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Speaker 1: It's scary as hell having kids going to school in

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty three.

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Speaker 2: That is all fact, because you know the way my

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Speaker 2: worry be set up chill and it's giving. I want

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Speaker 2: to homeschool them. But when all these shootings are happening anywhere,

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Speaker 2: it makes it that much more intense.

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Speaker 1: Dead ass.

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Speaker 2: Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devoured and we're the Ellis's.

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Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos with.

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Speaker 2: Our voice and reading each other publicly as a form

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Speaker 2: of therapy.

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Speaker 1: Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.

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Speaker 2: Oh and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

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Speaker 1: Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast to open

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Speaker 1: dialogue about some of li's most taboo topics.

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Speaker 2: Things most folks don't want to talk about.

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Speaker 1: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass

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Speaker 1: is a term that we say every day. So when

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Speaker 1: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred,

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Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

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Speaker 1: About to take Philo talk to a whole new level.

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Speaker 2: Dead Ass starts right now.

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Speaker 1: All right, story time, I'm gonna just be honest. I'm

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Speaker 1: not gonna this. I hate talking about this top well,

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Speaker 1: I don't hate talking about this topic. It's a very

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Speaker 1: important topic, but I don't want to talk about it

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Speaker 1: in a place of lightness. So we're not gonna do

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Speaker 1: a karaoke. So I'm gonna do two story times. The

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Speaker 1: first story time I'm gonna do is what happened recently.

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Speaker 1: M I'm at home, I get a text message from

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Speaker 1: our oldest son, Jackson, that they had to do hard

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Speaker 1: lockdown in school today. So he texts me. He goes, hey, Dad,

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Speaker 1: there was a hard lockdown in school today. So I

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Speaker 1: respond back, are you okay. I don't get a response, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you're in Sweden. I don't get a response for a

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Speaker 1: good seven minutes, right, and the father in me is like,

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Speaker 1: fuck this, I'm going to the school right now, right,

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Speaker 1: And then I start thinking of all of the possibilities.

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Speaker 1: Right if I pull up at the school and I

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Speaker 1: first of all, if I grab my firearm and I

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Speaker 1: pull up in the school, and I show up in

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Speaker 1: the school ready to save my son and there is

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Speaker 1: no emergency, then I look like the crazy father. Right.

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Speaker 1: What if I'm on my way to school my foreign

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Speaker 1: firearm and I get pulled over. You know, I'm thinking

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Speaker 1: about all of these things in my mind. And while

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Speaker 1: I'm thinking about what to do, then I get a

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Speaker 1: text from Jackson after about seven eight minutes and he goes, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm fine. There was a fight amongst the eighth graders,

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Speaker 1: so there was a hard lockdown, and it really made

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Speaker 1: me like sit back and think, like, is this the

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Speaker 1: world we are in right now? Where the kids are

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Speaker 1: so like we used to do fire drills. Remember fire

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Speaker 1: Remember fire drills that the alarm start going off, everybody

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Speaker 1: lines up at the door, We go down in a

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Speaker 1: double file line down the stairs. We go outside, we

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Speaker 1: gett lined up around the school, and then we go inside.

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Speaker 1: Jackson tells me now they do hard lockdown drills and

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Speaker 1: soft lockdown drills, and it's crazy to me that that

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Speaker 1: is the world we've ma been. But I'm gonna take

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Speaker 1: y'all back to the second story. Time is nineteen ninety nine,

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Speaker 1: heading into my first year of high school. I believe

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Speaker 1: that was the year a Columbine happened, or it was

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Speaker 1: the year right after, but that was the first Columbine shooting.

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Speaker 1: I believe it was in nineteen ninety nine.

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Speaker 2: That was the first memory, the first memorable one.

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Speaker 1: Of mass shootings. In schools. And I remember that in

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Speaker 1: New York they had just started putting metal detectors in schools,

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Speaker 1: and it was a big deal, right because I remember

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Speaker 1: having to go I gotta go through the metal detectors

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Speaker 1: every morning in New York City High School. Every single morning.

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Speaker 1: I got to be there thirty minutes early so I

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Speaker 1: can go through the metal detectors. And parents were upset

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Speaker 1: because their children shouldn't have to go through this process

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Speaker 1: to get an education. And now here we are, twenty

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Speaker 1: four years later, and now my son is doing hard

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Speaker 1: lockdown drills from mass shootings. It's wild. It is absolutely ridiculous, ridiculous.

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Speaker 1: So look, we're gonna take this quick break. Like I said,

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Speaker 1: this episode is not about fun and laughter. I want

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Speaker 1: to discuss this and condin and I want to discuss

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Speaker 1: this because we have kids, Yeah, and we know a

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Speaker 1: lot of people out there who have children, and we're

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Speaker 1: all sitting here trying to figure out what are we

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Speaker 1: going to do moving forward if this doesn't slow down

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Speaker 1: and ultimately stop, stick around.

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Speaker 2: Y'all, we'll be back. All right, we're back, So talk

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Speaker 2: my story time. That was nineteen ninety nine that Columbine

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Speaker 2: happened and so you and I were both what sixteen.

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Speaker 1: Ish I was fifteen, Yeah, fifteen, I was a freshman

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Speaker 1: in high school, and it was a big deal, a

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Speaker 1: big deal.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, I'm at this point now, Like, for example,

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Speaker 2: getting the text message from Jackson during the middle of

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Speaker 2: the day, or anytime the school calls during the middle

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Speaker 2: of the day, we're usually like heart drops for a

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Speaker 2: moment because you just want to make sure that everything's okay.

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Speaker 2: And that happened a couple of times over the course

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Speaker 2: of us having children, and I would the first thing

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Speaker 2: when the school official whoever comes on the phone, the

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Speaker 2: first thing they say is Jackson's okay, we just call

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Speaker 2: or Cairo's fine. We just want I said, please lead

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Speaker 2: with that, because usually in those moments, they just know

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Speaker 2: the minute you get a phone call from the school

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Speaker 2: that it's going to be.

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Speaker 1: Fine, because they told us and to Alida, Jackson was

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Speaker 1: all right, Jackie fine.

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Speaker 2: I wanst say he had a gaping hole in the

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Speaker 2: middle of his tongue after playground.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, they said, Jackson is fine.

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Speaker 2: They try not to cause panic. I said, send me

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Speaker 2: a picture of it, let me see what that looks like.

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Speaker 2: Once I saw that picture, I said, de Val, Go

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Speaker 2: get my baby. Go and get my baby. But it

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Speaker 2: really makes me wonder what the next route should be

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Speaker 2: for us as parents when you're really trying to make

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Speaker 2: an educated, an informed decision about whether or not to

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Speaker 2: pull your children from school or not. Man, you know,

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Speaker 2: and then you think a step further. Like Josh brought

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Speaker 2: up a good point when we were talking pre show,

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Speaker 2: and he's like, it's not just schools, it's going to

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Speaker 2: the supermarket, it's regular everyday stuff.

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Speaker 1: I'm glad you brought that up. We actually have some

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Speaker 1: facts and stats so that we're not just speaking, you know,

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Speaker 1: just putting hyperbole out here. We have some natural facts

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Speaker 1: in For example, we are one hundred and thirty six

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Speaker 1: days into twenty twenty three. The Gun Violence Archive has

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Speaker 1: counted more than two hundred mass shootings so far in

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty three, which means we have at least one

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Speaker 1: most of the time, it's two mass shootings a day

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Speaker 1: in this country. Two mass shootings a day in this country.

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Speaker 1: There are over well, there were over six hundred and

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Speaker 1: ninety mass shootings in twenty twenty one and six hundred

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Speaker 1: and forty seven in twenty twenty two. More Americans died

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Speaker 1: of gun related injuries in twenty twenty one than any

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Speaker 1: other year on record, according to the latest available statistics

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Speaker 1: from the Centers of Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

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Speaker 1: that included record numbers of both gun murders and gun suicides.

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Speaker 1: Despite the increase in such fatalities, the rate of gun deaths,

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Speaker 1: a statistic that accounts for the nation's growing population, remained

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Speaker 1: below the levels of earlier decades. Rate of gun deaths

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty one was fourteen point six versus nineteen seventy

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Speaker 1: four was seventeen or sixteen point three. President Biden has

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Speaker 1: taken more executive action to reduce gun violence than any

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Speaker 1: other president at this point in their presidency. The President's

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Speaker 1: new Executive Order to Reduce Gun Violence includes the following

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Speaker 1: additional actions, all of which fall within existing executive authority

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Speaker 1: and outside of the right protected by the Second Amendment.

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Speaker 1: The executive Order directs the President's cabinet to increase the

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Speaker 1: number of background checks by ensuring that all background checks

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Speaker 1: required by law are conducted before fire on purchases moving

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Speaker 1: to US as close to universe background checks as possible

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Speaker 1: without additional legislation.

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Speaker 2: Is this something that just happened, because before they were

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Speaker 2: saying it was no background check.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, this is all the stuff that he's that he's

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Speaker 1: put in executive order while being present. This is stuff

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Speaker 1: that he's working on.

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Speaker 2: He's working on now. So this hasn't gone through yet though,

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Speaker 2: because right now people outside Willy nearly getting.

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Speaker 1: Guns absolutely okay, want to be clear. Next, improve public

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Speaker 1: awareness and increase appropriate use of extreme risk protection, red

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Speaker 1: flag orders and safe storage of firearms. So that's increasing

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Speaker 1: education for publics for the public. Last one, address the

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Speaker 1: loss or theft of firearms during shipping. Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco,

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Speaker 1: Firearms and Explosives ATF data indicates an over two hundred

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Speaker 1: and fifty percent increase in the number of firearms reported

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Speaker 1: as lost or stolen during shipment between federally licensed firearms

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Speaker 1: dealers from roughly seventeen hundred and twenty eighteen to more

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Speaker 1: than six twenty two.

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Speaker 2: That is wild crazy, So like five times more of

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Speaker 2: guns just going missing.

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Speaker 1: Yes, that's insane, Well four times more, but four times.

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Speaker 1: Here's the biggest thing. We're listening to all of these things, right,

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Speaker 1: I just want to ask you, as a mom, what

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Speaker 1: is your thought process when it comes to picking a

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Speaker 1: school or what we're going to do with the kids'

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Speaker 1: school schooling wise, what is your thought process?

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Speaker 2: To be completely honest, And this is maybe even just

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Speaker 2: outside of all of the mass shootings that have been

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Speaker 2: happening lately, we've entertained the idea of homeschooling our children right, yes,

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Speaker 2: and try to weigh the pros and cons and things

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Speaker 2: like that. It's not realistic, but as a mom, I

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Speaker 2: would ultimately want my children where I can see them

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Speaker 2: at all times. It's not realistic, though, I essentially would

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Speaker 2: love if we were able to create an environment here

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Speaker 2: where we can teach them or have someone come in

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Speaker 2: home to teach them, and then we can travel and

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Speaker 2: we can see the world and we can just develop

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Speaker 2: these well cultured global citizens who are not only just

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Speaker 2: educated when it comes to books, stuff, but also life,

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Speaker 2: other cultures and things like that. We even entertained the

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Speaker 2: idea recently after you left filming in Canada, when you

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Speaker 2: were speaking to just a bunch of people on set,

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Speaker 2: know whether it was producers or other actors, and they

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Speaker 2: just said, you know, where do you live, you know,

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Speaker 2: during the year, and we're like, what you mean, we

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Speaker 2: live in Georgia, you know, and they're like, oh, well,

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Speaker 2: we spend you know, half the year in France, and

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Speaker 2: then we are in Italy for two months, and then

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Speaker 2: we're here and we're there, and I'm just like, wow,

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Speaker 2: we're so accustomed to and we've just been raised in

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Speaker 2: this bubble, if you will, of just this is how

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Speaker 2: you do life. And I am more and more now

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Speaker 2: thinking about the possibility or the ways in which we

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Speaker 2: can expand on just giving our children more opportunities to

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Speaker 2: see the world and to learn one on one through experiences.

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Speaker 2: So to answer your question, my ideal situation would be

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Speaker 2: a homeschool environment where they're home, because I literally feel

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Speaker 2: my absolute best when you and my four children and

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Speaker 2: I are in the same space under the same roof

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Speaker 2: together and dropping them to school in different places in

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Speaker 2: the morning. It just literally gives me anxiety every day

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Speaker 2: to think about, God forbid, something happens, you know, something

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Speaker 2: globally happens, something locally happens, and I need to get two,

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Speaker 2: you know, three and eventually went to colors in school.

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Speaker 2: Four children who essentially are in all different places at

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Speaker 2: one time. That is extremely nerve working, and I'm seriously

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Speaker 2: I don't know if that's something that you're considering now too.

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Speaker 2: As you know, we've spoken about it recently, like the

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Speaker 2: idea of what it would look like if we were

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Speaker 2: to homeschool our children and then have them socially out

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Speaker 2: doing sports and organized activities where they can still get

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Speaker 2: the balance of the social and the academic equally.

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Speaker 1: So this is what I've looked at, and I just

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Speaker 1: asked people to just listen to my statement. Okay, I

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Speaker 1: put in US population. It's three hundred and thirty one

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Speaker 1: point nine million people in the United States. Three hundred

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Speaker 1: and thirty one point nine million. That's a lot of millions. Right.

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Speaker 1: In the last two years, they had six hundred over

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Speaker 1: six hundred mass shootings, right in.

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Speaker 2: The past year.

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Speaker 1: Two years in the past two years, the total for

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Speaker 1: both years was six hundred million, Right, So we have

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Speaker 1: thirty three I mean six hundred mass shootings. So we

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Speaker 1: have six hundred mass shootings divided by three hundred and

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Speaker 1: thirty one million. I said million. So I'm gonna do

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Speaker 1: the math right now. That means that mass shootings happen

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Speaker 1: at a rate of zero point zero zero zero zero zero.

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Speaker 1: One percent of the people in the world are committing

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Speaker 1: mass shootings. Do you can see what I'm getting at.

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Speaker 2: So they're committing mass shootings whe people are dying from in.

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Speaker 1: The US like the people who are committing committing it's

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Speaker 1: been this many number of mass shootings. There are three

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Speaker 1: hundred and thirty one million, but there have been six

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Speaker 1: hundred mass shootings in a year, which means of the

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Speaker 1: three hundred and thirty million, six hundred shows to do

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Speaker 1: a mass shooting. That's less than a millionth of a

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Speaker 1: percent of the people.

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Speaker 2: I feel like that's valid until it's your family member.

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Speaker 1: No, no, And I'm saying no. But that's why I'm asking

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Speaker 1: people to listen to me. What I'm trying to point

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Speaker 1: out is is when we sensationalize something, right, it heightens awareness, yes,

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Speaker 1: to prevent it, but we also have to look at

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Speaker 1: the reality of where it is in the grand scheme

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Speaker 1: of things. Right, you have a higher risk of getting

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Speaker 1: hit by a car and dying than you do of

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Speaker 1: dying in a mass shooting. That's just a fact.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And maybe that's that's where we differ because I

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Speaker 2: guess me thinking of it maybe emotionally right, or as

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Speaker 2: a mother, as as someone who just thinks like, I

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Speaker 2: just don't want my child or someone I love or

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Speaker 2: know to be one of those people involved.

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Speaker 1: But here's my thing, and this is what I'm asking you.

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Speaker 1: Isn't it irrational to take the exception of the rule

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Speaker 1: and make that a rule. Isn't that irrational?

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Speaker 2: It is, I see how it could be, So why

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Speaker 2: would you begin This doesn't feel irrational when you see it,

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Speaker 2: and we're fed that through social media.

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Speaker 1: But that's my time. When this sensationalize something, it then

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Speaker 1: becomes a problem, right because of the sensationalization. Not that

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Speaker 1: I'm saying that mass shootings aren't a problem. They are

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Speaker 1: a problem, because we still have more mass shootings in

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Speaker 1: America than the country. But what I'm saying is is

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Speaker 1: that trying to change your lifestyle and your life based

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Speaker 1: on something that happens point zero zero zero zero zero

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Speaker 1: one eight one percent of the time really doesn't make sense.

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Speaker 1: And what I'm in employing, what I'm imploring people to

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Speaker 1: do is educate themselves on it, but don't take any

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Speaker 1: drastic measures. Like I gave the example of he said

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Speaker 1: it was a hard lockdown. I'm getting ready to go

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Speaker 1: grab my gun and run up in the school. That

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Speaker 1: would have been extremely irrational if you think about it.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. I grabbed my gun and

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Speaker 1: I run up to the school because my son says

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Speaker 1: someone they had a hard lockdown, and I'm thinking that

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Speaker 1: I don't want it to be a situation where my

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Speaker 1: son's waiting and the cops didn't do something, so I

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Speaker 1: went there first. That's a completely irrational thought. Based on

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Speaker 1: how many people we have in the world. Majority of

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Speaker 1: people are not committing mass shootings. Now, what I'm saying

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Speaker 1: is I still think there needs to be stricter gun laws.

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Speaker 1: I think there needs to be a greater responsibility and

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Speaker 1: accountability from our federal government to make sure that the

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Speaker 1: citizens of this country are safe. That's what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: But what I want to implore people to do is

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Speaker 1: not take drastic measures because we're concerned about something. And

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Speaker 1: that's why I gave the example of me be running

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Speaker 1: to get my gun and running to the school, because

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Speaker 1: if everyone starts responding that way, then we'll have anarchy.

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Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I see that, especially with everyone being able to

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Speaker 2: grab a gun exactly, and I'm looking at the numbers

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Speaker 2: here too. The influx of these things happening too. I

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Speaker 2: think our direct correlation between the way we've had to

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Speaker 2: exist in this world for the past two to three years,

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Speaker 2: when did COVID impact us and the pandemic, This is

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Speaker 2: all direct correlation, I believe from the repercussions of that

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Speaker 2: of being locked down, of people being at home for

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Speaker 2: you know, months on end, for people being sack from

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Speaker 2: losing loved ones to COVID like that literally was the catalyst.

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Speaker 2: I believe that sparked the increase here. And there's not

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Speaker 2: as much okay.

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Speaker 1: Bad before you finish that. I think there's two things okay,

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Speaker 1: because mental health is definitely one okay, But there was

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Speaker 1: also a study that shows that when you sensationalize things,

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Speaker 1: it gives other people ideas to do it. I'll give

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Speaker 1: you an example. When the movie Money Train came out,

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Speaker 1: which is one of my favorite movies with Wesley Snipes,

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Speaker 1: Woody Housen, and Jennifer Lopez, there was a scene in

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Speaker 1: the movie when they had the token booth clerk and

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Speaker 1: would they would put the gasoline under there and tell

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Speaker 1: her to give us the money and light them on fire. Yes,

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Speaker 1: there was an increase of those incidents in New York,

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Speaker 1: which is why the movie bombs because people saying, boycott

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Speaker 1: this movie because they're sensationalizing the arson of Tobu Clerks. Yes,

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Speaker 1: and I'm starting.

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Speaker 2: To realize it becomes a piggyack.

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Speaker 1: It becomes the thing is we saw that those people

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Speaker 1: gained fame from doing something that was diabolical. Let's do that.

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Speaker 1: And I feel like part of it is the more

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Speaker 1: we sensationalize acts of gun violence. And that's have you

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Speaker 1: noticed that they stopped showing the shooter's face and giving

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Speaker 1: their names on social media, I mean on mass media

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Speaker 1: because they don't want to give them any praise because

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Speaker 1: then the next person who wants to commit that says, well,

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Speaker 1: even if I die, they'll remember my name. But if

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Speaker 1: you commit mass murder and no one talks about it,

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Speaker 1: it's like, what's the point. So ultimately, what I'm saying

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Speaker 1: is is that I think a large increase in the

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Speaker 1: number is happening is the fact that mass media is

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Speaker 1: covering it more. But social media has also given a

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Speaker 1: voice to people who where mass When mass media decides

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Speaker 1: we're not going to cover things in this way because

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Speaker 1: we don't want to give people the fame or I

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Speaker 1: call it infamy because doing something like this is infamous,

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Speaker 1: infamatic thing. You want them to become known in infamy.

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Speaker 1: But now you have social media, and through social media

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Speaker 1: there's just no holes.

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Speaker 2: Well baby, you click on one story, you click on another story.

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Speaker 1: And then keep showing and people just make narratives and

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Speaker 1: create different things. I honestly feel like the use of

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Speaker 1: social media and and even some mass media and the

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Speaker 1: way they cover these things are making it more enticing

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Speaker 1: for people to do diabolical things because that's how they

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Speaker 1: become famous. And that's it's really disheartening, you know and

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Speaker 1: see that.

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Speaker 2: No, it is super disheartening. So you think of the

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Speaker 2: mental illness that may be around it, you think of

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Speaker 2: the sensationalizing of it as well. And speaking of sensationalizing

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Speaker 2: or just showing it on social media, I'd seen recently

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Speaker 2: where people were calling for the last shooting that happened

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Speaker 2: at the mall where a couple families lost people. There

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Speaker 2: was one particular family, I think there was an Asian

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Speaker 2: family was a husband and wife and they had two

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Speaker 2: or three children, and the mother and father believe were killed.

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Speaker 2: One of the sisters were killed, and then one child

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Speaker 2: was left now as an orphan essentially, because the parents

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Speaker 2: were killed and there was a person that was there

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Speaker 2: as a you know, good smartan after the fact, trying

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Speaker 2: to help, and they the person the gentleman said that

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Speaker 2: there was a little little girl, you know, face down,

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Speaker 2: so he flipped her over to see, like, you know,

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Speaker 2: if you can help, and she had no face. These

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Speaker 2: ars are completely dismantling people.

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Speaker 1: And that's and that's where I feel like the government

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Speaker 1: has to do a greater responsibility because people in this

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Speaker 1: country shouldn't have access to weapons that.

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Speaker 2: Are used that can do that, you know what I'm saying, right,

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Speaker 2: the capability and access to it. And then people were

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Speaker 2: calling for you know, another Emmitt Till situation. Put that

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Speaker 2: baby in a casket and let people see the effects.

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Speaker 2: Let these you know, the higher lobbyists, the gun lobbyists,

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Speaker 2: let them see what these weapons are doing to our children,

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Speaker 2: and will that maybe you know, soften the callus that

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Speaker 2: they have on their heart for this. You know, you know,

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Speaker 2: it's just it's crazy.

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Speaker 1: You know what scares me about even gun lobbyists and

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Speaker 1: all of these things. I thought that when mass shootings

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Speaker 1: became rampant in White neighborhoods or higher upscale neighborhoods, it

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Speaker 1: would cause a change, but it hasn't. The only thing

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Speaker 1: that has caused a change in America is when the

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Speaker 1: Black Panther Party started to arm themselves with automatic weapons

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Speaker 1: immediately in the sixties. After and can't all have guns?

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Speaker 1: Then that's when they started to make rules on who

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Speaker 1: can get guns or not. But think about it, these

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Speaker 1: gun lobbyists, most of them are older, rich white men.

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Speaker 1: They're watching their own grandkids and kids be murdered in

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Speaker 1: schools and in malls and stuff at concerts, and they're

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Speaker 1: still not changing their mind, which to me is scary.

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Speaker 1: And they often give the same stat that I gave

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Speaker 1: that guns aren't the problem, it's these people because the

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Speaker 1: amount of mass shootings that happened compared to how many

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Speaker 1: people are in the world is not the same, which

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Speaker 1: I agree with. But my problem is is giving someone

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Speaker 1: access when you know that people like, for example, they

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Speaker 1: say guns don't kill people, people kill people. Fine, why

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Speaker 1: are you giving people who kill people access to the

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Speaker 1: type of guns where they can kill people in large

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Speaker 1: amounts period? You know what I'm saying. If all people

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Speaker 1: had access to was a six shooter. Right, you ain't

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Speaker 1: gonna see as many mass shootings. You know, we low

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Speaker 1: it's about for you. But when you can shoot forty

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Speaker 1: and fifty rounds in a matter of seconds, that to

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Speaker 1: me is unreal. But I just I want I want

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Speaker 1: people to think right and not be reactionary. That's why

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Speaker 1: I asked you before I gave my that's before I no.

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Speaker 1: I feel you. And it's not only I want to

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Speaker 1: right here gun violence. It's not gun violence that you

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Speaker 1: want to know. There are several reasons, but I do

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Speaker 1: want people to think outside the box when it comes

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Speaker 1: to gun violence and the choices you make in response

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Speaker 1: to what we know about gun violence. Right, Because if

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Speaker 1: we're if we're told that there's an act of gun

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Speaker 1: violence or mass shooting every day, the first thing we

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Speaker 1: do is go, oh my god, that's a lot. But

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Speaker 1: then when you think about how many people exist in

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Speaker 1: the world, your chances of being there's there's car accidents,

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Speaker 1: multiple car accidents every day, Like there's probably five car

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Speaker 1: accidents in every city every day, but there's one to

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Speaker 1: two acts of gun violence. But we never stop driving.

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Speaker 1: My point is we can't stop living or let those

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Speaker 1: people who make poor decisions consume us and how we

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Speaker 1: treat our kids in fear. I was just about to say,

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Speaker 1: we can't still fear into our kids, you know what

435
00:23:13,119 --> 00:23:13,480
Speaker 1: I'm saying?

436
00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:19,240
Speaker 2: Awareness, yes, yes, Awareness yes, And being prepared, you know,

437
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:24,400
Speaker 2: and knowing your surroundings and being reactive in those situations

438
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:27,520
Speaker 2: God forbid, yes, yes. But not living in fear yes.

439
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:28,960
Speaker 2: And I think we did a lot of living in

440
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:32,960
Speaker 2: fear for a large portion of twenty twenty one. You know,

441
00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:36,800
Speaker 2: we're still living in fear to this day, and it

442
00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:37,880
Speaker 2: could be crippling for sure.

443
00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:39,560
Speaker 1: But you know what's crazy, though, I grew up around

444
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:43,439
Speaker 1: guns my whole life. My family's from the South. My

445
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:47,120
Speaker 1: grandfather used to hunt and fish, you know what I'm saying.

446
00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:49,920
Speaker 1: My Papa John has a shooting range in his backyard.

447
00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:53,199
Speaker 1: He shoots guns. He taught me shooting, yeah the first time,

448
00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:57,000
Speaker 1: Papa John. I've been shooting shotguns since I was a teenager. Yeah,

449
00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:59,840
Speaker 1: I've been shooting handguns and learning. My uncle is a

450
00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:02,520
Speaker 1: hire police officer. He taught me how to load and unload,

451
00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:05,520
Speaker 1: reload and clean a glock and a nine like. Guns

452
00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:08,040
Speaker 1: have always been a part of my life right and

453
00:24:08,119 --> 00:24:11,679
Speaker 1: guns will be a part of my son's lives, mainly

454
00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:15,600
Speaker 1: because I feel as a homeowner you have to have

455
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:19,480
Speaker 1: something to protect your home, right, but also as a homeowner,

456
00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:25,480
Speaker 1: you have a responsibility to protect the public. So that

457
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:27,920
Speaker 1: I can't explain too much about how my gun system

458
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:30,440
Speaker 1: works here because you never know if in intruders ever

459
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:33,080
Speaker 1: listening and stuff like that. But it's not easy access

460
00:24:33,119 --> 00:24:36,600
Speaker 1: for my children, you know, And it's not accessible for

461
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:40,040
Speaker 1: any of the children who are not of age, so

462
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:41,840
Speaker 1: even if they know where it is, they can't access

463
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:45,320
Speaker 1: it access to a period. But my thing is I

464
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:49,040
Speaker 1: want parents, especially parents like us, who often get like

465
00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:51,879
Speaker 1: we have fear when we think about things, to slow

466
00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:55,879
Speaker 1: down a little bit. Don't make drastic decisions based on

467
00:24:55,960 --> 00:25:00,080
Speaker 1: something that's sensationalized. Even though I understand the sensationalization of it.

468
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:03,160
Speaker 1: There has to be more gun reform, There has to be,

469
00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:06,439
Speaker 1: But also let's not lose the fact that if you

470
00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:09,200
Speaker 1: start acting crazy because we keep seeing the same thing,

471
00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:12,520
Speaker 1: we're gonna make it even worse. Like I can't, I'm

472
00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:14,600
Speaker 1: being honest. The moment I got the text about the

473
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:16,639
Speaker 1: lockdown from Jackson, the first thing I thought about was

474
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:18,359
Speaker 1: going to grab my gun and run into the school.

475
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:22,240
Speaker 1: Imagine if every parent goes and does that. You know

476
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:24,600
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, it's because I wasn't and then.

477
00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:26,680
Speaker 2: There's misunderstanding, and then it's like, oh my goodness, this

478
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:29,679
Speaker 2: happens so quickly. I just I reacted, and then you know,

479
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:31,439
Speaker 2: it becomes worse than what it was.

480
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:35,159
Speaker 1: I'm so serious, Like that's where it's come to at

481
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:38,400
Speaker 1: this point, Like I legitimately thought about grabbing my gun

482
00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:40,240
Speaker 1: and running up to the school to make sure my

483
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:42,320
Speaker 1: son was okay because I didn't hear back from him.

484
00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:46,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, and school, that's crazy. To avoid hysteria, particularly in

485
00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:49,000
Speaker 2: a grade like a middle school, where children have their

486
00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:51,640
Speaker 2: phones with them, Yes, there needs to be like, here's

487
00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:53,840
Speaker 2: what's happening, y'all. I don't know if it's announcement over

488
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:54,560
Speaker 2: the loud speaker.

489
00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:57,080
Speaker 1: Well they sent an email they did, Okay, listen, but

490
00:25:57,119 --> 00:25:58,480
Speaker 1: I didn't check my email.

491
00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:01,960
Speaker 2: I got it right away. It's right. It's just like,

492
00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:04,000
Speaker 2: is there a call that goes out to everybody, like

493
00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:06,520
Speaker 2: in the moment something like that happens, Like, hey, you

494
00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:09,560
Speaker 2: know hard lockdown versus soft lockdown? What does that look like?

495
00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:12,239
Speaker 2: And then as parents we should know too what that means, right,

496
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:15,080
Speaker 2: what's a soft lockdown versus a hard lockdown? What exactly

497
00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:18,240
Speaker 2: happens in those moments? So we too can also not

498
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:20,680
Speaker 2: fly off the handle if we know that, Oh my goodness,

499
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:23,040
Speaker 2: there was like a little scuffle between two kids. What

500
00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:25,720
Speaker 2: did that warrant? What kind of lockdown? Like, it's just

501
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:28,000
Speaker 2: wild that this is what we are thinking about now

502
00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:29,960
Speaker 2: as parents, But think about it as kids. There may

503
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:31,840
Speaker 2: have been something that happened, like you said, fire drills,

504
00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:34,200
Speaker 2: things like that that our parents knew about back then

505
00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:36,199
Speaker 2: or in that moment, we didn't think it was a

506
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:38,439
Speaker 2: big deal, but now as parents were like, oh my god,

507
00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:41,679
Speaker 2: like all these lockdowns and what they mean for our kids,

508
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:43,120
Speaker 2: it's crucial to know that.

509
00:26:43,359 --> 00:26:47,160
Speaker 1: I just it just feels like social media has kind

510
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:51,280
Speaker 1: of like like grabbed everyone's attention and people know what

511
00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:53,159
Speaker 1: to post for a clickbait.

512
00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:54,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's true.

513
00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:56,359
Speaker 1: So you know what I'm saying, It just seems like

514
00:26:56,359 --> 00:26:57,840
Speaker 1: they're using us and if there.

515
00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:00,480
Speaker 2: Is no narrative, then they create one. I'm saying, like,

516
00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:02,159
Speaker 2: if there's things that are in question, it's just like, oh,

517
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:04,960
Speaker 2: let's just create something. Like even just with Jamie Fox,

518
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:08,639
Speaker 2: I mean his daughter, you know, She's just like, wait

519
00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:11,560
Speaker 2: a second, y'all are sending all these stories out there

520
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:15,000
Speaker 2: about my dad, but he is playing fickaball, you know.

521
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:20,600
Speaker 1: And I'm like, yeah, we have anything except from from

522
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:22,760
Speaker 1: your daughter, and we just praying for you. Man. One

523
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:25,280
Speaker 1: of the greatest talents to ever walk the I.

524
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:27,440
Speaker 2: Feel about Jamie Favorite.

525
00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:29,240
Speaker 1: You just got to be okay, bro. You know, we

526
00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:30,320
Speaker 1: know you're going to be okay.

527
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:32,560
Speaker 2: Absolutely, we're already putting that out there. But it's just

528
00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:34,680
Speaker 2: people are left to their own thoughts and devices when

529
00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:38,640
Speaker 2: you know, credible sources aren't putting out what it is.

530
00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:43,399
Speaker 2: So yeah, just like you know, we just got to

531
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:44,960
Speaker 2: be careful out there in these streets, y'all.

532
00:27:45,119 --> 00:27:47,359
Speaker 1: We do gotta be careful. But and and Josh made

533
00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:51,200
Speaker 1: a great point. People are not only dying in schools.

534
00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:53,280
Speaker 1: People are going grocery shopping, they're going to the mall,

535
00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:57,360
Speaker 1: they're going to concerts that you know, they're it's happening everywhere,

536
00:27:57,359 --> 00:27:59,679
Speaker 1: So it's not just the kids kids, you know. I

537
00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:02,560
Speaker 1: just think that us as a humanity have to do

538
00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:05,359
Speaker 1: a better job of understanding what's going on and not

539
00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:09,000
Speaker 1: just listening to reports, because if you watch the news,

540
00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:14,120
Speaker 1: I don't care what is CNN, MSNBC, Fox News. They

541
00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:17,480
Speaker 1: all have an agenda. And if you rely on social media,

542
00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:21,720
Speaker 1: forget you on that. You know what I'm saying. Start

543
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:23,800
Speaker 1: looking at some of the stats, start reading some of

544
00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:26,960
Speaker 1: the laws, understanding what's going on so that you can

545
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:29,919
Speaker 1: make an educated decision for your family, and don't do

546
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:35,160
Speaker 1: something crazy and emotional because they've used fear to create

547
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:38,760
Speaker 1: this sense of urgency amongst Americans. That's really what, you know. Yeah,

548
00:28:39,280 --> 00:28:40,720
Speaker 1: what I want to implore people.

549
00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:45,600
Speaker 2: On some Oh my goodness, so much to think about, y'all. Ultimately,

550
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:48,960
Speaker 2: let's just stay preyed up and let's stay paid up

551
00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:51,760
Speaker 2: as we pay these bills, because if we don't be

552
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:56,400
Speaker 2: paid up, then y'all can't hear us. Okay, figure around,

553
00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:57,560
Speaker 2: We'll be back with some of the.

554
00:28:57,600 --> 00:28:58,200
Speaker 1: Letters you.

555
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:12,600
Speaker 2: Alright with bat guys listener letter time. Yes, I'm a

556
00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:18,280
Speaker 2: die me Okay. Hello Deval and kadein love the podcast

557
00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:20,840
Speaker 2: and how you both express the daily lives as a

558
00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:24,080
Speaker 2: black couple in America. Thank you. This question is mainly

559
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:26,520
Speaker 2: for Deval. I've been listening to you for years and

560
00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:28,840
Speaker 2: I know that you are very passionate about fitness. I'm

561
00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:31,560
Speaker 2: trying to become a fitness trainer. I'm very passionate about

562
00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:33,440
Speaker 2: how the body works and the limits that you can

563
00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:36,200
Speaker 2: put on the body through being healthy. Of course, what's

564
00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:38,440
Speaker 2: the best advice and guidance you would give to someone

565
00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:41,120
Speaker 2: to become a fitness trainer? Starting out? Mind you, I'm

566
00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:43,880
Speaker 2: in the military and fitness is highly recommended. Thank you

567
00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:49,600
Speaker 2: in advance from a fit young black sailor. Are you cute,

568
00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:52,200
Speaker 2: fit black young sailor? Because I ask some single.

569
00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:55,600
Speaker 1: Friends shout out to you, young person. I appreciate you

570
00:29:55,680 --> 00:29:58,360
Speaker 1: reaching out to us. It's actually very very simple. There's

571
00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:02,280
Speaker 1: a group of a group's company called the National Academy

572
00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:06,600
Speaker 1: of Sports Medicine nas them NASM, and they have a

573
00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:08,520
Speaker 1: six month program that if you take it, you can

574
00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:12,320
Speaker 1: become certified to be a fitness professional. The reason why

575
00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:15,200
Speaker 1: that is important is become in order to get insurance

576
00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:17,480
Speaker 1: to cover you as a fitness professional. You need a

577
00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:20,480
Speaker 1: certification so that your insurance can cover you just in

578
00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:23,760
Speaker 1: case there is an injury. But more importantly, NASOM teaches

579
00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:28,400
Speaker 1: you how to train people while preventing injuries. Most people

580
00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:30,000
Speaker 1: think that you can just get out there and tell

581
00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:32,520
Speaker 1: people to do runs or jumping jacks and kicks and stuff. No,

582
00:30:32,960 --> 00:30:35,200
Speaker 1: there are certain things that go into this fitness thing,

583
00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:38,960
Speaker 1: this kinesiology exercise physiology thing, that will help you be

584
00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:43,840
Speaker 1: better at your job. You know, every person or athlete

585
00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:46,760
Speaker 1: doesn't have the heart or genetic makeup or body of

586
00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:49,200
Speaker 1: a soldier. So if you try to train them like

587
00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:52,520
Speaker 1: a soldier, you know you could cause major injury or death.

588
00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:55,120
Speaker 1: So do yourself a favor. Go ahead, a resson.

589
00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:57,560
Speaker 2: That's me. Devalu trains me like a soldier. He turns

590
00:30:57,560 --> 00:31:00,000
Speaker 2: me like a football player near death. But here we are.

591
00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:02,920
Speaker 1: You're making it right. And if we go to war,

592
00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:04,480
Speaker 1: what happened? What happens if we go.

593
00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:05,760
Speaker 2: To war, at least not a squad.

594
00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:10,080
Speaker 1: About what I'm saying, you can carry.

595
00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:12,600
Speaker 2: Working my way back up, That's what I think. I

596
00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:14,640
Speaker 2: do all this so I could put all four of

597
00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:16,480
Speaker 2: them boards on my back if I had to see

598
00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:17,040
Speaker 2: what I'm saying.

599
00:31:17,080 --> 00:31:19,600
Speaker 1: Maybe that's why the cake is caked up all right now.

600
00:31:20,360 --> 00:31:22,440
Speaker 1: The squats is to help build leg strengths so she

601
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:26,040
Speaker 1: can help carry the boys in the event armageddon happens.

602
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:29,800
Speaker 1: That's the only reason why I got k doing so many.

603
00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:31,680
Speaker 2: Squads lies, all right? That's the only reason.

604
00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:34,400
Speaker 1: That's the only reason to prepare for armageddon. You see

605
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:35,960
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Just so y'all know. Now, if y'all

606
00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:39,200
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, I'm gonna getting I'm gonna

607
00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:41,200
Speaker 1: get in them cheeks. You know what I'm saying. I'm

608
00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:46,280
Speaker 1: preparing for armageddon because I'm getting Look up the National

609
00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:50,720
Speaker 1: Academy of Sports Medicine. Start there, get your certifications, get

610
00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:54,000
Speaker 1: you an insurance plan that protects you and your clients,

611
00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:59,160
Speaker 1: get an LLC, start a company name. And if you're

612
00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:02,680
Speaker 1: if you're a a soldier, you already have the main

613
00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:05,680
Speaker 1: basic thing that people want in a trainer, and that's.

614
00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:07,400
Speaker 2: Discipline and passion.

615
00:32:07,560 --> 00:32:09,680
Speaker 1: And passion is your passionate about it?

616
00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:10,360
Speaker 2: That's dope.

617
00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:13,720
Speaker 1: You can show them and you've accomplished something. This is

618
00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:16,200
Speaker 1: one thing I always tell trainers. You have to be

619
00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:18,920
Speaker 1: able to show people that you accomplish something for them

620
00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:21,240
Speaker 1: to say, you know what, I'll let you train me. Yeah,

621
00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:24,200
Speaker 1: most people want to be trainers without having accomplished anything.

622
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:26,640
Speaker 1: What made me a successful trainer? Yes, I played in

623
00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:29,200
Speaker 1: the NFL, but I also walked onto my college. So

624
00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:31,760
Speaker 1: people see me go through some adversity to get the goal.

625
00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:35,000
Speaker 1: Most people also look the part too, I do. I

626
00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:39,480
Speaker 1: work out a lot, Amma, amma, you fine.

627
00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:43,120
Speaker 2: Is funny because that's that's literally something that you look

628
00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:45,480
Speaker 2: at when you're looking for a trainer, whether you're a

629
00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:47,760
Speaker 2: male female, it's like, oh, I want to look like that.

630
00:32:48,080 --> 00:32:49,640
Speaker 2: What did he do or what did she do to

631
00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:52,280
Speaker 2: achieve those results? That's where I want to be. This

632
00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:55,080
Speaker 2: person must know what they're talking about, because I remember Chad,

633
00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:57,120
Speaker 2: I was pregnant with Cairo doing the spin class with

634
00:32:57,200 --> 00:33:00,240
Speaker 2: this instructor that never never once put it as on

635
00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:01,000
Speaker 2: that bike.

636
00:33:02,120 --> 00:33:02,920
Speaker 1: You remember, ye.

637
00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:07,160
Speaker 2: Never got on the bike, and was so come on,

638
00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:09,320
Speaker 2: you gotta do it, you gotta do it. I was like, Ni,

639
00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:11,720
Speaker 2: you ain't doing it, So why am I in your class?

640
00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:14,560
Speaker 2: Why am I in your class when you're rolling around

641
00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:18,720
Speaker 2: here not healthy, clearly never on the bike, but you're

642
00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:21,840
Speaker 2: running spin classes. I didn't get it. But anyway, I

643
00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:23,520
Speaker 2: had my own goals so accomplished in that point. So

644
00:33:23,520 --> 00:33:24,520
Speaker 2: I didn't let him deter me.

645
00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:27,640
Speaker 1: You always go back. He really he really triggered you

646
00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:29,720
Speaker 1: because I remember you came and we called you a

647
00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:30,560
Speaker 1: penguin one day.

648
00:33:30,920 --> 00:33:34,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I was Yes, he called me because thirty

649
00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:38,960
Speaker 2: five weeks pregnant, I literally spun like, did spin classes

650
00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:41,320
Speaker 2: till the very end of Cairo. I literally had him

651
00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:43,280
Speaker 2: on the spin bike essentially.

652
00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:45,320
Speaker 1: And I made her do that because if we get

653
00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:47,960
Speaker 1: in Armageddon and there's a bike, somebody has to be

654
00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:50,720
Speaker 1: able to ride the bike and hold the kids. So

655
00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:53,000
Speaker 1: I was doing this, be prepared just in.

656
00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:56,120
Speaker 2: Case with a belly. So one day I was coming

657
00:33:56,120 --> 00:33:58,440
Speaker 2: in right exactly because I'm like, literally about to give

658
00:33:58,480 --> 00:34:00,560
Speaker 2: birth any day now. And I was, of course waddling.

659
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:03,080
Speaker 2: That's what you tend to do as a pregnant woman

660
00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:06,200
Speaker 2: in the very end of the pregnancy. So I'm waddling

661
00:34:06,240 --> 00:34:08,080
Speaker 2: and you know, mine and my business, getting ready to

662
00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:09,600
Speaker 2: go do my warm up. And he was like, hey,

663
00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:12,680
Speaker 2: watch penguin over there waddling. I turned around and looked.

664
00:34:12,680 --> 00:34:16,960
Speaker 2: I said, you have the nerve to call me a penguin.

665
00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:19,640
Speaker 2: I said, my nigga, you are the leader, happy Feet,

666
00:34:19,680 --> 00:34:21,760
Speaker 2: so don't start. Don't start.

667
00:34:22,200 --> 00:34:24,600
Speaker 1: You gonna call the man happy feet right before spin class.

668
00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:25,880
Speaker 1: He was kind of large too.

669
00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:28,840
Speaker 2: He was he was, and I had a whole nerve

670
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:30,800
Speaker 2: to be sarcastic in having an attitude when he was

671
00:34:30,920 --> 00:34:33,239
Speaker 2: ready six weeks too. He was thirty six thirty seven

672
00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:37,800
Speaker 2: and she yep, absolutely we had the same struggle alone.

673
00:34:37,960 --> 00:34:40,799
Speaker 1: But yeah, a fit young black sailor. That's what you do.

674
00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:43,239
Speaker 1: I just gave you some tips. Pulled that part, get

675
00:34:43,320 --> 00:34:49,920
Speaker 1: done all right. Second second, I want to say that

676
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:52,600
Speaker 1: y'all are truly in inspiration for me. Thank you so much.

677
00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:54,920
Speaker 1: I've been following you guys since the YouTube days and

678
00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:57,239
Speaker 1: I absolutely love your content. My fiance and I have

679
00:34:57,320 --> 00:34:59,839
Speaker 1: been together since we were fifteen. We are now twenty

680
00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:04,560
Speaker 1: nine thirty kudos to y'all and have three beautiful daughters together. Congrats.

681
00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:07,160
Speaker 1: Just some background, we both come from single parent homes

682
00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:09,000
Speaker 1: and neither of us had any role models when it

683
00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:11,680
Speaker 1: comes to relationships. We have had our share of issues

684
00:35:11,680 --> 00:35:14,399
Speaker 1: and problems throughout the years, but we still choose each other.

685
00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:17,600
Speaker 1: Amen to that. He often has problems with expressing himself

686
00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:19,799
Speaker 1: and feels he shouldn't have to express his feelings all

687
00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:22,040
Speaker 1: the time and that I should just know. And I'm

688
00:35:22,040 --> 00:35:24,480
Speaker 1: always telling him bro. In fact that he says, Bro,

689
00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:27,200
Speaker 1: it's hilarius, because that's what case. Bro. I'm not a

690
00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:29,560
Speaker 1: mind reader, and I also don't want to assume what

691
00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:32,000
Speaker 1: could be going on with him. He was raised in

692
00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:34,160
Speaker 1: the streets, so he has a very tough exteria. Just

693
00:35:34,200 --> 00:35:37,040
Speaker 1: like Zach, he feels that expressing his feelings is hard

694
00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:39,400
Speaker 1: for him. I am overly expressed with sometimes, and I

695
00:35:39,560 --> 00:35:42,319
Speaker 1: have a fixer mindset, so that causes us to bump

696
00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:44,400
Speaker 1: heads a lot because I am always trying to figure

697
00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:46,160
Speaker 1: out what could be wrong so I can fix it.

698
00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:48,839
Speaker 1: I would appreciate some advice on what I can do

699
00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:51,720
Speaker 1: to give him the space to open up to me. Also,

700
00:35:51,840 --> 00:35:55,839
Speaker 1: any advice in general about building a stronger relationship would

701
00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:59,880
Speaker 1: be gladly appreciated. Thank you for being an inspiration. Love you, guys, Love.

702
00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:02,680
Speaker 2: Each to building a strong relationship. Get your copy of

703
00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:07,000
Speaker 2: We Over Me, because that's literally how we over Me.

704
00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:12,120
Speaker 2: It's our New York Times best selling book, The Counterintuitive

705
00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:15,160
Speaker 2: Approach to Getting Everything you want to pronter Intuitive My bad.

706
00:36:15,239 --> 00:36:22,400
Speaker 2: I was trying to everything you went out of your relationship.

707
00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:27,359
Speaker 2: We literally unhashed or rehash and break down everything from

708
00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:30,040
Speaker 2: our the beginning of our Brooklyn love story and how

709
00:36:30,120 --> 00:36:32,759
Speaker 2: we've gotten to this point. Because when everyone asked for

710
00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:34,320
Speaker 2: I need me a de Belle, I need me a Kadid.

711
00:36:34,440 --> 00:36:36,840
Speaker 2: Trust me who do you see today? He who was

712
00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:38,880
Speaker 2: then that person that we're totter.

713
00:36:38,920 --> 00:36:39,399
Speaker 1: The fact that.

714
00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:42,320
Speaker 2: Y'all were together since fifteen, right, and grew together and

715
00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:45,440
Speaker 2: now twenty nine and thirty, that's something beautiful in itself.

716
00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:49,080
Speaker 2: So yeah, if you want some general building, stronger information,

717
00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:52,040
Speaker 2: relationship information, a lot of it is there, which is

718
00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:54,719
Speaker 2: a good start. But yes, babe, expressing emotions you said

719
00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:57,000
Speaker 2: this was very much like Zach your character and sisters. Right,

720
00:36:57,600 --> 00:36:59,000
Speaker 2: how are we getting Zach to open up?

721
00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:02,520
Speaker 1: You? You say it all the time. Marriage is one long,

722
00:37:02,760 --> 00:37:06,640
Speaker 1: endless conversation. There's always going to be something to work on.

723
00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:10,719
Speaker 1: And since y'all been together for fifteen years, y'all are

724
00:37:10,719 --> 00:37:14,440
Speaker 1: constantly choosing each other. This is just another example of

725
00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:17,360
Speaker 1: why choosing each other is important. You want him to

726
00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:20,640
Speaker 1: continue to open up, create a safe space him to

727
00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:23,520
Speaker 1: open up, don't judge him when he does open up. Right,

728
00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:25,719
Speaker 1: I'll give you an example. Kadeen and I talked about this.

729
00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:28,160
Speaker 1: Kadeen told me for a long time she didn't want

730
00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:30,200
Speaker 1: you know, she wanted me to start opening up more,

731
00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:32,480
Speaker 1: opening up more, saying my feelings because I was the

732
00:37:32,520 --> 00:37:35,960
Speaker 1: typical macho man and I got it. I got this.

733
00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:38,720
Speaker 1: I got this until I didn't have it. The problem

734
00:37:38,760 --> 00:37:40,960
Speaker 1: is sometimes when I would will open up, Kadeen would

735
00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:42,680
Speaker 1: be tired of me opening up and be like, oh,

736
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:44,759
Speaker 1: we still got to talk about this. So it was

737
00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:46,080
Speaker 1: like you say, you want me to open up, but

738
00:37:46,120 --> 00:37:48,040
Speaker 1: then when I open up, you get upset about it, right,

739
00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:49,680
Speaker 1: you know, So I would say, if you want him

740
00:37:49,719 --> 00:37:52,040
Speaker 1: to open up, make sure that you're creating a safe

741
00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:55,440
Speaker 1: space for him to open up without judgment and continuing

742
00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:58,759
Speaker 1: to push and not push in a way where it

743
00:37:58,800 --> 00:38:02,319
Speaker 1: becomes off putting, you know, allow him to come into

744
00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:05,200
Speaker 1: it on his own terms, with a gentle push.

745
00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:05,760
Speaker 2: Yeah.

746
00:38:05,800 --> 00:38:08,799
Speaker 1: You know. They have this term called gentle parenting. They

747
00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:12,040
Speaker 1: need to have a term called gentle spousing, you know,

748
00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:15,000
Speaker 1: because there's ways to get people to talk. You don't

749
00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:17,080
Speaker 1: get people to talk by saying open your mouth, motherfucker,

750
00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:19,360
Speaker 1: like I'm the only want to hear no, Like hey, babe,

751
00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:20,279
Speaker 1: like how you feeling too it?

752
00:38:20,360 --> 00:38:23,000
Speaker 2: Yeah? Or I've noticed this lately and it doesn't seem

753
00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:25,399
Speaker 2: like you or this is something that we've been dealing

754
00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:26,920
Speaker 2: with for a long time, and I really think that

755
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:29,919
Speaker 2: if we got over this hurdle, then maybe things can

756
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:32,160
Speaker 2: like really fileration take us to the next level, because

757
00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:36,640
Speaker 2: all you ever want, essentially from your spouse is essential, right,

758
00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:38,360
Speaker 2: you want things to be better than they were the

759
00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:41,160
Speaker 2: last day. And that's the approach that I started to

760
00:38:41,160 --> 00:38:43,319
Speaker 2: take with de Vo too. And to be honest, some

761
00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:47,640
Speaker 2: things are so either deeply rooted or so compacted that

762
00:38:47,719 --> 00:38:51,480
Speaker 2: it requires several conversations to break down the core and

763
00:38:51,520 --> 00:38:53,359
Speaker 2: think about it. There's some things that you and I

764
00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:57,520
Speaker 2: have been discussing for the past twenty years. Yeah, that

765
00:38:57,680 --> 00:39:02,040
Speaker 2: I'm just starting to get now you and just starting

766
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:04,399
Speaker 2: to get. And it's conversations that it wasn't for lack

767
00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:07,160
Speaker 2: of communication, because if I was communicating, it was I

768
00:39:07,200 --> 00:39:09,719
Speaker 2: maybe in the space to receive it and then reciprocate

769
00:39:09,719 --> 00:39:12,480
Speaker 2: in that moment. No, but he never let up on

770
00:39:12,719 --> 00:39:15,360
Speaker 2: expressing the way he felt. He never gave up on

771
00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:18,040
Speaker 2: me thinking that, you know what, she's never gonna get it.

772
00:39:18,719 --> 00:39:20,920
Speaker 2: I'm glad we really gave each other a lot of

773
00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:23,880
Speaker 2: space and latitude to be able and grace to figure

774
00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:27,760
Speaker 2: it out. And when it clicks, baby, it clicks. Because

775
00:39:28,200 --> 00:39:31,080
Speaker 2: these last couple of months for Javal and I at

776
00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:34,480
Speaker 2: least have probably been some of the better.

777
00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:40,920
Speaker 1: Years other than the honeymoon years. Yeah, when we were

778
00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:43,719
Speaker 1: first learning each other and not realizing I think this

779
00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:47,239
Speaker 1: has been the best couple of months since we've been

780
00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:50,160
Speaker 1: in adulthood and didn't he wasn't having our education paid

781
00:39:50,200 --> 00:39:55,040
Speaker 1: for any NFL sponsoring stuff like we were. We've been

782
00:39:55,080 --> 00:40:01,000
Speaker 1: dealing with real life issues, real stresses, mortgages, car notes, businesses,

783
00:40:01,120 --> 00:40:04,840
Speaker 1: some doing well, some not doing well, but still finding

784
00:40:05,360 --> 00:40:07,480
Speaker 1: the ability to love on each other through those things.

785
00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:10,400
Speaker 1: Where in the past those things used to cause issues.

786
00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:13,600
Speaker 1: You know, any outside trust used to cause issues in here.

787
00:40:14,239 --> 00:40:15,319
Speaker 1: It's no longer doing that.

788
00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:18,560
Speaker 2: Or even just like internal things like just having a

789
00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:21,759
Speaker 2: quick you know, there was something I don't can't think

790
00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:23,640
Speaker 2: of what it is recently because it was so insignificant.

791
00:40:23,640 --> 00:40:26,040
Speaker 2: But we might have had a little back and forth

792
00:40:26,080 --> 00:40:28,480
Speaker 2: about something, and the way I would have approached it

793
00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:30,839
Speaker 2: and gotten upset and carried that shit on for the day,

794
00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:33,200
Speaker 2: I just we didn't. It was like almost like we

795
00:40:33,239 --> 00:40:35,480
Speaker 2: had a moment we spoke about whatever it was.

796
00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:38,240
Speaker 1: I remember it, and then we just kept.

797
00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:39,960
Speaker 2: And I thought to myself, Wow, that was easy, Like

798
00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:42,520
Speaker 2: we no longer had those moments where we were just

799
00:40:42,560 --> 00:40:45,960
Speaker 2: having these drawn out conversations or these back and forth.

800
00:40:46,920 --> 00:40:49,280
Speaker 2: It was something you know what I'm talking about.

801
00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:50,719
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, because I think it might have been when

802
00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:53,200
Speaker 1: we were in Canada, but it was something small that

803
00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:55,520
Speaker 1: I remember what it was it was. It was something

804
00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:59,480
Speaker 1: small that would have been something big had we handled

805
00:40:59,520 --> 00:41:02,200
Speaker 1: it differently. This is exactly what it was. You were

806
00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:06,520
Speaker 1: in Atlanta, I was in Canada. I called you on

807
00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:09,600
Speaker 1: the phone and you kept saying to me, babe, let

808
00:41:09,640 --> 00:41:11,319
Speaker 1: me call you back, baby, let me call you back

809
00:41:11,480 --> 00:41:13,040
Speaker 1: the whole day, babe, let me call you back.

810
00:41:13,160 --> 00:41:13,359
Speaker 2: Yeah.

811
00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:14,960
Speaker 1: Finally at the end of the night, you called me

812
00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:16,920
Speaker 1: back at twelve thirty and then you fell asleep.

813
00:41:17,080 --> 00:41:19,880
Speaker 2: Yeah. We were watching trying to stream it for you.

814
00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:21,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, you fell asleep, and I was just like, yo,

815
00:41:21,719 --> 00:41:23,400
Speaker 1: you're doing the same thing to me away that you

816
00:41:23,440 --> 00:41:24,960
Speaker 1: do with me at home. You put me off, put

817
00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:26,359
Speaker 1: me off, put me off, and then when you say

818
00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:31,080
Speaker 1: it's finally my time, you fall asleep. And in the

819
00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:34,640
Speaker 1: past you would have argued me down as to why

820
00:41:34,719 --> 00:41:37,520
Speaker 1: I shouldn't feel a way about it, but instead you

821
00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:39,600
Speaker 1: were like you know what I'm saying. You were just like, Babe,

822
00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:42,040
Speaker 1: my bad, I got tired. I didn't you know, you're right,

823
00:41:42,160 --> 00:41:43,000
Speaker 1: I shouldn't have did this.

824
00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:44,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I was like, I'm here. I'm just it's

825
00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:46,480
Speaker 2: just me, mom and dad. I'm trying to juggle the

826
00:41:46,560 --> 00:41:49,080
Speaker 2: kids like they had a bunch of practices. You want

827
00:41:49,120 --> 00:41:51,200
Speaker 2: me to be slim and trimming, and you know, continue

828
00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:53,480
Speaker 2: this workout routine that he started, and I'm doing that,

829
00:41:53,560 --> 00:41:55,120
Speaker 2: and the workouts have been killing me to the point

830
00:41:55,160 --> 00:41:57,719
Speaker 2: where at nights I'm tired. But I also knew too

831
00:41:57,800 --> 00:42:00,640
Speaker 2: that in the moments when Deval is not with the family,

832
00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:03,680
Speaker 2: you're particularly fragile, like you don't like to be away

833
00:42:03,680 --> 00:42:07,040
Speaker 2: from your family. So I also, knowing that backstory, had

834
00:42:07,080 --> 00:42:09,000
Speaker 2: to understand, like, listen, he might be lashing out in

835
00:42:09,040 --> 00:42:11,800
Speaker 2: this moment because he just misses me, he misses the kids.

836
00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:14,239
Speaker 2: I'm sitting in the man cave where he loves to be,

837
00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:15,880
Speaker 2: and he's not there in that moment.

838
00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:19,640
Speaker 1: And I also had to realize that I am fragile

839
00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:22,960
Speaker 1: when I'm by myself, So what typically wouldn't have bothered

840
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:25,840
Speaker 1: me bothered me more. So that's when I called you

841
00:42:25,880 --> 00:42:26,680
Speaker 1: back and I was like, my.

842
00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:29,640
Speaker 2: Bad, right, And that's why I was like yeah, and we.

843
00:42:29,600 --> 00:42:32,200
Speaker 1: Both were just like it's all right. I did some

844
00:42:32,239 --> 00:42:34,080
Speaker 1: things that I wish I should have done differently. You

845
00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:36,000
Speaker 1: did some things, and we let it go and it's

846
00:42:36,640 --> 00:42:39,360
Speaker 1: but in the past, it literally would have went like this.

847
00:42:39,440 --> 00:42:42,120
Speaker 1: In the past, she'd have fell asleep. I would have

848
00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:44,359
Speaker 1: hung up. She would have called me back, called me back.

849
00:42:44,400 --> 00:42:46,920
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have answered the phone, and then she'd have

850
00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:48,960
Speaker 1: called me the next morning. I wouldn't have answered the phone.

851
00:42:48,960 --> 00:42:50,439
Speaker 1: I would have went to work all day and she'd

852
00:42:50,440 --> 00:42:51,280
Speaker 1: have been like yo.

853
00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:54,120
Speaker 2: Like right, and then you and been like all right,

854
00:42:54,160 --> 00:42:55,240
Speaker 2: well whatever, right.

855
00:42:55,120 --> 00:42:57,080
Speaker 1: And then we'd have been arguing for days because it'd

856
00:42:57,120 --> 00:42:58,200
Speaker 1: be like, I'm not going to be the one to call.

857
00:42:58,239 --> 00:42:59,680
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna be the one to call. But then

858
00:42:59,840 --> 00:43:02,600
Speaker 1: we did petty stuff like I would have called Jackson's

859
00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:05,680
Speaker 1: phone and spoke to all the kids who I knew

860
00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:08,480
Speaker 1: was around kay, and then when she'd come to the phone,

861
00:43:08,719 --> 00:43:11,600
Speaker 1: I would act like I don't see her, or she

862
00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:14,600
Speaker 1: would do something petty like call your father and ask

863
00:43:14,640 --> 00:43:16,759
Speaker 1: your father something, and I'll be like, why are you

864
00:43:16,800 --> 00:43:18,759
Speaker 1: calling me? Mommy said that she wants me to.

865
00:43:19,040 --> 00:43:20,759
Speaker 2: But and then we're involving the kids, and then out

866
00:43:20,760 --> 00:43:22,160
Speaker 2: of kids like oh, here they go.

867
00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:25,239
Speaker 1: But but the truth of the matter is, and the

868
00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:28,279
Speaker 1: reason why we tell y'all that is when somebody's going

869
00:43:28,320 --> 00:43:30,320
Speaker 1: through something, after they say, like it's fifteen years we

870
00:43:30,400 --> 00:43:35,759
Speaker 1: be together, it's one ongoing conversation. Stop putting this unrealistic

871
00:43:35,800 --> 00:43:38,400
Speaker 1: expectation on yourself that if you don't have everything figured

872
00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:40,680
Speaker 1: out about your partner in the first five years of

873
00:43:40,719 --> 00:43:44,400
Speaker 1: your relationship, your relationship is doomed. That's not a reality.

874
00:43:44,680 --> 00:43:47,120
Speaker 1: The reality is it takes time. It takes years. It

875
00:43:47,160 --> 00:43:50,839
Speaker 1: takes decades to figure out that smooth spot. And even

876
00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:53,200
Speaker 1: when you figure that out, as you guys evolve and change,

877
00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:54,640
Speaker 1: you gonna have to figure something else out.

878
00:43:54,719 --> 00:43:55,280
Speaker 2: That's a fact.

879
00:43:55,320 --> 00:43:57,520
Speaker 1: So just keep rocking with it and keep choosing each other.

880
00:43:57,840 --> 00:44:01,400
Speaker 1: She literally said, we choose use each other. We still

881
00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:02,399
Speaker 1: choose each other.

882
00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:03,000
Speaker 2: I love that.

883
00:44:02,840 --> 00:44:04,680
Speaker 1: That's all you have to keep doing is to I

884
00:44:04,719 --> 00:44:05,720
Speaker 1: love that for y'all.

885
00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:09,160
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, those are two really good listener letters. Guys,

886
00:44:09,640 --> 00:44:11,480
Speaker 2: keep writing in because we love to hear from you.

887
00:44:11,840 --> 00:44:14,080
Speaker 2: And if you want to be featured as a listener letter,

888
00:44:14,560 --> 00:44:17,440
Speaker 2: be sure to email us at dead ass Advice at

889
00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:18,319
Speaker 2: gmail dot com.

890
00:44:18,360 --> 00:44:20,080
Speaker 1: Spell it from the Maid, that's d E A D.

891
00:44:20,239 --> 00:44:23,160
Speaker 1: A S. S. A. D V I C. E at

892
00:44:23,239 --> 00:44:25,000
Speaker 1: gmail dot com.

893
00:44:25,040 --> 00:44:28,799
Speaker 2: All Right, moment of truth, time got and control. It's

894
00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:31,160
Speaker 2: such a heavy topic. I hate like rehashing and thinking

895
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:34,040
Speaker 2: about these things over and over. But it is this

896
00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:36,319
Speaker 2: is the reality? Or is it indeed the reality because

897
00:44:36,320 --> 00:44:38,600
Speaker 2: you're saying you know based off of the stats and

898
00:44:38,640 --> 00:44:42,120
Speaker 2: everything that you know. No, you never take away from

899
00:44:42,680 --> 00:44:46,040
Speaker 2: mass shootings and the impact they've had. But also trying

900
00:44:46,080 --> 00:44:49,200
Speaker 2: to live in a world where we're not fearful of

901
00:44:49,280 --> 00:44:50,440
Speaker 2: our day to day life.

902
00:44:50,719 --> 00:44:53,160
Speaker 1: This is my moment of truth. It's going to be

903
00:44:53,239 --> 00:44:56,799
Speaker 1: very difficult for people to hear, but this is the

904
00:44:56,840 --> 00:44:57,560
Speaker 1: moment of truth.

905
00:44:57,760 --> 00:44:58,080
Speaker 2: Okay.

906
00:44:59,360 --> 00:45:02,839
Speaker 1: When it comes to gun violence and it comes to

907
00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:08,960
Speaker 1: political seasons, oftentimes mass media, the people who are in

908
00:45:09,040 --> 00:45:12,680
Speaker 1: control use the things that make us the most afraid

909
00:45:13,200 --> 00:45:18,440
Speaker 1: as political capital to win an election. Right, and we

910
00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:23,680
Speaker 1: are coming around that time, Well, we have to start

911
00:45:23,680 --> 00:45:26,400
Speaker 1: thinking about who's going to be our president. We just

912
00:45:26,480 --> 00:45:30,240
Speaker 1: came off of midterm elections, so I'm starting to realize

913
00:45:30,239 --> 00:45:33,080
Speaker 1: that every time we get around the election cycle, gun

914
00:45:33,200 --> 00:45:36,360
Speaker 1: violence is a hot button topic, just like police violence

915
00:45:36,400 --> 00:45:40,040
Speaker 1: is a hot button topic. But when realistically, when you

916
00:45:40,160 --> 00:45:45,239
Speaker 1: look at the statistics, there's less than one percent of

917
00:45:45,280 --> 00:45:48,920
Speaker 1: that population actually committing the crimes or doing the things

918
00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:51,720
Speaker 1: that they are making the most important thing to talk about,

919
00:45:52,120 --> 00:45:56,040
Speaker 1: and they make that the narrative. When that's just the narrative,

920
00:45:56,120 --> 00:46:01,600
Speaker 1: it's not everyone's reality. And when the narrative then becomes

921
00:46:01,600 --> 00:46:07,120
Speaker 1: everyone's reality, people turn their reality into what the narrative

922
00:46:07,400 --> 00:46:09,919
Speaker 1: is and they start to move irrationally.

923
00:46:10,560 --> 00:46:13,360
Speaker 2: I want literally becoming a casualty of war. Yes, like

924
00:46:13,400 --> 00:46:14,719
Speaker 2: we are the casualties.

925
00:46:15,160 --> 00:46:17,640
Speaker 1: It is a self fulfilling prophecy that if you keep

926
00:46:17,640 --> 00:46:19,239
Speaker 1: thinking this is going to happen, this is going to happen,

927
00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:21,000
Speaker 1: this is going to happen, and you prepare for this

928
00:46:21,040 --> 00:46:23,080
Speaker 1: to happen, this will happened, you almost make it happen.

929
00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:25,640
Speaker 2: He said that recently to Jackson too, And I think

930
00:46:25,680 --> 00:46:27,960
Speaker 2: me I was thinking about something or saying how fearful

931
00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:29,839
Speaker 2: I was of something happening, and you were just like, hey,

932
00:46:29,840 --> 00:46:31,520
Speaker 2: you're literally manifesting that to happen.

933
00:46:31,560 --> 00:46:32,560
Speaker 1: Absolutely stop.

934
00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:34,840
Speaker 2: And I'm like, is it manifesting it to happen or

935
00:46:34,880 --> 00:46:37,600
Speaker 2: is it just trying to be aware of what could

936
00:46:37,680 --> 00:46:39,240
Speaker 2: potentially be a random reality.

937
00:46:39,280 --> 00:46:42,040
Speaker 1: But there's a difference though, between manifesting something and it

938
00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:44,839
Speaker 1: being something that accidentally happens. For example, when we talk

939
00:46:44,840 --> 00:46:49,640
Speaker 1: about police violence, right. I learned how to teach my

940
00:46:49,800 --> 00:46:52,759
Speaker 1: kids how to approach police so that they don't make

941
00:46:52,840 --> 00:46:56,080
Speaker 1: a situation that is no situation. For example, growing up

942
00:46:56,080 --> 00:46:58,840
Speaker 1: in Brooklyn, we dealt with stopping frisk. My uncle Kevin

943
00:46:58,920 --> 00:47:00,759
Speaker 1: was a police officer. He taught me how to deal

944
00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:03,439
Speaker 1: with police, so I don't have issues with police. I've

945
00:47:03,440 --> 00:47:07,200
Speaker 1: watched my friends getting manhandled and beat up by police,

946
00:47:07,600 --> 00:47:10,440
Speaker 1: in part because the police officers were being dickheads, but

947
00:47:10,480 --> 00:47:12,319
Speaker 1: also in part because it's like, dude, like you were

948
00:47:12,360 --> 00:47:16,359
Speaker 1: being so unnecessary that you have two sides that are

949
00:47:16,400 --> 00:47:18,200
Speaker 1: trying to prove a point and not be a part

950
00:47:18,239 --> 00:47:20,560
Speaker 1: of a narrative that creates a reality out of a

951
00:47:20,640 --> 00:47:24,680
Speaker 1: narrative because both sides are unwilling to relax for a minute.

952
00:47:25,080 --> 00:47:27,520
Speaker 1: You know, I've had friends we walking down the street

953
00:47:27,640 --> 00:47:29,560
Speaker 1: and a cop say something to them. It's like fuck

954
00:47:29,600 --> 00:47:31,760
Speaker 1: you d D D. Now the cop has an ego

955
00:47:32,120 --> 00:47:33,360
Speaker 1: and he come to what you say to me? And

956
00:47:33,400 --> 00:47:34,880
Speaker 1: now they going back and forth and no, no, you

957
00:47:34,920 --> 00:47:36,640
Speaker 1: ain't gonna do this. Then they get into a tussle.

958
00:47:36,680 --> 00:47:39,680
Speaker 1: Now you're on the floor getting hemmed up and getting arrested,

959
00:47:40,200 --> 00:47:42,200
Speaker 1: as opposed to me when it came to cops. Yes,

960
00:47:42,280 --> 00:47:44,560
Speaker 1: I've dealt with cops who were been bigoted through my

961
00:47:44,600 --> 00:47:46,319
Speaker 1: stuff on the floor. You've been there with me, took

962
00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:48,560
Speaker 1: me out the car, put me handcuffs for no reason.

963
00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:51,880
Speaker 1: But I've always had my life because I stayed calm

964
00:47:52,400 --> 00:47:54,799
Speaker 1: and I was just like, yo, this is what you know.

965
00:47:54,880 --> 00:47:57,240
Speaker 1: This is how my uncle told me to present myself

966
00:47:57,280 --> 00:47:59,719
Speaker 1: in these situations. The reason why I'm saying that, the

967
00:47:59,719 --> 00:48:01,520
Speaker 1: reason I said a lot of people won't like these

968
00:48:01,520 --> 00:48:05,360
Speaker 1: statements because it sounds as if I'm saying black people

969
00:48:05,360 --> 00:48:08,399
Speaker 1: are the responsibility all of the responsible parties when something

970
00:48:08,440 --> 00:48:10,760
Speaker 1: bad happens to them with police. That's not what I'm saying,

971
00:48:10,960 --> 00:48:14,279
Speaker 1: And I don't want people to be confused by. What

972
00:48:14,320 --> 00:48:17,680
Speaker 1: I'm saying is is don't create a reality for yourself

973
00:48:17,800 --> 00:48:22,800
Speaker 1: based on what sensationalized in the media, Like like, really

974
00:48:22,840 --> 00:48:25,080
Speaker 1: look at the numbers, look at what's going on, and

975
00:48:25,160 --> 00:48:28,000
Speaker 1: don't create a reality for your see yourself the same

976
00:48:28,040 --> 00:48:30,480
Speaker 1: way I could have created a reality for myself. If

977
00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:33,200
Speaker 1: Jackson sends me that text, I go get my gun,

978
00:48:33,239 --> 00:48:34,920
Speaker 1: I jump in my car and I run up to

979
00:48:34,960 --> 00:48:37,360
Speaker 1: the school. You know what I'm saying, I run up

980
00:48:37,360 --> 00:48:40,760
Speaker 1: to school and do something irrational without thinking what really

981
00:48:40,800 --> 00:48:44,560
Speaker 1: are the chances? You know? And I say all that

982
00:48:44,600 --> 00:48:47,560
Speaker 1: to also say this, There need to be tougher gun

983
00:48:47,640 --> 00:48:48,200
Speaker 1: laws in.

984
00:48:48,239 --> 00:48:49,960
Speaker 2: America, period.

985
00:48:50,120 --> 00:48:52,279
Speaker 1: Like that's just that's just what it is. I want

986
00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:56,040
Speaker 1: people to not create realities out of narratives. But they're

987
00:48:56,080 --> 00:49:02,879
Speaker 1: also like, come on, like, at some point things have

988
00:49:02,960 --> 00:49:06,640
Speaker 1: to change. This is not give cool and six hundred,

989
00:49:06,960 --> 00:49:08,839
Speaker 1: even though I made the point to show that six

990
00:49:08,920 --> 00:49:11,400
Speaker 1: hundred is not a lot compared to three hundred and

991
00:49:11,440 --> 00:49:14,200
Speaker 1: thirty one million, six hundred is still too much.

992
00:49:14,239 --> 00:49:15,080
Speaker 2: It's still too many.

993
00:49:15,280 --> 00:49:16,279
Speaker 1: It's still too much.

994
00:49:16,360 --> 00:49:20,160
Speaker 2: You lose a loved one. That's one too many, absolutely period.

995
00:49:21,160 --> 00:49:23,200
Speaker 2: All right, y'all be sure to find us on Patreon

996
00:49:23,520 --> 00:49:27,520
Speaker 2: and you can see exclusive dead Ass podcast video content

997
00:49:27,600 --> 00:49:30,760
Speaker 2: there and so much more. I don't know if y'all

998
00:49:30,760 --> 00:49:32,960
Speaker 2: been checking out All day K baby, but if you

999
00:49:33,000 --> 00:49:36,200
Speaker 2: want more on me, baby, you gotta sign up, because

1000
00:49:36,200 --> 00:49:38,080
Speaker 2: we're having a good time over there as we get

1001
00:49:38,120 --> 00:49:41,400
Speaker 2: all day K back up and running shameless plug and

1002
00:49:41,440 --> 00:49:43,640
Speaker 2: if you can find us on social media, so it's

1003
00:49:43,680 --> 00:49:46,600
Speaker 2: going to be dead Ass the podcast on Instagram Kadeen

1004
00:49:46,680 --> 00:49:47,359
Speaker 2: I am and.

1005
00:49:47,400 --> 00:49:50,080
Speaker 1: I am Deval And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts,

1006
00:49:50,120 --> 00:49:53,240
Speaker 1: be sure to rate, review and subscribe.

1007
00:49:53,280 --> 00:49:55,600
Speaker 2: And y'all still telling friends about us? Tell your friends,

1008
00:49:55,719 --> 00:49:58,600
Speaker 2: y'all because people still you see anotherless letter that we

1009
00:49:58,640 --> 00:50:00,640
Speaker 2: have somebody so they just found out a the podcast.

1010
00:50:00,680 --> 00:50:03,600
Speaker 2: I had to catch up from season one, so bring

1011
00:50:03,680 --> 00:50:05,640
Speaker 2: them on board, y'all catch up dead Ass.

1012
00:50:05,600 --> 00:50:09,560
Speaker 1: Dead Ass, y'all. Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia

1013
00:50:09,640 --> 00:50:13,040
Speaker 1: podcast Network and its produced by Donor Pinya and Tribble.

1014
00:50:13,320 --> 00:50:15,880
Speaker 1: Follow the podcast on social media at dead Ass the

1015
00:50:15,920 --> 00:50:17,600
Speaker 1: Podcast and never miss a Thing