Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio Podcast.
Speaker 2: Happy Valentine's Day, Happy Loveday, You're my bad like Valentine's Day.
Speaker 2: I feel fine about it. Do you know I make
Speaker 2: Preston ask me every Valentine's Day to be as Valentine.
Speaker 2: Oh that's cute, it's not assumed. Ah. Yeah, he asked
Speaker 2: me like a week and a half ago this time.
Speaker 1: Oh that's cute.
Speaker 2: That's really cute. Yeah, it's my favorite. Oh, we don't
Speaker 2: do anything crazy? Do you do crazy? What are you
Speaker 2: doing tonight? Nothing? We're actually going to a Ruba tomorrow.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry. What so I'm going to just pack and
Speaker 2: we're gonna celebrate tomorrow.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: He has a show where one why he has a show? Okay,
Speaker 2: which and it's great, Like we're going to go just
Speaker 2: have a minute with the kids. No, how many days?
Speaker 2: Two full days, three sleeps? Okay, you got this. I
Speaker 2: know that's hard for me. I haven't been to a
Speaker 2: Ruba since I was like twenty Tuba was quick, haven't
Speaker 2: never been well. I hate this. What I just the
Speaker 2: most part of anxiety gets me Bia. Oh friend from
Speaker 2: Natalie Holloway is all I think of with. I know
Speaker 2: that is so dark, and I'm Aruba is beautiful and
Speaker 2: it's not that it was so long ago. That's where
Speaker 2: it was. Yeah, all I know is a Aruba Jamaica
Speaker 2: and everyone in their car singing along. Yeah. All it's
Speaker 2: the each boys, it is. Yeah, it is what loves
Speaker 2: of each boys? CoCom That's right. What are you doing?
Speaker 2: Do you love it? Valentine's Day? I'm going to get
Speaker 2: over my fear and it's going to be great. What
Speaker 2: are you afraid of? Everything? Getting kidnapped or no, just
Speaker 2: everything pretty much, from being stuck to stuck where anywhere,
Speaker 2: anywhere but my home. I'm just very nasty this time.
Speaker 2: I I know exactly what you're feeling because I feel
Speaker 2: the same way about a trip I'm going on next
Speaker 2: weekend for the first time ever. And how many sleeps?
Speaker 2: Three sleeps? See, okay, it's almost like two. I'm okay.
Speaker 2: That's why Windown works for me so well, because I'm like, oh, yay,
Speaker 2: my friend for two sleeps and then I go back
Speaker 2: to the kids. Yeah, but it's the being so far away.
Speaker 2: Where are you going? Can I know Mexico, Alan, I've
Speaker 2: never taken a vacation together that didn't involve work, and
Speaker 2: we've never actually done a vacation. Mine is like, oh,
Speaker 2: one day we would like, let's go here, but it
Speaker 2: always book ended or started with work. Sure, so we're
Speaker 2: taking a vacation finally together, which we know is important. Yes,
Speaker 2: And I just have so much anxiety same, I don't
Speaker 2: I want to be Yeah, close to home is my
Speaker 2: safety net. It's weird because I have this feeling like
Speaker 2: even when I'm away from the baby right now, and
Speaker 2: I know this is very postpartum, and I think it's
Speaker 2: just like what is that called primal? Yeah, like when
Speaker 2: I get home, the first thing I have to do
Speaker 2: after I wash my hands because the world is Jeremy
Speaker 2: is like put her heart to heart with me, and
Speaker 2: it feels like I plug back into the wall. It's
Speaker 2: this like weird like huh okay. Yeah, but again like
Speaker 2: they just came out of our bodies, so that's I think,
Speaker 2: very normal. Yeah, it's babies like baby Roman. I still
Speaker 2: don't like being far away from the kids, like when
Speaker 2: I did the movie in Arizona, I don't. I just
Speaker 2: have anxiety when I'm not with them. I know, even
Speaker 2: when they're at their dads. I get anxiety like the
Speaker 2: other last weekend. I'm like, it just doesn't feel right
Speaker 2: to not have your babies with you. Yeah, like in
Speaker 2: the cave. Everybody nested in the cave. I know, but
Speaker 2: you're gonna have so much fun and it's good for you,
Speaker 2: im Preston, It is so good for us. It's tricky
Speaker 2: because we started dating and then we like finally like
Speaker 2: we met. It was pretty like speed daity as you know,
Speaker 2: and so we never really dated until like the last
Speaker 2: year kind of, and then we get pregnant with the
Speaker 2: baby because I think we were dating so much, but
Speaker 2: I feel like we I like love being with him,
Speaker 2: and it's fun for both of us to be like
Speaker 2: the center of each other's attention for a minute. I
Speaker 2: actually like really like being alone with him now, So
Speaker 2: I know I'm good. Once we like get on a
Speaker 2: plane or wherever. It just takes me. It's it's almost
Speaker 2: like not fair, impossible, Like he's presenting me with this
Speaker 2: amazing trip. He has one show while we're there. We
Speaker 2: extended it because it's Valentine's Day, and I still just
Speaker 2: can't go like whoo a ruba or bust. I am like, okay,
Speaker 2: what happens if you know what though, and I'm saying
Speaker 2: this to myself, walking in with that just steals the
Speaker 2: joy of it, I know, and I don't. We're stealing
Speaker 2: yourself of the joy and the excitement and the fun
Speaker 2: because at the end of the day, you're gonna come
Speaker 2: back and you're gonna be like, oh well, I just
Speaker 2: why was I so anxious? I just stole moments of joy,
Speaker 2: I know, and I don't want that anymore this year. Actually,
Speaker 2: that's kind of like I think because of all the
Speaker 2: death the years before. Like Amy and I really talked
Speaker 2: about this. She was I said, I think I'm like
Speaker 2: ready to be fun and have fun. Yeah, and she
Speaker 2: was like, I'm excited for you because I don't feel
Speaker 2: like I've been that girl for a while. But the
Speaker 2: post part of anxiety, like I get it. It's a
Speaker 2: thing and you just have to overcome it. Like that's
Speaker 2: where when I spoke to Amy about it, She's like,
Speaker 2: you just have to do it to overcome it. That's right.
Speaker 2: She's like, Okay, do it and go once you're on
Speaker 2: the because my thing is like it because I got
Speaker 2: off that one plane with anxiety. Now it's in my
Speaker 2: head like I can't do it. I can't fly because
Speaker 2: I got off that one plane when I was pregnant,
Speaker 2: I had a kidne infection, didn't know it, I was sick.
Speaker 2: So like I have a little like but like still
Speaker 2: I now in my head go that equated to I
Speaker 2: can't fly, So let's do so for each other. I'm
Speaker 2: just saying, like it's it's once you do it, you'll
Speaker 2: be fine. What did you say to me just a
Speaker 2: second ago? You got to do it to what? Mm
Speaker 2: you get over it? Through it? Maybe don't want to
Speaker 2: rewind it. Yeah, but I'm gonna need that, I think,
Speaker 2: and we'll hold each other accountable. So I'll help you
Speaker 2: this week. You I feel the tightness. Yeah, yeah, for sure,
Speaker 2: I get I'm already gone. In next week, I'll be here.
Speaker 2: Well you're away, so like I like that you're around,
Speaker 2: and I could be like if I need you at
Speaker 2: my house or whatever, I get it, and I would
Speaker 2: be right here to throw your sweet baby off a
Speaker 2: sleep schedule and hold him too long. But tonight though,
Speaker 2: Alan surprised me with a sleepover here. No, we have
Speaker 2: a sleepover every I know. I was confused. No, he's
Speaker 2: so sweet, so we had Uh, this is actually really cute.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 2: I like it when you get girly about him. I
Speaker 2: just love that's cool. Oh he's the best. Okay, Well,
Speaker 2: first of all, he woke up this morning with I've
Speaker 2: never been woken up with roses, so like he I
Speaker 2: rolled over and he like had a rose like right there,
Speaker 2: like on the bed. I was like, you are so sweet.
Speaker 2: He got all the kids, well, we got Jolie and roses,
Speaker 2: and then Jasey got him something else. But we did
Speaker 2: like our little open just very small things or whatever
Speaker 2: this morning with the kids. I got them like squishy
Speaker 2: mellows or whatever. And then Alan said he planned it all.
Speaker 2: Talked to the sitter that we've been using a few
Speaker 2: times a week and that was like the best too.
Speaker 2: When they take charge of that everything. He's like, we're
Speaker 2: leaving it three. I'm like no, no, but he's like no, no,
Speaker 2: she's gonna, you know, be here. And we've got massages
Speaker 2: at the one hotel. So we met at the one hotel.
Speaker 2: I remember, because this is where I want to actually
Speaker 2: have your shower. Oh. I was trying to make it sentimental.
Speaker 2: Close the loops. That's really cute. Yeah, I like that.
Speaker 2: But he then so when he was staying at the
Speaker 2: one hotel. I can't remember the room number. He knows it,
Speaker 2: but uh, he got that same room number because when
Speaker 2: we were when I saw him, I'm not a hussy, Okay,
Speaker 2: So it wasn't the first night, but he went up
Speaker 2: to the room because when I was sitting in the lobby,
Speaker 2: like someone recognized me or whatever, and it was just
Speaker 2: I don't know, I didn't want to like be down
Speaker 2: there people say anything. And I also think, you know,
Speaker 2: when it's something special, when you want the privacy of it. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so I was like, let's just go up. We can
Speaker 2: have dinner up in the room. So we had dinner.
Speaker 2: It was like the sweetest. We had dinner in the room,
Speaker 2: had wine. I went home because I had the kids, obviously,
Speaker 2: and you don't sleep over on the first day, that's right,
Speaker 2: or turning a leaf in the next chapter exactly, not
Speaker 2: a hussy on the right. So that it was just
Speaker 2: like that hotel and that room and just like, you know,
Speaker 2: so good acting and getting to each other was really sweet.
Speaker 2: So he's taking me back there and yeah, a little sleepover.
Speaker 2: I love it. And you know what's interesting, I think
Speaker 2: because we're so tired that like one night feels incredible. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm so excited to just like sleep in because we
Speaker 2: have we're always even though he's sleeping like Roman sleeps
Speaker 2: in the night now, but it's the monitor still there
Speaker 2: and I still here as little grunts, you know, So
Speaker 2: I know you don't really get to sleep, no, And
Speaker 2: that's and also like we did that for my birthday.
Speaker 2: We just went away and I loved it. It was
Speaker 2: twenty minutes down the road and it was beautiful and
Speaker 2: I slept with no clothes on, and I like it.
Speaker 2: Oh well, once in a while, yes, just to be
Speaker 2: like an adult or something. I don't know. Did you
Speaker 2: watch Super Bowl, by the way, just usher, just usher,
Speaker 2: so you didn't see the Travis Kelsey thing. I saw
Speaker 2: him screaming as coach that was everywhere. What are your thoughts? Well,
Speaker 2: I understand being passionate, but it doesn't make what he
Speaker 2: did right if you so I don't. I thought to me,
Speaker 2: I thought it was very disrespectful to scream at a coach,
Speaker 2: just in general. And I and I asked Alan, and
Speaker 2: I go, what do you think of that? And he's
Speaker 2: just like extremely disrespectful. And that matters to me because
Speaker 2: Alan's in sports. Yeah, he'sthing like I get the energy
Speaker 2: and of like passion. I get that so much. And
Speaker 2: someone like Alan, like you know, he's he screams when
Speaker 2: he's on you know, the pitch, and he's co and
Speaker 2: all those things, but he's not screaming like to have
Speaker 2: a player like can imagine like a Tom Brady or
Speaker 2: I don't know, and maybe they have I don't know,
Speaker 2: but like I just the people that are in that position,
Speaker 2: I don't see them being to me. It was very
Speaker 2: disrespectful and also slightly triggering from sorry, but not to like,
Speaker 2: but it was triggering from my past to see that
Speaker 2: because I've been with that kind of person in that
Speaker 2: kind of world that had that anger in my face
Speaker 2: and it's and it triggered me. And I'm people can
Speaker 2: say whatever they want to say about it, but it
Speaker 2: did not feel good to be back in that like
Speaker 2: scared place to see that comparison to Serena. Do you
Speaker 2: remember when Serena got passionate to one of the No,
Speaker 2: but I need to pull it up, pull it up.
Speaker 2: But one of the things I want to say too
Speaker 2: is what I didn't like is one of the because
Speaker 2: I've now just watched to see what people have done
Speaker 2: with it. I don't like the fact that he didn't. Again,
Speaker 2: if you're a role model to someone, I don't like
Speaker 2: the fact that you didn't be like yeah, he's like,
Speaker 2: oh yeah, you saw that. I'm like, yeah, everyone did,
Speaker 2: and you should be like yeah, no matter what passionate,
Speaker 2: was not right to screaming your coach like be a
Speaker 2: better example, in my opinion, yes. Second thing is it's
Speaker 2: turned into like a funny meme joke. It's not funny
Speaker 2: to be disrespectful to someone. Third thing is I also
Speaker 2: just don't think that how do I say this? When
Speaker 2: they did try to talk about it on air, one
Speaker 2: of the guys goes, you know, and I didn't really
Speaker 2: like the fact that Travis you know, did that to
Speaker 2: his coach. Someone cut him off so immediately to defend
Speaker 2: and to change the subject. I'm like, why are we
Speaker 2: changing the subject, like the kind of a voice. Let
Speaker 2: it be that that wasn't right, because it right. And
Speaker 2: other people are like, oh, stop being such like a
Speaker 2: a p us, you know, and just like you know,
Speaker 2: so sensitive and sports. Again, it's not right to scream
Speaker 2: your coach's face and it's not funny. Well, It's also
Speaker 2: interesting to me because I would say I am right
Speaker 2: now raising a swifty like love is so all in
Speaker 2: on Taylor Swift. It's crazy to me because I'm not
Speaker 2: a swiftie, so I'm not sure where it came from.
Speaker 2: But Taylor, to me is such a role model and
Speaker 2: the way that she at thousand percent. If I was her,
Speaker 2: I'd have been like, oh, I was uh and it
Speaker 2: isn't my boyfriend. Yeah, Like I was like yike cus
Speaker 2: Like it felt a little I will just get so
Speaker 2: many dms. It felt a little full of himself. It
Speaker 2: felt a little like that's your boss, that's my whole thing, coach,
Speaker 2: player or whatever I could have. There is not a
Speaker 2: time in my life where I could have ever screamed
Speaker 2: to anyone professionally and gotten away with it. Yeah, super
Speaker 2: Bowl or no super Bowl. And it kind of took
Speaker 2: away to me the win a little bit, like it
Speaker 2: tarnished it to me. It put the biggest yeah taste
Speaker 2: of just like in my mouth too when I saw it.
Speaker 2: And it's like fine, like he didn't push any losses
Speaker 2: like footing and the coach too, to be like he
Speaker 2: kept me young. It's that's again, that's not you should
Speaker 2: be as stronger. I don't want to say it, but
Speaker 2: like to to say, you don't scream in my face.
Speaker 2: You can be passionate and you can be like, oh,
Speaker 2: just put me in, but like, not in that manner.
Speaker 2: That was an angry aggressive that I personally didn't like,
Speaker 2: and I wouldn't want that to be role modeled. That's it.
Speaker 2: And we're like trying to teach sportsmanship in our house
Speaker 2: right now, like winning and losing games, like even board games,
Speaker 2: you know, because things get heated and legend is passionate
Speaker 2: and I like watch stuff like that. I'm like, this
Speaker 2: is not what you want your kids to be watching.
Speaker 2: And I get it. I it's NFL blah blah blah,
Speaker 2: but I also am just just not handsome behavior to me.
Speaker 2: I also know that there's so many people watching you,
Speaker 2: especially that's more now so because it's t swift. So again,
Speaker 2: that's why I look straight to Alan and go, what
Speaker 2: did you just think of that? And he has his
Speaker 2: choice words for it. So do you think he did
Speaker 2: it on purpose? Like more again, I've seen people yell
Speaker 2: and like have fights or whatever. It's I don't like
Speaker 2: the physicality of it, whether he just he got a
Speaker 2: little too close. You can have a little like fine,
Speaker 2: be aggressive, not aggressive, but you can be like, oh,
Speaker 2: I just like I want to be in because I
Speaker 2: get that.
Speaker 1: I get that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean type you don't need to be in
Speaker 2: the face, no screaming it he's an old man. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Also I'll just say it. I mean it's older. Yeah,
Speaker 2: for sure. Respect your elders, Respect your coaches, Respect your boss.
Speaker 2: He's your boss. You can be frustrated. You can throw
Speaker 2: the iPad like time. You know, again, I don't love
Speaker 2: when they do. But again, you're frustrated, you're whatever, Like
Speaker 2: you don't need to be in that close a vicinity
Speaker 2: to someone and they make screaming. It's hard for me
Speaker 2: because so many little girls look up to Taylor Swift.
Speaker 2: And so I'll just leave that for people to marinate on.
Speaker 1: I think, just real quick.
Speaker 2: I just didn't want to misquote you, but I just
Speaker 2: from a guy's opinion of the Travis incident. I'm just
Speaker 2: not incident but him with this coach. I remember I
Speaker 2: looked to you and I was like, what did you think.
Speaker 3: Well, the first thing you think is you go straight
Speaker 3: to it's disrespectful towards the coach. Therefore disrespects the coach,
Speaker 3: it disrespects the locker room. On the flip side of that,
Speaker 3: he's obviously passionate, but so whether but I don't know
Speaker 3: the relationship between him and his coach, So whether he's
Speaker 3: crossed the line, I don't know in my opinion, doesn't
Speaker 3: matter on it. They'll know between the coach and the player.
Speaker 3: But it all goes back to, like I mentioned it
Speaker 3: to you at the time, that may put a question
Speaker 3: mark on the environment and how like how close the
Speaker 3: players are and the coach relationship to the players. But
Speaker 3: they've went and won the match, right, so therefore what
Speaker 3: he did provoked a reaction somewhere, which is maybe where
Speaker 3: Travis Kelsey is intelligent, because it provoked a reaction, not
Speaker 3: saying that's what made them win the game, but I'm
Speaker 3: sure they dealt with it internally at halftime and that
Speaker 3: might have been the spark they needed in the second half.
Speaker 3: Although it seems wrong unless you know that locker room,
Speaker 3: where you know that team and you know that environment,
Speaker 3: then it's it's difficult to judge from a football perspective,
Speaker 3: as in football that would Yeah, that doesn't happen a
Speaker 3: lot mm hmm.
Speaker 2: With the person like a bench or something.
Speaker 3: The person would probably be lucky to stay on the field.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm mm hmm, even if it's your star player.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Wow, So there's just more respect maybe or what is
Speaker 2: the different culture altogether?
Speaker 3: Probably a different culture, but they've also got and then
Speaker 3: again it goes back to what are the other factors
Speaker 3: that Kansas have been winning together, So there'll be a
Speaker 3: closeness there where they feel like that's acceptable.
Speaker 2: Do you think it's acceptable to scream in your coach's face? No, okay,
Speaker 2: I don't thank you for coming on, mindan, thanks for
Speaker 2: being deposed call it. So we have Crystal Heffner coming on.
Speaker 2: She has a book out that is basically her life
Speaker 2: in the Playboy mansion she married. She was the last
Speaker 2: wife of half She's a third wife from December twenty
Speaker 2: twelve until his death in twenty seventeen. She said she
Speaker 2: had to play mind games to survive. She was relieved
Speaker 2: when the sex was over because she said he was
Speaker 2: not good in bed. She said she felt trapped in
Speaker 2: the marriage and Krystal Heffner says late husband Hugh Hefner
Speaker 2: wanted her to remain skinny with big fake boobs. I
Speaker 2: have a lot of questions for her, so many questions,
Speaker 2: So let's take a break and then get her on.
Speaker 2: First of all, you're doing your book tour, I assume,
Speaker 2: and it's just madness right now because you've got obviously
Speaker 2: a lot of articles out right now that we just
Speaker 2: chatted about here, and it just it has to be
Speaker 2: a lot, right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, it's been a lot. I just got back
Speaker 1: from the UK and it's definitely been a lot.
Speaker 2: Do you do you have any now that it's out
Speaker 2: and your or at least I have it. It's out
Speaker 2: rayah yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So it went out like January twenty third, and
Speaker 1: then yeah, and then I want to New York. I
Speaker 1: did a New York tour LA and then I just
Speaker 1: got back from UK and UK was intense. I you know,
Speaker 1: spoke in front of like a hundred people's first time
Speaker 1: I've ever done that.
Speaker 2: Good for you. Oh gosh, now that the book is out,
Speaker 2: is there something in there that you're like, Oh, shouldn't
Speaker 2: of I wish I didn't write that because now it's
Speaker 2: become a headline.
Speaker 1: I don't think so. I feel probably the opposite, which
Speaker 1: is cool, Like I feel that everything's there. It's written
Speaker 1: in a way that's to digest and for people to understand,
Speaker 1: and I feel good about it.
Speaker 2: Why did you want to write the book?
Speaker 1: Well, I went to therapy after the Mansion. I was
Speaker 1: having problems with dating and just ordinary life. It's such
Speaker 1: a bubble at the Mansion. And it was also pre
Speaker 1: me too, and pre like talking about mental health. So
Speaker 1: some of the terms I didn't know, Like I didn't
Speaker 1: you know, I didn't know half was a narcissist. While
Speaker 1: I was there, I had no idea. I just thought
Speaker 1: that was his personality and the misogyny and all of
Speaker 1: that stuff. So, you know, having the terms and understanding
Speaker 1: it more just really helped me. And then I thought, okay,
Speaker 1: I need to write this down and get this in
Speaker 1: a book and out to people.
Speaker 2: How old were you when you started at the mansion?
Speaker 1: Twenty one?
Speaker 2: That's young. That's really young.
Speaker 1: You feel like when you're that age, you feel like
Speaker 1: you're grown up. But looking back, I'm thirty seven, and
Speaker 1: looking back at me at twenty one, I'm like such
Speaker 1: a baby. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I mean, there's so many things that happened at twenty
Speaker 2: one that I'm like the forty year old version now
Speaker 2: is like girl, like why were you hiding in a
Speaker 2: bushes from an abuser? You know what I mean? Or like,
Speaker 2: w how did you let that happen? Like it's just
Speaker 2: but you're you're so moldable in that age too, that
Speaker 2: when you get with someone that is a narcissist or
Speaker 2: they just make you feel like you are this is
Speaker 2: as good as life is going to get for you.
Speaker 1: Yes, did you?
Speaker 2: Okay? So tell me where? Okay? So pre mansion, what
Speaker 2: is Crystal? Like? Like are you a college kid? Are
Speaker 2: you wild? Are you? Are you coming from a home
Speaker 2: that you're just like this is I just want out?
Speaker 2: I mean, I know there's I've kind of followed. I
Speaker 2: used to watch Girls next Door a little bit so
Speaker 2: because I followed, like I had this fascination with people
Speaker 2: leaving essentially kind of leaving the lives that they had
Speaker 2: and kind of going in that direction because they of
Speaker 2: course made it look sexy on TV and all the things.
Speaker 2: But who is Crystal and why does she choose then
Speaker 2: to why do twenty one year old Crystal say this
Speaker 2: is a great option for me.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Absolutely, that's a great question. And when I was young,
Speaker 1: I didn't know who I was at all, as you
Speaker 1: know most of us don't. But I came from a
Speaker 1: hard childhood. And you know, I lost my dad when
Speaker 1: I was twelve. My parents are from England. They came
Speaker 1: to America. My dad was a singer and he passed away.
Speaker 1: My mom and I had no money. We were living
Speaker 1: in a bedroom and some other family's home. You know,
Speaker 1: I talk about in the in the book like it's
Speaker 1: you know, smelling someone else's unfamiliar cooking, and feeling like
Speaker 1: not really a family anymore, just the leftover scraps of one.
Speaker 1: My mom married to get her green card, this guy
Speaker 1: named Lyle, and he had a daughter, and he treated
Speaker 1: her so much better than he treated me. And so
Speaker 1: I learned at an early age just to stay small
Speaker 1: and be small, to fit in and just go along
Speaker 1: with what other people wanted. Everyone. You know, when you
Speaker 1: see other people when you have nothing and other people
Speaker 1: have money, you're like, oh, they're better than me. And
Speaker 1: so there's this just feeling of never being enough or
Speaker 1: feeling like you're enough. And I did see Playboy magazines.
Speaker 1: My stepdad had them, and I saw these women and
Speaker 1: they're just they seemed very powerful and they have the
Speaker 1: world at their feet and yeah, I guess that was
Speaker 1: something The celebrities then were like carmenal Electra, Pam Anderson,
Speaker 1: Jennie McCarthy and like, while these women are powerful and
Speaker 1: they're respected, and I want to be just like them.
Speaker 1: So I started molding myself to be that way.
Speaker 2: I remember, I mean, I'm not much older than you.
Speaker 2: We're not very much older than you at all.
Speaker 1: Thirty seven, Yeah, you guys seem younger than me.
Speaker 2: Forty oh wow, forty too. Yeah, we're really but I
Speaker 2: think it's the same. That's why I'm so fascinated and
Speaker 2: honestly for what it's worth. And aylis is like a
Speaker 2: weird word to use for someone that is a stranger,
Speaker 2: but like really proud of you, because I think that's
Speaker 2: like a huge I mean that is Hugh Hefner. I mean,
Speaker 2: we're watching Girls next door. Were all fascinated, right, like
Speaker 2: sisters my body to be there, I probably would have
Speaker 2: checked myself into Lantica midnight dreams when I used to
Speaker 2: live in Los Angeles or whatever. Those midnight dream is that.
Speaker 1: What I about Midsummer night stream.
Speaker 2: It's like, so I and you dress up and it
Speaker 2: was me my best friend Lisa from high school. And
Speaker 2: it was pretty much right when I moved, not right
Speaker 2: when I moved to Los Angeles, but it was a
Speaker 2: couple of years in and I just remember going, like
Speaker 2: I get to go to the Playboy Mansion and like
Speaker 2: you arrived, it was just this really so I could
Speaker 2: see how you could get sucked in. Not saying that's
Speaker 2: your words at all, but like that's I was just like, wow,
Speaker 2: everything is just so shiny, and everything's like and money
Speaker 2: and just influence and like it's just it was a
Speaker 2: very like and I'm just this like wide eyed Michigan
Speaker 2: girl just being like, oh my god, I made it.
Speaker 2: Well that's how I met you. It's like if I
Speaker 2: had the body, I mean, I might have been like trying.
Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying. The one thing that kept me
Speaker 2: is probably the scoliosis and the hello, sweet boobs, blessed.
Speaker 2: But I feel like I like loved watching the girls
Speaker 2: because I thought that too. I'm like, they're just stunning
Speaker 2: and they're so comfortable and their sexuality and they're not
Speaker 2: afraid or embarrassed. Yeah, it just was so like contagious
Speaker 2: to me. And I know there are some people listening
Speaker 2: that will be like, well, that's crazy because it is
Speaker 2: so obviously like this like male you know dominated thing.
Speaker 2: I mean, he created his own little kingdom and recruited
Speaker 2: the hottest I mean, look at your you're literally like
Speaker 2: just beautiful and like light. But I it's crazy that
Speaker 2: I was even attracted to that, and I was twenty
Speaker 2: one and never went. So that's why I asked that,
Speaker 2: because so from an outsider, we're going, Okay, these girls
Speaker 2: are so confident you inside the house, were you just
Speaker 2: at your most insecure?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I think some of the most beautiful women I've
Speaker 1: ever met in my entire life are the most insecure
Speaker 1: women I've ever met my entire life. It's I don't
Speaker 1: understand it, but it's it's definitely interesting.
Speaker 2: And I don't want to like bust anything of the
Speaker 2: book because I'm actually excited to get in and read,
Speaker 2: especially when you use words like you smell unfamiliar, cooking,
Speaker 2: like you paint a picture. So that's what makes me
Speaker 2: feel excited to like get in and read. But do
Speaker 2: you were do you still have Is there anybody that
Speaker 2: you were friends with then that you're still friends with
Speaker 2: now or do you feel like it's all kind of
Speaker 2: kind of separated and like, yeah, played it faded away.
Speaker 1: I mean I do remember meeting just thousands and thousands
Speaker 1: of women, and I maybe have three friends from there.
Speaker 1: So yeah, there's a girl named Amber that was in
Speaker 1: the book and I'm friends with her still. She was
Speaker 1: a very close friend of AF and I, and you know,
Speaker 1: we just share this weird experience, so we're still friends.
Speaker 2: What was that so, like, you know, obviously you said
Speaker 2: a lot like you had to play mind games to survive.
Speaker 2: You talked about how he was bad at sex. What
Speaker 2: was the thing that you drew you to him?
Speaker 1: I think, you know, have you seen those magazines when
Speaker 1: I was younger and just thinking the Playboy was the
Speaker 1: place of freedom and expression and all the things that
Speaker 1: were was fed you know, they fed to the media
Speaker 1: about it. But when I first met hef I thought
Speaker 1: he was very magnetic. But it was also in a
Speaker 1: place where he's the center of the universe. And yeah,
Speaker 1: I just I was drawn to it. It was it
Speaker 1: was magnetic. It was a place where I thought, Wow,
Speaker 1: I'm being chosen. It's like those little green aliens for
Speaker 1: toy story, like you have been chosen your special It
Speaker 1: definitely gave me validation, and I thought, oh, wow, maybe
Speaker 1: this is a place I could I really feel.
Speaker 2: Like I belonged. When you talk about being trapped in
Speaker 2: the book, was there? What can you go back to
Speaker 2: that moment that first time, feeling like I made the
Speaker 2: wrong decision, like I don't this does not this is
Speaker 2: not it, this does not feel right.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I moved in and you know, the everything
Speaker 1: revolved around helf there, and so I just made myself like,
Speaker 1: you know, the person hef wanted me to be, and
Speaker 1: became his mirror, just reflecting a self importance back at him.
Speaker 1: And yeah, I'm like, oh, I thought I was doing
Speaker 1: a good job. And it's it's weird having that that mindset.
Speaker 1: But I remember gaining a bit of wake because you
Speaker 1: can order whatever you want from the kitchen. I got
Speaker 1: up to like one hundred and thirty four pounds, and
Speaker 1: I remember like hitting my thigh. He said, oh, someone
Speaker 1: needs to tone up. It was like tap my roots
Speaker 1: because they had to be like white, bleach white, and
Speaker 1: the die always like gave me blisters. And I don't know.
Speaker 1: One time I said he had a nightmare that I
Speaker 1: was a brunette. I suppose like it it's awful, like
Speaker 1: it's like and that's what color my hair is. So
Speaker 1: the control, like the physical control. He would tell me
Speaker 1: where the flag, which is the bunny head logo, wear
Speaker 1: more colorful shirt, what kind of and nick I could have?
Speaker 1: And at first I'm like, oh, I needed I can
Speaker 1: do better. I'm slipping. But after a while I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm being completely controlled by this man and he's just
Speaker 1: given me some idea entity that I just took on.
Speaker 2: Did you tell me if you if this feels like
Speaker 2: safe enough when you go back to your wedding day,
Speaker 2: what is the first feeling you feel.
Speaker 1: I just wanted it to be over. I thought hef
Speaker 1: wants this good pr story before he dies. If I
Speaker 1: would have said no, I would probably be kicked out
Speaker 1: of the house. I don't know where I would go.
Speaker 1: So I just wanted the wedding. Wanted the wedding to
Speaker 1: be over quickly. He was saying to the I don't
Speaker 1: know minister person, like keep it short. My back hurts,
Speaker 1: like oh perfect. So it was just very quick and
Speaker 1: I'm grateful for that.
Speaker 2: Inside because how long were you actually married to him? Then?
Speaker 2: For three years?
Speaker 1: I was there almost ten years, and I married to
Speaker 1: him for five five?
Speaker 2: Did was there because it said that, you know you
Speaker 2: wrote in the book. You know, I was relieved when
Speaker 2: it stopped referring to sex.
Speaker 1: Was there?
Speaker 2: Did he have like a specific amount that he wanted
Speaker 2: you to have set like is like okay, you have
Speaker 2: to have sex than this many times? Like was it
Speaker 2: more of like a contract with him rather than you know,
Speaker 2: a marriage?
Speaker 1: I guess yeah, it felt like it felt like that. Uh,
Speaker 1: we would have movie nights usually the sex would have
Speaker 1: happened on the weekends. I wasn't ever, and I'm entirely
Speaker 1: sure when he wanted to, but I do remember sitting
Speaker 1: next to him on the couch like during the movie
Speaker 1: and he'd reach in his pocket and pull out a
Speaker 1: piece of tissue that had like the blue Viagra pill
Speaker 1: in it and put it in his mouth. And it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: oh that cringe moment where and I'm like, okay, that's
Speaker 1: what he's expecting.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's crazy to me because you are so
Speaker 2: and I don't mean this like objectifying, like you're just
Speaker 2: very intelligent, well spoken, you're also beautiful thing. And then
Speaker 2: this like and I'm gonna probably get hate for saying
Speaker 2: it's like this like raisin of a man. He's a
Speaker 2: raisin at this point, right, Like he's not it's not
Speaker 2: it's not hot, he's not hot, right, Like how does
Speaker 2: he get you?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 2: Like that she feels like she's I know she's trapped.
Speaker 2: I know she's literally trapped. Sorry we're talking about you're
Speaker 2: not here. But and I'm like, and then Crystal, and
Speaker 2: when is she coming into town? We need her here
Speaker 2: for her? No, but I mean, like that's just but
Speaker 2: I mean, honestly, it's like I'm getting I'm my like
Speaker 2: my heart hurts for you, Like I feel like sad
Speaker 2: because like I know that girl, I've been that girl
Speaker 2: and different when the walls are closing in, yeah, and
Speaker 2: it's just you just want to like go rescue yourself
Speaker 2: from it. Like you obviously were in it and you
Speaker 2: didn't want to be and you felt this, but you
Speaker 2: didn't have Okay, where would I go? How would I
Speaker 2: afford it? All the all the things. And then you're
Speaker 2: just like, Okay, I'm just gonna now have sex with
Speaker 2: this man just because I have no other choice. And
Speaker 2: to have no other choice like breaks my heart for
Speaker 2: you in that situation. And you know other people that
Speaker 2: have obviously been in that same situation. It's like, it's
Speaker 2: just it's not fair, it's not right, and is it
Speaker 2: Is it still hard for you or are you kind
Speaker 2: of now because of the therapy you feel like you're
Speaker 2: in a better place.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel that I'm in a much better place.
Speaker 1: And you know, being emotionally abused in all the ways
Speaker 1: there and also financially abused was very hard. And one
Speaker 1: thing that I'm proud of myself for is like starting
Speaker 1: to save money the best way I could, you know.
Speaker 1: I started getting into doing social media ads, I learned
Speaker 1: how to DJ and anything I could do during the
Speaker 1: day to just try and build myself financially because then
Speaker 1: it's like okay if I'm good on my own, because
Speaker 1: he would give us like an allowance, but it was
Speaker 1: never enough to it was like a thousand dollars every Friday.
Speaker 1: It was never enough to be able to leave. You'd
Speaker 1: have to ask him for it, so you feel like
Speaker 1: you're begging for money, and he'd count out the bills
Speaker 1: like one hundred, two hundred, like put them all together,
Speaker 1: or here you go. So I need to do something,
Speaker 1: and so I started making money on social media. I
Speaker 1: started getting into like crypto stuff. I just started trying
Speaker 1: to build on my own while I was in there,
Speaker 1: and I was able to do that, and I think
Speaker 1: that helped me. Like looking back now, it's like I
Speaker 1: don't ever kind of have to be in that situation again.
Speaker 1: And I do have friends that are and I tell them,
Speaker 1: I'm like, save your money, save your money. And you know,
Speaker 1: I didn't recognize my situation was so bad in the beginning,
Speaker 1: but once I did, you know, at least I now
Speaker 1: have the tools that I can try and help other
Speaker 1: people that are in bad situations.
Speaker 2: But well, I think a lot of us go through that.
Speaker 2: Like it's a slow conditioning almost. It's not like you
Speaker 2: go from like freedom to captivity. It's like the sexy
Speaker 2: lure of a lifestyle, right, and then then you're in
Speaker 2: and then there's one more layer and then pretty soon
Speaker 2: you just find yourself kind of like stripped of what
Speaker 2: you know to be true and then you have this
Speaker 2: disassociation like, wait, that's not how who I know to be.
Speaker 2: So tell me, does he like when he's getting towards
Speaker 2: the end of life and this is going to be
Speaker 2: You can just say yes or no if you feel
Speaker 2: like not saying too many words. I get it where
Speaker 2: you obviously just pass. It's wind down. We do what
Speaker 2: we want. But does it feel like freedom is coming
Speaker 2: for you when? Or does does him dying become this
Speaker 2: whole other thing that you feel obligated to be and like,
Speaker 2: what does that feel like?
Speaker 1: It's interesting because hef was like old for so long,
Speaker 1: like everyone knew him as like being old. So I
Speaker 1: definitely thought that he was like immortal in some way,
Speaker 1: like that he would be around forever. So I wasn't
Speaker 1: really planning for that or or what would happen after,
Speaker 1: you know, when I was in there. This is also
Speaker 1: a man that was praised so highly by the media,
Speaker 1: Like the media put him on such a pedestal, and
Speaker 1: he would say horrible things in the media, like I've
Speaker 1: I look back on this interview where he said he
Speaker 1: went from seven girlfriends to three and then he said,
Speaker 1: oh I thinned the herd. And this stuff was just
Speaker 1: everywhere perpetuated in the media and people idolized him. So
Speaker 1: when I started having those kind of doubts creep in
Speaker 1: and all those things, I would think, Okay, like maybe
Speaker 1: something's wrong with me, because he's put this is all
Speaker 1: pre me too.
Speaker 2: And this is go.
Speaker 1: This is just how men are, and maybe it's just
Speaker 1: me and I need to do better. So I grappled
Speaker 1: with that. But after he passed away, I had this
Speaker 1: feeling of guilt and I didn't leave the house for weeks,
Speaker 1: and I don't know why. I kept thinking, Oh, is
Speaker 1: there something we could have done better? Is there a
Speaker 1: different antibotic we could have given him? He died from
Speaker 1: my ecola infection, and it was weird, And slowly I
Speaker 1: started understanding what my freedom meant. And I started traveling
Speaker 1: and seeing the world, and I bought a farm in Hawaii,
Speaker 1: and now I can say I truly feel free.
Speaker 2: How does dating look now? Do you feel at first?
Speaker 2: When you started? Judged?
Speaker 1: Dating was very hard in the beginning. So I had
Speaker 1: a couple of relationships where the people were controlling, manipulative,
Speaker 1: and I thought, you go.
Speaker 2: From what you know, you go to the same person,
Speaker 2: different name, same cast, different Yeah, like.
Speaker 1: This time I'm paying the bills, like what the heck
Speaker 1: struggling musician, an actor, and I'm paying for my own misery,
Speaker 1: Like this is torture. And I remember a few matchmakers
Speaker 1: and they asked me, They're like, oh, what do you
Speaker 1: like simple for my profile, I'm like, what do I like?
Speaker 1: I didn't even know, and I think that's when I
Speaker 1: had to take a step back. And it's very simple.
Speaker 1: But I'm just like, okay, what do I like? Like? Okay,
Speaker 1: I like travel, I like nature, I like spend time
Speaker 1: with my dog. And I had to slowly find myself
Speaker 1: again and once I did that, I felt more powerful
Speaker 1: and then I wouldn't put up with any thing like
Speaker 1: that dating. And so now I am dating somebody who's
Speaker 1: very normal, kind and caring and has a great career
Speaker 1: and feels like my equal. So I'm like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: made it.
Speaker 2: How long have you guys been dating for about six months?
Speaker 1: Now?
Speaker 2: Oh? Good? I love that. Do you want kids?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, I would like kids.
Speaker 2: You're such a tender heart. I just want the world
Speaker 2: to have more of you. Do you ever? This is
Speaker 2: like weird, and but people say when their loved ones
Speaker 2: pass away, like if did you ever have anything that
Speaker 2: You're like, oh, that was half where he entered your dream?
Speaker 2: Or he wants like has he come back to say,
Speaker 2: like I'll never forget My great grandma her husband was
Speaker 2: abusive and she had told my grandma one time that
Speaker 2: he came back in a dream and apologized, Oh, and
Speaker 2: I just always remembered that as a kid. I don't
Speaker 2: know why she told me that as a kid, but well,
Speaker 2: that's like very hopeful though. Yeah, but I'm just curious.
Speaker 2: Has he ever kind of entered in some way to
Speaker 2: just be like I'm sorry or you know, wish you
Speaker 2: well kind of vibe.
Speaker 1: I think part of writing the book, like I was
Speaker 1: having dreams, like I kept dreaming about the mansion, and
Speaker 1: the book opens up with a dream that I had,
Speaker 1: like dreaming that I'm still there. And the most recent
Speaker 1: dream I've had is I go into the mansion and
Speaker 1: I walk in a half's bedroom and I look to
Speaker 1: the right and there's kind of pillows all over the
Speaker 1: floor and HEF's in there with like a harem of women.
Speaker 1: They're just all kind of on the floor. And for
Speaker 1: some reason, I'm like I've risen above it all, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I don't need to be here, like
Speaker 1: you're happy you have that, Like I don't need to
Speaker 1: be here anymore, like thank you for the lessons. So
Speaker 1: I feel in my dream maybe I've had some closure.
Speaker 2: Well, I think you've taken power over it too. I
Speaker 2: think that's that to me is what I just took
Speaker 2: from that is like you you have the power now
Speaker 2: to go. I'm walking away from this because I don't
Speaker 2: need to be here anymore.
Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah, I like to think that, so thank you. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I sometimes wonder and I think there's always divine timing
Speaker 2: for everything. It is not lost on me that hef
Speaker 2: died before the real awakening for women, Like we've had
Speaker 2: a slow awakening, but we have really started to take
Speaker 2: over and take responsibility and take ownership and we're not
Speaker 2: afraid to speak as much. And I always wonder what
Speaker 2: would have happened to him if he were still alive,
Speaker 2: because his whole dynasty is exactly what we're all trying
Speaker 2: to fight against. So if there was a HEF now,
Speaker 2: I don't even know. Have you ever thought about, like
Speaker 2: would that even like a twenty twenty four version of
Speaker 2: your life? I don't even think it would exist.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're so right. The me too happened a month
Speaker 1: after he passed away. It's as almost almost as if
Speaker 1: like perfect timing of his life. I don't know how
Speaker 1: he would be behaving now. I think he would be
Speaker 1: doing the same thing, but maybe just quiet it yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: more more private, because I don't think he knew anything else.
Speaker 1: I didn't. I don't think he knew how to not
Speaker 1: objectify women.
Speaker 2: No, I mean it sounds it's so consistent and for
Speaker 2: so long. I don't know that he could.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 2: So Crystal, what are you doing now? I mean, obviously
Speaker 2: you have your book out, but what do you want
Speaker 2: people to know because you've kept Hefner as your last name? Right?
Speaker 1: Yeah, having a meeting today to talk about trying to
Speaker 1: change it on my social socials like back to backs
Speaker 1: my original name and what I mean.
Speaker 2: Obviously you know we know the reasoning, but I mean,
Speaker 2: is it just something where you just want to just
Speaker 2: drop him completely so that you're not known for being
Speaker 2: Hefner's ex wife? Like do you want to be? Obviously, Crystal,
Speaker 2: what would you say it was? Harris?
Speaker 1: Harris? Yeah, Harris, Yeah, Yeah, I think I'll always be
Speaker 1: known Half's wife. I just hope to do some good
Speaker 1: with it. Yeah. I'm still on the board of his foundation,
Speaker 1: which is crazy, and we're probub to do an auction
Speaker 1: with Julian's with lots of HEF's things and Playboy things,
Speaker 1: And I just thought like, Okay, if I've been part
Speaker 1: of this. Maybe we can rectify some damage that he's done.
Speaker 1: And if we can take some of that money from
Speaker 1: the auction proceeds and donate it to like women's charities
Speaker 1: or anything that helps like women and children to try
Speaker 1: and like reverse the damage he's done, then you know,
Speaker 1: I'm on board with that. But yeah, it's interesting because
Speaker 1: I look at Crystal Harris and I kind of googled
Speaker 1: myself as Harris, and I remember like the meek, sad
Speaker 1: girl that I was, and like, I actually with this
Speaker 1: Crystal heff Nor, I empowered myself in ways that really
Speaker 1: don't have anything to do with helf but but in
Speaker 1: a way he helped me, you know, get there with
Speaker 1: the way I was treated. So I don't know, I'm
Speaker 1: conflicted still, as you can tell.
Speaker 2: Noan, I think there's something I like the positive spin
Speaker 2: on it, because I was thinking I was going to
Speaker 2: ask you, like, what do you think you took from
Speaker 2: it that was positive? And I feel like now it's
Speaker 2: like again, you can use the name and spin it
Speaker 2: for good. You know, what would they say with the
Speaker 2: enemy meant for evil? He made it good. So however,
Speaker 2: I just always butcher that, But you know what I'm saying, Like,
Speaker 2: it's just like you get to you get to make
Speaker 2: it good. You know, you get to be the person
Speaker 2: that takes something that you know hurt somebody too, especially
Speaker 2: that hurt you and devalued you and made you feel
Speaker 2: less than you get to now take that and empower
Speaker 2: other people and help other people. I think that's a
Speaker 2: beautiful thing. And that's that's where i'd keep the half part,
Speaker 2: just because you will probably get more people involved with
Speaker 2: the Halfner name. Unfortunately. Yeah, I think it feels to
Speaker 2: me like you're taking the Hefner and really giving it
Speaker 2: like a poetic spin, but also some clarification and a
Speaker 2: little like legacy in the twenty twenty four version of
Speaker 2: what it could be. He's actually listen. I wasn't a
Speaker 2: huge hef fan, if I'm honest, But I have to
Speaker 2: say he's pretty smart that he picked you to be with,
Speaker 2: because I think you were probably wildly intimidating to him
Speaker 2: at how beautiful and smart you were, and so he
Speaker 2: knew he needed to keep you close. Is my guest.
Speaker 2: I have a long history with narcissists, so I don't
Speaker 2: call myself an expert, but I would say probably something
Speaker 2: that was most attractive to you. Is this like internal
Speaker 2: flame and confidence that you have, So I would say
Speaker 2: that is probably like terrifying to someone like him, and
Speaker 2: why he made sure to make you a wife. So
Speaker 2: I'm glad we are left with you and not him.
Speaker 2: I hate to say it that bluntly, but I really
Speaker 2: appreciate what you're doing.
Speaker 1: That means a lot. Thank you.
Speaker 2: What is one thing that you want our listeners to
Speaker 2: leave with when it comes to your book? And just
Speaker 2: you as like what you're taking from all of this too,
Speaker 2: like how you've like who you are today.
Speaker 1: When I first started writing this book, I wanted it
Speaker 1: to be the book I wish I had when I
Speaker 1: was twenty one, and I think I accomplished that. You know,
Speaker 1: I've had a few like twenty one year olds actually
Speaker 1: write to me and thank me. It's the book is
Speaker 1: dedicated to anyone who's you know, struggled with self self
Speaker 1: worth and self acceptance and that they're not alone. I
Speaker 1: think it's just really important to know who you are
Speaker 1: and love who you are, because I think the more
Speaker 1: you do that, the less you find yourself in these
Speaker 1: kind of situations.
Speaker 2: So absolutely, well, I love you anytime you're in Nashville.
Speaker 2: Let us know. You're so sweet. Thank you so much
Speaker 2: for coming on. You're just a doll. So yeah, I'm
Speaker 2: excited to read your book.
Speaker 1: Thank you. I hope you like it. Let me know.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna r everyone follow Crystal Hafner and go get
Speaker 2: her book because she's just the best. And listen, we
Speaker 2: all we all feel we're all insecure, right and straight. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so let's just support of the women. Do this thing, girl,
Speaker 2: and then we'll see you in Nashville.
Speaker 1: Sounds good, audience, all right, by hen Bye?
Speaker 2: Okay, So I just I love her because again, think
Speaker 2: about like your twenty one year old self and all
Speaker 2: the things. That's why I always hate when people are
Speaker 2: judged by their past, because you are just such a
Speaker 2: different person and you have different experiences in your past.
Speaker 2: Is you go into that because again, when you're you're
Speaker 2: told something from your childhood or or whatever from the
Speaker 2: ex boyfriend, Like I stayed in abusive relationships because that
Speaker 2: is what I was told I deserved. So why would
Speaker 2: I not continue abusive relationships for ten years after that?
Speaker 2: Do you know what I'm saying? Like, and there's this
Speaker 2: lifestyle that looks really shiny. Yeah, I mean you're twenty. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I wish I had Lisa. I mean, I you've been there.
Speaker 2: I have to text her. I know she has it,
Speaker 2: but yeah, oh yeah crazy. And there was a time
Speaker 2: in my life where I was like, oh, I want
Speaker 2: to live at the mansion, like I mean, I literally
Speaker 2: thought if I had the body, I would have been
Speaker 2: outside trying to get in. Crazy again, you have an
Speaker 2: amazing body. Oh I love my body.
Speaker 1: Good.
Speaker 2: But I did not have what we didn't have what
Speaker 2: what half was looking for it in twenty one? Apparently
Speaker 2: it didn't like Brunette, sad of it and no one
Speaker 2: to write and make eye contact with me? Okay, yeah,
Speaker 2: I was really bleaching. I had that going for me.
Speaker 2: Oh dear, Okay, well everyone have a great week, and
Speaker 2: Kristen tell me have an amazing trip to a Rubot.
Speaker 2: You will be fine. Love and protected is what I
Speaker 2: tell myself. But I believe it. Yep, amen to that.
Speaker 2: I love you, Okay. Bye By