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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime podcast.

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Speaker 2: Host, and we got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 1: Before that, we have a quick two minute break from

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Speaker 1: the sponsors that keep the show a lot. My ex

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Speaker 1: husband left me for my best friend. My sister wants

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Speaker 1: to take revenge. Go the trigger warning for animal abuse.

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Speaker 1: I thirty three female, was in a relationship with my

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Speaker 1: ex husband thirty five male, for twelve years, married for

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Speaker 1: two He was a couple of years ahead of me

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Speaker 1: in high school and we started dating the week before

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Speaker 1: I turned sixteen. For the most part, our relationship was

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Speaker 1: very good, but around college things became stressful. His family

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Speaker 1: was very conservative and I was very liberal. He was

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Speaker 1: a more left leaning moderate, and so it wasn't as

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Speaker 1: much of an issue between us, but there was definitely

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Speaker 1: a lot of sucking it up around some of his

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Speaker 1: family members. By the way, this comes from proft Confused

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Speaker 1: on the Charlotte Debray YouTube subrede it and if you

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Speaker 1: want to submit your own stories, good to the r

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Speaker 1: slash Okay Storytime subred it. So the thing about him

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Speaker 1: was he was a very smart person who just now

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Speaker 1: he ever actually achieved his full potential. For one reason

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Speaker 1: or another. He would have a lot of good ideas,

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Speaker 1: but talk about and did open various businesses, but they

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Speaker 1: would eventually crumble and he'd go back to doing what

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Speaker 1: he always did, work for his parents or within his network.

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Speaker 2: Mmm.

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Speaker 1: He wanted to believe he was better than he was,

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Speaker 1: but he never did anything to actually prove it or

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Speaker 1: be better. You just expected people to recognize his brilliance

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Speaker 1: in advance. He was very charming and charismatic. So it

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Speaker 1: worked when we were in high school and college, not

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Speaker 1: so much afterwards when he entered the workforce.

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Speaker 2: See, I see this because I am similar to this. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: when you answer the workforce, you have to do it

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Speaker 2: in a different way.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Plus, and if you're in a comfortable situation, like you know,

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Speaker 2: I could work for my family, Sawmill, I'd be comfortable.

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Speaker 2: I wouldn't like it, but I'd be comfortable. You gotta

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Speaker 2: put yourself in uncomfortable sit you exactly. Gotta he put

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Speaker 2: himself there, exactly. Yeah, he kind of settled and he

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Speaker 2: was like, people should just think that I'm brilliant and

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Speaker 2: get me the opportunities instead of working or showing value first. Exactly,

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Speaker 2: because you showed value for your brother's podcast for exactly yes,

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Speaker 2: and I rode for free yep, and then now three

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Speaker 2: years look where you're at here.

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Speaker 1: I wanted to go to graduate school as soon as

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Speaker 1: I finished my undergrad work. He insisted it was a

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Speaker 1: terrible idea because I had so many student loans already

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Speaker 1: and I should pay those off before going into more debt.

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Speaker 1: He wanted to move back to his family and work

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Speaker 1: for his mom, and I reluctantly agreed it probably made

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Speaker 1: financial sense. They lived in a very rural area and

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Speaker 1: finding work was difficult, and often I'd have to drive

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Speaker 1: forty five minutes or an hour and a half plus

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Speaker 1: to get to work every day. I didn't have any

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Speaker 1: friends in the area, and the only people I could

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Speaker 1: really spend time with were his family. I did love

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Speaker 1: them despite our differences, especially his dad, but there was

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Speaker 1: a lot of chafing. My dad retired at one point

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Speaker 1: and offered to use some of his pension to pay

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Speaker 1: both mine and my then boyfriend's student loans. I was ecstatic.

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Speaker 1: I've been drowning under over one thousand dollars a month

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Speaker 1: payments and it was literally a lifeline. You're wow, thousand dollars,

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Speaker 1: it's so crazy that your dad offered to pay for

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Speaker 1: both your payments and your boyfriend's loans.

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Speaker 2: I thought it was his.

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Speaker 1: No, it's it's Ope's dad. Wow, he was going to

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Speaker 1: use his pension to pay off Ope's and her boyfriend's

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Speaker 1: student loans.

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Speaker 2: So was chafing me, Like Robbie, Yeah, dude, that is

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Speaker 2: very generous.

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Speaker 1: Once the loans were paid off, I brought up graduate school.

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Speaker 1: I wanted to get my PhD. It was important to me.

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Speaker 1: My boyfriend insisted he didn't want to move, that he

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Speaker 1: had a job here and his family was here, and

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Speaker 1: he couldn't afford our household on his own if I

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Speaker 1: was a full time student. I looked at the universities nearby,

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Speaker 1: but we couldn't afford it, so I agreed to put

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Speaker 1: it on hold until we were more financially stable. I

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Speaker 1: should mention. At the same time all of this was

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Speaker 1: going on, I was writing books. Wanted to be an author,

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Speaker 1: so I was constantly writing short stories, novellas, et cetera,

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Speaker 1: in hopes of one day selling. Traditionally, my boyfriend never

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Speaker 1: read anything I wrote and insisted it was a nepotism

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Speaker 1: game and I never sell something, So it was foolish

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Speaker 1: dream really messed up that he never read anything you wrote, Like,

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Speaker 1: I can't imagine being with a partner who like, never

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Speaker 1: read anything I wrote. Yeah, or like as a person

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Speaker 1: who writes.

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Speaker 2: Or never watch a YouTube video you were on, never

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Speaker 2: came to one of my shows. That's not supporting. He's

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Speaker 2: not supporting you. That's that's what it looks like.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I dang.

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Speaker 2: I support my girlfriend. She got She made me toe

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Speaker 2: bag and I barely take it out because it's so specially.

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Speaker 2: I ruined so many things.

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Speaker 1: You can't take it out.

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Speaker 2: I can't.

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Speaker 1: I kept doing it anyway. I love to write. I

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Speaker 1: met my best friend while writing. I was looking for

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Speaker 1: a translation for something, and she offered to translate it

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Speaker 1: for me. We kept talking after that, and we became

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Speaker 1: very close. She lived in France, and we texted each

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Speaker 1: other ever for hours a day. She kept me company

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Speaker 1: during very long days at work where I had nothing

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Speaker 1: to do but wait for an email or phone to ring.

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Speaker 2: I see you.

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Speaker 1: Because there was no one local I could really be

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Speaker 1: friends with. She became my only real contact that I had.

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Speaker 1: I loved her dearly.

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Speaker 2: Are they in France right now?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: I see you?

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Speaker 1: No? No, the friend lived in France. I don't know

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Speaker 1: if a pie.

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Speaker 2: Still I see you. Okay, Fringe activities are about to happen.

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Speaker 1: Fringe activities. After my boyfriend and I were together for

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Speaker 1: ten years, you were with him for ten years, and

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Speaker 1: he never read any of your writing.

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Speaker 2: He did have the time, he was too busy looking

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Speaker 2: for people to seize opportunities and his potential yikes.

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Speaker 1: We agreed to get married. I invited my best friend

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Speaker 1: to be my maid of honor, and she flew over

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Speaker 1: from France. He still had no money, and because of

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Speaker 1: various tensions with family members, we basically eloped. It was

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Speaker 1: just me, my boyfriend turned husband, his best friend and mine.

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Speaker 1: We went to the courthouse, exchanged private vows separately at

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Speaker 1: a park and for a lovely long walk across a

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Speaker 1: beautiful bridge, and at sushi for dinner. It was lovely

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Speaker 1: at the time, barely costing more than a few hundred dollars,

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Speaker 1: though in retrospect I do miss the fact I never

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Speaker 1: got a proper wedding, and wonder if the lack of

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Speaker 1: care leading up to it meant more than it seemed

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Speaker 1: at the time. His mother, who knew all about this

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Speaker 1: in advance, did not agree. She refused to speak or

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Speaker 1: see me afterwards because of the disrespect. She never told

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Speaker 1: us she didn't approve of us getting eloped, but she

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Speaker 1: blamed me for the wedding anyway. While we did interact afterwards,

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Speaker 1: it was always very strained and even worse than it

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Speaker 1: had been before, always subtle digs in clear signs she

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Speaker 1: did not like me, despite me being in their family

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Speaker 1: and living by them for over a decade. At this point,

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Speaker 1: my husband respected her opinion greatly, so her lack of

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Speaker 1: affection only further caused strain between us.

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Speaker 2: Dude, I've almost got in a relationship like this family

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Speaker 2: did not like me. I don't know, people comment below

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Speaker 2: my thought. If your family doesn't like if the partner's

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Speaker 2: family don't doesn't like you, limiting contact. Yeah, so you're

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Speaker 2: not exposed to that resentment every time, all the time,

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Speaker 2: because do you know how many little wedges it takes

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Speaker 2: to break open a rock on a lot a lot

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Speaker 2: a lot, one big one, yes, one big one, But

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Speaker 2: whenever you have a lot a lot of small ones

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Speaker 2: that every day are Yeah, guess what's gonna happen to

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Speaker 2: the rock?

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Speaker 1: Shatter? Split? Feel like this is a test you're right,

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Speaker 1: but that was rocks. I don't know.

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Speaker 2: Your rock knowledge is.

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Speaker 1: Very limited, so limited. Throughout all this, my husband's work

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Speaker 1: life was complicated. His mom's company sold, so he started

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Speaker 1: working at a wedding venue. He'd run bar on weekend

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Speaker 1: weddings and do grounds keeping work at the venue during

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Speaker 1: the week off and on. It meant that I'd be

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Speaker 1: working full time nine to five, not including the one

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Speaker 1: point five hour commute Monday through Friday, and he'd be

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Speaker 1: working twelve hour more shifts over the weekend and do

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Speaker 1: very little during the week. If I asked to do something,

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Speaker 1: go out to dinner, take a walk, visit some colleagues

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Speaker 1: that I was becoming friendly with and hoping to make

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Speaker 1: friends with, Visit my own family that happened to be around.

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Speaker 1: He was always busy on weekends, and he was too

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Speaker 1: tired during the week. How was he too tired during

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Speaker 1: the week?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you need after two twelve hour shifts, I feel

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Speaker 2: like you need like two or three days, yeah, to

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Speaker 2: get ahead of it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know. We do to twelve hour ships

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Speaker 1: a week, Like, Yeah, maybe he's doing more on his feet,

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Speaker 1: but it's at a bar, so it's not like super like,

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Speaker 1: you know, he's not doing the groundskeeping work for twelve hours.

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Speaker 2: Also, I think your activity outside of where you work

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Speaker 2: also reflects how tired you are, because I feel like

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Speaker 2: the more you do outside of your work that like

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Speaker 2: I've gotten more energy recently because I'm working out more.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I have less energy because I haven't been able

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Speaker 1: to work out.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so dank sure that's my thought. Uh this again

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Speaker 2: not supporting you. You want to do these things? Lack

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Speaker 2: of support.

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Speaker 1: I felt very isolated and alone. He already had one

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Speaker 1: dog and cat, but the dog was my husband's and

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Speaker 1: he refused to let me do anything with her because

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Speaker 1: she was his dog. You guys are married, what So

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Speaker 1: I got a dog for myself and adored him. I

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Speaker 1: took my dog everywhere, and while it wasn't the best

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Speaker 1: dog in the world, he was my dog and my buddy.

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Speaker 1: My husband hated my dog. He constantly put him down,

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Speaker 1: called him stupid, insisted he was my responsibility and mine alone.

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Speaker 1: If my dog threw up in the middle of the

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Speaker 1: night and my husband noticed it while going to the bathroom,

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Speaker 1: he would wake me up and tell me to clean

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Speaker 1: up my dog's mess. If my dog chewed garbage. It

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Speaker 1: was my dog and my problem. I would always take

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Speaker 1: care of things if his dog caused trouble, but my

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Speaker 1: dog was my responsibility. And yes, when he was upset,

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Speaker 1: he did hit or throw my dog across the room.

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Speaker 1: I excuse this behavior because he would always tell me

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Speaker 1: he didn't hit the dog that hard and that he

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Speaker 1: had to be an alpha and it wasn't really armful

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Speaker 1: because he never hit me.

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Speaker 3: What.

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Speaker 2: No, there's different ways to be an alpha through a dog.

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Speaker 1: I I'm sorry he hit and threw the dog across

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Speaker 1: the room. That's full on animal abuse. Yeah. Also I

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Speaker 1: leave that man. And also his excuse of well, it's

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Speaker 1: fine because I didn't hit the dog that hard and

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Speaker 1: I've never hit you. Concerning super concerning.

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Speaker 2: Because first i'd probably hit you and then the dog.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, he's like, well I haven't. Like imagine telling someone that, Like,

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Speaker 1: imagine telling your friend they were like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: he hits the dog and you're like, no, no, no, don't

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Speaker 1: worry because he said he didn't hit me, so it's fine.

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Speaker 1: I'd be like, he said, what, dude, girl, why would

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Speaker 1: even bring that up?

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Speaker 2: You should see clearly now the red flag's there, yes,

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Speaker 2: but over time, I was very aware of the fact

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Speaker 2: that my husband was becoming angrier and angrier, and I.

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Speaker 1: Would be doing what I could not to make him

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Speaker 1: mad and worried about what would be the next thing

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Speaker 1: that would set him off. You are an abusive relationship.

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Speaker 2: There you go definition right there, and.

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Speaker 1: It's gonna be really hard to get out of because

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Speaker 1: you can't see that right now. But I really hope

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Speaker 1: that you have a support system around you. My husband

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Speaker 1: would continue to say he hated his job, but when

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Speaker 1: it came to looking for other jobs, he would only

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Speaker 1: submit one application at a time and wait to hear back,

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Speaker 1: rather than doing batch submissions. He refused to let me

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Speaker 1: look at his resume, even though I consistently always was

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Speaker 1: hired very quickly when I transitioned to increasingly more high

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Speaker 1: paying jobs. To try to cover our bills, he would

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Speaker 1: create businesses. I would cover bills and try to manage

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Speaker 1: things and always offer support. His businesses continued to fail

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Speaker 1: because he just never did anything to actually get out

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Speaker 1: and market himself appropriately, So he'd continue working at the

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Speaker 1: wedding venue but complain NonStop about it. It was exhausting.

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Speaker 1: Time went on and politics became politics, and after Trump

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Speaker 1: was first elected president. My husband decided he didn't want

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Speaker 1: to stay in the country anymore and we should think

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Speaker 1: of immigrating. He told me that the best way to

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Speaker 1: get a visa was to be a student, and suggested

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Speaker 1: I could finally go to graduate school so we could

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Speaker 1: start an immigration process elsewhere. I was ecstatic and looked

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Speaker 1: up all the foreign universities that I had programs I really

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Speaker 1: wanted to take. He vetoed almost all of them. Leave

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Speaker 1: him and then go to those foreign universities.

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Speaker 2: The only pattern that I see that this relationship is

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Speaker 2: working is when he's using you.

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Speaker 1: Yes. Yeah, when he wants something, he's like, Okay, you

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Speaker 1: can go to university because I want to leave the country.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: He vetoed almost all of them, explaining where he wanted

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Speaker 1: to live and what lifestyle he wanted. No cities, no

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Speaker 1: big infrastructures. He wanted to stay rural.

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Speaker 2: Dude, what are you going to do?

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Speaker 1: Oh, so you're not going to find a graduate school.

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Speaker 1: It's going to be very hard to find a graduate

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Speaker 1: school in a rural.

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Speaker 2: Area unless you do it online. Yeah, which I don't

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Speaker 2: think anyone. Hey, I'm going to go to the University

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Speaker 2: of China. But he couldn't do it online.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Crazy. He selected the area he wanted to move to,

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Speaker 1: and I said that the universities there had only course

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Speaker 1: adjacent things to the topic that I wanted to study,

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Speaker 1: medieval history. There were history programs, but nothing I had

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Speaker 1: originally been interested in. He insisted that, and since it

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Speaker 1: felt like the only way to both move and get

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Speaker 1: the degree I wanted, I agreed to apply. I was

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Speaker 1: accepted at both schools I applied to, and we selected

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Speaker 1: one school and we moved. Why so frustrating. I don't

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Speaker 1: want you to do this for him? Leave for yourself.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I was given a full ride for the university, but

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Speaker 1: because I wasn't working, I took out a student loan

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Speaker 1: to cover my living expenses over the two years to

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Speaker 1: get my MA. My husband said he would look for work.

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Speaker 1: While all of this was going on, my best friend

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Speaker 1: and I continued to be very close. And now you're

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Speaker 1: presumably I don't know where you guys moved to a.

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Speaker 2: Bit, Yeah, I would say, probably not by much.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely, now maybe in.

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Speaker 2: Europe instead of halfway across the world, you're just now

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Speaker 2: the country's way countries away.

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Speaker 1: And my husband and hers started to get close as well.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, Like I said, for French activities.

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Speaker 1: We'd play online video games together and chat con instantly.

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Speaker 1: But I noticed in the year before we moved out

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00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:05,720
Speaker 1: of the country that she started talking to me less

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00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:09,079
Speaker 1: and less and to him more and more because of

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Speaker 1: the time difference. I would be working while she was

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Speaker 1: off work in France, he'd be home during the weekdays,

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00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:18,160
Speaker 1: and so they'd start playing video games together. She stopped

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00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:21,040
Speaker 1: texting me during my workday because she was playing games

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Speaker 1: with him. I mentioned I felt sad because, hey, you're

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Speaker 1: my friend and I'm working a receptionist job. It would

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00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:28,800
Speaker 1: be nice to have someone to talk to while waiting

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Speaker 1: for a phone ring. But I was also of the

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00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:35,400
Speaker 1: belief that it wasn't fair to monopolize anyone's time, and

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Speaker 1: if she and my husband were friends, that was good, right,

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00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:41,880
Speaker 1: we can all be friends together, and since I trusted

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Speaker 1: them both bad idea, then it didn't matter if they

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00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:48,240
Speaker 1: enjoyed spending time with each other. I was just being

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Speaker 1: jealous for no reason.

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Speaker 2: And I wonder how you thought that way, oh man.

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00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:56,240
Speaker 2: As if there was a light that was powered by

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Speaker 2: gas and your husband gave.

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Speaker 1: It to you and he's really good. He's really good

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Speaker 1: using it. Still, I started to feel left out. Yeah,

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00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:07,760
Speaker 1: rightfully so. My friend also was having personal issues with

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Speaker 1: her late parts. I won't go into detail here, but

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00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:12,720
Speaker 1: she would discuss them with me in detail for a

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00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:15,520
Speaker 1: while and I would try to comfort her. But after

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00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:18,960
Speaker 1: a while I felt very uncomfortable with her describing the

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00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:22,680
Speaker 1: specific details of her parts to me, and I very

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00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:26,400
Speaker 1: awkwardly eventually asked her not to discuss it with me.

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Speaker 1: My husband felt it was unfair that I was withdrawing

330
00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:31,640
Speaker 1: my support from her when she needed that support. I

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00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,040
Speaker 1: think she needs a gynecologist.

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Speaker 2: I'm not a gown jelly, but I'll take a look

333
00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:38,760
Speaker 2: if it was one person. Sorry, that's just a joke.

334
00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:41,480
Speaker 2: They say they made t shirts of this.

335
00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:43,560
Speaker 1: And that if I was a real friend I should

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00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:46,120
Speaker 1: be there for her since she had no one else. Bro,

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00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:49,080
Speaker 1: she's you're not her guy to collogists.

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00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:51,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, dude. Also, you're doing it again. You're doing tell

339
00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:54,560
Speaker 2: me you need something from your wife, you're giving it

340
00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:54,960
Speaker 2: get to her.

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00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:58,240
Speaker 1: It's like you should be there, and because you're not there,

342
00:15:58,800 --> 00:15:59,880
Speaker 1: I'll be there for her.

343
00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:02,400
Speaker 2: Well, he's probably like, I don't want to hear about

344
00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:06,600
Speaker 2: these girl parts you gotta. I can't do it, dude.

345
00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:10,360
Speaker 1: He asked if I was comfortable with him still discussing

346
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:11,520
Speaker 1: the issues with her.

347
00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:14,920
Speaker 2: Like I said, she's got a she's got a cave,

348
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,920
Speaker 2: and somebodies need to park in there. Need somebody to

349
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:19,520
Speaker 2: park in there.

350
00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:23,360
Speaker 1: Terrible. And I told him I was still uncomfortable, but

351
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:26,880
Speaker 1: I eventually agreed because I felt so guilty about withdrawing

352
00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:32,560
Speaker 1: support from her. Girl. He just asked you if he

353
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:38,360
Speaker 1: could talk about her like that is totally inappropriate, Babe.

354
00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:39,360
Speaker 2: I think I can help her.

355
00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:43,160
Speaker 1: I want to be I realized I have a great

356
00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:46,520
Speaker 1: passion to be a guynecologist.

357
00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:47,200
Speaker 2: All of a sudden.

358
00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:53,800
Speaker 1: But I didn't freelance. Our conversations continue to dwindle. When

359
00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:56,560
Speaker 1: we moved and I started to graduate work, it was

360
00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:57,160
Speaker 1: even worse.

361
00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:01,240
Speaker 2: Dude. I'm sorry, I see t shirt. Potentially freelance guy.

362
00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:08,320
Speaker 1: My husband's previous work ethic continued. He sent out one

363
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:11,520
Speaker 1: or two applications but never heard back, and he started

364
00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:14,159
Speaker 1: complaining about it. Where he was getting immigrant jobs like

365
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:16,919
Speaker 1: being weight staff or box moving, et cetera. And he

366
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,760
Speaker 1: was better than that. Dude. You were literally working as

367
00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:23,800
Speaker 1: a bartender before. What other experience do you have but.

368
00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:27,439
Speaker 2: Didn't you See, he has so much potential and people

369
00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:29,119
Speaker 2: just assume he doesn't have it, but he does, and

370
00:17:29,119 --> 00:17:31,399
Speaker 2: they should assume that he does have potential and just

371
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:32,800
Speaker 2: give it to him because he's really smart.

372
00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:36,119
Speaker 1: Yeah, remember the same it's literally the same excuses he

373
00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:38,879
Speaker 1: was using back home, different ball game, except now he

374
00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:41,480
Speaker 1: has a different excuse. He's saying, Oh, because I'm an

375
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:44,080
Speaker 1: immigrant in this country, that's why, dude.

376
00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:47,919
Speaker 2: I think it's just you know, you're also from the

377
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:51,000
Speaker 2: United States, and you've given you have so many more

378
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:53,879
Speaker 2: other resources and opportunities that other people haven't had, so

379
00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:54,720
Speaker 2: you can also use that.

380
00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:59,080
Speaker 1: Yep, you could literally student loans paid off. Dude.

381
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:02,159
Speaker 2: Yeah, you could literally learn another language and be a

382
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:05,400
Speaker 2: second language teacher or whatever. You can do that.

383
00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:08,399
Speaker 1: He insisted how unfair it was. He was a white

384
00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:11,960
Speaker 1: male American, he had a BA in criminal justice. He

385
00:18:12,119 --> 00:18:15,400
Speaker 1: absolutely could have gotten a better job, but he kept

386
00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:17,560
Speaker 1: refusing to let me help with the CV and he

387
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:20,800
Speaker 1: would not that submit for work. He's not trying at all.

388
00:18:21,359 --> 00:18:25,160
Speaker 1: He just one application, then wait four weeks before submitting another.

389
00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:28,880
Speaker 1: They spend all day chatting with each other. Yeah, he's

390
00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:31,520
Speaker 1: not spending any time frying of fine jobs. I'd be

391
00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:34,040
Speaker 1: in school all day and then come home to write

392
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:38,000
Speaker 1: papers and study. My loans paid all our bills. They

393
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:39,679
Speaker 1: did invite me to play a game with them, but

394
00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:41,760
Speaker 1: I hated the game they were playing and I needed

395
00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:44,640
Speaker 1: to study, so it just gave up and tapped out.

396
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:47,440
Speaker 1: But I got more and more resentful because I never

397
00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:50,399
Speaker 1: got to spend time with either of them anymore. While

398
00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:53,520
Speaker 1: they were playing online games together. They're cheating on you. Yep,

399
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,919
Speaker 1: on our twelve year anniversary.

400
00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:57,040
Speaker 2: I can't wait.

401
00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:59,120
Speaker 1: No, no, together with him for twelve No.

402
00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:00,760
Speaker 2: I need to piss up. I need to pit stop.

403
00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:02,440
Speaker 2: What is this man about the pool in your twelve

404
00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:03,159
Speaker 2: year anniversary?

405
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:04,800
Speaker 1: You're twelve year anniversary.

406
00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:06,760
Speaker 2: It's about to come up with a secret. Does he

407
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,440
Speaker 2: have a new plan? Is he gonna go to France? Now?

408
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:11,399
Speaker 1: He's like, I have to Well, she's I think they

409
00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:14,600
Speaker 1: might be in France because they're they're hanging out so

410
00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:16,280
Speaker 1: much with this woman. So I thought it was just

411
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:20,880
Speaker 1: virtually no, No, they're hanging on in person, what I think?

412
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:23,960
Speaker 1: So what? Unless I misread that, I'm pretty sure they're

413
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:24,240
Speaker 1: hanging out.

414
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:26,359
Speaker 2: It's just video games. If they're hanging in person. Do

415
00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:28,000
Speaker 2: we already know what's happening?

416
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:31,480
Speaker 1: Oh? Maybe they are hanging out virtually. Oh that's yeah.

417
00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:32,560
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe that makes win.

418
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:35,000
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know, but I do, girl,

419
00:19:35,119 --> 00:19:38,159
Speaker 2: I don't. What does ope need? I mean, I know

420
00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:41,440
Speaker 2: she knows. She keeps saying, then boyfriend, But what what's

421
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:42,840
Speaker 2: her line here? You know?

422
00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:45,080
Speaker 1: Oh? Yeah, they played online video games.

423
00:19:45,119 --> 00:19:49,520
Speaker 2: Okay, so definitely emotionally cheating, definitely being on Discord Servers

424
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:54,040
Speaker 2: overnight saying my little kitten. Yeah, he's definitely telling her

425
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:57,280
Speaker 2: about how he's aspiring to be a freelanceing gynecologist and

426
00:19:57,359 --> 00:19:58,840
Speaker 2: all the things he's looking to help.

427
00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:00,800
Speaker 1: Her out with. It's like her first client.

428
00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:02,239
Speaker 2: Sign me up?

429
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:07,200
Speaker 1: Ah good? Not good. On our twelve year anniversary, ah,

430
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,280
Speaker 1: my husband and I went out to a restaurant and

431
00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:13,560
Speaker 1: he couldn't stop bringing her up. I furiously asked if

432
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:16,320
Speaker 1: we could go one night without mentioning her name. Oh gosh,

433
00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:19,760
Speaker 1: and he said I was acting irrationally. She's his friend too,

434
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:21,359
Speaker 1: and I was at fair that he can't mention his

435
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:24,520
Speaker 1: friends around me. I felt like she wasn't my friend anymore,

436
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:27,440
Speaker 1: and I admittedly called her a witch and several names

437
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:30,359
Speaker 1: that weren't nice because I was so resentful of how

438
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:33,680
Speaker 1: they were treating me. I was told again I was overreacting.

439
00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:36,960
Speaker 1: They were being nothing but nice to me, and they

440
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:40,360
Speaker 1: were allowed to be friends. It wasn't fair to isolate

441
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:43,280
Speaker 1: them when they were doing nothing wrong. I was also

442
00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:45,760
Speaker 1: reminded that it was my fault for not being a

443
00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:48,600
Speaker 1: better support for my friend. She was only talking to

444
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:51,960
Speaker 1: him more because she needed out with her medical issue.

445
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:55,280
Speaker 2: He's not a doctor, yeah he is. He's a freelance

446
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:56,720
Speaker 2: kuyd in college is fat.

447
00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:59,040
Speaker 1: And I already told them both that I didn't want

448
00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:01,520
Speaker 1: to discuss her issue. So it was on me for

449
00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:04,359
Speaker 1: giving permission for them to speak, and on me for

450
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:07,479
Speaker 1: getting upset when they were doing exactly what I told them.

451
00:21:08,119 --> 00:21:12,040
Speaker 1: I felt more guilty gos fighting. She came to visit

452
00:21:12,119 --> 00:21:14,720
Speaker 1: us a week later for my birthday, and everything felt

453
00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:18,120
Speaker 1: awkward and sour. I has been admitted he hated living

454
00:21:18,119 --> 00:21:20,720
Speaker 1: in the country we're in and suggested that we look

455
00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:24,359
Speaker 1: at moving to France. I wonder why, hell no, what's

456
00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:24,840
Speaker 1: in France?

457
00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:27,840
Speaker 2: Way shock activities?

458
00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:31,760
Speaker 1: Maybe he can professionally become a guy to cologist in France.

459
00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:33,760
Speaker 2: Dude, you're not going to get a job there. You

460
00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:36,040
Speaker 2: don't know French. I know that You're.

461
00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:38,679
Speaker 1: Man doesn't know a thing. He doesn't he doesn't know

462
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:39,040
Speaker 1: a thing.

463
00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:42,040
Speaker 2: Oh dude, I have so many thoughts about this guy.

464
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:45,280
Speaker 1: I was so exhausted by his refusal to look for

465
00:21:45,359 --> 00:21:48,160
Speaker 1: work and everything else that I just said, I'm only

466
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:50,760
Speaker 1: half a semester into my degree. We can't move to

467
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:54,080
Speaker 1: France right now. He suggested he could go first check

468
00:21:54,119 --> 00:21:55,920
Speaker 1: it out and we could look into moving later.

469
00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:59,240
Speaker 2: Stop stop it stop stop stop stop stop stop stop

470
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:00,639
Speaker 2: stop we already stop.

471
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:04,080
Speaker 1: Uh huh dude, Yeah, maybe he has a place to

472
00:22:04,119 --> 00:22:08,040
Speaker 1: stay already. Pro maybe he has a bed to share already.

473
00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:10,960
Speaker 1: I just said, fine, oh my gosh, and she would

474
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:13,280
Speaker 1: return to France together. He'd look at the area and

475
00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:15,680
Speaker 1: see if it suited our needs, and he'd report back

476
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:17,640
Speaker 1: if he liked it. He booked a flight on her

477
00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:22,040
Speaker 1: plane out, and the departure at the airport was excruciatingly depressing.

478
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:24,719
Speaker 1: A few days later, he texted me how happy he

479
00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:27,159
Speaker 1: was there and now I'd love it. I told him

480
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:29,399
Speaker 1: I missed him, and after a pause, he told me

481
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:30,560
Speaker 1: he didn't miss me.

482
00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:33,400
Speaker 2: Oh my god.

483
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:35,840
Speaker 1: I hung up on him, and he texted me that

484
00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:36,800
Speaker 1: he wanted a divorce.

485
00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:41,919
Speaker 2: No, and I bet you tim bucks. He bought a

486
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:45,439
Speaker 2: one play one way ticket there. Yeah, one way ticket

487
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:45,919
Speaker 2: to France.

488
00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:48,320
Speaker 1: It was the start of finals week for my first

489
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:51,119
Speaker 1: term in graduate school. He literally just wanted a ticket

490
00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:53,880
Speaker 1: into the country. He wanted to use you to get

491
00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:54,680
Speaker 1: a visa here.

492
00:22:55,119 --> 00:22:58,199
Speaker 2: He did all that, and now you're stuck halfway through

493
00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:01,080
Speaker 2: a semester doing something he suggests so to make him happy,

494
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:03,000
Speaker 2: and you're stuck with that.

495
00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:05,960
Speaker 1: He gave me a list of my faults. I didn't

496
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:09,160
Speaker 1: clean the house the way he preferred. I didn't brush

497
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:11,800
Speaker 1: my teeth good enough. I brushed them with neurotic attention

498
00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:14,800
Speaker 1: because he kept pounding me about it. He hated the pets.

499
00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:17,360
Speaker 1: He felt like I wanted a caretaker more than a husband.

500
00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:20,440
Speaker 1: I admit not cleaning her cooking much, but I was

501
00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:23,480
Speaker 1: working NonStop and my loans were what kept us afloat. Yeah,

502
00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:26,359
Speaker 1: he wasn't doing anything. He played video games throughout the

503
00:23:26,359 --> 00:23:28,679
Speaker 1: work week, and I'd come home to find him continuing

504
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:31,920
Speaker 1: to play games with my friend. I could have cleaned

505
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:34,679
Speaker 1: and done more, but honestly, he was already home, and

506
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:36,879
Speaker 1: I felt like he could at least keep the house clean.

507
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:42,160
Speaker 1: He insisted he wasn't having an affair, right, Yeah, I'm sure.

508
00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:44,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course, no fringe activities.

509
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:46,280
Speaker 1: At the time, I really wanted to believe him, even

510
00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:48,960
Speaker 1: so I texted my friend I never wanted to speak

511
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:51,480
Speaker 1: to her again. I also asked him if I could

512
00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:53,959
Speaker 1: keep all the pets, including his dog, since I did

513
00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:56,520
Speaker 1: love her, and he agreed by saying, if you're going

514
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:59,200
Speaker 1: to extort me for the dog, then fine, take her.

515
00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:01,800
Speaker 1: He didn't get about his dog. I thanked him and

516
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:04,199
Speaker 1: moved on. The only other thing I asked for is

517
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:06,560
Speaker 1: that he tell me when his father passes, because I

518
00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:09,160
Speaker 1: loved his father, baring him my much and even called

519
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:11,920
Speaker 1: him dad. He agreed and asked me for four k

520
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:16,200
Speaker 1: I just said yes because I was tired what he said. Yeah,

521
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:17,919
Speaker 1: I'll tell you if my dad bashes, but you have

522
00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:21,719
Speaker 1: to pay me four thousand dollars. Dude, stop agreeing to

523
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:22,560
Speaker 1: everything he does.

524
00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:24,560
Speaker 2: My gosh, stop it.

525
00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:28,159
Speaker 1: What This man's a freaking cheater.

526
00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:31,800
Speaker 2: Hey, Hey, it sucks we're breaking up. Could you also

527
00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:32,680
Speaker 2: just give me four grand?

528
00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:35,679
Speaker 1: Please? And you just said yes. You didn't have to

529
00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:36,160
Speaker 1: say yes.

530
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:38,520
Speaker 2: Well, technically he was there to give her support and

531
00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:40,600
Speaker 2: clean the house and cook. Remember that he didn't do

532
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:42,720
Speaker 2: any of that though, Yeah he did, don't you remember?

533
00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:45,440
Speaker 2: Don't you remember, Sophia, This whole story's been about that.

534
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:47,560
Speaker 2: Like that's how much gas lining has been going on

535
00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:50,800
Speaker 2: where he got he How can you break up with

536
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:54,880
Speaker 2: someone moved to another country with her friend and did

537
00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:57,360
Speaker 2: get four k? How How does he have this kind

538
00:24:57,400 --> 00:24:57,880
Speaker 2: of control?

539
00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:00,880
Speaker 1: It's crazy. He said we would absolute stay in touch

540
00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:05,239
Speaker 1: and still be friends afterwards. Okay, I believe him. We

541
00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:08,159
Speaker 1: finalized the divorce at the end of February twenty twenty.

542
00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:10,760
Speaker 1: Yay the vid. I was forced to move back in

543
00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:13,480
Speaker 1: with my parents. They had a secondary home nearby. After

544
00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:16,320
Speaker 1: also working to immigrate because of the VID, I just

545
00:25:16,359 --> 00:25:19,280
Speaker 1: did my studies long distance. Then I find out that

546
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:21,760
Speaker 1: my student loan payment was not enough to give him

547
00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:24,520
Speaker 1: four k. Also, I don't even think you could give

548
00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:27,879
Speaker 1: him that four k from a student loan payment. Student

549
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:30,480
Speaker 1: loan payments are for student loans, not for whatever he's

550
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:31,479
Speaker 1: using them for. Uh.

551
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:36,360
Speaker 2: He actually, don't you remember his freelance gayonecologists. Yeah, courses

552
00:25:36,359 --> 00:25:38,720
Speaker 2: he's taking. Yeah, he needs four grand to help her

553
00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:39,720
Speaker 2: his friend.

554
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:41,119
Speaker 1: He got to help his friend, he's.

555
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,800
Speaker 2: Got to how selfish? How selfish are you got to

556
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:45,280
Speaker 2: get four grand I.

557
00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:46,800
Speaker 1: Told him I didn't have the money to give it

558
00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:49,560
Speaker 1: to him. He didn't even let me explain why. He

559
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:52,160
Speaker 1: just ended the call. I never spoke to him again.

560
00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:57,440
Speaker 1: So much for being friends, Op, you need therapy so desperately.

561
00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:59,280
Speaker 2: Dude, she doesn't even know.

562
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:02,120
Speaker 1: Would you want to be friends with this crazy man?

563
00:26:02,359 --> 00:26:02,479
Speaker 3: What?

564
00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:05,920
Speaker 1: And then in the span of a year, all three

565
00:26:06,119 --> 00:26:10,640
Speaker 1: pets passed away, one of them very suddenly. Aside from

566
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:13,800
Speaker 1: my parents, I was very alone, with no friends in

567
00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:17,399
Speaker 1: a foreign country, trying to complete my graduate studies, feeling

568
00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:19,679
Speaker 1: betrayed by the people I love most in the world,

569
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:23,399
Speaker 1: I fell into a deep depression. Work became the only

570
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:25,439
Speaker 1: thing I could do in order to function, because it

571
00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:28,320
Speaker 1: kept me from thinking about anything else. I was one

572
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:30,600
Speaker 1: of the few people who completed their MA on time

573
00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:33,639
Speaker 1: during the VID at my university because I just didn't

574
00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:36,640
Speaker 1: give myself time to stop. I finished with a four

575
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:39,159
Speaker 1: point zero and a degree I hadn't even wanted to

576
00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:42,240
Speaker 1: get in the first place. I was now a medical

577
00:26:42,359 --> 00:26:44,520
Speaker 1: historian rather than a medieval historian.

578
00:26:45,119 --> 00:26:48,439
Speaker 2: Bobee, this is the same thing. This, This is what

579
00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:52,399
Speaker 2: the boyfriend said, Bobee, they both start with IM just

580
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:55,400
Speaker 2: become a medical same thing.

581
00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:58,800
Speaker 1: I kept working. I tried getting into a PhD program,

582
00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:02,240
Speaker 1: and very few unifies were accepting new students because of

583
00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:05,199
Speaker 1: the VID. Someone I had applied to forwarded me an

584
00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:08,399
Speaker 1: application for a project that was completely different from everything

585
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:11,840
Speaker 1: I'd ever done, still in medical history, but so extremely

586
00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:14,920
Speaker 1: contemporary that it was nothing close to my research profile.

587
00:27:15,359 --> 00:27:18,480
Speaker 1: I submitted an application anyway, because unlike my husband, I

588
00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:21,040
Speaker 1: always submit to jobs and make a decision after I

589
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:25,800
Speaker 1: got hired. I got hired. It was in France, dude, stop.

590
00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:29,760
Speaker 1: I moved to France in October twenty twenty one, taught

591
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:32,000
Speaker 1: myself a language and didn't speak, took care of a

592
00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:35,119
Speaker 1: home without a caretaker. Husband, adopted a new pupper so

593
00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:37,679
Speaker 1: I could finally no longer be alone after the huge

594
00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:40,920
Speaker 1: losses of twenty twenty and twenty twenty one. A pup

595
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:43,400
Speaker 1: that is never and will never be treated the way

596
00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:46,280
Speaker 1: my ex treated my old dog. I mean again, if

597
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:49,080
Speaker 1: you have a partner who's mistreating your animals, please don't

598
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:51,200
Speaker 1: say with that partner, get that get that animal out

599
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:52,480
Speaker 1: of that situation, big thing.

600
00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:53,760
Speaker 2: Please break up with them.

601
00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:57,720
Speaker 1: Too, And yesterday I defended my PhD ranked very good

602
00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:01,520
Speaker 1: and excellent and with an enthusiastic encouraging me to publish

603
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:04,720
Speaker 1: and a transition into public policy work. It's work I'm

604
00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:07,720
Speaker 1: genuinely excited about, and it's focused in a domain where

605
00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:09,800
Speaker 1: I can do a lot of global health good. And

606
00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:12,159
Speaker 1: while all this was going on, because I continue to

607
00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:15,600
Speaker 1: write novels. In twenty twenty three, I submitted a novel

608
00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:18,679
Speaker 1: to a literary agent, got a deal, and sold it

609
00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:21,959
Speaker 1: to a big five publisher. Oh wow, it was just

610
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:24,960
Speaker 1: published last month, and my advance is enough to pay

611
00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:28,439
Speaker 1: off all of my outstanding student loans. So far, reviews

612
00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:29,119
Speaker 1: are going well.

613
00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:32,600
Speaker 2: Heck, yeah, man, this is is a fever dream. Not

614
00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:33,359
Speaker 2: like a fever dream, but.

615
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:37,080
Speaker 1: Like what everything really turned around for a b see?

616
00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:40,040
Speaker 2: Okay, remember whenever the boyfriend was like, I have so

617
00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:42,240
Speaker 2: much potential, I'm so smart. Yeah, and she said that,

618
00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:44,880
Speaker 2: I was like, in order for you to actually achieve that,

619
00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:47,880
Speaker 2: you need to have like a downfall of drive or

620
00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:50,800
Speaker 2: downfall of some sort for you to achieve that.

621
00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:53,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, and what happened? B Yeah, she hit kind of

622
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:57,320
Speaker 1: rock bottom, was treated terribly by people around her, was

623
00:28:57,360 --> 00:28:59,480
Speaker 1: not pursuing any of her own dreams for like, you

624
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:02,040
Speaker 1: know what she wanted to do, and then hit this

625
00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:04,320
Speaker 1: rock bottom moment and was like, I have the drive

626
00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:06,360
Speaker 1: to actually get myself out of it, and.

627
00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:09,000
Speaker 2: Did and did, because when you rock bottom, what's the

628
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:12,240
Speaker 2: only way to go up? That's right, dude, It's crazy.

629
00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:14,800
Speaker 2: The whole time, you were the smart and intelligent one.

630
00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:17,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, man, he was just putting you down. My two

631
00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:20,360
Speaker 1: major life goals have been accomplished between one month of

632
00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:22,320
Speaker 1: each other, and I have made a new list of

633
00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:24,760
Speaker 1: goals to achieve that I'm very much looking forward to

634
00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:28,080
Speaker 1: working on to No one's surprised my ex husband and

635
00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:30,280
Speaker 1: ex best friend are married to each other.

636
00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:31,200
Speaker 2: Wow.

637
00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:34,080
Speaker 1: They got married a year after our divorce. He is

638
00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:37,080
Speaker 1: listed as working at a business where he fabricates clothing

639
00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:39,720
Speaker 1: or some sort. The man never once picked up a

640
00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:42,920
Speaker 1: needle in all our time working together. I almost guarantee

641
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:46,640
Speaker 1: it's another nonsense business he made up. There's no marketing,

642
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:50,920
Speaker 1: no signs, no way to contact the store, no storefront.

643
00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:53,960
Speaker 1: It's a joke. But he's living in France. We're on

644
00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:56,560
Speaker 1: opposite sides of the country. I have not run into

645
00:29:56,560 --> 00:30:00,840
Speaker 1: either of them. I hope they're very happy together. Unburning

646
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:04,200
Speaker 1: moment of rage was only this. I discovered his dad

647
00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:07,280
Speaker 1: passed last year on my own. No one told me,

648
00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:10,600
Speaker 1: no one reached out. I guess he was still bitter

649
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:13,160
Speaker 1: that he lost four thousand dollars. He didn't lose four

650
00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:16,360
Speaker 1: thousand dollars. He never had four thousand dollars.

651
00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:18,880
Speaker 2: He just he just said, I wonder to earn. You

652
00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:20,280
Speaker 2: just get four thousand dollars from this.

653
00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:21,880
Speaker 1: Chick, and you almost give it him.

654
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:25,280
Speaker 2: That does suck having to learn. I was, I'm surprised

655
00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:27,520
Speaker 2: you didn't stay in contact with like his mom though.

656
00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:30,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, well maybe the mom's not around or like past.

657
00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:32,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know. I don't think I would have

658
00:30:32,640 --> 00:30:35,120
Speaker 2: gave him the responsibility to do that. Yeah, I'd probably

659
00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:38,040
Speaker 2: reach out to his sister something like such sort of

660
00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:38,640
Speaker 2: family member.

661
00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:42,720
Speaker 1: But it broke my heart and I definitely cried. This

662
00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:46,200
Speaker 1: is where the question comes in. My sister loathes my

663
00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:48,800
Speaker 1: ex husband. She wants nothing more than to take a

664
00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:51,200
Speaker 1: copy of my dissertation in my book and mail it

665
00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:54,240
Speaker 1: to him. His address is publicly listed because of this

666
00:30:54,320 --> 00:30:57,040
Speaker 1: fake business of him, and tell him just how stupid

667
00:30:57,040 --> 00:30:59,920
Speaker 1: he was for constantly diminishing me this whole time. She

668
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:01,920
Speaker 1: wants to list all of his flaws and rake him

669
00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:05,080
Speaker 1: through the calls for his behavior. By the way, I'd

670
00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:07,440
Speaker 1: rake you, guys if through the calls, if you didn't

671
00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:10,280
Speaker 1: listen to full episodes of stories just like this. Yeah,

672
00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:13,040
Speaker 1: just go to Spotify, Apple Podcast, or iHeart Radio and

673
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:16,040
Speaker 1: search up Okus storytime. There is a little bit left

674
00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:17,040
Speaker 1: to this story.

675
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:18,360
Speaker 2: Should she do it?

676
00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:21,240
Speaker 1: I don't think so. I think you should. You are

677
00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:24,800
Speaker 1: in a great place your You know, you got this

678
00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:29,720
Speaker 1: book published, you got the dissertation, You're happy living in

679
00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:33,280
Speaker 1: France on your own, you got your sister supporting you.

680
00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:35,760
Speaker 1: Don't bring him back into your life.

681
00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:36,800
Speaker 2: You're punching thin air.

682
00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:39,800
Speaker 1: Dude, he's gone. Let him stay gone.

683
00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:46,160
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, and also how much hold in gas lining

684
00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:48,960
Speaker 2: you put op through. He could probably do it again

685
00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:50,160
Speaker 2: and re answer it to her life.

686
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:51,760
Speaker 1: I don't want him to come back and see that

687
00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:53,920
Speaker 1: she's successful and be like, oh my god, like I

688
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:55,800
Speaker 1: would love to do like I've always loved you, blah blahlah,

689
00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:57,600
Speaker 1: because I feel like Ope would take him back.

690
00:31:57,680 --> 00:31:59,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, don't don't.

691
00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:01,080
Speaker 1: Let him worm his way back into your life, Hope.

692
00:32:01,760 --> 00:32:03,120
Speaker 1: Let him stay gone.

693
00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:08,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, honestly, sister, write the letter, send it to some address,

694
00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:08,880
Speaker 2: don't send.

695
00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:10,960
Speaker 1: It to him.

696
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:14,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then they're like, what is you have a

697
00:32:14,280 --> 00:32:18,000
Speaker 2: link to the post bo It's like oh wow, wow, okay,

698
00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:19,240
Speaker 2: this makes so much sense.

699
00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:21,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're like, wow, this is a good.

700
00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:26,560
Speaker 2: Book commenter here. Hey, I actually got the book and letter,

701
00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:28,120
Speaker 2: and that was a lot.

702
00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:30,320
Speaker 1: But there is a little bit left. Hey, it's Sam.

703
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:32,120
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to these stories. But here's three

704
00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:34,400
Speaker 1: bits of ads from our sponsors that keep the show alive.

705
00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:37,000
Speaker 1: A part of me is happy to let her do

706
00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:40,360
Speaker 1: it and rub my accomplishments and my success in their faces,

707
00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:42,360
Speaker 1: but another part of me doesn't want the drama that

708
00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:45,080
Speaker 1: it might punt up. Yeah don't. I don't have anything

709
00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:47,040
Speaker 1: nice to say to them. I do hope they'll be

710
00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:49,960
Speaker 1: happy together, since clearly it was worth ruining my life

711
00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:53,160
Speaker 1: at the time for their happiness. Gosh, it's a miracle

712
00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:55,600
Speaker 1: I pulled through as well as I did. But I

713
00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:58,400
Speaker 1: also don't want to be aware of them anymore. And

714
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:01,680
Speaker 1: somehow I feel like this will just make things messy.

715
00:33:02,120 --> 00:33:05,560
Speaker 1: Then again, after all the time I've been put down,

716
00:33:05,680 --> 00:33:08,120
Speaker 1: it's nice to have someone stand up for me, and

717
00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:10,240
Speaker 1: there is a part of me that can't help thinking

718
00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:13,320
Speaker 1: he could have had everything he wanted if he just

719
00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:16,920
Speaker 1: stayed patient. We could be living in France together, having

720
00:33:16,920 --> 00:33:20,000
Speaker 1: a beautiful life, with a PhD that I've grown to

721
00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:21,920
Speaker 1: love and cherish and be proud of, and a book

722
00:33:21,960 --> 00:33:25,000
Speaker 1: deal that's helping to fund my lifestyle. But instead, he

723
00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:27,160
Speaker 1: was a failure of a partner and a man, and

724
00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:28,800
Speaker 1: he deserves to be ashamed.

725
00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:30,400
Speaker 2: He didn't want that life with you.

726
00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:31,920
Speaker 1: The thing is that you were never going to get

727
00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:33,920
Speaker 1: that life with him. If you stayed with him, like

728
00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:36,160
Speaker 1: there was no patience, he would have brought you down

729
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:36,520
Speaker 1: with them.

730
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:41,320
Speaker 2: I still feel hints of OPI hoping that it worked out. Yeah,

731
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:43,440
Speaker 2: Like I mean, yeah, she's not over him, She's with

732
00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:44,440
Speaker 2: him for twelve years.

733
00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:46,760
Speaker 1: That's true. So would I be the ale if I

734
00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:50,440
Speaker 1: let my sister go through with their plans? What'd be

735
00:33:50,440 --> 00:33:52,800
Speaker 1: the a hole? But it wouldn't be good be the

736
00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:56,240
Speaker 1: ale to yourself. This isn't revenge, Yeah, it doesn't do

737
00:33:56,320 --> 00:33:58,720
Speaker 1: anything nothing.

738
00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:01,960
Speaker 2: It feels like you just wanted we click baited ourselves.

739
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:05,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, it just feels like you want to send it

740
00:34:05,080 --> 00:34:07,120
Speaker 1: with Tim so that he realizes that he made a

741
00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:09,520
Speaker 1: mistake and that that's crawling back or really the love

742
00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:12,560
Speaker 1: of his life, Like, don't don't try and learn back.

743
00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:15,560
Speaker 2: She needs to go fall in love, not like with

744
00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:18,440
Speaker 2: another person or yeah frenchman, but she just needs to

745
00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:21,040
Speaker 2: fall in love with life and also other things. My

746
00:34:21,239 --> 00:34:26,200
Speaker 2: ex boyfriend repeatedly cheated on me. Now he wants another chance. Nope, bye,

747
00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:29,359
Speaker 2: I have no definite proof that he actually went any

748
00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:32,520
Speaker 2: further than matching with women on dating apps. That's cheating

749
00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:37,279
Speaker 2: because he deleted everything. Backstory. We've been together exclusively for

750
00:34:37,360 --> 00:34:40,200
Speaker 2: six months, but I've been seeing each other for ten.

751
00:34:40,719 --> 00:34:43,640
Speaker 2: There have been many instances where I've caught him lying

752
00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:46,960
Speaker 2: directly to my face about how he knows someone while

753
00:34:47,280 --> 00:34:49,960
Speaker 2: we were not exclusive. He would tell me a girl

754
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:52,399
Speaker 2: he follows is just a friend of a friend, when

755
00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:55,560
Speaker 2: I really knew he met her on a dating app.

756
00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:59,120
Speaker 2: He also tells me I was the only girl he

757
00:34:59,280 --> 00:35:03,719
Speaker 2: was talking to, when I knew that wasn't true. By

758
00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:05,880
Speaker 2: the way, this comes from Throwaway fifty nine, and if

759
00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:07,319
Speaker 2: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

760
00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:11,000
Speaker 2: r sash Okay storytomp superate. So yesterday evening I had

761
00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:14,479
Speaker 2: a disgusting feeling. I felt so gross. I felt such

762
00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:17,480
Speaker 2: a bad feeling that something was off. I had never

763
00:35:17,520 --> 00:35:21,279
Speaker 2: once gone through his phone or pride into his private life. Wait,

764
00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:22,680
Speaker 2: aren't you a part of his private life?

765
00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:27,520
Speaker 1: Yeah? I think just meaning like on his private like stuff.

766
00:35:27,719 --> 00:35:31,160
Speaker 2: Got it well, he was out getting groceries. I checked

767
00:35:31,239 --> 00:35:34,280
Speaker 2: his Emo since it was logged into my laptop once.

768
00:35:34,640 --> 00:35:37,720
Speaker 2: He had emails from Tender indicating he had new matches

769
00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:39,160
Speaker 2: for months.

770
00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:43,680
Speaker 1: Hit emails from Tinder. Man was getting emails from Tinder.

771
00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:46,840
Speaker 2: I get emails from due Lingo saying I need to

772
00:35:46,840 --> 00:35:50,359
Speaker 2: do stuff like this is just marketing for apps. I think,

773
00:35:50,400 --> 00:35:52,120
Speaker 2: got your emails, They'll just do whatever they can.

774
00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:52,720
Speaker 1: Crazy.

775
00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:57,080
Speaker 2: Months we were together. If a Tender account is an

776
00:35:57,120 --> 00:36:00,240
Speaker 2: active for more than seven days, you're not visible to others,

777
00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:04,000
Speaker 2: so there should be no reason this is happening. I

778
00:36:04,040 --> 00:36:06,000
Speaker 2: should have just waited for him to get to my

779
00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:09,080
Speaker 2: house to confront him, but I couldn't hold it in,

780
00:36:11,640 --> 00:36:14,239
Speaker 2: so I facetimed him and asked him to go through

781
00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:16,600
Speaker 2: his phone. By the way, you can FaceTime someone and

782
00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:19,120
Speaker 2: also go through their phone while face timing, that's true.

783
00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:22,360
Speaker 2: I was like I was like doing I was facetiming

784
00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:24,400
Speaker 2: aergie one time and I was like, here, let me

785
00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:26,880
Speaker 2: like control your phone so I can like like do

786
00:36:26,960 --> 00:36:29,000
Speaker 2: something like edit something while she was adding the video,

787
00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:30,799
Speaker 2: and I was like, wait, I could literally be on

788
00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:33,000
Speaker 2: FaceTime with you and go through your phone while you're

789
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:34,120
Speaker 2: there and I don't have to be there.

790
00:36:35,400 --> 00:36:37,400
Speaker 1: I was like, dude, do you have games on your phone?

791
00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:39,440
Speaker 2: Dude, there's someone that has done that.

792
00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:40,120
Speaker 1: Probably.

793
00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:44,279
Speaker 2: Oh my goshike get a redownload tender where I saw

794
00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:46,160
Speaker 2: he had matches as recent.

795
00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:48,160
Speaker 1: As eight days ago.

796
00:36:48,800 --> 00:36:51,399
Speaker 2: I was on a business trip eight days ago. He's

797
00:36:51,440 --> 00:36:53,600
Speaker 2: wore up and down that he didn't have the app

798
00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:57,239
Speaker 2: while I was gone, despite having two matches from that time.

799
00:36:57,320 --> 00:37:00,640
Speaker 1: Come on, like, I feel like we always these cheating

800
00:37:00,680 --> 00:37:03,200
Speaker 1: stories and they're like, oh no, I don't know why.

801
00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:04,680
Speaker 1: It must be a glitch.

802
00:37:04,920 --> 00:37:07,280
Speaker 2: No, someone hacked my phone.

803
00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:08,520
Speaker 1: No it was you.

804
00:37:10,360 --> 00:37:16,680
Speaker 2: I didn't. I told him one of my house immediately,

805
00:37:17,120 --> 00:37:19,640
Speaker 2: as soon as he walks inside, he tells me he

806
00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:22,880
Speaker 2: deleted his tender a ground because he's serious about me

807
00:37:23,280 --> 00:37:24,800
Speaker 2: and never wants to use the app again.

808
00:37:24,960 --> 00:37:27,440
Speaker 1: Y'all have been dating. What do you mean he's serious

809
00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:30,279
Speaker 1: about you? You were dating, You were officially dating.

810
00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:31,600
Speaker 2: He's finally got his mind made up.

811
00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:34,480
Speaker 1: It is like, I know that we've been officially dating

812
00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:39,000
Speaker 1: for six months, but I realize now after we've been

813
00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:40,440
Speaker 1: officially dating, that I am serious.

814
00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:42,239
Speaker 2: I started thinking of my past and I was like,

815
00:37:42,239 --> 00:37:43,400
Speaker 2: you know what, I'm gonna be serious.

816
00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:46,680
Speaker 1: I was serious from now on, starting now.

817
00:37:47,960 --> 00:37:50,719
Speaker 2: I was furious because he knew I wanted to look

818
00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:53,960
Speaker 2: through it myself. Who knows what else could have been deleted.

819
00:37:54,440 --> 00:37:58,600
Speaker 2: Here's his original story. He downloaded Tender twice throughout the

820
00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:01,839
Speaker 2: beginning of our relationship, never kept it any longer than

821
00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:05,319
Speaker 2: a day, and was rarely never really on it. He

822
00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:08,040
Speaker 2: said he wasn't thinking when he did it, and it

823
00:38:08,160 --> 00:38:10,560
Speaker 2: was just an ego thing for him. He swore it

824
00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:14,120
Speaker 2: never responded to messages, send any messages, or met up

825
00:38:14,120 --> 00:38:17,200
Speaker 2: with anyone. I have no proof of that because he

826
00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:20,680
Speaker 2: deleted his account. I didn't find anything in his tax messages.

827
00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:24,200
Speaker 2: He said he wasn't swiping on anyone. You would just

828
00:38:24,280 --> 00:38:27,480
Speaker 2: see the name of someone who liked him, swipe right

829
00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:29,560
Speaker 2: on her and just wait for her to send him

830
00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:32,520
Speaker 2: a message. Here's what I got him to admit. He

831
00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:37,359
Speaker 2: redownloaded Tender at least ten times while we were together.

832
00:38:37,719 --> 00:38:42,120
Speaker 1: Done, break up. Bye, You're done. I don't want to

833
00:38:42,160 --> 00:38:43,800
Speaker 1: see you were at these parts anymore.

834
00:38:43,840 --> 00:38:50,480
Speaker 2: Son what he said he would do it when he

835
00:38:50,520 --> 00:38:53,560
Speaker 2: was bored at work, and he wasn't thinking. You know

836
00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:56,080
Speaker 2: how much thought it takes to go in your app,

837
00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:59,000
Speaker 2: search up a word in the search bar and hit buttons.

838
00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:00,360
Speaker 1: Come on, come on?

839
00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:02,480
Speaker 2: He wasn't thinking, you know what I have to do?

840
00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:09,120
Speaker 2: That requires zero thinking? Walking, walking, breathing, breathing, blinking, blinking.

841
00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:11,839
Speaker 1: Probably it would have been easier to text your girlfriend

842
00:39:12,400 --> 00:39:15,719
Speaker 1: if you were bored. I don't know if you need to.

843
00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:19,640
Speaker 1: If you're feeling spicy, spicy texture, I don't care, text

844
00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:20,520
Speaker 1: your girlfriend.

845
00:39:21,160 --> 00:39:24,120
Speaker 2: Yep, there you go. He said he would swipe ride

846
00:39:24,120 --> 00:39:27,480
Speaker 2: on women when pop was attractive, but he would never

847
00:39:27,520 --> 00:39:30,880
Speaker 2: initiate anything. He lied to me about watching Corn. He

848
00:39:30,880 --> 00:39:33,440
Speaker 2: told me he didn't watch it. I told him before

849
00:39:33,520 --> 00:39:35,640
Speaker 2: that I don't care if he does. I just don't

850
00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:38,600
Speaker 2: want to know. He constantly assured me he didn't watch it.

851
00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:41,440
Speaker 2: Prior admitting to this, he received a message from a

852
00:39:41,520 --> 00:39:45,080
Speaker 2: random woman on social media, which I found screenshots of

853
00:39:45,160 --> 00:39:48,319
Speaker 2: in his camera roll, the message and profile. I asked

854
00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:50,919
Speaker 2: him why I had these screenshots he said he showed

855
00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:53,640
Speaker 2: his friends. I couldn't find any proof in his messages

856
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:57,319
Speaker 2: that he actually showed them unless he deleted it, so

857
00:39:57,440 --> 00:40:00,400
Speaker 2: I have no idea what he said. He said he

858
00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:03,920
Speaker 2: had no intention on telling me about the message, but

859
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:08,240
Speaker 2: decided to brag to his buddies instead. I felt so broken.

860
00:40:08,640 --> 00:40:11,640
Speaker 2: I've given this man one hundred and ten percent and

861
00:40:11,680 --> 00:40:15,600
Speaker 2: he half budded our whole relationship. I've had to beg

862
00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:19,320
Speaker 2: for the bare minimum so many times just to find

863
00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:22,120
Speaker 2: out that he's cheating on me behind my back.

864
00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:27,480
Speaker 1: Trash, trash man, trash to the dumb sight, Go get

865
00:40:27,520 --> 00:40:29,279
Speaker 1: him a truck because he's the garbage man.

866
00:40:29,520 --> 00:40:30,960
Speaker 2: I don't know what to do.

867
00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:32,200
Speaker 1: I know what to do.

868
00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:35,600
Speaker 2: Breakup, Oh, there we go, easy what I had no.

869
00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:38,800
Speaker 1: Idea, that was never thought. Breaking up facts.

870
00:40:39,120 --> 00:40:42,200
Speaker 2: Facts. We had one last conversation. Oh, it was a

871
00:40:42,200 --> 00:40:44,879
Speaker 2: breakup conversation where I just tore him apart. I told

872
00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:47,560
Speaker 2: him he doesn't do anything, and he was a bad boyfriend,

873
00:40:47,680 --> 00:40:49,160
Speaker 2: bad and also.

874
00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:49,640
Speaker 1: He cheated on you.

875
00:40:49,800 --> 00:40:53,680
Speaker 2: Bad boyfriend, bad boyfriend. And we went back to things

876
00:40:53,680 --> 00:40:54,160
Speaker 2: as normal.

877
00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:58,000
Speaker 1: No. I was ridding, Okay, no, no, that's all.

878
00:40:57,960 --> 00:41:00,200
Speaker 2: You gotta do these days. Just tell your boyfriend he's bad.

879
00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:02,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, and he's like, you're right, You're right.

880
00:41:03,040 --> 00:41:05,560
Speaker 2: He says he can change, he can't and wants to

881
00:41:05,640 --> 00:41:08,720
Speaker 2: prove to me that he can't. He says he planned

882
00:41:08,719 --> 00:41:13,040
Speaker 2: his whole future around us. He's so gonna do whatever

883
00:41:13,120 --> 00:41:16,200
Speaker 2: he can to make it work. You gotta believe him, Sophia.

884
00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:17,000
Speaker 1: I don't believe him.

885
00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:18,040
Speaker 2: He's gonna make it work.

886
00:41:18,120 --> 00:41:18,920
Speaker 1: I don't believe him.

887
00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:21,560
Speaker 2: I told him, I can't believe he's going to change

888
00:41:21,840 --> 00:41:24,960
Speaker 2: because all I've known from him is half butt effort.

889
00:41:25,160 --> 00:41:28,200
Speaker 2: He said he's going to take time to change, show

890
00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:31,800
Speaker 2: me that he's capable put in an effort, and it's

891
00:41:31,840 --> 00:41:36,040
Speaker 2: something he said. He's worried he has underlying issues gonna

892
00:41:36,080 --> 00:41:39,040
Speaker 2: make him act this way. No, because he's never done

893
00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:42,919
Speaker 2: this before. Ow Hes and Sophia, this is the best

894
00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:44,239
Speaker 2: relationship he's ever had.

895
00:41:44,600 --> 00:41:45,959
Speaker 1: By hate this man.

896
00:41:46,640 --> 00:41:50,600
Speaker 3: I don't I don't know why I do these things, Dude.

897
00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:51,920
Speaker 3: It must be something in my.

898
00:41:52,120 --> 00:41:56,920
Speaker 2: Past, dude, Okay, okay, okay, it probably wasn't a hackerize

899
00:41:57,320 --> 00:41:58,760
Speaker 2: he was hypnotized, Sophia.

900
00:41:58,920 --> 00:41:59,800
Speaker 1: He's like, oh he was.

901
00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:03,239
Speaker 3: I went to this like this magic show, and I

902
00:42:03,280 --> 00:42:05,160
Speaker 3: think he did something to my brain.

903
00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:10,799
Speaker 1: Dude, you're the problem. Leave this man. He can't even

904
00:42:10,800 --> 00:42:12,600
Speaker 1: own up to what he did. This is the brush

905
00:42:12,680 --> 00:42:14,240
Speaker 1: relationship by bebar Rhud.

906
00:42:14,480 --> 00:42:18,120
Speaker 2: What are you talking about? He he knows he's able

907
00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:18,800
Speaker 2: to change.

908
00:42:19,719 --> 00:42:20,320
Speaker 1: Bye bye.

909
00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:23,920
Speaker 2: He said he's going to seek professional help and quit

910
00:42:24,160 --> 00:42:26,799
Speaker 2: his bad habits. Like Tinder, we kind of left it

911
00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:29,439
Speaker 2: on an open note, like what we want to work out,

912
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:32,440
Speaker 2: but he needs to do some serious work on his end.

913
00:42:32,719 --> 00:42:36,400
Speaker 2: Bad boyfriend. I don't know. I haven't done anything yet.

914
00:42:36,840 --> 00:42:39,360
Speaker 2: I'm the one that's having to pick up the pieces.

915
00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:41,680
Speaker 2: I got a puppy during the time we were together,

916
00:42:42,239 --> 00:42:44,480
Speaker 2: and he was amazing and helping me with her. It

917
00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:46,600
Speaker 2: felt so nice, like we have a little family together.

918
00:42:47,080 --> 00:42:50,160
Speaker 2: It's hard coping with that loss where I stand. I

919
00:42:50,239 --> 00:42:52,719
Speaker 2: just don't know of making it work as possible. Has

920
00:42:52,760 --> 00:42:55,360
Speaker 2: anyone been in a similar position? Were you able to

921
00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:57,319
Speaker 2: make it work? I just don't know if I'll ever

922
00:42:57,360 --> 00:42:59,839
Speaker 2: get over the fact that I won't know. I won't

923
00:42:59,840 --> 00:43:02,759
Speaker 2: know how bad it really was. I won't know if

924
00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:04,879
Speaker 2: he was really telling me the truth.

925
00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:06,839
Speaker 1: And I'm not telling you the truth, and.

926
00:43:06,880 --> 00:43:08,799
Speaker 2: I won't know the reason why he did it.

927
00:43:08,880 --> 00:43:11,440
Speaker 1: He did it because he didn't be stupid.

928
00:43:11,600 --> 00:43:14,680
Speaker 2: Any advice is appreciated. Edit he just admitted at least

929
00:43:14,719 --> 00:43:15,920
Speaker 2: twenty times. We got an up date.

930
00:43:17,120 --> 00:43:18,920
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to these stories.

931
00:43:18,960 --> 00:43:20,840
Speaker 1: But here's three of bits of bads from our sponsors

932
00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:21,720
Speaker 1: that keep the show alive.

933
00:43:22,520 --> 00:43:25,800
Speaker 2: We got an update. Ah, Sophia's hitting herself.

934
00:43:26,120 --> 00:43:30,440
Speaker 1: Yeah we so it went from two to ten to twenty. Sophia.

935
00:43:30,520 --> 00:43:34,440
Speaker 2: He's changing, He's omitted his flaws. He's like getting through this.

936
00:43:34,600 --> 00:43:37,160
Speaker 1: The only thing he's changing is his profile.

937
00:43:37,360 --> 00:43:40,359
Speaker 2: Sophia, I don't really think you understand his effort he's

938
00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:41,160
Speaker 2: putting into this.

939
00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:44,280
Speaker 1: I hate this man from the bottom of my heart.

940
00:43:44,840 --> 00:43:48,200
Speaker 2: Also, like in a story we read earlier today, you

941
00:43:48,239 --> 00:43:50,680
Speaker 2: were as stupid as him. If you continue this.

942
00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:53,000
Speaker 1: Relationship, yeah, well I don't want to. I don't want

943
00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:56,480
Speaker 1: to be so rshapie because I think he's manipulative. But like, girl,

944
00:43:56,560 --> 00:44:00,000
Speaker 1: come on, we know what he's doing. We know he's lying.

945
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:02,880
Speaker 1: You don't need to know why he went on tender.

946
00:44:02,960 --> 00:44:03,960
Speaker 2: We already know why.

947
00:44:04,160 --> 00:44:07,120
Speaker 1: He's like wants a cheat. Cheeters just want to cheat, man.

948
00:44:07,480 --> 00:44:08,600
Speaker 1: They don't need a reason.

949
00:44:08,760 --> 00:44:10,320
Speaker 2: Because the change gonna cheat.

950
00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:14,080
Speaker 1: Leave this man, that's my advice for you to leave him.

951
00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:17,240
Speaker 2: Update. I got some new information. This is my last post.

952
00:44:17,600 --> 00:44:19,759
Speaker 2: He originally told me it was ten times at the

953
00:44:19,800 --> 00:44:23,000
Speaker 2: beginning of our relationship, and then he stopped. I texted

954
00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:25,759
Speaker 2: him after our last conversation because it didn't add up.

955
00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:29,480
Speaker 2: That's when he told me it was actually every week

956
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:32,759
Speaker 2: or every other week throughout the whole relationship, so at

957
00:44:32,880 --> 00:44:44,640
Speaker 2: least twenty times. He insists it was just re downloading

958
00:44:44,680 --> 00:44:47,920
Speaker 2: the app, swiping on a few people, reading the messages,

959
00:44:48,360 --> 00:44:51,839
Speaker 2: and then deleting it no harm. He said he never

960
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:55,360
Speaker 2: messaged anyone or took it further than just the match.

961
00:44:55,600 --> 00:44:57,960
Speaker 2: When he did share his screen with me. I did

962
00:44:58,000 --> 00:45:01,080
Speaker 2: see that that appeared to be true unless he unmatched

963
00:45:01,080 --> 00:45:05,160
Speaker 2: with people, which he insisted he didn't, and he didn't

964
00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:05,799
Speaker 2: know how to do.

965
00:45:06,040 --> 00:45:08,360
Speaker 1: His freaking mother Terre say he's never told a lie,

966
00:45:08,480 --> 00:45:12,279
Speaker 1: come on, or Abraham Leagan, Yeah, that's maybe better.

967
00:45:12,560 --> 00:45:14,319
Speaker 2: I didn't know. Murther Dresa was cool like that.

968
00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:16,480
Speaker 1: Actually, she probably told lies. I don't know.

969
00:45:16,840 --> 00:45:20,680
Speaker 2: He also admitted that he lied about the severity when

970
00:45:20,719 --> 00:45:23,600
Speaker 2: he told his friends, but sent me a screenshot of

971
00:45:23,719 --> 00:45:26,640
Speaker 2: him texting them and admitted he lied and then telling

972
00:45:26,680 --> 00:45:30,080
Speaker 2: them the truth. They had both said they were disappointed

973
00:45:30,400 --> 00:45:32,760
Speaker 2: and could feel bad for him, but they were glad

974
00:45:32,760 --> 00:45:34,920
Speaker 2: he's working on himself. Now, this is what happened. This

975
00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:37,480
Speaker 2: is what actually happened. Hey, guys, So I'm gonna send

976
00:45:37,520 --> 00:45:40,319
Speaker 2: you a text message saying I feel bad and I

977
00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:43,000
Speaker 2: want you guys to say you're disappointed, but also they're

978
00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:43,880
Speaker 2: proud of me for working.

979
00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:45,920
Speaker 1: Call myself exactly what happened.

980
00:45:46,080 --> 00:45:48,239
Speaker 2: Okay, now text ou. I'm gonna send text message in

981
00:45:48,239 --> 00:45:50,320
Speaker 2: a minute. Okay, did you want to go? He continues

982
00:45:50,360 --> 00:45:52,480
Speaker 2: to say, but he doesn't have a good reason for

983
00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:54,799
Speaker 2: why he did it, and that it wasn't serious as

984
00:45:54,800 --> 00:45:57,440
Speaker 2: all to him, which is why he is difficult. He

985
00:45:57,600 --> 00:46:00,520
Speaker 2: remembering the specific dates and times he was on there.

986
00:46:00,760 --> 00:46:02,520
Speaker 1: Because he did it so many times.

987
00:46:02,920 --> 00:46:05,879
Speaker 2: Before I left my business trip about two to three

988
00:46:05,920 --> 00:46:08,560
Speaker 2: weeks ago. We had a brief conversation where I told

989
00:46:08,640 --> 00:46:11,320
Speaker 2: him it's one of my worst fears to get cheated

990
00:46:11,360 --> 00:46:15,120
Speaker 2: on while away from home because there's absolutely nothing I

991
00:46:15,160 --> 00:46:17,799
Speaker 2: can do. Hey, Sophia, don't think about elephants.

992
00:46:18,080 --> 00:46:19,959
Speaker 1: It's too late. It's too late.

993
00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:23,200
Speaker 2: I just have to cope from afar. He admitted he

994
00:46:23,400 --> 00:46:26,920
Speaker 2: may have used tender while I was gone. But once again,

995
00:46:27,600 --> 00:46:30,520
Speaker 2: no messages, no meeting, nothing.

996
00:46:30,200 --> 00:46:32,759
Speaker 1: What do you mean he may have he ether did

997
00:46:32,840 --> 00:46:33,880
Speaker 1: or he didn't.

998
00:46:34,080 --> 00:46:36,200
Speaker 2: And we know he did Sofia, it's not that serious.

999
00:46:36,239 --> 00:46:37,799
Speaker 2: He doesn't remember, you said.

1000
00:46:37,600 --> 00:46:41,680
Speaker 1: I remember, but I could have used tender may I'm

1001
00:46:41,680 --> 00:46:46,040
Speaker 1: not quite sure. I forgot. There were a lot of messages.

1002
00:46:46,920 --> 00:46:49,520
Speaker 2: It's not that serious, of course, is memory fades.

1003
00:46:49,640 --> 00:46:52,399
Speaker 1: Memory phages. None of them were like you, babe, do.

1004
00:46:52,400 --> 00:46:54,360
Speaker 2: You remember what you made for lunch last week, today,

1005
00:46:54,840 --> 00:46:58,239
Speaker 2: last Wednesday? Just like that. It wasn't it wasn't that

1006
00:46:58,280 --> 00:46:59,720
Speaker 2: big for me. I don't remember.

1007
00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:00,520
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1008
00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:03,640
Speaker 2: Since then he showed me proof of making a therapy appointment.

1009
00:47:05,640 --> 00:47:07,960
Speaker 1: We already know that you can make appointment.

1010
00:47:09,560 --> 00:47:13,880
Speaker 2: Him throwing away all his vapes and yeah, he says

1011
00:47:13,920 --> 00:47:16,160
Speaker 2: he's going to send me pictures of his bank statements

1012
00:47:16,200 --> 00:47:19,239
Speaker 2: and screen time every week to prove he'sn't vuying more

1013
00:47:19,320 --> 00:47:22,759
Speaker 2: vapes like cash doesn't exist, that he is actually going

1014
00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:25,800
Speaker 2: to therapy, and that he's going to produce time spent

1015
00:47:25,840 --> 00:47:28,520
Speaker 2: on his phone and social media. He also sent me

1016
00:47:28,640 --> 00:47:33,879
Speaker 2: a huge apology apologizing everything he's ever done wrong, specifically

1017
00:47:34,280 --> 00:47:35,120
Speaker 2: naming each thing.

1018
00:47:35,760 --> 00:47:38,560
Speaker 1: And I'm sorry for messaging Tina, and I'm most so

1019
00:47:38,640 --> 00:47:42,399
Speaker 1: sorry for messaging Megan. I'm also sorry for that one

1020
00:47:42,440 --> 00:47:46,319
Speaker 1: time that I met up with Susan. And there's a

1021
00:47:46,360 --> 00:47:48,359
Speaker 1: couple more to bear with me. It's good take a while.

1022
00:47:48,480 --> 00:47:51,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, I can name another thing he definitely didn't do.

1023
00:47:51,320 --> 00:47:54,319
Speaker 2: What watch more? Okay, story time? Like you can do.

1024
00:47:54,560 --> 00:47:57,040
Speaker 2: All you gotta go to is your favorite podcast platform?

1025
00:47:57,040 --> 00:47:59,520
Speaker 2: Search a okay story Time and boom, you can listen

1026
00:47:59,520 --> 00:48:02,600
Speaker 2: to more crazy stories just like this on iHeartRadio, Spotify

1027
00:48:02,640 --> 00:48:03,040
Speaker 2: or Apple.

1028
00:48:03,239 --> 00:48:06,279
Speaker 1: Don't commit a sin like this, man, don't do it.

1029
00:48:06,360 --> 00:48:09,680
Speaker 2: I just don't understand the sudden effort. Now we're broken up,

1030
00:48:09,719 --> 00:48:11,799
Speaker 2: and I'm pretty confident it's gonna stay that way.

1031
00:48:12,160 --> 00:48:14,880
Speaker 1: What you mean pretty confident? What do you mean? Pretty confident?

1032
00:48:15,239 --> 00:48:17,080
Speaker 2: F I get back with him, I don't know if

1033
00:48:17,120 --> 00:48:20,759
Speaker 2: I could ever fully trust him. He's asked us about

1034
00:48:20,800 --> 00:48:24,360
Speaker 2: going to Copples therapy, and I told him that he

1035
00:48:24,400 --> 00:48:28,400
Speaker 2: needs to get therapy because there's no us anymore. Okay o,

1036
00:48:28,560 --> 00:48:32,360
Speaker 2: p okay. He says he's gonna change and going to

1037
00:48:32,440 --> 00:48:35,400
Speaker 2: prove to me whether I block him or not. I

1038
00:48:35,440 --> 00:48:38,759
Speaker 2: don't see it working out. I have pretty bad insecurities

1039
00:48:38,760 --> 00:48:41,759
Speaker 2: and self esteem issues. So this is unfortunately a tough

1040
00:48:41,800 --> 00:48:45,160
Speaker 2: situation for me. I'm trying to stick out, let everyone

1041
00:48:45,239 --> 00:48:48,680
Speaker 2: told me and respect myself. Thank you all for the advice.

1042
00:48:49,040 --> 00:48:51,919
Speaker 2: My brain feels like it's filled with bees. So even

1043
00:48:51,920 --> 00:48:54,680
Speaker 2: though the answer may be clear to you guys, I

1044
00:48:54,800 --> 00:48:57,160
Speaker 2: was having a hard time seeing it and edit, he

1045
00:48:57,320 --> 00:48:57,840
Speaker 2: is blocked.

1046
00:48:57,920 --> 00:49:02,840
Speaker 1: Thank goodness. Girl. Proud of you. Girl, out of you.

1047
00:49:03,040 --> 00:49:04,439
Speaker 1: Oh p I'm proud of you.

1048
00:49:04,920 --> 00:49:05,960
Speaker 2: That's how you gotta do it.

1049
00:49:06,040 --> 00:49:08,759
Speaker 1: Block him. If someone is telling you that they're going

1050
00:49:08,760 --> 00:49:14,600
Speaker 1: on tender while they're dating you, bye bye. That's not

1051
00:49:14,719 --> 00:49:17,440
Speaker 1: your partner, dude, that's tender's partner.

1052
00:49:17,560 --> 00:49:20,600
Speaker 2: I haven't seen these kind of like gas lighting tips

1053
00:49:20,640 --> 00:49:21,520
Speaker 2: and tricks before.

1054
00:49:21,760 --> 00:49:25,640
Speaker 1: The thing is that he didn't even really gaslighter. That's

1055
00:49:25,680 --> 00:49:27,799
Speaker 1: the thing. That's the crazy thing he kind of did.

1056
00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:30,840
Speaker 1: I mean, besides like lying about how many people he

1057
00:49:30,920 --> 00:49:34,440
Speaker 1: was messaging, he admitted he was messaging people like he

1058
00:49:34,800 --> 00:49:38,240
Speaker 1: gaslit her and saying like, oh, but it's the reason. Yeah,

1059
00:49:38,239 --> 00:49:40,000
Speaker 1: but like he just told her and then he was like,

1060
00:49:40,080 --> 00:49:41,160
Speaker 1: I don't know why I did it.

1061
00:49:41,640 --> 00:49:44,799
Speaker 2: What's scary to me. The most scary thing here, how

1062
00:49:44,880 --> 00:49:47,640
Speaker 2: easily he brought up these excuses and he just kind

1063
00:49:47,640 --> 00:49:48,200
Speaker 2: of threw them out.

1064
00:49:48,280 --> 00:49:49,960
Speaker 1: He was just like, yeah, I did it, but like

1065
00:49:50,280 --> 00:49:51,320
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter.

1066
00:49:51,440 --> 00:49:53,319
Speaker 2: This is a pro at work. This man has done

1067
00:49:53,320 --> 00:49:56,480
Speaker 2: this time and time and time again. Who knows there

1068
00:49:56,560 --> 00:49:58,560
Speaker 2: might be three more of you out there he's talking.

1069
00:49:58,320 --> 00:50:01,279
Speaker 1: To right now. Yeah, probably, folks. That's the end of

1070
00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:04,919
Speaker 1: that story and the end of this episode. So if

1071
00:50:04,920 --> 00:50:06,759
Speaker 1: you love us, make sure to subscribe.

1072
00:50:06,960 --> 00:50:09,840
Speaker 2: We love you and see you tomorrow.