1 00:00:00,400 --> 00:00:21,800 Speaker 1: M m mmm. Hello everyone, it's your girl, Cheekies, and 2 00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 1: you've reached the voice smail box board. Dear Cheekies, I'm 3 00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:26,880 Speaker 1: here to give you advice on anything and everything you 4 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:29,000 Speaker 1: need help with. Maybe you're going through a break up, 5 00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:31,880 Speaker 1: maybe you're having issues with your family, or maybe you 6 00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:34,479 Speaker 1: need help figuring out how to balance your checkbook or 7 00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:37,319 Speaker 1: how to start a business, whatever the cases, I want 8 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:40,599 Speaker 1: to hear from you. Remember these are my thoughts and opinions. 9 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:42,960 Speaker 1: And if you're suffering from an issue or hardship, you 10 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:46,160 Speaker 1: should seek help from a qualified professional. All right, Now 11 00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:47,839 Speaker 1: go ahead and leave your question at the sound of 12 00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:56,280 Speaker 1: the babe. Now, hi, cheek ees. Polina, I had a 13 00:00:56,360 --> 00:01:00,639 Speaker 1: question for you. So what happens when you feel like 14 00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:04,120 Speaker 1: your phone is taking over your relationship? I have brought 15 00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:06,960 Speaker 1: it several times and I've talked to him about it, 16 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:10,040 Speaker 1: and it's still in the way. I don't know if 17 00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:14,080 Speaker 1: it's just the small issue or if it's something bigger 18 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:17,600 Speaker 1: I need to look out for, or is cheating or 19 00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:24,080 Speaker 1: anything like that. Oh, Paulina, Okay, let me tell you 20 00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:26,800 Speaker 1: I had a boyfriend like that once, always on his phone. 21 00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:30,200 Speaker 1: We could be at the movies, we could be at dinner, 22 00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:32,120 Speaker 1: we could be sitting right next to each other at 23 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:34,080 Speaker 1: a game. It did not matter. He was always on 24 00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:36,440 Speaker 1: the phone. Granted he was a businessman. I get it, 25 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:40,680 Speaker 1: but there has to be some type of balance for sure. Look, 26 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:42,959 Speaker 1: I wonder what he's looking at. To be honest, I 27 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:44,520 Speaker 1: want to know is he on Instagram? Is a d 28 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:46,520 Speaker 1: M in someone? Does he have a snapchat? I think 29 00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:49,920 Speaker 1: there's your questions that you should know. There's nothing wrong 30 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:52,600 Speaker 1: with you asking and wondering, and there should be no 31 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:55,480 Speaker 1: issue with him being honest with you. I'm not saying 32 00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:57,320 Speaker 1: he's cheating on you. That's not what I'm saying. First 33 00:01:57,320 --> 00:01:59,520 Speaker 1: of all, I think it's important for you to speak 34 00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:01,360 Speaker 1: to him about it. Obviously you said you've talked to 35 00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:04,160 Speaker 1: him plenty of times. I think it's okay. At least, 36 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:06,559 Speaker 1: let's start with if we're at dinner, let's both put 37 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,760 Speaker 1: our phones in the middle of the table. Let's have 38 00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:12,519 Speaker 1: a discussion like normal people. Let's eat little by little, okay, 39 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:14,480 Speaker 1: certain little changes, or ask him, hey, can you not 40 00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:16,240 Speaker 1: be on your phone right now? Like I just really 41 00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:19,799 Speaker 1: want some undivided attention, some quality time with you. That's 42 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:25,000 Speaker 1: first thing. Okay, Now what I've learned throughout my relationships 43 00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:29,640 Speaker 1: is that if a guy is hesitant in giving you 44 00:02:29,919 --> 00:02:33,560 Speaker 1: his password of his phone, not because it's controlling, it's 45 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:36,760 Speaker 1: you give him yours too, vicea versa. But if he 46 00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:39,399 Speaker 1: is like, no, this is my privacy and that and yes, 47 00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:41,520 Speaker 1: it's his privacy, but there should be no problem with you, like, hey, 48 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:43,720 Speaker 1: let me let me see what's up. If you have 49 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:45,880 Speaker 1: nothing to hide, you know what I mean, there's nothing 50 00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:48,920 Speaker 1: wrong with that I'm in a relationship than goodness that 51 00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:52,000 Speaker 1: he's like, I'm not. I don't have time for that. 52 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:53,400 Speaker 1: Whatever it is that you need to look at. And 53 00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:55,760 Speaker 1: there have been times where I've been a little toxica 54 00:02:55,919 --> 00:02:58,160 Speaker 1: and I'm like, uh, let me see who you d 55 00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:02,079 Speaker 1: m And he shows me and that's when you know, Okay, 56 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:04,400 Speaker 1: I'm not hiding anything. It could be at any time, 57 00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:07,120 Speaker 1: but the man has to be ready for that. In 58 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:10,440 Speaker 1: my personal opinion, again these are my thoughts and opinions. Guys, 59 00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:12,760 Speaker 1: if he has a problem with that, then he's hiding something. 60 00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:17,359 Speaker 1: So you gotta be careful with how you deliver your message. 61 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:21,440 Speaker 1: That's important too. We can't be like talking crap and 62 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:23,040 Speaker 1: like let me see your phone. It's going to start 63 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:25,400 Speaker 1: a problem, but start with the conversation of can I 64 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:28,600 Speaker 1: have some quality time with you? You know, so I 65 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:30,560 Speaker 1: know what you're going through, Balina, and I hope he 66 00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:33,080 Speaker 1: gets better. I really really do. Let me know if 67 00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:36,400 Speaker 1: it works. Hopefully it does. Okay, thank you for your question, Mama. 68 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:44,400 Speaker 1: Now our second question comes from Rolla. Let's hear it, 69 00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:48,760 Speaker 1: Hey Cheeks from from Long Beach, California. My question for 70 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:52,040 Speaker 1: you is how do you manage to forgive those that 71 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:55,920 Speaker 1: have done you wrong? Do you continue as if nothing happened? 72 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:59,320 Speaker 1: Do you acknowledge it? How does that process work for you? 73 00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:02,920 Speaker 1: Rosa Linda. Okay, well, I have a whole book on this. 74 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:05,960 Speaker 1: I have it in English Forgiveness or in Spanish Burdon, 75 00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:09,320 Speaker 1: so that I can explain a little bit more in detail. 76 00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:13,000 Speaker 1: I would say read the book, but for now, Forgiveness 77 00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:17,000 Speaker 1: is a gift that we give to ourselves. Sometimes we 78 00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:19,880 Speaker 1: do need to hear the I'm sorry in order for 79 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:24,479 Speaker 1: us to have a relationship of friendship, whatever it may be. 80 00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:27,839 Speaker 1: And sometimes it's not necessary. Sometimes it's just let me 81 00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:30,560 Speaker 1: forgive this person because I don't want to hold onto it. 82 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:35,120 Speaker 1: Resentment is toxic and holding a grudge is toxic. That 83 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:37,360 Speaker 1: stuff that's just not good for your soul, for your mind, 84 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:39,400 Speaker 1: for your body. So it's just good to say I 85 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:42,800 Speaker 1: forgive this person, even if they haven't said I'm sorry now. 86 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:46,080 Speaker 1: I've had moments like that. For instance, my dad, he's 87 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:50,920 Speaker 1: never acknowledged, he's never apologized for sexually abusing me. I've 88 00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:53,159 Speaker 1: always forgiven him, but for a long time I wanted 89 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:55,640 Speaker 1: to hear the words okay, I'm sorry. Now It's like 90 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:57,160 Speaker 1: I don't need it now. It's like I don't want 91 00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:59,920 Speaker 1: to hold onto that baggage. It's just not good for me. 92 00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:02,320 Speaker 1: So I think once we look at it that way, 93 00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:05,520 Speaker 1: it really does help us move on. So I don't 94 00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:07,760 Speaker 1: know what it is that you're going through specifically, but 95 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:11,760 Speaker 1: just look at it as a gift for yourself. It 96 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:16,400 Speaker 1: gives you wings of liberation, It gives you that feeling 97 00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:20,040 Speaker 1: of not holding onto that that heaviness, and it allows 98 00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:24,320 Speaker 1: you to just fly and soar. You know. So, whoever 99 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:27,360 Speaker 1: it is, forgive them, even if they don't say sorry, 100 00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:31,599 Speaker 1: you forgive them because the gift for reciding that I 101 00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:40,800 Speaker 1: hope I helped a little and sending you a big hug. Okay, 102 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:43,239 Speaker 1: so listen to our final question, you guys, which comes 103 00:05:43,279 --> 00:05:46,080 Speaker 1: from Nathy. My producers tell me this question might be 104 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:50,479 Speaker 1: triggering for some listeners. Hi, chick, how do I open 105 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:54,480 Speaker 1: up about my sexual assault with my parents? I haven't 106 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:57,760 Speaker 1: told them and I'm twenty four now and this happened 107 00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:02,040 Speaker 1: one almost twenty Hi, not the this is This is 108 00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:04,080 Speaker 1: a tough one and I'm gonna do my best to 109 00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:07,040 Speaker 1: give you the best advice possible. As you know, I 110 00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:11,479 Speaker 1: also suffered sexual abuse. When I finally came out and 111 00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:15,080 Speaker 1: told my truth, spoke my truth, it made me feel 112 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:18,239 Speaker 1: so much better. Every situation is different. Sometimes we're afraid 113 00:06:18,279 --> 00:06:20,000 Speaker 1: of how our parents are going to react or who 114 00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:24,360 Speaker 1: the person was, you know, that assaulted you. It could 115 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:25,919 Speaker 1: be a family member in this In my case, it 116 00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:27,880 Speaker 1: was my dad, you know. So I was really scared 117 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:30,200 Speaker 1: because I was like, my mom is going to kill him, 118 00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:31,760 Speaker 1: and I'm not gonna have a dad and I'm not 119 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:35,040 Speaker 1: gonna have a mom so much. But now I don't 120 00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:39,360 Speaker 1: know the situation with you, but I would say, if 121 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:43,920 Speaker 1: you can't get yourself to tell them in person, maybe 122 00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:46,760 Speaker 1: write them a letter. Maybe choose either your mom or 123 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:50,960 Speaker 1: your dad, whoever you feel is going to be a 124 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:54,040 Speaker 1: little better about it, because it's gonna be very painful. 125 00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:57,719 Speaker 1: Just so you know it's gonna take some time. Therapy 126 00:06:57,720 --> 00:07:01,520 Speaker 1: as well. I do really do recommend therapy for you 127 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:04,120 Speaker 1: and for your parents because it's going to be difficult. 128 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:07,599 Speaker 1: But write them a letter, write them a letter, express yourself, 129 00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:11,800 Speaker 1: let them know, leave it maybe before you leave somewhere, 130 00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:15,160 Speaker 1: so that you have a moment so that they can 131 00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:18,360 Speaker 1: process their feelings and you're not there, and then maybe, 132 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:20,440 Speaker 1: you know, maybe they'll text you, maybe they'll call you, Hey, 133 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,960 Speaker 1: come home, let's talk about this. But that's my suggestion. 134 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:27,520 Speaker 1: If you can't do it yet verbally write it down, 135 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:29,240 Speaker 1: that also is going to help you. It's going to 136 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:31,880 Speaker 1: be a form of therapy as well, letting it out. Um. 137 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:35,560 Speaker 1: So yeah, not that, that is my suggestion. And I'm 138 00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:40,000 Speaker 1: sending you a big, big hug filled with love, and 139 00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:42,920 Speaker 1: just know that you are worthy, that you are valuable, 140 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:46,320 Speaker 1: and that would happened to you does not define who 141 00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:50,440 Speaker 1: you're going to be in the future. Okay, mama, And again, 142 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:54,120 Speaker 1: you guys, thank you, thank you so much to Paolina 143 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:57,320 Speaker 1: for your questions. Um, you guys can submit your questions 144 00:07:57,360 --> 00:08:00,360 Speaker 1: at speak pipe dot com. Slash Cheeckens and chill pot Cast. 145 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:02,960 Speaker 1: I love hearing from you guys, so feel free to 146 00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:06,280 Speaker 1: leave me questions on anything you're dealing with. And of course, 147 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:08,800 Speaker 1: if you're struggling with an issue or hardship you guys, 148 00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:14,080 Speaker 1: listen up that requires immediate attention, seek professional help. These 149 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:16,440 Speaker 1: are my two cents on this episode. We'll be back 150 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:30,000 Speaker 1: next week. This is a production of I Heart Radio 151 00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:33,760 Speaker 1: and the Michael Dura podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram 152 00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:37,040 Speaker 1: at Michael Dura podcast then follow me Cheeks that's c 153 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:40,560 Speaker 1: h i q U i s. For more podcasts from 154 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:44,040 Speaker 1: my heart, visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, 155 00:08:44,160 --> 00:09:01,440 Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts.