Speaker 1: Cool Zone Media. Hello, and welcome to cool Zone Media
Speaker 1: book Club, which I was supposed to introduce differently. I
Speaker 1: was supposed to chant book club at you, but there's
Speaker 1: no way for me to change that now because instead
Speaker 1: I introduced it this way. I'm your host, Margaret Kiljoy,
Speaker 1: and this is the podcast where you don't have to
Speaker 1: do the reading for your book club, because I do
Speaker 1: it for you. And what you're reading in your book
Speaker 1: club right now are missives from the future. That's right.
Speaker 1: Cool Zone Media itself has reached back out from thirty
Speaker 1: years in the future to bring us reports on the
Speaker 1: Dino War. Here's where we're at. Hello, and welcome to
Speaker 1: Cool Zone twenty fifty five. How to Survive the dinoh Wars.
Speaker 1: I'm your host, Margaret Kiljoy, and today we are continuing
Speaker 1: our report from our very own Mixed Bunny Face Murder,
Speaker 1: who is currently trapped behind enemy lines in besieged Catalonia.
Speaker 1: We're all praying for you, Mixed Bunny Face Murder, or
Speaker 1: you know, fighting for you, which is generally even better
Speaker 1: than praying, although I guess I'm podcasting for you, which
Speaker 1: is probably somewhere in the middle of those two in
Speaker 1: terms of efficacy. Actually it's closer to praying, because it's
Speaker 1: really just kind of hoping someone else intervenes. Well, there
Speaker 1: goes my moral high ground. Anyway, where we last left
Speaker 1: our stalwart non binary, horny journalist, they'd shown up in
Speaker 1: Catalonia just before the Vishnu shields went up. They saw
Speaker 1: the exodus of Barcelona, where everyone who relied on electricity
Speaker 1: for their anti fascist work or their you know, being
Speaker 1: alive was rescued by boat over to Italy. Then mixed
Speaker 1: bunny face Murder went off to the front, embedded with
Speaker 1: the notorious thag hags the Stegosaurus riders, but noticing those
Speaker 1: undeniably sexy dreadnought out of the corner of their eye.
Speaker 1: But before we talk about that, I want to talk
Speaker 1: about something else that is undeniably sexy riding dinosaurs into
Speaker 1: battle against the worldwide threat of fascism, which you can
Speaker 1: learn to do by contacting our number one sponsor, Dino Cadence.
Speaker 1: That's right, Dino Cadence. You don't even have to put
Speaker 1: your money where your mouth is with Dino Cadence because
Speaker 1: all of their classes are one hundred percent free, one
Speaker 1: hundred percent free. The revolution needs us all, it needs soldier.
Speaker 1: Sure it also needs dental technicians. Chewing up fascists is
Speaker 1: hard on a dino's teeth. In the old days, we
Speaker 1: used to say behind every frontline soldier is ten support troops,
Speaker 1: but in the age of the Dino War, that ratio
Speaker 1: is more like fifty to one. So to learn how
Speaker 1: to help in whatever capacity, contact Dino Cadence today. Now
Speaker 1: back to mix Bunny Face murders story. A dino camp
Speaker 1: is a strange place to be. It turns out. I
Speaker 1: can't give you too many details because the art of
Speaker 1: war is the art of deception. But I can tell
Speaker 1: you that it feels like living in a zoo. It's
Speaker 1: funny how quickly you get used to de extincted animals.
Speaker 1: Being around stegosauruses and velociraptors doesn't feel entirely unlike being
Speaker 1: around rhinoceroses and chickens, especially since both stegosaurus and rhinoceros
Speaker 1: are more or less impossible to spell, and there's not
Speaker 1: really chickens and zoos. But let's imagine, so you feel
Speaker 1: like you're in a zoo, only instead of tigers and bears,
Speaker 1: it's sabertoothed tigers and arctoduses, so tigers and bears just
Speaker 1: bigger and too fier. I have to admit I have
Speaker 1: long had my doubts about the efficacy of our animal
Speaker 1: friends in war before. Why do we resurrect long extinct
Speaker 1: animals only to throw them in front of enemy fire?
Speaker 1: Is there a reason? Besides it looks cool to ride
Speaker 1: an up armored ancliosaurus. Why not just use dumb dumb
Speaker 1: tanks and machine guns and humans, all of which also
Speaker 1: operate all right under vishnu conditions. It's been a nagging
Speaker 1: question at the back of the mind of probably a
Speaker 1: solid third of the anti fascist world. No one wants
Speaker 1: to question it too openly because no one wants to
Speaker 1: pick fights right now with anyone who isn't a fascist,
Speaker 1: and we all know morale is a terrain of struggle.
Speaker 1: But look, I've had my doubts about the efficacy and
Speaker 1: also the ethics of using dinosaurs in war. I no
Speaker 1: longer do dinosaurs are effective in modern non electric warfare.
Speaker 1: They saved our lives at this camp in fact. And
Speaker 1: as for the ethics, it's a messier question. But the
Speaker 1: thing is, it's not really ethical to send anyone into
Speaker 1: war yet war is here, whether we wish it was
Speaker 1: or not. If we are to stop the destruction of
Speaker 1: the last remaining ecosystems and the animals in those ecosystems,
Speaker 1: then all of us need to fight together, human and
Speaker 1: animal alike. Are there power dynamic problems absolutely the same
Speaker 1: as there are between different humans in a war. We
Speaker 1: just do the best we can. Maybe that's enough, maybe
Speaker 1: it's not. On the journey out to the front, I
Speaker 1: spent a lot of time with a particular unit of
Speaker 1: thag Hags, Like every little micro click in this war.
Speaker 1: They've got their own name, the Sons of Aragorn. It's
Speaker 1: five men, three of whom are trans and one of
Speaker 1: whom is an Omni man. Look, I struggle to keep
Speaker 1: up with all the new genders, but as I understand it,
Speaker 1: it's a way of identifying as not a man in
Speaker 1: the modern sense, but instead the medieval of when you're
Speaker 1: comparing man to beast. It sounds problematic to me, but
Speaker 1: I'm in my thirties, so what do I know. The
Speaker 1: Sons of Aragorn are obviously named after Aragorn from Lord
Speaker 1: of the Rings, but they're also named in a different tradition.
Speaker 1: There was this indigenous North American anarchist who was most
Speaker 1: active in the nineteen nineties and the twenty oughts, named Aragorn,
Speaker 1: whose parents had named him that in everything because his
Speaker 1: parents were hippies. He was a contentious fellow. He made
Speaker 1: a lot of frenemies, but he laid a lot of
Speaker 1: the groundwork for some anarchist political theory that has meant
Speaker 1: a lot to a lot of people in the years
Speaker 1: since his passing. He died in the year twenty twenty,
Speaker 1: and in the twenty forties, his particular brand of cantankerous
Speaker 1: anti fascism found a new following. The Sons of Aragorn
Speaker 1: started off as a motorcycle club actually in the US.
Speaker 1: Most of its members expatriated to Catalonia during the independent
Speaker 1: struggles there, but the names stuck in English, even though
Speaker 1: they mostly speak Catalan in the unit. Now, I wound
Speaker 1: up friends with these Sons of Aragorn, and I'll have
Speaker 1: you know I didn't even do it because I was
Speaker 1: trying to sleep with any of them. But in the
Speaker 1: end I slept with all of them. And you can
Speaker 1: listen to more details about that in the full uncensored
Speaker 1: version of this report over on Under the Pants and
Speaker 1: Under the Ground A stegosaurus unit usually has seven members,
Speaker 1: five humans and two stegosauruses. Riding a stegosaurus is a
Speaker 1: particular skill. They are often considered the hardest ground based
Speaker 1: dinosaur to ride, because you have to ride lying flat,
Speaker 1: hidden between the armored plates. It's like bull riding. People say,
Speaker 1: but I've never ridden a bull, and I've never ridden
Speaker 1: a stegosaurus. Though I have written a stegosaurus rider, but
Speaker 1: I can't tell you about that because family friendly podcast,
Speaker 1: as if telling you about the horrors of war is
Speaker 1: better for young listeners than telling them about some of
Speaker 1: the most fun you can have before you die and
Speaker 1: the aforementioned hours of war. But you know what else
Speaker 1: is apparently family friendly advertising, just in the middle of
Speaker 1: telling you a serious story, just cutting away to things
Speaker 1: that require critical thinking in order to reject that's somehow
Speaker 1: family friendly. What a good system. This podcast is brought
Speaker 1: to you by the Tourist Bureau of Toledo. No, not
Speaker 1: the one in Spain you'd normally imagine as a tourist attraction.
Speaker 1: That one is overrun by Nazis. You might have heard
Speaker 1: that Toledo, Ohio is overrun by Nazis too, But we
Speaker 1: are delighted to tell you that since December twenty fifty four, Toledo,
Speaker 1: Ohio has been ninety eight percent Nazi free. That's right,
Speaker 1: ninety eight percent Nazi free. So come on down to Toledo,
Speaker 1: where the slogan is. We have most of the stuff
Speaker 1: that every major city has, like a zoo and some
Speaker 1: parks and restaurants. While Solito's claim of being ninety eight
Speaker 1: percent Nazi free has been independently verified, Ohio is considered
Speaker 1: by the International Travel Advisory Board to be a frontline
Speaker 1: region in the international War against fascism. Visitors and migrants
Speaker 1: are advised to remain armed and be prepared to chip
Speaker 1: in in case of invasion. Of course, nowhere on Earth
Speaker 1: is truly a haven, and it will take all of
Speaker 1: us working together to defeat the nationalist threat. This podcast
Speaker 1: is proudly sponsored by the Council for the Protection of
Speaker 1: Bats and Rural Anti Fascists. We like bats, and so
Speaker 1: should you be nice to bats. We like rural anti fascists,
Speaker 1: and so should you be nice to rural anti fascists.
Speaker 1: Turning off the outside lights helps reduce light pollution, which
Speaker 1: helps bats and reduces your risk of being targeted by
Speaker 1: mortar fire by fascists, which helps rural anti fascists. Most
Speaker 1: rideable dinosaurs fill a niche somewhere like cavalry and pre
Speaker 1: modern warfare. They're big, scary mounts dinosaurs, but at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, they're conveyances for armed riders. It's
Speaker 1: the riders who do most of the fighting, not so
Speaker 1: for stegosaurus riders. Each dino is equipped with a deadly
Speaker 1: phagamizer on the end of its tail, making them just
Speaker 1: about the deadliest of the quadrupeds in this war. Since
Speaker 1: they are both fast and stable, they are excellent at
Speaker 1: countering zombie hordes, so the rider's job basically still hold
Speaker 1: on and direct where the thing goes. The other three
Speaker 1: members of the unit are support. You generally have a
Speaker 1: designated sharpshooter, a combat ternarian, and a scout, any of
Speaker 1: whom are prepared to serve as backup riders should it
Speaker 1: become necessary. Because they work and fight as a unit,
Speaker 1: kill counts are measured collectively across the entire unit. The
Speaker 1: Sons of Aragorn are currently in second place among the
Speaker 1: thag Hags with seventy nine confirmed zombie kills, six confirmed
Speaker 1: human kills, and two confirmed unclassifiable biospawn kills. The latter
Speaker 1: were two pseudo giants that they took out in what
Speaker 1: gets called the Battle of Vallenore because the unit with
Speaker 1: the highest kill count gets to name the battle after
Speaker 1: it's one. In all that fighting, they've lost one human
Speaker 1: private Gimli, and one stegosaurus, Firefoot, which is also apparently
Speaker 1: a Lord of the Rings reference. They promised me that
Speaker 1: Firefoot was a horse and Lord of the Rings that
Speaker 1: carried some horse rider guy. They explained it to me
Speaker 1: like six times. But you know, Lord of the Rings fans,
Speaker 1: nothing they say makes sense. The only fag Hag unit
Speaker 1: with more kills than the Sons of Aragorn is the
Speaker 1: Eldian Wall, who are at ninety four zombies, thirteen humans,
Speaker 1: and one unclassifiable biospawn. They're a larger unit, though, of
Speaker 1: seven humans and four stegosauruses, so it's not really fair
Speaker 1: to compare them directly. Or maybe I'm just bitter because
Speaker 1: the Eldian Wall is so famously cliquish that they only
Speaker 1: speak Elvish with each other, which doesn't even make sense
Speaker 1: because their name is a reference to an anime and
Speaker 1: not Lord of the Rings, and they only speak a
Speaker 1: dialect that they develop themselves, so even if you learn Elvish,
Speaker 1: you can't talk to the Eldian Wall. They don't hang
Speaker 1: out with anyone. And yes I'm bitter because I think
Speaker 1: they're Veterinarian is very cute, but none of them will
Speaker 1: be friends with me. So I'd fallen in with the
Speaker 1: sons of Aragorn and they had watch duty. The first night.
Speaker 1: I was there alongside one of the mother Hens. So
Speaker 1: I'm just sitting there kind of bored because you're not
Speaker 1: allowed to talk much while you're on watch. In the
Speaker 1: chair next to me, this older transwoman named Marta, one
Speaker 1: of the aforementioned mother Hens, idly scanned the horizon with
Speaker 1: a night vision monocular while seventeen little velociraptors played at
Speaker 1: her feet. Nearby, my friend Aeomer the omni Man is
Speaker 1: leaning against a stegosaurus named Guillermo the Pony. It's a
Speaker 1: hot night, which probably goes without saying because it's the
Speaker 1: twenty fifties and I'm on the Iberian Peninsula. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to read The Fellowship of the Ring in Catalan to
Speaker 1: impress my friends, but it just isn't doing it for me.
Speaker 1: I couldn't get through it in English either. Then Giermo
Speaker 1: hears something lifting its head suddenly and alert Stegosaurus's remarkably
Speaker 1: sharp ears What your elf ears hear? Eomer whispers to
Speaker 1: his dino friend. Guillermo points with his nose off towards
Speaker 1: the horizon. Aomer signals to Marta, who stands up in
Speaker 1: gestures at her terror chicken children. She makes a circle gesture,
Speaker 1: then points in the direction Guillermo is looking. The velociraptors
Speaker 1: take off quietly, running full tilt towards the horizon, disappearing
Speaker 1: over a nearby hill. I hear a scream, a human scream,
Speaker 1: which is cut off short. A few minutes later, the
Speaker 1: murdered chickens return, dragging two men behind them. No, not men, Nazis.
Speaker 1: I say that, not to dehumanize them. Nazis are verifiably human.
Speaker 1: I actually recommend verifying this yourself. You can cut them
Speaker 1: up and count their organs. I say that they are
Speaker 1: not men, that they are Nazis, to deny them their masculinity.
Speaker 1: What is a man? Discourse seems to switch around like
Speaker 1: every three years, But I am with the feminist masculinist
Speaker 1: thinker Ambrose gutfish and what he said in twenty forty
Speaker 1: seven during a speech at the Conference for the Reclmative
Speaker 1: Abolition of Human Gender in Amsterdam, he said, quote, what
Speaker 1: is a man? If we refuse to accept that there's
Speaker 1: a good gender and a bad, then we are forced
Speaker 1: to reckon with the idea of positive masculinity. It's hard
Speaker 1: to do because most of the traits associated with positive masculinity, guarding, caring,
Speaker 1: accepting risk on the behalf of others, positive like non
Speaker 1: coercive leadership, etc. Can just as easily be offered to
Speaker 1: positive femininity. Both the idealized woman and the idealized man
Speaker 1: are protectors and providers. So how can these be distinct
Speaker 1: masculine and feminine traits? The answers become recursive. Well, it's
Speaker 1: masculine guardianship when a man does it. Rather than fight
Speaker 1: this complication, we ought to embrace it. There is no
Speaker 1: such thing as a man, and therefore we can create
Speaker 1: man in our own image. To that, I say, a
Speaker 1: man is a guardian, but a respectful one. A man
Speaker 1: is a nurturer, not a controller. A man seeks to
Speaker 1: help others become their best selves by providing a safe
Speaker 1: environment for people to discover themselves become themselves. The fact
Speaker 1: that you could define a woman the same way is immaterial.
Speaker 1: A man is equal to every other person of every
Speaker 1: gender and does not accept artificially imposed hierarchical authority. A Nazi,
Speaker 1: therefore cannot be a man end quote. Is this a
Speaker 1: semantic argument? Yes? Do I believe it? Also? Yes? Does
Speaker 1: my opinion about what counts as a man matter since
Speaker 1: I'm not one myself? No? Was I thinking all of
Speaker 1: this while watching tiny little dinosaurs drag two uniform members
Speaker 1: of the Iberian PHANLANX on a hot Catalonian night. Oddly, yes,
Speaker 1: one of the soldiers was alive still and was screaming
Speaker 1: bloody murder into the night. The other was dead. Both
Speaker 1: were by uniform and equipment scouts. A sniper team one
Speaker 1: velociraptor showed up about two minutes later, dragging an anti
Speaker 1: materiel rifle slowly by the muzzle. A fifty cow these
Speaker 1: days mostly used to snipe dinosaurs. Marta walked up to
Speaker 1: the surviving soldier. Will you talk, she asked, No, he answered,
Speaker 1: Do you have a god? She asked yes, he said.
Speaker 1: She let him mumble his way through the Lord's prayer.
Speaker 1: When he finished, she stepped over him a small knife
Speaker 1: in her hands. He looked up at her and called
Speaker 1: her a travello, which isn't a nice way to describe
Speaker 1: her gender, and she cut his throat, much like our
Speaker 1: sponsors are slashing prices. Eh eh. This podcast is brought
Speaker 1: to you by Straight Edge. Don't drink, It's bad for you.
Speaker 1: Not drinking is cool. Go straight Edge. This podcast is
Speaker 1: brought to you by Lemmy's Licorice Liquors. Are you tired
Speaker 1: of feeling sad? Borrow some happiness from the future by
Speaker 1: drinking alcohol. This podcast is brought to you by the
Speaker 1: Association for the Appreciation of Gas Station Drugs. Just because
Speaker 1: we don't have gas stations really anymore is no reason
Speaker 1: to stop consuming drugs that aren't regulated because they're too
Speaker 1: new and experimental to have gotten onto the radar of
Speaker 1: any regulating body. This podcast is brought to you by
Speaker 1: Happy Henriette's Harm Reduction Habit Habitat. Have you been doing
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Speaker 1: to manage your habit? Just need some harm reduction supplies
Speaker 1: and hired of people judging you for going out to
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Speaker 1: habit habitat where will help you get sorted, because remember,
Speaker 1: whatever your opinions on drug use are people who use
Speaker 1: drugs need harm reduction. And we're back. After Marda slit
Speaker 1: the man's throat, she looked up at me, visibly shaken.
Speaker 1: His last words could have been amen, she said. Only
Speaker 1: then did I notice the Saint Marina's pendant around her neck,
Speaker 1: a patron saint venerated by a growing number of trans
Speaker 1: folk Catholics. Later I discovered why she'd killed him instead
Speaker 1: of taken him prisoner. This was absolutely against standing orders. Essentially,
Speaker 1: a growing number of soldiers have started a campaign against torture.
Speaker 1: The Nazi said he wasn't going to talk, and it
Speaker 1: was quite likely that coercion would have been used, so
Speaker 1: she killed him. The first thousand or so soldiers who
Speaker 1: performed this sort of mercy killing were court martialed out
Speaker 1: of the Internationalist forces, but this only made the movement stronger,
Speaker 1: and command has largely given up on enforcing this rule.
Speaker 1: Their argument is, essentially, if we torture our prisoners, how
Speaker 1: are we better than the fascists that we face. Others
Speaker 1: have argued that torture is nothing compared to the evil
Speaker 1: performed by the other side, who take not just the living,
Speaker 1: but also the dead and make them suffer. I didn't
Speaker 1: have time to ask Marta much about her decision and
Speaker 1: whether or not her folk Catholic faith tied into that decision,
Speaker 1: because even before the Velociraptors returned with their prey, Aomer
Speaker 1: has set about waking up the camp. It was good
Speaker 1: that he did, because ten minutes later, the zombies crested
Speaker 1: the hill, and for the first time in my life,
Speaker 1: I saw battle. According to war propaganda standards, I'm supposed
Speaker 1: to tell you that it was somehow both terrible and
Speaker 1: glorious that men prove their metal, women prove their worth,
Speaker 1: and non binary folks prove their I don't know note worthiness.
Speaker 1: According to literature standards, I'm supposed to tell you that
Speaker 1: it was the worst thing in the world. That I
Speaker 1: shit myself with fear, and everyone cried to their mothers
Speaker 1: as they were dragged away to their doom by the
Speaker 1: unfeeling undead army. What's fucked up is that both of
Speaker 1: these things are true. Well, I didn't shit myself in fear.
Speaker 1: I actually learned that I'm all right in a crisis,
Speaker 1: compartmentalizing terror deep into my belly so that it can
Speaker 1: wreck me later. But there was terror, and there was glory,
Speaker 1: and I maybe enjoyed it a little bit too much.
Speaker 1: Maybe there's something wrong with me, or maybe I'm just
Speaker 1: well suited for the world. I live in the world
Speaker 1: of war because there is no outside in a worldwide
Speaker 1: revolutionary war. A Nazi zombie attack a classic one like
Speaker 1: the one we were in. It has a few stages. First,
Speaker 1: the scouts, a sniper team or two. They report on
Speaker 1: century location and are meant to kill a few of
Speaker 1: the largest dinosaurs. MARTA's minions took those two out. Then
Speaker 1: the runners, the screechers. These are a sort of half
Speaker 1: zombie half biospawn. Look, I am not actually sure how
Speaker 1: they're made or exactly what the difference is between a
Speaker 1: zombie and a biospawn, but these things out whatever these creatures,
Speaker 1: like their name implies. They run and they screech. They
Speaker 1: are shock troops. A few hundred came out of the
Speaker 1: hills shrieking in pain. They are not particularly effective combatants.
Speaker 1: They're just there to demoralize people. The camp didn't demoralize
Speaker 1: within moments, the machine gun nests were staffed and pikes
Speaker 1: filled in the gaps. Dino riders get most of the
Speaker 1: cred and most of the action, once again mixed. Bunny
Speaker 1: face murder has hand encoded the code for an emoji,
Speaker 1: in this case a winky face. But in World War
Speaker 1: three point five, like every war ever, infantry does most
Speaker 1: of the work. Shriekers are no match for machine guns.
Speaker 1: Then came the artillery. Mortar shells dropped all around us,
Speaker 1: blowing holes in tents and people our own returned fire.
Speaker 1: Dead bats, unholy flying biospawn came shrieking down through the sky.
Speaker 1: Pterodactyl riders went up after them, and the big cats
Speaker 1: leapt into the air, bringing the bats down out on
Speaker 1: the horizon. The horde shambled towards us. Many still wore
Speaker 1: internationalist uniforms. Somewhere in that horde, most likely with someone
Speaker 1: I'd known, someone I'd cared about, who'd fallen in battle
Speaker 1: and been resurrected to fight against US. Machine Guns opened up,
Speaker 1: of course, but many of the nests went silent as
Speaker 1: mortars found them. Everywhere. Machine guns went silent, The thag
Speaker 1: Hags went to work stegosauruses ripped through the enemy ranks.
Speaker 1: It was chaos. It was hell. I shouldn't have enjoyed myself.
Speaker 1: There is something fundamentally broken in my head. Then, last
Speaker 1: of all came the enemy, the real enemy, the people.
Speaker 1: The Iberian Phalax rode into war on horseback and signature style,
Speaker 1: with lance and rifle and fucking Conquista door helmets and
Speaker 1: huge Christian nationalist flags, waving a big old cross held
Speaker 1: at the front. For a moment, I thought we were lost.
Speaker 1: For a moment, I imagined what it would be like
Speaker 1: to be killed by zombies and then resurrected as one.
Speaker 1: For a moment I was scared. Only a moment. See
Speaker 1: the Fanlax's tactics have grown stagnant by that point. They'd
Speaker 1: had so much success elsewhere that they had routinely underestimated
Speaker 1: our numbers, our morale, our training. Our camp was fairly
Speaker 1: well naturally protected by the hills, but there was one
Speaker 1: obvious weakness, one obvious direction from which to attack. It
Speaker 1: had been planned that way on purpose. There was a
Speaker 1: second camp tucked away into the hills, where our own
Speaker 1: shock troops lived, the Dreadnought Camp. So while we were
Speaker 1: dealing with the screechers and the mortars and the horde.
Speaker 1: The Dreadnoughts were waiting when the Phalax crested the hill,
Speaker 1: riding noble and tall on their destriers. I don't know
Speaker 1: what a destrier is, but it sounds like a fancy
Speaker 1: word for a horse, so we'll go with that. They
Speaker 1: thought they were walking into victory, or at least into
Speaker 1: an even fight. Never ever get into an even fight.
Speaker 1: You fight either when you know you're gonna win, or
Speaker 1: when you have to. If it's an even fight, you
Speaker 1: don't have to, and you shouldn't. They started towards us,
Speaker 1: certain we were tied up with their biospawn. The Dreadnoughts
Speaker 1: came crashing in on their flank, war horns, blowing swords,
Speaker 1: rattling rifles, blazing sauapods, screaming, and just annihilated them. A
Speaker 1: woman in full medieval armor dove off a dinosaur's neck
Speaker 1: from twenty feet in the air and crashed into the
Speaker 1: soldier carrying the cross. Within twenty minutes, the Phalanx was routed.
Speaker 1: Raptors big and small, mounted and riderless ran them down.
Speaker 1: Our victory was absolute, much to the dismay of the Dreadnoughts.
Speaker 1: Only six out of their six hundred died in the fighting.
Speaker 1: Even the Swan diver limped away from battle with nothing
Speaker 1: more than a sprained shoulder. Their dreams of Valhalla will
Speaker 1: have to wait for another day. There's a saying among
Speaker 1: the troops here that it's bad luck to brag about
Speaker 1: your own deeds, that if there is boasting to be done,
Speaker 1: it ought to be done by your comrades instead. So
Speaker 1: I'll tell you only that while a reporter's job is
Speaker 1: to report, it's it's easier to report when you're not dead.
Speaker 1: A shotgun served me better than a pen that evening.
Speaker 1: A unit of four Artillerians got the highest kill count
Speaker 1: that day. They were a unit of grouchy old veterans
Speaker 1: from the Bosque separatist movement. To it a penchant for
Speaker 1: explosives and mortars. They called themselves the Bosque Space Agency.
Speaker 1: I guess because they like blowing Nazis as high into
Speaker 1: the air as possible. Given the honor of naming the battle,
Speaker 1: they called it the Battle of Ogre Hill. And I
Speaker 1: don't have access to the Internet, so I don't know
Speaker 1: what that means. As for what happened in the aftermath
Speaker 1: and where we stand today and how I fell in
Speaker 1: with the Dreadnoughts. I suppose you're gonna have to wait
Speaker 1: for another episode of Actually, I don't know what Margaret
Speaker 1: named this current series because this is a one way
Speaker 1: communication thing where I write encrypto notes to her. So
Speaker 1: let me just try and guess what Margaret named this.
Speaker 1: It's gonna rhyme, but it's not gonna be very clever.
Speaker 1: Cool Zone twenty fifty five. Now is our chance to thrive?
Speaker 1: Did you name it that, Margaret? That would be just
Speaker 1: like you, you know, Killjoy And now here's Margaret. We're
Speaker 1: done with the quoted part. Uh, thank you. That's it
Speaker 1: for cools Own twenty fifty five, How to Survive the
Speaker 1: Dino Wars, which is a perfectly cromulent name. Thank you
Speaker 1: very much. And if you enjoyed this podcast, I want
Speaker 1: you to go back thirty years in the past to
Speaker 1: when I released the third book in the Danielle Kine series.
Speaker 1: That's right, it was in twenty twenty five, I believe.
Speaker 1: I think it was March twenty twenty five that I
Speaker 1: put out The Immortal Choir Holds Every Voice. No, wait,
Speaker 1: that's when we kickstarted it, And did you know that
Speaker 1: even before that, people could sign up for notifications on
Speaker 1: Kickstarter about when the Immortal Choir holds every voice would
Speaker 1: be released, And in order to do so, they would
Speaker 1: just have to had googled Immortal Choir Kickstarter and they
Speaker 1: would have found it and then signed up for notifications.
Speaker 1: It wouldn't that have been great? I hope that thirty
Speaker 1: years ago, in twenty twenty five, people did that. Anyway,
Speaker 1: catch you all next week. It could happen here as
Speaker 1: a production of cool Zone Media. For more podcasts from
Speaker 1: cool Zone Media, visit our website coolzonemedia dot com, or
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Speaker 1: wherever you listen to podcasts. You can find sources where
Speaker 1: it could happen here, updated monthly at coolzonemedia dot com
Speaker 1: slash sources. Thanks for listening.