WEBVTT - Get Out of Your Own Way with Dave Hollis 0:00:00.880 --> 0:00:04.360 This is How Men Think with brooks Like and Gavin 0:00:04.400 --> 0:00:08.640 to Grab and I heard Radio podcast. Welcome to another 0:00:08.640 --> 0:00:10.520 episode of How Men Think. My name is brooks Like 0:00:10.720 --> 0:00:13.399 and I'm fine solo today. We've got no Gavin, We've 0:00:13.400 --> 0:00:16.400 got no Rick, no Dmitri, no Ryan. But we have 0:00:16.920 --> 0:00:20.639 a super special guest co hosting. I'm gonna grant you 0:00:20.760 --> 0:00:24.160 co host privileges today, Buddy. I feel very special. Yeah 0:00:24.239 --> 0:00:27.200 you should, and I'm I'm super excited. This is I've 0:00:27.200 --> 0:00:29.760 done a lot of research on you. I've because I 0:00:29.760 --> 0:00:32.800 follow your path. I see myself a lot in your life. 0:00:32.800 --> 0:00:34.879 You're a little bit further down the road. But we 0:00:34.960 --> 0:00:41.040 have Mr Dave Hollis with us today in studio. Dave. Welcome, Buddy. Yeah, 0:00:41.080 --> 0:00:42.960 by man. So I'll give our listeners. For any of 0:00:42.960 --> 0:00:45.159 our listeners that don't know who Dave is, I'll give 0:00:45.159 --> 0:00:47.879 you a little background. He is the CEO of the 0:00:47.960 --> 0:00:51.040 Hollis Company, a company that exists to help people build 0:00:51.120 --> 0:00:54.000 better lives. He is the husband to Rachel, a father 0:00:54.080 --> 0:00:57.520 of four. Right Jackson Sawyer Ford to no Uh. Together 0:00:57.560 --> 0:01:00.720 with his wife You, You and Rachel how the podcast 0:01:00.880 --> 0:01:03.960 Rise Together, which is Number one podcast, Number one health 0:01:04.040 --> 0:01:07.840 podcast on iTunes. You're previously previously president of distribution for 0:01:07.880 --> 0:01:11.840 Walt Disney Studio Studios until you left that company, um, 0:01:11.880 --> 0:01:16.640 and you started you wanted to expand the Hollist company. 0:01:16.720 --> 0:01:18.080 That's right, which is the company you have with you 0:01:18.120 --> 0:01:20.440 in your wife. You remember the Motion Picture Academy. You've 0:01:20.440 --> 0:01:23.080 been advisor, on board, a member of technology incubator, fan 0:01:23.160 --> 0:01:27.400 Dango Labs, philanthropy, film charity. I mean, this guy has 0:01:27.400 --> 0:01:29.240 done it all. This bio I could go on for days. 0:01:29.319 --> 0:01:31.440 Don't read the bio anymore. I love it. I love 0:01:31.440 --> 0:01:34.440 it though, because I love like I was an athlete 0:01:35.000 --> 0:01:36.880 and now I want to have a title of list 0:01:36.959 --> 0:01:38.480 of all these things that I've worked on too. So 0:01:38.560 --> 0:01:40.360 I look at this, I'm like, man, this guy's Superman. 0:01:40.400 --> 0:01:42.200 I got Superman sitting here with me, and I get 0:01:42.240 --> 0:01:44.120 to pick his brain for the next hour. It's so 0:01:44.160 --> 0:01:47.520 funny because I am now a couple of years, as 0:01:47.520 --> 0:01:50.960 you mentioned, into having transitioned away from what for me 0:01:51.080 --> 0:01:54.880 was a twenty plus year career that started as a 0:01:55.080 --> 0:01:58.040 you know, an assistant and finished as this head of distribution, 0:01:58.120 --> 0:02:01.120 president of distribution the film studio. I worked in these 0:02:01.120 --> 0:02:02.800 different things that you could read on a on a 0:02:02.880 --> 0:02:06.240 list of resume, and the weight that they carried two 0:02:06.240 --> 0:02:09.120 and a half years ago was extraordinary in terms of 0:02:09.160 --> 0:02:12.200 them being an anchor to my identity and what my 0:02:12.320 --> 0:02:16.359 worthiness and affirming me. And now two years later, I 0:02:16.360 --> 0:02:18.680 can tell you what, as much as it's interesting for 0:02:18.720 --> 0:02:20.240 me to hear you read them, and I have some 0:02:20.320 --> 0:02:22.040 great memories from a lot of the things that I 0:02:22.040 --> 0:02:25.720 did in that space, they have very little weights relatively 0:02:25.720 --> 0:02:28.760 speaking to where they did have a ton just a 0:02:28.840 --> 0:02:32.440 second ago. I love that. So what I love about 0:02:32.440 --> 0:02:34.600 that is I'm currently in the process in my life, 0:02:34.600 --> 0:02:38.160 on my journey about liberating energy that's still tied up 0:02:38.160 --> 0:02:40.919 in my hockey career and what it's And so that's 0:02:40.919 --> 0:02:43.040 why I'm excited about this discussion. Is you've been able 0:02:43.080 --> 0:02:45.920 to do that. You have had that identity, this this 0:02:46.240 --> 0:02:48.640 worked with Walt Disney. How cool is Walt Disney? And 0:02:48.680 --> 0:02:50.919 you you were the man at Walt Disney and now 0:02:51.000 --> 0:02:53.359 you let that go, and how does that change your 0:02:53.400 --> 0:02:56.640 identity and how do you find peace with like almost 0:02:56.960 --> 0:03:00.760 removing those clothes moving forward? Um, So I want to 0:03:00.760 --> 0:03:03.920 dive into that. Your whole story is super inspiring and 0:03:03.919 --> 0:03:05.359 I think our listeners are going to be able to 0:03:05.400 --> 0:03:08.520 find themselves in your story because I think more and 0:03:08.560 --> 0:03:10.919 more people these days go through tours of duty, they 0:03:10.919 --> 0:03:14.240 go through pivots in life where they switch not only 0:03:14.280 --> 0:03:17.360 careers but identities of the Yeah, it's interesting because I 0:03:17.400 --> 0:03:19.679 was watching a couple of things that you've posted recently 0:03:19.800 --> 0:03:22.480 and of the things that I'm rolling out to you 0:03:22.520 --> 0:03:24.799 know do in this lead up to the book. I 0:03:25.280 --> 0:03:27.720 was looking forward to seeing you in part because of 0:03:27.919 --> 0:03:31.360 it just acknowledging. Man, I remember when I was as 0:03:31.440 --> 0:03:34.679 close to the transition as you are now, and how 0:03:34.760 --> 0:03:37.720 much different it feels. So like time ends up being 0:03:38.320 --> 0:03:41.960 one of the greatest gifts. Unfortunately, it just requires it 0:03:42.040 --> 0:03:46.840 to pass right. But man, it's so different six months 0:03:46.840 --> 0:03:50.640 out versus two years out. So how far are you 0:03:50.720 --> 0:03:54.680 right now? I'm to two years ish out. I mean 0:03:54.680 --> 0:03:58.160 the decision we made this decision as I had been 0:03:58.200 --> 0:04:01.360 in the six or seventh year as the head of sales, 0:04:02.160 --> 0:04:05.160 I recognized, you know what, I need to do something 0:04:05.280 --> 0:04:09.440 to chase growth in a way that pushes me away 0:04:09.440 --> 0:04:12.840 from all of the certainty, the safety security that I 0:04:12.880 --> 0:04:15.200 am currently connected to. At the same time that my wife, 0:04:15.240 --> 0:04:16.960 who had been building a business was at a tipping 0:04:16.960 --> 0:04:19.560 point where she said, Hey, as the visionary, I need 0:04:19.600 --> 0:04:22.640 an integrator operator. You have that as a set of 0:04:22.640 --> 0:04:25.359 special skills, and so we made a jump and we 0:04:25.480 --> 0:04:29.600 made this decision in kind of late two thousand seventeen, 0:04:30.720 --> 0:04:33.960 officially left Disney at the end of May and eighteen, 0:04:34.160 --> 0:04:37.760 and here we are, you know, early twenty where it's 0:04:37.839 --> 0:04:39.960 it's a decision that we made a long time ago, 0:04:40.080 --> 0:04:42.280 but practically speaking, we're like a year and a half 0:04:42.320 --> 0:04:45.280 in So how long did that decision, in that discussion 0:04:45.320 --> 0:04:48.400 between you and your wife persist before you actually committed 0:04:48.400 --> 0:04:52.400 to it. We started talking about it three or four 0:04:52.480 --> 0:04:55.480 years before the decision, But at the time when we 0:04:55.480 --> 0:05:00.839 were talking about it, I was entertaining it in a yeah, ma, yeah, 0:05:00.960 --> 0:05:02.880 sure like I if you had asked me at the 0:05:02.920 --> 0:05:05.159 time the conversation started, if I thought I'd work at 0:05:05.160 --> 0:05:06.839 the Walt Disney Company for the rest of my life, 0:05:07.120 --> 0:05:10.080 the answer was yes. I was drawing where do you 0:05:10.120 --> 0:05:12.839 think you'll be ten years from now? Vision? And it 0:05:12.920 --> 0:05:16.640 was always about some next level, some next job. And 0:05:17.000 --> 0:05:19.760 I had been the beneficiary in the Walt Disney Company 0:05:19.800 --> 0:05:22.200 of for the first ten years, having a different job 0:05:22.360 --> 0:05:25.040 every year for the first ten, so my professional l 0:05:25.040 --> 0:05:28.480 A d D was satisfied so regularly. I was always 0:05:28.560 --> 0:05:31.400 drinking out of a fire hydrant. There was something exciting, 0:05:31.560 --> 0:05:35.360 and what I didn't realize was I was being afforded 0:05:35.680 --> 0:05:38.360 an opportunity to grow because of not having the set 0:05:38.360 --> 0:05:40.400 of skills that were required to do the job well. 0:05:40.440 --> 0:05:43.960 When I first got the job that fed me, that 0:05:44.000 --> 0:05:47.360 were that provided me just a ton of fulfillment. And 0:05:47.400 --> 0:05:49.919 in the last job that I had, though it was 0:05:50.000 --> 0:05:53.440 the best job on paper and optics wise, after the 0:05:53.520 --> 0:05:56.320 learning curve was conquered, around three or you know, three 0:05:56.400 --> 0:05:59.279 years in, I was in this place where I had 0:05:59.279 --> 0:06:02.159 stopped growing because of the strength of my team, because 0:06:02.160 --> 0:06:04.120 of the strength of the slate like Disney at that 0:06:04.160 --> 0:06:07.800 time had acquired Pixar, Marvel, Lucas and in addition to 0:06:07.920 --> 0:06:12.159 Disney had this leverage in selling movies to theaters. That 0:06:12.520 --> 0:06:14.520 transformed after I figure out how to do the job 0:06:14.640 --> 0:06:16.600 with the strength of my team and support of the 0:06:16.640 --> 0:06:20.200 best leadership on Earth, I was. I was scoring well 0:06:20.240 --> 0:06:23.159 on tests without having to study right, and that was 0:06:23.160 --> 0:06:25.400 where it was like, oh, I gotta go. That was 0:06:25.480 --> 0:06:28.520 really as much a catalyst as the opportunity to jump 0:06:28.680 --> 0:06:30.359 was that, Like, the reason why I had to go 0:06:30.600 --> 0:06:34.120 was I'm not being fed here any longer, and I 0:06:34.160 --> 0:06:37.240 am making choices in the absence of growth that are 0:06:37.320 --> 0:06:40.560 compromising my relationship with my wife and my ability to 0:06:40.640 --> 0:06:43.920 father and parent my children. Well, so that that brings 0:06:44.000 --> 0:06:47.359 up what I'm super interested in asking you about, is 0:06:48.160 --> 0:06:53.200 I know how massively successful you and Rachel are. How 0:06:53.240 --> 0:06:58.440 did it work the transition to your relationship, because my 0:06:58.600 --> 0:07:02.080 concern would be did it hurt your relationship when you're 0:07:02.160 --> 0:07:08.760 working together? And in some ways she is the powerhouse, 0:07:09.640 --> 0:07:12.920 and I have concerns about the switch of the masculine 0:07:12.920 --> 0:07:15.400 and the feminine. Oh yeah, We've talked about that on 0:07:15.400 --> 0:07:18.560 the show. Yeah. And I argue with these men all 0:07:18.640 --> 0:07:22.160 the time because they repeatedly say to me, it's fine 0:07:22.160 --> 0:07:24.000 if the woman makes more money, and it's fine if 0:07:24.040 --> 0:07:26.920 she's the breadwinner, it's fine if she's more successful, and 0:07:27.040 --> 0:07:30.960 I'm like, no, it's not. Yeah. Well, Number one, I 0:07:31.000 --> 0:07:35.280 was hyper triggered by what happened in the first year 0:07:35.360 --> 0:07:39.360 of us working together in that I left something where 0:07:39.400 --> 0:07:42.080 my title or my salary or the way that I 0:07:42.160 --> 0:07:45.840 was the primary breadwinner informed a piece of my identity 0:07:45.880 --> 0:07:49.960 that gave me worth, and in leaving something to pursue 0:07:50.000 --> 0:07:53.920 this work together, I was leaving behind that identity, but 0:07:54.120 --> 0:07:58.280 also are having come together. We made this decision before 0:07:58.400 --> 0:08:00.000 a book that she wrote called Girl Wash Her Face 0:08:00.240 --> 0:08:03.120 came out, but it ended up becoming the second biggest 0:08:03.120 --> 0:08:04.600 selling book of the year and went on to sell 0:08:04.640 --> 0:08:09.320 about four million copies. That was a lynchpin, big domino. 0:08:09.640 --> 0:08:12.320 Every other thing that happens in life and in our 0:08:12.360 --> 0:08:14.760 business is now the question is how do you pour 0:08:14.840 --> 0:08:18.160 more gas on all of it? But from a provision 0:08:18.280 --> 0:08:21.840 for family perspective, she had a year the first year 0:08:21.840 --> 0:08:25.559 we were working together that outpaced the five previous years 0:08:25.600 --> 0:08:29.760 combined of my very successful time at the Walt Disney Company. 0:08:29.840 --> 0:08:33.680 And for me, it actually triggered this question. Now that 0:08:33.720 --> 0:08:36.440 she doesn't need me, will she still want me? Yeah? Exactly, 0:08:36.520 --> 0:08:39.000 And thank you so much for saying that, because I 0:08:39.040 --> 0:08:41.560 have such a hard time with these men getting them 0:08:41.559 --> 0:08:44.600 to admit that. Well, I'm going through that right now. 0:08:44.640 --> 0:08:47.400 So my when I was playing hockey, I out earned 0:08:47.440 --> 0:08:50.200 my wife, and then two years ago I stopped playing hockey, 0:08:50.200 --> 0:08:52.720 and now she vastly out earns me. Because we need 0:08:52.760 --> 0:08:58.720 more listeners in this podcast. But she vastly out earns 0:08:58.760 --> 0:09:02.319 me right now, and so I I don't struggle with 0:09:02.400 --> 0:09:05.240 that so much. This is where Amy and I sometimes 0:09:05.240 --> 0:09:07.360 butt heads on. This is that because I want my 0:09:07.400 --> 0:09:11.120 wife to succeed more than anything. She earns everything she gets, 0:09:11.120 --> 0:09:13.200 and if I'm a small part of supporting her, and 0:09:13.960 --> 0:09:16.000 I don't even know if i'm I don't empower my wife. 0:09:16.040 --> 0:09:18.880 She doesn't need me for anything, but like being part 0:09:18.960 --> 0:09:20.880 of her journey, being married to her, I'm part of 0:09:20.880 --> 0:09:24.280 her journey, and I want for her everything she has earned. 0:09:24.280 --> 0:09:27.960 Now on the flip side, I don't compare myself to her, 0:09:28.280 --> 0:09:30.120 but damn it, I still want to earn for myself. 0:09:30.840 --> 0:09:33.040 I'm still a proud man. I still want to contribute 0:09:33.080 --> 0:09:34.480 to the world and I want to I want to 0:09:34.520 --> 0:09:36.679 earn money as well, but I want to do it 0:09:36.720 --> 0:09:39.360 in a way that's authentic to my mission. And I 0:09:39.400 --> 0:09:43.679 want to tip my cap to you for leaving a job, 0:09:44.200 --> 0:09:47.800 a career with security, with certainty, with identity, with prestige, 0:09:47.840 --> 0:09:51.680 with notoriety. To now, almost from the outside, it looks 0:09:51.720 --> 0:09:55.120 like you are going to support your wife in this, 0:09:55.640 --> 0:09:57.599 But I don't think that's why you did it? I 0:09:57.640 --> 0:10:02.000 don't want to now how did you deal in that year? 0:10:02.400 --> 0:10:04.280 Did you? Yeah? Did you? I don't feel like you 0:10:04.320 --> 0:10:06.960 went to support here, You're like, hey, I'm coming in 0:10:07.040 --> 0:10:10.560 and this is a partnership or was it? Like it was? 0:10:10.640 --> 0:10:12.520 It was definitely a partnership. And I can tell you, 0:10:12.559 --> 0:10:15.440 like the one of the weirder things that was happening 0:10:15.440 --> 0:10:17.280 in my life was that I was in this weird 0:10:17.320 --> 0:10:20.920 bridge between thirty and forty. So my big milestone fortieth 0:10:21.000 --> 0:10:24.560 birthdays come the kind of questions that happened at a birthday. 0:10:24.679 --> 0:10:27.480 They aren't lasting two or three days. They are perpetually 0:10:27.559 --> 0:10:30.200 in my head. Why are you on this planet? Why 0:10:30.200 --> 0:10:32.400 have you been afforded these gifts and not in a 0:10:32.480 --> 0:10:35.000 posture of needing to use them? What will it mean 0:10:35.360 --> 0:10:38.000 twenty years from now if you continue to not have 0:10:38.040 --> 0:10:40.240 to use them like you are not using them today? 0:10:40.559 --> 0:10:42.720 For how you feel about yourself when you're by yourself? 0:10:42.920 --> 0:10:45.120 And and also i'd add to that, who suffers if 0:10:45.160 --> 0:10:47.200 you don't use them? And who suffers if you don't 0:10:47.320 --> 0:10:50.600 use them? Right? So I start connecting to this reality 0:10:50.600 --> 0:10:53.240 that I'm living out my literal greatest fear, which is 0:10:53.280 --> 0:10:56.480 not utilizing my potential. Right I have been given these gifts, 0:10:57.080 --> 0:11:00.120 I am not using them. And now I have the 0:11:00.200 --> 0:11:02.080 chance of getting to the end of my life where 0:11:02.080 --> 0:11:05.760 my legacy is hung not on having maximized everything that 0:11:05.840 --> 0:11:08.439 was given to me, but instead doing things that made 0:11:08.520 --> 0:11:11.840 sense to the rest of them, but at the expense 0:11:11.840 --> 0:11:15.480 of me feeling full. And so I have to go 0:11:15.679 --> 0:11:20.040 on a pursuit of like what would actually provide me 0:11:20.080 --> 0:11:23.120 a different kind of a feeling and what I would 0:11:23.360 --> 0:11:24.880 you know, come back to, is I gotta be in 0:11:24.880 --> 0:11:27.200 a position where I am uncomfortable, where I have a 0:11:27.280 --> 0:11:29.800 chance to fail. Right like I was not in a 0:11:30.240 --> 0:11:33.640 position because of the strength of the intellectual property, the team, 0:11:33.800 --> 0:11:36.800 the leadership to fail on the whole there was things 0:11:36.840 --> 0:11:39.920 were too good, and in the absence of being able 0:11:40.000 --> 0:11:43.280 to fail, I wasn't growing. But also I'm not like man, 0:11:43.320 --> 0:11:45.760 I don't like to fail. But I am now in 0:11:45.760 --> 0:11:50.120 a small business where that's just like the price of 0:11:50.280 --> 0:11:53.920 entry is failure to simplified. Did that get boring before? 0:11:54.000 --> 0:11:58.480 And now it's not. And the thing is I I 0:11:58.600 --> 0:12:02.280 tried to convince myself that I could like endure boring 0:12:02.640 --> 0:12:07.000 periods because of the parties, because of the title, because 0:12:07.040 --> 0:12:09.680 of the money, because of being a member of the academy, 0:12:09.679 --> 0:12:14.600 because of because of right, and those things they did 0:12:14.640 --> 0:12:19.319 at the beginning feel good, but they weren't. There wasn't 0:12:19.400 --> 0:12:22.800 depth necessarily because they're a little more shallow veneer than 0:12:22.840 --> 0:12:26.240 they are deep meaning. And so I ended up like 0:12:26.280 --> 0:12:29.480 in this transition, my my real true pursuit was how 0:12:29.520 --> 0:12:32.440 can I have impact that makes me feel a different 0:12:32.440 --> 0:12:35.120 way when I'm falling asleep at night. And so the 0:12:36.040 --> 0:12:41.600 trigger of my wife's success short term was a like man, 0:12:41.760 --> 0:12:44.160 hard thing to get through, but also a massive gift 0:12:44.320 --> 0:12:46.920 because how did you do it? And what did it feel? Like? 0:12:46.920 --> 0:12:48.880 Like I really want to know, like what did you feel? 0:12:49.200 --> 0:12:51.440 Because like I've had people say to me like a man, 0:12:52.120 --> 0:12:53.240 I don't want to do that with you because I 0:12:53.240 --> 0:12:55.040 don't want to be your purse holder, and it's like 0:12:55.120 --> 0:12:57.520 I get it, and I don't want you holding my purse. Yeah, 0:12:57.600 --> 0:13:00.120 it goes both ways. Well, I mean first just st 0:13:00.160 --> 0:13:02.560 on like the breadwinning piece. The thing that was triggering 0:13:02.600 --> 0:13:06.520 for me was truly this, like, oh, I had convinced 0:13:06.520 --> 0:13:09.080 myself as she for fifteen years was building a business 0:13:09.240 --> 0:13:11.880 that I was the backstop to her taking chances and 0:13:11.880 --> 0:13:15.840 growing the business that now that she didn't need me 0:13:16.160 --> 0:13:20.520 to take chances in our business that need being removed 0:13:20.960 --> 0:13:23.080 gave her a reason to not want to be with me, 0:13:23.160 --> 0:13:25.920 which is bananas. But the good news is in like 0:13:25.960 --> 0:13:29.000 that trigger having been one that came up, I got 0:13:29.000 --> 0:13:31.880 to actually really look at me eye and realize, this 0:13:32.000 --> 0:13:35.240 is crazy. We don't have a contingent love. Contingent love 0:13:35.320 --> 0:13:38.280 isn't even love. And so if I'm putting a contingency 0:13:38.400 --> 0:13:41.000 on her only loving me when I can provide for her, 0:13:41.480 --> 0:13:43.040 that's not even a love that I'd want in the 0:13:43.080 --> 0:13:45.959 first place. And it also doesn't even exist in that 0:13:46.040 --> 0:13:49.160 How long did that last? That sort of three months? 0:13:49.200 --> 0:13:51.600 Four months? Like, But it was a thing that like 0:13:52.120 --> 0:13:55.840 until I was processing it verbally, doing some journaling, talking 0:13:55.840 --> 0:13:58.240 out loud with her about what I was actually feeling. 0:13:58.559 --> 0:14:00.680 It was sitting in my subconscious sent away that was 0:14:00.720 --> 0:14:04.320 gnawing at me but not really coming to the surface. YEA, 0:14:04.880 --> 0:14:06.760 words to it right once, like and one of the 0:14:06.800 --> 0:14:08.600 things that helped me bring words to ith I gave 0:14:08.600 --> 0:14:10.760 you the setup of this like bridge between thirty and 0:14:10.800 --> 0:14:15.079 forty was I am in pursuit of impact and as 0:14:15.120 --> 0:14:18.679 much as Yep, I'm transitioning into someone who also is 0:14:18.720 --> 0:14:22.240 a vessel for impact by being a voice and writing books, 0:14:22.240 --> 0:14:26.760 are doing podcasts at the time. My wife is a 0:14:26.880 --> 0:14:30.800 vessel for impact, and so if I, in use using 0:14:30.880 --> 0:14:34.600 the superpowers that I have as the how person, can 0:14:34.680 --> 0:14:38.160 help her as the what person bring the what to life, 0:14:38.720 --> 0:14:41.840 well fantastic. I can satisfy this want I have for 0:14:41.920 --> 0:14:45.080 impact because I have been witnessed to the letters from 0:14:45.080 --> 0:14:46.760 people who have read the books. I've sat in the 0:14:46.760 --> 0:14:50.080 audience of the personal development conferences we've thrown. I've seen 0:14:50.160 --> 0:14:53.240 the way her coaching community responds, and if I can 0:14:53.280 --> 0:14:56.760 be complicit in helping them have those breakthroughs and transformations, 0:14:57.520 --> 0:14:59.800 I get to feel the thing I was in search 0:15:00.120 --> 0:15:02.800 that I wasn't getting in my old world. Wow, I 0:15:02.840 --> 0:15:04.760 have I have two things with that. Yeah, because I 0:15:04.800 --> 0:15:07.680 have another question about just home life. You go okay. 0:15:07.720 --> 0:15:11.240 First off, I resonate with you about the the feeling 0:15:11.280 --> 0:15:14.400 bored with comfort you want to and I resonate with 0:15:14.400 --> 0:15:16.680 it because as an athlete, I wanted to play in 0:15:16.720 --> 0:15:19.000 the games that I could possibly lose. I didn't want 0:15:19.000 --> 0:15:20.160 to play in the games that I knew I was 0:15:20.200 --> 0:15:23.880 going to win. There wasn't there wasn't discovery and personal challenge. 0:15:23.880 --> 0:15:27.680 And like I wasn't tested, my medal wasn't tested. In 0:15:27.720 --> 0:15:30.920 those games, I didn't learn about myself. So the games 0:15:30.960 --> 0:15:33.760 that were so tight that I didn't know if I 0:15:33.800 --> 0:15:35.640 was going to win or lose, I was okay with 0:15:35.680 --> 0:15:38.000 the result because I was gonna lay everything I had 0:15:38.040 --> 0:15:40.040 into it and that was the best that I could do. 0:15:40.080 --> 0:15:42.520 And the result just was, you know. And so I 0:15:42.560 --> 0:15:45.160 resonate with that, and I commend you for leaving something 0:15:45.880 --> 0:15:47.760 and not staying in it. I actually have a dear 0:15:47.800 --> 0:15:49.720 friend in my life who is staying in his job 0:15:49.800 --> 0:15:51.960 just because it affords him some freedom and some money. 0:15:52.160 --> 0:15:53.880 We have those people on the show, they're not here 0:15:53.880 --> 0:15:58.560 today and and he's he's exhausted, and he's his soul 0:15:58.680 --> 0:16:00.880 is dying, and he's like, I want to do something. 0:16:01.240 --> 0:16:02.920 I want to do something that matters to me and 0:16:03.000 --> 0:16:06.520 matters to the world, and just working this job isn't it. 0:16:06.800 --> 0:16:08.440 And I think a lot of people are scared to 0:16:08.480 --> 0:16:10.600 actually take that leap. And I want to commit you. 0:16:10.640 --> 0:16:12.160 That is a massive thing that you did to bet 0:16:12.160 --> 0:16:15.240 on yourself to take that leap. Um that's amazing. And 0:16:15.280 --> 0:16:18.720 inspiring in its own regard. And in my second part 0:16:19.000 --> 0:16:21.760 is what did your wife say? What did Rachel say 0:16:21.760 --> 0:16:24.240 when you brought it up to her about this? What 0:16:24.320 --> 0:16:26.000 was in your kind of subconscious all of a sudden 0:16:26.000 --> 0:16:29.000 you brought words to it? Was she like, babe, you're crazy? 0:16:29.120 --> 0:16:32.640 What are you? Is this really what you're going through? Yeah? 0:16:32.680 --> 0:16:35.600 And isn't that weird? Hout off so fast it made 0:16:35.680 --> 0:16:38.520 the three months of time where I'm toiling with this 0:16:38.600 --> 0:16:42.760 insecurity that was born out of some rejection in seventh grade. 0:16:43.320 --> 0:16:46.040 She cut it off so fast that I actually felt 0:16:46.120 --> 0:16:50.200 ridiculous for having let any time. Ten minutes of time 0:16:50.240 --> 0:16:52.680 would have been ten minutes too many to have spent 0:16:52.720 --> 0:16:54.200 with it. But she cut it off so fast, and 0:16:54.240 --> 0:16:56.880 I was like, Okay, I'm an idiot, let's go and die. 0:16:57.560 --> 0:16:59.840 And I felt better. But but but by the way, 0:17:00.040 --> 0:17:02.720 because I would have felt better the first day of 0:17:02.720 --> 0:17:05.000 the three months if I just brought it up, But 0:17:05.040 --> 0:17:07.800 instead I sat with it with some shame or some 0:17:08.160 --> 0:17:11.520 there was something in me even feeling the thing that 0:17:11.600 --> 0:17:14.399 made me feel weak and so not wanting to like 0:17:14.560 --> 0:17:16.760 truly own the fact that, man, I feel this thing 0:17:17.040 --> 0:17:19.919 doesn't make me weak for feeling this thing kept it 0:17:20.000 --> 0:17:21.920 as a thing that was in silence, and in silence 0:17:21.960 --> 0:17:24.320 it festered and became something that it never had to be. 0:17:24.560 --> 0:17:27.440 That makes me really want to talk about this question 0:17:27.480 --> 0:17:30.080 at home, because again I argue with these guys all 0:17:30.080 --> 0:17:33.760 the time that like, I have this career and I'm 0:17:33.800 --> 0:17:37.840 just like in this career all day long, all night long, 0:17:37.880 --> 0:17:41.600 all the time. So it really helps me in my 0:17:41.720 --> 0:17:45.520 relationship because I'm like the girliest girl, Like I can't 0:17:45.760 --> 0:17:48.920 and I'm not being dumb, but it's like I can't 0:17:48.960 --> 0:17:51.760 make the remote work. I can't and I can't open 0:17:51.800 --> 0:17:55.280 this jar, and like when he does that stuff, I'm like, 0:17:55.640 --> 0:17:58.359 you know, with the hard eyes, and it's so at home. 0:17:58.440 --> 0:18:01.480 I'm wondering, do you I sort of really go into 0:18:01.520 --> 0:18:05.000 those roles at home? Or maybe Rachel is different than me. 0:18:05.080 --> 0:18:07.720 I don't know, but I'm so curious, Like I mean, 0:18:07.800 --> 0:18:11.520 like she can she can be the strongest, like she can, Rachel. 0:18:11.640 --> 0:18:15.560 Rachel hollis me in the kitchen when I started struggling 0:18:15.560 --> 0:18:19.000 with some limiting belief for self doubt and she, you know, 0:18:19.520 --> 0:18:22.320 the best example is I'll start to get anxious about 0:18:22.359 --> 0:18:24.840 something and she is someone who has worked through her 0:18:24.880 --> 0:18:27.879 own anxiety for all of her life, and she has 0:18:27.880 --> 0:18:30.480 found a way to trace back the like where did 0:18:30.520 --> 0:18:33.239 the anxiety come from? In a way that man, she 0:18:33.280 --> 0:18:35.480 can do it for me, all right, where did you 0:18:35.520 --> 0:18:37.960 start feeling this? What were you doing? Well, let's like 0:18:38.119 --> 0:18:41.800 truly isolated once you can thing but but here, but 0:18:41.960 --> 0:18:44.159 that is like man, her kind of superpower on a 0:18:44.320 --> 0:18:47.280 stage is that kind of thing. But she also likes 0:18:47.280 --> 0:18:50.200 to throw on holy sweats and have us cuddle and like, yes, 0:18:50.400 --> 0:18:53.760 is interested in me being like a gentleman in the 0:18:53.840 --> 0:18:56.080 respect of man. I love to get her coffee every 0:18:56.080 --> 0:18:58.040 single morning. I get her coffee. Right, It's like just 0:18:58.160 --> 0:19:01.880 the thing that I do. Um, but I don't. We're 0:19:02.080 --> 0:19:05.040 we i'd say we Yeah. Sometimes fall into like more 0:19:05.080 --> 0:19:08.280 or less traditional roles. But some of the things that 0:19:08.320 --> 0:19:11.359 are traditional for us are like totally untraditional for other people. 0:19:11.480 --> 0:19:20.120 So it just kind of depends. How do you guys 0:19:20.200 --> 0:19:23.440 navigate How do you swap back and forth from work 0:19:23.480 --> 0:19:27.000 hat on to relationship? Do you put like, hey, from 0:19:27.119 --> 0:19:29.400 nine to five, it's work at and then from five 0:19:29.440 --> 0:19:31.480 o'clock on, hey, we're we're husband and wife and not 0:19:31.600 --> 0:19:34.639 at all? Like how do you not at all there are. 0:19:34.680 --> 0:19:37.919 There are things that we have committed to inside of 0:19:37.960 --> 0:19:42.600 having established relationship values and habits and routines that help 0:19:42.720 --> 0:19:45.040 us make those values come to life inside of our 0:19:45.080 --> 0:19:48.399 everyday life. So we have a standing date night every 0:19:48.400 --> 0:19:51.480 Thursday between now and the end of time. It's existed 0:19:51.520 --> 0:19:54.239 since our thirteen year old was four weeks old. So 0:19:54.280 --> 0:19:57.320 we have every Thursday. Now. The last two years of 0:19:57.320 --> 0:20:01.240 our marriage have been because of our working together, been 0:20:01.359 --> 0:20:03.919 the two best years and the two hardest years of 0:20:03.920 --> 0:20:08.120 our marriage. Right, So, our our decision to do this 0:20:08.200 --> 0:20:10.359 work has meant that there have been plenty of Thursday 0:20:10.440 --> 0:20:12.119 nights where we have been more in love than we 0:20:12.160 --> 0:20:16.920 have liked each other. Right, we have chosen, We've chosen 0:20:16.960 --> 0:20:20.879 to go on a date even though we've just had 0:20:20.920 --> 0:20:23.159 a decent amount of friction during the day. Right Like 0:20:23.520 --> 0:20:25.800 the roles that we play in the in the workplace 0:20:25.920 --> 0:20:28.560 had to be in order to make this thing work 0:20:29.359 --> 0:20:32.960 super clearly defined. Your lane is here, my lane is here. 0:20:33.200 --> 0:20:35.720 Here are the places rare that they may be where 0:20:35.760 --> 0:20:38.720