Speaker 1: Welcome back to I Do Part two. I'm Kelly ben Simone,
Speaker 1: one of your celebrity mentors here on the pod, and
Speaker 1: I'm so excited because today.
Speaker 2: I am joined with someone who's already been on the show.
Speaker 1: We loved getting to hear your story and how you're
Speaker 1: opening up about finding love again. It's Jana Kramer's best
Speaker 1: friend Pamelin back on the pod. Oh my god, I'm
Speaker 1: so excited to meet you. We're live from iHeart Verbo
Speaker 1: podcast House at Bottle Rock, and Wow, this place is incredible.
Speaker 1: We're in Villa Montabella, one of Verbo's vacation rentals of
Speaker 1: the Year in twenty twenty four, and it's everything you
Speaker 1: could dream of. Seriously, the wine cave is insane. And
Speaker 1: if you want your own amazing vacation rental, down tho
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Speaker 1: rentals of the Year. Trust us, you won't be disappointed.
Speaker 1: So I mentioned that you were on the pod before,
Speaker 1: and I was listening to all of your chats with
Speaker 1: Jana and you're incredible and so open and so gorgeous.
Speaker 1: Your Instagram is insane. I just learned recently you're not
Speaker 1: supposed to use words like incredible, insane, all the words
Speaker 1: that I use that are my go tos, you're not
Speaker 1: supposed to use.
Speaker 3: Any I saw the list, and honestly, what other words
Speaker 3: are we supposed to use?
Speaker 2: I know?
Speaker 4: So how am I supposed to say, like, wow, well
Speaker 4: let's just go rogue and just do whatever we want?
Speaker 2: Thank you, Pamela.
Speaker 1: Love that.
Speaker 4: I love that.
Speaker 1: So first of all, let's for those who are listening,
Speaker 1: just a quick recap of you know, where you.
Speaker 2: Are in your life.
Speaker 1: So you and jan are best friends, You guys are neighbors. Yes,
Speaker 1: you build houses next to each other. Yes, and Jana
Speaker 1: may or not be babysit your daughter right now.
Speaker 3: Yes, Okay, So it takes a village, for sure, it
Speaker 3: takes I just like counted, there were seven women involved
Speaker 3: in helping me take care of my kids for forty
Speaker 3: eight hours just to be able to leave.
Speaker 4: You know how beautiful is that?
Speaker 2: That is amazing?
Speaker 3: I mean it's a lot, but it's still like, you know,
Speaker 3: a village, and I don't know what I would do
Speaker 3: without that.
Speaker 1: So I raised my kids in New York City, I
Speaker 1: did not have that same village. There were forty eight
Speaker 1: strangers but they were not women that I knew.
Speaker 2: But anyway, my kids are fine. They're fine.
Speaker 1: You know, strangers are great. So that's amazing, and that's
Speaker 1: just so nice. You can come here and feel good
Speaker 1: because you, you know, are taking care of your children
Speaker 1: and working out and cooking and telling us everything on
Speaker 1: your Instagram, which I love. I was feeling very insecure today.
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, do I do some push ups beforehand?
Speaker 1: Or should I just go to the gym?
Speaker 2: Or do I not eat?
Speaker 4: I always eat?
Speaker 3: Please, That's what I'm trying to like tell every woman,
Speaker 3: you know, low calories is not the option.
Speaker 1: Right, and I think too, which you're such a great
Speaker 1: new role model to the Pod because you're single, you're
Speaker 1: looking for love, but you're not like on the hunt.
Speaker 1: You are organically open to finding love. And like last
Speaker 1: night we were in the Cave.
Speaker 2: How cool is that one?
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, amazing, amazing.
Speaker 2: I know. I walked in there. I was like, this
Speaker 2: is so cinematic, wasn't it?
Speaker 4: It was? Even the pictures made it look like that.
Speaker 1: I just was like, oh my god, this place is amazing.
Speaker 1: The food was incredible. We had so much fun. The
Speaker 1: table was like so fun like every went from bacheloration,
Speaker 1: the housewise well.
Speaker 3: In so many Yeah, different age groups and just different
Speaker 3: walks of life, just all coming together.
Speaker 2: And couples that have been together for fifteen years. You know,
Speaker 2: you and I are single.
Speaker 1: It's just like a fun mix of all these different people.
Speaker 1: And we had a really interesting conversation and I loved
Speaker 1: what you said about meeting people, and you said that
Speaker 1: when you meet people, you are open to a relationship,
Speaker 1: but you know, and you have relationships for long periods
Speaker 1: of time.
Speaker 2: It's not like you're like in and out like some people.
Speaker 1: Just the nature of the beasts, because we're like all
Speaker 1: these apps and so much opportunity that we're meeting people,
Speaker 1: and it's like going on one or two dates, but
Speaker 1: you're really like you want to be with someone, you
Speaker 1: want to get to know them, and you want.
Speaker 2: You know, you're really looking for that person.
Speaker 1: But you're not like, Okay, I'm just going to go
Speaker 1: one or two dates and then fall in love and yeah, can.
Speaker 2: You talk more about that?
Speaker 4: Sure?
Speaker 3: I mean I think you have to be you know,
Speaker 3: intentional number one and not just have like hopes for
Speaker 3: somebody's potential and really like hone in on you know truly, like,
Speaker 3: what is this person you know, going to.
Speaker 4: Like do for me?
Speaker 3: And in return, like what can I you know, do
Speaker 3: for them to better their lives?
Speaker 4: Because at this.
Speaker 3: Point in our lives we have a lot of things.
Speaker 3: We have careers, we have our children, we have homes,
Speaker 3: we have this life that we've already built, and so
Speaker 3: if we're going to let somebody in and you know,
Speaker 3: invest in that energy, it has to be like the
Speaker 3: jackpot for me anyway.
Speaker 4: The jackpot. Do you guys?
Speaker 1: Hear that hashtag the jackpot? Pamelin is telling us that's
Speaker 1: what we want. Maybe that should be the new app
Speaker 1: called the Jackpot. I love that It's She's like the jackpot,
Speaker 1: mic drop. So when we're looking for that jackpot is
Speaker 1: the single dad? Would you ever consider dating anyone who
Speaker 1: is single dad?
Speaker 3: I think ideally that would probably make the most sense
Speaker 3: because they truly understand that we're not going to be
Speaker 3: each other's main priority like ever, you know, I mean,
Speaker 3: it's it's your kids and then I think yourself should
Speaker 3: come next, or maybe even yourself first, then your kids, right,
Speaker 3: because if we're not you know, mentally stable, and we're
Speaker 3: not at at peace, nobody is.
Speaker 4: Going to thrive, you know, and then it's like we're
Speaker 4: talking then we're talking third place.
Speaker 3: And so if somebody, if somebody can't understand.
Speaker 4: That third base, third place is.
Speaker 3: Somebody can't understand that, then it's it's it's going to
Speaker 3: be a little bit of a situation.
Speaker 1: Have you ever had a conversation with someone and been like,
Speaker 1: by the way, like you're going to be third place?
Speaker 4: And what do they say? Well, if they're a single dad,
Speaker 4: they they get it.
Speaker 3: They're in They're like freaking sign me up, because this
Speaker 3: is exactly what they're thinking.
Speaker 4: And and hoping.
Speaker 3: I think most you know, are hoping that there are
Speaker 3: women out there that also, you know, think like that.
Speaker 3: And I think both men and women we get like scared,
Speaker 3: you know what if we don't give that person enough,
Speaker 3: like are they gonna, you know, not want to us,
Speaker 3: Like do we have to be this, you know, drop
Speaker 3: everything type of situation? And I don't think it has
Speaker 3: to be like that. And for me, it won't be
Speaker 3: like that or else I'm just not going to do it.
Speaker 3: I'm just going to like stay in my happy, beautiful
Speaker 3: little life with my community and my village and my
Speaker 3: kids and my company and.
Speaker 4: Travel and be so you know, so so happy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I do believe that somebody can make me even happier.
Speaker 3: And I'm super excited for that opportunity. And you know,
Speaker 3: I mean I visualize it. I'm like, you know, you
Speaker 3: get excited about it. But I'm also not going to
Speaker 3: romanticize something that's just not there or if that's not possible,
Speaker 3: or that maybe somebody is not capable of.
Speaker 1: Okay, so what if they haven't been married before, but
Speaker 1: they do have kids.
Speaker 3: Oh I don't care about that. Yeah, I don't care
Speaker 3: about that. And again I say, ideally would be a
Speaker 3: single dad. But I'm not closed off to somebody that's
Speaker 3: like super emotionally just in charge and understands that, you know,
Speaker 3: I have kids and that's you know, my main priority.
Speaker 3: I mean, I think that there are also like people
Speaker 3: out there that are so evolved in thinking like that
Speaker 3: and realize if they're getting into a relationship, you know,
Speaker 3: with a woman like that, that that's just like not
Speaker 3: going to be the case. And I mean the older
Speaker 3: we get, the older men get, the older women get.
Speaker 3: We want to do our own thing, Like we want
Speaker 3: the freedom to travel and to you know, make our
Speaker 3: own decisions and not at the check in like hey,
Speaker 3: I'm running to the store.
Speaker 4: I mean, you know.
Speaker 3: And so to have freedom like that, I think is
Speaker 3: the magic formula. I think a lot of times like
Speaker 3: the demise of relationships are the mundane and like these
Speaker 3: just you know, daily things that kind of can get
Speaker 3: very boring if you're not spicing it up and making
Speaker 3: a conscious effort to really invest in your relationship. And
Speaker 3: you do that together because you have children together and
Speaker 3: you're married, and this is what you kind of signed
Speaker 3: up for, and that's just like you know, the societal norms.
Speaker 3: But when you get out of a marriage and you're
Speaker 3: not in that like thing that everybody you know, this
Speaker 3: normal right and quotes relationship that everybody says that you're
Speaker 3: supposed to do X, Y and Z, you have this
Speaker 3: abundance of freedom to like make your own rules and
Speaker 3: do whatever you want in that next relationship. And so
Speaker 3: that's where I'm at. R Okay, like I'm going unconventional.
Speaker 1: See I've just been single for you know, over fifteen years,
Speaker 1: and then I went and had that little blip. But
Speaker 1: it's funny when you're talking about this, I sing it
Speaker 1: up like I just want like my like love language
Speaker 1: is like the normal sea and the consistency and like
Speaker 1: having breakfast together and like making plans and like you.
Speaker 4: Know what, you're going to the market.
Speaker 2: You want, you know, a coffee? Sure like that.
Speaker 4: I'm like creating. I love that.
Speaker 2: That's Ford, Illinois.
Speaker 3: Your kids are older, right, so you have that space,
Speaker 3: you have that capacity if.
Speaker 2: I wanted that when they were younger.
Speaker 4: See, I don't.
Speaker 2: I tried to create it.
Speaker 1: I was like, I raised my kids with a suburban
Speaker 1: urban lifestyle whatever that means. Like so like Megan Markle,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, you know, I tried to like create
Speaker 1: this environment for them that was like every day, but
Speaker 1: then we were also living in this wild, big city
Speaker 1: and so I always like, that's I think one reason
Speaker 1: why they are very like And I don't want to
Speaker 1: say real because that's just sounds so that's.
Speaker 4: One of those weird words.
Speaker 2: But well rounded, thank you.
Speaker 4: So yeah, But I guess I.
Speaker 2: Just always wanted that. I just always wanted that. I
Speaker 2: don't want the spice, I want the call.
Speaker 4: I want the spice I need. Oh, I just want
Speaker 4: for it. My name is Kelly, I'm a leo.
Speaker 3: Yeah, the jungle, And I think eventually, you know, I'll
Speaker 3: be forty seven and my kids are nine and eleven,
Speaker 3: and so.
Speaker 4: They it's a daily thing.
Speaker 3: There's sports like crazy, there's they they need me a
Speaker 3: lot right now. And so you know, when we talk
Speaker 3: about the capacity, like what what is how much do
Speaker 3: I have, you know, to give to somebody? And so
Speaker 3: I and I'm selfish about the time I have with
Speaker 3: my kids because now I only have them seventy percent
Speaker 3: of the time.
Speaker 4: So when I'm with them.
Speaker 3: It's it's, you know, very intimate, and it's like I
Speaker 3: drop everything so that I can really focus on that time.
Speaker 3: And I'm not not saying that it can't overlap, you
Speaker 3: know a little bit, but I think that I would
Speaker 3: more so be thinking like you when they get you know,
Speaker 3: a little bit older, and I have some and I'm
Speaker 3: also scaling my company and trying to build this you know,
Speaker 3: empire too, which is super important because I have to
Speaker 3: take care of myself and my kids right monetarily, So
Speaker 3: I need to.
Speaker 1: Know.
Speaker 2: I love that.
Speaker 3: But I get that I love the simple thing. And
Speaker 3: when I say spice it up, I don't like to
Speaker 3: go out all the time. I don't do anything like that.
Speaker 3: I don't even really drink it's not that that kind
Speaker 3: of spice, but it's like let's have let's go and
Speaker 3: we'll meet here for a chill weekend, you know, and
Speaker 3: then we'll go here, and you know, maybe it's like
Speaker 3: every other week when I don't have my kids, I
Speaker 3: go to where he lives. Every other week he comes
Speaker 3: for three days where I live. I mean, I think
Speaker 3: that's like the flexibility and that like unconventional approach that
Speaker 3: I think would work best for me right now. And
Speaker 3: so I think subconsciously that's why I don't really date
Speaker 3: in Nashville.
Speaker 4: I don't want you up in my backyard.
Speaker 2: I don't want you up in my backyard.
Speaker 1: What about your children? Are they like Mommy, like, oh.
Speaker 3: They can't wait. They just want me to have And
Speaker 3: so anytime I've dated, look.
Speaker 1: On TV and like that should be our daddy, give
Speaker 1: their dad and they yeah, but like but they love that.
Speaker 3: They they So anytime I've dated anybody, they do not know.
Speaker 3: I've never involved them and any of it. They've never
Speaker 3: met anybody. And I just try to stay like compartmentalize
Speaker 3: those two things right now. And that's not going to
Speaker 3: be forever. And there probably wasn't anybody that was you know,
Speaker 3: worth them meeting, but they just can't wait. Yeah, they
Speaker 3: want all of these other step you know, brothers and sisters,
Speaker 3: and they're like very specific on what they want.
Speaker 4: They want older brothers and sisters. Yeah, they want that
Speaker 4: whole crew.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: It's interesting because like my kids would be like when
Speaker 1: they were younger, I would say I want a family
Speaker 1: for my family and I've always wanted that.
Speaker 2: I told you that before, and my kids would be.
Speaker 1: Like, okay, what does that mean? We have to share
Speaker 1: with people your time. Now they're just like, Mom, we
Speaker 1: just want you to like have a friend because like
Speaker 1: you're like bothering us and there's only so much aloe
Speaker 1: we can buy together, like we need you.
Speaker 4: Need to have somebody else to call.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And so they're sweet and they're obviously older now they're
Speaker 1: twenty four and twenty seven, but it's just isn't it,
Speaker 1: Like I need would never tell my mom, Like I
Speaker 1: can't imagine like telling my mom like, you know, oh
Speaker 1: you should do this.
Speaker 2: I never time.
Speaker 1: I never told my mom she should do anything. I
Speaker 1: just reported for duty. Whatever she told me to do,
Speaker 1: I did well. And my mom was divorced oh twice.
Speaker 3: So she divorced my dad when I was like four,
Speaker 3: and then she got remarried and got divorced again. So
Speaker 3: I mean I kind of like went through you know,
Speaker 3: her whole like evolution of dating thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean when she I was I think fourteen
Speaker 3: when she divorced my stepdad, so like right in the
Speaker 3: height of you know, high school on adulthood and trying
Speaker 3: to like figure all of that out. And then she's
Speaker 3: simultaneously trying to figure out.
Speaker 4: And I look back, and.
Speaker 3: You know, she was like my age even younger when
Speaker 3: she was going through that second divorce, and so you
Speaker 3: you you look at that situation differently now that now
Speaker 3: that I'm going through it, and you know, you you
Speaker 3: really just, yeah, your heart almost like you know, breaks her.
Speaker 4: Do you guys talk about that? You guys like she
Speaker 4: really helped me.
Speaker 3: And honestly, because I saw her go through it, and
Speaker 3: because I saw her just crush life and build, you know,
Speaker 3: and build her life, you know, after these two divorces,
Speaker 3: I think that helped me know that I could do it.
Speaker 2: Also, two siblings.
Speaker 4: I have a brother, yeah, as the older I eighteen
Speaker 4: months younger. Okay, so he's like a twin, like me.
Speaker 2: I have a twin brother, an actual twin brother, though,
Speaker 2: Oh you do.
Speaker 1: But isn't it interesting when you have that a close
Speaker 1: like opposite sex, how it's kind of like how you
Speaker 1: see relationships differently.
Speaker 4: You respect the opposite sex.
Speaker 1: Differently when you have that. Yeah, that's so nice that
Speaker 1: you're so sweet about your mom.
Speaker 4: Thank you.
Speaker 1: I mean, I had a great mom, but I didn't
Speaker 1: have that kind of connection with her. Again, it was
Speaker 1: like reporting for duty.
Speaker 3: I just well, she to also say, because she was
Speaker 3: you know, and back then, I mean in the eighties,
Speaker 3: the divorce was so different. The child custody was so different.
Speaker 3: It was like I got to see my dad every
Speaker 3: other weekend. It's not like that anymore. Well, I mean
Speaker 3: for most people, it's not really like that anymore. And
Speaker 3: so she was really like the main one, you know that.
Speaker 3: And so our relationship was great, but she all my
Speaker 3: friends with my mom's my best friend. It wasn't like
Speaker 3: that with my mom and I because she had to
Speaker 3: almost like keep it a little bit separate.
Speaker 4: She was the mom.
Speaker 3: She was, you know, the disciplinarian like, so she it
Speaker 3: wasn't like we were.
Speaker 1: Best friends, right, And I think that that's actually better
Speaker 1: when there is kind of a buffer between a parent
Speaker 1: and a child. I know it's difficult now with there's
Speaker 1: so much divorce, but I just feel that sometimes when
Speaker 1: my friends are like we're best friends, I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: so you guys chop together or you have lunch together,
Speaker 1: but that doesn't mean that you're asking her her advice
Speaker 1: or his advice, because just like the maturation process is
Speaker 1: different and what they're going through and you went through,
Speaker 1: and how they're just their their experiences, they're just totally different.
Speaker 2: So I I mean, I will my kids always.
Speaker 1: Like kind of wanted to know, and I gave them
Speaker 1: enough information so they felt included, but not enough that
Speaker 1: where they were like they felt responsible.
Speaker 3: Yeah no, And I think that's responsible on your end.
Speaker 3: And I think that you know.
Speaker 4: Well, because.
Speaker 3: I think people are over sharing with their little kids especially,
Speaker 3: and I just I'm just not going to do that.
Speaker 4: And I I.
Speaker 3: Just say, you know, mommy is so happy, you guys
Speaker 3: like literally full of joy.
Speaker 4: I have everything.
Speaker 3: And so when when that does happen, and it will,
Speaker 3: I know that I'm not gonna, you know, not have
Speaker 3: a significant of other or a lover. You know, that's
Speaker 3: so intense like for the rest of my life.
Speaker 4: I know that. And so when.
Speaker 3: I when I get there and it's appropriate, like you
Speaker 3: will be the first to know.
Speaker 4: I will be so excited to tell you. But right now,
Speaker 4: well you know, mommy, mommy, get has nothing to tell you.
Speaker 1: Mamma's got a great bond, she's cool, she's got great friends,
Speaker 1: she's all set. Speaking of being all set and having
Speaker 1: a great body and of like you know what you
Speaker 1: what I mean? Obviously every guy wants to date you, clearly,
Speaker 1: but what about you? What are you attracted to?
Speaker 3: I think this is the fun part, and I think
Speaker 3: that so many women in our situation focus on like
Speaker 3: the heart right in the in the negative and like
Speaker 3: how you know, it's a jungle out there, And for me,
Speaker 3: I have embraced it where this is like Pamela and
Speaker 3: two point zero version of what I like. So what
Speaker 3: I liked my whole earlier, you know, life is has
Speaker 3: clearly not worked out for me, right.
Speaker 4: So so let's paint that picture.
Speaker 2: So what like what?
Speaker 1: Just like quickly like, what what were you interested in
Speaker 1: or attracted to? And what are you now so you
Speaker 1: can get a picture.
Speaker 3: Well I'm still figuring it out, but what I've been
Speaker 3: what my past, Yeah, my past. I think it was
Speaker 3: always you know, like very athletic, bigger, tall, maybe like
Speaker 3: more alpha males, like a.
Speaker 4: Lot of ego and like tall, a lot of I think.
Speaker 3: You know, ego perfect, a lot of ego there, probably
Speaker 3: like not vulnerable enough. And then I I don't think
Speaker 3: I required enough from them because I probably saw that they.
Speaker 4: Couldn't give that.
Speaker 3: Then I just thought that that was the norm.
Speaker 1: And what do you I mean, I'm not your therapist,
Speaker 1: and I don't play one on TV. But what do
Speaker 1: you Why do you think that you were attracted to
Speaker 1: someone who wasn't giving you enough?
Speaker 4: I know, right, like let's unpack it, I mean, still
Speaker 4: unhacking it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I was really just like attracted to
Speaker 3: like the shiny.
Speaker 4: Toy hot guy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're also on LEO now that we know, now
Speaker 1: that we know you're a star sign, we know that
Speaker 1: you're a LEO, so you're probably like I can handle it.
Speaker 2: You do.
Speaker 1: Know anything about star signs? Don't ever anyone ever asked
Speaker 1: me about a star signs?
Speaker 2: I have no idea.
Speaker 4: That's the thing. I mean.
Speaker 3: I was, I was in my mind happy though with
Speaker 3: these men because I just take it upon myself to
Speaker 3: find my own happiness too, Like, I don't just look
Speaker 3: at getting that from somebody. So I always had a
Speaker 3: million friends, I was always doing my thing, I was
Speaker 3: always growing my career, I was always working, and so
Speaker 3: I really wasn't like just looking, you know, for somebody
Speaker 3: to make me happy. But when I look back, they
Speaker 3: were really giving, not much like at all.
Speaker 1: Right, and so now you want someone that's more empathetic more,
Speaker 1: I need vulnerable. How do you find a vulnerable guy?
Speaker 3: I've found that, I've actually found two men. I've actually
Speaker 3: found something maybe a little bit too oh god, oh
Speaker 3: my god, but I've found because I'm not even accepting
Speaker 3: anything less than that, and so I've definitely found them.
Speaker 3: I think that it's a little bit of digging, right.
Speaker 3: It's like, you know, you can tell by messages and
Speaker 3: like questions, you can tell.
Speaker 1: See I'm like a one word answer kind of person,
Speaker 1: like I'm chatty with you, but when I'm writing, I'm like, great,
Speaker 1: fun looks good, Like I'm kind of like an AI.
Speaker 3: Well, I think if like you know, they're willing to
Speaker 3: share things. And and that is the cool part about
Speaker 3: being this age is we have a lot of depth.
Speaker 3: We've all been through a lot, Yeah, and so I
Speaker 3: think there is a lot to unpack and talk about.
Speaker 3: And if you're going to act like like everything's you know,
Speaker 3: roses all the time and not really like dig in,
Speaker 3: I'm not really interested.
Speaker 1: I feel like it's like people are like, it's kind
Speaker 1: of like the new version of trauma von where like
Speaker 1: in your for in your like late forties, late thirties,
Speaker 1: forties and fifties, or because you're saying, like to your point,
Speaker 1: we have so much more experience and so now when
Speaker 1: someone says something like I can empathize, Like if this
Speaker 1: were ten years ago.
Speaker 2: I would be like, I'm sorry, what are you talking about?
Speaker 2: Like why are you telling me this?
Speaker 4: No, we have no idea until you go through it.
Speaker 1: Until you go through it, And so it's just I mean,
Speaker 1: it makes it I'm actually more interested to hear like
Speaker 1: how they're navigating things, or how they dealt with their
Speaker 1: ex wives or all those you know. Obviously in positive ways.
Speaker 1: I don't want to hear that adity, but yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: like not into that, but you know, I really it
Speaker 1: makes me feel more connected to them versus just like
Speaker 1: being like do you want to give dinner.
Speaker 3: Sure.
Speaker 2: Do you like red wine?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Do you impassa No? Like yeah, this temple No, if
Speaker 4: you think and stuff like that, No.
Speaker 3: And it's so Yeah, I think it could be so
Speaker 3: much more deep and so much more beautiful actually, because
Speaker 3: if you think about, like you know, when you're younger
Speaker 3: and you're just trying to write, like find your husband,
Speaker 3: and you're in the first stage of all of that,
Speaker 3: and you're out and you know, you're with your friends
Speaker 3: and that's all that you really you have so much
Speaker 3: time to do that. You have so much time to
Speaker 3: find that person that'use that's all everybody's doing. They're just
Speaker 3: out and about. There's not a ton of responsibilities. That's
Speaker 3: like your your goal. On most people, that's their progression.
Speaker 3: They're going to find their husband, they're going to have kids,
Speaker 3: they're going to buy the house. I mean, that's the
Speaker 3: stage that they're at. We're not at that stage. Yeah, so,
Speaker 3: and we don't even have as much time as we
Speaker 3: did then, so it's like you almost kind of.
Speaker 2: Gotta get to it.
Speaker 1: Yeah right, I'm pat quickly because I gotta go bring
Speaker 1: a carry on back because I don't have time for
Speaker 1: your whole.
Speaker 4: Luggage I think this is the best question.
Speaker 2: I don't have time for your leuvatant trunk.
Speaker 4: I think this is the best quote.
Speaker 3: Like, you know, you you start to like you have to,
Speaker 3: you know, ask those questions. Don't jump into things too quickly.
Speaker 3: So it's like you hire slowly and you fire fast.
Speaker 3: So you're you start to ask those questions right like
Speaker 3: you get you're kind of like in research mode. You're exploring,
Speaker 3: you're asking all these questions, but you're asking the heart
Speaker 3: and the right questions.
Speaker 4: You're getting all your information. When women immediately.
Speaker 3: After, like one day, they're like, oh, I'm in love,
Speaker 3: he's the man, he's.
Speaker 4: No girlfriend, You're it's not it's not it.
Speaker 3: And so it drives me crazy when when people get
Speaker 3: so hooked so quickly, because you really have to dig.
Speaker 4: And then if it's not it, if it's not.
Speaker 3: A hell yes, get rid of done, move on, don't
Speaker 3: hold on to it for these like hope that it's
Speaker 3: going to be something that's I think the biggest mistake.
Speaker 4: And then at this age, I don't have six.
Speaker 3: Months to hold on to something that is making you
Speaker 3: kind of know, you know.
Speaker 2: Jenna gave you some really good advice.
Speaker 1: We're not going to go over it because I want you,
Speaker 1: I want the listeners to listen to Jenna's podcast with you.
Speaker 1: She gives you some really really good tips, So you
Speaker 1: guys have to check that out. But what I do
Speaker 1: want to know is that have you ever had a
Speaker 1: fun wing woman who may be a slightly bit older
Speaker 1: than you, hang out at bottle Rock listening to fun music.
Speaker 2: Have you ever had done that before?
Speaker 3: I have never, because you know, right now, right like,
Speaker 3: all my friends are married with three kids, nobody's going out,
Speaker 3: nobody is having that situation.
Speaker 4: So I would be honored if you could do that
Speaker 4: with me. Today. We think we're going to crush it.
Speaker 1: We are going to have so much fun. So this
Speaker 1: became like kind of like my thing. A couple of
Speaker 1: months ago, we were at iHeartRadio for jingle Ball and
Speaker 1: I took some some of my new friends out and
Speaker 1: I just can't talk to anyone.
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know if it's a blessing or
Speaker 2: a curse, but I'm just like, hi, I'm Kelly, and
Speaker 2: people are.
Speaker 4: Like, okay, good because I can't. I'm not I'm shy.
Speaker 4: I can't do that.
Speaker 2: And I literally will start asking them questions I'm just
Speaker 2: like no, no, no, no, no no. So I'll be like
Speaker 2: this is.
Speaker 3: And I can do it for you, but I get
Speaker 3: really shy about me.
Speaker 4: So this is going to be.
Speaker 2: But see, I can't do it for myself.
Speaker 1: I'm just like I will talk to people, but they're like,
Speaker 1: are you talking to me for yourself?
Speaker 2: My no, no, no, my friend. I have this friend.
Speaker 2: She happens to be adopted, gorgeous, and she's staying next
Speaker 2: to me.
Speaker 1: Yes, okay, so this is like important. So hypothetically you
Speaker 1: and I are like out there in the wild and
Speaker 1: the music wild, and we are attracted to the same guy.
Speaker 4: What are we going to do? Do we like the
Speaker 4: same kind of guy? Do we know this? Are we
Speaker 4: going for?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 4: What about what's your age range?
Speaker 2: My age range?
Speaker 4: Is we overlap? For sure? But I think so a
Speaker 4: little bit.
Speaker 1: I mean I just I don't mind a little bit younger,
Speaker 1: but not too much older, Like I can't do seventy
Speaker 1: and I because I'm just wildly immature.
Speaker 2: So that would just not work at all. Can you
Speaker 2: see me with the seven year old?
Speaker 3: I would be like running circle.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's not about being fit, like I don't It's like
Speaker 1: the people the guys are like, oh, you were models.
Speaker 1: You must like people that are really fit. I'm like,
Speaker 1: that's not true.
Speaker 4: I just like that's me. You like fit.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're like the fit jock. I'm not. I'm like,
Speaker 2: I just like the person that I.
Speaker 3: Don't actually like the very very build. No, I don't
Speaker 3: like the like big kind of build. I just I
Speaker 3: like more like the fit in mind, body and soul.
Speaker 3: Like let's be honest, you know, because you can have
Speaker 3: this beautiful body and if you're messed up in the head.
Speaker 3: I mean I don't want that either, So I think
Speaker 3: like it's just the well rounded for sure.
Speaker 1: I think I'm just because of my like my like
Speaker 1: wherever I go for my favorite memories are like like Geneva, Wisconsin,
Speaker 1: hanging out with all my friends, like jumping in the
Speaker 1: water water scan. I like people that are men that
Speaker 1: are just like having a really good time. So I'm
Speaker 1: like the frat boy with a job and maybe not
Speaker 1: so much of the beer gun, but like I'm okay
Speaker 1: if it's like.
Speaker 2: You know, and you know all all this, be like
Speaker 2: she like a frat boy. No she doesn't, Yes, I do.
Speaker 2: I actually really like.
Speaker 4: Let's go to fun. Well, college. Should we go to
Speaker 4: check it out?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, don't know. I go to his parents
Speaker 2: beeguns and I'm like, these are not what I mean.
Speaker 3: My frat boys like with all this to be said
Speaker 3: that we can sit here all day long and talk
Speaker 3: about like, Okay, what do we like this and that?
Speaker 4: But for me, it's just this energy.
Speaker 3: So when I meet some people in person, I may
Speaker 3: not have liked them on let's say, rayah, but it's
Speaker 3: this energy that's like whoa. And I did have this
Speaker 3: experience where you know, I matched with somebody and he
Speaker 3: was he was super smart and I no, not the
Speaker 3: little one did?
Speaker 4: Can we talk about him though?
Speaker 1: Or no?
Speaker 4: Okay? Yeah?
Speaker 3: And I'm like, is he going to be boring? He's
Speaker 3: super techy, like you know, but I did like the
Speaker 3: sophistication and the classiness and this very you know, smart
Speaker 3: part that like the smart is really doing it for
Speaker 3: me right now.
Speaker 4: And so.
Speaker 3: I'm like, okay, Pam, let's do a FaceTime and see is.
Speaker 4: There some swagger? Like so swagger?
Speaker 3: Well, my mom would be mad if I said, because
Speaker 3: she's like, Pamelin, I did not give you this name?
Speaker 1: Yeah, Pamelin, Yeah, Pamalain she's like Famaline secret name Pam.
Speaker 3: So we did a FaceTime and I was like, well,
Speaker 3: go ahead with your bad self, with your techie, you know.
Speaker 3: I was so impressed, and so it just it was
Speaker 3: a really good, you know experience for me to not
Speaker 3: just judge by maybe like what you do for a
Speaker 3: living is going to correlate to are you exciting or
Speaker 3: fun or you know, are you swaggy just because you're
Speaker 3: in this field.
Speaker 4: And so.
Speaker 3: In a perfect world, we meet the guy out we
Speaker 3: have the energy and it's just this like magnetic thing.
Speaker 3: But in this world, it's really hard to go out
Speaker 3: all the time and find that. So that's you know
Speaker 3: why we're here doing this right.
Speaker 1: One of one of our new friends that I that
Speaker 1: I was talking to last night, she was saying that
Speaker 1: she lives, she's in San Francisco, and then she goes
Speaker 1: out and because she was on reality, she'll go out
Speaker 1: and she'll meet these She'll you know, go out and
Speaker 1: do whatever. But like guys are never like hey, or
Speaker 1: like I saw you on this show that show and
Speaker 1: then but she said she'll get home and they'll DM yeah,
Speaker 1: and like that's I don't want to be out in
Speaker 1: the wild.
Speaker 2: I want to meet the real people.
Speaker 1: I want to see the vibe, you know, I that's
Speaker 1: what I'm that's I like that too.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think, I mean, you know, because I'm
Speaker 3: not I wasn't on a show or anything like that,
Speaker 3: so I don't have that kind of I guess where
Speaker 3: people would know, oh, who who I am?
Speaker 4: You know, I'm just oh, we know who you are? Normal?
Speaker 4: But I don't.
Speaker 3: But I think, even like for me when I am
Speaker 3: out for the rare times that I am, or even
Speaker 3: like at the gym or wherever it is, I don't
Speaker 3: think that I give off the vibe of available enough.
Speaker 3: And that's what I think I have to work on personally.
Speaker 1: You know what. That's so funny that you said that,
Speaker 1: because I think I have to do that too.
Speaker 4: I think that I don't smile like I get embarrassed. Partly,
Speaker 4: I truly am shy.
Speaker 1: Around, but I smile a lot. I'm just a smiley person.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I was blessed with good teeth. Like
Speaker 1: I'm a smiling person. And I'm also very outgoing, but
Speaker 1: I'm also super shy. Like like I said, like, I'm
Speaker 1: very outgoing this way. But then if you come into
Speaker 1: my territory.
Speaker 2: I'm like, that's why.
Speaker 4: We need each other. It's gonna be perfect good.
Speaker 1: Okay, we have to have like some kind of code.
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe it'll be Pam, give me our name some
Speaker 1: one or like if so if you're like I really
Speaker 1: like this guy, and I'll be like, okay, I mean
Speaker 1: I'm not.
Speaker 2: I would never lie.
Speaker 1: I would be like you have but like what like
Speaker 1: a girl like a luandelas Countess lan Coat, like love
Speaker 1: you c D. We're going for you like what count
Speaker 1: just low see out in that CD kind of like
Speaker 1: what it's how about like a workout? What's like a
Speaker 1: work well?
Speaker 4: I was just going to say, this is like so random.
Speaker 3: Back in the eighties when I was, you know, like
Speaker 3: a young kid, so many kids were getting kidnapped. It's
Speaker 3: not funny, but and so there was a code word
Speaker 3: that you were supposed to have with your mother. Like
Speaker 3: if somebody said, hey, you know, come here, your mom
Speaker 3: said that, like you know, she we need to take
Speaker 3: you home from school today. That's what they were saying
Speaker 3: to these kids. And so our code word was cheerios. Okay,
Speaker 3: my mom and my brother. Maybe that's the bad one.
Speaker 3: Maybe that's if we don't like that.
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, but I.
Speaker 4: Don't know what the good one is.
Speaker 1: I don't know, like some kind of like what's like
Speaker 1: something that's really I mean, I like a cheerio, it's fine,
Speaker 1: but what something.
Speaker 2: Something that's like really good that's like forbidden fruit loop apple?
Speaker 2: An Apple?
Speaker 4: It's like no but like from the you know they
Speaker 4: were supposed to Adam and Eve.
Speaker 2: Oh Apple, Oh here I am, like I'm going like
Speaker 2: she's like, no, no key like apple like Adam and Eve.
Speaker 4: You didn't know where I was going.
Speaker 2: She's like, stay with me, stay with me.
Speaker 1: Okay, fine, So apple is for forbidden like hot guy
Speaker 1: and the cheerios just like yeah, okay, So all right,
Speaker 1: so we have our lingo down and then I want
Speaker 1: to know, like just a quick thing like okay, so
Speaker 1: at a concert, is there a right flag of like people.
Speaker 2: Are drinking too much?
Speaker 4: It's too well absolutely too drunk. I can't I can't
Speaker 4: do it, Like I just can't do it.
Speaker 3: I'll have you know, it's fine, like a glass of wine,
Speaker 3: cocktail or two whatever, but I just I don't like
Speaker 3: that at all.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I want a guy drinks too much? Sorry guys,
Speaker 2: and they're like.
Speaker 4: I love you and love you.
Speaker 2: It's like, oh my god.
Speaker 3: For women, it's just not attractive. And you know, and
Speaker 3: especially at this age.
Speaker 1: Plus, I don't want someone unpacking when they're dropping it, no,
Speaker 1: because if you can't remember it, that you don't need.
Speaker 3: I want to remember everything about these experiences that I have,
Speaker 3: and you know, it's like clouded.
Speaker 1: Okay that I've one last question. So on your podcast
Speaker 1: with Janna, she said that sometimes she has a hard
Speaker 1: time empathiz like not empathizing, but connecting with people that
Speaker 1: are like well known or have been on TV like her.
Speaker 2: And I was listening to that, and I thought to myself, Yes,
Speaker 2: sometimes it's.
Speaker 1: Difficult because you're like, Okay, that person's well known and
Speaker 1: so they have this whole world that you're thinking of.
Speaker 1: But I wanted to address that because I was like,
Speaker 1: you know, there's some people who I've learned so much from,
Speaker 1: whether they're on television or whoever they are, and on
Speaker 1: this podcast in particular, like I've gone through such a
Speaker 1: like maturation process. I mean, I've grown up so much
Speaker 1: in the past like five or six months. Love that
Speaker 1: from therapy to like meeting new people, like making new friends,
Speaker 1: being able to like really just be open and honest
Speaker 1: and not like not care what people think. And so
Speaker 1: I'm just hoping that like we can all bring something
Speaker 1: to someone and you never know what someone's going to
Speaker 1: say that's going to be like, oh my god, yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, like you've said a lot today that, and
Speaker 1: you've said a lot on your both of your podcasts
Speaker 1: that have been like super powerful and very positive, which
Speaker 1: I think is so nice too.
Speaker 3: You know, I think that the energy you put out
Speaker 3: is going to be the energy that you get back.
Speaker 3: And so if I'm sitting here saying, oh my gosh,
Speaker 3: it's so hard out there, jeez, there's nobody they all,
Speaker 3: I mean, that's what I'm going to keep getting. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and it's actually not even like the reality. I mean,
Speaker 3: I'm meeting amazing men doing really cool things that I think,
Speaker 3: you know, are evolving pretty well too.
Speaker 4: It just maybe there hasn't been you know, the guy, the.
Speaker 2: Guy, the guy.
Speaker 1: Okay, so we're going a bottle rock. So we're going
Speaker 1: to play some kind of fun. We have to have
Speaker 1: a challenge or game or something. Well okay competitive so
Speaker 1: oh wow, Okay, I mean I can be competitive, but
Speaker 1: really with myself, not with other people, so I'll be
Speaker 1: like cheering you on. I'm so competitive with myself. I
Speaker 1: have to turn myself off. I'm like, oh god, there
Speaker 1: she goes again. I have my own inner Pam like
Speaker 1: and my own like oh, she's just.
Speaker 2: Too loud of it there. So okay, so let's come
Speaker 2: up with a goal.
Speaker 1: So here's some options we can actually Luan, who's on
Speaker 1: the house, she was like, She's like, Darling, I want
Speaker 1: you to ask a stranger for a drink, and but
Speaker 1: you have to write this little note down on a
Speaker 1: piece of paper and like slide it over.
Speaker 2: I was like, so I did it. I did it.
Speaker 4: I did it with my two besday friends.
Speaker 1: I was at a bar in New York City and
Speaker 1: I wrote it and I slid it and this guy
Speaker 1: came over and then I was like, oh.
Speaker 4: My god in my heart is like but then.
Speaker 1: He happens to be on Love Hotel with Luan, and
Speaker 1: I was just like, how is this my life job?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 2: He's like, yeah, I'm going to be a new show
Speaker 2: like television.
Speaker 4: Like hey.
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, that's nice for you, and he's
Speaker 2: like yeah.
Speaker 4: I was like, what's it called?
Speaker 2: He goes Love Hotels? Because everyone falls a.
Speaker 4: Red flag for you, like if they're doing something like that.
Speaker 1: For me, it's difficult because like literally every single person
Speaker 1: in my whole pool of like my dating pool has
Speaker 1: dated someone who I've been on television with. So it's
Speaker 1: been like very challenging, and it's just like constantly like, oh,
Speaker 1: I guess who's dating so and so I'm like, oh wow,
Speaker 1: that's great. Okay, So here's our challenge. Okay, I'm going
Speaker 1: to give you some options and then you can tell
Speaker 1: me yes or no. Okay, Okay, So we can get
Speaker 1: a phone up from a guy, or you can give
Speaker 1: someone a phone number.
Speaker 3: So when we say get so, it's not you getting
Speaker 3: the phone number for me. It's like I have to
Speaker 3: get it myself. Oh yeah, oh gosh, oh gosh.
Speaker 2: I'm not going to be like, here's your numbers.
Speaker 4: I just I don't know. I just don't. Okay, no,
Speaker 4: the phone number.
Speaker 2: You can be like I don't know, Like I mean,
Speaker 2: I always say, like I don't get.
Speaker 3: On myer initiated a conversation. I can't even give a
Speaker 3: guy eye contact, let alone give him my number.
Speaker 4: So this is going to be a lot.
Speaker 1: Okay, just smile, okay for good you're gonna smile. That's
Speaker 1: going to be like people are there, Guys are gonna
Speaker 1: be like her.
Speaker 4: She's so pretty.
Speaker 1: Okay, so we're gonna get a number or and I
Speaker 1: think she's like insects. I don't really feel if I'm
Speaker 1: comfortable with giving someone my phone number, but fine with
Speaker 1: the Instagram. Instagram Yeah, follow me install I may or
Speaker 1: may not read it.
Speaker 2: I'm joking. No, no, I'm definitely gonna read it. Get a
Speaker 2: guy to buy you a drink, So we have to
Speaker 2: have someone be like.
Speaker 4: That's easy, I mean because we don't even have to.
Speaker 2: Ask no, no, but you do know.
Speaker 1: But I'm not them coming and saying can I buy
Speaker 1: your drink? You have to say I want you to
Speaker 1: buy me a drink? Means you have to you have
Speaker 1: to like initially we're like, it's like you and I.
Speaker 4: Like initi Okay, I get it, I get it.
Speaker 1: Okay, very I'm going to be in a mini skirts,
Speaker 1: so I'm going to be definitely like out there. So,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, here we go. So okay, we have
Speaker 1: to ask someone get the drink, phone number. How about
Speaker 1: ask a guy to dance?
Speaker 2: I could do that, you could, yes, Oh my god.
Speaker 3: I could do that maybe for like, I just like
Speaker 3: for some reason when I so dancing is just so
Speaker 3: I love it so much.
Speaker 4: Are you a good dancer? Yes?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm awful.
Speaker 4: Laugh.
Speaker 3: I mean I could see myself like grabbing a guy's
Speaker 3: hand and like trolling or doing something.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I could do that.
Speaker 1: Oh god, Okay, this is gonna be great. All right,
Speaker 1: and then I'm going to make an introduction to someone
Speaker 1: who I think is like attractive, so I kind of
Speaker 1: know your vibe.
Speaker 4: And no he is not. I didn't like them when
Speaker 4: I was in a sorority. Let alone.
Speaker 2: Now see this is good. So we're like, we're like
Speaker 2: all good.
Speaker 1: And then we're going to go to Bottle Rock and
Speaker 1: we're gonna have the best time, and then we're going
Speaker 1: to recap all this.
Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Pamelin.
Speaker 1: I'm going to just call you Pam, but in my InterVoice,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to say that out loud because I
Speaker 1: don't want your mom to get mad at me if
Speaker 1: I ever meet her.
Speaker 3: Well, I have an alter ego that's called Pittsburgh Pam,
Speaker 3: and we talked about that.
Speaker 4: I love Pittsburgh.
Speaker 3: It's like when you just take me to like the pizza.
Speaker 3: I will just bring her out.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, wait, where are you from?
Speaker 2: Pittsburgh.
Speaker 4: It's a town called mun Hall Homestead. It's like where
Speaker 4: all the steel meals used to be.
Speaker 2: And yeah, Pittsburgh is a vibe.
Speaker 4: It's like so great there. I'm so grateful that I
Speaker 4: grew up there and you bug all the time.
Speaker 2: I love that.
Speaker 4: Yes, I love that.
Speaker 1: All right, you guys, thank you to Pamelin so much
Speaker 1: for coming. Jana, thank you so much for introducing me.
Speaker 1: We're gonna have the best time ever here in bond
Speaker 1: Rock here and Nepa Belli. I'm not a singer, bye
Speaker 1: saying it.
Speaker 2: I don't know why I can't waity.
Speaker 1: So are you ready to date again? But need some
Speaker 1: wing woman advice? Your mentors are here to help. Email
Speaker 1: us or call us. All the infos in the show notes,
Speaker 1: follow us on socials. Make sure to rate and review
Speaker 1: the podcast. I Do Part two, an iHeartRadio podcast where
Speaker 1: falling in love is the main objective.