Speaker 1: Hey, welcome backup Burns the inner call Happy.
Speaker 2: This is the first time I've touched in you all year.
Speaker 2: Oh my god damn year to.
Speaker 1: Me touching me in crazy waye tonight because we're switching
Speaker 1: positions hot and fresh in the kitchen silly podcast, guys. Honestly,
Speaker 1: I have I am going into twenty twenty five with
Speaker 1: nothing but delusional positivity. I know last year I went
Speaker 1: into it with positivity, and god damn it did I
Speaker 1: get rugburn on my fucking butt from being but fucked
Speaker 1: from throwing to the.
Speaker 2: Ground thrown to the ground several times. But also we
Speaker 2: have to reckon is that simultaneously there's a yin and
Speaker 2: a yang, so many good things, so many good things,
Speaker 2: so many great things. That's what I'm leading with this
Speaker 2: year is positivity. I'm looking for the good things in
Speaker 2: life and it'll find me. It'll find me. Please fucking
Speaker 2: find me, good things, please find me.
Speaker 1: It is so funny being people who like prize our
Speaker 1: privacy because I feel like when we talk about last
Speaker 1: year being bad, it can sound so annoying to you, guys.
Speaker 1: I really don't want it to go unseen that I
Speaker 1: am so grateful for the life I have, like I
Speaker 1: genuinely feel so blessed. And I said it in like
Speaker 1: a few episodes ago, but just no, just no, just
Speaker 1: just no, just just But the fun part is last year,
Speaker 1: like I've been feeling like a teenager again in terms
Speaker 1: of like when things are happening in my personal life.
Speaker 1: I feel like it motivates me a lot to do
Speaker 1: creative work, which that you really have.
Speaker 2: Been drawing, like drawing, writing, all that.
Speaker 1: Good shob Yeah, it like really puts that pep in
Speaker 1: my step and it makes me feel alive. But that's
Speaker 1: because I am mentally ill, and there's just something about
Speaker 1: a deep sick sadness that makes me feel alive. But
Speaker 1: that's not the vibe this year live. Wait, should we
Speaker 1: do our ins and outs to.
Speaker 2: Start off the end?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yea yeah, do you want me to start? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Should Okay? How should we do it so that we
Speaker 1: don't like cut each other off? Should we just go
Speaker 1: down our list and then we could pick ones out?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, we'll go down our list fully, But I
Speaker 2: mean also just chime in, Like we'll just chime in
Speaker 2: and it'll be fine, because love is what interrupting exactly. Okay,
Speaker 2: I just have Okay, so this is what I have.
Speaker 2: I have what are we leaving in twenty twenty five?
Speaker 2: I have my resolutions and then I just deleted all
Speaker 2: of them. Yeah, I have resolutions. What we're leaving in
Speaker 2: trend forecasting? So should I just do what are we
Speaker 2: leaving in twenty twenty five?
Speaker 1: Because I only have ins and outs?
Speaker 2: Okay, so in twenty twenty five, we're leaving heart palpitations. Yeah,
Speaker 2: those are canceled. They're out. Like I'm done feeling my
Speaker 2: heart skip three beats and thinking I'm gonna have a
Speaker 2: heart vape.
Speaker 1: You don't vapor.
Speaker 2: I know, it's got to be some other shit, bro,
Speaker 2: it's got to be some other shit.
Speaker 1: I'm stopping vaping this year. I am, like, genuinely committed
Speaker 1: to it. My puff bar died yesterday on the first,
Speaker 1: and I told myself I was gonna stop. I had
Speaker 1: a very stressful.
Speaker 2: We Yeah, like I really can't get into I cannot
Speaker 2: get into it. I'm sorry for cutting you off, but
Speaker 2: my life has been a living fucking hell for the
Speaker 2: last week. So Hasenya's not spilling her tea, not spilling
Speaker 2: my tea. But just know, these holidays were fucking scary.
Speaker 2: Fucking boots. They were not a vibe at all. Like,
Speaker 2: I'm so glad I spent it with my family and
Speaker 2: I love my parents and my family to have a
Speaker 2: family to go back to. Oh my god, I'm liter
Speaker 2: gonna start crying. Imagine I just start crying for the
Speaker 2: first time over all the shit. Now I've been y'all
Speaker 2: the shit going on. I have been internalizing and been
Speaker 2: laughing at it for far too fucking long, and it
Speaker 2: is not funny.
Speaker 1: I get the point where it's not fun.
Speaker 2: It's like so unhealthy for me to like process the process,
Speaker 2: process it this way. But like we're just gonna keep laughing.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna keep shoving it down until we have some
Speaker 2: time away so I can fucking cry about all the
Speaker 2: bullshit going on in my goddamn life. But just know
Speaker 2: we in this together. But heart palpitations out, heart competitions
Speaker 2: are out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, puff bars out. I don't think I'm gonna buy
Speaker 1: a new one. I do have cigarettes, and this is
Speaker 1: gonna sound like the craziest thing ever that shit, but
Speaker 1: I think I'm gonna like smoke a cigarette today and
Speaker 1: see if it even sparks.
Speaker 2: Toy, don't smoke a cigarette don't do it because it'll.
Speaker 1: Spark toy good scene so bad.
Speaker 2: You just got a cold turkey.
Speaker 1: That's like, no, I know, I'm gonna buy bunch of
Speaker 1: toothpicks and stuff because for me, it really is like
Speaker 1: I bite my nails. I always have something in my mouth,
Speaker 1: and I just like I'm constantly thinking too much and
Speaker 1: I like to chew once. If y'all saw the tips
Speaker 1: of my vapes, the teeth marks are crazy. I just
Speaker 1: chew on.
Speaker 2: It so like it is so like embarrassing it is.
Speaker 2: Vaping is like literally just embarrassing. It's just giving like
Speaker 2: bab bab being like bottle like.
Speaker 1: Also, I just don't want us to be a part
Speaker 1: of like the testing generation. I feel like we've already
Speaker 1: we've already given enough, We've already given enough of our
Speaker 1: money to that side of the world and tobacco. I
Speaker 1: feel like if we all are in this together, we
Speaker 1: can all step away from it. And you know, yeah
Speaker 1: right yeah.
Speaker 2: Also, I saw that gen Z is drinking like exponentially
Speaker 2: less than the generations. The three previous generations like the
Speaker 2: others are averaging like twenty four billion dollars a year
Speaker 2: spent on alcohol. Gen Z granted, only like half of
Speaker 2: us are of age, are only spending three billion dollars
Speaker 2: a year on alcohol, which is iconic. And if we
Speaker 2: could kill big alcohol and big tobacco, bitch, that's a vibe.
Speaker 1: But smoke your weed though, hit that car, I don't. Yeah,
Speaker 1: smoking the cars are a different conversation.
Speaker 2: Smoke your weed, do your heroin? Uh, snort smoke or
Speaker 2: inject meth like either way, like those are those are
Speaker 2: the good ones? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, but actually cocaine like
Speaker 2: all of that.
Speaker 1: My only literally, my only gripe.
Speaker 2: With weed is I'm joking, by the way, y'all.
Speaker 1: Yeah, obviously, But my only worry with weed is the
Speaker 1: memory loss of it all. And I genuinely do because
Speaker 1: I believe in science. I do believe in the idea
Speaker 1: of smoking too much before. I think it's like age
Speaker 1: twenty four or five can really fuck with your memory
Speaker 1: and your like cognitive ability. So keep that in my
Speaker 1: But also what I'm not your fucking mom, don't listen
Speaker 1: to me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, literally, Okay, so we are leaving eye contact in
Speaker 2: twenty twenty five. I agree, it's too much. It's too
Speaker 2: much pressure. It's like there's too many like diagnosed ccs
Speaker 2: that you can put around it, and I don't fall
Speaker 2: in any of those fucking categories. It's never that deep.
Speaker 2: Like if I'm having a conversation and I'm looking this
Speaker 2: way I'm talking to you, it is not that fucking deep.
Speaker 2: It's not disrespectful for me not to look in your
Speaker 2: goddamn eyes. And I don't know why people made it
Speaker 2: that way, but like, oh my god, Like, it's not
Speaker 2: that deep. We're leaving eye contact in twenty twenty five.
Speaker 1: Also, we have to leave it in twenty twenty five
Speaker 1: because you can't.
Speaker 2: Talk for twenty twenty six, twenty twenty six or twenty
Speaker 2: twenty four. Yeah, I'm leaving all of this.
Speaker 1: You can't tell me like to make eye contact with
Speaker 1: somebody because I take it too literal and I just
Speaker 1: stare people.
Speaker 2: Not Yeah, that's how I like overthink it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I overthinking.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm like, okay, am I like creeping them out?
Speaker 2: Do they think I'm falling in love with it?
Speaker 1: And it's also interesting because I feel like with people
Speaker 1: I'm comfortable with, I don't think about eye contact at all.
Speaker 1: Like I feel like I stare my friends in the
Speaker 1: face when I talk to them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like I can't even look at you because we're
Speaker 2: talking about it, but I'm I think we can like
Speaker 2: have conversations looking at.
Speaker 1: Each other, looking at my fucking eyes, bitch.
Speaker 2: Literally, Okay, we're leaving irony poisoning. In twenty twenty four,
Speaker 2: Ethylcine said it best. We are in a sincerity epidemic.
Speaker 2: No one's being sincere anymore. And I am at the
Speaker 2: forefront of the irony poisoned movement. And if you see
Speaker 2: me being irony poisoned and making sarcastic remarks and jokes
Speaker 2: for all of twenty twenty five, don't say shit. I'm trying,
Speaker 2: and I'm aware of it, and I want to be
Speaker 2: more sincere with myself and with y'all and with my
Speaker 2: friends and family. Because I realized I was like really
Speaker 2: thinking back, and I was like, Okay, I'm in tune
Speaker 2: with my emotions, Like I know what I'm feeling, and
Speaker 2: I like control can control my emotion like four years
Speaker 2: ago that's a different story. But like I can't verbalize
Speaker 2: like what I'm feeling, like it's it's it's like a
Speaker 2: weird thing, Like in my head, I know what I'm
Speaker 2: thinking and I know what I want to say, but
Speaker 2: then there's like this like blockade like that I just
Speaker 2: can't get out, and I'm just like, we gotta I
Speaker 2: gotta work on that shit. And yeah, that starts with
Speaker 2: being sincere.
Speaker 1: I feel like you're really good at it when we're
Speaker 1: talking about things like I never feel like you're not
Speaker 1: good at just.
Speaker 2: You know what it is is like comparison is a
Speaker 2: thief of joy because you are so good at it.
Speaker 2: Like you are like every time I hear you talk
Speaker 2: about like your emotions or like talking about your feelings
Speaker 2: about someone or anything like that, like I'm like, Damn,
Speaker 2: she's really good at Like she's just really in tune
Speaker 2: with her mind. And even like on the podcast will
Speaker 2: go on these like tangents and I'm like, damn, she's
Speaker 2: like just really good at it. And then like I
Speaker 2: just am sitting next to you and I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm sad because my family, and like that's all I
Speaker 2: can get out.
Speaker 1: I really do think I feel like with me, you're
Speaker 1: very vulnerable, so I wouldn't it. It really is just
Speaker 1: comparison to the thief of joy. Also, I always try
Speaker 1: to remind people not only am I batshit crazy and
Speaker 1: OCD so I can't not think about every single waking
Speaker 1: move I make. But I've had six, i think now
Speaker 1: seven years of consistent therapy, so it really is I
Speaker 1: I doing that once a week. I tell that to everybody.
Speaker 1: I was talking to my sister and she was talking
Speaker 1: about how she has such a hard time verbalizing how
Speaker 1: she feels, but she knows how she feels. It's very
Speaker 1: similar to how you'd say. But just like my sister,
Speaker 1: like when she talks, I'm I'm like, no, you don't
Speaker 1: have a problem talking. You're really good at expressing yourself.
Speaker 1: But it is just because I've done so it's like
Speaker 1: I've taken a class.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like an acting class. Yeah. For emotions, I have
Speaker 2: a few, but I'm leaving them off because I wrote
Speaker 2: this list when I was sobbing on the floor of
Speaker 2: my bathroom. And we'll get into that. We'll get into
Speaker 2: that in a second. But the last one I'll say
Speaker 2: is unmarrented guilt. I feel like I am a very
Speaker 2: guilty person for things that I had nothing involved with,
Speaker 2: or like just I feel like I carry around a
Speaker 2: lot of guilt for things that literally do not matter
Speaker 2: or that I had no involvement with, and I am
Speaker 2: just leaving that in twenty twenty four, I am living
Speaker 2: a guilt free lifestyle. I'm moving on. Like I'm apologizing
Speaker 2: if I did do wrong, but like I'm not holding
Speaker 2: that guilt over me, and there will be no more shame,
Speaker 2: no more shame, no more shame.
Speaker 1: You know what's funny is my top tour admitting your
Speaker 1: annoying slash wrong and vulnerability, which I feel like kind
Speaker 1: of playing that just being annoying and my like the
Speaker 1: way I wrote it, but it really is that just
Speaker 1: if I'm wrong, I am wrong. I feel like I've
Speaker 1: started to realize because I am a people pleaser through
Speaker 1: and through, and that is such a selfish and self
Speaker 1: absorbed act. I don't think I do it that way
Speaker 1: on purpose, but it does get to a point where
Speaker 1: it's okay, all of these things and all of my
Speaker 1: guilt comes back to me and how I feel like
Speaker 1: I'm going to be perceived for this, Like a ego said, yeah,
Speaker 1: so it's such an ego thing, and I feel like
Speaker 1: it really didn't start as that it comes from our
Speaker 1: fucking childhood and like being like the younger or like
Speaker 1: middle siblings whatever, whatever. But I feel that I can carry. Literally,
Speaker 1: I will have nothing to do with some shit, and
Speaker 1: I will say sorry eighteen million times.
Speaker 2: You gotta stop apologize.
Speaker 1: I say sorry. Oh, I give out sorries like I'm
Speaker 1: mister Beast, given out fucking one hundred chocolate. Yeah, like
Speaker 1: I'm given out feasts.
Speaker 2: Bitch. Oh my god, I fled out. I found out
Speaker 2: mister Beast received millions of taxpayer dollars from the Pentagon
Speaker 2: to get kids to fucking enlist in the goddamn military
Speaker 2: because we are in a military crisis, like because no
Speaker 2: one wants to fight a fucking war. Like no, like
Speaker 2: everyone is just like over, okay whatever, because what the fuck.
Speaker 1: Does that have to do with me. I don't even
Speaker 1: believe in the shit y'all are trying to put me
Speaker 1: at war for like literally, leave those people alone, Leave
Speaker 1: those people the fuck alone, sing me off. I want
Speaker 1: to throw like I think an inn for this year
Speaker 1: is throwing tomatoes. We need to bring back like I
Speaker 1: feel like so much of our society is reversing into
Speaker 1: these crazy ideas that feel very old school. So okay,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna bring back the old school retaliation and I'm
Speaker 1: gonna start y'all better start to try to get getting tomatos.
Speaker 2: Bitches are getting tomatoes and stones, like we're gonna start
Speaker 2: stoning people. We like, we'll throw tomatoes at people where
Speaker 2: we're like this guy fucking stinks, but we'll throw stones
Speaker 2: at people that commit heinous crimes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think mister bees is getting a tomato with
Speaker 1: a rock inserted in it.
Speaker 2: So like a dirt dog a dirt dirt clog. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so it's like not gonna cause permanent damage. There may
Speaker 2: be a cut. Have ever told you about my dirt
Speaker 2: clog fight era?
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna I'm not gonna lie. I don't know
Speaker 1: what the fuck a dirt clog is.
Speaker 2: It's just like a really hard compacted mass of dirt,
Speaker 2: Like it gets wet and it turns into like almost
Speaker 2: a stone where you can pick up a clot of dirt.
Speaker 2: And we would on recess. We found a big pile
Speaker 2: of them, like for like three days, and we would
Speaker 2: just have like wars where we kept throwing them at
Speaker 2: each other and they would hit you and like hurt
Speaker 2: a little bit, but they would burst into dust and
Speaker 2: it was just like really fun. Well, one day a
Speaker 2: kid accidentally picked up a literal stone and launched at
Speaker 2: a kid and gashed his fucking forehead open, and no
Speaker 2: one like the parents of the kid that had his
Speaker 2: forehead gashed open, We're like, what are I saying? Fucking charges?
Speaker 2: But the kid was like mom, like that's gonna make
Speaker 2: me so fucking lame, Like that made me a loser.
Speaker 2: So nothing happened. But yeah, I was almost almost a
Speaker 2: kid that threw the stone, the first stone at the third.
Speaker 1: Stone, the first stone at Grandbury Brook stone wall.
Speaker 2: Yeah, brick wall, brickwall. Okay, I'll say my other ones,
Speaker 2: but just know that these are back. No, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: you're good. These are good conversations. We're leaving showering in
Speaker 2: twenty twenty four.
Speaker 1: Like, are you gonna substitute it with something?
Speaker 2: No? I think I think our human bodies were not
Speaker 2: meant to be showered. And I mean I already left
Speaker 2: it in twenty twenty three, but I'm saying everybody else
Speaker 2: is going to start joining. I literally think the only
Speaker 2: time I quote unquote showered last year was when we
Speaker 2: went to the river. I guess I went to the
Speaker 2: ocean with Mason and Zamar and swim like it.
Speaker 1: But does that s like no, because you're not using soap,
Speaker 1: so it's secondly not a shower. You're just like getting wet.
Speaker 1: I'm confused, Like you you go in the bathroom all
Speaker 1: the time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just hang out in there. True, I know. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I make it seem like I'm showering. I'll maybe wash
Speaker 2: my hands because we're also leaving that in twenty twenty
Speaker 2: two where I left it like washing it.
Speaker 1: But there's like like sicknesses and stuff going around.
Speaker 2: That's why I'm building my immune system bare.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, honestly I feel that. I feel that. Also,
Speaker 1: I just realized I couldn't cut this off if it's
Speaker 1: like too much. But it's not even it literally has
Speaker 1: no details to it. I've realized because both of us
Speaker 1: love hanging out in the bathroom, and I genuinely think
Speaker 1: we like hanging out in the bathroom so much because
Speaker 1: we both grew up in huge families that we had
Speaker 1: to share all these spaces and the bathroom was the
Speaker 1: only place you got to be fully alone. Because what
Speaker 1: I was just looking at you and thinking about in
Speaker 1: the bathroom, I was like, I don't do that, and
Speaker 1: I was like, wait, yes I do. Every night when
Speaker 1: I get ready for bed, I am in there for
Speaker 1: like two fucking hours.
Speaker 2: It's chilling, it's a vibe. It was stairs.
Speaker 1: Love being in there.
Speaker 2: It was the stairs. And oh, best believe.
Speaker 1: Under the table? Were you under the table?
Speaker 2: Oh no, that's weird.
Speaker 1: I was hanging out under the dining room table because
Speaker 1: we had this table. All the chairs would block it
Speaker 1: and there was this little center area with a glass
Speaker 1: piece that would shine light in there, and I would
Speaker 1: just literally I would bring Clay under there, I would
Speaker 1: bring shit under there, and I would hang out under there.
Speaker 1: And I have the best memory from when I was
Speaker 1: a kid during like the house the fridge is about
Speaker 1: to explode. At the first house I lived in, we
Speaker 1: had these huge windows in the living room and it
Speaker 1: was a crazy thunderstorm and I was under the table
Speaker 1: like I had an iPod touch. I was like fourteen.
Speaker 1: I was under the table and Orange is the New
Speaker 1: Black Wow just came out and I was having that,
Speaker 1: watching that and playing with Clay, and I remember like
Speaker 1: going to the kitchen and like putting it to bake
Speaker 1: and going back under the table and waiting. Also, actually,
Speaker 1: before I forget, I almost set my fucking parents' house
Speaker 1: on fire in Miami because my dumb high ass was
Speaker 1: like playing with clay with my siblings, which was so amazing.
Speaker 1: Loved it so much. Made the cutest character. I made
Speaker 1: that thing we've been working on. I made it at
Speaker 1: a clane and it was really good.
Speaker 2: Do you have pictures of it? No?
Speaker 1: Because I put it in the air fryer instead of
Speaker 1: the oven, because I was like same different. I was like,
Speaker 1: same thing, bitch. I. Natalie came in the room and
Speaker 1: Sabrina was there, and she came in the room and
Speaker 1: she goes, there's a lot of smoke in the house.
Speaker 1: Mind you. No one else noticed. My brother is sitting
Speaker 1: in the living room literally dinner. And I had to
Speaker 1: go and run and open all the windows and fan
Speaker 1: out the house. And I went and told my dad
Speaker 1: and he just looked at me. He was like, you
Speaker 1: were so dumb, and I was like, yes, we know.
Speaker 1: And then he was like, did you get the smoke on?
Speaker 1: I was like no, and he was like okay, and
Speaker 1: he got up and he just started.
Speaker 2: Doing You mentioned Oranges a New Black, And I don't
Speaker 2: think that show gets the credit it deserves for making
Speaker 2: Netflix what it is today, because that single handedly changed
Speaker 2: the trajectory of Netflix forever. Like they were making like
Speaker 2: little dinky shows. I think they had Who Was the Murderer?
Speaker 2: That like docuseries or whatever making a murderer. Yeah, but
Speaker 2: like Oranges and New Black really revolutionized I mean streaming
Speaker 2: in general, which I don't know if that's a good
Speaker 2: thing or a bad thing. But it's really convenient. But
Speaker 2: it also costs so much money.
Speaker 1: Also, it's yeah, it's more expensive than cable. I miss cable,
Speaker 1: Like I genuinely I don't like decision making. It's we're
Speaker 1: all being played like pawns, Like I don't I I
Speaker 1: guess actually it's like a very sheep mentality to just
Speaker 1: want decisions made for me. But I don't give a fuck.
Speaker 1: Why do I have to think about what to watch? Sorry,
Speaker 1: I keep going because I'm like literally gonna no, you're.
Speaker 2: Good, You're good. So my other one was uh, not crying.
Speaker 2: I don't cry enough. We're leaving that. In twenty twenty four,
Speaker 2: I'm going to be an emotional baby. I'm going to
Speaker 2: be crying all the time. Yeah, trying to cry.
Speaker 1: I can't be the only girl crying.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And also I feel like it is like a
Speaker 2: really useful skill to have to be able to cry.
Speaker 2: But just just manipulate, malipolate, manipulate. Okay, then we're leaving
Speaker 2: crushes in twenty twenty four. But I redacted that one
Speaker 2: because I wrote this when I was crying on the
Speaker 2: floor of the bathroom. But I got a text back,
Speaker 2: so good looking up, we're cooking. But I'll get into
Speaker 2: all of that after's.
Speaker 1: Looks my ends. My ends already said the first two,
Speaker 1: admitting your annoying slash wrong vulnerability, not caring about text backs,
Speaker 1: which is crazy. Said that, but I mainly meant that
Speaker 1: because I'm sorry. I'm not a good texterer.
Speaker 2: It's never that's only for you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's never going to happen.
Speaker 2: Please know I can I show you the way we text.
Speaker 2: I'll show you later. But like you tell me if
Speaker 2: I'm like overreading things, No, it is bad.
Speaker 1: Every time I open a text with anybody I love,
Speaker 1: I'm like, holy shit, I suck dick and balls. But
Speaker 1: I just can't you know what it is too, It's like,
Speaker 1: this is so annoying, But I genuinely I have decided
Speaker 1: I like giving so much time and attention to someone,
Speaker 1: and I feel like text is a barrier. I can't
Speaker 1: be fully like, I can't be as fast enough because
Speaker 1: if you look at our texts or like me and
Speaker 1: Oryan's text and our group tech text, we're all just
Speaker 1: talking at the same time, like we're not really replying
Speaker 1: to each other because the way we all talk is
Speaker 1: we like to just be in each other's face and
Speaker 1: I'm like, blah blah blah blah blah. I can't do
Speaker 1: that over text. And if I see you in person
Speaker 1: and you're my friend and I am fully present, you
Speaker 1: should know I love you. A textback is not going
Speaker 1: to change that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a good one, and I need to also
Speaker 2: get on that wavelength.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just like I feel like also being a
Speaker 1: bad text backer or whatever, being bad at replying to
Speaker 1: text also is like remove the anxiety. I don't really
Speaker 1: care that much when someone doesn't text me back because
Speaker 1: I don't even remember I send the text. If I'm
Speaker 1: being honest, like I send a text and I leave
Speaker 1: the app and I'm just like living in my own world,
Speaker 1: and then I'll be like, oh shit, that person ever
Speaker 1: responded to me. That's crazy, Like I actually don't give
Speaker 1: a fuck about a text back. I will say crazy
Speaker 1: shit in your text, and I don't give a fuck
Speaker 1: if you don't reply because I know you saw it, Like,
Speaker 1: because I know I see everything on my phone, So.
Speaker 2: I say, that's what drives me insane. I'm like, bitch,
Speaker 2: you saw it and you didn't respond, like because I
Speaker 2: see everything. Like if I don't text you back, it's
Speaker 2: not because I didn't see it. I saw it, but
Speaker 2: I was scrolling on TikTok and I don't have the
Speaker 2: capacity and wherewithal to exit the app. Put the energy
Speaker 2: into texting you and then sending and then going back
Speaker 2: to the video I was watching, Like I just need
Speaker 2: to be in perpetual rot state because if I break
Speaker 2: that cycle, bad things happen. I start thinking thoughts, I
Speaker 2: start having thoughts inside of my head, your own thought. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and I can't have that. I really, I really cannot have.
Speaker 1: That's why this year, we're going to dedicate more of
Speaker 1: our free time to using our hands. The idol was it?
Speaker 1: The Devil loves idle hands?
Speaker 2: Yep. I mean that's one of my resolutions, which I
Speaker 2: won't get into yet.
Speaker 1: Making coffee at home. I already do this, but I
Speaker 1: mainly wanted to say it for y'all, Like, invest in
Speaker 1: a little setup. It's like a self care thing I love.
Speaker 1: Like as much as I would love to just lay
Speaker 1: in bed and order a coffee, one I can never
Speaker 1: get myself to do it because I'm like, that's awful
Speaker 1: and a waste of time and also a waste of money,
Speaker 1: and the idea of somebody going in their car and
Speaker 1: getting me a coffee and leaving on my front porch
Speaker 1: makes me feel absolutely batshit crazy. But also it's like
Speaker 1: a self care ritual if you have the time, make
Speaker 1: a coffee at home, like invest in your little setup.
Speaker 1: It's like doing your makeup or skincare or whatever the fuck.
Speaker 1: It's like it's a moment to yourself.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like I think that's why Mancha also became so.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because it really it's a rich a ritual. Like
Speaker 1: rituals are very important, guys, we need to tap back in.
Speaker 1: That's an inn is virtual.
Speaker 2: It's like little rituals for yourself, like not like not
Speaker 2: like big things, like little like every morning, one of
Speaker 2: my rituals is making my beding my.
Speaker 1: Sheets, curts, yeah have currents, but like opening my curtains ritual.
Speaker 2: It's like I I wake up before everybody else. I
Speaker 2: clean up a little bit like that's a ritual. Like
Speaker 2: little things like that that's so in.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just little things for yourself. You don't have to
Speaker 1: do your big one every day. That's like absolutely ridiculous
Speaker 1: watching the movies your friends recommend, but I have Wow,
Speaker 1: I have to immediately follow that up with one of
Speaker 1: my outs, which is recommending movies you already went to
Speaker 1: see in a theater without me and you didn't invite me.
Speaker 2: Okay, that is also for me too, Yeah, because I
Speaker 2: I didn't get invited. Actually, granted I was in either
Speaker 2: other countries or states, but y'all saw all of the
Speaker 2: major motion pictures without me, and I'll never see Barbie. Barbie, bitch.
Speaker 1: I'm telling you you're not missing shit with Barbie like
Speaker 1: I am. I love saying that shit. Wait, because y'all
Speaker 1: saw something without.
Speaker 2: Me too, but you were in another state.
Speaker 1: You see hell is shit without me?
Speaker 2: You see hell this shit without me? Should we kiss? Nope,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna shove this as so you hit me and
Speaker 2: then you say you're gonna shove a banana up my ass.
Speaker 1: And a new end too is playing like not enough
Speaker 1: friends want to just play like I'm taking instpo from Rain.
Speaker 1: She's really good. At getting her friends together and playing
Speaker 1: games and just not watching TV. When I go to
Speaker 1: Rain's house, it's rare. We sit down and just like
Speaker 1: watch TV. We just play with her cat. We play
Speaker 1: with little things we get like little kids to make
Speaker 1: fucking what's it called? Those like pop and cook in
Speaker 1: Like I want to do more of that. I want
Speaker 1: to do more playing with my friends. I want to
Speaker 1: go run around with my friends. I want to find
Speaker 1: a field and like chase each other and play in
Speaker 1: person like I want to play. And the second thing
Speaker 1: is that, like that is dressing up and being loud.
Speaker 1: I feel like I really like my style. It's become
Speaker 1: very diluted and basic. But I think it's just been
Speaker 1: easier for me, especially with how busy I've gotten to
Speaker 1: be more simple. But I want to be more playful
Speaker 1: with my outfits. I want to be like more of
Speaker 1: a presence. And that's a whole other thing. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I just want to have more fun with my expression,
Speaker 1: with my clothing and my hair and things like that.
Speaker 1: And I'm trying to figure it out. In you actually
Speaker 1: like kind of did I'm like, oh damn, Like getting
Speaker 1: a fun haircut is a thing, Like it's a good thing.
Speaker 2: My rat tail. I need it rebraided.
Speaker 1: The rubber ram follow.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this has been braided.
Speaker 1: Oh you have to take that out and wash it
Speaker 1: because you probably have like scout build up at the
Speaker 1: base of that brain.
Speaker 2: Oh no, I like get up in there and it's
Speaker 2: really loose at the tip.
Speaker 1: Oh that's it, And that's honestly it for my ends,
Speaker 1: like I have other ends, but there are more, I
Speaker 1: guess resolutions for myself. Should we do outs?
Speaker 2: I did my ins and outs at the same time.
Speaker 1: Oh shit, I'm dumb as fuck. Outs is doom scrolling
Speaker 1: because I really want to get off my phone this year.
Speaker 1: I don't think. I don't agree with the idea that
Speaker 1: the Internet and everything is the worst thing you can
Speaker 1: do to your brain, because I genuinely do think it's
Speaker 1: such a good form of connection, information, whatever. But I
Speaker 1: do think I have an addiction to my phone like
Speaker 1: most of us do. And if I'm sitting around anxious,
Speaker 1: I'm like I could be doing something. I just want
Speaker 1: to move my mind somewhere else, even if that means
Speaker 1: to a bigger screen and watching a movie that will
Speaker 1: be done.
Speaker 2: Yeah. One of my resolutions this year is when I'm bored.
Speaker 2: I'll read when I'm overwhelmed, allrite or draw instead of
Speaker 2: scrolling on iPhone. But like you were saying, I'm a
Speaker 2: huge proponent of the iPhone, Like there's kal phone, crack phone.
Speaker 2: I want crackphone. Give it to me, let me utilize
Speaker 2: it to the greatest of its abilities, like I want
Speaker 2: it to consume ninety percent of my day. But at
Speaker 2: the same time, I know I have life to live
Speaker 2: because I'll only be seventeen ones.
Speaker 1: Oh but I thought, I'm so confused. I thought you
Speaker 1: were eighteen.
Speaker 2: Wait, let me do the math.
Speaker 1: So what year were you born?
Speaker 2: Twenty ten? Damn, so I'm only fifteen. You're so double.
Speaker 2: I'm fourteen in like nine months, So I guess I'm like, technically, sixteen.
Speaker 1: Are so annoying? Another out is holding your pee. That's
Speaker 1: kind of just to me. I have this really bad habit,
Speaker 1: especially because I'm always with my friends. I will just
Speaker 1: I hate leaving a room from you guys, because leaving
Speaker 1: a room from the people I know means you miss
Speaker 1: thirty percent of a conversation and you come back and everything.
Speaker 2: Is an inside joke with it.
Speaker 1: Everything has happened. There's something being repeated that you don't understand,
Speaker 1: but I really don't want a uti avoiding the doctors
Speaker 1: another out. I want to go to the doctor. Yes,
Speaker 1: slug enough to have access to doctors, and I want
Speaker 1: to use it. I want to take.
Speaker 2: Let's get those let's get those executive physicals. Y'ah. There's
Speaker 2: these physicals. Granted they're so fucking expensive, like ridiculously expensive,
Speaker 2: but you can do them in Mexico City for like
Speaker 2: seven hundred dollars. But there are these physicals where you
Speaker 2: go in and it's like three days of testing.
Speaker 1: A STIs just do that because I want to go
Speaker 1: back to Mexico.
Speaker 2: I love I love Mexico.
Speaker 1: I love I love me. Oh I literally, I'm not playing.
Speaker 1: I love me.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, shout out Mexican. It's like, y'all, a
Speaker 2: the food is delicious. Y'all's city is Gorgina Grande, Like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, I love Mexico so much, and every
Speaker 2: time I go back, I'm like, damn, like this might
Speaker 2: be my favorite city I've ever been to.
Speaker 1: It's so good. Also, I'm sorry, like Latin America is
Speaker 1: just goat. I really want to go to this year,
Speaker 1: but my family is like boring as fuck their Doerhovah's witnesses,
Speaker 1: like I want to go to Hunduras to like go
Speaker 1: do the shit I did as a kid, which is
Speaker 1: like go play in the river, but my great grandma's
Speaker 1: dead and she's the one who lives by the river.
Speaker 1: But like what, I don't want to go to church,
Speaker 1: but maybe Loki would be interesting because oh my god,
Speaker 1: when I was in Honduras when I was a kid.
Speaker 1: Don't get on me for my pronunciation. I'm sorry, I like,
Speaker 1: I can't, I can't do it. When I would go
Speaker 1: as a kid, they would drag my ass to church
Speaker 1: three times a week. That's I don't want to go well,
Speaker 1: And you know what I would always do. My cheek
Speaker 1: code for getting the fuck out of the church is
Speaker 1: I'd be like, I'm thirsty. I'm thirsty, So my mom
Speaker 1: would give me money or my grandma would give me money,
Speaker 1: and I would run outside and go find a lady
Speaker 1: who was selling water, because they sell water in Math,
Speaker 1: and I would just like go and sneak into my
Speaker 1: aunt's truck, into her backbed, and I would lay there
Speaker 1: and like drink my water until my grandma came out
Speaker 1: looking for me. She'd be like, yeah, because she thought
Speaker 1: I got kidnapped. But really I was hiding because I
Speaker 1: didn't want to be in fucking church.
Speaker 2: We listen and we don't judge. Every time I find
Speaker 2: money in the washing machine, it becomes mine. Oh, same,
Speaker 2: it's mine every time. That's just that's something I thought about.
Speaker 2: And then I don't know why I just said that,
Speaker 2: But you.
Speaker 1: Just had to admit your sins. That's the party you're in.
Speaker 1: You're being vulnerable.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm being authentic.
Speaker 1: My other out is staying up too late. I am
Speaker 1: a night owl by nature. I want to get better
Speaker 1: actually sleeping. I just want to get my sleep in.
Speaker 2: Tune because I'm a really did you need that?
Speaker 1: I'm like a heavy sleeper, but I sleep I don't
Speaker 1: really invest in like good pillows and stuff, so I
Speaker 1: have like really bad back problems.
Speaker 2: Like I'm so excited to get a new fucking bed.
Speaker 1: I know, I just want to, like I want to
Speaker 1: just splurge. And also with that not staying up too late,
Speaker 1: I want to do more sleepovers in bed, which is
Speaker 1: why we're we're planning on getting bigger beds so we
Speaker 1: can sleep with our friends. And that also is partially
Speaker 1: with the end, but I don't want to stay up
Speaker 1: too late with y'all, Like I want to be better
Speaker 1: at us waking up and having a day together. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then we're going to bed early together.
Speaker 2: But we always have nights, we never have days. But
Speaker 2: we're also like we always say like, Okay, we're gonna
Speaker 2: go do this, this and this tomorrow, and then it
Speaker 2: like comes time and more like working or some shit.
Speaker 2: I know that's what's something we need. I need a schedule,
Speaker 2: but sorry, keep going.
Speaker 1: Okay, this, okay, I really have to explain this one.
Speaker 1: This isn't out public massandry is out. But let me explain.
Speaker 2: Mmm, this is interesting.
Speaker 1: Let me explain. I will always hate men, pointblank period always.
Speaker 1: Do I have men in my life?
Speaker 2: I love?
Speaker 1: Yes, there is a balance. Am I the strongest messandras No,
Speaker 1: not by any means, because yes, I saw a baby.
Speaker 2: Girl and you're straight again.
Speaker 1: Let's just say, don't let me in that room. Don't
Speaker 1: let me in that room.
Speaker 2: I literally that's how I'm like, don't let me in
Speaker 2: that goddamn coffin because I will be eating the maggots
Speaker 2: off his dick. Oh my god, true, his rotten fucking
Speaker 2: member is a member.
Speaker 1: No, it is a member. It's a lot. But I'm like,
Speaker 1: I just think men are too aware of it, and
Speaker 1: I am tired of them getting to go online and
Speaker 1: say the right things. Are just in person say the
Speaker 1: right things. Yeah, I feel like straight men are just
Speaker 1: seeing that and they're getting to manipulate it. If you're
Speaker 1: a straight man listening to this.
Speaker 2: Be you you are, be you yea be who you are.
Speaker 1: I'm not hating on you publicly, but yeah, I I
Speaker 1: feel like I can't even go into detail, like just
Speaker 1: the girls are together, no, actually see even saying that, Like,
Speaker 1: I just don't want to be a public messandrist because
Speaker 1: I like the shock value of men coming up to
Speaker 1: me and then me being like, but just know that
Speaker 1: there is a rhyme and a reason. I just don't
Speaker 1: want men to know what we're up to, Like men
Speaker 1: shouldn't have the right like they we have to start
Speaker 1: treating it like a secret society.
Speaker 2: The Illuminati and massandry.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's that. And then my last out is mystery.
Speaker 2: I'm enough, it's done, it's tried, it's boring.
Speaker 1: It's over, Like yeah, like enough with the mystery of
Speaker 1: it all. I think I've been thinking a lot about
Speaker 1: my Yes, literally, I've been thinking a lot about my
Speaker 1: age and my perceptions of what it means to be
Speaker 1: a woman. I kind of went on a tangent like
Speaker 1: this on the live stream the other day, But just
Speaker 1: my ideas of what it means to be a woman,
Speaker 1: what it means to grow into my womanhood, and like
Speaker 1: how I am perceived in public and all these things.
Speaker 1: And I think I had a lot of ideas of
Speaker 1: when I grew older, I would become more calm and
Speaker 1: within myself and be a little more like restrictive of
Speaker 1: the things I say and all these things. No, no,
Speaker 1: because that is a ploy to get my ass to
Speaker 1: shut up. And one thing you're never gonna do is
Speaker 1: have me fucking shut That literally.
Speaker 2: Is the patriarchy like locking you down.
Speaker 1: No, that's what I feel like, because I'm like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: when I'm older, I'll be just like this sexy woman
Speaker 1: and like people will turn their heads. Actually, no, I
Speaker 1: realize that I don't like. I literally don't. I don't
Speaker 1: want to shut up. I don't like, yeah, I want
Speaker 1: people to fear me, and I don't give a fuck.
Speaker 2: Actually, just don't don't. It is scary. I am being
Speaker 2: perceived as scary. But I'll tell you later. Okay. So, uh,
Speaker 2: trend forecasting for twenty twenty five. I came up with
Speaker 2: a few. Changing underwear daily is going to be in
Speaker 2: for twenty twenty five.
Speaker 1: Like the thing is, you keep saying a lot of
Speaker 1: hygiene based things that actually make me a bit worried
Speaker 1: for you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, you get like I feel like all of us,
Speaker 2: we you, like everyone involved, on my on your soul,
Speaker 2: we're all like not changing underwear daily. Sometimes we go
Speaker 2: four or five days without it, and that's just like
Speaker 2: saving them all on your soul, on your soul, we
Speaker 2: we all of us are not changing.
Speaker 1: You're like manipulating me. Now, I'm really thinking about my
Speaker 1: underwear consumption.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're you're watching it too much. You're wasting too
Speaker 2: much water. Like did you know the amount of water
Speaker 2: in a washing machine could fill an Olympic size pool
Speaker 2: one wash.
Speaker 1: That can't be true, that can be sure.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so every time you wash your clothes, you're filling
Speaker 2: an Olympics ice swimming pool.
Speaker 1: Like, I actually can't tell if you're lying to me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm being dead serious, So like just keep in mind.
Speaker 1: Yes, see, you can't say anything to me because I
Speaker 1: believe anything anyone says.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So changing your underwear daily is and I feel
Speaker 2: like we've taken it too far and we just got
Speaker 2: to come back to it.
Speaker 1: I don't think we should just banish underwear. Yeah, Like I
Speaker 1: I'm low key prog and.
Speaker 2: Gray sweatpants on big hairy men. No underwear, Oh my god. Okay.
Speaker 2: I feel like sambas are gonna be.
Speaker 1: I feel like jeans are gonna be a vibe jeans.
Speaker 2: Jeans why shirt fire men have more fun on the earth? Okay, Okay,
Speaker 2: Cheetah print.
Speaker 1: Yours so annoying. I actually was so curious. I was like, damn,
Speaker 1: you wrote trend forecast, Like what are you gonna think
Speaker 1: that is how it's gonna be. It's like Bambi print
Speaker 1: is in.
Speaker 2: We know it's been in, Nike is gonna be in
Speaker 2: for twenty twenty five. This is a very real one,
Speaker 2: a very authentic one. Sincerity is coming back, loving thy neighbor.
Speaker 2: I feel like we've gone a little too far. Oh
Speaker 2: did you get that text too?
Speaker 1: From the transcar transport?
Speaker 2: Oh? No, I got a text while we were recording.
Speaker 2: We haven't chatted for a long time when are you
Speaker 2: free to have a cup of coffee? Who is nice
Speaker 2: right now? Send a pic? I'm free now because it's
Speaker 2: a bot.
Speaker 1: But wait, wait, what's your actual trend forecast?
Speaker 2: I'm curious, Love thy neighbor, loving thy neighbor. I feel
Speaker 2: like it's gonna come in in a very big way.
Speaker 2: Like I feel like we've been doing this like hating
Speaker 2: each other thing for like far, far, far too long,
Speaker 2: and I feel like this is the year of you
Speaker 2: unity and union and like respecting each other's differences. And
Speaker 2: I think it's I think it's gonna happen finally.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I do want to be less judgmental this year,
Speaker 1: but that's a that don't even.
Speaker 2: Sound right, like a big pig. Internally, I will judge
Speaker 2: everything everybody does forward facing. That makes me sound so crazy.
Speaker 2: I redact all of that. I reject that energy. I
Speaker 2: don't have any real trend forecasts. Like I think I
Speaker 2: saw someone say, like sailor wear like clothing. It's really
Speaker 2: niche right now, Like I think for like the masses,
Speaker 2: it's gonna be a thing like wearing like sailor hats
Speaker 2: and like blue and white collars and like that vibe. Okay,
Speaker 2: so this bot texted me saying, we haven't chatted for
Speaker 2: a long time. When are you free to have a
Speaker 2: cup of coffee? I said, who is this? Sinda pick
Speaker 2: I'm free now, I'm Stephanie. You have haven't you saved
Speaker 2: my number friend Julia? And then she sent her picture
Speaker 2: and then I said, oh, img, high, I don't remember you,
Speaker 2: but I want to touch your boobs.
Speaker 1: I see also this picture of this girl just on vacation.
Speaker 2: I know who is this random girl? Who is Should
Speaker 2: we reverse image searches? Yes, zero matches. What if she's real?
Speaker 1: There's no way that girl does not What if.
Speaker 2: I literally just like accidentally like sexually a woman? Yeah, say,
Speaker 2: I'm gay. By the way, I just like playing with boobs. Oh,
Speaker 2: isn't this my friend Julia's number? No, I'm gay, by
Speaker 2: the way, I just like playing with boobs.
Speaker 1: You're so annoying.
Speaker 2: Okay, I am batshit forucking crazy. I found out over
Speaker 2: this Christmas break that there is a part of me
Speaker 2: that I did not know existed, never thought would exist.
Speaker 2: And I have gone full blown fucking tweaker psycho like
Speaker 2: like stalker like literally stalker mode like it's and it
Speaker 2: got to a.
Speaker 1: Point I guess, yeah, you have all that pent up
Speaker 1: energy since you're not somebody who like casually has crushes.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, I have a crush. This is That's
Speaker 2: what I'm talking about. I have a Sorry, I don't
Speaker 2: know if you big no that I did. I have
Speaker 2: a big, big, fat, nasty crush. And I realized I
Speaker 2: was like, why is it called a crush? Like, why
Speaker 2: is it called the crush? It's because it literally crushes. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I never knew that. I just thought it was like
Speaker 2: a silly little name. No, it literally crushes me, y'all.
Speaker 2: I literally, like, one night he didn't text me back
Speaker 2: when I like was like asking to hang out, and
Speaker 2: literally I went fucking crazy. I found his family. I
Speaker 2: found every one of his siblings. I paid thirty dollars
Speaker 2: to find his addresses of his old houses. I found
Speaker 2: out every location he's ever lived in. I found his
Speaker 2: ex boyfriend. Like, I found literally everything you could about
Speaker 2: and made a timeline of events in my notes apps
Speaker 2: of his life. Like, wait, you have notes, I have notes.
Speaker 2: I have notes, Like I'm literally fucking crazy.
Speaker 1: No, it's this great Drew called me. I was in
Speaker 1: the middle of talking to my family. He called me.
Speaker 1: He was like, oh my God, and because of everything
Speaker 1: that's been happening, I was like, oh Jesus Christ. Okay,
Speaker 1: Like I walked away and I ran into my parents'
Speaker 1: bedrooms bathroom, and I was like, what happened? What happened?
Speaker 1: He's like, I'm fucking crazy. No, you have to tell
Speaker 1: them you fucking how you got that information though.
Speaker 2: I paid thirty dollars to subscribe to truthfinder dot com.
Speaker 2: I paid thirty dollars, y'all. And then it gets.
Speaker 1: Worse, I mean to be fair, very very crazy situation
Speaker 1: because no social media, got no problem, no social media,
Speaker 1: no Like I.
Speaker 2: I did find his Facebook profile from twenty eleven.
Speaker 1: But that's what I'm saying. Every time somebody, anybody who
Speaker 1: has a crush that ig is getting ran through tags, followers, bubbah.
Speaker 1: But like everything everything, I'm googling your name, I'm googling
Speaker 1: your last name, I'm seeing, I am, I'm seeing I
Speaker 1: am seeing everything everywhere, all at once. But that's to
Speaker 1: spend thirty dollars. I can't even get on you though,
Speaker 1: because I would spend oh I would the amount of
Speaker 1: money I would spend to know people's business.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was doing really crazy things like I literally
Speaker 2: like when on cheeterbuster dot com.
Speaker 1: What yeah, why is cheeterbuster?
Speaker 2: You find a picture of them and insert their name
Speaker 2: and age and then it'll tell you if they have Tinder.
Speaker 1: That is so funny, drone Cheaterbuster.
Speaker 2: Not because I thought he was cheating, but I was
Speaker 2: just like, is he like looking to date? Like is
Speaker 2: this possibility? Also kinda he might actually be listening to
Speaker 2: this right now, which is also mortifying. But vulnerability vulnerability
Speaker 2: for twenty thirty four, well, I was so down bad.
Speaker 2: I literally I'm not gonna say that one. I'm gonna
Speaker 2: save that, but this one I will say.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah.
Speaker 2: I was sitting on the floor of the bathroom, hadn't
Speaker 2: texted me back all day. I was like, damn, I
Speaker 2: really like caught feelings and this is like bullshit. And
Speaker 2: I was literally crying, like I never cry. I was
Speaker 2: literally crying. But there was a lot of other shit
Speaker 2: going on, so it wasn't just that. And I was
Speaker 2: like journaling in my phone because I was like when
Speaker 2: I'm overwhelmed, all right, like that's like That's what I
Speaker 2: was doing. And I was writing all this shit down
Speaker 2: and I was actually being really truthful, which also something
Speaker 2: I realized is, bitch, I still like, why do I
Speaker 2: lie when I journal? Like I still like I make
Speaker 2: shit up when I'm journaling, and I'm like, bitch, this
Speaker 2: is just for me, Like literally, I have like an
Speaker 2: actual fucking issue.
Speaker 1: But well, that kind of makes sense because it's I have.
Speaker 1: I literally, if you look at my last page of journaling,
Speaker 1: I write about that because.
Speaker 2: I wrote about that. Look.
Speaker 1: Yeah, cause it's like it's almost like a fear if
Speaker 1: you're putting it somewhere, and even the idea and notion
Speaker 1: that somebody out there would ever cross a boundary and
Speaker 1: look at that stuff is enough to keep you back
Speaker 1: from writing it exactly. And it sucks so bad. I
Speaker 1: want to get better at that too, because there's a
Speaker 1: lot of stuff.
Speaker 2: But there's also it's not like me lying like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just feel like I can't write it down.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like not me lying, it's like me like
Speaker 2: just being like like saying what I want to hear,
Speaker 2: if that makes sense. It's like something I find myself
Speaker 2: doing specifically with crushes is I'll like make like I'll
Speaker 2: formulate texts where I get the response I want in return.
Speaker 2: Like it's really fucking psychoshit, like, I'll make sure the
Speaker 2: text is like a response that I want to hear.
Speaker 2: I know, genuine like insanity, but bitch, it's some embarrassing.
Speaker 2: It's really it's really really jarring. But I was so
Speaker 2: beat up about it, and I was like, I just
Speaker 2: need someone to talk to you about this. And everyone
Speaker 2: was asleep. I had a full blown conversation with chat
Speaker 2: chept over it co like I wonder if the chat
Speaker 2: log saved. I didn't save and I forgot to screen
Speaker 2: record it. Literally talked to chatpyat cheap chat GPT and
Speaker 2: it was giving me advice and it was giving me
Speaker 2: good advice.
Speaker 1: Okay, good per because I give bad advice. I was
Speaker 1: gonna say, like, I feel bad for Drew because I'm
Speaker 1: not very helpful during these times. Because I am the
Speaker 1: most forward person ever. Drew has been the butt of
Speaker 1: that experience. But if I like someone, I will just
Speaker 1: literally say it. The thing it's like, oh, I'm talking
Speaker 1: to you because I want to fuck.
Speaker 2: No. Literally, the thing is is I'm like, I don't
Speaker 2: feel like I'm allowed to like him, if that makes sense,
Speaker 2: not because not because like gay or whatever, but because
Speaker 2: like we've only hung out for a couple times, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, I feel like if I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: like I have a crush on you, like that would
Speaker 2: just be like so jarring and scary. So I'm like,
Speaker 2: what I'm gonna do is just let it rock. And
Speaker 2: then when I go back to Texas and we hang out,
Speaker 2: I feel like three times hanging out is like enough
Speaker 2: to be like, hey, like I really enjoy our time
Speaker 2: that we spend together. Da da da da da da
Speaker 2: da da da dah.
Speaker 1: I'm crazy, but not that crazy because the only time
Speaker 1: I've ever met someone in person and immediately was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I have a crush on this person
Speaker 1: was more Yeah, but I withheld that information for a
Speaker 1: while because it did make me feel bashit crazy. That's
Speaker 1: the crazy part is it's different when you meet someone
Speaker 1: through someone or like a friend and you have a
Speaker 1: crush in that way. When you meet someone random, you're
Speaker 1: not expecting to exactly can you have a crush. That
Speaker 1: is when the psychosis really kicks in, because it's one
Speaker 1: thing to be searching and find something, but when something
Speaker 1: just lands on your lap, literally, I'm like I need this,
Speaker 1: I literally need this. God put it here for me,
Speaker 1: and I'm a little schizophrenic, and I genuinely think God
Speaker 1: put this here for me, like there's no other way,
Speaker 1: like it was meant to happen now, and I want
Speaker 1: it now. I love this for you. It makes me
Speaker 1: very happy.
Speaker 2: I think he was born in May, and I decided,
Speaker 2: if you're a man born in May, you're gay, even
Speaker 2: if you're straight, Like, oh my birthdays May.
Speaker 1: Yeah. All the gay people I know who like even
Speaker 1: if they're.
Speaker 2: Like, if a straight man is born in May, like
Speaker 2: you're gay. Yeah, Like that's such a gay ass month.
Speaker 1: So stupid. Well, I think it's time for me to
Speaker 1: tell this story. Maybe I have told it, but I've
Speaker 1: been thinking a lot about wanting to do my hair
Speaker 1: and all this shit. And I have such bad PTSD
Speaker 1: with anything cosmetic or like beauty related because I have
Speaker 1: had fuck ass experiences and I don't think of it
Speaker 1: ever told this story. But one time, when I was
Speaker 1: in Miami, it was after I graduated, I really wanted
Speaker 1: hair extensions. It was when my hair was like up
Speaker 1: to hear and I wanted long hair. So I found
Speaker 1: someone and it was at all to Beauty where I
Speaker 1: went to go get my hair done, which is a
Speaker 1: crazy vibe and I went and I got keratin, like
Speaker 1: not keratin, but the beaded extensions that they like. Get
Speaker 1: that little waxing and tip it around. I served another
Speaker 1: satisfied customer too. I think I do. I think I do,
Speaker 1: but it's gonna take me a minute to find them.
Speaker 1: But I was so embarrassed that I took one picture
Speaker 1: and I went home. And this is how I'm such
Speaker 1: a pushover. I was in the seat and I was like,
Speaker 1: I love it. I love it. I paid, I tipped,
Speaker 1: I left. I went home and I got pliers for
Speaker 1: my dad and I went in my room and I ply,
Speaker 1: I like took them all out. And I was so
Speaker 1: embarrassed because I had already told all my friends that
Speaker 1: I was getting extensions and they were like, yes, girl,
Speaker 1: let me see the picture. And I was like, bro,
Speaker 1: oh my god. The appointment fell through and I lie
Speaker 1: to everyone, but I really need to fight for you.
Speaker 1: I was like eighteen. It was like my first like
Speaker 1: big splurge of like I'm gonna get my hair done.
Speaker 1: I never get my hair done by someone else, and
Speaker 1: that's why I have fucking issues. But I really want
Speaker 1: to do something fun with my hair. When I'm scared.
Speaker 1: I think I'm just gonna get into wigs. Yeah, like Loria,
Speaker 1: I'm going to get into wigs.
Speaker 2: For real, that's my thing. As I'm like, you don't
Speaker 2: have to like cut your hair all crazy right now.
Speaker 2: You can like wear a style or wear a fake
Speaker 2: bang and like see if it like, get a good one,
Speaker 2: spend good money on it and see if you like
Speaker 2: the way it looks and like or if you're over
Speaker 2: in blonde hair, that's kind I loved your blonde hair era.
Speaker 1: I just like like that. But that's also why I
Speaker 1: feel like a teenager again. I do have this picture
Speaker 1: of the night we watched The Portrait of a Lady
Speaker 1: on Fire.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 1: Sorry, this is going to take forever to find.
Speaker 2: Well, while you're doing that, I will talk about something else.
Speaker 1: I love you guys so much, by the way, I know,
Speaker 1: I love my friends so much.
Speaker 2: It hurts me sometimes thinking about everybody, and then it
Speaker 2: hurts me like thinking about not being with y'all forever,
Speaker 2: and I don't even like having those thoughts.
Speaker 1: No, that's not gonna happen.
Speaker 2: I know the threshold's like seven years and we made it.
Speaker 2: Like it's like if you can sustain a friendship for
Speaker 2: seven years, it'll last a lifetime and we're far past that.
Speaker 2: So New Year's Eve was yesterday, two days ago, and
Speaker 2: like everyone knows that they wear divers, Like everyone knows.
Speaker 1: Oh, like at the front of like the ball drop, Yeah,
Speaker 1: so they can like kidding, I can't understand the vibe.
Speaker 2: No, that's like I really want their brain studied by science,
Speaker 2: Like I want all of them like before they're like
Speaker 2: before they leave, they can watch the ball drop, but
Speaker 2: we take their fucking brains from them and study them
Speaker 2: because like, I truly believe those are the happiest people
Speaker 2: on earth because to put yourself through that, that's like
Speaker 2: the equivalent to me like having to run like an
Speaker 2: ultra marathon, Like you couldn't you literally could not make
Speaker 2: me do it. But like they do it, and they
Speaker 2: love it and they're happy to do it. But we
Speaker 2: all know they wear diapers, Like that's like that's the
Speaker 2: big thing. It's like, oh, they wear diapers and shit
Speaker 2: and piss themselves the whole time. What no one's talking
Speaker 2: about is the utter fucking stinch.
Speaker 1: That have somebody reported on the stink.
Speaker 2: I haven't seen anybody talk about.
Speaker 1: Its distinct because Also all your bodies are pressed up.
Speaker 2: All your bodies are pressed up, everybody's sweating, everybody shitting
Speaker 2: and pissing themselves. Like it's literally got to be the
Speaker 2: big stink two point Oh, like London is falling like
Speaker 2: literally like orb.
Speaker 1: Mean, guys make you diarrhea and hit crazy. Oh I
Speaker 1: know that New Year's Eve with sting.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Oh, I guess people wait and because there's performances, right,
Speaker 1: don't people perform? So it's technically a free concert.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I okay, I get it, like it's cute, but
Speaker 3: I could never Yeah, but I'm also just like there's
Speaker 3: really nothing I want that bad I've realized, and that's
Speaker 3: why I've been trying to wrest.
Speaker 2: I want to compound that bad.
Speaker 1: A compound for us all to live on.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, that's or like a chateau.
Speaker 1: I wish. No one I knew had family they loved
Speaker 1: also like I don't, but like I hate how much
Speaker 1: I love the people I love because my dream would
Speaker 1: be to move us all into one city, like.
Speaker 2: I I want to live in the middle of nowhere
Speaker 2: with all my friends.
Speaker 1: I was talking to my friend Sabrina about it. I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, if I could like build
Speaker 1: out a state, so then there's like this mainland and
Speaker 1: it's like me and all my friends, and then the
Speaker 1: town over that's where all our families live, and then
Speaker 1: the town over is where all their friends live. That
Speaker 1: is what I want.
Speaker 2: So I think we're just talking about a commune.
Speaker 1: What's that bad about that?
Speaker 2: There's nothing bad about it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I feel like when we talk about that
Speaker 1: to random people, they're like, oh, that's a cult. I'm like,
Speaker 1: that's literally not a literal so fucking what, Like I'm
Speaker 1: not taking anyone's money. I literally just like that's okay. Actually,
Speaker 1: that's what annoys me about fucking billionaires is you have
Speaker 1: all that money, and what are you doing getting on
Speaker 1: yachts boom boom. You're so boring, Like how are you
Speaker 1: going to be a money hoarder? But you were using it?
Speaker 1: So boring And it's because you don't have true connection
Speaker 1: and wealth, no.
Speaker 2: Swag, no bitches, Like oh god it I literally thought
Speaker 2: the world was I know.
Speaker 1: I just hate that, Like millionaires and stuff's vibe is
Speaker 1: going out and getting fucked up with strangers and getting
Speaker 1: more ego, Like do you is your ego not filled?
Speaker 1: You're already like so famous and rint.
Speaker 2: A table at a club with bottle service, Like what
Speaker 2: can you literally like? Instead of that, how about you
Speaker 2: hug your loved ones? No, how about you sit in
Speaker 2: bed on iPhone? Like I know?
Speaker 1: How about you pay for a therapist and wonder why
Speaker 1: that you were trying to chase high school terms of
Speaker 1: admiration in public? Like it just feels so high school
Speaker 1: Like like.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, you were a loser in fucking high school.
Speaker 2: Like we all know it, Like we can tell like
Speaker 2: based on the way you behave now.
Speaker 1: But I have a burnt ego and you're in eleven
Speaker 1: on New Year's Eve?
Speaker 2: Yeah, how about you heal your inner child's How about
Speaker 2: you give my child a gun?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: How about you give my inner child a gun so
Speaker 2: it'll kill I?
Speaker 1: Literally? Okay? I think I have been losing it because
Speaker 1: the other day I couldn't describe how I was feeling.
Speaker 1: And the only way to describe it is it felt
Speaker 1: like somebody drugged me, knocked me out, hid a gun
Speaker 1: and a bunch of drugs in my brain for me
Speaker 1: to like ship them to a different country. Does that
Speaker 1: make sense? Like that was the kind of anxiety I had.
Speaker 1: I felt like I had a gun in my head.
Speaker 2: Zom Okay, well we're gonna do media real quick and
Speaker 2: then we'll probably just continue this episode on Patriot. We're
Speaker 2: trying something new, We're trying something new, but my media
Speaker 2: bitch wild Robot. I'm not kidding. I know that might.
Speaker 1: Maybe we've watched that after Wicked tonight.
Speaker 2: That might break my top four on whoa Letterbox, Like
Speaker 2: I swear to God, Like I don't think it's like
Speaker 2: the best movie ever made, but it I have never
Speaker 2: cried at a movie like that ever in my life.
Speaker 2: Like it was like it was simultaneous like happy and
Speaker 2: sad tears. And it's, like I said, not the best
Speaker 2: movie ever, but like it just made me think about
Speaker 2: all the women in my life, like made me think
Speaker 2: about myself as a caretaker for some of the people
Speaker 2: that I love. Like it made me think about like
Speaker 2: all the moms out there that like literally just detroy
Speaker 2: themselves to like raise their kids, and like how like
Speaker 2: friends destroy themselves for their friends. And it's like their
Speaker 2: bodies are literally phys like mother's bodies literally physically fall
Speaker 2: apart to raise their kids. They like break bones, they
Speaker 2: like their immune systems get shot their skin gets off saggy,
Speaker 2: like it's so dark sided, but they do it because
Speaker 2: there's some like love that we can't even like begin
Speaker 2: to comprehend, for like offspring and I don't know it.
Speaker 1: Just like that, I literallycked me pereful to have kids
Speaker 1: because the way I love the people I love so intensely,
Speaker 1: like I was having a panic attack for reasons I
Speaker 1: won't say. Also, I remember in an a so recently,
Speaker 1: I was talking about that panic attack in Mexico, and
Speaker 1: I was like, I haven't had a panic attack in
Speaker 1: so long. I have panic attacks at least six times
Speaker 1: a year. When I was talking about that, like, I
Speaker 1: was like, I never have panic attacks. That was just
Speaker 1: a really bad one that like lasted a long time.
Speaker 1: But I do that all the time, Like I literally
Speaker 1: even yesterday when I was talking to you, that wasn't
Speaker 1: a panic attack. But like when I'm talking about certain things,
Speaker 1: I can feel my heart like start to clench and
Speaker 1: I have to sit down, like I physically can't stand
Speaker 1: and I can't get the words out and I have
Speaker 1: to rush them out or I also have a panic
Speaker 1: attack attack. That is crazy though. That's how I've been
Speaker 1: feeling about Janet Planet. I already said Janet Planet last week,
Speaker 1: but I watched it two times when I was in Miami.
Speaker 1: It's been like my comfort movie, and I feel like
Speaker 1: I never have that with movies. But it's just a
Speaker 1: movie I've been putting on and I really like the
Speaker 1: soundtrack and I really like the story, like it's so good.
Speaker 1: My other media of the week is baby Girl, Thank
Speaker 1: You so much, because like I want both of them now.
Speaker 1: I want both now. And my music media of the
Speaker 1: week is Walk a Thin Line by Fleetwood Mac and
Speaker 1: Miracle Man by Bob Carpenter. That's honestly and still Dochi's
Speaker 1: Tiny Desk crazy because I still just I just will
Speaker 1: play that and listen to it.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'll do three sy ops and then we're dipping,
Speaker 2: uh enya, here's party and starts digging in her dirty
Speaker 2: clothes basket.
Speaker 1: Cut the fuck up.
Speaker 2: Lily Rose Toy, m Lily Rose Toy. It's probably been
Speaker 2: said because it's so easy, but cuddling it. I've said
Speaker 2: this one three times, but it's just so perfectly and
Speaker 2: it literally is how I felt on Crush night. Cuddling
Speaker 2: a twin feels like you're laying on the Apple TV
Speaker 2: Remote Bones bones, bones bones, Okay, in that's it.
Speaker 1: You know how I know I'm back in my bisexual
Speaker 1: bag for real because you were showing me pictures of
Speaker 1: a man last night that you think is hot, and I,
Speaker 1: for the first time was like.
Speaker 2: Was it? Oh my?
Speaker 1: I guess like I would have to tell I was
Speaker 1: feeling a bit feral over it all. I have to
Speaker 1: tell Kai, Well, the bad news is someone locked me
Speaker 1: up because I think I might be becoming a whore.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean enter it. But every time I've exited
Speaker 2: a hose phase, I've been like two seconds away from
Speaker 2: being fifty one to fifty So oh.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, it's but no, it's I know it's I
Speaker 1: want to dye my hair and bleach it. I am
Speaker 1: incredibly optimistic out of like pure survival mode, and I
Speaker 1: am finding everyone sexy.
Speaker 2: Like, so y'all better watch the fuck out and it's
Speaker 2: gonna get you. But that was that episode. Happy New Year, everybody,
Speaker 2: Thank you so fucking much for tuning in. Another year
Speaker 2: of emergency in our common incoming. You're all the goats,
Speaker 2: You're all very special to me, And we'll just say
Speaker 2: some things are going to be changing soon. A lot
Speaker 2: of a lot of a lot of new things are
Speaker 2: coming soon, so just be ready for that. Be excited. Please, Peace, love, prosperity, respect,
Speaker 2: health to you and yours. Sleeps tight tonight, bye,