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Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, how are you Hi? I'm great today. O God.

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Speaker 1: I was looking online this morning for chow rescues to

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Speaker 1: see and if any of my listeners know about this,

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Speaker 1: to see if there are full chows that are rescuable,

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Speaker 1: because I really want my next dog to be a

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Speaker 1: full blown chow, but I don't want to buy one

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Speaker 1: from a breeder. I know there's a bunch of chow

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Speaker 1: mixed rescues. I'll probably end upetting a chow mix. But

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Speaker 1: if anyone has a full blown chow that they want

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Speaker 1: somebody to take, I'm your person. I don't care. I

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Speaker 1: want more. I just want that face in my face,

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Speaker 1: that fucked up, scrunchy face. I do know which time

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Speaker 1: I spend on TikTok and Instagram looking at chow videos.

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Speaker 1: It's so pathetic. And then the and they come in

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Speaker 1: so many different colors and sizes. There's white, there's black,

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Speaker 1: there's orange, there's brown ones. Did I ever tell you

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Speaker 1: I had a chow mix growing up. Yeah, he was

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Speaker 1: a German chopherd chow, but he looked much more chow.

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Speaker 1: His name was Buster. I think is a dominant thing.

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Speaker 1: Child's have any child that it's the dominant trait, just

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Speaker 1: like you know, he had like the purple tongue and everything.

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Speaker 1: He was just there, just the cutest dog. So that's

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Speaker 1: my latest venture is to find a dog because I've

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Speaker 1: spent so much time at home that I can just

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Speaker 1: give the dogs to my bell to finally this it'll

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Speaker 1: just repeat. Talk about repeating a cycle of abuse, I'm

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Speaker 1: basically repeating a cycle of just not being considered a

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Speaker 1: real parent exactly. But now you have Joe in your life,

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Speaker 1: so he can like help co parent and you know, yeah,

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Speaker 1: more experiencing parenting it than I do, so I guess

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Speaker 1: he would be a good po co parent. He just

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Speaker 1: doesn't like when the dogs sleep in our bed, which

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Speaker 1: I you know, I do, Like you want that, I

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Speaker 1: want that body. I like when I hear Bernie's snore

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Speaker 1: in the middle of the night age. I frecking love that.

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Speaker 1: It makes me laugh. In the middle of the night.

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Speaker 1: The other night, there was like I don't know what

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Speaker 1: was going on, but she came up to the doggy

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Speaker 1: steps and she was whining like she do and she

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Speaker 1: never does that, and I look up and she's like,

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Speaker 1: can I come in? And it was basically like can

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Speaker 1: she come into bed? Because Joe wasn't there. I was like, yeah, bitch,

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Speaker 1: get up here, let's do this. I was like, I

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Speaker 1: will staple you to the bed. You have to. I

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Speaker 1: even like when Mimsy like kicks me in the night,

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Speaker 1: like she wants to sleep in between my legs and

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Speaker 1: she like kick to Like, I want someone who wants

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Speaker 1: me all the time. That's the kind of dog I'm

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Speaker 1: looking for. I thought I didn't like that because I

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Speaker 1: had that in Chunk, But I'm ready for round two

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Speaker 1: of Chunk exactly. Well. We have a quick update from Tara,

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Speaker 1: who called it on one of our episodes, and she

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Speaker 1: was coming out. She was married to a man, but

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Speaker 1: she was coming out as a lesbian and I was

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Speaker 1: gonna like talk to her family, and she was on

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Speaker 1: Lily Saying's episode, Yeah, yeah, I remember. So she said,

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Speaker 1: things have been going well for me after I told

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Speaker 1: my mother, which turned out to be somewhat of a

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Speaker 1: heart crusher. I did take Chelsea and Lily's advice and

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Speaker 1: basically stopped giving a shit about who I had to

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Speaker 1: come out to and how I was going to do it.

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Speaker 1: I took the same approach to coming out as I

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Speaker 1: do when people ask me why I don't have social media.

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Speaker 1: My life is none of anyone's fucking business. My advice

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Speaker 1: to anyone else in the same situation as this, your

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Speaker 1: life is your story, nobody else's. You will share different

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Speaker 1: chapters with different people. Some will be great, some will

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Speaker 1: be not so great. But you choose how it's told

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Speaker 1: and who you tell it to. And always remember, when

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Speaker 1: it feels like you're turning your life upside down, you're

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Speaker 1: actually turning it right side up. Tara, Oh God, lovely,

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Speaker 1: just look at this little ripple effect this podcast is having,

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Speaker 1: giving people time to share their problems and then them

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Speaker 1: taking advice and making changes in their lives. What a nice,

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Speaker 1: nice development. You guys, We love the feedback. Always send

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Speaker 1: it in and if you want to send in any questions,

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Speaker 1: it's at Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com. Mmm,

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Speaker 1: let me just put my bifocals on. Okay, let me

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Speaker 1: mention some show dates I have coming up. I am

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Speaker 1: winding down my summer dates. I'll see everybody in Hawaii

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Speaker 1: July first and July three Honolulu Cahuli, so I'll be

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Speaker 1: on Oahu and Maui, and then July I'll be in Montreal.

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Speaker 1: The just for last festival and August twelve, two shows

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Speaker 1: in Vancouver, and then Calgary August and August four, and

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Speaker 1: then I just added another twenty two cities after that.

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Speaker 1: If you go to Chelsea Handler dot com. If I

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Speaker 1: haven't already been to a city near you, I'm definitely

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Speaker 1: coming to a city near you then, so check Chelsea

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Speaker 1: Hamdler dot com. Four tickets. Today's guest is Anna farm Ship.

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Speaker 1: Today's guest has her own podcast as well. It's called

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Speaker 1: Unqualified Please Welcome on a Forest. No, today's guest has

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Speaker 1: our own podcasts as well. It's called Unqualified. Please welcome.

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Speaker 1: Anna Ferris Hi. Hello, Hello, Oh my god, look at

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Speaker 1: how the tables have turned turned turned. You were the

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Speaker 1: first original person to ever have a podcast, right well

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Speaker 1: after Mark Maron. I was the first original. You invented podcasting,

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Speaker 1: and boy do I regret it. I know, look at

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Speaker 1: what Look at what a ship show? And now everybody

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Speaker 1: has a fucking podcast. People, unborn babies have them. Oh

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Speaker 1: my god. Like in two thousand fifteen, I was able

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Speaker 1: to say I think I'm starting a podcast and people

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Speaker 1: would inevitably be like, what is that again? And I

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Speaker 1: would say, like, cereal, you know that's thing that's going

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Speaker 1: around and now here I am, and you know, well,

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Speaker 1: you should just remind people that it was one of

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Speaker 1: the original podcasts, you know. Yeah, I've actually had one since. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'll remind all my guests. Yeah, I think that's a

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Speaker 1: good actually opening statement and opening thesis, if you will.

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Speaker 1: Can I be a guest and open with a clunty

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Speaker 1: you're going to pull some ship like that on us.

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Speaker 1: I knew it. I fucking know your ship and I

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Speaker 1: knew you were gonna go yeah, because I know you

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Speaker 1: just had my lover on Joe Coy. He was on

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Speaker 1: your podcast recently. I adore him. Who doesn't, Oh my god?

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Speaker 1: He was so to great guest. So wait, though, when

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Speaker 1: you guys had known each other forever, when when did

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Speaker 1: it turn to romance? The first penetration happened last August.

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Speaker 1: We were friends forever, but we hadn't been hanging out

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Speaker 1: for many years. I hadn't seen him, and then he resurfaced,

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Speaker 1: and then he would not get the funk out of

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Speaker 1: my face, you know what I mean. He was on

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Speaker 1: it and on it, and he kept re resurfacing, and

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Speaker 1: even I went away for three and a half months,

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Speaker 1: and we kind of kept in touch and then it

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Speaker 1: just turned into like, all of a sudden one day,

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Speaker 1: I just was like, oh, wait a second, I think

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Speaker 1: that this is my guy, Like this is it. But

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Speaker 1: that's a major shift in mentality. I mean, he probably

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Speaker 1: crushed on you forever. That's because, you know, because it's

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Speaker 1: a it's a little I don't know in my experience.

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Speaker 1: I guess that most guys who are friends with me

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Speaker 1: back in the day because I don't have any friends anymore.

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Speaker 1: But that's so Anna, so you you're always talking about

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Speaker 1: you have no friends, which is ridiculous. I think, well,

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Speaker 1: that's a it's a different subject, I suppose because I

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Speaker 1: think I'm lazy and I'm a hermit. I kind of

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Speaker 1: enjoy my own company. And also we have three kids.

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Speaker 1: Now this is all born I want to talk about.

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Speaker 1: That's not boring. This is your life. The last thing

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Speaker 1: my listeners need to hear is more shit about Joe

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Speaker 1: Koy and me, because that's all we talk about. So

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Speaker 1: we do need to talk about you. Act. I'm just

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Speaker 1: so happy for you. I'm so happy for you. I

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Speaker 1: appreciate that, like, and making that mental switch from friend

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Speaker 1: to lover is kind of difficult, don't you think, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I do think. I mean, it's not difficult because the

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Speaker 1: ease with which you can be yourself with that person

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Speaker 1: outweigh any difficulties that surround that kind of transition, because

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Speaker 1: it's really not difficult, you know. I mean, I suppose

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Speaker 1: if we were having it had a fair that would

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Speaker 1: have been difficult, you know, if one of us had

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Speaker 1: been cheating on somebody or whatever. But it was just

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Speaker 1: so pure and nice and like everyone was rooting for us.

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Speaker 1: And that was also one element that I wasn't ever

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Speaker 1: expecting because if you know, you had told me I

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Speaker 1: was going to date somebody else who's well known, I

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Speaker 1: would be like, no, no, now, I'm not doing that.

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Speaker 1: That's the last I wanted, like a finance guy. And

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Speaker 1: then I found out how fucking boring finance guys are.

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Speaker 1: So it's much better to be with somebody that you know,

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Speaker 1: you think is cool, Like I think Joe is cool,

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Speaker 1: Like he everybody thinks he's cool, you know, and he's

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Speaker 1: definitely cooler than I am in terms of my family dynamic,

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Speaker 1: like all my nieces and nephews now just think Joe

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Speaker 1: is like the coolest, and I fucking love that. Because

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Speaker 1: pressure is off. I'm sick of being cool. I want

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Speaker 1: to like a time out, you know, I just want

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Speaker 1: to be alone and do my thing and smoke a

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Speaker 1: joint on the beach and not be asked too many questions.

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Speaker 1: My enthusiasm for life is different than it used to be.

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Speaker 1: Like now, I really enjoyed my solitude. So I can

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Speaker 1: relate to what you're saying about being a bit of

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Speaker 1: a recluse. When you said that it would be like

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Speaker 1: difficult if there was infidelity involved. You do not seem

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Speaker 1: like a person who is a cheater. Is that right?

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Speaker 1: You know I wouldn't cheat on somebody. I would just

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Speaker 1: break up with them. That's so mean. Well that's because

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Speaker 1: that's how I've always perceived you as being. Maybe proud

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Speaker 1: is is incorrect, but sort of the idea of like

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Speaker 1: proudly straightforward. Yes, I'd like to be direct. I don't

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Speaker 1: like to mess with Like if people have a decision,

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Speaker 1: if they want to be around you, you know, you

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Speaker 1: give them the information that they need. Here's the truth.

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Speaker 1: If you don't like it, I totally get it, but

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Speaker 1: here it is. So if I were to do that,

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Speaker 1: I would be very upfront about it. But I'm not

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Speaker 1: like that, like, I just wouldn't even get myself into

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Speaker 1: a situation where I mean that's maybe when I was younger, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: when I was a little bit more reckless. Now I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to hurt somebody in that way. I

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Speaker 1: don't want to be responsible for anybody being in pain.

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Speaker 1: I I think that's amazing. So anyway, that's enough about me.

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Speaker 1: On a we're near, we're here to talk about you,

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Speaker 1: and then we're gonna give advice to callers, so you

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Speaker 1: don't even have to talk about it, so you don't

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Speaker 1: even have to talk about yourself for so long. So

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Speaker 1: just I want you to think about that as we

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Speaker 1: go into this next phase of the interview. I love it.

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Speaker 1: But you did mention that you are with three children now,

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Speaker 1: and I know that you have one, so the other

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Speaker 1: two I'm assuming came from your new husband. Yes, they're teenagers,

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Speaker 1: fifteen and eighteen. Oh whoof, that's a far cry from

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Speaker 1: what you were dealing with. Oh man, And I am

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Speaker 1: the youngest child. I was a camp counselor, so I

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Speaker 1: had that experience, and I was a really shitty babysitter.

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Speaker 1: There's a peanut allergy story. I didn't believe in allergies. Anyway, whatever,

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Speaker 1: I almost killed a kid. It could have been a

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Speaker 1: whole different life for me, But being a step mom

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Speaker 1: has been I'm still learning, I really am. I felt

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Speaker 1: at first like I wanted to be kind of like

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Speaker 1: this wild, new, reckless person in their lives because I

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Speaker 1: was also going through a divorce, and so I had

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Speaker 1: that Now that I'm like a divorce veteran because I've

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Speaker 1: been divorced twice, there is this kind of shift that happens.

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Speaker 1: Especially it hit hard the first time I turned into

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Speaker 1: somebody that I didn't recognize, Like I was always the

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Speaker 1: kind of person that had their fridge filled and I

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Speaker 1: hosted a lot of dinners. That was back when I

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Speaker 1: had friends a time, long, long, long time ago. But

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Speaker 1: then I found myself in this apartment with just beer

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Speaker 1: and mustard in the fridge and I and I was

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Speaker 1: going out all the time. I had no one to

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Speaker 1: text or call and say, hey, can I do this? Essentially,

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Speaker 1: it was incredibly liberating, and I reverted to you know,

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Speaker 1: like seventeen years old. I went to a bar. I

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Speaker 1: was like, yeah, dangerous. I would have done something like

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Speaker 1: that at seventeen as well. I was down to get

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Speaker 1: busy with whatever. And I also took a lot of

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Speaker 1: pride in knowing that I could handle more drugs than

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Speaker 1: anybody else and I would still be able to like

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Speaker 1: get us home or navigate something some situation to get

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Speaker 1: us taken care of. I took a lot of pride

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Speaker 1: in that, And that's rebellion and recklessness. Obviously. I never

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Speaker 1: I was never promiscuous, though. Is that like an old

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Speaker 1: time term? I think so. I think so. I was

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Speaker 1: never promiscuous, but because I was terrified, I was terrified

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Speaker 1: that I wasn't a good lover. I was terrified that,

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Speaker 1: especially young. When I was younger, I was so self

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Speaker 1: conscious of my body. I didn't want anybody to see it,

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Speaker 1: but I would dance on the edges of it. I

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Speaker 1: wanted to be desired desperately. Right, How long was your

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Speaker 1: first marriage? Two and a half years? So dollars? Okay, okay,

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Speaker 1: poppy that? And then how long was your second marriage?

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Speaker 1: Ten years? About ten years? Was it? You're getting better

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Speaker 1: at a year? Eight years? Yeah, you know, it's kind

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Speaker 1: of how I feel about Chelsea lately. I don't know

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Speaker 1: if it was eight years or ten years. So you're

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Speaker 1: getting better at it. Though a ten year marriage is

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Speaker 1: is not not success. It's not a it's it was

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Speaker 1: ten years. I think it was like seven, but it wouldn't. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but we were together for ten years. But anyway, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think there is it's slow growth on my end. Yeah, well,

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Speaker 1: some of us are a little bit more. I feel

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Speaker 1: like there's areas in my life where I've matured in

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Speaker 1: a short amount of time as a little kid, and

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Speaker 1: then there are areas in my life where I'm still

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Speaker 1: acting like a little girl. Chelsea. I feel like you

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Speaker 1: and I might have this in common. I don't know,

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Speaker 1: but I think this time it has been easier for

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Speaker 1: me to accept a lot of love. It's still it's

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Speaker 1: like I still kind of struggle with it. But are

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Speaker 1: you like that though? If there's so much love, like

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Speaker 1: I think just when I was younger, if there was

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Speaker 1: a lot of love, like I must have subconsciously liked

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Speaker 1: a chase or something that I don't know. It feels

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Speaker 1: healthier though, whatever it is. It feels like I can

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Speaker 1: be loved. Yeah, right, which is such a It feels

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Speaker 1: like a corny thing to say, but it's true for

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Speaker 1: many of us. You know, it's the same way we

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Speaker 1: feel about compliments when people are unwilling to receive compliments,

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Speaker 1: like you know, I don't know if those two things

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Speaker 1: are related, but like I don't like a lot of adulation.

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Speaker 1: I don't like a lot of people telling me to

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Speaker 1: my face how great they think I am. I love it.

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Speaker 1: For them to be doing it behind my back, that's fine,

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Speaker 1: but don't involve me in that, you know, Like it's

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Speaker 1: it's uncomfortable. And then I have to say thank you

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Speaker 1: and thank you and thank you. And I've spent to

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Speaker 1: I'll like in an ordinate amount of my time saying

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Speaker 1: thank you to whether it's my fans backstage at a

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Speaker 1: show telling me, you know, nice things about myself. It's

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Speaker 1: like that becomes too much and then it loses its meaning, right,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't affect you in the same way it should

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Speaker 1: each time. Joe Coy is very good at receiving adulation

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Speaker 1: and adoration. He loves that. And I know what you're

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Speaker 1: saying about that, but I wonder if that is connected

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Speaker 1: to the love part. It could be, yeah, because for

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Speaker 1: a while, it would be annoying to have somebody adore

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Speaker 1: you that much. It's like there's a revulsion there. But

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Speaker 1: that revulsion is a protection over your own person. You're

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Speaker 1: trying to preserve yourself and not get hurt to the

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Speaker 1: point where you would have be vulnerable to them, right.

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Speaker 1: You know, my mom is an but was this stunning,

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Speaker 1: stunning woman. She grew up dirt poor, she had to

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Speaker 1: get like all her teeth fixed and stuff, but she

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Speaker 1: really like, I kind of want to show you a picture.

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Speaker 1: But she never complimented my physical appearance. And because I

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Speaker 1: was such a late bloomer at chubby cheeks, I wore

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Speaker 1: headgear for fucking years. I think my parents did that

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Speaker 1: to me because they wanted me to stay a virgin,

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Speaker 1: even though even though their atheist, I it was that

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Speaker 1: was that was one of the struggles of my life

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Speaker 1: for sure. So I think that I can accept compliments

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Speaker 1: that are about my work well, and I'm very grateful

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Speaker 1: for that. But especially in Hollywood, like fear at a

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Speaker 1: thing and everybody looks beautiful and someone is like, oh,

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Speaker 1: you look so beautiful, I can't absorb that very well,

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Speaker 1: at least it's a little too much. So I just

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Speaker 1: you know, got fake boobs and mayor. That was my strategy,

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Speaker 1: and I decided to have no more friends. She's like,

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Speaker 1: that's it. It's me myself and I that's right. I

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Speaker 1: feel like i've met your mother. When I have met

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Speaker 1: your mother, maybe yeah, maybe there was a party at

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Speaker 1: my house once, and I believe you were there with

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Speaker 1: your mother. This was many many years ago. God was

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Speaker 1: I there with my mother? Why would I do that? Oh?

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Speaker 1: My god? Where else would I have met her? Or

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Speaker 1: maybe I met her when I when I did your

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Speaker 1: podcast when year at your house, it was definitely in

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Speaker 1: a house setting. That feels right. I think that's right.

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Speaker 1: I think that's what it was. That was when you

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Speaker 1: were still married to Chris, because he was outside drinking

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Speaker 1: a beer. There was another guy, and then you and

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Speaker 1: I were at your old house recording the podcast. Ok,

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Speaker 1: this is my mother on her honeymoon. Like she has

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Speaker 1: like she looks like something from that movie, that surfing movie,

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Speaker 1: Gidgets surfing movie. Totally, she had like that whole look,

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Speaker 1: but she didn't know it. She's very uncomfortable. I think

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Speaker 1: that because it was her identity, Like it was kind

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Speaker 1: of how she broke through and she met my dad.

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Speaker 1: But she never played it up. She was always I mean,

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Speaker 1: as far as I know, they've only slept with each other,

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Speaker 1: you know, getting back to my parents weird philosophy about sex,

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Speaker 1: But what's your relationship with your mother? Like now we're

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Speaker 1: really close, We're really close. She had a tremendously difficult childhood,

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Speaker 1: and as I get older, I can see how that

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Speaker 1: really affected her, and it's kind of it's really remarkable

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Speaker 1: that she is is as great as of a mom

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Speaker 1: as she is. I think, I mean her parents. I

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Speaker 1: just never told this story. I'll tell it if you

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Speaker 1: guys don't mind. Her parents One Easter when I was nine,

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Speaker 1: they had this really dumpy family cabin. They lived in

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Speaker 1: a you know, a very very modest home that was

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Speaker 1: kind of falling apart, and they also had this really

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Speaker 1: dumpy cabin on an island, beautiful islands in Washington State,

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Speaker 1: And we were all there for Easter and I was

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Speaker 1: using the bathroom in there was one bathroom and uh,

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Speaker 1: I could hear a lot of shouting and then the

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Speaker 1: door gets kicked in by my grandpa and I'm like

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Speaker 1: on the pot And he's always been weird anyway, always

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Speaker 1: made me incredibly uncomfortable, and he said get outside, I'm

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Speaker 1: getting the gun. So we're all like my aunt like

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Speaker 1: shoves us all into the station wagon where we're all hovering, Well,

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Speaker 1: my grandpa has this massive gun that my uncles are

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Speaker 1: wrestling away from him. And I think about, like, it

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Speaker 1: was scary. It was scary, but I didn't even know

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Speaker 1: how scary it could have been. He was such a violent,

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Speaker 1: unpredictable man, and I think he had this hold on

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Speaker 1: my mom and her sisters. It was so she came

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Speaker 1: from that and I admire her so much. Yeah, that's

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00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:48,719
Speaker 1: pretty scary stuff to deal with as a child. As

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Speaker 1: an adult, it's scary, but as a child in not

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Speaker 1: knowing if you're safe or not, I think it's like

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Speaker 1: the number one thing that we all wrestle with. And

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00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:58,359
Speaker 1: to stop perpetuating that cycle, right, like to put an

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Speaker 1: end to that cycle, so that that cycle abuse doesn't continue,

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00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:04,600
Speaker 1: because that's what happens with families. You know, somebody does

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Speaker 1: something and then the kid does it, and then the

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00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:09,200
Speaker 1: kid's an abuse it and then it's like, well fuck.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I guess our whole if you want to

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Speaker 1: be like thinking of it on a really spiritual level,

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00:20:14,359 --> 00:20:18,800
Speaker 1: our whole entire existence and purpose should be into creating

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Speaker 1: new imprints, right, and new memories and stopping any cycle

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Speaker 1: of negativity which is impossible to do because you're a

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Speaker 1: human being. I think that's an amazing sentiment and important

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Speaker 1: for parents to remember. Yeah, parenting is a tough you know,

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Speaker 1: a really tough job, and a lot of people go

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Speaker 1: into it thinking that it's like very one dimensional, like

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Speaker 1: I can't believe I'm gonna love this thing as much

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Speaker 1: as I do, or I'm gonna be loved as much

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Speaker 1: as I want to be loved because I didn't get

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Speaker 1: the love that I needed. You know, it's one of

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00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:51,159
Speaker 1: those two things are usually the basis of wanting a

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00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:54,439
Speaker 1: child is to give or receive the love. And it's like,

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Speaker 1: if you could take care of that on your own

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Speaker 1: before you have a kid, then imagine how healthy you

387
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:03,399
Speaker 1: can make that kid. It completely, completely. I'm really proud

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00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:07,439
Speaker 1: that Jack, the son that I have with Chris, he's

389
00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:12,720
Speaker 1: nine and he is such an even keeled kid. He

390
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:18,360
Speaker 1: is hysterical, he's smart, he's and he's just and he's

391
00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:21,920
Speaker 1: confident but without being a jerk. That's that's the key

392
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Speaker 1: for any man being raised is to be confident without

393
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:31,840
Speaker 1: being arrogant. Yeah, I'm really proud of that. Well, that's good.

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Speaker 1: I'm glad you have an adorable son with him, and

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Speaker 1: I'm glad that you guys are able to co parent

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Speaker 1: in such a nice, healthy way. That's going to be

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Speaker 1: great for him as he grows up. And I'm sure,

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00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:42,280
Speaker 1: actually that's probably what we're going to turn to. I'm

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Speaker 1: sure we have some parenting questions. And since since out

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Speaker 1: of the three of us, Anna, you're the only parent

401
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:52,720
Speaker 1: on this podcast today, you better get yourself Yeah, buckle up. Truly,

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00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:57,399
Speaker 1: I live in a community that makes me feel like

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Speaker 1: a terrible parent every day. Well, I think that's the

404
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:04,240
Speaker 1: community and organic and like the what you didn't know

405
00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:08,679
Speaker 1: the assignment was due? Yeah, maybe helicoptering less than some people,

406
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:13,439
Speaker 1: you know, Definitely. Yeah. I tried helicopter parenting with my

407
00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:15,959
Speaker 1: dogs and that backfired, So I no longer I am

408
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:19,280
Speaker 1: a helicopter parent. Well, we'll take a quick break and

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Speaker 1: we'll be back with some questions. Okay, and we're back

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Speaker 1: with Auta Faris and Catherine my co host. Hi, Hi, Hi, Well.

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Speaker 1: Our first question comes from Liza. She says, Dear Chelsea,

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Speaker 1: my husband and I have been successful stoners for many years.

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Speaker 1: My chronic depression and anxiety took a turn for the

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00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:45,040
Speaker 1: worst this past winter. And I decided I needed to

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00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:47,800
Speaker 1: get sober and clean for my mental health after drowning

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Speaker 1: myself in cannabis on a daily basis for two years.

417
00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:53,359
Speaker 1: I've just hit my thirty day clean mark and I'm

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Speaker 1: feeling better than ever. We're discussing starting a family soon,

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Speaker 1: and I'd like him to refrain from using for some

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Speaker 1: time before we conceive, to try and have the healthiest

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Speaker 1: baby possible. When I quit initially, he took a short break,

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00:23:06,359 --> 00:23:08,639
Speaker 1: but is back to daily usage. When I brought up

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00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:10,920
Speaker 1: my concerns, he got very defensive and told me he

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00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:14,360
Speaker 1: supported my journey but wanted no part of it. Am

425
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:16,960
Speaker 1: I overstepping by asking my husband to quit while we

426
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:21,840
Speaker 1: try to conceive? Liza M I don't know. Medically speaking,

427
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:24,920
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm sure there's merit in that finding that

428
00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:28,320
Speaker 1: marijuana causes weak sperm or the sperm that you get

429
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:31,080
Speaker 1: isn't going to be top notch. Well, there's less, right,

430
00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:34,720
Speaker 1: it like suppresses the sperm count. I think, oh, well,

431
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:38,199
Speaker 1: I have no problem with that, but um, hon, you

432
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:42,240
Speaker 1: go ahead. Well, I think the important information I think

433
00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:45,919
Speaker 1: is his behavior, right if he's kind of checked out

434
00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:50,120
Speaker 1: and if he's not connecting with her in a way

435
00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:54,080
Speaker 1: that she likes, you know, or if they're not having

436
00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:58,800
Speaker 1: enough sex it feels like there's If it sort of

437
00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:03,640
Speaker 1: reassures and a firms her journey, that's one thing. It's

438
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:09,960
Speaker 1: another thing if she's annoyed fundamentally that she's clean, and

439
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:13,280
Speaker 1: it's another thing if his behavior changes lies that we

440
00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:15,800
Speaker 1: need more info. Yeah, we need that's true. And if

441
00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:17,879
Speaker 1: if he is kind of like a dune and doesn't

442
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:20,800
Speaker 1: get a lot done and isn't that motivated, fine, and

443
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:22,959
Speaker 1: that's his own issue. But I would also say that,

444
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,320
Speaker 1: like when you do something in detox and like go

445
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:27,440
Speaker 1: on a clans or a diet, you really shouldn't be

446
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:30,320
Speaker 1: trying to corral other people into it. If that's not

447
00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:32,800
Speaker 1: the way to get anybody to join in, the best

448
00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:35,360
Speaker 1: way to do is to exhibit your behavior and your

449
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:38,120
Speaker 1: changes and let that person catch on if they want,

450
00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:40,800
Speaker 1: you know, let them go, oh wow. It's like Joe

451
00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:42,840
Speaker 1: and I go to the gym every morning. I have

452
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:45,920
Speaker 1: to work out every morning. That's my routine. And sometimes

453
00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:48,000
Speaker 1: he comes with me, and sometimes he doesn't. But the

454
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:49,919
Speaker 1: only reason he comes with me is because when he

455
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,160
Speaker 1: feels like, well, ship, you do this all the time,

456
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:54,199
Speaker 1: I want to level up, Like I want to be

457
00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:57,320
Speaker 1: like that too, but I don't make him go. Your

458
00:24:57,320 --> 00:25:00,200
Speaker 1: analogy is funny because I was thinking, it's like there

459
00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:03,000
Speaker 1: is a layer here, I don't know if lies A

460
00:25:03,359 --> 00:25:05,439
Speaker 1: feels this way or whatever, where if somebody has a

461
00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:07,960
Speaker 1: new workout routine and they got to tell you all

462
00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:12,359
Speaker 1: about it, Yeah, that's annoying. Yes, it's like someone telling

463
00:25:12,359 --> 00:25:15,040
Speaker 1: you about their dream every day. It's like you felt

464
00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:17,399
Speaker 1: these things. But this makes no sense to me, and

465
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:19,280
Speaker 1: I don't think you should really fucking read into any

466
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:22,879
Speaker 1: of this ship anyway. So I think that Liza needs

467
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:27,320
Speaker 1: to kind of figure out what elements of his usage

468
00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:32,040
Speaker 1: makes her kind of irritated and to gauge it. And

469
00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:35,800
Speaker 1: maybe it is like babe, can you wait till five

470
00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:39,480
Speaker 1: pm or I don't know, or or take a couple

471
00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:41,840
Speaker 1: of days off before they are like trying to conceive

472
00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:44,320
Speaker 1: he has to do it the rest of the month.

473
00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:46,399
Speaker 1: I mean. The other thing there is like if somebody

474
00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:49,280
Speaker 1: is defensive about having to stop doing something, then I

475
00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:51,239
Speaker 1: think your answer is right there, like if you're so

476
00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:54,159
Speaker 1: freaked out, which so it's two different arguments, you know,

477
00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:56,440
Speaker 1: like if you say to someone, oh, stop smoking, weed

478
00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:58,440
Speaker 1: for a month, and like, why why why I don't

479
00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:00,919
Speaker 1: don't have to, Like I've say, they don't want to

480
00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:03,200
Speaker 1: because it's going to be a problem for them, which

481
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:05,600
Speaker 1: is even more reason to do it. Like it shouldn't

482
00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:07,720
Speaker 1: scare you to have to abstain from something for a

483
00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:10,560
Speaker 1: set amount of time. I did that alcohol cleans and

484
00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:12,960
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, this is so long. But I

485
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:15,879
Speaker 1: had to do it so mostly so I probably wouldn't

486
00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:17,400
Speaker 1: have to do it again, you know what I mean.

487
00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:22,679
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, okay, everybody, but yeah, unless it

488
00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:25,040
Speaker 1: has there's a medical component. Do you think that's the

489
00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:26,560
Speaker 1: whole thing? So I just looked it up and there's

490
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:31,760
Speaker 1: a University of Chicago study that says using marijuana can

491
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:36,360
Speaker 1: affect the sperm count and alter the shape and function

492
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:39,879
Speaker 1: of the sperm. So yeah, it can lower fertility. And

493
00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:44,200
Speaker 1: maybe the conversations even bigger than this though, because according

494
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:47,600
Speaker 1: to the letter, Liza said, he was pretty straightforward. Good

495
00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:50,199
Speaker 1: for you, babe, but not me. It's not for me.

496
00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:55,160
Speaker 1: There could be what if he's not quite as enthusiastic

497
00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:58,680
Speaker 1: about having a kid, or what if I don't know,

498
00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:02,720
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's like a there there's a bit here. Well, yeah,

499
00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:04,800
Speaker 1: but you should also try to get pregnant, and if

500
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:06,600
Speaker 1: that doesn't work in three months and you think it's

501
00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:08,440
Speaker 1: because of the sperm count, then you can revisit the

502
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:11,560
Speaker 1: conversation and talk to your doctor about it too, because

503
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:13,560
Speaker 1: your doctor may say, like, yeah, he needs to cool

504
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:17,280
Speaker 1: it for a week before I'm her doctor. Katherine, excuse me,

505
00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:20,320
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, it's accurate. Have you guys ever heard, you

506
00:27:20,359 --> 00:27:23,879
Speaker 1: know how sperm is the indicator of sex, of the

507
00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:28,639
Speaker 1: gender of a baby, like the one that chooses yes,

508
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:33,600
Speaker 1: they have either an XX or an X y okay,

509
00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:35,240
Speaker 1: or we have you know, we just have the X.

510
00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:38,159
Speaker 1: They either have a Y or next Okay, Okay, I'm

511
00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:44,000
Speaker 1: gonna sound like it's the earth flat around Somebody tell

512
00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:48,000
Speaker 1: me first before I asked this question. It's it's on

513
00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:50,639
Speaker 1: the map. I just want to come back, but on

514
00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:53,040
Speaker 1: the map it's flat. So on maps, I just want

515
00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:55,520
Speaker 1: everyone in the world is flat. So when Sherry Shepard

516
00:27:55,560 --> 00:27:57,960
Speaker 1: asked that question, she was not alone. I'm just gonna

517
00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:01,800
Speaker 1: put that out there. I just I just found out

518
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:04,720
Speaker 1: about the moon in the sun and their whole situation recently,

519
00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:07,440
Speaker 1: so you have to bear with me on my knowledge.

520
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:12,320
Speaker 1: Of basic fundamental information that is available at a fingertip

521
00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:16,479
Speaker 1: a fingertip away. This is what I believe, but I

522
00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:20,240
Speaker 1: haven't checked its accuracy in a while. So we're x

523
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:23,760
Speaker 1: X as females, the boys are x Y. Whatever. Why

524
00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:26,760
Speaker 1: am I giving a biology lessons? Fuck? I thought it

525
00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:30,080
Speaker 1: was I thought it was X and Y. It's an

526
00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:34,479
Speaker 1: x X and X Y. I don't know, I don't know.

527
00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:37,360
Speaker 1: I'm really gonna back what if we're I think we're

528
00:28:37,359 --> 00:28:41,000
Speaker 1: probably giving so much false information on this podcast. This

529
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:43,600
Speaker 1: is this is this is on Fox News, you guys,

530
00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:47,360
Speaker 1: you're listening to Fox News. Okay, totally totally from what

531
00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:52,400
Speaker 1: I read, though, the male sperm tends to swim faster

532
00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:58,480
Speaker 1: but die sooner. The female sperm swim slower, is like

533
00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:03,560
Speaker 1: more resilient through and steady. Right, yeah, whatever, whatever business

534
00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:07,880
Speaker 1: we've got that tries to like prevent them. So there's

535
00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:10,400
Speaker 1: a whole theory about if you want to have a

536
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:14,000
Speaker 1: boy as your eggs is like traveling down, are you

537
00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:17,800
Speaker 1: making a jerking off motion right now as we Okay, okay,

538
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:21,560
Speaker 1: I like to do that. Yeah, yeah, you can use

539
00:29:21,680 --> 00:29:25,160
Speaker 1: I just want to I just wanted to make sure

540
00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:28,480
Speaker 1: that I was talking that. Yeah, I'm terrible at hand

541
00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:32,840
Speaker 1: jobs speaking. Who is this hand jobs about? We were

542
00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:36,600
Speaker 1: just talking about how handsjobs? Like? Who is giving hand jobs?

543
00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:39,440
Speaker 1: Who is it? Are these girls in high school? Like

544
00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:41,160
Speaker 1: because they don't want to give a blowjob that I

545
00:29:41,160 --> 00:29:43,640
Speaker 1: can get behind. But a hand job as an adult

546
00:29:43,800 --> 00:29:47,000
Speaker 1: is an insult to both parties as far as I'm concerned. Yeah,

547
00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:50,240
Speaker 1: I completely agree. Who's doing that? Like what it's so?

548
00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:53,320
Speaker 1: I mean, sex is animalistic as it is, obviously, but

549
00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:56,160
Speaker 1: jerking someone off that just even the hand gesture is

550
00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:59,640
Speaker 1: so upsetting. Like I wish you Coo could do it

551
00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:01,920
Speaker 1: with my fun you know what I mean? Because that's

552
00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:06,240
Speaker 1: how far away I know. I know I got some

553
00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:09,720
Speaker 1: guys would like a foot job. How deeply into sex

554
00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:12,480
Speaker 1: should we get? Probably not, I don't know. I mean,

555
00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:15,360
Speaker 1: we'll see what the next caller has to say. Maybe

556
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:20,040
Speaker 1: it'll lead to a sexual conversation on it. Okay, all

557
00:30:20,080 --> 00:30:24,040
Speaker 1: your dreams could come true, Chelsea. I always felt like

558
00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:29,680
Speaker 1: you would be the popular girl in high school that

559
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:33,520
Speaker 1: would sort of befriend me because I was like, just

560
00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:37,800
Speaker 1: because you had no friends weird enough. Yeah, I would totally,

561
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:40,560
Speaker 1: I would totally do that. I I love helping people

562
00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:42,880
Speaker 1: out or saving people. I like to make sure people

563
00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:46,120
Speaker 1: know that they're not alone. You told me on my

564
00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:50,600
Speaker 1: podcast that you said, Anna, you were so fucking weird,

565
00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:54,600
Speaker 1: and I took that as such a compliment. Yeah, as

566
00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:57,640
Speaker 1: you should. You should. You said it with love in

567
00:30:57,680 --> 00:31:01,640
Speaker 1: a weird way. It was really nice. I think about that.

568
00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:04,160
Speaker 1: That was a good compliment. Oh well, I'm so glad.

569
00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:07,320
Speaker 1: I'm so glad you don't. Yeah. I like weirdos. I

570
00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:09,160
Speaker 1: think it's much cloler to be a weirdo than to

571
00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:12,040
Speaker 1: just be a follower. That everyone's a follower. I'm even

572
00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:14,520
Speaker 1: a follower. We follow, and there's like we do so

573
00:31:14,520 --> 00:31:16,960
Speaker 1: many things without even thinking because other people are doing

574
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:19,440
Speaker 1: them that it's nice to have originality. So that's what

575
00:31:19,560 --> 00:31:23,520
Speaker 1: makes you unique. Thank you. Sometimes I feel like I

576
00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:28,320
Speaker 1: do this purposeful disguise because I sure don't feel do

577
00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:34,640
Speaker 1: you guys ever have like a serious brain body disconnect? Yeah? Like, man,

578
00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:39,720
Speaker 1: this is a costume. Yes, absolutely absolutely, because everyone has

579
00:31:39,720 --> 00:31:42,240
Speaker 1: a multitude of different things that going on in their brain.

580
00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:44,960
Speaker 1: You know, in one moment you can be your confident,

581
00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:48,719
Speaker 1: best version of yourself and and totally secure and everything

582
00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:50,640
Speaker 1: you're doing, and then two days later you can be

583
00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:53,720
Speaker 1: completely self doubting and not sure what you're doing or

584
00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:56,520
Speaker 1: having any confidence. I mean, I think that's what's so

585
00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:59,760
Speaker 1: complex about like the human brain is we could get

586
00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:02,160
Speaker 1: up our own asses, and we have a hard time

587
00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:05,240
Speaker 1: staying out of our heads. And so I I like

588
00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:07,160
Speaker 1: to think of things anything that keeps you out of

589
00:32:07,200 --> 00:32:09,040
Speaker 1: your head. That's why I love reading books like that

590
00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:11,680
Speaker 1: requires my attention to something that has nothing to do

591
00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:16,239
Speaker 1: with me. I always felt uncomfortable being a woman, like

592
00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:19,520
Speaker 1: the idea of femininity. I mean, it's not a struggle

593
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:23,280
Speaker 1: for me anymore because I'm forty five and I wasn't

594
00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:27,320
Speaker 1: exactly a tomboy, but I really prided myself on not

595
00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:31,640
Speaker 1: being afraid, like I really always wanted to be brave,

596
00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:35,200
Speaker 1: like we had my brother. We keep belonging to the

597
00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:38,920
Speaker 1: Washington Herpetological Society. What does that? What does that mean

598
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:44,440
Speaker 1: HERPETI I thought it was something harpies. Okay, there's a

599
00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:47,880
Speaker 1: society for that, well, I heard, yeah, yeah, for animals

600
00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:53,520
Speaker 1: with herpes. Okay. So we had we always had tons

601
00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:59,640
Speaker 1: of snakes and tarantulas and piranhas and parrots and lizards,

602
00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:04,200
Speaker 1: and the house had a very particular smell, and there

603
00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:07,480
Speaker 1: was always like one loose and I felt really proud

604
00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:12,880
Speaker 1: of never being scared of bugs or kind of overcoming whatever.

605
00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:16,760
Speaker 1: I was like this little feisty thing. I was incredibly short,

606
00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:20,800
Speaker 1: and I was really angry for a long time that

607
00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:24,800
Speaker 1: I wasn't born a boy. Yeah. Well, I mean, I

608
00:33:24,840 --> 00:33:28,480
Speaker 1: think what we're all learning is that it's not one

609
00:33:28,560 --> 00:33:31,720
Speaker 1: or the other. There's this whole spectrum of like masculinity

610
00:33:31,840 --> 00:33:35,640
Speaker 1: and femininity as we know it. I certainly didn't feel

611
00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:37,640
Speaker 1: like a girl for a very long period of time,

612
00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:40,400
Speaker 1: but I feel like one now. I feel like a woman,

613
00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:44,200
Speaker 1: you know, and I but I feel very masculine. I

614
00:33:44,280 --> 00:33:47,560
Speaker 1: have a lot of very masculine tendencies. But does that

615
00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:50,520
Speaker 1: get in the way of like your female friendships. Yeah,

616
00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:53,960
Speaker 1: sometimes I'm very yeah. Yeah, I mean I have a

617
00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:57,040
Speaker 1: terrible history of friendship ending, so I am like that

618
00:33:57,200 --> 00:33:59,920
Speaker 1: is the one thing that I can't seem to shake

619
00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:02,160
Speaker 1: no matter how much therapy I go to. It's just

620
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:06,000
Speaker 1: like I have a very steadfast desire to let the

621
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:08,440
Speaker 1: truth be known and not to pussy foot around anything

622
00:34:08,520 --> 00:34:11,880
Speaker 1: and not to ever be insincere. So that gets you

623
00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:14,279
Speaker 1: into trouble. Not everybody likes to hear the truth, and

624
00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:17,080
Speaker 1: I understand that's part of my personality and it's not

625
00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:20,000
Speaker 1: something I'm willing to like forego. Like if you came

626
00:34:20,040 --> 00:34:21,319
Speaker 1: to me and you said I need to know the

627
00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:23,520
Speaker 1: truth about something, I would I would have to tell

628
00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:25,319
Speaker 1: you this is the truth, even if it were going

629
00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:28,000
Speaker 1: to hurt your feelings as a sister, as a woman

630
00:34:28,080 --> 00:34:30,239
Speaker 1: to another woman, even though you think you're a man,

631
00:34:30,640 --> 00:34:32,960
Speaker 1: I would say to you, Hey, Anna, this is what

632
00:34:33,080 --> 00:34:35,279
Speaker 1: I see and this is what I know because I

633
00:34:35,320 --> 00:34:37,160
Speaker 1: think that's what you That's like, the best gift you

634
00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:39,839
Speaker 1: can give anybody in your life is the truth. No

635
00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:51,160
Speaker 1: one benefits for being lied to. I am not like that, funny, No,

636
00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:55,840
Speaker 1: I'm much more like my female friendships are always like

637
00:34:56,200 --> 00:35:01,080
Speaker 1: dancing with awkwardness. Oh well, that's just you. That's you.

638
00:35:01,080 --> 00:35:04,520
Speaker 1: You're awkward and you're in your but that's your thing, Like,

639
00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:07,360
Speaker 1: I mean, who cares, Like that's your personality. It's not

640
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:11,320
Speaker 1: something to resist, it's something to embrace. I have no choice.

641
00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:14,680
Speaker 1: I know you are you, so you have no choice. Okay,

642
00:35:14,719 --> 00:35:16,040
Speaker 1: So what do we have next? We have to get

643
00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:18,719
Speaker 1: through some callers on him. We can't just sit here

644
00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:21,319
Speaker 1: and focus on you the entire We have to help

645
00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:26,160
Speaker 1: the masses make better life decisions. Right, that's right. Well,

646
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:27,960
Speaker 1: before we get to all the fun stuff, we'll take

647
00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:35,360
Speaker 1: a quick break. Okay, sounds good. We'll be right back. Well,

648
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:38,719
Speaker 1: our first caller today is they're gonna be online on

649
00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:44,000
Speaker 1: to get Kay's joining. So Luke is a rarity on

650
00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:48,640
Speaker 1: the show. He is a straight guy. Wow, right now, listener,

651
00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:52,759
Speaker 1: that's that is unique. Yes, he says. One of my

652
00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:55,319
Speaker 1: friends has been in a relationship for two years with

653
00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:57,920
Speaker 1: a girl that's not good for him, and I'm struggling

654
00:35:57,920 --> 00:36:00,720
Speaker 1: to help him see that. There are three main issues.

655
00:36:01,080 --> 00:36:05,080
Speaker 1: One extreme jealousy. She consistently does phone checks to see

656
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:07,399
Speaker 1: who he's talking to, and does not let him talk

657
00:36:07,440 --> 00:36:10,520
Speaker 1: to or hang out with any females unless she has

658
00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:13,440
Speaker 1: met them and given her sign off. This has sadly

659
00:36:13,520 --> 00:36:16,400
Speaker 1: led my friend to abandon a lot of long, completely innocent,

660
00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:20,400
Speaker 1: and platonic relationships with female friends. She also restricts him

661
00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:22,440
Speaker 1: hanging out with the boys, which has caused a strain

662
00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:26,319
Speaker 1: and our main friend group number two gold digging tendencies.

663
00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:29,440
Speaker 1: A year into the relationship, she moved into his apartment

664
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:32,160
Speaker 1: but does not pay any rent. She then persuaded him

665
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:34,440
Speaker 1: to get all new furniture for the apartment because she

666
00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:38,360
Speaker 1: simply didn't like his stuff. I get furnishing an apartment together.

667
00:36:38,520 --> 00:36:40,719
Speaker 1: But when she's not paying rent, why should she have

668
00:36:40,800 --> 00:36:44,040
Speaker 1: all the say. She's made several comments in group environments

669
00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:47,080
Speaker 1: that she needs to marry someone rich and praises others

670
00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:49,640
Speaker 1: for doing so. May have been said in just but

671
00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:54,759
Speaker 1: concerning nonetheless three pressure to get engaged. The girlfriend comes

672
00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:57,320
Speaker 1: from a more traditional family. We're getting married young is

673
00:36:57,360 --> 00:36:59,719
Speaker 1: the norm. My friend, on the other hand, has told

674
00:36:59,719 --> 00:37:02,279
Speaker 1: me assistently he wants to focus on his career and

675
00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:05,719
Speaker 1: wait until he's ready to get married, potentially in his thirties.

676
00:37:06,160 --> 00:37:09,640
Speaker 1: His girlfriend has consistently pressured him, saying she can't risk

677
00:37:09,680 --> 00:37:12,279
Speaker 1: being single in her late twenties or early thirties and

678
00:37:12,320 --> 00:37:15,560
Speaker 1: trying to find someone else all over again. My friend

679
00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:18,239
Speaker 1: is not ready for engagement, but when confiding in me,

680
00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:20,520
Speaker 1: he tries to see it from her side and thinks

681
00:37:20,560 --> 00:37:23,200
Speaker 1: maybe he should compromise on his engagement timing by a

682
00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:26,480
Speaker 1: couple of years. She currently has given him an ultimatum

683
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:29,799
Speaker 1: that it needs to happen by next year. I've tried

684
00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:32,120
Speaker 1: having a few talks and raising these red flags, but

685
00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:34,880
Speaker 1: he sort of justifies or rebuffs them. I'm trying not

686
00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:37,080
Speaker 1: to be too aggressive and ruin our friendship over this.

687
00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:40,200
Speaker 1: How can I prevent my friend from making a lifelong mistake?

688
00:37:40,440 --> 00:37:45,279
Speaker 1: Luke Hi luke hilu hi Hi. Anna Faris is with

689
00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:50,040
Speaker 1: us today along with Catherine, my co host. How's it going? Man? Great?

690
00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:53,120
Speaker 1: I am really excited to talk with you. That was

691
00:37:53,360 --> 00:37:57,680
Speaker 1: a letter like you care about your friend? I really do.

692
00:37:57,760 --> 00:38:00,960
Speaker 1: I'm I'm not sure to do turning to you guys.

693
00:38:01,600 --> 00:38:03,359
Speaker 1: First of all, I want to say congratulations on being

694
00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:06,680
Speaker 1: the first rate white Uh well you're not white, are you? Yeah?

695
00:38:06,719 --> 00:38:09,480
Speaker 1: The straight, first straight man to call into this podcast.

696
00:38:09,680 --> 00:38:12,520
Speaker 1: That is a feat that you must be very, very

697
00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:18,040
Speaker 1: secure in your masculinity and manhood. So mozelto to that. Yes, well,

698
00:38:18,560 --> 00:38:21,040
Speaker 1: I feel like my whole family grew up watching Chelsea Lately,

699
00:38:22,520 --> 00:38:26,959
Speaker 1: big fan, Anna, do you want to start? You seem

700
00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:32,040
Speaker 1: like an eager beaver. Well so when all the detailed

701
00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:38,439
Speaker 1: information she truly does sound atrocious for sure, But all

702
00:38:38,480 --> 00:38:41,319
Speaker 1: the detailed information, how did you get that? Does your

703
00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:45,800
Speaker 1: friend tell you? Like? How how does these conversations work? Yeah,

704
00:38:45,880 --> 00:38:48,719
Speaker 1: it's it's a mix of me spending time with her

705
00:38:49,040 --> 00:38:52,680
Speaker 1: and then him sharing with me a little bit because

706
00:38:52,719 --> 00:38:55,960
Speaker 1: he clearly sees some concerns and so I've tried to

707
00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:57,879
Speaker 1: talk with them about it. So a mix of both

708
00:38:57,880 --> 00:39:00,799
Speaker 1: of those things. So when you hang out, like, what

709
00:39:00,920 --> 00:39:04,759
Speaker 1: percentage of the time is he like, man, I don't

710
00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:07,320
Speaker 1: know what to do about this thing. Does that dominate

711
00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:13,120
Speaker 1: the conversation? No, I would honestly say, it's like only

712
00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:15,560
Speaker 1: a handful of conversations I've had with him about it,

713
00:39:15,600 --> 00:39:18,040
Speaker 1: Like I've tried to be careful of not always bringing

714
00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:20,439
Speaker 1: it up to him. If he brings it up, happy

715
00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:22,560
Speaker 1: to talk with him. I brought it up maybe on

716
00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:24,520
Speaker 1: my own one or two times, but it's not like

717
00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:27,279
Speaker 1: a frequent conversation with that. Are you close? Is he

718
00:39:27,360 --> 00:39:31,000
Speaker 1: close with his family? Yes? Very close with his parents,

719
00:39:31,040 --> 00:39:34,000
Speaker 1: And I've actually asked what it was parents think of

720
00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:36,960
Speaker 1: these things, but he hasn't really opened up to them

721
00:39:36,960 --> 00:39:39,600
Speaker 1: about these things. M M. Does he open up to

722
00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:42,360
Speaker 1: others they don't like her? Yeah? Maybe? But do you

723
00:39:42,400 --> 00:39:44,800
Speaker 1: guys have a group of friends. Are there another couple

724
00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:47,520
Speaker 1: of guys that also feel the same way or is

725
00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:50,080
Speaker 1: it just you? I'm definitely close to him, So I

726
00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:51,600
Speaker 1: don't think he's opened up in the same way to

727
00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:55,120
Speaker 1: those other friends, really only to me. But I don't

728
00:39:55,120 --> 00:39:57,799
Speaker 1: want to necessarily go around and like spread all of

729
00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:01,319
Speaker 1: his personal stuff unless he's That's what a girl would do,

730
00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:04,640
Speaker 1: So don't do that, because that's yeah, that's how females

731
00:40:04,719 --> 00:40:07,960
Speaker 1: behave We're like you also hate. The thing is, it's like, listen,

732
00:40:07,960 --> 00:40:10,879
Speaker 1: you can have one really like serious conversation with him

733
00:40:10,960 --> 00:40:13,319
Speaker 1: out of love and for your friendship and for your

734
00:40:13,360 --> 00:40:15,319
Speaker 1: caring and you can say you could put it all

735
00:40:15,320 --> 00:40:18,560
Speaker 1: out on the table in a way that's thoughtful and sweet,

736
00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:20,520
Speaker 1: but you don't want to lose your friendship. You said that.

737
00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:22,359
Speaker 1: All you could do is say it once out of love.

738
00:40:22,719 --> 00:40:24,799
Speaker 1: He's probably not going to listen to you, but you

739
00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:27,279
Speaker 1: never know, and at least then you have a clear conscience.

740
00:40:27,640 --> 00:40:30,200
Speaker 1: But don't go just it's got to be out of

741
00:40:30,200 --> 00:40:32,279
Speaker 1: the love for him, not the hatred for her. You

742
00:40:32,320 --> 00:40:34,800
Speaker 1: know what I mean, These are the things that I'm seeing.

743
00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:38,040
Speaker 1: I know what kind of guy you are, and she

744
00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:41,360
Speaker 1: doesn't represent to me what you're looking for. Like calling

745
00:40:41,400 --> 00:40:43,440
Speaker 1: her a gold digger isn't going to be helpful, but

746
00:40:43,520 --> 00:40:45,560
Speaker 1: you can put that in another language that seems a

747
00:40:45,560 --> 00:40:48,520
Speaker 1: little bit more just that you've noticed, and and just

748
00:40:48,560 --> 00:40:52,160
Speaker 1: by noticing is a demonstration of your friendship by paying attention.

749
00:40:52,280 --> 00:40:54,680
Speaker 1: You know, I think girls and guys react to these

750
00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:56,960
Speaker 1: kinds of conversations in a different way, And I think

751
00:40:57,360 --> 00:41:00,680
Speaker 1: men are are definitely less emotional, and I might receive

752
00:41:00,719 --> 00:41:02,880
Speaker 1: it a lot differently than a woman might receive it,

753
00:41:03,239 --> 00:41:07,160
Speaker 1: don't you guys think? Yeah, like just leveling with him

754
00:41:07,239 --> 00:41:09,560
Speaker 1: and then not bringing it up again, like you said it,

755
00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:12,440
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna say it once. I support you whatever

756
00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:15,439
Speaker 1: you do. I'm always going to be your friend. This

757
00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:17,160
Speaker 1: is what I see. And I just had to tell

758
00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:18,719
Speaker 1: you because I know you would do the same for me.

759
00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:22,160
Speaker 1: So I think here's the tough thing. I think I've

760
00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:25,600
Speaker 1: kind of had those conversations with him and he always

761
00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:28,920
Speaker 1: just like plays it off or rebuffs it. And so

762
00:41:29,040 --> 00:41:31,440
Speaker 1: I've had two or three of those conversations, but I've

763
00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:34,440
Speaker 1: been very careful not to be too strong. So do

764
00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:36,680
Speaker 1: I just lay off at this point and say it

765
00:41:36,760 --> 00:41:38,799
Speaker 1: is what it is? Or go more strong into it.

766
00:41:38,960 --> 00:41:42,040
Speaker 1: I have a question about the timing is do you

767
00:41:42,080 --> 00:41:46,000
Speaker 1: feel like a proposal is imminent? Yes, I feel like

768
00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:49,040
Speaker 1: it could happen like in the next couple of months. Okay,

769
00:41:49,080 --> 00:41:52,680
Speaker 1: so he does. He has very strong feelings for her.

770
00:41:52,880 --> 00:41:58,200
Speaker 1: Is this his first girlfriend? Uh? Yeah, first real serious one,

771
00:41:58,200 --> 00:41:59,920
Speaker 1: and he may I think he had one in high school.

772
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:04,080
Speaker 1: I mean that's high school. Yeah. I totally agree with

773
00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:08,480
Speaker 1: Chelsea and Catherine. But the problem is he's vulnerable. This

774
00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:12,960
Speaker 1: is his first thing, this is his first relationship, and

775
00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:15,640
Speaker 1: he's going to need you in his life. But there

776
00:42:15,719 --> 00:42:21,120
Speaker 1: is a risk potential of those details, especially sticking in

777
00:42:21,239 --> 00:42:24,680
Speaker 1: his head. It's like when you can paint the entire picture,

778
00:42:25,239 --> 00:42:27,960
Speaker 1: those things get seared into his head. So if you

779
00:42:28,560 --> 00:42:33,640
Speaker 1: back up your hesitancy about this woman with actual specifics,

780
00:42:34,840 --> 00:42:38,719
Speaker 1: there's a risk of you, guys not being friends. He

781
00:42:38,760 --> 00:42:41,440
Speaker 1: will remember these things. He'll associate you with that kind

782
00:42:41,480 --> 00:42:45,280
Speaker 1: of imagery, you know what I mean. So I wonder

783
00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:50,240
Speaker 1: if the approach is if you open with like, hey,

784
00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:52,440
Speaker 1: you know, maybe you guys can grab a beer or something,

785
00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:57,320
Speaker 1: something along the lines of, like, hey man, how happy

786
00:42:57,400 --> 00:43:01,360
Speaker 1: are you? Because you're a great guy, and I don't

787
00:43:01,560 --> 00:43:04,600
Speaker 1: want you to have to go through like the financial

788
00:43:04,680 --> 00:43:09,040
Speaker 1: pain of a divorce if in three years you're pretty miserable.

789
00:43:10,080 --> 00:43:13,120
Speaker 1: I just I want to check in with how how

790
00:43:13,239 --> 00:43:17,520
Speaker 1: you are as opposed to getting into her a bit,

791
00:43:17,640 --> 00:43:20,520
Speaker 1: which will immediately put his guard up. What do you

792
00:43:20,560 --> 00:43:23,400
Speaker 1: think about that? Yeah, I think that makes sense. I

793
00:43:23,440 --> 00:43:26,000
Speaker 1: think when I bring up things about her, he definitely

794
00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:29,640
Speaker 1: first instinct he gets defensive, like, what can you give

795
00:43:29,719 --> 00:43:31,440
Speaker 1: us an example, Give us an example of a time

796
00:43:31,480 --> 00:43:35,719
Speaker 1: you brought something up. So the gold digging part, I

797
00:43:35,960 --> 00:43:37,560
Speaker 1: didn't call her a gold digg or anything like that,

798
00:43:37,600 --> 00:43:40,560
Speaker 1: but I brought up there were a few situations in

799
00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:43,160
Speaker 1: like group settings where she made those comments about marrying

800
00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:45,560
Speaker 1: someone rich or like praising others for doing the same,

801
00:43:45,719 --> 00:43:48,200
Speaker 1: and it didn't seem like a joke. But so I

802
00:43:48,239 --> 00:43:52,160
Speaker 1: brought that up to him, and his first reaction was, well,

803
00:43:52,239 --> 00:43:55,480
Speaker 1: all girls say that, Like it's not that serious. It's like,

804
00:43:55,600 --> 00:43:57,879
Speaker 1: at those comments, it's not a big deal type of thing.

805
00:43:58,080 --> 00:44:00,400
Speaker 1: Does she believe that she's more attractive than he is?

806
00:44:01,360 --> 00:44:05,799
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't know. I don't think so. Okay,

807
00:44:05,960 --> 00:44:08,600
Speaker 1: that's a good question. Is that something you're curious about?

808
00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:11,160
Speaker 1: Is that something you're curious about in your own life?

809
00:44:13,480 --> 00:44:18,399
Speaker 1: I like thinking about the power balance in this relationship

810
00:44:18,480 --> 00:44:21,719
Speaker 1: of Luke's friends, Like, how does she view herself, how

811
00:44:21,719 --> 00:44:26,840
Speaker 1: does he view himself? And thinking about the imbalance there.

812
00:44:27,440 --> 00:44:31,160
Speaker 1: If someone feels like they have more power, like I

813
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:35,280
Speaker 1: could do better, that is a that's that's a hard

814
00:44:35,480 --> 00:44:38,759
Speaker 1: kind of that's a hard idea, you know. And she

815
00:44:38,800 --> 00:44:41,879
Speaker 1: definitely wears the pants in the relationship. I'll say that,

816
00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:45,200
Speaker 1: and he makes more money he does, Yes, I can

817
00:44:45,239 --> 00:44:48,480
Speaker 1: see where it comes hurt. Yeah, I think Also, what

818
00:44:48,560 --> 00:44:50,799
Speaker 1: was his reaction when you said that? Like back to

819
00:44:50,840 --> 00:44:52,799
Speaker 1: when I said, what did you when you brought it

820
00:44:52,880 --> 00:44:55,920
Speaker 1: up to him and he said, okay, what was his

821
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:58,799
Speaker 1: reaction when you said he gets defensive? It's almost like

822
00:44:58,840 --> 00:45:01,480
Speaker 1: he's brainwashed in a way. Like the jealousy part he

823
00:45:01,560 --> 00:45:04,160
Speaker 1: kind of acknowledged, Yeah, okay, maybe it's strange. But then

824
00:45:04,160 --> 00:45:06,359
Speaker 1: he turns around and be like, well, like I don't

825
00:45:06,360 --> 00:45:08,520
Speaker 1: really need female friends, Like I don't I don't care

826
00:45:08,560 --> 00:45:10,920
Speaker 1: that much, or like he asked me, like does your

827
00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:12,879
Speaker 1: girlfriend let you hang out with girls one on one

828
00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:16,400
Speaker 1: or talk to girls? And then the engage stuff one end,

829
00:45:16,400 --> 00:45:17,840
Speaker 1: I'll be like, yeah, I don't know if I'm ready,

830
00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:19,560
Speaker 1: but like I don't know, it's unfair to her if

831
00:45:19,600 --> 00:45:21,080
Speaker 1: I keep her waiting, like I think I should just

832
00:45:21,160 --> 00:45:24,360
Speaker 1: compromise and do it like it's always like back to

833
00:45:24,520 --> 00:45:28,319
Speaker 1: like she's right justifying it. Yeah, I think that you're

834
00:45:28,320 --> 00:45:31,319
Speaker 1: probably I've already said what you're going to say, and

835
00:45:31,360 --> 00:45:33,319
Speaker 1: it doesn't seem like he's in a place of like

836
00:45:33,400 --> 00:45:36,960
Speaker 1: he's going to be able to receive anything you're saying anyway.

837
00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:40,280
Speaker 1: And unfortunately, this is just a part of life watching

838
00:45:40,320 --> 00:45:43,240
Speaker 1: friends do things like this, marry people you're not that into.

839
00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:46,080
Speaker 1: And while it's a huge bummer, there's really nothing you

840
00:45:46,080 --> 00:45:48,400
Speaker 1: can do about it. He's not your kid. He's not

841
00:45:48,440 --> 00:45:50,400
Speaker 1: going to listen to you. You know, if he's in

842
00:45:50,400 --> 00:45:51,960
Speaker 1: this state of mind, he's in love with her, he's

843
00:45:51,960 --> 00:45:54,719
Speaker 1: about to propose. It would really take something big for

844
00:45:54,800 --> 00:45:57,759
Speaker 1: him to get off track. So I think you're just

845
00:45:57,920 --> 00:46:00,359
Speaker 1: time is just better. I think you've probably he made

846
00:46:00,360 --> 00:46:03,879
Speaker 1: yourself clear, Like if he's defensive when you've brought it up,

847
00:46:03,960 --> 00:46:06,640
Speaker 1: then he knows what you're doing. Are you close with

848
00:46:06,680 --> 00:46:10,879
Speaker 1: his parents? Like friendly? I wouldn't say you guys aren't

849
00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:15,319
Speaker 1: Like I wouldn't like pull pull them aside. I would

850
00:46:15,360 --> 00:46:17,640
Speaker 1: ask like, are you happy most of the time with her?

851
00:46:18,360 --> 00:46:22,440
Speaker 1: Because from what I hear, it only intensifies one way

852
00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:24,799
Speaker 1: or the other when you're when you're actually married, or

853
00:46:24,840 --> 00:46:27,120
Speaker 1: because even if he won't know how, he probably won't

854
00:46:27,160 --> 00:46:30,000
Speaker 1: know how to answer it, but at least till think

855
00:46:30,040 --> 00:46:33,080
Speaker 1: about it, you know, he'll think about like, man, she

856
00:46:33,120 --> 00:46:36,640
Speaker 1: makes me miserable, I am bummed out most of the time,

857
00:46:36,800 --> 00:46:38,919
Speaker 1: or trying to do damage control most of the time,

858
00:46:39,040 --> 00:46:42,440
Speaker 1: or at least maybe he'll it'll start to roll around

859
00:46:42,440 --> 00:46:45,680
Speaker 1: in his head. Yeah, leading him into this self examination

860
00:46:46,160 --> 00:46:49,640
Speaker 1: maybe a better way to go. My sister in law,

861
00:46:49,760 --> 00:46:53,120
Speaker 1: who I love, is a little bit of a judgy person.

862
00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:56,480
Speaker 1: She's also usually right, so it's okay, but when she

863
00:46:56,560 --> 00:47:00,160
Speaker 1: doesn't think someone's making the right decisions, she will ask

864
00:47:00,239 --> 00:47:03,320
Speaker 1: them a series of questions to help them re examine

865
00:47:03,440 --> 00:47:06,200
Speaker 1: the choices that they're making. So like for your friend,

866
00:47:06,440 --> 00:47:09,520
Speaker 1: it might be something like, well, how do you feel about,

867
00:47:09,719 --> 00:47:13,080
Speaker 1: you know, maybe compromising some of your financial and career

868
00:47:13,120 --> 00:47:15,480
Speaker 1: goals in order to get married a little bit earlier,

869
00:47:15,840 --> 00:47:18,160
Speaker 1: and just bringing up those things in the context of

870
00:47:18,200 --> 00:47:21,040
Speaker 1: a question like Anna said, might be a little bit

871
00:47:21,040 --> 00:47:24,440
Speaker 1: of a softer delivery and help him keep percolating on

872
00:47:24,480 --> 00:47:30,799
Speaker 1: them after and probably the engagement will be awful. There's

873
00:47:30,800 --> 00:47:34,000
Speaker 1: going to be like there's nothing like an engagement for

874
00:47:34,040 --> 00:47:41,680
Speaker 1: people to just spin out. So maybe there's hope they're yeah,

875
00:47:41,920 --> 00:47:44,880
Speaker 1: it's just it's like it hurts me, like it's one

876
00:47:44,920 --> 00:47:46,960
Speaker 1: of my best friends, Like I want to be so

877
00:47:47,040 --> 00:47:51,080
Speaker 1: happy for him if he gets aged. So I get

878
00:47:51,080 --> 00:47:52,840
Speaker 1: what you're saying, Chelsea, Like, at a certain point, you

879
00:47:52,880 --> 00:47:55,799
Speaker 1: just have to yea, he's not my kid, he's out

880
00:47:55,840 --> 00:47:58,479
Speaker 1: and my family like, yeah, he's the best form. Yeah

881
00:47:58,560 --> 00:48:00,400
Speaker 1: you have to, But I mean you could. I you

882
00:48:00,400 --> 00:48:02,080
Speaker 1: know what these girls are suggesting, which you might be

883
00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:04,520
Speaker 1: a good different strategy and see if that gets you anywhere.

884
00:48:04,520 --> 00:48:06,440
Speaker 1: But I wouldn't double down on what you've already said,

885
00:48:06,480 --> 00:48:08,640
Speaker 1: because you want to make sure you're happy. You want

886
00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:10,680
Speaker 1: to make sure you're making the right decision. But you

887
00:48:10,719 --> 00:48:12,319
Speaker 1: know I would want I'd want you to check in

888
00:48:12,400 --> 00:48:15,760
Speaker 1: with me. Are you married, Luke, No, I'm not okay,

889
00:48:15,800 --> 00:48:16,920
Speaker 1: Like if you were going to do the same thing,

890
00:48:16,960 --> 00:48:18,759
Speaker 1: I'd want you to check in with me and just

891
00:48:18,840 --> 00:48:22,000
Speaker 1: make sure that this is a big, big decision. I

892
00:48:22,040 --> 00:48:23,840
Speaker 1: want to make sure you're in the best possible spot

893
00:48:23,880 --> 00:48:25,680
Speaker 1: and that you're making the right decision based on what

894
00:48:25,760 --> 00:48:28,880
Speaker 1: you want and your needs, not somebody else's yeah, I

895
00:48:28,920 --> 00:48:30,600
Speaker 1: think that makes sense. I think it's a good, non

896
00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:33,400
Speaker 1: threatening way to bring it up again. Okay, cool, Well

897
00:48:33,480 --> 00:48:36,520
Speaker 1: let us know how that goes. Yeah, you're a good friend. Yeah,

898
00:48:36,600 --> 00:48:39,399
Speaker 1: you are a good friend, Luke. That's nice. Appreciate it's

899
00:48:39,520 --> 00:48:41,640
Speaker 1: really nice, A good one. You can tell how much

900
00:48:41,640 --> 00:48:45,520
Speaker 1: you love him. It's nice. Appreciate it. All right, Okay, well,

901
00:48:45,560 --> 00:48:51,120
Speaker 1: good luck with everything, take care, Thank you. I who won?

902
00:48:51,360 --> 00:48:54,399
Speaker 1: I feel like I did? I think you did. While

903
00:48:54,400 --> 00:48:56,279
Speaker 1: you were giving your advice, I was like, this is

904
00:48:56,320 --> 00:48:59,080
Speaker 1: not a good idea because you're saying exactly what I'm

905
00:48:59,080 --> 00:49:00,680
Speaker 1: trying to say, but in a different way. But then

906
00:49:00,680 --> 00:49:02,839
Speaker 1: as I digested it, I think you did give him

907
00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:07,480
Speaker 1: better advice. So you wont Yeah, you just you found

908
00:49:07,480 --> 00:49:09,520
Speaker 1: an easy round. Just picked a side, don't You picked

909
00:49:09,560 --> 00:49:14,160
Speaker 1: your side? That's how you won. Chelsea. I miss you

910
00:49:14,320 --> 00:49:17,640
Speaker 1: and Catherine. I miss you too, miss your two. I

911
00:49:17,680 --> 00:49:21,000
Speaker 1: know Chelsea. I would love to like someday when the

912
00:49:21,120 --> 00:49:24,759
Speaker 1: kids look gone, when we're at an old age home

913
00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:29,520
Speaker 1: Holland Hills together, we can have a coffee or a cocktail.

914
00:49:29,600 --> 00:49:32,480
Speaker 1: Coffee I don't even drink, We'll have a cocktail. Dad,

915
00:49:32,680 --> 00:49:34,520
Speaker 1: you can hit me up any time on. I'm right

916
00:49:34,520 --> 00:49:36,560
Speaker 1: in the neighborhood. Well where do you live? What neighborhood?

917
00:49:37,040 --> 00:49:39,799
Speaker 1: Pacific Palisades. Oh yeah, that's why I like, of course

918
00:49:39,840 --> 00:49:44,040
Speaker 1: I don't fit in here. Who does? That's not even

919
00:49:44,040 --> 00:49:48,760
Speaker 1: a real place. It's like it's just like white picket fences, white.

920
00:49:48,800 --> 00:49:52,160
Speaker 1: Everything's like a makeshift mall. That mall up there. You're like,

921
00:49:52,239 --> 00:49:54,400
Speaker 1: what kind of happy camper land is this? It's like

922
00:49:54,440 --> 00:49:56,759
Speaker 1: the Truman Show. We are going to take a quick

923
00:49:56,760 --> 00:49:58,920
Speaker 1: break so you can hear and add and then we'll

924
00:49:58,960 --> 00:50:06,040
Speaker 1: be right back. So this call is coming from Anne,

925
00:50:06,880 --> 00:50:09,560
Speaker 1: she says. Dear Chelsea, I'm twenty nine years old and

926
00:50:09,600 --> 00:50:11,880
Speaker 1: work at a startup. I've been with the company for

927
00:50:11,960 --> 00:50:15,279
Speaker 1: six years, and I'm the longest tenured woman there. I

928
00:50:15,400 --> 00:50:18,280
Speaker 1: also happened to be their highest revenue producing team member.

929
00:50:18,719 --> 00:50:21,880
Speaker 1: Not to brag, but kind of to brag. My boyfriend

930
00:50:21,880 --> 00:50:24,359
Speaker 1: of four plus years also works there for almost as

931
00:50:24,360 --> 00:50:27,840
Speaker 1: long as I have. Last week, our CEO invited my

932
00:50:27,880 --> 00:50:30,759
Speaker 1: boyfriend to an NBA game because our investors gave him

933
00:50:30,800 --> 00:50:34,600
Speaker 1: box seats. He then proceeded to invite multiple other employees,

934
00:50:34,880 --> 00:50:37,600
Speaker 1: but not me. He even invited a few people who

935
00:50:37,680 --> 00:50:41,120
Speaker 1: no longer work for the company. I felt so excluded

936
00:50:41,160 --> 00:50:43,520
Speaker 1: and left out. I also felt mad at my partner

937
00:50:43,600 --> 00:50:45,640
Speaker 1: for not sticking up for me. At the end of

938
00:50:45,640 --> 00:50:48,279
Speaker 1: the game, our CEO apologized to my partner for not

939
00:50:48,360 --> 00:50:52,600
Speaker 1: inviting me. This isn't an isolated incident. Our CEO has

940
00:50:52,680 --> 00:50:56,160
Speaker 1: routinely devalued me while uplifting and investing in my male partner.

941
00:50:56,960 --> 00:50:59,520
Speaker 1: Despite the fact that I'm continually out earning all the

942
00:50:59,520 --> 00:51:02,600
Speaker 1: other men at our company, I'm so frequently ignored and

943
00:51:02,719 --> 00:51:05,280
Speaker 1: underinvested in. And I think it's because I'm a woman.

944
00:51:05,800 --> 00:51:07,799
Speaker 1: Am I being too sensitive? Or is it time to

945
00:51:07,840 --> 00:51:12,480
Speaker 1: look for a new job? And Hi, Anne, Hi An

946
00:51:12,760 --> 00:51:16,520
Speaker 1: Hi Hi. This is Anna Faris. And then this is Katherine,

947
00:51:16,600 --> 00:51:19,080
Speaker 1: my co host. It's not nice to meet you, guys.

948
00:51:19,080 --> 00:51:21,759
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for having me. Oh, you're so welcome. No,

949
00:51:21,960 --> 00:51:23,759
Speaker 1: you're But it's because you're a woman. I mean, this

950
00:51:23,840 --> 00:51:26,840
Speaker 1: is the story of the century. Everyone tells this story.

951
00:51:27,400 --> 00:51:30,040
Speaker 1: And yeah, what did your partner say when he apologized

952
00:51:30,040 --> 00:51:34,799
Speaker 1: for not inviting you? He recommended to like reach out

953
00:51:34,840 --> 00:51:39,720
Speaker 1: to me, But when he came home, I've been crying

954
00:51:39,719 --> 00:51:43,480
Speaker 1: for hours. When you feel left out, like then not

955
00:51:43,520 --> 00:51:45,520
Speaker 1: even like get a text like weird you're not here

956
00:51:45,880 --> 00:51:48,440
Speaker 1: so soon because we lived together. Also should mention that,

957
00:51:48,640 --> 00:51:50,200
Speaker 1: So I had to leave our shared home to go

958
00:51:50,280 --> 00:51:52,960
Speaker 1: to this thing and then kind of ignored it for

959
00:51:52,960 --> 00:51:56,320
Speaker 1: a while, very non confrontational, very different communication stuff. So

960
00:51:56,360 --> 00:51:59,080
Speaker 1: he got there eventually, but it did take multiple days

961
00:51:59,120 --> 00:52:02,920
Speaker 1: of me explaining why it hurts so much, the layers

962
00:52:03,000 --> 00:52:07,320
Speaker 1: of it, all the they chose you and actively ignored

963
00:52:07,400 --> 00:52:11,439
Speaker 1: me despite totally it can't not feel very personal like this.

964
00:52:11,880 --> 00:52:14,480
Speaker 1: You can't ignore that. It's like, this feels very much

965
00:52:14,520 --> 00:52:18,680
Speaker 1: about me. Yeah, And it was just like why did

966
00:52:18,719 --> 00:52:21,440
Speaker 1: all these men sit around thinking like, isn't it weird that?

967
00:52:21,520 --> 00:52:23,680
Speaker 1: Like he came like, we've been dating for five years,

968
00:52:24,920 --> 00:52:28,640
Speaker 1: all of which have happened at this company. Well, and

969
00:52:28,719 --> 00:52:31,160
Speaker 1: another thing came up when we were doing our pre interview.

970
00:52:31,480 --> 00:52:36,000
Speaker 1: Mentioned about the Christmas gift. Oh yeah, so small. I

971
00:52:36,000 --> 00:52:38,400
Speaker 1: didn't even realize it. Full months later. They give us

972
00:52:38,400 --> 00:52:42,319
Speaker 1: these Christmas gifts classic like start everything. They gave out

973
00:52:43,000 --> 00:52:47,200
Speaker 1: gift baskets. We got one gift basket to share. Yeah,

974
00:52:47,200 --> 00:52:50,560
Speaker 1: that's gross too. Yeah, I didn't even think about it.

975
00:52:50,640 --> 00:52:53,400
Speaker 1: Have you addressed this yet at all with your boss?

976
00:52:53,880 --> 00:52:55,840
Speaker 1: I have a little. What's really nice is like my

977
00:52:56,000 --> 00:52:59,440
Speaker 1: direct manager is also one of my best friends. It's

978
00:52:59,440 --> 00:53:01,360
Speaker 1: a very any company, Like when you work at the

979
00:53:01,400 --> 00:53:03,759
Speaker 1: start of you become super close with everyone, so she's

980
00:53:03,800 --> 00:53:05,960
Speaker 1: like one of my best friends. I did end up

981
00:53:06,000 --> 00:53:08,760
Speaker 1: like sobbing on the phone to her the Monday after,

982
00:53:09,160 --> 00:53:10,960
Speaker 1: and she kind of like immediately ran it up a

983
00:53:10,960 --> 00:53:14,439
Speaker 1: flagpole and kind of sent up an alert of might leave,

984
00:53:14,920 --> 00:53:17,880
Speaker 1: like she's so upset, very badly, she might quit the company.

985
00:53:18,239 --> 00:53:21,600
Speaker 1: So I got like the most awkward five minute minute

986
00:53:21,600 --> 00:53:25,480
Speaker 1: phone phology. Yeah it was bad. It was like a

987
00:53:25,840 --> 00:53:29,480
Speaker 1: not to make excuses, but so what was the excuse?

988
00:53:30,160 --> 00:53:32,080
Speaker 1: The event got away from him, Like he only had

989
00:53:32,080 --> 00:53:34,759
Speaker 1: a few tickets, only invited a few people. Then I

990
00:53:34,800 --> 00:53:36,839
Speaker 1: saw more people were around and was like, oh crap,

991
00:53:36,920 --> 00:53:38,840
Speaker 1: let me find more tickets. And then it just he

992
00:53:38,920 --> 00:53:41,960
Speaker 1: kept inviting other people without realizing, like, oh I should

993
00:53:41,960 --> 00:53:45,840
Speaker 1: have stopped gone back over here, which I get a

994
00:53:45,920 --> 00:53:49,080
Speaker 1: lot did. It sort of stemmed down to it wasn't intentional.

995
00:53:49,280 --> 00:53:53,160
Speaker 1: It was a total blunder. He felt super embarrassed and bad,

996
00:53:53,560 --> 00:53:55,759
Speaker 1: but like all these things were happening, like my son

997
00:53:55,880 --> 00:53:58,880
Speaker 1: has pink guy, my dad is cancered I'm so sorry,

998
00:53:58,880 --> 00:54:00,719
Speaker 1: but it was just like an all boiled down to

999
00:54:00,760 --> 00:54:03,520
Speaker 1: like it was unintentional and you should forget it. And

1000
00:54:03,560 --> 00:54:06,680
Speaker 1: there was no like nothing done to sort of correct

1001
00:54:06,760 --> 00:54:09,960
Speaker 1: that mistake, Like no extra gift basket, no extra tickets.

1002
00:54:10,560 --> 00:54:12,759
Speaker 1: I I get a month, I'll have like lunch with him,

1003
00:54:12,760 --> 00:54:16,840
Speaker 1: like once a month. Do you like your job? I do?

1004
00:54:17,400 --> 00:54:20,760
Speaker 1: I built it. I was this like tenth person they hired,

1005
00:54:20,880 --> 00:54:22,960
Speaker 1: and now we're at like a hundred and fifty, So

1006
00:54:23,080 --> 00:54:29,360
Speaker 1: of course this stings even harder. Yeah, it's personal and

1007
00:54:29,400 --> 00:54:33,600
Speaker 1: like my boyfriend is the golden boy, and you like

1008
00:54:33,800 --> 00:54:38,719
Speaker 1: your job and you're emotionally invested. So how do we

1009
00:54:38,880 --> 00:54:42,160
Speaker 1: how do we get you? How do we get you

1010
00:54:42,280 --> 00:54:48,160
Speaker 1: feeling good, appreciated and special and acknowledged. How do we

1011
00:54:48,239 --> 00:54:51,400
Speaker 1: do that? Guys? Well, I think it's very important for

1012
00:54:51,440 --> 00:54:52,879
Speaker 1: you to point out that if they're going to treat

1013
00:54:52,920 --> 00:54:55,200
Speaker 1: you as one person when they're handing out Christmas gifts,

1014
00:54:55,239 --> 00:54:57,120
Speaker 1: they should treat you as one person when they're handing

1015
00:54:57,120 --> 00:55:00,640
Speaker 1: out invitations. You know. So I've think you can be

1016
00:55:00,640 --> 00:55:02,880
Speaker 1: a little bit more assertive on the back end of

1017
00:55:02,880 --> 00:55:05,399
Speaker 1: that phone call and say, just so you're clear, this

1018
00:55:05,480 --> 00:55:07,480
Speaker 1: is how I see it from moving on forward, Like

1019
00:55:07,560 --> 00:55:09,759
Speaker 1: I expect to be invited to these events. I was

1020
00:55:09,800 --> 00:55:12,239
Speaker 1: with the tenth person hire to work at this company,

1021
00:55:12,320 --> 00:55:15,640
Speaker 1: and I feel ownership in what we've created. I have

1022
00:55:15,680 --> 00:55:17,480
Speaker 1: a piece of that I was a part of that.

1023
00:55:17,719 --> 00:55:21,759
Speaker 1: Don't underestimate your value in this situation because women have

1024
00:55:21,960 --> 00:55:25,359
Speaker 1: a history of doing that. And don't say I just

1025
00:55:25,520 --> 00:55:28,560
Speaker 1: want this. It's I want this, you know. And don't

1026
00:55:28,600 --> 00:55:31,239
Speaker 1: diminish your role in what you've created that remind him

1027
00:55:31,280 --> 00:55:34,480
Speaker 1: of how integral you are in this company and how

1028
00:55:34,600 --> 00:55:37,200
Speaker 1: valuable you are, and based on that value and based

1029
00:55:37,239 --> 00:55:39,680
Speaker 1: on your seniority, here's a list of things that you

1030
00:55:39,719 --> 00:55:42,680
Speaker 1: expect to happen when there are invitations that go out.

1031
00:55:42,719 --> 00:55:45,560
Speaker 1: Please do not invite my boyfriend without inviting me, okay,

1032
00:55:45,600 --> 00:55:47,279
Speaker 1: and please do not send us one gift like we

1033
00:55:47,320 --> 00:55:49,840
Speaker 1: are one person. We are two people. Did your boyfriend

1034
00:55:49,880 --> 00:55:53,520
Speaker 1: start working there before after you, like two and a

1035
00:55:53,560 --> 00:55:58,520
Speaker 1: half months after. It's the whole package. But the only

1036
00:55:58,560 --> 00:55:59,960
Speaker 1: thing you can do as a woman is to be

1037
00:56:00,000 --> 00:56:02,279
Speaker 1: be assertive, you know what I mean? Without being a count.

1038
00:56:02,520 --> 00:56:04,720
Speaker 1: Be assertive and just say I'm just here to remind

1039
00:56:04,719 --> 00:56:07,040
Speaker 1: you of all these things. Please keep this in your

1040
00:56:07,120 --> 00:56:10,200
Speaker 1: consciousness when you're making your next round of invites to

1041
00:56:10,280 --> 00:56:13,200
Speaker 1: whatever event that may be. I can't wait to experience

1042
00:56:13,280 --> 00:56:15,160
Speaker 1: that with you so that we don't ever have to

1043
00:56:15,200 --> 00:56:19,120
Speaker 1: deal with this kind of conversation again. Yeah, it's no,

1044
00:56:19,320 --> 00:56:22,120
Speaker 1: You're clearly right. It's a When I was screaming about

1045
00:56:22,120 --> 00:56:23,680
Speaker 1: this to my family, they all stopped and we're like,

1046
00:56:23,680 --> 00:56:25,480
Speaker 1: do you think that there may be like intimidated by

1047
00:56:25,520 --> 00:56:29,560
Speaker 1: you because I'm not quiet? I am like very direct. Yeah,

1048
00:56:29,560 --> 00:56:31,920
Speaker 1: and men don't like that. They don't like that, so

1049
00:56:31,960 --> 00:56:33,879
Speaker 1: they probably want you there for that reason. But you're

1050
00:56:33,880 --> 00:56:36,200
Speaker 1: going to tell them that that is Sorry, that's part

1051
00:56:36,239 --> 00:56:39,920
Speaker 1: of the package. We're not living in ten anymore. I

1052
00:56:40,040 --> 00:56:43,440
Speaker 1: have to be included. I'm a founding member of this organization.

1053
00:56:43,480 --> 00:56:47,160
Speaker 1: What are you talking about? And along with what Chelsea's saying,

1054
00:56:47,400 --> 00:56:50,319
Speaker 1: I would list the reasons why you love working there,

1055
00:56:50,680 --> 00:56:54,360
Speaker 1: what you believe from the beginning, and be you know

1056
00:56:54,360 --> 00:56:56,480
Speaker 1: what I mean, Listen to me. Be positive. I'm like

1057
00:56:56,560 --> 00:56:59,560
Speaker 1: from ninety two when you have to trick them if

1058
00:56:59,560 --> 00:57:03,480
Speaker 1: they're gonna no, that's true, you do. It's like you

1059
00:57:03,520 --> 00:57:05,040
Speaker 1: have to flip the wool over their eyes and be like,

1060
00:57:05,080 --> 00:57:08,600
Speaker 1: come with me, you fucking idiot. I mean honestly, because

1061
00:57:08,600 --> 00:57:10,680
Speaker 1: that's probably what it is. It's like, oh, you're she's

1062
00:57:10,719 --> 00:57:12,919
Speaker 1: too much or she's got a big personality. We don't

1063
00:57:12,920 --> 00:57:15,880
Speaker 1: need her. They're sorry. That's the workplace. You have to

1064
00:57:15,920 --> 00:57:17,439
Speaker 1: deal with all the people that you work with, because

1065
00:57:17,480 --> 00:57:19,560
Speaker 1: that's what adults do. I'm sorry if I'm not your

1066
00:57:19,560 --> 00:57:21,720
Speaker 1: perfect cup of tea, you're not mine either, But I'm

1067
00:57:21,720 --> 00:57:23,920
Speaker 1: gonna be at this event. And that's why you're so

1068
00:57:23,960 --> 00:57:26,160
Speaker 1: good at your job. That's why you're like crushing all

1069
00:57:26,160 --> 00:57:28,080
Speaker 1: the goals and blowing everybody else out of the water.

1070
00:57:29,200 --> 00:57:31,040
Speaker 1: And the other thing too, is you know you can

1071
00:57:31,120 --> 00:57:34,000
Speaker 1: phrase it I like this like being really direct about it,

1072
00:57:34,000 --> 00:57:36,080
Speaker 1: and you can phrase it like I'm trying to help

1073
00:57:36,280 --> 00:57:39,720
Speaker 1: you be better because I know, like when it's a startup,

1074
00:57:39,760 --> 00:57:41,680
Speaker 1: it's a little messy or it's kind of like figuring

1075
00:57:41,680 --> 00:57:44,400
Speaker 1: things out as they go along, but like there are

1076
00:57:44,400 --> 00:57:47,800
Speaker 1: probably other women at the company who are feeling similarly undervalued,

1077
00:57:48,200 --> 00:57:50,080
Speaker 1: and you can express it that way, like I'm trying

1078
00:57:50,120 --> 00:57:51,960
Speaker 1: to help you do better because some of this could

1079
00:57:52,000 --> 00:57:54,880
Speaker 1: be seen as overt sexism, So like, let's fix these

1080
00:57:54,880 --> 00:57:57,560
Speaker 1: things as the company grows, so that by the time

1081
00:57:57,600 --> 00:57:59,800
Speaker 1: it's really really big, You're not getting sued by a

1082
00:57:59,800 --> 00:58:02,760
Speaker 1: bunch of your employees. That's one of the biggest issues too,

1083
00:58:02,800 --> 00:58:05,720
Speaker 1: is that a lot of the team they look to

1084
00:58:05,840 --> 00:58:08,960
Speaker 1: me because I was like the first I'm the longest

1085
00:58:08,960 --> 00:58:11,040
Speaker 1: tenured woman at the whole company, and so there is

1086
00:58:11,080 --> 00:58:13,400
Speaker 1: a sense of like they outwardly appreciate what I do

1087
00:58:13,480 --> 00:58:16,560
Speaker 1: because I bring in like the revenue. Right, it's one

1088
00:58:16,600 --> 00:58:19,880
Speaker 1: person just sucking cool and I'm really proud of that.

1089
00:58:20,240 --> 00:58:23,920
Speaker 1: But like that's what like tripled my anger, being like

1090
00:58:24,000 --> 00:58:26,920
Speaker 1: if there, if I'm getting treated like this, in what

1091
00:58:27,200 --> 00:58:30,360
Speaker 1: world does absolutely anyone else have any ability to be

1092
00:58:30,480 --> 00:58:34,120
Speaker 1: valued and appreciate it appropriately and not just have been

1093
00:58:34,200 --> 00:58:37,520
Speaker 1: like good, jum, you're good and you're cute. Shut up.

1094
00:58:37,920 --> 00:58:41,880
Speaker 1: How aware is the CEO of this? He's aware now,

1095
00:58:42,480 --> 00:58:47,160
Speaker 1: Like I was very brutally like this sucked. I was

1096
00:58:47,280 --> 00:58:49,800
Speaker 1: so upset and really hurt, and I don't think I

1097
00:58:49,840 --> 00:58:52,800
Speaker 1: deserved it, and like he intellectually got it, and I

1098
00:58:52,840 --> 00:58:56,360
Speaker 1: know that there are other steps being taken, but it's

1099
00:58:56,400 --> 00:58:58,160
Speaker 1: just one of those things where it's like I really

1100
00:58:58,160 --> 00:59:01,080
Speaker 1: don't think it's actually gone yet, and it really was

1101
00:59:01,360 --> 00:59:04,040
Speaker 1: salient to have to explain to so many men, like

1102
00:59:04,120 --> 00:59:08,919
Speaker 1: the textbook definition or definition of sexism is you did

1103
00:59:08,920 --> 00:59:12,240
Speaker 1: something to me, you apologize to my boyfriend, and he

1104
00:59:12,360 --> 00:59:16,200
Speaker 1: didn't apologize to me and just expected it to get

1105
00:59:16,280 --> 00:59:19,360
Speaker 1: there as though that isn't any way, shape or form, Okay.

1106
00:59:19,440 --> 00:59:21,320
Speaker 1: And then when I finally told my boyfriend like he

1107
00:59:21,400 --> 00:59:23,680
Speaker 1: didn't do anything. He has my phone number he could

1108
00:59:23,680 --> 00:59:26,960
Speaker 1: text me. He was like okay, and I said that's sexist.

1109
00:59:27,000 --> 00:59:30,240
Speaker 1: He was like, like that was too far, and I

1110
00:59:30,280 --> 00:59:33,280
Speaker 1: had to be like, I you have to accept my Definitely.

1111
00:59:33,280 --> 00:59:35,840
Speaker 1: You did have a conversation with him after the fact,

1112
00:59:36,440 --> 00:59:39,320
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it was like it escalated pretty quickly to

1113
00:59:39,360 --> 00:59:43,040
Speaker 1: me being like, I will call five women of our company. Yeah,

1114
00:59:43,080 --> 00:59:45,320
Speaker 1: I asked them to favor. Do you want me to

1115
00:59:45,760 --> 00:59:50,760
Speaker 1: he said, know when he accepted so, and nothing's changed slightly. No,

1116
00:59:51,040 --> 00:59:53,280
Speaker 1: that well, there hasn't been an event since though, right

1117
00:59:53,400 --> 00:59:56,800
Speaker 1: that that? Yeah, honestly, Like you can wait for that

1118
00:59:56,880 --> 00:59:59,240
Speaker 1: letter until something happens and then it's going to be

1119
00:59:59,280 --> 01:00:01,920
Speaker 1: a different letter, or you could preemptively send it and

1120
01:00:01,960 --> 01:00:04,360
Speaker 1: go this is what I expect moving forward. And if

1121
01:00:04,400 --> 01:00:06,720
Speaker 1: they fail that, then yeah, you do have to look

1122
01:00:06,720 --> 01:00:08,680
Speaker 1: for a new job. If this is that important to you.

1123
01:00:09,360 --> 01:00:11,440
Speaker 1: I will throw him a bone and say that when

1124
01:00:11,920 --> 01:00:16,560
Speaker 1: the Alito opinion dropped, we are enough like progressive, small

1125
01:00:16,640 --> 01:00:18,840
Speaker 1: enough company that like we were all pretty open about

1126
01:00:18,840 --> 01:00:21,200
Speaker 1: hop said it was see it was totally radio silent.

1127
01:00:21,240 --> 01:00:22,840
Speaker 1: I had to call him and then he answered and

1128
01:00:22,880 --> 01:00:25,000
Speaker 1: I'd be like, you have to say something to our

1129
01:00:25,040 --> 01:00:27,520
Speaker 1: team about this. And within like ten minutes he had

1130
01:00:27,520 --> 01:00:29,760
Speaker 1: created a video. He had like built something sense something

1131
01:00:29,760 --> 01:00:31,480
Speaker 1: out so like he did listen to me. There was

1132
01:00:31,520 --> 01:00:37,000
Speaker 1: like one really positive change of him being like that's something. Yeah, Okay,

1133
01:00:37,040 --> 01:00:38,680
Speaker 1: well good, I think you know what you're doing. You're

1134
01:00:38,720 --> 01:00:42,120
Speaker 1: gonna be just fine. Maybe he's a little scared right now,

1135
01:00:42,120 --> 01:00:45,320
Speaker 1: but as as time goes on, he'll slowly start to

1136
01:00:45,360 --> 01:00:49,080
Speaker 1: become more good for you. Yeah, you could be the

1137
01:00:49,160 --> 01:00:52,640
Speaker 1: change to be the resource. Yeah. Yeah, I do a

1138
01:00:52,640 --> 01:00:57,040
Speaker 1: lot of emotional labor. Yeah, don't we all. I think

1139
01:00:57,040 --> 01:01:00,160
Speaker 1: at the time comes to to send an email, l

1140
01:01:00,920 --> 01:01:03,840
Speaker 1: I think I would say I love my job. I

1141
01:01:03,960 --> 01:01:07,360
Speaker 1: love my job and this is why. And I am

1142
01:01:07,400 --> 01:01:10,840
Speaker 1: an incredibly valuable team member in that way. When it's

1143
01:01:10,880 --> 01:01:13,880
Speaker 1: in writing, I know you've already said this to him.

1144
01:01:13,920 --> 01:01:17,840
Speaker 1: But if it's in writing, like that's strong, but passionate

1145
01:01:17,880 --> 01:01:22,480
Speaker 1: and complimentary and but demanding. Maybe that's a better way

1146
01:01:22,520 --> 01:01:26,840
Speaker 1: for him to digest things instead of I don't know

1147
01:01:27,040 --> 01:01:29,840
Speaker 1: it was a face to face. Uh, that was a

1148
01:01:29,840 --> 01:01:32,960
Speaker 1: phone call because like we're I can go into the office.

1149
01:01:32,960 --> 01:01:35,160
Speaker 1: I mostly remote because I'm literally just like on zooms

1150
01:01:35,200 --> 01:01:39,840
Speaker 1: all day with clients. You probably like intimidate him. I know,

1151
01:01:39,960 --> 01:01:42,080
Speaker 1: I do. I've had a lot of people tell me that.

1152
01:01:42,200 --> 01:01:46,000
Speaker 1: Take that into account. You know, when you're writing out letter,

1153
01:01:46,120 --> 01:01:49,240
Speaker 1: take that into account. Yeah, so that you know if

1154
01:01:49,240 --> 01:01:50,840
Speaker 1: he's going to be a big pussy about it, you

1155
01:01:50,840 --> 01:01:54,400
Speaker 1: want to make sure let you treat him like a pussy.

1156
01:01:54,560 --> 01:01:58,000
Speaker 1: Does it cause strain between you and your boyfriend? It

1157
01:01:58,120 --> 01:02:02,200
Speaker 1: has less so now I think, like my the intensity

1158
01:02:02,240 --> 01:02:04,800
Speaker 1: of my reaction to what happened, he was super not

1159
01:02:04,920 --> 01:02:07,240
Speaker 1: prepared for, because it did like fully melt down into

1160
01:02:07,280 --> 01:02:10,360
Speaker 1: like a oh, I'm gonna start looking for another job,

1161
01:02:10,400 --> 01:02:14,440
Speaker 1: to which he was like, honestly, fair, that was bullshit.

1162
01:02:15,440 --> 01:02:18,240
Speaker 1: You were treated poorly, like he did objectively know, like

1163
01:02:18,320 --> 01:02:21,000
Speaker 1: I do get that that was so not cool and

1164
01:02:21,040 --> 01:02:23,240
Speaker 1: it was unfair. I think that's good. I think you're

1165
01:02:23,240 --> 01:02:25,720
Speaker 1: already on the right track. I think he's getting the picture.

1166
01:02:26,240 --> 01:02:28,280
Speaker 1: I think you're all set. You made your point, and

1167
01:02:28,320 --> 01:02:31,440
Speaker 1: let's see what happens now moving forward. And if you

1168
01:02:31,480 --> 01:02:34,080
Speaker 1: want a new job, and I'll hire you to do something,

1169
01:02:34,640 --> 01:02:37,240
Speaker 1: that would be very cool. I love to work if

1170
01:02:37,280 --> 01:02:41,720
Speaker 1: it helps, because you are really impressive. We would complement

1171
01:02:41,800 --> 01:02:45,960
Speaker 1: each other because I'm a little more lamb like. That's okay,

1172
01:02:45,960 --> 01:02:49,200
Speaker 1: it's completely fine. I'm very aggressive. I'll go after it

1173
01:02:49,240 --> 01:02:55,800
Speaker 1: for you. Okay, it's our Farmers Market Knitting which Sister

1174
01:02:56,720 --> 01:03:00,360
Speaker 1: Sisterhood of the Traveling because by um to keep us

1175
01:03:00,360 --> 01:03:02,520
Speaker 1: supposed and let us know how it goes. I will

1176
01:03:02,560 --> 01:03:05,160
Speaker 1: thank you guys so much. I really appreciate it, both

1177
01:03:05,200 --> 01:03:10,160
Speaker 1: of your shows. Thank thank you, Thank you guys. Thanks Anne. Wow,

1178
01:03:10,200 --> 01:03:12,680
Speaker 1: isn't she a powerhouse? She's great. Yeah, she's going to

1179
01:03:12,760 --> 01:03:16,120
Speaker 1: be just fine. She Oh my god, yeah really I

1180
01:03:16,120 --> 01:03:18,720
Speaker 1: thought she was wonderful. But what a doozy of a problem.

1181
01:03:18,800 --> 01:03:22,480
Speaker 1: My god, Chelsea, I loved what you said. Oh good, good,

1182
01:03:22,680 --> 01:03:25,400
Speaker 1: Well great, let's take a quick break and we'll be

1183
01:03:25,520 --> 01:03:31,880
Speaker 1: right back with Chelsea and Anna. What do we have now?

1184
01:03:32,000 --> 01:03:36,120
Speaker 1: Anna's going to ask advice to me. Yes, Anna, do

1185
01:03:36,160 --> 01:03:39,360
Speaker 1: you have any advice you want? To ask me for Chelsea.

1186
01:03:40,560 --> 01:03:46,560
Speaker 1: As you know, I quarantined hard right, Like nobody quarantined

1187
01:03:46,680 --> 01:03:52,640
Speaker 1: harder than I. So that for something I just like

1188
01:03:52,880 --> 01:03:57,040
Speaker 1: hermited like I didn't see any you know anyway, But

1189
01:03:57,240 --> 01:04:02,880
Speaker 1: I've always had a tendency to hoard. However, my shower

1190
01:04:03,160 --> 01:04:08,840
Speaker 1: looks like a sorority house shower. There's so many products,

1191
01:04:09,960 --> 01:04:13,000
Speaker 1: and my closet is like like I've I've really I've

1192
01:04:13,040 --> 01:04:17,120
Speaker 1: adopted a wartime mentality essentially, like I'll never be able

1193
01:04:17,160 --> 01:04:20,360
Speaker 1: to procure these items again. During quarantine, I bought ten

1194
01:04:20,480 --> 01:04:25,680
Speaker 1: pounds of Velvita, a cheese that I rarely use. Yeah,

1195
01:04:26,040 --> 01:04:29,360
Speaker 1: so you're trying to stop hoarding, right, Yeah, I'm trying

1196
01:04:29,360 --> 01:04:31,320
Speaker 1: to stop hoarding. You just have to get one of

1197
01:04:31,360 --> 01:04:33,520
Speaker 1: those closet organizers to come over your house and just

1198
01:04:33,600 --> 01:04:36,040
Speaker 1: release and let them fucking figure it out for you,

1199
01:04:36,400 --> 01:04:38,720
Speaker 1: clean it out for you so that you're not watching,

1200
01:04:38,840 --> 01:04:41,520
Speaker 1: you're not sitting there. There's nothing in any of those

1201
01:04:41,520 --> 01:04:43,720
Speaker 1: places that you mentioned that are going to have a

1202
01:04:43,760 --> 01:04:46,400
Speaker 1: life for death impact on you. Let somebody come in

1203
01:04:46,440 --> 01:04:49,600
Speaker 1: and organize your life for you and just do whatever

1204
01:04:49,640 --> 01:04:52,440
Speaker 1: you have to do to allow that to happen. Because

1205
01:04:52,600 --> 01:04:55,520
Speaker 1: your life will be you will begin anew and you

1206
01:04:55,560 --> 01:04:59,000
Speaker 1: are going to feel good about it, not bad. I

1207
01:04:59,040 --> 01:05:03,640
Speaker 1: promise you. I believe you. I do. Yeah, there's all

1208
01:05:03,640 --> 01:05:07,240
Speaker 1: those girls on Instagram. Everyone's always posting about closet organizing

1209
01:05:07,520 --> 01:05:10,160
Speaker 1: that it's not hard to find. Just find somebody and

1210
01:05:10,240 --> 01:05:13,920
Speaker 1: let it go. Just clear out the energy, clear out

1211
01:05:13,920 --> 01:05:16,040
Speaker 1: to all the ship and just say you do whatever

1212
01:05:16,160 --> 01:05:18,320
Speaker 1: you think and let me know when it's done. Because

1213
01:05:18,360 --> 01:05:21,160
Speaker 1: it feels very psychological at this point, Kelsea, do you

1214
01:05:21,160 --> 01:05:24,480
Speaker 1: have a favorite face lotion that you feel loyal to? Yes,

1215
01:05:24,600 --> 01:05:27,080
Speaker 1: Liz Earle. I like the serum and then the lotion

1216
01:05:27,320 --> 01:05:29,280
Speaker 1: or the face cream. I put it on in the

1217
01:05:29,320 --> 01:05:31,320
Speaker 1: morning and at night. So do you have oily or

1218
01:05:31,400 --> 01:05:35,480
Speaker 1: dry skin? A combo like I still break out on

1219
01:05:35,560 --> 01:05:37,720
Speaker 1: my chin a bit. Okay, So then you wouldn't want

1220
01:05:37,720 --> 01:05:39,440
Speaker 1: the serum. You just want the face cream. But it's

1221
01:05:39,440 --> 01:05:42,520
Speaker 1: a it's a British company, It's called Liz Earle, and

1222
01:05:42,560 --> 01:05:44,360
Speaker 1: it's the best thing I've ever used. It keeps to

1223
01:05:44,360 --> 01:05:49,040
Speaker 1: my skin very very dooey all the time. Okay, Yeah,

1224
01:05:49,080 --> 01:05:51,560
Speaker 1: you guys, thank you so much. I don't did I

1225
01:05:51,680 --> 01:05:55,240
Speaker 1: say anything of interest? No, you did not. You barely

1226
01:05:55,360 --> 01:05:57,840
Speaker 1: you barely said anything. No, you said some things of interest,

1227
01:05:57,880 --> 01:06:00,400
Speaker 1: absolutely as we all did. You were a great guy, Anna.

1228
01:06:00,760 --> 01:06:03,440
Speaker 1: I totally appreciate having you on. I love you, I

1229
01:06:03,560 --> 01:06:06,960
Speaker 1: love spending time with you. I love you too. Thank you,

1230
01:06:07,200 --> 01:06:09,959
Speaker 1: and thank you guys so much. This was awesome. Thank

1231
01:06:10,000 --> 01:06:14,080
Speaker 1: you Anna, Anna, Anna, Anna. It took me ten years

1232
01:06:14,120 --> 01:06:16,280
Speaker 1: to say her name right and now I say Anna.

1233
01:06:16,400 --> 01:06:18,600
Speaker 1: I just said I fucking ruined it right at the end,

1234
01:06:19,160 --> 01:06:21,400
Speaker 1: Like truly, if I see someone with a name tag

1235
01:06:21,400 --> 01:06:24,720
Speaker 1: that says Anna, yeah, I will call that person Anna.

1236
01:06:25,040 --> 01:06:28,320
Speaker 1: It is my this is my parents fault, and I

1237
01:06:28,400 --> 01:06:31,120
Speaker 1: don't hold it against anybody. And make sure you tune

1238
01:06:31,160 --> 01:06:35,680
Speaker 1: into Unqualified on this podcast. Thanks bye, honey, Thank you

1239
01:06:37,080 --> 01:06:38,400
Speaker 1: bye guys. By