Speaker 1: It's scary as hell having kids going to school in
Speaker 1: twenty twenty three.
Speaker 2: That is all fact, because you know the way my
Speaker 2: worry be set up chill and it's giving. I want
Speaker 2: to homeschool them. But when all these shootings are happening anywhere,
Speaker 2: it makes it that much more intense.
Speaker 1: Dead ass.
Speaker 2: Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devoured and we're the Ellis's.
Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos with.
Speaker 2: Our voice and reading each other publicly as a form
Speaker 2: of therapy.
Speaker 1: Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.
Speaker 2: Oh and one more important thing to mention, we're married.
Speaker 1: Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast to open
Speaker 1: dialogue about some of li's most taboo topics.
Speaker 2: Things most folks don't want to talk about.
Speaker 1: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass
Speaker 1: is a term that we say every day. So when
Speaker 1: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred,
Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Speaker 1: About to take Philo talk to a whole new level.
Speaker 2: Dead Ass starts right now.
Speaker 1: All right, story time, I'm gonna just be honest. I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna this. I hate talking about this top well,
Speaker 1: I don't hate talking about this topic. It's a very
Speaker 1: important topic, but I don't want to talk about it
Speaker 1: in a place of lightness. So we're not gonna do
Speaker 1: a karaoke. So I'm gonna do two story times. The
Speaker 1: first story time I'm gonna do is what happened recently.
Speaker 1: M I'm at home, I get a text message from
Speaker 1: our oldest son, Jackson, that they had to do hard
Speaker 1: lockdown in school today. So he texts me. He goes, hey, Dad,
Speaker 1: there was a hard lockdown in school today. So I
Speaker 1: respond back, are you okay. I don't get a response, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're in Sweden. I don't get a response for a
Speaker 1: good seven minutes, right, and the father in me is like,
Speaker 1: fuck this, I'm going to the school right now, right,
Speaker 1: And then I start thinking of all of the possibilities.
Speaker 1: Right if I pull up at the school and I
Speaker 1: first of all, if I grab my firearm and I
Speaker 1: pull up in the school, and I show up in
Speaker 1: the school ready to save my son and there is
Speaker 1: no emergency, then I look like the crazy father. Right.
Speaker 1: What if I'm on my way to school my foreign
Speaker 1: firearm and I get pulled over. You know, I'm thinking
Speaker 1: about all of these things in my mind. And while
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about what to do, then I get a
Speaker 1: text from Jackson after about seven eight minutes and he goes, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm fine. There was a fight amongst the eighth graders,
Speaker 1: so there was a hard lockdown, and it really made
Speaker 1: me like sit back and think, like, is this the
Speaker 1: world we are in right now? Where the kids are
Speaker 1: so like we used to do fire drills. Remember fire
Speaker 1: Remember fire drills that the alarm start going off, everybody
Speaker 1: lines up at the door, We go down in a
Speaker 1: double file line down the stairs. We go outside, we
Speaker 1: gett lined up around the school, and then we go inside.
Speaker 1: Jackson tells me now they do hard lockdown drills and
Speaker 1: soft lockdown drills, and it's crazy to me that that
Speaker 1: is the world we've ma been. But I'm gonna take
Speaker 1: y'all back to the second story. Time is nineteen ninety nine,
Speaker 1: heading into my first year of high school. I believe
Speaker 1: that was the year a Columbine happened, or it was
Speaker 1: the year right after, but that was the first Columbine shooting.
Speaker 1: I believe it was in nineteen ninety nine.
Speaker 2: That was the first memory, the first memorable one.
Speaker 1: Of mass shootings. In schools. And I remember that in
Speaker 1: New York they had just started putting metal detectors in schools,
Speaker 1: and it was a big deal, right because I remember
Speaker 1: having to go I gotta go through the metal detectors
Speaker 1: every morning in New York City High School. Every single morning.
Speaker 1: I got to be there thirty minutes early so I
Speaker 1: can go through the metal detectors. And parents were upset
Speaker 1: because their children shouldn't have to go through this process
Speaker 1: to get an education. And now here we are, twenty
Speaker 1: four years later, and now my son is doing hard
Speaker 1: lockdown drills from mass shootings. It's wild. It is absolutely ridiculous, ridiculous.
Speaker 1: So look, we're gonna take this quick break. Like I said,
Speaker 1: this episode is not about fun and laughter. I want
Speaker 1: to discuss this and condin and I want to discuss
Speaker 1: this because we have kids, Yeah, and we know a
Speaker 1: lot of people out there who have children, and we're
Speaker 1: all sitting here trying to figure out what are we
Speaker 1: going to do moving forward if this doesn't slow down
Speaker 1: and ultimately stop, stick around.
Speaker 2: Y'all, we'll be back. All right, we're back, So talk
Speaker 2: my story time. That was nineteen ninety nine that Columbine
Speaker 2: happened and so you and I were both what sixteen.
Speaker 1: Ish I was fifteen, Yeah, fifteen, I was a freshman
Speaker 1: in high school, and it was a big deal, a
Speaker 1: big deal.
Speaker 2: So yeah, I'm at this point now, Like, for example,
Speaker 2: getting the text message from Jackson during the middle of
Speaker 2: the day, or anytime the school calls during the middle
Speaker 2: of the day, we're usually like heart drops for a
Speaker 2: moment because you just want to make sure that everything's okay.
Speaker 2: And that happened a couple of times over the course
Speaker 2: of us having children, and I would the first thing
Speaker 2: when the school official whoever comes on the phone, the
Speaker 2: first thing they say is Jackson's okay, we just call
Speaker 2: or Cairo's fine. We just want I said, please lead
Speaker 2: with that, because usually in those moments, they just know
Speaker 2: the minute you get a phone call from the school
Speaker 2: that it's going to be.
Speaker 1: Fine, because they told us and to Alida, Jackson was
Speaker 1: all right, Jackie fine.
Speaker 2: I wanst say he had a gaping hole in the
Speaker 2: middle of his tongue after playground.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, they said, Jackson is fine.
Speaker 2: They try not to cause panic. I said, send me
Speaker 2: a picture of it, let me see what that looks like.
Speaker 2: Once I saw that picture, I said, de Val, Go
Speaker 2: get my baby. Go and get my baby. But it
Speaker 2: really makes me wonder what the next route should be
Speaker 2: for us as parents when you're really trying to make
Speaker 2: an educated, an informed decision about whether or not to
Speaker 2: pull your children from school or not. Man, you know,
Speaker 2: and then you think a step further. Like Josh brought
Speaker 2: up a good point when we were talking pre show,
Speaker 2: and he's like, it's not just schools, it's going to
Speaker 2: the supermarket, it's regular everyday stuff.
Speaker 1: I'm glad you brought that up. We actually have some
Speaker 1: facts and stats so that we're not just speaking, you know,
Speaker 1: just putting hyperbole out here. We have some natural facts
Speaker 1: in For example, we are one hundred and thirty six
Speaker 1: days into twenty twenty three. The Gun Violence Archive has
Speaker 1: counted more than two hundred mass shootings so far in
Speaker 1: twenty twenty three, which means we have at least one
Speaker 1: most of the time, it's two mass shootings a day
Speaker 1: in this country. Two mass shootings a day in this country.
Speaker 1: There are over well, there were over six hundred and
Speaker 1: ninety mass shootings in twenty twenty one and six hundred
Speaker 1: and forty seven in twenty twenty two. More Americans died
Speaker 1: of gun related injuries in twenty twenty one than any
Speaker 1: other year on record, according to the latest available statistics
Speaker 1: from the Centers of Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Speaker 1: that included record numbers of both gun murders and gun suicides.
Speaker 1: Despite the increase in such fatalities, the rate of gun deaths,
Speaker 1: a statistic that accounts for the nation's growing population, remained
Speaker 1: below the levels of earlier decades. Rate of gun deaths
Speaker 1: twenty twenty one was fourteen point six versus nineteen seventy
Speaker 1: four was seventeen or sixteen point three. President Biden has
Speaker 1: taken more executive action to reduce gun violence than any
Speaker 1: other president at this point in their presidency. The President's
Speaker 1: new Executive Order to Reduce Gun Violence includes the following
Speaker 1: additional actions, all of which fall within existing executive authority
Speaker 1: and outside of the right protected by the Second Amendment.
Speaker 1: The executive Order directs the President's cabinet to increase the
Speaker 1: number of background checks by ensuring that all background checks
Speaker 1: required by law are conducted before fire on purchases moving
Speaker 1: to US as close to universe background checks as possible
Speaker 1: without additional legislation.
Speaker 2: Is this something that just happened, because before they were
Speaker 2: saying it was no background check.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is all the stuff that he's that he's
Speaker 1: put in executive order while being present. This is stuff
Speaker 1: that he's working on.
Speaker 2: He's working on now. So this hasn't gone through yet though,
Speaker 2: because right now people outside Willy nearly getting.
Speaker 1: Guns absolutely okay, want to be clear. Next, improve public
Speaker 1: awareness and increase appropriate use of extreme risk protection, red
Speaker 1: flag orders and safe storage of firearms. So that's increasing
Speaker 1: education for publics for the public. Last one, address the
Speaker 1: loss or theft of firearms during shipping. Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco,
Speaker 1: Firearms and Explosives ATF data indicates an over two hundred
Speaker 1: and fifty percent increase in the number of firearms reported
Speaker 1: as lost or stolen during shipment between federally licensed firearms
Speaker 1: dealers from roughly seventeen hundred and twenty eighteen to more
Speaker 1: than six twenty two.
Speaker 2: That is wild crazy, So like five times more of
Speaker 2: guns just going missing.
Speaker 1: Yes, that's insane, Well four times more, but four times.
Speaker 1: Here's the biggest thing. We're listening to all of these things, right,
Speaker 1: I just want to ask you, as a mom, what
Speaker 1: is your thought process when it comes to picking a
Speaker 1: school or what we're going to do with the kids'
Speaker 1: school schooling wise, what is your thought process?
Speaker 2: To be completely honest, And this is maybe even just
Speaker 2: outside of all of the mass shootings that have been
Speaker 2: happening lately, we've entertained the idea of homeschooling our children right, yes,
Speaker 2: and try to weigh the pros and cons and things
Speaker 2: like that. It's not realistic, but as a mom, I
Speaker 2: would ultimately want my children where I can see them
Speaker 2: at all times. It's not realistic, though, I essentially would
Speaker 2: love if we were able to create an environment here
Speaker 2: where we can teach them or have someone come in
Speaker 2: home to teach them, and then we can travel and
Speaker 2: we can see the world and we can just develop
Speaker 2: these well cultured global citizens who are not only just
Speaker 2: educated when it comes to books, stuff, but also life,
Speaker 2: other cultures and things like that. We even entertained the
Speaker 2: idea recently after you left filming in Canada, when you
Speaker 2: were speaking to just a bunch of people on set,
Speaker 2: know whether it was producers or other actors, and they
Speaker 2: just said, you know, where do you live, you know,
Speaker 2: during the year, and we're like, what you mean, we
Speaker 2: live in Georgia, you know, and they're like, oh, well,
Speaker 2: we spend you know, half the year in France, and
Speaker 2: then we are in Italy for two months, and then
Speaker 2: we're here and we're there, and I'm just like, wow,
Speaker 2: we're so accustomed to and we've just been raised in
Speaker 2: this bubble, if you will, of just this is how
Speaker 2: you do life. And I am more and more now
Speaker 2: thinking about the possibility or the ways in which we
Speaker 2: can expand on just giving our children more opportunities to
Speaker 2: see the world and to learn one on one through experiences.
Speaker 2: So to answer your question, my ideal situation would be
Speaker 2: a homeschool environment where they're home, because I literally feel
Speaker 2: my absolute best when you and my four children and
Speaker 2: I are in the same space under the same roof
Speaker 2: together and dropping them to school in different places in
Speaker 2: the morning. It just literally gives me anxiety every day
Speaker 2: to think about, God forbid, something happens, you know, something
Speaker 2: globally happens, something locally happens, and I need to get two,
Speaker 2: you know, three and eventually went to colors in school.
Speaker 2: Four children who essentially are in all different places at
Speaker 2: one time. That is extremely nerve working, and I'm seriously
Speaker 2: I don't know if that's something that you're considering now too.
Speaker 2: As you know, we've spoken about it recently, like the
Speaker 2: idea of what it would look like if we were
Speaker 2: to homeschool our children and then have them socially out
Speaker 2: doing sports and organized activities where they can still get
Speaker 2: the balance of the social and the academic equally.
Speaker 1: So this is what I've looked at, and I just
Speaker 1: asked people to just listen to my statement. Okay, I
Speaker 1: put in US population. It's three hundred and thirty one
Speaker 1: point nine million people in the United States. Three hundred
Speaker 1: and thirty one point nine million. That's a lot of millions. Right.
Speaker 1: In the last two years, they had six hundred over
Speaker 1: six hundred mass shootings, right in.
Speaker 2: The past year.
Speaker 1: Two years in the past two years, the total for
Speaker 1: both years was six hundred million, Right, So we have
Speaker 1: thirty three I mean six hundred mass shootings. So we
Speaker 1: have six hundred mass shootings divided by three hundred and
Speaker 1: thirty one million. I said million. So I'm gonna do
Speaker 1: the math right now. That means that mass shootings happen
Speaker 1: at a rate of zero point zero zero zero zero zero.
Speaker 1: One percent of the people in the world are committing
Speaker 1: mass shootings. Do you can see what I'm getting at.
Speaker 2: So they're committing mass shootings whe people are dying from in.
Speaker 1: The US like the people who are committing committing it's
Speaker 1: been this many number of mass shootings. There are three
Speaker 1: hundred and thirty one million, but there have been six
Speaker 1: hundred mass shootings in a year, which means of the
Speaker 1: three hundred and thirty million, six hundred shows to do
Speaker 1: a mass shooting. That's less than a millionth of a
Speaker 1: percent of the people.
Speaker 2: I feel like that's valid until it's your family member.
Speaker 1: No, no, And I'm saying no. But that's why I'm asking
Speaker 1: people to listen to me. What I'm trying to point
Speaker 1: out is is when we sensationalize something, right, it heightens awareness, yes,
Speaker 1: to prevent it, but we also have to look at
Speaker 1: the reality of where it is in the grand scheme
Speaker 1: of things. Right, you have a higher risk of getting
Speaker 1: hit by a car and dying than you do of
Speaker 1: dying in a mass shooting. That's just a fact.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And maybe that's that's where we differ because I
Speaker 2: guess me thinking of it maybe emotionally right, or as
Speaker 2: a mother, as as someone who just thinks like, I
Speaker 2: just don't want my child or someone I love or
Speaker 2: know to be one of those people involved.
Speaker 1: But here's my thing, and this is what I'm asking you.
Speaker 1: Isn't it irrational to take the exception of the rule
Speaker 1: and make that a rule. Isn't that irrational?
Speaker 2: It is, I see how it could be, So why
Speaker 2: would you begin This doesn't feel irrational when you see it,
Speaker 2: and we're fed that through social media.
Speaker 1: But that's my time. When this sensationalize something, it then
Speaker 1: becomes a problem, right because of the sensationalization. Not that
Speaker 1: I'm saying that mass shootings aren't a problem. They are
Speaker 1: a problem, because we still have more mass shootings in
Speaker 1: America than the country. But what I'm saying is is
Speaker 1: that trying to change your lifestyle and your life based
Speaker 1: on something that happens point zero zero zero zero zero
Speaker 1: one eight one percent of the time really doesn't make sense.
Speaker 1: And what I'm in employing, what I'm imploring people to
Speaker 1: do is educate themselves on it, but don't take any
Speaker 1: drastic measures. Like I gave the example of he said
Speaker 1: it was a hard lockdown. I'm getting ready to go
Speaker 1: grab my gun and run up in the school. That
Speaker 1: would have been extremely irrational if you think about it.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. I grabbed my gun and
Speaker 1: I run up to the school because my son says
Speaker 1: someone they had a hard lockdown, and I'm thinking that
Speaker 1: I don't want it to be a situation where my
Speaker 1: son's waiting and the cops didn't do something, so I
Speaker 1: went there first. That's a completely irrational thought. Based on
Speaker 1: how many people we have in the world. Majority of
Speaker 1: people are not committing mass shootings. Now, what I'm saying
Speaker 1: is I still think there needs to be stricter gun laws.
Speaker 1: I think there needs to be a greater responsibility and
Speaker 1: accountability from our federal government to make sure that the
Speaker 1: citizens of this country are safe. That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: But what I want to implore people to do is
Speaker 1: not take drastic measures because we're concerned about something. And
Speaker 1: that's why I gave the example of me be running
Speaker 1: to get my gun and running to the school, because
Speaker 1: if everyone starts responding that way, then we'll have anarchy.
Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: Oh, I see that, especially with everyone being able to
Speaker 2: grab a gun exactly, and I'm looking at the numbers
Speaker 2: here too. The influx of these things happening too. I
Speaker 2: think our direct correlation between the way we've had to
Speaker 2: exist in this world for the past two to three years,
Speaker 2: when did COVID impact us and the pandemic, This is
Speaker 2: all direct correlation, I believe from the repercussions of that
Speaker 2: of being locked down, of people being at home for
Speaker 2: you know, months on end, for people being sack from
Speaker 2: losing loved ones to COVID like that literally was the catalyst.
Speaker 2: I believe that sparked the increase here. And there's not
Speaker 2: as much okay.
Speaker 1: Bad before you finish that. I think there's two things okay,
Speaker 1: because mental health is definitely one okay, But there was
Speaker 1: also a study that shows that when you sensationalize things,
Speaker 1: it gives other people ideas to do it. I'll give
Speaker 1: you an example. When the movie Money Train came out,
Speaker 1: which is one of my favorite movies with Wesley Snipes,
Speaker 1: Woody Housen, and Jennifer Lopez, there was a scene in
Speaker 1: the movie when they had the token booth clerk and
Speaker 1: would they would put the gasoline under there and tell
Speaker 1: her to give us the money and light them on fire. Yes,
Speaker 1: there was an increase of those incidents in New York,
Speaker 1: which is why the movie bombs because people saying, boycott
Speaker 1: this movie because they're sensationalizing the arson of Tobu Clerks. Yes,
Speaker 1: and I'm starting.
Speaker 2: To realize it becomes a piggyack.
Speaker 1: It becomes the thing is we saw that those people
Speaker 1: gained fame from doing something that was diabolical. Let's do that.
Speaker 1: And I feel like part of it is the more
Speaker 1: we sensationalize acts of gun violence. And that's have you
Speaker 1: noticed that they stopped showing the shooter's face and giving
Speaker 1: their names on social media, I mean on mass media
Speaker 1: because they don't want to give them any praise because
Speaker 1: then the next person who wants to commit that says, well,
Speaker 1: even if I die, they'll remember my name. But if
Speaker 1: you commit mass murder and no one talks about it,
Speaker 1: it's like, what's the point. So ultimately, what I'm saying
Speaker 1: is is that I think a large increase in the
Speaker 1: number is happening is the fact that mass media is
Speaker 1: covering it more. But social media has also given a
Speaker 1: voice to people who where mass When mass media decides
Speaker 1: we're not going to cover things in this way because
Speaker 1: we don't want to give people the fame or I
Speaker 1: call it infamy because doing something like this is infamous,
Speaker 1: infamatic thing. You want them to become known in infamy.
Speaker 1: But now you have social media, and through social media
Speaker 1: there's just no holes.
Speaker 2: Well baby, you click on one story, you click on another story.
Speaker 1: And then keep showing and people just make narratives and
Speaker 1: create different things. I honestly feel like the use of
Speaker 1: social media and and even some mass media and the
Speaker 1: way they cover these things are making it more enticing
Speaker 1: for people to do diabolical things because that's how they
Speaker 1: become famous. And that's it's really disheartening, you know and
Speaker 1: see that.
Speaker 2: No, it is super disheartening. So you think of the
Speaker 2: mental illness that may be around it, you think of
Speaker 2: the sensationalizing of it as well. And speaking of sensationalizing
Speaker 2: or just showing it on social media, I'd seen recently
Speaker 2: where people were calling for the last shooting that happened
Speaker 2: at the mall where a couple families lost people. There
Speaker 2: was one particular family, I think there was an Asian
Speaker 2: family was a husband and wife and they had two
Speaker 2: or three children, and the mother and father believe were killed.
Speaker 2: One of the sisters were killed, and then one child
Speaker 2: was left now as an orphan essentially, because the parents
Speaker 2: were killed and there was a person that was there
Speaker 2: as a you know, good smartan after the fact, trying
Speaker 2: to help, and they the person the gentleman said that
Speaker 2: there was a little little girl, you know, face down,
Speaker 2: so he flipped her over to see, like, you know,
Speaker 2: if you can help, and she had no face. These
Speaker 2: ars are completely dismantling people.
Speaker 1: And that's and that's where I feel like the government
Speaker 1: has to do a greater responsibility because people in this
Speaker 1: country shouldn't have access to weapons that.
Speaker 2: Are used that can do that, you know what I'm saying, right,
Speaker 2: the capability and access to it. And then people were
Speaker 2: calling for you know, another Emmitt Till situation. Put that
Speaker 2: baby in a casket and let people see the effects.
Speaker 2: Let these you know, the higher lobbyists, the gun lobbyists,
Speaker 2: let them see what these weapons are doing to our children,
Speaker 2: and will that maybe you know, soften the callus that
Speaker 2: they have on their heart for this. You know, you know,
Speaker 2: it's just it's crazy.
Speaker 1: You know what scares me about even gun lobbyists and
Speaker 1: all of these things. I thought that when mass shootings
Speaker 1: became rampant in White neighborhoods or higher upscale neighborhoods, it
Speaker 1: would cause a change, but it hasn't. The only thing
Speaker 1: that has caused a change in America is when the
Speaker 1: Black Panther Party started to arm themselves with automatic weapons
Speaker 1: immediately in the sixties. After and can't all have guns?
Speaker 1: Then that's when they started to make rules on who
Speaker 1: can get guns or not. But think about it, these
Speaker 1: gun lobbyists, most of them are older, rich white men.
Speaker 1: They're watching their own grandkids and kids be murdered in
Speaker 1: schools and in malls and stuff at concerts, and they're
Speaker 1: still not changing their mind, which to me is scary.
Speaker 1: And they often give the same stat that I gave
Speaker 1: that guns aren't the problem, it's these people because the
Speaker 1: amount of mass shootings that happened compared to how many
Speaker 1: people are in the world is not the same, which
Speaker 1: I agree with. But my problem is is giving someone
Speaker 1: access when you know that people like, for example, they
Speaker 1: say guns don't kill people, people kill people. Fine, why
Speaker 1: are you giving people who kill people access to the
Speaker 1: type of guns where they can kill people in large
Speaker 1: amounts period? You know what I'm saying. If all people
Speaker 1: had access to was a six shooter. Right, you ain't
Speaker 1: gonna see as many mass shootings. You know, we low
Speaker 1: it's about for you. But when you can shoot forty
Speaker 1: and fifty rounds in a matter of seconds, that to
Speaker 1: me is unreal. But I just I want I want
Speaker 1: people to think right and not be reactionary. That's why
Speaker 1: I asked you before I gave my that's before I no.
Speaker 1: I feel you. And it's not only I want to
Speaker 1: right here gun violence. It's not gun violence that you
Speaker 1: want to know. There are several reasons, but I do
Speaker 1: want people to think outside the box when it comes
Speaker 1: to gun violence and the choices you make in response
Speaker 1: to what we know about gun violence. Right, Because if
Speaker 1: we're if we're told that there's an act of gun
Speaker 1: violence or mass shooting every day, the first thing we
Speaker 1: do is go, oh my god, that's a lot. But
Speaker 1: then when you think about how many people exist in
Speaker 1: the world, your chances of being there's there's car accidents,
Speaker 1: multiple car accidents every day, Like there's probably five car
Speaker 1: accidents in every city every day, but there's one to
Speaker 1: two acts of gun violence. But we never stop driving.
Speaker 1: My point is we can't stop living or let those
Speaker 1: people who make poor decisions consume us and how we
Speaker 1: treat our kids in fear. I was just about to say,
Speaker 1: we can't still fear into our kids, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying?
Speaker 2: Awareness, yes, yes, Awareness yes, And being prepared, you know,
Speaker 2: and knowing your surroundings and being reactive in those situations
Speaker 2: God forbid, yes, yes. But not living in fear yes.
Speaker 2: And I think we did a lot of living in
Speaker 2: fear for a large portion of twenty twenty one. You know,
Speaker 2: we're still living in fear to this day, and it
Speaker 2: could be crippling for sure.
Speaker 1: But you know what's crazy, though, I grew up around
Speaker 1: guns my whole life. My family's from the South. My
Speaker 1: grandfather used to hunt and fish, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: My Papa John has a shooting range in his backyard.
Speaker 1: He shoots guns. He taught me shooting, yeah the first time,
Speaker 1: Papa John. I've been shooting shotguns since I was a teenager. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've been shooting handguns and learning. My uncle is a
Speaker 1: hire police officer. He taught me how to load and unload,
Speaker 1: reload and clean a glock and a nine like. Guns
Speaker 1: have always been a part of my life right and
Speaker 1: guns will be a part of my son's lives, mainly
Speaker 1: because I feel as a homeowner you have to have
Speaker 1: something to protect your home, right, but also as a homeowner,
Speaker 1: you have a responsibility to protect the public. So that
Speaker 1: I can't explain too much about how my gun system
Speaker 1: works here because you never know if in intruders ever
Speaker 1: listening and stuff like that. But it's not easy access
Speaker 1: for my children, you know, And it's not accessible for
Speaker 1: any of the children who are not of age, so
Speaker 1: even if they know where it is, they can't access
Speaker 1: it access to a period. But my thing is I
Speaker 1: want parents, especially parents like us, who often get like
Speaker 1: we have fear when we think about things, to slow
Speaker 1: down a little bit. Don't make drastic decisions based on
Speaker 1: something that's sensationalized. Even though I understand the sensationalization of it.
Speaker 1: There has to be more gun reform, There has to be,
Speaker 1: But also let's not lose the fact that if you
Speaker 1: start acting crazy because we keep seeing the same thing,
Speaker 1: we're gonna make it even worse. Like I can't, I'm
Speaker 1: being honest. The moment I got the text about the
Speaker 1: lockdown from Jackson, the first thing I thought about was
Speaker 1: going to grab my gun and run into the school.
Speaker 1: Imagine if every parent goes and does that. You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, it's because I wasn't and then.
Speaker 2: There's misunderstanding, and then it's like, oh my goodness, this
Speaker 2: happens so quickly. I just I reacted, and then you know,
Speaker 2: it becomes worse than what it was.
Speaker 1: I'm so serious, Like that's where it's come to at
Speaker 1: this point, Like I legitimately thought about grabbing my gun
Speaker 1: and running up to the school to make sure my
Speaker 1: son was okay because I didn't hear back from him.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and school, that's crazy. To avoid hysteria, particularly in
Speaker 2: a grade like a middle school, where children have their
Speaker 2: phones with them, Yes, there needs to be like, here's
Speaker 2: what's happening, y'all. I don't know if it's announcement over
Speaker 2: the loud speaker.
Speaker 1: Well they sent an email they did, Okay, listen, but
Speaker 1: I didn't check my email.
Speaker 2: I got it right away. It's right. It's just like,
Speaker 2: is there a call that goes out to everybody, like
Speaker 2: in the moment something like that happens, Like, hey, you
Speaker 2: know hard lockdown versus soft lockdown? What does that look like?
Speaker 2: And then as parents we should know too what that means, right,
Speaker 2: what's a soft lockdown versus a hard lockdown? What exactly
Speaker 2: happens in those moments? So we too can also not
Speaker 2: fly off the handle if we know that, Oh my goodness,
Speaker 2: there was like a little scuffle between two kids. What
Speaker 2: did that warrant? What kind of lockdown? Like, it's just
Speaker 2: wild that this is what we are thinking about now
Speaker 2: as parents, But think about it as kids. There may
Speaker 2: have been something that happened, like you said, fire drills,
Speaker 2: things like that that our parents knew about back then
Speaker 2: or in that moment, we didn't think it was a
Speaker 2: big deal, but now as parents were like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: like all these lockdowns and what they mean for our kids,
Speaker 2: it's crucial to know that.
Speaker 1: I just it just feels like social media has kind
Speaker 1: of like like grabbed everyone's attention and people know what
Speaker 1: to post for a clickbait.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 1: So you know what I'm saying, It just seems like
Speaker 1: they're using us and if there.
Speaker 2: Is no narrative, then they create one. I'm saying, like,
Speaker 2: if there's things that are in question, it's just like, oh,
Speaker 2: let's just create something. Like even just with Jamie Fox,
Speaker 2: I mean his daughter, you know, She's just like, wait
Speaker 2: a second, y'all are sending all these stories out there
Speaker 2: about my dad, but he is playing fickaball, you know.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, yeah, we have anything except from from
Speaker 1: your daughter, and we just praying for you. Man. One
Speaker 1: of the greatest talents to ever walk the I.
Speaker 2: Feel about Jamie Favorite.
Speaker 1: You just got to be okay, bro. You know, we
Speaker 1: know you're going to be okay.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, we're already putting that out there. But it's just
Speaker 2: people are left to their own thoughts and devices when
Speaker 2: you know, credible sources aren't putting out what it is.
Speaker 2: So yeah, just like you know, we just got to
Speaker 2: be careful out there in these streets, y'all.
Speaker 1: We do gotta be careful. But and and Josh made
Speaker 1: a great point. People are not only dying in schools.
Speaker 1: People are going grocery shopping, they're going to the mall,
Speaker 1: they're going to concerts that you know, they're it's happening everywhere,
Speaker 1: So it's not just the kids kids, you know. I
Speaker 1: just think that us as a humanity have to do
Speaker 1: a better job of understanding what's going on and not
Speaker 1: just listening to reports, because if you watch the news,
Speaker 1: I don't care what is CNN, MSNBC, Fox News. They
Speaker 1: all have an agenda. And if you rely on social media,
Speaker 1: forget you on that. You know what I'm saying. Start
Speaker 1: looking at some of the stats, start reading some of
Speaker 1: the laws, understanding what's going on so that you can
Speaker 1: make an educated decision for your family, and don't do
Speaker 1: something crazy and emotional because they've used fear to create
Speaker 1: this sense of urgency amongst Americans. That's really what, you know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what I want to implore people.
Speaker 2: On some Oh my goodness, so much to think about, y'all. Ultimately,
Speaker 2: let's just stay preyed up and let's stay paid up
Speaker 2: as we pay these bills, because if we don't be
Speaker 2: paid up, then y'all can't hear us. Okay, figure around,
Speaker 2: We'll be back with some of the.
Speaker 1: Letters you.
Speaker 2: Alright with bat guys listener letter time. Yes, I'm a
Speaker 2: die me Okay. Hello Deval and kadein love the podcast
Speaker 2: and how you both express the daily lives as a
Speaker 2: black couple in America. Thank you. This question is mainly
Speaker 2: for Deval. I've been listening to you for years and
Speaker 2: I know that you are very passionate about fitness. I'm
Speaker 2: trying to become a fitness trainer. I'm very passionate about
Speaker 2: how the body works and the limits that you can
Speaker 2: put on the body through being healthy. Of course, what's
Speaker 2: the best advice and guidance you would give to someone
Speaker 2: to become a fitness trainer? Starting out? Mind you, I'm
Speaker 2: in the military and fitness is highly recommended. Thank you
Speaker 2: in advance from a fit young black sailor. Are you cute,
Speaker 2: fit black young sailor? Because I ask some single.
Speaker 1: Friends shout out to you, young person. I appreciate you
Speaker 1: reaching out to us. It's actually very very simple. There's
Speaker 1: a group of a group's company called the National Academy
Speaker 1: of Sports Medicine nas them NASM, and they have a
Speaker 1: six month program that if you take it, you can
Speaker 1: become certified to be a fitness professional. The reason why
Speaker 1: that is important is become in order to get insurance
Speaker 1: to cover you as a fitness professional. You need a
Speaker 1: certification so that your insurance can cover you just in
Speaker 1: case there is an injury. But more importantly, NASOM teaches
Speaker 1: you how to train people while preventing injuries. Most people
Speaker 1: think that you can just get out there and tell
Speaker 1: people to do runs or jumping jacks and kicks and stuff. No,
Speaker 1: there are certain things that go into this fitness thing,
Speaker 1: this kinesiology exercise physiology thing, that will help you be
Speaker 1: better at your job. You know, every person or athlete
Speaker 1: doesn't have the heart or genetic makeup or body of
Speaker 1: a soldier. So if you try to train them like
Speaker 1: a soldier, you know you could cause major injury or death.
Speaker 1: So do yourself a favor. Go ahead, a resson.
Speaker 2: That's me. Devalu trains me like a soldier. He turns
Speaker 2: me like a football player near death. But here we are.
Speaker 1: You're making it right. And if we go to war,
Speaker 1: what happened? What happens if we go.
Speaker 2: To war, at least not a squad.
Speaker 1: About what I'm saying, you can carry.
Speaker 2: Working my way back up, That's what I think. I
Speaker 2: do all this so I could put all four of
Speaker 2: them boards on my back if I had to see
Speaker 2: what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Maybe that's why the cake is caked up all right now.
Speaker 1: The squats is to help build leg strengths so she
Speaker 1: can help carry the boys in the event armageddon happens.
Speaker 1: That's the only reason why I got k doing so many.
Speaker 2: Squads lies, all right? That's the only reason.
Speaker 1: That's the only reason to prepare for armageddon. You see
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Just so y'all know. Now, if y'all
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, I'm gonna getting I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get in them cheeks. You know what I'm saying. I'm
Speaker 1: preparing for armageddon because I'm getting Look up the National
Speaker 1: Academy of Sports Medicine. Start there, get your certifications, get
Speaker 1: you an insurance plan that protects you and your clients,
Speaker 1: get an LLC, start a company name. And if you're
Speaker 1: if you're a a soldier, you already have the main
Speaker 1: basic thing that people want in a trainer, and that's.
Speaker 2: Discipline and passion.
Speaker 1: And passion is your passionate about it?
Speaker 2: That's dope.
Speaker 1: You can show them and you've accomplished something. This is
Speaker 1: one thing I always tell trainers. You have to be
Speaker 1: able to show people that you accomplish something for them
Speaker 1: to say, you know what, I'll let you train me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: most people want to be trainers without having accomplished anything.
Speaker 1: What made me a successful trainer? Yes, I played in
Speaker 1: the NFL, but I also walked onto my college. So
Speaker 1: people see me go through some adversity to get the goal.
Speaker 1: Most people also look the part too, I do. I
Speaker 1: work out a lot, Amma, amma, you fine.
Speaker 2: Is funny because that's that's literally something that you look
Speaker 2: at when you're looking for a trainer, whether you're a
Speaker 2: male female, it's like, oh, I want to look like that.
Speaker 2: What did he do or what did she do to
Speaker 2: achieve those results? That's where I want to be. This
Speaker 2: person must know what they're talking about, because I remember Chad,
Speaker 2: I was pregnant with Cairo doing the spin class with
Speaker 2: this instructor that never never once put it as on
Speaker 2: that bike.
Speaker 1: You remember, ye.
Speaker 2: Never got on the bike, and was so come on,
Speaker 2: you gotta do it, you gotta do it. I was like, Ni,
Speaker 2: you ain't doing it, So why am I in your class?
Speaker 2: Why am I in your class when you're rolling around
Speaker 2: here not healthy, clearly never on the bike, but you're
Speaker 2: running spin classes. I didn't get it. But anyway, I
Speaker 2: had my own goals so accomplished in that point. So
Speaker 2: I didn't let him deter me.
Speaker 1: You always go back. He really he really triggered you
Speaker 1: because I remember you came and we called you a
Speaker 1: penguin one day.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I was Yes, he called me because thirty
Speaker 2: five weeks pregnant, I literally spun like, did spin classes
Speaker 2: till the very end of Cairo. I literally had him
Speaker 2: on the spin bike essentially.
Speaker 1: And I made her do that because if we get
Speaker 1: in Armageddon and there's a bike, somebody has to be
Speaker 1: able to ride the bike and hold the kids. So
Speaker 1: I was doing this, be prepared just in.
Speaker 2: Case with a belly. So one day I was coming
Speaker 2: in right exactly because I'm like, literally about to give
Speaker 2: birth any day now. And I was, of course waddling.
Speaker 2: That's what you tend to do as a pregnant woman
Speaker 2: in the very end of the pregnancy. So I'm waddling
Speaker 2: and you know, mine and my business, getting ready to
Speaker 2: go do my warm up. And he was like, hey,
Speaker 2: watch penguin over there waddling. I turned around and looked.
Speaker 2: I said, you have the nerve to call me a penguin.
Speaker 2: I said, my nigga, you are the leader, happy Feet,
Speaker 2: so don't start. Don't start.
Speaker 1: You gonna call the man happy feet right before spin class.
Speaker 1: He was kind of large too.
Speaker 2: He was he was, and I had a whole nerve
Speaker 2: to be sarcastic in having an attitude when he was
Speaker 2: ready six weeks too. He was thirty six thirty seven
Speaker 2: and she yep, absolutely we had the same struggle alone.
Speaker 1: But yeah, a fit young black sailor. That's what you do.
Speaker 1: I just gave you some tips. Pulled that part, get
Speaker 1: done all right. Second second, I want to say that
Speaker 1: y'all are truly in inspiration for me. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: I've been following you guys since the YouTube days and
Speaker 1: I absolutely love your content. My fiance and I have
Speaker 1: been together since we were fifteen. We are now twenty
Speaker 1: nine thirty kudos to y'all and have three beautiful daughters together. Congrats.
Speaker 1: Just some background, we both come from single parent homes
Speaker 1: and neither of us had any role models when it
Speaker 1: comes to relationships. We have had our share of issues
Speaker 1: and problems throughout the years, but we still choose each other.
Speaker 1: Amen to that. He often has problems with expressing himself
Speaker 1: and feels he shouldn't have to express his feelings all
Speaker 1: the time and that I should just know. And I'm
Speaker 1: always telling him bro. In fact that he says, Bro,
Speaker 1: it's hilarius, because that's what case. Bro. I'm not a
Speaker 1: mind reader, and I also don't want to assume what
Speaker 1: could be going on with him. He was raised in
Speaker 1: the streets, so he has a very tough exteria. Just
Speaker 1: like Zach, he feels that expressing his feelings is hard
Speaker 1: for him. I am overly expressed with sometimes, and I
Speaker 1: have a fixer mindset, so that causes us to bump
Speaker 1: heads a lot because I am always trying to figure
Speaker 1: out what could be wrong so I can fix it.
Speaker 1: I would appreciate some advice on what I can do
Speaker 1: to give him the space to open up to me. Also,
Speaker 1: any advice in general about building a stronger relationship would
Speaker 1: be gladly appreciated. Thank you for being an inspiration. Love you, guys, Love.
Speaker 2: Each to building a strong relationship. Get your copy of
Speaker 2: We Over Me, because that's literally how we over Me.
Speaker 2: It's our New York Times best selling book, The Counterintuitive
Speaker 2: Approach to Getting Everything you want to pronter Intuitive My bad.
Speaker 2: I was trying to everything you went out of your relationship.
Speaker 2: We literally unhashed or rehash and break down everything from
Speaker 2: our the beginning of our Brooklyn love story and how
Speaker 2: we've gotten to this point. Because when everyone asked for
Speaker 2: I need me a de Belle, I need me a Kadid.
Speaker 2: Trust me who do you see today? He who was
Speaker 2: then that person that we're totter.
Speaker 1: The fact that.
Speaker 2: Y'all were together since fifteen, right, and grew together and
Speaker 2: now twenty nine and thirty, that's something beautiful in itself.
Speaker 2: So yeah, if you want some general building, stronger information,
Speaker 2: relationship information, a lot of it is there, which is
Speaker 2: a good start. But yes, babe, expressing emotions you said
Speaker 2: this was very much like Zach your character and sisters. Right,
Speaker 2: how are we getting Zach to open up?
Speaker 1: You? You say it all the time. Marriage is one long,
Speaker 1: endless conversation. There's always going to be something to work on.
Speaker 1: And since y'all been together for fifteen years, y'all are
Speaker 1: constantly choosing each other. This is just another example of
Speaker 1: why choosing each other is important. You want him to
Speaker 1: continue to open up, create a safe space him to
Speaker 1: open up, don't judge him when he does open up. Right,
Speaker 1: I'll give you an example. Kadeen and I talked about this.
Speaker 1: Kadeen told me for a long time she didn't want
Speaker 1: you know, she wanted me to start opening up more,
Speaker 1: opening up more, saying my feelings because I was the
Speaker 1: typical macho man and I got it. I got this.
Speaker 1: I got this until I didn't have it. The problem
Speaker 1: is sometimes when I would will open up, Kadeen would
Speaker 1: be tired of me opening up and be like, oh,
Speaker 1: we still got to talk about this. So it was
Speaker 1: like you say, you want me to open up, but
Speaker 1: then when I open up, you get upset about it, right,
Speaker 1: you know, So I would say, if you want him
Speaker 1: to open up, make sure that you're creating a safe
Speaker 1: space for him to open up without judgment and continuing
Speaker 1: to push and not push in a way where it
Speaker 1: becomes off putting, you know, allow him to come into
Speaker 1: it on his own terms, with a gentle push.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: You know. They have this term called gentle parenting. They
Speaker 1: need to have a term called gentle spousing, you know,
Speaker 1: because there's ways to get people to talk. You don't
Speaker 1: get people to talk by saying open your mouth, motherfucker,
Speaker 1: like I'm the only want to hear no, Like hey, babe,
Speaker 1: like how you feeling too it?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Or I've noticed this lately and it doesn't seem
Speaker 2: like you or this is something that we've been dealing
Speaker 2: with for a long time, and I really think that
Speaker 2: if we got over this hurdle, then maybe things can
Speaker 2: like really fileration take us to the next level, because
Speaker 2: all you ever want, essentially from your spouse is essential, right,
Speaker 2: you want things to be better than they were the
Speaker 2: last day. And that's the approach that I started to
Speaker 2: take with de Vo too. And to be honest, some
Speaker 2: things are so either deeply rooted or so compacted that
Speaker 2: it requires several conversations to break down the core and
Speaker 2: think about it. There's some things that you and I
Speaker 2: have been discussing for the past twenty years. Yeah, that
Speaker 2: I'm just starting to get now you and just starting
Speaker 2: to get. And it's conversations that it wasn't for lack
Speaker 2: of communication, because if I was communicating, it was I
Speaker 2: maybe in the space to receive it and then reciprocate
Speaker 2: in that moment. No, but he never let up on
Speaker 2: expressing the way he felt. He never gave up on
Speaker 2: me thinking that, you know what, she's never gonna get it.
Speaker 2: I'm glad we really gave each other a lot of
Speaker 2: space and latitude to be able and grace to figure
Speaker 2: it out. And when it clicks, baby, it clicks. Because
Speaker 2: these last couple of months for Javal and I at
Speaker 2: least have probably been some of the better.
Speaker 1: Years other than the honeymoon years. Yeah, when we were
Speaker 1: first learning each other and not realizing I think this
Speaker 1: has been the best couple of months since we've been
Speaker 1: in adulthood and didn't he wasn't having our education paid
Speaker 1: for any NFL sponsoring stuff like we were. We've been
Speaker 1: dealing with real life issues, real stresses, mortgages, car notes, businesses,
Speaker 1: some doing well, some not doing well, but still finding
Speaker 1: the ability to love on each other through those things.
Speaker 1: Where in the past those things used to cause issues.
Speaker 1: You know, any outside trust used to cause issues in here.
Speaker 1: It's no longer doing that.
Speaker 2: Or even just like internal things like just having a
Speaker 2: quick you know, there was something I don't can't think
Speaker 2: of what it is recently because it was so insignificant.
Speaker 2: But we might have had a little back and forth
Speaker 2: about something, and the way I would have approached it
Speaker 2: and gotten upset and carried that shit on for the day,
Speaker 2: I just we didn't. It was like almost like we
Speaker 2: had a moment we spoke about whatever it was.
Speaker 1: I remember it, and then we just kept.
Speaker 2: And I thought to myself, Wow, that was easy, Like
Speaker 2: we no longer had those moments where we were just
Speaker 2: having these drawn out conversations or these back and forth.
Speaker 2: It was something you know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, because I think it might have been when
Speaker 1: we were in Canada, but it was something small that
Speaker 1: I remember what it was it was. It was something
Speaker 1: small that would have been something big had we handled
Speaker 1: it differently. This is exactly what it was. You were
Speaker 1: in Atlanta, I was in Canada. I called you on
Speaker 1: the phone and you kept saying to me, babe, let
Speaker 1: me call you back, baby, let me call you back
Speaker 1: the whole day, babe, let me call you back.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Finally at the end of the night, you called me
Speaker 1: back at twelve thirty and then you fell asleep.
Speaker 2: Yeah. We were watching trying to stream it for you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you fell asleep, and I was just like, yo,
Speaker 1: you're doing the same thing to me away that you
Speaker 1: do with me at home. You put me off, put
Speaker 1: me off, put me off, and then when you say
Speaker 1: it's finally my time, you fall asleep. And in the
Speaker 1: past you would have argued me down as to why
Speaker 1: I shouldn't feel a way about it, but instead you
Speaker 1: were like you know what I'm saying. You were just like, Babe,
Speaker 1: my bad, I got tired. I didn't you know, you're right,
Speaker 1: I shouldn't have did this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I was like, I'm here. I'm just it's
Speaker 2: just me, mom and dad. I'm trying to juggle the
Speaker 2: kids like they had a bunch of practices. You want
Speaker 2: me to be slim and trimming, and you know, continue
Speaker 2: this workout routine that he started, and I'm doing that,
Speaker 2: and the workouts have been killing me to the point
Speaker 2: where at nights I'm tired. But I also knew too
Speaker 2: that in the moments when Deval is not with the family,
Speaker 2: you're particularly fragile, like you don't like to be away
Speaker 2: from your family. So I also, knowing that backstory, had
Speaker 2: to understand, like, listen, he might be lashing out in
Speaker 2: this moment because he just misses me, he misses the kids.
Speaker 2: I'm sitting in the man cave where he loves to be,
Speaker 2: and he's not there in that moment.
Speaker 1: And I also had to realize that I am fragile
Speaker 1: when I'm by myself, So what typically wouldn't have bothered
Speaker 1: me bothered me more. So that's when I called you
Speaker 1: back and I was like, my.
Speaker 2: Bad, right, And that's why I was like yeah, and we.
Speaker 1: Both were just like it's all right. I did some
Speaker 1: things that I wish I should have done differently. You
Speaker 1: did some things, and we let it go and it's
Speaker 1: but in the past, it literally would have went like this.
Speaker 1: In the past, she'd have fell asleep. I would have
Speaker 1: hung up. She would have called me back, called me back.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have answered the phone, and then she'd have
Speaker 1: called me the next morning. I wouldn't have answered the phone.
Speaker 1: I would have went to work all day and she'd
Speaker 1: have been like yo.
Speaker 2: Like right, and then you and been like all right,
Speaker 2: well whatever, right.
Speaker 1: And then we'd have been arguing for days because it'd
Speaker 1: be like, I'm not going to be the one to call.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna be the one to call. But then
Speaker 1: we did petty stuff like I would have called Jackson's
Speaker 1: phone and spoke to all the kids who I knew
Speaker 1: was around kay, and then when she'd come to the phone,
Speaker 1: I would act like I don't see her, or she
Speaker 1: would do something petty like call your father and ask
Speaker 1: your father something, and I'll be like, why are you
Speaker 1: calling me? Mommy said that she wants me to.
Speaker 2: But and then we're involving the kids, and then out
Speaker 2: of kids like oh, here they go.
Speaker 1: But but the truth of the matter is, and the
Speaker 1: reason why we tell y'all that is when somebody's going
Speaker 1: through something, after they say, like it's fifteen years we
Speaker 1: be together, it's one ongoing conversation. Stop putting this unrealistic
Speaker 1: expectation on yourself that if you don't have everything figured
Speaker 1: out about your partner in the first five years of
Speaker 1: your relationship, your relationship is doomed. That's not a reality.
Speaker 1: The reality is it takes time. It takes years. It
Speaker 1: takes decades to figure out that smooth spot. And even
Speaker 1: when you figure that out, as you guys evolve and change,
Speaker 1: you gonna have to figure something else out.
Speaker 2: That's a fact.
Speaker 1: So just keep rocking with it and keep choosing each other.
Speaker 1: She literally said, we choose use each other. We still
Speaker 1: choose each other.
Speaker 2: I love that.
Speaker 1: That's all you have to keep doing is to I
Speaker 1: love that for y'all.
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, those are two really good listener letters. Guys,
Speaker 2: keep writing in because we love to hear from you.
Speaker 2: And if you want to be featured as a listener letter,
Speaker 2: be sure to email us at dead ass Advice at
Speaker 2: gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: Spell it from the Maid, that's d E A D.
Speaker 1: A S. S. A. D V I C. E at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com.
Speaker 2: All Right, moment of truth, time got and control. It's
Speaker 2: such a heavy topic. I hate like rehashing and thinking
Speaker 2: about these things over and over. But it is this
Speaker 2: is the reality? Or is it indeed the reality because
Speaker 2: you're saying you know based off of the stats and
Speaker 2: everything that you know. No, you never take away from
Speaker 2: mass shootings and the impact they've had. But also trying
Speaker 2: to live in a world where we're not fearful of
Speaker 2: our day to day life.
Speaker 1: This is my moment of truth. It's going to be
Speaker 1: very difficult for people to hear, but this is the
Speaker 1: moment of truth.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: When it comes to gun violence and it comes to
Speaker 1: political seasons, oftentimes mass media, the people who are in
Speaker 1: control use the things that make us the most afraid
Speaker 1: as political capital to win an election. Right, and we
Speaker 1: are coming around that time, Well, we have to start
Speaker 1: thinking about who's going to be our president. We just
Speaker 1: came off of midterm elections, so I'm starting to realize
Speaker 1: that every time we get around the election cycle, gun
Speaker 1: violence is a hot button topic, just like police violence
Speaker 1: is a hot button topic. But when realistically, when you
Speaker 1: look at the statistics, there's less than one percent of
Speaker 1: that population actually committing the crimes or doing the things
Speaker 1: that they are making the most important thing to talk about,
Speaker 1: and they make that the narrative. When that's just the narrative,
Speaker 1: it's not everyone's reality. And when the narrative then becomes
Speaker 1: everyone's reality, people turn their reality into what the narrative
Speaker 1: is and they start to move irrationally.
Speaker 2: I want literally becoming a casualty of war. Yes, like
Speaker 2: we are the casualties.
Speaker 1: It is a self fulfilling prophecy that if you keep
Speaker 1: thinking this is going to happen, this is going to happen,
Speaker 1: this is going to happen, and you prepare for this
Speaker 1: to happen, this will happened, you almost make it happen.
Speaker 2: He said that recently to Jackson too, And I think
Speaker 2: me I was thinking about something or saying how fearful
Speaker 2: I was of something happening, and you were just like, hey,
Speaker 2: you're literally manifesting that to happen.
Speaker 1: Absolutely stop.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, is it manifesting it to happen or
Speaker 2: is it just trying to be aware of what could
Speaker 2: potentially be a random reality.
Speaker 1: But there's a difference though, between manifesting something and it
Speaker 1: being something that accidentally happens. For example, when we talk
Speaker 1: about police violence, right. I learned how to teach my
Speaker 1: kids how to approach police so that they don't make
Speaker 1: a situation that is no situation. For example, growing up
Speaker 1: in Brooklyn, we dealt with stopping frisk. My uncle Kevin
Speaker 1: was a police officer. He taught me how to deal
Speaker 1: with police, so I don't have issues with police. I've
Speaker 1: watched my friends getting manhandled and beat up by police,
Speaker 1: in part because the police officers were being dickheads, but
Speaker 1: also in part because it's like, dude, like you were
Speaker 1: being so unnecessary that you have two sides that are
Speaker 1: trying to prove a point and not be a part
Speaker 1: of a narrative that creates a reality out of a
Speaker 1: narrative because both sides are unwilling to relax for a minute.
Speaker 1: You know, I've had friends we walking down the street
Speaker 1: and a cop say something to them. It's like fuck
Speaker 1: you d D D. Now the cop has an ego
Speaker 1: and he come to what you say to me? And
Speaker 1: now they going back and forth and no, no, you
Speaker 1: ain't gonna do this. Then they get into a tussle.
Speaker 1: Now you're on the floor getting hemmed up and getting arrested,
Speaker 1: as opposed to me when it came to cops. Yes,
Speaker 1: I've dealt with cops who were been bigoted through my
Speaker 1: stuff on the floor. You've been there with me, took
Speaker 1: me out the car, put me handcuffs for no reason.
Speaker 1: But I've always had my life because I stayed calm
Speaker 1: and I was just like, yo, this is what you know.
Speaker 1: This is how my uncle told me to present myself
Speaker 1: in these situations. The reason why I'm saying that, the
Speaker 1: reason I said a lot of people won't like these
Speaker 1: statements because it sounds as if I'm saying black people
Speaker 1: are the responsibility all of the responsible parties when something
Speaker 1: bad happens to them with police. That's not what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: And I don't want people to be confused by. What
Speaker 1: I'm saying is is don't create a reality for yourself
Speaker 1: based on what sensationalized in the media, Like like, really
Speaker 1: look at the numbers, look at what's going on, and
Speaker 1: don't create a reality for your see yourself the same
Speaker 1: way I could have created a reality for myself. If
Speaker 1: Jackson sends me that text, I go get my gun,
Speaker 1: I jump in my car and I run up to
Speaker 1: the school. You know what I'm saying, I run up
Speaker 1: to school and do something irrational without thinking what really
Speaker 1: are the chances? You know? And I say all that
Speaker 1: to also say this, There need to be tougher gun
Speaker 1: laws in.
Speaker 2: America, period.
Speaker 1: Like that's just that's just what it is. I want
Speaker 1: people to not create realities out of narratives. But they're
Speaker 1: also like, come on, like, at some point things have
Speaker 1: to change. This is not give cool and six hundred,
Speaker 1: even though I made the point to show that six
Speaker 1: hundred is not a lot compared to three hundred and
Speaker 1: thirty one million, six hundred is still too much.
Speaker 2: It's still too many.
Speaker 1: It's still too much.
Speaker 2: You lose a loved one. That's one too many, absolutely period.
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