger and anguish onto them? And when I thought about 264 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,160 Speaker 1: that later that day, it was all because I was late. 265 00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:27,800 Speaker 1: I was frustrated that my friend's going to be upset 266 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,760 Speaker 1: that we're thirty minutes late for the court. I was 267 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:31,920 Speaker 1: upset that we're going to get even less time, and 268 00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:33,840 Speaker 1: I was about to take it out on an innocent 269 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:37,080 Speaker 1: person who actually has nothing to do with any of it, 270 00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:39,160 Speaker 1: who's trying to do their job. And so for me 271 00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:45,640 Speaker 1: talking out loud when I'm on my own spending time, actually, 272 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:50,840 Speaker 1: now what I'm answering your question, spending time alone is 273 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:53,600 Speaker 1: the only place where you get to have these conversations. 274 00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:57,360 Speaker 1: And most of us are spending time away from being 275 00:14:57,360 --> 00:15:00,960 Speaker 1: alone because we're scared of having these conversations. I'm sure 276 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,640 Speaker 1: you've seen. They did that study where they asked men 277 00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:07,360 Speaker 1: and women whether they either wanted to be alone with 278 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:13,400 Speaker 1: their thoughts for fifteen minutes or give themselves an electric shock. Now, 279 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:18,840 Speaker 1: the results will surprise you. Thirty percent of women gave 280 00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:23,040 Speaker 1: themselves an electric shock and sixty percent of men gave 281 00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:26,240 Speaker 1: themselves an electric shark, and the reason was because they 282 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:29,480 Speaker 1: didn't want to be alone with their thoughts for fifteen minutes. 283 00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:34,040 Speaker 1: We struggle so much with the idea of being present 284 00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:37,120 Speaker 1: in our own minds and bodies and hearts that we 285 00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:43,320 Speaker 1: distract ourselves. So really the habit is being present with myself, 286 00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:47,840 Speaker 1: with my thoughts and working through when I'm happy with 287 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,440 Speaker 1: myself and when I think I could have done better. 288 00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:54,640 Speaker 1: You know, I really really can relate to that point 289 00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:57,880 Speaker 1: about not wanting to be alone with your thoughts, not 290 00:15:57,920 --> 00:16:00,360 Speaker 1: from my own experiences, but because I've got friends around me, 291 00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:02,040 Speaker 1: specifically over the last year when we've been in this 292 00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:05,200 Speaker 1: lockdown who have really struggled, and even over the Christmas period, 293 00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:07,160 Speaker 1: I've got a couple of friends who really really struggle 294 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:10,440 Speaker 1: because they are alone with their thoughts. And You've spoken 295 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:12,440 Speaker 1: there to the value of sitting alone with your thoughts 296 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:15,920 Speaker 1: and silence and self contemplation. But what is it in 297 00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:18,800 Speaker 1: the in a human that makes them not want to 298 00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:21,800 Speaker 1: be alone with their thoughts? Wife For some o their 299 00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:26,440 Speaker 1: thoughts so such an unpleasant place to be. I think 300 00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:34,720 Speaker 1: it's because we've equated loneliness and being alone with abandonment, 301 00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:42,040 Speaker 1: and those are two completely different ideas. You can be lonely, 302 00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:48,320 Speaker 1: but that doesn't mean you've been abandoned, and we confuse 303 00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:50,920 Speaker 1: this so much. Paul Tillott writes about this, and he 304 00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:55,120 Speaker 1: says that the challenge today is that we think that 305 00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:59,680 Speaker 1: there's only one word for being alone, and we call 306 00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:03,080 Speaker 1: it loneliness. And he says we've forgotten about a second word. 307 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:08,359 Speaker 1: It's called solitude. Solitude and loneliness externally look the same, 308 00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:13,000 Speaker 1: but they're completely different things. And he says that solitude 309 00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:17,040 Speaker 1: is the strength of being alone and loneliness is the weakness. 310 00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:20,240 Speaker 1: And to me, it's because being alone feels like abandonment. 311 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:22,639 Speaker 1: It feels like everyone has left us. It feels like 312 00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:24,520 Speaker 1: we're alone at the end of the party and no 313 00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:29,520 Speaker 1: one's going to stay. We've created a feeling of being 314 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:37,880 Speaker 1: enamored and being forced to admire being together, my other half, 315 00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:42,840 Speaker 1: my better half, the person who completes me. It's like 316 00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:47,159 Speaker 1: all of this language is phrased in a way to 317 00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:51,760 Speaker 1: make you feel half and incomplete. When someone came to 318 00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:53,680 Speaker 1: school and they didn't have someone to sit next to them, 319 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:57,040 Speaker 1: that person was considered the loner. If you had a 320 00:17:57,080 --> 00:18:01,000 Speaker 1: birthday party and no one showed up, you were unpopular. 321 00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:05,240 Speaker 1: All of our self worth since we were young has 322 00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:09,320 Speaker 1: been defined by do you have people around you? Not 323 00:18:09,359 --> 00:18:12,600 Speaker 1: the quality of those people, not the depth of those people, 324 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:15,959 Speaker 1: not how much those people actually love you, just did 325 00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:18,920 Speaker 1: you have people around you? And so we've just been 326 00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:23,520 Speaker 1: conditioned to believe that being alone means being lonely, means 327 00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:28,960 Speaker 1: being abandoned, when actually being in solitude could be the 328 00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:31,040 Speaker 1: most beautiful thing we could do. So it's just as 329 00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:35,520 Speaker 1: a society we've got to unlearn that conditioning that's made 330 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:39,400 Speaker 1: us forcefully believe that if you don't have someone else, 331 00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:41,200 Speaker 1: If you turn up to your wedding and you don't 332 00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:44,000 Speaker 1: have a plus one, that's like one of the most 333 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,600 Speaker 1: stressful things for people. I don't know who I'm going 334 00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:49,600 Speaker 1: to take. Why is it that prom if you don't 335 00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:55,320 Speaker 1: have a date. Every single major life event, graduating weddings, 336 00:18:55,600 --> 00:19:01,920 Speaker 1: they're all based around having someone else there to celebrate you. Why, like, 337 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:05,199 Speaker 1: why why why can't we just celebrate ourselves? And I 338 00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:07,240 Speaker 1: think that's where we've lost it. We've lost the idea 339 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:09,760 Speaker 1: of celebrating ourselves. Do you think that I was just 340 00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:11,520 Speaker 1: thinking that, thinking that through, and I was thinking, you know, 341 00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:14,399 Speaker 1: if ten thousand years ago on the in the tribes 342 00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:17,399 Speaker 1: of Africa, if I was without if I was without 343 00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:21,440 Speaker 1: a tribe, I would have been, from a reproductive standpoint 344 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:24,120 Speaker 1: less attractive. No woman would want to have been with me, 345 00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:26,639 Speaker 1: because a tribe speaks to the resources I can provide 346 00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:29,040 Speaker 1: in bringing up, you know, a baby for our family. 347 00:19:29,119 --> 00:19:30,879 Speaker 1: But also you know, I would have been in a 348 00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:33,920 Speaker 1: great danger. My social status would have decayed. And typically 349 00:19:34,119 --> 00:19:36,240 Speaker 1: they see this in tribes, I think in monkeys, where 350 00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,479 Speaker 1: if you if you fall out of the tribe, eventually 351 00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:41,200 Speaker 1: you get sick or die. So do you think that's 352 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:44,000 Speaker 1: a prehistoric part of our conditioning or is it like 353 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:49,760 Speaker 1: a social New Age social construct? I think prehistorically it 354 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:53,320 Speaker 1: makes sense, But I think the social construct has been 355 00:19:53,440 --> 00:20:00,960 Speaker 1: that equating solitude or loneliness with isolation, seclusion, and separation, 356 00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:04,159 Speaker 1: and I think we confuse the two ideas. Spending time 357 00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:07,440 Speaker 1: every day in solitude is not me saying to you, 358 00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:11,120 Speaker 1: don't talk to anyone or yeah, you're good enough, right, yeah, 359 00:20:11,119 --> 00:20:13,840 Speaker 1: And it's not like me saying spending some time talking 360 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:16,520 Speaker 1: to yourself and being alone with your thoughts means never 361 00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:18,440 Speaker 1: go to a party or an event, like I think. 362 00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:21,960 Speaker 1: I just think we've got really poor as humans as 363 00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:27,800 Speaker 1: entertaining two ideas that are supposedly conflicting but recognizing that 364 00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:31,120 Speaker 1: there's a middle ground, like we're poor at saying okay, well, 365 00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:34,280 Speaker 1: Jay and Stephen aren't saying be alone or be surrounded 366 00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:37,480 Speaker 1: by people. We're saying, spend some time alone and be 367 00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:39,760 Speaker 1: intentional about who you spend your time with. And for 368 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,480 Speaker 1: some reason the human mind goes, no, no, no, I 369 00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:43,240 Speaker 1: think you're telling me that I have to go live 370 00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:45,680 Speaker 1: in a forest and be away from everyone. But that's 371 00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:49,639 Speaker 1: not really what solitude is. Solitude is I am comfortable 372 00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:53,320 Speaker 1: spending time with myself for a few moments a day, 373 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:57,280 Speaker 1: enjoying my own company, and speaking of spending time with people. Then, 374 00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:59,160 Speaker 1: so one of the concepts you write a lot about 375 00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:03,760 Speaker 1: is this kind of seven five percent rule people often 376 00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:06,400 Speaker 1: discuss the importance of the company you keep, whether it's 377 00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:09,439 Speaker 1: their wisdom, their attitude, their positivity, their optimism, whatever, and 378 00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:11,160 Speaker 1: the effect that can have on you as a human being. 379 00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:13,840 Speaker 1: What have you done in your life? And also what 380 00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:18,040 Speaker 1: is the importance from what you've experienced of surrounding yourself 381 00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:21,520 Speaker 1: with people that have good values, that are equally ambitious, 382 00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:24,439 Speaker 1: that share a sort of similarities as it relates to 383 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:27,320 Speaker 1: who you want to become. Is it important? Does it matter? 384 00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:31,520 Speaker 1: I think one of the biggest mistakes I've made, and 385 00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:35,080 Speaker 1: I think we make as humans, is we often look 386 00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:40,600 Speaker 1: for divinity in humanity. You're looking for that divine person 387 00:21:41,119 --> 00:21:46,080 Speaker 1: that has all the answers and that is infallible and perfect. 388 00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:51,720 Speaker 1: And when you seek divinity in humanity, you're left with 389 00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:58,280 Speaker 1: insecurity and anxiety because no one fulfills that divine search. 390 00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:01,719 Speaker 1: And So, for me, what I really had to understand 391 00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:03,840 Speaker 1: as I went down that road and felt like I 392 00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:07,639 Speaker 1: was let down and felt like people made me feel 393 00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:11,720 Speaker 1: unworthy or unequipped, was I recognized that there were four 394 00:22:12,359 --> 00:22:20,000 Speaker 1: pillars of relationships, and they are care, competence, consistency, and character. 395 00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:23,919 Speaker 1: Every single person in your life is going to be 396 00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:26,160 Speaker 1: able to give you, or should be able to give you, 397 00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:32,280 Speaker 1: at least one of these four characteristics. Very rarely, if ever, 398 00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:36,080 Speaker 1: will one person give you all four. And if you're lucky, 399 00:22:36,119 --> 00:22:37,600 Speaker 1: you might have a few people in your life that 400 00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:39,960 Speaker 1: give you two or three. So let's talk about each 401 00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:43,639 Speaker 1: of them. Care my mom. There is no one in 402 00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:46,000 Speaker 1: the world who cares for me more than my mom. 403 00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:48,600 Speaker 1: She would do anything for me. She'd be there for 404 00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:51,520 Speaker 1: me all. She wants to make sure. It doesn't matter 405 00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:53,520 Speaker 1: what I've achieved or what I've done. If she picks 406 00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:55,080 Speaker 1: up the phone to me, her first question is have 407 00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:59,240 Speaker 1: you eaten? What did you eat? Are you safe? Are 408 00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:02,360 Speaker 1: you healthy? Right Like, that's all she cares about. Now, 409 00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:05,040 Speaker 1: my mum isn't the person that I go to for 410 00:23:05,119 --> 00:23:09,160 Speaker 1: business advice, or she's not the person I'm saying hypothetically 411 00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:13,239 Speaker 1: that I go to for social media advice. That's not 412 00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:16,280 Speaker 1: her competence. But she doesn't need to be. She cares 413 00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:18,399 Speaker 1: for me, and that's what I get from her. Now, 414 00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:22,760 Speaker 1: let's go to competence. If I'm thinking about starting a business, 415 00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:26,520 Speaker 1: you dragon over here, right like, you'd be a great 416 00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:29,080 Speaker 1: friend to call up. You're someone who understands what it 417 00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:33,840 Speaker 1: takes to get investors, scale a business, build teams, manage internationally, 418 00:23:34,359 --> 00:23:37,960 Speaker 1: grow scale cell Like you have that journey and you 419 00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:40,520 Speaker 1: have that network, you have that career. I'd also care 420 00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:42,159 Speaker 1: about you. I know you also care about me. So 421 00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:44,040 Speaker 1: I've got two out of four in you, and you've 422 00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:46,919 Speaker 1: got good character. You don't have the consistency because we 423 00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:50,920 Speaker 1: don't see each other enough. So so three out of four, yeah, 424 00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:54,399 Speaker 1: seventy and so for that, for me, is that perfect 425 00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:56,560 Speaker 1: example of there's competence there, and there is care there, 426 00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:58,920 Speaker 1: which is wonderful, and there's character there. I believe you're 427 00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:01,359 Speaker 1: someone of good character, and that's the next one. Character. 428 00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:04,000 Speaker 1: There are some people in our life that hold us 429 00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:08,400 Speaker 1: to higher values. They help us grow with greater integrity. 430 00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:11,320 Speaker 1: They help us see things beyond what we're chasing. They 431 00:24:11,359 --> 00:24:14,520 Speaker 1: make us look beyond our desires and make us recognize 432 00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:17,160 Speaker 1: that there's so much more to life. And those people 433 00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:20,240 Speaker 1: who are massively important, and those people may not be 434 00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:22,199 Speaker 1: the people we see every week. They may not be 435 00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:23,960 Speaker 1: the people we see every day, they may not be 436 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:26,080 Speaker 1: the people that we call up. But you need them 437 00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:29,360 Speaker 1: as your compass, the people with character or your compass. 438 00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:32,200 Speaker 1: And then Finally, you have the people that are consistent. 439 00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:36,080 Speaker 1: You have some mates that you just know are always 440 00:24:36,119 --> 00:24:38,320 Speaker 1: going to pick up the phone. You know that if 441 00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:41,200 Speaker 1: you need to move house, you've got a family emergency, 442 00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:43,879 Speaker 1: you know which friend you call. They may not be 443 00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:47,320 Speaker 1: the competent business advisor. They may care about you, but 444 00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:49,280 Speaker 1: they don't care about you as deeply as your mom does. 445 00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:54,160 Speaker 1: But they are consistently, always there for you. And that's beautiful. 446 00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:57,040 Speaker 1: But the problem is when we look at our consistent friend, 447 00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:59,480 Speaker 1: we think, well, why are you not competent? We look 448 00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:01,600 Speaker 1: at our and friend we think, why don't you have 449 00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:04,280 Speaker 1: a good character. We look at our character friend and say, well, 450 00:25:04,280 --> 00:25:06,720 Speaker 1: why are you always there? And so we're always looking 451 00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:10,399 Speaker 1: for which see they don't have, rather than appreciating for 452 00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:13,320 Speaker 1: them for exactly what they bring to our life. You know, 453 00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:16,200 Speaker 1: I met your wonderful wife. Yeah you do, Yeah, and 454 00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:19,720 Speaker 1: you yeah. Honestly, in a room full of hundreds and 455 00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:22,800 Speaker 1: hundreds of people, if there was a light, like if 456 00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:25,800 Speaker 1: she felt like a physical like a light in the room, 457 00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:30,400 Speaker 1: just her energy was just unbelievable. And it's it's remarkable 458 00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:33,000 Speaker 1: because she felt so much like you in so many ways. 459 00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:36,280 Speaker 1: I'm guessing when you were talking about that third point 460 00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:39,720 Speaker 1: about character and values and showing you things in life 461 00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:41,280 Speaker 1: that are beyond what you might have thought and the 462 00:25:41,280 --> 00:25:44,879 Speaker 1: meaning of life. And you know, from my own ten minutes, 463 00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:46,760 Speaker 1: you know, conversation with her, I feel like she must 464 00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:50,119 Speaker 1: be in that category, right, Yeah, right, I always used 465 00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:52,520 Speaker 1: to say to people late, so people become friends with me, 466 00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:55,680 Speaker 1: and I hope they liked me, and then I introduced 467 00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:57,720 Speaker 1: them to my wife, and then I never hear from 468 00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:00,560 Speaker 1: the beginning. So she steals all my friends. And I'm 469 00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:03,439 Speaker 1: not even just saying that, like that's genuinely true. She 470 00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:05,600 Speaker 1: has stolen every single one of my friends as soon 471 00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:08,240 Speaker 1: as they meet, so I can't introduce anyone to her anymore. 472 00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:11,640 Speaker 1: But yeah, she's just I don't know how. And it's 473 00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:14,359 Speaker 1: it's been interesting because my wife has taught me so 474 00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:20,400 Speaker 1: much more about me and life than I ever thought 475 00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:25,040 Speaker 1: a partner could. And it's because as my so, my 476 00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:28,840 Speaker 1: wife and i've been together since before my external career 477 00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:33,000 Speaker 1: took off, and so she was with me when I 478 00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:35,960 Speaker 1: had no money, no job. She introduced me to her 479 00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:39,200 Speaker 1: family when I had no money, no job. I met 480 00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:41,879 Speaker 1: her parents, I met her extended family, I had no 481 00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:45,040 Speaker 1: career plan. So I've been with her for around eight 482 00:26:45,119 --> 00:26:50,000 Speaker 1: years now, and far before everything kind of took off externally. 483 00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:54,880 Speaker 1: And what was really really phenomenal was as my life 484 00:26:54,880 --> 00:27:00,080 Speaker 1: took off externally, I started to develop this need a 485 00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:04,840 Speaker 1: validation from her for what I was achieving. So if 486 00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:07,400 Speaker 1: I'd get a big deal, I'd been like, look look 487 00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:08,840 Speaker 1: at look what I did, like look what I did, 488 00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:12,480 Speaker 1: Like isn't this amazing? And she wouldn't be impressed by it. 489 00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:15,200 Speaker 1: And then if I did something and it went viral, 490 00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:16,480 Speaker 1: I'd be oh, look at this, look at this, like 491 00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:19,320 Speaker 1: look how cool this is? Like isn't this amazing? And 492 00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:21,840 Speaker 1: she wasn't impressed by it. And then if I was 493 00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:23,360 Speaker 1: on the front cover of a magazine or something, I'd 494 00:27:23,359 --> 00:27:24,720 Speaker 1: be like, oh, look how cool this is? Like look 495 00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:29,280 Speaker 1: look at this and she wouldn't admire it. And for 496 00:27:29,359 --> 00:27:31,200 Speaker 1: a long time I started to think did I marry 497 00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:34,400 Speaker 1: the wrong person? And I was thinking to myself, did 498 00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:36,960 Speaker 1: I am I with the wrong person? Because I know 499 00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:39,840 Speaker 1: plenty of people who are telling me that that covers 500 00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:42,439 Speaker 1: amazing and that video is amazing, and that podcast is amazing, 501 00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:45,720 Speaker 1: and that person's amazing, Like am I? Like? Am I 502 00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:50,320 Speaker 1: not worthy of respect. And I realized as I and 503 00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:52,760 Speaker 1: I reflected on that. As I said earlier, I was like, 504 00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:55,960 Speaker 1: what part of this am I accountable for? And the 505 00:27:56,000 --> 00:28:00,919 Speaker 1: answer was really simple, my life. My wife loved me 506 00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:06,600 Speaker 1: for everything that came before that. She loves me despite 507 00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:08,919 Speaker 1: all of that. If all of that was to go 508 00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:11,960 Speaker 1: away tomorrow, she'd still love me. And I was like, 509 00:28:12,119 --> 00:28:15,360 Speaker 1: isn't that the most beautiful thing? Like, isn't that what 510 00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:18,639 Speaker 1: we all want? Isn't that what we're truly craving is 511 00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:23,760 Speaker 1: that we are loved beyond our appearance, our achievements, our ambitions, 512 00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:28,359 Speaker 1: and our goals. And I had that, but I wasn't 513 00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:30,840 Speaker 1: seeing that because I wanted to be loved for my ambitions, 514 00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:33,600 Speaker 1: my achievements, my goals. And so yes, when you talk 515 00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:35,880 Speaker 1: about my wife being a light, she's one of those 516 00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:38,840 Speaker 1: people for sure, because she's been my guide and my coach, 517 00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:41,440 Speaker 1: my teacher without even knowing you. If you asked her 518 00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:44,760 Speaker 1: this question, she wouldn't say that she was doing it intentionally, 519 00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:48,320 Speaker 1: But she's been such a great teacher ENLiGHT in my 520 00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:51,000 Speaker 1: life in so many ways, and so I'm always just 521 00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:54,600 Speaker 1: trying to anytime she annoys me, I'm like, there's a 522 00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:56,840 Speaker 1: lesson in this for me, and there's going to be 523 00:28:56,880 --> 00:29:00,960 Speaker 1: something really profound in this for me, because she's she's 524 00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:03,840 Speaker 1: she's cut from a different class. She's she's remarkable. I 525 00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:05,600 Speaker 1: don't even know how she's like her parents. Her parents 526 00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:08,080 Speaker 1: are incredible and you know they've they've given her a 527 00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:10,360 Speaker 1: lot of love, and so I see that kind of 528 00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:13,000 Speaker 1: flow through her. It's so funny. I burst out laughing then, 529 00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:15,400 Speaker 1: because it reminds me a lot of my girlfriend. And 530 00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:17,480 Speaker 1: I've said this on this podcast a lot, and it's 531 00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:22,760 Speaker 1: I've never actually realized the kind of fundamental truth in 532 00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:27,200 Speaker 1: what you said there. But whenever I talk about my girlfriend, 533 00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:30,040 Speaker 1: I say, she doesn't really care it when I if 534 00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:32,200 Speaker 1: I'm number one in the charts or if I'm number 535 00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:34,160 Speaker 1: one here. Of that, the reaction I get from her 536 00:29:34,280 --> 00:29:37,040 Speaker 1: versus other people like my boys is kind of a 537 00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:40,120 Speaker 1: bit more mute. I think maybe she just doesn't care 538 00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:42,880 Speaker 1: about my you know, my like preferce. But you've what 539 00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:45,640 Speaker 1: you've highlighted there is in fact that is somebody that 540 00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:49,880 Speaker 1: values something else. Yes, in you so, but my girlfriend 541 00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:52,719 Speaker 1: would be very very happy and very very impressed with 542 00:29:52,800 --> 00:29:54,600 Speaker 1: me doing a bunch of other things that would maybe 543 00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:57,080 Speaker 1: a bit more pure in their views, she would celebrate 544 00:29:57,120 --> 00:30:00,240 Speaker 1: those things. It's not like she's not celebrating me. It's 545 00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:03,160 Speaker 1: I don't get the euphoria from the like number one 546 00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:05,760 Speaker 1: in the podcast chart. Yes, and it's a question of values, 547 00:30:05,800 --> 00:30:07,960 Speaker 1: and in fact, as you say, that's what we should 548 00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:11,160 Speaker 1: all be looking for. But society has taught me that 549 00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:13,600 Speaker 1: you clap when you get big numbers on stuff, or 550 00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:15,600 Speaker 1: you go number one, or the bank balance is big. 551 00:30:16,280 --> 00:30:19,760 Speaker 1: So that's so interesting. It's probably I guess someone's going 552 00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:21,280 Speaker 1: to draw the conclusion from that. They're going to look 553 00:30:21,280 --> 00:30:23,160 Speaker 1: at their partner who's been clapping because they've got like 554 00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:27,240 Speaker 1: a promotion at work. You've got a bad value enough 555 00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:30,440 Speaker 1: and not at all we should should we should be 556 00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:33,719 Speaker 1: supportive partners about everything that our partners do. But it 557 00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:37,320 Speaker 1: is beautiful that you get an opportunity to learn about 558 00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:40,440 Speaker 1: your partner's values by what they value in your own success. 559 00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:43,600 Speaker 1: And that doesn't mean that, like you just said, like 560 00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:46,600 Speaker 1: your girlfriend or my wife is not happy when something 561 00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:48,840 Speaker 1: goes number one or does great. Of course they're happy, 562 00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:52,120 Speaker 1: but there's something deeper than that that makes them happier. 563 00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:55,120 Speaker 1: And I think that's really special and that's that character 564 00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:57,040 Speaker 1: in that life. When I was reading through your story 565 00:30:57,080 --> 00:30:59,200 Speaker 1: and from what I've observed with your story, there was 566 00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:03,760 Speaker 1: some interesting similarities that really reminded me of mine. But 567 00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:07,440 Speaker 1: I feel like our an exception, and it's it's you. 568 00:31:08,080 --> 00:31:10,160 Speaker 1: And you know what you said it before we started talking, 569 00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:14,320 Speaker 1: you said, um, we were talking about various business things 570 00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:18,400 Speaker 1: and business decisions you've made, and also we were talking 571 00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:21,600 Speaker 1: about you moving to la after just going there with 572 00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:24,360 Speaker 1: your wife for a week, and you said, well, it 573 00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:26,640 Speaker 1: just felt like the right thing to do. We were 574 00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:28,080 Speaker 1: there for one week and it felt like the right 575 00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:29,440 Speaker 1: thing to do it. So, although you were leaving New 576 00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:31,400 Speaker 1: York where you had all of this stuff and you 577 00:31:31,680 --> 00:31:36,280 Speaker 1: were starting to build your presence there, you used your 578 00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:38,760 Speaker 1: your compass became how you felt. And when I looked 579 00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:44,120 Speaker 1: through your your history from your very very early days 580 00:31:44,160 --> 00:31:47,120 Speaker 1: from a teenager to school to university, to going off 581 00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:49,800 Speaker 1: and becoming a monk, to getting a job at a 582 00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:52,600 Speaker 1: centure then pick getting picked up by Arianna Huffington at 583 00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:55,880 Speaker 1: Huffington Post and quitting after six months because you were 584 00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:59,200 Speaker 1: doing this other thing. You are a remarkable quitter and 585 00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:01,520 Speaker 1: you seem to be one that's guided by this compass 586 00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:05,040 Speaker 1: of how does this feel? Not what will people think? 587 00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:08,760 Speaker 1: Talk to me about that, and is that observation accurate. 588 00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:11,200 Speaker 1: It's such a hard way to live in one sense, 589 00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:14,520 Speaker 1: and such an easy way to live in one that observation. 590 00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:16,800 Speaker 1: I never put it in those words, but I love 591 00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:19,400 Speaker 1: those words. And I've heard you talk about that before, 592 00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:22,240 Speaker 1: about being a good quitter, and I love that. I 593 00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:26,000 Speaker 1: think what you're saying is true. I agree with you. 594 00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:29,000 Speaker 1: I've never articulated in the way you just did, but 595 00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:33,560 Speaker 1: it feels so true. I, from a very young age, 596 00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:38,920 Speaker 1: just felt there was this strong inner voice, and I 597 00:32:38,960 --> 00:32:41,960 Speaker 1: believe everyone has it. This isn't me being religious or 598 00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:45,160 Speaker 1: spiritual or woo woo. This is me saying that there 599 00:32:45,320 --> 00:32:47,720 Speaker 1: is a voice that we all hear in our minds, 600 00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:49,840 Speaker 1: in our hearts, in our heads, wherever you want to 601 00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:54,920 Speaker 1: say it is, it's there. And the challenge that happens 602 00:32:55,040 --> 00:32:57,680 Speaker 1: is in our early years, you're told to tell it 603 00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:01,880 Speaker 1: to be quiet. So term that voices, well maybe no, no, no, 604 00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:04,680 Speaker 1: no no, Just do what they're saying, Do what they're told. 605 00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:08,920 Speaker 1: Get on that conveyor belt, get on that assembly line, 606 00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:12,880 Speaker 1: stick that barcode on your back, become a machine, go 607 00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:16,160 Speaker 1: be a robot, and and it's almost programmed. And so 608 00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:19,000 Speaker 1: that voice that is not machine like, that voice is 609 00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:21,840 Speaker 1: the human inside of us is being trained to be 610 00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:25,600 Speaker 1: a machine. And so we start treating ourselves like machines. 611 00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:29,960 Speaker 1: And machines you just programmed them and then press enter 612 00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:32,240 Speaker 1: and then it gives you what it wants. But we 613 00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:35,720 Speaker 1: don't function that way. We're a conversation in the universe. 614 00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:39,960 Speaker 1: We're not a program. And so if you're a conversation 615 00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:43,920 Speaker 1: and you're an interaction, you're dynamic. That in a voice 616 00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:49,840 Speaker 1: becomes so squashed that now by the time we're twenty thirty, fifty, sixty, seventy, 617 00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:52,160 Speaker 1: whatever age you are, you can't hear it anymore. So 618 00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:55,200 Speaker 1: you say, oh, that's some spiritual mumbo jumbo stuff because 619 00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:58,080 Speaker 1: I don't hear that voice. But that's just because we 620 00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:01,719 Speaker 1: quiettend it. So for me even till this day, and 621 00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:04,560 Speaker 1: by the way, I have more things trying to quiet 622 00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:08,880 Speaker 1: that voice today. I had a conversation with my team recently. 623 00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:11,120 Speaker 1: I was talking about a few new things I wanted 624 00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:13,160 Speaker 1: to try out this year, and a lot of people 625 00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:14,759 Speaker 1: said to me, they said, Jay, don't you think that's 626 00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:17,560 Speaker 1: a risk to the brand you've created. Don't you think 627 00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:20,839 Speaker 1: that's a risk to who you are? And I said, well, 628 00:34:20,880 --> 00:34:23,680 Speaker 1: I haven't worked this hard to not do what I 629 00:34:23,719 --> 00:34:27,280 Speaker 1: truly want, Like, I haven't got this far by being 630 00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:30,480 Speaker 1: someone else. I've got this far by being true to myself. 631 00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:34,600 Speaker 1: So I can only continue to do that. And so, yes, 632 00:34:34,680 --> 00:34:37,440 Speaker 1: there are things that I do that are slightly unconventional 633 00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:39,640 Speaker 1: for people who've been monks in the past. There are 634 00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:41,759 Speaker 1: certain ways that I live my life, and there are 635 00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:43,480 Speaker 1: certain things that I enjoy. And I always say this, 636 00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:46,680 Speaker 1: I enjoyed being a monk as much as I enjoy 637 00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:51,360 Speaker 1: understanding media. And that's really paradoxical for a lot of people, 638 00:34:51,400 --> 00:34:54,760 Speaker 1: but that's just my truth. I enjoy building a business 639 00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:57,560 Speaker 1: and learning about what it takes as much as I 640 00:34:57,640 --> 00:35:00,719 Speaker 1: learned trying to understand how to meditate deeper and go internal. 641 00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:06,280 Speaker 1: I enjoy and appreciate what I gain from all these pursuits, 642 00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:11,359 Speaker 1: and I see them as being this beautiful, you know, 643 00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:17,319 Speaker 1: beautiful symbiotic, synergetic combination of learning in life and experience. 644 00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:19,480 Speaker 1: But the problem is our mind has said, no, those 645 00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:22,520 Speaker 1: things are paradoxical. That's an oxymoron. You can't connect those 646 00:35:22,560 --> 00:35:26,560 Speaker 1: two things. Those two things are unconnectable. And I'm like, well, 647 00:35:26,640 --> 00:35:30,880 Speaker 1: Steve Jobs said that creativity is connecting things, and connected 648 00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:34,880 Speaker 1: thinkers will rule the futures. So if we can't spot 649 00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:40,120 Speaker 1: connections in anomalies, then I think we actually sell ourselves short. 650 00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:43,080 Speaker 1: And so when you say being a remarkable quitter, I 651 00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:47,280 Speaker 1: see that as me saying I only have trained myself 652 00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:49,240 Speaker 1: to know that I can only do what I really 653 00:35:49,280 --> 00:35:52,759 Speaker 1: feel like doing with the awareness that this could be 654 00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:55,720 Speaker 1: a risk. But I'm okay with that. Does that answer 655 00:35:55,719 --> 00:35:58,200 Speaker 1: your question? Yeah? Yeah, And you know you brought up 656 00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:00,799 Speaker 1: another point there, which I think is equally This sounds 657 00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:02,600 Speaker 1: a bit like a pun but equally connected, which is, 658 00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:05,319 Speaker 1: you know, society will give you a label. They'll say, hey, 659 00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:08,040 Speaker 1: you're a monk, so act I can behave like a monk. 660 00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:10,200 Speaker 1: We know what monks I here's the instruction manual of 661 00:36:10,239 --> 00:36:12,960 Speaker 1: being a monk. And if you do anything other than 662 00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:15,719 Speaker 1: the instruction manual there, then they'll say contradiction. Yeah, they'll 663 00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:17,680 Speaker 1: say you're a monk. How do you live in laj Yes, 664 00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:20,720 Speaker 1: you have, you have a nice home, you make money, 665 00:36:21,360 --> 00:36:24,000 Speaker 1: And then and so is what is it about these 666 00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:26,680 Speaker 1: labels that we give people and then we society then 667 00:36:26,719 --> 00:36:28,680 Speaker 1: tries to enforce and if you step outside of the 668 00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:31,440 Speaker 1: implicit instructions of the box that we've labeled you in, 669 00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:35,320 Speaker 1: we go fraud. Yeah, what is that? There's a really 670 00:36:35,320 --> 00:36:38,640 Speaker 1: good meme on social media that I've seen fly about 671 00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:44,640 Speaker 1: for years and it says society says, be yourself and 672 00:36:44,680 --> 00:36:48,000 Speaker 1: then it says no, not like that. And I don't 673 00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:49,800 Speaker 1: know who invented it, but it's been out there in 674 00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:52,000 Speaker 1: the meme world for years and I love it because 675 00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:54,080 Speaker 1: I'm like, that's exactly it. And I the way you 676 00:36:54,160 --> 00:36:56,120 Speaker 1: just explain what you said, I've actually never heard it 677 00:36:56,120 --> 00:36:58,800 Speaker 1: said better than that. So you've just explained in thirty seconds. 678 00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:01,800 Speaker 1: I've running around them about for the past three minutes. 679 00:37:02,440 --> 00:37:05,240 Speaker 1: But that's exactly it. That we want to label people, 680 00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:09,239 Speaker 1: we want to label things, we want to label everyone. Now, 681 00:37:09,320 --> 00:37:12,480 Speaker 1: let's take the rock to wind the Rock Johnson. We 682 00:37:13,080 --> 00:37:16,600 Speaker 1: could label him a wrestler, but that wrestler is one 683 00:37:16,640 --> 00:37:18,960 Speaker 1: of the biggest actors in the world today, and forget actors, 684 00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:22,279 Speaker 1: he's a brand beyond that. Now, if we labeled him 685 00:37:22,280 --> 00:37:23,759 Speaker 1: as a wrestler and said no, no no, no, you just 686 00:37:23,880 --> 00:37:26,480 Speaker 1: have to stay a wrestler. You never get to see this. 687 00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:29,000 Speaker 1: If you look at Steve Jobs, well, you started by 688 00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:32,040 Speaker 1: making computers. You're a computer maker, so just make computers. 689 00:37:32,400 --> 00:37:35,239 Speaker 1: Why are you inventing iTunes? Why are you inventing the phone? Now? 690 00:37:35,239 --> 00:37:38,440 Speaker 1: I think it gets harder when it gets to things 691 00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:42,520 Speaker 1: that are spiritually intertwined. And I grew up with a 692 00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:46,080 Speaker 1: belief for a long time that if you were truly spiritual, 693 00:37:46,719 --> 00:37:49,760 Speaker 1: you had to be poor, you had to have nothing, 694 00:37:49,880 --> 00:37:54,080 Speaker 1: you had to be completely detached and disconnected. And I 695 00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:56,960 Speaker 1: found that that's a worthy pursuit and has some beautiful 696 00:37:57,000 --> 00:38:00,319 Speaker 1: rewards at the end of it as a journey. But 697 00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:03,040 Speaker 1: I also saw, having lived that life as a monk, 698 00:38:03,320 --> 00:38:07,600 Speaker 1: that there were certain areas of impact, certain conversations that 699 00:38:07,640 --> 00:38:09,759 Speaker 1: we never got to be a part of. There were 700 00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:13,400 Speaker 1: certain things in mainstream society that we never got to shift. 701 00:38:13,840 --> 00:38:16,719 Speaker 1: And that's something that called out to my heart personally, 702 00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:21,000 Speaker 1: where I felt, well, what if mental health was mainstream, 703 00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:24,239 Speaker 1: that that was a mainstream conversation, that everyone in the 704 00:38:24,280 --> 00:38:27,600 Speaker 1: world had access to the tools to help themselves for 705 00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:32,640 Speaker 1: free through podcasting, through interviews, through books, through videos, through content. 706 00:38:32,719 --> 00:38:35,279 Speaker 1: What if everyone in the world had access to what 707 00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:38,120 Speaker 1: I have access to as a monk. But what does 708 00:38:38,160 --> 00:38:41,720 Speaker 1: that need? That needs staff? It needs employees, it needs 709 00:38:41,760 --> 00:38:45,200 Speaker 1: eight cameras, it needs a microphone, it needs people, it 710 00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:48,880 Speaker 1: needs teams, It needs a business. So what looks like 711 00:38:48,920 --> 00:38:51,799 Speaker 1: a business on the outside is just purpose on the inside. 712 00:38:52,560 --> 00:38:57,799 Speaker 1: But we're so scored and trained to judge things for 713 00:38:57,880 --> 00:39:01,880 Speaker 1: what they externally look like what they internally are that 714 00:39:01,960 --> 00:39:05,600 Speaker 1: we don't give ourselves that expansive, abundant mindset to say, well, 715 00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:07,640 Speaker 1: maybe this could be more now. I'm not saying that 716 00:39:07,719 --> 00:39:10,279 Speaker 1: I don't have imperfections, and I'm not saying that I 717 00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:14,480 Speaker 1: don't love things as well. Like I like nice things. 718 00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:19,600 Speaker 1: I like nice clothes, I like fashion, I like I 719 00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:21,959 Speaker 1: like living in a nice space. So I like nice 720 00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:24,759 Speaker 1: things and I would never shy away from that. But 721 00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:27,680 Speaker 1: I'm also fully aware that I don't depend on my 722 00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:31,040 Speaker 1: happiness on those things. I'm not putting what I believe 723 00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:33,520 Speaker 1: is going to make me joyful on those things. But 724 00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:36,399 Speaker 1: I appreciate having them, but I've also appreciated life when 725 00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:39,759 Speaker 1: I didn't have them, So they've never defined whether I've 726 00:39:39,800 --> 00:39:42,719 Speaker 1: worked hard or worked on my purpose, if that makes sense. 727 00:39:43,719 --> 00:39:45,719 Speaker 1: There's two times in this conversation where you've you've made 728 00:39:45,719 --> 00:39:48,239 Speaker 1: points where the kind of conclusion that my head has 729 00:39:48,280 --> 00:39:50,200 Speaker 1: arrived at is we have to meet in the middle 730 00:39:50,239 --> 00:39:52,279 Speaker 1: list if we're going to make progress. The first time 731 00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:54,680 Speaker 1: you did that was when you were talking about having 732 00:39:54,880 --> 00:39:57,239 Speaker 1: like an argument with a wife or a partner or 733 00:39:57,280 --> 00:39:59,080 Speaker 1: whatever it might be. And you've got to actually like 734 00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:00,960 Speaker 1: meet in the middle. And this is maybe where I 735 00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:02,960 Speaker 1: can improve. And maybe this is where you know, you 736 00:40:03,440 --> 00:40:05,080 Speaker 1: stepped a file and then you said it again there 737 00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:09,440 Speaker 1: with the example of spirituality, and probably like the business world, 738 00:40:09,560 --> 00:40:12,600 Speaker 1: they're seen as polar opposites. One is all about, you know, 739 00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:16,040 Speaker 1: maybe a less less of a desire for material possession 740 00:40:16,040 --> 00:40:19,080 Speaker 1: and attainment and climbing in capitalism, and the other is 741 00:40:19,120 --> 00:40:22,399 Speaker 1: the definition of it. And you're saying, well, really, if 742 00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:25,359 Speaker 1: we are to spread the message of spirituality around the world, 743 00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:27,600 Speaker 1: we're going to need to learn a little bit from 744 00:40:27,600 --> 00:40:30,920 Speaker 1: the other side about building and scaling. And and I 745 00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:33,440 Speaker 1: just think that phrase the truthers in the middle, has 746 00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:35,040 Speaker 1: haunted me for the last couple of weeks since I 747 00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:38,759 Speaker 1: came back from Indonesia, because it seems to be the 748 00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:40,640 Speaker 1: nature of everything and we're actually moving away from that 749 00:40:40,640 --> 00:40:44,399 Speaker 1: as a polarized society, black, white police, the people rich 750 00:40:44,520 --> 00:40:49,760 Speaker 1: poor exactly. And it's beautiful you said that actually because 751 00:40:49,760 --> 00:40:52,759 Speaker 1: the Buddha always talked about the middle path, so he 752 00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:55,560 Speaker 1: called it the middle path. Into that reason, from what 753 00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:58,480 Speaker 1: you just said that it was always about the middle path, 754 00:40:58,560 --> 00:41:01,640 Speaker 1: that the answer was somewhere. I interviewed Kristen Bell recently 755 00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:04,120 Speaker 1: and she wrote a book called Why the World Needs 756 00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:06,600 Speaker 1: More Purple People, And that's because of the red and 757 00:41:06,640 --> 00:41:09,480 Speaker 1: Blue States. So the idea of this idea of like 758 00:41:09,640 --> 00:41:12,319 Speaker 1: meeting in the middle, that there's some answers that you 759 00:41:12,440 --> 00:41:16,359 Speaker 1: only come across if you can entertain this idea and 760 00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:19,719 Speaker 1: this idea and look for the connection. And what I 761 00:41:19,760 --> 00:41:23,360 Speaker 1: love is that for everything we're talking about, someone's thought 762 00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:27,160 Speaker 1: about it and talked about it before. And when I 763 00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:29,879 Speaker 1: think of someone who defined what we're talking about really well. 764 00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:32,840 Speaker 1: And this is a quote, a thought, that an insight 765 00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:35,200 Speaker 1: that I try and live my life by, and it's 766 00:41:35,200 --> 00:41:38,400 Speaker 1: from Martin Luther King, and he said that the people 767 00:41:38,440 --> 00:41:43,479 Speaker 1: that love peace need to learn to organize themselves as 768 00:41:43,520 --> 00:41:47,160 Speaker 1: well as the people who love war. And to me, 769 00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:51,160 Speaker 1: that's what's been missing for so long in spirituality, and 770 00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:54,440 Speaker 1: wellness and health is that we can speak about these 771 00:41:54,480 --> 00:41:58,040 Speaker 1: things in this really organic, beautiful way. But if it 772 00:41:58,040 --> 00:42:02,240 Speaker 1: doesn't get organized and doesn't get strategic, and it doesn't 773 00:42:02,280 --> 00:42:06,319 Speaker 1: get focused, it just kind of feels like splattered pain 774 00:42:07,080 --> 00:42:10,600 Speaker 1: and it doesn't allow people to practically apply in their life. 775 00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:12,880 Speaker 1: So sometimes when people say, Jay, what you're saying is 776 00:42:12,880 --> 00:42:16,720 Speaker 1: so simple, it's so basic, I'm like, yeah, I'm choosing 777 00:42:16,719 --> 00:42:20,319 Speaker 1: to do that because that's what we all need. Like 778 00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:22,560 Speaker 1: don't we all need to make this really simple and 779 00:42:22,680 --> 00:42:24,960 Speaker 1: easy and practical. I know that's what I need. And 780 00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:26,640 Speaker 1: by the way, I love getting caught up in a 781 00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:29,680 Speaker 1: heady intellectual conversation and I've studied the Vaders that are 782 00:42:29,719 --> 00:42:32,040 Speaker 1: five thousand years old, and I can reloff versus and 783 00:42:32,280 --> 00:42:36,919 Speaker 1: talk about philosophical intricacies. But I don't think that's going 784 00:42:36,960 --> 00:42:39,640 Speaker 1: to help people at this stage, and that doesn't help 785 00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:42,080 Speaker 1: me when I started. So for me, I like to 786 00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:45,040 Speaker 1: focus in on how can we get focused around powerful 787 00:42:45,360 --> 00:42:49,000 Speaker 1: simple ideas And a powerful simple idea that loads of 788 00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:50,880 Speaker 1: my guests come here and talk about, and it's interesting 789 00:42:50,880 --> 00:42:53,800 Speaker 1: that they do because they are incredibly successful people. Typically, 790 00:42:54,640 --> 00:42:58,640 Speaker 1: is this idea of meditation and the power of meditation. Now, 791 00:42:58,680 --> 00:43:02,480 Speaker 1: I've heard this meditation for many a year, and increasingly 792 00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:04,960 Speaker 1: over time I've become more compelled by it and started 793 00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:08,319 Speaker 1: doing it, thanks a lot to my girlfriend as well. So, 794 00:43:08,840 --> 00:43:10,400 Speaker 1: and you write about it a lot in your book, 795 00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:12,359 Speaker 1: I mean a couple of the chapters mentioned, I mean 796 00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:15,280 Speaker 1: pretty several of the chapters mentioned. The para of meditation. 797 00:43:15,920 --> 00:43:18,680 Speaker 1: Talk to me about this simple idea of meditation and 798 00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:21,520 Speaker 1: what the impact has been for you and can be 799 00:43:21,560 --> 00:43:26,879 Speaker 1: for those listening. So in the book, I present three 800 00:43:27,040 --> 00:43:31,200 Speaker 1: different types of meditation that I was trained in as 801 00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:33,839 Speaker 1: a monk and that I was exposed to, and they 802 00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:38,200 Speaker 1: are breathwork, visualization, and mantra. So if you look at 803 00:43:38,239 --> 00:43:40,520 Speaker 1: all types of meditations that exist today in the world, 804 00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:43,560 Speaker 1: there are three tools or three formats in which you 805 00:43:43,600 --> 00:43:46,680 Speaker 1: can do it. Breathwork obviously, naturally, it says it in 806 00:43:46,680 --> 00:43:49,640 Speaker 1: the name. It's all about your breathing, and breathwork is 807 00:43:49,680 --> 00:43:53,399 Speaker 1: generally aimed at body and physical So if you're having 808 00:43:53,440 --> 00:43:56,799 Speaker 1: physical anxiety, physical stress, if you're rushing around, your heart 809 00:43:56,920 --> 00:43:59,399 Speaker 1: rate's gone up, breathwork is a beautiful way to come 810 00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:02,719 Speaker 1: back into a life. Now, visualization is really interesting because 811 00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:06,239 Speaker 1: visualization is used by everyone, from Lewis Hamilton when he's 812 00:44:06,320 --> 00:44:09,480 Speaker 1: driving his car around a track through to David Beckham 813 00:44:09,520 --> 00:44:12,640 Speaker 1: before he took a free kick. Visualization was the art 814 00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:17,920 Speaker 1: of sitting in one place, closing your eyes and visualizing 815 00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:20,839 Speaker 1: what's that track going to look like, what's that turn 816 00:44:20,960 --> 00:44:23,439 Speaker 1: going to feel like, how's that ball going to move? 817 00:44:24,080 --> 00:44:27,719 Speaker 1: It's visualizing the process, not the result, and that's what's fascinating. 818 00:44:27,719 --> 00:44:30,800 Speaker 1: Western society has made it all about visualizing the result. 819 00:44:31,239 --> 00:44:33,399 Speaker 1: Visualize yourself at the top of the podium and the goal. 820 00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:36,240 Speaker 1: The smartest people in the world of visualizing the process 821 00:44:36,280 --> 00:44:39,360 Speaker 1: and the work and the journey. And that's where manifestation 822 00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:41,239 Speaker 1: has gone wrong. We can get back to that and 823 00:44:41,280 --> 00:44:46,400 Speaker 1: then finally mantra or sound. So the oldest text on 824 00:44:46,520 --> 00:44:51,399 Speaker 1: meditation believe that sound has the power to transport and 825 00:44:51,480 --> 00:44:53,840 Speaker 1: connect us in a way that no other type of 826 00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:58,080 Speaker 1: meditation can. Now we all have experience of this. When 827 00:44:58,080 --> 00:45:01,720 Speaker 1: you hear a song from your past, you're taken back 828 00:45:01,719 --> 00:45:06,160 Speaker 1: there immediately. When you hear a song that has maybe 829 00:45:06,200 --> 00:45:08,800 Speaker 1: some ego in it, or there's a song that you 830 00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:11,640 Speaker 1: listen to on your way to a party or a 831 00:45:11,719 --> 00:45:13,799 Speaker 1: nightclub because it pumps you up and it makes you 832 00:45:13,800 --> 00:45:16,240 Speaker 1: feel good. There are songs that makes you feel violent. 833 00:45:17,080 --> 00:45:20,000 Speaker 1: Sound has the ability to wake you up in the morning. 834 00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:22,640 Speaker 1: You don't wake up by sight, you don't wake up 835 00:45:22,680 --> 00:45:25,439 Speaker 1: by scent, you don't wake up by taste. You wake 836 00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:29,360 Speaker 1: up by sound. Sound has the power to awaken deeper 837 00:45:29,400 --> 00:45:31,879 Speaker 1: parts of us depending on what level it's at. So 838 00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:35,239 Speaker 1: when you look at meditation, you have breathwork, you have visualization, 839 00:45:35,360 --> 00:45:39,399 Speaker 1: you have sound. You can try a mix, you can 840 00:45:39,440 --> 00:45:44,000 Speaker 1: try one or the other. Ultimately, for me, meditation is 841 00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:47,800 Speaker 1: an opportunity to build a relationship with yourself. That's truly 842 00:45:47,840 --> 00:45:50,520 Speaker 1: what it is. To build your relationship with your body, 843 00:45:50,840 --> 00:45:53,759 Speaker 1: with your mind, with your heart, and with your consciousness. 844 00:45:54,040 --> 00:45:57,720 Speaker 1: And as you continue to meditate through breathwork, through visualization, 845 00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:01,799 Speaker 1: through mantra and sound, that's all that's doing. It's just 846 00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:04,880 Speaker 1: deepening your relationship with yourself. It's almost like saying, oh, 847 00:46:04,880 --> 00:46:06,560 Speaker 1: when I'm with my girlfriend or my wife, what do 848 00:46:06,600 --> 00:46:09,520 Speaker 1: I do? Oh? There is a few activities and experiences 849 00:46:09,520 --> 00:46:11,120 Speaker 1: that you do. You go out for dinner, you watch 850 00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:13,040 Speaker 1: a movie, you go for a walk. Okay, well what 851 00:46:13,040 --> 00:46:15,080 Speaker 1: do I do on my own? Well, when I meditate 852 00:46:15,120 --> 00:46:17,480 Speaker 1: on my own I get to know myself better, and 853 00:46:17,560 --> 00:46:20,719 Speaker 1: that's the beginning of what meditation is. But the greatest 854 00:46:20,760 --> 00:46:24,080 Speaker 1: benefits of meditation come from using the right tool for 855 00:46:24,120 --> 00:46:27,399 Speaker 1: the right part of your life. So before I'm coming 856 00:46:27,400 --> 00:46:29,920 Speaker 1: on a podcast like this or going on stage, if 857 00:46:29,960 --> 00:46:32,919 Speaker 1: I'm feeling nervous or my heart rates going up, I've 858 00:46:32,960 --> 00:46:36,360 Speaker 1: recognized that that's because I care. It's because I really 859 00:46:36,360 --> 00:46:38,279 Speaker 1: really care what I'm about to do, and I want 860 00:46:38,320 --> 00:46:40,840 Speaker 1: to be of service to others. I want what I 861 00:46:40,920 --> 00:46:43,520 Speaker 1: say to help someone. I want what I say to 862 00:46:43,600 --> 00:46:48,600 Speaker 1: hopefully start someone's meditation journey potentially, And if that's the case, 863 00:46:48,880 --> 00:46:51,759 Speaker 1: then I need to be aligned. So I'll practice breathwork. 864 00:46:52,200 --> 00:46:55,440 Speaker 1: I'll breathe in for four and out for four. This 865 00:46:55,640 --> 00:46:59,360 Speaker 1: simple practice just brings me back into alignment. See Stephen, 866 00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:02,120 Speaker 1: we all have this experience. How many times have you 867 00:47:02,160 --> 00:47:05,280 Speaker 1: ever woken up and you feel your mind is ahead 868 00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:07,960 Speaker 1: of your body every day your body was in bed 869 00:47:08,040 --> 00:47:11,719 Speaker 1: and your mind is racing, Or you experience the opposite, 870 00:47:12,600 --> 00:47:16,200 Speaker 1: your body is racing and your mind is still in bed. 871 00:47:17,239 --> 00:47:21,320 Speaker 1: So most of our stress and tension in life comes 872 00:47:21,360 --> 00:47:23,720 Speaker 1: from a lack of alignment in our body and our mind. 873 00:47:24,040 --> 00:47:26,919 Speaker 1: Our body's racing one hundred miles per hour and our 874 00:47:26,920 --> 00:47:29,120 Speaker 1: mind is slow, or our mind's racing one hundred miles 875 00:47:29,160 --> 00:47:31,480 Speaker 1: per hour and our body is slow. To bring them 876 00:47:31,480 --> 00:47:33,800 Speaker 1: back into alignment, you breathe in for the same amount 877 00:47:33,840 --> 00:47:36,839 Speaker 1: of time as you breathe out. Simply doing that brings 878 00:47:36,840 --> 00:47:41,040 Speaker 1: you back into alignment. Visualization I use for when I 879 00:47:41,080 --> 00:47:43,960 Speaker 1: think I'm about to start a difficult journey and I 880 00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:46,799 Speaker 1: think I may lose a bit of patience or I 881 00:47:46,800 --> 00:47:49,640 Speaker 1: feel like I really need to practice this. Imagine this 882 00:47:49,760 --> 00:47:51,640 Speaker 1: is I'm about to go on stage doing something that's 883 00:47:51,640 --> 00:47:54,040 Speaker 1: really big deal and important for me. I'm going to 884 00:47:54,160 --> 00:47:57,359 Speaker 1: visualize myself pacing back and forth on stage. I'm going 885 00:47:57,400 --> 00:48:00,880 Speaker 1: to visualize myself communicating that message. I'm going to visualize 886 00:48:00,880 --> 00:48:05,120 Speaker 1: myself being really energetic on stage. Notice I'm not visualizing 887 00:48:05,320 --> 00:48:08,759 Speaker 1: people clapping. I'm not visualizing people saying that was amazing, 888 00:48:09,160 --> 00:48:12,440 Speaker 1: because that's just setting a false expectation. I'm visualizing my 889 00:48:12,640 --> 00:48:15,880 Speaker 1: performance being the best that it possibly can. And the 890 00:48:16,000 --> 00:48:18,040 Speaker 1: mantra and sound, which is a big part of my 891 00:48:18,080 --> 00:48:20,719 Speaker 1: meditation every day, I do to connect with my deeper self. 892 00:48:20,719 --> 00:48:23,240 Speaker 1: I do to awaken parts of me that are forgotten 893 00:48:23,280 --> 00:48:26,800 Speaker 1: and to feel a connection to a higher power in 894 00:48:26,880 --> 00:48:29,640 Speaker 1: the divine. There's so many people listening, right, And you 895 00:48:29,680 --> 00:48:33,040 Speaker 1: said that so beautifully and eloquently. Who I imagine listen 896 00:48:33,120 --> 00:48:35,000 Speaker 1: to me doing these podcasts and they maybe tuned in 897 00:48:35,000 --> 00:48:37,200 Speaker 1: it because they wanted a business podcast, and they go out, 898 00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:40,080 Speaker 1: here go Steve again talking about meditation or whatever. And 899 00:48:41,560 --> 00:48:46,279 Speaker 1: that reaction is probably caused by the I don't know, 900 00:48:46,920 --> 00:48:50,680 Speaker 1: the historic kind of snobbery that surrounds spirituality. It can 901 00:48:50,760 --> 00:48:54,480 Speaker 1: be quite an exclusive club, right, and the terminology can 902 00:48:54,480 --> 00:48:57,960 Speaker 1: feel very exclusive to normal people and chakras and all 903 00:48:58,000 --> 00:49:01,360 Speaker 1: of this stuff in alignment. It can and when words 904 00:49:01,400 --> 00:49:04,160 Speaker 1: like that are said to some people who are who 905 00:49:04,160 --> 00:49:06,040 Speaker 1: aren't near the middle, who are very much at the 906 00:49:06,080 --> 00:49:08,360 Speaker 1: other end of the spectrum, they just turn off to it. 907 00:49:08,760 --> 00:49:10,880 Speaker 1: So if I was to be someone who's listening to 908 00:49:10,880 --> 00:49:12,759 Speaker 1: this now driving in my van on my way to 909 00:49:13,120 --> 00:49:14,759 Speaker 1: work this morning, and I see a lot of people 910 00:49:14,760 --> 00:49:17,799 Speaker 1: in their vans driving listening to the podcast, what would 911 00:49:17,840 --> 00:49:19,840 Speaker 1: you say, is a really good just a first step 912 00:49:19,880 --> 00:49:26,680 Speaker 1: to investigate for themselves subjectively if meditation can add value 913 00:49:26,680 --> 00:49:28,680 Speaker 1: to their life. Where would they start? Yeah, I would 914 00:49:28,760 --> 00:49:32,200 Speaker 1: say that the first thing you want to do is 915 00:49:32,360 --> 00:49:35,120 Speaker 1: put something in your schedule, in your calendar, which is 916 00:49:35,160 --> 00:49:37,920 Speaker 1: time for you. If you look at your schedule, you 917 00:49:37,960 --> 00:49:41,040 Speaker 1: would never cancel an important meeting with someone else. But 918 00:49:41,160 --> 00:49:44,080 Speaker 1: we don't even schedule one with ourselves. There is nothing 919 00:49:44,120 --> 00:49:46,560 Speaker 1: in the calendar that time with myself, time for me, 920 00:49:46,680 --> 00:49:50,399 Speaker 1: time for you, time for just this, this whole thing 921 00:49:50,440 --> 00:49:52,879 Speaker 1: that's going on right now. Literally put it in for 922 00:49:52,920 --> 00:49:55,000 Speaker 1: five minutes a day. It's kind of five minutes for 923 00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:57,280 Speaker 1: two minutes a day. Just put it in there, because 924 00:49:57,280 --> 00:49:59,560 Speaker 1: if you start putting that in there, you might then 925 00:49:59,600 --> 00:50:01,239 Speaker 1: tomorrow Okay, well what am I going to do with 926 00:50:01,320 --> 00:50:03,319 Speaker 1: this time? I've got five minutes? Wow? Okay, what am 927 00:50:03,320 --> 00:50:05,040 Speaker 1: I going to do with it? So start putting it 928 00:50:05,080 --> 00:50:07,400 Speaker 1: in there. That's the first step. The second step, I 929 00:50:07,400 --> 00:50:10,160 Speaker 1: would say, it's definitely focused on your breath. I think 930 00:50:10,160 --> 00:50:12,799 Speaker 1: the breath is just something we can all relate to. 931 00:50:12,840 --> 00:50:15,520 Speaker 1: Its tangible by the way athletes have to learn how 932 00:50:15,560 --> 00:50:18,040 Speaker 1: to control their breath. Musicians have to learn how to 933 00:50:18,080 --> 00:50:20,759 Speaker 1: control their breath. Whether you're adele or whether you're a 934 00:50:21,120 --> 00:50:24,279 Speaker 1: football player, you have to learn how to breathe in 935 00:50:24,360 --> 00:50:27,880 Speaker 1: order to perform. Me, you and everyone. We're all athletes 936 00:50:27,920 --> 00:50:30,080 Speaker 1: in different ways. We all use our bodies, we all 937 00:50:30,160 --> 00:50:32,680 Speaker 1: use our minds, whether you're a business person or whether 938 00:50:32,719 --> 00:50:35,640 Speaker 1: you're an actual athlete playing on a court or a pit. 939 00:50:35,719 --> 00:50:37,280 Speaker 1: But are you saying that I don't know how to breathe? 940 00:50:37,680 --> 00:50:39,040 Speaker 1: I am saying you don't know how to breathe, Yeah, 941 00:50:39,080 --> 00:50:41,360 Speaker 1: and not used specifically. I'm saying that most people don't 942 00:50:41,360 --> 00:50:43,320 Speaker 1: know how to breathe. And I didn't know how to 943 00:50:43,320 --> 00:50:45,440 Speaker 1: breathe until I was taught how to breathe. And I 944 00:50:45,440 --> 00:50:48,480 Speaker 1: know that sounds ridiculous, But how many times a day 945 00:50:48,480 --> 00:50:50,839 Speaker 1: do you get out of breath? I know there's dams 946 00:50:50,840 --> 00:50:52,480 Speaker 1: of days that I get out of breath. How many 947 00:50:52,480 --> 00:50:54,640 Speaker 1: times of the day do you feel that when you're 948 00:50:54,680 --> 00:50:59,200 Speaker 1: experiencing an emotion, your breath changes, Like when you're crying 949 00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:02,680 Speaker 1: or you're sad, or you're upset, your breath changes. When 950 00:51:02,680 --> 00:51:05,840 Speaker 1: you're happy and elated, your breath changes. So our breath 951 00:51:05,920 --> 00:51:09,520 Speaker 1: is connected to every single emotion. So if we want 952 00:51:09,520 --> 00:51:12,040 Speaker 1: to navigate our emotions in our life, we have to 953 00:51:12,080 --> 00:51:14,120 Speaker 1: train our breath. So I would just say to everyone, 954 00:51:14,280 --> 00:51:16,880 Speaker 1: take out two to three minutes and just take a 955 00:51:16,920 --> 00:51:19,759 Speaker 1: moment to breathe. In and out and breathe in for 956 00:51:19,800 --> 00:51:21,800 Speaker 1: four and out for four. Just try it as simply 957 00:51:21,840 --> 00:51:23,839 Speaker 1: as that. Now, if you're someone who struggles to get 958 00:51:23,840 --> 00:51:26,000 Speaker 1: to sleep, which can often be something that I think 959 00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:28,560 Speaker 1: everyone struggles with, that's when you want to breathe out 960 00:51:28,600 --> 00:51:30,680 Speaker 1: for longer than you breathe in. So if you're breathing 961 00:51:30,719 --> 00:51:33,279 Speaker 1: in for four, breathe out for more than four to 962 00:51:33,360 --> 00:51:35,719 Speaker 1: relax and rest your body. And if you're one of 963 00:51:35,719 --> 00:51:37,600 Speaker 1: these people that goes Jay, I've got you know, I've 964 00:51:37,640 --> 00:51:39,279 Speaker 1: got like you. I've got to do a delivery today, 965 00:51:39,280 --> 00:51:40,840 Speaker 1: I've got to run to this meeting. I've got to 966 00:51:40,840 --> 00:51:44,359 Speaker 1: get to this, and you need more energy. Breathe out 967 00:51:44,480 --> 00:51:46,759 Speaker 1: for less time than you breathe in. So you may 968 00:51:46,800 --> 00:51:49,239 Speaker 1: breathe in for a second and breathe out for a millisecond. 969 00:51:49,280 --> 00:51:51,640 Speaker 1: It's a really sharp breath out and if you do that, 970 00:51:51,719 --> 00:51:54,200 Speaker 1: you'll feel this pumping energy in your body. And so 971 00:51:54,280 --> 00:51:56,200 Speaker 1: to me, it's these are really practical tools that I 972 00:51:56,200 --> 00:51:58,200 Speaker 1: think we all need to sleep. So everyone knows their 973 00:51:58,239 --> 00:52:00,839 Speaker 1: meditation for sleep. We all need to get energized. So 974 00:52:00,880 --> 00:52:03,200 Speaker 1: that's a simple meditation of energized, and we all need 975 00:52:03,280 --> 00:52:06,439 Speaker 1: to just feel like we're not rushing, So I think 976 00:52:06,440 --> 00:52:09,560 Speaker 1: those are hopefully quick things that feel practical to anyone 977 00:52:09,600 --> 00:52:11,760 Speaker 1: and everyone. Yeah, I mean, I'm I think my natural 978 00:52:11,760 --> 00:52:13,600 Speaker 1: position on things is to be a little bit of 979 00:52:13,640 --> 00:52:16,480 Speaker 1: a skeptic. And I when I was in Indonesia the 980 00:52:16,560 --> 00:52:19,880 Speaker 1: last time, my girlfriend brought me to see a breathwork 981 00:52:20,000 --> 00:52:22,640 Speaker 1: coach and before we did the breathwork, he explained it 982 00:52:22,680 --> 00:52:25,279 Speaker 1: to me. And so this is as a logical guy 983 00:52:25,480 --> 00:52:28,480 Speaker 1: like I am, the explanation matters a lot. And he 984 00:52:28,520 --> 00:52:31,480 Speaker 1: was talking to me about how we pretty much live 985 00:52:31,520 --> 00:52:33,959 Speaker 1: most of our lives these days because of the overstimulation, 986 00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:36,200 Speaker 1: because of the stress, because of the screens in this 987 00:52:36,320 --> 00:52:38,920 Speaker 1: kind of like permanent state of fight or flight. And 988 00:52:38,960 --> 00:52:40,640 Speaker 1: when you look at what happens in flight, and I 989 00:52:40,640 --> 00:52:43,239 Speaker 1: studied biology, I know what happens to the body and 990 00:52:43,560 --> 00:52:48,000 Speaker 1: anatomically and physically what happens to your digestive tract. And 991 00:52:48,080 --> 00:52:49,640 Speaker 1: I mean, this is what a lot of people say 992 00:52:49,680 --> 00:52:52,160 Speaker 1: when they say I'm nervous and they've lost their appetite. 993 00:52:52,360 --> 00:52:56,080 Speaker 1: That's your body preparing and keeping the minerals and nutrients 994 00:52:56,120 --> 00:52:59,360 Speaker 1: it needs to expend energy to help you in a situation. 995 00:52:59,480 --> 00:53:01,400 Speaker 1: On the Sarah getty when a line is running at you. 996 00:53:01,440 --> 00:53:04,520 Speaker 1: That's a very prehistoric, innate part of our conditioning. And 997 00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:08,200 Speaker 1: we do live on edge. Our notifications, run our lives 998 00:53:08,239 --> 00:53:10,160 Speaker 1: and all of these things. So when we think about 999 00:53:10,160 --> 00:53:12,040 Speaker 1: why people might be getting a little bit more anxious 1000 00:53:12,080 --> 00:53:15,239 Speaker 1: day to day, it's probably because we're living in like 1001 00:53:15,239 --> 00:53:17,120 Speaker 1: a heightened state or fight or flight. And one of 1002 00:53:17,120 --> 00:53:18,719 Speaker 1: the things that happens in fight or flight, as well 1003 00:53:18,719 --> 00:53:21,279 Speaker 1: as your breathing changes. So yeah, and and then I 1004 00:53:21,320 --> 00:53:23,000 Speaker 1: think about the moments where I'm feeling a little bit 1005 00:53:23,000 --> 00:53:26,280 Speaker 1: stressed and one thing I've done my funny say funny, 1006 00:53:26,320 --> 00:53:28,600 Speaker 1: my head went straight to New York City. As I'll go, 1007 00:53:28,760 --> 00:53:32,759 Speaker 1: I'll stop, and I'll go. And whenever I do that, 1008 00:53:32,840 --> 00:53:38,600 Speaker 1: someone turns to me and goes, Okay, I guess I'm yeah, yeah, 1009 00:53:38,640 --> 00:53:41,440 Speaker 1: but no, I completely agree. And I think it's one 1010 00:53:41,440 --> 00:53:43,520 Speaker 1: of those things that I think everybody listening, regardless of 1011 00:53:43,520 --> 00:53:45,680 Speaker 1: who you are or how much of a tough guy 1012 00:53:45,719 --> 00:53:50,600 Speaker 1: you are, you should definitely a tough guy. Yeah, not really, 1013 00:53:50,880 --> 00:53:53,839 Speaker 1: not really, I'm a bit soft around the edges this. 1014 00:53:53,960 --> 00:53:55,840 Speaker 1: Let's talk a little bit about fear then, because we 1015 00:53:55,920 --> 00:53:59,279 Speaker 1: talked about that there in your book In chapter three, 1016 00:53:59,719 --> 00:54:02,160 Speaker 1: you talk about there being good fear and bad fear. 1017 00:54:03,080 --> 00:54:09,200 Speaker 1: How can fear be a good thing? I realize that 1018 00:54:09,360 --> 00:54:14,879 Speaker 1: fear could be healthy or unhealthy based on how I 1019 00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:19,319 Speaker 1: used it, And most of us don't realize that we 1020 00:54:19,400 --> 00:54:23,280 Speaker 1: get consumed by fear instead of using fear. So fear 1021 00:54:23,480 --> 00:54:29,360 Speaker 1: becomes our being in the sense that fear becomes what 1022 00:54:29,440 --> 00:54:31,640 Speaker 1: controls us. It tells us what we should do and 1023 00:54:31,719 --> 00:54:33,880 Speaker 1: what we shouldn't do. It tells us how we should 1024 00:54:33,880 --> 00:54:36,399 Speaker 1: think and we shouldn't think. It stops us from doing 1025 00:54:36,440 --> 00:54:40,719 Speaker 1: stuff that's really important to us, and it makes us 1026 00:54:40,719 --> 00:54:43,359 Speaker 1: do things that we would never ever do. It makes 1027 00:54:43,440 --> 00:54:45,719 Speaker 1: us say things to people that we love that we 1028 00:54:45,760 --> 00:54:48,040 Speaker 1: would never want to say to them. And on the 1029 00:54:48,080 --> 00:54:50,080 Speaker 1: other end, it stops you from saying things you really 1030 00:54:50,080 --> 00:54:52,040 Speaker 1: want to say to someone because you don't want to 1031 00:54:52,040 --> 00:54:55,240 Speaker 1: appear weak and your ego won't let you. So fear 1032 00:54:55,360 --> 00:54:58,920 Speaker 1: takes this really magnetic controlling effect on our whole lives. 1033 00:54:59,600 --> 00:55:02,400 Speaker 1: But fear, at the same time can be one of 1034 00:55:02,440 --> 00:55:06,240 Speaker 1: the healthiest things because it's basically giving you a signal 1035 00:55:07,080 --> 00:55:10,640 Speaker 1: as to what's important. It's basically giving you as a 1036 00:55:10,680 --> 00:55:13,560 Speaker 1: signal as to how you feel and when you use 1037 00:55:13,600 --> 00:55:18,800 Speaker 1: it as a signal, not as a suggestion or a push, 1038 00:55:18,840 --> 00:55:22,359 Speaker 1: it changes everything. So let's beg that practical. When you 1039 00:55:22,560 --> 00:55:25,399 Speaker 1: are in your home, and if the fire alarm goes off, 1040 00:55:26,120 --> 00:55:29,160 Speaker 1: that gives you a signal to say, check for the fire. 1041 00:55:29,360 --> 00:55:31,799 Speaker 1: Check if there's a fire right now. If you go, 1042 00:55:31,960 --> 00:55:34,719 Speaker 1: or just turn it off, it doesn't matter. Let's let's 1043 00:55:34,719 --> 00:55:38,200 Speaker 1: avoid my fear. Let's avoid it. Let's just turn it off. 1044 00:55:38,280 --> 00:55:41,520 Speaker 1: Let's forget about it. Your house could burn down, or 1045 00:55:41,600 --> 00:55:44,160 Speaker 1: if you're lucky, there was nothing and it's fine. But 1046 00:55:44,239 --> 00:55:47,640 Speaker 1: the odds are that there could be a fire. Now, 1047 00:55:47,680 --> 00:55:49,960 Speaker 1: if you're someone who goes well, let me inspect it. 1048 00:55:50,360 --> 00:55:53,080 Speaker 1: Let me be curious about that. I am scared that 1049 00:55:53,080 --> 00:55:54,640 Speaker 1: there's a fire in my house now that I've heard 1050 00:55:54,680 --> 00:55:57,480 Speaker 1: the fire alarm. But let me be curious, let me inspect, 1051 00:55:57,640 --> 00:56:01,080 Speaker 1: let me check. Imagine we are our fear in that way. 1052 00:56:01,360 --> 00:56:04,000 Speaker 1: Imagine every time I felt scared of something, I said, well, 1053 00:56:04,080 --> 00:56:05,879 Speaker 1: let me get curious about this. Why am I scared 1054 00:56:05,920 --> 00:56:09,840 Speaker 1: of this? Why is it affecting me so much? What 1055 00:56:10,040 --> 00:56:12,680 Speaker 1: about this scares me? Is it all of it or 1056 00:56:12,760 --> 00:56:14,640 Speaker 1: is it just a part of it. When you start 1057 00:56:14,719 --> 00:56:16,839 Speaker 1: doing it, you start to break that fear down. And 1058 00:56:16,880 --> 00:56:19,759 Speaker 1: that's the healthy way of looking at fear rather than 1059 00:56:19,800 --> 00:56:22,680 Speaker 1: the unhealthy way of saying, forget about it, keep it 1060 00:56:22,719 --> 00:56:25,319 Speaker 1: away from me. I don't want to go there. And 1061 00:56:25,360 --> 00:56:29,200 Speaker 1: so for me, I really feel that fear is what 1062 00:56:29,400 --> 00:56:33,480 Speaker 1: blocks us from these beautiful breakthroughs in life, and it 1063 00:56:33,600 --> 00:56:35,920 Speaker 1: has such a chokehold on us, like it's such a 1064 00:56:35,960 --> 00:56:38,160 Speaker 1: strong hold on us. And I think most of us 1065 00:56:38,160 --> 00:56:41,040 Speaker 1: are living our lives because we're scared of what someone 1066 00:56:41,080 --> 00:56:45,160 Speaker 1: will say, what someone will think, or what someone will do. 1067 00:56:46,000 --> 00:56:49,800 Speaker 1: And that feels like something that we're going to regret 1068 00:56:49,840 --> 00:56:53,080 Speaker 1: when we're at the end of our lives. Well, they do, right, 1069 00:56:53,120 --> 00:56:55,480 Speaker 1: So the interview people, as you know, on their deathbed, 1070 00:56:55,480 --> 00:56:57,239 Speaker 1: and this is the number one regret of they're drying 1071 00:56:57,440 --> 00:57:00,160 Speaker 1: your dms. They must be full of people that are 1072 00:57:00,480 --> 00:57:02,920 Speaker 1: exhibiting exactly that behavior, because I know mine are ye 1073 00:57:03,040 --> 00:57:05,520 Speaker 1: a young person saying I'm in this job, I'm in 1074 00:57:05,520 --> 00:57:11,239 Speaker 1: this relationship. It sucks, but yeah, fear, right, yes, fear 1075 00:57:11,280 --> 00:57:13,480 Speaker 1: of change, fear of uncertainty, whatever it might be. What 1076 00:57:13,560 --> 00:57:15,920 Speaker 1: do you typically say to those people that you know 1077 00:57:16,600 --> 00:57:18,760 Speaker 1: they hate the situation they're in, but the fear is 1078 00:57:18,840 --> 00:57:23,080 Speaker 1: kind of imprisoning them into an action. I think I 1079 00:57:23,120 --> 00:57:25,480 Speaker 1: always meet it. I always. I'm saying this to someone 1080 00:57:25,520 --> 00:57:28,280 Speaker 1: on my team this morning. Actually, I always try and 1081 00:57:28,360 --> 00:57:33,720 Speaker 1: meet everyone with compassion and not judgment, because I know 1082 00:57:33,720 --> 00:57:35,840 Speaker 1: what it feels like to experience that, and I still 1083 00:57:35,840 --> 00:57:38,360 Speaker 1: experience that in different areas of my life, so it's 1084 00:57:38,400 --> 00:57:40,800 Speaker 1: always there. And I think if you don't meet it 1085 00:57:40,800 --> 00:57:44,000 Speaker 1: with compassion, you can kind of say something really energetic 1086 00:57:44,080 --> 00:57:45,720 Speaker 1: in the moment and kind of make them feel like 1087 00:57:45,760 --> 00:57:49,040 Speaker 1: they've solved it, but that isn't really wearing it down. 1088 00:57:49,520 --> 00:57:51,680 Speaker 1: I think for me, the first thing is to acknowledge 1089 00:57:51,720 --> 00:57:55,240 Speaker 1: that that fear is real, to acknowledge that there potentially 1090 00:57:55,240 --> 00:57:58,280 Speaker 1: will be backlash, that there potentially will be someone who's upset, 1091 00:57:58,520 --> 00:58:00,480 Speaker 1: because I think often we're told just do what you 1092 00:58:00,480 --> 00:58:02,000 Speaker 1: want and it doesn't matter, and I'm like, well, it 1093 00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:04,760 Speaker 1: does matter, because maybe you are a good person. You 1094 00:58:04,800 --> 00:58:06,680 Speaker 1: don't want someone to be upset, or you don't want 1095 00:58:06,680 --> 00:58:08,560 Speaker 1: to let your parents down, or you don't want to 1096 00:58:08,600 --> 00:58:11,800 Speaker 1: hurt someone right, or you don't want to ruin your 1097 00:58:11,800 --> 00:58:14,240 Speaker 1: reputation by quitting your job, or whatever it may be. 1098 00:58:14,880 --> 00:58:17,360 Speaker 1: And I think it's important to acknowledge that that's real 1099 00:58:17,400 --> 00:58:20,440 Speaker 1: and that may happen. But I think what I try 1100 00:58:20,480 --> 00:58:22,400 Speaker 1: and do next is say, okay, well, let's say you 1101 00:58:22,440 --> 00:58:25,360 Speaker 1: didn't change anything, how are you going to feel in 1102 00:58:25,400 --> 00:58:28,400 Speaker 1: five to ten years? And that's my favorite question to 1103 00:58:28,400 --> 00:58:32,280 Speaker 1: ask someone. Let's not change anything about your life. How 1104 00:58:32,320 --> 00:58:34,960 Speaker 1: does it feel in five to ten years, And if 1105 00:58:34,960 --> 00:58:38,080 Speaker 1: it feels worse then what you think it is now. 1106 00:58:38,600 --> 00:58:40,800 Speaker 1: Chances are that even if you're going to hurt someone, 1107 00:58:40,840 --> 00:58:42,760 Speaker 1: that's probably the better way to go. But if you 1108 00:58:42,800 --> 00:58:45,520 Speaker 1: say you're going to feel the same or better, then sure, 1109 00:58:45,640 --> 00:58:47,440 Speaker 1: just accept that. And most people will say, well, no, 1110 00:58:47,520 --> 00:58:49,680 Speaker 1: if I don't change anything, if I don't get out 1111 00:58:49,680 --> 00:58:51,840 Speaker 1: of this, my life's going to be worse. But here's 1112 00:58:51,840 --> 00:58:55,840 Speaker 1: the other thing. I think we're always conditioned to think 1113 00:58:56,280 --> 00:58:59,920 Speaker 1: that we need to change our situation to create a 1114 00:59:00,120 --> 00:59:03,720 Speaker 1: change in our life, and actually, with what both of 1115 00:59:03,800 --> 00:59:06,920 Speaker 1: us believe, it's all about a change in perspective and mindset. 1116 00:59:07,400 --> 00:59:12,000 Speaker 1: I have learned things from jobs that I hated but 1117 00:59:12,120 --> 00:59:14,880 Speaker 1: that are so useful to me right now. I have 1118 00:59:15,040 --> 00:59:18,560 Speaker 1: learned things from relationships with people I've had and those 1119 00:59:18,600 --> 00:59:21,640 Speaker 1: people that I didn't get along with, but those lessons 1120 00:59:21,640 --> 00:59:24,840 Speaker 1: are still serving me today. I've been in countless situations 1121 00:59:24,840 --> 00:59:27,320 Speaker 1: where I wanted to get out that situation, but that 1122 00:59:27,360 --> 00:59:31,720 Speaker 1: situation was perfectly designed to show me something. And the 1123 00:59:31,760 --> 00:59:34,760 Speaker 1: problem is we're constantly trying to just move and get away. 1124 00:59:34,800 --> 00:59:37,040 Speaker 1: And so really, what I say to everyone is, I 1125 00:59:37,080 --> 00:59:41,320 Speaker 1: want you to find out what is the perspective shift 1126 00:59:41,360 --> 00:59:43,800 Speaker 1: that this situation is trying to create in your life, 1127 00:59:44,040 --> 00:59:47,320 Speaker 1: because if you take that with you, that perspective is 1128 00:59:47,320 --> 00:59:49,960 Speaker 1: going to stay with you no matter the situation. But 1129 00:59:50,000 --> 00:59:52,360 Speaker 1: if you just keep trying to change your environment hoping 1130 00:59:52,400 --> 00:59:54,919 Speaker 1: that your life's going to improve, you're going to feel 1131 00:59:54,920 --> 00:59:57,000 Speaker 1: dissatisfied at the next place and the next place on 1132 00:59:57,120 --> 00:59:59,440 Speaker 1: the one after that. And I feel we're just conditioned 1133 00:59:59,440 --> 01:00:01,240 Speaker 1: to say, Okay, like your job, quit your job. You 1134 01:00:01,240 --> 01:00:03,960 Speaker 1: don't like your relationship, quit your relationship. It's not the 1135 01:00:04,040 --> 01:00:06,560 Speaker 1: job of relationship, it's the way you see it. And 1136 01:00:06,640 --> 01:00:09,360 Speaker 1: I think we just keep saying that it's this external 1137 01:00:09,440 --> 01:00:12,280 Speaker 1: shell that we're in, when it's actually this shell and 1138 01:00:12,360 --> 01:00:15,240 Speaker 1: what's happening inside of it that's defining all of these 1139 01:00:15,280 --> 01:00:18,959 Speaker 1: perspectives so much. I mean, that was an unbelievably beautiful answer, 1140 01:00:18,960 --> 01:00:20,840 Speaker 1: and I'm going to one hundred percent still that answer. 1141 01:00:20,880 --> 01:00:24,120 Speaker 1: I want you to know, especially that five year point, 1142 01:00:24,120 --> 01:00:26,840 Speaker 1: because it is a really good sort of mental gain 1143 01:00:26,960 --> 01:00:30,280 Speaker 1: to role play. One of the things I was thinking 1144 01:00:30,320 --> 01:00:32,800 Speaker 1: when you know you were talking then, is about a 1145 01:00:32,800 --> 01:00:35,600 Speaker 1: lot of those messages that will get on Instagram or 1146 01:00:35,600 --> 01:00:38,080 Speaker 1: wherever it might be. They're centered in insecurity, some kind 1147 01:00:38,120 --> 01:00:40,520 Speaker 1: of insecurity. And because we have a lot of followers, 1148 01:00:40,560 --> 01:00:43,080 Speaker 1: you significantly more than me, and because we have a 1149 01:00:43,080 --> 01:00:46,680 Speaker 1: big audience, what people will assume is that we have 1150 01:00:46,720 --> 01:00:48,960 Speaker 1: all the answers, but we've got it all figured out, 1151 01:00:48,960 --> 01:00:50,760 Speaker 1: and that we live our lives like saints. And I 1152 01:00:50,800 --> 01:00:52,680 Speaker 1: always want to be really clear on this podcast that 1153 01:00:52,720 --> 01:00:55,520 Speaker 1: I absolutely do not say. So let's talk about that. 1154 01:00:55,760 --> 01:00:57,280 Speaker 1: How about we go back and forward and we just 1155 01:00:57,320 --> 01:00:59,920 Speaker 1: say a couple of things we're really really bad at 1156 01:01:00,080 --> 01:01:02,320 Speaker 1: we want to improve on. Whether they are insecurities, they 1157 01:01:02,320 --> 01:01:06,640 Speaker 1: are lessons wisdom we know but we don't follow, etc. Etc. 1158 01:01:06,920 --> 01:01:11,720 Speaker 1: You please be my guests. However, this one's been the 1159 01:01:11,720 --> 01:01:13,680 Speaker 1: one that the universe keeps teaching me. So when if 1160 01:01:13,680 --> 01:01:15,320 Speaker 1: I think about this question, this is the first thing 1161 01:01:15,320 --> 01:01:19,520 Speaker 1: that came into my mind, I keep believing that I'm 1162 01:01:19,560 --> 01:01:22,760 Speaker 1: going to meet someone who's going to help me take 1163 01:01:22,800 --> 01:01:25,760 Speaker 1: my work to the next level. And so I always 1164 01:01:25,760 --> 01:01:27,320 Speaker 1: have had this belief and I don't know where it 1165 01:01:27,320 --> 01:01:29,040 Speaker 1: comes from. It's it's one of those ones that I 1166 01:01:29,040 --> 01:01:32,880 Speaker 1: still need to figure out, where every year I'll be like, oh, well, yeah, yeah, 1167 01:01:32,880 --> 01:01:34,880 Speaker 1: if I'm working with that person, that person like as 1168 01:01:34,880 --> 01:01:37,520 Speaker 1: a manager or an agent or whatever, it was like, 1169 01:01:37,560 --> 01:01:39,960 Speaker 1: that person's going to help me get to another stage. 1170 01:01:40,520 --> 01:01:42,400 Speaker 1: And the universe just keeps teaching me every year that 1171 01:01:42,480 --> 01:01:44,720 Speaker 1: it's you. It's you, it's you, it's you. Like You've 1172 01:01:44,760 --> 01:01:46,320 Speaker 1: got to do it for yourself. There's not going to 1173 01:01:46,400 --> 01:01:49,200 Speaker 1: be anyone that comes into your life and changes your life. 1174 01:01:49,200 --> 01:01:53,720 Speaker 1: But my naivety every year is to try and look 1175 01:01:53,760 --> 01:01:57,360 Speaker 1: for that person. And if someone asked me and said, well, Jay, 1176 01:01:57,360 --> 01:01:58,720 Speaker 1: who's going to be that person for me? I would 1177 01:01:58,760 --> 01:02:00,720 Speaker 1: tell them not what do you talk about to you? 1178 01:02:00,840 --> 01:02:02,400 Speaker 1: That's what I would say to them. Off the bat. 1179 01:02:02,520 --> 01:02:05,240 Speaker 1: I would say to someone, stop depending on other people. 1180 01:02:05,520 --> 01:02:07,440 Speaker 1: Stop waiting for someone to change your life. You have 1181 01:02:07,480 --> 01:02:09,760 Speaker 1: to change your life. But then in my own life, 1182 01:02:09,800 --> 01:02:12,640 Speaker 1: I keep my action show that I'm still looking for that. 1183 01:02:12,720 --> 01:02:14,240 Speaker 1: So that's the first thing I'm sure that let's go 1184 01:02:14,280 --> 01:02:16,080 Speaker 1: back and forth. I like this, Yeah, there's going to 1185 01:02:16,120 --> 01:02:19,280 Speaker 1: be plenty more. Okay, so loads came to mind, So 1186 01:02:19,280 --> 01:02:20,960 Speaker 1: I'll just I'll try and start from the top. So 1187 01:02:21,280 --> 01:02:23,880 Speaker 1: the first thing that came to mind that I know 1188 01:02:24,480 --> 01:02:26,720 Speaker 1: the truth upon and I would preach about on this podcast, 1189 01:02:26,720 --> 01:02:30,240 Speaker 1: but I find out hard to do is I still 1190 01:02:30,440 --> 01:02:32,680 Speaker 1: kind of impose my own bias and beliefs on the 1191 01:02:32,680 --> 01:02:37,360 Speaker 1: world onto others. And I still loosely don't understand why 1192 01:02:37,560 --> 01:02:39,200 Speaker 1: everybody doesn't want to do what I want to do 1193 01:02:39,200 --> 01:02:41,400 Speaker 1: with their life. So I don't understand why everybody doesn't 1194 01:02:41,400 --> 01:02:45,040 Speaker 1: want to be successful and climb the ladder and pursue 1195 01:02:45,600 --> 01:02:48,760 Speaker 1: and have nice things and build wealth and build an empire. 1196 01:02:49,240 --> 01:02:52,440 Speaker 1: So sometimes there's this real bias in the advice I 1197 01:02:52,480 --> 01:02:54,720 Speaker 1: give people, and this real kind of like naivety and 1198 01:02:54,760 --> 01:02:57,840 Speaker 1: lack of understanding that happiness is the north star. We 1199 01:02:57,880 --> 01:03:00,280 Speaker 1: will have our own path to getting there. I can 1200 01:03:00,320 --> 01:03:04,520 Speaker 1: even exhibit that as an employer, A voice can sometimes 1201 01:03:04,600 --> 01:03:07,880 Speaker 1: question why team members might not behave in the same 1202 01:03:07,920 --> 01:03:10,960 Speaker 1: way as me, And it's fundamentally because again, the north 1203 01:03:11,000 --> 01:03:13,680 Speaker 1: star is happiness, and their path to being happy is 1204 01:03:13,720 --> 01:03:15,600 Speaker 1: not the same as mine. And that's a really dangerous 1205 01:03:15,600 --> 01:03:17,760 Speaker 1: game to play, especially when you've got a big platform, 1206 01:03:17,840 --> 01:03:21,480 Speaker 1: because you'll make people feel inadequate for their journey to 1207 01:03:21,560 --> 01:03:24,520 Speaker 1: happiness because it doesn't resemble your own. And so I 1208 01:03:24,560 --> 01:03:26,960 Speaker 1: really need to get better at understanding we will have 1209 01:03:27,000 --> 01:03:28,840 Speaker 1: different paths. And if I just say to myself, the 1210 01:03:28,880 --> 01:03:30,520 Speaker 1: north star is happiness and we will have our own 1211 01:03:30,560 --> 01:03:34,080 Speaker 1: ways there, then I can stop preaching upon people or 1212 01:03:34,120 --> 01:03:37,120 Speaker 1: assuming that because they are not following my path they 1213 01:03:37,120 --> 01:03:41,000 Speaker 1: are incorrect. Yes, yes, I love that. I think one 1214 01:03:41,000 --> 01:03:44,320 Speaker 1: of the biggest things I obviously talk about is asking 1215 01:03:44,360 --> 01:03:47,320 Speaker 1: people to take time for themselves and make time for themselves. 1216 01:03:48,680 --> 01:03:51,480 Speaker 1: You only know where this is going, and I think 1217 01:03:51,480 --> 01:03:55,120 Speaker 1: it's really interesting because I think I try, and I 1218 01:03:55,160 --> 01:03:59,320 Speaker 1: think I do, but I know that this year when 1219 01:03:59,320 --> 01:04:02,560 Speaker 1: it came to so I try and take a full 1220 01:04:02,640 --> 01:04:04,640 Speaker 1: month off every year for myself, and usually I go 1221 01:04:04,680 --> 01:04:06,680 Speaker 1: to India, and because of COVID, I haven't been able 1222 01:04:06,720 --> 01:04:09,520 Speaker 1: to go for the last two years. And I usually 1223 01:04:09,560 --> 01:04:12,080 Speaker 1: go and live with the monks again and take part 1224 01:04:12,080 --> 01:04:14,000 Speaker 1: in all the meditations and practices for a month, and 1225 01:04:14,040 --> 01:04:16,080 Speaker 1: it's one of my favorite things to do, and I 1226 01:04:16,120 --> 01:04:17,600 Speaker 1: haven't been able to do it for the last two years, 1227 01:04:17,600 --> 01:04:19,320 Speaker 1: so I still decided I would take a month off, 1228 01:04:20,000 --> 01:04:22,840 Speaker 1: and it came and I said I would do from 1229 01:04:22,840 --> 01:04:26,520 Speaker 1: the fifteenth of December to the fifteenth of Jan and 1230 01:04:26,560 --> 01:04:28,600 Speaker 1: then I found out a week before that I kind 1231 01:04:28,600 --> 01:04:30,280 Speaker 1: of had to stay for an extra week in LA 1232 01:04:30,400 --> 01:04:32,400 Speaker 1: for work, so I delayed it and I was like, oh, 1233 01:04:32,480 --> 01:04:35,000 Speaker 1: I'm going to do a twenty second of December to 1234 01:04:35,680 --> 01:04:39,720 Speaker 1: the seventeenth of Jan. And then I got to London. 1235 01:04:39,760 --> 01:04:41,240 Speaker 1: I started taking that break off, but it was like 1236 01:04:41,360 --> 01:04:42,880 Speaker 1: I got to a point where I could see that 1237 01:04:42,920 --> 01:04:46,800 Speaker 1: I'd been delaying my self care and I kept delaying 1238 01:04:46,840 --> 01:04:49,280 Speaker 1: it even by that week, and in that week before 1239 01:04:49,280 --> 01:04:52,840 Speaker 1: I left, I could tell that I needed a break, 1240 01:04:53,120 --> 01:04:55,520 Speaker 1: like I needed to switch off. And my advice to 1241 01:04:55,560 --> 01:04:58,080 Speaker 1: everyone is, don't let it get to that point. You've 1242 01:04:58,080 --> 01:05:01,040 Speaker 1: got to take it. Just before that, I was planning 1243 01:05:01,080 --> 01:05:03,800 Speaker 1: on doing that, it was scheduled, but because of commitments 1244 01:05:03,800 --> 01:05:06,560 Speaker 1: and priorities and important things, I had to push that 1245 01:05:06,640 --> 01:05:10,280 Speaker 1: extra mile. And sure, I'm fine and I'm okay, and 1246 01:05:10,320 --> 01:05:13,360 Speaker 1: I feel great, but I don't think that that's sustainable, 1247 01:05:13,800 --> 01:05:17,520 Speaker 1: and I think it was a different journey. And this 1248 01:05:17,600 --> 01:05:21,280 Speaker 1: is being honest too. I don't think I'm a proponent 1249 01:05:21,320 --> 01:05:23,880 Speaker 1: of work life balance, although it may appear that way. 1250 01:05:23,920 --> 01:05:26,520 Speaker 1: So this may actually be a perception thing. I think 1251 01:05:26,560 --> 01:05:30,200 Speaker 1: people may perceive that Jay believes imperfect work life balance, 1252 01:05:30,720 --> 01:05:33,520 Speaker 1: and the truth is, I don't. I believe in purpose. 1253 01:05:33,920 --> 01:05:36,520 Speaker 1: And purpose to me is being obsessed about what you 1254 01:05:36,600 --> 01:05:40,080 Speaker 1: care about and what's important to you. And so for me, 1255 01:05:40,160 --> 01:05:42,520 Speaker 1: what I do is my purpose, and so I'm obsessed 1256 01:05:42,560 --> 01:05:44,400 Speaker 1: about it. I care about it. I love it, I 1257 01:05:44,520 --> 01:05:48,440 Speaker 1: breathe it, I live it. And when I was building, 1258 01:05:48,600 --> 01:05:52,720 Speaker 1: I was working eighteen hours a day. I was you know, 1259 01:05:53,720 --> 01:05:55,720 Speaker 1: a couple of those were meditations, sure, but then I 1260 01:05:55,760 --> 01:05:58,560 Speaker 1: was sleeping for six hours. But I was working eighteen 1261 01:05:58,600 --> 01:06:00,919 Speaker 1: hours a days for two to three year straight, seven 1262 01:06:01,040 --> 01:06:04,000 Speaker 1: days a week. And I think the perception is often 1263 01:06:04,400 --> 01:06:06,800 Speaker 1: people may feel that, no, J, you live a perfectly 1264 01:06:06,840 --> 01:06:09,080 Speaker 1: balanced life, and I'm like, well, no, no, I haven't. 1265 01:06:09,120 --> 01:06:14,920 Speaker 1: Like there's a different skill required to go upwards, then stay, maintain, 1266 01:06:15,160 --> 01:06:17,680 Speaker 1: create momentum, Like it's a different gear that you're in 1267 01:06:17,720 --> 01:06:20,480 Speaker 1: all the time. And so today my life is far 1268 01:06:20,600 --> 01:06:23,560 Speaker 1: more disciplined in my health and wellness than it's ever 1269 01:06:23,600 --> 01:06:26,640 Speaker 1: been before. But there have been periods of the years 1270 01:06:27,080 --> 01:06:30,360 Speaker 1: getting here that didn't look like that at all. If that, oh, yes, 1271 01:06:30,600 --> 01:06:32,880 Speaker 1: I completely get that. Thank you for showing that. Yeah, 1272 01:06:32,920 --> 01:06:35,600 Speaker 1: that's super valuable. My next one would be what you 1273 01:06:35,680 --> 01:06:39,360 Speaker 1: described at the tennis court, which was some days, especially 1274 01:06:39,400 --> 01:06:41,920 Speaker 1: because I mean, these are probably everything I say now 1275 01:06:42,000 --> 01:06:43,320 Speaker 1: is probably going to be an excuse, but I'm going 1276 01:06:43,360 --> 01:06:45,160 Speaker 1: to say it anyway, but I've presented it as an excuse, 1277 01:06:45,160 --> 01:06:48,680 Speaker 1: so hopefully that kind of is okay. I think I've 1278 01:06:48,720 --> 01:06:51,120 Speaker 1: geared my mind to care so much about the like 1279 01:06:51,240 --> 01:06:54,680 Speaker 1: being time efficient. Yes that in situations where things aren't 1280 01:06:54,720 --> 01:06:59,680 Speaker 1: moving with the efficiency that I demand from my business life. Yeah, 1281 01:07:00,080 --> 01:07:02,960 Speaker 1: bring your hand up here, that I might because because 1282 01:07:02,960 --> 01:07:06,600 Speaker 1: of my expectations are of efficiency and speed. When I 1283 01:07:06,680 --> 01:07:09,040 Speaker 1: encounter a situation, maybe like the people that were bumbling 1284 01:07:09,080 --> 01:07:10,960 Speaker 1: around with the clipboard at the tennis court that you described, 1285 01:07:11,000 --> 01:07:14,880 Speaker 1: trying to find your membership or whatever, my expectation goes on, Matt, 1286 01:07:15,440 --> 01:07:18,200 Speaker 1: frustration arrives, and then I might compromise on the way 1287 01:07:18,240 --> 01:07:21,360 Speaker 1: that I behave and that might mean being abrupt, being 1288 01:07:21,720 --> 01:07:25,000 Speaker 1: too forward with somebody, or being too harsh, or lacking 1289 01:07:25,040 --> 01:07:27,400 Speaker 1: compassion in the way that I say something. People don't 1290 01:07:27,440 --> 01:07:30,600 Speaker 1: know this about me but when I'm alone, I think 1291 01:07:30,640 --> 01:07:32,680 Speaker 1: about this. It's probably the number one thing I think about. 1292 01:07:32,760 --> 01:07:34,680 Speaker 1: I reflect on how I treated people that day. Yes, 1293 01:07:34,840 --> 01:07:36,560 Speaker 1: and there's been too many days in a row where 1294 01:07:36,560 --> 01:07:39,520 Speaker 1: I've gone, you fucked that up against THEE. Be better tomorrow. 1295 01:07:39,560 --> 01:07:42,800 Speaker 1: And then I'll come into tomorrow. The expectation will go in, Matt, 1296 01:07:43,440 --> 01:07:45,200 Speaker 1: I'll become a person I don't want to be, and 1297 01:07:45,200 --> 01:07:46,720 Speaker 1: I'll say to myself in my private time, I say, 1298 01:07:46,720 --> 01:07:48,680 Speaker 1: you fuck that up again. And I've been doing that 1299 01:07:48,720 --> 01:07:51,960 Speaker 1: too much for too long. I think we all have. 1300 01:07:52,040 --> 01:07:54,200 Speaker 1: I talked about in my book. I had this. I 1301 01:07:54,240 --> 01:07:56,040 Speaker 1: had this moment the same thing as you just said. 1302 01:07:56,560 --> 01:07:59,040 Speaker 1: I this was a couple of years ago in La 1303 01:07:59,160 --> 01:08:02,040 Speaker 1: and I was traveling around in ubers and going here 1304 01:08:02,040 --> 01:08:04,280 Speaker 1: and there and getting in or lift and calling one 1305 01:08:04,280 --> 01:08:07,080 Speaker 1: and jumping in and going on. And I got in 1306 01:08:07,320 --> 01:08:10,160 Speaker 1: and I was on my phone and doing whatever. And 1307 01:08:10,160 --> 01:08:13,520 Speaker 1: then five minutes later I realized we hadn't moved. And 1308 01:08:14,640 --> 01:08:17,200 Speaker 1: and that's how consumed I was on my phone, whether 1309 01:08:17,240 --> 01:08:20,400 Speaker 1: I was scrolling or texting or emailing. And I said 1310 01:08:20,400 --> 01:08:23,200 Speaker 1: to the driver, I said, is everything okay? And he said, 1311 01:08:23,760 --> 01:08:26,320 Speaker 1: you didn't say hello? And he said I said a 1312 01:08:26,360 --> 01:08:29,120 Speaker 1: hello to you five minutes ago and you didn't say hello, 1313 01:08:30,200 --> 01:08:34,080 Speaker 1: and I just it was such a like I was 1314 01:08:34,160 --> 01:08:35,720 Speaker 1: late for my meeting. I was late for a big 1315 01:08:35,720 --> 01:08:40,320 Speaker 1: thing where I felt terrible. I felt so so bad, 1316 01:08:40,360 --> 01:08:43,320 Speaker 1: and I was like, I really want people to connect 1317 01:08:43,320 --> 01:08:45,920 Speaker 1: with everyone as a human. And I said, I'm so sorry. 1318 01:08:45,920 --> 01:08:49,800 Speaker 1: What's your name like? And then and he started driving in. 1319 01:08:50,000 --> 01:08:52,000 Speaker 1: He wasn't trying to he wasn't even trying to be 1320 01:08:52,040 --> 01:08:54,000 Speaker 1: abrasive like some people say, oh, well, that's a bit, 1321 01:08:54,120 --> 01:08:56,080 Speaker 1: he's not doing this. I actually don't think it's his 1322 01:08:56,080 --> 01:08:57,640 Speaker 1: fault at all. I think he taught me such a 1323 01:08:57,720 --> 01:08:59,479 Speaker 1: valuable lesson because I was just kind of like, oh, 1324 01:08:59,520 --> 01:09:02,960 Speaker 1: yeah's as booked it. Treating him like a robot, treating 1325 01:09:03,000 --> 01:09:04,840 Speaker 1: him like a machine. And yet one day we'll have 1326 01:09:04,960 --> 01:09:06,960 Speaker 1: driver this cars and I won't have to say hello. Sure, 1327 01:09:07,080 --> 01:09:12,200 Speaker 1: But treating a human in that way, I think that 1328 01:09:12,240 --> 01:09:15,360 Speaker 1: goes against everything I stand for. Is that I want 1329 01:09:15,479 --> 01:09:18,280 Speaker 1: us to become more human and I want us to 1330 01:09:18,360 --> 01:09:22,200 Speaker 1: not lose our humanity as technology advances. And I love 1331 01:09:22,200 --> 01:09:25,879 Speaker 1: technology and it's great, but let's not lose our ability 1332 01:09:25,920 --> 01:09:28,400 Speaker 1: to have human connection, which is what brings so much 1333 01:09:28,520 --> 01:09:31,320 Speaker 1: joy to our lives, and so yeah, I you know, 1334 01:09:31,560 --> 01:09:34,360 Speaker 1: that's one of those moments that I was like, Yeah, 1335 01:09:34,600 --> 01:09:37,800 Speaker 1: you're really trying to teach me a lesson here, because yeah, 1336 01:09:37,840 --> 01:09:39,720 Speaker 1: you know what, this this whole back and forward, if 1337 01:09:39,720 --> 01:09:41,760 Speaker 1: it's taught us anything, it's that even people that you 1338 01:09:41,840 --> 01:09:46,040 Speaker 1: presume to have the answers from the outside, in fact, 1339 01:09:46,120 --> 01:09:50,759 Speaker 1: maybe the correct answer is to understand one's own faults, 1340 01:09:51,120 --> 01:09:54,240 Speaker 1: understand we're all really really imperfect, to be self aware 1341 01:09:54,240 --> 01:09:56,760 Speaker 1: about those faults, and then make a commitment to being 1342 01:09:56,800 --> 01:10:00,400 Speaker 1: better every day. I think I'll die imperfect trying to 1343 01:10:00,400 --> 01:10:03,240 Speaker 1: be better. I don't think i'll die perfect. And I 1344 01:10:03,320 --> 01:10:06,840 Speaker 1: think I think that is maybe there'll probably be people 1345 01:10:06,840 --> 01:10:09,240 Speaker 1: that view the work that you do and say, God, 1346 01:10:09,240 --> 01:10:11,960 Speaker 1: he's got it all figured out one hundred percent of things, 1347 01:10:12,280 --> 01:10:15,320 Speaker 1: and I don't. So I'm inadequate. Yes, I need to 1348 01:10:15,400 --> 01:10:17,520 Speaker 1: be Jay. And if I'm not Jay, then I'm inadequate. 1349 01:10:17,640 --> 01:10:20,719 Speaker 1: I'm morally wrong my values about I'm a bad person. 1350 01:10:21,280 --> 01:10:23,200 Speaker 1: So that's kind of I love that. I'm so glad. 1351 01:10:23,200 --> 01:10:25,040 Speaker 1: I love the back and forth. Two you know, for me, 1352 01:10:25,120 --> 01:10:28,080 Speaker 1: it's it's always wonderful to talk about these things, and 1353 01:10:28,120 --> 01:10:31,200 Speaker 1: I think that's what our generation is changed in this 1354 01:10:31,280 --> 01:10:34,000 Speaker 1: space because I think we did live at a time 1355 01:10:34,040 --> 01:10:39,120 Speaker 1: when gurus and guides and coaches were revered as flawless 1356 01:10:39,160 --> 01:10:42,200 Speaker 1: perfect and you never really saw the behind the scenes. 1357 01:10:42,240 --> 01:10:43,880 Speaker 1: And I think I always say to my team, like 1358 01:10:43,920 --> 01:10:46,360 Speaker 1: I'm always trying to I don't want I don't even 1359 01:10:46,439 --> 01:10:50,400 Speaker 1: want that pressure. It's it's pressure, and it actually stops 1360 01:10:50,400 --> 01:10:53,600 Speaker 1: you from being sincere and genuine and authentic. And I 1361 01:10:53,680 --> 01:10:56,639 Speaker 1: feel that pressure sometimes, like I feel that pressure when 1362 01:10:56,880 --> 01:10:58,720 Speaker 1: someone has a question and I need to rush off, 1363 01:10:58,760 --> 01:11:00,120 Speaker 1: and I'm like, I want to answer it, but I 1364 01:11:00,160 --> 01:11:02,400 Speaker 1: also need to rush off, and I feel that pressure, 1365 01:11:02,600 --> 01:11:05,639 Speaker 1: and it's just I've realized they don't want that pressure, 1366 01:11:05,680 --> 01:11:07,400 Speaker 1: like because I'm not perfect and I don't want to 1367 01:11:07,400 --> 01:11:09,240 Speaker 1: try and pretend I am, or I don't want to 1368 01:11:09,240 --> 01:11:11,479 Speaker 1: have to live up to it because it will just 1369 01:11:11,600 --> 01:11:14,800 Speaker 1: let someone down. And it's really interesting because this was 1370 01:11:14,840 --> 01:11:18,720 Speaker 1: around probably around eleven years ago now, and I was 1371 01:11:18,760 --> 01:11:21,040 Speaker 1: mentoring before I became a monk. When I was a monk, 1372 01:11:21,080 --> 01:11:22,719 Speaker 1: I was a mentor, and then I became a coach, 1373 01:11:23,120 --> 01:11:25,719 Speaker 1: And whenever I took on a mentee or a coach, 1374 01:11:26,360 --> 01:11:29,599 Speaker 1: coaching client or anyone. One of the first things I'd 1375 01:11:29,600 --> 01:11:31,840 Speaker 1: say to them in our first meeting is I just 1376 01:11:31,920 --> 01:11:33,760 Speaker 1: want you to know that I will let you down. 1377 01:11:34,400 --> 01:11:36,200 Speaker 1: I just want you to know that there will be 1378 01:11:36,280 --> 01:11:40,559 Speaker 1: something I do that upsets you, disappoints you, or lets 1379 01:11:40,600 --> 01:11:43,760 Speaker 1: you down. If you're okay with that, let's get started, like, 1380 01:11:43,840 --> 01:11:46,439 Speaker 1: let's get going. And I saw the amount of people 1381 01:11:46,479 --> 01:11:49,080 Speaker 1: that walked out that door. Really yeah, there were people 1382 01:11:49,080 --> 01:11:53,000 Speaker 1: that left because they were expecting divinity and humanity and 1383 01:11:53,040 --> 01:11:55,920 Speaker 1: they were expecting perfection. And I'm really happy that they 1384 01:11:56,080 --> 01:11:58,400 Speaker 1: left because I would never have been able to live 1385 01:11:58,439 --> 01:12:00,000 Speaker 1: up to that. And I don't even want the pressure. 1386 01:12:00,600 --> 01:12:02,760 Speaker 1: And so I'm really clear with people even now, like 1387 01:12:02,800 --> 01:12:04,400 Speaker 1: I work with so many clients and that's one of 1388 01:12:04,439 --> 01:12:06,479 Speaker 1: the first things I'll say to them. And you see 1389 01:12:06,520 --> 01:12:09,160 Speaker 1: that the people that stay recognize that because they understand 1390 01:12:09,200 --> 01:12:12,040 Speaker 1: they have flaws and we all do. And I also 1391 01:12:12,080 --> 01:12:15,640 Speaker 1: took off the pressure, especially in coaching, where a lot 1392 01:12:15,720 --> 01:12:18,360 Speaker 1: of people think you can change their life, and as 1393 01:12:18,400 --> 01:12:21,559 Speaker 1: an immature coach or therapist, you may think you can 1394 01:12:21,640 --> 01:12:24,720 Speaker 1: change someone else's life. And the more I've coached and 1395 01:12:24,760 --> 01:12:28,160 Speaker 1: the more hours I've wrapped up with coaching, the more, 1396 01:12:28,200 --> 01:12:32,519 Speaker 1: I've realized I can't change someone's life. I don't have 1397 01:12:32,640 --> 01:12:35,920 Speaker 1: what it takes to change someone's life. I don't have 1398 01:12:35,960 --> 01:12:39,640 Speaker 1: to say something profound every word I say, and not 1399 01:12:39,760 --> 01:12:42,280 Speaker 1: everything I say is going to be perfect and incredible 1400 01:12:42,479 --> 01:12:46,040 Speaker 1: and insightful. And if I can let go of that, 1401 01:12:46,160 --> 01:12:50,360 Speaker 1: I actually might allow something beautiful to happen. Actually trying 1402 01:12:50,400 --> 01:12:52,439 Speaker 1: to do all those things, trying to say something profound 1403 01:12:52,479 --> 01:12:57,519 Speaker 1: every sentence, trying to magically solve someone's problems, trying to 1404 01:12:57,680 --> 01:13:01,000 Speaker 1: be perfect, all of these things actually lock something beautiful 1405 01:13:01,080 --> 01:13:03,800 Speaker 1: from happening. Kind of interesting because it very much links 1406 01:13:03,840 --> 01:13:06,240 Speaker 1: to what you said about not putting the expectation on 1407 01:13:06,280 --> 01:13:08,160 Speaker 1: the outcome. You said that earlier. I'm not going to 1408 01:13:08,200 --> 01:13:10,439 Speaker 1: try and change your life today, but let's just focus in, 1409 01:13:10,479 --> 01:13:12,840 Speaker 1: as you said earlier, on the process of what we 1410 01:13:12,880 --> 01:13:15,040 Speaker 1: can do today. I guess part of my point. The 1411 01:13:15,080 --> 01:13:18,000 Speaker 1: first thing that came to mind there was we both 1412 01:13:18,000 --> 01:13:20,000 Speaker 1: write quotes and put them out on the internet and 1413 01:13:20,040 --> 01:13:22,080 Speaker 1: that kind of thing. But I'm going to be completely honest. 1414 01:13:22,080 --> 01:13:24,080 Speaker 1: When I write quotes on Instagram, I have no expectation 1415 01:13:24,120 --> 01:13:26,240 Speaker 1: that it's going to change the life of pretty much. 1416 01:13:26,439 --> 01:13:29,000 Speaker 1: I actually don't think even if people agree with it, 1417 01:13:29,439 --> 01:13:32,519 Speaker 1: most of them won't actually do anything, probably over ninety 1418 01:13:32,960 --> 01:13:36,040 Speaker 1: maybe ninety nine of them. But what does it take 1419 01:13:36,080 --> 01:13:38,280 Speaker 1: to have an impact on someone's life. Is it something 1420 01:13:38,320 --> 01:13:40,280 Speaker 1: that you can do as a coach or is it 1421 01:13:40,560 --> 01:13:43,640 Speaker 1: something inside them that is you're just the oxygen to 1422 01:13:43,680 --> 01:13:47,000 Speaker 1: their flame? What is it? I believe that we need 1423 01:13:47,360 --> 01:13:52,920 Speaker 1: different language, different perspectives, different faces, different voices to connect 1424 01:13:52,920 --> 01:13:55,679 Speaker 1: with every person on the planet. You're going to say 1425 01:13:55,880 --> 01:13:59,400 Speaker 1: the same thing in your own way, from your own 1426 01:13:59,400 --> 01:14:01,599 Speaker 1: mind and heart and your experience, and that's going to 1427 01:14:01,600 --> 01:14:03,479 Speaker 1: touch someone in a way that what I said can't. 1428 01:14:03,720 --> 01:14:06,080 Speaker 1: And then I'm going to say something in a context 1429 01:14:06,120 --> 01:14:07,960 Speaker 1: that's going to impact someone else that your words may 1430 01:14:08,000 --> 01:14:12,679 Speaker 1: not speak to. Because I've heard truth again and again 1431 01:14:12,720 --> 01:14:15,400 Speaker 1: and again and again and again, and then I hear 1432 01:14:15,439 --> 01:14:19,800 Speaker 1: it again last week and it clicks because I heard 1433 01:14:19,840 --> 01:14:22,280 Speaker 1: it from someone that said it in a way that 1434 01:14:22,640 --> 01:14:24,880 Speaker 1: speaks to the language of my soul. Let's speak to 1435 01:14:24,920 --> 01:14:27,400 Speaker 1: the language of my mind and heart. And I think 1436 01:14:27,479 --> 01:14:30,840 Speaker 1: that's what's so fascinating about needing more voices and more 1437 01:14:30,880 --> 01:14:33,519 Speaker 1: faces and more people trying to serve. But when you 1438 01:14:33,600 --> 01:14:37,479 Speaker 1: talk about what creates change in coaching. There's four steps 1439 01:14:37,880 --> 01:14:44,200 Speaker 1: to making a change in someone's life. It goes theoretical, meaningful, practical, 1440 01:14:44,560 --> 01:14:48,599 Speaker 1: and applicable. So most people when they like a post 1441 01:14:48,680 --> 01:14:53,240 Speaker 1: on Instagram or maybe they comment, that's them saying theoretically, 1442 01:14:53,240 --> 01:14:56,280 Speaker 1: I agree with this, and I understand it. I understand 1443 01:14:56,320 --> 01:14:59,439 Speaker 1: the theory that what you're saying is true, and I 1444 01:14:59,479 --> 01:15:02,519 Speaker 1: like it and I agree with it theoretically. But that 1445 01:15:02,600 --> 01:15:08,080 Speaker 1: theoretical understanding doesn't create transformation. That theoretical understanding doesn't change 1446 01:15:08,080 --> 01:15:11,000 Speaker 1: someone's life. It may hit them here and hit them here. 1447 01:15:11,640 --> 01:15:13,840 Speaker 1: The next step actually is from here too here, which 1448 01:15:13,920 --> 01:15:16,719 Speaker 1: is is it meaningful to them? So I'll give an example. 1449 01:15:16,800 --> 01:15:19,719 Speaker 1: Let's say someone reads a quote but they just lost 1450 01:15:19,760 --> 01:15:23,080 Speaker 1: their parent or they just lost a family member they love. 1451 01:15:24,600 --> 01:15:26,200 Speaker 1: I know I've had that happen to me in the 1452 01:15:26,240 --> 01:15:28,320 Speaker 1: last couple of years. I'm sure many people listening have. 1453 01:15:29,280 --> 01:15:33,120 Speaker 1: Now it's not theory, it's meaningful because it's hit your heart. 1454 01:15:33,120 --> 01:15:36,439 Speaker 1: It's gone from here to here, and you're like, okay, 1455 01:15:36,479 --> 01:15:39,880 Speaker 1: that really resonated. But again, that doesn't change your life 1456 01:15:40,400 --> 01:15:43,680 Speaker 1: because now it's meaningful, it's emotional, it's internal, but that 1457 01:15:43,720 --> 01:15:46,240 Speaker 1: hasn't changed in your action or your behavior. So the 1458 01:15:46,280 --> 01:15:50,880 Speaker 1: next step is making that practical. Okay, Stephen wrote that 1459 01:15:50,920 --> 01:15:53,559 Speaker 1: amazing quote, how do I make that practical? Let me reflect, 1460 01:15:53,560 --> 01:15:55,960 Speaker 1: this is the work that the coachee or the client 1461 01:15:56,040 --> 01:15:59,200 Speaker 1: needs to do. Okay, Stephen presented it beautifully. It connected 1462 01:15:59,200 --> 01:16:02,000 Speaker 1: with my head, It hit my heart. How do I 1463 01:16:02,000 --> 01:16:04,320 Speaker 1: actually make that practically in my day to day life? 1464 01:16:04,680 --> 01:16:06,479 Speaker 1: I'm not Stephen, I'm not Jay. How do I actually 1465 01:16:06,520 --> 01:16:08,680 Speaker 1: practically do that? And then finally, what's the part that 1466 01:16:08,760 --> 01:16:11,920 Speaker 1: I apply and take action on? So as a receiver 1467 01:16:12,080 --> 01:16:15,559 Speaker 1: of wisdom and knowledge, you have to do half that journey. 1468 01:16:16,240 --> 01:16:18,520 Speaker 1: All you can do is the theoretical and the meaningful, 1469 01:16:18,720 --> 01:16:21,080 Speaker 1: and you may even help with practical tips and application, 1470 01:16:21,360 --> 01:16:23,840 Speaker 1: But someone still has to sit there and go, how 1471 01:16:23,840 --> 01:16:25,840 Speaker 1: do I do that? Unless you're sitting there with the 1472 01:16:25,920 --> 01:16:28,919 Speaker 1: one on one obviously, and you can't do the practical 1473 01:16:29,000 --> 01:16:32,240 Speaker 1: bit for someone else forever. Ever. Yeah, you could help 1474 01:16:32,240 --> 01:16:34,760 Speaker 1: them today or tomorrow, totally, not for a lifetime. It's 1475 01:16:34,800 --> 01:16:36,479 Speaker 1: not going to be the fishing rod. Over the years, 1476 01:16:36,520 --> 01:16:39,280 Speaker 1: I've tried to kind of simplify what happiness is and 1477 01:16:39,320 --> 01:16:41,400 Speaker 1: I sit here with my guests and Mogadat was great 1478 01:16:41,400 --> 01:16:43,200 Speaker 1: at that as well. Yeah, of course it is unbelievable. 1479 01:16:43,800 --> 01:16:46,559 Speaker 1: Kind of the concept of happiness. What are the kind 1480 01:16:46,560 --> 01:16:51,080 Speaker 1: of simple fundamentals that Jay Shetty requires in his life 1481 01:16:51,280 --> 01:16:53,880 Speaker 1: to live a happy life. I'm going to use the 1482 01:16:53,880 --> 01:16:56,160 Speaker 1: word happy. I know it's a shitty word in many respects, 1483 01:16:56,160 --> 01:16:59,080 Speaker 1: but I just want to use that as the word. Yeah, 1484 01:16:59,160 --> 01:17:04,320 Speaker 1: I'd say that I look at happiness as daily habits 1485 01:17:04,920 --> 01:17:08,760 Speaker 1: and then deeper purpose. So there's things you can do 1486 01:17:08,840 --> 01:17:11,960 Speaker 1: daily that keep that happiness kind of moving and feel 1487 01:17:11,960 --> 01:17:15,960 Speaker 1: it's growing. And then there's almost the objective, the compass, 1488 01:17:16,080 --> 01:17:20,160 Speaker 1: the reason why you live and why you exist. And 1489 01:17:20,360 --> 01:17:25,839 Speaker 1: for me, it's been really clear that finding your passion 1490 01:17:26,080 --> 01:17:29,200 Speaker 1: and using it in the service of others is what 1491 01:17:29,400 --> 01:17:33,479 Speaker 1: creates the greatest, deepest happiness. When you find what you love, 1492 01:17:33,520 --> 01:17:36,200 Speaker 1: what you excel at, what you're brilliant at, and then 1493 01:17:36,280 --> 01:17:40,160 Speaker 1: you can actually use that to improve people's lives and 1494 01:17:40,280 --> 01:17:44,880 Speaker 1: you can use that skill, that passion, that energy to 1495 01:17:45,120 --> 01:17:49,040 Speaker 1: make a difference in someone's life. There is no better 1496 01:17:49,080 --> 01:17:51,559 Speaker 1: feeling than that. And what I find is I meet 1497 01:17:51,600 --> 01:17:54,920 Speaker 1: a lot of people who've mastered their passion, but not 1498 01:17:54,960 --> 01:17:58,400 Speaker 1: for service. They mastered it for business. They mastered it 1499 01:17:58,439 --> 01:18:01,599 Speaker 1: for money. They are mastered it for success and they 1500 01:18:01,680 --> 01:18:03,799 Speaker 1: have all of that, but they haven't got the service 1501 01:18:03,840 --> 01:18:06,920 Speaker 1: element in their life. They don't understand how to use 1502 01:18:06,960 --> 01:18:11,200 Speaker 1: their passion for a purpose, and so they feel unequipped. 1503 01:18:11,520 --> 01:18:13,160 Speaker 1: And then I know lots of people who are trying 1504 01:18:13,160 --> 01:18:15,080 Speaker 1: to serve or trying to make a difference, or trying 1505 01:18:15,080 --> 01:18:16,519 Speaker 1: to do charity work. They're trying to do all this 1506 01:18:16,560 --> 01:18:19,160 Speaker 1: good work and they feel good about it, but they 1507 01:18:19,200 --> 01:18:23,040 Speaker 1: still don't feel fulfilled because they're missing what is my 1508 01:18:23,120 --> 01:18:27,439 Speaker 1: special role, Like what's my position, what's my offering? In 1509 01:18:27,479 --> 01:18:29,639 Speaker 1: this space? You kind of get lost after a while. 1510 01:18:30,240 --> 01:18:32,799 Speaker 1: And so to me, happiness is where both come together, 1511 01:18:32,840 --> 01:18:35,120 Speaker 1: where it's like I know what I love and what 1512 01:18:35,280 --> 01:18:38,479 Speaker 1: makes me happy, and when I do that for others 1513 01:18:38,560 --> 01:18:41,600 Speaker 1: to improve their lives, it makes them happy. So if 1514 01:18:41,640 --> 01:18:43,519 Speaker 1: you can do what makes you happy and do it 1515 01:18:43,560 --> 01:18:45,800 Speaker 1: for others and it makes them happy, that's going to 1516 01:18:45,880 --> 01:18:49,679 Speaker 1: give you happiness. And I have tested that principle time 1517 01:18:49,680 --> 01:18:52,719 Speaker 1: and time again with clients, with friends, with family, with myself, 1518 01:18:52,920 --> 01:18:54,880 Speaker 1: and I've seen it to be true again and again 1519 01:18:54,920 --> 01:18:58,640 Speaker 1: and again. But that's that bigger happiness piece. Let's go 1520 01:18:58,680 --> 01:19:01,680 Speaker 1: to the daily habits daily stuff, and I want to 1521 01:19:01,680 --> 01:19:03,559 Speaker 1: try and avoid the stuff that I think people have 1522 01:19:03,640 --> 01:19:05,960 Speaker 1: heard and people have probably come across before in many 1523 01:19:05,960 --> 01:19:08,360 Speaker 1: different places. Maybe I've spoken about the maybe other people have. 1524 01:19:09,439 --> 01:19:11,160 Speaker 1: But one of the biggest ones for me is I 1525 01:19:11,240 --> 01:19:13,839 Speaker 1: read a book a few years ago about flow state, 1526 01:19:14,400 --> 01:19:17,759 Speaker 1: and that book really transformed how I felt about things, 1527 01:19:18,479 --> 01:19:21,960 Speaker 1: and it talks about how being in flow is the 1528 01:19:22,120 --> 01:19:28,559 Speaker 1: intersection where your skills and your challenge match. So if 1529 01:19:28,600 --> 01:19:33,320 Speaker 1: your skills are higher than your challenge, you'll feel bored, lethargic, 1530 01:19:33,560 --> 01:19:36,880 Speaker 1: and maybe feel stuck. But if your challenge is greater 1531 01:19:36,920 --> 01:19:42,120 Speaker 1: than your skills, you feel overwhelmed, potentially depressed and disconnected 1532 01:19:42,160 --> 01:19:45,679 Speaker 1: and disappointed. So most of us are living in one 1533 01:19:45,720 --> 01:19:49,919 Speaker 1: of those discrepancies, and I find on a daily basis, 1534 01:19:49,960 --> 01:19:53,559 Speaker 1: I'm playing around with that equation for happiness because that 1535 01:19:53,680 --> 01:19:56,840 Speaker 1: flow state when you know you have a skill and 1536 01:19:56,920 --> 01:19:59,640 Speaker 1: your challenge is met, and even if you lose, you 1537 01:19:59,720 --> 01:20:01,680 Speaker 1: still get such a joy out of it because you 1538 01:20:01,720 --> 01:20:04,320 Speaker 1: know that you're still working in the right direction. And 1539 01:20:04,400 --> 01:20:07,840 Speaker 1: I think that is an underplayed part of happiness because 1540 01:20:07,840 --> 01:20:11,160 Speaker 1: it doesn't sound like something predictable or obvious because people go, well, 1541 01:20:11,200 --> 01:20:14,360 Speaker 1: that's achievement. That's ambition. It's actually not. It's just saying 1542 01:20:15,479 --> 01:20:18,120 Speaker 1: for most people, it's either all their challenges are greater 1543 01:20:18,120 --> 01:20:20,040 Speaker 1: than their skill or their skills greater than their challenge. 1544 01:20:20,040 --> 01:20:22,679 Speaker 1: So I would ask everyone to say, look at your life. 1545 01:20:23,160 --> 01:20:25,400 Speaker 1: Do you need to improve your skills or do you 1546 01:20:25,439 --> 01:20:28,240 Speaker 1: need to broaden your challenge? Is this a year of 1547 01:20:28,280 --> 01:20:31,520 Speaker 1: expanding your challenges or is this a year of broadening 1548 01:20:31,520 --> 01:20:34,080 Speaker 1: your skills? And I promise you if you start with that, 1549 01:20:34,120 --> 01:20:37,360 Speaker 1: you're going to get so busy and active changing one 1550 01:20:37,360 --> 01:20:41,439 Speaker 1: of those that happiness is going to naturally flow. This 1551 01:20:41,640 --> 01:20:44,839 Speaker 1: comes into a little model like created of creating happiness 1552 01:20:44,840 --> 01:20:48,680 Speaker 1: for my year, and that one sits in one of them, 1553 01:20:48,680 --> 01:20:51,080 Speaker 1: so I'll explain which one it's in. I believe that 1554 01:20:51,120 --> 01:20:55,200 Speaker 1: to create happiness day to day, in one year, in 1555 01:20:55,280 --> 01:21:00,320 Speaker 1: one month, in a week, you have to have three things. 1556 01:21:01,280 --> 01:21:03,880 Speaker 1: You have to learn something every year, you have to 1557 01:21:04,000 --> 01:21:06,679 Speaker 1: launch something every year, and you have to love something 1558 01:21:06,720 --> 01:21:09,280 Speaker 1: every year. And that's how I've lived for the last 1559 01:21:09,640 --> 01:21:13,320 Speaker 1: three to five years. Every year I'm learning something, every 1560 01:21:13,360 --> 01:21:16,599 Speaker 1: year I'm launching something, and every year I'm loving something. 1561 01:21:16,920 --> 01:21:18,960 Speaker 1: And I'll give you an example. So when I talk 1562 01:21:18,960 --> 01:21:23,519 Speaker 1: about flow state that comes into the idea of grazing 1563 01:21:23,520 --> 01:21:27,639 Speaker 1: your challenge is like launching something. The reason why launching 1564 01:21:27,680 --> 01:21:31,160 Speaker 1: something creates happiness is because it creates a feeling of nervousness, 1565 01:21:31,400 --> 01:21:34,440 Speaker 1: It creates a feeling of butterflies, creates a feeling of excitement, 1566 01:21:34,600 --> 01:21:36,680 Speaker 1: like I don't know what's going to happen. We all 1567 01:21:36,720 --> 01:21:39,000 Speaker 1: need a feeling of surprise in life. We all need 1568 01:21:39,000 --> 01:21:42,040 Speaker 1: that feeling of I don't know. The sense of the 1569 01:21:42,120 --> 01:21:47,920 Speaker 1: unknown can actually cause happiness. And so launching something is 1570 01:21:47,960 --> 01:21:49,719 Speaker 1: such a powerful way. And I think too many people 1571 01:21:49,760 --> 01:21:52,800 Speaker 1: will think for five years, and think for ten years 1572 01:21:52,960 --> 01:21:56,080 Speaker 1: and maybe launch one thing in their whole life. And 1573 01:21:56,520 --> 01:21:57,920 Speaker 1: me and you have both. I mean, i'd love to 1574 01:21:57,920 --> 01:22:00,439 Speaker 1: I can't wait to interview on my podcast, but I 1575 01:22:00,479 --> 01:22:02,479 Speaker 1: have launched so much stuff. That's fair. We're going to 1576 01:22:02,520 --> 01:22:05,360 Speaker 1: get into that. Yeah, but that launch creates so much joy, 1577 01:22:05,400 --> 01:22:07,320 Speaker 1: It creates so much happiness. So launch something and we 1578 01:22:07,360 --> 01:22:10,000 Speaker 1: can dive into that. Then there's learn something, which is 1579 01:22:10,040 --> 01:22:11,880 Speaker 1: what we just talked about learning as skills. So that's 1580 01:22:11,920 --> 01:22:14,680 Speaker 1: the that's the idea of creating a flow state by 1581 01:22:14,680 --> 01:22:16,280 Speaker 1: saying what skill do I want to learn? And every 1582 01:22:16,360 --> 01:22:19,519 Speaker 1: year I pick a skill, and it's usually based on 1583 01:22:19,680 --> 01:22:22,800 Speaker 1: what I want to launch the next year. So I'll go, Okay, 1584 01:22:22,800 --> 01:22:25,799 Speaker 1: I need to learn podcasting. So twenty eighteen I studied podcasting. 1585 01:22:25,840 --> 01:22:29,439 Speaker 1: Twenty nineteen we launched the podcast. So what you learn 1586 01:22:29,640 --> 01:22:32,280 Speaker 1: turns in what you launch, and what you launch turns 1587 01:22:32,280 --> 01:22:34,479 Speaker 1: into what you love. And what we try and do 1588 01:22:34,560 --> 01:22:35,719 Speaker 1: is you try and do it the other way around. 1589 01:22:35,720 --> 01:22:38,840 Speaker 1: We try and love something before we learn and launch. 1590 01:22:38,920 --> 01:22:42,360 Speaker 1: It doesn't make sense. You've got to learn about something 1591 01:22:42,479 --> 01:22:45,240 Speaker 1: first and then you can fall in love with it. 1592 01:22:45,640 --> 01:22:48,160 Speaker 1: You can't love something and then learn about it. You can, 1593 01:22:48,400 --> 01:22:50,880 Speaker 1: but it doesn't always work that way. So I try 1594 01:22:50,920 --> 01:22:52,680 Speaker 1: and plan my years out in that way. I go, 1595 01:22:52,800 --> 01:22:53,960 Speaker 1: what am I going to learn, what am I going 1596 01:22:54,000 --> 01:22:56,920 Speaker 1: to launch, and what am I going to love? So yeah, 1597 01:22:57,000 --> 01:22:59,000 Speaker 1: I think that's how I try and create happiness on 1598 01:22:59,080 --> 01:23:02,280 Speaker 1: a daily, weekly, monthly basis without diving into things like 1599 01:23:02,400 --> 01:23:06,360 Speaker 1: gratitude and meditation, which are huge parts of my daily happiness. 1600 01:23:06,479 --> 01:23:08,519 Speaker 1: But I think those are ideas that are out there 1601 01:23:08,560 --> 01:23:10,960 Speaker 1: and that we've talked about before, probably, And you've launched 1602 01:23:10,960 --> 01:23:14,000 Speaker 1: a lot of stuff, a lot of stuff, and we're 1603 01:23:14,000 --> 01:23:15,479 Speaker 1: going to talk a little bit about some of those 1604 01:23:15,479 --> 01:23:18,519 Speaker 1: things that you've launched. I mean, you've got your Genius Community, 1605 01:23:18,600 --> 01:23:21,000 Speaker 1: which which has been going for a long time now, brilliant, 1606 01:23:21,800 --> 01:23:24,600 Speaker 1: a really brilliant business and really a standout business in 1607 01:23:24,680 --> 01:23:28,520 Speaker 1: this whole industry in terms of the way you executed 1608 01:23:28,560 --> 01:23:32,040 Speaker 1: it and the I mean even the design of the programs. 1609 01:23:32,120 --> 01:23:34,240 Speaker 1: And I remember going on the website and trying to 1610 01:23:34,280 --> 01:23:37,320 Speaker 1: I thinking to myself, would I be able to make 1611 01:23:37,400 --> 01:23:40,960 Speaker 1: something as quality as this in the future, and sort 1612 01:23:41,000 --> 01:23:43,479 Speaker 1: of modeling myself on that. You've got your certification score 1613 01:23:43,520 --> 01:23:46,160 Speaker 1: for coaches as well, You've launched your tea business, and 1614 01:23:46,240 --> 01:23:49,640 Speaker 1: there's also really I guess this is a bit of 1615 01:23:49,640 --> 01:23:54,000 Speaker 1: an exclusive, your partnership with Calm, the mindfulness meditation app, 1616 01:23:54,280 --> 01:23:56,280 Speaker 1: and I think they also call themselves a sleep app 1617 01:23:56,320 --> 01:23:59,360 Speaker 1: as well. Now I think that's a more modern description 1618 01:23:59,400 --> 01:24:03,120 Speaker 1: of them. So why did you partner with Calm? So 1619 01:24:03,560 --> 01:24:06,040 Speaker 1: Michael and I Michael was one of the co founders 1620 01:24:06,080 --> 01:24:11,800 Speaker 1: of Calm podcast, Yes exactly, yes, And we got introduced 1621 01:24:12,080 --> 01:24:16,280 Speaker 1: probably around four years ago now, and he came over 1622 01:24:16,320 --> 01:24:20,120 Speaker 1: for lunch to my place. We were hanging out, connecting, 1623 01:24:20,160 --> 01:24:22,479 Speaker 1: getting to know each other. He was being told that 1624 01:24:23,320 --> 01:24:24,880 Speaker 1: he should really connect with me, and I was being 1625 01:24:24,920 --> 01:24:27,320 Speaker 1: told I should connect with him, and finally we got together. 1626 01:24:27,400 --> 01:24:28,760 Speaker 1: So we had lunch at my home. My wife made 1627 01:24:28,840 --> 01:24:32,600 Speaker 1: us this incredible lunch and we sat down and he 1628 01:24:32,800 --> 01:24:34,760 Speaker 1: brought a friend and I had a couple of people 1629 01:24:34,800 --> 01:24:38,559 Speaker 1: there and we just hung out. And in that meeting, 1630 01:24:39,520 --> 01:24:43,280 Speaker 1: I met someone who I really believed was not trying 1631 01:24:43,360 --> 01:24:46,040 Speaker 1: to build an app, and I met someone who was 1632 01:24:46,080 --> 01:24:49,200 Speaker 1: not trying to build a platform, and I met someone 1633 01:24:49,240 --> 01:24:53,559 Speaker 1: who was not trying to build technology. He was trying 1634 01:24:53,560 --> 01:24:56,680 Speaker 1: to build an experience. He was trying to build a 1635 01:24:57,160 --> 01:24:59,200 Speaker 1: journey for people to go on. He was trying to 1636 01:24:59,360 --> 01:25:03,679 Speaker 1: build a practical daily habit for each and every single 1637 01:25:03,760 --> 01:25:06,680 Speaker 1: person in the world. And that was really beautiful for 1638 01:25:06,760 --> 01:25:10,200 Speaker 1: me to hear because I've been an admirer of Calm 1639 01:25:10,680 --> 01:25:12,920 Speaker 1: when it first started out, and I first heard about 1640 01:25:12,960 --> 01:25:17,160 Speaker 1: it probably eight years before we met, and I've been 1641 01:25:17,200 --> 01:25:19,280 Speaker 1: seeing what they were doing and creating, and to meet 1642 01:25:19,320 --> 01:25:22,599 Speaker 1: the person behind it, and for them to be as genuine, 1643 01:25:22,600 --> 01:25:24,479 Speaker 1: sincere and wonderful as Michael as you've met him, so 1644 01:25:24,520 --> 01:25:26,679 Speaker 1: you know what he's like. I was really blown away 1645 01:25:26,720 --> 01:25:28,479 Speaker 1: by that. I was just blown away by that vision 1646 01:25:29,240 --> 01:25:33,959 Speaker 1: and having spent hours and years meditating in the monastery 1647 01:25:34,000 --> 01:25:38,920 Speaker 1: and then meditating afterwards. I've always wanted to share meditation 1648 01:25:39,160 --> 01:25:42,280 Speaker 1: at scale with the world. I think it's a habit 1649 01:25:42,840 --> 01:25:46,040 Speaker 1: that eighty to ninety percent of the world's most healthy, wealthy, 1650 01:25:46,080 --> 01:25:49,840 Speaker 1: and successful people live by. So if we could make 1651 01:25:49,920 --> 01:25:53,960 Speaker 1: it accessible, practical, and relevant to each and every person's 1652 01:25:54,120 --> 01:25:58,519 Speaker 1: daily life, can you imagine the transformation that they'll have. 1653 01:25:59,400 --> 01:26:01,200 Speaker 1: And I've prints that as a monk. I saw it 1654 01:26:01,680 --> 01:26:03,760 Speaker 1: for years and years and years. I've seen it. Last year, 1655 01:26:03,920 --> 01:26:08,080 Speaker 1: during the pandemic, I went live for twenty days on 1656 01:26:08,160 --> 01:26:11,840 Speaker 1: Instagram and taught meditation just to everyone and anyone. Because 1657 01:26:12,439 --> 01:26:14,800 Speaker 1: I felt quite inadequate. I was like, I'm not a 1658 01:26:14,880 --> 01:26:19,080 Speaker 1: frontline worker. I can't save lives. I'm not a delivery person. 1659 01:26:19,120 --> 01:26:21,000 Speaker 1: I'm not helping people with their groceries and their food. 1660 01:26:21,000 --> 01:26:22,760 Speaker 1: I was like, what can I offer? And I thought, well, 1661 01:26:22,840 --> 01:26:25,080 Speaker 1: maybe if people are going to have a minute of 1662 01:26:25,160 --> 01:26:27,519 Speaker 1: peace and calm, then that might be worth it. And 1663 01:26:27,600 --> 01:26:29,720 Speaker 1: across forty days, I end up doing fourteen instead of 1664 01:26:29,720 --> 01:26:32,519 Speaker 1: twenty across forty days with twenty million people tune in, 1665 01:26:33,040 --> 01:26:35,120 Speaker 1: and it was just so mind blowing to me and 1666 01:26:35,479 --> 01:26:38,559 Speaker 1: most of the people were saying they'd never meditated before, 1667 01:26:39,320 --> 01:26:41,240 Speaker 1: and I thought to myself, how beautiful that was. And 1668 01:26:41,320 --> 01:26:43,040 Speaker 1: one of the biggest piece of feedback I get from 1669 01:26:43,040 --> 01:26:45,120 Speaker 1: my audiences, Well, Jay, we want to meditate with you 1670 01:26:45,160 --> 01:26:48,080 Speaker 1: every day. Why can't we keep doing that? And I 1671 01:26:48,240 --> 01:26:51,520 Speaker 1: was like, Wow, those forty days of live meditations were 1672 01:26:51,640 --> 01:26:53,760 Speaker 1: really intense and a lot of work went into them. 1673 01:26:54,439 --> 01:26:57,679 Speaker 1: So I wanted a home for where I could share 1674 01:26:57,800 --> 01:27:03,360 Speaker 1: meditation every single day, a new piece of meditation insight 1675 01:27:03,880 --> 01:27:06,679 Speaker 1: that each and every single person could build a daily 1676 01:27:06,760 --> 01:27:11,160 Speaker 1: habit every day of seven minutes a day. You're going 1677 01:27:11,200 --> 01:27:13,040 Speaker 1: to do seven minutes a day, every day, seven minutes 1678 01:27:13,040 --> 01:27:14,920 Speaker 1: a day, every day, five days a week, five days 1679 01:27:14,960 --> 01:27:17,200 Speaker 1: a week, not weekends. You get days off. Everyone gets 1680 01:27:17,200 --> 01:27:18,840 Speaker 1: two days off. You don't have to meditate on the weekends. 1681 01:27:18,840 --> 01:27:20,639 Speaker 1: You can sleep in, but you're going to You've recorded 1682 01:27:20,640 --> 01:27:25,720 Speaker 1: a meditation in camp. We haven't recorded all again, we 1683 01:27:25,760 --> 01:27:27,760 Speaker 1: haven't recorded all of them because they're fresh and they're moving, 1684 01:27:27,840 --> 01:27:30,320 Speaker 1: and they're based on my weekly inspiration, so we record 1685 01:27:30,400 --> 01:27:32,360 Speaker 1: them monthly. Nice, So we record them monthly. So I've 1686 01:27:32,400 --> 01:27:34,800 Speaker 1: recorded for the next month ahead because I have to, 1687 01:27:34,880 --> 01:27:38,120 Speaker 1: because everyone's going to need them. But I'm basing it 1688 01:27:38,200 --> 01:27:39,960 Speaker 1: on like what my inspiration is that week and what 1689 01:27:40,040 --> 01:27:42,000 Speaker 1: my day is that week. But it's a seven minute meditation, 1690 01:27:42,280 --> 01:27:44,759 Speaker 1: and I truly believe that everyone can find seven minutes. 1691 01:27:45,560 --> 01:27:48,000 Speaker 1: And if everyone could just find seven minutes in their 1692 01:27:48,080 --> 01:27:49,920 Speaker 1: day in their calendar, as I said that they put 1693 01:27:49,960 --> 01:27:53,439 Speaker 1: aside for themselves, I believe in those seven minutes, everyone 1694 01:27:53,479 --> 01:27:56,280 Speaker 1: could build a beautiful habit. Now, the difference with our 1695 01:27:56,360 --> 01:27:59,880 Speaker 1: meditation is that the meditations we've created, we believe that 1696 01:28:00,080 --> 01:28:04,040 Speaker 1: meditations that inspire action. So all of them are not 1697 01:28:04,160 --> 01:28:07,280 Speaker 1: just sitting there on your own with yourself breathing. They're 1698 01:28:07,400 --> 01:28:10,800 Speaker 1: interconnected with a change in your daily behavior. So each 1699 01:28:10,840 --> 01:28:12,920 Speaker 1: and every single one of them have a takeaway, have 1700 01:28:13,040 --> 01:28:15,840 Speaker 1: an insight that you can go and apply no matter 1701 01:28:15,960 --> 01:28:18,720 Speaker 1: what you do across the world. So the goal is 1702 01:28:18,760 --> 01:28:22,360 Speaker 1: where meditation meets action, where meditation can actually help you 1703 01:28:23,080 --> 01:28:25,840 Speaker 1: change how you feel that day through your real life. 1704 01:28:26,200 --> 01:28:28,519 Speaker 1: And so why I chose Calm Words, I wanted a home. 1705 01:28:29,160 --> 01:28:31,760 Speaker 1: I wanted to work with Michael and the team who 1706 01:28:31,800 --> 01:28:36,160 Speaker 1: I just believe are dreaming beautifully about how to bring 1707 01:28:36,240 --> 01:28:39,320 Speaker 1: meditation to the world. And so sincerely and genuinely care 1708 01:28:39,439 --> 01:28:43,240 Speaker 1: about each and every person. And I just love how 1709 01:28:45,080 --> 01:28:49,240 Speaker 1: I would say, I love how universally they approach meditation. 1710 01:28:50,040 --> 01:28:55,400 Speaker 1: I think they approach meditation in this universal, expansive, abundant 1711 01:28:55,479 --> 01:28:59,639 Speaker 1: mindset way, which makes story be a part of meditation, 1712 01:29:00,120 --> 01:29:02,360 Speaker 1: which makes visualization be a part of meditation. And that's 1713 01:29:02,360 --> 01:29:04,200 Speaker 1: how I was trained in meditation as a monk. So 1714 01:29:04,520 --> 01:29:07,599 Speaker 1: it feels very philosophically aligned as well. You know, you've 1715 01:29:07,640 --> 01:29:11,960 Speaker 1: done so much, and really from what I observed, even 1716 01:29:12,600 --> 01:29:15,680 Speaker 1: you really started in two thousand and i'd say the 1717 01:29:16,160 --> 01:29:18,320 Speaker 1: sort of external social media content channel he started in 1718 01:29:18,360 --> 01:29:21,479 Speaker 1: two thousand and sixteen. Yes, that is mad. That is mad. 1719 01:29:21,560 --> 01:29:25,920 Speaker 1: You've gone from two thou sixteen making your first content 1720 01:29:26,040 --> 01:29:29,200 Speaker 1: to ruin two and twenty two now just and you're 1721 01:29:29,240 --> 01:29:33,919 Speaker 1: this global household name as it relates to content, self improvement, meditation, 1722 01:29:34,000 --> 01:29:36,680 Speaker 1: all of these topics. Right, that's a short period of 1723 01:29:36,760 --> 01:29:39,320 Speaker 1: time when you look back and you try and connect 1724 01:29:39,320 --> 01:29:42,479 Speaker 1: the docks, as Steve Jobs often did, about how Apple 1725 01:29:42,560 --> 01:29:44,679 Speaker 1: came to be in the little moments and the little things, 1726 01:29:45,160 --> 01:29:48,200 Speaker 1: whether it was a moment of good fortune or whether 1727 01:29:48,280 --> 01:29:51,439 Speaker 1: it was something that you have spotted in hindsight and 1728 01:29:51,560 --> 01:29:56,040 Speaker 1: your character, Why was jay Chetty successful in such a 1729 01:29:56,080 --> 01:29:58,280 Speaker 1: short period of time in such a big way. Give 1730 01:29:58,360 --> 01:30:01,080 Speaker 1: me the honest, practical answer. Don't want anything I want 1731 01:30:01,360 --> 01:30:04,400 Speaker 1: why why were you successful? So I'm gonna give you 1732 01:30:04,520 --> 01:30:06,760 Speaker 1: the I'm gonna give you my monk answer, and then 1733 01:30:06,760 --> 01:30:08,719 Speaker 1: I'm gonna give then I'm gonna give the media answer. 1734 01:30:09,160 --> 01:30:11,600 Speaker 1: So and I live by both, right, like you have to. 1735 01:30:11,680 --> 01:30:13,240 Speaker 1: You have to see things as both. And that's why 1736 01:30:13,240 --> 01:30:17,320 Speaker 1: I love my monk answer is I was really fortunate 1737 01:30:17,600 --> 01:30:20,320 Speaker 1: to meet incredible people when I was young. I met 1738 01:30:20,320 --> 01:30:23,799 Speaker 1: a few people that absolutely transform my life. I'm eternally 1739 01:30:23,840 --> 01:30:26,640 Speaker 1: indebted to them, grateful to them, and I owe it 1740 01:30:26,720 --> 01:30:28,679 Speaker 1: all to them, and so I give all my success 1741 01:30:28,760 --> 01:30:32,280 Speaker 1: to them, you know, without meeting those amazing mentors and 1742 01:30:32,439 --> 01:30:36,320 Speaker 1: those phenomenal thought leaders and thinkers who are not famous, 1743 01:30:36,360 --> 01:30:39,040 Speaker 1: who are not known, who are not present like they're 1744 01:30:39,040 --> 01:30:41,120 Speaker 1: not they're not in the social media world, they're not 1745 01:30:41,320 --> 01:30:45,200 Speaker 1: big names or whatever. Those people, you know, those people, 1746 01:30:45,720 --> 01:30:47,479 Speaker 1: If I never met them, none of this would have happened. 1747 01:30:47,479 --> 01:30:49,000 Speaker 1: And I can see that's the emotion in your face 1748 01:30:49,040 --> 01:30:51,960 Speaker 1: when you say this. Yeah, I just I really, you know, 1749 01:30:52,040 --> 01:30:56,160 Speaker 1: we skipped it earlier, but I just feel like the 1750 01:30:56,360 --> 01:31:00,120 Speaker 1: gratitude that I have for people who saw potential in 1751 01:31:00,240 --> 01:31:04,400 Speaker 1: me when I didn't see it in myself. That is 1752 01:31:04,479 --> 01:31:06,840 Speaker 1: just the greatest gift you can give to someone. Like 1753 01:31:07,040 --> 01:31:09,600 Speaker 1: I today have self awareness and I have confidence and 1754 01:31:09,680 --> 01:31:12,400 Speaker 1: I know who I am, and I wasn't always like that, 1755 01:31:12,600 --> 01:31:15,360 Speaker 1: Like there were tons of years where I was insecure, 1756 01:31:15,520 --> 01:31:18,519 Speaker 1: and you know, I was bullied for being overweight, and 1757 01:31:18,640 --> 01:31:21,080 Speaker 1: I was bullied for being the only Indian at school, 1758 01:31:21,200 --> 01:31:23,120 Speaker 1: and there was so much like baggage to do with 1759 01:31:23,320 --> 01:31:27,280 Speaker 1: just my body language I used and all this kind 1760 01:31:27,320 --> 01:31:30,840 Speaker 1: of stuff. And to have someone noticed that you may 1761 01:31:30,960 --> 01:31:34,600 Speaker 1: have something, I mean, you've had that and that is 1762 01:31:34,680 --> 01:31:36,960 Speaker 1: just you. You like, honor that person for the rest 1763 01:31:37,000 --> 01:31:38,439 Speaker 1: of your life. And the best thing is those people 1764 01:31:38,479 --> 01:31:40,760 Speaker 1: don't even want it. So you know, the best thing 1765 01:31:40,800 --> 01:31:42,800 Speaker 1: about all of this is the people they are not going, oh, yeah, 1766 01:31:42,840 --> 01:31:45,360 Speaker 1: we did that. They're actually saying no, no, no, it's 1767 01:31:45,400 --> 01:31:47,720 Speaker 1: not us, like it's you. And I think that's the 1768 01:31:47,800 --> 01:31:50,080 Speaker 1: beauty of that. So I have to say that it's 1769 01:31:50,120 --> 01:31:53,679 Speaker 1: important that I share that answer, not because I'm trying 1770 01:31:53,720 --> 01:31:57,280 Speaker 1: to give a more strategic answer, but I think it's 1771 01:31:57,320 --> 01:31:59,720 Speaker 1: important because it is a big part of it, and 1772 01:32:00,000 --> 01:32:01,200 Speaker 1: so that would be the monks that I met, it 1773 01:32:01,240 --> 01:32:02,680 Speaker 1: would be the coaches that I met, the guys that 1774 01:32:02,760 --> 01:32:06,120 Speaker 1: I met. Looking at it from a very practical strategic standpoint, 1775 01:32:06,200 --> 01:32:10,400 Speaker 1: shifting now, my parents forced me to go to public 1776 01:32:10,520 --> 01:32:13,080 Speaker 1: speaking and drama school when I was eleven years old, 1777 01:32:14,160 --> 01:32:16,960 Speaker 1: and I really didn't want to go because I was shy, 1778 01:32:17,720 --> 01:32:20,120 Speaker 1: I was unconfident, I was insecure about being on stage 1779 01:32:20,240 --> 01:32:22,559 Speaker 1: or being in a public setting. I actually loved acting 1780 01:32:22,600 --> 01:32:24,600 Speaker 1: growing up. I really enjoyed acting and doing theater and 1781 01:32:24,680 --> 01:32:27,280 Speaker 1: things like that where I was playing another character, but 1782 01:32:27,400 --> 01:32:30,240 Speaker 1: being myself on stage that was the last thing I 1783 01:32:30,320 --> 01:32:32,240 Speaker 1: wanted to do. And my parents saw that, and they 1784 01:32:32,240 --> 01:32:34,360 Speaker 1: saw that as something that I should work on. So 1785 01:32:34,479 --> 01:32:37,640 Speaker 1: they forced me and my school to enroll me in 1786 01:32:37,720 --> 01:32:41,080 Speaker 1: a public speaking course. So from the age of eleven 1787 01:32:41,400 --> 01:32:44,559 Speaker 1: through to the age of eighteen, for three hours a day, 1788 01:32:44,680 --> 01:32:46,920 Speaker 1: three days a week, so nine hours a week for 1789 01:32:47,200 --> 01:32:50,720 Speaker 1: seven years, I went to public speaking school. Really for 1790 01:32:51,040 --> 01:32:54,120 Speaker 1: seven years of my life, I went to public speaking school. 1791 01:32:54,600 --> 01:32:56,760 Speaker 1: So when I look back at my ability to communicate, 1792 01:32:56,800 --> 01:32:59,320 Speaker 1: my ability to understand ideas, and by the way, public 1793 01:32:59,320 --> 01:33:02,360 Speaker 1: speaking school is examination based too, so we had exams 1794 01:33:02,400 --> 01:33:04,559 Speaker 1: where they would give you a topic fifteen minutes before. 1795 01:33:05,000 --> 01:33:06,960 Speaker 1: You have fifteen minutes to research a topic from the 1796 01:33:07,000 --> 01:33:08,680 Speaker 1: books in the room that they give you because there 1797 01:33:08,760 --> 01:33:10,840 Speaker 1: was no smartphone at the time when we were eleven 1798 01:33:10,880 --> 01:33:13,320 Speaker 1: twelve years old, and you'd have to create a speech 1799 01:33:13,360 --> 01:33:15,200 Speaker 1: in fifteen minutes about that subject from the books that 1800 01:33:15,280 --> 01:33:17,240 Speaker 1: were in the room. You had to read from a 1801 01:33:17,280 --> 01:33:19,240 Speaker 1: book that you'd never read before. They'd pick a random 1802 01:33:19,280 --> 01:33:20,800 Speaker 1: page and they'd ask you to read it out. So 1803 01:33:21,120 --> 01:33:22,840 Speaker 1: the examination of a public and this was at the 1804 01:33:22,960 --> 01:33:25,320 Speaker 1: London Academy of Music, Drama and Arts, it's called Lambda, 1805 01:33:26,200 --> 01:33:29,040 Speaker 1: and that's where I studied for seven years. So that's 1806 01:33:29,080 --> 01:33:32,280 Speaker 1: a very strategic skill set that I had the time 1807 01:33:32,320 --> 01:33:34,920 Speaker 1: to develop thanks to my parents, you know, like without 1808 01:33:34,960 --> 01:33:36,799 Speaker 1: my parents that none of that would have ever happened. 1809 01:33:37,200 --> 01:33:39,000 Speaker 1: And I think that's a big part of why people 1810 01:33:39,439 --> 01:33:42,600 Speaker 1: hopefully appreciate how I communicate ideas because I've spent a 1811 01:33:42,640 --> 01:33:46,439 Speaker 1: lot of time understanding communication. But when I was eighteen, 1812 01:33:46,439 --> 01:33:48,800 Speaker 1: I had nothing to talk about. So even though I 1813 01:33:48,840 --> 01:33:50,680 Speaker 1: had all these tools and skills, I didn't really use 1814 01:33:50,800 --> 01:33:53,439 Speaker 1: them because I didn't care about anything. So sure I 1815 01:33:53,520 --> 01:33:56,280 Speaker 1: gave a good presentation at university and work experience and 1816 01:33:56,360 --> 01:33:59,600 Speaker 1: an internship, but it was never something that brought me 1817 01:33:59,640 --> 01:34:02,400 Speaker 1: to life. And so then when I met the monks 1818 01:34:02,720 --> 01:34:05,000 Speaker 1: and I got an opportunity to study the Vaders, which 1819 01:34:05,000 --> 01:34:07,680 Speaker 1: are five thousand years old, and again we were put 1820 01:34:07,720 --> 01:34:10,799 Speaker 1: through rigorous study. We sat down, we had to learn verses, 1821 01:34:10,840 --> 01:34:14,840 Speaker 1: we had to analyze purports, commentaries on ancient scriptures, We 1822 01:34:14,920 --> 01:34:18,040 Speaker 1: had to do comparative analysis of religions and tradition. Like 1823 01:34:18,280 --> 01:34:20,400 Speaker 1: when I was a monk. We were massively trained in 1824 01:34:20,479 --> 01:34:24,080 Speaker 1: philosophical analysis, and that to me gave me a real 1825 01:34:24,160 --> 01:34:26,240 Speaker 1: strength and confidence in these ideas. So some of the 1826 01:34:26,320 --> 01:34:29,240 Speaker 1: ideas I present today that may sound simple, they're based 1827 01:34:29,280 --> 01:34:32,760 Speaker 1: on these really ancient, deep truths that I've had the 1828 01:34:32,920 --> 01:34:37,200 Speaker 1: time to grapple with the greats who really understand them. 1829 01:34:37,800 --> 01:34:39,840 Speaker 1: So that to me is a big benefit I've had 1830 01:34:39,920 --> 01:34:46,480 Speaker 1: where I've had three years of complete dedication to studying philosophy, 1831 01:34:46,760 --> 01:34:50,639 Speaker 1: and not just studying the intellectual areas, but the practical 1832 01:34:50,680 --> 01:34:53,320 Speaker 1: and the applicable areas as well. So thanks to my 1833 01:34:53,400 --> 01:34:56,280 Speaker 1: monk teachers who gave me there. And then when I 1834 01:34:56,360 --> 01:34:59,320 Speaker 1: went to accenture where people were like JU was just 1835 01:34:59,400 --> 01:35:01,080 Speaker 1: a monk, Why did you go to accenture. I had 1836 01:35:01,080 --> 01:35:02,840 Speaker 1: to pay the bills. I couldn't rely my parents, and 1837 01:35:03,280 --> 01:35:04,920 Speaker 1: you know, my parents are not wealthy that they could 1838 01:35:04,920 --> 01:35:07,960 Speaker 1: pay my way through life, and I moved back into 1839 01:35:08,000 --> 01:35:10,479 Speaker 1: their I moved back into my childhood bedroom. When I 1840 01:35:10,600 --> 01:35:14,040 Speaker 1: was twenty six, living with my parents with twenty five 1841 01:35:14,760 --> 01:35:17,720 Speaker 1: eighteen thousand pounds worth of debt and just feeling that, 1842 01:35:18,720 --> 01:35:19,960 Speaker 1: you know, I was like, what do I do now? 1843 01:35:20,479 --> 01:35:24,120 Speaker 1: And I applied to forty companies that would have given 1844 01:35:24,160 --> 01:35:26,160 Speaker 1: me a job. I'm a first class honors degree student, 1845 01:35:26,200 --> 01:35:29,400 Speaker 1: I'm a straight A student, and I was rejected from 1846 01:35:29,439 --> 01:35:32,080 Speaker 1: forty companies because, surprise, surprise, no one wanted to hire 1847 01:35:32,120 --> 01:35:34,840 Speaker 1: a monk. So everyone goes, what are your transferable skills? 1848 01:35:34,880 --> 01:35:37,160 Speaker 1: Sitting quietly and sitting on the floor like no one 1849 01:35:37,280 --> 01:35:39,799 Speaker 1: needs that. So forty companies say no to me. Excentia 1850 01:35:39,840 --> 01:35:43,120 Speaker 1: finally give me a shot, and I meet someone called 1851 01:35:43,160 --> 01:35:45,479 Speaker 1: Thomas Power. And Thomas Power I don't know if you 1852 01:35:45,479 --> 01:35:48,559 Speaker 1: ever met him. Actually he's London based. He started up 1853 01:35:48,600 --> 01:35:51,560 Speaker 1: like an early LinkedIn kind of version called Academy, and 1854 01:35:51,680 --> 01:35:54,439 Speaker 1: he's very networked in London in the business space. Definitely 1855 01:35:54,479 --> 01:35:57,479 Speaker 1: want to introduce you guys. He's awesome and he was 1856 01:35:57,560 --> 01:35:59,880 Speaker 1: brought in by Accentia to train us in social media 1857 01:36:00,680 --> 01:36:03,280 Speaker 1: and train us in this new wave of this new 1858 01:36:03,360 --> 01:36:06,160 Speaker 1: thing that was happening. And it's really interesting because we've 1859 01:36:06,200 --> 01:36:07,600 Speaker 1: talked about it, me and him many times. I'm going 1860 01:36:07,640 --> 01:36:10,200 Speaker 1: to have him on my podcast soon. And I realized that. 1861 01:36:10,200 --> 01:36:11,679 Speaker 1: I was like, you didn't really teach me much about 1862 01:36:11,680 --> 01:36:15,439 Speaker 1: social media, but you've really taught me about breaking my mindset. 1863 01:36:15,479 --> 01:36:17,560 Speaker 1: And he would always repeat Napoleon Hill, You'd become what 1864 01:36:17,680 --> 01:36:19,639 Speaker 1: you think about, and he'd always tell me that. I'd 1865 01:36:19,640 --> 01:36:21,960 Speaker 1: be like, keep saying that to yourself, and I'd keep 1866 01:36:21,960 --> 01:36:23,719 Speaker 1: saying that to myself. And you've become what you think about, 1867 01:36:23,720 --> 01:36:25,439 Speaker 1: you become And I was like, oh, what am I thinking? 1868 01:36:25,439 --> 01:36:27,240 Speaker 1: Abou I'm not thinking about anything, So what am I 1869 01:36:27,280 --> 01:36:29,840 Speaker 1: going to become? Nothing? And it was just really interesting. 1870 01:36:29,880 --> 01:36:31,280 Speaker 1: And so he would give me these little tools and 1871 01:36:31,360 --> 01:36:34,480 Speaker 1: little things to play with. He had another one called ours, 1872 01:36:34,560 --> 01:36:37,479 Speaker 1: which he would say that successful people have to be open, random, 1873 01:36:37,520 --> 01:36:41,759 Speaker 1: and supportive, and he'd say that most unsuccessful people are closed, 1874 01:36:41,960 --> 01:36:45,720 Speaker 1: selective and controlling CSC. And he was saying that when 1875 01:36:45,800 --> 01:36:48,880 Speaker 1: you live in a CSC mindset, you limit your growth. 1876 01:36:49,360 --> 01:36:52,000 Speaker 1: But when you live in an ours mindset, open, random, 1877 01:36:52,040 --> 01:36:54,559 Speaker 1: and supportive, you expand your growth. So you would encourage 1878 01:36:54,560 --> 01:36:56,960 Speaker 1: me to be open with strangers on Twitter. He'd encourage 1879 01:36:56,960 --> 01:36:58,600 Speaker 1: me to be open with random people would meet at 1880 01:36:58,600 --> 01:37:01,480 Speaker 1: a conference, and he would just training me in behaviors 1881 01:37:01,520 --> 01:37:04,479 Speaker 1: and mindsets. It wasn't like how to post and what 1882 01:37:04,640 --> 01:37:06,800 Speaker 1: time to post, and this is how you make It 1883 01:37:06,920 --> 01:37:09,200 Speaker 1: wasn't how to make something go viral like that wasn't it. 1884 01:37:09,320 --> 01:37:11,840 Speaker 1: It was how to engage, how to push your comfort zone, 1885 01:37:11,880 --> 01:37:14,360 Speaker 1: how to challenge your fear. Why are you so uncomfortable 1886 01:37:14,439 --> 01:37:16,680 Speaker 1: to walk up to that person and tweet them? You know, 1887 01:37:16,840 --> 01:37:19,640 Speaker 1: all of those kind of things. And I saw that. 1888 01:37:19,760 --> 01:37:22,760 Speaker 1: My mind just became just open to the idea. So 1889 01:37:22,800 --> 01:37:24,840 Speaker 1: he always told me, you're an entrepreneur. I'd be like, no, 1890 01:37:24,920 --> 01:37:26,559 Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm not. I'm meant to work for someone. 1891 01:37:27,040 --> 01:37:29,599 Speaker 1: And so he would keep pushing me until I'd get 1892 01:37:29,600 --> 01:37:31,160 Speaker 1: really angry with him, like you don't even know who 1893 01:37:31,160 --> 01:37:34,360 Speaker 1: I am. Only for me to realize he saw something 1894 01:37:34,400 --> 01:37:36,840 Speaker 1: in me that I never saw. And then I'd say, 1895 01:37:36,920 --> 01:37:39,880 Speaker 1: from there on, that's kind of what gets me to 1896 01:37:39,920 --> 01:37:42,120 Speaker 1: the beginning of it. I would say that for ten 1897 01:37:42,280 --> 01:37:46,760 Speaker 1: years before twenty and sixteen, I was making content and 1898 01:37:46,960 --> 01:37:50,240 Speaker 1: delivering it in small venues in London. So I had 1899 01:37:50,280 --> 01:37:53,760 Speaker 1: an event in London at university called Think out Loud. 1900 01:37:54,240 --> 01:37:57,560 Speaker 1: Every single week, I would design a poster on photoshop. 1901 01:37:57,640 --> 01:37:59,960 Speaker 1: I taught myself photoshop, and I would make a post 1902 01:38:00,479 --> 01:38:04,200 Speaker 1: and I would talk about a movie from a philosophical, psychological, 1903 01:38:04,280 --> 01:38:07,040 Speaker 1: and spiritual perspective. So I'd take a movie like Inception 1904 01:38:07,360 --> 01:38:10,160 Speaker 1: and I'd break it down, and ten students would come 1905 01:38:10,200 --> 01:38:12,720 Speaker 1: every week. And then I'd teach meditation, which I'd learned 1906 01:38:12,720 --> 01:38:14,760 Speaker 1: from the monks, and then twenty students would come. And 1907 01:38:14,800 --> 01:38:16,800 Speaker 1: then by the time I finished university, a hundred people 1908 01:38:16,840 --> 01:38:19,519 Speaker 1: came every single week to hear me break down. And 1909 01:38:19,600 --> 01:38:22,080 Speaker 1: this was no followers. The events were free. I was 1910 01:38:22,160 --> 01:38:24,800 Speaker 1: preparing for free, doing everything for free, and I loved 1911 01:38:24,840 --> 01:38:26,920 Speaker 1: it and I got so much joy. And then afterwards, 1912 01:38:27,000 --> 01:38:29,680 Speaker 1: when I was at Accenture, I ran an event in 1913 01:38:29,800 --> 01:38:33,400 Speaker 1: London called Conscious Living and it was just it was 1914 01:38:33,400 --> 01:38:35,120 Speaker 1: an event which was probably like five pounds on a 1915 01:38:35,160 --> 01:38:38,400 Speaker 1: Friday night, and again I was teaching philosophy, spirituality and meditation, 1916 01:38:39,160 --> 01:38:41,040 Speaker 1: and I was lucky. If five people turned up, it 1917 01:38:41,080 --> 01:38:43,280 Speaker 1: wasn't university anymore where you could go and deck the 1918 01:38:43,800 --> 01:38:46,880 Speaker 1: halls with flyers and posters in the common room in 1919 01:38:46,920 --> 01:38:49,240 Speaker 1: the community area. So we'd get like five to ten 1920 01:38:49,280 --> 01:38:52,000 Speaker 1: people every Friday night, paying five to ten quidge just 1921 01:38:52,080 --> 01:38:54,360 Speaker 1: for the food that we gave and the posters that 1922 01:38:54,400 --> 01:38:57,280 Speaker 1: we made, just to cover the costs. So for ten years, 1923 01:38:57,360 --> 01:39:06,720 Speaker 1: before I ever made a piece of content online, I've practiced, rehearsed, experimented, grappled, 1924 01:39:07,600 --> 01:39:10,599 Speaker 1: challenged these ideas again and again and again and again 1925 01:39:10,640 --> 01:39:13,719 Speaker 1: and again, without any followers, without any money, and without 1926 01:39:13,720 --> 01:39:15,400 Speaker 1: anything else coming from it apart from the fact that 1927 01:39:15,439 --> 01:39:17,479 Speaker 1: I love it. I love the idea of reading a 1928 01:39:17,520 --> 01:39:19,800 Speaker 1: book and trying to make it relevant. So I would 1929 01:39:19,840 --> 01:39:21,880 Speaker 1: say that the biggest reason is because I've done this 1930 01:39:22,040 --> 01:39:24,920 Speaker 1: for ten years offline before it ever went online. So 1931 01:39:25,000 --> 01:39:26,560 Speaker 1: I've been doing it for like sixteen years, and that 1932 01:39:26,600 --> 01:39:30,200 Speaker 1: doesn't count the eleven year old public speaking classes. It's 1933 01:39:30,240 --> 01:39:32,840 Speaker 1: really there's something really beautiful about that because I think 1934 01:39:32,880 --> 01:39:35,760 Speaker 1: it gives a sense of it's incredibly inspiring, but it 1935 01:39:35,840 --> 01:39:38,240 Speaker 1: also gives a sense of peace to people who are 1936 01:39:38,240 --> 01:39:39,800 Speaker 1: at a stage in their journey where they sat on 1937 01:39:39,840 --> 01:39:42,400 Speaker 1: the phones in a call center selling I don't know, 1938 01:39:42,520 --> 01:39:46,160 Speaker 1: double glazing like I was, and they're thinking this is 1939 01:39:46,200 --> 01:39:49,599 Speaker 1: a waste of time. They're thinking picking up this phone 1940 01:39:49,600 --> 01:39:51,800 Speaker 1: and trying to persuade Margaret to buy some windows is 1941 01:39:51,840 --> 01:39:55,360 Speaker 1: a waste of time and it's not serving where I 1942 01:39:55,439 --> 01:39:57,280 Speaker 1: want to go. And it's only in hindsight when you 1943 01:39:57,280 --> 01:39:59,200 Speaker 1: speak to people like yourself, where you hear about Steve 1944 01:39:59,240 --> 01:40:01,839 Speaker 1: Jobs Journey, or really anybody that sits aron this podcast 1945 01:40:01,960 --> 01:40:04,400 Speaker 1: New Yeah, like those are some of the most unbelievably 1946 01:40:04,479 --> 01:40:08,479 Speaker 1: formative and most pivotal experiences as it relates to the 1947 01:40:08,640 --> 01:40:10,680 Speaker 1: thing you will go on to do, and you never 1948 01:40:10,760 --> 01:40:12,280 Speaker 1: know when that's going to happen, right, You never know 1949 01:40:12,439 --> 01:40:16,759 Speaker 1: when opportunity is going to meet preparation in your life totally. 1950 01:40:16,920 --> 01:40:18,960 Speaker 1: And that also speaks to something you said earlier, which 1951 01:40:19,000 --> 01:40:20,960 Speaker 1: is it's about the mindset you have when you're doing 1952 01:40:21,000 --> 01:40:23,800 Speaker 1: those things. And if you believe, I think, if you 1953 01:40:23,920 --> 01:40:26,120 Speaker 1: believe that sitting on that phone is going to be 1954 01:40:26,160 --> 01:40:29,360 Speaker 1: the rest of your life forever, you're increasing the chances 1955 01:40:29,400 --> 01:40:31,200 Speaker 1: of that being the case. And I'm not putting down 1956 01:40:31,200 --> 01:40:32,800 Speaker 1: people that do call center jobs. It's actually one of 1957 01:40:32,800 --> 01:40:35,360 Speaker 1: myne one of my favorite and the job I did 1958 01:40:35,400 --> 01:40:38,599 Speaker 1: the longest. But I just think that's such an important 1959 01:40:38,640 --> 01:40:41,639 Speaker 1: mindset shift that can inspire and not to demotivate. Yeah, 1960 01:40:41,640 --> 01:40:42,920 Speaker 1: I think we have to look at our life as 1961 01:40:42,960 --> 01:40:46,160 Speaker 1: a series of things that add up each other, rather 1962 01:40:46,240 --> 01:40:48,360 Speaker 1: than like this is a waste, this is a waste, 1963 01:40:48,400 --> 01:40:50,360 Speaker 1: and that's not a waste. And by the way, you 1964 01:40:50,439 --> 01:40:53,560 Speaker 1: said call center that sparked memory. I had a internship 1965 01:40:53,600 --> 01:40:56,639 Speaker 1: when I was sixteen years old at the Business Design 1966 01:40:56,720 --> 01:40:59,759 Speaker 1: Center in angel And I was working for a company 1967 01:40:59,800 --> 01:41:04,800 Speaker 1: called Upper Street Events that sold events space two companies 1968 01:41:04,960 --> 01:41:08,160 Speaker 1: for these big exhibitions and events that happen in the venue. 1969 01:41:08,760 --> 01:41:15,639 Speaker 1: And I remember at sixteen having to call up Nissan, BMW, VW, Audi, Vauxhall, etc. 1970 01:41:16,040 --> 01:41:18,400 Speaker 1: Because they're doing a big car exhibition. Now, by the way, 1971 01:41:18,439 --> 01:41:20,920 Speaker 1: I was a sixteen year old kid who didn't really 1972 01:41:20,960 --> 01:41:22,800 Speaker 1: know I was doing, but the people trained me really 1973 01:41:22,840 --> 01:41:26,120 Speaker 1: well and would I was cold calling. And I completely 1974 01:41:26,120 --> 01:41:28,280 Speaker 1: agree with you. I think that gave me so much 1975 01:41:28,400 --> 01:41:30,200 Speaker 1: confidence to be able to pick up the phone to 1976 01:41:30,320 --> 01:41:33,200 Speaker 1: anyone and everyone, to tweet anyone and everyone, to DM 1977 01:41:33,320 --> 01:41:36,080 Speaker 1: anyone and everyone. By the way, Krishano Ronaldo has the 1978 01:41:36,160 --> 01:41:39,240 Speaker 1: longest list of dms from me that he's never seen. Right, 1979 01:41:39,320 --> 01:41:41,040 Speaker 1: he has the longest list of dms from me that 1980 01:41:41,080 --> 01:41:42,800 Speaker 1: he's never seen. But I'm hoping that one day he's 1981 01:41:42,800 --> 01:41:44,360 Speaker 1: going to see them and I'm going to get to 1982 01:41:44,400 --> 01:41:46,320 Speaker 1: interview him. And it's the idea of like, I don't 1983 01:41:46,680 --> 01:41:48,360 Speaker 1: I'm not worried if he doesn't see them. I'm not 1984 01:41:48,479 --> 01:41:50,960 Speaker 1: upset if one day he sees thirty dms from me, 1985 01:41:51,560 --> 01:41:53,479 Speaker 1: because I know that that's what it takes, and I'm 1986 01:41:53,520 --> 01:41:56,000 Speaker 1: okay with that. There's no ego that I'm so happy. 1987 01:41:56,200 --> 01:41:58,040 Speaker 1: If Krishana Ranada opened it up and saw, oh, this 1988 01:41:58,120 --> 01:42:01,680 Speaker 1: guy's desperate, I would take that all day, because I 1989 01:42:01,840 --> 01:42:04,000 Speaker 1: think he's a I think he has a phenomenal mind, 1990 01:42:04,320 --> 01:42:06,960 Speaker 1: and I would love to sit down with him what 1991 01:42:07,080 --> 01:42:08,920 Speaker 1: did you lose? Right? But that comes from when you're 1992 01:42:08,960 --> 01:42:11,960 Speaker 1: cold calling in the call center. You learn that mindset 1993 01:42:12,000 --> 01:42:13,920 Speaker 1: of what did I lose if this person said no? 1994 01:42:14,640 --> 01:42:17,479 Speaker 1: And there's three hundred people on this list, and that 1995 01:42:17,640 --> 01:42:19,240 Speaker 1: person might be the one that wants and now and 1996 01:42:19,320 --> 01:42:21,439 Speaker 1: that person might come back around, and you get to 1997 01:42:21,520 --> 01:42:24,560 Speaker 1: develop those skills. So I just I just hope that 1998 01:42:24,680 --> 01:42:27,120 Speaker 1: wherever you are listening to this right now, wherever you're 1999 01:42:27,160 --> 01:42:30,040 Speaker 1: watching it, you just take a moment to realize that 2000 01:42:30,200 --> 01:42:32,640 Speaker 1: that place can teach you everything you need to know 2001 01:42:32,720 --> 01:42:34,840 Speaker 1: about your purpose. And if you just approach it in 2002 01:42:34,920 --> 01:42:37,120 Speaker 1: that way, you're going to walk to work with a 2003 01:42:37,160 --> 01:42:39,400 Speaker 1: pepper in your step and like this energy that's going 2004 01:42:39,439 --> 01:42:42,320 Speaker 1: to be so electric and so magnetic that everyone's going 2005 01:42:42,360 --> 01:42:44,320 Speaker 1: to know what's going on with you. And all it 2006 01:42:44,479 --> 01:42:46,839 Speaker 1: is is that you're looking at life as an addition 2007 01:42:46,960 --> 01:42:50,639 Speaker 1: rather than a subtraction, and you're receiving a completely different way. Right. Yeah, 2008 01:42:51,120 --> 01:42:54,080 Speaker 1: we have a long standing tradition on this podcast where 2009 01:42:54,120 --> 01:42:56,200 Speaker 1: the previous guest writes a question for the next guest 2010 01:42:56,280 --> 01:43:00,479 Speaker 1: in the diary. That's genius additions. But I love it. 2011 01:43:00,600 --> 01:43:02,120 Speaker 1: What the reason why we did it, and I've never 2012 01:43:02,160 --> 01:43:05,080 Speaker 1: really explained this is we want to basically connect the 2013 01:43:05,520 --> 01:43:07,519 Speaker 1: episodes together and the guests together in some way, and 2014 01:43:08,600 --> 01:43:11,960 Speaker 1: by question written in the diaries our way. Um, who 2015 01:43:12,040 --> 01:43:14,799 Speaker 1: came up with that great idea? It's brilliant, It's absolutely fantastic. 2016 01:43:14,800 --> 01:43:17,360 Speaker 1: I'm going to tell my team, I'm not happy with 2017 01:43:17,479 --> 01:43:21,080 Speaker 1: my team from what we were talking about. It's funny 2018 01:43:21,120 --> 01:43:24,000 Speaker 1: can message my team It's funny because this question is 2019 01:43:24,000 --> 01:43:26,479 Speaker 1: actually when I think I asked you already, so I'm 2020 01:43:26,479 --> 01:43:28,360 Speaker 1: gonna ask me another one. Everyone you can pick a big, 2021 01:43:28,400 --> 01:43:31,280 Speaker 1: a random one, can just make one up. So the 2022 01:43:31,360 --> 01:43:38,599 Speaker 1: question asked, what is your definition of true success? I'd 2023 01:43:38,640 --> 01:43:43,200 Speaker 1: say my definition of true success is that there are 2024 01:43:43,240 --> 01:43:47,200 Speaker 1: four important decisions we make in our life, and if 2025 01:43:47,320 --> 01:43:53,600 Speaker 1: you can make every decision intentionally with the desire to 2026 01:43:54,640 --> 01:43:58,600 Speaker 1: learn and serve, then that's all you can do. So 2027 01:43:58,760 --> 01:44:01,160 Speaker 1: the fore most important asions we make in our life 2028 01:44:01,640 --> 01:44:04,960 Speaker 1: are how do I feel about myself, what do I 2029 01:44:05,040 --> 01:44:07,400 Speaker 1: do for money? Who do I give my love to? 2030 01:44:08,320 --> 01:44:10,840 Speaker 1: And how do I serve others? And if you spend 2031 01:44:10,880 --> 01:44:15,479 Speaker 1: your life focusing on intentionally making those choices, then your 2032 01:44:15,520 --> 01:44:18,240 Speaker 1: life is a success because all you can do is 2033 01:44:18,280 --> 01:44:21,120 Speaker 1: try to live intentionally and try to hope that it 2034 01:44:21,200 --> 01:44:25,240 Speaker 1: helps other people. Amen, listen, Jay, I can't thank you 2035 01:44:25,360 --> 01:44:27,240 Speaker 1: enough for coming here and doing this. I know you 2036 01:44:27,360 --> 01:44:31,960 Speaker 1: are very in demand, very very very successful man who's 2037 01:44:32,000 --> 01:44:33,400 Speaker 1: only in the UK for a short period of time, 2038 01:44:33,400 --> 01:44:35,080 Speaker 1: so it's a true honor that you would come here 2039 01:44:35,120 --> 01:44:36,560 Speaker 1: and sit with me and have this conversation for me. 2040 01:44:36,680 --> 01:44:39,479 Speaker 1: You've been a real role model in many many ways, 2041 01:44:39,600 --> 01:44:42,559 Speaker 1: and you know, you've led the way in the content 2042 01:44:42,640 --> 01:44:45,880 Speaker 1: the self development that helping people change their lives domain, 2043 01:44:46,120 --> 01:44:48,040 Speaker 1: especially as someone that comes from the same country as 2044 01:44:48,080 --> 01:44:50,720 Speaker 1: me for the longest time. So I've always looked to 2045 01:44:50,760 --> 01:44:52,400 Speaker 1: you for the last i don't know seven years since 2046 01:44:52,439 --> 01:44:54,639 Speaker 1: i've I've started doing this, and I think your success 2047 01:44:54,840 --> 01:44:57,879 Speaker 1: has propelled and enabled mine from a point of inspiration 2048 01:44:57,960 --> 01:44:59,920 Speaker 1: but also from giving me a blueprint on how to 2049 01:45:00,000 --> 01:45:01,600 Speaker 1: to serve. So I've never got to say that to 2050 01:45:01,640 --> 01:45:02,840 Speaker 1: you before, but i really want to say thank you 2051 01:45:02,920 --> 01:45:05,479 Speaker 1: because that's um. You know, you've helped You're probably the 2052 01:45:05,560 --> 01:45:07,000 Speaker 1: reason I get to help people as well in my 2053 01:45:07,040 --> 01:45:09,000 Speaker 1: own way, So that means you know, it means a 2054 01:45:09,080 --> 01:45:10,320 Speaker 1: ton to me that you'd come here and sit with 2055 01:45:10,439 --> 01:45:13,519 Speaker 1: me and yeah, it's you. That's probably one of the 2056 01:45:13,560 --> 01:45:16,080 Speaker 1: most humbling things anyone's ever said to me. Because I'm 2057 01:45:16,080 --> 01:45:18,040 Speaker 1: a huge fan of the podcast. I think you do 2058 01:45:18,080 --> 01:45:20,879 Speaker 1: an incredible job, and I think you have some amazing 2059 01:45:20,920 --> 01:45:23,560 Speaker 1: guess guests that I've never sat down with or you know, 2060 01:45:23,640 --> 01:45:26,599 Speaker 1: may not be in my rate, my radar or radius, 2061 01:45:26,640 --> 01:45:28,760 Speaker 1: and you've shared things with them that I've just been 2062 01:45:28,800 --> 01:45:32,080 Speaker 1: phenomenal and so when I'm listening and watching, I want 2063 01:45:32,080 --> 01:45:33,320 Speaker 1: to get my hairdcut. Yeah. I was talking to my 2064 01:45:34,080 --> 01:45:35,800 Speaker 1: hairdresser about you, and I was like, oh, I'm going 2065 01:45:35,800 --> 01:45:38,320 Speaker 1: on this podcast tomorrow and you know, and he listens 2066 01:45:38,320 --> 01:45:40,360 Speaker 1: to you as well and knows who you are, and 2067 01:45:41,240 --> 01:45:43,559 Speaker 1: and I was just like yeah, And the easiest thing 2068 01:45:43,600 --> 01:45:45,080 Speaker 1: that came back to me was just yes, even was 2069 01:45:45,080 --> 01:45:46,680 Speaker 1: a really nice guy, Like he's really down to earth, 2070 01:45:46,760 --> 01:45:49,640 Speaker 1: he's really humble, And I find that phenomenal because of 2071 01:45:49,840 --> 01:45:53,479 Speaker 1: your age, because of what you've achieved, I've never felt 2072 01:45:53,600 --> 01:45:57,639 Speaker 1: like even a drop of ego around you. And whether 2073 01:45:57,720 --> 01:46:00,479 Speaker 1: that's in your online presence, whether that's when we met 2074 01:46:00,520 --> 01:46:03,040 Speaker 1: in New York, whether that's on Twitter all those years ago, 2075 01:46:03,080 --> 01:46:06,560 Speaker 1: whether it's today before we were on cameras, and I 2076 01:46:06,720 --> 01:46:09,639 Speaker 1: really appreciate that. I think as monks, we were trained 2077 01:46:10,280 --> 01:46:14,680 Speaker 1: that the most admirable quality in a humanist humility like 2078 01:46:14,800 --> 01:46:17,320 Speaker 1: that was seen as like the if we could say 2079 01:46:17,360 --> 01:46:19,439 Speaker 1: that in the material world, the highest thing about someone 2080 01:46:19,600 --> 01:46:23,439 Speaker 1: is whatever it is. The currency in monk life was humility. 2081 01:46:23,800 --> 01:46:25,600 Speaker 1: And so when I meet people who have humility, I 2082 01:46:26,000 --> 01:46:28,160 Speaker 1: really they're like, they're like the people that I get 2083 01:46:28,200 --> 01:46:30,439 Speaker 1: drawn to the most and you just have it in 2084 01:46:30,479 --> 01:46:33,160 Speaker 1: bags for and I just think you're going to go 2085 01:46:33,240 --> 01:46:36,760 Speaker 1: off and do even more incredible, successful, phenomenal things for 2086 01:46:36,840 --> 01:46:38,920 Speaker 1: the world. And I'm excited to watch. I'm excited to 2087 01:46:39,000 --> 01:46:42,040 Speaker 1: be a fan of a friend, and hopefully we get 2088 01:46:42,080 --> 01:46:44,640 Speaker 1: to do stuff together too. But this was beautiful, man, 2089 01:46:44,720 --> 01:46:46,439 Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Thank thank you for having I 2090 01:46:46,520 --> 01:46:48,960 Speaker 1: wanted to come on. This is beautiful, this brilliant. I 2091 01:46:48,960 --> 01:46:50,360 Speaker 1: hope we do it more and I can't wait to 2092 01:46:50,439 --> 01:46:52,639 Speaker 1: have you one. I'm very exciting now that you're coming 2093 01:46:52,680 --> 01:46:57,760 Speaker 1: to a Lacy, We're gonna have you. Thank you so 2094 01:46:57,960 --> 01:47:00,559 Speaker 1: much for listening to that conversation. Make sure you tag 2095 01:47:00,720 --> 01:47:03,320 Speaker 1: me and Stephen, letting us know what you learned from this, 2096 01:47:03,600 --> 01:47:06,639 Speaker 1: what you took away, maybe something that made you reflect 2097 01:47:06,720 --> 01:47:10,320 Speaker 1: and introspect. And I'll see you again next week. Thanks 2098 01:47:10,360 --> 01:47:10,840 Speaker 1: for listening.