WEBVTT - The Fifth Element with Danielle Radford 0:00:00.480 --> 0:00:03.840 Hi everyone, It's Caitlin and Jamie and you are about 0:00:03.880 --> 0:00:08.840 to hear our episode that we recorded live November early 0:00:08.920 --> 0:00:13.640 November about The Fifth Element, a movie directed by Luke 0:00:13.760 --> 0:00:17.760 Luke a popular request. We've been wanting to do this 0:00:17.800 --> 0:00:20.880 movie forever. We were thrilled that Daniel Radford could be 0:00:20.920 --> 0:00:23.720 there with us. We just wanted to say really quick 0:00:23.760 --> 0:00:27.319 at the top that we were not aware of the 0:00:27.400 --> 0:00:30.880 many allegations against the director of this movie, and when 0:00:30.920 --> 0:00:34.519 we recorded that episode, we're now aware of them. Um. 0:00:34.600 --> 0:00:36.960 So part of it is that a lot of the 0:00:37.080 --> 0:00:42.040 story broke after we after, and some did before, but 0:00:42.280 --> 0:00:45.559 the three of us were not aware of any of 0:00:45.560 --> 0:00:49.200 this at the time this episode was recorded. So um, 0:00:49.280 --> 0:00:52.000 if you're looking for analysis on that, and unfortunately we 0:00:52.040 --> 0:00:55.240 didn't know, but if you do a little research, he's 0:00:55.360 --> 0:00:59.160 basically the Harvey Weinstein of France. Yes, has been accused 0:00:59.240 --> 0:01:03.160 of a lot of actual misconduct assault and I mean, 0:01:03.200 --> 0:01:05.399 if we have any French listeners, we would love to 0:01:05.440 --> 0:01:08.120 hear your take on it. But it seems like the 0:01:08.200 --> 0:01:11.280 situation is being handled very differently and he is continuing 0:01:11.480 --> 0:01:16.720 to work a problem boo. So just a little context 0:01:16.880 --> 0:01:21.160 up top. Sorry to start a downer, but Danielle is amazing. 0:01:21.680 --> 0:01:25.200 The episode is a blast, so fun and we hope 0:01:25.240 --> 0:01:29.960 you enjoy it. Yeah. On the delcast, the questions asked 0:01:29.959 --> 0:01:33.520 if movies have women in them? Are all their discussions 0:01:33.600 --> 0:01:36.440 just boyfriends and husbands? Did? Do they have individuals and 0:01:36.959 --> 0:01:40.959 the patriarchy? That the best start changing it with the 0:01:41.000 --> 0:01:48.840 beck Del cast. Welcome to the backcast, Like, Hi, thanks 0:01:48.840 --> 0:01:53.320 for so. The movie we're covering today is the Fifth Element? 0:01:53.320 --> 0:01:59.520 By round applause? Who has seen it? Great? Okay, and 0:02:00.040 --> 0:02:03.880 there anyone who hasn't. I hadn't, so don't be shy. Yeah, 0:02:05.240 --> 0:02:10.880 my soul sibling. Yeah, we're talking about the Fifth Element today. 0:02:11.000 --> 0:02:14.960 I am man, what a ride? What did you know? 0:02:15.040 --> 0:02:20.079 The future is not female? The future is French, So 0:02:20.120 --> 0:02:22.520 we've got a French as patriarchy to look forward to 0:02:22.560 --> 0:02:25.760 according to this movie. Yeah. So we use the Bechtel 0:02:25.800 --> 0:02:28.160 test as a jumping off point to initiate a larger 0:02:28.200 --> 0:02:32.600 conversation about the representation and portrayal of women in movies. Uh, 0:02:32.600 --> 0:02:35.560 and what is the Bechtel test? Well? The Bechtel test 0:02:35.720 --> 0:02:40.120 is a metric created originally by cartoonist Alison Bechtel that 0:02:40.200 --> 0:02:45.200 requires a piece of media include two female identifying characters 0:02:45.240 --> 0:02:49.040 with names for our purposes, who speak about something other 0:02:49.120 --> 0:02:51.960 than a man to each other for more than two 0:02:52.000 --> 0:02:55.160 lines of dialogue. You think it would be easy, you 0:02:55.200 --> 0:02:59.760 would think, and yet this movie doesn't matter. Whoops, oh 0:03:00.080 --> 0:03:03.880 blew it at the top of the show. So I 0:03:04.000 --> 0:03:06.880 am so tired of people being like the show is, like, 0:03:08.400 --> 0:03:11.600 does it pass the Bechtel tis like, obviously no, it doesn't. 0:03:11.639 --> 0:03:18.359 Ever if you're listening for seventy minutes to be like, 0:03:19.880 --> 0:03:24.480 grow up, that's you know, it's a what I what 0:03:24.520 --> 0:03:27.239 I What I've tried to say is I'm sorry, I've 0:03:27.240 --> 0:03:31.240 had half of Mike's Hard and I'm fucked up? Uh? 0:03:32.440 --> 0:03:35.600 Is that it is a jumping off point for discussion. 0:03:35.720 --> 0:03:39.520 It is not by any means. There are some movies 0:03:39.600 --> 0:03:42.320 we've done that passed the Bechtel test by two female 0:03:42.360 --> 0:03:46.600 identifying characters telling each other to kill themselves. So you know, 0:03:46.720 --> 0:03:49.320 it is not a metric of being a feminist icon 0:03:49.440 --> 0:03:52.680 by any means. No, no, no, no, no, And tonight 0:03:52.800 --> 0:03:56.640 to join us in our discussion. We've got a wonderful guest. 0:03:56.720 --> 0:03:59.920 You know, we're from screen junkies and tights and fights. 0:04:00.080 --> 0:04:09.280 It's Danielle Radford, Hi, well I did it. Also, I 0:04:09.560 --> 0:04:11.800 should have brought my purse, because like, I don't sit 0:04:12.480 --> 0:04:16.960 like a lady, and that's never more evident when I 0:04:16.960 --> 0:04:20.880 don't just have my purse here to save me from showing. Well, 0:04:20.960 --> 0:04:25.040 let's redefine how sitting like a lady? Okay, I sound 0:04:25.080 --> 0:04:28.280 like a person who doesn't care if you see her vagina. Right, 0:04:30.279 --> 0:04:32.839 So maybe not like a lady, but just like a 0:04:32.920 --> 0:04:36.400 human who doesn't want to be arrested. Okay, I only 0:04:36.440 --> 0:04:39.560 wear skirts and I don't cross my legs up, guys, 0:04:40.920 --> 0:04:48.360 an icon in your right, I am the Jaden Smith. Okay, 0:04:48.400 --> 0:04:50.919 so we're talking about the fifth element. Danielle, what is 0:04:51.000 --> 0:04:55.440 your history your relationship with the movie. So, this is 0:04:56.040 --> 0:05:00.520 one of my favorite movies. Um So, I will prefaces 0:05:00.520 --> 0:05:04.000 by saying I love things that are bad. I do 0:05:04.080 --> 0:05:05.800 not think this movie is bad. I think this movie 0:05:05.920 --> 0:05:07.599 is great, and I think that it doesn't pass my 0:05:07.720 --> 0:05:12.039 bad test, but it does come really goddamn close. Just 0:05:12.160 --> 0:05:15.680 like everyone. Oh so, I have a really specific test 0:05:15.720 --> 0:05:17.880 for what makes a good bad movie. First of all, 0:05:17.920 --> 0:05:20.120 obviously it has to be bad. That's the first thing, 0:05:20.600 --> 0:05:24.360 of course, obviously. Um Secondly, it has to be sincere. 0:05:24.880 --> 0:05:27.600 It can't be like Snakes on the Plane, where they're like, oh, 0:05:27.800 --> 0:05:30.680 we're gonna make a bad movie. It's like, no, the 0:05:30.720 --> 0:05:33.839 people making it, even if it's intentionally campy, the people 0:05:33.920 --> 0:05:36.200 making it have to care about what they are doing. 0:05:36.360 --> 0:05:39.000 That there's a reason why Black Dynamite, while it is 0:05:39.080 --> 0:05:43.640 obviously meant to be this like Pastiche, is also still 0:05:43.680 --> 0:05:47.000 a really fun bad movie and not just like a 0:05:47.120 --> 0:05:51.120 cynical we tried to make a bad movie. Um. And Third, 0:05:51.160 --> 0:05:53.919 you've got to have spectacle. There has to be spectacle 0:05:54.200 --> 0:05:57.520 of some kind, whether it's like you know, in the 0:05:57.520 --> 0:06:00.159 case of show Girls, it's all of the dancing, or 0:06:00.160 --> 0:06:01.880 whether it's a sci fi movie and there is good 0:06:02.000 --> 0:06:05.960 or bad c g I or makeup or characters, or 0:06:06.080 --> 0:06:09.279 whether you just have Tommy was So, which is spectacle 0:06:09.400 --> 0:06:13.640 on his own. What's your favorite bad movie? Oh, gosh, 0:06:13.880 --> 0:06:17.320 um the Last Dragon. Oh I've never seen that one. 0:06:17.480 --> 0:06:22.960 Oh it's so good, good, it's good. Yeah, yeah, it's 0:06:23.160 --> 0:06:26.440 um So. In the eighties, Barry Gordy decided that black 0:06:26.480 --> 0:06:31.480 folks really like karate, so he decided to make a 0:06:31.520 --> 0:06:34.680 movie which is not a musical wink wink, but is 0:06:34.720 --> 0:06:37.400 filled with the music of motown in the eighties, which 0:06:37.440 --> 0:06:39.400 is most of you know, no one was listening to 0:06:39.960 --> 0:06:42.880 and there were some but not a whole bunch. And yeah, 0:06:42.880 --> 0:06:45.520 it started a guy named Tie Mock one name um. 0:06:45.520 --> 0:06:48.040 And it also started a Prince Protege and X Prince 0:06:48.040 --> 0:06:51.799 Protegeania and Vanity Good. I want to watch this movie 0:06:51.800 --> 0:06:55.719 really bad. Our next live show, we'll be covering last 0:06:57.000 --> 0:07:01.719 bad movie really quick. Um. I have exquisite taste, so 0:07:02.240 --> 0:07:06.960 I don't like any bad movies. No. Um, probably like 0:07:07.040 --> 0:07:12.760 Spiceworld or something, So it's not a bad movie. Alan 0:07:12.880 --> 0:07:16.040 Cummings in it. That doesn't count, right. I have a 0:07:16.080 --> 0:07:22.400 tie between I Frankenstein and Jobs. The one with Ashton 0:07:22.480 --> 0:07:28.280 Kutcher and Ashton Kutcher pretending like he's a character actor 0:07:28.560 --> 0:07:37.000 is spectacle. It is. He was like, here's my nomination, guys, 0:07:37.040 --> 0:07:41.480 it's me Cher. He's like, I'm a little too handsome, 0:07:41.560 --> 0:07:43.560 you know, like that's kind of his thing. I'm in 0:07:43.600 --> 0:07:48.600 a turtle Nick. That is kind of like My favorite 0:07:48.640 --> 0:07:50.680 kind of bad biopic is when you feel like the 0:07:50.760 --> 0:07:53.600 lead actor, even though they're technically not as are constantly 0:07:53.640 --> 0:07:57.280 looking like, you know, this isn't me right, that's just 0:07:57.360 --> 0:08:00.560 kind of funny. I'm I'm Ashton Kutcher, actual culture. Y'all 0:08:00.600 --> 0:08:04.160 know I fucked right, Yeah, I don't know how I came. 0:08:04.240 --> 0:08:06.080 I don't even know how to turn a computer on. 0:08:07.440 --> 0:08:11.680 It's like, oh cool, okay, So sorry at the fifth element. 0:08:13.000 --> 0:08:16.679 Sorry to derail this conversation, but so the fifth element. 0:08:17.000 --> 0:08:19.840 You think it's a good, bad movie. Yes, and it's 0:08:19.880 --> 0:08:21.800 one of your favorites. It's one of my favorites. It 0:08:21.880 --> 0:08:24.240 is also one of my oma's favorites, which anytime my 0:08:24.280 --> 0:08:28.360 Oma loves movie, I know it's bad. So it's awesome, Jamie. 0:08:28.360 --> 0:08:31.200 What's your history? Uh? Well, as I've been critiqued and 0:08:31.280 --> 0:08:34.679 praised for I saw it this morning. I have never 0:08:34.760 --> 0:08:36.720 I had no history of this movie. I wasn't aware 0:08:36.760 --> 0:08:39.120 it was a movie that was famous so much that 0:08:39.160 --> 0:08:41.520 I pushed back. It is like, no one's seen that movie. 0:08:42.400 --> 0:08:45.360 And I was informed that nearly everyone but me has 0:08:45.400 --> 0:08:48.800 seen that movie and that I'm a dumbass. So I 0:08:48.840 --> 0:08:52.400 saw it today. Great, but I enjoyed it. That's surprising 0:08:52.400 --> 0:08:55.240 because it's not your genre. It's no, I'm not normally 0:08:55.280 --> 0:08:59.200 a sci fi person, but I mean the outfits, the wigs. 0:08:59.480 --> 0:09:02.480 You feel at any moment in this movie or like 0:09:02.559 --> 0:09:07.520 someone could break into song given the aesthetic of the 0:09:07.559 --> 0:09:11.880 movie and the vibe the actors are putting out, there 0:09:11.920 --> 0:09:14.080 could be a musical number, but they're just simply isn't 0:09:14.440 --> 0:09:18.040 It was a choice. Also one of my favorites. I 0:09:18.080 --> 0:09:20.079 saw for the first time, I think in college. I 0:09:20.120 --> 0:09:22.040 don't know if you know this, but I did go 0:09:22.160 --> 0:09:26.040 to film school twice. Um, I do have a master's 0:09:26.120 --> 0:09:28.679 green screenwriting from bost University. I would never bring it up, 0:09:28.720 --> 0:09:31.920 but I do. Oh wow, no one likes the bits. 0:09:32.040 --> 0:09:37.760 Thanks okay, thanks smattering, But yeah, I really enjoyed this 0:09:37.800 --> 0:09:41.679 movie upon the rewatch, though it felt a little tedious. 0:09:41.960 --> 0:09:44.800 Uh it's long. I don't remember being over two hours 0:09:44.840 --> 0:09:47.440 half hours long. You know, it's like two hours and 0:09:47.559 --> 0:09:52.000 six minutes. No, it's two and a half hours long. Really. 0:09:52.400 --> 0:09:56.800 I watched it on daily motion dot com Galen, it's 0:09:56.840 --> 0:10:01.760 two and a half hours up. Oh, you're pirated video names. 0:10:03.559 --> 0:10:06.640 They're not sponsoring this. I simply didn't want to pay. 0:10:06.840 --> 0:10:12.199 It's too old. If the movie came out before two five, 0:10:12.240 --> 0:10:13.880 I won't pay to watch it. It should just be 0:10:13.960 --> 0:10:15.880 free at that point. It should I'm just like, you 0:10:15.920 --> 0:10:17.720 know what, you had your chance to get my money. 0:10:17.720 --> 0:10:22.800 Why are we still paying for Chinatown? I paid for 0:10:22.880 --> 0:10:27.760 Miss Congeniality recently, and I was furious because no, yeah 0:10:28.000 --> 0:10:32.080 at daily motion dot com. So there's no excuses because 0:10:32.440 --> 0:10:36.439 they you apparently watched like an extended cut because it's 0:10:36.760 --> 0:10:38.480 because if you watch it on daily Motion, they have 0:10:38.559 --> 0:10:41.640 to slow it down so it tricks the algorithm. So 0:10:41.679 --> 0:10:46.160 you're probably watch one two hours and thirty six minutes long. Yeah, 0:10:46.200 --> 0:10:48.800 so you're watching the version where oh we're Rudy rod 0:10:48.880 --> 0:10:53.559 Is talking like a normal person. Oh no, no, it's 0:10:53.640 --> 0:10:57.760 twenty extra minutes right there. Well, you know what, because 0:10:57.800 --> 0:11:02.280 they're not our sponsor. Fuck daily dot com upload better 0:11:02.400 --> 0:11:07.439 pirated files. Yeah, so it's long and it was a 0:11:07.480 --> 0:11:10.760 little tedious. There's there's lots to talk about, and I'm 0:11:10.760 --> 0:11:15.520 excited to do that. So without much further ado, I'll 0:11:15.520 --> 0:11:21.880 do that recap that we're also fond of. Oh wow, 0:11:22.559 --> 0:11:26.320 alright we open. It's nineteen fourteen in Egypt. What is 0:11:26.400 --> 0:11:31.760 this The Mummy starring Brandon Fraser. Literally, yeah, there are 0:11:31.920 --> 0:11:34.880 a lot of white guy archaeologists. I love how like 0:11:34.960 --> 0:11:37.920 in any movie that opens like around World War One. 0:11:38.120 --> 0:11:41.880 Everyone's like colonialism was awesome, right, They're just like looking 0:11:41.840 --> 0:11:43.640 at all this cool stuff we found that no one's 0:11:43.640 --> 0:11:46.600 seen before. Yeah, yeah, we stole it, but it was 0:11:46.640 --> 0:11:49.679 for the greater good. Like it was just horrible. Uh. 0:11:49.760 --> 0:11:52.599 And in this movie, they're like looking at some hieroglyphics 0:11:52.640 --> 0:11:55.679 and they tell of this evil force that's going to 0:11:55.800 --> 0:11:59.480 show up soon, but there's a weapon against it. The 0:12:00.000 --> 0:12:03.520 were elements plus a fifth element there. I spent a 0:12:03.559 --> 0:12:06.040 lot of this movie confused because I forgot that we 0:12:06.040 --> 0:12:10.040 were talking about elements allah Avatard The Last Airbender and 0:12:10.080 --> 0:12:13.679 not senses, where I was like, oh, like the movie 0:12:13.720 --> 0:12:15.920 I turned it on, I was like, oh, taste probably 0:12:18.280 --> 0:12:22.720 just a wild guess. But they're talking about elements and 0:12:22.800 --> 0:12:26.240 that I don't know how many for example, earth, fire, wind, 0:12:26.320 --> 0:12:32.160 and water, air and tastes, so there's actually six and 0:12:32.200 --> 0:12:36.560 they're wrong. Okay, So those four elements plus taste plus 0:12:36.600 --> 0:12:38.959 a fifth element will combine to make a weapon that 0:12:39.000 --> 0:12:41.920 will fight against this impending evil. Uh. And then all 0:12:41.960 --> 0:12:44.640 these aliens show up and they're like, we're taking these 0:12:44.679 --> 0:12:47.360 these stones that represent each one of the elements, and 0:12:47.400 --> 0:12:51.760 we say aliens, but their muppets that there's something the robots, 0:12:52.840 --> 0:12:58.400 robot aliens they look like sarcopha guy that move. Yeah, 0:12:58.600 --> 0:13:01.360 and they're like, hey, priests, that's here, make sure you 0:13:01.679 --> 0:13:05.079 pass up down this information because like the evil stuff 0:13:05.120 --> 0:13:07.400 is going to come in three hundred years and aliens 0:13:07.440 --> 0:13:11.240 give so much exposition. They're like, remember three hundred years, 0:13:11.320 --> 0:13:14.640 only priests could pass down and he's like, I will 0:13:14.679 --> 0:13:18.520 do that, but it's supposed to be scary also, and 0:13:18.600 --> 0:13:23.400 only the whitest Yes, yes, and then we got to 0:13:23.480 --> 0:13:29.280 believe it or not three hundred years later. Okay, so 0:13:30.040 --> 0:13:33.680 I read on the Wikipedia. Okay, my two favorite websites, 0:13:33.760 --> 0:13:37.000 daiely motion dot com, Wikipedia dot com. Uh that it's 0:13:37.240 --> 0:13:42.080 twenty two sixty three, Like it's over so it's not 0:13:42.120 --> 0:13:45.480 an exact science, I guess, but there's uh yeah, so 0:13:45.520 --> 0:13:48.040 in the future where the evil had been gathering and 0:13:48.040 --> 0:13:51.079 it took it three years to get to the point 0:13:51.080 --> 0:13:54.840 where it was scaring Zeus Tiny, the guy who played 0:13:54.840 --> 0:14:00.120 the president. Yes, yes, so it's like far in the future, 0:14:00.000 --> 0:14:04.520 are still patriarchy, but it's French now and and and 0:14:04.679 --> 0:14:09.560 men wear sexy tank tops. That's the where the vibe 0:14:09.600 --> 0:14:14.120 of this patriarchy and so this like ominous like planet 0:14:14.400 --> 0:14:17.640 thing shows up. The President and the military try to 0:14:17.679 --> 0:14:19.640 destroy it, but every time they do that, it just 0:14:19.680 --> 0:14:22.160 gets like more evil, so they're like, oh no. And 0:14:22.200 --> 0:14:24.800 also this was during a period We're having a black president. 0:14:25.120 --> 0:14:29.600 Seemed very sci fi, right. What was the other was 0:14:29.640 --> 0:14:32.160 a deep and deep impact another one where it was like, 0:14:32.440 --> 0:14:34.720 we only get a black president when the world's about 0:14:34.720 --> 0:14:44.600 to all ship. So then Father Cornelius shows up and 0:14:44.640 --> 0:14:47.360 he's like, hey, this is the evil thing the priest. 0:14:47.560 --> 0:14:49.520 It's not the same actor, but it may as well 0:14:49.560 --> 0:14:52.240 be the same actor who's like, hey, that thing right, 0:14:52.280 --> 0:14:57.200 except now it's Bilbo Baggins. Oh yeah, yeah, okay. So 0:14:57.280 --> 0:15:01.800 then we meet Corbin Dallas at Bruce Willis's character to 0:15:01.840 --> 0:15:04.560 be confused with Corbyn Blue for this, and the audience 0:15:04.640 --> 0:15:07.960 who are like, wait a second, wait, what's up from 0:15:08.040 --> 0:15:13.840 He's is this like a d calm Nickelodeon is adcom 0:15:13.920 --> 0:15:17.320 thing there? Corbyn Blue was in the high School Musical 0:15:17.320 --> 0:15:20.360 franchise to start, and then he went on to have 0:15:20.400 --> 0:15:23.760 a successful career. He's great, He's in Beils just the 0:15:23.800 --> 0:15:26.920 musical in Washington, d C. Right now. So that is 0:15:26.960 --> 0:15:31.840 something that I found out on purpose. I like to 0:15:31.880 --> 0:15:36.480 keep up with him. Okay, So Corbyn Dallas. He is 0:15:36.640 --> 0:15:40.280 a cab driver in New York City. Ever heard of it? 0:15:40.360 --> 0:15:46.880 And its future? So air cars. Yeah, he's ex military, 0:15:46.960 --> 0:15:50.000 because Bruce Willis can't play someone who's not either a 0:15:50.040 --> 0:15:53.960 cop or in the military. Uh. He's a tough guy, 0:15:54.040 --> 0:15:57.840 but he's got a cat to um. Now would be 0:15:57.880 --> 0:16:01.200 a good time to bring up the fact that cats 0:16:01.520 --> 0:16:07.040 do have eight nipples and uh, that's cat facts with Caitlin, okay. Uh. 0:16:07.040 --> 0:16:08.840 And the whole his whole thing is he's looking for 0:16:08.840 --> 0:16:13.120 the perfect woman. The word perfect is invoked so many 0:16:13.160 --> 0:16:18.200 times in reference to like, you know, five nine blue eyes, 0:16:18.920 --> 0:16:24.040 good skin, perfect and you're like, it's so many times 0:16:24.080 --> 0:16:26.520 the word perfect is used in reference to someone who 0:16:26.600 --> 0:16:33.080 is being exploited by the governments. I'm a weapon from there, 0:16:34.920 --> 0:16:39.640 it's bad. Okay. So then the Mondo shoot shoeing. Those 0:16:39.640 --> 0:16:44.400 are the aliens from the beginning of the movie. Literally 0:16:44.480 --> 0:16:47.720 every alien in every universe sounds like someone who was 0:16:47.800 --> 0:16:53.680 pretending like they know how to speak Japanese. But it's fine. Yeah, 0:16:54.280 --> 0:16:56.480 so they show up, They're like, we're here to help. 0:16:56.480 --> 0:17:00.840 We've got those stones. But then the stones. The stones 0:17:01.000 --> 0:17:03.600 bother me. It is like what if we had five 0:17:03.720 --> 0:17:08.320 Chekhov's guns, like the Holy Like the whole plot use 0:17:08.359 --> 0:17:11.639 of the stones is like every at some point in 0:17:11.680 --> 0:17:13.600 the middle of the movie, all of a sudden, it's 0:17:13.640 --> 0:17:17.080 all about the stones, and every main character, every other 0:17:17.119 --> 0:17:21.320 line to be like the stones. Where are the stones? Okay, 0:17:21.359 --> 0:17:24.000 so they're like here, we're here to help. But the 0:17:24.000 --> 0:17:27.359 their ship crashes because some bad aliens show up and 0:17:27.640 --> 0:17:30.760 shoot it down. But there's a lone survivor, a k 0:17:31.119 --> 0:17:34.639 It's like, she's a hand. Yeah, it's a hand which 0:17:34.720 --> 0:17:39.320 is comprised of like very highly advanced genetic material. Um. 0:17:39.400 --> 0:17:42.400 So some engineers show up, some perverts in New York 0:17:43.280 --> 0:17:46.240 bring her back to life. No women in stem in 0:17:46.240 --> 0:17:50.240 in that No, just perverts and stuff bring her back 0:17:50.280 --> 0:17:53.439 to life. And it turns out she's a sexy lady 0:17:53.800 --> 0:17:59.240 parentheses a nude. Yes, and they're like, oh god, she's perfect. 0:18:00.000 --> 0:18:02.240 And then the word perfect is invoked no less than 0:18:02.240 --> 0:18:05.480 four times in that scene. Yes, and then like put 0:18:05.560 --> 0:18:09.560 bandages on her, and then the bandages form a sexy leotard. 0:18:11.640 --> 0:18:15.560 That's how bandages work. No, the bandages in the future 0:18:15.680 --> 0:18:19.119 not only are not used to protect against injury that 0:18:19.160 --> 0:18:23.200 doesn't exist. Um, they also just magically form around your 0:18:23.240 --> 0:18:27.160 body and snap off and never come around your little butt. 0:18:27.359 --> 0:18:29.920 And then there I was like, oh, these are bandages 0:18:29.960 --> 0:18:35.399 that like follow the Instagram policy. Is how conveniens in 0:18:36.080 --> 0:18:39.600 they're like bondages like and then she was strapped the 0:18:39.640 --> 0:18:42.000 bed and then when she got up, it was like, 0:18:42.880 --> 0:18:45.119 I guess you were sexy or more perfect when you 0:18:45.119 --> 0:18:47.920 were strapped with this bed. And then they become like her, 0:18:48.240 --> 0:18:50.800 and then they're like, I guess we better become a 0:18:50.960 --> 0:18:54.600 leotard that will become you know, the choice of like 0:18:54.840 --> 0:18:57.200 the girl who's unlike the other girls at all college 0:18:57.240 --> 0:19:02.680 Halloween parties until Kingdom fucking come. So then she escapes 0:19:03.080 --> 0:19:06.920 from this lab and she ends up in the back 0:19:07.000 --> 0:19:12.000 seat of our friend Corbin Dallas's cab, not Corbon Blue, 0:19:12.160 --> 0:19:15.520 not Corby. Again, I can't say it enough. He was 0:19:15.560 --> 0:19:19.879 a baby. So because she's so perfect and because he 0:19:19.960 --> 0:19:23.720 thinks she's hot, he helps her escape from the cops 0:19:23.920 --> 0:19:29.160 and he takes her to Father Courtnelius and he's like, oh, ship, 0:19:29.400 --> 0:19:34.520 this is the fifth element. She's perfect. It's taste. We 0:19:34.640 --> 0:19:42.320 can we can tell because she's white right, yes, uh, 0:19:42.359 --> 0:19:45.000 and we learned her name is is Leulu. And then 0:19:45.160 --> 0:19:47.880 the priest is like, get out of here, Bruce Willis. 0:19:47.960 --> 0:19:50.400 And then Chris Wallis is like, but my tanked up 0:19:51.880 --> 0:19:54.080 and the phrase is like I respect her tank tub. 0:19:54.160 --> 0:19:57.040 It's very good, but leave. It has like a cut 0:19:57.040 --> 0:20:00.880 out of the back, cut in the back. It's really 0:20:00.920 --> 0:20:03.160 a cute It's I was telling Danielle and I think 0:20:03.160 --> 0:20:06.200 it's like a tank top that I would wear today. Yeah, 0:20:06.240 --> 0:20:09.160 it feels like, um, it was meant to show off 0:20:09.200 --> 0:20:11.960 how hot nineties Bruce Willis still was, you know, back 0:20:11.960 --> 0:20:15.040 when he cared about acting um, because some people that's 0:20:15.080 --> 0:20:17.119 like body is hot. It just like, ah, you're still 0:20:17.359 --> 0:20:19.560 you're You're still doing this because you like it. And 0:20:20.760 --> 0:20:22.480 but it is one of those things where it's like 0:20:22.960 --> 0:20:25.080 I feel like that is the outfit they would give 0:20:25.160 --> 0:20:28.159 to a woman now to be like, see we're relevant. 0:20:29.440 --> 0:20:32.000 She doesn't just have to wear two band aids, like 0:20:32.080 --> 0:20:34.800 she could definitely wear this tank top outfit and go 0:20:34.880 --> 0:20:38.000 after aperture. Yeah, there are a lot of Zara in 0:20:38.200 --> 0:20:41.879 spo from from these outfits. This is like a fun 0:20:41.960 --> 0:20:46.199 period for Bruce Willis where he's like famous enough that 0:20:46.280 --> 0:20:48.679 he's like, you know, I'm just gonna try. So I'm 0:20:48.720 --> 0:20:52.800 gonna play the same character without doubt every single time. However, 0:20:53.160 --> 0:20:56.359 maybe I'll wear a tank top and we're like, you 0:20:56.400 --> 0:20:58.879 know what's good for you? Yeah, maybe I'll be Bruce 0:20:58.880 --> 0:21:02.679 Willis in space this time. No one's ready for that, Like, Okay, 0:21:02.800 --> 0:21:07.240 we've mastered Bruce Willis on Earth. Where do we go 0:21:08.200 --> 0:21:12.719 tank top? Bruce Willis in space? Play a harmonica in space? 0:21:12.760 --> 0:21:18.400 Does it? We've got to ask him? Okay. So then 0:21:18.680 --> 0:21:21.280 they're like, where are the stones that are supposed to Prestone? 0:21:21.720 --> 0:21:25.520 And Leelu is like, oh, we gave them to this 0:21:25.920 --> 0:21:30.720 diva who sings opera. Let's go to that place which 0:21:30.760 --> 0:21:34.520 is called flots and Paradise. But then also there's this 0:21:34.560 --> 0:21:40.560 bad guys Orgue played by Gary Oldman Boo, who is 0:21:40.600 --> 0:21:45.200 also trying to get the stones because the new his wife. 0:21:46.200 --> 0:21:48.120 I think if we're talking about Gary Oldman getting the stones, 0:21:48.160 --> 0:21:51.960 we have to say the stones, oh right, right right, yeah, 0:21:52.000 --> 0:21:55.880 that is how he sounds see and then also light 0:21:55.920 --> 0:21:58.720 that man on fire. Yeah, for those who aren't in 0:21:58.800 --> 0:22:03.320 the know, he beat his wife and he sucks anyway 0:22:03.359 --> 0:22:05.720 to those late to the Gary Oldman is canceled. Train 0:22:06.560 --> 0:22:11.199 He's been canceled. Yes. So then because Corbyn Dallas is 0:22:11.240 --> 0:22:15.000 like a good thing, I'm ex military, this general comes around. 0:22:15.080 --> 0:22:17.640 He's like, hey, we need you to go to flats 0:22:17.680 --> 0:22:21.720 in Paradise to protect the diva. Is that what the 0:22:21.720 --> 0:22:26.720 mission is? I don't think because plot right. So he's like, okay, 0:22:26.760 --> 0:22:29.160 I'll go there. And then so everyone's trying to get 0:22:29.200 --> 0:22:31.880 to flats in Paradise. Now, so the priest is there, 0:22:32.760 --> 0:22:35.200 is there, Corbyn Dallas is there, the bad guys are there. 0:22:35.560 --> 0:22:39.119 Turns out those stones that we've all been looking for, uh, 0:22:39.160 --> 0:22:43.760 they are inside of the big tall blue woman, because 0:22:43.760 --> 0:22:46.680 that's what we went to far, carrying important things inside 0:22:46.720 --> 0:22:51.680 of us dying. And then Bruce Willis is smart enough 0:22:51.760 --> 0:22:57.600 to be like, let me punch this dead woman, therefore 0:22:57.800 --> 0:23:01.119 launching us into the third act of a movie. And 0:23:01.160 --> 0:23:06.480 we're like, yeah, he punches a dead woman in her stomach, 0:23:07.080 --> 0:23:12.640 puncturing her flesh and winds and we did it. We yea. 0:23:14.400 --> 0:23:17.320 So now the good guys have the stones and the 0:23:17.359 --> 0:23:18.879 bad guys are trying to get them. So there's a 0:23:18.960 --> 0:23:22.399 there's a fight, and then they go to Egypt and 0:23:22.400 --> 0:23:26.240 that big like evil ball is like looming towards Earth. 0:23:26.680 --> 0:23:32.240 So they go to Egypt Stones and then they go 0:23:32.359 --> 0:23:34.520 to this tomb that we saw in the beginning of 0:23:34.560 --> 0:23:37.439 the movie, and they're like, oh, how do we do this? 0:23:37.520 --> 0:23:39.800 And then they figured out they like gift to blow 0:23:39.840 --> 0:23:43.240 on the stones and set them on fire, you know, 0:23:43.320 --> 0:23:47.679 the corresponding elements, and then it saves the day. The 0:23:47.760 --> 0:23:50.600 stones are so stupid there, it's like, yeah, it's like 0:23:50.960 --> 0:23:54.000 the guns. Another draft of the script, we could cut 0:23:54.040 --> 0:23:56.919 the stones. I think. I think the stones are a 0:23:56.920 --> 0:24:00.920 sensi candle, you know, interesting like I don't know if 0:24:00.960 --> 0:24:04.119 your college or high school um friends to hit you 0:24:04.200 --> 0:24:06.920 up yet to try to sell you on multi level 0:24:07.000 --> 0:24:12.920 marketing schemes where it's like, well, look, our candles don't 0:24:12.960 --> 0:24:16.199 need fire, or some of them do. But some of 0:24:16.200 --> 0:24:18.360 them you can put in a heating element, and then 0:24:18.400 --> 0:24:20.800 some of them you can blow on, and then some 0:24:20.880 --> 0:24:22.919 of them you need a girl to remember what love is. 0:24:23.560 --> 0:24:30.480 I feel like that's killen, Caitlin. I have to ask 0:24:30.480 --> 0:24:33.840 consent for something. Please, can we take a break? I 0:24:34.200 --> 0:24:37.080 grant you permission and consent to take a break. A 0:24:37.200 --> 0:24:47.000 very progressive transition to advertise the whole thing with this 0:24:47.080 --> 0:24:50.679 movie is it's like, okay, so we've got a woman 0:24:50.760 --> 0:24:53.840 as christ figure. The twist is she doesn't get to 0:24:53.960 --> 0:24:57.879 do fucking anything and she needs a head or a 0:24:57.960 --> 0:25:05.639 white love to create taste or something. Yeah, I'm not 0:25:05.680 --> 0:25:09.040 totally sure. Now that's pretty much it. Yeah, but it 0:25:09.200 --> 0:25:13.000 ends with like they kiss a beam of light for 0:25:13.040 --> 0:25:17.800 their boring love right explodes out from them, and then 0:25:17.840 --> 0:25:22.479 it cuts forward to like the president being like cool, 0:25:22.680 --> 0:25:27.080 good that happened, and then he calls Bruce Willis his mom, 0:25:27.200 --> 0:25:33.120 who's like a very stereotypically like naggy mom, and she's like, Mayor, 0:25:33.240 --> 0:25:37.360 the president sucks. And then the President's like, what the heck? 0:25:38.119 --> 0:25:41.720 And then we got to Bruce Willis fucking, and then 0:25:41.800 --> 0:25:47.800 the movie's over. You're like, we can't end the movie with. 0:25:48.000 --> 0:25:50.480 I feel like that's like a contractual thing for person Willis. 0:25:50.560 --> 0:25:53.720