Speaker 1: I repeat this a million times in my life. People
Speaker 1: don't change. We are who we are.
Speaker 2: You can't change them.
Speaker 1: No, and we can't change ourselves either. We are already
Speaker 1: said in those ways. But we can truly compromise. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if you get to a point in your relationship where
Speaker 1: you have to start thinking about how to spice it up,
Speaker 1: you've already screwed up.
Speaker 2: Oh Jane, Okay, sure, I just kidding.
Speaker 1: Hello.
Speaker 2: Welcome to a special love edition of Cheeky's and Chill
Speaker 2: You guys. I am excited because today's guest she has
Speaker 2: a lot of experience, a beautiful personality, and I can't
Speaker 2: wait for you guys to meet her. Her name is
Speaker 2: Leliana Mategro. She is an actress. She's a comedian and
Speaker 2: the co host of a podcast name Date My. I
Speaker 2: will lead that first on Michael Tura. So welcome here.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much, so much for being here.
Speaker 1: It is an honor. It is such a privilege to
Speaker 1: be here with you and talking about love, specially my
Speaker 1: favorite subject in the world.
Speaker 2: I know I have a lot of questions, by the way,
Speaker 2: so I hope you don't mind.
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, I am.
Speaker 2: A hopeless I guess a hopeless romantic and away. I
Speaker 2: love to love and to be loved. So I thought,
Speaker 2: you know what, what better than to have a conversation
Speaker 2: with a woman who has been married five times. We'll
Speaker 2: get into that right now, you guys, which I to
Speaker 2: me is very intriguing.
Speaker 1: Not at the same time, let's clarify that.
Speaker 2: Let's clarify that. But and it's it's the week of
Speaker 2: Valentine's Day, so I said this, let's talk about everything
Speaker 2: that has to do with love. So, so thank you,
Speaker 2: thank you for taking the time to be here with me.
Speaker 2: It's my brand new said. I'm still getting used to it.
Speaker 2: I've done audio for so long. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2: I wanted you to be warm. Yes, okay, so do
Speaker 2: you feel like it's hugging you?
Speaker 1: It is very much hugging me.
Speaker 2: Okay, first of.
Speaker 1: All, in which I know are very almost sixty eight
Speaker 1: years of desserth what in March sixty.
Speaker 2: I'm not even joking. I did not think you.
Speaker 1: I'm approaching this seventy with a lot of hope.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you look you look great, and you have a
Speaker 2: beautiful energy. It's my first time meeting her, you guys,
Speaker 2: But to me, it's like I feel your energy and
Speaker 2: you're very like you're just a big, beautiful personality. I
Speaker 2: love it. I love it, and so Okay, first of all,
Speaker 2: I'd like to ask you the podcast date Malita. First,
Speaker 2: why why the name the title? I just I want
Speaker 2: to know.
Speaker 1: Well, the title came I Love It from the creators, Okay,
Speaker 1: Leo clam They put the name together, and it was
Speaker 1: their job to find the Awlita they wanted for this
Speaker 1: particular show. You know, I never thought in my entire life,
Speaker 1: as crazy as I have been, as much as people
Speaker 1: call me the firecracker, as much as people like you
Speaker 1: tell me you have a great energy, I've always believed
Speaker 1: that you have to stay young, no matter how old. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: we never change who we are. When we become this
Speaker 1: beautiful person as a child, and then a teenager and
Speaker 1: then an adult, we're already set on who we are. Me.
Speaker 1: I love love, just like you just mentioned to me before.
Speaker 1: I love to love. I love being loved. And that
Speaker 1: comes not only with your children, with your friends, with
Speaker 1: your co workers, and with those that you choose as
Speaker 1: your life partners. It's not an easy thing.
Speaker 2: It's not it's a big risk, but it's something that
Speaker 2: you get addicted to in a way, It's like, that's
Speaker 2: what I always say. Love is the moving forward of
Speaker 2: the universe, and sinamore Without love, how do we even exist.
Speaker 2: It's like, even for me, it's like you're busy, you
Speaker 2: have so many things to do, but then at the
Speaker 2: end of the day, you want to be hugged, even
Speaker 2: if it isn't by a partners, by maybe a friend
Speaker 2: with benefits, a sibling, I don't know, just hug me.
Speaker 2: I just need to be held love. It doesn't have
Speaker 2: to just be a significant other. It's just love is
Speaker 2: such a beautiful thing. It's a scary thing. It's a risk,
Speaker 2: but I love to feel it and I love challenging. Yes,
Speaker 2: it is challenging, very challenging.
Speaker 1: But you know, when we are little, we're already set
Speaker 1: and who loves us, and that love stays within us.
Speaker 1: Like for me, my biggest love ever was Mayawulita was
Speaker 1: both may Aulita, as though I was closer to my
Speaker 1: mother's mother, I have never in my life met a
Speaker 1: more gentle, kinder soul than that woman was to me,
Speaker 1: where she would rush in the mornings to the fresh
Speaker 1: bakery to get me that sweet bread that I could
Speaker 1: take to school, and I could see her running from
Speaker 1: the bakery to where I was taking the bus, with
Speaker 1: her little belly, just bouncing down the street and going literally,
Speaker 1: Lily your bread. That to me was love, Yes, caring
Speaker 1: for others, giving of yourself. Absolutely, But we don't work
Speaker 1: hard enough at it anymore. Times have changed so much
Speaker 1: that we have kind of forgotten what love is all about.
Speaker 1: And it's the only in my mind and in my heart.
Speaker 1: It's like you just said, it's the only thing that
Speaker 1: moves the world, and it's the one thing that we
Speaker 1: are letting go off.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, yes, and we have to.
Speaker 1: Bring it back. And that's why date may Awlita first wife,
Speaker 1: because a wilitas know what it's about. Some of us
Speaker 1: like I am Annawalita, I am an Awelita. I have
Speaker 1: two grandsons, and I am so happy that they're boys
Speaker 1: because I can teach them.
Speaker 2: This is the way you do it, my boys, this
Speaker 2: is the way you treat a woman. As Conquistas tell
Speaker 2: us a little bit about like the you know, just
Speaker 2: the concept of date Malita.
Speaker 1: Absolutely. For those of you who will be joining us
Speaker 1: brand new on season two, I'm goa dated oh, thank you.
Speaker 1: Date may Awilita first. Now you're not dating me, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: though I would love the possibilities. But what it is
Speaker 1: is we have one main data and three possible contestants
Speaker 1: and the three of them have to go through games
Speaker 1: and questions with a Wilita and my beautiful co host,
Speaker 1: Vihico Ortiz, and we ask all these questions and they
Speaker 1: have to go through me, meaning I have to like them,
Speaker 1: I have to accept what they're saying. I have to
Speaker 1: really really get to the bottom of it all because
Speaker 1: you know, as a Wlita as we know it all.
Speaker 2: Yes, oh my god, I love that.
Speaker 1: And at the very end, the main data ends with
Speaker 1: one of the contestants.
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness. Okay, So that's why I wanted to know.
Speaker 2: I was like, okay, date my Wilita first, because you
Speaker 2: think like you said, and I would, and it brings warmth,
Speaker 2: it brings just something to your heart. And when you
Speaker 2: say that right now, it made me. It made me like,
Speaker 2: I'm like, wow, Unfortunately I don't have that right now,
Speaker 2: you know, but it's.
Speaker 1: Thank you day. You can call me anytime or not.
Speaker 1: You know what, I've been reading a lot lately, you
Speaker 1: know how on social media. They put these little sayings
Speaker 1: and they put older people nowadays, which they tell everyone.
Speaker 1: You know, Oh, I don't care what people say anymore.
Speaker 1: I just want to love everybody. I'm going to be
Speaker 1: as open as I can. But there's one thing that
Speaker 1: keeps being repeated, and that is the fact that don't
Speaker 1: come to me the day that I die and tell
Speaker 1: me how much you loved me. Tell me now while
Speaker 1: I'm still alive. You know, when I and all these
Speaker 1: five marriages that we have mentioned, was I in love
Speaker 1: every time? I know it's a question because when people
Speaker 1: find out that I've been married five times, the first
Speaker 1: thing that comes to their faces is laughter, and I go,
Speaker 1: that's pretty cool, that it's pretty cool that my life
Speaker 1: can make you smile. But it wasn't that easy for me,
Speaker 1: because every time I was in love, every time I
Speaker 1: wanted it to be the last.
Speaker 3: One gave it.
Speaker 1: Every time I wanted to be loved like never before. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and every time I failed. Every time we failed, we
Speaker 1: failed to communicate, we failed to share, we failed to
Speaker 1: remember that we can get to this sixty seven, approaching
Speaker 1: your seventies really quick. And if you don't hold on
Speaker 1: to that love you're going to be alone, and I
Speaker 1: am alone. I am alone every single day of my life.
Speaker 1: Because the family has moved on. Many of my love
Speaker 1: to ones have passed away. My child and my grandkids
Speaker 1: are in another state. So who do I love? I
Speaker 1: love Cheeky when she welcomes me into her studio. I
Speaker 1: love Leo when he takes me to lunch. I love
Speaker 1: everyone that I meet along the way because that's what
Speaker 1: my heart tells me to do.
Speaker 2: You're so beautiful. I can't hold on, Guys, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: I know it's love is very spiritual, that is very
Speaker 1: much a conscious choice. Yes, and we have to be kind.
Speaker 2: It's a choice. Yeah. And when you say that, the
Speaker 2: world people have even sometimes stop loving. I feel like
Speaker 2: where is I go to different states and obviously we
Speaker 2: live here in California, but sometimes I feel like it's
Speaker 2: just the hustle and bustle, and it's you go to
Speaker 2: another state and they open the door and they say
Speaker 2: good morning. I'm like, this is so like, that's that's loving,
Speaker 2: that's thank you, thank you for opening There other times
Speaker 2: when I open the door for someone and they won't
Speaker 2: even say thank you, and I'm just like, okay, cool,
Speaker 2: you're welcome.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 2: It's like it's like little things like that that show love,
Speaker 2: that show compassion, that show and I know I feel like, no,
Speaker 2: we have to and I'm glad we're having this conversation.
Speaker 2: And I'm glad you guys have date Maiwalita first because
Speaker 2: we have to have this conversation so people don't forget
Speaker 2: the importance of love and how we need to be
Speaker 2: love based. And I always tell myself because for a
Speaker 2: long time I was afraid of loving. I was afraid
Speaker 2: of falling in love. So I had to And this
Speaker 2: is a mantra of mine or an affirmation every morning
Speaker 2: where I tell myself it is safe for me to
Speaker 2: love and to be loved every day because I have
Speaker 2: gotten hurt by people, even by my own parents, even
Speaker 2: by just it just happens, you know what I mean,
Speaker 2: And you feel I had for a long time the
Speaker 2: fear of abandonment and I had to heal that and
Speaker 2: it was because I love so hard. But because I
Speaker 2: love so hard, I also hurt very hard. Because it's
Speaker 2: like I told it, told them, I'm giving you everything.
Speaker 2: And this is how come on with padas in a way,
Speaker 2: if you don't mind me asking how when was the
Speaker 2: first time? How old were you when you when you
Speaker 2: first got married?
Speaker 1: My very first time, I got married at nineteen. I
Speaker 1: got pregnant at eighteen. I always said I came from
Speaker 1: a very abusive upbringing when it comes to my mother.
Speaker 1: But there was one word that I wanted to mention
Speaker 1: to you when you were just saying all of this.
Speaker 1: It's a matter and I've said it before, loving is
Speaker 1: a matter of forgiving. We have to forgive ourselves. We
Speaker 1: have to forgive our parents. Like my mom might have
Speaker 1: done a lot of no nos, but she was so young.
Speaker 1: She was seventeen when she had me, and she didn't
Speaker 1: know any better.
Speaker 3: It came from an abusive family all on her own.
Speaker 1: She was the last child of nine and by that
Speaker 1: time my grandfather, who was the chief of police, was
Speaker 1: just so radical in his ways, and my grandmother, who
Speaker 1: was the kindest, sweetest, but there was abuse there too.
Speaker 1: It came from generations. Is that cultural baggage that we
Speaker 1: just can't get rid of? But yes we can, and
Speaker 1: yes we should because it's not taking us anywhere as Latinos.
Speaker 1: We need to get rid of all of that.
Speaker 2: Yep, we gotta stop in it, but I agree. I
Speaker 2: agreed breaking generational curses guys.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, and we have to love. It's it's it's crazy
Speaker 1: to think how far we have come in life and society,
Speaker 1: but really, as Latinos, we haven't. Yeah, we have forgotten
Speaker 1: that we were. We have been loved since we were.
Speaker 1: We have so much to offer, so much. And I
Speaker 1: have forgiven my mother, I have forgiven my past, I
Speaker 1: have I have even forgiven husband number four, who died
Speaker 1: on my birthday. Oh I know you loved me. It
Speaker 1: was your last way of telling me. Okay, But yeah,
Speaker 1: you have to forgive and you have to forgiving.
Speaker 2: Is it gives you the wings to fly to sore?
Speaker 2: I have a whole book on it because I had
Speaker 2: to learn to forgive and really forgive, not just say it,
Speaker 2: you know what it's like, really meaning it and really
Speaker 2: just letting go of that baggage and resentment makes you sick.
Speaker 2: It's like, it's not it's not healthy for you, it's
Speaker 2: not healthy for the other person. So it's like it's
Speaker 2: a gift. Forgiveness is a gift to ourselves, which is
Speaker 2: also a part of loving. And do you still believe
Speaker 2: in love? Do you feel like if you know, is
Speaker 2: there another husband out there for you? I mean I
Speaker 2: feel that.
Speaker 1: I mean I am always looking for non say, it's
Speaker 1: a great number let me tell you. Okay, so number one,
Speaker 1: since you come from an abusive home, all you want
Speaker 1: to do is run away from it. And I think
Speaker 1: that the first time that I married, that's exactly what
Speaker 1: I was looking for. However, I was blessed with a
Speaker 1: child and having my beautiful Dela Gabriella. Ah, what a gift,
Speaker 1: What a gift having her? Not only was it a
Speaker 1: gift from her, but it's something that I don't talk
Speaker 1: much or I haven't mentioned much on season one of
Speaker 1: Dey Maya Wilita, But I am going to bring him
Speaker 1: into the stage light, and that is God, because walking
Speaker 1: in faith and living in that faith is the hardest
Speaker 1: thing to do, especially when you are hurt, when you're
Speaker 1: so young, when you don't know, especially when the years
Speaker 1: go by. So when I had Delba, a couple of
Speaker 1: years later, I had my first bout with cancer and
Speaker 1: at that point I couldn't have any more children. So
Speaker 1: that was my most beautiful gift ever, was to have her.
Speaker 1: Of course, husband number one left me because he wanted
Speaker 1: more kids.
Speaker 2: Oh so that okay, Well, you know what, he came
Speaker 2: and served his purpose to give you your baby girl. Yeah,
Speaker 2: because people ask me that all the time. This was
Speaker 2: very hard for me to get married. First I've been
Speaker 2: married and divorced, and then when we had we got
Speaker 2: separated out to versall. It was so difficult. I was
Speaker 2: just because I wanted to make it work. I was
Speaker 2: I had I grew up in a household where you know,
Speaker 2: marriage didn't work, and that's you know, I don't judge
Speaker 2: my mother, and if anything, I've learned so much from it.
Speaker 2: But I really I was like, yo, I want to
Speaker 2: make it work, and I'm gonna try, and I'm gonna
Speaker 2: try and I let go or should I say I
Speaker 2: ignored a lot of red flags. But it broke my
Speaker 2: heart so bad to get divorced because I wanted it
Speaker 2: to work, and I was like, I don't want to
Speaker 2: fall in the same steps. But it's like, in a
Speaker 2: way back then, now I learned my lesson, but I
Speaker 2: was in a way being judgmental and thinking not knowing
Speaker 2: how difficult really marriage is and thinking, oh, it's easy,
Speaker 2: we can make this work, and in a way not
Speaker 2: blaming my mom because she had reasons to leave susparekas
Speaker 2: you know her marriages, but I guess I just wanted
Speaker 2: to ask. I was like, I want to make this work,
Speaker 2: but it broke my heart. But now I'm like, you
Speaker 2: know what I believe in marriage. I want to get married.
Speaker 2: If I get married, I've said this before, I think
Speaker 2: in interviews where I'm like, you know what, I'll be
Speaker 2: like jayl you know with that she finds a man
Speaker 2: and she gets married. Hey, whatever, love is love, and
Speaker 2: you get married as many times as you want. So
Speaker 2: I'm with you on that. You know, we're gonna pray
Speaker 2: for a good number six for you, Thank you very much.
Speaker 1: The only thing that I satrifice throughout all these marriages
Speaker 1: was my relationship with my child. That was a love
Speaker 1: that I misunderstood for a very long time. You never
Speaker 1: stop having that conflict, not only with yourself but with
Speaker 1: your child. I mean, had I had a boy, it
Speaker 1: might have been different. But I have a daughter. And
Speaker 1: of course we don't want our same choices and mistakes
Speaker 1: to be passed on or the way that they see
Speaker 1: us and they judge us, especially as you get older
Speaker 1: and older and your child leaves you behind. So we
Speaker 1: have to learn to not only forgive ourselves, but to
Speaker 1: love ourselves more than we love that guy or that
Speaker 1: idea of marriage. I would love to have ass my
Speaker 1: number six. Let me tell you, I would love to
Speaker 1: have a wonder man in my life because I thought
Speaker 1: I loved number one. No, he gave me a beautiful gift.
Speaker 1: I thought I loved number two. He was mean and abusive.
Speaker 1: I thought I loved number three. I was a boring situation.
Speaker 1: I thought I loved number four. Again he was mean
Speaker 1: and demeaning. And I thought I loved number five, which
Speaker 1: to this day I still do. But he was twenty
Speaker 1: years younger. He was my spirit and for that reason
Speaker 1: I still love him. But that a man has come
Speaker 1: into my life and said I'm going to treat you
Speaker 1: like the queen that you are, or I'm going to
Speaker 1: give you all my love. No, that hasn't happened. So
Speaker 1: if you are out there and you will like to
Speaker 1: be number.
Speaker 2: Six, make sure you're a good man. Though, no, we don't.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're still breathing.
Speaker 2: You're still breathing, Oh my goodness. But with from every
Speaker 2: person that you've you've been with and been married to,
Speaker 2: you learn something. You grew you. And that's what I
Speaker 2: feel like. I'm like, Okay, we learn where they're all teachers,
Speaker 2: they're masters, and it's up to us what lesson we
Speaker 2: learn to make ourselves better for the next person or
Speaker 2: for ourselves even you know, but you did. That's something
Speaker 2: that I speak about a lot on the podcast is
Speaker 2: the importance of loving yourself. And you can only love
Speaker 2: people as much as you love and respect yourself. And
Speaker 2: you need to give yourself your place. And my mom
Speaker 2: would always say, you know, you have your main meal,
Speaker 2: your main course, and then your partner is the dessert.
Speaker 2: They're there to compliment your life. They shouldn't be your
Speaker 2: whole life. It's you respect them, they respect you, and
Speaker 2: it's they're your dessert. And I'll never forget out.
Speaker 1: And that is one thing that because we don't learn,
Speaker 1: because we come from such a culture full of baggage
Speaker 1: when it comes to the love department, we don't learn
Speaker 1: to be kind or to give it our best shot,
Speaker 1: or to really open up our hearts, or to accept
Speaker 1: them for who they are. We always want to try
Speaker 1: and change everyone around us. Yeah, and that is so silly,
Speaker 1: you know. We need to just love everyone. Yeah, no
Speaker 1: matter how we love them, accept them for who they are.
Speaker 1: I repeat this a million times in my life. People
Speaker 1: don't change. We are who we are.
Speaker 2: You can't change them.
Speaker 1: No, and we can't change ourselves either. We are already
Speaker 1: said in those ways. But we can truly compromise. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we can compromise. We can accept them for who they are,
Speaker 1: and maybe in the communication process of creating that new relationship,
Speaker 1: then you know have your best friend. And that's what
Speaker 1: I miss about husband number five.
Speaker 3: He was my best friend.
Speaker 2: He was like your soul, like your soul mad he
Speaker 2: totally was he totally. Was it a mutual like separation
Speaker 2: is nice?
Speaker 1: No, that was all me.
Speaker 2: Okay, it was all me, And.
Speaker 1: That is what I'm saying about not learning from our
Speaker 1: own I've been alone now for fourteen years.
Speaker 2: Okay, that was my next question.
Speaker 1: Okayeen fourteen years, and those years I've had a lot
Speaker 1: of time to get to know myself. But the reason
Speaker 1: that I pushed him away One, he was younger. Two,
Speaker 1: I thought he would be a great father. I thought
Speaker 1: he needed to find a younger woman. And I just
Speaker 1: pushed him completely away from my life. And is the
Speaker 1: worst mistake.
Speaker 3: I have ever made.
Speaker 2: I think you're speaking to my soul right now.
Speaker 3: Because my.
Speaker 2: Partner, my fiance, is seven years younger, and I've been
Speaker 2: battling with this and this is something I haven't spoken
Speaker 2: to anyone really out loud because he's seven years younger,
Speaker 2: and I wasn't sure for a long time if I
Speaker 2: want to have kids or not, if I can even
Speaker 2: I don't know, you know. And I was kind of
Speaker 2: in a way pushing him away. I'm like, you know what,
Speaker 2: maybe you need a younger girl and someone that hasn't
Speaker 2: been married and hasn't been through all this stuff. I'm
Speaker 2: a workaholic, you know. Because you say, hey, I said
Speaker 2: that before that, I felt like, but he's so good
Speaker 2: to me, Matra Tauben and he just says that I'm
Speaker 2: the best thing that's ever happened. And he treats me.
Speaker 2: It's not just he just says it. He treats me
Speaker 2: very well. And I feel like, right now you're speaking
Speaker 2: to me, It's like, so, why are.
Speaker 3: You still it all? Yeah, because that's exactly what we do.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I feel like it's more in a way of like,
Speaker 2: you know, self destructive.
Speaker 1: I don't know it totally is, but in that process
Speaker 1: of talking about how you have forgiven yourself? How have
Speaker 1: you really mm hmm or what are you waiting for?
Speaker 1: Who are you waiting to give you?
Speaker 2: Hello?
Speaker 1: Knock knock, chicky or knock knock on your heart? Yes,
Speaker 1: seven years younger. So what he can bring some bright
Speaker 1: light and some enthusiasm and some something new to your
Speaker 1: relationship that you don't know anything about. And you think
Speaker 1: you can let go of that? Do you know what
Speaker 1: a gift that is? Don't ever let go of that
Speaker 1: when you just said that he treats you, well, that's
Speaker 1: all you need is that love, that constant care and companionship,
Speaker 1: that youthfulness, that rightness, that light, enjoy it and everywhere
Speaker 1: that comes to your mind where you go, oh no,
Speaker 1: you know, or my mom did this, or my uncle
Speaker 1: or Gino Leskina, whoever it is. We don't care about that.
Speaker 1: We care what is happening and what Chiky is feeling
Speaker 1: right now from this moment on. And you love him
Speaker 1: for who he is, and you give him those children
Speaker 1: if you want them, that is your choice. But I
Speaker 1: tell you, I'm just very happy I have one little
Speaker 1: girl that can stay in this world. I know that
Speaker 1: the new generations are kind of staying away from being parents,
Speaker 1: you know, and that's how our world is changing.
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, I mean my OBGYN told me the other day,
Speaker 2: she said, you know, something that stuck to me. I
Speaker 2: think for a long time I was afraid of having
Speaker 2: a baby because of the beautiful and also I don't
Speaker 2: know what the word is, but with my mom and
Speaker 2: we were so close in age, we were like sisters.
Speaker 2: We had a very very difficult relationship but a very
Speaker 2: beautiful one at the same time. And I always thought, like,
Speaker 2: I don't know, if you know, I've already raised my siblings,
Speaker 2: like I want to kind of do my own thing.
Speaker 2: And I made up all these excuses, you know, And
Speaker 2: it was out of fear I think of just I
Speaker 2: don't know, maybe repeating the same pattern. But I'm like,
Speaker 2: it's up to me. Maybe that's what I have to do,
Speaker 2: is have a child to heal that relationship, you know.
Speaker 1: But she told me once, you want to have a
Speaker 1: child to heal which relationship.
Speaker 2: With my mom? Because I thought, if I have a girl,
Speaker 2: if I because I always wanted a boy for the
Speaker 2: same reason. Still now you feel that way, No, now
Speaker 2: I don't.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 2: Now I'm like, okay, look at Rioskira, whatever God wants.
Speaker 2: If I do have a girl, then maybe through that
Speaker 2: relationship with my daughter, I can heal my relationship with
Speaker 2: my mom. And if it's a boy, then you know,
Speaker 2: now it was like I want a boy. I want
Speaker 2: a boy. If not, I don't want a kiss. It
Speaker 2: was kind of like that because of the fear of
Speaker 2: the relationship that I had, you know, even til the
Speaker 2: end of my mom's days, you know. And now it's
Speaker 2: like it's crazy because we were like, we're so close,
Speaker 2: and people come and they see that you're so close
Speaker 2: to your mom and you have such an important place
Speaker 2: in her life that Kiki and Kita they want to
Speaker 2: cause issues, you know, and make up lies and do
Speaker 2: all these things, and unfortunately things stay that way. The
Speaker 2: good thing is I've gone through therapy and I do
Speaker 2: therapy and I do self work every single day, so
Speaker 2: I don't carry that with me anymore. I'm like, you
Speaker 2: know what, my mom and I are good, So I've
Speaker 2: healed that. Now. I feel like if he's the only person,
Speaker 2: my partner is the only one that has made me think, okay,
Speaker 2: he'd be a great father if he wants a kid
Speaker 2: and God allows it, I guess it's whatever is meant
Speaker 2: to happen. I'm more open to it for sure. Now
Speaker 2: now I'm like, you know, here here, here are my ovaries.
Speaker 2: Take them. But but yeah, I mean, also, my OBG.
Speaker 2: I was some me right now that you were telling
Speaker 2: about your daughter. She told me. She says, you know what,
Speaker 2: You're never going to regret having a child, but you
Speaker 2: will regret not having one. Yes, And I said, oh,
Speaker 2: well she told me. I was like, oh, okay, that
Speaker 2: changes things a little bit. I'm like, okay, so now
Speaker 2: you're like, you know, you're you're happy you had one,
Speaker 2: and you're she's in the world and she's your legacy.
Speaker 2: So I don't know, you know, I know this has
Speaker 2: been kind of like a heavy conversations. It's been a
Speaker 2: heavy beautiful relationship's going to.
Speaker 1: Gain some way at the end of the show.
Speaker 2: But I'm telling you, guys, I love I love her personality. Okay,
Speaker 2: So would you mind if we ask you, if we
Speaker 2: if I ask you a few questions?
Speaker 1: Oh please?
Speaker 2: I don know I've asked you quite a bit, but
Speaker 2: I mean there there's some fun ones, you know, But okay,
Speaker 2: first of all, this is just one of my personal questions.
Speaker 2: What what's your sign? What's your your signal?
Speaker 1: I'm a p with what was that word? I think
Speaker 1: rising my right seeing his pisces. Okay, a full on pieces?
Speaker 2: You're a full on Oh wow, you're a full of pieces. Nice. Okay,
Speaker 2: so we have a lot in common. I'm in cancer
Speaker 2: and my mom was a cancer Know.
Speaker 1: Much about since Yeah, I'll tell you later.
Speaker 2: Okay, So since it's Valentine's Day week, let's start with this. Okay,
Speaker 2: what are your thoughts on the holiday? Do you celebrate it?
Speaker 2: Is it corner to you? Are you the type that, like,
Speaker 2: you know, you like to spend time by yourself, you
Speaker 2: go out with your Amiga's Like, what is it that
Speaker 2: you like doing for Valentine's Day?
Speaker 1: Again, we have to go into the topic of how
Speaker 1: the years go by and at our different ages. Like
Speaker 1: if there is people who are in their twenties or thirties,
Speaker 1: let's talk about when I was at that age. Oh yes,
Speaker 1: I would celebrate everything. Yeah, as the years have gone by,
Speaker 1: what will I do in a couple of days in
Speaker 1: Valentine's Day? I will probably call those that I love
Speaker 1: the most. There will probably be on one hand the
Speaker 1: number of people I will call because most people, like
Speaker 1: I mentioned before, are too busy. People have very busy lives,
Speaker 1: and in the process of their busy lives, they don't
Speaker 1: have time for anyone else. And as I was growing
Speaker 1: up in my thirties, my forties, my fifties, even until
Speaker 1: my fifties before I sold my house a couple of
Speaker 1: years ago and finally, you know, got rid of all
Speaker 1: those memories from the past, big parties, lots of people,
Speaker 1: and then it's just you living in a little cubicle
Speaker 1: because you have gotten older and everybody has moved on.
Speaker 1: Up until then, I would celebrate all the time. I
Speaker 1: would dress for the occasion. I will wear flowers, I
Speaker 1: will buy flowers, I will send cards. I would call,
Speaker 1: I would love, I would hug, I would kiss. Now,
Speaker 1: as you get older, nobody calls you. You don't make
Speaker 1: that many more phone calls. The cards are not as
Speaker 1: many that you buy. You pass by the aisles where
Speaker 1: the chocolates and the hearts are, and you don't have
Speaker 1: anyone to buy them for anymore. Well, when I say
Speaker 1: love everyone around you, do it until the day they die.
Speaker 1: Don't let them be all by themselves. Love your mothers,
Speaker 1: your aunts, your grandmothers.
Speaker 2: Show them there, show them, and you and everyone might agree,
Speaker 2: might agree with me right now by looking at me.
Speaker 1: But wait, just wait until those twenty years go by,
Speaker 1: and you'll be sitting in a chair and you'll be going, oh,
Speaker 1: my goodness. I remember talking to Alita, and this is
Speaker 1: what she was talking about. We don't do it because
Speaker 1: we're mean people. We don't do it because you know,
Speaker 1: we've been taught, Hey, you have to be like this
Speaker 1: when you get to this age. No, we are always
Speaker 1: we always keep that child in us. There's a commercial
Speaker 1: that just came out. I'm not gonna say the name
Speaker 1: of the company because I always forget anyway, but there's
Speaker 1: three ladies sitting on a bench and they're in their
Speaker 1: probably eighties, and they're watching all these children going down
Speaker 1: the snow, sliding down the snow. And one of the
Speaker 1: ladies decides to buy some pillows to put on the
Speaker 1: little I don't know, the sliding.
Speaker 2: Little things that you used to go, yes, yes, the side, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: And you see these three ladies, three ladies in their eighties,
Speaker 1: sitting there enjoining going down the slope of this little
Speaker 1: snow hill, just like when they were children.
Speaker 3: Why because we always are.
Speaker 1: Because that love, that desire, that the want to have
Speaker 1: fun and be loving and show the world. And what
Speaker 1: do you see when they get to the bottom.
Speaker 3: Oh, they're smiling. How they're feeling that lung?
Speaker 2: Yeah, healing their inner child. Oh yeah, yeah, but don't
Speaker 2: make me cry anymore. Oh, I know, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry. Okay, Well, I mean yeah, I think I
Speaker 2: think even like getting I always say this too on
Speaker 2: the podcast, I'm like, you know what, even if you
Speaker 2: don't have a partner, you know, go and whatever it
Speaker 2: is that makes you happy. Maybe that's what you're you know,
Speaker 2: you're gonna wake up that and see how you feel.
Speaker 2: If you want to go to lunch, if you want
Speaker 2: to take a bath, if you want to cover my house,
Speaker 2: whatever you want to do. On Valantine's that you let
Speaker 2: me know.
Speaker 1: What's her address? Just write it down from it?
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, yes, yes, please write it down. Okay, okay.
Speaker 2: Next question for those in a long in long term relationships,
Speaker 2: do you have any advice on how to spice it up?
Speaker 2: You know what? If well, how long was your longest marriage?
Speaker 1: That's a very good question. Let's see. Let me backtrack here.
Speaker 1: The longest was my last one. Okay, it was eleven
Speaker 1: years and they were amazing. Yeah, they were amazing. We
Speaker 1: had a lot, a lot of fun. I continue to
Speaker 1: be very young through those years. If you get to
Speaker 1: a point in your relationship where you have to start
Speaker 1: thinking about how to spice it up, you've already screwed up.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, sure, no, we need to keep it spicy.
Speaker 2: But in both ways, right, not just the woman. Okay, cool,
Speaker 2: this man out there, Oh no, senor is you.
Speaker 1: Have to you have to show your queen who she is.
Speaker 1: You have to treat her as such. We've done enough
Speaker 1: damage to this cultural baggage thing. It's move on and
Speaker 1: just love them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this machismo thing of like no, you know, yes,
Speaker 2: that is so, and it has to be both ways.
Speaker 2: Like I said, you know, women conquistar romance are men.
Speaker 2: As I was trying to find the word in my head, okay,
Speaker 2: and I always that's and that's that's another thing that
Speaker 2: as women, we want men to know exactly what we
Speaker 2: want and how we what we want. The truth is
Speaker 2: we need to tell them. We need to let them
Speaker 2: know what we expect, what we like. Hey, bring me chocolates.
Speaker 2: I like flowers. I like this conquista. We also have
Speaker 2: to communicate, you know, so just a little. That's my bo.
Speaker 1: Even and I think we were just talking. There was
Speaker 1: a conversation going on today that even if you go
Speaker 1: on a first date and at the beginning of the
Speaker 1: night you both have this idea of where it should go,
Speaker 1: talk about it. Yes, mention it, communicate, communicate even from
Speaker 1: the very beginning, so that at the end of the
Speaker 1: day you don't go, oh, is that how you felt?
Speaker 1: Oh is that what you thought? Because no, we need
Speaker 1: to talk about it. Yes, I messed up something. I
Speaker 1: actually went out last night and there was a very
Speaker 1: good looking younger man than me but closer to my
Speaker 1: age next to me at the barket trying to get
Speaker 1: a drink, And for like the few minutes that he
Speaker 1: was there, I was like, Okay, in my mind, okay,
Speaker 1: you're cute. And he's looking at me like okay, you're cute,
Speaker 1: and let's get a drink. Why don't you get a drink?
Speaker 1: Why don't we take a picture? And we do, and
Speaker 1: then he leaves and I'm like, I messed that up.
Speaker 2: Hey, here's my number? Oho, what is leana drink at
Speaker 2: a bar. I want to know what's your drink, what's
Speaker 2: your go to drink?
Speaker 1: Actually, I have stopped drinking. Oh, okay, during the beginning
Speaker 1: of January this year, a year already, I became a vegetarian.
Speaker 1: Oh for her health purposes, Okay. I wanted to make
Speaker 1: sure that I live a lot longer, and I decided
Speaker 1: that coffee is now my drink of choice. Okay, and
Speaker 1: once in a while, maybe just a tiny little bit
Speaker 1: of vodka with some cranberry juice.
Speaker 2: Okay, that's about and that's about it.
Speaker 1: But I feel so much likely.
Speaker 2: M girl. I know I've been thinking about that. It's
Speaker 2: like my long term goal. I love tequila, but I'm
Speaker 2: just like, yeah, I'm gonna cleanse Okay, you got to
Speaker 2: cleanse it out. But but I I just it's part
Speaker 2: of my shows, it's part of my culture, our culture,
Speaker 2: you know. But I do want to hopefully want to
Speaker 2: that is.
Speaker 1: My alcoholic baggage.
Speaker 2: Kidding, but but yeah, I mean I commend you for that.
Speaker 2: That's admirable because that's honestly one of my desires is
Speaker 2: to be vegetarian and not drink any alcohol at all.
Speaker 2: So okay, I want to ask you said you were
Speaker 2: at a bar, so I was like, I wonder what
Speaker 2: she drinks.
Speaker 1: Well, you know, the one thing that I truly believe in.
Speaker 2: Is willpower mm hmm, big time.
Speaker 1: And willpower is very hard to have and.
Speaker 2: Keep yup and keep As we get older, I've noticed
Speaker 2: it's harder and harder. But will part that's something I
Speaker 2: love to do. That's why I do these cleanses. I
Speaker 2: like to challenge myself, my body, my mind. So that's
Speaker 2: one thing that I feel has been lost as well,
Speaker 2: besides love. It's like I don't want to challenge one
Speaker 2: everything easy. We want that magic pill that's gonna make
Speaker 2: us everything just so easy and fast. So that's awesome. Willpower.
Speaker 1: I'm so glad it's willpower.
Speaker 2: Willpower.
Speaker 1: That's one thing that I can say I have a
Speaker 1: lot of, and I think that willpower is also what
Speaker 1: helped me make it through each relationship because I might
Speaker 1: have been married five times, but I also did a
Speaker 1: lot of dating in between. What can I tell? What
Speaker 1: can I tell you that I am fourteen years behind?
Speaker 1: So number six.
Speaker 3: Move right along?
Speaker 2: Hello, Hello, I keep insisting, Okay, so I have a
Speaker 2: great question and talk about this. No A partner. Number
Speaker 2: six okay, just if someone's watching. What qualities make a
Speaker 2: good partner?
Speaker 1: Oh, kindness, kindness, humility.
Speaker 2: Is it important that he believes in God as well
Speaker 2: or has your same faith?
Speaker 1: Yes, he has to believe in God. He has to
Speaker 1: have some form of faith, you know, to keep on going.
Speaker 1: It's so hard to hold onto it. But and he's
Speaker 1: got to have a little bit of good looks. I mean,
Speaker 1: I gotta have something good to look at. I'm giving
Speaker 1: him my back, yes.
Speaker 2: Yes, and a good package of money. And I'm.
Speaker 1: I didn't know what she was going with that joking.
Speaker 2: Pablo's over there, like.
Speaker 1: What money is? What we're talking about? Money?
Speaker 2: Yes? Money, Okay, I'm just kidding. No, you guys, I'm not.
Speaker 2: I'm not. Honestly, I'm not that type of girl. I'm
Speaker 2: not like a gold digger. Because I agree with you,
Speaker 2: I need a man. Then, Also, how to communicate that
Speaker 2: is kind Kindness goes. That's a part of your character,
Speaker 2: you know when someone's kind, like when how they treat
Speaker 2: other people, you know, I just little things like that.
Speaker 2: I am very observant, so kindness is huge, huge, and
Speaker 2: of course faith for me. Okay, so we have another question.
Speaker 2: Are you four or against situationships, like, what are the
Speaker 2: pros and the cons there? What do you think?
Speaker 1: What do you mean by that?
Speaker 2: A situation ship? So a situationship is a friend with benefits.
Speaker 2: I don't have a relationship, but I have a situationship.
Speaker 2: We we well, there's no title, we just you know.
Speaker 1: Is that what it's called? Now?
Speaker 2: It's a situationship and it's a huge thing. Or or
Speaker 2: my sneaky link, your sneaky link? Do you have a
Speaker 2: sneaky link? Leana? Oh, I wish I had to ask.
Speaker 2: I'll find you and I'm just kidding, you know.
Speaker 1: Wow, who's coming up with these words?
Speaker 4: I don't know, But that's nuship situations No, I had
Speaker 4: the opportunity to have one, maybe a couple of years ago,
Speaker 4: with a much younger man.
Speaker 1: Again because younger man look for me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because you have a very young spirit for sure.
Speaker 1: Yeah. But no, no, no, no, I wouldn't want to
Speaker 1: at this point. No, hell, I don't have time for situationships,
Speaker 1: situations You know what, if I died next year, I
Speaker 1: want the one yearship, a one yearship, whatever life ship
Speaker 1: comes my way.
Speaker 2: I like that she likes live ships, for instance. Do
Speaker 2: you feel that or have you learned from your own
Speaker 2: experiences that having someone just to have sex with, Let's
Speaker 2: just put it the way it is. It's like you.
Speaker 2: For me, I've learned, I think that just giving yourself
Speaker 2: to someone sexually, it's just you're exchanging energy. Like I don't.
Speaker 2: I can't. I can't have just sex to have sex, like,
Speaker 2: I have to have some type of feeling, you know,
Speaker 2: situations I wouldn't work for me personally because I and
Speaker 2: I've told my friend this and I'm not gonna say who,
Speaker 2: but I told her, I said, you know what, I
Speaker 2: think you need to stop having sex with these random guys.
Speaker 2: You know, it's it's you're not allowing God in the
Speaker 2: universe to bring in the right person because God and
Speaker 2: the universe, so whatever you want to call it, thinks
Speaker 2: you're busy because you are exchanging energy. Just chill, use
Speaker 2: your vibrator. Okay.
Speaker 1: Sorry, Like I say, I have a lot of sex.
Speaker 1: There's just nobody there.
Speaker 2: I love you. Yes, I'm not friend. I'm not friend that.
Speaker 2: I'm like, look, i'd rather you save that and use this.
Speaker 2: I'm the friend that's going to give you a vibrator
Speaker 2: because I'm like, you know what this is safer. This
Speaker 2: is safer for your feelings, and don't catch anything. It's
Speaker 2: just better in every way. Just use this thing. So anyways,
Speaker 2: we got into a whole other conversation. But that's what
Speaker 2: she thinks on situations. Okay, I love it.
Speaker 1: Oh no, no, no, they should know people. That's why
Speaker 1: people are not loving each other. Yeah, because they're too busy.
Speaker 1: Just one moment here, one moment there.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Now, how many situations ships that's one person have And
Speaker 1: how do you know or not know that these are
Speaker 1: going on? And does it not bother.
Speaker 2: You that you might not be the only one?
Speaker 1: Yeah? How about diseases and things like that? How about no?
Speaker 2: Yes, no on a situation? She doesn't like them. I honestly,
Speaker 2: it's too too much.
Speaker 1: And I'm with you now, I'm understanding the cancer prices link.
Speaker 2: Here.
Speaker 1: We have to have that feeling.
Speaker 2: Ah for sure, that I loving feeling. Yeah, I'm like
Speaker 2: I need to be attracted. I need to feel that
Speaker 2: you want me. I need to just feel it. Okay,
Speaker 2: So I have one more question for you, Only only
Speaker 2: one more. It's okay though, because I've had such a
Speaker 2: great time with you, I feel like we've only been
Speaker 2: here for like fifteen minutes. Okay, So what's your best
Speaker 2: advice on getting over an X? Listen up, guys, Okay,
Speaker 2: what's your best advice on that?
Speaker 3: Okay, that's your advice.
Speaker 1: Remember to look in the mirror and just love yourself
Speaker 1: when that person when you have a breakup, And I
Speaker 1: can tell you after each breakup, yes, and I'm talking
Speaker 1: not only a breakup of a relationship with a man.
Speaker 1: I'm talking about a friendship with a woman. I'm talking
Speaker 1: about a relationship with one of your parents, or your siblings,
Speaker 1: or even your children. In order to continue with that,
Speaker 1: you have to be number one, very honest with yourself,
Speaker 1: love yourself, look in the mirror the very next day,
Speaker 1: and go, I gave it my all. But you have
Speaker 1: to absolutely be sure that you gave it your all,
Speaker 1: because I'm gonna tell you, like it or not, I
Speaker 1: gave each marriage and each relationship my very best. I
Speaker 1: loved them. I might have not been too smart about it.
Speaker 1: I might have made a lot of mistakes and silly choices,
Speaker 1: but in my heart of hearts, I gave it my
Speaker 1: all and I love them.
Speaker 3: The best way that I could.
Speaker 1: But I wasn't loved back the same way. So you
Speaker 1: have to let them go.
Speaker 2: I think that cats. It's not easy, but it's possible.
Speaker 2: Know that you know what, This too shall pass.
Speaker 1: And remember that the new relationship has nothing to do
Speaker 1: with the old one. Nothing, not your past experiences, not
Speaker 1: the mistakes that you made, not even the silly thoughts
Speaker 1: that run in your mind every single day about the
Speaker 1: mistakes from the past. When you have someone new in
Speaker 1: your life, you give them that advice. Absolutely, do it all,
Speaker 1: do it all all over and beautiful. And my best
Speaker 1: advice to you is love this relationship that you are
Speaker 1: in because it makes you so light and airy and bright.
Speaker 1: Your eyes shine and your smile is so pretty. And
Speaker 1: you're just thinking about it and I don't know him
Speaker 1: and I just met you, But open up your heart,
Speaker 1: open up your mind, and he will do the same.
Speaker 3: He already.
Speaker 1: And I want them by the wedding.
Speaker 2: It's absolutely it's you guys heard it here and she
Speaker 2: given chill, It's gonna happen. Oh no, thank you so much.
Speaker 2: That means a lot to me. I love giving. I
Speaker 2: love hearing. Should I say I love hearing that that
Speaker 2: that advice from from you from like now, I haven't
Speaker 2: Alita appreciate you have.
Speaker 1: Me as you're Alita, my number anytime you want, you know,
Speaker 1: I say this all anytime if you have a moment
Speaker 1: when you have you just want to cry and you
Speaker 1: just go, hey, Lily, listen up. That's all. I will
Speaker 1: be there, just to listen to your tears, just to
Speaker 1: listen to one word you have to say. I want
Speaker 1: people to think of me as there a Alita. I
Speaker 1: want people to help me live through them, to help
Speaker 1: me give them a little bit of of the loving
Speaker 1: advice that I never got because I would have been.
Speaker 2: But look once, You're amazing. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Yes, you are amazing.
Speaker 2: It was a as It was a beautiful, beautiful conversation
Speaker 2: and I'm so grateful that we were able to talk
Speaker 2: about this. It's such an important subject, you know, love,
Speaker 2: So you guys remember be loved based Okay, always open
Speaker 2: your heart to love. That's the best way to live.
Speaker 2: Don't give up all love. Like Lily said, you know,
Speaker 2: to get over your ex, you just look within and say,
Speaker 2: you know, what can I have done different? What can
Speaker 2: I do better? And that always helps. You're like, okay, cool,
Speaker 2: it didn't work here forgive that person so you can
Speaker 2: move on. And I love what you said about giving yourself,
Speaker 2: your newness to that new person. You know they should
Speaker 2: not suffer because of your past. So that's another thing.
Speaker 1: And I remember that if you're holding on to that
Speaker 1: relationship you just broke up, but you're holding on to
Speaker 1: that pain, to that resentment, And all that God is
Speaker 1: saying to you is I have someone new that you
Speaker 1: got to clear that slave.
Speaker 2: You got to say, you gotta clear it, You gotta
Speaker 2: let go of that baggage.
Speaker 1: So I can bring him down.
Speaker 2: Yes, thank you, you're such your so pleasant and thank
Speaker 2: you guys for watching and listening to another episode of
Speaker 2: Cheekys and Chill and I will see you guys on
Speaker 2: the next one. Do you need advice on love, relationships,
Speaker 2: health emails? I'm so excited to share with you that
Speaker 2: my Cheekys and Chill podcast will have an extra episode
Speaker 2: drop each week. I'll be answering all your questions. Just
Speaker 2: leave me a voice message person, Menday. All you have
Speaker 2: to do is go to speak pipe dot com, slash
Speaker 2: Cheeky's and Chill podcast and record your questions. I can't
Speaker 2: wait to hear from you. This is a production of
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