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Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio Podcast.

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Speaker 2: Happy Valentine's Day, Happy Loveday, You're my bad like Valentine's Day.

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Speaker 2: I feel fine about it. Do you know I make

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Speaker 2: Preston ask me every Valentine's Day to be as Valentine.

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Speaker 2: Oh that's cute, it's not assumed. Ah. Yeah, he asked

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Speaker 2: me like a week and a half ago this time.

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Speaker 1: Oh that's cute.

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Speaker 2: That's really cute. Yeah, it's my favorite. Oh, we don't

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Speaker 2: do anything crazy? Do you do crazy? What are you

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Speaker 2: doing tonight? Nothing? We're actually going to a Ruba tomorrow.

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry. What so I'm going to just pack and

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Speaker 2: we're gonna celebrate tomorrow.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: He has a show where one why he has a show? Okay,

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Speaker 2: which and it's great, Like we're going to go just

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Speaker 2: have a minute with the kids. No, how many days?

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Speaker 2: Two full days, three sleeps? Okay, you got this. I

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Speaker 2: know that's hard for me. I haven't been to a

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Speaker 2: Ruba since I was like twenty Tuba was quick, haven't

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Speaker 2: never been well. I hate this. What I just the

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Speaker 2: most part of anxiety gets me Bia. Oh friend from

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Speaker 2: Natalie Holloway is all I think of with. I know

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Speaker 2: that is so dark, and I'm Aruba is beautiful and

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Speaker 2: it's not that it was so long ago. That's where

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Speaker 2: it was. Yeah, all I know is a Aruba Jamaica

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Speaker 2: and everyone in their car singing along. Yeah. All it's

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Speaker 2: the each boys, it is. Yeah, it is what loves

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Speaker 2: of each boys? CoCom That's right. What are you doing?

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Speaker 2: Do you love it? Valentine's Day? I'm going to get

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Speaker 2: over my fear and it's going to be great. What

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Speaker 2: are you afraid of? Everything? Getting kidnapped or no, just

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Speaker 2: everything pretty much, from being stuck to stuck where anywhere,

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Speaker 2: anywhere but my home. I'm just very nasty this time.

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Speaker 2: I I know exactly what you're feeling because I feel

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Speaker 2: the same way about a trip I'm going on next

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Speaker 2: weekend for the first time ever. And how many sleeps?

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Speaker 2: Three sleeps? See, okay, it's almost like two. I'm okay.

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Speaker 2: That's why Windown works for me so well, because I'm like, oh, yay,

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Speaker 2: my friend for two sleeps and then I go back

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Speaker 2: to the kids. Yeah, but it's the being so far away.

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Speaker 2: Where are you going? Can I know Mexico, Alan, I've

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Speaker 2: never taken a vacation together that didn't involve work, and

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Speaker 2: we've never actually done a vacation. Mine is like, oh,

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Speaker 2: one day we would like, let's go here, but it

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Speaker 2: always book ended or started with work. Sure, so we're

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Speaker 2: taking a vacation finally together, which we know is important. Yes,

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Speaker 2: And I just have so much anxiety same, I don't

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Speaker 2: I want to be Yeah, close to home is my

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Speaker 2: safety net. It's weird because I have this feeling like

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Speaker 2: even when I'm away from the baby right now, and

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Speaker 2: I know this is very postpartum, and I think it's

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Speaker 2: just like what is that called primal? Yeah, like when

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Speaker 2: I get home, the first thing I have to do

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Speaker 2: after I wash my hands because the world is Jeremy

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Speaker 2: is like put her heart to heart with me, and

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Speaker 2: it feels like I plug back into the wall. It's

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Speaker 2: this like weird like huh okay. Yeah, but again like

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Speaker 2: they just came out of our bodies, so that's I think,

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Speaker 2: very normal. Yeah, it's babies like baby Roman. I still

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Speaker 2: don't like being far away from the kids, like when

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Speaker 2: I did the movie in Arizona, I don't. I just

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Speaker 2: have anxiety when I'm not with them. I know, even

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Speaker 2: when they're at their dads. I get anxiety like the

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Speaker 2: other last weekend. I'm like, it just doesn't feel right

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Speaker 2: to not have your babies with you. Yeah, like in

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Speaker 2: the cave. Everybody nested in the cave. I know, but

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Speaker 2: you're gonna have so much fun and it's good for you,

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Speaker 2: im Preston, It is so good for us. It's tricky

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Speaker 2: because we started dating and then we like finally like

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Speaker 2: we met. It was pretty like speed daity as you know,

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Speaker 2: and so we never really dated until like the last

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Speaker 2: year kind of, and then we get pregnant with the

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Speaker 2: baby because I think we were dating so much, but

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Speaker 2: I feel like we I like love being with him,

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Speaker 2: and it's fun for both of us to be like

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Speaker 2: the center of each other's attention for a minute. I

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Speaker 2: actually like really like being alone with him now, So

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Speaker 2: I know I'm good. Once we like get on a

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Speaker 2: plane or wherever. It just takes me. It's it's almost

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Speaker 2: like not fair, impossible, Like he's presenting me with this

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Speaker 2: amazing trip. He has one show while we're there. We

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Speaker 2: extended it because it's Valentine's Day, and I still just

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Speaker 2: can't go like whoo a ruba or bust. I am like, okay,

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Speaker 2: what happens if you know what though, and I'm saying

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Speaker 2: this to myself, walking in with that just steals the

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Speaker 2: joy of it, I know, and I don't. We're stealing

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Speaker 2: yourself of the joy and the excitement and the fun

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Speaker 2: because at the end of the day, you're gonna come

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Speaker 2: back and you're gonna be like, oh well, I just

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Speaker 2: why was I so anxious? I just stole moments of joy,

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Speaker 2: I know, and I don't want that anymore this year. Actually,

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Speaker 2: that's kind of like I think because of all the

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Speaker 2: death the years before. Like Amy and I really talked

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Speaker 2: about this. She was I said, I think I'm like

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Speaker 2: ready to be fun and have fun. Yeah, and she

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Speaker 2: was like, I'm excited for you because I don't feel

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Speaker 2: like I've been that girl for a while. But the

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Speaker 2: post part of anxiety, like I get it. It's a

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Speaker 2: thing and you just have to overcome it. Like that's

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Speaker 2: where when I spoke to Amy about it, She's like,

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Speaker 2: you just have to do it to overcome it. That's right.

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Speaker 2: She's like, Okay, do it and go once you're on

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Speaker 2: the because my thing is like it because I got

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Speaker 2: off that one plane with anxiety. Now it's in my

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Speaker 2: head like I can't do it. I can't fly because

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Speaker 2: I got off that one plane when I was pregnant,

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Speaker 2: I had a kidne infection, didn't know it, I was sick.

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Speaker 2: So like I have a little like but like still

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Speaker 2: I now in my head go that equated to I

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Speaker 2: can't fly, So let's do so for each other. I'm

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Speaker 2: just saying, like it's it's once you do it, you'll

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Speaker 2: be fine. What did you say to me just a

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Speaker 2: second ago? You got to do it to what? Mm

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Speaker 2: you get over it? Through it? Maybe don't want to

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Speaker 2: rewind it. Yeah, but I'm gonna need that, I think,

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Speaker 2: and we'll hold each other accountable. So I'll help you

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Speaker 2: this week. You I feel the tightness. Yeah, yeah, for sure,

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Speaker 2: I get I'm already gone. In next week, I'll be here.

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Speaker 2: Well you're away, so like I like that you're around,

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Speaker 2: and I could be like if I need you at

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Speaker 2: my house or whatever, I get it, and I would

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Speaker 2: be right here to throw your sweet baby off a

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Speaker 2: sleep schedule and hold him too long. But tonight though,

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Speaker 2: Alan surprised me with a sleepover here. No, we have

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Speaker 2: a sleepover every I know. I was confused. No, he's

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Speaker 2: so sweet, so we had Uh, this is actually really cute.

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Speaker 1: Uh.

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Speaker 2: I like it when you get girly about him. I

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Speaker 2: just love that's cool. Oh he's the best. Okay, Well,

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Speaker 2: first of all, he woke up this morning with I've

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Speaker 2: never been woken up with roses, so like he I

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Speaker 2: rolled over and he like had a rose like right there,

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Speaker 2: like on the bed. I was like, you are so sweet.

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Speaker 2: He got all the kids, well, we got Jolie and roses,

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Speaker 2: and then Jasey got him something else. But we did

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Speaker 2: like our little open just very small things or whatever

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Speaker 2: this morning with the kids. I got them like squishy

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Speaker 2: mellows or whatever. And then Alan said he planned it all.

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Speaker 2: Talked to the sitter that we've been using a few

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Speaker 2: times a week and that was like the best too.

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Speaker 2: When they take charge of that everything. He's like, we're

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Speaker 2: leaving it three. I'm like no, no, but he's like no, no,

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Speaker 2: she's gonna, you know, be here. And we've got massages

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Speaker 2: at the one hotel. So we met at the one hotel.

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Speaker 2: I remember, because this is where I want to actually

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Speaker 2: have your shower. Oh. I was trying to make it sentimental.

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Speaker 2: Close the loops. That's really cute. Yeah, I like that.

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Speaker 2: But he then so when he was staying at the

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Speaker 2: one hotel. I can't remember the room number. He knows it,

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Speaker 2: but uh, he got that same room number because when

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Speaker 2: we were when I saw him, I'm not a hussy, Okay,

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Speaker 2: So it wasn't the first night, but he went up

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Speaker 2: to the room because when I was sitting in the lobby,

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Speaker 2: like someone recognized me or whatever, and it was just

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Speaker 2: I don't know, I didn't want to like be down

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Speaker 2: there people say anything. And I also think, you know,

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Speaker 2: when it's something special, when you want the privacy of it. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: so I was like, let's just go up. We can

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Speaker 2: have dinner up in the room. So we had dinner.

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Speaker 2: It was like the sweetest. We had dinner in the room,

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Speaker 2: had wine. I went home because I had the kids, obviously,

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Speaker 2: and you don't sleep over on the first day, that's right,

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Speaker 2: or turning a leaf in the next chapter exactly, not

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Speaker 2: a hussy on the right. So that it was just

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Speaker 2: like that hotel and that room and just like, you know,

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Speaker 2: so good acting and getting to each other was really sweet.

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Speaker 2: So he's taking me back there and yeah, a little sleepover.

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Speaker 2: I love it. And you know what's interesting, I think

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Speaker 2: because we're so tired that like one night feels incredible. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I'm so excited to just like sleep in because we

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Speaker 2: have we're always even though he's sleeping like Roman sleeps

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Speaker 2: in the night now, but it's the monitor still there

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Speaker 2: and I still here as little grunts, you know, So

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Speaker 2: I know you don't really get to sleep, no, And

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Speaker 2: that's and also like we did that for my birthday.

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Speaker 2: We just went away and I loved it. It was

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Speaker 2: twenty minutes down the road and it was beautiful and

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Speaker 2: I slept with no clothes on, and I like it.

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Speaker 2: Oh well, once in a while, yes, just to be

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Speaker 2: like an adult or something. I don't know. Did you

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Speaker 2: watch Super Bowl, by the way, just usher, just usher,

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Speaker 2: so you didn't see the Travis Kelsey thing. I saw

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Speaker 2: him screaming as coach that was everywhere. What are your thoughts? Well,

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Speaker 2: I understand being passionate, but it doesn't make what he

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Speaker 2: did right if you so I don't. I thought to me,

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Speaker 2: I thought it was very disrespectful to scream at a coach,

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Speaker 2: just in general. And I and I asked Alan, and

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Speaker 2: I go, what do you think of that? And he's

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Speaker 2: just like extremely disrespectful. And that matters to me because

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Speaker 2: Alan's in sports. Yeah, he'sthing like I get the energy

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Speaker 2: and of like passion. I get that so much. And

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Speaker 2: someone like Alan, like you know, he's he screams when

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Speaker 2: he's on you know, the pitch, and he's co and

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Speaker 2: all those things, but he's not screaming like to have

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Speaker 2: a player like can imagine like a Tom Brady or

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Speaker 2: I don't know, and maybe they have I don't know,

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Speaker 2: but like I just the people that are in that position,

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Speaker 2: I don't see them being to me. It was very

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Speaker 2: disrespectful and also slightly triggering from sorry, but not to like,

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Speaker 2: but it was triggering from my past to see that

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Speaker 2: because I've been with that kind of person in that

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Speaker 2: kind of world that had that anger in my face

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Speaker 2: and it's and it triggered me. And I'm people can

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Speaker 2: say whatever they want to say about it, but it

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Speaker 2: did not feel good to be back in that like

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Speaker 2: scared place to see that comparison to Serena. Do you

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Speaker 2: remember when Serena got passionate to one of the No,

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Speaker 2: but I need to pull it up, pull it up.

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Speaker 2: But one of the things I want to say too

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Speaker 2: is what I didn't like is one of the because

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Speaker 2: I've now just watched to see what people have done

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Speaker 2: with it. I don't like the fact that he didn't. Again,

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Speaker 2: if you're a role model to someone, I don't like

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Speaker 2: the fact that you didn't be like yeah, he's like,

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Speaker 2: oh yeah, you saw that. I'm like, yeah, everyone did,

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Speaker 2: and you should be like yeah, no matter what passionate,

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Speaker 2: was not right to screaming your coach like be a

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Speaker 2: better example, in my opinion, yes. Second thing is it's

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Speaker 2: turned into like a funny meme joke. It's not funny

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Speaker 2: to be disrespectful to someone. Third thing is I also

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Speaker 2: just don't think that how do I say this? When

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Speaker 2: they did try to talk about it on air, one

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Speaker 2: of the guys goes, you know, and I didn't really

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Speaker 2: like the fact that Travis you know, did that to

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Speaker 2: his coach. Someone cut him off so immediately to defend

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Speaker 2: and to change the subject. I'm like, why are we

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Speaker 2: changing the subject, like the kind of a voice. Let

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Speaker 2: it be that that wasn't right, because it right. And

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Speaker 2: other people are like, oh, stop being such like a

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Speaker 2: a p us, you know, and just like you know,

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Speaker 2: so sensitive and sports. Again, it's not right to scream

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Speaker 2: your coach's face and it's not funny. Well, It's also

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Speaker 2: interesting to me because I would say I am right

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Speaker 2: now raising a swifty like love is so all in

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Speaker 2: on Taylor Swift. It's crazy to me because I'm not

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Speaker 2: a swiftie, so I'm not sure where it came from.

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Speaker 2: But Taylor, to me is such a role model and

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Speaker 2: the way that she at thousand percent. If I was her,

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Speaker 2: I'd have been like, oh, I was uh and it

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Speaker 2: isn't my boyfriend. Yeah, Like I was like yike cus

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Speaker 2: Like it felt a little I will just get so

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Speaker 2: many dms. It felt a little full of himself. It

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Speaker 2: felt a little like that's your boss, that's my whole thing, coach,

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Speaker 2: player or whatever I could have. There is not a

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Speaker 2: time in my life where I could have ever screamed

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Speaker 2: to anyone professionally and gotten away with it. Yeah, super

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Speaker 2: Bowl or no super Bowl. And it kind of took

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Speaker 2: away to me the win a little bit, like it

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Speaker 2: tarnished it to me. It put the biggest yeah taste

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Speaker 2: of just like in my mouth too when I saw it.

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Speaker 2: And it's like fine, like he didn't push any losses

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Speaker 2: like footing and the coach too, to be like he

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Speaker 2: kept me young. It's that's again, that's not you should

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Speaker 2: be as stronger. I don't want to say it, but

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Speaker 2: like to to say, you don't scream in my face.

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Speaker 2: You can be passionate and you can be like, oh,

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Speaker 2: just put me in, but like, not in that manner.

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Speaker 2: That was an angry aggressive that I personally didn't like,

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Speaker 2: and I wouldn't want that to be role modeled. That's it.

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Speaker 2: And we're like trying to teach sportsmanship in our house

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Speaker 2: right now, like winning and losing games, like even board games,

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Speaker 2: you know, because things get heated and legend is passionate

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Speaker 2: and I like watch stuff like that. I'm like, this

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Speaker 2: is not what you want your kids to be watching.

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Speaker 2: And I get it. I it's NFL blah blah blah,

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Speaker 2: but I also am just just not handsome behavior to me.

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Speaker 2: I also know that there's so many people watching you,

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Speaker 2: especially that's more now so because it's t swift. So again,

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Speaker 2: that's why I look straight to Alan and go, what

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Speaker 2: did you just think of that? And he has his

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Speaker 2: choice words for it. So do you think he did

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Speaker 2: it on purpose? Like more again, I've seen people yell

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Speaker 2: and like have fights or whatever. It's I don't like

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Speaker 2: the physicality of it, whether he just he got a

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Speaker 2: little too close. You can have a little like fine,

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Speaker 2: be aggressive, not aggressive, but you can be like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I just like I want to be in because I

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Speaker 2: get that.

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Speaker 1: I get that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean type you don't need to be in

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Speaker 2: the face, no screaming it he's an old man. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Also I'll just say it. I mean it's older. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: for sure. Respect your elders, Respect your coaches, Respect your boss.

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Speaker 2: He's your boss. You can be frustrated. You can throw

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Speaker 2: the iPad like time. You know, again, I don't love

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Speaker 2: when they do. But again, you're frustrated, you're whatever, Like

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Speaker 2: you don't need to be in that close a vicinity

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Speaker 2: to someone and they make screaming. It's hard for me

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Speaker 2: because so many little girls look up to Taylor Swift.

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Speaker 2: And so I'll just leave that for people to marinate on.

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Speaker 1: I think, just real quick.

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Speaker 2: I just didn't want to misquote you, but I just

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Speaker 2: from a guy's opinion of the Travis incident. I'm just

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Speaker 2: not incident but him with this coach. I remember I

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Speaker 2: looked to you and I was like, what did you think.

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Speaker 3: Well, the first thing you think is you go straight

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Speaker 3: to it's disrespectful towards the coach. Therefore disrespects the coach,

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Speaker 3: it disrespects the locker room. On the flip side of that,

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Speaker 3: he's obviously passionate, but so whether but I don't know

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Speaker 3: the relationship between him and his coach, So whether he's

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Speaker 3: crossed the line, I don't know in my opinion, doesn't

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Speaker 3: matter on it. They'll know between the coach and the player.

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Speaker 3: But it all goes back to, like I mentioned it

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Speaker 3: to you at the time, that may put a question

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Speaker 3: mark on the environment and how like how close the

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Speaker 3: players are and the coach relationship to the players. But

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Speaker 3: they've went and won the match, right, so therefore what

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Speaker 3: he did provoked a reaction somewhere, which is maybe where

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Speaker 3: Travis Kelsey is intelligent, because it provoked a reaction, not

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Speaker 3: saying that's what made them win the game, but I'm

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Speaker 3: sure they dealt with it internally at halftime and that

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Speaker 3: might have been the spark they needed in the second half.

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Speaker 3: Although it seems wrong unless you know that locker room,

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Speaker 3: where you know that team and you know that environment,

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Speaker 3: then it's it's difficult to judge from a football perspective,

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Speaker 3: as in football that would Yeah, that doesn't happen a

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Speaker 3: lot mm hmm.

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Speaker 2: With the person like a bench or something.

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Speaker 3: The person would probably be lucky to stay on the field.

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Speaker 2: Mm hmm mm hmm, even if it's your star player.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Wow, So there's just more respect maybe or what is

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Speaker 2: the different culture altogether?

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Speaker 3: Probably a different culture, but they've also got and then

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Speaker 3: again it goes back to what are the other factors

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Speaker 3: that Kansas have been winning together, So there'll be a

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Speaker 3: closeness there where they feel like that's acceptable.

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Speaker 2: Do you think it's acceptable to scream in your coach's face? No, okay,

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Speaker 2: I don't thank you for coming on, mindan, thanks for

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Speaker 2: being deposed call it. So we have Crystal Heffner coming on.

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Speaker 2: She has a book out that is basically her life

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Speaker 2: in the Playboy mansion she married. She was the last

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Speaker 2: wife of half She's a third wife from December twenty

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Speaker 2: twelve until his death in twenty seventeen. She said she

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Speaker 2: had to play mind games to survive. She was relieved

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Speaker 2: when the sex was over because she said he was

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Speaker 2: not good in bed. She said she felt trapped in

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Speaker 2: the marriage and Krystal Heffner says late husband Hugh Hefner

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Speaker 2: wanted her to remain skinny with big fake boobs. I

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Speaker 2: have a lot of questions for her, so many questions,

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Speaker 2: So let's take a break and then get her on.

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Speaker 2: First of all, you're doing your book tour, I assume,

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Speaker 2: and it's just madness right now because you've got obviously

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Speaker 2: a lot of articles out right now that we just

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Speaker 2: chatted about here, and it just it has to be

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Speaker 2: a lot, right.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, it's been a lot. I just got back

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Speaker 1: from the UK and it's definitely been a lot.

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Speaker 2: Do you do you have any now that it's out

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Speaker 2: and your or at least I have it. It's out

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Speaker 2: rayah yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. So it went out like January twenty third, and

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Speaker 1: then yeah, and then I want to New York. I

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Speaker 1: did a New York tour LA and then I just

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Speaker 1: got back from UK and UK was intense. I you know,

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Speaker 1: spoke in front of like a hundred people's first time

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Speaker 1: I've ever done that.

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Speaker 2: Good for you. Oh gosh, now that the book is out,

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Speaker 2: is there something in there that you're like, Oh, shouldn't

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Speaker 2: of I wish I didn't write that because now it's

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Speaker 2: become a headline.

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Speaker 1: I don't think so. I feel probably the opposite, which

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Speaker 1: is cool, Like I feel that everything's there. It's written

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Speaker 1: in a way that's to digest and for people to understand,

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Speaker 1: and I feel good about it.

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Speaker 2: Why did you want to write the book?

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Speaker 1: Well, I went to therapy after the Mansion. I was

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Speaker 1: having problems with dating and just ordinary life. It's such

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Speaker 1: a bubble at the Mansion. And it was also pre

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Speaker 1: me too, and pre like talking about mental health. So

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Speaker 1: some of the terms I didn't know, Like I didn't

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Speaker 1: you know, I didn't know half was a narcissist. While

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Speaker 1: I was there, I had no idea. I just thought

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Speaker 1: that was his personality and the misogyny and all of

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Speaker 1: that stuff. So, you know, having the terms and understanding

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Speaker 1: it more just really helped me. And then I thought, okay,

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Speaker 1: I need to write this down and get this in

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Speaker 1: a book and out to people.

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Speaker 2: How old were you when you started at the mansion?

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Speaker 1: Twenty one?

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Speaker 2: That's young. That's really young.

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Speaker 1: You feel like when you're that age, you feel like

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Speaker 1: you're grown up. But looking back, I'm thirty seven, and

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Speaker 1: looking back at me at twenty one, I'm like such

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Speaker 1: a baby. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I mean, there's so many things that happened at twenty

387
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Speaker 2: one that I'm like the forty year old version now

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Speaker 2: is like girl, like why were you hiding in a

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Speaker 2: bushes from an abuser? You know what I mean? Or like,

390
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Speaker 2: w how did you let that happen? Like it's just

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Speaker 2: but you're you're so moldable in that age too, that

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Speaker 2: when you get with someone that is a narcissist or

393
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Speaker 2: they just make you feel like you are this is

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Speaker 2: as good as life is going to get for you.

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Speaker 1: Yes, did you?

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Speaker 2: Okay? So tell me where? Okay? So pre mansion, what

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Speaker 2: is Crystal? Like? Like are you a college kid? Are

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Speaker 2: you wild? Are you? Are you coming from a home

399
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Speaker 2: that you're just like this is I just want out?

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Speaker 2: I mean, I know there's I've kind of followed. I

401
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:45,040
Speaker 2: used to watch Girls next Door a little bit so

402
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Speaker 2: because I followed, like I had this fascination with people

403
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Speaker 2: leaving essentially kind of leaving the lives that they had

404
00:20:51,359 --> 00:20:53,879
Speaker 2: and kind of going in that direction because they of

405
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Speaker 2: course made it look sexy on TV and all the things.

406
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Speaker 2: But who is Crystal and why does she choose then

407
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Speaker 2: to why do twenty one year old Crystal say this

408
00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:02,720
Speaker 2: is a great option for me.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Absolutely, that's a great question. And when I was young,

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Speaker 1: I didn't know who I was at all, as you

411
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Speaker 1: know most of us don't. But I came from a

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Speaker 1: hard childhood. And you know, I lost my dad when

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Speaker 1: I was twelve. My parents are from England. They came

414
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Speaker 1: to America. My dad was a singer and he passed away.

415
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Speaker 1: My mom and I had no money. We were living

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Speaker 1: in a bedroom and some other family's home. You know,

417
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Speaker 1: I talk about in the in the book like it's

418
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Speaker 1: you know, smelling someone else's unfamiliar cooking, and feeling like

419
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:39,320
Speaker 1: not really a family anymore, just the leftover scraps of one.

420
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Speaker 1: My mom married to get her green card, this guy

421
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Speaker 1: named Lyle, and he had a daughter, and he treated

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Speaker 1: her so much better than he treated me. And so

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Speaker 1: I learned at an early age just to stay small

424
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Speaker 1: and be small, to fit in and just go along

425
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Speaker 1: with what other people wanted. Everyone. You know, when you

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Speaker 1: see other people when you have nothing and other people

427
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:02,280
Speaker 1: have money, you're like, oh, they're better than me. And

428
00:22:02,359 --> 00:22:05,680
Speaker 1: so there's this just feeling of never being enough or

429
00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:09,000
Speaker 1: feeling like you're enough. And I did see Playboy magazines.

430
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:12,280
Speaker 1: My stepdad had them, and I saw these women and

431
00:22:12,359 --> 00:22:15,760
Speaker 1: they're just they seemed very powerful and they have the

432
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:19,159
Speaker 1: world at their feet and yeah, I guess that was

433
00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:22,640
Speaker 1: something The celebrities then were like carmenal Electra, Pam Anderson,

434
00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:25,520
Speaker 1: Jennie McCarthy and like, while these women are powerful and

435
00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:27,719
Speaker 1: they're respected, and I want to be just like them.

436
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:31,200
Speaker 1: So I started molding myself to be that way.

437
00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:34,760
Speaker 2: I remember, I mean, I'm not much older than you.

438
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:36,359
Speaker 2: We're not very much older than you at all.

439
00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:39,920
Speaker 1: Thirty seven, Yeah, you guys seem younger than me.

440
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:43,760
Speaker 2: Forty oh wow, forty too. Yeah, we're really but I

441
00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:46,720
Speaker 2: think it's the same. That's why I'm so fascinated and

442
00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:49,080
Speaker 2: honestly for what it's worth. And aylis is like a

443
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:51,280
Speaker 2: weird word to use for someone that is a stranger,

444
00:22:51,359 --> 00:22:55,840
Speaker 2: but like really proud of you, because I think that's

445
00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:58,760
Speaker 2: like a huge I mean that is Hugh Hefner. I mean,

446
00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:01,520
Speaker 2: we're watching Girls next door. Were all fascinated, right, like

447
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:04,720
Speaker 2: sisters my body to be there, I probably would have

448
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,560
Speaker 2: checked myself into Lantica midnight dreams when I used to

449
00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:10,240
Speaker 2: live in Los Angeles or whatever. Those midnight dream is that.

450
00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:12,240
Speaker 1: What I about Midsummer night stream.

451
00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:15,440
Speaker 2: It's like, so I and you dress up and it

452
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:17,960
Speaker 2: was me my best friend Lisa from high school. And

453
00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:20,359
Speaker 2: it was pretty much right when I moved, not right

454
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:21,879
Speaker 2: when I moved to Los Angeles, but it was a

455
00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:24,119
Speaker 2: couple of years in and I just remember going, like

456
00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:26,879
Speaker 2: I get to go to the Playboy Mansion and like

457
00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:30,280
Speaker 2: you arrived, it was just this really so I could

458
00:23:30,359 --> 00:23:33,080
Speaker 2: see how you could get sucked in. Not saying that's

459
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:35,800
Speaker 2: your words at all, but like that's I was just like, wow,

460
00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:39,159
Speaker 2: everything is just so shiny, and everything's like and money

461
00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:42,080
Speaker 2: and just influence and like it's just it was a

462
00:23:42,359 --> 00:23:44,879
Speaker 2: very like and I'm just this like wide eyed Michigan

463
00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:46,520
Speaker 2: girl just being like, oh my god, I made it.

464
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:48,840
Speaker 2: Well that's how I met you. It's like if I

465
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:51,119
Speaker 2: had the body, I mean, I might have been like trying.

466
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:53,040
Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying. The one thing that kept me

467
00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:57,280
Speaker 2: is probably the scoliosis and the hello, sweet boobs, blessed.

468
00:23:57,359 --> 00:24:01,240
Speaker 2: But I feel like I like loved watching the girls

469
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:03,400
Speaker 2: because I thought that too. I'm like, they're just stunning

470
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:06,119
Speaker 2: and they're so comfortable and their sexuality and they're not

471
00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:10,679
Speaker 2: afraid or embarrassed. Yeah, it just was so like contagious

472
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:12,760
Speaker 2: to me. And I know there are some people listening

473
00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:15,720
Speaker 2: that will be like, well, that's crazy because it is

474
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:21,000
Speaker 2: so obviously like this like male you know dominated thing.

475
00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:24,160
Speaker 2: I mean, he created his own little kingdom and recruited

476
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:26,680
Speaker 2: the hottest I mean, look at your you're literally like

477
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:30,720
Speaker 2: just beautiful and like light. But I it's crazy that

478
00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:32,840
Speaker 2: I was even attracted to that, and I was twenty

479
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:34,720
Speaker 2: one and never went. So that's why I asked that,

480
00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:38,160
Speaker 2: because so from an outsider, we're going, Okay, these girls

481
00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:41,639
Speaker 2: are so confident you inside the house, were you just

482
00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:42,960
Speaker 2: at your most insecure?

483
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,640
Speaker 1: Yeah? I think some of the most beautiful women I've

484
00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:48,760
Speaker 1: ever met in my entire life are the most insecure

485
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:52,040
Speaker 1: women I've ever met my entire life. It's I don't

486
00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:54,880
Speaker 1: understand it, but it's it's definitely interesting.

487
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:56,600
Speaker 2: And I don't want to like bust anything of the

488
00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:59,040
Speaker 2: book because I'm actually excited to get in and read,

489
00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:02,359
Speaker 2: especially when you use words like you smell unfamiliar, cooking,

490
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:04,879
Speaker 2: like you paint a picture. So that's what makes me

491
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:07,920
Speaker 2: feel excited to like get in and read. But do

492
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:10,639
Speaker 2: you were do you still have Is there anybody that

493
00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:13,119
Speaker 2: you were friends with then that you're still friends with

494
00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:16,440
Speaker 2: now or do you feel like it's all kind of

495
00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:21,120
Speaker 2: kind of separated and like, yeah, played it faded away.

496
00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:24,080
Speaker 1: I mean I do remember meeting just thousands and thousands

497
00:25:24,119 --> 00:25:27,280
Speaker 1: of women, and I maybe have three friends from there.

498
00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:30,639
Speaker 1: So yeah, there's a girl named Amber that was in

499
00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:34,040
Speaker 1: the book and I'm friends with her still. She was

500
00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:37,080
Speaker 1: a very close friend of AF and I, and you know,

501
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:39,680
Speaker 1: we just share this weird experience, so we're still friends.

502
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:42,360
Speaker 2: What was that so, like, you know, obviously you said

503
00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:44,440
Speaker 2: a lot like you had to play mind games to survive.

504
00:25:45,119 --> 00:25:48,440
Speaker 2: You talked about how he was bad at sex. What

505
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:50,400
Speaker 2: was the thing that you drew you to him?

506
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:54,320
Speaker 1: I think, you know, have you seen those magazines when

507
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:57,879
Speaker 1: I was younger and just thinking the Playboy was the

508
00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:02,359
Speaker 1: place of freedom and expression and all the things that

509
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:04,680
Speaker 1: were was fed you know, they fed to the media

510
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:07,760
Speaker 1: about it. But when I first met hef I thought

511
00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:09,960
Speaker 1: he was very magnetic. But it was also in a

512
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:15,280
Speaker 1: place where he's the center of the universe. And yeah,

513
00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:17,119
Speaker 1: I just I was drawn to it. It was it

514
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,840
Speaker 1: was magnetic. It was a place where I thought, Wow,

515
00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:24,560
Speaker 1: I'm being chosen. It's like those little green aliens for

516
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:28,440
Speaker 1: toy story, like you have been chosen your special It

517
00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:32,680
Speaker 1: definitely gave me validation, and I thought, oh, wow, maybe

518
00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:35,080
Speaker 1: this is a place I could I really feel.

519
00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:38,159
Speaker 2: Like I belonged. When you talk about being trapped in

520
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:41,200
Speaker 2: the book, was there? What can you go back to

521
00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:43,920
Speaker 2: that moment that first time, feeling like I made the

522
00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:47,720
Speaker 2: wrong decision, like I don't this does not this is

523
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:49,240
Speaker 2: not it, this does not feel right.

524
00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:52,960
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I moved in and you know, the everything

525
00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:55,520
Speaker 1: revolved around helf there, and so I just made myself like,

526
00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:57,879
Speaker 1: you know, the person hef wanted me to be, and

527
00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:01,520
Speaker 1: became his mirror, just reflecting a self importance back at him.

528
00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:05,120
Speaker 1: And yeah, I'm like, oh, I thought I was doing

529
00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:09,040
Speaker 1: a good job. And it's it's weird having that that mindset.

530
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:11,040
Speaker 1: But I remember gaining a bit of wake because you

531
00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:12,800
Speaker 1: can order whatever you want from the kitchen. I got

532
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:15,200
Speaker 1: up to like one hundred and thirty four pounds, and

533
00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:18,840
Speaker 1: I remember like hitting my thigh. He said, oh, someone

534
00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:22,920
Speaker 1: needs to tone up. It was like tap my roots

535
00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:25,760
Speaker 1: because they had to be like white, bleach white, and

536
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:30,159
Speaker 1: the die always like gave me blisters. And I don't know.

537
00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:31,840
Speaker 1: One time I said he had a nightmare that I

538
00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:35,920
Speaker 1: was a brunette. I suppose like it it's awful, like

539
00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:38,040
Speaker 1: it's like and that's what color my hair is. So

540
00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:42,639
Speaker 1: the control, like the physical control. He would tell me

541
00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:46,040
Speaker 1: where the flag, which is the bunny head logo, wear

542
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:49,960
Speaker 1: more colorful shirt, what kind of and nick I could have?

543
00:27:50,119 --> 00:27:52,560
Speaker 1: And at first I'm like, oh, I needed I can

544
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:54,440
Speaker 1: do better. I'm slipping. But after a while I'm like,

545
00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:58,159
Speaker 1: I'm being completely controlled by this man and he's just

546
00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:01,600
Speaker 1: given me some idea entity that I just took on.

547
00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:06,440
Speaker 2: Did you tell me if you if this feels like

548
00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:08,920
Speaker 2: safe enough when you go back to your wedding day,

549
00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:12,320
Speaker 2: what is the first feeling you feel.

550
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:16,680
Speaker 1: I just wanted it to be over. I thought hef

551
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:19,520
Speaker 1: wants this good pr story before he dies. If I

552
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:21,600
Speaker 1: would have said no, I would probably be kicked out

553
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:22,920
Speaker 1: of the house. I don't know where I would go.

554
00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:25,639
Speaker 1: So I just wanted the wedding. Wanted the wedding to

555
00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:30,160
Speaker 1: be over quickly. He was saying to the I don't

556
00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:32,440
Speaker 1: know minister person, like keep it short. My back hurts,

557
00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:35,680
Speaker 1: like oh perfect. So it was just very quick and

558
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:37,440
Speaker 1: I'm grateful for that.

559
00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:40,640
Speaker 2: Inside because how long were you actually married to him? Then?

560
00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:42,720
Speaker 2: For three years?

561
00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:45,440
Speaker 1: I was there almost ten years, and I married to

562
00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:46,600
Speaker 1: him for five five?

563
00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:49,720
Speaker 2: Did was there because it said that, you know you

564
00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:52,680
Speaker 2: wrote in the book. You know, I was relieved when

565
00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:54,600
Speaker 2: it stopped referring to sex.

566
00:28:54,840 --> 00:28:55,120
Speaker 1: Was there?

567
00:28:57,280 --> 00:28:59,520
Speaker 2: Did he have like a specific amount that he wanted

568
00:28:59,520 --> 00:29:01,120
Speaker 2: you to have set like is like okay, you have

569
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:02,840
Speaker 2: to have sex than this many times? Like was it

570
00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:06,160
Speaker 2: more of like a contract with him rather than you know,

571
00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:06,680
Speaker 2: a marriage?

572
00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:10,200
Speaker 1: I guess yeah, it felt like it felt like that. Uh,

573
00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:13,560
Speaker 1: we would have movie nights usually the sex would have

574
00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:17,040
Speaker 1: happened on the weekends. I wasn't ever, and I'm entirely

575
00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:19,440
Speaker 1: sure when he wanted to, but I do remember sitting

576
00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:21,040
Speaker 1: next to him on the couch like during the movie

577
00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:23,360
Speaker 1: and he'd reach in his pocket and pull out a

578
00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:26,520
Speaker 1: piece of tissue that had like the blue Viagra pill

579
00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:29,120
Speaker 1: in it and put it in his mouth. And it's like, oh,

580
00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:32,360
Speaker 1: oh that cringe moment where and I'm like, okay, that's

581
00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:33,240
Speaker 1: what he's expecting.

582
00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:38,000
Speaker 2: I mean, it's crazy to me because you are so

583
00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:40,640
Speaker 2: and I don't mean this like objectifying, like you're just

584
00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:44,959
Speaker 2: very intelligent, well spoken, you're also beautiful thing. And then

585
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:47,800
Speaker 2: this like and I'm gonna probably get hate for saying

586
00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:50,080
Speaker 2: it's like this like raisin of a man. He's a

587
00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:52,120
Speaker 2: raisin at this point, right, Like he's not it's not

588
00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:54,760
Speaker 2: it's not hot, he's not hot, right, Like how does

589
00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:55,280
Speaker 2: he get you?

590
00:29:55,680 --> 00:29:55,840
Speaker 1: You know?

591
00:29:56,680 --> 00:29:59,560
Speaker 2: Like that she feels like she's I know she's trapped.

592
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:02,520
Speaker 2: I know she's literally trapped. Sorry we're talking about you're

593
00:30:02,520 --> 00:30:05,360
Speaker 2: not here. But and I'm like, and then Crystal, and

594
00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:07,239
Speaker 2: when is she coming into town? We need her here

595
00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:09,120
Speaker 2: for her? No, but I mean, like that's just but

596
00:30:09,320 --> 00:30:13,280
Speaker 2: I mean, honestly, it's like I'm getting I'm my like

597
00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:16,160
Speaker 2: my heart hurts for you, Like I feel like sad

598
00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:18,160
Speaker 2: because like I know that girl, I've been that girl

599
00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:20,920
Speaker 2: and different when the walls are closing in, yeah, and

600
00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:24,760
Speaker 2: it's just you just want to like go rescue yourself

601
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:26,760
Speaker 2: from it. Like you obviously were in it and you

602
00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:29,520
Speaker 2: didn't want to be and you felt this, but you

603
00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:31,320
Speaker 2: didn't have Okay, where would I go? How would I

604
00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:33,520
Speaker 2: afford it? All the all the things. And then you're

605
00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:35,600
Speaker 2: just like, Okay, I'm just gonna now have sex with

606
00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:37,760
Speaker 2: this man just because I have no other choice. And

607
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:40,160
Speaker 2: to have no other choice like breaks my heart for

608
00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:43,760
Speaker 2: you in that situation. And you know other people that

609
00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:47,160
Speaker 2: have obviously been in that same situation. It's like, it's

610
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:50,480
Speaker 2: just it's not fair, it's not right, and is it

611
00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:52,160
Speaker 2: Is it still hard for you or are you kind

612
00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:55,520
Speaker 2: of now because of the therapy you feel like you're

613
00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:56,280
Speaker 2: in a better place.

614
00:30:57,360 --> 00:30:59,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel that I'm in a much better place.

615
00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:05,360
Speaker 1: And you know, being emotionally abused in all the ways

616
00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:11,200
Speaker 1: there and also financially abused was very hard. And one

617
00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:13,840
Speaker 1: thing that I'm proud of myself for is like starting

618
00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:16,920
Speaker 1: to save money the best way I could, you know.

619
00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:19,560
Speaker 1: I started getting into doing social media ads, I learned

620
00:31:19,560 --> 00:31:21,280
Speaker 1: how to DJ and anything I could do during the

621
00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:25,400
Speaker 1: day to just try and build myself financially because then

622
00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:27,680
Speaker 1: it's like okay if I'm good on my own, because

623
00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:30,320
Speaker 1: he would give us like an allowance, but it was

624
00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:32,959
Speaker 1: never enough to it was like a thousand dollars every Friday.

625
00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:36,280
Speaker 1: It was never enough to be able to leave. You'd

626
00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:37,800
Speaker 1: have to ask him for it, so you feel like

627
00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:39,520
Speaker 1: you're begging for money, and he'd count out the bills

628
00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:42,400
Speaker 1: like one hundred, two hundred, like put them all together,

629
00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:45,160
Speaker 1: or here you go. So I need to do something,

630
00:31:45,240 --> 00:31:47,640
Speaker 1: and so I started making money on social media. I

631
00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:50,640
Speaker 1: started getting into like crypto stuff. I just started trying

632
00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:52,920
Speaker 1: to build on my own while I was in there,

633
00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:54,920
Speaker 1: and I was able to do that, and I think

634
00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:57,600
Speaker 1: that helped me. Like looking back now, it's like I

635
00:31:57,720 --> 00:32:00,400
Speaker 1: don't ever kind of have to be in that situation again.

636
00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:03,200
Speaker 1: And I do have friends that are and I tell them,

637
00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:06,920
Speaker 1: I'm like, save your money, save your money. And you know,

638
00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:10,080
Speaker 1: I didn't recognize my situation was so bad in the beginning,

639
00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:12,000
Speaker 1: but once I did, you know, at least I now

640
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:14,280
Speaker 1: have the tools that I can try and help other

641
00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:16,400
Speaker 1: people that are in bad situations.

642
00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:19,120
Speaker 2: But well, I think a lot of us go through that.

643
00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:21,920
Speaker 2: Like it's a slow conditioning almost. It's not like you

644
00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:24,640
Speaker 2: go from like freedom to captivity. It's like the sexy

645
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:28,160
Speaker 2: lure of a lifestyle, right, and then then you're in

646
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:30,360
Speaker 2: and then there's one more layer and then pretty soon

647
00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:33,400
Speaker 2: you just find yourself kind of like stripped of what

648
00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:35,040
Speaker 2: you know to be true and then you have this

649
00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:37,680
Speaker 2: disassociation like, wait, that's not how who I know to be.

650
00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:42,600
Speaker 2: So tell me, does he like when he's getting towards

651
00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:45,480
Speaker 2: the end of life and this is going to be

652
00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:47,240
Speaker 2: You can just say yes or no if you feel

653
00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:49,720
Speaker 2: like not saying too many words. I get it where

654
00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:51,560
Speaker 2: you obviously just pass. It's wind down. We do what

655
00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:54,520
Speaker 2: we want. But does it feel like freedom is coming

656
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:59,360
Speaker 2: for you when? Or does does him dying become this

657
00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:02,000
Speaker 2: whole other thing that you feel obligated to be and like,

658
00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:03,000
Speaker 2: what does that feel like?

659
00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:08,200
Speaker 1: It's interesting because hef was like old for so long,

660
00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:10,400
Speaker 1: like everyone knew him as like being old. So I

661
00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:13,640
Speaker 1: definitely thought that he was like immortal in some way,

662
00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:19,000
Speaker 1: like that he would be around forever. So I wasn't

663
00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:21,720
Speaker 1: really planning for that or or what would happen after,

664
00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:26,440
Speaker 1: you know, when I was in there. This is also

665
00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:28,960
Speaker 1: a man that was praised so highly by the media,

666
00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:32,160
Speaker 1: Like the media put him on such a pedestal, and

667
00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:36,040
Speaker 1: he would say horrible things in the media, like I've

668
00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:38,640
Speaker 1: I look back on this interview where he said he

669
00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:41,320
Speaker 1: went from seven girlfriends to three and then he said,

670
00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:44,360
Speaker 1: oh I thinned the herd. And this stuff was just

671
00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:49,040
Speaker 1: everywhere perpetuated in the media and people idolized him. So

672
00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:51,840
Speaker 1: when I started having those kind of doubts creep in

673
00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:55,200
Speaker 1: and all those things, I would think, Okay, like maybe

674
00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:58,480
Speaker 1: something's wrong with me, because he's put this is all

675
00:33:58,560 --> 00:33:59,120
Speaker 1: pre me too.

676
00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:01,560
Speaker 2: And this is go.

677
00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:03,560
Speaker 1: This is just how men are, and maybe it's just

678
00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:06,080
Speaker 1: me and I need to do better. So I grappled

679
00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:10,200
Speaker 1: with that. But after he passed away, I had this

680
00:34:10,360 --> 00:34:14,040
Speaker 1: feeling of guilt and I didn't leave the house for weeks,

681
00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:17,120
Speaker 1: and I don't know why. I kept thinking, Oh, is

682
00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:18,560
Speaker 1: there something we could have done better? Is there a

683
00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:20,960
Speaker 1: different antibotic we could have given him? He died from

684
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:27,239
Speaker 1: my ecola infection, and it was weird, And slowly I

685
00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:32,719
Speaker 1: started understanding what my freedom meant. And I started traveling

686
00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:36,280
Speaker 1: and seeing the world, and I bought a farm in Hawaii,

687
00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:40,360
Speaker 1: and now I can say I truly feel free.

688
00:34:53,719 --> 00:34:56,799
Speaker 2: How does dating look now? Do you feel at first?

689
00:34:56,920 --> 00:34:58,160
Speaker 2: When you started? Judged?

690
00:35:00,840 --> 00:35:04,440
Speaker 1: Dating was very hard in the beginning. So I had

691
00:35:04,440 --> 00:35:09,040
Speaker 1: a couple of relationships where the people were controlling, manipulative,

692
00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:10,400
Speaker 1: and I thought, you go.

693
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:14,680
Speaker 2: From what you know, you go to the same person,

694
00:35:14,840 --> 00:35:17,840
Speaker 2: different name, same cast, different Yeah, like.

695
00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:19,839
Speaker 1: This time I'm paying the bills, like what the heck

696
00:35:20,400 --> 00:35:24,160
Speaker 1: struggling musician, an actor, and I'm paying for my own misery,

697
00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:29,319
Speaker 1: Like this is torture. And I remember a few matchmakers

698
00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:30,920
Speaker 1: and they asked me, They're like, oh, what do you

699
00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:34,759
Speaker 1: like simple for my profile, I'm like, what do I like?

700
00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:37,920
Speaker 1: I didn't even know, and I think that's when I

701
00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:41,200
Speaker 1: had to take a step back. And it's very simple.

702
00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:44,000
Speaker 1: But I'm just like, okay, what do I like? Like? Okay,

703
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:46,160
Speaker 1: I like travel, I like nature, I like spend time

704
00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:49,160
Speaker 1: with my dog. And I had to slowly find myself

705
00:35:49,239 --> 00:35:52,840
Speaker 1: again and once I did that, I felt more powerful

706
00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:55,440
Speaker 1: and then I wouldn't put up with any thing like

707
00:35:55,560 --> 00:35:59,160
Speaker 1: that dating. And so now I am dating somebody who's

708
00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:03,360
Speaker 1: very normal, kind and caring and has a great career

709
00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:07,160
Speaker 1: and feels like my equal. So I'm like, yeah, I

710
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:08,279
Speaker 1: made it.

711
00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:12,320
Speaker 2: How long have you guys been dating for about six months?

712
00:36:12,400 --> 00:36:12,520
Speaker 1: Now?

713
00:36:13,280 --> 00:36:15,200
Speaker 2: Oh? Good? I love that. Do you want kids?

714
00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:17,960
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, I would like kids.

715
00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:20,680
Speaker 2: You're such a tender heart. I just want the world

716
00:36:20,719 --> 00:36:23,880
Speaker 2: to have more of you. Do you ever? This is

717
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:28,200
Speaker 2: like weird, and but people say when their loved ones

718
00:36:28,239 --> 00:36:30,640
Speaker 2: pass away, like if did you ever have anything that

719
00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:33,000
Speaker 2: You're like, oh, that was half where he entered your dream?

720
00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:35,160
Speaker 2: Or he wants like has he come back to say,

721
00:36:35,520 --> 00:36:39,600
Speaker 2: like I'll never forget My great grandma her husband was

722
00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:42,200
Speaker 2: abusive and she had told my grandma one time that

723
00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:45,920
Speaker 2: he came back in a dream and apologized, Oh, and

724
00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:49,040
Speaker 2: I just always remembered that as a kid. I don't

725
00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:51,239
Speaker 2: know why she told me that as a kid, but well,

726
00:36:51,320 --> 00:36:54,480
Speaker 2: that's like very hopeful though. Yeah, but I'm just curious.

727
00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:56,920
Speaker 2: Has he ever kind of entered in some way to

728
00:36:57,160 --> 00:37:01,800
Speaker 2: just be like I'm sorry or you know, wish you

729
00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:02,640
Speaker 2: well kind of vibe.

730
00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:05,840
Speaker 1: I think part of writing the book, like I was

731
00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:09,400
Speaker 1: having dreams, like I kept dreaming about the mansion, and

732
00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:12,120
Speaker 1: the book opens up with a dream that I had,

733
00:37:12,320 --> 00:37:16,080
Speaker 1: like dreaming that I'm still there. And the most recent

734
00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:18,840
Speaker 1: dream I've had is I go into the mansion and

735
00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:20,880
Speaker 1: I walk in a half's bedroom and I look to

736
00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:22,320
Speaker 1: the right and there's kind of pillows all over the

737
00:37:22,360 --> 00:37:25,080
Speaker 1: floor and HEF's in there with like a harem of women.

738
00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:28,200
Speaker 1: They're just all kind of on the floor. And for

739
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:31,360
Speaker 1: some reason, I'm like I've risen above it all, and

740
00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:33,440
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I don't need to be here, like

741
00:37:33,560 --> 00:37:35,759
Speaker 1: you're happy you have that, Like I don't need to

742
00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:38,320
Speaker 1: be here anymore, like thank you for the lessons. So

743
00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:42,120
Speaker 1: I feel in my dream maybe I've had some closure.

744
00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:44,680
Speaker 2: Well, I think you've taken power over it too. I

745
00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:47,480
Speaker 2: think that's that to me is what I just took

746
00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:49,799
Speaker 2: from that is like you you have the power now

747
00:37:49,880 --> 00:37:51,919
Speaker 2: to go. I'm walking away from this because I don't

748
00:37:51,920 --> 00:37:52,720
Speaker 2: need to be here anymore.

749
00:37:53,200 --> 00:37:55,560
Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah, I like to think that, so thank you. Yeah.

750
00:37:56,239 --> 00:38:00,319
Speaker 2: I sometimes wonder and I think there's always divine timing

751
00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:04,480
Speaker 2: for everything. It is not lost on me that hef

752
00:38:05,520 --> 00:38:10,920
Speaker 2: died before the real awakening for women, Like we've had

753
00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:14,080
Speaker 2: a slow awakening, but we have really started to take

754
00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:18,440
Speaker 2: over and take responsibility and take ownership and we're not

755
00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:23,040
Speaker 2: afraid to speak as much. And I always wonder what

756
00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:25,600
Speaker 2: would have happened to him if he were still alive,

757
00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:30,320
Speaker 2: because his whole dynasty is exactly what we're all trying

758
00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:34,960
Speaker 2: to fight against. So if there was a HEF now,

759
00:38:35,239 --> 00:38:37,160
Speaker 2: I don't even know. Have you ever thought about, like

760
00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:41,960
Speaker 2: would that even like a twenty twenty four version of

761
00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:44,360
Speaker 2: your life? I don't even think it would exist.

762
00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:49,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're so right. The me too happened a month

763
00:38:49,840 --> 00:38:53,279
Speaker 1: after he passed away. It's as almost almost as if

764
00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:57,600
Speaker 1: like perfect timing of his life. I don't know how

765
00:38:57,680 --> 00:39:00,800
Speaker 1: he would be behaving now. I think he would be

766
00:39:00,920 --> 00:39:06,319
Speaker 1: doing the same thing, but maybe just quiet it yeah, yeah,

767
00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:08,879
Speaker 1: more more private, because I don't think he knew anything else.

768
00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:12,040
Speaker 1: I didn't. I don't think he knew how to not

769
00:39:12,200 --> 00:39:13,080
Speaker 1: objectify women.

770
00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:18,160
Speaker 2: No, I mean it sounds it's so consistent and for

771
00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:20,160
Speaker 2: so long. I don't know that he could.

772
00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:21,040
Speaker 1: No.

773
00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:24,800
Speaker 2: So Crystal, what are you doing now? I mean, obviously

774
00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:26,520
Speaker 2: you have your book out, but what do you want

775
00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:30,799
Speaker 2: people to know because you've kept Hefner as your last name? Right?

776
00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:35,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, having a meeting today to talk about trying to

777
00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:40,719
Speaker 1: change it on my social socials like back to backs

778
00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:42,080
Speaker 1: my original name and what I mean.

779
00:39:42,120 --> 00:39:45,759
Speaker 2: Obviously you know we know the reasoning, but I mean,

780
00:39:45,880 --> 00:39:47,320
Speaker 2: is it just something where you just want to just

781
00:39:47,680 --> 00:39:50,680
Speaker 2: drop him completely so that you're not known for being

782
00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:54,080
Speaker 2: Hefner's ex wife? Like do you want to be? Obviously, Crystal,

783
00:39:54,120 --> 00:39:55,320
Speaker 2: what would you say it was? Harris?

784
00:39:55,520 --> 00:39:58,719
Speaker 1: Harris? Yeah, Harris, Yeah, Yeah, I think I'll always be

785
00:39:58,880 --> 00:40:03,319
Speaker 1: known Half's wife. I just hope to do some good

786
00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:05,560
Speaker 1: with it. Yeah. I'm still on the board of his foundation,

787
00:40:06,239 --> 00:40:09,960
Speaker 1: which is crazy, and we're probub to do an auction

788
00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:13,520
Speaker 1: with Julian's with lots of HEF's things and Playboy things,

789
00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:16,440
Speaker 1: And I just thought like, Okay, if I've been part

790
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:19,439
Speaker 1: of this. Maybe we can rectify some damage that he's done.

791
00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:22,560
Speaker 1: And if we can take some of that money from

792
00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:26,480
Speaker 1: the auction proceeds and donate it to like women's charities

793
00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:28,520
Speaker 1: or anything that helps like women and children to try

794
00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:32,680
Speaker 1: and like reverse the damage he's done, then you know,

795
00:40:32,800 --> 00:40:36,560
Speaker 1: I'm on board with that. But yeah, it's interesting because

796
00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:38,280
Speaker 1: I look at Crystal Harris and I kind of googled

797
00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:43,160
Speaker 1: myself as Harris, and I remember like the meek, sad

798
00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:46,440
Speaker 1: girl that I was, and like, I actually with this

799
00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:50,080
Speaker 1: Crystal heff Nor, I empowered myself in ways that really

800
00:40:50,120 --> 00:40:53,719
Speaker 1: don't have anything to do with helf but but in

801
00:40:53,800 --> 00:40:55,200
Speaker 1: a way he helped me, you know, get there with

802
00:40:55,280 --> 00:40:57,520
Speaker 1: the way I was treated. So I don't know, I'm

803
00:40:57,560 --> 00:40:59,320
Speaker 1: conflicted still, as you can tell.

804
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:03,120
Speaker 2: Noan, I think there's something I like the positive spin

805
00:41:03,200 --> 00:41:04,600
Speaker 2: on it, because I was thinking I was going to

806
00:41:04,640 --> 00:41:06,680
Speaker 2: ask you, like, what do you think you took from

807
00:41:06,719 --> 00:41:09,200
Speaker 2: it that was positive? And I feel like now it's

808
00:41:09,280 --> 00:41:11,320
Speaker 2: like again, you can use the name and spin it

809
00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:13,320
Speaker 2: for good. You know, what would they say with the

810
00:41:13,520 --> 00:41:16,759
Speaker 2: enemy meant for evil? He made it good. So however,

811
00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:18,880
Speaker 2: I just always butcher that, But you know what I'm saying, Like,

812
00:41:18,960 --> 00:41:21,839
Speaker 2: it's just like you get to you get to make

813
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:24,040
Speaker 2: it good. You know, you get to be the person

814
00:41:24,120 --> 00:41:28,680
Speaker 2: that takes something that you know hurt somebody too, especially

815
00:41:28,719 --> 00:41:31,200
Speaker 2: that hurt you and devalued you and made you feel

816
00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:33,040
Speaker 2: less than you get to now take that and empower

817
00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:35,200
Speaker 2: other people and help other people. I think that's a

818
00:41:35,200 --> 00:41:37,719
Speaker 2: beautiful thing. And that's that's where i'd keep the half part,

819
00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:44,080
Speaker 2: just because you will probably get more people involved with

820
00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:47,360
Speaker 2: the Halfner name. Unfortunately. Yeah, I think it feels to

821
00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:53,000
Speaker 2: me like you're taking the Hefner and really giving it

822
00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:56,279
Speaker 2: like a poetic spin, but also some clarification and a

823
00:41:56,360 --> 00:41:59,279
Speaker 2: little like legacy in the twenty twenty four version of

824
00:41:59,400 --> 00:42:03,040
Speaker 2: what it could be. He's actually listen. I wasn't a

825
00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:05,600
Speaker 2: huge hef fan, if I'm honest, But I have to

826
00:42:05,640 --> 00:42:09,000
Speaker 2: say he's pretty smart that he picked you to be with,

827
00:42:09,280 --> 00:42:13,000
Speaker 2: because I think you were probably wildly intimidating to him

828
00:42:13,600 --> 00:42:16,320
Speaker 2: at how beautiful and smart you were, and so he

829
00:42:16,440 --> 00:42:18,960
Speaker 2: knew he needed to keep you close. Is my guest.

830
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:22,040
Speaker 2: I have a long history with narcissists, so I don't

831
00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:25,600
Speaker 2: call myself an expert, but I would say probably something

832
00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:29,360
Speaker 2: that was most attractive to you. Is this like internal

833
00:42:29,440 --> 00:42:32,399
Speaker 2: flame and confidence that you have, So I would say

834
00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:36,120
Speaker 2: that is probably like terrifying to someone like him, and

835
00:42:36,280 --> 00:42:39,920
Speaker 2: why he made sure to make you a wife. So

836
00:42:40,840 --> 00:42:42,920
Speaker 2: I'm glad we are left with you and not him.

837
00:42:43,080 --> 00:42:45,279
Speaker 2: I hate to say it that bluntly, but I really

838
00:42:45,520 --> 00:42:46,640
Speaker 2: appreciate what you're doing.

839
00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:48,480
Speaker 1: That means a lot. Thank you.

840
00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:52,600
Speaker 2: What is one thing that you want our listeners to

841
00:42:53,680 --> 00:42:56,000
Speaker 2: leave with when it comes to your book? And just

842
00:42:56,200 --> 00:42:59,879
Speaker 2: you as like what you're taking from all of this too,

843
00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:02,480
Speaker 2: like how you've like who you are today.

844
00:43:04,560 --> 00:43:07,680
Speaker 1: When I first started writing this book, I wanted it

845
00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:09,719
Speaker 1: to be the book I wish I had when I

846
00:43:09,760 --> 00:43:13,560
Speaker 1: was twenty one, and I think I accomplished that. You know,

847
00:43:13,600 --> 00:43:16,120
Speaker 1: I've had a few like twenty one year olds actually

848
00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:21,080
Speaker 1: write to me and thank me. It's the book is

849
00:43:21,120 --> 00:43:25,080
Speaker 1: dedicated to anyone who's you know, struggled with self self

850
00:43:25,160 --> 00:43:28,840
Speaker 1: worth and self acceptance and that they're not alone. I

851
00:43:28,920 --> 00:43:31,040
Speaker 1: think it's just really important to know who you are

852
00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:34,000
Speaker 1: and love who you are, because I think the more

853
00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:36,640
Speaker 1: you do that, the less you find yourself in these

854
00:43:36,719 --> 00:43:37,680
Speaker 1: kind of situations.

855
00:43:38,280 --> 00:43:42,520
Speaker 2: So absolutely, well, I love you anytime you're in Nashville.

856
00:43:42,600 --> 00:43:45,560
Speaker 2: Let us know. You're so sweet. Thank you so much

857
00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:49,799
Speaker 2: for coming on. You're just a doll. So yeah, I'm

858
00:43:49,840 --> 00:43:50,839
Speaker 2: excited to read your book.

859
00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:52,840
Speaker 1: Thank you. I hope you like it. Let me know.

860
00:43:53,000 --> 00:43:56,239
Speaker 2: I'm gonna r everyone follow Crystal Hafner and go get

861
00:43:56,280 --> 00:43:59,279
Speaker 2: her book because she's just the best. And listen, we

862
00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:06,399
Speaker 2: all we all feel we're all insecure, right and straight. Yeah,

863
00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:10,919
Speaker 2: so let's just support of the women. Do this thing, girl,

864
00:44:11,120 --> 00:44:12,360
Speaker 2: and then we'll see you in Nashville.

865
00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:15,520
Speaker 1: Sounds good, audience, all right, by hen Bye?

866
00:44:16,640 --> 00:44:21,279
Speaker 2: Okay, So I just I love her because again, think

867
00:44:21,280 --> 00:44:23,680
Speaker 2: about like your twenty one year old self and all

868
00:44:23,760 --> 00:44:25,839
Speaker 2: the things. That's why I always hate when people are

869
00:44:25,920 --> 00:44:29,640
Speaker 2: judged by their past, because you are just such a

870
00:44:30,360 --> 00:44:33,440
Speaker 2: different person and you have different experiences in your past.

871
00:44:33,560 --> 00:44:36,560
Speaker 2: Is you go into that because again, when you're you're

872
00:44:36,640 --> 00:44:40,200
Speaker 2: told something from your childhood or or whatever from the

873
00:44:40,280 --> 00:44:43,640
Speaker 2: ex boyfriend, Like I stayed in abusive relationships because that

874
00:44:43,840 --> 00:44:46,640
Speaker 2: is what I was told I deserved. So why would

875
00:44:46,680 --> 00:44:49,560
Speaker 2: I not continue abusive relationships for ten years after that?

876
00:44:50,160 --> 00:44:52,759
Speaker 2: Do you know what I'm saying? Like, and there's this

877
00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:57,120
Speaker 2: lifestyle that looks really shiny. Yeah, I mean you're twenty. Yeah,

878
00:44:57,120 --> 00:45:00,960
Speaker 2: I wish I had Lisa. I mean, I you've been there.

879
00:45:01,120 --> 00:45:02,640
Speaker 2: I have to text her. I know she has it,

880
00:45:03,760 --> 00:45:06,560
Speaker 2: but yeah, oh yeah crazy. And there was a time

881
00:45:06,640 --> 00:45:08,399
Speaker 2: in my life where I was like, oh, I want

882
00:45:08,440 --> 00:45:10,880
Speaker 2: to live at the mansion, like I mean, I literally

883
00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:12,680
Speaker 2: thought if I had the body, I would have been

884
00:45:12,719 --> 00:45:17,680
Speaker 2: outside trying to get in. Crazy again, you have an

885
00:45:17,719 --> 00:45:20,360
Speaker 2: amazing body. Oh I love my body.

886
00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:21,000
Speaker 1: Good.

887
00:45:21,160 --> 00:45:23,120
Speaker 2: But I did not have what we didn't have what

888
00:45:23,239 --> 00:45:25,880
Speaker 2: what half was looking for it in twenty one? Apparently

889
00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:27,640
Speaker 2: it didn't like Brunette, sad of it and no one

890
00:45:27,680 --> 00:45:30,879
Speaker 2: to write and make eye contact with me? Okay, yeah,

891
00:45:30,920 --> 00:45:32,800
Speaker 2: I was really bleaching. I had that going for me.

892
00:45:33,680 --> 00:45:36,640
Speaker 2: Oh dear, Okay, well everyone have a great week, and

893
00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:41,200
Speaker 2: Kristen tell me have an amazing trip to a Rubot.

894
00:45:41,280 --> 00:45:43,640
Speaker 2: You will be fine. Love and protected is what I

895
00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:46,000
Speaker 2: tell myself. But I believe it. Yep, amen to that.

896
00:45:46,320 --> 00:45:47,880
Speaker 2: I love you, Okay. Bye By