WEBVTT - S1: Ep 1 - No Turning Back 0:00:05.320 --> 0:00:08.360 I wonder if you could tell me that story about 0:00:08.400 --> 0:00:11.200 the time that sister had to go to the hospital 0:00:11.760 --> 0:00:17.360 and you thought, this is gonna be my chance. So 0:00:17.400 --> 0:00:20.400 one of the sisters she had been in the hospital 0:00:20.440 --> 0:00:23.599 recently and she needed to go back and have a 0:00:23.720 --> 0:00:27.920 check up. It felt like this opportunity fell from heaven 0:00:27.920 --> 0:00:36.560 into my lap and I would I would escape. Why 0:00:36.720 --> 0:00:39.760 why didn't you just walk out, just tell someone I'm leaving, 0:00:40.280 --> 0:00:42.840 and just walk out the door. We always went out 0:00:42.880 --> 0:00:46.879 to buy two We were never allowed just to to 0:00:47.000 --> 0:00:51.319 walk out and do something, so I wouldn't have been 0:00:51.360 --> 0:00:53.840 able to go, you know, more than five or six 0:00:53.880 --> 0:00:57.000 paces before somebody ran up to me and said, where 0:00:57.040 --> 0:01:03.640 are you going? But I knew, because I had been 0:01:03.680 --> 0:01:06.839 in that hospital and was familiar with it, that there 0:01:07.000 --> 0:01:09.960 was a room where there was a collection of clothes 0:01:10.000 --> 0:01:15.080 that the patients had left behind, so I knew where 0:01:15.120 --> 0:01:18.440 that was. I could find myself some clothes there, some 0:01:18.600 --> 0:01:24.399 normal clothes. I thought, I'll drive in with this sister 0:01:24.480 --> 0:01:28.960 who's ill, and then when we get there, I would 0:01:29.000 --> 0:01:31.640 just leave. I would leave her there, and I would 0:01:31.680 --> 0:01:34.959 have at least, you know, a few hours before anybody 0:01:35.000 --> 0:01:43.360 figured out what I had done. So I took some 0:01:43.560 --> 0:01:47.600 phone tokens and I got in the car. Then there 0:01:47.600 --> 0:01:51.720 in that car on the way to the hospital, I 0:01:51.760 --> 0:01:55.160 was perspiring. My hands were clammy, my heart was racing. 0:01:56.400 --> 0:01:58.840 It was so hot. And as we left the city 0:01:58.880 --> 0:02:03.320 and we drove towards the seashore, there was a breeze 0:02:03.520 --> 0:02:08.079 and it started just to feel really nice. And there 0:02:08.080 --> 0:02:10.440 were palm trees, and there was the sky and you 0:02:10.480 --> 0:02:13.840 could see the water off in the distance. It was 0:02:13.880 --> 0:02:17.800 like a breath of freedom. It was like like a 0:02:17.840 --> 0:02:21.800 way to breathe again. And I just wanted more and 0:02:21.840 --> 0:02:26.680 more of that air, that that freedom, that life, that light. 0:02:28.919 --> 0:02:31.000 I thought, this is my chance. I just have to 0:02:31.080 --> 0:02:54.359 take it. There's a box in Mary Johnson's house a 0:02:54.440 --> 0:02:57.600 boxer rarely opens. Well, you know, I've been talking with 0:02:57.639 --> 0:03:00.960 you lately about all of these things, and so I 0:03:01.000 --> 0:03:03.640 brought this box down from the top of my bookcase 0:03:03.840 --> 0:03:08.280 because I think these things do help me remember better 0:03:08.400 --> 0:03:16.480 and get back into the feeling. We all know this box, 0:03:17.120 --> 0:03:19.360 the one full of memories of a version of yourself 0:03:19.360 --> 0:03:22.360 that with time and experience becomes more distant, hard to 0:03:22.400 --> 0:03:26.280 relate to. But we keep these things as proof out 0:03:26.280 --> 0:03:31.240 of you it's there in case we need reminding. Mary's 0:03:31.240 --> 0:03:34.280 box holds mementos from twenty five years ago, a time 0:03:34.320 --> 0:03:37.080 when she was devoted to a different world, an insular 0:03:37.120 --> 0:03:39.760 community that asked her to separate from her family and 0:03:39.800 --> 0:03:44.160 her past, to focus her life on one thing love. Well, first, 0:03:44.200 --> 0:03:47.040 there's this plastic display case like you might get some 0:03:47.080 --> 0:03:51.040 ear rings in or something like that, and underneath it's 0:03:51.080 --> 0:03:54.920 just little tiny pieces of Mother Teresa's hair. Wow, it's 0:03:54.920 --> 0:03:59.360 probably four strands or something. Would you say, Yeah, that 0:03:59.400 --> 0:04:03.680 looks like or strands and they're arranged in a cross shape. 0:04:04.560 --> 0:04:06.840 So I mean, it's the hair of a saint that 0:04:06.920 --> 0:04:10.320 you have in a box on your bookshelves. And it's 0:04:10.360 --> 0:04:12.480 not only hair of a saint. I haven't a box 0:04:12.560 --> 0:04:15.600 on my bookshelf, but the hair of a woman that 0:04:15.680 --> 0:04:20.760 I knew and had a very complicated relationship with. Mary 0:04:20.880 --> 0:04:23.440 Johnson has these strands of hair and her keeps a box. 0:04:23.480 --> 0:04:27.679 Because she made a vow, a vow to devote herself 0:04:27.720 --> 0:04:31.680 to serving the poor and God. She became a religious 0:04:31.680 --> 0:04:35.080 sister with the Missionaries of Charity, the Catholic Order formed 0:04:35.120 --> 0:04:39.479 by Mother Teresa. So I did spend a lot more 0:04:39.520 --> 0:04:42.400 time alone with her than most sisters had the opportunity 0:04:42.520 --> 0:04:47.000 to do. And I loved her. I loved her deeply. 0:04:48.360 --> 0:04:52.200 Mother Teresa helping the poorest of the poor, Revered by 0:04:52.279 --> 0:04:57.720 popes and president's queens and princesses. Practically anything that's known 0:04:57.760 --> 0:05:03.440 about her is shouted in mystery and myth. Though fiercely private, 0:05:03.680 --> 0:05:06.039 the small nun in a white and blue sorry became 0:05:06.040 --> 0:05:09.640 an icon, and thousands of women abandoned their previous lives 0:05:09.680 --> 0:05:16.400 to follow her. We were to love the unlovable. If 0:05:16.440 --> 0:05:19.640 you feel God is asking you to do something, it 0:05:19.680 --> 0:05:23.000 doesn't matter how hard it is. She was so close 0:05:23.040 --> 0:05:26.559 to God, and you knew it. When she was there, 0:05:27.320 --> 0:05:31.800 everything changed, you know. I heard about Mother Teresa when 0:05:31.839 --> 0:05:35.000 I was a kid. She seems like the ultimate example 0:05:35.080 --> 0:05:38.479 of selflessness, of someone who saw poverty and actually did 0:05:38.520 --> 0:05:41.560 something about it. She seemed like this perfect person with 0:05:41.640 --> 0:05:45.160 a simple message. But the more people I've talked to, 0:05:45.640 --> 0:05:48.760 the more I've realized how little I understood her, how 0:05:48.839 --> 0:05:53.479 unusual her spirituality actually was, how her legacy was filled 0:05:53.520 --> 0:05:57.360 with controversy, and how thorny and complicated her order could 0:05:57.360 --> 0:06:03.159 be for the people inside it. The order was wired 0:06:03.800 --> 0:06:07.200 that you had very little time to think you're only 0:06:07.240 --> 0:06:11.040 getting input from one source, You're oscillated from everyone else. 0:06:11.760 --> 0:06:14.320 That's what I mean by Brian washing. They become the 0:06:14.400 --> 0:06:16.400 voice of God for you, That's all they keep saying. 0:06:16.520 --> 0:06:20.560 Under your valive obedience. Right. One doesn't always know where 0:06:20.600 --> 0:06:25.080 to draw the line between religion and cult. When Mary 0:06:25.120 --> 0:06:27.240 was nineteen years old, she dropped out of college and 0:06:27.320 --> 0:06:31.440 joined Mother Teresa's Order of Nuns. There was no legal contract, 0:06:31.720 --> 0:06:34.040 nothing physical that bound her to the group. She could 0:06:34.120 --> 0:06:37.159 leave at any time, but from the beginning she was 0:06:37.240 --> 0:06:41.120 convinced there was no turning back. As she went deeper, 0:06:41.160 --> 0:06:43.960 she learned more secrets about this way of life. She 0:06:44.000 --> 0:06:48.000 saw vows taken to extremes. She felt the rigidity of rules. 0:06:48.600 --> 0:06:52.080 How separate the society, this culture, this world really was. 0:06:53.560 --> 0:06:56.560 Many former sisters like Mary entered the Order seeking love 0:06:56.560 --> 0:07:00.599 and purpose, only to lose themselves along the way, And 0:07:00.680 --> 0:07:04.200 it was a long road back. My story is the 0:07:04.279 --> 0:07:08.720 story of a woman who disappoints the most admired woman 0:07:08.760 --> 0:07:18.840 in the world. From a Coco Punch and I Heart Media, 0:07:19.280 --> 0:07:23.520 this is the turning I'm Erica Llance Part one, No 0:07:23.720 --> 0:07:41.679 turning back. Mother Teresa was busy as usual saving the world. 0:07:42.360 --> 0:07:47.080 And I mean that quite literally. Ronald Reagan's in front 0:07:47.080 --> 0:07:48.720 of the French doors of the West wing of the 0:07:48.760 --> 0:07:52.680 White House. Her Order of the Missionaries of Charity has 0:07:52.720 --> 0:07:56.120 spread throughout the world, serving the poorest of the poor. 0:07:56.960 --> 0:07:59.320 Mother Teresa stands beside him and her white and blue 0:07:59.320 --> 0:08:02.960 sorry a foot shorter than he is. Mother Rasa is 0:08:02.960 --> 0:08:06.000 a heroine of our times. And to the many honors 0:08:06.040 --> 0:08:10.400 she has received, including the Nobel Peace Prize, we add 0:08:10.480 --> 0:08:25.000 with deep affection and endless respect, the Presidential Medal of Freedom. 0:08:25.040 --> 0:08:32.840 I am most unworthy of this generous gift of her, 0:08:32.960 --> 0:08:40.679 President Sagan and his wife and new people of United States. 0:08:42.240 --> 0:08:46.559 But I accepted for the greater glory of God and 0:08:46.720 --> 0:08:51.400 in the name of the millions of poor people. But 0:08:51.679 --> 0:08:57.480 this gift in spirit and in love will penetrate the 0:08:57.480 --> 0:09:01.000 hearts of the people, for in giving it to me, 0:09:01.840 --> 0:09:07.760 you are giving it to them. Mother Teresa founded her 0:09:07.800 --> 0:09:12.400 Congregation of Sisters and Calcutta, India in ninety She called 0:09:12.440 --> 0:09:16.400 them the Missionaries of Charity MCS for short, and she 0:09:16.440 --> 0:09:18.880 became famous for tending to what she called the poorest 0:09:18.920 --> 0:09:21.560 of the poor, especially in her home for the dying. 0:09:22.280 --> 0:09:25.600 She explained her mission with a Bible passage. Jesus said, 0:09:26.440 --> 0:09:30.079 I was hungry and you gave me to eat. I 0:09:30.320 --> 0:09:34.680 was naked, you clothed me. I was homeless and you 0:09:34.880 --> 0:09:38.840 took me in. I was seeking in prison, and you 0:09:39.080 --> 0:09:43.440 visited me, and you took care of me. Mother Teresa's 0:09:43.480 --> 0:09:46.160 Missionaries of Charity believe that each sick person on the 0:09:46.200 --> 0:09:50.960 street is Jesus and disguise, that's the same Jesus in 0:09:51.000 --> 0:09:55.199 the distressing disguise of the poor. The Missionaries of Charity 0:09:55.240 --> 0:09:58.840 are still headquartered in Calcutta, but Mother Teresa expanded her 0:09:58.840 --> 0:10:02.600 mission far beyond Indi You. She founded convents in other countries, 0:10:03.080 --> 0:10:06.280 and she created new MC branches for fathers and for brothers. 0:10:07.000 --> 0:10:10.080 As her order grew, so did Mother Teresa's fame. People 0:10:10.160 --> 0:10:13.400 loved her message. She spoke of love, of having compassion 0:10:13.480 --> 0:10:16.240 for everyone, of doing your small part to help others. 0:10:16.920 --> 0:10:21.040 It's a message that appealed to Mary Johnson. Mary grew 0:10:21.080 --> 0:10:24.000 up in Michigan and Texas in a Catholic family. She 0:10:24.120 --> 0:10:26.600 was the oldest of seven kids, and at a young 0:10:26.640 --> 0:10:29.079 age she had a special relationship with a higher power. 0:10:29.640 --> 0:10:33.360 I had always found church to be something I enjoyed 0:10:33.559 --> 0:10:37.800 if it didn't last too long. I enjoyed Catholic school 0:10:37.920 --> 0:10:41.440 when I was in class, but on the playground at 0:10:41.520 --> 0:10:44.000 lunch time, I really have many friends, and so I 0:10:44.080 --> 0:10:47.160 would find someplace on the distant side of the playground 0:10:47.240 --> 0:10:49.960 and I would just talk to God. And I think 0:10:50.000 --> 0:10:54.040 that's kind of where it started for me. In second grade, 0:10:54.240 --> 0:10:56.400 Mary's teacher told the class to write about what they 0:10:56.400 --> 0:10:59.480 wanted to be when they grew up. Boys, you could 0:10:59.520 --> 0:11:03.360 be fireman, you could be doctors, you could be policemen. 0:11:03.600 --> 0:11:08.080 And she gave this long list of careers possibilities, and 0:11:08.080 --> 0:11:12.199 then she said, girls, you could be nurses or teachers. 0:11:12.800 --> 0:11:16.000 So right your, I say, now, I didn't know what 0:11:16.040 --> 0:11:19.439 to do because I wanted to be either an archaeologist 0:11:19.520 --> 0:11:22.040 or the director of the New York Philharmonic. I used 0:11:22.080 --> 0:11:25.040 to watch Leonard Bernstein on television and I just loved that, 0:11:25.120 --> 0:11:26.520 and I thought it was just the best thing in 0:11:26.559 --> 0:11:31.400 the world, Just two options for girls neither interested. Mary. 0:11:31.679 --> 0:11:34.199 Here's what she wrote in the end, when I grow up, 0:11:34.320 --> 0:11:38.920 I will be whatever God wants me to be. I 0:11:38.960 --> 0:11:41.720 have figured that way. God has lending more possibilities, and 0:11:41.760 --> 0:11:45.120 he said than the sister does, and so I I thought, 0:11:45.600 --> 0:11:49.800 that's that's it. But somehow it wasn't just an essay 0:11:49.880 --> 0:11:53.000 for me. It was like a pact. It was like, Okay, God, 0:11:53.240 --> 0:11:55.640 you show me what you want, and I will do 0:11:55.720 --> 0:11:59.640 that thing. When Mary was twelve years old, her parents 0:11:59.679 --> 0:12:03.040 got in to charismatic Catholicism. They were pretty involved in it. 0:12:03.360 --> 0:12:05.960 The local group often met at their house. They'd pray 0:12:06.040 --> 0:12:09.240 and speak and sing in tongues. But Mary didn't quite 0:12:09.280 --> 0:12:12.320 connect with that type of spirituality. She waited for her 0:12:12.320 --> 0:12:16.640 own message from God. In high school, Barry joined the 0:12:16.679 --> 0:12:19.880 debate team. She wrote for the high school newspaper, and 0:12:19.920 --> 0:12:23.080 then when she was a senior, the message arrived. And 0:12:23.240 --> 0:12:28.479 I was walking past our library, which had glass windows, 0:12:28.520 --> 0:12:30.960 and I saw a cover of Time magazine and there 0:12:31.080 --> 0:12:36.240 was this face of this wrinkled nun with a with 0:12:36.320 --> 0:12:39.880 a white veil with blue stripes, and she had these 0:12:39.880 --> 0:12:44.120 eyes and and I took the magazine from the shelf 0:12:44.320 --> 0:12:46.800 and I started reading in the ball rang for French class. 0:12:46.800 --> 0:12:49.400 And I didn't care. I just sat there and I 0:12:49.440 --> 0:12:52.640 read about this not in Calcutta, who was doing these 0:12:52.679 --> 0:13:00.880 fantastic things with taking in dyeing people and caring for them. 0:13:00.920 --> 0:13:03.480 She was attracted to the mcs focus on love and 0:13:03.520 --> 0:13:06.280 working with the poor, but it was their commitment to 0:13:06.320 --> 0:13:09.000 the vow of poverty to live like those they were 0:13:09.040 --> 0:13:12.320 serving that grabbed her. I mean, the Missionaries of Charity 0:13:12.360 --> 0:13:16.360 took poverty really seriously. And one of the places in 0:13:16.440 --> 0:13:20.320 the Bible where Jesus talks about poverty is during that 0:13:20.400 --> 0:13:25.439 Sermon on the mount when he says, stop worrying about everything. 0:13:26.000 --> 0:13:28.240 Look at the birds of the air, Look at the 0:13:28.280 --> 0:13:31.120 lilies of the field. See how your heavenly Father takes 0:13:31.160 --> 0:13:33.400 care of them. He knows what they need me make 0:13:33.400 --> 0:13:35.800 sure they get it. It's going to be less for you. 0:13:36.240 --> 0:13:38.800 He has every hair on your head counted. What do 0:13:38.840 --> 0:13:43.760 you think He's gonna let disaster strike? No, no, just 0:13:43.760 --> 0:13:48.720 just consider the lilies. The article just pulled her in 0:13:48.800 --> 0:13:52.800 like nothing before. This was like my whole heart on fire. 0:13:53.520 --> 0:13:55.800 And I really felt like that was God talking to me. 0:13:55.840 --> 0:13:57.760 And by the time I got up, I said, this 0:13:57.800 --> 0:13:59.520 is what I gotta do, and I went home and 0:13:59.559 --> 0:14:03.760 started writing letters and trying to figure it out. Mary 0:14:03.800 --> 0:14:06.400 wrote to Mother Teresa and asked to join her order. 0:14:06.920 --> 0:14:10.000 You know, it's kind of that impulsivity of a teenager. 0:14:28.440 --> 0:14:32.280 It was the summer of nine when Mary arrived in 0:14:32.360 --> 0:14:35.240 New York City. She made her way through the city 0:14:35.320 --> 0:14:38.880 to a new life as a missionary of charity. I'd 0:14:38.960 --> 0:14:42.320 never been in a big city like that before. Um 0:14:43.960 --> 0:14:50.040 enormous buildings and wide streets, and all of these people 0:14:50.200 --> 0:14:52.840 out on the streets, so many cars, so much action, 0:14:53.280 --> 0:14:56.520 and it was exciting. Mary was headed to the Bronx. 0:14:56.960 --> 0:14:59.480 That's where the main empty house in the United States is, 0:15:00.000 --> 0:15:02.840 and it's where she joined you sisters in training. She 0:15:02.920 --> 0:15:05.960 carried a cardboard box tied with string. It held two 0:15:06.000 --> 0:15:09.760 skirts and two blouses. That's all the sisters said she'd need. 0:15:11.560 --> 0:15:13.360 New York was a different place. In the summer of 0:15:13.440 --> 0:15:16.840 s a widespread blackout shut down the city and led 0:15:16.880 --> 0:15:20.040 to looting. It had nearly gone bankrupt just two years before. 0:15:20.640 --> 0:15:23.160 Landlords were setting fire to their own buildings to cash 0:15:23.200 --> 0:15:25.960 in on insurance, and one of the biggest man hunts 0:15:25.960 --> 0:15:27.920 in New York City history was on for the son 0:15:27.960 --> 0:15:31.440 of Sam, serial killer who was shooting and murdering young women. 0:15:33.360 --> 0:15:36.200 But when Mary arrived, but she noticed was the energy. 0:15:36.840 --> 0:15:42.280 I do remember very clearly emerging from the subway station there, 0:15:42.320 --> 0:15:48.640 and walking into all of this sounds Spanish music, Spanish speaking. 0:15:49.000 --> 0:15:53.120 I see mangoes on the on the sidewalk there in 0:15:53.200 --> 0:15:57.479 front of the fruit stand, and just all the excitement 0:15:57.680 --> 0:16:00.600 and the energy of the South Brown in the summer 0:16:00.600 --> 0:16:05.400 of nineteen seven. There were these groups, especially of young 0:16:05.480 --> 0:16:10.520 men and older boys, gathered around boom boxes and doing 0:16:10.560 --> 0:16:17.920 these enormous gymnastic moves. Is very, very impressive breakdancing, and 0:16:17.960 --> 0:16:20.680 I just feeling like I had walked into a completely 0:16:21.120 --> 0:16:28.400 different world than the one I'd known. The convent looked 0:16:28.400 --> 0:16:31.480 like any other house in the area, a simple brick building. 0:16:32.280 --> 0:16:35.680 So I ring the doorbell and wait a little while, 0:16:35.760 --> 0:16:38.560 and wait a little while, and then finally sister Rochelle 0:16:38.600 --> 0:16:40.960 comes down. She welcomes me with a big smile, and 0:16:41.040 --> 0:16:42.760 she knows my name, and she knows what I'm there for. 0:16:42.960 --> 0:16:46.280 They've been waiting for me. And I went inside and 0:16:46.880 --> 0:16:50.800 everything inside was quiet. Rossell whispered to me and she says, welcome, 0:16:51.880 --> 0:16:55.600 and she says, let's go say hello to Jesus. After 0:16:55.640 --> 0:16:58.000 a quick stop to pray in the chapel, they climbed 0:16:58.040 --> 0:17:00.680 the stairs to the refectory, the room where they did 0:17:00.720 --> 0:17:04.080 most everything they ate their meals in the refectory, studied 0:17:04.080 --> 0:17:06.680 how to be a sister in the refectory. Inside was 0:17:06.720 --> 0:17:10.240 applywood table, two benches at a stool. I was kind 0:17:10.240 --> 0:17:14.879 of amazed at how there it was, how minimal it was. 0:17:15.520 --> 0:17:18.600 On the wall hung side by side images of Mother 0:17:18.760 --> 0:17:22.080 Teresa and Jesus. There was also a plaque with the 0:17:22.119 --> 0:17:25.159 motto for new Sisters, a quote from the Gospel of John. 0:17:25.800 --> 0:17:30.600 Jesus must increase and I must decrease. Then Sister Rochelle 0:17:30.600 --> 0:17:34.320 showed her the dormitory, a sacred space that must stay silent. 0:17:34.560 --> 0:17:37.480 They were never to speak inside it. It was one 0:17:37.560 --> 0:17:40.159 room with thirteen cots and they were really close together, 0:17:40.600 --> 0:17:43.639 just enough room between them to get into bed. Mary 0:17:43.720 --> 0:17:47.199 was excited for this unadorned life. Things can weigh you 0:17:47.280 --> 0:17:50.480 down so much, and there was a sense of freedom 0:17:50.520 --> 0:17:52.080 to it. How are you going to get along with 0:17:52.200 --> 0:17:55.120 just these few little things? And but it's it's nice. 0:17:55.160 --> 0:17:57.560 It's the lilies of the field and the birds of 0:17:57.680 --> 0:18:03.080 the air don't need much. Mary arrived in time for adoration. 0:18:03.800 --> 0:18:06.560 She and the other sisters filed into a pewless chapel. 0:18:07.160 --> 0:18:10.120 They knelt in rose and put their heads to the floor. 0:18:10.600 --> 0:18:16.879 The center of this life was God. Nothing else mattered 0:18:17.840 --> 0:18:21.359 in the way that those moments of prayer did that time, 0:18:21.920 --> 0:18:25.680 that time with God, they're chanting mixed with the sounds 0:18:25.720 --> 0:18:30.640 from outside backfiring cars, boom boxes. She felt like she'd 0:18:30.720 --> 0:18:34.920 entered a distant, peaceful planet she didn't understand. She prayed 0:18:34.960 --> 0:18:39.040 she'd have the strength for this life. At dinner that night, 0:18:39.240 --> 0:18:41.920 Mary and her twelve new sisters gathered around that plywood 0:18:41.920 --> 0:18:45.959 refectory table and stair. Carmeline said, Praise be Jesus Christ, 0:18:46.040 --> 0:18:51.520 and everybody there started clapping their hands and singings, we welcome, 0:18:51.600 --> 0:18:56.160 welcome sister, We welcome, welcome sister, We welcome, welcome sister 0:18:56.359 --> 0:19:00.560 from our heart um, just as they had song to 0:19:00.640 --> 0:19:03.200 each new sister who arrived, and would continue to sing 0:19:03.280 --> 0:19:38.560 to each one after me. When a woman enters the 0:19:38.560 --> 0:19:42.320 Missionaries of Charity, she starts as an aspirant. Mary's aspiancy 0:19:42.359 --> 0:19:45.840 would last six months. She wore a conservative blouse and skirt. 0:19:46.240 --> 0:19:49.920 The white sorry would come later. She quickly learns that 0:19:50.000 --> 0:19:53.359 days in the Missionaries of Charity were strictly regimented. A 0:19:53.480 --> 0:19:58.200 bell rang to signal time for a new task. The 0:19:58.359 --> 0:20:03.240 bell marked absolutely everything we did, and whenever it rang, 0:20:03.800 --> 0:20:07.800 whatever it rang, Mother told us we were to stop 0:20:07.880 --> 0:20:11.720 immediately doing whatever we were doing, because the bell was 0:20:11.760 --> 0:20:17.200 the voice of God. The sisters had a tight timetable. 0:20:17.680 --> 0:20:20.000 Wake up at four or forty in the morning, pray, 0:20:20.280 --> 0:20:23.119 make beds, clean the house only twenty minutes for that, 0:20:23.640 --> 0:20:26.760 wash clothes by hand at ten, mass, eat breakfast all 0:20:26.800 --> 0:20:30.160 before eight o'clock, then go out to work in the community. 0:20:30.960 --> 0:20:33.719 There was also the kneeling and praying hours of it 0:20:34.040 --> 0:20:37.600 every day. I loved the fact that prayer was so 0:20:37.680 --> 0:20:41.000 central to the lives of the missionaries of Charity, but 0:20:41.440 --> 0:20:46.840 my knees hurt like hell. There were times for spiritual 0:20:46.840 --> 0:20:49.800 reading and instruction, and they got thirty minutes of what 0:20:49.840 --> 0:20:52.359 they called recreation, basically when they all sat in the 0:20:52.400 --> 0:20:56.679 refectory and caught up on work like mending clothes. The 0:20:56.720 --> 0:21:01.000 aspirants reported to a mistress in charge, the aspiring mistress. 0:21:01.040 --> 0:21:03.639 She taught them how to follow the rules. I was 0:21:03.800 --> 0:21:09.040 under very close scrutiny, and my aspirment mistress would correct 0:21:09.160 --> 0:21:12.960 every mistake she saw, and she'd do it publicly, and 0:21:13.040 --> 0:21:16.960 she'd do it loudly, kind of like the drill sergeant 0:21:19.800 --> 0:21:22.159 the idea behind the mission of Charity training is just 0:21:22.240 --> 0:21:24.800 like like military training, to break you down into nothing. 0:21:25.520 --> 0:21:28.439 This is Kelly Dunham. She also joined the Missionaries of 0:21:28.520 --> 0:21:31.760 Charity and began her training in the same convent as Mary, 0:21:31.800 --> 0:21:36.560 but seventeen years later. In those first months, it seemed 0:21:36.600 --> 0:21:39.199 like the whole idea was to make you feel as 0:21:39.240 --> 0:21:41.720 alone as possible, with the idea that you would depend 0:21:41.800 --> 0:21:45.080 only on God. Kelly says that like in boot camp, 0:21:45.119 --> 0:21:47.080 you did what you were told, whether or not it 0:21:47.160 --> 0:21:50.000 made sense to you. She struggled with that, but she 0:21:50.119 --> 0:21:52.919 loved the moments of beauty working as a group for 0:21:52.960 --> 0:21:57.440 a cause and their nightly songs. After evening prayer, all 0:21:57.440 --> 0:22:00.200 of the sisters would walk outside and stand around ound 0:22:00.200 --> 0:22:03.199 a statue of Mary, the Mother of Jesus. Then you 0:22:03.240 --> 0:22:05.359 sing a little song to Mary and everyone does like 0:22:05.400 --> 0:22:07.760 a little silent prayer and usually touches the statue. I think, 0:22:07.760 --> 0:22:10.280 on the feet and then goes up. Created a moment, 0:22:10.880 --> 0:22:13.720 a moment of honoring something bigger than yourself. And it's 0:22:13.720 --> 0:22:16.919 just like by candle lights, right, so it's actually extremely 0:22:17.480 --> 0:22:20.439 like poignant and it's a moment right like it's a 0:22:20.480 --> 0:22:23.840 moment I still can almost get tearful thinking about that. 0:22:24.440 --> 0:22:27.280 And I can remember one night we were all standing 0:22:27.320 --> 0:22:30.120 around the statue of Mary with all the sisters, their 0:22:30.119 --> 0:22:33.679 faces reflected lighted up by just the candle light, and 0:22:33.720 --> 0:22:35.480 I remember thinking, Oh, man, I get to be with 0:22:35.520 --> 0:22:47.680 all these beautiful women the rest of my life. Mary 0:22:47.760 --> 0:22:49.760 Johnson had been in the convent for two weeks when 0:22:49.760 --> 0:22:53.119 there is a big announcement Mother Teresa was coming. We 0:22:53.240 --> 0:22:57.240 got so excited, you know, we just shouted there, just 0:22:58.280 --> 0:23:01.280 oh so excited. She told us during dinner. So it 0:23:01.320 --> 0:23:03.680 was the time when we could speak, and we did. 0:23:04.320 --> 0:23:07.080 Mary couldn't believe she'd finally meet this woman people called 0:23:07.119 --> 0:23:10.080 a living saint. You know. I'd heard about saints. Some 0:23:10.119 --> 0:23:14.400 of saints had these abilities where they could read people's souls. 0:23:14.520 --> 0:23:17.639 If she was like that, she probably wouldn't like me, 0:23:17.680 --> 0:23:20.400 I thought. And the other thing I was scared about 0:23:20.560 --> 0:23:23.320 was what would happen if it turned out I didn't 0:23:23.359 --> 0:23:28.280 like her. I decided what I would do was I 0:23:28.280 --> 0:23:31.920 would go to the top of the staircase because Mother 0:23:31.920 --> 0:23:33.800 Streets would come in the front door, and if I 0:23:33.840 --> 0:23:37.600 positioned myself just right on those stairs, I'd be able 0:23:37.640 --> 0:23:41.680 to see her and when the door opened and Mother 0:23:41.800 --> 0:23:44.480 was the first one to come in, and I saw 0:23:44.520 --> 0:23:48.680 her there, this this tiny, short woman with so many wrinkles, 0:23:49.160 --> 0:23:51.919 and she just looked so small and so determined. And 0:23:52.400 --> 0:23:55.120 the aspirants who had been waiting, and we're down there 0:23:55.160 --> 0:23:59.399 on that floor, Oh, Mother, Mother, and they were saying things, 0:23:59.480 --> 0:24:03.080 and she was like, let me say hello to Jesus. First, 0:24:03.480 --> 0:24:06.680 Mother must say hello to Jesus. It was the first 0:24:06.680 --> 0:24:09.320 time I heard her talk about herself in the third person, 0:24:09.359 --> 0:24:11.359 which was something she did all the time. But I 0:24:11.400 --> 0:24:14.679 didn't know that then, I thought. Mother Teresa looked utterly 0:24:14.720 --> 0:24:17.040 focused as she took off her sandals and walked to 0:24:17.080 --> 0:24:20.520 the chapel. Then she knelt to pray. I had never 0:24:20.560 --> 0:24:26.639 seen anyone somehow that connected with God. I felt that 0:24:26.720 --> 0:24:39.600 something holy was happening there. One day, Mother Teresa sat 0:24:39.640 --> 0:24:41.800 down at the aspiran's table to talk with the young 0:24:41.840 --> 0:24:46.360 women entering her order. She shared a clear message, one 0:24:46.400 --> 0:24:49.320 that would reverberate in Mary's mind for the next twenty years. 0:24:50.440 --> 0:24:53.720 God called you to come here. Jesus did not call 0:24:53.880 --> 0:24:57.439 your sister, did not call your neighbor. Jesus called you 0:24:57.960 --> 0:25:02.800 to be here. And she said God has called you. 0:25:02.800 --> 0:25:06.000 You must be faithful for life, or pack up and 0:25:06.040 --> 0:25:09.920 go home right now. And she was so clear and 0:25:10.000 --> 0:25:15.399 so strong and not a little bit scary. And she 0:25:15.480 --> 0:25:18.240 was saying, just to people who had been there for 0:25:18.240 --> 0:25:22.080 for two weeks basically, and I hadn't figured it out yet. 0:25:22.160 --> 0:25:24.760 You didn't know exactly did God call me? That's a 0:25:24.840 --> 0:25:28.240 very amorphous question. But Mother was sure. She said, you're here. 0:25:28.359 --> 0:25:31.040 That means God called you here, and now you must 0:25:31.080 --> 0:25:35.760 be faithful for life. She brought the twelve aspirants to 0:25:35.800 --> 0:25:38.119 the chapel and had the kneel in a row at 0:25:38.119 --> 0:25:40.760 the front. Then she went down the line and gave 0:25:40.800 --> 0:25:44.240 them each a crucifix. She brought the crucifix to each 0:25:44.280 --> 0:25:48.000 sister's lips for a kiss. She pressed that crucifix so 0:25:48.119 --> 0:25:50.480 strongly against my lips that you know, it's like you 0:25:50.520 --> 0:25:53.400 can hardly respond with any sort of kiss because she 0:25:53.760 --> 0:25:56.359 pushes it there and then she pulls it away. Mother 0:25:56.440 --> 0:26:01.880 did everything forcefully, wholeheartedly. You know, you feel that kind 0:26:01.920 --> 0:26:06.160 of electricity when something special is happening, where your whole 0:26:06.160 --> 0:26:10.680 body just kind of tingles and feels alive. And at 0:26:10.720 --> 0:26:14.040 the same time, there was a kind of a I 0:26:14.080 --> 0:26:16.679 think the reluctance wasn't so much in my body. The 0:26:16.720 --> 0:26:20.560 reluctance was more in my mind. But physically I was 0:26:20.760 --> 0:26:23.360 very excited. I was kind of full. And I remember 0:26:24.280 --> 0:26:27.760 whenever Mother spoke, just being so taken in by her 0:26:27.800 --> 0:26:31.160 words and by her conviction and by the power of 0:26:31.760 --> 0:26:37.000 her own belief, that you really just looked at her 0:26:37.240 --> 0:26:44.639 and could not look away. Okay, now I have to 0:26:44.680 --> 0:26:47.199 be a better person than I have ever been in 0:26:47.320 --> 0:26:55.160 my whole life. The bar has been raised. When Mother 0:26:55.280 --> 0:26:58.040 Teresa told Mary and the other aspirants that they were chosen, 0:26:58.640 --> 0:27:01.080 she said it came with a lifelong commitment. It was 0:27:01.119 --> 0:27:04.399 like a marriage. They must be faithful to God and 0:27:04.480 --> 0:27:14.119 their vows. All Catholic nuns take vows of poverty, chastity, 0:27:14.240 --> 0:27:18.320 and obedience. Mother Teresa added a fourth vow for her sisters, 0:27:18.760 --> 0:27:21.399 the vow of wholehearted and free service to the poorest 0:27:21.440 --> 0:27:25.119