WEBVTT - Getting Better at Marriage with Anna Faris 0:00:00.800 --> 0:00:04.680 Hi, Catherine, how are you Hi? I'm great today. O God. 0:00:04.720 --> 0:00:09.560 I was looking online this morning for chow rescues to 0:00:09.760 --> 0:00:12.319 see and if any of my listeners know about this, 0:00:12.400 --> 0:00:17.079 to see if there are full chows that are rescuable, 0:00:17.079 --> 0:00:19.280 because I really want my next dog to be a 0:00:19.320 --> 0:00:21.920 full blown chow, but I don't want to buy one 0:00:21.920 --> 0:00:24.000 from a breeder. I know there's a bunch of chow 0:00:24.120 --> 0:00:26.319 mixed rescues. I'll probably end upetting a chow mix. But 0:00:26.360 --> 0:00:30.040 if anyone has a full blown chow that they want 0:00:30.360 --> 0:00:34.280 somebody to take, I'm your person. I don't care. I 0:00:34.360 --> 0:00:36.960 want more. I just want that face in my face, 0:00:37.680 --> 0:00:40.279 that fucked up, scrunchy face. I do know which time 0:00:40.320 --> 0:00:43.240 I spend on TikTok and Instagram looking at chow videos. 0:00:43.880 --> 0:00:46.199 It's so pathetic. And then the and they come in 0:00:46.280 --> 0:00:49.600 so many different colors and sizes. There's white, there's black, 0:00:49.640 --> 0:00:53.960 there's orange, there's brown ones. Did I ever tell you 0:00:54.000 --> 0:00:56.720 I had a chow mix growing up. Yeah, he was 0:00:56.760 --> 0:00:59.639 a German chopherd chow, but he looked much more chow. 0:01:00.080 --> 0:01:03.000 His name was Buster. I think is a dominant thing. 0:01:04.040 --> 0:01:06.640 Child's have any child that it's the dominant trait, just 0:01:06.680 --> 0:01:09.840 like you know, he had like the purple tongue and everything. 0:01:10.160 --> 0:01:12.600 He was just there, just the cutest dog. So that's 0:01:12.640 --> 0:01:14.680 my latest venture is to find a dog because I've 0:01:14.680 --> 0:01:16.880 spent so much time at home that I can just 0:01:16.920 --> 0:01:19.520 give the dogs to my bell to finally this it'll 0:01:19.560 --> 0:01:22.440 just repeat. Talk about repeating a cycle of abuse, I'm 0:01:22.480 --> 0:01:25.120 basically repeating a cycle of just not being considered a 0:01:25.160 --> 0:01:28.479 real parent exactly. But now you have Joe in your life, 0:01:28.480 --> 0:01:31.360 so he can like help co parent and you know, yeah, 0:01:32.040 --> 0:01:34.160 more experiencing parenting it than I do, so I guess 0:01:34.160 --> 0:01:36.640 he would be a good po co parent. He just 0:01:36.680 --> 0:01:38.640 doesn't like when the dogs sleep in our bed, which 0:01:38.800 --> 0:01:41.319 I you know, I do, Like you want that, I 0:01:41.400 --> 0:01:44.480 want that body. I like when I hear Bernie's snore 0:01:44.520 --> 0:01:47.640 in the middle of the night age. I frecking love that. 0:01:47.840 --> 0:01:49.640 It makes me laugh. In the middle of the night. 0:01:49.960 --> 0:01:51.920 The other night, there was like I don't know what 0:01:52.080 --> 0:01:53.920 was going on, but she came up to the doggy 0:01:54.000 --> 0:01:57.320 steps and she was whining like she do and she 0:01:57.440 --> 0:01:59.200 never does that, and I look up and she's like, 0:01:59.280 --> 0:02:01.080 can I come in? And it was basically like can 0:02:01.080 --> 0:02:03.440 she come into bed? Because Joe wasn't there. I was like, yeah, bitch, 0:02:03.440 --> 0:02:05.800 get up here, let's do this. I was like, I 0:02:05.840 --> 0:02:09.920 will staple you to the bed. You have to. I 0:02:09.960 --> 0:02:12.000 even like when Mimsy like kicks me in the night, 0:02:12.160 --> 0:02:14.120 like she wants to sleep in between my legs and 0:02:14.160 --> 0:02:17.120 she like kick to Like, I want someone who wants 0:02:17.160 --> 0:02:19.120 me all the time. That's the kind of dog I'm 0:02:19.120 --> 0:02:20.800 looking for. I thought I didn't like that because I 0:02:20.840 --> 0:02:22.880 had that in Chunk, But I'm ready for round two 0:02:22.919 --> 0:02:27.960 of Chunk exactly. Well. We have a quick update from Tara, 0:02:28.040 --> 0:02:31.119 who called it on one of our episodes, and she 0:02:31.440 --> 0:02:33.520 was coming out. She was married to a man, but 0:02:33.600 --> 0:02:35.760 she was coming out as a lesbian and I was 0:02:35.800 --> 0:02:37.680 gonna like talk to her family, and she was on 0:02:37.720 --> 0:02:41.000 Lily Saying's episode, Yeah, yeah, I remember. So she said, 0:02:41.520 --> 0:02:43.880 things have been going well for me after I told 0:02:43.919 --> 0:02:46.080 my mother, which turned out to be somewhat of a 0:02:46.120 --> 0:02:49.160 heart crusher. I did take Chelsea and Lily's advice and 0:02:49.200 --> 0:02:51.800 basically stopped giving a shit about who I had to 0:02:51.800 --> 0:02:54.120 come out to and how I was going to do it. 0:02:54.480 --> 0:02:56.520 I took the same approach to coming out as I 0:02:56.560 --> 0:02:59.040 do when people ask me why I don't have social media. 0:02:59.480 --> 0:03:02.960 My life is none of anyone's fucking business. My advice 0:03:03.000 --> 0:03:05.880 to anyone else in the same situation as this, your 0:03:05.960 --> 0:03:09.760 life is your story, nobody else's. You will share different 0:03:09.800 --> 0:03:13.079 chapters with different people. Some will be great, some will 0:03:13.120 --> 0:03:15.959 be not so great. But you choose how it's told 0:03:16.000 --> 0:03:18.880 and who you tell it to. And always remember, when 0:03:18.919 --> 0:03:21.359 it feels like you're turning your life upside down, you're 0:03:21.400 --> 0:03:26.480 actually turning it right side up. Tara, Oh God, lovely, 0:03:26.720 --> 0:03:30.280 just look at this little ripple effect this podcast is having, 0:03:30.600 --> 0:03:33.240 giving people time to share their problems and then them 0:03:33.280 --> 0:03:38.520 taking advice and making changes in their lives. What a nice, 0:03:38.600 --> 0:03:41.240 nice development. You guys, We love the feedback. Always send 0:03:41.240 --> 0:03:43.800 it in and if you want to send in any questions, 0:03:43.840 --> 0:03:48.560 it's at Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com. Mmm, 0:03:48.960 --> 0:03:51.760 let me just put my bifocals on. Okay, let me 0:03:51.760 --> 0:03:55.040 mention some show dates I have coming up. I am 0:03:55.040 --> 0:03:59.560 winding down my summer dates. I'll see everybody in Hawaii 0:03:59.640 --> 0:04:03.720 July first and July three Honolulu Cahuli, so I'll be 0:04:03.760 --> 0:04:07.400 on Oahu and Maui, and then July I'll be in Montreal. 0:04:07.520 --> 0:04:11.600 The just for last festival and August twelve, two shows 0:04:11.600 --> 0:04:15.960 in Vancouver, and then Calgary August and August four, and 0:04:15.960 --> 0:04:19.400 then I just added another twenty two cities after that. 0:04:19.520 --> 0:04:21.719 If you go to Chelsea Handler dot com. If I 0:04:21.720 --> 0:04:24.440 haven't already been to a city near you, I'm definitely 0:04:24.440 --> 0:04:27.200 coming to a city near you then, so check Chelsea 0:04:27.240 --> 0:04:32.760 Hamdler dot com. Four tickets. Today's guest is Anna farm Ship. 0:04:33.600 --> 0:04:36.479 Today's guest has her own podcast as well. It's called 0:04:36.560 --> 0:04:40.720 Unqualified Please Welcome on a Forest. No, today's guest has 0:04:40.720 --> 0:04:43.400 our own podcasts as well. It's called Unqualified. Please welcome. 0:04:43.480 --> 0:04:48.960 Anna Ferris Hi. Hello, Hello, Oh my god, look at 0:04:48.960 --> 0:04:52.760 how the tables have turned turned turned. You were the 0:04:52.800 --> 0:04:55.680 first original person to ever have a podcast, right well 0:04:55.720 --> 0:05:00.800 after Mark Maron. I was the first original. You invented podcasting, 0:05:01.600 --> 0:05:04.040 and boy do I regret it. I know, look at 0:05:04.080 --> 0:05:06.279 what Look at what a ship show? And now everybody 0:05:06.279 --> 0:05:09.800 has a fucking podcast. People, unborn babies have them. Oh 0:05:09.839 --> 0:05:12.680 my god. Like in two thousand fifteen, I was able 0:05:12.720 --> 0:05:16.320 to say I think I'm starting a podcast and people 0:05:16.400 --> 0:05:19.560 would inevitably be like, what is that again? And I 0:05:19.560 --> 0:05:22.880 would say, like, cereal, you know that's thing that's going 0:05:22.920 --> 0:05:27.040 around and now here I am, and you know, well, 0:05:27.080 --> 0:05:28.680 you should just remind people that it was one of 0:05:28.720 --> 0:05:36.000 the original podcasts, you know. Yeah, I've actually had one since. Yeah, 0:05:36.040 --> 0:05:38.719 I'll remind all my guests. Yeah, I think that's a 0:05:38.720 --> 0:05:42.080 good actually opening statement and opening thesis, if you will. 0:05:42.680 --> 0:05:45.000 Can I be a guest and open with a clunty 0:05:45.000 --> 0:05:46.720 you're going to pull some ship like that on us. 0:05:46.839 --> 0:05:49.000 I knew it. I fucking know your ship and I 0:05:49.080 --> 0:05:51.279 knew you were gonna go yeah, because I know you 0:05:51.360 --> 0:05:54.039 just had my lover on Joe Coy. He was on 0:05:54.080 --> 0:05:59.600 your podcast recently. I adore him. Who doesn't, Oh my god? 0:05:59.640 --> 0:06:02.120 He was so to great guest. So wait, though, when 0:06:02.320 --> 0:06:04.800 you guys had known each other forever, when when did 0:06:04.839 --> 0:06:08.799 it turn to romance? The first penetration happened last August. 0:06:09.160 --> 0:06:12.320 We were friends forever, but we hadn't been hanging out 0:06:12.400 --> 0:06:15.280 for many years. I hadn't seen him, and then he resurfaced, 0:06:15.320 --> 0:06:17.000 and then he would not get the funk out of 0:06:17.040 --> 0:06:19.200 my face, you know what I mean. He was on 0:06:19.240 --> 0:06:22.960 it and on it, and he kept re resurfacing, and 0:06:23.000 --> 0:06:25.000 even I went away for three and a half months, 0:06:25.000 --> 0:06:26.839 and we kind of kept in touch and then it 0:06:26.920 --> 0:06:29.000 just turned into like, all of a sudden one day, 0:06:29.000 --> 0:06:31.440 I just was like, oh, wait a second, I think 0:06:31.480 --> 0:06:34.359 that this is my guy, Like this is it. But 0:06:34.520 --> 0:06:38.640 that's a major shift in mentality. I mean, he probably 0:06:39.200 --> 0:06:43.760 crushed on you forever. That's because, you know, because it's 0:06:43.800 --> 0:06:47.320 a it's a little I don't know in my experience. 0:06:47.440 --> 0:06:51.320 I guess that most guys who are friends with me 0:06:51.400 --> 0:06:53.839 back in the day because I don't have any friends anymore. 0:06:53.880 --> 0:07:03.360 But that's so Anna, so you you're always talking about 0:07:03.480 --> 0:07:07.240 you have no friends, which is ridiculous. I think, well, 0:07:07.400 --> 0:07:09.720 that's a it's a different subject, I suppose because I 0:07:09.760 --> 0:07:13.280 think I'm lazy and I'm a hermit. I kind of 0:07:13.400 --> 0:07:17.120 enjoy my own company. And also we have three kids. 0:07:17.200 --> 0:07:19.680 Now this is all born I want to talk about. 0:07:19.680 --> 0:07:22.680 That's not boring. This is your life. The last thing 0:07:22.720 --> 0:07:24.880 my listeners need to hear is more shit about Joe 0:07:24.960 --> 0:07:28.000 Koy and me, because that's all we talk about. So 0:07:28.680 --> 0:07:30.680 we do need to talk about you. Act. I'm just 0:07:30.760 --> 0:07:34.000 so happy for you. I'm so happy for you. I 0:07:34.000 --> 0:07:39.680 appreciate that, like, and making that mental switch from friend 0:07:39.800 --> 0:07:45.400 to lover is kind of difficult, don't you think, yeah, 0:07:45.480 --> 0:07:48.720 I do think. I mean, it's not difficult because the 0:07:48.840 --> 0:07:51.400 ease with which you can be yourself with that person 0:07:51.480 --> 0:07:56.720 outweigh any difficulties that surround that kind of transition, because 0:07:56.760 --> 0:07:58.680 it's really not difficult, you know. I mean, I suppose 0:07:58.720 --> 0:08:00.960 if we were having it had a fair that would 0:08:00.960 --> 0:08:02.680 have been difficult, you know, if one of us had 0:08:02.720 --> 0:08:05.560 been cheating on somebody or whatever. But it was just 0:08:05.640 --> 0:08:09.040 so pure and nice and like everyone was rooting for us. 0:08:09.080 --> 0:08:11.600 And that was also one element that I wasn't ever 0:08:11.640 --> 0:08:13.880 expecting because if you know, you had told me I 0:08:13.880 --> 0:08:15.920 was going to date somebody else who's well known, I 0:08:15.920 --> 0:08:18.520 would be like, no, no, now, I'm not doing that. 0:08:18.520 --> 0:08:22.040 That's the last I wanted, like a finance guy. And 0:08:22.080 --> 0:08:24.760 then I found out how fucking boring finance guys are. 0:08:24.880 --> 0:08:28.040 So it's much better to be with somebody that you know, 0:08:28.160 --> 0:08:30.960 you think is cool, Like I think Joe is cool, 0:08:31.040 --> 0:08:33.959 Like he everybody thinks he's cool, you know, and he's 0:08:33.960 --> 0:08:37.120 definitely cooler than I am in terms of my family dynamic, 0:08:37.200 --> 0:08:39.640 like all my nieces and nephews now just think Joe 0:08:39.800 --> 0:08:42.280 is like the coolest, and I fucking love that. Because 0:08:42.320 --> 0:08:45.960 pressure is off. I'm sick of being cool. I want 0:08:45.960 --> 0:08:48.000 to like a time out, you know, I just want 0:08:48.000 --> 0:08:50.640 to be alone and do my thing and smoke a 0:08:50.760 --> 0:08:53.679 joint on the beach and not be asked too many questions. 0:08:54.080 --> 0:08:58.080 My enthusiasm for life is different than it used to be. 0:08:58.160 --> 0:09:01.000 Like now, I really enjoyed my solitude. So I can 0:09:01.040 --> 0:09:03.040 relate to what you're saying about being a bit of 0:09:03.040 --> 0:09:06.400 a recluse. When you said that it would be like 0:09:06.559 --> 0:09:11.000 difficult if there was infidelity involved. You do not seem 0:09:11.040 --> 0:09:16.160 like a person who is a cheater. Is that right? 0:09:16.320 --> 0:09:18.240 You know I wouldn't cheat on somebody. I would just 0:09:18.240 --> 0:09:21.920 break up with them. That's so mean. Well that's because 0:09:21.920 --> 0:09:26.079 that's how I've always perceived you as being. Maybe proud 0:09:26.520 --> 0:09:29.400 is is incorrect, but sort of the idea of like 0:09:29.520 --> 0:09:32.920 proudly straightforward. Yes, I'd like to be direct. I don't 0:09:32.960 --> 0:09:35.360 like to mess with Like if people have a decision, 0:09:35.400 --> 0:09:37.200 if they want to be around you, you know, you 0:09:37.280 --> 0:09:39.680 give them the information that they need. Here's the truth. 0:09:40.000 --> 0:09:41.800 If you don't like it, I totally get it, but 0:09:41.960 --> 0:09:44.000 here it is. So if I were to do that, 0:09:44.040 --> 0:09:45.880 I would be very upfront about it. But I'm not 0:09:46.000 --> 0:09:48.719 like that, like, I just wouldn't even get myself into 0:09:48.760 --> 0:09:52.280 a situation where I mean that's maybe when I was younger, Yeah, 0:09:52.360 --> 0:09:55.160 when I was a little bit more reckless. Now I'm like, 0:09:55.360 --> 0:09:57.000 I'm not going to hurt somebody in that way. I 0:09:57.000 --> 0:09:59.360 don't want to be responsible for anybody being in pain. 0:09:59.840 --> 0:10:04.400 I I think that's amazing. So anyway, that's enough about me. 0:10:04.520 --> 0:10:06.719 On a we're near, we're here to talk about you, 0:10:06.840 --> 0:10:08.800 and then we're gonna give advice to callers, so you 0:10:08.800 --> 0:10:10.560 don't even have to talk about it, so you don't 0:10:10.559 --> 0:10:12.440 even have to talk about yourself for so long. So 0:10:12.600 --> 0:10:14.240 just I want you to think about that as we 0:10:14.280 --> 0:10:16.920 go into this next phase of the interview. I love it. 0:10:17.160 --> 0:10:19.400 But you did mention that you are with three children now, 0:10:19.440 --> 0:10:21.840 and I know that you have one, so the other 0:10:21.880 --> 0:10:25.800 two I'm assuming came from your new husband. Yes, they're teenagers, 0:10:25.920 --> 0:10:30.000 fifteen and eighteen. Oh whoof, that's a far cry from 0:10:30.040 --> 0:10:33.240 what you were dealing with. Oh man, And I am 0:10:33.400 --> 0:10:36.440 the youngest child. I was a camp counselor, so I 0:10:36.480 --> 0:10:40.200 had that experience, and I was a really shitty babysitter. 0:10:41.280 --> 0:10:46.319 There's a peanut allergy story. I didn't believe in allergies. Anyway, whatever, 0:10:46.440 --> 0:10:47.960 I almost killed a kid. It could have been a 0:10:47.960 --> 0:10:51.720 whole different life for me, But being a step mom 0:10:51.800 --> 0:10:57.080 has been I'm still learning, I really am. I felt 0:10:57.120 --> 0:11:00.120 at first like I wanted to be kind of like 0:11:00.160 --> 0:11:04.880 this wild, new, reckless person in their lives because I 0:11:04.920 --> 0:11:08.000 was also going through a divorce, and so I had 0:11:08.080 --> 0:11:12.280 that Now that I'm like a divorce veteran because I've 0:11:12.280 --> 0:11:16.640 been divorced twice, there is this kind of shift that happens. 0:11:17.120 --> 0:11:20.560 Especially it hit hard the first time I turned into 0:11:20.600 --> 0:11:23.599 somebody that I didn't recognize, Like I was always the 0:11:23.640 --> 0:11:26.640 kind of person that had their fridge filled and I 0:11:26.720 --> 0:11:28.720 hosted a lot of dinners. That was back when I 0:11:28.720 --> 0:11:33.400 had friends a time, long, long, long time ago. But 0:11:33.480 --> 0:11:36.720 then I found myself in this apartment with just beer 0:11:36.960 --> 0:11:40.280 and mustard in the fridge and I and I was 0:11:40.320 --> 0:11:42.880 going out all the time. I had no one to 0:11:44.200 --> 0:11:48.239 text or call and say, hey, can I do this? Essentially, 0:11:48.920 --> 0:11:53.320 it was incredibly liberating, and I reverted to you know, 0:11:53.400 --> 0:11:56.440 like seventeen years old. I went to a bar. I 0:11:56.480 --> 0:12:01.000 was like, yeah, dangerous. I would have done something like 0:12:01.040 --> 0:12:03.160 that at seventeen as well. I was down to get 0:12:03.200 --> 0:12:05.840 busy with whatever. And I also took a lot of 0:12:05.840 --> 0:12:08.560 pride in knowing that I could handle more drugs than 0:12:08.600 --> 0:12:10.480 anybody else and I would still be able to like 0:12:10.559 --> 0:12:13.439 get us home or navigate something some situation to get 0:12:13.480 --> 0:12:15.640 us taken care of. I took a lot of pride 0:12:15.679 --> 0:12:19.720 in that, And that's rebellion and recklessness. Obviously. I never 0:12:20.320 --> 0:12:23.000 I was never promiscuous, though. Is that like an old 0:12:23.040 --> 0:12:26.120 time term? I think so. I think so. I was 0:12:26.200 --> 0:12:31.680 never promiscuous, but because I was terrified, I was terrified 0:12:31.679 --> 0:12:33.760 that I wasn't a good lover. I was terrified that, 0:12:34.520 --> 0:12:38.520 especially young. When I was younger, I was so self 0:12:38.559 --> 0:12:42.160 conscious of my body. I didn't want anybody to see it, 0:12:42.200 --> 0:12:45.760 but I would dance on the edges of it. I 0:12:45.800 --> 0:12:49.840 wanted to be desired desperately. Right, How long was your 0:12:49.880 --> 0:12:58.040 first marriage? Two and a half years? So dollars? Okay, okay, 0:12:58.320 --> 0:13:01.320 poppy that? And then how long was your second marriage? 0:13:01.840 --> 0:13:04.640 Ten years? About ten years? Was it? You're getting better 0:13:04.720 --> 0:13:08.280 at a year? Eight years? Yeah, you know, it's kind 0:13:08.280 --> 0:13:09.880 of how I feel about Chelsea lately. I don't know 0:13:09.920 --> 0:13:12.319 if it was eight years or ten years. So you're 0:13:12.320 --> 0:13:14.960 getting better at it. Though a ten year marriage is 0:13:14.960 --> 0:13:18.760 is not not success. It's not a it's it was 0:13:18.880 --> 0:13:22.400 ten years. I think it was like seven, but it wouldn't. Yeah, 0:13:22.480 --> 0:13:24.960 but we were together for ten years. But anyway, Yeah, 0:13:25.000 --> 0:13:29.600 I think there is it's slow growth on my end. Yeah, well, 0:13:29.640 --> 0:13:31.680 some of us are a little bit more. I feel 0:13:31.720 --> 0:13:34.360 like there's areas in my life where I've matured in 0:13:34.400 --> 0:13:36.600 a short amount of time as a little kid, and 0:13:36.640 --> 0:13:38.520 then there are areas in my life where I'm still 0:13:38.520 --> 0:13:41.679 acting like a little girl. Chelsea. I feel like you 0:13:41.720 --> 0:13:45.200 and I might have this in common. I don't know, 0:13:45.400 --> 0:13:50.520 but I think this time it has been easier for 0:13:50.559 --> 0:13:56.240 me to accept a lot of love. It's still it's 0:13:56.480 --> 0:13:59.000 like I still kind of struggle with it. But are 0:13:59.040 --> 0:14:01.360 you like that though? If there's so much love, like 0:14:01.400 --> 0:14:03.199 I think just when I was younger, if there was 0:14:03.240 --> 0:14:06.880 a lot of love, like I must have subconsciously liked 0:14:06.920 --> 0:14:14.000 a chase or something that I don't know. It feels 0:14:14.040 --> 0:14:17.560 healthier though, whatever it is. It feels like I can 0:14:18.240 --> 0:14:21.720 be loved. Yeah, right, which is such a It feels 0:14:21.760 --> 0:14:23.360 like a corny thing to say, but it's true for 0:14:23.400 --> 0:14:24.800 many of us. You know, it's the same way we 0:14:24.800 --> 0:14:29.560 feel about compliments when people are unwilling to receive compliments, 0:14:30.080 --> 0:14:31.720 like you know, I don't know if those two things 0:14:31.760 --> 0:14:34.480 are related, but like I don't like a lot of adulation. 0:14:34.600 --> 0:14:36.360 I don't like a lot of people telling me to 0:14:36.400 --> 0:14:38.440 my face how great they think I am. I love it. 0:14:38.480 --> 0:14:41.120 For them to be doing it behind my back, that's fine, 0:14:41.160 --> 0:14:43.520 but don't involve me in that, you know, Like it's 0:14:43.560 --> 0:14:45.840 it's uncomfortable. And then I have to say thank you 0:14:45.920 --> 0:14:47.360 and thank you and thank you. And I've spent to 0:14:47.680 --> 0:14:50.000 I'll like in an ordinate amount of my time saying 0:14:50.000 --> 0:14:52.200 thank you to whether it's my fans backstage at a 0:14:52.240 --> 0:14:54.880 show telling me, you know, nice things about myself. It's 0:14:54.920 --> 0:14:59.080 like that becomes too much and then it loses its meaning, right, 0:14:59.160 --> 0:15:01.000 it doesn't affect you in the same way it should 0:15:01.040 --> 0:15:04.359 each time. Joe Coy is very good at receiving adulation 0:15:04.400 --> 0:15:07.600 and adoration. He loves that. And I know what you're 0:15:07.600 --> 0:15:10.320 saying about that, but I wonder if that is connected 0:15:10.360 --> 0:15:13.520 to the love part. It could be, yeah, because for 0:15:13.560 --> 0:15:16.240 a while, it would be annoying to have somebody adore 0:15:16.280 --> 0:15:19.640 you that much. It's like there's a revulsion there. But 0:15:19.680 --> 0:15:23.040 that revulsion is a protection over your own person. You're 0:15:23.120 --> 0:15:25.800 trying to preserve yourself and not get hurt to the 0:15:25.800 --> 0:15:28.640 point where you would have be vulnerable to them, right. 0:15:29.520 --> 0:15:35.119 You know, my mom is an but was this stunning, 0:15:35.960 --> 0:15:38.640 stunning woman. She grew up dirt poor, she had to 0:15:38.640 --> 0:15:41.200 get like all her teeth fixed and stuff, but she 0:15:41.640 --> 0:15:43.920 really like, I kind of want to show you a picture. 0:15:44.320 --> 0:15:47.960 But she never complimented my physical appearance. And because I 0:15:48.720 --> 0:15:52.200 was such a late bloomer at chubby cheeks, I wore 0:15:52.320 --> 0:15:56.440 headgear for fucking years. I think my parents did that 0:15:56.480 --> 0:15:58.800 to me because they wanted me to stay a virgin, 0:15:58.920 --> 0:16:03.760 even though even though their atheist, I it was that 0:16:03.880 --> 0:16:05.800 was that was one of the struggles of my life 0:16:05.960 --> 0:16:09.800 for sure. So I think that I can accept compliments 0:16:10.200 --> 0:16:13.800 that are about my work well, and I'm very grateful 0:16:13.840 --> 0:16:18.360 for that. But especially in Hollywood, like fear at a 0:16:18.480 --> 0:16:21.480 thing and everybody looks beautiful and someone is like, oh, 0:16:21.520 --> 0:16:24.800 you look so beautiful, I can't absorb that very well, 0:16:25.000 --> 0:16:28.600 at least it's a little too much. So I just 0:16:28.760 --> 0:16:34.480 you know, got fake boobs and mayor. That was my strategy, 0:16:35.120 --> 0:16:37.360 and I decided to have no more friends. She's like, 0:16:37.440 --> 0:16:42.120 that's it. It's me myself and I that's right. I 0:16:42.160 --> 0:16:44.120 feel like i've met your mother. When I have met 0:16:44.160 --> 0:16:48.160 your mother, maybe yeah, maybe there was a party at 0:16:48.200 --> 0:16:49.840 my house once, and I believe you were there with 0:16:49.880 --> 0:16:53.360 your mother. This was many many years ago. God was 0:16:53.400 --> 0:16:58.080 I there with my mother? Why would I do that? Oh? 0:16:58.160 --> 0:17:00.560 My god? Where else would I have met her? Or 0:17:00.600 --> 0:17:02.600 maybe I met her when I when I did your 0:17:02.640 --> 0:17:05.600 podcast when year at your house, it was definitely in 0:17:05.640 --> 0:17:09.240 a house setting. That feels right. I think that's right. 0:17:09.359 --> 0:17:10.800 I think that's what it was. That was when you 0:17:10.840 --> 0:17:13.560 were still married to Chris, because he was outside drinking 0:17:13.560 --> 0:17:15.760 a beer. There was another guy, and then you and 0:17:15.840 --> 0:17:19.199 I were at your old house recording the podcast. Ok, 0:17:20.160 --> 0:17:24.000 this is my mother on her honeymoon. Like she has 0:17:24.080 --> 0:17:27.520 like she looks like something from that movie, that surfing movie, 0:17:27.640 --> 0:17:32.640 Gidgets surfing movie. Totally, she had like that whole look, 0:17:32.800 --> 0:17:35.880 but she didn't know it. She's very uncomfortable. I think 0:17:35.880 --> 0:17:39.120 that because it was her identity, Like it was kind 0:17:39.119 --> 0:17:42.040 of how she broke through and she met my dad. 0:17:42.080 --> 0:17:45.320 But she never played it up. She was always I mean, 0:17:45.359 --> 0:17:48.040 as far as I know, they've only slept with each other, 0:17:48.800 --> 0:17:53.560 you know, getting back to my parents weird philosophy about sex, 0:17:54.320 --> 0:17:57.520 But what's your relationship with your mother? Like now we're 0:17:57.560 --> 0:18:02.679 really close, We're really close. She had a tremendously difficult childhood, 0:18:03.359 --> 0:18:07.480 and as I get older, I can see how that 0:18:07.600 --> 0:18:11.320 really affected her, and it's kind of it's really remarkable 0:18:11.480 --> 0:18:15.320 that she is is as great as of a mom 0:18:15.359 --> 0:18:19.199 as she is. I think, I mean her parents. I 0:18:19.280 --> 0:18:21.800 just never told this story. I'll tell it if you 0:18:21.840 --> 0:18:25.359 guys don't mind. Her parents One Easter when I was nine, 0:18:26.200 --> 0:18:29.960 they had this really dumpy family cabin. They lived in 0:18:30.880 --> 0:18:34.159 a you know, a very very modest home that was 0:18:34.240 --> 0:18:36.320 kind of falling apart, and they also had this really 0:18:36.400 --> 0:18:40.560 dumpy cabin on an island, beautiful islands in Washington State, 0:18:41.160 --> 0:18:44.439 And we were all there for Easter and I was 0:18:45.320 --> 0:18:49.840 using the bathroom in there was one bathroom and uh, 0:18:50.119 --> 0:18:52.879 I could hear a lot of shouting and then the 0:18:53.040 --> 0:18:57.159 door gets kicked in by my grandpa and I'm like 0:18:57.640 --> 0:19:01.960 on the pot And he's always been weird anyway, always 0:19:02.000 --> 0:19:07.360 made me incredibly uncomfortable, and he said get outside, I'm 0:19:07.400 --> 0:19:10.800 getting the gun. So we're all like my aunt like 0:19:10.920 --> 0:19:14.160 shoves us all into the station wagon where we're all hovering, Well, 0:19:14.240 --> 0:19:19.200 my grandpa has this massive gun that my uncles are 0:19:19.240 --> 0:19:24.040 wrestling away from him. And I think about, like, it 0:19:24.160 --> 0:19:27.800 was scary. It was scary, but I didn't even know 0:19:27.880 --> 0:19:31.920 how scary it could have been. He was such a violent, 0:19:32.280 --> 0:19:36.280 unpredictable man, and I think he had this hold on 0:19:36.359 --> 0:19:40.639 my mom and her sisters. It was so she came 0:19:40.760 --> 0:19:46.719 from that and I admire her so much. Yeah, that's 0:19:46.760 --> 0:19:48.719 pretty scary stuff to deal with as a child. As 0:19:48.760 --> 0:19:51.280 an adult, it's scary, but as a child in not 0:19:51.440 --> 0:19:53.240 knowing if you're safe or not, I think it's like 0:19:53.280 --> 0:19:55.639 the number one thing that we all wrestle with. And 0:19:55.720 --> 0:19:58.359 to stop perpetuating that cycle, right, like to put an 0:19:58.440 --> 0:20:01.240 end to that cycle, so that that cycle abuse doesn't continue, 0:20:01.800 --> 0:20:04.600 because that's what happens with families. You know, somebody does 0:20:04.640 --> 0:20:06.680 something and then the kid does it, and then the 0:20:06.800 --> 0:20:09.200 kid's an abuse it and then it's like, well fuck. 0:20:09.320 --> 0:20:11.919 I mean, I guess our whole if you want to 0:20:11.960 --> 0:20:14.320 be like thinking of it on a really spiritual level, 0:20:14.359 --> 0:20:18.800 our whole entire existence and purpose should be into creating 0:20:18.880 --> 0:20:22.560 new imprints, right, and new memories and stopping any cycle 0:20:22.560 --> 0:20:25.119 of negativity which is impossible to do because you're a 0:20:25.200 --> 0:20:30.760 human being. I think that's an amazing sentiment and important 0:20:31.320 --> 0:20:35.480 for parents to remember. Yeah, parenting is a tough you know, 0:20:35.560 --> 0:20:37.240 a really tough job, and a lot of people go 0:20:37.320 --> 0:20:40.040 into it thinking that it's like very one dimensional, like 0:20:40.080 --> 0:20:42.120 I can't believe I'm gonna love this thing as much 0:20:42.119 --> 0:20:44.760 as I do, or I'm gonna be loved as much 0:20:44.760 --> 0:20:46.680 as I want to be loved because I didn't get 0:20:46.680 --> 0:20:48.960 the love that I needed. You know, it's one of 0:20:48.960 --> 0:20:51.159 those two things are usually the basis of wanting a 0:20:51.320 --> 0:20:54.439 child is to give or receive the love. And it's like, 0:20:54.520 --> 0:20:56.240 if you could take care of that on your own 0:20:56.720 --> 0:20:59.159 before you have a kid, then imagine how healthy you 0:20:59.200 --> 0:21:03.399 can make that kid. It completely, completely. I'm really proud 0:21:03.480 --> 0:21:07.439 that Jack, the son that I have with Chris, he's 0:21:07.840 --> 0:21:12.720 nine and he is such an even keeled kid. He 0:21:12.880 --> 0:21:18.360 is hysterical, he's smart, he's and he's just and he's 0:21:18.400 --> 0:21:21.920 confident but without being a jerk. That's that's the key 0:21:22.000 --> 0:21:26.480 for any man being raised is to be confident without 0:21:26.480 --> 0:21:31.840 being arrogant. Yeah, I'm really proud of that. Well, that's good. 0:21:31.920 --> 0:21:33.879 I'm glad you have an adorable son with him, and 0:21:33.920 --> 0:21:35.440 I'm glad that you guys are able to co parent 0:21:35.520 --> 0:21:37.159 in such a nice, healthy way. That's going to be 0:21:37.160 --> 0:21:39.320 great for him as he grows up. And I'm sure, 0:21:39.640 --> 0:21:42.280 actually that's probably what we're going to turn to. I'm 0:21:42.320 --> 0:21:46.280 sure we have some parenting questions. And since since out 0:21:46.280 --> 0:21:48.520 of the three of us, Anna, you're the only parent 0:21:48.640 --> 0:21:52.720