1 00:00:04,559 --> 00:00:07,960 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, I'm Jemma Spake and welcome back to the 2 00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:11,280 Speaker 1: Psychology of Your Twenties, the podcast where we talk through 3 00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:16,000 Speaker 1: the biggest changes, moments, and transitions of our twenties and 4 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:26,160 Speaker 1: what they mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back 5 00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:29,600 Speaker 1: to the show. Welcome back to the podcast, new listeners, 6 00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:32,519 Speaker 1: old listeners. Wherever you are in the world, it is 7 00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:35,160 Speaker 1: so great to have you here back for another episode 8 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:39,400 Speaker 1: as we of course break down the psychology of our twenties. 9 00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:43,280 Speaker 1: So today we've got another one of our little bonus episodes. 10 00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:48,120 Speaker 1: These are like shorter, more bite sized doses of our 11 00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:52,000 Speaker 1: usual content, something to accompany your lunch break or your 12 00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:55,720 Speaker 1: little morning walk. In these shorter chats, we just mainly 13 00:00:55,760 --> 00:01:01,000 Speaker 1: aim to tackle certain terms, theories, concepts that you may 14 00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:03,560 Speaker 1: hear in the self help or psychology space in a 15 00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:09,920 Speaker 1: more focused, compact kind of way. And in today's episode, 16 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:13,880 Speaker 1: we are going to be looking at this concept of detachment, 17 00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:19,640 Speaker 1: specifically how we can truly detach from an outcome from 18 00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:23,759 Speaker 1: a person who is controlling our emotions, from a relationship, 19 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:28,640 Speaker 1: a situation, a job application, really anything. Our attachment to 20 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:32,120 Speaker 1: these things is deeply emotional. It shows we care a lot, 21 00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:36,440 Speaker 1: but sometimes our emotional investment can actually cause us to 22 00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:40,120 Speaker 1: suffer more in imagination than in reality, and get too 23 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,440 Speaker 1: caught up in the what ifs than the what is 24 00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:48,520 Speaker 1: actually happening. Detachment is the psychological and emotional kind of 25 00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:53,760 Speaker 1: antidote to this that asks us to perhaps be more stoic, 26 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:57,800 Speaker 1: to understand that what we think about something won't always 27 00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:01,200 Speaker 1: change what will actually happen, and just to let life 28 00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:06,840 Speaker 1: be something that happens to us naturally that flows around us, 29 00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:10,919 Speaker 1: rather than us trying to push through it or force 30 00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:15,720 Speaker 1: certain things to happen, or struggle against people who aren't 31 00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:17,920 Speaker 1: going to change their mind, who may not treat us 32 00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:21,480 Speaker 1: any differently, or situations that maybe aren't going to improve 33 00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:25,120 Speaker 1: just by us trying to think about them more. It 34 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:29,240 Speaker 1: is an incredibly important skill. That being said, it's also 35 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:34,880 Speaker 1: quite difficult to learn, so let's talk about it. Firstly, 36 00:02:34,919 --> 00:02:38,480 Speaker 1: what's the difference between attachment and attachment. It might sound simple, 37 00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:42,000 Speaker 1: but attachment is I always think about it as like 38 00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:45,519 Speaker 1: having a bird in the palm of your hand and 39 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:48,640 Speaker 1: holding onto it really tightly with a closed fist, hoping 40 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:52,120 Speaker 1: that it will stay, and that not being a comfortable 41 00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:56,480 Speaker 1: experience for anybody or anything. Detachment is the ability to 42 00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:59,000 Speaker 1: hold what you want or what you have with an 43 00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:03,120 Speaker 1: open hand. Sure the bird may fly away, but that 44 00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:05,240 Speaker 1: probably means it wasn't meant to be there in the 45 00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:07,400 Speaker 1: first place, didn't want to be in there in the 46 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:11,080 Speaker 1: first place. And a new bird, a better bird, a 47 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:12,760 Speaker 1: bird that does want to be there, is going to 48 00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:15,040 Speaker 1: fly and land on your hand. That's kind of the 49 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:18,280 Speaker 1: metaphor I always think about. It's basically when you stop 50 00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:22,120 Speaker 1: trying to bend reality into your preferred shape, and you 51 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:27,600 Speaker 1: just decide to participate in whatever is actually happening, without gripping, 52 00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:31,680 Speaker 1: without bargaining, without trying to force things into place when 53 00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:36,200 Speaker 1: they don't fit, detached from a specific outcome, detached from 54 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:39,760 Speaker 1: a specific person and their behaviors. You are very much 55 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:42,320 Speaker 1: in this mindset of what I can control and what 56 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:45,840 Speaker 1: I can't control, and you notice the difference and you 57 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:50,800 Speaker 1: appreciate the difference. In the literature on detachment, psychologists sometimes 58 00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:55,760 Speaker 1: basically describe it as a form of cognitive distancing or 59 00:03:55,800 --> 00:04:00,400 Speaker 1: emotional distancing, being able to turn down the emotional volume 60 00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:04,280 Speaker 1: of a situation or the or your own emotions just enough, 61 00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:06,480 Speaker 1: just to be able to think clearly, and just to 62 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:09,760 Speaker 1: act in line with your values and your vision. It's 63 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:13,160 Speaker 1: not that you are going to numb yourself to any outcome. 64 00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:15,520 Speaker 1: It's not that you're going to shut down. It's not 65 00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:19,160 Speaker 1: that you're going to stop caring. It's still about caring. 66 00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:24,680 Speaker 1: It's just about being able to operate without the outcome 67 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:27,080 Speaker 1: or that other person or whatever it is, the event 68 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:31,920 Speaker 1: being your center and being the thing that you obsessively 69 00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:37,120 Speaker 1: think about. It's basically saying, don't let the things you 70 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:40,200 Speaker 1: can't control be the only thing that you focus on. 71 00:04:41,279 --> 00:04:45,040 Speaker 1: When we're attached, what we're actually attached to is not 72 00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:48,160 Speaker 1: always the outcome or the person or the situation or 73 00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:52,560 Speaker 1: whatever it is. It's often what that thing represents and 74 00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:57,440 Speaker 1: what promises us. Meaning, you're attached to this idea of 75 00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:00,560 Speaker 1: getting this job because maybe that will prove to you 76 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:03,080 Speaker 1: that you are hard working, that you are good enough, 77 00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:05,840 Speaker 1: that you are set up for the future. You are 78 00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:10,159 Speaker 1: attached to receiving attention from this person, not because you 79 00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:12,360 Speaker 1: may even like them, but because you think that their 80 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:17,000 Speaker 1: attention would give you some very serious sign that you 81 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:21,640 Speaker 1: are lovable or you know, if they don't give you attention, well, 82 00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:24,800 Speaker 1: then that's going to prove that you aren't. We get 83 00:05:24,839 --> 00:05:29,919 Speaker 1: attached because as humans, our brains crave a feeling of safety, 84 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:36,359 Speaker 1: and they crave a feeling of knowing. And when we 85 00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:41,040 Speaker 1: have certainty of a situations, that is the cheapest shortcut 86 00:05:41,279 --> 00:05:45,719 Speaker 1: to feeling okay and to feeling safe in life. It's 87 00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:49,200 Speaker 1: also not something that life has promised us. We are 88 00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:51,680 Speaker 1: not going to be certain about many many things. But 89 00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:54,360 Speaker 1: our brain likes to convince us that if we can 90 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:56,880 Speaker 1: think about it a little more, if we can manipulate 91 00:05:56,920 --> 00:06:00,320 Speaker 1: the situation a little bit more, if we can want 92 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:04,560 Speaker 1: it enough, well, then hopefully we can be in control. 93 00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:07,120 Speaker 1: And hopefully that will give us a sense of meaning, 94 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:11,600 Speaker 1: a sense of predictability, a sense of certainty. And this 95 00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:14,560 Speaker 1: is where our ego and the idea of self concept 96 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:18,320 Speaker 1: comes into this as well. We don't just want that person, 97 00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:21,040 Speaker 1: we don't just want that job. We want what it 98 00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:24,760 Speaker 1: means and what it will say about us. That we 99 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:27,120 Speaker 1: are lovable, that we are chosen, that we are competent, 100 00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:29,680 Speaker 1: that you have a bright future, that life will be happy. 101 00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:32,200 Speaker 1: And if we don't get the certainty we want, if 102 00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:34,600 Speaker 1: we are if we don't get the outcome we want, 103 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:38,880 Speaker 1: then none of that is, none of that feels correct. 104 00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:42,720 Speaker 1: So the goal and the outcome that we get attached 105 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:46,680 Speaker 1: to deeply that is significant to us is so significant 106 00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:50,839 Speaker 1: to us because it is fused with self worth and 107 00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:54,479 Speaker 1: self belief, and so it takes on a much deeper 108 00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:59,840 Speaker 1: level of control and weight than if it didn't mean 109 00:06:59,839 --> 00:07:03,360 Speaker 1: though things to us. And just to know, attachment isn't 110 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:07,279 Speaker 1: inherently bad. It's actually quite a healthy organizing force that 111 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:10,960 Speaker 1: can really help us prioritize what and who matters, and 112 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:14,480 Speaker 1: helps us allocate our attention and resources towards goals and 113 00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:17,760 Speaker 1: coordinate our lives, and gives us a sense of meaning. 114 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:20,920 Speaker 1: The issue really just comes when we are overly attached, 115 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:23,880 Speaker 1: and instead of helping us organize our lives and giving 116 00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:27,280 Speaker 1: life a sense of purpose and importance and meaning and 117 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:31,080 Speaker 1: giving us goals, it actually has the opposite effect. Firstly, 118 00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:34,960 Speaker 1: when we are overly attached to a specific thing, our 119 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:38,360 Speaker 1: thoughts actually become a lot more narrow and they begin 120 00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:40,760 Speaker 1: to race, and it gives us a feeling that is 121 00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:46,000 Speaker 1: very similar to anxiety or to rumination. It can get 122 00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:49,520 Speaker 1: really obsessive. Right, we all know that our thoughts might 123 00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:53,360 Speaker 1: become more rigid and selective, and you basically start forming 124 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:58,720 Speaker 1: a singular, preferred interpretation of events, and the only information 125 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:02,680 Speaker 1: that you let in is information that seems relevant or 126 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:07,360 Speaker 1: proves what you want to happen. Anything that doesn't do that, 127 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:12,960 Speaker 1: that doesn't point directly towards our target, gets ignored, even 128 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:15,000 Speaker 1: if it is super important, even if it's something like 129 00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:19,920 Speaker 1: a significant red flag in somebody's behavior, even if it 130 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:23,800 Speaker 1: is a thing about that apartment that is actually super inconvenient, 131 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:26,920 Speaker 1: something about that job that may actually not be great. 132 00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:30,520 Speaker 1: Because our thoughts are narrow, because they are more rigid 133 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:33,440 Speaker 1: and less curious, because we are to attach to a 134 00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:37,480 Speaker 1: specific outcome, sometimes we just ignore things that would otherwise 135 00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:42,720 Speaker 1: definitely make us desire a different outcome. Secondly, our mood 136 00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:47,120 Speaker 1: definitely becomes attached to a specific outcome. If we feel 137 00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:50,440 Speaker 1: recognized by that guy, we feel amazing, but if they 138 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:54,000 Speaker 1: don't reply to us, we just feel terrible and worthless 139 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:58,600 Speaker 1: and low. If we get the job, we feel incredible, 140 00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:03,720 Speaker 1: We feel purposeful, but if we don't hear back, we 141 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:07,200 Speaker 1: throw in the towel altogether. We swear that we're never 142 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,600 Speaker 1: going to bother trying to get a new job in 143 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:14,480 Speaker 1: that industry again. We question all these things about ourselves, 144 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:18,280 Speaker 1: and essentially it's like the emotional systems in our brain 145 00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:24,080 Speaker 1: become handcuffed to something that is outside of our control. 146 00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:28,120 Speaker 1: And when that dips, when that plateaus, when that rises, 147 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:31,520 Speaker 1: our emotions are going to follow along with it, and 148 00:09:31,559 --> 00:09:35,760 Speaker 1: we just feel completely unmoored in that way because we 149 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:38,480 Speaker 1: are no longer you know, the driver, We are no 150 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:41,000 Speaker 1: longer in the driver's seat. We are completely in the 151 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:44,680 Speaker 1: passenger seat to whatever these you know, circumstances choose to 152 00:09:44,679 --> 00:09:46,800 Speaker 1: bring us. The thing is as well, you know, the 153 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:49,040 Speaker 1: more we do care and the more attached we are, 154 00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:53,920 Speaker 1: which again is normal, the more we do try to push, force, fight, 155 00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:58,400 Speaker 1: hold tight, the more we try to make a situation 156 00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:03,840 Speaker 1: work that just isn't going to And what that does 157 00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:08,760 Speaker 1: is actually, I often think, reduces the chances of something 158 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:12,920 Speaker 1: working out. Sure, this relationship with this person might work 159 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:16,040 Speaker 1: out and might go well, but only if you give 160 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:20,400 Speaker 1: it breathing room. But in our desire for predictability and control, 161 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:25,920 Speaker 1: we try and speed up timelines. We try, and I 162 00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:29,439 Speaker 1: don't know, we just we become more obsessive and we 163 00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:32,760 Speaker 1: do things that we know are actually counter to our 164 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:36,000 Speaker 1: overall goal. But because we are so attached, it just 165 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:38,800 Speaker 1: feels like this attachment has nowhere to go unless we 166 00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:42,720 Speaker 1: take action on its behalf, and we end up ruining things. 167 00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:45,240 Speaker 1: We end up putting too much pressure on things, we 168 00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:49,640 Speaker 1: end up burning out, we end up feeling so exhausted 169 00:10:49,679 --> 00:10:52,280 Speaker 1: that we withdraw or that we move on, or that 170 00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:54,320 Speaker 1: we feel like we can't be around somebody or in 171 00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:57,640 Speaker 1: a situation, not necessarily even because of what they've done, 172 00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:01,440 Speaker 1: but because of how we are approaching this situation. You know, 173 00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:04,600 Speaker 1: I have this theory. It's not so much a psychological theory. 174 00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:07,960 Speaker 1: It's definitely more of a philosophical, spiritual theory. But I 175 00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:11,920 Speaker 1: always say, if you are overly attached to something, to 176 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:14,920 Speaker 1: a relationship and outcome whatever, such that you imagine in 177 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:18,160 Speaker 1: detail exactly how things are going to work out. You're 178 00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:21,680 Speaker 1: already picturing the wedding, you're already picturing the new outfits, 179 00:11:21,679 --> 00:11:24,240 Speaker 1: you're going to a weddy or new job. I often think 180 00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:27,640 Speaker 1: that's actually kind of has like a counteractive effect where 181 00:11:27,679 --> 00:11:31,400 Speaker 1: it makes it less likely to happen. It's like in 182 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:35,400 Speaker 1: some universe, I eat in your mind, this situation has 183 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:39,800 Speaker 1: already occurred, and so you know the universe isn't or 184 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:42,960 Speaker 1: God or whatever isn't going to repeat that same event 185 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:44,960 Speaker 1: because it doesn't want to, you know, it wants to 186 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:48,160 Speaker 1: be creative. If you've already created this situation, it cannot 187 00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:52,160 Speaker 1: possibly happen again in real time because you know, yeah, 188 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:54,079 Speaker 1: the universe, with the God whatever it is like, likes 189 00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:56,120 Speaker 1: to be cheeky and likes to be likes to keep 190 00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:58,600 Speaker 1: us on our toes, and likes to give us something different. 191 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:01,080 Speaker 1: So actually, the more you think about things, and the 192 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:05,600 Speaker 1: more you try and imagine picture develop this story in 193 00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:08,640 Speaker 1: your head, the less likely it's going to occur. In fact, 194 00:12:08,679 --> 00:12:12,120 Speaker 1: probably it's highly unlikely it's not going to occur the 195 00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:14,520 Speaker 1: way you think it is because of this principle. And 196 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:16,480 Speaker 1: you know, there's really no evidence for that other than 197 00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:19,160 Speaker 1: my anecdotal evidence. But every time I found that I've 198 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:22,040 Speaker 1: clinged or clung sorry I should say too tightly to 199 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:25,160 Speaker 1: something such that I've imagined all these hypotheticals, they have 200 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:28,960 Speaker 1: never come true, and that it's always then ended up 201 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:32,120 Speaker 1: happening in a way that is completely surprising. And I 202 00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:34,559 Speaker 1: don't know, maybe that's just the explanation that my brain 203 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:38,040 Speaker 1: has kind of gone to to maybe teach me to 204 00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:41,360 Speaker 1: stop overthinking it as much. I think as well, just 205 00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:44,960 Speaker 1: on a broader sense. It just overly obsessing about a 206 00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:48,680 Speaker 1: specific outcome. It basically reduces how open we are to 207 00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:52,040 Speaker 1: other outcomes and to newness, how open we are to 208 00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:55,079 Speaker 1: the unexpected, to the beautiful parts of life that really 209 00:12:55,160 --> 00:13:00,520 Speaker 1: genuinely surprise us, and the acceptance and having for those 210 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:03,520 Speaker 1: things is really what detachment is about. Instead of being 211 00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:06,960 Speaker 1: rigid wanting certainty, wanting an outcome that you think is 212 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:12,199 Speaker 1: best for yourself, we are more curious. We allow the 213 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:14,600 Speaker 1: events around us, the world around us, to deliver the 214 00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:18,040 Speaker 1: outcome that is probably better. We are more confident in ourselves, 215 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:21,920 Speaker 1: We trust ourselves regardless of what happens, and we're just 216 00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:25,720 Speaker 1: simply more like better able to enjoy and witness things 217 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:28,480 Speaker 1: in our lives and experiences because we're not obsessing over 218 00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:31,120 Speaker 1: them or getting attached before they occur such that we 219 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:34,959 Speaker 1: feel their loss much more profoundly. So we can talk 220 00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:36,760 Speaker 1: about this till the cows come in. What do we 221 00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:40,240 Speaker 1: actually do to get to a level of healthy detachment 222 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:44,800 Speaker 1: so that we can observe be invested, but not emotionally 223 00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:48,000 Speaker 1: tied to this situation, so that we can really just 224 00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:50,600 Speaker 1: have some more freedom in our lives, more peace. We're 225 00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:52,439 Speaker 1: going to talk about all of that and more after 226 00:13:52,480 --> 00:14:02,400 Speaker 1: this short break. Of key principles around the art of 227 00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:06,720 Speaker 1: detachment actually are heavily influenced by Eastern philosophy, particularly by 228 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:12,160 Speaker 1: Buddhist Endowist principles of non attachment. Non attachment is this 229 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:15,840 Speaker 1: attitude of flexibility and balance towards life experiences, where we 230 00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:19,560 Speaker 1: can interact with our thoughts, our feelings, and events without 231 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:25,520 Speaker 1: clinging so desperately to desired positive outcomes or fearing negative ones. 232 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:29,400 Speaker 1: What this concept is based on is this idea that 233 00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:32,960 Speaker 1: the nature of our experiences and our mental representations are 234 00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:37,400 Speaker 1: actually constructed. They're not permanent, so they can't hurt us 235 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:40,320 Speaker 1: unless we let them, because we can always just allow 236 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:42,640 Speaker 1: them to move on, and we can always just let 237 00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:46,200 Speaker 1: them go. I know that sounds very silly and like 238 00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:50,440 Speaker 1: a very simple explanation, but people for thousands and thousands 239 00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:53,520 Speaker 1: of years have been adopting this way of approaching life. 240 00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:57,160 Speaker 1: The simplest way to maybe get into this mindset, the 241 00:14:57,200 --> 00:15:01,200 Speaker 1: simplest reset is before before you trying to fix anything, 242 00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:05,160 Speaker 1: just giving yourself a literal physical space to see things clearly. 243 00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:09,400 Speaker 1: The fastest way is by you know, physically distancing yourself, 244 00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:12,320 Speaker 1: getting out of a room, getting out of a conversation, 245 00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:15,880 Speaker 1: getting out into the world. So your attention isn't trapped 246 00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:19,640 Speaker 1: into this tiny loop of whatever it is you're obsessing over. 247 00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:22,880 Speaker 1: You need to be in a different environment or situation 248 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:26,120 Speaker 1: from the one that is causing you stress. When we 249 00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:29,240 Speaker 1: feel overly attached to something, I really just think we 250 00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:31,080 Speaker 1: can't see the woods from the trees. We become so 251 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:36,080 Speaker 1: overly focused on specific, tiny, minuscule details that we lose 252 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:39,280 Speaker 1: the perspective on the rest of our lives. We lose 253 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:43,400 Speaker 1: the ability to understand the larger overall situation. We lose 254 00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:46,800 Speaker 1: the ability to you know, realize that other people are 255 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:48,600 Speaker 1: alive at the same time as us, and to just 256 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:52,400 Speaker 1: put our problems into perspective. This version of detachment is 257 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:56,120 Speaker 1: just the simplest form. Go outside, move your body, do 258 00:15:56,240 --> 00:16:00,120 Speaker 1: some kind of intense exercise, let your senses re that 259 00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:04,920 Speaker 1: put time and space between the stimulus and your response. 260 00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:07,720 Speaker 1: Also a part of this is just to start really 261 00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:12,080 Speaker 1: paying attention to the ordinary world, the sounds, temperature, people 262 00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:15,360 Speaker 1: walking their dogs, look at other people just living their lives, 263 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,480 Speaker 1: and that will allow you to realize that this might 264 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:22,360 Speaker 1: feel incredibly serious and life defying for you, but it 265 00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:26,080 Speaker 1: doesn't take up the whole universe, and one day it 266 00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:30,240 Speaker 1: won't be at your epicenter anymore. As well, we often 267 00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:32,440 Speaker 1: feel like if we focus on the issue or the 268 00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:35,120 Speaker 1: goal just a little bit longer, if we work just 269 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:38,040 Speaker 1: a little bit harder, if we analyze their response just 270 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:41,720 Speaker 1: once more, you know we will have control. We will 271 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:45,840 Speaker 1: be able to put you know, problem, solve this situation. 272 00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:50,240 Speaker 1: But this never happens. This is a classic thought spiral. 273 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:53,800 Speaker 1: There are limitless things and ways to see this situation, 274 00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:59,880 Speaker 1: limitless things to think about, limitless possibilities. You thinking about 275 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:03,840 Speaker 1: the more is just adding fuel to the fire and 276 00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:07,200 Speaker 1: just further convincing your brain in your mind that one 277 00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:10,320 Speaker 1: more second to think about it, one more second of rumination, 278 00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:14,760 Speaker 1: one more moment to attach even further, is somehow going 279 00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:16,639 Speaker 1: to get you an answer or some are going to 280 00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:21,040 Speaker 1: give you certainty. By gaining literal distance, you are widening 281 00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:24,040 Speaker 1: your frame of reference so that you are allowed to 282 00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:27,720 Speaker 1: choose how to respond rather than just having to react, 283 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:31,639 Speaker 1: and you are able to really identify this problem or 284 00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:34,880 Speaker 1: this situation for what it actually is, rather than what 285 00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:38,560 Speaker 1: your mind is making it out to be. So the 286 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:41,919 Speaker 1: next move is to refill yourself so that you're worth 287 00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:46,480 Speaker 1: isn't hanging on one reply, one meeting, one person, one 288 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:49,240 Speaker 1: thing going right. As we saw earlier, one of the 289 00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:52,640 Speaker 1: key aspects of being overly attached to something or someone 290 00:17:53,119 --> 00:17:56,000 Speaker 1: is that our sense of self worth often begins to 291 00:17:56,080 --> 00:18:00,119 Speaker 1: be contingent on that thing happening. So it's really, I'm 292 00:18:00,119 --> 00:18:03,600 Speaker 1: cru sure that we start to recenter this back onto ourselves, 293 00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:10,639 Speaker 1: re anchor ourselves back into us. Just really practice the 294 00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:14,560 Speaker 1: opposite of humility and the opposite of being attached or 295 00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:18,840 Speaker 1: devoted to something or someone else. Stroke your own ego, 296 00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:22,960 Speaker 1: Celebrate how freaking amazing you are. Reinforce that you will 297 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:25,600 Speaker 1: be fine without this thing for the next day or two. 298 00:18:26,119 --> 00:18:30,280 Speaker 1: Flood your schedule with proof that you exist well beyond 299 00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:32,320 Speaker 1: this goal or this person or whatever it is you 300 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:36,479 Speaker 1: have in mind. Go out for dinner, Create something by yourself, 301 00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:39,320 Speaker 1: like a really hot new outfit, get a haircut, Do 302 00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:42,800 Speaker 1: anything that makes you feel novel, makes you feel confident, 303 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:45,400 Speaker 1: makes you feel in your energy and your power. Make 304 00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:49,400 Speaker 1: as many plans as possible that don't include the person, 305 00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:53,960 Speaker 1: the thing, the event, the situation, the place that you're 306 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:57,560 Speaker 1: attaching to. If you're dating, make sure you're also dating 307 00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:02,760 Speaker 1: your friends, exploring your city, having evening plans, building out 308 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:06,400 Speaker 1: the world beyond this thing that has taken your focus, 309 00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:09,000 Speaker 1: making sure that there are all these other things that 310 00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:14,600 Speaker 1: you're excited by and investigating and curious and you know, 311 00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:19,399 Speaker 1: just motivated to see, so that your whole world isn't 312 00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:23,119 Speaker 1: just whatever it is you're obsessing over. Detaching, you know, 313 00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:26,760 Speaker 1: it isn't about not caring. It's about ensuring that your 314 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:31,959 Speaker 1: world and your life is big enough that no singular 315 00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:39,199 Speaker 1: thing could come in and suffocate everything else out. You 316 00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:41,600 Speaker 1: can be engaged in the parts of your life or 317 00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:44,320 Speaker 1: in the people in your life that you do feel 318 00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:48,879 Speaker 1: attached to. You just can't be fused. You just can't 319 00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:52,200 Speaker 1: have an emotional over alliance on something going right or 320 00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:55,479 Speaker 1: somebody liking you, or a situation working in your favor. 321 00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:58,440 Speaker 1: To determine whether you're going to be happy for that day, 322 00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:02,240 Speaker 1: the next thing, or the next is to really ask yourself, 323 00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:08,840 Speaker 1: does this fit? Or am I standing the edges of 324 00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:12,800 Speaker 1: myself or of my life to make it fit? Now? 325 00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:14,320 Speaker 1: I think we have a little bit of a gut 326 00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:17,240 Speaker 1: reaction when I mention this or when I talk about this. 327 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,920 Speaker 1: When something fits, you know that it fits, like there 328 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:24,840 Speaker 1: is ease there. It's like the perfect pair of genes, 329 00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:28,640 Speaker 1: Like imagine your most perfect, comfortable pair of genes. It's 330 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:31,320 Speaker 1: no friction, no tension. They're always going to be amazing. 331 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:34,080 Speaker 1: When you try on a bad pair of genes, it's 332 00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:37,280 Speaker 1: pretty noticeable, and you can convince yourself that you'll change 333 00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:39,960 Speaker 1: for the genes, that the genes will stretch whatever. They 334 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,080 Speaker 1: never do, and you end up throwing them out, you 335 00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:43,840 Speaker 1: end up donating them, you end up having to sell 336 00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:48,240 Speaker 1: them anyways. Like you know, and you know about certain relationships, 337 00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:52,159 Speaker 1: You know about certain situations as well. When something fits, 338 00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:56,960 Speaker 1: plans get made, Replies don't need decoding. Your life doesn't 339 00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:01,520 Speaker 1: necessarily feel like you're spinning plates to stay afloat. You 340 00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:06,480 Speaker 1: feel steady without constantly needing to be fixing things or 341 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:11,560 Speaker 1: tending to the situation, feeling burnt out, feeling awfully terribly stressed. 342 00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:13,640 Speaker 1: You know when it isn't a fit like you do 343 00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:17,040 Speaker 1: feel that there's lots of persuading, lots of justifying, lots 344 00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:19,760 Speaker 1: of what if we just try this or this or 345 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:22,919 Speaker 1: this kind of energy, and it's a very desperate feeling, 346 00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:25,760 Speaker 1: which we don't like. We don't like feeling that. To 347 00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:27,800 Speaker 1: give you another metaphor, like think of it as like 348 00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:31,560 Speaker 1: a jigsaw piece. The wrong decision, something that we're overly 349 00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:35,240 Speaker 1: attached to that isn't right. Is like trying to force 350 00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:39,879 Speaker 1: the wrong jigsaw puzzle piece into a picture that's already 351 00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:43,960 Speaker 1: been made. You have one piece left, and you're so tired, 352 00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:46,320 Speaker 1: you're so exhausted. You think that this last piece is 353 00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:48,320 Speaker 1: going to be this last couple of pieces is going 354 00:21:48,359 --> 00:21:51,600 Speaker 1: to be right, and it just it's not working. You 355 00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:55,520 Speaker 1: press harder, you cut off a corner and you can 356 00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:58,560 Speaker 1: just visually see it doesn't fit, and you will always 357 00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:02,520 Speaker 1: know that it's wrong, and the whole picture becomes warped 358 00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:05,320 Speaker 1: around it. It just doesn't look okay. And I think 359 00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:09,320 Speaker 1: relationships and goals act in the same way. If it 360 00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:14,320 Speaker 1: only fits when you're shrinking, over explaining, carrying eighty percent 361 00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:18,240 Speaker 1: of the load, you're forcing it. And there is another 362 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:21,199 Speaker 1: puzzle piece somewhere in that box. There is another puzzle 363 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:25,000 Speaker 1: piece that maybe somebody else needs to find and give 364 00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:27,560 Speaker 1: to you that will fit better, and you just have 365 00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:30,240 Speaker 1: to wait. And I know that can be frustrating advice, 366 00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:32,879 Speaker 1: But I can think of all these times where I 367 00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:36,040 Speaker 1: just release the need to know, and I release the 368 00:22:36,119 --> 00:22:38,879 Speaker 1: need for a specific outcome, and each time I was 369 00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:41,680 Speaker 1: deeply rewarded, and it was much much better than what 370 00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:44,520 Speaker 1: I initially wanted. Two great examples of this are like 371 00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:48,040 Speaker 1: the last place that I lived, like the first place 372 00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:51,800 Speaker 1: I ever lived alone. This my beautiful, little dingy one 373 00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:54,439 Speaker 1: bedroom house. That house was perfect for me. And before 374 00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:57,560 Speaker 1: that house, I actually applied for another apartment and it 375 00:22:57,640 --> 00:23:00,440 Speaker 1: was like the first or second one that I seen, 376 00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:03,560 Speaker 1: and I just got myself convinced that this was the 377 00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:06,680 Speaker 1: right one, and I was so anxious and stressed about it. 378 00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:09,159 Speaker 1: And the thing was is that that apartment would have 379 00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:11,159 Speaker 1: been terrible to live in. It was like on the 380 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:14,560 Speaker 1: bottom floor, there was no light, there was no public transport, 381 00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:17,760 Speaker 1: there was no parking, like, but my mind had just 382 00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:21,199 Speaker 1: convinced me like that's the one, and I was clinging 383 00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:24,800 Speaker 1: onto it, clinging on to it, and when I didn't 384 00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:27,359 Speaker 1: get it, it was actually quite relieving, and I'm glad I 385 00:23:27,359 --> 00:23:29,200 Speaker 1: didn't because then I got the thing that was better 386 00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:31,560 Speaker 1: for me. It's the same with my last corporate job. 387 00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:34,720 Speaker 1: I applied. I didn't hear anything for months. I detached. 388 00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:37,000 Speaker 1: I basically told everyone like, oh, I'm not going to 389 00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:39,960 Speaker 1: get it. I didn't get it, Like I basically gave 390 00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:42,399 Speaker 1: everybody else, like I told them what the outcome was 391 00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:46,440 Speaker 1: without knowing, and like I genuinely think, like a week later, 392 00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:49,280 Speaker 1: I got like a call about that job, and you know, 393 00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:53,760 Speaker 1: these are just stories. Detaching doesn't necessarily increase the chance 394 00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:56,120 Speaker 1: of an outcome happening, but I think it just lets 395 00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:59,760 Speaker 1: you suffer less, enjoy life more, and have a more 396 00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:03,000 Speaker 1: positive open outlook to other things that are coming your way. 397 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:06,840 Speaker 1: My last tip is to just really try and adopt 398 00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:10,600 Speaker 1: this stoic mentality we've been discussing throughout this episode. Focus 399 00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:13,960 Speaker 1: as much as you can list in your notes, app 400 00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:16,320 Speaker 1: in your journal, as much as you can what you 401 00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:20,639 Speaker 1: can control and what you cannot. That is detachment in 402 00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:23,680 Speaker 1: the most grounded sense, recognizing that life is not going 403 00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:28,080 Speaker 1: to arrange itself around your preferences, and knowing ahead of 404 00:24:28,119 --> 00:24:29,880 Speaker 1: time that you're going to be okay with that. Anyways, 405 00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:33,879 Speaker 1: you can want something and you can still refuse to 406 00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:37,439 Speaker 1: make your well being hostage to it. Bad things might happen, 407 00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:40,680 Speaker 1: plans might change, you might not get what you really desired. 408 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:43,359 Speaker 1: You trust yourself enough to know that you're going to 409 00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:45,920 Speaker 1: be okay. And we talk about self trust so much 410 00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:49,320 Speaker 1: on this podcast. But it is the opposite of anxiety. 411 00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:53,960 Speaker 1: It is the opposite of anxious attachment. It is the 412 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:57,760 Speaker 1: opposite of panic, it's the opposite of rumination. Is just 413 00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:01,720 Speaker 1: I trust myself. I know that, yes, these things could happen, 414 00:25:02,119 --> 00:25:05,400 Speaker 1: Yes things could not work out. I'll still be all right. 415 00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:10,680 Speaker 1: I will still be able to be tested and come 416 00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:13,280 Speaker 1: through this. And I think that that really is like 417 00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:16,159 Speaker 1: the most positive way to think about anything that is 418 00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:19,239 Speaker 1: out of your control is like, yeah, try me, like 419 00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:23,520 Speaker 1: I'm ready my self. Trust in myself is deep. I'm 420 00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:27,920 Speaker 1: unshakable based on whatever is going on around me. And 421 00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:30,359 Speaker 1: just think about how different your day feels when you 422 00:25:30,359 --> 00:25:33,000 Speaker 1: have that mentality. The thing is, you're still going to 423 00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:34,840 Speaker 1: show up, You're still going to ask what you want, 424 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:36,879 Speaker 1: You're still going to prepare, You're still going to have 425 00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:40,640 Speaker 1: an open heart. Nothing about the effort you put in changes, 426 00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:45,840 Speaker 1: but the meaning you assign to the result softens. Yes, 427 00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:49,879 Speaker 1: becomes an opportunity and know it's just information that you 428 00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:53,960 Speaker 1: use for next time. Neither is a measure of your worth, 429 00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:58,399 Speaker 1: which is so important. It's just a refusal to confuse 430 00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:06,399 Speaker 1: your preference and a certain outcome with happiness and with necessity, 431 00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:08,600 Speaker 1: like you're gonna be okay no matter what. I know 432 00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:10,760 Speaker 1: this episode has been more of a pep talk than 433 00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:14,800 Speaker 1: maybe like specific tips, But I really do feel like 434 00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:18,000 Speaker 1: this is an energy. This is a real mindset that 435 00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:22,560 Speaker 1: you float into and once you're in you really understand 436 00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:25,640 Speaker 1: how much more peace comes with it. And it takes time. 437 00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:29,959 Speaker 1: I'm definitely not the best at it. But when I 438 00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:34,800 Speaker 1: do actively try and force myself to just consider other outcomes, 439 00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:38,440 Speaker 1: to just really relax into whatever's going to happen, will happen, 440 00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:42,280 Speaker 1: whatever will be will be, I genuinely feel the tension 441 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:44,720 Speaker 1: shift out of my body, and I find my approach 442 00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:47,600 Speaker 1: to things changes and people notice that and they respond 443 00:26:48,119 --> 00:26:50,480 Speaker 1: back to me in a way that is honestly, surprisingly 444 00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:53,240 Speaker 1: more positive. So I hope that this is convincing. I 445 00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:56,920 Speaker 1: hope this episode was helpful. I hope you can apply 446 00:26:57,040 --> 00:26:59,920 Speaker 1: it in your own life, whether it is with a situationship, 447 00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:05,240 Speaker 1: a job, an apartment, a friend, just the life in general. Yeah, 448 00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:07,280 Speaker 1: I hope it goes. I hope it goes far for you. 449 00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:10,520 Speaker 1: I want to thank our research assistantly Bi Culbert for 450 00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:13,760 Speaker 1: her help on this special bonus episode. Make sure that 451 00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:16,879 Speaker 1: you are following us on Instagram at that Psychology podcast. 452 00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:20,560 Speaker 1: Our December Guest Month starts in a couple of days 453 00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:23,240 Speaker 1: and we have some amazing gues for you guys, so 454 00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:25,440 Speaker 1: I'd love for you to be I'd love for you 455 00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:27,639 Speaker 1: to know when the episode's ith. Make sure you're also 456 00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:31,439 Speaker 1: subscribed following whatever it is, whatever app you're listening on 457 00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:34,120 Speaker 1: to the podcast as well, so that you also get 458 00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:38,840 Speaker 1: those notifications, and leave a comment in the description. If 459 00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:40,320 Speaker 1: you have made it this far, what are you trying 460 00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:43,800 Speaker 1: to detach from right now? What is this episode hopefully 461 00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:48,680 Speaker 1: helping you move on from trend more lightly with? I'd 462 00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:51,080 Speaker 1: love to hear it. But until next time, stay safe, 463 00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:53,800 Speaker 1: be kind, be gentle to yourself. We will talk very 464 00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:54,320 Speaker 1: very soon.