WEBVTT - Marcus King 0:00:08.600 --> 0:00:12.480 Welcome, Welcome, Welcome back to the Bob Left Sets podcast. 0:00:13.160 --> 0:00:19.160 My guest today is singer, songwriter guitarist Marcus King. Marcus 0:00:19.200 --> 0:00:21.880 good to be doing the podcast with you. Good to 0:00:21.920 --> 0:00:26.480 be here, brother. Okay, you're going on the road like tomorrow. 0:00:26.600 --> 0:00:29.760 How much do you work in a year? We play 0:00:29.760 --> 0:00:35.319 about a hundred two in between as a year. Then 0:00:35.320 --> 0:00:40.920 how do you decide how many? Uh, well, the agents 0:00:41.000 --> 0:00:43.800 kind of pitch us a couple of tours and you know, 0:00:43.840 --> 0:00:46.040 they all look good to me, and I like to 0:00:46.120 --> 0:00:49.800 keep pretty busy. I think keeps the band really fresh, 0:00:49.880 --> 0:00:54.000 really tight. But you know, going on the road, you 0:00:54.320 --> 0:00:58.120 you know, you play for an hour or two and 0:00:58.160 --> 0:01:01.280 you get all this adulation, then you go back with 0:01:01.360 --> 0:01:04.560 the same old guys. You can't calm down for hours 0:01:04.640 --> 0:01:07.880 after giving on all that energy. How do you cope 0:01:07.920 --> 0:01:12.000 with the cycle? It gets kind of tough, you know. 0:01:12.560 --> 0:01:17.200 Um can be hard, like you said, to calm down 0:01:17.240 --> 0:01:24.000 after a show like that, So you really gotta I 0:01:24.040 --> 0:01:25.720 don't know, you gotta be mindful of that because you 0:01:25.760 --> 0:01:29.760 could wear your body out, you know, pretty quickly. And 0:01:29.840 --> 0:01:32.280 we do like six weeks at a time like this 0:01:32.360 --> 0:01:36.840 run is two months straight. So you gotta kind of 0:01:36.880 --> 0:01:39.319 pick and choose when you want a party and try 0:01:39.400 --> 0:01:42.720 to get to bed. You know a reasonable hour. Rock 0:01:42.760 --> 0:01:46.640 and roll starts at nine I am now days, well 0:01:46.640 --> 0:01:50.880 tell me about it starting at nine am. Try to 0:01:50.880 --> 0:01:53.680 get up early, get to work out in, get some 0:01:53.680 --> 0:01:57.840 some daylight, get some fresh air. Um, you know, like today, 0:01:58.720 --> 0:02:02.440 it's a poor example of that is, Uh, we're at 0:02:02.440 --> 0:02:07.040 a hotel and somewhere in Virginia just for our drivers 0:02:07.040 --> 0:02:09.639 to sleep, and then we'll leave tonight at midnight and 0:02:09.720 --> 0:02:14.200 go to Philly. So we've kind of been turning our 0:02:14.320 --> 0:02:18.839 our Bara metric like system around because we left last 0:02:18.919 --> 0:02:22.160 night at midnight. So that's kind of like where everything starts. 0:02:22.360 --> 0:02:25.480 And today we're all sleeping in all day in a hotel. 0:02:25.520 --> 0:02:28.280 But you gotta kind of force yourself to get into 0:02:28.320 --> 0:02:31.000 this cycle of getting some fresh air, getting exercise, and 0:02:31.760 --> 0:02:34.480 you know, drinking two or three times a week a 0:02:34.520 --> 0:02:38.760 week rather than every day. Um. But that's tough to 0:02:38.760 --> 0:02:43.160 do because it's a lot easier to do it either way. Okay, 0:02:43.200 --> 0:02:46.280 you say you left it midnight last night from where 0:02:47.120 --> 0:02:52.880 from Nashville? And why at midnight? Uh, everything's kind of 0:02:52.880 --> 0:02:56.880 based around the bus drivers sleep schedules, you know, so 0:02:56.919 --> 0:03:01.160 we drive I think eight to ten hours at a time. Uh. 0:03:01.520 --> 0:03:06.519 The buses took us here to Christianburg, Virginia, which I'm 0:03:06.560 --> 0:03:11.200 not really sure where that he is. And then well 0:03:11.200 --> 0:03:13.679 we're at least within eight to ten hours from Philadelphia. 0:03:13.760 --> 0:03:16.239 I know that one because then it will take us there. 0:03:17.320 --> 0:03:20.440 And we leave at midnight again tonight, so we're there 0:03:20.440 --> 0:03:26.880 on lowdown tomorrow. And you know you're in a hotel room. Now, 0:03:26.919 --> 0:03:28.840 hal walten? Are you in the hotel room? Was supposed 0:03:28.880 --> 0:03:33.520 to sleeping on the bus? Uh? I'd say probably sixty. 0:03:34.639 --> 0:03:36.440 We we end up spending a lot of nights on 0:03:36.480 --> 0:03:40.440 the bus um, which is fine. You know that you 0:03:40.800 --> 0:03:43.120 kind of get in a little more routine that way. 0:03:43.720 --> 0:03:49.560 You know. Okay, you talk about drinking and which leads 0:03:49.600 --> 0:03:53.640 to drugging. You know, how do you only keep it 0:03:53.680 --> 0:03:58.640 to a couple of nights a week? Well, um, my 0:03:58.680 --> 0:04:03.320 wife to be keeps my keeps me in line. Uh huh, 0:04:03.720 --> 0:04:06.480 that's the short answer. Well, can make it make it 0:04:06.480 --> 0:04:10.920 a little longer, how I'm happy to. I mean, you know, 0:04:11.040 --> 0:04:14.440 I'm at the point now where I can I can 0:04:14.480 --> 0:04:16.599 have a couple of glasses of wine and enjoy myself. 0:04:17.240 --> 0:04:21.000 But that wasn't really the case for a while. Um, 0:04:21.040 --> 0:04:24.839 and I think it was really just accompanied with depression 0:04:25.760 --> 0:04:33.240 and alcohol and drugs stimulants to be exact, uh a 0:04:33.360 --> 0:04:38.839 kind of short term solutions to h depression. In the 0:04:38.880 --> 0:04:42.279 long run there really just making it much worse. But 0:04:43.360 --> 0:04:46.240 you know, I'm not really as depressed now. I mean, 0:04:46.279 --> 0:04:49.120 depression something you always struggle with even when you're at 0:04:49.120 --> 0:04:54.680 your happiest, which is a sad truth. But you know 0:04:55.880 --> 0:04:59.680 I'm in a much better place now. Being in love 0:04:59.760 --> 0:05:05.760 is helpful of that. Okay, So are you treating your 0:05:05.800 --> 0:05:10.440 depression with any medication? Yeah? I am takes in Balton 0:05:10.920 --> 0:05:14.000 ninety million grans and Balta that day. And you know 0:05:14.040 --> 0:05:15.920 that's another reason why you don't really want to mix 0:05:16.000 --> 0:05:19.279 alcohol with that stuff. I mean, that can be pretty 0:05:19.279 --> 0:05:23.200 detrimental to your physical health and your mental health on 0:05:23.320 --> 0:05:28.479 the same. But my goal, my hope is the next 0:05:28.480 --> 0:05:31.080 time we get a little bit of time off, I 0:05:31.120 --> 0:05:35.360 think I'm gonna try to go completely holistic, maybe try 0:05:35.440 --> 0:05:39.680 my hand in microdescence and psilocybin or something from the earth. 0:05:40.760 --> 0:05:43.880 Try to get off these pharmaceuticals. Okay, so you're on 0:05:43.960 --> 0:05:47.000 some ball to you on anything else. Yeah, I take 0:05:47.480 --> 0:05:54.640 medication for anxiety as well, which one, Um, okay, how 0:05:54.680 --> 0:05:59.280 often do you take an up? Uh? Just really as needed. 0:06:00.160 --> 0:06:06.640 Chronic anxiety years old and music is the most helping 0:06:06.720 --> 0:06:11.400 thing for it, but sometimes it doesn't quite get it. 0:06:12.440 --> 0:06:15.599 What do you have panic attacks? You? Oh? Yeah, really bad? 0:06:15.880 --> 0:06:19.520 Since I was a kid. Yeah, you know, I used 0:06:19.520 --> 0:06:21.440 to do the problem with killin up. And if you're 0:06:21.440 --> 0:06:23.520 not taking it every night, it's great, but I used 0:06:23.520 --> 0:06:26.000 to take it every well, it was actually out of them. 0:06:26.080 --> 0:06:27.880 And then I used klonip In to get off the 0:06:27.920 --> 0:06:32.359 auta van, but it was really hard. And you know, 0:06:32.600 --> 0:06:36.200 there's uh do types of therapy. I used to have 0:06:36.240 --> 0:06:38.400 panic attacks, so I used to run around with a 0:06:38.440 --> 0:06:42.159 little bit of out of van And then I read 0:06:42.240 --> 0:06:47.520 this book by this you know, big psychiatrist, and it 0:06:47.640 --> 0:06:49.440 cured me of the panic decks. I don't have panic 0:06:49.480 --> 0:06:53.520 attacks anymore. It was very interesting. You read the book 0:06:53.520 --> 0:06:56.280 and they say, well, okay, you're here with the doctor. 0:06:56.960 --> 0:07:00.400 Have a panic, I'm here right with you. And then 0:07:00.440 --> 0:07:03.240 they talked about a guy who was hit by a 0:07:03.360 --> 0:07:08.280 train and survived. So the key is, once you realize 0:07:08.279 --> 0:07:11.400 you'll hold on the panic will pass. That was a 0:07:11.400 --> 0:07:16.600 great liberator for me. But uh, is the symbalta and 0:07:16.640 --> 0:07:21.800 the klonopin a recent thing. The SYMBALTI more recent than 0:07:21.840 --> 0:07:27.960 the convent I got. Uh. Yeah, I've been either misdiagnosed 0:07:28.120 --> 0:07:35.040 or diagnosed, you know, on multiple occasions. Uh. I've been 0:07:35.080 --> 0:07:41.080 diagnosed by polar um and also with depression. So I 0:07:41.120 --> 0:07:46.520 mean when you're bouncing around from psychiatrists, psychiatrist um, and 0:07:46.600 --> 0:07:48.960 from therapist and therapist, I mean, everybody has a different 0:07:49.640 --> 0:07:57.000 opinion of view about what you're going through. So um um. 0:07:57.040 --> 0:08:01.440 The symbalta I think started because I don't remember what 0:08:01.480 --> 0:08:03.840 I was on before that, but I was on something 0:08:03.880 --> 0:08:07.320 that just made everything kind of numb, which I didn't like. 0:08:07.880 --> 0:08:12.640 I remember being at my grandmother's funeral. Um, I didn't 0:08:12.680 --> 0:08:16.480 feel anything. And when I got off of that stuff, 0:08:17.400 --> 0:08:20.280 it was like a week after that. There was this, uh, 0:08:20.400 --> 0:08:24.200 this tune that Wayne Shorter did called at Day Area 0:08:24.720 --> 0:08:30.800 another one Actually I don't it's just like Brazilian tune. 0:08:30.960 --> 0:08:34.360 It's really beautiful. And then I just wept for days. 0:08:35.160 --> 0:08:39.000 So I finally got something that it seems to work 0:08:39.080 --> 0:08:44.880 for me, keeps me kind of balanced, Okay, and when 0:08:44.880 --> 0:08:49.520 were you first treated for anxiety and depressions A recent 0:08:49.640 --> 0:08:53.559 thing or you had it all growing up? Uh, Well, 0:08:53.720 --> 0:08:55.800 something I struggled with all the time since I was 0:08:55.840 --> 0:08:59.360 a kid. But it wasn't until I kind of went 0:08:59.360 --> 0:09:03.120 out and I was on my own healthcare that I 0:09:03.160 --> 0:09:05.760 started really delving into it. So I could say like 0:09:05.920 --> 0:09:09.840 the least three to five years, I started kind of 0:09:09.840 --> 0:09:13.760 taking it into my own hands, and um, therapy was 0:09:13.800 --> 0:09:17.439 over huge help. Um it didn't say the last relationship, 0:09:18.440 --> 0:09:21.680 but I think that was on track for you know, 0:09:22.160 --> 0:09:27.079 the rocks anyway. But I'd recommend therapy and anybody that's 0:09:27.120 --> 0:09:31.640 thinking about well, in today's world, many psychiatrists actually don't 0:09:31.640 --> 0:09:35.680 do therapy. They just provide mids and you see somebody 0:09:35.679 --> 0:09:37.760 else with the therapy. Is that the way it was 0:09:37.960 --> 0:09:40.280 is in your case? Or you seeing the same? YEA, 0:09:40.920 --> 0:09:43.320 That's how it is. For me. My psychiatrist checks in, 0:09:44.360 --> 0:09:47.720 you know, every six months or so, and the therapies 0:09:48.360 --> 0:09:52.280 more of a weekly thing. And for me, therapies more 0:09:52.320 --> 0:09:57.280 of an opportunity for me to uh speak out loud 0:09:57.360 --> 0:10:00.240 things that I maybe was harboring because I'm not very 0:10:00.240 --> 0:10:02.560 good at keeping a journalf tried to keep a journal, 0:10:03.240 --> 0:10:05.880 and I just can't keep up with it. So between 0:10:06.000 --> 0:10:10.640 music and actual talk therapy, it's really helpful because you 0:10:10.640 --> 0:10:12.240 you end up saying a lot of things and you 0:10:12.320 --> 0:10:14.520 realize that some of the things you're saying it is 0:10:14.600 --> 0:10:22.679 just um, to use a phrase, kind of crazy. You know. Well, 0:10:23.000 --> 0:10:26.760 you know many musicians speak through their music and are 0:10:26.800 --> 0:10:30.360 not that verbal. Do you find other than the therapist, 0:10:30.520 --> 0:10:34.160 anybody who understands you, you can talk to other than 0:10:34.200 --> 0:10:39.800 your wife to be wells? My dad and I have 0:10:39.880 --> 0:10:45.240 always really connected, just like he and his dad before. UM. 0:10:45.400 --> 0:10:49.760 We've always had a really tight relationship, and I think 0:10:49.800 --> 0:10:54.000 it was in part due to the fact that we're 0:10:54.000 --> 0:10:59.080 both musicians, so we had that um, that medium to 0:10:59.320 --> 0:11:04.160 become really was and we've always been more like the 0:11:04.280 --> 0:11:06.920 best pals. He's gonna be the best man at my 0:11:06.920 --> 0:11:12.600 wedding actually, and everything you say to him he accepts 0:11:12.720 --> 0:11:16.760 or does he pushed back? My father was pretty accepting, 0:11:17.400 --> 0:11:22.760 uh with everything I say. I mean, uh, because he's 0:11:22.800 --> 0:11:26.679 a he's a real uh. I mean he's obviously always 0:11:26.720 --> 0:11:29.920 supported my career, but he's really supportive as a friend too. 0:11:30.600 --> 0:11:34.400 It's just in his nature, which is uh, that's a 0:11:34.440 --> 0:11:37.400 good friend to have around, but he'll call you and 0:11:37.480 --> 0:11:40.400 your bullshit too, which is also another good trait and 0:11:40.440 --> 0:11:46.520 a friend. Okay, your parents still together? Now. My mom 0:11:46.600 --> 0:11:51.640 scaped out when I was about four, and that was 0:11:51.679 --> 0:11:56.320 actually point of contention. Recently. I did an interview with 0:11:56.360 --> 0:12:01.080 the magazine, and uh, some some of the family on 0:12:01.120 --> 0:12:03.880 my mother's side were pretty upset with what I had 0:12:03.920 --> 0:12:06.840 to say. I was really just telling the truth. And 0:12:07.160 --> 0:12:09.960 my mother and I have kind of passed the relationship 0:12:10.040 --> 0:12:13.240 back together in the last you know, five or six years, 0:12:13.280 --> 0:12:17.920 and she felt really ill and she's on hospice and 0:12:17.960 --> 0:12:21.080 all this, so it's not it's not good to leave 0:12:21.160 --> 0:12:30.360 things unsaid. And uh yeah, in a long, long way 0:12:30.400 --> 0:12:33.199 answering your questions, now they're not together that they happened 0:12:33.320 --> 0:12:36.360 since I was Okay, so you were four when she left. 0:12:36.400 --> 0:12:39.679 How many kids were in the family. Uh so it 0:12:39.800 --> 0:12:42.520 was me and my sister, my older sister about two 0:12:42.640 --> 0:12:48.080 years Holly. And so what were the circumstances. You just 0:12:48.120 --> 0:12:50.480 came home one day, she wasn't there your face, sat 0:12:50.559 --> 0:12:52.280 you down and said she's going or you don't even 0:12:52.320 --> 0:12:59.080 remember parts a little fuzzy, I mean, you know, um, 0:12:59.200 --> 0:13:05.240 she just kind of blip, and I remember that like 0:13:05.360 --> 0:13:12.000 early on, there wasn't a lot of uh, the reason 0:13:12.040 --> 0:13:14.439 I didn't really know, you know, the half of it, 0:13:14.480 --> 0:13:16.559 because you know a lot of it, you don't. You 0:13:16.600 --> 0:13:19.680 wouldn't have even understood at four years old to try 0:13:19.720 --> 0:13:23.760 to explain why the relationship fell apart. But you know, 0:13:23.800 --> 0:13:26.040 I think a four year old just I was wondering 0:13:26.040 --> 0:13:31.360 where his mother is, you know, And that was my situation. 0:13:31.960 --> 0:13:36.120 My earliest memories of life are crying so hard in 0:13:36.240 --> 0:13:39.560 kindergarten that I would throw up like every day and 0:13:39.600 --> 0:13:42.160 get sent home because you cry so hard because you 0:13:42.160 --> 0:13:44.720 don't know where your mother is. And my father couldn't 0:13:44.720 --> 0:13:47.240 know how to tell me where she was, you know. 0:13:48.080 --> 0:13:51.800 And then later on she just really never showed her 0:13:51.840 --> 0:13:55.280 any more sports. So we've always had kind of a ah, 0:13:57.840 --> 0:14:03.319 a rough relationship. And you know, she's always made really 0:14:04.240 --> 0:14:09.000 interesting decisions with the partners she chose to keep. So 0:14:09.120 --> 0:14:13.000 did she ever get married again? Do you have any kids? 0:14:13.000 --> 0:14:15.679 She never, She never had any more kids, but she 0:14:15.720 --> 0:14:20.760 did remarry to my stepdad. And my stepdad was abusive 0:14:20.840 --> 0:14:27.960 and um, you know, to her and physically, but he 0:14:28.040 --> 0:14:31.800 was kind of verbally abusive to me, and particularly to 0:14:32.160 --> 0:14:35.280 particularly to my sister. So that was that was a 0:14:35.320 --> 0:14:40.920 hard environment. You know, once we met, we my sister 0:14:41.000 --> 0:14:45.240 and I and my mother, oh kind of Uh she 0:14:45.360 --> 0:14:48.640 tried to you know, start fresh, you know what I mean, 0:14:49.000 --> 0:14:51.720 when we were like eight or nine, and then we 0:14:51.880 --> 0:14:57.280 started going down to my stepdad's house, and um, not 0:14:57.360 --> 0:14:59.760 a great environment for kids. And you don't really know 0:14:59.760 --> 0:15:03.040 how to relay that to your your other parents. Like 0:15:03.160 --> 0:15:07.200 my dad, it wasn't really it's how It's difficult to explain, 0:15:07.520 --> 0:15:10.880 but he just he liked to drink a little too 0:15:10.960 --> 0:15:13.880 much Jim Beam. You have a really big bottle of 0:15:13.920 --> 0:15:18.000 Jim Beam every night drink. I know, I've seen those bottles. 0:15:19.320 --> 0:15:21.360 He'd have one right out of the kitchen sink every 0:15:21.440 --> 0:15:23.960 night and he drink about half of it. And then 0:15:23.960 --> 0:15:28.440 he'd sit there and just be verbally abusive and um, 0:15:28.480 --> 0:15:32.000 just not a good guy, will put it that way. 0:15:32.280 --> 0:15:36.080 And he uh, he passed away not too long ago, 0:15:36.200 --> 0:15:38.760 but before that he actually sobered up and then he 0:15:38.960 --> 0:15:42.440 uh he started coming around again. And you know, he 0:15:42.480 --> 0:15:45.640 was actually a good guy when he was sober. And 0:15:45.680 --> 0:15:47.240 you can say that about a lot of folks, but 0:15:47.280 --> 0:15:50.480 he was a good decent man, and I think my 0:15:50.600 --> 0:15:53.400 mother drove him to the break of insanity the way 0:15:53.440 --> 0:15:57.760 she's done a lot of others. And my mother's sweeping 0:15:57.800 --> 0:16:01.280 her own way too. I have to say that. But uh, 0:16:03.080 --> 0:16:06.760 you know left me with some abandonment issues, that's for sure. 0:16:08.480 --> 0:16:14.160 Do you know why she split? You know, there's a 0:16:16.840 --> 0:16:21.160 I think maybe she just wasn't ready to be completely 0:16:21.160 --> 0:16:26.600 settled down. My father at that time had become religious 0:16:27.120 --> 0:16:30.640 and she wasn't religious. Or she would dabble. My mother 0:16:30.800 --> 0:16:35.120 was raised Catholic and she would dabbled into like the 0:16:35.120 --> 0:16:41.480 occult or whatever. Um, she just was curious about you know, 0:16:41.560 --> 0:16:44.920 she had a real thirst for knowledge. She still does. 0:16:45.000 --> 0:16:47.520 You know, she's a reader. So I think maybe I 0:16:47.560 --> 0:16:51.920 get that inquisitive side of me from my mother. Um 0:16:52.080 --> 0:16:56.120 my looks I get from my mother. Uh not my 0:16:56.200 --> 0:16:59.320 good looks. I just mean that we look like each other. 0:17:00.200 --> 0:17:04.040 Um yeah, but I think I get there from her. 0:17:04.119 --> 0:17:06.040 Maybe she just wasn't ready to settle down. And there's 0:17:06.680 --> 0:17:09.359 you know, I can spend I can speculate on some 0:17:09.440 --> 0:17:12.960 other reasons why she may have left, but um, you know, 0:17:13.040 --> 0:17:15.200 in the in the interest of her and I kind 0:17:15.200 --> 0:17:18.080 of rekindling our relationship. I don't want to, you know, 0:17:19.280 --> 0:17:23.119 to fame anyone's character or mismadge anyone's name or anything 0:17:23.160 --> 0:17:27.280 like that, uh, because we are in kind of a 0:17:27.280 --> 0:17:34.200 reconciling reconciling uh, part of our relationship. Again. So if 0:17:34.240 --> 0:17:36.879 you were four when she left, and you leave home 0:17:37.480 --> 0:17:41.040 in the neighborhood of eighteen, how much contact did you 0:17:41.119 --> 0:17:46.080 have with her in that period? Well, it was always 0:17:46.119 --> 0:17:49.800 kind of off and on, you know, like I think 0:17:49.800 --> 0:17:53.840 when she tried to she set up camp with Chuck, 0:17:53.960 --> 0:17:57.439 my stepdad. When that happened, Um, she was kind of 0:17:57.480 --> 0:18:00.159 playing house there for a while, and she had she 0:18:00.240 --> 0:18:04.000 went and she got her nursing degree, and I just 0:18:04.000 --> 0:18:06.919 thought she'd really kind of turned around. And then and 0:18:06.920 --> 0:18:12.800 then that relationship fell apart and they got separated, and 0:18:12.840 --> 0:18:17.639 then she kinda went out on her own with my sister, 0:18:18.400 --> 0:18:24.280 and that around that was around the time that I 0:18:24.320 --> 0:18:26.720 started digging. You know, I started digging quite a bit, 0:18:27.760 --> 0:18:29.680 and I try to bring her money to help with 0:18:29.720 --> 0:18:35.400 bills and stuff, but uh, she wouldn't use the money 0:18:35.400 --> 0:18:38.280 for the bills. And then that's when I was like, 0:18:38.320 --> 0:18:40.760 all right, I'm just gonna hit the road and not 0:18:40.880 --> 0:18:45.159 really play on turning back around. But I would come 0:18:45.160 --> 0:18:48.440 home to see my grandmother because my grandmother, it was 0:18:48.480 --> 0:18:50.800 really more of a mother figure in my life when 0:18:50.800 --> 0:18:53.400 I was coming up. Was that your father's mother, Yeah, 0:18:53.480 --> 0:18:58.040 my father's Okay. So you mentioned that your father became religious. 0:18:58.040 --> 0:19:02.440 How religious for you if at all? You know? Man, 0:19:02.520 --> 0:19:06.400 I was raised in a Pentecostal church, So I think 0:19:06.400 --> 0:19:10.120 it's important to have something bigger than you and remember 0:19:10.119 --> 0:19:13.720 how small we really are and how insignificant we can be, 0:19:14.119 --> 0:19:17.679 you know, at a moment's notice. So uh, for me, 0:19:17.800 --> 0:19:21.239 I'm really thankful for my religious upbringing and and just 0:19:21.720 --> 0:19:25.280 if anything, the lessons and morality that it gave me 0:19:25.840 --> 0:19:27.680 on how to be a good person, which I think 0:19:28.280 --> 0:19:31.680 deep down you figure those out anyway, but I kind 0:19:31.680 --> 0:19:36.040 of had a a rush course on this morality, I 0:19:36.040 --> 0:19:40.239 think with the stories of the Bible, and I had 0:19:40.280 --> 0:19:43.400 a very good preacher. Someone with that amount of conviction 0:19:43.520 --> 0:19:48.639 can really I don't know it, just having that presence 0:19:48.680 --> 0:19:52.240 in your life is very important. I think. Um, I'm 0:19:52.280 --> 0:19:57.040 not very religious now, um as Cli said, it sounds 0:19:57.240 --> 0:20:02.200 a little more spiritual than I am. Religiou, but um, 0:20:02.200 --> 0:20:14.080 when I had in my heart is good Okay. So 0:20:14.160 --> 0:20:17.840 before you leave the house gigging. Does your father ever 0:20:17.960 --> 0:20:21.120 get remarried? Is there another female presence in the house 0:20:21.119 --> 0:20:26.000 other than your sister. Yeah, So my father remarried when 0:20:26.000 --> 0:20:32.119 I was eleven, and we moved to UM, one of 0:20:32.119 --> 0:20:37.560 the outside uh areas around Greenville, South Carolina. It was 0:20:37.640 --> 0:20:41.280 Piedmont's Ath Carolina Powdersville to be exact, And I called 0:20:41.320 --> 0:20:43.159 it Powdersville because they used to store a lot of 0:20:43.160 --> 0:20:47.359 gunpowder there during the Civil War. On fact, and I 0:20:47.400 --> 0:20:53.040 went to Pattersville Middle School. Didn't fit in with anybody UM. 0:20:53.080 --> 0:20:56.119 And he remarried to a woman named Leander. It was 0:20:56.160 --> 0:21:01.080 still my stepmother, and she had two older boys at 0:21:01.080 --> 0:21:04.080 the time, who were I think at the time seventeen. 0:21:04.600 --> 0:21:07.520 Cliff was and Hunter was probably like twenty three or something. 0:21:08.359 --> 0:21:12.320 And one had a, you know, a really nasty addiction 0:21:12.400 --> 0:21:15.879 to heroin and the other one had a really nasty 0:21:15.920 --> 0:21:20.120 addiction to math and fetamines. So she had her hands full. Man, 0:21:20.760 --> 0:21:23.400 and my sister comes My sister and I come down 0:21:23.440 --> 0:21:28.919 as eleven year old and a thirteen year old, and uh, 0:21:29.240 --> 0:21:31.879 she I think I really wanted to be a MoMA, 0:21:31.920 --> 0:21:36.520 a good mom to us, but she just was overwhelmed 0:21:36.720 --> 0:21:39.520 with her own boys. And I don't falter for that. 0:21:39.600 --> 0:21:44.280 And you know, later we became much closer, but at 0:21:44.320 --> 0:21:49.400 the time, it was really difficult to try to establish 0:21:49.480 --> 0:21:52.440 a you know, a motherly relationship with new kids when 0:21:52.440 --> 0:21:56.040 your own kids are off the rails. And Mapody said 0:21:56.040 --> 0:21:58.520 that they're both you know, recovered now and they're good, 0:21:59.160 --> 0:22:05.320 and uh, there I see him at family unions and 0:22:05.320 --> 0:22:08.720 all that. But um, and my stepmother and I have 0:22:08.800 --> 0:22:15.200 become really close in recent years. Okay, prior to moving. Uh, 0:22:15.359 --> 0:22:23.439 you're a good student, bad student, have friends, don't have friends. Um, 0:22:23.480 --> 0:22:26.280 it wasn't a very good student. Uh. And I don't 0:22:26.320 --> 0:22:28.400 think it was because I lacked the ability to learn. 0:22:28.840 --> 0:22:32.280 I think it's just I lacked the interest. The interest 0:22:32.359 --> 0:22:36.879 level wasn't there. Whenever whenever something becomes I have to 0:22:36.920 --> 0:22:39.399 do it because you told me to do it, or 0:22:39.440 --> 0:22:43.520 if I just see something it's just asinine, or just like, 0:22:45.000 --> 0:22:48.080 you know, why are you making us do this because 0:22:48.080 --> 0:22:55.679 it it doesn't like remember we'd have to like copy 0:22:55.760 --> 0:23:00.280 down like information, you know, Um, like when I was 0:23:00.280 --> 0:23:04.160 in school, suspension like this isn't this is just giving 0:23:04.200 --> 0:23:06.760 us writers cramp. We're not retaining any knowledge after the 0:23:06.800 --> 0:23:10.000 first two times we write it down. You know, I 0:23:10.040 --> 0:23:11.960 don't know. I just didn't like ass and and things 0:23:12.000 --> 0:23:14.439 like that, and uh, the authority really got to me 0:23:14.480 --> 0:23:17.240 when I was in school. So I was not a 0:23:17.240 --> 0:23:19.600 good student. To answer your question, I didn't have very 0:23:19.600 --> 0:23:23.400 many friends. I was always a little bit out there. 0:23:24.200 --> 0:23:27.439 But the friends that I did have, we're all in 0:23:27.520 --> 0:23:32.040 different circles of school. You know. I hang out with jock's, 0:23:32.119 --> 0:23:34.879 I hang out with the geeks, hang out with the freaks. 0:23:35.760 --> 0:23:38.919 I was more of a freak than anything. I reckon, right, 0:23:39.480 --> 0:23:43.359 what's your sister up to today? My sister is busy 0:23:43.440 --> 0:23:47.880 raising two young UN's, my nephews, just I and Malachi. 0:23:48.680 --> 0:23:52.879 I love those boys. Were just good redneck boys, you know. 0:23:53.600 --> 0:23:55.680 Uh you show up and they're fighting in the front 0:23:55.760 --> 0:24:00.000 yard with their shirts off. Um they're good kids, man. 0:24:00.040 --> 0:24:04.600 And uh, after my grandmother passed, I was able to 0:24:05.440 --> 0:24:09.920 buy her house, and my sister wrenched that place from me, 0:24:10.520 --> 0:24:16.240 and uh, her two little boys there and her man Richard. 0:24:17.640 --> 0:24:22.439 And you know, my sister works. She's a beautiful young woman, 0:24:22.480 --> 0:24:27.520 but she she's got a CDL CDL and she's working 0:24:27.560 --> 0:24:32.040 for like the South Carolina Department of Transportation. So pretty 0:24:32.080 --> 0:24:35.959 funny to think about my sister out there replacing manhole 0:24:36.040 --> 0:24:40.320 covers and whatnot street signs. Okay, so you're talking about 0:24:40.359 --> 0:24:45.359 middle school not fit again. What happened in high school? Well, 0:24:45.720 --> 0:24:51.639 middle school, you know, I think I I was kind 0:24:51.640 --> 0:24:53.479 of flirting with the idea of being a good student, 0:24:54.680 --> 0:24:56.879 but I always just wanted to play music, and I 0:24:56.960 --> 0:25:00.600 just always had no other doubt in my mind of 0:25:00.600 --> 0:25:02.240 what I wanted to do. So it was hard for 0:25:02.280 --> 0:25:05.480 me to pay attention. And it's spent all my time 0:25:05.560 --> 0:25:10.640 really trying to, uh just make this one girl laugh. 0:25:10.720 --> 0:25:13.000 This girl named Halle and sat next to me in 0:25:13.080 --> 0:25:16.760 home room, and I was just over the moon, man 0:25:17.320 --> 0:25:20.879 about the squirrel, really smitten. And she was neighbors with 0:25:20.960 --> 0:25:25.520 my middle school band drummer Caleb, So they were neighbors. 0:25:25.520 --> 0:25:27.200 So I spent a lot of time at Caleb's house, 0:25:27.920 --> 0:25:33.520 no doubt, and uh, hang out with her, and you know, 0:25:33.600 --> 0:25:37.120 I was a church going boys, so I even did 0:25:37.200 --> 0:25:41.520 like a funeral for her dog at one point, and 0:25:41.520 --> 0:25:46.000 we'd run around the woods barefoot. Just really great memories. 0:25:46.000 --> 0:25:50.160 But you know, Halloween, when we were thirteen, she got 0:25:50.160 --> 0:25:54.320 in the car with some crazy woman and they wrecked 0:25:54.359 --> 0:25:58.560 and she died. So that really fucked me up. It's 0:25:58.640 --> 0:26:04.240 like the first real heartbreak I experienced. UM, So that 0:26:04.400 --> 0:26:07.879 really really got me in. I went into high school 0:26:07.880 --> 0:26:11.600 with that that weight, and that's when I really started 0:26:11.840 --> 0:26:18.800 putting my full effort into music and realizing the therapy, 0:26:19.160 --> 0:26:23.480 the therapeutic side to music. Okay, you talk about your 0:26:23.480 --> 0:26:26.760 mother leaving closing a bandoment issue, So how has that 0:26:26.800 --> 0:26:35.199 affected you in relationships love relationships? UM, it makes me 0:26:35.240 --> 0:26:43.760 struggle really badly with possessiveness or you know, being controlling. Um. 0:26:43.800 --> 0:26:47.359 You know, I in no way ever want to feel 0:26:47.400 --> 0:26:52.560 like I'm an overbearing partner or or anything like that. 0:26:52.680 --> 0:26:57.840 But I just always so damn afraid of people leaving. 0:26:58.119 --> 0:27:01.880 And you know, it's either at or I'm having nightmares 0:27:01.920 --> 0:27:06.239 about going to the Map in Philadelphia and nobody's showing up. 0:27:06.880 --> 0:27:12.199 You know, I'm I'm constantly afraid that, um, something that 0:27:12.200 --> 0:27:14.639 will come out in my audience will will abandon me. 0:27:14.760 --> 0:27:18.320 You know. It's such a deep fear of mine for 0:27:18.359 --> 0:27:21.880 people to leave. You know. Even if I go out 0:27:21.920 --> 0:27:24.840 to dinner with my boys here, you know, and everybody 0:27:24.840 --> 0:27:27.560 finishes eating a little before me and they stand up. 0:27:27.960 --> 0:27:29.679 You know, my heart starts to race. I get a 0:27:29.680 --> 0:27:33.639 little aunty or if for all walking somewhere and I 0:27:33.720 --> 0:27:35.439