WEBVTT - Betrayal Weekly: EP 17 - Ryan

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<v Speaker 1>I rush out of there like Cruela Deville in one

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<v Speaker 1>hundred and one Dalmatians Death, gripping the wheel, red eyed,

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<v Speaker 1>just like mad, and I go back to our apartment.

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<v Speaker 1>I throw the credit card at him sitting on the couch,

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<v Speaker 1>and I scream, do you recognize these numbers?

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<v Speaker 2>I'm Andrea Gunning and this is Betrayal, A show about

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<v Speaker 2>the people we trust the most and the deceptions that

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<v Speaker 2>change everything. A few months ago, my twin sister called me.

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<v Speaker 2>She wanted to connect me with someone who had a

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<v Speaker 2>betrayal story of his own. It was her favorite fitness instructor,

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<v Speaker 2>Ryan Lewis.

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<v Speaker 3>Ryan's a force of nature.

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<v Speaker 1>There's some days teach four classes a day and I'll

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<v Speaker 1>still find time to take a class as well.

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<v Speaker 2>Ryan has an infectious energy. I can attest to this

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<v Speaker 2>firsthand because I used to take his class in my hometown.

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<v Speaker 2>That only does he have the best music, but the

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<v Speaker 2>way he motivates the class, it's not just physical, it's

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<v Speaker 2>also emotional.

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<v Speaker 3>I may or may not have cried in his class before.

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<v Speaker 1>Sometimes I bring my teaching home with me in terms

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<v Speaker 1>of like making somebody's day, or making somebody's life better,

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<v Speaker 1>or whatever it is.

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<v Speaker 2>Ryan's inclined to put other people's happiness first, sometimes to

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<v Speaker 2>a fault, and one of his core values is to

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<v Speaker 2>assume the best in others.

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<v Speaker 1>I will take somebody's word for what it is as

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<v Speaker 1>they're giving me, and I will believe them. And it's

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<v Speaker 1>just because I'd rather live in a world like that

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<v Speaker 1>than live in a world where I constantly, I don't know,

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<v Speaker 1>have my guard up.

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<v Speaker 2>He grew up outside of Philadelphia in a well to

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<v Speaker 2>do family. He's very close with his parents and siblings.

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<v Speaker 2>The family is ambitious, academic.

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<v Speaker 4>And I was kind of the one that went and

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<v Speaker 4>charted my own path.

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<v Speaker 2>As a teenager, Ryan got into theater and his parents

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<v Speaker 2>were at every performance, like when he was cast as

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<v Speaker 2>Jean Valjean in a local theater production of La Miz.

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<v Speaker 1>There were seven performances. My dad was at every single

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<v Speaker 1>one of them. But he came to see it and

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<v Speaker 1>he was talking to one of my friends, who then

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<v Speaker 1>shared this with me. They were like, you must be

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<v Speaker 1>so proud of him, and He's like, of course I am.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, I was expecting to be in the bleachers

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<v Speaker 1>of like a Friday Night Lights kind of situation, but

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<v Speaker 1>this is like his varsity jacket moment.

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<v Speaker 3>After graduating high school, he went to NYU.

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<v Speaker 4>Being in New York.

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<v Speaker 1>City, that's when I feel like my actual day dating

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<v Speaker 1>life started.

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<v Speaker 2>He started his first serious relationship with a guy he

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<v Speaker 2>met online. He was eleven years older than Ryan, and

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<v Speaker 2>he had an established job in finance.

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<v Speaker 1>There was a part of me, a large part of me,

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<v Speaker 1>that genuinely loved this man. But at the same time,

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<v Speaker 1>I was also loving the stuff that I was getting

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<v Speaker 1>from him, which were drugs that I was looking for

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<v Speaker 1>that I couldn't really afford.

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<v Speaker 2>The two of them would go on benders together, partying

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<v Speaker 2>and doing cocaine. When the relationship ended, Ryan's cocaine didn't.

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<v Speaker 2>His next boyfriend noticed it immediately.

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<v Speaker 1>He came over and I was very noticeably high, and

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<v Speaker 1>he was like, are we going out.

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<v Speaker 4>Tonight or something? And I was like nope.

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<v Speaker 1>So then he was like, I'm not going to do

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<v Speaker 1>this anymore. This has to immediately stop or I'm going

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<v Speaker 1>to leave you. So I did until I found a

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<v Speaker 1>way to keep that drug usage secret to the point

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<v Speaker 1>where I would just hope that he would then go

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<v Speaker 1>to bed or something and then I could party all night,

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<v Speaker 1>which I did.

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<v Speaker 4>He fell in.

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<v Speaker 3>Love with this new guy.

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<v Speaker 2>It was the first time he could see himself with

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<v Speaker 2>someone long term. But all the while Ryan was lying

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<v Speaker 2>to him hiding his drug use. His boyfriend would draw

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<v Speaker 2>a line in the sand. Ryan would promise to get clean,

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<v Speaker 2>but then he'd end up using again and the cycle

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<v Speaker 2>would repeat itself. Ryan says that this was his rock bottom.

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<v Speaker 1>I went to do what would be my last line

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<v Speaker 1>now over ten years later. I just didn't feel anything,

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<v Speaker 1>and I had, you know, the six or seven before

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<v Speaker 1>that of the night, but it just stopped working. And

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<v Speaker 1>it kind of was just this bigger moment, bigger than

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<v Speaker 1>myself kind of moment, this realization of, like, I think

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<v Speaker 1>this party is over. I had to come clean to

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<v Speaker 1>him that, like I had used again, and then he

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<v Speaker 1>had called my parents. My mom flew up no return ticket,

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<v Speaker 1>and she was like, I'm not leaving New York City

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<v Speaker 1>until we get you the help that you need.

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<v Speaker 2>Ryan started going to alpatient rehab every day. He and

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<v Speaker 2>his boy my friend, ultimately separated. Today, Ryan's been sober

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<v Speaker 2>for ten years. Back when he first got sober, he

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<v Speaker 2>found a new clarity on his priorities. He was twenty three,

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<v Speaker 2>a recent graduate with a degree in business administration, and

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<v Speaker 2>he landed a corporate marketing job, but getting sober changed him,

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<v Speaker 2>and marketing analytics felt empty.

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<v Speaker 4>I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>How I can show up to work and try to

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<v Speaker 1>sell something that I have to put on somebody else's

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<v Speaker 1>hat for. I just like to come from a really

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<v Speaker 1>authentic place.

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<v Speaker 3>And what he was passionate about was fitness.

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<v Speaker 1>At the time, I was a frequent and avid writer

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<v Speaker 1>at soul Cycle. It was my transfer addiction, probably writing

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<v Speaker 1>like seven to ten times a week, doubling Monday Wednesday

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<v Speaker 1>Friday morning six am seven am.

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<v Speaker 4>Crazy. I know.

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<v Speaker 2>He went so often that one day an instructor asked

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<v Speaker 2>if he would be interested in tea.

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<v Speaker 1>I just graduated college from like one of the top

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<v Speaker 1>undergrad and graduate business schools in the country, and I

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<v Speaker 1>couldn't imagine saying to my parents, Hey, I'm going to

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<v Speaker 1>leave this to go become a cycling instructor.

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<v Speaker 3>But he decided to give it a shot, no matter

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<v Speaker 3>what his parents thought.

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<v Speaker 1>I wanted to wake up every morning excited for what

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<v Speaker 1>I got to do.

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<v Speaker 2>Of course, he was hired and began instructor training right away.

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<v Speaker 3>He knew that this wasn't just a job. It was

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<v Speaker 3>going to be his career.

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<v Speaker 1>They moved me to Philly because they were opening up

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<v Speaker 1>the first studio there. They knew I was from there

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<v Speaker 1>and they wanted me to be a part of the

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<v Speaker 1>opening team. And so I did that and opened up

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<v Speaker 1>the two studios that are now there today. Was there

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<v Speaker 1>for like seven years.

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<v Speaker 2>After investing his entire twenties in growing his career, he

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<v Speaker 2>wanted a partner he could build a life with, someone

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<v Speaker 2>who could match his passion and energy.

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<v Speaker 4>I have a.

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<v Speaker 1>Huge heart and I have a lot of feelings, and

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<v Speaker 1>so I like to think that there is somebody out

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<v Speaker 1>there who is open to connecting that deeply and it

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<v Speaker 1>comes from a really authentic place.

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<v Speaker 2>In twenty nineteen, Ryan got a coveted summer position teaching

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<v Speaker 2>in the Hamptons. He was on the dating apps but

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<v Speaker 2>wasn't expecting to find anything serious. After all, it's a

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<v Speaker 2>vacation town.

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<v Speaker 1>I've definitely had my fair share of hookups via Grinder,

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<v Speaker 1>like I have no shame about that. Very sex positive,

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<v Speaker 1>but I still don't execute as much as like the

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<v Speaker 1>opportunity maybe comes up.

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<v Speaker 2>Ryan had a lot of unopened messages on his dating apps,

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<v Speaker 2>but one day he got a message that piqued his interest.

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<v Speaker 3>It was from a guy we're going to call Jacques.

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<v Speaker 1>I remember just being like, this man is so attractive.

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<v Speaker 1>He had a bit of mystery to him. He's just

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<v Speaker 1>like a very like Jason Momoa in shape guy, darker

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<v Speaker 1>complexion and tattoos everywhere. And then he's also French. He

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<v Speaker 1>has a French accent as well, which like add that

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<v Speaker 1>to it.

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<v Speaker 3>Jock invited him over and Ryan didn't hesitate.

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<v Speaker 4>For this one. I was like, I'm going.

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<v Speaker 2>When he got to Jacques's house in the Hampton's, he

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<v Speaker 2>was impressed. Jacques was a high level marketing executive with

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<v Speaker 2>the lifestyle to match.

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<v Speaker 1>He had this very cute, like cottagey kind of thing

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<v Speaker 1>out there that had a pool. We went in the

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<v Speaker 1>pool first, and he was very quiet, very like introverted,

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<v Speaker 1>and for that like I can't sit in silence, so

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just like wow, lahlah blah, talking for ever, just

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<v Speaker 1>so like we weren't hit the silence again, still that

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<v Speaker 1>air of mystery, and then we started making out in

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<v Speaker 1>the pool and I just remember being like there was

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<v Speaker 1>some electricity here I have never felt before, just this

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<v Speaker 1>like raw magnetism. And then we had sex and it

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<v Speaker 1>was the same thing, and I was just like, oh

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<v Speaker 1>my god, this wow.

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<v Speaker 2>After their fleeing, he and Jacques followed each other on Instagram.

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<v Speaker 2>Summer was nearly over when they met, so Ryan returned

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<v Speaker 2>to his regular teaching position in the city without seeing

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<v Speaker 2>him again. Over the next few years, their only contact

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<v Speaker 2>was the occasional EMOJIDM.

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<v Speaker 3>That was until Ryan posted a photo from his family vacation.

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<v Speaker 1>I was in Saint Bart's with my family and he

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<v Speaker 1>had DMed me excited posted a picture. It was like,

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<v Speaker 1>that's my favorite place on the planet. And he grew

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<v Speaker 1>up on Saint Bart's. Then we started talking and immediately

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<v Speaker 1>just very much back and forth, flirting, vulgar, not vulgar,

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<v Speaker 1>like all the things. And if I feel something, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>going to materialize it to words and share it with you.

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<v Speaker 1>And so I shared with him like I had never

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<v Speaker 1>felt something so electric, something so magnetic as the afternoon

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<v Speaker 1>that we spent together, and I will never be able

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<v Speaker 1>to stop thinking about it. And he's echoing the same

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<v Speaker 1>thing back to me. And so then we were going

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<v Speaker 1>back and forth, and it was just a matter from

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<v Speaker 1>then who's going to go visit who first?

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<v Speaker 2>Even though it was a few years since they met,

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<v Speaker 2>their chemistry still felt electric. Ryan had moved back to

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<v Speaker 2>New York City and Jacques was living in Miami, so

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<v Speaker 2>Ryan me plans to go visit him there. A couple

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<v Speaker 2>of days before Ryan was set to arrive, Jaques called,

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<v Speaker 2>He's like, I've.

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<v Speaker 1>Got some bad news. I have a friend that's going

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<v Speaker 1>through something and she has the rest training order against

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<v Speaker 1>her husband who has been physically abusing her, and she's

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<v Speaker 1>taking her kid with her and needs a place to stay,

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<v Speaker 1>so she's going to stay at my apartment.

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<v Speaker 2>It wasn't ideal, but he was struck by Jacques's generosity.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just like, that's so nice of you. I'm so

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<v Speaker 1>sorry that your friend is going through that.

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<v Speaker 2>They weren't able to stay together at Jaques's place, but

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<v Speaker 2>Jacques had a solution. A friend with an Airbnb said

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<v Speaker 2>that they could use it at a discount, so Ryan

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<v Speaker 2>paid him five hundred dollars for the place and boarded

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<v Speaker 2>a plane to Miami.

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<v Speaker 1>And I remember seeing him and this was the first

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<v Speaker 1>time I was seeing him in four years, being like

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<v Speaker 1>I am in big trouble. Immediately was just like ah,

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<v Speaker 1>Like the heart started picking up all the things Butterflies

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<v Speaker 1>was like.

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<v Speaker 4>Here we go.

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<v Speaker 2>Ryan took that first weekend with Jock slow. He already

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<v Speaker 2>knew they had a magnetic attraction. He wanted to get

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<v Speaker 2>to know Jack on a deeper level.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm at this point in my life where like, I

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<v Speaker 1>want to start my next chapter, my settling down chapter,

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<v Speaker 1>at least in terms of personal life.

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<v Speaker 2>They stayed up late and talked about their lives. Jock

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<v Speaker 2>had multiple citizenships, spoke four languages, and owned homes around

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<v Speaker 2>the world, all thanks to his illustrious career.

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<v Speaker 1>She was a very decorated marketing professional. He had worked

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<v Speaker 1>for three huge luxury designer brands over in their Europe offices.

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<v Speaker 1>He had worked for one of the most premier hotel

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<v Speaker 1>organizations as.

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<v Speaker 4>Well, which was the job that he was in at

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<v Speaker 4>the time.

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<v Speaker 1>I was just like, Wow, you are in aggressive, impressive.

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<v Speaker 2>He traveled for work nearly every week and was really

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<v Speaker 2>well connected, which came with a lot of perks. It

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<v Speaker 2>wasn't just his resume that impressed Ryan, it was also

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<v Speaker 2>his commitment to health and fitness.

0:13:14.600 --> 0:13:17.440
<v Speaker 1>He would get up at five or five thirty every morning.

0:13:18.120 --> 0:13:20.240
<v Speaker 1>First thing he would do is work out. He also

0:13:20.400 --> 0:13:22.800
<v Speaker 1>didn't drink, so it was all these values that I

0:13:22.840 --> 0:13:28.640
<v Speaker 1>was connecting to, but what the stickiness was was the

0:13:28.720 --> 0:13:34.640
<v Speaker 1>emotional vulnerability and access that he was giving.

0:13:35.960 --> 0:13:40.360
<v Speaker 2>Like Ryan, he was present, emotionally intelligent, empathetic.

0:13:42.320 --> 0:13:44.720
<v Speaker 1>We talked at the end of the weekend, right before

0:13:44.720 --> 0:13:45.959
<v Speaker 1>I was about to leave, so I was like, well,

0:13:46.040 --> 0:13:46.800
<v Speaker 1>what are we doing here?

0:13:46.920 --> 0:13:48.640
<v Speaker 4>Am I coming back down here? Are you coming up

0:13:48.679 --> 0:13:49.240
<v Speaker 4>to visit me?

0:13:49.360 --> 0:13:49.440
<v Speaker 2>Like?

0:13:49.520 --> 0:13:54.280
<v Speaker 1>Are we moving forward with this? And he was like yeah, absolutely,

0:13:54.600 --> 0:14:01.840
<v Speaker 1>and so I left excited, but so like, what are

0:14:01.880 --> 0:14:06.320
<v Speaker 1>we then? Which sounds crazy after spending one weekend, but

0:14:06.400 --> 0:14:07.960
<v Speaker 1>again for me, I was like, I've known you since

0:14:07.960 --> 0:14:10.720
<v Speaker 1>twenty nineteen, We've talked throughout these past four years, so

0:14:10.720 --> 0:14:12.560
<v Speaker 1>like a foundation has been set.

0:14:13.559 --> 0:14:16.800
<v Speaker 2>Jacques was the full package, the right guy that Ryan

0:14:16.880 --> 0:14:17.840
<v Speaker 2>had been waiting for.

0:14:19.920 --> 0:14:22.960
<v Speaker 3>When he went back to New York, Ryan was almost giddy.

0:14:23.680 --> 0:14:26.880
<v Speaker 1>We were texting like all day every day, pretty much

0:14:26.880 --> 0:14:29.000
<v Speaker 1>like first text in the morning, last text at night.

0:14:29.840 --> 0:14:32.360
<v Speaker 2>They made plans for Ryan to go to Miami again

0:14:32.920 --> 0:14:36.000
<v Speaker 2>just a few weeks later, and this time he stayed

0:14:36.000 --> 0:14:39.760
<v Speaker 2>at Jack's apartment. It was all white, with tall ceilings

0:14:39.800 --> 0:14:44.240
<v Speaker 2>and big glass windows. Ryan could see himself spending a

0:14:44.280 --> 0:14:46.880
<v Speaker 2>lot more time there and so.

0:14:46.840 --> 0:14:49.880
<v Speaker 1>I asked him, like, what is this, Like I left unsure,

0:14:50.280 --> 0:14:53.280
<v Speaker 1>are we still like dating around in the places that

0:14:53.320 --> 0:14:56.160
<v Speaker 1>we live whatever? He was like, oh no, ever since

0:14:56.160 --> 0:14:58.840
<v Speaker 1>you left, I've stopped that.

0:14:58.840 --> 0:15:03.040
<v Speaker 3>That night they made it a and to seal the deal, he.

0:15:04.040 --> 0:15:07.160
<v Speaker 1>Tells me that he loves me, and usually I'm the

0:15:07.160 --> 0:15:10.120
<v Speaker 1>person that gives that away real early in a relationship,

0:15:11.040 --> 0:15:14.200
<v Speaker 1>and I was just like, finally, like somebody is as

0:15:14.360 --> 0:15:19.200
<v Speaker 1>emotionally open and ready to be vulnerable as I am,

0:15:19.280 --> 0:15:21.560
<v Speaker 1>and like feels as deeply as I do, and all

0:15:21.560 --> 0:15:22.240
<v Speaker 1>these things.

0:15:23.240 --> 0:15:26.760
<v Speaker 2>They started dating long distance, but that didn't stop them

0:15:26.760 --> 0:15:29.080
<v Speaker 2>from daydreaming about their future together.

0:15:29.680 --> 0:15:32.880
<v Speaker 1>He was like, I definitely want to get married to somebody.

0:15:33.040 --> 0:15:35.760
<v Speaker 1>I do think I want to have kids, and like

0:15:35.800 --> 0:15:37.840
<v Speaker 1>whenever we talked about that, it was always talking about

0:15:37.840 --> 0:15:40.560
<v Speaker 1>it as I want you as that person.

0:15:43.080 --> 0:15:45.320
<v Speaker 3>The distance became excruciating.

0:15:45.880 --> 0:15:48.840
<v Speaker 2>After every visit, Ryan fell more in love with Jacques

0:15:49.760 --> 0:15:50.840
<v Speaker 2>and with Miami.

0:15:51.480 --> 0:15:54.600
<v Speaker 1>I would crying the uber on the way to the airport,

0:15:54.840 --> 0:15:56.640
<v Speaker 1>cry on the plane, and a part of it was

0:15:56.680 --> 0:15:59.040
<v Speaker 1>because yes, I was saying goodbye to him, but also

0:15:59.080 --> 0:16:01.360
<v Speaker 1>it is because like I was saying goodbye to Miami,

0:16:01.440 --> 0:16:04.320
<v Speaker 1>and I loved being here, loved being here.

0:16:05.280 --> 0:16:07.800
<v Speaker 2>One day, when Ryan was back in New York, he

0:16:07.880 --> 0:16:09.840
<v Speaker 2>got a surprising text from Jacques.

0:16:11.280 --> 0:16:13.080
<v Speaker 1>He sends me a picture in like the middle of

0:16:13.080 --> 0:16:16.280
<v Speaker 1>the afternoon on a weekday, and it's of his left

0:16:16.440 --> 0:16:21.480
<v Speaker 1>ring finger and it says three nineteen twenty twenty three.

0:16:22.480 --> 0:16:26.160
<v Speaker 2>That date was their anniversary, the day they made it official.

0:16:27.560 --> 0:16:30.960
<v Speaker 1>And like, for me back then, I was like, I

0:16:31.240 --> 0:16:34.800
<v Speaker 1>make moves like that, scary moves like that, Like nobody's

0:16:34.840 --> 0:16:37.760
<v Speaker 1>ever done that for me. And so I was just like, Wow,

0:16:38.280 --> 0:16:42.200
<v Speaker 1>this is real, real, real, real, And so I was

0:16:42.280 --> 0:16:45.080
<v Speaker 1>just like hook line sinker, like when are we making

0:16:45.080 --> 0:16:45.600
<v Speaker 1>this happen?

0:16:45.640 --> 0:16:46.680
<v Speaker 4>When am I moving here?

0:16:47.600 --> 0:16:50.880
<v Speaker 2>They started making plans for Ryan to move in. He

0:16:50.920 --> 0:16:53.680
<v Speaker 2>couldn't get a full time teaching position in Miami until

0:16:53.720 --> 0:16:56.480
<v Speaker 2>next year, so he'd have to pick up classes when

0:16:56.480 --> 0:16:56.880
<v Speaker 2>he could.

0:16:58.160 --> 0:16:59.720
<v Speaker 4>And so I'm going.

0:16:59.640 --> 0:17:02.320
<v Speaker 1>To get I don't know how many classes, but I'm

0:17:02.320 --> 0:17:04.320
<v Speaker 1>like very much paid per class, So I'm going to

0:17:04.320 --> 0:17:06.359
<v Speaker 1>be taking a pay cut from what I have right now.

0:17:06.800 --> 0:17:08.919
<v Speaker 1>And he was like, don't worry about a thing. I

0:17:08.960 --> 0:17:12.120
<v Speaker 1>will cover Rent, I will cover all this stuff, maybe

0:17:12.400 --> 0:17:14.440
<v Speaker 1>help out with groceries every week.

0:17:15.040 --> 0:17:16.800
<v Speaker 4>And I was like I can do that.

0:17:18.640 --> 0:17:21.440
<v Speaker 2>At the time, Jacques was the CMO at a luxury

0:17:21.480 --> 0:17:24.240
<v Speaker 2>hotel brand. He could afford to cover some of their

0:17:24.280 --> 0:17:27.320
<v Speaker 2>bills Before they took the big step to move in together.

0:17:27.800 --> 0:17:29.080
<v Speaker 3>Ryan invited him.

0:17:29.000 --> 0:17:32.600
<v Speaker 2>To meet his parents, who'd also relocated to Florida. His

0:17:32.760 --> 0:17:36.400
<v Speaker 2>parents loved the idea of Ryan being close by. When

0:17:36.400 --> 0:17:39.320
<v Speaker 2>they met for dinner, Jacques made a big first impression.

0:17:40.920 --> 0:17:43.240
<v Speaker 1>He was very good at sharing all these stories about

0:17:43.280 --> 0:17:47.399
<v Speaker 1>how this hotel brand had locations all around the world

0:17:47.800 --> 0:17:50.360
<v Speaker 1>and that he had been to ninety percent of them

0:17:50.720 --> 0:17:52.480
<v Speaker 1>on like the company's.

0:17:52.040 --> 0:17:55.040
<v Speaker 4>Jet with the CEO, all of this stuff.

0:17:55.920 --> 0:17:58.919
<v Speaker 2>In fact, Jacques arrived at the dinner straight from a

0:17:59.000 --> 0:18:01.320
<v Speaker 2>day of work at the CEO's estate.

0:18:01.920 --> 0:18:05.199
<v Speaker 1>It showed up having just gotten back from his house

0:18:05.320 --> 0:18:07.879
<v Speaker 1>working there for the day and everything, saying that he

0:18:07.920 --> 0:18:10.159
<v Speaker 1>had a great salad that was prepared by his chef

0:18:10.320 --> 0:18:14.240
<v Speaker 1>and all these things and whatnot. First name dropping, first

0:18:14.320 --> 0:18:17.160
<v Speaker 1>name dropping, and so I was just like, okay, cool.

0:18:18.040 --> 0:18:20.680
<v Speaker 2>Jacques seemed a bit nervous, but he passed the test

0:18:20.720 --> 0:18:22.840
<v Speaker 2>for Ryan's parents after.

0:18:22.600 --> 0:18:26.000
<v Speaker 3>That and moved to Miami. Was just a matter of logistics.

0:18:26.480 --> 0:18:29.200
<v Speaker 1>We had settled on a date of end of August

0:18:29.320 --> 0:18:31.879
<v Speaker 1>for me to move to Miami, and she was like,

0:18:32.240 --> 0:18:33.880
<v Speaker 1>I'll take care of everything. You just have to pay

0:18:33.920 --> 0:18:34.399
<v Speaker 1>for the flight.

0:18:35.800 --> 0:18:38.719
<v Speaker 3>When he got there, life with Jacques was better than

0:18:38.760 --> 0:18:39.480
<v Speaker 3>he imagined.

0:18:40.440 --> 0:18:43.399
<v Speaker 1>It was like honeymoon. I was also just like honeymooning

0:18:43.440 --> 0:18:48.320
<v Speaker 1>with Miami. I was just over indexing on joy, cooking

0:18:48.320 --> 0:18:51.280
<v Speaker 1>at home every night, you know, going to walk his dog,

0:18:52.119 --> 0:18:56.240
<v Speaker 1>our dog, and so it very much felt like, Wow,

0:18:56.320 --> 0:18:56.840
<v Speaker 1>this is it.

0:18:57.840 --> 0:19:00.880
<v Speaker 2>He knew Jacques was the one, and it came from

0:19:00.960 --> 0:19:02.120
<v Speaker 2>the simple moments.

0:19:02.359 --> 0:19:04.000
<v Speaker 1>I was there at the park with him and he

0:19:04.160 --> 0:19:06.760
<v Speaker 1>was like holding my hand or had his arm around

0:19:06.800 --> 0:19:09.280
<v Speaker 1>me and all this stuff, and I was just like, wow,

0:19:09.680 --> 0:19:13.600
<v Speaker 1>you are really proud to be my boyfriend.

0:19:16.600 --> 0:19:20.600
<v Speaker 2>Everything was going smoothly until one day Jacques came home

0:19:20.960 --> 0:19:24.280
<v Speaker 2>and said he quit his executive marketing job, just out

0:19:24.320 --> 0:19:24.840
<v Speaker 2>of the blue.

0:19:25.880 --> 0:19:27.280
<v Speaker 4>He just walked in one day and was like, I

0:19:27.320 --> 0:19:29.200
<v Speaker 4>just quit. I was like what.

0:19:29.880 --> 0:19:34.680
<v Speaker 2>The announcement rattled Ryan, especially considering that Jacques assured him

0:19:34.720 --> 0:19:36.639
<v Speaker 2>that he would support the couple financially.

0:19:37.080 --> 0:19:41.040
<v Speaker 1>But he owned two apartments in Paris and so he

0:19:41.160 --> 0:19:43.440
<v Speaker 1>was getting like a steady stream monthly income from.

0:19:43.359 --> 0:19:46.560
<v Speaker 2>That, and he was well connected in the marketing world.

0:19:46.920 --> 0:19:50.440
<v Speaker 2>He said he'd find another job no problem, and Ryan

0:19:50.480 --> 0:19:56.320
<v Speaker 2>trusted him. Ryan focused on settling into the new city,

0:19:56.600 --> 0:20:00.399
<v Speaker 2>making friends, and exploring Miami's music scene. One of his

0:20:00.440 --> 0:20:03.280
<v Speaker 2>favorite bands was coming into town, so he borrowed his

0:20:03.359 --> 0:20:06.640
<v Speaker 2>dad's credit card to get pre sale tickets. A few

0:20:06.640 --> 0:20:10.320
<v Speaker 2>weeks later, Ryan logged in to pay off the bill.

0:20:10.520 --> 0:20:14.159
<v Speaker 1>The balance was a lot higher than what the tickets

0:20:14.160 --> 0:20:20.360
<v Speaker 1>were for, and so I look and there's two line items.

0:20:20.400 --> 0:20:24.560
<v Speaker 1>One was Ticketmaster, the other was for nine hundred and

0:20:24.920 --> 0:20:28.320
<v Speaker 1>ninety dollars, and it was something something like a name

0:20:28.359 --> 0:20:32.240
<v Speaker 1>of some sorts Fort Lauderdale, And so I was like, okay,

0:20:32.240 --> 0:20:32.800
<v Speaker 1>that's weird.

0:20:33.200 --> 0:20:36.040
<v Speaker 2>He contested the charge and submitted a report, and he

0:20:36.119 --> 0:20:39.000
<v Speaker 2>told his parents to keep him posted about the fraudulent charge.

0:20:39.680 --> 0:20:42.520
<v Speaker 2>A few weeks later, he was in between teaching classes

0:20:42.680 --> 0:20:44.320
<v Speaker 2>when he got a text from his mom.

0:20:44.840 --> 0:20:47.800
<v Speaker 3>She wanted to talk on the phone right away. Her

0:20:47.840 --> 0:20:51.960
<v Speaker 3>formality scared him. He feared a family emergency.

0:20:52.280 --> 0:20:58.680
<v Speaker 1>And so I called, and she goes, are you at

0:20:58.680 --> 0:20:59.480
<v Speaker 1>home right now?

0:21:00.119 --> 0:21:01.960
<v Speaker 4>And I was like no, and she was like great.

0:21:02.000 --> 0:21:06.399
<v Speaker 1>And then my dad goes, hey, Ry, and I very

0:21:06.480 --> 0:21:08.320
<v Speaker 1>much realized I was on speaker. Both of them were

0:21:08.359 --> 0:21:12.840
<v Speaker 1>on the phone. That never happens. They were like, so

0:21:12.880 --> 0:21:18.159
<v Speaker 1>we got the results back from American Express and it

0:21:18.240 --> 0:21:22.320
<v Speaker 1>turns out that that charge is very real. It's shock

0:21:23.640 --> 0:21:28.520
<v Speaker 1>and it's for a divorce lawyer. Did you know that

0:21:28.560 --> 0:21:29.240
<v Speaker 1>he was married?

0:21:46.600 --> 0:21:49.879
<v Speaker 2>Ryan's parents called in with news about a fraudulent charge

0:21:49.880 --> 0:21:53.439
<v Speaker 2>on their credit card. They'd done a full investigation and

0:21:53.480 --> 0:21:56.840
<v Speaker 2>traced the charge to a divorce lawyer in Fort Lauderdale.

0:21:57.480 --> 0:22:00.719
<v Speaker 2>What they found was Jacques had met with a lawyer

0:22:01.560 --> 0:22:05.399
<v Speaker 2>and he charged that meeting to their AMX.

0:22:06.520 --> 0:22:11.679
<v Speaker 1>I started crying, freaking out, hysterics, and I was like,

0:22:11.720 --> 0:22:13.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to call you in an hour.

0:22:13.359 --> 0:22:15.880
<v Speaker 4>I have to go teach right now. So I hung up.

0:22:16.000 --> 0:22:19.440
<v Speaker 1>I went in to teach the class somehow, and I'm

0:22:19.520 --> 0:22:24.520
<v Speaker 1>just like, everything is falling apart very quickly. I get

0:22:24.560 --> 0:22:29.240
<v Speaker 1>out of class. I rush out of there like Cruela

0:22:29.280 --> 0:22:33.320
<v Speaker 1>Deville in one hundred and one Dalmatians Death, gripping the wheel,

0:22:33.600 --> 0:22:34.520
<v Speaker 1>red eyed.

0:22:34.920 --> 0:22:35.800
<v Speaker 4>Just like mad.

0:22:36.840 --> 0:22:40.639
<v Speaker 1>And I'm talking to my parents about it. They're like,

0:22:40.680 --> 0:22:42.000
<v Speaker 1>what are you going to do? And I was like,

0:22:42.520 --> 0:22:44.199
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I'm going home right now to talk to

0:22:44.240 --> 0:22:47.360
<v Speaker 1>this man. And they're like, obviously, you have to leave him.

0:22:47.680 --> 0:22:48.359
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I mean.

0:22:48.359 --> 0:22:55.760
<v Speaker 2>Probably Ryan wanted answers he needed to hear Jacques explain himself.

0:22:57.840 --> 0:23:04.320
<v Speaker 1>I go to our apartment and I throw the credit

0:23:04.320 --> 0:23:07.320
<v Speaker 1>card at him sitting on the couch, and I screamed,

0:23:07.359 --> 0:23:10.320
<v Speaker 1>do you recognize these numbers? And he's like, what are

0:23:10.320 --> 0:23:14.199
<v Speaker 1>you talking about? Hands up on guard. I was just like,

0:23:14.280 --> 0:23:16.360
<v Speaker 1>do you recognize these numbers? And he was like, why

0:23:16.359 --> 0:23:19.040
<v Speaker 1>do you keep asking me that? And I was like,

0:23:20.480 --> 0:23:24.600
<v Speaker 1>there was a credit card charge for over nine hundred

0:23:24.640 --> 0:23:27.760
<v Speaker 1>dollars that was for a divorce lawyer based in Fort

0:23:27.840 --> 0:23:34.199
<v Speaker 1>Lauderdale and the invoice had your name on it. And

0:23:34.240 --> 0:23:37.320
<v Speaker 1>he was like, that's crazy. Why would I use your

0:23:37.359 --> 0:23:39.080
<v Speaker 1>credit card to do that? And I was like, I

0:23:39.080 --> 0:23:43.120
<v Speaker 1>don't know, like you tell me, and he was just

0:23:43.600 --> 0:23:48.880
<v Speaker 1>so aggressively denying it, even though like the cold heart evidence.

0:23:48.560 --> 0:23:49.200
<v Speaker 4>Was right there.

0:23:50.760 --> 0:23:54.800
<v Speaker 3>They fought that whole night until Jacques finally confessed that, yes,

0:23:55.320 --> 0:23:57.600
<v Speaker 3>he was in the process of getting divorced.

0:23:58.520 --> 0:24:00.560
<v Speaker 1>He was basically saying things like it was all for

0:24:00.640 --> 0:24:03.840
<v Speaker 1>a green card. We were dating, but we agreed to

0:24:03.880 --> 0:24:06.439
<v Speaker 1>get married and whatever, and then you know, it ended,

0:24:07.400 --> 0:24:11.480
<v Speaker 1>and he was using me like I was the provider

0:24:11.600 --> 0:24:13.440
<v Speaker 1>and whatnot, and I had to get out of there

0:24:14.080 --> 0:24:17.679
<v Speaker 1>basically saying things like that, and so for me, I

0:24:17.720 --> 0:24:20.560
<v Speaker 1>was like, I don't know if there's really that much there.

0:24:20.800 --> 0:24:24.159
<v Speaker 3>He said that using Ryan's credit card or his parents'

0:24:24.160 --> 0:24:27.840
<v Speaker 3>credit card rather was just an accident, but that confession

0:24:27.920 --> 0:24:31.439
<v Speaker 3>was quickly overshadowed by what Ryan discovered. Next.

0:24:32.119 --> 0:24:34.359
<v Speaker 2>He wanted to search Jock's phone to see if there

0:24:34.400 --> 0:24:35.960
<v Speaker 2>was anything else he was hiding.

0:24:36.600 --> 0:24:38.840
<v Speaker 1>I was like, give me your phone, and so he

0:24:38.920 --> 0:24:40.960
<v Speaker 1>hands it to me. I immediately go to his Instagram

0:24:40.960 --> 0:24:45.080
<v Speaker 1>and his text messages, and there are over thirty forty

0:24:45.119 --> 0:24:51.639
<v Speaker 1>conversations with all different guys. It varies from dirty talk

0:24:52.200 --> 0:24:56.560
<v Speaker 1>to sending pictures to sending video to proof that he

0:24:56.640 --> 0:25:00.720
<v Speaker 1>invited men over, dating back to when we had started

0:25:00.800 --> 0:25:03.760
<v Speaker 1>dating in March, and all throughout.

0:25:04.640 --> 0:25:07.520
<v Speaker 3>For each person he talked to, Jacques was putting on

0:25:07.640 --> 0:25:09.000
<v Speaker 3>a totally.

0:25:08.480 --> 0:25:12.240
<v Speaker 2>Different persona, and Ryan didn't recognize any of them.

0:25:12.880 --> 0:25:16.640
<v Speaker 1>I remember distinctly saying to him, I do like dirty talk,

0:25:16.800 --> 0:25:20.080
<v Speaker 1>especially if we're going to do long distance pictures, videos, whatever.

0:25:20.280 --> 0:25:23.840
<v Speaker 1>I want to feel physically connected to you. And he's like,

0:25:24.040 --> 0:25:27.320
<v Speaker 1>it's so outside of my comfort zone. But I'm gonna

0:25:27.440 --> 0:25:34.040
<v Speaker 1>work on it. It never happened, never happened. And so

0:25:34.840 --> 0:25:36.879
<v Speaker 1>the stuff that I was reading, even though it's something

0:25:36.880 --> 0:25:40.680
<v Speaker 1>that I like doing, was to a level I would

0:25:41.040 --> 0:25:47.760
<v Speaker 1>never say, and so I'm like screaming at him about that.

0:25:48.280 --> 0:25:51.280
<v Speaker 1>You seem to have no problem.

0:25:50.600 --> 0:25:51.280
<v Speaker 4>Being like this.

0:25:55.600 --> 0:26:00.679
<v Speaker 2>Ryan scrolled through Jacques's messages with dozens of guys, furious

0:26:00.880 --> 0:26:06.400
<v Speaker 2>and heartbroken, but also confused because Jacques didn't have one

0:26:06.440 --> 0:26:07.560
<v Speaker 2>story about his life.

0:26:08.080 --> 0:26:08.879
<v Speaker 3>He had many.

0:26:10.800 --> 0:26:13.919
<v Speaker 1>There were so many different ways that he was talking

0:26:13.960 --> 0:26:17.679
<v Speaker 1>to these guys where sometimes they would call him out

0:26:17.720 --> 0:26:19.919
<v Speaker 1>and be like I thought you were seeing somebody, and

0:26:20.000 --> 0:26:22.680
<v Speaker 1>he would respond with yeah, so like nothing's going to

0:26:22.720 --> 0:26:26.120
<v Speaker 1>happen here, And then the next time if somebody said

0:26:26.119 --> 0:26:27.840
<v Speaker 1>that to him, he'd be like, yeah, but I can.

0:26:27.680 --> 0:26:30.960
<v Speaker 4>Do whatever I want, or yeah a word.

0:26:30.720 --> 0:26:33.480
<v Speaker 1>In an open relationship where like he doesn't have to

0:26:33.520 --> 0:26:37.520
<v Speaker 1>know anything like that, And so I'm just reading all

0:26:37.560 --> 0:26:42.320
<v Speaker 1>of this those messages he couldn't deny, and surprisingly he didn't,

0:26:42.600 --> 0:26:43.719
<v Speaker 1>but he created a story.

0:26:44.640 --> 0:26:47.919
<v Speaker 2>Joqu's story was that these flings happened before he started

0:26:48.000 --> 0:26:51.639
<v Speaker 2>dating Ryan, but it was a bold lie, considering Ryan

0:26:51.760 --> 0:26:54.560
<v Speaker 2>could see the time stamps on the messages and knew

0:26:54.640 --> 0:26:58.879
<v Speaker 2>it wasn't true, so he decided to DM one of

0:26:58.920 --> 0:26:59.359
<v Speaker 2>the guys.

0:27:01.200 --> 0:27:03.280
<v Speaker 1>And so there was this one guy that I got

0:27:03.280 --> 0:27:06.679
<v Speaker 1>the sense that he had been over a lot. I

0:27:06.720 --> 0:27:09.640
<v Speaker 1>just said, hey, what's up, and he goes, hey, because

0:27:09.840 --> 0:27:13.320
<v Speaker 1>my front grid had pictures of me and Shock together,

0:27:13.880 --> 0:27:17.040
<v Speaker 1>can you let your boyfriend know that he owes me

0:27:17.080 --> 0:27:17.920
<v Speaker 1>sixty dollars?

0:27:18.960 --> 0:27:21.240
<v Speaker 4>And I was like Jesus Christ.

0:27:23.480 --> 0:27:26.159
<v Speaker 1>I said, I'll do my best, but I'm going to

0:27:26.280 --> 0:27:28.000
<v Speaker 1>let you know you're probably not going to see that

0:27:28.040 --> 0:27:28.560
<v Speaker 1>money back.

0:27:31.080 --> 0:27:34.879
<v Speaker 2>Ryan confronted him again and that's when he saw a

0:27:34.920 --> 0:27:35.800
<v Speaker 2>new side of Shock.

0:27:37.119 --> 0:27:40.320
<v Speaker 1>He then starts to have a full on breakdown in

0:27:40.320 --> 0:27:43.760
<v Speaker 1>front of me and was just losing it. I'd never

0:27:43.760 --> 0:27:46.840
<v Speaker 1>seen him really cry before, and he was like, you know,

0:27:47.000 --> 0:27:50.119
<v Speaker 1>I grew up as kind of a fat kid, was

0:27:50.160 --> 0:27:53.040
<v Speaker 1>bullied a lot, was not looked at in any sort of,

0:27:53.080 --> 0:27:56.960
<v Speaker 1>you know, attractive way, And ever since I started working

0:27:56.960 --> 0:28:00.399
<v Speaker 1>on myself, I've been getting a lot of attention. And

0:28:00.440 --> 0:28:03.280
<v Speaker 1>it's the first time that I'm really receiving that. And

0:28:03.600 --> 0:28:06.600
<v Speaker 1>I obviously enjoyed it, but then it's very clear that

0:28:06.640 --> 0:28:08.480
<v Speaker 1>I enjoyed it too much, and I never meant to

0:28:08.560 --> 0:28:08.879
<v Speaker 1>hurt you.

0:28:09.720 --> 0:28:13.680
<v Speaker 2>Seeing Jacques distraught and vulnerable triggered Ryan's need to help

0:28:14.240 --> 0:28:15.080
<v Speaker 2>to make it better.

0:28:16.800 --> 0:28:18.840
<v Speaker 1>There is a part inside me that did not want

0:28:18.880 --> 0:28:21.159
<v Speaker 1>to admit that what I had been waiting for for

0:28:21.240 --> 0:28:23.280
<v Speaker 1>quite some time that had finally arrived. I was not

0:28:23.320 --> 0:28:26.560
<v Speaker 1>ready to let go. I was really holding on to like, no, this,

0:28:27.160 --> 0:28:30.240
<v Speaker 1>I found him, this is it. It's my person. I'm

0:28:30.280 --> 0:28:31.000
<v Speaker 1>fighting for this.

0:28:32.119 --> 0:28:35.440
<v Speaker 2>It also reminded him of his own rock bottom ten

0:28:35.520 --> 0:28:38.720
<v Speaker 2>years earlier, when his boyfriend at the time stupped by

0:28:38.800 --> 0:28:41.240
<v Speaker 2>him and got him the help he needed to get sober.

0:28:43.040 --> 0:28:47.120
<v Speaker 1>When I had hit rock bottom, my boyfriend at the

0:28:47.160 --> 0:28:49.920
<v Speaker 1>time had stayed with me, and I was like, this

0:28:50.000 --> 0:28:54.120
<v Speaker 1>feels like Jacques's emotional rock bottom, and this is my

0:28:54.280 --> 0:28:57.200
<v Speaker 1>chance to pay it forward and be there for my partner,

0:28:57.800 --> 0:28:59.040
<v Speaker 1>and so I decided to stay.

0:29:00.120 --> 0:29:03.600
<v Speaker 2>Joaqu was talking about his mistakes openly with Ryan, which

0:29:03.600 --> 0:29:07.320
<v Speaker 2>felt like the right step. And Ryan knew that relationships

0:29:07.560 --> 0:29:08.400
<v Speaker 2>were nuanced.

0:29:08.920 --> 0:29:12.000
<v Speaker 1>I had always worked through, or tried my best to

0:29:12.040 --> 0:29:17.800
<v Speaker 1>work through the tougher moments in relationships, because realistically they're

0:29:17.840 --> 0:29:21.360
<v Speaker 1>not perfect. He was willing to go to therapy by

0:29:21.400 --> 0:29:25.440
<v Speaker 1>himself and with me. He was showing up and fully surrendering,

0:29:25.480 --> 0:29:28.400
<v Speaker 1>which for me is what I did ten years ago

0:29:28.480 --> 0:29:29.160
<v Speaker 1>for myself.

0:29:30.000 --> 0:29:33.760
<v Speaker 3>So they set up new boundaries, boundaries that Jock agreed to.

0:29:34.720 --> 0:29:37.800
<v Speaker 1>He was agreeing to anything I said. You will not

0:29:37.880 --> 0:29:41.400
<v Speaker 1>have access to Instagram. Instagram is now under my email

0:29:41.640 --> 0:29:44.480
<v Speaker 1>and my phone number, and I'm changing the password and whatnot.

0:29:45.880 --> 0:29:49.520
<v Speaker 2>Ryan was comfortable giving Jaques a second chance, but when

0:29:49.560 --> 0:29:50.200
<v Speaker 2>he told his.

0:29:50.080 --> 0:29:55.880
<v Speaker 3>Parents, they were not happy. They had done their own

0:29:55.960 --> 0:29:57.040
<v Speaker 3>research on Jock.

0:29:57.760 --> 0:30:01.480
<v Speaker 1>When the divorce lawyer charge came through. They had done

0:30:01.480 --> 0:30:06.960
<v Speaker 1>their research and found that when you google him, it's

0:30:07.000 --> 0:30:09.480
<v Speaker 1>his LinkedIn and then it's a court case.

0:30:11.120 --> 0:30:13.960
<v Speaker 2>Jacques was named in a lawsuit over an illegal sublet

0:30:14.000 --> 0:30:17.400
<v Speaker 2>and unpaid rent scheme in the Hamptons. The case amounted

0:30:17.440 --> 0:30:21.480
<v Speaker 2>to fraud worth over one hundred thousand dollars, but there

0:30:21.520 --> 0:30:24.720
<v Speaker 2>was an explanation. It was his ex husband, the one

0:30:24.760 --> 0:30:28.040
<v Speaker 2>from the green card marriage. He was actually the one

0:30:28.040 --> 0:30:31.760
<v Speaker 2>responsible for those charges, but because they were married, Jacques

0:30:31.800 --> 0:30:33.160
<v Speaker 2>was also named on the lawsuit.

0:30:34.120 --> 0:30:36.000
<v Speaker 1>I'm talking to my parents about it and they're bringing

0:30:36.080 --> 0:30:37.960
<v Speaker 1>up the court case. I'm like, no, he's been cleared

0:30:38.000 --> 0:30:41.360
<v Speaker 1>of that. They had no case or whatever, and I'm

0:30:41.360 --> 0:30:43.120
<v Speaker 1>waiting for him to get the documents, like, I'll send

0:30:43.160 --> 0:30:43.479
<v Speaker 1>it to you.

0:30:44.560 --> 0:30:48.600
<v Speaker 2>Ryan's parents didn't buy it, and in fact, it created

0:30:48.640 --> 0:30:52.200
<v Speaker 2>a rift between them, the first one they ever had.

0:30:52.640 --> 0:30:55.760
<v Speaker 1>My mom and I did not talk. I would occasionally

0:30:55.760 --> 0:30:56.560
<v Speaker 1>talk to my dad.

0:30:57.200 --> 0:31:00.000
<v Speaker 2>Ryan doubled down and said he wouldn't be coming home

0:31:00.120 --> 0:31:03.760
<v Speaker 2>for Thanksgiving if Jacques couldn't come too. He felt that

0:31:03.880 --> 0:31:08.000
<v Speaker 2>Jacques deserved a second chance, just like everyone else, and

0:31:08.040 --> 0:31:14.120
<v Speaker 2>his parents just didn't understand. Soon, Jacques was no longer

0:31:14.160 --> 0:31:18.320
<v Speaker 2>the problem. The problem became Ryan's parents.

0:31:18.760 --> 0:31:22.040
<v Speaker 1>When I started to like not believe him and start

0:31:22.080 --> 0:31:25.200
<v Speaker 1>to question him, he would always say, you sound just

0:31:25.280 --> 0:31:26.240
<v Speaker 1>like your mom right now.

0:31:27.240 --> 0:31:29.880
<v Speaker 2>During this time, Ryan needed to buy a new car

0:31:29.960 --> 0:31:33.080
<v Speaker 2>for work. With their relationships seemingly on the right track,

0:31:33.360 --> 0:31:36.000
<v Speaker 2>he and Jacque decided to go in on their dream

0:31:36.080 --> 0:31:37.040
<v Speaker 2>car together.

0:31:38.040 --> 0:31:38.760
<v Speaker 4>We both really.

0:31:38.640 --> 0:31:41.960
<v Speaker 1>Wanted to Ford Bronco really badly, and so we had

0:31:42.080 --> 0:31:44.400
<v Speaker 1>bought one. He said that we're not going to get

0:31:44.400 --> 0:31:46.480
<v Speaker 1>approved for it if my name's on it, because my

0:31:46.560 --> 0:31:49.200
<v Speaker 1>credit's really bad because I just bought this apartment and

0:31:49.200 --> 0:31:50.040
<v Speaker 1>sold the other one.

0:31:51.080 --> 0:31:53.040
<v Speaker 4>And so I was like, oh, that's fine, Like I'll put.

0:31:52.920 --> 0:31:54.840
<v Speaker 1>My name on it, and he was like, we'll just

0:31:54.880 --> 0:31:56.520
<v Speaker 1>split the monthly payments and whatnot.

0:31:57.360 --> 0:32:00.000
<v Speaker 3>They ordered the car and had it fully customized.

0:32:01.320 --> 0:32:05.040
<v Speaker 1>It was all in ninety two thousand dollars, which was

0:32:05.040 --> 0:32:07.640
<v Speaker 1>fine with because for me, I was still like, I

0:32:07.680 --> 0:32:10.760
<v Speaker 1>can afford half of the monthly payments as long as.

0:32:10.640 --> 0:32:11.440
<v Speaker 4>You're paying half.

0:32:12.440 --> 0:32:14.360
<v Speaker 3>Then the first car payment came.

0:32:15.000 --> 0:32:16.480
<v Speaker 4>I Venmo requested him for it.

0:32:16.680 --> 0:32:22.680
<v Speaker 1>He gets it back to me immediately, and then I

0:32:22.720 --> 0:32:25.920
<v Speaker 1>get all the emails from Venmo. It's all that transaction,

0:32:26.720 --> 0:32:28.920
<v Speaker 1>and then there's one from like twenty minutes before that

0:32:29.000 --> 0:32:32.680
<v Speaker 1>says that I paid Jock eight hundred dollars, and I

0:32:32.760 --> 0:32:36.480
<v Speaker 1>was like, no, I did. I requested something around that

0:32:37.040 --> 0:32:40.320
<v Speaker 1>from him, but I did not pay him, and so

0:32:40.360 --> 0:32:42.080
<v Speaker 1>I was like, that's weird. So before I like bring

0:32:42.120 --> 0:32:43.480
<v Speaker 1>it up, I was like, let me go into my app,

0:32:43.800 --> 0:32:46.080
<v Speaker 1>look at the ledger. It's very much there that I

0:32:46.200 --> 0:32:49.320
<v Speaker 1>paid him eight hundred dollars. And then there's also me

0:32:49.520 --> 0:32:52.640
<v Speaker 1>paying one hundred and eighty dollars two days before, and

0:32:52.680 --> 0:32:55.360
<v Speaker 1>then about one hundred and fifty a day before that.

0:32:56.200 --> 0:32:58.800
<v Speaker 4>I for sure did not do any of those.

0:32:59.280 --> 0:33:03.240
<v Speaker 2>But Ryan, I never got an email receipt about these payments,

0:33:03.760 --> 0:33:04.680
<v Speaker 2>so I.

0:33:04.640 --> 0:33:07.240
<v Speaker 1>Was like, let me look at the trash bin, and

0:33:07.920 --> 0:33:10.000
<v Speaker 1>that's where the emails were. There was the only two

0:33:10.040 --> 0:33:14.120
<v Speaker 1>emails sitting in there. And that's when I absolutely knew

0:33:14.160 --> 0:33:17.680
<v Speaker 1>that it was him, because I don't delete emails because

0:33:17.680 --> 0:33:20.320
<v Speaker 1>I'm afraid I'm gonna need something, so I archive all

0:33:20.360 --> 0:33:24.840
<v Speaker 1>my emails, and so he had gone into my phone,

0:33:25.640 --> 0:33:29.400
<v Speaker 1>paid himself, and then went into my email and cleared

0:33:30.000 --> 0:33:30.760
<v Speaker 1>the history of it.

0:33:31.480 --> 0:33:35.240
<v Speaker 2>There it was proof that Jacques was not only stealing

0:33:35.240 --> 0:33:37.800
<v Speaker 2>money from him, but he was covering it up.

0:33:39.080 --> 0:33:42.320
<v Speaker 1>And it was after the fact of that instance where like,

0:33:43.760 --> 0:33:46.400
<v Speaker 1>you hit to me what I called your rock bottom,

0:33:46.400 --> 0:33:47.400
<v Speaker 1>but it turns out it's not.

0:33:47.840 --> 0:33:50.560
<v Speaker 4>This is just who you are. It's just who you are.

0:33:52.040 --> 0:33:57.320
<v Speaker 2>That was that when Ryan made this discovery, Jaques was

0:33:57.360 --> 0:34:00.880
<v Speaker 2>out of the house, so he took the opportunity to run.

0:34:02.680 --> 0:34:06.320
<v Speaker 1>He was out walking his dog, and I got as

0:34:06.400 --> 0:34:11.680
<v Speaker 1>much stuff as I could of mine and left called

0:34:11.719 --> 0:34:14.920
<v Speaker 1>my parents. My mom and I were both hysterically crying

0:34:14.960 --> 0:34:18.440
<v Speaker 1>over the phone, just because, like my dad said, his

0:34:18.440 --> 0:34:20.720
<v Speaker 1>seventies on my mom's in her sixties, and I lost

0:34:21.160 --> 0:34:23.960
<v Speaker 1>being able to go see her. I was going to

0:34:24.040 --> 0:34:25.640
<v Speaker 1>do that in October and I was going to do

0:34:25.719 --> 0:34:28.799
<v Speaker 1>that November and I didn't, and I even canceled going

0:34:28.800 --> 0:34:31.080
<v Speaker 1>to Thanksgiving with them because I was like, I'm not

0:34:31.120 --> 0:34:33.319
<v Speaker 1>going to Thanksgiving if my boyfriend's not allowed to come

0:34:33.360 --> 0:34:37.080
<v Speaker 1>to Thanksgiving kind of thing. And I said no to

0:34:37.280 --> 0:34:42.000
<v Speaker 1>my parents because of this. I felt so bad. I

0:34:42.040 --> 0:34:45.360
<v Speaker 1>felt so sorry because like I didn't believe my parents

0:34:45.440 --> 0:34:49.280
<v Speaker 1>or I didn't want to listen to them, and it sucked.

0:34:50.840 --> 0:34:54.720
<v Speaker 1>That's just time that I'll never get back that he stole.

0:34:55.200 --> 0:34:58.200
<v Speaker 1>And granted it could have been a lot longer. Could

0:34:58.200 --> 0:35:00.440
<v Speaker 1>have signed off for the rest of my life with

0:35:00.480 --> 0:35:03.360
<v Speaker 1>this man and therefore signed off from the rest of

0:35:03.360 --> 0:35:04.560
<v Speaker 1>my life with my parents.

0:35:05.000 --> 0:35:09.120
<v Speaker 2>His parents forgave him immediately, but the process of leaving

0:35:09.200 --> 0:35:13.120
<v Speaker 2>Jacques was just beginning then.

0:35:13.120 --> 0:35:17.520
<v Speaker 1>It was very much like Operation Rescue, and so I

0:35:17.600 --> 0:35:19.320
<v Speaker 1>stayed in a hotel.

0:35:19.160 --> 0:35:19.880
<v Speaker 4>For a week.

0:35:20.520 --> 0:35:22.600
<v Speaker 2>Ryan thought he was going to spend the rest of

0:35:22.640 --> 0:35:25.319
<v Speaker 2>his life with this man, and now he wasn't sure

0:35:25.360 --> 0:35:26.440
<v Speaker 2>if anything.

0:35:26.040 --> 0:35:27.800
<v Speaker 3>He'd been told was true.

0:35:28.600 --> 0:35:31.719
<v Speaker 2>He needed to talk to Jacques's ex husband, you know,

0:35:32.160 --> 0:35:33.640
<v Speaker 2>in the Green Card marriage.

0:35:34.800 --> 0:35:37.400
<v Speaker 1>I was just like, I don't think I can sink

0:35:37.480 --> 0:35:42.080
<v Speaker 1>any lower right now, so let's at least say so.

0:35:42.120 --> 0:35:44.280
<v Speaker 4>I was like, Hey, this is Ryan.

0:35:44.800 --> 0:35:47.640
<v Speaker 1>I was dating Jacques and just broke up with him,

0:35:47.680 --> 0:35:50.200
<v Speaker 1>and I just loved to talk to you about your experience.

0:35:51.120 --> 0:35:52.719
<v Speaker 1>The first thing that he said to me was that

0:35:52.760 --> 0:35:55.839
<v Speaker 1>man is scum and deserves to be in jail. And

0:35:55.880 --> 0:35:59.720
<v Speaker 1>I was just like, okay, we can talk, we can talk.

0:36:01.680 --> 0:36:05.360
<v Speaker 2>His ex had a lot to say about Jaques, especially

0:36:05.440 --> 0:36:07.640
<v Speaker 2>the lies he discovered in their marriage.

0:36:08.120 --> 0:36:10.920
<v Speaker 1>Jacques had claimed that not only was he French and

0:36:10.960 --> 0:36:13.560
<v Speaker 1>therefore a citizen of there, he was also a dual

0:36:13.600 --> 0:36:16.840
<v Speaker 1>citizen of Israel and he had fought in the IDF.

0:36:17.920 --> 0:36:23.239
<v Speaker 1>They were in their government interview before their wedding and

0:36:23.520 --> 0:36:28.239
<v Speaker 1>the official had asked Jacques, have you ever served in

0:36:28.280 --> 0:36:32.800
<v Speaker 1>an international military service? And Jaques just flat out and

0:36:32.840 --> 0:36:36.399
<v Speaker 1>said no. And his ex sat next to him being

0:36:36.480 --> 0:36:38.719
<v Speaker 1>like in his mind, like obviously not going to bring

0:36:38.800 --> 0:36:40.480
<v Speaker 1>up in front of a government official, but like, why

0:36:40.520 --> 0:36:41.680
<v Speaker 1>are you lying to this person?

0:36:43.480 --> 0:36:46.120
<v Speaker 3>Did he ever fight in the IDF? Or was that

0:36:46.200 --> 0:36:47.000
<v Speaker 3>another lie?

0:36:47.640 --> 0:36:50.120
<v Speaker 2>All those stories Jacques told him about how his ex

0:36:50.200 --> 0:36:57.880
<v Speaker 2>husband was leeching off him, the opposite was true. Ryan

0:36:58.000 --> 0:37:00.920
<v Speaker 2>and Jacques's X talked almost every week for those first

0:37:00.960 --> 0:37:04.280
<v Speaker 2>few months they were both members of a crappy club.

0:37:05.400 --> 0:37:08.120
<v Speaker 1>He is such a good guy and in their relationship

0:37:08.280 --> 0:37:12.000
<v Speaker 1>was the provider and was so generous with Jacques. Again

0:37:12.120 --> 0:37:14.680
<v Speaker 1>really believed that he also had found this person.

0:37:18.760 --> 0:37:22.120
<v Speaker 2>Ryan also found a mutual friend, someone who'd known Jacques

0:37:22.160 --> 0:37:25.839
<v Speaker 2>in Saint Bart's. He'd been invited to Jacques's childhood home,

0:37:26.160 --> 0:37:27.480
<v Speaker 2>which was a huge mansion.

0:37:28.640 --> 0:37:32.440
<v Speaker 4>He looked it up. It's an airbnb that he rented.

0:37:33.080 --> 0:37:35.960
<v Speaker 2>After Ryan got out of the relationship and started to

0:37:36.000 --> 0:37:38.719
<v Speaker 2>see the deception and lies for what they were, he

0:37:38.800 --> 0:37:42.280
<v Speaker 2>developed a new theory about Jacques. Jacques had always seemed

0:37:42.280 --> 0:37:45.800
<v Speaker 2>to be so perceptive. He always knew what Ryan was

0:37:45.840 --> 0:37:48.480
<v Speaker 2>thinking and what he was worried about before he even

0:37:48.520 --> 0:37:53.080
<v Speaker 2>said anything. But maybe it was more sinister than just intuition.

0:37:53.880 --> 0:37:56.600
<v Speaker 2>When Jacques was out of the apartment, Ryan would talk

0:37:56.640 --> 0:38:00.200
<v Speaker 2>on the phone to his friends, his parents, his therapist.

0:38:01.200 --> 0:38:06.400
<v Speaker 1>He has a ring camera or whatever for his dog,

0:38:06.960 --> 0:38:09.360
<v Speaker 1>and he would pick up on the conversations and listen

0:38:09.360 --> 0:38:11.600
<v Speaker 1>to them. He listened to every single one of my

0:38:11.680 --> 0:38:16.240
<v Speaker 1>therapy sessions. He would leave the apartment and sit somewhere else,

0:38:16.680 --> 0:38:20.040
<v Speaker 1>but he was very much tuning in and listening to

0:38:20.040 --> 0:38:24.160
<v Speaker 1>the entire hour. That's like the long con of it all,

0:38:24.440 --> 0:38:27.200
<v Speaker 1>which is just like I need to know what is

0:38:27.239 --> 0:38:30.280
<v Speaker 1>making this guy tick right now so I can hold

0:38:30.320 --> 0:38:35.839
<v Speaker 1>on and keep pulling from him.

0:38:35.880 --> 0:38:39.239
<v Speaker 2>No wonder he was so intuitive. He was listening in

0:38:39.280 --> 0:38:43.640
<v Speaker 2>on Ryan's therapy sessions all along. It was total manipulation

0:38:44.360 --> 0:38:48.160
<v Speaker 2>to make Ryan feel like Jacques truly solemn, understood him,

0:38:48.960 --> 0:38:55.560
<v Speaker 2>loved him. How much money did Ryan lose in this relationship?

0:38:56.480 --> 0:38:58.239
<v Speaker 2>This is what he estimates.

0:38:58.520 --> 0:39:04.439
<v Speaker 1>It is fifty eight thousand dollars this cars, but under

0:39:04.480 --> 0:39:08.800
<v Speaker 1>my name. Obviously, I took it with me when I left,

0:39:10.080 --> 0:39:12.920
<v Speaker 1>and at some point I was like, this is stupid

0:39:12.960 --> 0:39:15.720
<v Speaker 1>for me to have, and so I went to sell it, thinking,

0:39:15.760 --> 0:39:17.439
<v Speaker 1>oh my god, I'm gonna make money off of this.

0:39:17.440 --> 0:39:18.040
<v Speaker 4>This is great.

0:39:18.920 --> 0:39:22.319
<v Speaker 1>Apparently I was kind of an idiot to not read

0:39:22.320 --> 0:39:25.680
<v Speaker 1>the fine print and just trust. But we had bought it,

0:39:25.840 --> 0:39:28.920
<v Speaker 1>I think twenty thousand dollars over MSRP because at that

0:39:29.000 --> 0:39:32.560
<v Speaker 1>point Ford Broncos were so heavy in demand, and then

0:39:32.680 --> 0:39:36.480
<v Speaker 1>in a matter of four months nobody really wants them.

0:39:36.760 --> 0:39:38.600
<v Speaker 1>And so when I went to sell it, I sold

0:39:38.600 --> 0:39:42.520
<v Speaker 1>it into a loss of forty two thousand dollars.

0:39:46.440 --> 0:39:49.120
<v Speaker 2>Ryan stayed in Florida, and so did Jock in the

0:39:49.120 --> 0:39:52.680
<v Speaker 2>same apartment. Ryan doesn't want to leave Miami because he

0:39:52.800 --> 0:39:53.440
<v Speaker 2>loves it there.

0:39:54.239 --> 0:39:57.080
<v Speaker 3>They have run into each other from a distance.

0:39:58.280 --> 0:40:02.640
<v Speaker 1>I saw him walking into his building because unfortunately, part

0:40:02.640 --> 0:40:05.719
<v Speaker 1>of my commute is to drive by that building. And

0:40:05.760 --> 0:40:10.960
<v Speaker 1>he was walking in with his dog, wearing a black hoodie,

0:40:11.880 --> 0:40:14.960
<v Speaker 1>and I just like and I realized that the back

0:40:15.000 --> 0:40:18.880
<v Speaker 1>of his sweatshirt says sad Dad's on it, which is

0:40:18.920 --> 0:40:22.040
<v Speaker 1>from the National the Band, a concert that I had

0:40:22.080 --> 0:40:23.719
<v Speaker 1>gone to right before I left New York to come

0:40:23.760 --> 0:40:30.080
<v Speaker 1>down here he's wearing my sweatshirt. I thought that I

0:40:30.080 --> 0:40:31.279
<v Speaker 1>had lost that sweatshirt.

0:40:33.680 --> 0:40:37.080
<v Speaker 2>It's strange watching from the sidelines as Jacques continues a

0:40:37.160 --> 0:40:40.600
<v Speaker 2>life of deception and lies. As for that tattoo that

0:40:40.680 --> 0:40:43.960
<v Speaker 2>Jacques got, the one with their anniversary date on his finger,

0:40:44.680 --> 0:40:48.279
<v Speaker 2>it was one of many tattoos Jaq had, tattoos.

0:40:47.719 --> 0:40:49.480
<v Speaker 3>That Ryan now sees differently.

0:40:50.520 --> 0:40:53.480
<v Speaker 1>He has one it's like a dove and then it

0:40:53.520 --> 0:40:56.520
<v Speaker 1>goes into a name and I was like, who's that

0:40:57.120 --> 0:41:00.880
<v Speaker 1>and he says, oh, that was my friend in France

0:41:00.920 --> 0:41:04.120
<v Speaker 1>and we were on motorcycles together and I watched a

0:41:04.160 --> 0:41:08.120
<v Speaker 1>car hit him and he died, and now looking back,

0:41:08.160 --> 0:41:11.880
<v Speaker 1>I'm just like that was an next boyfriend. That was

0:41:11.880 --> 0:41:14.799
<v Speaker 1>an next boyfriend for me, Like I have to have

0:41:15.000 --> 0:41:17.880
<v Speaker 1>some fun or like find some comedy in it. I

0:41:17.920 --> 0:41:23.719
<v Speaker 1>said to my friend, I wonder how I died. I

0:41:23.760 --> 0:41:26.359
<v Speaker 1>wonder what my story is. I'd really love to know.

0:41:27.840 --> 0:41:30.560
<v Speaker 2>Ryan's ready to let go of the shame and self

0:41:30.600 --> 0:41:34.400
<v Speaker 2>blame he felt after this betrayal, and telling his story

0:41:34.480 --> 0:41:39.160
<v Speaker 2>is part of that release. We end all of our

0:41:39.160 --> 0:41:42.879
<v Speaker 2>weekly episodes with the same question, why did you want

0:41:42.920 --> 0:41:44.200
<v Speaker 2>to tell your story?

0:41:44.840 --> 0:41:49.200
<v Speaker 1>I'm hoping that this is the final release for me.

0:41:50.239 --> 0:41:53.680
<v Speaker 1>This is no longer just mine. This is somebody else's

0:41:53.800 --> 0:41:55.759
<v Speaker 1>to connect to and be like I didn't think this

0:41:55.800 --> 0:41:58.560
<v Speaker 1>could happen to me, but like it actually can, because

0:41:58.680 --> 0:42:03.719
<v Speaker 1>it can happen to any Thank God, I'm not the

0:42:03.719 --> 0:42:06.880
<v Speaker 1>only one.

0:42:08.280 --> 0:42:10.320
<v Speaker 3>On the next episode of Betrayal.

0:42:10.960 --> 0:42:16.280
<v Speaker 4>People who are in this incredibly vulnerable spot of trying

0:42:16.360 --> 0:42:20.160
<v Speaker 4>to be better for their children. If I were evil,

0:42:20.239 --> 0:42:21.719
<v Speaker 4>I would leave that one alone.

0:42:22.239 --> 0:42:26.520
<v Speaker 3>You know that seems like a line.

0:42:27.239 --> 0:42:29.080
<v Speaker 2>If you would like to reach out to the Betrayal

0:42:29.120 --> 0:42:32.000
<v Speaker 2>team or want to tell us your betrayal story, email

0:42:32.080 --> 0:42:35.600
<v Speaker 2>us at Betrayal pod at gmail dot com. That's Betrayal

0:42:35.800 --> 0:42:38.319
<v Speaker 2>pod at gmail dot com.

0:42:38.680 --> 0:42:40.160
<v Speaker 3>We're grateful for your support.

0:42:40.680 --> 0:42:42.920
<v Speaker 2>One way to show support is by subscribing to our

0:42:42.960 --> 0:42:45.640
<v Speaker 2>show on Apple Podcasts, and don't forget to rate and

0:42:45.680 --> 0:42:49.160
<v Speaker 2>review Betrayal. Five star reviews go a long way. A

0:42:49.200 --> 0:42:52.759
<v Speaker 2>big thank you to all of our listeners. Betrayal is

0:42:52.760 --> 0:42:55.720
<v Speaker 2>a production of Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass Entertainment

0:42:55.719 --> 0:42:59.440
<v Speaker 2>Group and partnership with iHeart Podcasts. The show is executive

0:42:59.440 --> 0:43:03.279
<v Speaker 2>produced by Glass and Jennifer Fasin, hosted and produced by

0:43:03.320 --> 0:43:07.759
<v Speaker 2>me Andrea Gunning, written and produced by Monique Leboard, also

0:43:07.880 --> 0:43:12.000
<v Speaker 2>produced by Ben Fetterman. Associate producers are Christen Mercury and

0:43:12.080 --> 0:43:16.239
<v Speaker 2>Caitlin Golden. Our iHeart team is Ali Perry and Jessica Krinchech.

0:43:16.680 --> 0:43:20.320
<v Speaker 2>Audio editing and mixing by Matt del Vecchio, Additional editing

0:43:20.360 --> 0:43:23.000
<v Speaker 2>support from Nico Ruka and Tanner Robbins.

0:43:23.640 --> 0:43:26.040
<v Speaker 3>Betrayal's theme composed by Oliver Bains.

0:43:26.640 --> 0:43:30.840
<v Speaker 2>Music library provided by mybe Music and For more podcasts

0:43:30.840 --> 0:43:34.840
<v Speaker 2>from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever

0:43:34.880 --> 0:43:36.560
<v Speaker 2>you get your podcasts.