WEBVTT - Use A Wingwoman To Find Your Man 0:00:13.720 --> 0:00:18.360 Welcome back to I Do Part two. I'm Kelly ben Simone, 0:00:18.360 --> 0:00:21.520 one of your celebrity mentors here on the pod, and 0:00:21.560 --> 0:00:24.320 I'm so excited because today. 0:00:24.120 --> 0:00:26.640 I am joined with someone who's already been on the show. 0:00:26.800 --> 0:00:29.760 We loved getting to hear your story and how you're 0:00:29.800 --> 0:00:34.360 opening up about finding love again. It's Jana Kramer's best 0:00:34.400 --> 0:00:38.000 friend Pamelin back on the pod. Oh my god, I'm 0:00:38.000 --> 0:00:42.560 so excited to meet you. We're live from iHeart Verbo 0:00:42.640 --> 0:00:45.960 podcast House at Bottle Rock, and Wow, this place is incredible. 0:00:46.360 --> 0:00:49.880 We're in Villa Montabella, one of Verbo's vacation rentals of 0:00:49.960 --> 0:00:51.880 the Year in twenty twenty four, and it's everything you 0:00:51.920 --> 0:00:55.440 could dream of. Seriously, the wine cave is insane. And 0:00:55.480 --> 0:00:58.800 if you want your own amazing vacation rental, down tho 0:00:58.880 --> 0:01:02.000 the Verbo app and out there twenty twenty five vacation 0:01:02.160 --> 0:01:05.360 rentals of the Year. Trust us, you won't be disappointed. 0:01:06.400 --> 0:01:09.800 So I mentioned that you were on the pod before, 0:01:09.880 --> 0:01:14.720 and I was listening to all of your chats with 0:01:15.280 --> 0:01:20.800 Jana and you're incredible and so open and so gorgeous. 0:01:20.800 --> 0:01:25.560 Your Instagram is insane. I just learned recently you're not 0:01:25.560 --> 0:01:28.240 supposed to use words like incredible, insane, all the words 0:01:28.280 --> 0:01:30.080 that I use that are my go tos, you're not 0:01:30.120 --> 0:01:30.839 supposed to use. 0:01:30.720 --> 0:01:34.200 Any I saw the list, and honestly, what other words 0:01:34.200 --> 0:01:35.160 are we supposed to use? 0:01:35.240 --> 0:01:35.440 I know? 0:01:35.520 --> 0:01:37.880 So how am I supposed to say, like, wow, well 0:01:37.920 --> 0:01:40.240 let's just go rogue and just do whatever we want? 0:01:40.319 --> 0:01:41.080 Thank you, Pamela. 0:01:41.319 --> 0:01:41.680 Love that. 0:01:41.800 --> 0:01:42.399 I love that. 0:01:44.360 --> 0:01:47.880 So first of all, let's for those who are listening, 0:01:47.960 --> 0:01:51.200 just a quick recap of you know, where you. 0:01:51.160 --> 0:01:52.200 Are in your life. 0:01:52.520 --> 0:01:56.120 So you and jan are best friends, You guys are neighbors. Yes, 0:01:56.160 --> 0:01:58.960 you build houses next to each other. Yes, and Jana 0:01:59.080 --> 0:02:00.800 may or not be babysit your daughter right now. 0:02:00.880 --> 0:02:05.400 Yes, Okay, So it takes a village, for sure, it 0:02:05.440 --> 0:02:10.240 takes I just like counted, there were seven women involved 0:02:10.360 --> 0:02:13.440 in helping me take care of my kids for forty 0:02:13.480 --> 0:02:15.440 eight hours just to be able to leave. 0:02:15.880 --> 0:02:17.360 You know how beautiful is that? 0:02:17.360 --> 0:02:18.040 That is amazing? 0:02:18.040 --> 0:02:20.160 I mean it's a lot, but it's still like, you know, 0:02:20.639 --> 0:02:22.640 a village, and I don't know what I would do 0:02:22.680 --> 0:02:23.120 without that. 0:02:23.560 --> 0:02:25.440 So I raised my kids in New York City, I 0:02:25.480 --> 0:02:28.520 did not have that same village. There were forty eight 0:02:28.600 --> 0:02:31.519 strangers but they were not women that I knew. 0:02:31.960 --> 0:02:34.280 But anyway, my kids are fine. They're fine. 0:02:36.200 --> 0:02:40.760 You know, strangers are great. So that's amazing, and that's 0:02:40.760 --> 0:02:43.360 just so nice. You can come here and feel good 0:02:43.480 --> 0:02:45.760 because you, you know, are taking care of your children 0:02:45.960 --> 0:02:48.480 and working out and cooking and telling us everything on 0:02:48.520 --> 0:02:52.239 your Instagram, which I love. I was feeling very insecure today. 0:02:52.280 --> 0:02:55.040 I was like, Okay, do I do some push ups beforehand? 0:02:55.400 --> 0:02:56.640 Or should I just go to the gym? 0:02:56.760 --> 0:02:58.000 Or do I not eat? 0:02:59.000 --> 0:02:59.920 I always eat? 0:03:00.080 --> 0:03:02.760 Please, That's what I'm trying to like tell every woman, 0:03:02.960 --> 0:03:06.239 you know, low calories is not the option. 0:03:06.360 --> 0:03:08.799 Right, and I think too, which you're such a great 0:03:09.480 --> 0:03:13.200 new role model to the Pod because you're single, you're 0:03:13.320 --> 0:03:16.440 looking for love, but you're not like on the hunt. 0:03:17.040 --> 0:03:20.480 You are organically open to finding love. And like last 0:03:20.520 --> 0:03:21.600 night we were in the Cave. 0:03:22.080 --> 0:03:22.919 How cool is that one? 0:03:23.000 --> 0:03:24.920 Oh my gosh, amazing, amazing. 0:03:25.160 --> 0:03:26.440 I know. I walked in there. I was like, this 0:03:26.520 --> 0:03:28.519 is so cinematic, wasn't it? 0:03:28.520 --> 0:03:30.880 It was? Even the pictures made it look like that. 0:03:31.240 --> 0:03:33.639 I just was like, oh my god, this place is amazing. 0:03:33.720 --> 0:03:36.080 The food was incredible. We had so much fun. The 0:03:36.120 --> 0:03:39.800 table was like so fun like every went from bacheloration, 0:03:40.080 --> 0:03:41.320 the housewise well. 0:03:41.200 --> 0:03:44.240 In so many Yeah, different age groups and just different 0:03:44.360 --> 0:03:46.640 walks of life, just all coming together. 0:03:46.680 --> 0:03:49.560 And couples that have been together for fifteen years. You know, 0:03:49.840 --> 0:03:50.800 you and I are single. 0:03:51.240 --> 0:03:54.040 It's just like a fun mix of all these different people. 0:03:54.080 --> 0:03:56.880 And we had a really interesting conversation and I loved 0:03:56.880 --> 0:04:02.120 what you said about meeting people, and you said that 0:04:02.600 --> 0:04:07.800 when you meet people, you are open to a relationship, 0:04:07.880 --> 0:04:10.400 but you know, and you have relationships for long periods 0:04:10.400 --> 0:04:10.640 of time. 0:04:10.720 --> 0:04:13.040 It's not like you're like in and out like some people. 0:04:13.560 --> 0:04:15.400 Just the nature of the beasts, because we're like all 0:04:15.400 --> 0:04:18.159 these apps and so much opportunity that we're meeting people, 0:04:18.200 --> 0:04:19.720 and it's like going on one or two dates, but 0:04:19.760 --> 0:04:22.640 you're really like you want to be with someone, you 0:04:22.680 --> 0:04:24.640 want to get to know them, and you want. 0:04:24.560 --> 0:04:26.520 You know, you're really looking for that person. 0:04:26.560 --> 0:04:28.320 But you're not like, Okay, I'm just going to go 0:04:28.320 --> 0:04:30.560 one or two dates and then fall in love and yeah, can. 0:04:30.480 --> 0:04:31.279 You talk more about that? 0:04:31.480 --> 0:04:31.720 Sure? 0:04:31.800 --> 0:04:33.480 I mean I think you have to be you know, 0:04:33.760 --> 0:04:42.480 intentional number one and not just have like hopes for 0:04:42.560 --> 0:04:48.800 somebody's potential and really like hone in on you know truly, like, 0:04:48.880 --> 0:04:51.600 what is this person you know, going to. 0:04:53.120 --> 0:04:53.839 Like do for me? 0:04:53.920 --> 0:04:55.839 And in return, like what can I you know, do 0:04:55.920 --> 0:04:57.280 for them to better their lives? 0:04:57.320 --> 0:04:58.000 Because at this. 0:04:58.040 --> 0:05:01.280 Point in our lives we have a lot of things. 0:05:01.720 --> 0:05:04.599 We have careers, we have our children, we have homes, 0:05:04.640 --> 0:05:07.760 we have this life that we've already built, and so 0:05:08.600 --> 0:05:11.960 if we're going to let somebody in and you know, 0:05:12.200 --> 0:05:17.719 invest in that energy, it has to be like the 0:05:17.839 --> 0:05:21.200 jackpot for me anyway. 0:05:21.000 --> 0:05:21.960 The jackpot. Do you guys? 0:05:22.000 --> 0:05:25.880 Hear that hashtag the jackpot? Pamelin is telling us that's 0:05:25.880 --> 0:05:27.400 what we want. Maybe that should be the new app 0:05:27.680 --> 0:05:31.000 called the Jackpot. I love that It's She's like the jackpot, 0:05:31.400 --> 0:05:36.680 mic drop. So when we're looking for that jackpot is 0:05:36.680 --> 0:05:39.599 the single dad? Would you ever consider dating anyone who 0:05:39.680 --> 0:05:41.200 is single dad? 0:05:42.720 --> 0:05:46.719 I think ideally that would probably make the most sense 0:05:47.120 --> 0:05:51.560 because they truly understand that we're not going to be 0:05:51.680 --> 0:05:56.560 each other's main priority like ever, you know, I mean, 0:05:56.600 --> 0:05:59.880 it's it's your kids and then I think yourself should 0:06:00.200 --> 0:06:03.560 come next, or maybe even yourself first, then your kids, right, 0:06:03.640 --> 0:06:07.159 because if we're not you know, mentally stable, and we're 0:06:07.200 --> 0:06:09.840 not at at peace, nobody is. 0:06:09.800 --> 0:06:14.200 Going to thrive, you know, and then it's like we're 0:06:14.240 --> 0:06:16.560 talking then we're talking third place. 0:06:18.440 --> 0:06:22.679 And so if somebody, if somebody can't understand. 0:06:22.080 --> 0:06:24.920 That third base, third place is. 0:06:25.040 --> 0:06:28.240 Somebody can't understand that, then it's it's it's going to 0:06:28.320 --> 0:06:30.520 be a little bit of a situation. 0:06:30.720 --> 0:06:32.719 Have you ever had a conversation with someone and been like, 0:06:32.760 --> 0:06:35.120 by the way, like you're going to be third place? 0:06:35.200 --> 0:06:38.200 And what do they say? Well, if they're a single dad, 0:06:38.360 --> 0:06:39.479 they they get it. 0:06:39.520 --> 0:06:42.240 They're in They're like freaking sign me up, because this 0:06:42.320 --> 0:06:44.440 is exactly what they're thinking. 0:06:44.680 --> 0:06:46.839 And and hoping. 0:06:46.920 --> 0:06:50.880 I think most you know, are hoping that there are 0:06:50.920 --> 0:06:54.200 women out there that also, you know, think like that. 0:06:54.320 --> 0:06:58.440 And I think both men and women we get like scared, 0:06:58.880 --> 0:07:01.440 you know what if we don't give that person enough, 0:07:01.680 --> 0:07:03.720 like are they gonna, you know, not want to us, 0:07:03.760 --> 0:07:08.359 Like do we have to be this, you know, drop 0:07:08.440 --> 0:07:12.280 everything type of situation? And I don't think it has 0:07:12.320 --> 0:07:14.160 to be like that. And for me, it won't be 0:07:14.360 --> 0:07:16.480 like that or else I'm just not going to do it. 0:07:16.520 --> 0:07:20.320 I'm just going to like stay in my happy, beautiful 0:07:20.360 --> 0:07:23.200 little life with my community and my village and my 0:07:23.320 --> 0:07:25.560 kids and my company and. 0:07:26.520 --> 0:07:30.200 Travel and be so you know, so so happy. 0:07:30.640 --> 0:07:34.480 Yeah, I do believe that somebody can make me even happier. 0:07:34.480 --> 0:07:38.240 And I'm super excited for that opportunity. And you know, 0:07:38.280 --> 0:07:40.280 I mean I visualize it. I'm like, you know, you 0:07:40.280 --> 0:07:43.880 get excited about it. But I'm also not going to 0:07:44.000 --> 0:07:48.160 romanticize something that's just not there or if that's not possible, 0:07:48.280 --> 0:07:49.920 or that maybe somebody is not capable of. 0:07:50.200 --> 0:07:53.920 Okay, so what if they haven't been married before, but 0:07:53.960 --> 0:07:54.840 they do have kids. 0:07:56.520 --> 0:07:59.320 Oh I don't care about that. Yeah, I don't care 0:07:59.360 --> 0:08:03.280 about that. And again I say, ideally would be a 0:08:03.320 --> 0:08:09.320 single dad. But I'm not closed off to somebody that's 0:08:09.360 --> 0:08:17.200 like super emotionally just in charge and understands that, you know, 0:08:18.040 --> 0:08:21.040 I have kids and that's you know, my main priority. 0:08:21.040 --> 0:08:23.320 I mean, I think that there are also like people 0:08:23.360 --> 0:08:27.040 out there that are so evolved in thinking like that 0:08:27.720 --> 0:08:31.360 and realize if they're getting into a relationship, you know, 0:08:31.400 --> 0:08:34.360 with a woman like that, that that's just like not 0:08:34.440 --> 0:08:37.280 going to be the case. And I mean the older 0:08:37.320 --> 0:08:40.240 we get, the older men get, the older women get. 0:08:40.679 --> 0:08:44.000 We want to do our own thing, Like we want 0:08:44.000 --> 0:08:47.400 the freedom to travel and to you know, make our 0:08:47.440 --> 0:08:49.920 own decisions and not at the check in like hey, 0:08:49.960 --> 0:08:51.240 I'm running to the store. 0:08:51.400 --> 0:08:52.920 I mean, you know. 0:08:53.280 --> 0:08:57.199 And so to have freedom like that, I think is 0:08:57.600 --> 0:09:00.480 the magic formula. I think a lot of times like 0:09:00.559 --> 0:09:04.440 the demise of relationships are the mundane and like these 0:09:04.800 --> 0:09:08.040 just you know, daily things that kind of can get 0:09:08.200 --> 0:09:11.000 very boring if you're not spicing it up and making 0:09:11.480 --> 0:09:17.480 a conscious effort to really invest in your relationship. And 0:09:17.840 --> 0:09:20.760 you do that together because you have children together and 0:09:20.840 --> 0:09:23.040 you're married, and this is what you kind of signed 0:09:23.120 --> 0:09:26.280 up for, and that's just like you know, the societal norms. 0:09:27.040 --> 0:09:29.800 But when you get out of a marriage and you're 0:09:29.840 --> 0:09:33.040 not in that like thing that everybody you know, this 0:09:33.440 --> 0:09:37.080 normal right and quotes relationship that everybody says that you're 0:09:37.240 --> 0:09:40.040 supposed to do X, Y and Z, you have this 0:09:40.160 --> 0:09:44.200 abundance of freedom to like make your own rules and 0:09:44.280 --> 0:09:46.960 do whatever you want in that next relationship. And so 0:09:47.000 --> 0:09:50.760 that's where I'm at. R Okay, like I'm going unconventional. 0:09:51.880 --> 0:09:55.400 See I've just been single for you know, over fifteen years, 0:09:55.400 --> 0:09:58.200 and then I went and had that little blip. But 0:09:58.640 --> 0:10:00.439 it's funny when you're talking about this, I sing it 0:10:00.520 --> 0:10:05.360 up like I just want like my like love language 0:10:05.480 --> 0:10:08.920 is like the normal sea and the consistency and like 0:10:08.960 --> 0:10:13.000 having breakfast together and like making plans and like you. 0:10:12.920 --> 0:10:14.120 Know what, you're going to the market. 0:10:14.400 --> 0:10:18.120 You want, you know, a coffee? Sure like that. 0:10:18.360 --> 0:10:20.280 I'm like creating. I love that. 0:10:20.280 --> 0:10:22.080 That's Ford, Illinois. 0:10:22.120 --> 0:10:25.240 Your kids are older, right, so you have that space, 0:10:25.400 --> 0:10:27.320 you have that capacity if. 0:10:27.280 --> 0:10:28.640 I wanted that when they were younger. 0:10:28.720 --> 0:10:29.400 See, I don't. 0:10:29.800 --> 0:10:30.760 I tried to create it. 0:10:30.840 --> 0:10:32.880 I was like, I raised my kids with a suburban 0:10:33.000 --> 0:10:36.640 urban lifestyle whatever that means. Like so like Megan Markle, 0:10:37.880 --> 0:10:41.120 and I'm like, you know, I tried to like create 0:10:41.160 --> 0:10:43.760 this environment for them that was like every day, but 0:10:43.800 --> 0:10:46.559 then we were also living in this wild, big city 0:10:46.640 --> 0:10:51.120 and so I always like, that's I think one reason 0:10:51.160 --> 0:10:53.679 why they are very like And I don't want to 0:10:53.679 --> 0:10:55.640 say real because that's just sounds so that's. 0:10:55.520 --> 0:10:56.640 One of those weird words. 0:10:56.920 --> 0:10:58.400 But well rounded, thank you. 0:10:59.400 --> 0:11:01.680 So yeah, But I guess I. 0:11:01.640 --> 0:11:03.640 Just always wanted that. I just always wanted that. I 0:11:03.640 --> 0:11:05.640 don't want the spice, I want the call. 0:11:05.760 --> 0:11:08.280 I want the spice I need. Oh, I just want 0:11:08.760 --> 0:11:10.760 for it. My name is Kelly, I'm a leo. 0:11:16.080 --> 0:11:19.240 Yeah, the jungle, And I think eventually, you know, I'll 0:11:19.280 --> 0:11:22.920 be forty seven and my kids are nine and eleven, 0:11:23.080 --> 0:11:23.560 and so. 0:11:25.120 --> 0:11:27.280 They it's a daily thing. 0:11:27.320 --> 0:11:30.920 There's sports like crazy, there's they they need me a 0:11:30.960 --> 0:11:34.760 lot right now. And so you know, when we talk 0:11:34.800 --> 0:11:38.080 about the capacity, like what what is how much do 0:11:38.120 --> 0:11:40.839 I have, you know, to give to somebody? And so 0:11:41.040 --> 0:11:44.600 I and I'm selfish about the time I have with 0:11:44.640 --> 0:11:46.959 my kids because now I only have them seventy percent 0:11:47.000 --> 0:11:47.440 of the time. 0:11:48.480 --> 0:11:50.120 So when I'm with them. 0:11:50.040 --> 0:11:54.440 It's it's, you know, very intimate, and it's like I 0:11:54.520 --> 0:11:57.320 drop everything so that I can really focus on that time. 0:11:57.440 --> 0:11:59.880 And I'm not not saying that it can't overlap, you 0:12:00.080 --> 0:12:04.319 know a little bit, but I think that I would 0:12:04.480 --> 0:12:07.640 more so be thinking like you when they get you know, 0:12:07.720 --> 0:12:11.000 a little bit older, and I have some and I'm 0:12:11.040 --> 0:12:13.679 also scaling my company and trying to build this you know, 0:12:13.760 --> 0:12:18.480 empire too, which is super important because I have to 0:12:18.600 --> 0:12:22.320 take care of myself and my kids right monetarily, So 0:12:22.520 --> 0:12:23.360 I need to. 0:12:24.840 --> 0:12:24.880 Know. 0:12:26.440 --> 0:12:26.959 I love that. 0:12:27.000 --> 0:12:29.319 But I get that I love the simple thing. And 0:12:29.360 --> 0:12:31.200 when I say spice it up, I don't like to 0:12:31.280 --> 0:12:34.520 go out all the time. I don't do anything like that. 0:12:34.559 --> 0:12:37.400 I don't even really drink it's not that that kind 0:12:37.400 --> 0:12:41.080 of spice, but it's like let's have let's go and 0:12:41.280 --> 0:12:46.000 we'll meet here for a chill weekend, you know, and 0:12:46.040 --> 0:12:48.240 then we'll go here, and you know, maybe it's like 0:12:48.440 --> 0:12:50.440 every other week when I don't have my kids, I 0:12:50.559 --> 0:12:53.559 go to where he lives. Every other week he comes 0:12:53.640 --> 0:12:55.920 for three days where I live. I mean, I think 0:12:55.960 --> 0:13:01.360 that's like the flexibility and that like unconventional approach that 0:13:02.080 --> 0:13:04.480 I think would work best for me right now. And 0:13:04.520 --> 0:13:08.040 so I think subconsciously that's why I don't really date 0:13:08.080 --> 0:13:08.839 in Nashville. 0:13:09.720 --> 0:13:11.839 I don't want you up in my backyard. 0:13:13.480 --> 0:13:15.480 I don't want you up in my backyard. 0:13:26.960 --> 0:13:31.160 What about your children? Are they like Mommy, like, oh. 0:13:31.040 --> 0:13:33.400 They can't wait. They just want me to have And 0:13:33.440 --> 0:13:35.400 so anytime I've dated, look. 0:13:35.240 --> 0:13:39.280 On TV and like that should be our daddy, give 0:13:39.320 --> 0:13:42.560 their dad and they yeah, but like but they love that. 0:13:42.600 --> 0:13:48.560 They they So anytime I've dated anybody, they do not know. 0:13:48.920 --> 0:13:52.000 I've never involved them and any of it. They've never 0:13:52.040 --> 0:13:57.840 met anybody. And I just try to stay like compartmentalize 0:13:57.840 --> 0:14:00.079 those two things right now. And that's not going to 0:14:00.120 --> 0:14:03.679 be forever. And there probably wasn't anybody that was you know, 0:14:04.520 --> 0:14:11.360 worth them meeting, but they just can't wait. Yeah, they 0:14:11.400 --> 0:14:15.359 want all of these other step you know, brothers and sisters, 0:14:15.440 --> 0:14:18.720 and they're like very specific on what they want. 0:14:18.760 --> 0:14:22.160 They want older brothers and sisters. Yeah, they want that 0:14:22.240 --> 0:14:22.960 whole crew. 0:14:23.480 --> 0:14:23.600 You know. 0:14:23.640 --> 0:14:25.280 It's interesting because like my kids would be like when 0:14:25.320 --> 0:14:27.760 they were younger, I would say I want a family 0:14:27.760 --> 0:14:29.480 for my family and I've always wanted that. 0:14:29.520 --> 0:14:33.160 I told you that before, and my kids would be. 0:14:33.200 --> 0:14:36.080 Like, okay, what does that mean? We have to share 0:14:36.200 --> 0:14:39.320 with people your time. Now they're just like, Mom, we 0:14:39.400 --> 0:14:41.520 just want you to like have a friend because like 0:14:41.640 --> 0:14:45.440 you're like bothering us and there's only so much aloe 0:14:45.520 --> 0:14:47.720 we can buy together, like we need you. 0:14:47.800 --> 0:14:49.520 Need to have somebody else to call. 0:14:49.720 --> 0:14:49.920 Yeah. 0:14:50.200 --> 0:14:50.400 Yeah. 0:14:52.400 --> 0:14:55.200 And so they're sweet and they're obviously older now they're 0:14:55.240 --> 0:14:59.200 twenty four and twenty seven, but it's just isn't it, 0:14:59.320 --> 0:15:01.520 Like I need would never tell my mom, Like I 0:15:01.560 --> 0:15:04.160 can't imagine like telling my mom like, you know, oh 0:15:04.240 --> 0:15:04.840 you should do this. 0:15:04.920 --> 0:15:05.440 I never time. 0:15:05.480 --> 0:15:07.760 I never told my mom she should do anything. I 0:15:07.800 --> 0:15:10.000 just reported for duty. Whatever she told me to do, 0:15:10.320 --> 0:15:13.680 I did well. And my mom was divorced oh twice. 0:15:13.800 --> 0:15:15.800 So she divorced my dad when I was like four, 0:15:15.840 --> 0:15:18.000 and then she got remarried and got divorced again. So 0:15:18.080 --> 0:15:20.320 I mean I kind of like went through you know, 0:15:20.480 --> 0:15:23.920 her whole like evolution of dating thing. 0:15:24.080 --> 0:15:24.760 Yeah. 0:15:24.920 --> 0:15:27.360 Yeah, I mean when she I was I think fourteen 0:15:27.400 --> 0:15:29.680 when she divorced my stepdad, so like right in the 0:15:29.720 --> 0:15:32.400 height of you know, high school on adulthood and trying 0:15:32.400 --> 0:15:34.480 to like figure all of that out. And then she's 0:15:34.760 --> 0:15:36.880 simultaneously trying to figure out. 0:15:37.160 --> 0:15:38.720 And I look back, and. 0:15:40.160 --> 0:15:44.280 You know, she was like my age even younger when 0:15:44.280 --> 0:15:47.440 she was going through that second divorce, and so you 0:15:47.440 --> 0:15:50.960 you you look at that situation differently now that now 0:15:51.000 --> 0:15:53.680 that I'm going through it, and you know, you you 0:15:53.800 --> 0:15:58.200 really just, yeah, your heart almost like you know, breaks her. 0:15:58.520 --> 0:16:01.040 Do you guys talk about that? You guys like she 0:16:01.200 --> 0:16:02.000 really helped me. 0:16:02.920 --> 0:16:05.840 And honestly, because I saw her go through it, and 0:16:06.280 --> 0:16:10.240 because I saw her just crush life and build, you know, 0:16:10.320 --> 0:16:14.000 and build her life, you know, after these two divorces, 0:16:14.400 --> 0:16:17.200 I think that helped me know that I could do it. 0:16:17.240 --> 0:16:18.800 Also, two siblings. 0:16:18.960 --> 0:16:21.840 I have a brother, yeah, as the older I eighteen 0:16:21.840 --> 0:16:24.160 months younger. Okay, so he's like a twin, like me. 0:16:24.240 --> 0:16:26.720 I have a twin brother, an actual twin brother, though, 0:16:26.760 --> 0:16:27.160 Oh you do. 0:16:28.240 --> 0:16:30.160 But isn't it interesting when you have that a close 0:16:30.640 --> 0:16:32.960 like opposite sex, how it's kind of like how you 0:16:33.640 --> 0:16:35.880 see relationships differently. 0:16:35.800 --> 0:16:38.080 You respect the opposite sex. 0:16:37.840 --> 0:16:40.400 Differently when you have that. Yeah, that's so nice that 0:16:40.440 --> 0:16:42.000 you're so sweet about your mom. 0:16:43.600 --> 0:16:44.120 Thank you. 0:16:44.600 --> 0:16:46.120 I mean, I had a great mom, but I didn't 0:16:46.160 --> 0:16:48.480 have that kind of connection with her. Again, it was 0:16:48.520 --> 0:16:49.400 like reporting for duty. 0:16:49.440 --> 0:16:54.000 I just well, she to also say, because she was 0:16:54.360 --> 0:16:56.240 you know, and back then, I mean in the eighties, 0:16:56.960 --> 0:17:01.360 the divorce was so different. The child custody was so different. 0:17:01.400 --> 0:17:02.800 It was like I got to see my dad every 0:17:02.800 --> 0:17:05.479 other weekend. It's not like that anymore. Well, I mean 0:17:05.520 --> 0:17:07.479 for most people, it's not really like that anymore. And 0:17:07.520 --> 0:17:13.159 so she was really like the main one, you know that. 0:17:13.320 --> 0:17:18.720 And so our relationship was great, but she all my 0:17:18.760 --> 0:17:20.919 friends with my mom's my best friend. It wasn't like 0:17:20.960 --> 0:17:22.800 that with my mom and I because she had to 0:17:23.520 --> 0:17:25.720 almost like keep it a little bit separate. 0:17:25.760 --> 0:17:26.440 She was the mom. 0:17:26.560 --> 0:17:30.520 She was, you know, the disciplinarian like, so she it 0:17:30.560 --> 0:17:31.439 wasn't like we were. 0:17:31.320 --> 0:17:34.639 Best friends, right, And I think that that's actually better 0:17:34.840 --> 0:17:37.960 when there is kind of a buffer between a parent 0:17:38.040 --> 0:17:41.080 and a child. I know it's difficult now with there's 0:17:41.080 --> 0:17:46.360 so much divorce, but I just feel that sometimes when 0:17:46.400 --> 0:17:48.880 my friends are like we're best friends, I'm like, okay, 0:17:48.960 --> 0:17:51.600 so you guys chop together or you have lunch together, 0:17:51.640 --> 0:17:55.000 but that doesn't mean that you're asking her her advice 0:17:55.240 --> 0:17:58.080 or his advice, because just like the maturation process is 0:17:58.080 --> 0:18:00.440 different and what they're going through and you went through, 0:18:00.520 --> 0:18:04.200 and how they're just their their experiences, they're just totally different. 0:18:04.240 --> 0:18:08.040 So I I mean, I will my kids always. 0:18:07.680 --> 0:18:09.760 Like kind of wanted to know, and I gave them 0:18:10.200 --> 0:18:13.560 enough information so they felt included, but not enough that 0:18:13.640 --> 0:18:15.800 where they were like they felt responsible. 0:18:15.840 --> 0:18:18.240 Yeah no, And I think that's responsible on your end. 0:18:18.320 --> 0:18:20.200 And I think that you know. 0:18:21.040 --> 0:18:21.800 Well, because. 0:18:23.840 --> 0:18:27.160 I think people are over sharing with their little kids especially, 0:18:27.200 --> 0:18:29.879 and I just I'm just not going to do that. 0:18:30.280 --> 0:18:32.000 And I I. 0:18:32.000 --> 0:18:34.480 Just say, you know, mommy is so happy, you guys 0:18:34.560 --> 0:18:36.399 like literally full of joy. 0:18:36.480 --> 0:18:37.480 I have everything. 0:18:38.200 --> 0:18:40.879 And so when when that does happen, and it will, 0:18:41.400 --> 0:18:44.320 I know that I'm not gonna, you know, not have 0:18:44.720 --> 0:18:48.080 a significant of other or a lover. You know, that's 0:18:48.080 --> 0:18:49.760 so intense like for the rest of my life. 0:18:49.800 --> 0:18:52.240 I know that. And so when. 0:18:52.240 --> 0:18:56.199 I when I get there and it's appropriate, like you 0:18:56.240 --> 0:18:57.320 will be the first to know. 0:18:57.640 --> 0:18:59.959 I will be so excited to tell you. But right now, 0:19:00.000 --> 0:19:03.800 well you know, mommy, mommy, get has nothing to tell you. 0:19:04.880 --> 0:19:07.920 Mamma's got a great bond, she's cool, she's got great friends, 0:19:07.960 --> 0:19:11.520 she's all set. Speaking of being all set and having 0:19:11.560 --> 0:19:13.159 a great body and of like you know what you 0:19:13.320 --> 0:19:15.480 what I mean? Obviously every guy wants to date you, clearly, 0:19:15.520 --> 0:19:17.760 but what about you? What are you attracted to? 0:19:18.359 --> 0:19:20.480 I think this is the fun part, and I think 0:19:20.560 --> 0:19:25.439 that so many women in our situation focus on like 0:19:25.480 --> 0:19:28.080 the heart right in the in the negative and like 0:19:28.200 --> 0:19:31.879 how you know, it's a jungle out there, And for me, 0:19:32.480 --> 0:19:36.920 I have embraced it where this is like Pamela and 0:19:37.000 --> 0:19:40.120 two point zero version of what I like. So what 0:19:40.200 --> 0:19:46.160 I liked my whole earlier, you know, life is has 0:19:46.240 --> 0:19:48.800 clearly not worked out for me, right. 0:19:48.760 --> 0:19:50.359 So so let's paint that picture. 0:19:50.640 --> 0:19:52.359 So what like what? 0:19:53.119 --> 0:19:56.480 Just like quickly like, what what were you interested in 0:19:56.600 --> 0:19:59.480 or attracted to? And what are you now so you 0:19:59.560 --> 0:20:00.359 can get a picture. 0:20:00.480 --> 0:20:03.240 Well I'm still figuring it out, but what I've been 0:20:03.520 --> 0:20:10.800 what my past, Yeah, my past. I think it was 0:20:10.840 --> 0:20:20.159 always you know, like very athletic, bigger, tall, maybe like 0:20:20.280 --> 0:20:22.080