1 00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:08,360 Speaker 1: I wonder if you could tell me that story about 2 00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:11,200 Speaker 1: the time that sister had to go to the hospital 3 00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:17,360 Speaker 1: and you thought, this is gonna be my chance. So 4 00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:20,400 Speaker 1: one of the sisters she had been in the hospital 5 00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:23,599 Speaker 1: recently and she needed to go back and have a 6 00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:27,920 Speaker 1: check up. It felt like this opportunity fell from heaven 7 00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:36,560 Speaker 1: into my lap and I would I would escape. Why 8 00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:39,760 Speaker 1: why didn't you just walk out, just tell someone I'm leaving, 9 00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:42,840 Speaker 1: and just walk out the door. We always went out 10 00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:46,879 Speaker 1: to buy two We were never allowed just to to 11 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:51,319 Speaker 1: walk out and do something, so I wouldn't have been 12 00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:53,840 Speaker 1: able to go, you know, more than five or six 13 00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:57,000 Speaker 1: paces before somebody ran up to me and said, where 14 00:00:57,040 --> 00:01:03,640 Speaker 1: are you going? But I knew, because I had been 15 00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:06,839 Speaker 1: in that hospital and was familiar with it, that there 16 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,960 Speaker 1: was a room where there was a collection of clothes 17 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:15,080 Speaker 1: that the patients had left behind, so I knew where 18 00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:18,440 Speaker 1: that was. I could find myself some clothes there, some 19 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:24,399 Speaker 1: normal clothes. I thought, I'll drive in with this sister 20 00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:28,960 Speaker 1: who's ill, and then when we get there, I would 21 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,640 Speaker 1: just leave. I would leave her there, and I would 22 00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:34,959 Speaker 1: have at least, you know, a few hours before anybody 23 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:43,360 Speaker 1: figured out what I had done. So I took some 24 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:47,600 Speaker 1: phone tokens and I got in the car. Then there 25 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:51,720 Speaker 1: in that car on the way to the hospital, I 26 00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:55,160 Speaker 1: was perspiring. My hands were clammy, my heart was racing. 27 00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:58,840 Speaker 1: It was so hot. And as we left the city 28 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:03,320 Speaker 1: and we drove towards the seashore, there was a breeze 29 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:08,079 Speaker 1: and it started just to feel really nice. And there 30 00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:10,440 Speaker 1: were palm trees, and there was the sky and you 31 00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:13,840 Speaker 1: could see the water off in the distance. It was 32 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:17,800 Speaker 1: like a breath of freedom. It was like like a 33 00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:21,800 Speaker 1: way to breathe again. And I just wanted more and 34 00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:26,680 Speaker 1: more of that air, that that freedom, that life, that light. 35 00:02:28,919 --> 00:02:31,000 Speaker 1: I thought, this is my chance. I just have to 36 00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:54,359 Speaker 1: take it. There's a box in Mary Johnson's house a 37 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:57,600 Speaker 1: boxer rarely opens. Well, you know, I've been talking with 38 00:02:57,639 --> 00:03:00,960 Speaker 1: you lately about all of these things, and so I 39 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:03,640 Speaker 1: brought this box down from the top of my bookcase 40 00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:08,280 Speaker 1: because I think these things do help me remember better 41 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:16,480 Speaker 1: and get back into the feeling. We all know this box, 42 00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:19,360 Speaker 1: the one full of memories of a version of yourself 43 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:22,360 Speaker 1: that with time and experience becomes more distant, hard to 44 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:26,280 Speaker 1: relate to. But we keep these things as proof out 45 00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:31,240 Speaker 1: of you it's there in case we need reminding. Mary's 46 00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:34,280 Speaker 1: box holds mementos from twenty five years ago, a time 47 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:37,080 Speaker 1: when she was devoted to a different world, an insular 48 00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:39,760 Speaker 1: community that asked her to separate from her family and 49 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:44,160 Speaker 1: her past, to focus her life on one thing love. Well, first, 50 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:47,040 Speaker 1: there's this plastic display case like you might get some 51 00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:51,040 Speaker 1: ear rings in or something like that, and underneath it's 52 00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:54,920 Speaker 1: just little tiny pieces of Mother Teresa's hair. Wow, it's 53 00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:59,360 Speaker 1: probably four strands or something. Would you say, Yeah, that 54 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:03,680 Speaker 1: looks like or strands and they're arranged in a cross shape. 55 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:06,840 Speaker 1: So I mean, it's the hair of a saint that 56 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:10,320 Speaker 1: you have in a box on your bookshelves. And it's 57 00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:12,480 Speaker 1: not only hair of a saint. I haven't a box 58 00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:15,600 Speaker 1: on my bookshelf, but the hair of a woman that 59 00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:20,760 Speaker 1: I knew and had a very complicated relationship with. Mary 60 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:23,440 Speaker 1: Johnson has these strands of hair and her keeps a box. 61 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:27,679 Speaker 1: Because she made a vow, a vow to devote herself 62 00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:31,680 Speaker 1: to serving the poor and God. She became a religious 63 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:35,080 Speaker 1: sister with the Missionaries of Charity, the Catholic Order formed 64 00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:39,479 Speaker 1: by Mother Teresa. So I did spend a lot more 65 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:42,400 Speaker 1: time alone with her than most sisters had the opportunity 66 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:47,000 Speaker 1: to do. And I loved her. I loved her deeply. 67 00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:52,200 Speaker 1: Mother Teresa helping the poorest of the poor, Revered by 68 00:04:52,279 --> 00:04:57,720 Speaker 1: popes and president's queens and princesses. Practically anything that's known 69 00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:03,440 Speaker 1: about her is shouted in mystery and myth. Though fiercely private, 70 00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:06,039 Speaker 1: the small nun in a white and blue sorry became 71 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:09,640 Speaker 1: an icon, and thousands of women abandoned their previous lives 72 00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:16,400 Speaker 1: to follow her. We were to love the unlovable. If 73 00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:19,640 Speaker 1: you feel God is asking you to do something, it 74 00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:23,000 Speaker 1: doesn't matter how hard it is. She was so close 75 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:26,559 Speaker 1: to God, and you knew it. When she was there, 76 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:31,800 Speaker 1: everything changed, you know. I heard about Mother Teresa when 77 00:05:31,839 --> 00:05:35,000 Speaker 1: I was a kid. She seems like the ultimate example 78 00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:38,479 Speaker 1: of selflessness, of someone who saw poverty and actually did 79 00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:41,560 Speaker 1: something about it. She seemed like this perfect person with 80 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:45,160 Speaker 1: a simple message. But the more people I've talked to, 81 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:48,760 Speaker 1: the more I've realized how little I understood her, how 82 00:05:48,839 --> 00:05:53,479 Speaker 1: unusual her spirituality actually was, how her legacy was filled 83 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:57,360 Speaker 1: with controversy, and how thorny and complicated her order could 84 00:05:57,360 --> 00:06:03,159 Speaker 1: be for the people inside it. The order was wired 85 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:07,200 Speaker 1: that you had very little time to think you're only 86 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:11,040 Speaker 1: getting input from one source, You're oscillated from everyone else. 87 00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:14,320 Speaker 1: That's what I mean by Brian washing. They become the 88 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:16,400 Speaker 1: voice of God for you, That's all they keep saying. 89 00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:20,560 Speaker 1: Under your valive obedience. Right. One doesn't always know where 90 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:25,080 Speaker 1: to draw the line between religion and cult. When Mary 91 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:27,240 Speaker 1: was nineteen years old, she dropped out of college and 92 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:31,440 Speaker 1: joined Mother Teresa's Order of Nuns. There was no legal contract, 93 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:34,040 Speaker 1: nothing physical that bound her to the group. She could 94 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:37,159 Speaker 1: leave at any time, but from the beginning she was 95 00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:41,120 Speaker 1: convinced there was no turning back. As she went deeper, 96 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:43,960 Speaker 1: she learned more secrets about this way of life. She 97 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:48,000 Speaker 1: saw vows taken to extremes. She felt the rigidity of rules. 98 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:52,080 Speaker 1: How separate the society, this culture, this world really was. 99 00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:56,560 Speaker 1: Many former sisters like Mary entered the Order seeking love 100 00:06:56,560 --> 00:07:00,599 Speaker 1: and purpose, only to lose themselves along the way, And 101 00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:04,200 Speaker 1: it was a long road back. My story is the 102 00:07:04,279 --> 00:07:08,720 Speaker 1: story of a woman who disappoints the most admired woman 103 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:18,840 Speaker 1: in the world. From a Coco Punch and I Heart Media, 104 00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:23,520 Speaker 1: this is the turning I'm Erica Llance Part one, No 105 00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:41,679 Speaker 1: turning back. Mother Teresa was busy as usual saving the world. 106 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:47,080 Speaker 1: And I mean that quite literally. Ronald Reagan's in front 107 00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:48,720 Speaker 1: of the French doors of the West wing of the 108 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:52,680 Speaker 1: White House. Her Order of the Missionaries of Charity has 109 00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:56,120 Speaker 1: spread throughout the world, serving the poorest of the poor. 110 00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,320 Speaker 1: Mother Teresa stands beside him and her white and blue 111 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:02,960 Speaker 1: sorry a foot shorter than he is. Mother Rasa is 112 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:06,000 Speaker 1: a heroine of our times. And to the many honors 113 00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:10,400 Speaker 1: she has received, including the Nobel Peace Prize, we add 114 00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:25,000 Speaker 1: with deep affection and endless respect, the Presidential Medal of Freedom. 115 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:32,840 Speaker 1: I am most unworthy of this generous gift of her, 116 00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:40,679 Speaker 1: President Sagan and his wife and new people of United States. 117 00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:46,559 Speaker 1: But I accepted for the greater glory of God and 118 00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:51,400 Speaker 1: in the name of the millions of poor people. But 119 00:08:51,679 --> 00:08:57,480 Speaker 1: this gift in spirit and in love will penetrate the 120 00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:01,000 Speaker 1: hearts of the people, for in giving it to me, 121 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:07,760 Speaker 1: you are giving it to them. Mother Teresa founded her 122 00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:12,400 Speaker 1: Congregation of Sisters and Calcutta, India in ninety She called 123 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:16,400 Speaker 1: them the Missionaries of Charity MCS for short, and she 124 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:18,880 Speaker 1: became famous for tending to what she called the poorest 125 00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:21,560 Speaker 1: of the poor, especially in her home for the dying. 126 00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:25,600 Speaker 1: She explained her mission with a Bible passage. Jesus said, 127 00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:30,079 Speaker 1: I was hungry and you gave me to eat. I 128 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:34,680 Speaker 1: was naked, you clothed me. I was homeless and you 129 00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:38,840 Speaker 1: took me in. I was seeking in prison, and you 130 00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:43,440 Speaker 1: visited me, and you took care of me. Mother Teresa's 131 00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:46,160 Speaker 1: Missionaries of Charity believe that each sick person on the 132 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:50,960 Speaker 1: street is Jesus and disguise, that's the same Jesus in 133 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:55,199 Speaker 1: the distressing disguise of the poor. The Missionaries of Charity 134 00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:58,840 Speaker 1: are still headquartered in Calcutta, but Mother Teresa expanded her 135 00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:02,600 Speaker 1: mission far beyond Indi You. She founded convents in other countries, 136 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:06,280 Speaker 1: and she created new MC branches for fathers and for brothers. 137 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:10,080 Speaker 1: As her order grew, so did Mother Teresa's fame. People 138 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:13,400 Speaker 1: loved her message. She spoke of love, of having compassion 139 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:16,240 Speaker 1: for everyone, of doing your small part to help others. 140 00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:21,040 Speaker 1: It's a message that appealed to Mary Johnson. Mary grew 141 00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:24,000 Speaker 1: up in Michigan and Texas in a Catholic family. She 142 00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:26,600 Speaker 1: was the oldest of seven kids, and at a young 143 00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:29,079 Speaker 1: age she had a special relationship with a higher power. 144 00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:33,360 Speaker 1: I had always found church to be something I enjoyed 145 00:10:33,559 --> 00:10:37,800 Speaker 1: if it didn't last too long. I enjoyed Catholic school 146 00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:41,440 Speaker 1: when I was in class, but on the playground at 147 00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:44,000 Speaker 1: lunch time, I really have many friends, and so I 148 00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:47,160 Speaker 1: would find someplace on the distant side of the playground 149 00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:49,960 Speaker 1: and I would just talk to God. And I think 150 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:54,040 Speaker 1: that's kind of where it started for me. In second grade, 151 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:56,400 Speaker 1: Mary's teacher told the class to write about what they 152 00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:59,480 Speaker 1: wanted to be when they grew up. Boys, you could 153 00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:03,360 Speaker 1: be fireman, you could be doctors, you could be policemen. 154 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:08,080 Speaker 1: And she gave this long list of careers possibilities, and 155 00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:12,199 Speaker 1: then she said, girls, you could be nurses or teachers. 156 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:16,000 Speaker 1: So right your, I say, now, I didn't know what 157 00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:19,439 Speaker 1: to do because I wanted to be either an archaeologist 158 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:22,040 Speaker 1: or the director of the New York Philharmonic. I used 159 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:25,040 Speaker 1: to watch Leonard Bernstein on television and I just loved that, 160 00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:26,520 Speaker 1: and I thought it was just the best thing in 161 00:11:26,559 --> 00:11:31,400 Speaker 1: the world, Just two options for girls neither interested. Mary. 162 00:11:31,679 --> 00:11:34,199 Speaker 1: Here's what she wrote in the end, when I grow up, 163 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:38,920 Speaker 1: I will be whatever God wants me to be. I 164 00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:41,720 Speaker 1: have figured that way. God has lending more possibilities, and 165 00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:45,120 Speaker 1: he said than the sister does, and so I I thought, 166 00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:49,800 Speaker 1: that's that's it. But somehow it wasn't just an essay 167 00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:53,000 Speaker 1: for me. It was like a pact. It was like, Okay, God, 168 00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:55,640 Speaker 1: you show me what you want, and I will do 169 00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:59,640 Speaker 1: that thing. When Mary was twelve years old, her parents 170 00:11:59,679 --> 00:12:03,040 Speaker 1: got in to charismatic Catholicism. They were pretty involved in it. 171 00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:05,960 Speaker 1: The local group often met at their house. They'd pray 172 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:09,240 Speaker 1: and speak and sing in tongues. But Mary didn't quite 173 00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:12,320 Speaker 1: connect with that type of spirituality. She waited for her 174 00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:16,640 Speaker 1: own message from God. In high school, Barry joined the 175 00:12:16,679 --> 00:12:19,880 Speaker 1: debate team. She wrote for the high school newspaper, and 176 00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:23,080 Speaker 1: then when she was a senior, the message arrived. And 177 00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:28,479 Speaker 1: I was walking past our library, which had glass windows, 178 00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:30,960 Speaker 1: and I saw a cover of Time magazine and there 179 00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:36,240 Speaker 1: was this face of this wrinkled nun with a with 180 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:39,880 Speaker 1: a white veil with blue stripes, and she had these 181 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:44,120 Speaker 1: eyes and and I took the magazine from the shelf 182 00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:46,800 Speaker 1: and I started reading in the ball rang for French class. 183 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:49,400 Speaker 1: And I didn't care. I just sat there and I 184 00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:52,640 Speaker 1: read about this not in Calcutta, who was doing these 185 00:12:52,679 --> 00:13:00,880 Speaker 1: fantastic things with taking in dyeing people and caring for them. 186 00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:03,480 Speaker 1: She was attracted to the mcs focus on love and 187 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:06,280 Speaker 1: working with the poor, but it was their commitment to 188 00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:09,000 Speaker 1: the vow of poverty to live like those they were 189 00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:12,320 Speaker 1: serving that grabbed her. I mean, the Missionaries of Charity 190 00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:16,360 Speaker 1: took poverty really seriously. And one of the places in 191 00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:20,320 Speaker 1: the Bible where Jesus talks about poverty is during that 192 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:25,439 Speaker 1: Sermon on the mount when he says, stop worrying about everything. 193 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,240 Speaker 1: Look at the birds of the air, Look at the 194 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:31,120 Speaker 1: lilies of the field. See how your heavenly Father takes 195 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:33,400 Speaker 1: care of them. He knows what they need me make 196 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,800 Speaker 1: sure they get it. It's going to be less for you. 197 00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:38,800 Speaker 1: He has every hair on your head counted. What do 198 00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:43,760 Speaker 1: you think He's gonna let disaster strike? No, no, just 199 00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:48,720 Speaker 1: just consider the lilies. The article just pulled her in 200 00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:52,800 Speaker 1: like nothing before. This was like my whole heart on fire. 201 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:55,800 Speaker 1: And I really felt like that was God talking to me. 202 00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:57,760 Speaker 1: And by the time I got up, I said, this 203 00:13:57,800 --> 00:13:59,520 Speaker 1: is what I gotta do, and I went home and 204 00:13:59,559 --> 00:14:03,760 Speaker 1: started writing letters and trying to figure it out. Mary 205 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:06,400 Speaker 1: wrote to Mother Teresa and asked to join her order. 206 00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:10,000 Speaker 1: You know, it's kind of that impulsivity of a teenager. 207 00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:32,280 Speaker 1: It was the summer of nine when Mary arrived in 208 00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:35,240 Speaker 1: New York City. She made her way through the city 209 00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:38,880 Speaker 1: to a new life as a missionary of charity. I'd 210 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:42,320 Speaker 1: never been in a big city like that before. Um 211 00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:50,040 Speaker 1: enormous buildings and wide streets, and all of these people 212 00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:52,840 Speaker 1: out on the streets, so many cars, so much action, 213 00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:56,520 Speaker 1: and it was exciting. Mary was headed to the Bronx. 214 00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:59,480 Speaker 1: That's where the main empty house in the United States is, 215 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,840 Speaker 1: and it's where she joined you sisters in training. She 216 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:05,960 Speaker 1: carried a cardboard box tied with string. It held two 217 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:09,760 Speaker 1: skirts and two blouses. That's all the sisters said she'd need. 218 00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:13,360 Speaker 1: New York was a different place. In the summer of 219 00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:16,840 Speaker 1: s a widespread blackout shut down the city and led 220 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:20,040 Speaker 1: to looting. It had nearly gone bankrupt just two years before. 221 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:23,160 Speaker 1: Landlords were setting fire to their own buildings to cash 222 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:25,960 Speaker 1: in on insurance, and one of the biggest man hunts 223 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:27,920 Speaker 1: in New York City history was on for the son 224 00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:31,440 Speaker 1: of Sam, serial killer who was shooting and murdering young women. 225 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:36,200 Speaker 1: But when Mary arrived, but she noticed was the energy. 226 00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:42,280 Speaker 1: I do remember very clearly emerging from the subway station there, 227 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:48,640 Speaker 1: and walking into all of this sounds Spanish music, Spanish speaking. 228 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:53,120 Speaker 1: I see mangoes on the on the sidewalk there in 229 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:57,479 Speaker 1: front of the fruit stand, and just all the excitement 230 00:15:57,680 --> 00:16:00,600 Speaker 1: and the energy of the South Brown in the summer 231 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:05,400 Speaker 1: of nineteen seven. There were these groups, especially of young 232 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:10,520 Speaker 1: men and older boys, gathered around boom boxes and doing 233 00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:17,920 Speaker 1: these enormous gymnastic moves. Is very, very impressive breakdancing, and 234 00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:20,680 Speaker 1: I just feeling like I had walked into a completely 235 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:28,400 Speaker 1: different world than the one I'd known. The convent looked 236 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:31,480 Speaker 1: like any other house in the area, a simple brick building. 237 00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:35,680 Speaker 1: So I ring the doorbell and wait a little while, 238 00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:38,560 Speaker 1: and wait a little while, and then finally sister Rochelle 239 00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:40,960 Speaker 1: comes down. She welcomes me with a big smile, and 240 00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:42,760 Speaker 1: she knows my name, and she knows what I'm there for. 241 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:46,280 Speaker 1: They've been waiting for me. And I went inside and 242 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:50,800 Speaker 1: everything inside was quiet. Rossell whispered to me and she says, welcome, 243 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:55,600 Speaker 1: and she says, let's go say hello to Jesus. After 244 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:58,000 Speaker 1: a quick stop to pray in the chapel, they climbed 245 00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:00,680 Speaker 1: the stairs to the refectory, the room where they did 246 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:04,080 Speaker 1: most everything they ate their meals in the refectory, studied 247 00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:06,680 Speaker 1: how to be a sister in the refectory. Inside was 248 00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:10,240 Speaker 1: applywood table, two benches at a stool. I was kind 249 00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:14,879 Speaker 1: of amazed at how there it was, how minimal it was. 250 00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:18,600 Speaker 1: On the wall hung side by side images of Mother 251 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:22,080 Speaker 1: Teresa and Jesus. There was also a plaque with the 252 00:17:22,119 --> 00:17:25,159 Speaker 1: motto for new Sisters, a quote from the Gospel of John. 253 00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:30,600 Speaker 1: Jesus must increase and I must decrease. Then Sister Rochelle 254 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:34,320 Speaker 1: showed her the dormitory, a sacred space that must stay silent. 255 00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:37,480 Speaker 1: They were never to speak inside it. It was one 256 00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:40,159 Speaker 1: room with thirteen cots and they were really close together, 257 00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:43,639 Speaker 1: just enough room between them to get into bed. Mary 258 00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:47,199 Speaker 1: was excited for this unadorned life. Things can weigh you 259 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:50,480 Speaker 1: down so much, and there was a sense of freedom 260 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:52,080 Speaker 1: to it. How are you going to get along with 261 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:55,120 Speaker 1: just these few little things? And but it's it's nice. 262 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,560 Speaker 1: It's the lilies of the field and the birds of 263 00:17:57,680 --> 00:18:03,080 Speaker 1: the air don't need much. Mary arrived in time for adoration. 264 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:06,560 Speaker 1: She and the other sisters filed into a pewless chapel. 265 00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:10,120 Speaker 1: They knelt in rose and put their heads to the floor. 266 00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:16,879 Speaker 1: The center of this life was God. Nothing else mattered 267 00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:21,359 Speaker 1: in the way that those moments of prayer did that time, 268 00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:25,680 Speaker 1: that time with God, they're chanting mixed with the sounds 269 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:30,640 Speaker 1: from outside backfiring cars, boom boxes. She felt like she'd 270 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:34,920 Speaker 1: entered a distant, peaceful planet she didn't understand. She prayed 271 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:39,040 Speaker 1: she'd have the strength for this life. At dinner that night, 272 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,920 Speaker 1: Mary and her twelve new sisters gathered around that plywood 273 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:45,959 Speaker 1: refectory table and stair. Carmeline said, Praise be Jesus Christ, 274 00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:51,520 Speaker 1: and everybody there started clapping their hands and singings, we welcome, 275 00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:56,160 Speaker 1: welcome sister, We welcome, welcome sister, We welcome, welcome sister 276 00:18:56,359 --> 00:19:00,560 Speaker 1: from our heart um, just as they had song to 277 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,200 Speaker 1: each new sister who arrived, and would continue to sing 278 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:38,560 Speaker 1: to each one after me. When a woman enters the 279 00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:42,320 Speaker 1: Missionaries of Charity, she starts as an aspirant. Mary's aspiancy 280 00:19:42,359 --> 00:19:45,840 Speaker 1: would last six months. She wore a conservative blouse and skirt. 281 00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:49,920 Speaker 1: The white sorry would come later. She quickly learns that 282 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:53,359 Speaker 1: days in the Missionaries of Charity were strictly regimented. A 283 00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:58,200 Speaker 1: bell rang to signal time for a new task. The 284 00:19:58,359 --> 00:20:03,240 Speaker 1: bell marked absolutely everything we did, and whenever it rang, 285 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:07,800 Speaker 1: whatever it rang, Mother told us we were to stop 286 00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:11,720 Speaker 1: immediately doing whatever we were doing, because the bell was 287 00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:17,200 Speaker 1: the voice of God. The sisters had a tight timetable. 288 00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:20,000 Speaker 1: Wake up at four or forty in the morning, pray, 289 00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:23,119 Speaker 1: make beds, clean the house only twenty minutes for that, 290 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:26,760 Speaker 1: wash clothes by hand at ten, mass, eat breakfast all 291 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:30,160 Speaker 1: before eight o'clock, then go out to work in the community. 292 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:33,719 Speaker 1: There was also the kneeling and praying hours of it 293 00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:37,600 Speaker 1: every day. I loved the fact that prayer was so 294 00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:41,000 Speaker 1: central to the lives of the missionaries of Charity, but 295 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:46,840 Speaker 1: my knees hurt like hell. There were times for spiritual 296 00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:49,800 Speaker 1: reading and instruction, and they got thirty minutes of what 297 00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:52,359 Speaker 1: they called recreation, basically when they all sat in the 298 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:56,679 Speaker 1: refectory and caught up on work like mending clothes. The 299 00:20:56,720 --> 00:21:01,000 Speaker 1: aspirants reported to a mistress in charge, the aspiring mistress. 300 00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:03,639 Speaker 1: She taught them how to follow the rules. I was 301 00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:09,040 Speaker 1: under very close scrutiny, and my aspirment mistress would correct 302 00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:12,960 Speaker 1: every mistake she saw, and she'd do it publicly, and 303 00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:16,960 Speaker 1: she'd do it loudly, kind of like the drill sergeant 304 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:22,159 Speaker 1: the idea behind the mission of Charity training is just 305 00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:24,800 Speaker 1: like like military training, to break you down into nothing. 306 00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:28,439 Speaker 1: This is Kelly Dunham. She also joined the Missionaries of 307 00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:31,760 Speaker 1: Charity and began her training in the same convent as Mary, 308 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:36,560 Speaker 1: but seventeen years later. In those first months, it seemed 309 00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:39,199 Speaker 1: like the whole idea was to make you feel as 310 00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:41,720 Speaker 1: alone as possible, with the idea that you would depend 311 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:45,080 Speaker 1: only on God. Kelly says that like in boot camp, 312 00:21:45,119 --> 00:21:47,080 Speaker 1: you did what you were told, whether or not it 313 00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:50,000 Speaker 1: made sense to you. She struggled with that, but she 314 00:21:50,119 --> 00:21:52,919 Speaker 1: loved the moments of beauty working as a group for 315 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:57,440 Speaker 1: a cause and their nightly songs. After evening prayer, all 316 00:21:57,440 --> 00:22:00,200 Speaker 1: of the sisters would walk outside and stand around ound 317 00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:03,199 Speaker 1: a statue of Mary, the Mother of Jesus. Then you 318 00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:05,359 Speaker 1: sing a little song to Mary and everyone does like 319 00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:07,760 Speaker 1: a little silent prayer and usually touches the statue. I think, 320 00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:10,280 Speaker 1: on the feet and then goes up. Created a moment, 321 00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:13,720 Speaker 1: a moment of honoring something bigger than yourself. And it's 322 00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:16,919 Speaker 1: just like by candle lights, right, so it's actually extremely 323 00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:20,439 Speaker 1: like poignant and it's a moment right like it's a 324 00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:23,840 Speaker 1: moment I still can almost get tearful thinking about that. 325 00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:27,280 Speaker 1: And I can remember one night we were all standing 326 00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:30,120 Speaker 1: around the statue of Mary with all the sisters, their 327 00:22:30,119 --> 00:22:33,679 Speaker 1: faces reflected lighted up by just the candle light, and 328 00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:35,480 Speaker 1: I remember thinking, Oh, man, I get to be with 329 00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:47,680 Speaker 1: all these beautiful women the rest of my life. Mary 330 00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:49,760 Speaker 1: Johnson had been in the convent for two weeks when 331 00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:53,119 Speaker 1: there is a big announcement Mother Teresa was coming. We 332 00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:57,240 Speaker 1: got so excited, you know, we just shouted there, just 333 00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:01,280 Speaker 1: oh so excited. She told us during dinner. So it 334 00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:03,680 Speaker 1: was the time when we could speak, and we did. 335 00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:07,080 Speaker 1: Mary couldn't believe she'd finally meet this woman people called 336 00:23:07,119 --> 00:23:10,080 Speaker 1: a living saint. You know. I'd heard about saints. Some 337 00:23:10,119 --> 00:23:14,400 Speaker 1: of saints had these abilities where they could read people's souls. 338 00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:17,639 Speaker 1: If she was like that, she probably wouldn't like me, 339 00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:20,400 Speaker 1: I thought. And the other thing I was scared about 340 00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:23,320 Speaker 1: was what would happen if it turned out I didn't 341 00:23:23,359 --> 00:23:28,280 Speaker 1: like her. I decided what I would do was I 342 00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:31,920 Speaker 1: would go to the top of the staircase because Mother 343 00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:33,800 Speaker 1: Streets would come in the front door, and if I 344 00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:37,600 Speaker 1: positioned myself just right on those stairs, I'd be able 345 00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:41,680 Speaker 1: to see her and when the door opened and Mother 346 00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:44,480 Speaker 1: was the first one to come in, and I saw 347 00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:48,680 Speaker 1: her there, this this tiny, short woman with so many wrinkles, 348 00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:51,919 Speaker 1: and she just looked so small and so determined. And 349 00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:55,120 Speaker 1: the aspirants who had been waiting, and we're down there 350 00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:59,399 Speaker 1: on that floor, Oh, Mother, Mother, and they were saying things, 351 00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:03,080 Speaker 1: and she was like, let me say hello to Jesus. First, 352 00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:06,680 Speaker 1: Mother must say hello to Jesus. It was the first 353 00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:09,320 Speaker 1: time I heard her talk about herself in the third person, 354 00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:11,359 Speaker 1: which was something she did all the time. But I 355 00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:14,679 Speaker 1: didn't know that then, I thought. Mother Teresa looked utterly 356 00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:17,040 Speaker 1: focused as she took off her sandals and walked to 357 00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:20,520 Speaker 1: the chapel. Then she knelt to pray. I had never 358 00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:26,639 Speaker 1: seen anyone somehow that connected with God. I felt that 359 00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:39,600 Speaker 1: something holy was happening there. One day, Mother Teresa sat 360 00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:41,800 Speaker 1: down at the aspiran's table to talk with the young 361 00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:46,360 Speaker 1: women entering her order. She shared a clear message, one 362 00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:49,320 Speaker 1: that would reverberate in Mary's mind for the next twenty years. 363 00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:53,720 Speaker 1: God called you to come here. Jesus did not call 364 00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:57,439 Speaker 1: your sister, did not call your neighbor. Jesus called you 365 00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:02,800 Speaker 1: to be here. And she said God has called you. 366 00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:06,000 Speaker 1: You must be faithful for life, or pack up and 367 00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:09,920 Speaker 1: go home right now. And she was so clear and 368 00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:15,399 Speaker 1: so strong and not a little bit scary. And she 369 00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:18,240 Speaker 1: was saying, just to people who had been there for 370 00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:22,080 Speaker 1: for two weeks basically, and I hadn't figured it out yet. 371 00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:24,760 Speaker 1: You didn't know exactly did God call me? That's a 372 00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:28,240 Speaker 1: very amorphous question. But Mother was sure. She said, you're here. 373 00:25:28,359 --> 00:25:31,040 Speaker 1: That means God called you here, and now you must 374 00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:35,760 Speaker 1: be faithful for life. She brought the twelve aspirants to 375 00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:38,119 Speaker 1: the chapel and had the kneel in a row at 376 00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:40,760 Speaker 1: the front. Then she went down the line and gave 377 00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:44,240 Speaker 1: them each a crucifix. She brought the crucifix to each 378 00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:48,000 Speaker 1: sister's lips for a kiss. She pressed that crucifix so 379 00:25:48,119 --> 00:25:50,480 Speaker 1: strongly against my lips that you know, it's like you 380 00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:53,400 Speaker 1: can hardly respond with any sort of kiss because she 381 00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:56,359 Speaker 1: pushes it there and then she pulls it away. Mother 382 00:25:56,440 --> 00:26:01,880 Speaker 1: did everything forcefully, wholeheartedly. You know, you feel that kind 383 00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:06,160 Speaker 1: of electricity when something special is happening, where your whole 384 00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:10,680 Speaker 1: body just kind of tingles and feels alive. And at 385 00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:14,040 Speaker 1: the same time, there was a kind of a I 386 00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:16,679 Speaker 1: think the reluctance wasn't so much in my body. The 387 00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:20,560 Speaker 1: reluctance was more in my mind. But physically I was 388 00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:23,360 Speaker 1: very excited. I was kind of full. And I remember 389 00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:27,760 Speaker 1: whenever Mother spoke, just being so taken in by her 390 00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:31,160 Speaker 1: words and by her conviction and by the power of 391 00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:37,000 Speaker 1: her own belief, that you really just looked at her 392 00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:44,639 Speaker 1: and could not look away. Okay, now I have to 393 00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:47,199 Speaker 1: be a better person than I have ever been in 394 00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:55,160 Speaker 1: my whole life. The bar has been raised. When Mother 395 00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:58,040 Speaker 1: Teresa told Mary and the other aspirants that they were chosen, 396 00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:01,080 Speaker 1: she said it came with a lifelong commitment. It was 397 00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:04,399 Speaker 1: like a marriage. They must be faithful to God and 398 00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:14,119 Speaker 1: their vows. All Catholic nuns take vows of poverty, chastity, 399 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:18,320 Speaker 1: and obedience. Mother Teresa added a fourth vow for her sisters, 400 00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:21,399 Speaker 1: the vow of wholehearted and free service to the poorest 401 00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:25,119 Speaker 1: of the poor. Mother Teresa said, to succeed in your vows, 402 00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:28,119 Speaker 1: you just need to do one thing. Follow the constitutions. 403 00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:32,240 Speaker 1: That's the governing document of the missionaries of charity. Legend 404 00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:35,560 Speaker 1: was that early on, while everyone slept, Mother Teresa wrote 405 00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:39,159 Speaker 1: the constitutions by candle light. Then the Vatican authorized it 406 00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:43,160 Speaker 1: as an infallible path to holiness. The Constitutions laid out 407 00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:46,480 Speaker 1: a life of love and service in the extreme that 408 00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:49,400 Speaker 1: the attraction is really that life of sacrifice. You want 409 00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:51,840 Speaker 1: to do something different, you want to do something radical, 410 00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:56,399 Speaker 1: even if it's very conservative, it's also very radical to 411 00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:59,000 Speaker 1: do this. The Aspirans had a daily rule class taught 412 00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:02,680 Speaker 1: by the mistress. Mary's mistress wore glasses. She was short 413 00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:05,840 Speaker 1: and stern. Sister calmly sat on her little stool at 414 00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:08,520 Speaker 1: the head of the table, and she passed out the 415 00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:13,280 Speaker 1: Constitution books, page to open to, which number on that 416 00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:16,160 Speaker 1: page to read, and we'd read it together, and then 417 00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:18,399 Speaker 1: we'd close the books. And then at the end of 418 00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:21,199 Speaker 1: class she would collect them. And it's kind of like, 419 00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:23,639 Speaker 1: I knew there were things in that book she did 420 00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:26,920 Speaker 1: not want us to see it as curious about those. 421 00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:33,120 Speaker 1: Gradually Mary learned the rules from her mistress. She learned 422 00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:35,680 Speaker 1: how to walk briskly, quickly, you don't want to waste 423 00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:39,280 Speaker 1: any time, but not like wild elephants. How to talk. 424 00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:42,360 Speaker 1: We weren't supposed to talk about really anything that went 425 00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:45,560 Speaker 1: on outside, you know, whether it was books or movies, 426 00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:48,120 Speaker 1: how to wear her hair and make a ponytail like 427 00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:51,400 Speaker 1: decent girls. How to keep custody of the eyes. We 428 00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:55,440 Speaker 1: weren't supposed to be looking around at anything really um, 429 00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:59,960 Speaker 1: but especially not billboards or newsstands. Even how to fall 430 00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:03,680 Speaker 1: the napkin always in a triangle with an extra part 431 00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:06,520 Speaker 1: hanging down. And that was that triangle is the Trinity. 432 00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:09,000 Speaker 1: I should think of the Trinity every time you fold 433 00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:12,800 Speaker 1: it in this particular way. Your superior was considered the 434 00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:15,840 Speaker 1: direct voice of God, and the vow of obedience meant 435 00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:20,640 Speaker 1: obey your superior without question. Any time a superior entered 436 00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:23,040 Speaker 1: the room, we were all to stand and to sit 437 00:29:23,120 --> 00:29:26,040 Speaker 1: only when she sat or indicated in some other way 438 00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:30,520 Speaker 1: that we should sit. Then there was the vow of poverty. 439 00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:33,200 Speaker 1: Pretty Much all Catholic nuns take avow of poverty, but 440 00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:35,960 Speaker 1: Mother Teresa took it a step further. She explained it 441 00:29:35,960 --> 00:29:38,800 Speaker 1: in an interview on Irish TV. If you really want 442 00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:42,320 Speaker 1: to know the poor, we must know what is poverty, 443 00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:46,320 Speaker 1: and that's why not society. Poverty is our freedom and 444 00:29:46,400 --> 00:29:50,280 Speaker 1: our strength. The missionaries of Charity relied on donations and 445 00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:53,720 Speaker 1: divine providence, and over the years the Order received large 446 00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:56,920 Speaker 1: donations millions of dollars worth because of the interest their 447 00:29:56,920 --> 00:30:01,400 Speaker 1: work inspired. But the sisters lived meager live regardless of 448 00:30:01,400 --> 00:30:04,280 Speaker 1: how much money the organization raised. They lived as though 449 00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:06,480 Speaker 1: they didn't have any for the sake of their vow. 450 00:30:07,080 --> 00:30:10,600 Speaker 1: The life of poverty of the Missionaries of Charity is 451 00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:17,040 Speaker 1: is um is a very poor life. It is a 452 00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:22,280 Speaker 1: poor life, This is Sister Kathleen Hughes. I remember my 453 00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:27,040 Speaker 1: first breakfast in London. I never forget. It was kind 454 00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:31,560 Speaker 1: of moldy bread, and then we got the airport cheeses 455 00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:34,320 Speaker 1: from the air you know, somebody would bring us these 456 00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:39,680 Speaker 1: little individual cheeses from the planes, you see, and and 457 00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:43,200 Speaker 1: they were over ripe by the time we got them. 458 00:30:43,280 --> 00:30:46,720 Speaker 1: So I had a mouthful of moldy bread and this 459 00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:51,880 Speaker 1: over ripe Commembert cheese. And I remember saying to the Lord, 460 00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:56,160 Speaker 1: is every breakfast for the rest of my life going 461 00:30:56,240 --> 00:31:02,640 Speaker 1: to be like this? Oh? No, it was an initiation. 462 00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:08,400 Speaker 1: It was a test. The mission is a charity. Don't 463 00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:12,120 Speaker 1: have fans or air conditioners. That's kindly Dunham again. And 464 00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:14,920 Speaker 1: in the Bronx at that time, we weren't even opening 465 00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:18,400 Speaker 1: the windows during the night, you know, So it was 466 00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:22,680 Speaker 1: really really hot, so we didn't wear deodorant. We're wearing 467 00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:25,760 Speaker 1: like three or four layers between the outside, so even 468 00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:28,280 Speaker 1: when you sweated, it didn't make you cooler because it 469 00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:31,840 Speaker 1: wasn't evaporating, was just getting trapped by the outside layer. Um. 470 00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:34,440 Speaker 1: And I remember saying to the sisters like, we don't 471 00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:36,640 Speaker 1: smell very good, and she's like, oh, such a blessing 472 00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:42,160 Speaker 1: to help with chastity. No. Mother Teresa was very concerned 473 00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:48,440 Speaker 1: about maintaining the vow of chastity, really almost to the 474 00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:52,520 Speaker 1: point of paranoia about it, and she passed then on 475 00:31:52,560 --> 00:31:56,760 Speaker 1: to everybody else in rural class. Mary learned chastity meant 476 00:31:56,760 --> 00:32:00,240 Speaker 1: more than not having sex for missionaries of charity, and 477 00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:04,200 Speaker 1: meant no touching period. The sisters should never touch each 478 00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:08,160 Speaker 1: other and the people they cared for. Mother Teresa said, 479 00:32:08,200 --> 00:32:12,200 Speaker 1: touch them as little as possible. She would say, sometimes, 480 00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:14,840 Speaker 1: of course it's necessary. You have to touch the babies, 481 00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:17,000 Speaker 1: you have to feed the babies. But as soon as 482 00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:19,600 Speaker 1: that baby is sped, you put that baby down. The 483 00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:22,440 Speaker 1: vow of chastity is why talking was so controlled, To 484 00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:25,720 Speaker 1: make sure sisters didn't get too close. They could only 485 00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:28,400 Speaker 1: talk at approved times, usually when they were all together. 486 00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:32,640 Speaker 1: When sisters walked outside the convent, always in twos, they 487 00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:37,880 Speaker 1: didn't talk. Instead, they prayed the Rosary. Allowed together, on sidewalks, 488 00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:42,680 Speaker 1: on busses, everywhere, you could not have a friend. This 489 00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:48,160 Speaker 1: was very specifically prohibited. They call it particular friendship. If 490 00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:51,560 Speaker 1: if somebody saw you getting kind of closer to one 491 00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:55,640 Speaker 1: sister than to another, you would be called out on it. 492 00:32:56,400 --> 00:32:59,720 Speaker 1: They were. They were afraid that if if you got 493 00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:02,880 Speaker 1: too close to somebody, everybody else would feel excluded. And 494 00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:06,080 Speaker 1: then the other fear was that particular friendship was kind 495 00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:11,880 Speaker 1: of a name for like relationships of a homosexual nature. 496 00:33:12,520 --> 00:33:14,880 Speaker 1: If you got too close to somebody, it was really 497 00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:51,719 Speaker 1: you were playing with fire. I'm cutting in here right 498 00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:53,760 Speaker 1: now because I think for a story like this, it's 499 00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:56,560 Speaker 1: important for you to know where I'm coming from. And 500 00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:58,440 Speaker 1: to do that, I'd like to introduce you to someone. 501 00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:02,840 Speaker 1: Her name is Allen so High. I'm Ailan, and I'm 502 00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:08,600 Speaker 1: your sister Erica, like actual sister, not religious sister. And 503 00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:12,160 Speaker 1: over the past year we've actually been working on this 504 00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:16,279 Speaker 1: podcast together. We've been producing it together. I'm curious. I mean, 505 00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:17,799 Speaker 1: when I called you and asked you to work on 506 00:34:17,840 --> 00:34:21,200 Speaker 1: this project, what did you think? I thought, you know what, 507 00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:25,560 Speaker 1: that makes a lot of sense. Really. I think it's because, 508 00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:28,520 Speaker 1: you know, we went to Catholic school when we were young, 509 00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:32,680 Speaker 1: even though we weren't Catholic, and we had nuns as teachers, 510 00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:36,799 Speaker 1: and I think you really looked up to the America. Yeah. 511 00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:39,200 Speaker 1: I looked up to them, and I was also really 512 00:34:39,239 --> 00:34:42,600 Speaker 1: interested in them. Remember they lived in a house like 513 00:34:42,680 --> 00:34:45,200 Speaker 1: right by the school. We it was down the drive 514 00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:49,080 Speaker 1: from the school. We'd passed it every day. It was white. Yeah, 515 00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:52,319 Speaker 1: whenever we went past that house, I would look at 516 00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:54,840 Speaker 1: it and just wonder what their lives were like in 517 00:34:54,880 --> 00:34:57,120 Speaker 1: that house, Like what are the rooms they're sleeping in? 518 00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:00,520 Speaker 1: How did they become nuns? Like? How do you make 519 00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:03,800 Speaker 1: that choice? It's weird to look back, but I actually 520 00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:06,719 Speaker 1: think in second grade I made a list of all 521 00:35:06,719 --> 00:35:08,040 Speaker 1: the things I wanted to be when I grew up, 522 00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:10,279 Speaker 1: which was a really long list, but one of the 523 00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:13,680 Speaker 1: things I included was to be a nun. Which is 524 00:35:13,719 --> 00:35:16,200 Speaker 1: strange to think back on now, but I was really 525 00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:19,120 Speaker 1: taken with them. Yeah, you were. I kind of feel like, 526 00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:21,840 Speaker 1: in a way this podcast, it's like I'm getting to 527 00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:25,160 Speaker 1: look inside that house, you know. Hm. You know. That's 528 00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:26,759 Speaker 1: one reason I wanted to work on it with you, 529 00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:30,680 Speaker 1: because you have a PhD in psychology and you're really 530 00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:33,720 Speaker 1: interested in the extremes of human behavior and why people 531 00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:36,960 Speaker 1: do what they do. And I feel like that's a 532 00:35:36,960 --> 00:35:41,600 Speaker 1: big part of this too, because the missionaries and charity, 533 00:35:42,080 --> 00:35:46,239 Speaker 1: it's an intense way of life. Yeah, when I first 534 00:35:46,239 --> 00:35:48,839 Speaker 1: heard about this story, I thought there would be a 535 00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:53,839 Speaker 1: lot of beautiful moments and also how life is an 536 00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:57,960 Speaker 1: m C is difficult at times, you know, But I 537 00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:01,920 Speaker 1: guess what we ended up finding is there was a 538 00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:07,560 Speaker 1: lot more darkness than I realized. M And you know, 539 00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:11,439 Speaker 1: just hearing these women talk about even how years after 540 00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:14,759 Speaker 1: leaving they were having nightmares about times as an MC. 541 00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:19,440 Speaker 1: I don't know. It's just hard to grapple with all that. 542 00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:24,719 Speaker 1: It's just hard to keep all the beautiful stories and 543 00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:27,680 Speaker 1: all the dark ones in my head at once, and 544 00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:31,800 Speaker 1: so I'm constantly changing how I feel about this. Yeah, 545 00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:45,120 Speaker 1: it's a lot more complicated than I thought. Early on, 546 00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:48,000 Speaker 1: maybe a week into Mary's time at the convent, she 547 00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:49,560 Speaker 1: saw what it was like to be on the wrong 548 00:36:49,680 --> 00:36:52,040 Speaker 1: end of her rule. It was the end of the day, 549 00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:55,200 Speaker 1: so Mary took her nightly shower. Then she walked out 550 00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:58,920 Speaker 1: of the bathing room. So I'm there with my bucket 551 00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:01,840 Speaker 1: full of my dirty clothes. I'm wearing my night dress, 552 00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:04,960 Speaker 1: and I would walk out the door and immediately standing 553 00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:08,560 Speaker 1: right there so I can't even move, is sister Carmeline. 554 00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:13,440 Speaker 1: And then she says, Sister Mary, you took the shower. 555 00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:20,160 Speaker 1: I said, yes, sister, and she says, and you did 556 00:37:20,239 --> 00:37:22,480 Speaker 1: it last night too. I heard the water falling. You 557 00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:26,440 Speaker 1: took the shower, yes, sister, having you no shame? I mean, 558 00:37:26,440 --> 00:37:29,680 Speaker 1: it was really She was getting very upset. She ended 559 00:37:29,760 --> 00:37:32,080 Speaker 1: up calling me all sorts of names that I was 560 00:37:32,280 --> 00:37:35,840 Speaker 1: vain and lazy and immodest. And I could not figure 561 00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:38,960 Speaker 1: this out. What on earth had I done that was wrong? 562 00:37:39,440 --> 00:37:42,520 Speaker 1: The water coming from the shower head was cold water. 563 00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:45,560 Speaker 1: I hadn't broken poverty by turning on the hot one. 564 00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:49,799 Speaker 1: I hadn't taken very long. I was really pretty quick 565 00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:54,000 Speaker 1: about it. I couldn't understand. Earlier that day, Sister Carmeline 566 00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:57,279 Speaker 1: had taught the aspirants how to respond when corrected. You're 567 00:37:57,320 --> 00:38:01,160 Speaker 1: supposed to stay silent, never talked back, and only speak 568 00:38:01,160 --> 00:38:04,200 Speaker 1: when it's clear your superior is done. Then there was 569 00:38:04,239 --> 00:38:08,080 Speaker 1: only one thing you could say, thank you, sister, Sorry, sister. 570 00:38:08,719 --> 00:38:10,719 Speaker 1: And so all the while my mind is racing, trying 571 00:38:10,760 --> 00:38:13,799 Speaker 1: to figure out what on earth I've done wrong. At 572 00:38:13,840 --> 00:38:18,040 Speaker 1: the same time, this instruction is coming back. Stand there silent, 573 00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:23,399 Speaker 1: like Jesus before Pilot, sister Carmeline had said. And even 574 00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:26,239 Speaker 1: that morning that had caused a little confusion for me, 575 00:38:26,360 --> 00:38:30,720 Speaker 1: because I knew before Pilot Jesus did not stand silent. 576 00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:35,240 Speaker 1: Jesus and Pilot had a conversation, and Jesus talks about 577 00:38:35,239 --> 00:38:38,600 Speaker 1: the truth. Pilot asked, what's what is truth? There's there's 578 00:38:38,640 --> 00:38:43,080 Speaker 1: this dialogue between them. Jesus was silent before King Herod 579 00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:46,239 Speaker 1: when he was brought before him. But at the end 580 00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:51,520 Speaker 1: I could only say those five words, thank you, sister, Sorry, sister. 581 00:38:53,640 --> 00:38:56,440 Speaker 1: The next morning, Mary asked another sister what she's done wrong. 582 00:38:57,239 --> 00:39:01,040 Speaker 1: Mcs don't take showers. She said, instead, you're supposed to 583 00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:03,799 Speaker 1: pour water over yourself with a tin can. And then 584 00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:05,480 Speaker 1: at the end I just said thank you and just 585 00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:07,439 Speaker 1: kind of tapped her on the arm, and she got 586 00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:10,920 Speaker 1: so furious she said, no, don't touch, don't touch you know, 587 00:39:10,960 --> 00:39:17,760 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I can't do anything right. Mary 588 00:39:17,760 --> 00:39:21,320 Speaker 1: started her training with eleven other women. Six months later, 589 00:39:21,560 --> 00:39:25,000 Speaker 1: only she and one other aspirant remained. Each time my 590 00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:28,000 Speaker 1: sister left it felt abrupt. They'd only find out about 591 00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:30,880 Speaker 1: it after the fact from their mistress, no explanation, just 592 00:39:30,920 --> 00:39:34,080 Speaker 1: that they'd left. The remaining sisters didn't get to say goodbye, 593 00:39:34,239 --> 00:39:36,719 Speaker 1: and they weren't allowed to talk about it. It made 594 00:39:36,760 --> 00:39:40,120 Speaker 1: Mary wonder about her own vocation. Inside of me, there 595 00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:43,799 Speaker 1: were all these questions about so what does it mean 596 00:39:43,880 --> 00:39:47,120 Speaker 1: to be called? And how do you know if you're called? 597 00:39:47,680 --> 00:39:50,240 Speaker 1: Mary prayed over and over to know whether she should 598 00:39:50,239 --> 00:39:53,120 Speaker 1: go home or stay, and it just always came back 599 00:39:53,160 --> 00:39:58,360 Speaker 1: to this, this tug, this poll to come and join 600 00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:02,399 Speaker 1: Mother Teresa in following Jesus. It was like, yes, this 601 00:40:02,480 --> 00:40:04,440 Speaker 1: is what I was meant to do. This is it. 602 00:40:05,840 --> 00:40:08,400 Speaker 1: Mary finished her aspirancy, so she was ready for the 603 00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:11,239 Speaker 1: next step. And I should say there are a lot 604 00:40:11,320 --> 00:40:13,759 Speaker 1: of steps to become an m C or any kind 605 00:40:13,760 --> 00:40:16,319 Speaker 1: of nun. They each have different names and it can 606 00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:18,759 Speaker 1: get confusing, but don't worry about it. I'll help you 607 00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:22,160 Speaker 1: along the way. Basically, first year in training, then for 608 00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:24,799 Speaker 1: a while you take vows that last a year, and 609 00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:29,120 Speaker 1: finally you take lifelong vows. But Mary says, even before 610 00:40:29,160 --> 00:40:32,920 Speaker 1: those final vows, Mother Teresa believed you were committed for life. 611 00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:37,000 Speaker 1: Any urge to leave was the devil's temptation. Yes, in 612 00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:40,160 Speaker 1: the book it says you take your vows for one year, 613 00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:42,080 Speaker 1: but you know in your heart you do not tell 614 00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:44,719 Speaker 1: Jesus yes for one year, you say yes for your 615 00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:49,319 Speaker 1: entire life. I think Mother Teresa took everything to its 616 00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:53,440 Speaker 1: most radical conclusion. It's a lot of pressure for anyone, 617 00:40:53,760 --> 00:40:57,239 Speaker 1: especially a teenager. At this point, Mary was ready to 618 00:40:57,239 --> 00:41:00,279 Speaker 1: become what's called a postulant, and for that she was 619 00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:03,600 Speaker 1: sent to Rome. I arrived in Rome at the beginning 620 00:41:03,640 --> 00:41:08,239 Speaker 1: of night. I was still nineteen years old. Rome was 621 00:41:08,280 --> 00:41:11,560 Speaker 1: full of life and history. The Colosseum, the Roman Forum, 622 00:41:11,640 --> 00:41:14,560 Speaker 1: the Pantheon, they were all nearby. At the time. The 623 00:41:14,600 --> 00:41:17,759 Speaker 1: city was in turmoil too, fights in the streets, new 624 00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:21,800 Speaker 1: divorce and abortion laws that led to protests. But Mary's 625 00:41:21,840 --> 00:41:25,080 Speaker 1: life centered around the convent at the San Gregorio Church. 626 00:41:26,040 --> 00:41:30,160 Speaker 1: A little world inside this bustling city. Across a gravel 627 00:41:30,239 --> 00:41:32,920 Speaker 1: yard and through a gate was the convent, a block 628 00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:36,440 Speaker 1: of low cement buildings. As a postulant, she still wore 629 00:41:36,480 --> 00:41:40,319 Speaker 1: her own skirt and blouse. No sorry. Yet whenever she 630 00:41:40,400 --> 00:41:45,200 Speaker 1: felt overwhelmed, she remembered Mother's words, you're here. That means 631 00:41:45,239 --> 00:41:48,520 Speaker 1: God called you here, and now you must be faithful 632 00:41:48,560 --> 00:41:53,080 Speaker 1: for life. After postulancy, Mary became a novice, and that 633 00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:55,160 Speaker 1: meant it was time to take a new name. Once 634 00:41:55,160 --> 00:42:02,200 Speaker 1: she picked for herself sister Donat don it and freely given. 635 00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:07,080 Speaker 1: There is also a ceremony. Mary and seven other sisters 636 00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:09,680 Speaker 1: lined up in a chapel in front of Mother Teresa. 637 00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:13,320 Speaker 1: One by one, Mother called the sisters by their new names. 638 00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:18,680 Speaker 1: When Mary heard Mother Teresa call her new name, Sister Donata, 639 00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:21,880 Speaker 1: it felt like a wave crested over her. It carried 640 00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:24,640 Speaker 1: away Mary, the postulant who struggled with all the rules. 641 00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:28,320 Speaker 1: And so I suppose in that since my old self 642 00:42:28,520 --> 00:42:35,280 Speaker 1: was decreasing, Mother handed her new clothes. In a few moments, 643 00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:38,480 Speaker 1: Mary's skirt and blouse would be gone forever, replaced by 644 00:42:38,480 --> 00:42:42,440 Speaker 1: the white saries of the Missionaries of Charity. Mother had 645 00:42:42,480 --> 00:42:46,000 Speaker 1: Mary kissed the habit. She said, let the world be 646 00:42:46,080 --> 00:42:50,560 Speaker 1: nothing to you, and you nothing to the world. Then 647 00:42:50,560 --> 00:42:53,560 Speaker 1: a sister handed Mother Teresa a pair of scissors to 648 00:42:53,640 --> 00:42:58,120 Speaker 1: take the first snip of Mary's hair. Mother Teresa cut 649 00:42:58,160 --> 00:43:00,560 Speaker 1: off just one little lock of hair, laid it on 650 00:43:00,600 --> 00:43:08,480 Speaker 1: a tray. Another sister cut off Mary's ponytail. They were 651 00:43:08,480 --> 00:43:14,799 Speaker 1: all singing this song, I have decided to follow Jesus. 652 00:43:16,239 --> 00:43:23,920 Speaker 1: I have decided to follow Jesus. I have decided to 653 00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:36,400 Speaker 1: follow Jesuss No turning back, no turning back. And we 654 00:43:36,480 --> 00:43:39,480 Speaker 1: got dressed in our new clothes. And then as we 655 00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:41,839 Speaker 1: were leaving to go back into the chapel, we were 656 00:43:41,920 --> 00:43:45,600 Speaker 1: given that ponytail to hold into our hands, and we 657 00:43:45,600 --> 00:43:48,640 Speaker 1: were told that this is like the bouquet of flowers 658 00:43:48,719 --> 00:43:52,160 Speaker 1: that a young bride would carry to her wedding. And 659 00:43:52,239 --> 00:43:55,440 Speaker 1: so we brought that ponytail, holding it in our hands, 660 00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:58,680 Speaker 1: and laid it there in front of the altar and 661 00:43:58,760 --> 00:44:03,000 Speaker 1: a little basket that us there. After the ceremony, Mother 662 00:44:03,120 --> 00:44:06,680 Speaker 1: Teresa ate dinner with the new novices. Mother explained that 663 00:44:06,719 --> 00:44:09,200 Speaker 1: cutting their hair was a sign of a sacred commitment 664 00:44:09,239 --> 00:44:15,799 Speaker 1: to God. Once dinner was over, grand silence began, like 665 00:44:15,880 --> 00:44:19,600 Speaker 1: every evening, no talking aloud until breakfast the next day. 666 00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:25,560 Speaker 1: But that night something unusual happened, without anyone saying a word. 667 00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:29,560 Speaker 1: One of the sisters began to pull each of us 668 00:44:29,640 --> 00:44:34,200 Speaker 1: new novices aside, and then she signed to us that 669 00:44:34,239 --> 00:44:38,719 Speaker 1: we should follow her, and we went into a back room. 670 00:44:38,719 --> 00:44:42,359 Speaker 1: A fire was burning and so the room was quite hot. 671 00:44:43,719 --> 00:44:48,200 Speaker 1: The ceremony wasn't over yet, no one spoke. There were 672 00:44:48,239 --> 00:44:50,600 Speaker 1: four stools in the middle of the room. There were 673 00:44:50,640 --> 00:44:53,839 Speaker 1: eight of us novices waiting there wondering what on earth 674 00:44:53,920 --> 00:44:57,040 Speaker 1: was going on. And then the first four got motioned 675 00:44:57,040 --> 00:45:01,759 Speaker 1: to sit on the stools. The professed sisters held scissors. 676 00:45:02,280 --> 00:45:04,920 Speaker 1: All Mary watched. They were moved to the novice's headpieces. 677 00:45:06,160 --> 00:45:08,680 Speaker 1: They trained what was left of their hair, cutting it 678 00:45:08,760 --> 00:45:12,920 Speaker 1: shorter and shorter and shorter down to the scalp. The 679 00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:15,839 Speaker 1: sisters were saying, Hail Mary, full of grace, and we 680 00:45:15,840 --> 00:45:19,120 Speaker 1: were answering, Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us. 681 00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:23,439 Speaker 1: And I remember one was had had tears in her 682 00:45:23,480 --> 00:45:26,480 Speaker 1: eyes as her hair was falling, and others are just 683 00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:29,000 Speaker 1: kind of sitting there with their eyes shut as tight 684 00:45:29,040 --> 00:45:33,320 Speaker 1: as they could. That was kind of kind of frightening 685 00:45:33,360 --> 00:45:35,640 Speaker 1: to see it all happened all at once like that. 686 00:45:35,880 --> 00:45:39,719 Speaker 1: It became very real. Then it was Mary's turn to 687 00:45:39,719 --> 00:45:45,560 Speaker 1: sit on a stool and cutting started. There's very little 688 00:45:45,600 --> 00:45:48,440 Speaker 1: hair there, there's and now there's less, and there's less, 689 00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:52,160 Speaker 1: until there was really just just nothing, as close as 690 00:45:52,160 --> 00:46:02,560 Speaker 1: you could get with a pair of scissors. After it 691 00:46:02,640 --> 00:46:05,680 Speaker 1: was done, someone handed Mary a bucket of water. She 692 00:46:05,760 --> 00:46:08,600 Speaker 1: took it to the bathing room to wash herself. Just 693 00:46:08,800 --> 00:46:12,839 Speaker 1: as I was finishing my bath, at this horrible smell 694 00:46:12,880 --> 00:46:15,200 Speaker 1: came through the bathing room door. It was just like 695 00:46:15,280 --> 00:46:23,600 Speaker 1: this acrid, awful, awful smell. And I followed that smell 696 00:46:23,640 --> 00:46:26,280 Speaker 1: back into the room where our hair had been cut, 697 00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:29,440 Speaker 1: and I saw there our novice mistress was tossing our 698 00:46:29,480 --> 00:46:33,680 Speaker 1: ponytails into that fire, and just tossing our hair into 699 00:46:33,719 --> 00:46:40,480 Speaker 1: the fire. And I could hear again that him that 700 00:46:40,600 --> 00:46:44,680 Speaker 1: had been sung earlier that day, now turning back, now 701 00:46:44,840 --> 00:47:43,280 Speaker 1: turning back, And it really felt that way. The Turning 702 00:47:43,360 --> 00:47:46,320 Speaker 1: is written by Allen lance Lesser and Me. Our producers 703 00:47:46,320 --> 00:47:48,960 Speaker 1: are Allen lance Lesser and Emily Foreman. Our editor is 704 00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:53,200 Speaker 1: Rob Rosenthal. Andrea Asuage is our digital producer. Fact checking 705 00:47:53,280 --> 00:47:57,520 Speaker 1: by Andrea Lopez Crusado. Special thanks to Amy Gains, Sarah 706 00:47:57,520 --> 00:48:02,240 Speaker 1: oh Leender, Catherine Joyce, Georgia Young, Beth and Macaluso, Travis Dunlap, 707 00:48:02,239 --> 00:48:06,000 Speaker 1: and consulting producer Mary Johnson. Her memoir and Unquenchable Thirst 708 00:48:06,000 --> 00:48:11,759 Speaker 1: provided inspiration for this series. President Reagan's remarks and presentation 709 00:48:11,800 --> 00:48:13,759 Speaker 1: of the Medal of Freedom to Mother Teresa and her 710 00:48:13,800 --> 00:48:17,759 Speaker 1: remarks in the Rose Garden on or use courtesy of 711 00:48:17,840 --> 00:48:24,560 Speaker 1: Ronald Reagan Presidential Library under a Creative Comments license. Our 712 00:48:24,640 --> 00:48:27,520 Speaker 1: executive producers are Jessica Alpert and John Trotti at for 713 00:48:27,600 --> 00:48:30,960 Speaker 1: Coco Punch and Katrina Norville at I Heeart Media. Our 714 00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:33,600 Speaker 1: theme music is by Matt Reid. For photos and more 715 00:48:33,640 --> 00:48:35,960 Speaker 1: details on the series, follow us on Instagram at for 716 00:48:36,040 --> 00:48:39,080 Speaker 1: Coco Punch. You can reach out via email to the 717 00:48:39,160 --> 00:48:43,120 Speaker 1: Turning at for Coco Punch dot com. I am Erica Lance. 718 00:48:43,440 --> 00:49:18,360 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening.