WEBVTT - Find Your Coven Of Doms w/ Zachary Zane

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<v Speaker 1>So I whip out my deck and of course I

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<v Speaker 1>now have like four beautiful women staring at it. I

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<v Speaker 1>get pa shy. I can't fucking pee for the life

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<v Speaker 1>of me, and you can tell. And one of them

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<v Speaker 1>just like essentially starts damming me to pee, and I'm

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<v Speaker 1>so fucking nervous.

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<v Speaker 2>And I'm like trying to look like because I'm also

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<v Speaker 2>so what is it done?

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<v Speaker 1>Just feel like, Zach, you have to fucking pee. If not,

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<v Speaker 1>you're not a real man like emasculating man.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh you know what we do here, destroy shame around

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<v Speaker 3>sex by talking about sex.

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<v Speaker 2>Now, let me tell you something messy. So I have

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<v Speaker 2>received messages from y'all about loads and uh, somebody sent

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<v Speaker 2>me a message saying, my pussy is so filled up

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<v Speaker 2>with come, I don't know what to do, uh, which

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<v Speaker 2>you know I love that y'all come to messy Mo

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<v Speaker 2>for advice. My advice was to simply push it out

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<v Speaker 2>when somebody said they're just bragging, which you know I

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<v Speaker 2>love when y'all brag about your filled up kittie. But

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<v Speaker 2>somebody else said, the most effective method I've found is

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<v Speaker 2>more of a scoop with your finger technique. Pushing doesn't

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<v Speaker 2>get the whole load, and then you're all drippy. Obviously

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<v Speaker 2>the more you ho somebody else offered, I hear the

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<v Speaker 2>best method is to gag on something while you push.

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<v Speaker 2>If y'all understand, if you know, you know um, And

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<v Speaker 2>somebody else says, agreed that that is true. A gag

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<v Speaker 2>or a cough pushes it right out, and then somebody else, Hello,

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<v Speaker 2>my messy patron, said a partner, sucking it out. Look

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<v Speaker 2>at all these we are a community here, and we

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<v Speaker 2>are going to teach you how to push that load out.

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<v Speaker 2>And I will say I do think pushing the load

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<v Speaker 2>out is important. I learned this because my boyfriend and

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<v Speaker 2>I when we first got together, we were going to

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<v Speaker 2>a party, but we decided to obviously meet up before,

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<v Speaker 2>and we fucked before, flipped all the things, and then

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<v Speaker 2>you know, we gave each other our baby juice. And

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<v Speaker 2>like I thought it was hot to keep the baby

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<v Speaker 2>juice in. I gotta find a new work. I thought

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<v Speaker 2>it was hot to keep the cream filling in. Like

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<v Speaker 2>I'm a twinkie. I wanted to be a twinkie that night.

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<v Speaker 2>So we were like, let's keep it in and go

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<v Speaker 2>to this party and then maybe like two hours into

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<v Speaker 2>the party, both of our stomachs were wreck gurgling nothing no,

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<v Speaker 2>but like not not in the number two sets because

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<v Speaker 2>we were douche so it wasn't nothing coming out, but

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<v Speaker 2>just like that come in the guts with the enzymes.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not a scientist, and with the bacteria and with

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<v Speaker 2>the lining of the colon, I'm not a scientist. I

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<v Speaker 2>think started to do something. We were like, oh, we

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<v Speaker 2>have to leave, and so we left, went home and

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<v Speaker 2>we ordered I think Jack in the Box, which is

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<v Speaker 2>my first time having Jack in the Box. All this

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<v Speaker 2>to say it is important to push out your low

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<v Speaker 2>and find the way to push it out. The way

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<v Speaker 2>I like to push it out now is because I

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<v Speaker 2>feel like I can keep it in for like an

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<v Speaker 2>hour or so, but then I really do want to

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<v Speaker 2>get it out if I can get out immediately, especially

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<v Speaker 2>if I fuck before I go out, and then I'm

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<v Speaker 2>gonna fox some more. Just go to the bathroom, sit

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<v Speaker 2>down and push. Same way I got that butt plug out,

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<v Speaker 2>which I don't know if I've told you that story

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<v Speaker 2>but not today, but you know, when the butt plug

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<v Speaker 2>got lost inside me, I had to sit on the

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<v Speaker 2>toilet and push. Okay, so sit on the toilet push

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<v Speaker 2>or use the finger technique or have a partner suck out.

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<v Speaker 2>Either way works. By the way, Welcome to the show.

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<v Speaker 2>This is tell me something messy. I'm your host, Brandon

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<v Speaker 2>Kyle Goodman. Some people call me messy mom, but you

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<v Speaker 2>can call me the pussy plumber. Okay, boom march done. Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>let's get the show started.

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<v Speaker 1>Baby.

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<v Speaker 2>You know what that means. It's time for I guess Now,

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<v Speaker 2>while they get situated, we'll get our messy key key

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<v Speaker 2>started with a hoe manifest stove repeat after me aloud

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<v Speaker 2>or in your head. Grant me the serenity to unpact

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<v Speaker 2>my shame, the courage to heal, the wisdom to know

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<v Speaker 2>that sex is not just about penetration, the audacity to

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<v Speaker 2>advocate for my pleasure and boundaries. The strength to not

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<v Speaker 2>call my ex that fuck boyfuck girl, or fuck lay,

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<v Speaker 2>for it is better to masturbate by myself in peace

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<v Speaker 2>than to let someone play in my motherfucking face. Let

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<v Speaker 2>the community say oh lelujah. Now, before I introduce our guests,

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<v Speaker 2>I just want to give you a heads up. There's

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<v Speaker 2>a little bit of some audio glitchy things, but the

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<v Speaker 2>conversation is so incredible. It is worth it to navigate

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<v Speaker 2>some of the glitchings. Honey, we're messy. We're messy here, Okay. Now,

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<v Speaker 2>I am so excited to have Zachary Zaane on the show. Now,

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<v Speaker 2>let me give you a little bio. We like to

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<v Speaker 2>we like to let the people know who is here. So.

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<v Speaker 2>Zachary Zane is a columnist and author whose work focuses

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<v Speaker 2>on sexuality, culture, and the LGBTQ community. He is the

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<v Speaker 2>author of boy Slut, a memoir and manifesto which I

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<v Speaker 2>highly recommend, and co author of Men's Health Best Sex Ever.

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<v Speaker 2>He writes sexplain It, the sex and relationship advice column

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<v Speaker 2>at Men's Health, and Navigating non Monogamy, the polyamorous relationship

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<v Speaker 2>column at Cosmopolitan. Bitch you are writing Okay. He is

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<v Speaker 2>editor in chief at The Boycelet Zine, which publishes non

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<v Speaker 2>fiction erotica from Kinkster's across the globe. His work has

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<v Speaker 2>been featured in New York Times, Rolling Stone, Washington Post,

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<v Speaker 2>play Boy, and more. Y'all please tell me welcome, Zachary.

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<v Speaker 1>Say hi, nach I'm so excited to be here. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>so excited to talk to you. I think it's gonna

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<v Speaker 1>be a lot of fun.

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<v Speaker 2>This is gonna be so much fun. We're gonna do

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<v Speaker 2>a lou breaker, but then I'll gush around you more.

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<v Speaker 2>But you know, Baker, you know what I'm saying. Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>So the game is, would you or rather? Are you

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<v Speaker 2>down to play? Of course? Love it? What if you

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<v Speaker 2>were like, no bench, no thank you, I'm gonna pass.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you?

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<v Speaker 2>Okay? Uh, well everyone knows, how would you rather go?

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<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna give you two options, and you're gonna tell

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<v Speaker 2>me which you would rather. So here we go. Would

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<v Speaker 2>you rather? These are actually from messy patrons and I'm obsessed. Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>So would you rather make out with someone who has

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<v Speaker 2>bad breath? Or get your hole eaten by someone who's

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<v Speaker 2>a little teethy?

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<v Speaker 1>The bad breath is like I really dislike that, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>and and I feel bad and like I my breath

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<v Speaker 1>in the morning.

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<v Speaker 2>Uh.

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<v Speaker 1>My partner describes it as a seagull shitting in my

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<v Speaker 1>mouth because literally literally the meds that I'm on, my

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<v Speaker 1>sleeping meds and anxiety meds, they dry out your mouth.

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<v Speaker 1>So in the morning it is like I like, I

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<v Speaker 1>go to give them a kiss, and lately they're just

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<v Speaker 1>like they're like I love your stick. I'm like it's

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<v Speaker 1>so bad, so I feel bad for them. I feel

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<v Speaker 1>bad for me again, How did that come up?

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<v Speaker 2>How did your partner what? Like what was the context?

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<v Speaker 2>Were you like, let me kiss you early? More like

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<v Speaker 2>your your bread smells like a seagull shitting.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean I I can taste it. It's that bad.

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<v Speaker 1>So I knew this, so it wasn't like, oh, this

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<v Speaker 1>is news to me.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, everyone has morning bread like.

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<v Speaker 1>Like disgusting, like like really disgusting, and I'm like, I'll

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<v Speaker 1>go brush my teeth and they're like, no, it's fine,

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<v Speaker 1>it's fine, honey. I love you. I'm like, that's really sweet.

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<v Speaker 2>I love you.

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<v Speaker 1>But again, I'm trying to think, how do you even

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<v Speaker 1>get teeth into a butthole?

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<v Speaker 2>Like like that would be feel like it's like your

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<v Speaker 2>your your I on the whole in your you're like

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<v Speaker 2>as you're eating it, you're also like dragging your teeth

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<v Speaker 2>on it, or you're biting the hole a little bit,

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<v Speaker 2>a little bit teethy. It's not full teeth.

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<v Speaker 1>I would say teeth y because I'd feel more comfortable

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<v Speaker 1>telling someone like, hey, watch the teeth, as opposed to

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<v Speaker 1>being like, oh, your breath is bad, which is I

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<v Speaker 1>feel like a more personal attack, so like like your

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<v Speaker 1>brother's bad, like no, gross, don't kiss me, as opposed

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<v Speaker 1>to like I've gotten head. That's a little bit teeth.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, hey, careful of the teeth. And you say that,

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<v Speaker 1>and that's not something that's like insulting the same way

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<v Speaker 1>and that like breath is insulting. So I'd go with

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<v Speaker 1>Who knows, I might like a little teeth on the

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<v Speaker 1>booty hole.

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<v Speaker 2>I might actually enjoy it.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know, but yeah, I'd go with that one

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<v Speaker 1>just because I'd feel more comfortable saying something.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm also making out is like my is my biggest

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<v Speaker 2>turn on or one of my biggest turn ons, So

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<v Speaker 2>I too would choose the teeth because you're right, maybe

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<v Speaker 2>I would, Like I did just learn from somebody I

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<v Speaker 2>was hanging out with a little while ago, and they

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<v Speaker 2>love and they didn't say teeth on the whole, but

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<v Speaker 2>they love like biting, like they have a biting k kink,

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<v Speaker 2>and so.

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<v Speaker 1>So many people knew.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, they taught me. I didn't know how to do

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<v Speaker 2>that properly, so they taught me how to to bite

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<v Speaker 2>them and like how to graize their arm with my

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<v Speaker 2>teeth and it was very they were enjoying it. It

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<v Speaker 2>was hot to me. I don't. I haven't had it

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<v Speaker 2>done to me, so I don't. I can't. Jury's out,

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<v Speaker 2>but my partner.

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<v Speaker 1>Is very bity. Just for if that's the word. I

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<v Speaker 1>feel like you can see I got like hickey's still

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<v Speaker 1>on me, and I kind of love getting hickeys. I

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<v Speaker 1>feel like I haven't had one since I was like seventeen,

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<v Speaker 1>and then to like get it again, I'm like, this

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<v Speaker 1>is cute and it's got a little reminder that they're there.

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<v Speaker 1>I obviously work in a profession where like, if I

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<v Speaker 1>come in with a hickey, it's exploded of me. No

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<v Speaker 1>one cares, so, like I don't have to worry about that.

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<v Speaker 1>But it's something that I've kind of been cute. See.

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<v Speaker 1>It makes me feel young in a fun way. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>you love that.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay. This one is would you rather get fingered by

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<v Speaker 2>someone who has long nails or have intercourse with someone

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<v Speaker 2>who sweats like they're in the steam room?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh definitely the sweat. No, the long nail. That fucking hurts.

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<v Speaker 1>That that is like, that is a painful thing. You

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<v Speaker 1>scratched the inside of your ass, like you're gonna get

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<v Speaker 1>a fisher, like you can bleed that shit is I've

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<v Speaker 1>had that happen. That is not fun. Sweat is hot,

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<v Speaker 1>like sweat like like sweat, I mean literally, but like

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<v Speaker 1>that's if you're into it and you're both sweating and

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<v Speaker 1>like that can be like a really sensual thing. I

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<v Speaker 1>have some partners or people I know who are just like, hey,

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<v Speaker 1>I sweat profusely during sex. I have like a I

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<v Speaker 1>have like a squirt sheet, like a like a what

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<v Speaker 1>do you mean a sports sheet? So like it's like

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<v Speaker 1>this latex sheet like a fitted bed sheet that I

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<v Speaker 1>put on and it's for like messy play, messy play

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<v Speaker 1>for you got to sponsor them. You gotta start to

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<v Speaker 1>them immediately. Partnership needs to happen.

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<v Speaker 2>It's smirch sportsheets. Messheets. Okay, so it's four, but like

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<v Speaker 2>is it clean up easy?

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<v Speaker 1>Like what what do you exactly? You know? So it

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<v Speaker 1>cleans up super easy. You just have to wipe it

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<v Speaker 1>down with like a washcloth. But like for people who

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<v Speaker 1>are doing like fisting with a ton of like j

0:10:46.880 --> 0:10:49.760
<v Speaker 1>loop that viscous thing loob. For people who do piss play,

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<v Speaker 1>vomit play or just score a ship ton. That's what

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<v Speaker 1>this is for.

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<v Speaker 2>From you, from you have to talk about this, but continue.

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<v Speaker 1>It's and it's so easy just put I put it

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<v Speaker 1>like literally on top of my regular sheet, so I

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<v Speaker 1>can just take that off afterwards, wipe it down, be

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<v Speaker 1>good to go. And I have people who just swept profusely.

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<v Speaker 1>It's like I don't want to do my sheets after

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<v Speaker 1>like every time.

0:11:11.320 --> 0:11:12.920
<v Speaker 2>Like and even if you're just.

0:11:12.840 --> 0:11:14.640
<v Speaker 1>Having anal sex and you just use a shit ton

0:11:14.679 --> 0:11:16.120
<v Speaker 1>of lube, you don't want to fucking wipe it on

0:11:16.160 --> 0:11:18.640
<v Speaker 1>your pillow sheets. Or I've had literally top just wipe

0:11:18.679 --> 0:11:20.760
<v Speaker 1>the lube on my ass and I'm like, okay, come on, guys,

0:11:21.640 --> 0:11:23.680
<v Speaker 1>like I like, wipe it on my thigh. I'm like,

0:11:23.760 --> 0:11:26.719
<v Speaker 1>fuck you, dude, like you like you fucking serious right now.

0:11:27.520 --> 0:11:29.040
<v Speaker 1>Like but just like even when you're using a shit

0:11:29.080 --> 0:11:32.400
<v Speaker 1>ton of lube, a silicon lube in particular, fucking fox

0:11:32.440 --> 0:11:34.000
<v Speaker 1>with the sheets and say it like, it's it's a

0:11:34.080 --> 0:11:34.760
<v Speaker 1>lot easier.

0:11:35.040 --> 0:11:38.640
<v Speaker 2>Zach I had this. I bought this, uh do they

0:11:38.840 --> 0:11:43.520
<v Speaker 2>cover from uh A one of these fancy Yeah we're

0:11:43.520 --> 0:11:47.400
<v Speaker 2>talking about Dovey cover. So it was fancy and uh

0:11:48.080 --> 0:11:51.240
<v Speaker 2>I ruined it with loop yeah it was. It's like

0:11:51.679 --> 0:11:55.040
<v Speaker 2>ruined it now so now it's the sex sheet. But

0:11:55.120 --> 0:11:58.320
<v Speaker 2>now I'm thinking, okay, I should actually get a legit

0:11:58.480 --> 0:12:02.719
<v Speaker 2>sex sheet. How much yet? And I'm gonna report back, please, patrons,

0:12:02.760 --> 0:12:05.160
<v Speaker 2>and to text You'll be like this was this was

0:12:05.200 --> 0:12:06.960
<v Speaker 2>fire and if it wasn't, I'm gonna let you know

0:12:07.000 --> 0:12:09.200
<v Speaker 2>that too that because I know you want my opinion.

0:12:09.520 --> 0:12:16.080
<v Speaker 2>Please listen, baby, you won the game. Yeah, you won.

0:12:17.640 --> 0:12:21.160
<v Speaker 2>You win my unconditional love, which is what everyone is

0:12:21.200 --> 0:12:25.720
<v Speaker 2>buying for a clear messy Patrons, if you have any

0:12:25.760 --> 0:12:27.920
<v Speaker 2>prompts or other games that you want to play, just

0:12:27.960 --> 0:12:32.600
<v Speaker 2>email that to tell me something messy at gmail dot com. Now,

0:12:33.000 --> 0:12:38.400
<v Speaker 2>speaking of messy, Zach, will you tell me something messy?

0:12:38.800 --> 0:12:41.160
<v Speaker 1>Sure? So I was thinking about this and I was thinking, like,

0:12:41.200 --> 0:12:43.520
<v Speaker 1>do I want to do something that's like literally messy

0:12:43.720 --> 0:12:46.200
<v Speaker 1>or figuratively messy? And I think I found one that

0:12:46.320 --> 0:12:47.800
<v Speaker 1>kind of combines a little bit of both.

0:12:47.960 --> 0:12:50.200
<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, I knew I see when I when

0:12:50.320 --> 0:12:51.720
<v Speaker 2>I when you were coming on the show. By the way,

0:12:52.080 --> 0:12:54.360
<v Speaker 2>I had asked people like who guess should be and

0:12:54.360 --> 0:12:56.160
<v Speaker 2>your name came up quite a number of times. I

0:12:56.200 --> 0:12:57.560
<v Speaker 2>was like, of course, already doing it.

0:12:57.480 --> 0:12:59.640
<v Speaker 1>Don't I feel honored.

0:12:59.760 --> 0:13:01.600
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I was like, oh my girl, it's gonna come

0:13:01.640 --> 0:13:09.640
<v Speaker 2>with the mess, So go ahead, baby.

0:13:10.120 --> 0:13:14.000
<v Speaker 1>So I was at a Fullsome East. Okay, so like

0:13:14.000 --> 0:13:16.720
<v Speaker 1>like so fulsome fears like in San Francisco and that

0:13:16.840 --> 0:13:19.160
<v Speaker 1>people have sex on the street. There are piss pools.

0:13:19.200 --> 0:13:21.720
<v Speaker 1>You're allowed to kind of do that the fulsome East.

0:13:22.080 --> 0:13:26.040
<v Speaker 2>It's regulated, by the way, and maybe next year I really.

0:13:25.800 --> 0:13:29.360
<v Speaker 1>Do want to go fullsome East. You can't like have nudity,

0:13:29.480 --> 0:13:31.400
<v Speaker 1>you can you don't have the piss pools. You can't fuck.

0:13:31.440 --> 0:13:33.720
<v Speaker 1>And again that's like people are being like that's so lame,

0:13:33.920 --> 0:13:35.680
<v Speaker 1>and I'm like, it's literally the city of New York,

0:13:35.840 --> 0:13:38.800
<v Speaker 1>Like yeah, it's like it's in the City of New York.

0:13:38.800 --> 0:13:41.240
<v Speaker 1>It's on the street. And so I'm so my girlfriend

0:13:41.280 --> 0:13:45.640
<v Speaker 1>is a pro dom and she's like by uh usually

0:13:45.720 --> 0:13:48.319
<v Speaker 1>dates women. I often date men. And then obviously I'm

0:13:48.320 --> 0:13:52.040
<v Speaker 1>by two and I'm meeting her friends for the first time.

0:13:52.520 --> 0:13:56.440
<v Speaker 1>So her friends are all like bisexual or lesbian domes

0:13:56.800 --> 0:13:58.920
<v Speaker 1>as well pro doms as well, and.

0:13:58.880 --> 0:14:01.320
<v Speaker 2>So they're all fucking of doms, a.

0:14:01.200 --> 0:14:04.920
<v Speaker 1>Gaggle of what would be like the word forget, like

0:14:05.040 --> 0:14:07.720
<v Speaker 1>a a.

0:14:07.040 --> 0:14:11.880
<v Speaker 4>Fury of doms a like, yeah, there's got to be

0:14:11.920 --> 0:14:14.720
<v Speaker 4>like a good word for it, but a h anyway,

0:14:14.760 --> 0:14:18.880
<v Speaker 4>But like, so I'm meeting my partners like friends for

0:14:18.920 --> 0:14:21.480
<v Speaker 4>the first time, yes, meeting them in this context.

0:14:21.800 --> 0:14:24.600
<v Speaker 1>They're all gorgeous. They're all like, don't fuck around because

0:14:24.600 --> 0:14:26.760
<v Speaker 1>they're doms, and they have very good boundaries and they're

0:14:26.880 --> 0:14:32.000
<v Speaker 1>slightly intimidating. And so we're there and towards the end,

0:14:32.240 --> 0:14:34.280
<v Speaker 1>you know, we've been drinking, we have to pee. And

0:14:34.400 --> 0:14:36.360
<v Speaker 1>for a place that didn't want it was trying to

0:14:36.400 --> 0:14:39.880
<v Speaker 1>discourage public urination play, there really wasn't that many bathrooms

0:14:40.000 --> 0:14:42.560
<v Speaker 1>to use. So it's at the end and what they

0:14:42.640 --> 0:14:45.040
<v Speaker 1>end up doing because they all are into piss play.

0:14:45.280 --> 0:14:47.480
<v Speaker 1>They're all fucking into piss play, like obsessed with that.

0:14:48.040 --> 0:14:50.320
<v Speaker 2>So a gaggle of doms who are all into piss play.

0:14:50.480 --> 0:14:55.520
<v Speaker 1>Yes, So one of them lays over like the subway

0:14:55.640 --> 0:14:58.480
<v Speaker 1>grates or like the drain whatever that is. And again,

0:14:58.640 --> 0:15:00.560
<v Speaker 1>you are not supposed to be doing this. Where are

0:15:00.600 --> 0:15:03.040
<v Speaker 1>we but we are in So we're just really on

0:15:03.120 --> 0:15:06.200
<v Speaker 1>the street of like New York I think it's in

0:15:06.360 --> 0:15:10.040
<v Speaker 1>like the West, like around Hell's Kitchen region, I think

0:15:10.040 --> 0:15:13.840
<v Speaker 1>it was. And you're on the street. So one of

0:15:13.880 --> 0:15:17.560
<v Speaker 1>them lays down on the grate or I don't know,

0:15:17.560 --> 0:15:19.240
<v Speaker 1>have great the right word on that whatever that thing is,

0:15:19.640 --> 0:15:23.240
<v Speaker 1>and they're like they all just start like pissing on her.

0:15:23.880 --> 0:15:25.800
<v Speaker 1>I like, and again, you are not supposed to be

0:15:25.800 --> 0:15:30.480
<v Speaker 1>doing this, And the joy on their faces, they are ecstatic,

0:15:30.560 --> 0:15:33.840
<v Speaker 1>they are so happy, all of them just like elevated,

0:15:33.960 --> 0:15:36.560
<v Speaker 1>as like these three women are pissing on them. And

0:15:36.560 --> 0:15:38.640
<v Speaker 1>and Eve, my partner was like, Zach you to P two,

0:15:38.960 --> 0:15:41.680
<v Speaker 1>like you can peel. Is this a nighttime No, this

0:15:41.760 --> 0:15:45.440
<v Speaker 1>is like maybe like five PM like like and people

0:15:45.480 --> 0:15:49.040
<v Speaker 1>are definitely like watching us do this. And I'm like

0:15:49.720 --> 0:15:51.520
<v Speaker 1>he was like, oh, like, Zach you' to P two

0:15:51.600 --> 0:15:52.920
<v Speaker 1>And I'm like, well, I was like, hey, do you

0:15:52.920 --> 0:15:55.720
<v Speaker 1>feel comfortable and she was like yeah, Sack, I love

0:15:55.760 --> 0:15:58.400
<v Speaker 1>you to do this. So I whip out my dick

0:15:58.640 --> 0:16:01.040
<v Speaker 1>and of course I now have like four beautiful women

0:16:01.160 --> 0:16:03.320
<v Speaker 1>staring at it. I get pa, Shai, I can't fucking

0:16:03.320 --> 0:16:05.480
<v Speaker 1>pee for the life of me, and you can tell.

0:16:05.520 --> 0:16:07.880
<v Speaker 1>And one of them just like essentially starts domming me

0:16:08.000 --> 0:16:10.440
<v Speaker 1>to pee, and I'm so fucking nervous.

0:16:10.080 --> 0:16:13.320
<v Speaker 2>And I'm like trying to look like because I'm also so,

0:16:13.360 --> 0:16:13.920
<v Speaker 2>what is it done?

0:16:14.520 --> 0:16:17.120
<v Speaker 1>It would just be like, Zach, you have to fucking pee.

0:16:17.160 --> 0:16:19.760
<v Speaker 1>If not, you're not a real man, like a masculating man.

0:16:19.880 --> 0:16:23.040
<v Speaker 1>Oh I am like, and I'm like, oh my god.

0:16:23.120 --> 0:16:24.520
<v Speaker 1>And Eve was like, you can do this, you can

0:16:24.560 --> 0:16:27.040
<v Speaker 1>do this. I get like a little bit of pee out,

0:16:27.200 --> 0:16:30.840
<v Speaker 1>like just enough that I was accepted by the friend group.

0:16:30.880 --> 0:16:33.280
<v Speaker 1>I'm not emasculated.

0:16:33.480 --> 0:16:33.880
<v Speaker 2>Uh huh.

0:16:34.640 --> 0:16:38.160
<v Speaker 1>And I that was I feel like my initiation process.

0:16:38.200 --> 0:16:39.840
<v Speaker 1>And since then her friends have liked me.

0:16:40.120 --> 0:16:41.520
<v Speaker 2>So uh.

0:16:42.200 --> 0:16:44.400
<v Speaker 1>I always find it funny because like I date, when

0:16:44.440 --> 0:16:47.520
<v Speaker 1>I date women, I haven't dated a straight woman in

0:16:47.680 --> 0:16:49.920
<v Speaker 1>years since I've come out as by Actually I'm not him.

0:16:49.920 --> 0:16:54.720
<v Speaker 1>That was in twenty fifteen Public life. Yeah, and it's

0:16:54.760 --> 0:16:57.560
<v Speaker 1>in part because straight women won't date me, right that

0:16:57.560 --> 0:16:59.400
<v Speaker 1>that's not what it is. But I date like by women,

0:17:00.000 --> 0:17:03.320
<v Speaker 1>And it's always funny because, like I think gay men

0:17:03.480 --> 0:17:05.840
<v Speaker 1>often think of ourselves as being very kinky, and and

0:17:05.880 --> 0:17:07.880
<v Speaker 1>in many ways we are. We were getting fisted, we're

0:17:07.920 --> 0:17:10.399
<v Speaker 1>eating ass, we're doing piss. We'll like yeah, but we

0:17:10.440 --> 0:17:12.800
<v Speaker 1>do like a lot of like anonymity and like sex

0:17:12.880 --> 0:17:16.480
<v Speaker 1>parties and that type of stuff versus like lesbians the

0:17:16.560 --> 0:17:20.000
<v Speaker 1>kinky lesbians or by women that I know. It's like, oh,

0:17:20.040 --> 0:17:22.440
<v Speaker 1>we do blood play and put needles in each other,

0:17:22.600 --> 0:17:24.920
<v Speaker 1>like like it is a much more play.

0:17:24.960 --> 0:17:27.240
<v Speaker 2>And what needle? What kind of need what's in the needle.

0:17:27.560 --> 0:17:30.359
<v Speaker 1>It's no, nothing's in the needle. But it's just about

0:17:30.600 --> 0:17:32.639
<v Speaker 1>you have like a piercing fetish. Do you kind of

0:17:32.800 --> 0:17:36.280
<v Speaker 1>you can put it through the skin I've seen like

0:17:37.720 --> 0:17:39.240
<v Speaker 1>or you can pierce the skin the way that will

0:17:39.240 --> 0:17:41.199
<v Speaker 1>bleed and then they put like a cup on it,

0:17:41.280 --> 0:17:43.680
<v Speaker 1>like the cupping devices that you do on acupuncture, which

0:17:43.720 --> 0:17:45.640
<v Speaker 1>like brings and draws out the blood.

0:17:46.240 --> 0:17:47.160
<v Speaker 2>What do you do with the blood?

0:17:47.200 --> 0:17:48.560
<v Speaker 1>Whatever the fuck you want to do that? You could

0:17:48.600 --> 0:17:50.360
<v Speaker 1>fuck with it? You put it in vials and wear

0:17:50.400 --> 0:17:51.560
<v Speaker 1>it around each other's necks.

0:17:52.960 --> 0:17:53.359
<v Speaker 2>I got it.

0:17:53.359 --> 0:17:55.160
<v Speaker 1>I'm not a by woman, I'm not lesbian. You got

0:17:55.160 --> 0:17:58.359
<v Speaker 1>to ask that, Brandon, you wantau it's or maybe this

0:17:58.440 --> 0:18:00.560
<v Speaker 1>is just the women that I know. Obviously I'm not

0:18:00.600 --> 0:18:01.840
<v Speaker 1>trying to stereotype of groups.

0:18:02.040 --> 0:18:04.560
<v Speaker 2>But but like, but this exists, this type of play exists,

0:18:04.600 --> 0:18:06.720
<v Speaker 2>and so making notes we need to have we need

0:18:06.760 --> 0:18:09.320
<v Speaker 2>we need to have a separate deeper dive episode. Okay,

0:18:09.320 --> 0:18:10.399
<v Speaker 2>go ahead, there's a.

0:18:10.720 --> 0:18:12.720
<v Speaker 1>I feel like in most cities, I've heard of a

0:18:12.840 --> 0:18:15.920
<v Speaker 1>vampire dyke party and this is like like a common one,

0:18:15.960 --> 0:18:19.000
<v Speaker 1>and that's one that is more blood play and needle

0:18:19.040 --> 0:18:22.880
<v Speaker 1>play focus, and I feel like that exists in most

0:18:23.200 --> 0:18:27.720
<v Speaker 1>major cities. But it's just so funny because you know,

0:18:27.920 --> 0:18:31.159
<v Speaker 1>before dating my partner, like I thought like, oh, I'm kinky,

0:18:31.280 --> 0:18:35.520
<v Speaker 1>like I do some crazy shit, and it's it's a

0:18:35.640 --> 0:18:38.479
<v Speaker 1>really different type of kinky than she is. And obviously

0:18:38.520 --> 0:18:39.760
<v Speaker 1>we'll be meet in the middle of but we have it.

0:18:39.840 --> 0:18:42.760
<v Speaker 1>But like she will say things that you should have

0:18:42.800 --> 0:18:45.560
<v Speaker 1>her on the show. But there's one story that I'm

0:18:45.560 --> 0:18:47.760
<v Speaker 1>just trying to say and that I'm done. One of

0:18:47.800 --> 0:18:51.000
<v Speaker 1>her favorite clients could not have meat and he's never

0:18:51.040 --> 0:18:54.520
<v Speaker 1>had meat before. So what he wanted was she jerked

0:18:54.560 --> 0:18:58.560
<v Speaker 1>him off with brashuto and he, I'm like, came immediately

0:18:58.600 --> 0:19:00.600
<v Speaker 1>came in the burshudo and then he and that was

0:19:00.640 --> 0:19:02.600
<v Speaker 1>the first time he ever had like meat.

0:19:03.600 --> 0:19:05.399
<v Speaker 2>Sorry, sorry, I forgot this is a this is an

0:19:05.480 --> 0:19:10.040
<v Speaker 2>audio meeting my jaw, like.

0:19:10.119 --> 0:19:14.679
<v Speaker 1>The creativity of doms. I don't think like people like

0:19:15.400 --> 0:19:17.679
<v Speaker 1>the story she says, and it's like, fuck, I'm a

0:19:17.720 --> 0:19:21.920
<v Speaker 1>sex columnist. I hear people. I've received hundreds of messages

0:19:21.960 --> 0:19:24.520
<v Speaker 1>from people sharing their sex stories whatever it is. I

0:19:24.600 --> 0:19:26.919
<v Speaker 1>read books on this. I am educated in this, Like

0:19:26.960 --> 0:19:29.200
<v Speaker 1>this is what I do. I'm not like this guy

0:19:29.280 --> 0:19:32.080
<v Speaker 1>doesn't know his fucking shit. And I'm like and she'll

0:19:32.119 --> 0:19:36.560
<v Speaker 1>say the stuff and I'm like, Holy mother of God,

0:19:37.040 --> 0:19:40.600
<v Speaker 1>like I just created. There's so much to sex that like,

0:19:40.920 --> 0:19:43.120
<v Speaker 1>even as someone who's a quote unquote expert, I hate

0:19:43.119 --> 0:19:44.919
<v Speaker 1>that word. I like saying I'm a columnist and that

0:19:45.000 --> 0:19:46.359
<v Speaker 1>is what I do. I'm a writer first, you know

0:19:46.440 --> 0:19:49.200
<v Speaker 1>what I mean. But like there's still I mean, I

0:19:49.240 --> 0:19:54.080
<v Speaker 1>read your book, you know, I know some stuff. I

0:19:54.080 --> 0:19:56.800
<v Speaker 1>know some stuff. But yeah, the if you want to

0:19:56.880 --> 0:20:02.000
<v Speaker 1>fucking messy, messy ass episode, come on.

0:20:02.040 --> 0:20:03.440
<v Speaker 2>Wait, I have so many.

0:20:04.880 --> 0:20:06.920
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, any questions, concerns.

0:20:07.960 --> 0:20:10.879
<v Speaker 2>I'm still on the subway, great, just a little bit,

0:20:10.960 --> 0:20:13.480
<v Speaker 2>just a little bit. I just want to know after I.

0:20:15.119 --> 0:20:17.439
<v Speaker 1>Does the actually go down into the subway on.

0:20:21.840 --> 0:20:24.080
<v Speaker 2>Like are you peeing on people below? And my other

0:20:24.160 --> 0:20:27.320
<v Speaker 2>question is, well afterwards does the person who got peed

0:20:27.400 --> 0:20:29.320
<v Speaker 2>on are y'all going home?

0:20:32.000 --> 0:20:35.240
<v Speaker 1>Shockingly, I was like, hey, I have a spare shirt, oh,

0:20:35.560 --> 0:20:38.000
<v Speaker 1>like if you want one because or whatever.

0:20:37.760 --> 0:20:39.720
<v Speaker 2>It was kind to have some water on you too.

0:20:39.800 --> 0:20:44.199
<v Speaker 1>No, everyone was she did not smell. She was well

0:20:44.520 --> 0:20:46.639
<v Speaker 1>like I think we were all just very hydrate. Well, no,

0:20:46.680 --> 0:20:48.280
<v Speaker 1>we were tricky like beer. I don't know how, but

0:20:48.320 --> 0:20:50.720
<v Speaker 1>for whatever the reason, she like afterwards, she put on

0:20:50.720 --> 0:20:52.800
<v Speaker 1>my shirt and we went out dancing at a club.

0:20:53.359 --> 0:20:56.240
<v Speaker 2>That's because it's the gaggle of lesbian dogs. Oh that's

0:20:56.240 --> 0:20:59.040
<v Speaker 2>not the magic, the magic well heaven of don.

0:20:59.240 --> 0:21:01.320
<v Speaker 1>Com of dosh.

0:21:01.400 --> 0:21:07.720
<v Speaker 2>Okay, I love that thing. You. I forgot what we're doing, messy.

0:21:08.080 --> 0:21:12.520
<v Speaker 2>There have so many questions, right, great, let's move into

0:21:13.400 --> 0:21:16.720
<v Speaker 2>so Mike actually, so I'll actually make it about sex

0:21:16.800 --> 0:21:19.160
<v Speaker 2>in general and how expansive it is. I think what's

0:21:19.280 --> 0:21:22.120
<v Speaker 2>so exciting about talking to you and about these stories

0:21:22.640 --> 0:21:26.119
<v Speaker 2>is realizing that there are just so many experiences that

0:21:26.160 --> 0:21:29.600
<v Speaker 2>I haven't had or like even dared to dream of.

0:21:29.840 --> 0:21:32.439
<v Speaker 2>Because my thing here with with this show is that

0:21:32.520 --> 0:21:35.640
<v Speaker 2>I'm also learning along with anything else. But it's like, oh,

0:21:35.720 --> 0:21:38.480
<v Speaker 2>I thought that, like that was pushing my boundary, but

0:21:38.520 --> 0:21:40.720
<v Speaker 2>then you're telling me, no, we're laying on a grate

0:21:40.840 --> 0:21:44.800
<v Speaker 2>and having somebody on my at five pm, and like, oh, okay,

0:21:44.880 --> 0:21:46.840
<v Speaker 2>I didn't even think about that.

0:21:48.400 --> 0:21:52.000
<v Speaker 1>You can't even and like, what's funny is even I

0:21:52.000 --> 0:21:54.320
<v Speaker 1>have pretty boring sex, like like you know what I mean,

0:21:54.320 --> 0:21:56.440
<v Speaker 1>Like we enjoy it obviously, but I guess maybe boring

0:21:56.520 --> 0:21:58.639
<v Speaker 1>is not the right word. But it's it's vanilla.

0:21:58.560 --> 0:21:59.800
<v Speaker 2>Vanilla Okay, Oh I got it.

0:22:00.720 --> 0:22:02.879
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's viennilla where it's just like we say I

0:22:02.920 --> 0:22:05.760
<v Speaker 1>love you and like missionary or doggie, you know what

0:22:05.840 --> 0:22:08.760
<v Speaker 1>I mean, and everyone's just like romantic. How does the

0:22:08.760 --> 0:22:10.600
<v Speaker 1>man that calls himself the boy slut and a pro

0:22:10.720 --> 0:22:13.560
<v Speaker 1>dom that. I'm like, it's because we're lazy and tired,

0:22:13.640 --> 0:22:14.719
<v Speaker 1>and that is the truth of it.

0:22:14.760 --> 0:22:17.800
<v Speaker 2>And it is multitude, so it's in multitudes.

0:22:17.960 --> 0:22:21.080
<v Speaker 1>But we finally did. And I've never really asked her

0:22:21.119 --> 0:22:23.120
<v Speaker 1>been dating almost a year and hooking up a little

0:22:23.119 --> 0:22:26.000
<v Speaker 1>bit longer, and like I never really asked her to

0:22:26.119 --> 0:22:28.600
<v Speaker 1>dom me because I'm like, hey, this is this is

0:22:28.640 --> 0:22:30.160
<v Speaker 1>your job, you know what I mean, And you don't

0:22:30.160 --> 0:22:31.440
<v Speaker 1>want to come home from work and do this, And

0:22:31.480 --> 0:22:33.399
<v Speaker 1>imagining if I wrote for ten hours a day and

0:22:33.440 --> 0:22:34.720
<v Speaker 1>he was like, hey, do you want to write more,

0:22:34.720 --> 0:22:39.040
<v Speaker 1>I'd be like no, fuck you, like like absolutely good. Yeah,

0:22:39.320 --> 0:22:42.120
<v Speaker 1>And I also like and this was maybe my own insecurity.

0:22:42.160 --> 0:22:44.760
<v Speaker 1>I was a little bit afraid of being like a

0:22:44.800 --> 0:22:47.640
<v Speaker 1>client to hers, you know what, I wanted to be special.

0:22:47.680 --> 0:22:50.720
<v Speaker 1>I'm her boyfriend, I'm her partner. She loves me, and

0:22:50.880 --> 0:22:54.640
<v Speaker 1>I didn't want her necessarily in this head space of

0:22:54.680 --> 0:22:56.040
<v Speaker 1>this is what I do with clients, and now I'm

0:22:56.040 --> 0:22:58.399
<v Speaker 1>doing this my boyfriend and being on par and I

0:22:58.480 --> 0:23:00.520
<v Speaker 1>voice this concern and she was like, Zack, I've done

0:23:00.520 --> 0:23:03.320
<v Speaker 1>this with past romantic partners, and like, it is different.

0:23:03.720 --> 0:23:05.840
<v Speaker 1>Trust me, it's a different mindset when I really do

0:23:05.920 --> 0:23:08.639
<v Speaker 1>love someone, and it's not gonna be a typical session

0:23:08.680 --> 0:23:10.520
<v Speaker 1>what I do with you. But we just did our

0:23:10.560 --> 0:23:12.280
<v Speaker 1>first like we you know, we got a room in

0:23:12.280 --> 0:23:14.320
<v Speaker 1>her dungeon. We rented it out, and we did our

0:23:14.359 --> 0:23:19.520
<v Speaker 1>first scene like this, which the climax of it, without

0:23:19.560 --> 0:23:21.679
<v Speaker 1>getting too much into it, was I had a butt plug,

0:23:22.040 --> 0:23:24.480
<v Speaker 1>a vibrating but or anal beads inside of me, and

0:23:24.520 --> 0:23:29.520
<v Speaker 1>she saran wrapped me and completely sarano so I cannot

0:23:29.520 --> 0:23:31.879
<v Speaker 1>move except for my dick. My dick is out. So

0:23:31.920 --> 0:23:34.639
<v Speaker 1>then she edges me while I'm letting it on a

0:23:34.640 --> 0:23:36.760
<v Speaker 1>massage table. And every time you're about to come, she

0:23:36.880 --> 0:23:38.520
<v Speaker 1>you know, she can feel it. And she stops, but

0:23:38.600 --> 0:23:41.600
<v Speaker 1>she has a she uses like the wand on your

0:23:41.600 --> 0:23:44.399
<v Speaker 1>friendulum or like the base of your dick, and is

0:23:44.480 --> 0:23:46.359
<v Speaker 1>jerking you off, and right as you're about to come,

0:23:47.240 --> 0:23:51.119
<v Speaker 1>uh yeah, she'll stop. And I wanted to like this

0:23:51.160 --> 0:23:53.399
<v Speaker 1>is something we'd like talked about. It was super hot.

0:23:53.760 --> 0:23:58.960
<v Speaker 1>I was brandon. I was so fucking nervous, like in

0:23:59.000 --> 0:24:01.639
<v Speaker 1>a way that I was not expecting. And it's like

0:24:01.720 --> 0:24:03.480
<v Speaker 1>it's like, Eve, of course I trust you, I love you,

0:24:03.560 --> 0:24:06.840
<v Speaker 1>but like I went in, I didn't know like I was,

0:24:06.880 --> 0:24:09.679
<v Speaker 1>and like she like literally at one point laid on

0:24:09.720 --> 0:24:11.919
<v Speaker 1>top of me and was like zack box breathing in

0:24:12.000 --> 0:24:14.200
<v Speaker 1>for fours for four out for four. When she lays

0:24:14.200 --> 0:24:16.119
<v Speaker 1>on top of me, that always calms me down right.

0:24:16.240 --> 0:24:18.720
<v Speaker 1>It's like a way to blanket. But it was such

0:24:18.760 --> 0:24:20.680
<v Speaker 1>a fun thing. But at the end, I thought she

0:24:20.760 --> 0:24:22.760
<v Speaker 1>was gonna make me come, and she's like didn't. I

0:24:22.800 --> 0:24:24.439
<v Speaker 1>was like wait, and I'm begging for her to make

0:24:24.480 --> 0:24:25.919
<v Speaker 1>me come. Like she's like, well, you want to do

0:24:25.920 --> 0:24:27.560
<v Speaker 1>an edging seat. I was like yeah, but I fucking come.

0:24:27.560 --> 0:24:29.480
<v Speaker 1>At the end, that's all the fucking all the fuck.

0:24:30.160 --> 0:24:32.280
<v Speaker 1>And then like literally so we go home, we have dinner,

0:24:32.320 --> 0:24:33.840
<v Speaker 1>we're out in the city, we go home, and the

0:24:33.840 --> 0:24:35.800
<v Speaker 1>moment we get in bed, I'm like, we need to

0:24:35.840 --> 0:24:37.400
<v Speaker 1>have so She's like, yeah, that was the whole point.

0:24:37.400 --> 0:24:40.000
<v Speaker 1>I want you to fucking come and me and not fucking.

0:24:39.920 --> 0:24:42.800
<v Speaker 2>Oh do this that's so romantic. How long does the

0:24:42.880 --> 0:24:44.400
<v Speaker 2>edging seed last? Uh?

0:24:44.440 --> 0:24:46.920
<v Speaker 1>So we were in there for about so the first

0:24:46.960 --> 0:24:48.679
<v Speaker 1>of it's like me taking off her boots and kind

0:24:48.720 --> 0:24:53.040
<v Speaker 1>of worshiping her. The actual like edging portion of it

0:24:53.119 --> 0:24:57.399
<v Speaker 1>is maybe like forty minutes, and like, you know, like

0:24:57.400 --> 0:25:00.560
<v Speaker 1>she also like for me, she was kind of like

0:25:00.880 --> 0:25:02.680
<v Speaker 1>sixty nine ing where I was like eating her ass

0:25:02.680 --> 0:25:05.840
<v Speaker 1>while she was blowing me too, and I can't fucking again,

0:25:05.840 --> 0:25:08.440
<v Speaker 1>I'm wrapped up like a in a cocoon almost.

0:25:09.560 --> 0:25:11.879
<v Speaker 2>It sounds like so romantic to me.

0:25:12.400 --> 0:25:17.400
<v Speaker 1>It was cut romantic again. It was really cute. And

0:25:17.480 --> 0:25:20.040
<v Speaker 1>like I remember, when I got there, we hadn't discussed

0:25:20.080 --> 0:25:21.720
<v Speaker 1>what I call her. I'm like, do I call it?

0:25:21.800 --> 0:25:23.399
<v Speaker 1>She goes my mistress Eve is usually what it is,

0:25:23.440 --> 0:25:25.719
<v Speaker 1>and people call her mistress. I'm like, do I call you?

0:25:25.800 --> 0:25:28.560
<v Speaker 1>And I'm like yes. She says something like take off

0:25:28.600 --> 0:25:31.400
<v Speaker 1>your clothes and neatly put them in the corner. I go, yes,

0:25:31.440 --> 0:25:33.280
<v Speaker 1>and what do I call you? Mistress? And she's no,

0:25:33.359 --> 0:25:36.480
<v Speaker 1>that actually that that's weird for me for her okay,

0:25:36.640 --> 0:25:38.520
<v Speaker 1>because that I maybe would be. I'm like, how about

0:25:38.640 --> 0:25:40.920
<v Speaker 1>Eve and she's like, yes, just call me by my name?

0:25:46.400 --> 0:25:53.080
<v Speaker 2>Okay, Uh, that can I You've already shared so much,

0:25:53.400 --> 0:25:56.399
<v Speaker 2>but I would like you to share her Sure you down?

0:25:56.960 --> 0:26:00.480
<v Speaker 2>Because basically, so I get asked about We've had this

0:26:00.520 --> 0:26:03.119
<v Speaker 2>conversation offline, but I get asked about sex party. So

0:26:03.440 --> 0:26:07.200
<v Speaker 2>here's a submission that somebody sent in that I feel

0:26:07.200 --> 0:26:11.119
<v Speaker 2>like we can talk about together. That sounds cool, perfect, beautiful.

0:26:11.359 --> 0:26:13.960
<v Speaker 2>So this says I'm going to my first sex party

0:26:14.000 --> 0:26:18.639
<v Speaker 2>this weekend. I'm excited but also so nervous. Can I

0:26:18.720 --> 0:26:22.800
<v Speaker 2>please have a sex party? One oh one now? So

0:26:22.960 --> 0:26:24.560
<v Speaker 2>we won't do this? You and me, we wanna do this.

0:26:24.680 --> 0:26:28.440
<v Speaker 2>Mostly it's gonna be you, okay, but but I think

0:26:28.520 --> 0:26:31.760
<v Speaker 2>I'll try and and and start us off. Which is

0:26:31.800 --> 0:26:34.320
<v Speaker 2>what the fuck is a sex party? It seems so obvious,

0:26:34.359 --> 0:26:35.360
<v Speaker 2>but like, what is it?

0:26:35.960 --> 0:26:38.800
<v Speaker 1>Yeah? I guess it's a place where people get together

0:26:38.880 --> 0:26:39.639
<v Speaker 1>and have sex.

0:26:40.560 --> 0:26:41.520
<v Speaker 2>And where does this happen?

0:26:41.720 --> 0:26:44.760
<v Speaker 1>So a lot of them happen at like private clubs. Okay,

0:26:44.800 --> 0:26:46.360
<v Speaker 1>you know what I mean, because that's a way that

0:26:47.320 --> 0:26:49.480
<v Speaker 1>you're you know, you're legally allowed to do this, because

0:26:49.480 --> 0:26:52.440
<v Speaker 1>it is sometimes a little legal gray area. There are

0:26:52.640 --> 0:26:55.840
<v Speaker 1>some some are hosted for gay sex parties specifically. Some

0:26:55.880 --> 0:26:59.320
<v Speaker 1>are hosted like at maybe the basement of a club,

0:26:59.600 --> 0:27:02.240
<v Speaker 1>you know of a gay cruisy club that's kind of

0:27:02.280 --> 0:27:03.800
<v Speaker 1>known for people to hook up in, and they might

0:27:03.880 --> 0:27:06.520
<v Speaker 1>actually throw a more official party there, or you just

0:27:06.600 --> 0:27:08.800
<v Speaker 1>might go and it's not necessarily a party, but people

0:27:08.840 --> 0:27:12.119
<v Speaker 1>are having sex, right But and then also people do it,

0:27:12.200 --> 0:27:13.639
<v Speaker 1>people rent out spaces.

0:27:14.000 --> 0:27:17.719
<v Speaker 2>Okay, now I'll share that I went to my first

0:27:17.800 --> 0:27:20.639
<v Speaker 2>sex party two years ago, I think was my very

0:27:20.680 --> 0:27:24.880
<v Speaker 2>first sex party, and I was what was I feeling?

0:27:24.960 --> 0:27:29.439
<v Speaker 2>I was incredibly excited, also terribly nervous. I went with

0:27:29.480 --> 0:27:32.800
<v Speaker 2>two of my best friends and the biggest advice, which

0:27:32.800 --> 0:27:35.560
<v Speaker 2>I always tell people, was you bring your hoe bag.

0:27:35.840 --> 0:27:38.200
<v Speaker 2>So my best friend was, like, you need to have

0:27:38.359 --> 0:27:41.399
<v Speaker 2>your little crossbody bag that you keep on you that

0:27:41.480 --> 0:27:44.520
<v Speaker 2>as you know, your your wallet and whatever, but also

0:27:44.600 --> 0:27:47.879
<v Speaker 2>like your lube and your your wipes and like whatever

0:27:48.040 --> 0:27:50.280
<v Speaker 2>the things that you need during sex. Like that that

0:27:50.440 --> 0:27:51.840
<v Speaker 2>is something because you check your clothes.

0:27:51.920 --> 0:27:55.720
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you often check your clothes or some you don't,

0:27:55.720 --> 0:27:58.160
<v Speaker 1>but it's like you definitely get to reveal in something

0:27:58.280 --> 0:28:00.720
<v Speaker 1>super sexy that like you're not gonna have pockets or

0:28:00.720 --> 0:28:01.240
<v Speaker 1>whatever it is.

0:28:01.600 --> 0:28:04.160
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, what do you love about sex parties? Like, let's

0:28:04.200 --> 0:28:07.160
<v Speaker 2>I think that, like maybe we can talk about the specifics,

0:28:07.160 --> 0:28:10.360
<v Speaker 2>but to begin the emotional space of like what what

0:28:11.080 --> 0:28:14.760
<v Speaker 2>why a sex party? Why one might one be interested

0:28:14.800 --> 0:28:16.840
<v Speaker 2>in it? And what do you personally like get out

0:28:16.920 --> 0:28:17.800
<v Speaker 2>of a sex party?

0:28:17.840 --> 0:28:19.120
<v Speaker 1>I think there are a lot of things I get

0:28:19.160 --> 0:28:22.359
<v Speaker 1>to have a sex party. Obviously, First, let's like discuss

0:28:22.440 --> 0:28:24.760
<v Speaker 1>kind of the obvious. It's sex. Yeah, you get to

0:28:24.800 --> 0:28:27.560
<v Speaker 1>have you get to have sex with new people. It's

0:28:27.560 --> 0:28:31.040
<v Speaker 1>a space where that is allowed. Having that sexual freedom

0:28:31.160 --> 0:28:34.280
<v Speaker 1>is very cool. Uh, Fucking in front of other people

0:28:34.320 --> 0:28:36.960
<v Speaker 1>is very cool. Watching other people fuck is very cool.

0:28:36.960 --> 0:28:38.520
<v Speaker 1>You know, It's different than the type of sex I

0:28:38.520 --> 0:28:41.840
<v Speaker 1>have in my bedroom. There's also and what people talk

0:28:41.880 --> 0:28:45.360
<v Speaker 1>about is like the sex positive community, so they really

0:28:45.400 --> 0:28:49.000
<v Speaker 1>bring it up in a community context and so often

0:28:49.160 --> 0:28:52.280
<v Speaker 1>not always, but the people who go to sex parties

0:28:52.360 --> 0:28:55.520
<v Speaker 1>are potentially more open minded and you know, maybe on

0:28:55.560 --> 0:28:57.640
<v Speaker 1>the same mission as you brand into working to help

0:28:57.720 --> 0:29:03.000
<v Speaker 1>destigmatize shame and just so meeting other people with similar openness,

0:29:03.000 --> 0:29:06.360
<v Speaker 1>who with similar sex positivity when we live in this

0:29:06.480 --> 0:29:09.120
<v Speaker 1>world that is filled with sexual shame, it's like, oh,

0:29:09.240 --> 0:29:11.880
<v Speaker 1>like I feel like I found my people. Yeah, and

0:29:11.960 --> 0:29:15.320
<v Speaker 1>a lot of the my friends come from like the

0:29:15.480 --> 0:29:17.760
<v Speaker 1>sex again we call it like the sex positive community,

0:29:17.760 --> 0:29:19.720
<v Speaker 1>but people who go to sex parties, that's like what

0:29:19.840 --> 0:29:22.960
<v Speaker 1>it is, So it really is for many the community

0:29:23.000 --> 0:29:26.800
<v Speaker 1>aspect is really interesting. It's a way for me, especially

0:29:27.080 --> 0:29:30.640
<v Speaker 1>like of a sex party actually tomorrow night, speaking of which,

0:29:31.440 --> 0:29:34.200
<v Speaker 1>but it's a way for me, especially when I'm with

0:29:34.240 --> 0:29:37.760
<v Speaker 1>my partner and we start getting more boring or vanilla

0:29:38.000 --> 0:29:41.520
<v Speaker 1>or just like not putting in necessarily the work to

0:29:41.600 --> 0:29:44.360
<v Speaker 1>be you know, good sex takes work, especially with the

0:29:44.360 --> 0:29:47.280
<v Speaker 1>same person over time. A sex party is almost like

0:29:47.320 --> 0:29:49.720
<v Speaker 1>a cheat, at least for me, where just like it's

0:29:49.720 --> 0:29:52.600
<v Speaker 1>so easy to just sign up and fucking go, as

0:29:52.600 --> 0:29:54.960
<v Speaker 1>opposed to like everything else requires a little bit more

0:29:55.120 --> 0:29:57.960
<v Speaker 1>planning or effort or whatever it is. Versus this is like, Okay,

0:29:57.960 --> 0:29:59.720
<v Speaker 1>we're going to find a third together, and that's going

0:29:59.760 --> 0:30:01.880
<v Speaker 1>to be a interesting experience. I get to watch you

0:30:01.880 --> 0:30:04.000
<v Speaker 1>have sex, you get to watch me have sex, and

0:30:04.080 --> 0:30:07.840
<v Speaker 1>so especially when I have a partner, I actually like

0:30:07.880 --> 0:30:10.320
<v Speaker 1>to go to sex parties with them because that enhances

0:30:10.360 --> 0:30:12.320
<v Speaker 1>our sex life and our connection and something like that

0:30:12.360 --> 0:30:14.600
<v Speaker 1>and keeps things interesting and brings you know, new people

0:30:14.600 --> 0:30:15.240
<v Speaker 1>into the mix.

0:30:15.520 --> 0:30:19.560
<v Speaker 2>In terms of the liberation or witnessing the liberation is

0:30:19.760 --> 0:30:22.360
<v Speaker 2>very I think healing, right. I think when you think

0:30:22.360 --> 0:30:24.560
<v Speaker 2>of a sex party, your immediate thought is, oh, are

0:30:24.560 --> 0:30:28.720
<v Speaker 2>these heathens? What are they diffling? But for me it's

0:30:28.720 --> 0:30:31.120
<v Speaker 2>always been like when I got there, it's like, oh,

0:30:31.120 --> 0:30:35.880
<v Speaker 2>the liberation here and the community here truly is unmatched,

0:30:35.880 --> 0:30:39.120
<v Speaker 2>because we do live in such a culture that really

0:30:39.160 --> 0:30:42.480
<v Speaker 2>shames us for our sexuality, especially for your folks even

0:30:42.520 --> 0:30:44.400
<v Speaker 2>more so. And so there is something about being able

0:30:44.440 --> 0:30:46.520
<v Speaker 2>to be in a space with like minded folks that

0:30:46.680 --> 0:30:50.040
<v Speaker 2>feels healing because it's like, oh, this isn't bad, this

0:30:50.160 --> 0:30:53.760
<v Speaker 2>isn't wrong. In fact, I'm literally in a space with however,

0:30:53.840 --> 0:30:57.040
<v Speaker 2>many other people who also are seeking this thing, and

0:30:57.080 --> 0:30:58.960
<v Speaker 2>so I find that to be fun also to your

0:30:59.160 --> 0:31:01.520
<v Speaker 2>So for me, Matthew and I don't go to sex

0:31:01.520 --> 0:31:05.840
<v Speaker 2>parties together because we, uh, there's he doesn't like to

0:31:05.880 --> 0:31:08.800
<v Speaker 2>see me with other people Like That's how our jealousy works. Yeah,

0:31:08.840 --> 0:31:11.480
<v Speaker 2>I get that, so we go to them separately, which

0:31:11.680 --> 0:31:15.720
<v Speaker 2>you know, I think also for me injects a little

0:31:15.720 --> 0:31:17.880
<v Speaker 2>something into the sex life because abs are not my

0:31:18.080 --> 0:31:20.840
<v Speaker 2>favorite for a lot of reasons. But being able to

0:31:20.880 --> 0:31:23.520
<v Speaker 2>be in person with people and being able to just

0:31:23.600 --> 0:31:27.920
<v Speaker 2>connect without even the needing for us to actually have sex.

0:31:27.960 --> 0:31:30.240
<v Speaker 2>They're in a space where we can but like, actually

0:31:30.240 --> 0:31:31.719
<v Speaker 2>we're here just connecting first.

0:31:32.440 --> 0:31:34.800
<v Speaker 1>I've been to so many sex parties and not had sex. Yeah,

0:31:35.000 --> 0:31:38.760
<v Speaker 1>and I think people are potentially surprised by that. I

0:31:38.840 --> 0:31:40.760
<v Speaker 1>end up in whatever cool because some of them I

0:31:40.800 --> 0:31:42.600
<v Speaker 1>go to. I go to more bisexual sex parties. I

0:31:42.600 --> 0:31:45.080
<v Speaker 1>go to gay sex parties too, but those so they

0:31:45.160 --> 0:31:47.040
<v Speaker 1>might have I feel like the gay sex parties tend

0:31:47.080 --> 0:31:49.920
<v Speaker 1>to be more like you go, you fuck that, that

0:31:50.040 --> 0:31:52.760
<v Speaker 1>is the one thing to do, versus like straight sex

0:31:52.760 --> 0:31:55.920
<v Speaker 1>parties swinger sex parties by sexual ones. There might also

0:31:56.040 --> 0:31:59.040
<v Speaker 1>be dancing. There might also be oh, a hot tub

0:31:59.080 --> 0:32:00.720
<v Speaker 1>and you go and chill in that, or an outside

0:32:00.720 --> 0:32:02.800
<v Speaker 1>bar that you drink. There's kind of more to do,

0:32:03.280 --> 0:32:05.800
<v Speaker 1>but I'll be like okay by the fire pit. And

0:32:05.840 --> 0:32:09.160
<v Speaker 1>also it's being me and again like I am not

0:32:09.280 --> 0:32:13.480
<v Speaker 1>famous by any stretch of the imagination except for bisexual

0:32:13.720 --> 0:32:19.479
<v Speaker 1>sex partygoers in Brooklyn. That is my absolute audience, Like

0:32:20.000 --> 0:32:22.480
<v Speaker 1>that is my market. So when I go to these places,

0:32:22.520 --> 0:32:24.160
<v Speaker 1>I am recognized and people want to talk to me

0:32:24.160 --> 0:32:26.480
<v Speaker 1>about my book and do that and meet me and

0:32:26.600 --> 0:32:29.840
<v Speaker 1>do all this shit, which is fun and cool, and

0:32:29.880 --> 0:32:31.600
<v Speaker 1>I get to talk to new people who've engaged with

0:32:31.640 --> 0:32:33.680
<v Speaker 1>my work in a way and sometimes just end up

0:32:33.720 --> 0:32:35.840
<v Speaker 1>talking to people all night. I'm like, ash shit, and

0:32:35.840 --> 0:32:38.880
<v Speaker 1>by the end you're like, well, that's what I've done here.

0:32:38.920 --> 0:32:39.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm kind of over it.

0:32:39.680 --> 0:32:41.720
<v Speaker 2>But like, I have a question, and this is a

0:32:41.720 --> 0:32:44.360
<v Speaker 2>little pivot. We'll come back to sex parties. But I'm

0:32:44.360 --> 0:32:47.120
<v Speaker 2>asking this because I feel like, for one, I've had

0:32:47.280 --> 0:32:50.440
<v Speaker 2>a number of specifically women who have come out to

0:32:50.480 --> 0:32:54.160
<v Speaker 2>me in their thirties and forties as bisexual, but they're

0:32:54.200 --> 0:32:58.920
<v Speaker 2>in hew to representing relationships. And so now since I

0:32:58.960 --> 0:33:02.000
<v Speaker 2>have you in your you have a partner, a female partner,

0:33:02.200 --> 0:33:03.960
<v Speaker 2>which is the head of representing. Is that am I

0:33:04.040 --> 0:33:07.760
<v Speaker 2>using that terminology? Okay, I'm presenting how do you? I

0:33:07.760 --> 0:33:11.280
<v Speaker 2>think a common question is how do you hold on

0:33:11.400 --> 0:33:14.360
<v Speaker 2>to your queerness or take up space in queer spaces

0:33:14.920 --> 0:33:17.440
<v Speaker 2>when you feel is because what I what I get

0:33:17.480 --> 0:33:19.800
<v Speaker 2>from from those people talking to me is that they

0:33:19.840 --> 0:33:23.560
<v Speaker 2>feel like they can't take up queer space because they're

0:33:23.600 --> 0:33:25.360
<v Speaker 2>not presenting as queer.

0:33:25.840 --> 0:33:28.320
<v Speaker 1>Well, this is an ongoing challenge, This is not something

0:33:28.320 --> 0:33:31.600
<v Speaker 1>you're alone with. I really not to plug my own shit.

0:33:31.920 --> 0:33:33.560
<v Speaker 1>I wrote an op ad for The New York Times

0:33:33.600 --> 0:33:39.200
<v Speaker 1>a few years ago, specifically focusing on women in you know,

0:33:39.240 --> 0:33:43.280
<v Speaker 1>straight passing relationships, bisexual women with men who do not

0:33:43.360 --> 0:33:49.240
<v Speaker 1>feel queer enough, and how to navigate those feelings. And

0:33:49.360 --> 0:33:52.640
<v Speaker 1>one thing I kind of spoke about is being often

0:33:53.000 --> 0:33:57.360
<v Speaker 1>I think there's a confusion where being queer, like validly queer,

0:33:57.480 --> 0:34:01.400
<v Speaker 1>equates to being more marginalized and persecuted, which is so

0:34:01.720 --> 0:34:05.680
<v Speaker 1>fucking sad to me. It's like, you're not queer if

0:34:05.720 --> 0:34:08.480
<v Speaker 1>you've been a victim of a hate crime, and obviously

0:34:08.480 --> 0:34:10.719
<v Speaker 1>you do have privilege by being a straight passing relationship.

0:34:10.719 --> 0:34:13.200
<v Speaker 1>When I hold hands with a boyfriend walking down the street,

0:34:13.280 --> 0:34:14.840
<v Speaker 1>I'm afraid of getting the shit kicked out of me.

0:34:15.200 --> 0:34:16.880
<v Speaker 1>I'm not afraid of that when I'm holding hands with

0:34:16.880 --> 0:34:18.400
<v Speaker 1>a woman. You know what I mean. Like, there are

0:34:18.440 --> 0:34:19.799
<v Speaker 1>some simple things.

0:34:20.120 --> 0:34:23.400
<v Speaker 2>But like your queerness isn't rooted. The definition of your

0:34:23.480 --> 0:34:25.600
<v Speaker 2>queerness isn't rooted in your oppression or your trauma.

0:34:25.880 --> 0:34:28.640
<v Speaker 1>It is not. And so you are equally as queer

0:34:28.680 --> 0:34:31.840
<v Speaker 1>as they are, you know what I mean? You absolutely are. Again,

0:34:31.960 --> 0:34:34.359
<v Speaker 1>you should use your privilege and your voice to help

0:34:34.440 --> 0:34:37.200
<v Speaker 1>the more marginalized within the queer community. And I'm always like,

0:34:37.280 --> 0:34:41.440
<v Speaker 1>I want you to use your fucking husband's investment, banking money,

0:34:41.520 --> 0:34:44.920
<v Speaker 1>his story, fucking bazement Bucky to fucking support other marginalized queers.

0:34:45.080 --> 0:34:47.719
<v Speaker 1>But you're equally as queer. But like, I think the

0:34:47.800 --> 0:34:51.280
<v Speaker 1>answer is creating more queer spaces, finding these queer spaces,

0:34:51.320 --> 0:34:55.080
<v Speaker 1>finding these bisexual spaces where you're not alone, You're not

0:34:55.160 --> 0:34:57.440
<v Speaker 1>the only you know, there are a shit ton of

0:34:57.480 --> 0:35:00.480
<v Speaker 1>by people there in these hetero passing relationshi, so you

0:35:00.520 --> 0:35:03.520
<v Speaker 1>don't feel awkward, you don't feel uncomfortable, and they are

0:35:03.560 --> 0:35:06.880
<v Speaker 1>popping up more and more, which is really cool to see.

0:35:06.920 --> 0:35:09.840
<v Speaker 1>But yeah, it's a sadness that I have that I

0:35:09.840 --> 0:35:11.320
<v Speaker 1>want to go to a gay club and I would

0:35:11.320 --> 0:35:13.399
<v Speaker 1>love to go with my girlfriend, and I don't. That's

0:35:13.440 --> 0:35:15.000
<v Speaker 1>the truth. That will be a night where I'll go

0:35:15.120 --> 0:35:17.120
<v Speaker 1>out with my gay friends or my by male friends

0:35:17.160 --> 0:35:19.680
<v Speaker 1>or whatever it is, because she like, when she's in

0:35:19.719 --> 0:35:22.200
<v Speaker 1>that space, the guys fucking look at her up and down,

0:35:22.360 --> 0:35:24.640
<v Speaker 1>like they can be so cunty and so mean, especially

0:35:24.640 --> 0:35:26.680
<v Speaker 1>if they see her with a hot guy and they're

0:35:26.760 --> 0:35:28.840
<v Speaker 1>jealous and they're upset by that shit, and it's like,

0:35:29.680 --> 0:35:31.040
<v Speaker 1>she doesn't want to deal with that shit. I don't

0:35:31.040 --> 0:35:32.399
<v Speaker 1>want her to have to deal with that shit. That's

0:35:32.400 --> 0:35:35.360
<v Speaker 1>not fun for either of us. So I think finding

0:35:35.400 --> 0:35:39.160
<v Speaker 1>your people, finding your spaces, finding your parties, finding your community.

0:35:38.800 --> 0:35:42.400
<v Speaker 2>Finding your people. Yeah, the welcoming of sometimes sometimes gays

0:35:42.400 --> 0:35:45.040
<v Speaker 2>can be so cold. The oppressed community is we just

0:35:45.239 --> 0:35:48.960
<v Speaker 2>continue to do it, but people hurt people there. It

0:35:49.040 --> 0:35:52.640
<v Speaker 2>is there. But in talking about that, I do think,

0:35:52.800 --> 0:35:56.400
<v Speaker 2>you know, especially for those people who might be coming

0:35:56.480 --> 0:36:00.440
<v Speaker 2>out or realizing there bisexually later or feeling some you know,

0:36:01.000 --> 0:36:03.920
<v Speaker 2>is imposter syndrome around being in a head or presenting,

0:36:03.920 --> 0:36:06.640
<v Speaker 2>I would imagine that a queer sex party or a

0:36:06.640 --> 0:36:10.520
<v Speaker 2>bisexual specific queer sex party or just party would be

0:36:10.560 --> 0:36:13.520
<v Speaker 2>a great way to exactly start to mitigate that and

0:36:13.560 --> 0:36:19.040
<v Speaker 2>start to break away the whatever shame or whatever whatever

0:36:19.120 --> 0:36:21.680
<v Speaker 2>burden you're carrying around a taking up space.

0:36:22.400 --> 0:36:26.120
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and it's still I'm gonna buy authors group with

0:36:26.120 --> 0:36:28.560
<v Speaker 1>with some of my by friends and it's actually all

0:36:28.560 --> 0:36:32.560
<v Speaker 1>women and then me, but but again, all my friends

0:36:32.560 --> 0:36:35.840
<v Speaker 1>are by women. That's literally the only people I know.

0:36:37.239 --> 0:36:40.680
<v Speaker 1>I look, I got taste. That's what it is. That's

0:36:40.680 --> 0:36:43.960
<v Speaker 1>what it is. I got taste. But still, and these

0:36:43.960 --> 0:36:47.160
<v Speaker 1>are people who are prominent authors in the queer community

0:36:47.200 --> 0:36:50.719
<v Speaker 1>who still have impost syndrome. And what helps is when

0:36:50.760 --> 0:36:52.920
<v Speaker 1>we talk about it. We just text each other being like, hey,

0:36:52.920 --> 0:36:55.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm feeling this, I'm feeling the struggle and like, hey,

0:36:55.200 --> 0:36:57.960
<v Speaker 1>I've been there too, So I think maybe there's some

0:36:58.280 --> 0:37:02.040
<v Speaker 1>solidarity or some comfort and knowing that you're not alone

0:37:02.239 --> 0:37:04.400
<v Speaker 1>in this and this is something that's going to be

0:37:05.040 --> 0:37:09.400
<v Speaker 1>on and on. But like following those bisexual meme accounts

0:37:09.480 --> 0:37:12.359
<v Speaker 1>or the accounts that really are supportive of you, and like,

0:37:12.440 --> 0:37:14.960
<v Speaker 1>so again, when you go through this alone and you

0:37:15.040 --> 0:37:17.080
<v Speaker 1>feel alone and you're like you're the only one that's

0:37:17.120 --> 0:37:18.719
<v Speaker 1>going through this. You don't know anyone you can talk

0:37:18.760 --> 0:37:21.440
<v Speaker 1>to or anyone you like you can be with, fuck

0:37:21.600 --> 0:37:24.400
<v Speaker 1>like like, yeah, you're You're gonna spiral. So it really

0:37:24.440 --> 0:37:27.520
<v Speaker 1>is finding your people in community, Following the correct social

0:37:27.560 --> 0:37:29.879
<v Speaker 1>media accounts that affirm you.

0:37:29.600 --> 0:37:31.640
<v Speaker 2>Do you remember a time at a sex party where

0:37:31.680 --> 0:37:34.280
<v Speaker 2>you felt truly validated in your bisexuality.

0:37:34.560 --> 0:37:38.560
<v Speaker 1>Oh god, yes, I can do promo for my book.

0:37:38.600 --> 0:37:41.400
<v Speaker 1>Oh you can't see it, boy slide, which the paperback

0:37:41.480 --> 0:37:43.960
<v Speaker 1>is now out. It is hot pay we love a

0:37:44.000 --> 0:37:51.680
<v Speaker 1>paperback moment, right, she's cute. Uh. So I through and

0:37:51.680 --> 0:37:53.880
<v Speaker 1>it's actually the last chapter of my book because I

0:37:54.200 --> 0:37:56.080
<v Speaker 1>the beginning I talked about my lack of communion. By

0:37:56.120 --> 0:37:59.160
<v Speaker 1>the end it's how I'm fostering community. Yes, uh, and

0:37:59.239 --> 0:38:02.080
<v Speaker 1>so the last chapters about a party I threw called

0:38:02.120 --> 0:38:06.600
<v Speaker 1>by Slot, which I remember boy Slot brand boy Slot.

0:38:06.640 --> 0:38:07.520
<v Speaker 1>But you see what I did there?

0:38:08.360 --> 0:38:08.799
<v Speaker 2>She did it.

0:38:09.080 --> 0:38:12.720
<v Speaker 1>She did it, and it was there was a moment

0:38:13.120 --> 0:38:15.759
<v Speaker 1>where because the thing is one thing I struggled with

0:38:15.760 --> 0:38:18.399
<v Speaker 1>with sex parties was obviously gay sex parties are all

0:38:18.440 --> 0:38:21.239
<v Speaker 1>men that the lesbians have their sex parties, and the

0:38:21.360 --> 0:38:23.960
<v Speaker 1>queer sex parties I would often see would be like

0:38:25.120 --> 0:38:28.000
<v Speaker 1>men hooking up with women and women hooking up with women,

0:38:28.080 --> 0:38:32.200
<v Speaker 1>but not actually men hooking up with men. And I

0:38:32.239 --> 0:38:34.560
<v Speaker 1>think there was still a little bit of a I

0:38:34.600 --> 0:38:36.680
<v Speaker 1>think men you know, a lot of by men have

0:38:36.760 --> 0:38:39.839
<v Speaker 1>been rejected by women, like like and we still have.

0:38:39.840 --> 0:38:44.400
<v Speaker 2>This fear culturally around and just being the first to

0:38:44.520 --> 0:38:46.760
<v Speaker 2>do it, or just they weren't going to these places.

0:38:47.200 --> 0:38:49.720
<v Speaker 1>And I remember, I'm like in the basement of the

0:38:49.960 --> 0:38:52.480
<v Speaker 1>sex party and I'm doing like a three sixty turn

0:38:52.640 --> 0:38:56.440
<v Speaker 1>and I'm just seeing like the gayest, queerest, most bisexual

0:38:56.520 --> 0:38:59.320
<v Speaker 1>like men having sex with men while their girlfriend fists

0:38:59.400 --> 0:39:03.759
<v Speaker 1>them like like you know, like the double like a

0:39:03.800 --> 0:39:06.080
<v Speaker 1>guy and a girl giving a guy a blowjob, while

0:39:06.360 --> 0:39:08.040
<v Speaker 1>so many things in so many people's asses, And it

0:39:08.080 --> 0:39:11.360
<v Speaker 1>was actually the most bisexual sex like I had seen

0:39:11.440 --> 0:39:14.000
<v Speaker 1>in a public space where it actually really was that,

0:39:14.480 --> 0:39:16.240
<v Speaker 1>And I started crying.

0:39:16.640 --> 0:39:18.760
<v Speaker 2>I was so happy.

0:39:18.800 --> 0:39:21.239
<v Speaker 1>And this party was actually open to the public. It

0:39:21.280 --> 0:39:23.759
<v Speaker 1>wasn't like usually a lot of these sex clubs are

0:39:23.840 --> 0:39:25.960
<v Speaker 1>like members only, and they do that for safety and

0:39:25.960 --> 0:39:29.879
<v Speaker 1>to vet people whatever it is, and this was not.

0:39:30.200 --> 0:39:33.879
<v Speaker 1>And I had multiple men come up to me, specifically

0:39:33.920 --> 0:39:35.600
<v Speaker 1>by men who felt like they didn't have a space.

0:39:35.640 --> 0:39:37.359
<v Speaker 1>So it's a little bit different, but being like this

0:39:37.400 --> 0:39:40.759
<v Speaker 1>has been the most affirming party I've been to my life.

0:39:40.760 --> 0:39:43.640
<v Speaker 1>I've never been able to express myself and be myself

0:39:43.680 --> 0:39:46.640
<v Speaker 1>and be open with my wife, but desire men like

0:39:47.440 --> 0:39:50.320
<v Speaker 1>gay spaces I didn't feel included straight spaces. I was weird,

0:39:50.360 --> 0:39:53.719
<v Speaker 1>you know, whatever it was. And one thing I will say, so, yeah,

0:39:53.880 --> 0:39:56.960
<v Speaker 1>this was very affirming to me obviously, Like there is

0:39:57.000 --> 0:39:58.640
<v Speaker 1>something about when I have threeesomes with a man and

0:39:58.680 --> 0:40:00.520
<v Speaker 1>a woman, I feel very bisexual. Well you know what

0:40:00.520 --> 0:40:04.000
<v Speaker 1>I mean, Like it's like or someone non binary, whatever

0:40:04.040 --> 0:40:05.479
<v Speaker 1>it is. But like you know, when I'm having sex

0:40:05.520 --> 0:40:07.480
<v Speaker 1>with like a two hundred and fifty pound like muscle

0:40:07.480 --> 0:40:10.000
<v Speaker 1>bottom who's hairy, I'm not like, oh, this is bisexual.

0:40:10.000 --> 0:40:11.759
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, this is some gay as shit, I'm doing it,

0:40:11.800 --> 0:40:14.759
<v Speaker 1>you know what I mean. It doesn't like you do.

0:40:14.880 --> 0:40:17.799
<v Speaker 1>I do feel affirmed in these threesomes. One thing that

0:40:17.920 --> 0:40:20.440
<v Speaker 1>I'm working on as I'm trying to build community as well,

0:40:20.920 --> 0:40:23.400
<v Speaker 1>is how to have these bisexual spaces that are actually

0:40:23.520 --> 0:40:27.080
<v Speaker 1>not focused on sex parties, because I feel like most

0:40:27.120 --> 0:40:31.080
<v Speaker 1>of the buy spaces I know are sex spaces, which

0:40:31.120 --> 0:40:33.920
<v Speaker 1>are great for me personally. I fucking love that, but

0:40:33.960 --> 0:40:36.480
<v Speaker 1>obviously they're people in monogamous relationships. They don't want to

0:40:36.480 --> 0:40:38.520
<v Speaker 1>go to sex prize whatever the fuck it is. And

0:40:38.719 --> 0:40:42.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, why can't we do bisexual rock climbing? Bisexuals

0:40:42.160 --> 0:40:44.279
<v Speaker 1>fucking love rock climbing. They're obsessed with that shit. They

0:40:44.440 --> 0:40:46.239
<v Speaker 1>love that. I fucking hate it. I fucking hate it.

0:40:46.239 --> 0:40:47.839
<v Speaker 1>I'd like people I might be rock called me like, no,

0:40:47.840 --> 0:40:49.279
<v Speaker 1>my wrists are gonna hurt. I'm gonna hate this.

0:40:49.320 --> 0:40:50.040
<v Speaker 2>My forum suck.

0:40:50.280 --> 0:40:51.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm not strong enough. No, I don't want to be

0:40:51.800 --> 0:40:53.480
<v Speaker 1>putting a weird fucking thing where I get a wedgie

0:40:53.520 --> 0:40:56.080
<v Speaker 1>with the fucking Like, No, they love that shit, we

0:40:56.160 --> 0:40:59.240
<v Speaker 1>love that ship whatever the fuck the community. The community

0:40:59.280 --> 0:41:01.040
<v Speaker 1>loves it, and like, how do we like, I don't know,

0:41:01.120 --> 0:41:03.440
<v Speaker 1>bisexual open relationship rock climbing job. I feel like that

0:41:03.440 --> 0:41:04.000
<v Speaker 1>would be I.

0:41:03.920 --> 0:41:04.960
<v Speaker 2>Mean, wow, is that?

0:41:07.200 --> 0:41:09.040
<v Speaker 1>I feel like that already is like a thing, they

0:41:09.040 --> 0:41:11.680
<v Speaker 1>just don't call it that. Yeah, but like, yeah, I

0:41:11.680 --> 0:41:16.200
<v Speaker 1>would love to see more buy spaces like or buy clubs,

0:41:16.239 --> 0:41:18.880
<v Speaker 1>even if it's drinking and dancing whatever it is like

0:41:19.400 --> 0:41:21.000
<v Speaker 1>that has that more.

0:41:20.880 --> 0:41:22.760
<v Speaker 2>Space for emotional connection.

0:41:22.680 --> 0:41:25.640
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and not just sex and for people. Yeah, And

0:41:25.680 --> 0:41:26.320
<v Speaker 1>that doesn't.

0:41:26.080 --> 0:41:27.839
<v Speaker 2>Mean like emotional connection is like I'm hoping to fall

0:41:27.880 --> 0:41:29.880
<v Speaker 2>in love with this person, but just like like a

0:41:29.920 --> 0:41:33.480
<v Speaker 2>connect connecting to people, connecting to people that are that

0:41:33.680 --> 0:41:36.360
<v Speaker 2>have a similar experience to you, which I think is

0:41:36.400 --> 0:41:38.040
<v Speaker 2>so you know what you're talking about in this Even

0:41:38.040 --> 0:41:40.520
<v Speaker 2>at the sex party, just being able to see a

0:41:40.600 --> 0:41:43.640
<v Speaker 2>representation of yourself and how you love and how you

0:41:43.680 --> 0:41:46.080
<v Speaker 2>make love or how you fuck in front of you

0:41:46.200 --> 0:41:48.520
<v Speaker 2>can be so healing because I think there is so

0:41:48.600 --> 0:41:51.759
<v Speaker 2>much regardless even if you're like a straight white man.

0:41:52.160 --> 0:41:55.120
<v Speaker 2>I think that all of us holds some set of

0:41:56.320 --> 0:42:00.160
<v Speaker 2>shame and pain around sex, of course, and and and

0:42:00.320 --> 0:42:02.480
<v Speaker 2>questions if if we're doing it right and what we're

0:42:02.560 --> 0:42:05.640
<v Speaker 2>and if what we like is correct, Which is why

0:42:05.680 --> 0:42:08.759
<v Speaker 2>I love the coven of doms who are like.

0:42:08.719 --> 0:42:10.320
<v Speaker 1>I love them, we love them.

0:42:10.440 --> 0:42:12.759
<v Speaker 2>I love them who are owning what what they love

0:42:13.000 --> 0:42:16.000
<v Speaker 2>and who are leaning into what brings them pleasure. And

0:42:16.040 --> 0:42:18.160
<v Speaker 2>I think more, I think that that should be the

0:42:18.200 --> 0:42:25.680
<v Speaker 2>goal for all of us. That is my hope for

0:42:25.800 --> 0:42:28.520
<v Speaker 2>this person who is having their first sex party. What

0:42:28.560 --> 0:42:32.480
<v Speaker 2>would you say, regardless whether it's a bisex party, queer, straight, Like,

0:42:32.520 --> 0:42:35.920
<v Speaker 2>what are the top three? Or I don't want to

0:42:35.920 --> 0:42:37.680
<v Speaker 2>give you a whole number, but what are your top tips?

0:42:37.840 --> 0:42:40.080
<v Speaker 1>So I also have written like an article for Men's

0:42:40.120 --> 0:42:42.799
<v Speaker 1>Health which is literally like very in depth, a shit

0:42:42.920 --> 0:42:44.400
<v Speaker 1>ton of tips for your first time going to a

0:42:44.440 --> 0:42:46.640
<v Speaker 1>sex party. We're going to put that in the note.

0:42:46.760 --> 0:42:48.080
<v Speaker 1>We'll put that on the notes, so that's there.

0:42:48.360 --> 0:42:48.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:42:48.600 --> 0:42:52.719
<v Speaker 1>I think a few things to note, but some more

0:42:52.840 --> 0:42:55.279
<v Speaker 1>generic ones are like I think it's fun to go

0:42:55.360 --> 0:42:57.080
<v Speaker 1>with a friend or a partner for your first time

0:42:57.120 --> 0:42:59.080
<v Speaker 1>because it can be somewhat scary. It doesn't have to

0:42:59.120 --> 0:43:01.919
<v Speaker 1>be someone you're having sex with. But like I think

0:43:02.040 --> 0:43:04.840
<v Speaker 1>people there's a lot of downtime at sex parties, Like

0:43:04.880 --> 0:43:07.440
<v Speaker 1>you still have to flirt. Sex is not guaranteed. You

0:43:07.480 --> 0:43:08.799
<v Speaker 1>don't just go and be like do you want to fuck?

0:43:08.840 --> 0:43:12.239
<v Speaker 1>Everyone's like yes, Like yeah, put a little work into it,

0:43:12.680 --> 0:43:16.000
<v Speaker 1>so you're still like you will be alone at a

0:43:16.040 --> 0:43:18.200
<v Speaker 1>sex party, and it's like unless if you're someone who's

0:43:18.320 --> 0:43:21.760
<v Speaker 1>naturally very gregarious and sociable and can go up to people,

0:43:22.840 --> 0:43:25.360
<v Speaker 1>it's easier to just have a friend or partner or

0:43:25.480 --> 0:43:29.520
<v Speaker 1>buddy in some capacity. I think it's very important to

0:43:29.719 --> 0:43:32.080
<v Speaker 1>kind of like most sex parties they actually have like

0:43:32.120 --> 0:43:35.799
<v Speaker 1>a very extensive like do's and don't, Like what is

0:43:35.840 --> 0:43:39.720
<v Speaker 1>the vibe of the sex party? So like like read

0:43:39.760 --> 0:43:42.240
<v Speaker 1>that so you get a sense of like what's going on. Obviously,

0:43:42.280 --> 0:43:45.600
<v Speaker 1>I would say get dressed up, look sexy, look like

0:43:46.400 --> 0:43:47.880
<v Speaker 1>put some effort into it. You're going out, this is

0:43:47.880 --> 0:43:50.160
<v Speaker 1>an exciting thing, and you're more likely to meet people

0:43:50.200 --> 0:43:54.040
<v Speaker 1>that way. Yeah. One thing that's always important to know

0:43:54.200 --> 0:43:57.719
<v Speaker 1>is like learn like you should not be going to

0:43:57.800 --> 0:44:01.160
<v Speaker 1>a sex party if you do not feel comfortable saying now,

0:44:03.160 --> 0:44:05.080
<v Speaker 1>and so you need to be able to say And

0:44:05.160 --> 0:44:06.719
<v Speaker 1>it's always just been like hey, thank you, but I'm

0:44:06.760 --> 0:44:08.759
<v Speaker 1>not looking right now, or I'll come find you later,

0:44:08.920 --> 0:44:10.960
<v Speaker 1>whatever it is. There are some kind of like universal

0:44:11.000 --> 0:44:12.840
<v Speaker 1>phrases be like oh no, right now, I'm just chilling

0:44:12.880 --> 0:44:14.640
<v Speaker 1>with my friends, but if I change my mind, I'll

0:44:14.680 --> 0:44:17.479
<v Speaker 1>come find you. And if you get rejected, the only

0:44:17.560 --> 0:44:20.640
<v Speaker 1>response is to say awesome, thank you so much. And

0:44:20.680 --> 0:44:23.560
<v Speaker 1>that's it. Like do not be pushy, do not be aggressive,

0:44:23.600 --> 0:44:26.520
<v Speaker 1>do not do anything like that, obviously, but it's not

0:44:26.560 --> 0:44:28.960
<v Speaker 1>obvious people still do that, or people take it personally

0:44:29.680 --> 0:44:31.160
<v Speaker 1>or they kind of get like, oh sorry, I was

0:44:31.200 --> 0:44:32.800
<v Speaker 1>just trying to like connect and then like make you

0:44:32.840 --> 0:44:36.839
<v Speaker 1>feel guilty for saying, like, don't be that fucking person. Yeah,

0:44:37.239 --> 0:44:39.640
<v Speaker 1>So going with friends, I would obviously steer clear from

0:44:39.719 --> 0:44:43.000
<v Speaker 1>drinking or doing like drugs for your first time. That's like,

0:44:43.080 --> 0:44:45.200
<v Speaker 1>you know, I think there's when you're nervous. At least

0:44:45.239 --> 0:44:46.600
<v Speaker 1>for me, I still have the desire to be like,

0:44:46.640 --> 0:44:48.640
<v Speaker 1>let me have fifteen shots, right, It's like, don't do that.

0:44:48.760 --> 0:44:50.840
<v Speaker 1>You want to be able to consent. You want to

0:44:50.840 --> 0:44:53.440
<v Speaker 1>make sure you're able to read other people's body language.

0:44:54.640 --> 0:44:58.439
<v Speaker 1>That's very important. I think. It's also one thing which

0:44:58.480 --> 0:45:01.960
<v Speaker 1>is a little difference between straight and gay sex parties,

0:45:01.960 --> 0:45:05.760
<v Speaker 1>which I emphasize is knowing what the norms of consent

0:45:05.840 --> 0:45:09.560
<v Speaker 1>are in the space. So in like straight, bisexual, mixed

0:45:09.600 --> 0:45:15.240
<v Speaker 1>gender spaces, typically the type of consent is enthusiastic consent,

0:45:15.320 --> 0:45:18.359
<v Speaker 1>which means you know, anything that's not a fuck yes

0:45:18.400 --> 0:45:21.120
<v Speaker 1>as a fuck no, and you verbally asked, being like hey,

0:45:21.120 --> 0:45:24.439
<v Speaker 1>I'd love to kiss you, and you wait for their response, right,

0:45:25.760 --> 0:45:30.560
<v Speaker 1>and you need that verbal enthusiastic yes versus at a

0:45:30.600 --> 0:45:33.440
<v Speaker 1>lot of gay sex parties it's more opt out consent,

0:45:33.920 --> 0:45:37.160
<v Speaker 1>which is more no means no, So someone is likely

0:45:37.200 --> 0:45:39.160
<v Speaker 1>to touch you, you know what I mean, without honestily

0:45:39.239 --> 0:45:41.040
<v Speaker 1>asking to touch you, and if you brush their hand

0:45:41.080 --> 0:45:42.920
<v Speaker 1>away or you say no, then they'll stop. But if

0:45:42.960 --> 0:45:45.600
<v Speaker 1>you don't feel comfortable with someone touching you. And I

0:45:45.600 --> 0:45:47.200
<v Speaker 1>remember the first time I went to a gay sex

0:45:47.239 --> 0:45:49.920
<v Speaker 1>party was actually the first time I think I went

0:45:49.920 --> 0:45:52.520
<v Speaker 1>to fulsome East. I was living in Boston. I came

0:45:52.600 --> 0:45:55.799
<v Speaker 1>up for it, so this is maybe like nine years like,

0:45:55.840 --> 0:45:58.480
<v Speaker 1>of god, we're not going to any younger nine ten

0:45:58.560 --> 0:46:01.680
<v Speaker 1>years ago. I went there and all these guys were

0:46:01.719 --> 0:46:03.520
<v Speaker 1>grabbing me and touching me, and I told my boyfriend

0:46:03.640 --> 0:46:04.719
<v Speaker 1>for five minutes, I'm like, I need to get the

0:46:04.719 --> 0:46:06.120
<v Speaker 1>fuck out of here. I need to get the fuck

0:46:06.120 --> 0:46:08.120
<v Speaker 1>out of here right now. I'm overwhelmed. I do not

0:46:08.280 --> 0:46:11.680
<v Speaker 1>like this. Now I know that the norm is that,

0:46:11.719 --> 0:46:13.279
<v Speaker 1>and the reason why the norm is that is kind

0:46:13.320 --> 0:46:15.440
<v Speaker 1>of twofold. It's hot. It's sexy to just be able

0:46:15.480 --> 0:46:18.080
<v Speaker 1>to touch people and grabs people's asses feel comfortable. If

0:46:18.120 --> 0:46:20.680
<v Speaker 1>you're a guy in a sling blindfolded, you don't want

0:46:20.680 --> 0:46:22.240
<v Speaker 1>someone to come up to you being like, hey, honey,

0:46:22.560 --> 0:46:23.880
<v Speaker 1>would it be okay if I stick my dick in

0:46:23.920 --> 0:46:24.360
<v Speaker 1>your ass?

0:46:24.360 --> 0:46:24.440
<v Speaker 2>Like?

0:46:24.480 --> 0:46:26.719
<v Speaker 1>No, the whole point do you want to be taken?

0:46:26.760 --> 0:46:28.319
<v Speaker 1>You want the anonminimity? You want this?

0:46:28.640 --> 0:46:29.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah?

0:46:30.040 --> 0:46:32.320
<v Speaker 1>So now I have to be in the right headspace

0:46:32.360 --> 0:46:33.799
<v Speaker 1>to go to a gay sex party. If I'm not

0:46:33.800 --> 0:46:36.480
<v Speaker 1>in the mood to be fucking touched, then then then

0:46:36.560 --> 0:46:40.959
<v Speaker 1>where I'm going so yeah, So again if in case

0:46:41.040 --> 0:46:42.840
<v Speaker 1>this was a gay man that asked, I don't know

0:46:42.840 --> 0:46:45.200
<v Speaker 1>the gender of the person, like, okay, this is something

0:46:45.239 --> 0:46:47.560
<v Speaker 1>to be mindful of. So knowing what the norms of

0:46:47.560 --> 0:46:50.759
<v Speaker 1>consent are in that space, following that, when I say

0:46:50.840 --> 0:46:53.120
<v Speaker 1>bring a buddy, bring you know, your condoms in lube

0:46:53.120 --> 0:46:55.760
<v Speaker 1>and poppers or whatever it is that you need else

0:46:56.000 --> 0:46:57.920
<v Speaker 1>look sexy, you feel sexy. I feel like there's some

0:46:57.960 --> 0:46:59.320
<v Speaker 1>tips there, and again the rest.

0:46:59.160 --> 0:47:01.480
<v Speaker 2>Will be in the article. That'll be the article. Yeah,

0:47:01.560 --> 0:47:04.560
<v Speaker 2>I also think what would I add to I really,

0:47:04.600 --> 0:47:09.520
<v Speaker 2>I really thank you for differentiating the types of consent,

0:47:09.680 --> 0:47:12.120
<v Speaker 2>because that is I remember the first time I went

0:47:12.160 --> 0:47:14.480
<v Speaker 2>to a steam room, and luckily I was with a

0:47:14.520 --> 0:47:16.680
<v Speaker 2>friend of mine who gave me the rundown. But one

0:47:16.680 --> 0:47:18.920
<v Speaker 2>of the things was people will touch you, and if

0:47:18.960 --> 0:47:21.040
<v Speaker 2>you don't want that, just brush it away like that

0:47:21.800 --> 0:47:25.880
<v Speaker 2>was that's how this space operates, which you don't if

0:47:25.920 --> 0:47:27.279
<v Speaker 2>you've never been and no one says that to you,

0:47:27.320 --> 0:47:29.160
<v Speaker 2>then people are touching you. I can imagine that that

0:47:29.200 --> 0:47:31.440
<v Speaker 2>would be It would have been jarring. Had I not

0:47:31.560 --> 0:47:34.160
<v Speaker 2>had that piece of information, that very crucial piece of information,

0:47:34.360 --> 0:47:35.759
<v Speaker 2>I probably would have been jarred by the way that

0:47:35.760 --> 0:47:38.279
<v Speaker 2>people were touching me. But yeah, so that is a

0:47:38.880 --> 0:47:41.960
<v Speaker 2>very valuable piece of information. I also think, well, it

0:47:42.000 --> 0:47:43.920
<v Speaker 2>is half I don't want to say half fun, but

0:47:45.360 --> 0:47:50.560
<v Speaker 2>expectations and not putting pressure on yourself to have to

0:47:50.600 --> 0:47:54.120
<v Speaker 2>have sex, which is I just want to reiterate that, like,

0:47:54.600 --> 0:47:59.280
<v Speaker 2>go to experience, allow it to be an experience without

0:47:59.320 --> 0:48:01.400
<v Speaker 2>feeling like, oh I need to actually perform.

0:48:02.000 --> 0:48:03.640
<v Speaker 1>I actually think you should maybe go in with your

0:48:03.640 --> 0:48:05.640
<v Speaker 1>first time thinking you're not going to have sex. I

0:48:05.920 --> 0:48:07.480
<v Speaker 1>like having that, and if you do have sex, it's

0:48:07.480 --> 0:48:09.239
<v Speaker 1>a pleasant surprise. But if you go in with the

0:48:09.239 --> 0:48:11.239
<v Speaker 1>mindset of like I just want to scope out and

0:48:11.280 --> 0:48:13.640
<v Speaker 1>see what the fuck the scene is, you're not going

0:48:13.719 --> 0:48:17.000
<v Speaker 1>to be disappointed. And I've had that even I have

0:48:17.040 --> 0:48:19.080
<v Speaker 1>to sometimes go into a sex party being like, is

0:48:19.120 --> 0:48:21.560
<v Speaker 1>this a night where I want to have sex and

0:48:21.600 --> 0:48:23.040
<v Speaker 1>if so, I need to make that happen, or is

0:48:23.040 --> 0:48:24.720
<v Speaker 1>this a night I just want to reconnect with friends

0:48:24.719 --> 0:48:28.200
<v Speaker 1>I haven't seen in schmooze because sometimes I go not

0:48:28.360 --> 0:48:31.160
<v Speaker 1>really have a sense and then end up smoozing and

0:48:31.200 --> 0:48:33.480
<v Speaker 1>not having sex and then feeling disappointed. I'm like, well, no,

0:48:33.560 --> 0:48:37.520
<v Speaker 1>I still had a good time. But like because I

0:48:37.560 --> 0:48:40.279
<v Speaker 1>didn't like verbalize in my head like what is it

0:48:40.360 --> 0:48:42.839
<v Speaker 1>I'm trying to do? So I think maybe having some

0:48:43.239 --> 0:48:45.440
<v Speaker 1>people will ask you at sex parties like what is

0:48:45.440 --> 0:48:48.440
<v Speaker 1>your intention tonight? Ye? And I think that's kind of

0:48:48.440 --> 0:48:50.239
<v Speaker 1>a great like, hey, is my goal like I want

0:48:50.239 --> 0:48:53.640
<v Speaker 1>to have a crazy kinky scene or is the goal

0:48:53.760 --> 0:48:55.799
<v Speaker 1>like I just want to watch people have sex or

0:48:55.880 --> 0:48:59.560
<v Speaker 1>meet new people or just be held whatever it is.

0:48:59.600 --> 0:49:02.200
<v Speaker 1>So I think actually potentially having somewhat of an intention

0:49:02.680 --> 0:49:05.440
<v Speaker 1>might help guide your behaviors and actions.

0:49:05.640 --> 0:49:07.920
<v Speaker 2>I love that because you know I love an intention,

0:49:08.080 --> 0:49:11.040
<v Speaker 2>so that I love that go to your sex party

0:49:11.080 --> 0:49:13.759
<v Speaker 2>with an intention, like what define for yourself what your

0:49:13.800 --> 0:49:16.319
<v Speaker 2>intention is before you show up to this space? And

0:49:16.320 --> 0:49:18.680
<v Speaker 2>then I'll also add I did an interview with someone

0:49:18.840 --> 0:49:21.680
<v Speaker 2>and she was explaining that she went to a sex

0:49:21.719 --> 0:49:23.960
<v Speaker 2>party and I love this phrase. She said it was

0:49:24.000 --> 0:49:26.920
<v Speaker 2>my space but not my people. And I think that

0:49:26.920 --> 0:49:29.520
<v Speaker 2>that's okay too, Like you might go somewhere and you'd

0:49:29.560 --> 0:49:31.839
<v Speaker 2>be like, oh, like I like this vibe, but for

0:49:31.880 --> 0:49:34.440
<v Speaker 2>whatever reason, the way that the dynamics are set up,

0:49:34.520 --> 0:49:37.640
<v Speaker 2>or it might not be for me, and that's okay too,

0:49:38.000 --> 0:49:40.759
<v Speaker 2>I think, which I wish I had that at certain

0:49:40.800 --> 0:49:42.400
<v Speaker 2>like there were certain things that I've been to. I'm like,

0:49:42.440 --> 0:49:44.240
<v Speaker 2>oh I love a sex party, I love this whatever,

0:49:44.640 --> 0:49:49.120
<v Speaker 2>but this this group may not be my group to

0:49:49.239 --> 0:49:49.839
<v Speaker 2>do this with.

0:49:50.320 --> 0:49:52.200
<v Speaker 1>There are especially like some of the sex parties that

0:49:52.239 --> 0:49:54.640
<v Speaker 1>are like four hundred dollars a person, and it's very

0:49:54.719 --> 0:49:57.760
<v Speaker 1>much just like these older men with these gorgeous younger women,

0:49:57.840 --> 0:50:00.359
<v Speaker 1>and like that's fine, and that's their space. That's that

0:50:00.480 --> 0:50:03.720
<v Speaker 1>I go and I'm like, okay, like not necessarily my scene.

0:50:04.160 --> 0:50:07.080
<v Speaker 1>It's just not for you. Go find another party, you

0:50:07.160 --> 0:50:07.800
<v Speaker 1>find your people.

0:50:07.920 --> 0:50:10.480
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, there you go. I love that. I'm so happy

0:50:10.520 --> 0:50:13.480
<v Speaker 2>you were here. This is such a lovely conversation.

0:50:14.640 --> 0:50:17.520
<v Speaker 1>This was I do ten billion of these as I'm

0:50:17.520 --> 0:50:20.680
<v Speaker 1>sure you do as fucking well, and this was just like, hey,

0:50:20.719 --> 0:50:23.680
<v Speaker 1>I got to talk about different ship. Yeah, this was

0:50:23.960 --> 0:50:25.960
<v Speaker 1>far more fun than any of the rest of them.

0:50:27.600 --> 0:50:28.319
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and I.

0:50:28.239 --> 0:50:30.759
<v Speaker 1>Think educational too. So I just want to thank you

0:50:30.800 --> 0:50:33.520
<v Speaker 1>that this was because I fucking you get tired of

0:50:33.520 --> 0:50:35.000
<v Speaker 1>this talking about the same ship, you know what I mean.

0:50:35.040 --> 0:50:36.440
<v Speaker 1>So I appreciate this.

0:50:36.560 --> 0:50:39.080
<v Speaker 2>Thank you Brandon, of course, thank you for being here

0:50:39.120 --> 0:50:41.239
<v Speaker 2>and for all of your knowledge, And I'm just so

0:50:41.239 --> 0:50:44.040
<v Speaker 2>grateful for your friendship and for your for your expertise, Well,

0:50:44.080 --> 0:50:46.000
<v Speaker 2>we don't like expertise, we like what did you say?

0:50:46.040 --> 0:50:47.520
<v Speaker 2>You don't like expert I just.

0:50:47.480 --> 0:50:50.520
<v Speaker 3>Want for your for your writing, for your writing, your writing,

0:50:50.680 --> 0:50:53.160
<v Speaker 3>your contributions speaking.

0:50:54.160 --> 0:50:56.160
<v Speaker 2>Thank you. I love you, baby, I love you to

0:51:04.440 --> 0:51:08.440
<v Speaker 2>what a conversation. I love zech so much. Listen, you

0:51:08.480 --> 0:51:12.520
<v Speaker 2>already know that we are hose here, but hose with heart.

0:51:12.600 --> 0:51:14.960
<v Speaker 2>So before we get out of here, let me speak

0:51:15.000 --> 0:51:20.400
<v Speaker 2>to yours and specifically, I'm gonna talk to my bisexual community,

0:51:20.560 --> 0:51:26.360
<v Speaker 2>especially for those of y'all who are in hetero presenting

0:51:26.520 --> 0:51:29.359
<v Speaker 2>relationships or straight passing relationships, or those of you who

0:51:29.760 --> 0:51:34.120
<v Speaker 2>are coming out later in your journey. I just want

0:51:34.160 --> 0:51:37.120
<v Speaker 2>you to know that you can take up space, and

0:51:37.200 --> 0:51:40.279
<v Speaker 2>I'm m you know, I don't know. If somebody has

0:51:40.280 --> 0:51:42.399
<v Speaker 2>a problem with it, send them my way and I'll

0:51:42.400 --> 0:51:46.240
<v Speaker 2>fight on your behalf. Because you are queer. You're queer,

0:51:46.320 --> 0:51:50.480
<v Speaker 2>Your queerness matters, your experience matters. We are not a monolith.

0:51:50.520 --> 0:51:52.879
<v Speaker 2>There's not one version of being queer that's not one

0:51:53.239 --> 0:51:56.359
<v Speaker 2>queer experience. In fact, what makes I think the queer

0:51:56.400 --> 0:52:00.760
<v Speaker 2>community such a beautiful and vibrant space is the fact

0:52:00.760 --> 0:52:05.520
<v Speaker 2>that our tapestry is so so I'm gonna use the

0:52:05.520 --> 0:52:10.680
<v Speaker 2>word diverse, controversial word, but it's so layered and nuanced

0:52:10.680 --> 0:52:15.480
<v Speaker 2>and has so many intricacies, and it's so colorful. And

0:52:15.520 --> 0:52:19.760
<v Speaker 2>so don't shrink yourself or hide yourself because you're afraid

0:52:19.880 --> 0:52:22.919
<v Speaker 2>of how other people are going to perceive you. Live

0:52:22.960 --> 0:52:27.239
<v Speaker 2>your life for you, not for the masses. Use your privilege,

0:52:27.320 --> 0:52:31.120
<v Speaker 2>of course, know what spaces you're in, of course, but

0:52:31.239 --> 0:52:35.480
<v Speaker 2>don't hide who you are. Who you are matters. And

0:52:35.520 --> 0:52:39.719
<v Speaker 2>there are people who are willing and ready and who

0:52:39.800 --> 0:52:43.920
<v Speaker 2>desire to welcome you, who desire to include you, and

0:52:43.960 --> 0:52:48.120
<v Speaker 2>those who don't. Don't data your people. Remember five might

0:52:48.160 --> 0:52:50.920
<v Speaker 2>be your space, not your people, you know, So don't

0:52:51.080 --> 0:52:55.839
<v Speaker 2>stress about the people who are hating. I'll let you

0:52:55.880 --> 0:52:58.359
<v Speaker 2>want to seecret. The people who are hating have their

0:52:58.360 --> 0:53:01.680
<v Speaker 2>own insecurities that they're navigating, have their own triggers that

0:53:01.719 --> 0:53:06.279
<v Speaker 2>they're navigating, have their own things that they're working through, hopefully,

0:53:06.600 --> 0:53:09.520
<v Speaker 2>and they might project that onto you, and you might

0:53:09.600 --> 0:53:11.840
<v Speaker 2>bring something up for them that has nothing to do

0:53:11.960 --> 0:53:14.200
<v Speaker 2>with you. And that is a lesson for anybody that

0:53:14.239 --> 0:53:16.120
<v Speaker 2>doesn't matter about your queerness. Whatever that is a lesson

0:53:16.120 --> 0:53:20.760
<v Speaker 2>for everybody. When somebody is reacting versus responding, I say react,

0:53:20.840 --> 0:53:22.680
<v Speaker 2>run to the attack. So if you ever feel like

0:53:22.719 --> 0:53:25.719
<v Speaker 2>you're on the receiving end of a reaction, remember that

0:53:25.760 --> 0:53:28.160
<v Speaker 2>it's probably not about you. It has everything to do

0:53:28.239 --> 0:53:32.640
<v Speaker 2>with that person. So be yourself, love yourself, be kind

0:53:32.719 --> 0:53:36.960
<v Speaker 2>to yourself, be gentle with yourself. Find your people, find

0:53:37.080 --> 0:53:42.719
<v Speaker 2>your space, find your coven of doms. Okay, honey, and

0:53:42.800 --> 0:53:44.560
<v Speaker 2>I just love you. I just want you to know

0:53:44.560 --> 0:53:47.920
<v Speaker 2>that you're left. I love you so much. All Right,

0:53:48.160 --> 0:53:49.759
<v Speaker 2>I gotta get out of here, but y'all make sure

0:53:49.760 --> 0:53:51.879
<v Speaker 2>you check out Zach's articles, which will be in our

0:53:52.040 --> 0:53:55.560
<v Speaker 2>show notes if you're interested. Find Zach's book at your

0:53:55.640 --> 0:54:00.600
<v Speaker 2>local bookstore. Support those local bookstores. I can't recommend Voicelet,

0:54:00.880 --> 0:54:03.880
<v Speaker 2>which is one word for one word. I can't recommend

0:54:03.880 --> 0:54:06.799
<v Speaker 2>it enough. You can also find Zach on Instagram at

0:54:06.880 --> 0:54:11.600
<v Speaker 2>Zachary Zane Underscore or on their their substack which is

0:54:11.600 --> 0:54:14.800
<v Speaker 2>the Voicelet zine. And if you go to our Messy

0:54:14.840 --> 0:54:17.719
<v Speaker 2>Monday's substack, Zach is recommended there, so there's a link

0:54:17.800 --> 0:54:21.399
<v Speaker 2>on the side. You can find me on Instagram as

0:54:21.400 --> 0:54:24.160
<v Speaker 2>well at branded Kyle Goodman. You can find our podcast

0:54:24.360 --> 0:54:27.560
<v Speaker 2>at tell Me Something Messy and you can join our

0:54:27.600 --> 0:54:31.480
<v Speaker 2>community on the Messy Monday's substack. When you subscribe, you'll

0:54:31.520 --> 0:54:34.880
<v Speaker 2>get weekly posts, recommendations on sex and self and so

0:54:35.160 --> 0:54:37.600
<v Speaker 2>much more. Also, I want to hear from you, so

0:54:37.760 --> 0:54:42.160
<v Speaker 2>send your topic ideas, your messy stories, your submissions, your

0:54:42.239 --> 0:54:46.480
<v Speaker 2>game ideas to tell Me Something Messy at gmail dot com.

0:54:46.560 --> 0:54:49.000
<v Speaker 2>You can also call us at six six nine sixty

0:54:49.080 --> 0:54:52.919
<v Speaker 2>nine Messy. That is six six nine six nine six

0:54:53.200 --> 0:54:56.720
<v Speaker 2>three seven seven nine for you host who can't spill.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna say that every week, rate review and share

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<v Speaker 2>this podcast with all your HOE and aspiring HOE friends.

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<v Speaker 2>Really really helps the show out, all right, Until next time,

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<v Speaker 2>ask about the politics of that dick before you make

0:55:10.960 --> 0:55:13.680
<v Speaker 2>it spit, make sure they eat the kitty before they

0:55:13.680 --> 0:55:18.759
<v Speaker 2>beat the kitty, before fucation or suctation communication. And in

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<v Speaker 2>case you haven't heard it yet, today you are so

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<v Speaker 2>deeply loved. I love you bye. Thank you so much

0:55:27.680 --> 0:55:30.040
<v Speaker 2>for listening to tell Me Something Messy. If you all

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<v Speaker 2>enjoyed the show, send the episode to someone else who

0:55:32.440 --> 0:55:35.560
<v Speaker 2>might like it. Tell Me Something Messy was executive produced

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<v Speaker 2>by Ali Perry Gabrielle Collins and Yours Truly. Our producer

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<v Speaker 2>and editor is Vince de Johnny. For more podcasts from

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<v Speaker 2>iHeartRadio and the Outspoken Network, visit the iHeartRadio app or

0:55:46.920 --> 0:55:49.280
<v Speaker 2>anywhere you subscribe to your favorite shows.