1 00:00:00,880 --> 00:00:04,360 Speaker 1: This is How Men Think with brooks Like and Gavin 2 00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:08,640 Speaker 1: to Grab and I heard Radio podcast. Welcome to another 3 00:00:08,640 --> 00:00:10,520 Speaker 1: episode of How Men Think. My name is brooks Like 4 00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:13,399 Speaker 1: and I'm fine solo today. We've got no Gavin, We've 5 00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:16,400 Speaker 1: got no Rick, no Dmitri, no Ryan. But we have 6 00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:20,639 Speaker 1: a super special guest co hosting. I'm gonna grant you 7 00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:24,160 Speaker 1: co host privileges today, Buddy. I feel very special. Yeah 8 00:00:24,239 --> 00:00:27,200 Speaker 1: you should, and I'm I'm super excited. This is I've 9 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:29,760 Speaker 1: done a lot of research on you. I've because I 10 00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:32,800 Speaker 1: follow your path. I see myself a lot in your life. 11 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:34,879 Speaker 1: You're a little bit further down the road. But we 12 00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:41,040 Speaker 1: have Mr Dave Hollis with us today in studio. Dave. Welcome, Buddy. Yeah, 13 00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:42,960 Speaker 1: by man. So I'll give our listeners. For any of 14 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:45,159 Speaker 1: our listeners that don't know who Dave is, I'll give 15 00:00:45,159 --> 00:00:47,879 Speaker 1: you a little background. He is the CEO of the 16 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:51,040 Speaker 1: Hollis Company, a company that exists to help people build 17 00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:54,000 Speaker 1: better lives. He is the husband to Rachel, a father 18 00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:57,520 Speaker 1: of four. Right Jackson Sawyer Ford to no Uh. Together 19 00:00:57,560 --> 00:01:00,720 Speaker 1: with his wife You, You and Rachel how the podcast 20 00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:03,960 Speaker 1: Rise Together, which is Number one podcast, Number one health 21 00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:07,840 Speaker 1: podcast on iTunes. You're previously previously president of distribution for 22 00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:11,840 Speaker 1: Walt Disney Studio Studios until you left that company, um, 23 00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:16,640 Speaker 1: and you started you wanted to expand the Hollist company. 24 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:18,080 Speaker 1: That's right, which is the company you have with you 25 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:20,440 Speaker 1: in your wife. You remember the Motion Picture Academy. You've 26 00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:23,080 Speaker 1: been advisor, on board, a member of technology incubator, fan 27 00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:27,400 Speaker 1: Dango Labs, philanthropy, film charity. I mean, this guy has 28 00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:29,240 Speaker 1: done it all. This bio I could go on for days. 29 00:01:29,319 --> 00:01:31,440 Speaker 1: Don't read the bio anymore. I love it. I love 30 00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:34,440 Speaker 1: it though, because I love like I was an athlete 31 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:36,880 Speaker 1: and now I want to have a title of list 32 00:01:36,959 --> 00:01:38,480 Speaker 1: of all these things that I've worked on too. So 33 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:40,360 Speaker 1: I look at this, I'm like, man, this guy's Superman. 34 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,200 Speaker 1: I got Superman sitting here with me, and I get 35 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:44,120 Speaker 1: to pick his brain for the next hour. It's so 36 00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:47,520 Speaker 1: funny because I am now a couple of years, as 37 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:50,960 Speaker 1: you mentioned, into having transitioned away from what for me 38 00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:54,880 Speaker 1: was a twenty plus year career that started as a 39 00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:58,040 Speaker 1: you know, an assistant and finished as this head of distribution, 40 00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:01,120 Speaker 1: president of distribution the film studio. I worked in these 41 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:02,800 Speaker 1: different things that you could read on a on a 42 00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:06,240 Speaker 1: list of resume, and the weight that they carried two 43 00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:09,120 Speaker 1: and a half years ago was extraordinary in terms of 44 00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:12,200 Speaker 1: them being an anchor to my identity and what my 45 00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:16,359 Speaker 1: worthiness and affirming me. And now two years later, I 46 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:18,680 Speaker 1: can tell you what, as much as it's interesting for 47 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:20,240 Speaker 1: me to hear you read them, and I have some 48 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:22,040 Speaker 1: great memories from a lot of the things that I 49 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:25,720 Speaker 1: did in that space, they have very little weights relatively 50 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:28,760 Speaker 1: speaking to where they did have a ton just a 51 00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:32,440 Speaker 1: second ago. I love that. So what I love about 52 00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:34,600 Speaker 1: that is I'm currently in the process in my life, 53 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:38,160 Speaker 1: on my journey about liberating energy that's still tied up 54 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:40,919 Speaker 1: in my hockey career and what it's And so that's 55 00:02:40,919 --> 00:02:43,040 Speaker 1: why I'm excited about this discussion. Is you've been able 56 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,920 Speaker 1: to do that. You have had that identity, this this 57 00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:48,640 Speaker 1: worked with Walt Disney. How cool is Walt Disney? And 58 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:50,919 Speaker 1: you you were the man at Walt Disney and now 59 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:53,359 Speaker 1: you let that go, and how does that change your 60 00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:56,640 Speaker 1: identity and how do you find peace with like almost 61 00:02:56,960 --> 00:03:00,760 Speaker 1: removing those clothes moving forward? Um, So I want to 62 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:03,920 Speaker 1: dive into that. Your whole story is super inspiring and 63 00:03:03,919 --> 00:03:05,359 Speaker 1: I think our listeners are going to be able to 64 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:08,520 Speaker 1: find themselves in your story because I think more and 65 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:10,919 Speaker 1: more people these days go through tours of duty, they 66 00:03:10,919 --> 00:03:14,240 Speaker 1: go through pivots in life where they switch not only 67 00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:17,360 Speaker 1: careers but identities of the Yeah, it's interesting because I 68 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,679 Speaker 1: was watching a couple of things that you've posted recently 69 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:22,480 Speaker 1: and of the things that I'm rolling out to you 70 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:24,799 Speaker 1: know do in this lead up to the book. I 71 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:27,720 Speaker 1: was looking forward to seeing you in part because of 72 00:03:27,919 --> 00:03:31,360 Speaker 1: it just acknowledging. Man, I remember when I was as 73 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:34,679 Speaker 1: close to the transition as you are now, and how 74 00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:37,720 Speaker 1: much different it feels. So like time ends up being 75 00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:41,960 Speaker 1: one of the greatest gifts. Unfortunately, it just requires it 76 00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:46,840 Speaker 1: to pass right. But man, it's so different six months 77 00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:50,640 Speaker 1: out versus two years out. So how far are you 78 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:54,680 Speaker 1: right now? I'm to two years ish out. I mean 79 00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:58,160 Speaker 1: the decision we made this decision as I had been 80 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:01,360 Speaker 1: in the six or seventh year as the head of sales, 81 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:05,160 Speaker 1: I recognized, you know what, I need to do something 82 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:09,440 Speaker 1: to chase growth in a way that pushes me away 83 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:12,840 Speaker 1: from all of the certainty, the safety security that I 84 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:15,200 Speaker 1: am currently connected to. At the same time that my wife, 85 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:16,960 Speaker 1: who had been building a business was at a tipping 86 00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:19,560 Speaker 1: point where she said, Hey, as the visionary, I need 87 00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:22,640 Speaker 1: an integrator operator. You have that as a set of 88 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:25,359 Speaker 1: special skills, and so we made a jump and we 89 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:29,600 Speaker 1: made this decision in kind of late two thousand seventeen, 90 00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:33,960 Speaker 1: officially left Disney at the end of May and eighteen, 91 00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:37,760 Speaker 1: and here we are, you know, early twenty where it's 92 00:04:37,839 --> 00:04:39,960 Speaker 1: it's a decision that we made a long time ago, 93 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:42,280 Speaker 1: but practically speaking, we're like a year and a half 94 00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:45,280 Speaker 1: in So how long did that decision, in that discussion 95 00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:48,400 Speaker 1: between you and your wife persist before you actually committed 96 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:52,400 Speaker 1: to it. We started talking about it three or four 97 00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:55,480 Speaker 1: years before the decision, But at the time when we 98 00:04:55,480 --> 00:05:00,839 Speaker 1: were talking about it, I was entertaining it in a yeah, ma, yeah, 99 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:02,880 Speaker 1: sure like I if you had asked me at the 100 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:05,159 Speaker 1: time the conversation started, if I thought I'd work at 101 00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:06,839 Speaker 1: the Walt Disney Company for the rest of my life, 102 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:10,080 Speaker 1: the answer was yes. I was drawing where do you 103 00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:12,839 Speaker 1: think you'll be ten years from now? Vision? And it 104 00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:16,640 Speaker 1: was always about some next level, some next job. And 105 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:19,760 Speaker 1: I had been the beneficiary in the Walt Disney Company 106 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:22,200 Speaker 1: of for the first ten years, having a different job 107 00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:25,040 Speaker 1: every year for the first ten, so my professional l 108 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:28,480 Speaker 1: A d D was satisfied so regularly. I was always 109 00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:31,400 Speaker 1: drinking out of a fire hydrant. There was something exciting, 110 00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:35,360 Speaker 1: and what I didn't realize was I was being afforded 111 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:38,360 Speaker 1: an opportunity to grow because of not having the set 112 00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:40,400 Speaker 1: of skills that were required to do the job well. 113 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:43,960 Speaker 1: When I first got the job that fed me, that 114 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:47,360 Speaker 1: were that provided me just a ton of fulfillment. And 115 00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:49,919 Speaker 1: in the last job that I had, though it was 116 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:53,440 Speaker 1: the best job on paper and optics wise, after the 117 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:56,320 Speaker 1: learning curve was conquered, around three or you know, three 118 00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:59,279 Speaker 1: years in, I was in this place where I had 119 00:05:59,279 --> 00:06:02,159 Speaker 1: stopped growing because of the strength of my team, because 120 00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:04,120 Speaker 1: of the strength of the slate like Disney at that 121 00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:07,800 Speaker 1: time had acquired Pixar, Marvel, Lucas and in addition to 122 00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:12,159 Speaker 1: Disney had this leverage in selling movies to theaters. That 123 00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:14,520 Speaker 1: transformed after I figure out how to do the job 124 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:16,600 Speaker 1: with the strength of my team and support of the 125 00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:20,200 Speaker 1: best leadership on Earth, I was. I was scoring well 126 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:23,159 Speaker 1: on tests without having to study right, and that was 127 00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:25,400 Speaker 1: where it was like, oh, I gotta go. That was 128 00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:28,520 Speaker 1: really as much a catalyst as the opportunity to jump 129 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,359 Speaker 1: was that, Like, the reason why I had to go 130 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:34,120 Speaker 1: was I'm not being fed here any longer, and I 131 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:37,240 Speaker 1: am making choices in the absence of growth that are 132 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:40,560 Speaker 1: compromising my relationship with my wife and my ability to 133 00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:43,920 Speaker 1: father and parent my children. Well, so that that brings 134 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:47,359 Speaker 1: up what I'm super interested in asking you about, is 135 00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:53,200 Speaker 1: I know how massively successful you and Rachel are. How 136 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:58,440 Speaker 1: did it work the transition to your relationship, because my 137 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:02,080 Speaker 1: concern would be did it hurt your relationship when you're 138 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:08,760 Speaker 1: working together? And in some ways she is the powerhouse, 139 00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:12,920 Speaker 1: and I have concerns about the switch of the masculine 140 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:15,400 Speaker 1: and the feminine. Oh yeah, We've talked about that on 141 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:18,560 Speaker 1: the show. Yeah. And I argue with these men all 142 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:22,160 Speaker 1: the time because they repeatedly say to me, it's fine 143 00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:24,000 Speaker 1: if the woman makes more money, and it's fine if 144 00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:26,920 Speaker 1: she's the breadwinner, it's fine if she's more successful, and 145 00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:30,960 Speaker 1: I'm like, no, it's not. Yeah. Well, Number one, I 146 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:35,280 Speaker 1: was hyper triggered by what happened in the first year 147 00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:39,360 Speaker 1: of us working together in that I left something where 148 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:42,080 Speaker 1: my title or my salary or the way that I 149 00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:45,840 Speaker 1: was the primary breadwinner informed a piece of my identity 150 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:49,960 Speaker 1: that gave me worth, and in leaving something to pursue 151 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:53,920 Speaker 1: this work together, I was leaving behind that identity, but 152 00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:58,280 Speaker 1: also are having come together. We made this decision before 153 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:00,000 Speaker 1: a book that she wrote called Girl Wash Her Face 154 00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:03,120 Speaker 1: came out, but it ended up becoming the second biggest 155 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:04,600 Speaker 1: selling book of the year and went on to sell 156 00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:09,320 Speaker 1: about four million copies. That was a lynchpin, big domino. 157 00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:12,320 Speaker 1: Every other thing that happens in life and in our 158 00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:14,760 Speaker 1: business is now the question is how do you pour 159 00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:18,160 Speaker 1: more gas on all of it? But from a provision 160 00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:21,840 Speaker 1: for family perspective, she had a year the first year 161 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:25,559 Speaker 1: we were working together that outpaced the five previous years 162 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:29,760 Speaker 1: combined of my very successful time at the Walt Disney Company. 163 00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:33,680 Speaker 1: And for me, it actually triggered this question. Now that 164 00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:36,440 Speaker 1: she doesn't need me, will she still want me? Yeah? Exactly, 165 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:39,000 Speaker 1: And thank you so much for saying that, because I 166 00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:41,560 Speaker 1: have such a hard time with these men getting them 167 00:08:41,559 --> 00:08:44,600 Speaker 1: to admit that. Well, I'm going through that right now. 168 00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:47,400 Speaker 1: So my when I was playing hockey, I out earned 169 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:50,200 Speaker 1: my wife, and then two years ago I stopped playing hockey, 170 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:52,720 Speaker 1: and now she vastly out earns me. Because we need 171 00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:58,720 Speaker 1: more listeners in this podcast. But she vastly out earns 172 00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:02,319 Speaker 1: me right now, and so I I don't struggle with 173 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:05,240 Speaker 1: that so much. This is where Amy and I sometimes 174 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:07,360 Speaker 1: butt heads on. This is that because I want my 175 00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:11,120 Speaker 1: wife to succeed more than anything. She earns everything she gets, 176 00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:13,200 Speaker 1: and if I'm a small part of supporting her, and 177 00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:16,000 Speaker 1: I don't even know if i'm I don't empower my wife. 178 00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:18,880 Speaker 1: She doesn't need me for anything, but like being part 179 00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:20,880 Speaker 1: of her journey, being married to her, I'm part of 180 00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:24,280 Speaker 1: her journey, and I want for her everything she has earned. 181 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:27,960 Speaker 1: Now on the flip side, I don't compare myself to her, 182 00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:30,120 Speaker 1: but damn it, I still want to earn for myself. 183 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:33,040 Speaker 1: I'm still a proud man. I still want to contribute 184 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:34,480 Speaker 1: to the world and I want to I want to 185 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:36,679 Speaker 1: earn money as well, but I want to do it 186 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:39,360 Speaker 1: in a way that's authentic to my mission. And I 187 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:43,679 Speaker 1: want to tip my cap to you for leaving a job, 188 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:47,800 Speaker 1: a career with security, with certainty, with identity, with prestige, 189 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:51,680 Speaker 1: with notoriety. To now, almost from the outside, it looks 190 00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:55,120 Speaker 1: like you are going to support your wife in this, 191 00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:57,599 Speaker 1: But I don't think that's why you did it? I 192 00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:02,000 Speaker 1: don't want to now how did you deal in that year? 193 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:04,280 Speaker 1: Did you? Yeah? Did you? I don't feel like you 194 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:06,960 Speaker 1: went to support here, You're like, hey, I'm coming in 195 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:10,560 Speaker 1: and this is a partnership or was it? Like it was? 196 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:12,520 Speaker 1: It was definitely a partnership. And I can tell you, 197 00:10:12,559 --> 00:10:15,440 Speaker 1: like the one of the weirder things that was happening 198 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:17,280 Speaker 1: in my life was that I was in this weird 199 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:20,920 Speaker 1: bridge between thirty and forty. So my big milestone fortieth 200 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:24,560 Speaker 1: birthdays come the kind of questions that happened at a birthday. 201 00:10:24,679 --> 00:10:27,480 Speaker 1: They aren't lasting two or three days. They are perpetually 202 00:10:27,559 --> 00:10:30,200 Speaker 1: in my head. Why are you on this planet? Why 203 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:32,400 Speaker 1: have you been afforded these gifts and not in a 204 00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:35,000 Speaker 1: posture of needing to use them? What will it mean 205 00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:38,000 Speaker 1: twenty years from now if you continue to not have 206 00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:40,240 Speaker 1: to use them like you are not using them today? 207 00:10:40,559 --> 00:10:42,720 Speaker 1: For how you feel about yourself when you're by yourself? 208 00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:45,120 Speaker 1: And and also i'd add to that, who suffers if 209 00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:47,200 Speaker 1: you don't use them? And who suffers if you don't 210 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:50,600 Speaker 1: use them? Right? So I start connecting to this reality 211 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:53,240 Speaker 1: that I'm living out my literal greatest fear, which is 212 00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:56,480 Speaker 1: not utilizing my potential. Right I have been given these gifts, 213 00:10:57,080 --> 00:11:00,120 Speaker 1: I am not using them. And now I have the 214 00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:02,080 Speaker 1: chance of getting to the end of my life where 215 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:05,760 Speaker 1: my legacy is hung not on having maximized everything that 216 00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:08,439 Speaker 1: was given to me, but instead doing things that made 217 00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:11,840 Speaker 1: sense to the rest of them, but at the expense 218 00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:15,480 Speaker 1: of me feeling full. And so I have to go 219 00:11:15,679 --> 00:11:20,040 Speaker 1: on a pursuit of like what would actually provide me 220 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:23,120 Speaker 1: a different kind of a feeling and what I would 221 00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:24,880 Speaker 1: you know, come back to, is I gotta be in 222 00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:27,200 Speaker 1: a position where I am uncomfortable, where I have a 223 00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:29,800 Speaker 1: chance to fail. Right like I was not in a 224 00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:33,640 Speaker 1: position because of the strength of the intellectual property, the team, 225 00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:36,800 Speaker 1: the leadership to fail on the whole there was things 226 00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:39,920 Speaker 1: were too good, and in the absence of being able 227 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:43,280 Speaker 1: to fail, I wasn't growing. But also I'm not like man, 228 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:45,760 Speaker 1: I don't like to fail. But I am now in 229 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:50,120 Speaker 1: a small business where that's just like the price of 230 00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:53,920 Speaker 1: entry is failure to simplified. Did that get boring before? 231 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:58,480 Speaker 1: And now it's not. And the thing is I I 232 00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:02,280 Speaker 1: tried to convince myself that I could like endure boring 233 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:07,000 Speaker 1: periods because of the parties, because of the title, because 234 00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:09,680 Speaker 1: of the money, because of being a member of the academy, 235 00:12:09,679 --> 00:12:14,600 Speaker 1: because of because of right, and those things they did 236 00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:19,319 Speaker 1: at the beginning feel good, but they weren't. There wasn't 237 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:22,800 Speaker 1: depth necessarily because they're a little more shallow veneer than 238 00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:26,240 Speaker 1: they are deep meaning. And so I ended up like 239 00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:29,480 Speaker 1: in this transition, my my real true pursuit was how 240 00:12:29,520 --> 00:12:32,440 Speaker 1: can I have impact that makes me feel a different 241 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:35,120 Speaker 1: way when I'm falling asleep at night. And so the 242 00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:41,600 Speaker 1: trigger of my wife's success short term was a like man, 243 00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:44,160 Speaker 1: hard thing to get through, but also a massive gift 244 00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:46,920 Speaker 1: because how did you do it? And what did it feel? Like? 245 00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:48,880 Speaker 1: Like I really want to know, like what did you feel? 246 00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:51,440 Speaker 1: Because like I've had people say to me like a man, 247 00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:53,240 Speaker 1: I don't want to do that with you because I 248 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:55,040 Speaker 1: don't want to be your purse holder, and it's like 249 00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:57,520 Speaker 1: I get it, and I don't want you holding my purse. Yeah, 250 00:12:57,600 --> 00:13:00,120 Speaker 1: it goes both ways. Well, I mean first just st 251 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:02,560 Speaker 1: on like the breadwinning piece. The thing that was triggering 252 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:06,520 Speaker 1: for me was truly this, like, oh, I had convinced 253 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:09,080 Speaker 1: myself as she for fifteen years was building a business 254 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:11,880 Speaker 1: that I was the backstop to her taking chances and 255 00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:15,840 Speaker 1: growing the business that now that she didn't need me 256 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:20,520 Speaker 1: to take chances in our business that need being removed 257 00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:23,080 Speaker 1: gave her a reason to not want to be with me, 258 00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:25,920 Speaker 1: which is bananas. But the good news is in like 259 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:29,000 Speaker 1: that trigger having been one that came up, I got 260 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:31,880 Speaker 1: to actually really look at me eye and realize, this 261 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:35,240 Speaker 1: is crazy. We don't have a contingent love. Contingent love 262 00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:38,280 Speaker 1: isn't even love. And so if I'm putting a contingency 263 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:41,000 Speaker 1: on her only loving me when I can provide for her, 264 00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:43,040 Speaker 1: that's not even a love that I'd want in the 265 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:45,959 Speaker 1: first place. And it also doesn't even exist in that 266 00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:49,160 Speaker 1: How long did that last? That sort of three months? 267 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:51,600 Speaker 1: Four months? Like, But it was a thing that like 268 00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:55,840 Speaker 1: until I was processing it verbally, doing some journaling, talking 269 00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:58,240 Speaker 1: out loud with her about what I was actually feeling. 270 00:13:58,559 --> 00:14:00,680 Speaker 1: It was sitting in my subconscious sent away that was 271 00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:04,320 Speaker 1: gnawing at me but not really coming to the surface. YEA, 272 00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:06,760 Speaker 1: words to it right once, like and one of the 273 00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:08,600 Speaker 1: things that helped me bring words to ith I gave 274 00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:10,760 Speaker 1: you the setup of this like bridge between thirty and 275 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:15,079 Speaker 1: forty was I am in pursuit of impact and as 276 00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:18,679 Speaker 1: much as Yep, I'm transitioning into someone who also is 277 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:22,240 Speaker 1: a vessel for impact by being a voice and writing books, 278 00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:26,760 Speaker 1: are doing podcasts at the time. My wife is a 279 00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:30,800 Speaker 1: vessel for impact, and so if I, in use using 280 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:34,600 Speaker 1: the superpowers that I have as the how person, can 281 00:14:34,680 --> 00:14:38,160 Speaker 1: help her as the what person bring the what to life, 282 00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:41,840 Speaker 1: well fantastic. I can satisfy this want I have for 283 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:45,080 Speaker 1: impact because I have been witnessed to the letters from 284 00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:46,760 Speaker 1: people who have read the books. I've sat in the 285 00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:50,080 Speaker 1: audience of the personal development conferences we've thrown. I've seen 286 00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:53,240 Speaker 1: the way her coaching community responds, and if I can 287 00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:56,760 Speaker 1: be complicit in helping them have those breakthroughs and transformations, 288 00:14:57,520 --> 00:14:59,800 Speaker 1: I get to feel the thing I was in search 289 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:02,800 Speaker 1: that I wasn't getting in my old world. Wow, I 290 00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:04,760 Speaker 1: have I have two things with that. Yeah, because I 291 00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:07,680 Speaker 1: have another question about just home life. You go okay. 292 00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:11,240 Speaker 1: First off, I resonate with you about the the feeling 293 00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:14,400 Speaker 1: bored with comfort you want to and I resonate with 294 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:16,680 Speaker 1: it because as an athlete, I wanted to play in 295 00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:19,000 Speaker 1: the games that I could possibly lose. I didn't want 296 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,160 Speaker 1: to play in the games that I knew I was 297 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:23,880 Speaker 1: going to win. There wasn't there wasn't discovery and personal challenge. 298 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:27,680 Speaker 1: And like I wasn't tested, my medal wasn't tested. In 299 00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:30,920 Speaker 1: those games, I didn't learn about myself. So the games 300 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:33,760 Speaker 1: that were so tight that I didn't know if I 301 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,640 Speaker 1: was going to win or lose, I was okay with 302 00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:38,000 Speaker 1: the result because I was gonna lay everything I had 303 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:40,040 Speaker 1: into it and that was the best that I could do. 304 00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:42,520 Speaker 1: And the result just was, you know. And so I 305 00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:45,160 Speaker 1: resonate with that, and I commend you for leaving something 306 00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:47,760 Speaker 1: and not staying in it. I actually have a dear 307 00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:49,720 Speaker 1: friend in my life who is staying in his job 308 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:51,960 Speaker 1: just because it affords him some freedom and some money. 309 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:53,880 Speaker 1: We have those people on the show, they're not here 310 00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:58,560 Speaker 1: today and and he's he's exhausted, and he's his soul 311 00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:00,880 Speaker 1: is dying, and he's like, I want to do something. 312 00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:02,920 Speaker 1: I want to do something that matters to me and 313 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:06,520 Speaker 1: matters to the world, and just working this job isn't it. 314 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,440 Speaker 1: And I think a lot of people are scared to 315 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:10,600 Speaker 1: actually take that leap. And I want to commit you. 316 00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:12,160 Speaker 1: That is a massive thing that you did to bet 317 00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:15,240 Speaker 1: on yourself to take that leap. Um that's amazing. And 318 00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:18,720 Speaker 1: inspiring in its own regard. And in my second part 319 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,760 Speaker 1: is what did your wife say? What did Rachel say 320 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:24,240 Speaker 1: when you brought it up to her about this? What 321 00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:26,000 Speaker 1: was in your kind of subconscious all of a sudden 322 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:29,000 Speaker 1: you brought words to it? Was she like, babe, you're crazy? 323 00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:32,640 Speaker 1: What are you? Is this really what you're going through? Yeah? 324 00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:35,600 Speaker 1: And isn't that weird? Hout off so fast it made 325 00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:38,520 Speaker 1: the three months of time where I'm toiling with this 326 00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:42,760 Speaker 1: insecurity that was born out of some rejection in seventh grade. 327 00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:46,040 Speaker 1: She cut it off so fast that I actually felt 328 00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:50,200 Speaker 1: ridiculous for having let any time. Ten minutes of time 329 00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:52,680 Speaker 1: would have been ten minutes too many to have spent 330 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:54,200 Speaker 1: with it. But she cut it off so fast, and 331 00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:56,880 Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, I'm an idiot, let's go and die. 332 00:16:57,560 --> 00:16:59,840 Speaker 1: And I felt better. But but but by the way, 333 00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:02,720 Speaker 1: because I would have felt better the first day of 334 00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:05,000 Speaker 1: the three months if I just brought it up, But 335 00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:07,800 Speaker 1: instead I sat with it with some shame or some 336 00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:11,520 Speaker 1: there was something in me even feeling the thing that 337 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:14,399 Speaker 1: made me feel weak and so not wanting to like 338 00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:16,760 Speaker 1: truly own the fact that, man, I feel this thing 339 00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:19,919 Speaker 1: doesn't make me weak for feeling this thing kept it 340 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:21,920 Speaker 1: as a thing that was in silence, and in silence 341 00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:24,320 Speaker 1: it festered and became something that it never had to be. 342 00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:27,440 Speaker 1: That makes me really want to talk about this question 343 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:30,080 Speaker 1: at home, because again I argue with these guys all 344 00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:33,760 Speaker 1: the time that like, I have this career and I'm 345 00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:37,840 Speaker 1: just like in this career all day long, all night long, 346 00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:41,600 Speaker 1: all the time. So it really helps me in my 347 00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:45,520 Speaker 1: relationship because I'm like the girliest girl, Like I can't 348 00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:48,920 Speaker 1: and I'm not being dumb, but it's like I can't 349 00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:51,760 Speaker 1: make the remote work. I can't and I can't open 350 00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:55,280 Speaker 1: this jar, and like when he does that stuff, I'm like, 351 00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:58,359 Speaker 1: you know, with the hard eyes, and it's so at home. 352 00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:01,480 Speaker 1: I'm wondering, do you I sort of really go into 353 00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:05,000 Speaker 1: those roles at home? Or maybe Rachel is different than me. 354 00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:07,720 Speaker 1: I don't know, but I'm so curious, Like I mean, 355 00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:11,520 Speaker 1: like she can she can be the strongest, like she can, Rachel. 356 00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:15,560 Speaker 1: Rachel hollis me in the kitchen when I started struggling 357 00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:19,000 Speaker 1: with some limiting belief for self doubt and she, you know, 358 00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:22,320 Speaker 1: the best example is I'll start to get anxious about 359 00:18:22,359 --> 00:18:24,840 Speaker 1: something and she is someone who has worked through her 360 00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:27,879 Speaker 1: own anxiety for all of her life, and she has 361 00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:30,480 Speaker 1: found a way to trace back the like where did 362 00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:33,239 Speaker 1: the anxiety come from? In a way that man, she 363 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,480 Speaker 1: can do it for me, all right, where did you 364 00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:37,960 Speaker 1: start feeling this? What were you doing? Well, let's like 365 00:18:38,119 --> 00:18:41,800 Speaker 1: truly isolated once you can thing but but here, but 366 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:44,159 Speaker 1: that is like man, her kind of superpower on a 367 00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:47,280 Speaker 1: stage is that kind of thing. But she also likes 368 00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:50,200 Speaker 1: to throw on holy sweats and have us cuddle and like, yes, 369 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:53,760 Speaker 1: is interested in me being like a gentleman in the 370 00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:56,080 Speaker 1: respect of man. I love to get her coffee every 371 00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:58,040 Speaker 1: single morning. I get her coffee. Right, It's like just 372 00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:01,880 Speaker 1: the thing that I do. Um, but I don't. We're 373 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:05,040 Speaker 1: we i'd say we Yeah. Sometimes fall into like more 374 00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:08,280 Speaker 1: or less traditional roles. But some of the things that 375 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:11,359 Speaker 1: are traditional for us are like totally untraditional for other people. 376 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:20,120 Speaker 1: So it just kind of depends. How do you guys 377 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:23,440 Speaker 1: navigate How do you swap back and forth from work 378 00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:27,000 Speaker 1: hat on to relationship? Do you put like, hey, from 379 00:19:27,119 --> 00:19:29,400 Speaker 1: nine to five, it's work at and then from five 380 00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:31,480 Speaker 1: o'clock on, hey, we're we're husband and wife and not 381 00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:34,639 Speaker 1: at all? Like how do you not at all there are. 382 00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:37,919 Speaker 1: There are things that we have committed to inside of 383 00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:42,600 Speaker 1: having established relationship values and habits and routines that help 384 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:45,040 Speaker 1: us make those values come to life inside of our 385 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:48,399 Speaker 1: everyday life. So we have a standing date night every 386 00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:51,480 Speaker 1: Thursday between now and the end of time. It's existed 387 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:54,239 Speaker 1: since our thirteen year old was four weeks old. So 388 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:57,320 Speaker 1: we have every Thursday. Now. The last two years of 389 00:19:57,320 --> 00:20:01,240 Speaker 1: our marriage have been because of our working together, been 390 00:20:01,359 --> 00:20:03,919 Speaker 1: the two best years and the two hardest years of 391 00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:08,120 Speaker 1: our marriage. Right, So, our our decision to do this 392 00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:10,359 Speaker 1: work has meant that there have been plenty of Thursday 393 00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:12,119 Speaker 1: nights where we have been more in love than we 394 00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:16,920 Speaker 1: have liked each other. Right, we have chosen, We've chosen 395 00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:20,879 Speaker 1: to go on a date even though we've just had 396 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:23,159 Speaker 1: a decent amount of friction during the day. Right Like 397 00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:25,800 Speaker 1: the roles that we play in the in the workplace 398 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:28,560 Speaker 1: had to be in order to make this thing work 399 00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:32,960 Speaker 1: super clearly defined. Your lane is here, my lane is here. 400 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:35,720 Speaker 1: Here are the places rare that they may be where 401 00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:38,720 Speaker 1: this overlaps. But otherwise you stay in your lane. I'll 402 00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:42,840 Speaker 1: stay in mine. Now. I am the practical pragmatic operator 403 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:45,840 Speaker 1: integrator as a word that we use. She's the visionary, 404 00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:49,119 Speaker 1: creative and so good news like that as a superpower. 405 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:52,080 Speaker 1: That's the avenger. Come together, we are good and that right, 406 00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:56,719 Speaker 1: they're good. But those two roles come together mean like 407 00:20:56,840 --> 00:21:00,560 Speaker 1: friction is the required ingredient to produce the good fruit. 408 00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:05,719 Speaker 1: So we are friction ng all day. And sometimes that friction, 409 00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:07,440 Speaker 1: as much as you try to keep it super objective 410 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:10,359 Speaker 1: just about the business, can spill into it becoming emotional 411 00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:12,000 Speaker 1: and then we got to get in the car and 412 00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:16,040 Speaker 1: drive to get sushi. Dude, I resonate with that so much. 413 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:17,720 Speaker 1: I think I said it the other day to my 414 00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:20,840 Speaker 1: wife and Danielle. You're married, Like, there's times and it's 415 00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:23,280 Speaker 1: one thing I've learned about marriage. Hey, you always love 416 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:25,640 Speaker 1: the person, but there's sometimes you just don't like the person. Yeah, 417 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:27,879 Speaker 1: it's just so true. And that they don't like to 418 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:30,600 Speaker 1: take it the sushi to start to feel better. Oh, 419 00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:33,679 Speaker 1: there are times where it doesn't. Let's be clear. We 420 00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:37,280 Speaker 1: have had we've had dinner where it's our date night 421 00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:43,240 Speaker 1: and we are maintaining the respectful intensity of the conversation 422 00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:46,359 Speaker 1: that we were having prior to the date, only to 423 00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:52,040 Speaker 1: pose it well. Jared the Server wants to describe them like, oh, welcome, Jared. 424 00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:54,360 Speaker 1: I mean I get that, like, yeah, so you don't 425 00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:56,520 Speaker 1: turn it off? And then I get that now. I mean, 426 00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:58,440 Speaker 1: here's the thing we because we have four kids, it's 427 00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:02,080 Speaker 1: like a thousand kids. Know seriously, we have a thousand 428 00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:06,840 Speaker 1: children at our house. They're three to thirteen years old, 429 00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:10,159 Speaker 1: and so we are really particular about sitting around the 430 00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:12,840 Speaker 1: table as a family for dinner every every single chance 431 00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:16,359 Speaker 1: that we can. There's technology limits like crazy in our house. 432 00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:20,160 Speaker 1: We are very much about intentional time with each of them, 433 00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:24,320 Speaker 1: and they are each wired unbelievably different. My oldest tentional 434 00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:27,400 Speaker 1: time is super important if there was a single thing 435 00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:29,359 Speaker 1: as and like if you're not yet a parent, or 436 00:22:29,359 --> 00:22:30,840 Speaker 1: if you're a new parent, you want to know like 437 00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:34,120 Speaker 1: what's one hack, what's one one tip. I have four 438 00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:37,920 Speaker 1: kids that are wired so unbelievably differently, and intentional time 439 00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:40,840 Speaker 1: pouring into the thing that they have personal passion for 440 00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:44,800 Speaker 1: is the way that we accomplish. I write this this 441 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:49,360 Speaker 1: goal down every single day I am close to my children, 442 00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:52,080 Speaker 1: and it is a prompt for me to spend time 443 00:22:52,119 --> 00:22:55,159 Speaker 1: intentionally with each of them individually without technology. So for 444 00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:58,600 Speaker 1: people listening intentional time to me. So one of my 445 00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:02,320 Speaker 1: best girlfriends we talk every day for about an hour 446 00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:04,719 Speaker 1: and just digging into everything, and we talk on her 447 00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:07,199 Speaker 1: way to picking her son up at water Polo. But 448 00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:10,159 Speaker 1: at eight o'clock, when water Polo gets out and he 449 00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:12,600 Speaker 1: gets in the car, that is his. She doesn't call 450 00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:15,800 Speaker 1: it this, but I know it's that's his intentional time. 451 00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:18,240 Speaker 1: That's his one on one time with mom in the 452 00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:21,679 Speaker 1: car for twenty minutes. None of the siblings are in 453 00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:24,640 Speaker 1: the car. They get to talk about whatever that kid 454 00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:28,040 Speaker 1: wants to talk about, and she is you know, we 455 00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:30,440 Speaker 1: could be in the most heated discussion, but he gets 456 00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:33,480 Speaker 1: in the car boom. We will continue tomorrow because that's 457 00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:36,240 Speaker 1: his time. And I think her children thrive because she 458 00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:38,560 Speaker 1: does that with each all three of them. Yeah, for me, 459 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:41,800 Speaker 1: it's I have the oldest to Musical theater is his jam. 460 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:44,320 Speaker 1: He like lives for it, He's got a community for it. 461 00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:48,200 Speaker 1: They he loves it. And I spend more time inside 462 00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:51,240 Speaker 1: of a conversation around or supporting in the audience of 463 00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:55,840 Speaker 1: his musical theater. Middle son baseball is all he wants 464 00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:57,880 Speaker 1: to do. So we've got a separate coach. And then 465 00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:01,679 Speaker 1: there's practices. Youngest son, it's cub Scouts in the outdoors 466 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:04,000 Speaker 1: and he wants to just be in nature and run. 467 00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:07,080 Speaker 1: And if I when I each day, I want to 468 00:24:07,119 --> 00:24:09,320 Speaker 1: plug in with them. I meet them where they want 469 00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:11,320 Speaker 1: to be met. I pour into the and into these 470 00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:13,280 Speaker 1: things that they're passionate about. I thought it was gonna 471 00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:15,280 Speaker 1: be one size fits all. My dad was rat, he 472 00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:18,199 Speaker 1: is rad. We have four kids that I grew up 473 00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:20,639 Speaker 1: inside of the I was the oldest of four, and 474 00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:22,359 Speaker 1: I thought my dad was just the same dad to 475 00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:24,240 Speaker 1: all four of us. And maybe he was, maybe he wasn't. 476 00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:25,520 Speaker 1: I don't know. I just know him as my dad. 477 00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:27,720 Speaker 1: But my impression that you come into fatherhood and you 478 00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:30,000 Speaker 1: just treat all your kids the same was thrown out 479 00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:32,000 Speaker 1: its head when I realized, you know what, my oldest 480 00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:34,359 Speaker 1: son doesn't want to play baseball or soccer or any 481 00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:36,159 Speaker 1: of the sports that I had as a vision for 482 00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:38,320 Speaker 1: how I was going to raise my sons. Dude, you 483 00:24:38,359 --> 00:24:41,080 Speaker 1: have I think everybody in this like studio can just 484 00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:44,240 Speaker 1: feel it. This guy had just has secret sauce of life. Yeah. 485 00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:45,879 Speaker 1: I mean, like I just want to bottle you up. 486 00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:48,679 Speaker 1: So does Rachel. But I think What's what all have 487 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:52,600 Speaker 1: the balls to say is Rachel was doing it, and 488 00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:56,679 Speaker 1: I think what I interpret is now you're doing it. 489 00:24:56,880 --> 00:25:00,240 Speaker 1: You're with this book, and I've seen you start to 490 00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:01,879 Speaker 1: do more and more. So that's why I was so 491 00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:05,520 Speaker 1: interested in that in between time and how like left 492 00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:08,040 Speaker 1: up that probably was, Yeah, I do want to go back, 493 00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:10,560 Speaker 1: Like I appreciate Brooks the credit you're giving me for 494 00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:12,840 Speaker 1: deciding to leave the company, but I do want to 495 00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:16,800 Speaker 1: paint this picture because I think it's important, right I 496 00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:21,520 Speaker 1: if I had left of my like decision before the 497 00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:23,720 Speaker 1: seven years of time I was in the job had passed, 498 00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:26,280 Speaker 1: if I had left it five years in, it would 499 00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:29,160 Speaker 1: have been different. Those last two years of time where 500 00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:32,240 Speaker 1: I didn't leave and I should have left. That was 501 00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:35,920 Speaker 1: me descending into a lesser version of myself after having 502 00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:39,879 Speaker 1: had a very successful, very productive, great dad, great husband 503 00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:44,560 Speaker 1: kind of existence. I dug a ditch for myself and 504 00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:47,359 Speaker 1: I found myself in that ditch. And it was inside 505 00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:51,760 Speaker 1: of that while Rachel was discovering the power of personal 506 00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:55,119 Speaker 1: development and was like it started truly with anxiety. She 507 00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:57,440 Speaker 1: had some anxiety. She decides to go on a hunt 508 00:25:57,440 --> 00:26:00,560 Speaker 1: to figure out how she could potentially change the way 509 00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:03,720 Speaker 1: that she felt anxious about things, and it led her 510 00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:06,320 Speaker 1: into books, and it led her into personal development conferences, 511 00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:09,440 Speaker 1: and it led her into therapy. And as she found 512 00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:11,359 Speaker 1: a solution for one thing, she found a solution for 513 00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:14,600 Speaker 1: two more, and five more and ten more. And I 514 00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:17,520 Speaker 1: just grabbed a shovel and kept digging myself a ditch 515 00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:21,760 Speaker 1: because I was so frustrated about all of what feeling 516 00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:24,960 Speaker 1: like I was tied to in this identity thing around 517 00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:27,920 Speaker 1: a job that wasn't providing the fulfillment I was looking for. 518 00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:31,960 Speaker 1: And so I had to in some ways, as she's 519 00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:36,800 Speaker 1: continuing to grow, build leverage of what might happen if 520 00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:41,680 Speaker 1: I didn't make the change. So some people can paint 521 00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:44,520 Speaker 1: a like fantastic picture of the possibility of their future 522 00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:47,120 Speaker 1: and like hold hold to it, and it can be 523 00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:50,720 Speaker 1: something like a big kite that could pull you along. No, 524 00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:54,199 Speaker 1: no, no no, I had to imagine a future version of 525 00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:58,399 Speaker 1: myself that didn't take just drastic action to change the 526 00:26:58,440 --> 00:27:01,959 Speaker 1: trajectory of my life and what might happen if I didn't. 527 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:04,880 Speaker 1: So was your marriage getting crappy at that time too? 528 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:07,480 Speaker 1: Or was it always like I'm just real blunt with it? 529 00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:09,720 Speaker 1: Let's be real. No, no no, no, here's the thing. Like 530 00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:14,359 Speaker 1: the turning point for me making this decision was the 531 00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:19,080 Speaker 1: back end of a vacation where I in having received 532 00:27:19,119 --> 00:27:21,920 Speaker 1: the first the first time I read girl Ash your Face, 533 00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:25,600 Speaker 1: I decided to drink every ounce of alcohol I could 534 00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:29,000 Speaker 1: possibly find because I've been being triggered by how transparent 535 00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:32,920 Speaker 1: and vulnerable and honest she was about everything, including me 536 00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:35,119 Speaker 1: being a jerk at the beginning of our relationship and 537 00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:38,240 Speaker 1: details about our sex life that wasn't awesome, Like it's 538 00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:41,320 Speaker 1: all in there and I'm hyper triggered by it while 539 00:27:41,359 --> 00:27:44,159 Speaker 1: I'm as unsatisfied in my work as I was. And 540 00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:45,879 Speaker 1: we got back from that trip and we sat on 541 00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:48,399 Speaker 1: the edge of the bed, had the hardest conversation and 542 00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:52,320 Speaker 1: best conversation of a relationship, where she said, Hey, I 543 00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:55,680 Speaker 1: have growth as the number one commodity of my life period. 544 00:27:55,920 --> 00:27:57,639 Speaker 1: I am going to be better tomorrow every day for 545 00:27:57,680 --> 00:28:00,159 Speaker 1: the rest of my life, and I'm going to do 546 00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:02,359 Speaker 1: it either with or without you. I love you. I 547 00:28:02,359 --> 00:28:04,400 Speaker 1: would love for you to be with me on this, 548 00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:06,159 Speaker 1: but I know I am going to do it for me. 549 00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:09,760 Speaker 1: And if I continue to grow and you stay stuck, 550 00:28:10,119 --> 00:28:13,400 Speaker 1: or if we're honest. Truly, I was digging a hole 551 00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:16,560 Speaker 1: in a year, Will we still be going on dates 552 00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:18,440 Speaker 1: in two years and we still be making out? In 553 00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:20,120 Speaker 1: three years? Will we still be married? And I knew 554 00:28:20,119 --> 00:28:23,200 Speaker 1: the answer the answer was no. And so I had 555 00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:27,240 Speaker 1: to really connect to this vision of exchanging our kids 556 00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:31,160 Speaker 1: on weekends and me having a alcohol problem and becoming 557 00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:35,399 Speaker 1: an overweight, like just all of the things, where is this? 558 00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:39,440 Speaker 1: And uh? And one of the things honestly that like 559 00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:41,440 Speaker 1: I had to construct in my head which will sound 560 00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:45,720 Speaker 1: somewhat crazy, but at forty milestone birthday, I could see 561 00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:50,240 Speaker 1: sixty the milestone birthday and the idea of a dinner 562 00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:54,520 Speaker 1: at sixty when my kids, who were at the time 563 00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:59,200 Speaker 1: eight seven four would then be adults. Maybe they've got 564 00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:02,320 Speaker 1: partners or significant others have been asked to come around 565 00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:04,720 Speaker 1: a dinner table at sixty to raise a glass to me. 566 00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:07,880 Speaker 1: I could see two versions of the way the story unfolds. 567 00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:10,720 Speaker 1: Either they're raising a glass celebrating the way that I 568 00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:13,680 Speaker 1: spent the next twenty years at a time, establishing a legacy, 569 00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:16,880 Speaker 1: connecting with them, showing up for my life. Or there's 570 00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:18,600 Speaker 1: a version of the story where no one comes to 571 00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:21,280 Speaker 1: the dinner and the like. I mean, I could cry 572 00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:24,720 Speaker 1: just thinking about that, right because I want so badly 573 00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:27,160 Speaker 1: to show up for myself, but I also want to 574 00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:29,080 Speaker 1: show up and be a model for who these kids 575 00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:32,360 Speaker 1: deserve as a father. And it was the first thing 576 00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:34,200 Speaker 1: that I had to do in that was understand why 577 00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:37,800 Speaker 1: I was digging. And so it was right, here's the thing. 578 00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:39,760 Speaker 1: I didn't know why, but I knew that my wife 579 00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:43,360 Speaker 1: had gone to therapy to understand why she dug and 580 00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:45,720 Speaker 1: I thought, you know what, I have been skeptical of 581 00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:48,840 Speaker 1: every tool you've ever used. I have even resented the 582 00:29:48,840 --> 00:29:50,600 Speaker 1: fact that tools work for you in a way that 583 00:29:50,640 --> 00:29:53,080 Speaker 1: I didn't think they might work for me. But I 584 00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:56,080 Speaker 1: will go sit in the therapist office to try and 585 00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:58,400 Speaker 1: get some of the answers. And this answer key in 586 00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:01,280 Speaker 1: the back of the book, because I am so stuck 587 00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:04,160 Speaker 1: right now, I have no other choice. So again, like 588 00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:07,080 Speaker 1: I'm coming way back to I appreciate the man, how 589 00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:09,520 Speaker 1: rad that you decided to make this leap. I made 590 00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:12,000 Speaker 1: the leap to save my life and my marriage. I 591 00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:14,040 Speaker 1: get it, but you still made it. And the fact 592 00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:16,480 Speaker 1: that you still that you did these things, and I 593 00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:19,320 Speaker 1: resonate with that. I've tried a dozen things that my 594 00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:22,400 Speaker 1: wife tried months or years before me and said, hey, 595 00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:24,480 Speaker 1: can you this is this has really helped me. I'm like, no, 596 00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:27,480 Speaker 1: I'm good. I'm I'll figure it out, like I'll Men, 597 00:30:27,520 --> 00:30:30,400 Speaker 1: I think are very internal. We internalize things, We go 598 00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:34,560 Speaker 1: with things. Were like, that's like the dumbest thing about 599 00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:37,360 Speaker 1: dudes ever. We have to deal with you guys all 600 00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:40,320 Speaker 1: the time because we are the opposite, super emotive and 601 00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:43,320 Speaker 1: like and you're all just burying that. That's why we 602 00:30:43,320 --> 00:30:45,920 Speaker 1: wanted That's that's why I'm here doing this show. That's 603 00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:49,480 Speaker 1: why we talked about, like what's my purpose with this show? Like, Dave, 604 00:30:49,600 --> 00:30:52,000 Speaker 1: you are a model of what I want to become 605 00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:54,320 Speaker 1: of what I hope men can become of. Like, hey, 606 00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:56,920 Speaker 1: let me bring a voice to my insecurities, let me 607 00:30:56,920 --> 00:30:59,640 Speaker 1: bring a voice to my doubts, my fears, my things. 608 00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:03,719 Speaker 1: I'm scared about my failures, you know what I'm going through. Like, 609 00:31:03,760 --> 00:31:06,080 Speaker 1: I don't think men in general do it enough. And 610 00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:10,040 Speaker 1: we wanted to do this show to help men set 611 00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:14,760 Speaker 1: down their weapons, say hey, to help the women to 612 00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:19,440 Speaker 1: dealing with you all because y'all are so confusing. My 613 00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:22,680 Speaker 1: question for both of you, you both have a lot 614 00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:25,959 Speaker 1: of um. Even though you might be going down, you 615 00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:29,280 Speaker 1: know you're gonna dig yourselves back up. What advice do 616 00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:33,080 Speaker 1: you have for men and women where the man is 617 00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:37,760 Speaker 1: sort of stuck, like nothing's disastrous, the job doesn't totally suck, 618 00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:40,680 Speaker 1: but it's not great, the marriage doesn't totally suck, but 619 00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:44,600 Speaker 1: it's not great. Like he likes the kids, but it's 620 00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:46,120 Speaker 1: just a lot of that. That's what I find of 621 00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:48,920 Speaker 1: so many forty year olds, where they're just like, it's 622 00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:54,720 Speaker 1: the most asked questions by far, it's Hey, I it 623 00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:57,560 Speaker 1: tends to be I'm more the women than men. Hey, 624 00:31:58,040 --> 00:32:00,080 Speaker 1: as a woman in this relationship with a man, and 625 00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:02,680 Speaker 1: I am on a journey. I am reaching for a 626 00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:05,480 Speaker 1: better version of myself every day. I can't get him 627 00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:08,280 Speaker 1: to get on board with my growth. I know Dave 628 00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:10,600 Speaker 1: was in this, like, how do I how do I 629 00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:13,280 Speaker 1: convince him to want to grow? How do I ask 630 00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:14,920 Speaker 1: him to grow? How do I tell him to grow? 631 00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:18,240 Speaker 1: And the simplest and best answer is if you want 632 00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:24,080 Speaker 1: to change him, change yourself because you committing to pushing 633 00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:27,880 Speaker 1: yourself to become a better version of yourself every single day, Well, 634 00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:31,680 Speaker 1: one leave a trail of breadcrumbs right like I was 635 00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:35,160 Speaker 1: the like I had an accomplice in getting out of 636 00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:37,840 Speaker 1: my own way, and that was Rachel and the work 637 00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:42,560 Speaker 1: that she did for herself on herself, even though I 638 00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:44,560 Speaker 1: was giving her a hard time for doing it, even 639 00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:46,440 Speaker 1: though I would grunt when she would wake up in 640 00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:48,240 Speaker 1: the morning, even though I rolled my eyes when she 641 00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:52,600 Speaker 1: went to the personal development conference. I finally, when I 642 00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:54,880 Speaker 1: was at a place where I was available to it 643 00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:57,200 Speaker 1: and ready for it, I reached for a rope that 644 00:32:57,280 --> 00:33:00,480 Speaker 1: she'd dropped, dropped into that valley that I created, and 645 00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:03,320 Speaker 1: it was truly like a I would toe dip. I 646 00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:06,200 Speaker 1: went into therapy super skeptical of it, thinking that it 647 00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:09,600 Speaker 1: was for broken people, only to realize it's fantastic and 648 00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:12,640 Speaker 1: be a greater advocate. I went to a personal development conference, 649 00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:16,160 Speaker 1: super super skeptical of it being snake oil, and yet 650 00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:18,160 Speaker 1: there were some weird things in it. But guess what 651 00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:22,480 Speaker 1: at a transformative experience sitting in the audience at a 652 00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:25,800 Speaker 1: personal development conference. So you know, like I still carry 653 00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:27,760 Speaker 1: a lot of skepticism. I am someone who has to 654 00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:32,160 Speaker 1: see the actual results to become a true believer. And 655 00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:35,880 Speaker 1: seeing my wife's actual results were what created belief in 656 00:33:35,920 --> 00:33:38,200 Speaker 1: the tools that end up saving the title of your book. 657 00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:40,280 Speaker 1: Get out of your own way to me, Like that's 658 00:33:40,320 --> 00:33:44,480 Speaker 1: everyone's problem is themselves. Oh yeah, Like further to what 659 00:33:44,560 --> 00:33:47,400 Speaker 1: he said, dude, I just laugh. I've like you're you're 660 00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:50,040 Speaker 1: just my dude. I just resonate so much with what 661 00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:54,680 Speaker 1: you're saying. Also, because um, guys, at least speaking for myself, 662 00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:56,600 Speaker 1: will only try it when we want to try it, 663 00:33:57,080 --> 00:33:58,880 Speaker 1: so you you, my wife can tell me, hey, this 664 00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:01,760 Speaker 1: is great, this is so, this is pretty perfect for you. 665 00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:04,800 Speaker 1: I'm like, great, that's wonderful. Then she's like, why you're 666 00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:06,920 Speaker 1: gonna try it. I'm like no, no, Like she's like why, 667 00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:09,480 Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't want to try it. It's inception. Yeah, 668 00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:11,520 Speaker 1: it's like he has to find a way to make 669 00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:15,759 Speaker 1: you believe it's your idea. I mean that's like I 670 00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:17,680 Speaker 1: guess what, that's the human condition. And I think it 671 00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:19,560 Speaker 1: actually goes both ways. I don't think that like there's 672 00:34:19,640 --> 00:34:21,600 Speaker 1: this is like, yes, I think it is maybe more 673 00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:25,960 Speaker 1: male than female is because literally it is. My boyfriend 674 00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:28,359 Speaker 1: was like, get this toothbrush. He sent me the link. 675 00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:30,239 Speaker 1: I order it, Like I know that's super simple, but 676 00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:31,759 Speaker 1: like he just tells me what to do and I 677 00:34:31,840 --> 00:34:34,799 Speaker 1: do it. We all have to just do all this 678 00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:39,240 Speaker 1: voodoo with you guys to get you to try it. 679 00:34:39,239 --> 00:34:41,839 Speaker 1: It just comes when it comes listen like and then 680 00:34:41,880 --> 00:34:43,680 Speaker 1: here's the thing once we try it. Like you said 681 00:34:43,719 --> 00:34:46,960 Speaker 1: you tried therapy. I've tried therapy. It's amazing. I loved it. 682 00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:50,200 Speaker 1: I went to UH, I went to a personal development, 683 00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:53,520 Speaker 1: went to Tony Robbins date with Destiny because my wife 684 00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:55,799 Speaker 1: she would gone. This was her third time going. She's like, 685 00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:58,080 Speaker 1: do you want to come? I'm like, Okay, sure, I'll come. 686 00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:00,440 Speaker 1: And the first day I almost walked out my head 687 00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:03,520 Speaker 1: blew off. It's Tony's giving you this this rant about 688 00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:05,239 Speaker 1: how to show up in the world and create energy. 689 00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:07,680 Speaker 1: I'm like, I drove a bus for a pro sports 690 00:35:07,680 --> 00:35:09,879 Speaker 1: team for fifteen years. Dude, I know how to show up. 691 00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:12,359 Speaker 1: Don't tell me how to show up. Let's go. I'm here. 692 00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:16,160 Speaker 1: I prepare and show up before I even get here. 693 00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:17,799 Speaker 1: And now we're here and you're trying to get me 694 00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:20,440 Speaker 1: to create energy. How dare you disrespect me? Like like 695 00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:23,440 Speaker 1: just stuff like this that I'm just an idiot on right, 696 00:35:23,520 --> 00:35:26,440 Speaker 1: like and so my wife and then when I Finally, 697 00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:30,359 Speaker 1: when it finally clicks, I tell my wife and like, oh, 698 00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:32,960 Speaker 1: I tried this thing. I tried working with Johnny, I 699 00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:35,920 Speaker 1: tried working with Scott and my mind blue is amazing. 700 00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:38,080 Speaker 1: It's the most incredible thing. And the look on her 701 00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:43,840 Speaker 1: face is just like that, I'm not telling you. You 702 00:35:43,960 --> 00:35:47,920 Speaker 1: can't say that either. You go okay, um. But you 703 00:35:47,960 --> 00:35:50,040 Speaker 1: know what's crazy too, though, is like there have been 704 00:35:50,360 --> 00:35:52,920 Speaker 1: things that have come out of some of these experiences 705 00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:56,120 Speaker 1: where you're immersed for two days or three days, and 706 00:35:56,160 --> 00:36:00,080 Speaker 1: it may be two hours of twenty that were the 707 00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:02,239 Speaker 1: thing that fundamentally changed the way that you think you 708 00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:04,759 Speaker 1: might have to wade through fifteen hours of stuff that 709 00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:08,760 Speaker 1: you're like, dude, you can keep this, but I still, 710 00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:12,200 Speaker 1: holy cow, can connect to a couple of these experiences 711 00:36:12,239 --> 00:36:15,080 Speaker 1: that just a lightbulb went on a thing that you 712 00:36:15,239 --> 00:36:18,280 Speaker 1: just and Rachel could have told me a thousand times, 713 00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:20,480 Speaker 1: it didn't matter. It had to be something that I 714 00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:24,480 Speaker 1: discovered myself through my own process because of the way 715 00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:26,719 Speaker 1: that we're wired and are you guys able to like 716 00:36:27,040 --> 00:36:30,120 Speaker 1: because there is so much sort of bettering yourself and 717 00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:33,040 Speaker 1: digging and exploring and thinking and understanding, like do you 718 00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:35,120 Speaker 1: ever just like shut it off at the date night 719 00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:37,400 Speaker 1: and just talk about, like I really like to the 720 00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:40,760 Speaker 1: show on Netflix, you know, or are you guys really 721 00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:43,959 Speaker 1: like kind of always doing it? We're I mean, we're 722 00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:48,839 Speaker 1: we're not consumers of almost anything media wise, which is 723 00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:51,920 Speaker 1: like crazy. I mean, like we at the like for 724 00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:55,720 Speaker 1: the first ten years of our marriage we almost exclusively 725 00:36:55,920 --> 00:36:58,080 Speaker 1: watched maybe not even ten years, but like seven or 726 00:36:58,080 --> 00:37:01,479 Speaker 1: eight years we we watched a ton of TV. We 727 00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:04,480 Speaker 1: don't we don't turn on the television, which so which 728 00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:06,319 Speaker 1: is weird. So like now the things that we talk 729 00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:08,680 Speaker 1: about tend to be more connected to the work that 730 00:37:08,719 --> 00:37:10,839 Speaker 1: we're doing in the books that we're reading. We still 731 00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:15,839 Speaker 1: have those conversations, but it's it's really rare that there's like, oh, 732 00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:18,640 Speaker 1: hey did you watch did you watch this? Which, yeah, 733 00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:21,960 Speaker 1: well you probably watched things together that my life. Well, 734 00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:24,759 Speaker 1: you know, here's the thing. So I like, I went 735 00:37:24,800 --> 00:37:27,480 Speaker 1: on this. I went on this. Uh, I went on 736 00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:32,120 Speaker 1: this like three day goodbye from technology, goodbye from family, 737 00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:35,840 Speaker 1: walk in the wilderness. Man, I really recommend that people 738 00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:41,000 Speaker 1: take time to get clear. Nope, Amy open open your 739 00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:43,160 Speaker 1: mind to this. So I went to Tusun, Arizona out 740 00:37:43,200 --> 00:37:48,520 Speaker 1: in the middle of beautiful. Oh my god, Tucson, Sorry, Tucson, 741 00:37:48,719 --> 00:37:51,160 Speaker 1: You're not You're not great. I had to change. I 742 00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:54,360 Speaker 1: had a bad time and had a bad experience and 743 00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:58,560 Speaker 1: two soons. It doesn't it doesn't great. The tourism board 744 00:37:58,680 --> 00:38:00,359 Speaker 1: is never going to welcome you back at me if 745 00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:04,000 Speaker 1: you if you continue to rag on Tucson, Uh, you go, 746 00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:07,320 Speaker 1: And then I'll tell you. The headline is, I'm in 747 00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:12,520 Speaker 1: this experience of just trying to leave my mind clear 748 00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:15,200 Speaker 1: enough to figure myself out a little bit. It was 749 00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:17,480 Speaker 1: like my own version of therapy where I am now 750 00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:21,200 Speaker 1: both a therapist and the patient and in the work 751 00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:25,560 Speaker 1: of just being by myself. I literally deleted my social 752 00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:28,239 Speaker 1: media from my phone and had someone on my team 753 00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:30,319 Speaker 1: changed the past words because I know myself well enough 754 00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:31,759 Speaker 1: to know two days in I had have gone back 755 00:38:31,800 --> 00:38:35,360 Speaker 1: on right. So I start doing a little bit of 756 00:38:35,400 --> 00:38:38,399 Speaker 1: work on where in the last two or three years 757 00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:42,359 Speaker 1: worth the time there was pain in my life? Where 758 00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:44,480 Speaker 1: did pain exist in my life? I wanted to try 759 00:38:44,520 --> 00:38:48,160 Speaker 1: and see if there was any consistent ingredients in the 760 00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:51,759 Speaker 1: times when I felt pain of some kind, and the 761 00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:54,160 Speaker 1: thing that was a through line every single time there 762 00:38:54,239 --> 00:38:58,319 Speaker 1: was pain, it was a time when I professed an 763 00:38:58,400 --> 00:39:02,040 Speaker 1: interest in or told people that I was a certain person. 764 00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:04,560 Speaker 1: I am this kind of dad, I am this kind 765 00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:07,160 Speaker 1: of leader, I am this kind of husband. But new 766 00:39:07,960 --> 00:39:09,920 Speaker 1: in the silence of my own bedroom while I was 767 00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:11,719 Speaker 1: falling asleep at night, that I had not shown up 768 00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:15,239 Speaker 1: that way, that incongruence, the dissonance that existed between who 769 00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:18,120 Speaker 1: I was telling people I was, or who I know 770 00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:20,640 Speaker 1: myself to want to be, and who I was actually 771 00:39:20,640 --> 00:39:25,359 Speaker 1: showing up as that distance is pain, it's shame, it's 772 00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:31,000 Speaker 1: unfulfilled potential, it's all those things right, it's impostor you 773 00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:33,360 Speaker 1: name it, like all those things right. And so I 774 00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:37,120 Speaker 1: in that in that time my brain works and maybe 775 00:39:37,120 --> 00:39:38,319 Speaker 1: a little bit of a different way. But I had 776 00:39:38,360 --> 00:39:41,279 Speaker 1: to think about the math. Okay, if I say I 777 00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:43,680 Speaker 1: want to do these things, I want to be this person, 778 00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:46,200 Speaker 1: then I have to show up for my life in 779 00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:48,480 Speaker 1: this way. This is a long way to land the 780 00:39:48,520 --> 00:39:53,120 Speaker 1: point that the reason why watch television is that my 781 00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:56,239 Speaker 1: math equation. If I want to have the energy to 782 00:39:56,280 --> 00:39:58,560 Speaker 1: go on a city book tour, if I want to 783 00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:00,439 Speaker 1: stand on these stages that we have for these personal 784 00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:02,840 Speaker 1: development conferences this year and have this energy. If I 785 00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:04,560 Speaker 1: want to write my next book, if I want to 786 00:40:04,640 --> 00:40:07,480 Speaker 1: lead our team, then I have to be asleep by 787 00:40:07,600 --> 00:40:11,200 Speaker 1: nine pm every single Night's right. It's a non negotiable 788 00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:16,320 Speaker 1: because and the thing is, by the way, right, you 789 00:40:16,400 --> 00:40:19,320 Speaker 1: have a different if then right if you want to 790 00:40:19,760 --> 00:40:22,080 Speaker 1: stay up to date on all of the storyline of 791 00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:25,480 Speaker 1: this is us Man, I honor that choice. But your 792 00:40:25,560 --> 00:40:28,960 Speaker 1: then statement is just different and there's nothing like truly 793 00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:31,279 Speaker 1: there's no value judgment on it. But I don't. But 794 00:40:31,400 --> 00:40:34,120 Speaker 1: there are there are people who wonder why they can't 795 00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:36,839 Speaker 1: chase their dreams or feel under fulfilled, or haven't hit 796 00:40:36,880 --> 00:40:41,200 Speaker 1: their fitness goal or whatever, and they're still watching six 797 00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:44,320 Speaker 1: hours of streaming a night. Well, let me let you 798 00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:46,440 Speaker 1: in on your answer. You have an if then equation 799 00:40:47,080 --> 00:40:50,600 Speaker 1: that is satisfying some entertainment value at the expense of 800 00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:51,920 Speaker 1: you get in the kind of sleep that would let 801 00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:54,719 Speaker 1: you start your day at five paid to watch all 802 00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:56,960 Speaker 1: those shows you do. So I want to ask you 803 00:40:57,080 --> 00:40:59,600 Speaker 1: both the question what really landed on me when you 804 00:40:59,680 --> 00:41:02,560 Speaker 1: were talking? And again maybe Danielle can jump into because 805 00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:07,440 Speaker 1: it felt very male to me, the shame you wanting 806 00:41:07,520 --> 00:41:10,560 Speaker 1: to be this certain person and feeling saying you were 807 00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:14,200 Speaker 1: that person, but you aren't that person. Like I could 808 00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:18,440 Speaker 1: understand it for you guys it's gender, but I didn't. 809 00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:23,040 Speaker 1: I don't experience that. We women to me are like 810 00:41:23,520 --> 00:41:26,040 Speaker 1: I'm a train wreck, and we tell our girlfriends and 811 00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:28,520 Speaker 1: we all get together and lift each other up, where 812 00:41:28,560 --> 00:41:30,879 Speaker 1: I would never say like I'm really killing the game, 813 00:41:30,960 --> 00:41:34,120 Speaker 1: but then inside I'm like I suck, whereas men, I 814 00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:36,000 Speaker 1: feel like you have to flex a little bit more, 815 00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:39,200 Speaker 1: and I'm curious. I don't think it's gender related to 816 00:41:39,239 --> 00:41:41,600 Speaker 1: you specific I don't think it's gender related only in 817 00:41:41,680 --> 00:41:45,080 Speaker 1: that my wife gets this question all the time in 818 00:41:45,160 --> 00:41:47,640 Speaker 1: a way that I've never been asked it. What's this 819 00:41:47,719 --> 00:41:49,759 Speaker 1: going to do to your kids? Right? My wife is 820 00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:52,480 Speaker 1: an ambitious person who's pursuing a career. What's this going 821 00:41:52,560 --> 00:41:54,239 Speaker 1: to do your kids? Is a question that she gets 822 00:41:54,280 --> 00:41:57,640 Speaker 1: that I don't, right, And she gets that question because 823 00:41:57,840 --> 00:42:01,480 Speaker 1: it's asked through the lens of the stereotypes or gender 824 00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:04,279 Speaker 1: norms and rolls of what women ought to do, and 825 00:42:05,160 --> 00:42:08,760 Speaker 1: a hypothesis that women couldn't possibly be both. They couldn't 826 00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:12,640 Speaker 1: possibly be both a good mom and a person and 827 00:42:12,719 --> 00:42:15,400 Speaker 1: a badass entrepreneur, and so what I always say is like, oh, 828 00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:17,160 Speaker 1: you're just you're asking the question in the wrong tone 829 00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:21,239 Speaker 1: of voice. Right, what would this do to our children? Right? 830 00:42:21,239 --> 00:42:24,480 Speaker 1: I have three kids who are boys, and those boys 831 00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:27,000 Speaker 1: will never for one second question whether a woman can 832 00:42:27,040 --> 00:42:29,319 Speaker 1: write to back to back number one year times best 833 00:42:29,360 --> 00:42:31,800 Speaker 1: selling books, stand on stages that draw ten thousand people 834 00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:34,840 Speaker 1: lead a boardroom like it'll never enter their mind that 835 00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:38,279 Speaker 1: women can. And I have a three year old daughter 836 00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:40,360 Speaker 1: who will never need to read a book that my 837 00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:43,040 Speaker 1: wife wrote called Girl Stop apologizing, because she's never once 838 00:42:43,080 --> 00:42:45,880 Speaker 1: seen my wife apologize for standing in the identity that 839 00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:47,520 Speaker 1: she was put on this planet for. But can I 840 00:42:47,600 --> 00:42:49,759 Speaker 1: take go on a limb and say, your daughter also 841 00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:53,359 Speaker 1: will have a great boyfriend or marry the right guy, 842 00:42:53,440 --> 00:42:57,480 Speaker 1: because she's got you to model that after, you know 843 00:42:57,560 --> 00:42:59,960 Speaker 1: what I'm saying. So let's not get ahead of ourselves. 844 00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:05,880 Speaker 1: But I do think she's got a man that's saying that, 845 00:43:06,120 --> 00:43:10,160 Speaker 1: and I think that that becomes what we're talking about. 846 00:43:10,960 --> 00:43:13,200 Speaker 1: I think she wants I think those are the point 847 00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:16,000 Speaker 1: Brooks's point of I don't know that it's gender specific. 848 00:43:16,200 --> 00:43:20,160 Speaker 1: I think that there are plenty of things that women carry, 849 00:43:20,760 --> 00:43:23,840 Speaker 1: worry or guilt, or shame about with regard to what 850 00:43:24,040 --> 00:43:26,239 Speaker 1: the other moms of p t A you're thinking, or 851 00:43:26,320 --> 00:43:27,960 Speaker 1: whether or not they're living up to the rest of 852 00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:30,440 Speaker 1: the women and they're small group, or if they've hit 853 00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:35,600 Speaker 1: certain things. There's We do this crazy exercise at our 854 00:43:35,960 --> 00:43:39,080 Speaker 1: personal development conference called Rise where it's a it's a 855 00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:42,040 Speaker 1: women's conference and dude, you got to open that up 856 00:43:42,080 --> 00:43:48,279 Speaker 1: to dudes. We are and I'm like, this is about girl. 857 00:43:48,480 --> 00:43:50,279 Speaker 1: Let's let's let this book of mine get out. Let's 858 00:43:50,320 --> 00:43:52,920 Speaker 1: see what we can do. I hear, I am here 859 00:43:52,960 --> 00:43:55,560 Speaker 1: for it, and Brooks, you are. It's the invitation is already. 860 00:43:56,320 --> 00:43:58,520 Speaker 1: But we do this exercise called stand Up for Your Sister, 861 00:43:59,360 --> 00:44:04,840 Speaker 1: where there are a list of twenty trauma events that 862 00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:09,520 Speaker 1: people have been through that we ask the audience to check. Hey, 863 00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:10,880 Speaker 1: no one's going to see it, go ahead and just 864 00:44:10,960 --> 00:44:13,840 Speaker 1: check the box. And it's the first morning of a 865 00:44:13,960 --> 00:44:16,239 Speaker 1: day called Own your Past. And you go through and 866 00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:18,680 Speaker 1: you check check, check, check, check, You fold it up 867 00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:21,800 Speaker 1: and then you pass it and pass it and pass 868 00:44:21,840 --> 00:44:24,640 Speaker 1: it and pass it until it's now lost in the audience. 869 00:44:25,280 --> 00:44:28,440 Speaker 1: And then from stage Rachel reads these things and they are, oh, 870 00:44:28,840 --> 00:44:32,000 Speaker 1: the hardest things in the world. But among those things 871 00:44:32,520 --> 00:44:35,719 Speaker 1: are things like I hate the way I look, or 872 00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:38,000 Speaker 1: I feel judged for the way I do this, or 873 00:44:38,239 --> 00:44:41,239 Speaker 1: and as they're read, even though you walk into this 874 00:44:41,280 --> 00:44:44,239 Speaker 1: auditorium feeling like the struggle that you carry as a 875 00:44:44,320 --> 00:44:48,440 Speaker 1: woman is unique to you, when you see nearly like 876 00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:51,080 Speaker 1: I hate the way I look, it's unbelievable. It's like 877 00:44:51,160 --> 00:44:54,640 Speaker 1: it makes me want to cry. Higher audience stands up 878 00:44:55,080 --> 00:44:57,840 Speaker 1: and it's like, well, this is this is what's broken. 879 00:44:58,280 --> 00:44:59,960 Speaker 1: Let's figure out how to create a set of tool 880 00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:03,120 Speaker 1: us to try and fix this. But there are I 881 00:45:03,239 --> 00:45:05,399 Speaker 1: just you know, there are things. And by the way, 882 00:45:05,520 --> 00:45:08,319 Speaker 1: if we do something for men and check the box. 883 00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:10,120 Speaker 1: We have a business conference where we did the same thing, 884 00:45:10,200 --> 00:45:12,920 Speaker 1: but we did a stand up for yourself, like owning 885 00:45:13,080 --> 00:45:15,640 Speaker 1: that you made decisions that drove your business to bankruptcy, 886 00:45:15,800 --> 00:45:17,520 Speaker 1: that you've had to fire the person that you thought 887 00:45:17,600 --> 00:45:23,279 Speaker 1: was But the reality is their struggle is universal, right, 888 00:45:23,360 --> 00:45:26,919 Speaker 1: I mean, like part of my reaction to girl Wash 889 00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:30,120 Speaker 1: your Face was this idea that she was going to 890 00:45:30,600 --> 00:45:33,919 Speaker 1: reveal the struggle of our life as though it would 891 00:45:33,960 --> 00:45:37,239 Speaker 1: be a surprise to people. And the headline is that 892 00:45:37,840 --> 00:45:41,520 Speaker 1: I was assigning vulnerability as a weakness or a showcase 893 00:45:41,600 --> 00:45:44,480 Speaker 1: of weakness and have come full circle because of the 894 00:45:44,520 --> 00:45:46,960 Speaker 1: way the book was embraced in the letters that have said, hey, 895 00:45:47,040 --> 00:45:49,200 Speaker 1: this was where I got breakthrough, and I feel differently 896 00:45:49,239 --> 00:45:52,839 Speaker 1: about how I can control my my forward, everything that's 897 00:45:52,840 --> 00:45:57,480 Speaker 1: gonna happen going forward. Vulnerability is a superpower, and her 898 00:45:57,520 --> 00:45:59,879 Speaker 1: ability to tell stories that would afford people the chance 899 00:45:59,920 --> 00:46:02,920 Speaker 1: to see themselves in the story is what lets them 900 00:46:03,080 --> 00:46:05,040 Speaker 1: get out of their way. It's why you know, I 901 00:46:05,120 --> 00:46:07,040 Speaker 1: wrote a book in the same kind of vein where 902 00:46:07,080 --> 00:46:09,319 Speaker 1: I'm telling a bunch of stories that most people would 903 00:46:09,360 --> 00:46:12,080 Speaker 1: never ever own. There's power owning your own story, but 904 00:46:12,200 --> 00:46:14,200 Speaker 1: people seeing themselves in the story is where the power 905 00:46:14,239 --> 00:46:17,800 Speaker 1: comes from. Well, I think as for you too, I 906 00:46:18,080 --> 00:46:20,839 Speaker 1: like that you both are willing to be vulnerable because 907 00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:23,680 Speaker 1: that's why we're doing this, is to get these guys 908 00:46:23,800 --> 00:46:26,800 Speaker 1: to be able to do that because it benefits women 909 00:46:27,160 --> 00:46:30,600 Speaker 1: so much to help to help them understand what's really 910 00:46:30,640 --> 00:46:32,640 Speaker 1: going on. Well, we were talking about this before we 911 00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:35,640 Speaker 1: started in. Producer Danielle said, Hey, save that for the show. 912 00:46:35,680 --> 00:46:39,000 Speaker 1: We're talking about just being authentic and real and sharing 913 00:46:39,160 --> 00:46:43,080 Speaker 1: vulnerabilities and how easy that makes life. You know, there's 914 00:46:43,120 --> 00:46:45,600 Speaker 1: like freed a minute. Yeah, once you once you're comfortable 915 00:46:45,640 --> 00:46:48,440 Speaker 1: with owning, Like you said, I made this mistake. I 916 00:46:48,520 --> 00:46:51,120 Speaker 1: felt this way. I had an insecurity about this. I 917 00:46:51,280 --> 00:46:54,279 Speaker 1: f this up big time. Take full ownership when you 918 00:46:54,400 --> 00:46:59,879 Speaker 1: actually accept ownership of things that you tried to hide previously. Man, 919 00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:02,160 Speaker 1: you just sit back in your chair and life is 920 00:47:02,239 --> 00:47:05,040 Speaker 1: just relaxing. Doesn't mean we have it figured out. Doesn't 921 00:47:05,040 --> 00:47:07,920 Speaker 1: mean like you're just comfortable all of a sudden in 922 00:47:07,920 --> 00:47:09,520 Speaker 1: your own skin. You've got nothing to hide. And Dave 923 00:47:09,600 --> 00:47:12,440 Speaker 1: walked in and he said, man, just ask me anything, like, 924 00:47:12,560 --> 00:47:15,160 Speaker 1: ask me anything. So I have a question for both 925 00:47:15,160 --> 00:47:18,680 Speaker 1: of you, Like, that's to me, that's real masculinity. Well, yeah, 926 00:47:18,680 --> 00:47:22,279 Speaker 1: I agree, that is real modern day masculinity right there. 927 00:47:22,400 --> 00:47:25,480 Speaker 1: So I asked some women as I was coming here 928 00:47:25,560 --> 00:47:28,360 Speaker 1: to talk talk today what they wanted to know. And 929 00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:30,080 Speaker 1: one of the questions I thought was really interesting and 930 00:47:30,120 --> 00:47:32,640 Speaker 1: I wrote it in Brooks notes. If you're in a relation, 931 00:47:32,760 --> 00:47:39,200 Speaker 1: you're in a relationship and the emotional connection has dissipated, 932 00:47:40,160 --> 00:47:45,240 Speaker 1: can you get it back and how or if it's gone? 933 00:47:45,920 --> 00:47:49,280 Speaker 1: Is it gone? I mean, I think you can definitely 934 00:47:49,360 --> 00:47:53,120 Speaker 1: get it back, but it may take doing the work 935 00:47:53,239 --> 00:47:55,759 Speaker 1: to get to the why, like why did it go? 936 00:47:56,360 --> 00:47:58,839 Speaker 1: Like again, like my my brain is a little more 937 00:47:59,040 --> 00:48:02,920 Speaker 1: like again practical science based objective. I want to try 938 00:48:03,000 --> 00:48:07,560 Speaker 1: and find the answer to why it left. So if 939 00:48:07,680 --> 00:48:10,560 Speaker 1: I found myself in that situation, I'd be sitting in 940 00:48:10,640 --> 00:48:13,640 Speaker 1: a therapist office with someone who could help curate a 941 00:48:13,719 --> 00:48:16,719 Speaker 1: conversation that would allow the things that we're currently not 942 00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:19,719 Speaker 1: saying to come to the surface. I mean, one of 943 00:48:19,760 --> 00:48:22,400 Speaker 1: the gifts of us working together, as much as it 944 00:48:22,480 --> 00:48:24,879 Speaker 1: has been the best two years and hardest two years, 945 00:48:25,400 --> 00:48:28,279 Speaker 1: is that it has forced us to commit to this 946 00:48:28,440 --> 00:48:30,920 Speaker 1: idea of radical candor. There's a book by a person 947 00:48:31,040 --> 00:48:34,080 Speaker 1: named Kim Yeah. So Kim Scott wrote this book. It's 948 00:48:34,080 --> 00:48:36,080 Speaker 1: called Radical Candor. So I'm borrowing it from her, But 949 00:48:36,200 --> 00:48:39,680 Speaker 1: it's this idea that like in respect for someone showing 950 00:48:39,760 --> 00:48:42,560 Speaker 1: up as their best self, if you truly care about someone, 951 00:48:42,640 --> 00:48:45,880 Speaker 1: you will, in real time find a way to deliver 952 00:48:46,160 --> 00:48:48,120 Speaker 1: feedback to them in a way they can hear it, 953 00:48:48,320 --> 00:48:50,640 Speaker 1: in a way that respects them, that's away from other people, 954 00:48:51,040 --> 00:48:54,240 Speaker 1: but that doesn't allow the thing that they've done fester, 955 00:48:54,880 --> 00:48:57,719 Speaker 1: or doesn't allow the thing that is bothering you, But 956 00:48:58,040 --> 00:49:01,120 Speaker 1: may not even be on their radar to come into 957 00:49:01,120 --> 00:49:02,600 Speaker 1: the light so that you can just deal with deal 958 00:49:02,640 --> 00:49:04,080 Speaker 1: with it quickly and move on. You know, it makes 959 00:49:04,120 --> 00:49:06,759 Speaker 1: me laugh about that, the old timey saying don't go 960 00:49:06,840 --> 00:49:09,360 Speaker 1: to bed angry. It's like sort of true. It's like 961 00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:11,279 Speaker 1: talk about it and kind of try to work it 962 00:49:11,360 --> 00:49:14,279 Speaker 1: out so that you can move forward. I disagree with don't. 963 00:49:15,880 --> 00:49:17,600 Speaker 1: I don't like it. It doesn't make me feel it. 964 00:49:19,360 --> 00:49:21,279 Speaker 1: I feel uncomfortable. I like to kind of work it out. 965 00:49:21,360 --> 00:49:24,920 Speaker 1: Here's what Well, here's the thing. If you are practicing 966 00:49:25,120 --> 00:49:27,760 Speaker 1: like this idea of radical candor on the like regular 967 00:49:27,840 --> 00:49:30,280 Speaker 1: it's just like so ingrained in how you just pursue 968 00:49:30,640 --> 00:49:32,920 Speaker 1: you rarely are going to find yourself with something that 969 00:49:33,040 --> 00:49:36,960 Speaker 1: would leave you like truly bubbling over angry. But the 970 00:49:37,000 --> 00:49:38,880 Speaker 1: reason why I disagree with don't go to bed angry 971 00:49:39,080 --> 00:49:42,640 Speaker 1: is if you are really angry about something and you're 972 00:49:42,640 --> 00:49:45,680 Speaker 1: gonna start tackling it at the end of the day 973 00:49:45,840 --> 00:49:49,080 Speaker 1: when you have less energy that maybe you know, you 974 00:49:49,320 --> 00:49:53,440 Speaker 1: push in an emotional state faster. The chances that you 975 00:49:53,520 --> 00:49:55,920 Speaker 1: can hear things without being defensive, the chances that you 976 00:49:56,000 --> 00:49:58,640 Speaker 1: can give people responses that actually feel like they're filled 977 00:49:58,680 --> 00:50:01,320 Speaker 1: with respect and the intent shin of coming out the 978 00:50:01,360 --> 00:50:04,279 Speaker 1: other side in a good way. I'd rather sleep on it, 979 00:50:04,400 --> 00:50:07,680 Speaker 1: let that emotion go do that. I agree with him. 980 00:50:07,920 --> 00:50:10,600 Speaker 1: There's times where if I get into an argument, I 981 00:50:10,719 --> 00:50:13,000 Speaker 1: need just a minute or not even a minute, but 982 00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:15,080 Speaker 1: a couple of hours just to really set in what 983 00:50:15,200 --> 00:50:18,160 Speaker 1: I'm feeling, and then I'm able to have a conversation 984 00:50:18,520 --> 00:50:22,760 Speaker 1: and actually be But let me ask both of you honestly, 985 00:50:22,800 --> 00:50:25,120 Speaker 1: because my wife does that too, She'll sometimes leave the room. 986 00:50:25,239 --> 00:50:27,400 Speaker 1: I need a second. I hate it, and dudes that 987 00:50:27,560 --> 00:50:29,360 Speaker 1: that pisces me off. I'm like, let's just deal with 988 00:50:29,400 --> 00:50:34,040 Speaker 1: it that same thank you. But I get it. I'm like, Okay, 989 00:50:34,200 --> 00:50:36,480 Speaker 1: here's what I'll say. I need a moment to recalibrate. 990 00:50:36,520 --> 00:50:41,080 Speaker 1: I get it. Some people there there are argument styles, 991 00:50:41,920 --> 00:50:44,880 Speaker 1: so a little bit depends on how you're arguing or 992 00:50:44,960 --> 00:50:48,600 Speaker 1: constructive conflict style is right, I am captain of the 993 00:50:48,680 --> 00:50:50,880 Speaker 1: debate team. You want to give me a letterman sacket, 994 00:50:54,719 --> 00:50:58,040 Speaker 1: I will get I will, I will, I will argue 995 00:50:58,160 --> 00:51:01,400 Speaker 1: to the death to win, to be right, and Rachel 996 00:51:01,600 --> 00:51:05,879 Speaker 1: in conflict shuts down. When you pair capture the debate 997 00:51:05,960 --> 00:51:09,279 Speaker 1: team with shuts down it actually provokes something that has 998 00:51:09,400 --> 00:51:12,680 Speaker 1: me looking like a bully, which is the world like, Honestly, 999 00:51:12,880 --> 00:51:15,080 Speaker 1: it makes me want to throw up. I hate when 1000 00:51:15,160 --> 00:51:17,719 Speaker 1: I come off as a bully, and I don't even 1001 00:51:17,760 --> 00:51:19,520 Speaker 1: if I come into it not meaning to. If she's 1002 00:51:19,520 --> 00:51:21,600 Speaker 1: shutting down and I'm winning the argument when she's not 1003 00:51:21,680 --> 00:51:25,600 Speaker 1: even participating, it's the worst. So we've just acknowledged up 1004 00:51:25,719 --> 00:51:28,040 Speaker 1: this is the way that we're wired. Yeah, you're going 1005 00:51:28,120 --> 00:51:30,840 Speaker 1: to try and have, you know, as constructive conversation, but 1006 00:51:31,040 --> 00:51:34,759 Speaker 1: there's been plenty times we've actually opted into sending each 1007 00:51:34,800 --> 00:51:39,120 Speaker 1: other emails that right, and and the request and sending 1008 00:51:39,160 --> 00:51:42,640 Speaker 1: the email is like read the email, process the email. 1009 00:51:42,680 --> 00:51:44,080 Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that you don't get emotional. We still 1010 00:51:44,080 --> 00:51:47,120 Speaker 1: get emotional with the email, but you wait until the emotion, 1011 00:51:47,320 --> 00:51:50,880 Speaker 1: the initial emotion is subsided. You wait until that initial 1012 00:51:51,320 --> 00:51:54,880 Speaker 1: let's get defensive or reactive feeling goes away, and then 1013 00:51:54,920 --> 00:51:56,840 Speaker 1: you come back and have a more objective come. I 1014 00:51:56,960 --> 00:52:02,080 Speaker 1: can't do it. It's the difference that I've read up 1015 00:52:02,120 --> 00:52:05,400 Speaker 1: on this a little bit. Respond versus react. You know, 1016 00:52:05,719 --> 00:52:07,960 Speaker 1: react is like boom triggered, I'm coming back at you, 1017 00:52:08,120 --> 00:52:10,319 Speaker 1: whereas let me like what you said, let me take 1018 00:52:10,360 --> 00:52:12,759 Speaker 1: it a little bit here, let me process this, and 1019 00:52:12,840 --> 00:52:15,240 Speaker 1: then let me be respond. And that's a totally different 1020 00:52:15,320 --> 00:52:18,000 Speaker 1: energy than reacting. The one one thing that has been 1021 00:52:18,040 --> 00:52:22,160 Speaker 1: super helpful in the responding has been starting the sentence 1022 00:52:22,239 --> 00:52:27,440 Speaker 1: with my intention here is just like declaring your intention 1023 00:52:27,760 --> 00:52:31,080 Speaker 1: for the outcome of this conversation. My intention here is 1024 00:52:32,280 --> 00:52:33,960 Speaker 1: that I want to I want to show up well 1025 00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:35,960 Speaker 1: for my intention here is to help you because I 1026 00:52:36,000 --> 00:52:37,640 Speaker 1: can see something I don't think you see. My intention 1027 00:52:37,680 --> 00:52:41,160 Speaker 1: here is And if you've declared the intention, it's easier 1028 00:52:41,200 --> 00:52:42,719 Speaker 1: to stay connected to the intention than it is the 1029 00:52:42,760 --> 00:52:45,480 Speaker 1: emotions that without intention leave you. Right. I love that. 1030 00:52:45,520 --> 00:52:47,200 Speaker 1: I'm going to use that. The other one, there's another 1031 00:52:47,239 --> 00:52:51,440 Speaker 1: one that's, um, my hallucination is instead of saying like 1032 00:52:51,719 --> 00:52:55,400 Speaker 1: I think you, it's like, well, my hallucination is that 1033 00:52:55,600 --> 00:52:58,440 Speaker 1: you're feeling this way about where that's something that I 1034 00:52:58,600 --> 00:53:01,279 Speaker 1: just it means it's I'm not putting you on the 1035 00:53:01,360 --> 00:53:04,319 Speaker 1: defense of it's my hallucination, but what I'm making up 1036 00:53:04,320 --> 00:53:06,400 Speaker 1: about you. Yeah, Well that's what I was going to 1037 00:53:06,440 --> 00:53:09,000 Speaker 1: say to you, guys. Is the reason I like, don't 1038 00:53:09,040 --> 00:53:12,000 Speaker 1: go to bed angry is because and I'm after this 1039 00:53:12,080 --> 00:53:14,080 Speaker 1: show I'm much more healed. I'm not going to cry 1040 00:53:14,280 --> 00:53:16,720 Speaker 1: right now, but the old man would have cried because 1041 00:53:16,719 --> 00:53:18,880 Speaker 1: I think the person will leave. So I have like 1042 00:53:18,960 --> 00:53:21,759 Speaker 1: an abandonment thing where if we don't work it out, 1043 00:53:21,880 --> 00:53:25,279 Speaker 1: they'll they'll leave, and so they'd be interesting to trace 1044 00:53:25,360 --> 00:53:27,960 Speaker 1: where that comes from. I think my mom didn't come 1045 00:53:28,000 --> 00:53:30,120 Speaker 1: get me at camp is really the only thing I 1046 00:53:30,160 --> 00:53:33,880 Speaker 1: can come up with on that. I've talked to her 1047 00:53:33,880 --> 00:53:36,000 Speaker 1: about it so many times. I literally wrote a letter 1048 00:53:36,080 --> 00:53:38,919 Speaker 1: and come get me. I hate camp, and she didn't come, 1049 00:53:39,040 --> 00:53:41,480 Speaker 1: and the letter didn't get there. She got it. She 1050 00:53:43,080 --> 00:53:44,759 Speaker 1: called the camp and said, my daughter wants me to 1051 00:53:44,840 --> 00:53:46,960 Speaker 1: come get her, and they're like, she's fine. But anyway, 1052 00:53:47,040 --> 00:53:48,719 Speaker 1: I don't know if that's really it, but I don't know. 1053 00:53:48,920 --> 00:53:53,080 Speaker 1: So I think it's understanding your your person. Yeah, there's 1054 00:53:53,080 --> 00:53:57,080 Speaker 1: another um like that hallucination thing. There's another one to 1055 00:53:57,200 --> 00:54:01,239 Speaker 1: respond after you've shared your thoughts is if you can. 1056 00:54:01,360 --> 00:54:04,840 Speaker 1: If it's you try this and it feels amazing to 1057 00:54:05,040 --> 00:54:07,360 Speaker 1: hear it, and so once you've heard it for yourself, 1058 00:54:07,440 --> 00:54:09,960 Speaker 1: you'll want to share it. It's thank you for taking 1059 00:54:10,040 --> 00:54:13,800 Speaker 1: care of yourself. So when when my wife says something 1060 00:54:14,080 --> 00:54:16,520 Speaker 1: or shares a feeling. If you're able to learn this 1061 00:54:16,600 --> 00:54:20,839 Speaker 1: from Jaya, Yeah, about talking about like sexuality and things 1062 00:54:20,920 --> 00:54:24,200 Speaker 1: that you craved and desired in the bedroom in our 1063 00:54:24,840 --> 00:54:28,200 Speaker 1: intimate relationship. Um, it's a way to empower people to 1064 00:54:28,280 --> 00:54:31,840 Speaker 1: bring a voice to things that that they fear a 1065 00:54:31,920 --> 00:54:34,880 Speaker 1: little bit, Yeah, or maybe they'll be judged for it, 1066 00:54:35,000 --> 00:54:37,839 Speaker 1: or something that I want everything for my wife as 1067 00:54:37,920 --> 00:54:40,560 Speaker 1: I want everything for myself. Right, So she tells me something, 1068 00:54:40,640 --> 00:54:43,160 Speaker 1: then I acknowledge her with thank you for taking care 1069 00:54:43,200 --> 00:54:47,080 Speaker 1: of yourself. She just kind of like he hears me permissions. 1070 00:54:47,200 --> 00:54:49,399 Speaker 1: It's permission, permission, but even even in the world where 1071 00:54:49,400 --> 00:54:50,880 Speaker 1: you don't want to have it feel like permission, but 1072 00:54:51,400 --> 00:54:53,080 Speaker 1: you get it. It just disarms you a little bit. 1073 00:54:53,120 --> 00:54:54,520 Speaker 1: And then when I get to say what I want 1074 00:54:54,600 --> 00:54:56,600 Speaker 1: to say and she says thank you for taking care 1075 00:54:56,640 --> 00:54:59,800 Speaker 1: of yourself, it's like, oh, it's just you feel so 1076 00:55:00,040 --> 00:55:02,760 Speaker 1: well received when you say that. I love having guests 1077 00:55:02,840 --> 00:55:05,320 Speaker 1: that come in that just bring like, dude, you're just 1078 00:55:05,680 --> 00:55:08,920 Speaker 1: you're just throw and smoke today. Come on, I love it. Um. 1079 00:55:09,360 --> 00:55:11,960 Speaker 1: I Also you also touched on something about incongruencies between 1080 00:55:13,160 --> 00:55:15,600 Speaker 1: your life. You're what who you thought you were in 1081 00:55:15,680 --> 00:55:18,359 Speaker 1: your actions, and it's I have I have. I call 1082 00:55:18,440 --> 00:55:21,400 Speaker 1: it my golden question, the single most important question that 1083 00:55:21,480 --> 00:55:24,279 Speaker 1: defines my life. I asked myself that every day, it's 1084 00:55:24,320 --> 00:55:27,840 Speaker 1: written in my gym, are my daily actions congruent with 1085 00:55:28,000 --> 00:55:31,359 Speaker 1: my life goals? That's it? That is It's why I'm 1086 00:55:31,400 --> 00:55:34,360 Speaker 1: here on this podcast. You know, the day that my 1087 00:55:34,600 --> 00:55:37,200 Speaker 1: daily actions, the day that the goals of this podcast 1088 00:55:37,239 --> 00:55:39,920 Speaker 1: don't align with my life goals, I'm not here, you know, 1089 00:55:40,160 --> 00:55:43,760 Speaker 1: I call I call them my operating principle. Well, because 1090 00:55:44,080 --> 00:55:46,000 Speaker 1: I love it all. I do. I love it all. 1091 00:55:46,120 --> 00:55:48,120 Speaker 1: I love me some Oprah's and Tony Robbins, I love 1092 00:55:48,120 --> 00:55:50,120 Speaker 1: you guys. But I'm also sitting here going like I'm 1093 00:55:50,160 --> 00:55:52,120 Speaker 1: just trying to like get through the day. I don't 1094 00:55:52,120 --> 00:55:55,560 Speaker 1: have enough time to always process that. Like I'm just 1095 00:55:55,640 --> 00:55:57,520 Speaker 1: I haven't got to the bathroom in three hours, Like 1096 00:55:57,600 --> 00:55:59,799 Speaker 1: literally I have to pee so bad right now because 1097 00:55:59,800 --> 00:56:01,400 Speaker 1: I've been so busy and going from one thing to 1098 00:56:01,760 --> 00:56:02,920 Speaker 1: so I don't have time to be like, am I 1099 00:56:03,000 --> 00:56:08,440 Speaker 1: in congruum. I'm like, I'm just trying to shove you know, 1100 00:56:08,600 --> 00:56:10,719 Speaker 1: you go first, I'll come, I'll come. I want to 1101 00:56:10,719 --> 00:56:13,120 Speaker 1: hear you first. What's interesting as a person who has 1102 00:56:13,280 --> 00:56:17,480 Speaker 1: historically been crazy skeptical of fu fu talk like this. 1103 00:56:18,280 --> 00:56:22,560 Speaker 1: It wasn't until I saw the fruit of crazy habits, 1104 00:56:22,640 --> 00:56:26,200 Speaker 1: of hyper routine, of actually doing the work to define 1105 00:56:26,239 --> 00:56:29,040 Speaker 1: what are my personal values? And in defining my personal values, 1106 00:56:29,400 --> 00:56:31,359 Speaker 1: what are the operating principles that I have to live 1107 00:56:31,440 --> 00:56:35,520 Speaker 1: by every single day so that those values come manifest 1108 00:56:35,600 --> 00:56:38,480 Speaker 1: Like is it like subconscious? Are you actually saying? Am 1109 00:56:38,520 --> 00:56:42,719 Speaker 1: I like being conscious in a way that like if 1110 00:56:42,760 --> 00:56:45,840 Speaker 1: there was a secret shopper watching my life, like the 1111 00:56:45,920 --> 00:56:48,520 Speaker 1: way that a retail store sends a secret shopper into 1112 00:56:48,560 --> 00:56:51,480 Speaker 1: watch how the you know, clerks are restocking the shelves. 1113 00:56:51,880 --> 00:56:54,239 Speaker 1: If there was a secret shopper watching my life and 1114 00:56:54,360 --> 00:56:57,080 Speaker 1: I was hoping that if I couldn't make the interview 1115 00:56:57,160 --> 00:57:00,320 Speaker 1: of my life, they were sent in to rep resent 1116 00:57:00,680 --> 00:57:04,040 Speaker 1: the very very best traits about me. Would they actually 1117 00:57:04,080 --> 00:57:06,239 Speaker 1: say the things I want to say about myself? And 1118 00:57:06,320 --> 00:57:08,680 Speaker 1: what do you think they say? Well, I hope that 1119 00:57:08,719 --> 00:57:11,400 Speaker 1: they'd say that I'm generous, so that I'm interested in growth, 1120 00:57:11,520 --> 00:57:14,240 Speaker 1: that I value my family, that I show up for impact, 1121 00:57:14,320 --> 00:57:17,520 Speaker 1: like the things that are hopefully a reflection of what 1122 00:57:17,640 --> 00:57:19,760 Speaker 1: I believe to be my core values, and you think 1123 00:57:19,800 --> 00:57:22,760 Speaker 1: that you're gonna let's say the secret shopper came and 1124 00:57:22,920 --> 00:57:26,640 Speaker 1: followed you today, like, would you pass? I think he would. 1125 00:57:27,640 --> 00:57:30,120 Speaker 1: I hope every single day. I hope too. I mean, 1126 00:57:30,160 --> 00:57:32,640 Speaker 1: are there times when I wouldn't, of course, But again 1127 00:57:32,840 --> 00:57:36,880 Speaker 1: I'm about to see. But here's the thing, right if 1128 00:57:36,920 --> 00:57:39,040 Speaker 1: you if you say that, okay, so then what's the objective? 1129 00:57:39,080 --> 00:57:42,120 Speaker 1: And my objective is better tomorrow? Right? I want to 1130 00:57:42,200 --> 00:57:45,160 Speaker 1: just I am on a perpetual pursuit of a thing 1131 00:57:45,320 --> 00:57:47,320 Speaker 1: that doesn't have a finish line. I just want to 1132 00:57:47,360 --> 00:57:49,160 Speaker 1: be a little bit of a better father tomorrow, a 1133 00:57:49,200 --> 00:57:52,280 Speaker 1: little bit better boss tomorrow, better friend tomorrow, better conscious 1134 00:57:53,160 --> 00:57:55,320 Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like it's president's conscious, but 1135 00:57:55,600 --> 00:57:58,880 Speaker 1: so much of what we do, of what we do 1136 00:57:59,280 --> 00:58:02,640 Speaker 1: is an unconscious have a loop. So if half, almost 1137 00:58:02,720 --> 00:58:05,919 Speaker 1: half of what we do isn't even in our consciousness, 1138 00:58:06,080 --> 00:58:09,240 Speaker 1: the only thing you can do to change half of 1139 00:58:09,360 --> 00:58:11,920 Speaker 1: what you do is to become more conscious. I mean, 1140 00:58:11,960 --> 00:58:13,400 Speaker 1: am I the only one that's like, I'm just hoping 1141 00:58:13,440 --> 00:58:15,600 Speaker 1: the other shoe doesn't drop, and I'm just kind of like, 1142 00:58:15,760 --> 00:58:17,360 Speaker 1: can I keep all the balls in the air? And 1143 00:58:17,440 --> 00:58:20,680 Speaker 1: I hope my boyfriend likes me. I'm like, you know, 1144 00:58:21,080 --> 00:58:23,320 Speaker 1: you're not. I'll just say you're not. You're not the 1145 00:58:23,400 --> 00:58:27,439 Speaker 1: only one this is, You're definitely not when you ask 1146 00:58:27,560 --> 00:58:33,760 Speaker 1: that question. I love Dave's answer the door dressed. Dave's 1147 00:58:33,760 --> 00:58:36,480 Speaker 1: answer is real, and he's a lot more elaborate and 1148 00:58:36,600 --> 00:58:39,520 Speaker 1: articulate than I am. What I wrote down right here 1149 00:58:39,560 --> 00:58:41,640 Speaker 1: when you asked that is my response to you is 1150 00:58:42,280 --> 00:58:45,560 Speaker 1: what are your priorities? Like you just said, I can't. 1151 00:58:45,640 --> 00:58:47,160 Speaker 1: I haven't got to the bathroom in three hours, so 1152 00:58:47,400 --> 00:58:50,800 Speaker 1: so look at that. Let's look at that. Then what's 1153 00:58:50,800 --> 00:58:52,919 Speaker 1: the priority the email in your life, in the grand 1154 00:58:53,000 --> 00:58:55,120 Speaker 1: scheme of your life? What are you prioritizing right now? 1155 00:58:55,480 --> 00:58:58,280 Speaker 1: This email, this work, this little project, this little I 1156 00:58:58,360 --> 00:58:59,960 Speaker 1: need to be on this phone call? Like, well, yeah, 1157 00:59:00,000 --> 00:59:01,360 Speaker 1: I had to be on a phone call, and then 1158 00:59:01,400 --> 00:59:03,320 Speaker 1: I had to take a check down to accounting, and 1159 00:59:03,360 --> 00:59:05,240 Speaker 1: then I needed and I wanted to be in here, 1160 00:59:05,320 --> 00:59:07,040 Speaker 1: and I already missed the first five minutes. I have 1161 00:59:07,120 --> 00:59:08,680 Speaker 1: no idea what the hell you guys talked about in 1162 00:59:08,680 --> 00:59:10,600 Speaker 1: the first five minutes. I just hoped I wasn't repeating it. 1163 00:59:11,200 --> 00:59:13,440 Speaker 1: So go into the bathroom was not a priority. I 1164 00:59:13,480 --> 00:59:16,440 Speaker 1: can do it in twenty more minutes. That's a slippery slope. 1165 00:59:16,520 --> 00:59:19,000 Speaker 1: Then that's a very slippery slope because that's going to 1166 00:59:19,080 --> 00:59:22,880 Speaker 1: start to infect other areas of your life and my bladder. 1167 00:59:23,040 --> 00:59:26,120 Speaker 1: I mean no, I just I just mean neglecting things 1168 00:59:26,200 --> 00:59:30,680 Speaker 1: that you want, like neglect like chocolate. That's the two 1169 00:59:30,720 --> 00:59:34,800 Speaker 1: things I want right now, chocolate and bathroom. There's try this, 1170 00:59:35,120 --> 00:59:37,040 Speaker 1: so there's a saying for people to say I don't 1171 00:59:37,080 --> 00:59:38,400 Speaker 1: have time, I don't have time for this, I don't 1172 00:59:38,400 --> 00:59:41,000 Speaker 1: have time next time. Instead of saying I don't have time, 1173 00:59:41,160 --> 00:59:44,880 Speaker 1: try saying it's not a priority and just wear that 1174 00:59:45,040 --> 00:59:47,400 Speaker 1: for a second. You don't have time for the gym 1175 00:59:48,040 --> 00:59:50,360 Speaker 1: next time today it's not a priority. Or I don't 1176 00:59:50,400 --> 00:59:52,320 Speaker 1: have time to pick my kids up. Oh, it's not 1177 00:59:52,400 --> 00:59:54,720 Speaker 1: a priority to pick my kids up. It's a totally 1178 00:59:54,960 --> 00:59:58,040 Speaker 1: different suit that you wear. And at that, when I 1179 00:59:58,160 --> 01:00:00,439 Speaker 1: heard that, I was like, oh that changed be so yeah, 1180 01:00:00,560 --> 01:00:02,280 Speaker 1: damn right. I asked, well, it was more of a 1181 01:00:02,360 --> 01:00:04,600 Speaker 1: priority for me to get in here, then go to 1182 01:00:04,680 --> 01:00:07,120 Speaker 1: the bathroom, and the chocolate is probably third. I think 1183 01:00:07,160 --> 01:00:10,560 Speaker 1: I'll go to the bathroom after. Well, you guys, you 1184 01:00:10,640 --> 01:00:14,560 Speaker 1: guys are very like I don't know people listening are like, well, sure, 1185 01:00:14,600 --> 01:00:17,040 Speaker 1: I'd love to be like those two, but hell like 1186 01:00:18,000 --> 01:00:20,960 Speaker 1: parts are not. Zick. Here's the thing, though, I need 1187 01:00:21,000 --> 01:00:24,400 Speaker 1: people need to hear this. We are unbelievably ordinary people 1188 01:00:24,480 --> 01:00:28,240 Speaker 1: who have decided to implement habits in our life to 1189 01:00:28,680 --> 01:00:34,280 Speaker 1: unlock extraordinary results. We are ordinary people. Also, there's areas 1190 01:00:34,320 --> 01:00:37,160 Speaker 1: of my life that are absolutely chaotic. I got here 1191 01:00:37,240 --> 01:00:39,560 Speaker 1: early so I could take my car downstairs to get 1192 01:00:39,600 --> 01:00:42,200 Speaker 1: it cleaned, because my car is absolutely discussing. He's got 1193 01:00:42,240 --> 01:00:46,160 Speaker 1: bird poop all over it, it's got dog. You're rolling 1194 01:00:46,240 --> 01:00:49,560 Speaker 1: over that piece of paper. I mean, I hear the 1195 01:00:49,600 --> 01:00:52,160 Speaker 1: paper here, the paper here, the paper, but like so 1196 01:00:52,680 --> 01:00:54,840 Speaker 1: just because somebody's got it in line here? I mean, 1197 01:00:54,920 --> 01:00:58,200 Speaker 1: there's a million ways in my life that are chaotic 1198 01:00:58,400 --> 01:01:00,600 Speaker 1: right now. I would love to ask you too, how like, 1199 01:01:01,320 --> 01:01:05,680 Speaker 1: percentage wise, how in line are you both? Like really, 1200 01:01:06,280 --> 01:01:09,880 Speaker 1: how much is you're together congruency with with who we 1201 01:01:09,960 --> 01:01:14,320 Speaker 1: want to be? I would say, I'm I would say, honestly, Uh, 1202 01:01:14,800 --> 01:01:18,240 Speaker 1: I'm pretty damn congruent. But I have so much growth 1203 01:01:18,320 --> 01:01:20,960 Speaker 1: that I desire for still, I am just starting to 1204 01:01:21,120 --> 01:01:24,840 Speaker 1: really I think unlock uh the new version of me 1205 01:01:24,920 --> 01:01:28,000 Speaker 1: that like things that that I shut off for years, 1206 01:01:28,080 --> 01:01:30,240 Speaker 1: for twenty years, and as an athlete, things that I 1207 01:01:30,320 --> 01:01:32,800 Speaker 1: shut off and I didn't give time or resources or 1208 01:01:32,920 --> 01:01:35,480 Speaker 1: dedication to that, I'm starting to bring into my life 1209 01:01:35,520 --> 01:01:36,880 Speaker 1: that are going to open me up and change me 1210 01:01:36,920 --> 01:01:38,640 Speaker 1: in ways to become a new man, a better man, 1211 01:01:38,720 --> 01:01:41,160 Speaker 1: a different man than I was before. I've said that 1212 01:01:41,280 --> 01:01:44,800 Speaker 1: my adjective of is to be boundless. I don't want 1213 01:01:44,800 --> 01:01:47,320 Speaker 1: to bound myself or constrict myself under an identity of 1214 01:01:47,360 --> 01:01:50,840 Speaker 1: an athlete male thirty six Canadian. Those are all you're 1215 01:01:50,880 --> 01:01:54,000 Speaker 1: boxed in now, and I've done that to myself and 1216 01:01:54,080 --> 01:01:56,280 Speaker 1: also people have done that to me, and so my 1217 01:01:56,440 --> 01:02:00,200 Speaker 1: word for is boundless. Now, I'm I don't know where 1218 01:02:00,240 --> 01:02:02,360 Speaker 1: I am. I know I'm damn true. I know that 1219 01:02:02,400 --> 01:02:04,480 Speaker 1: I'll speak the truth whether it's good or bad. I 1220 01:02:04,600 --> 01:02:07,000 Speaker 1: know that my system doesn't lie to me. I trust 1221 01:02:07,040 --> 01:02:09,240 Speaker 1: my instinct. I've shared it on this show, my biggest 1222 01:02:09,280 --> 01:02:11,800 Speaker 1: success in my life as I've always followed my instinct. 1223 01:02:12,240 --> 01:02:14,520 Speaker 1: But am I where I want to be? No? I 1224 01:02:14,640 --> 01:02:19,200 Speaker 1: am just starting, like I am one step into climbing 1225 01:02:19,280 --> 01:02:21,720 Speaker 1: the Eiffel Tower of where I want to be as 1226 01:02:21,760 --> 01:02:24,640 Speaker 1: a person. But I'm super damn excited about it because 1227 01:02:24,680 --> 01:02:26,760 Speaker 1: it's the first time in my life where I've really 1228 01:02:26,840 --> 01:02:28,960 Speaker 1: like opened up, and that's why I wanted. I was 1229 01:02:29,040 --> 01:02:31,320 Speaker 1: so excited to have Dave come in when I'm researching 1230 01:02:31,400 --> 01:02:33,360 Speaker 1: him and his story, and we actually met at the 1231 01:02:33,440 --> 01:02:37,520 Speaker 1: Jurnal and I was like, apparently, time to go to 1232 01:02:37,560 --> 01:02:41,439 Speaker 1: the bath. I just can't wait to hear your stud 1233 01:02:41,600 --> 01:02:45,640 Speaker 1: to talk about your life for me, but also then 1234 01:02:45,680 --> 01:02:48,760 Speaker 1: to serve our community. My word for the year is captain, 1235 01:02:49,040 --> 01:02:53,440 Speaker 1: which is a strange word, but I I got a 1236 01:02:53,520 --> 01:02:56,680 Speaker 1: quote tattooed on my arm when I decided to make 1237 01:02:56,760 --> 01:02:59,840 Speaker 1: this leap. A ship is safe in harbor, but that's 1238 01:03:00,000 --> 01:03:04,040 Speaker 1: out which ships were built for. And I thought the 1239 01:03:04,200 --> 01:03:08,560 Speaker 1: decision to leave the harbor was the hard part, and 1240 01:03:08,840 --> 01:03:11,800 Speaker 1: so I made this choice and it was hard, but 1241 01:03:12,000 --> 01:03:16,480 Speaker 1: it began a string of very hard decisions that I 1242 01:03:16,560 --> 01:03:19,600 Speaker 1: had to make every single day to push back against 1243 01:03:19,680 --> 01:03:23,720 Speaker 1: the insecurity and the identity shift and the imposter syndrome 1244 01:03:23,840 --> 01:03:26,640 Speaker 1: and how to scale a team from five to sixty five. 1245 01:03:26,680 --> 01:03:28,120 Speaker 1: In the last year, like, we have gone through some 1246 01:03:28,320 --> 01:03:31,720 Speaker 1: fun stuff that have every single time pushed me into 1247 01:03:31,760 --> 01:03:37,600 Speaker 1: spaces that made me feel uncomfortable. And so the the 1248 01:03:37,720 --> 01:03:40,000 Speaker 1: first year of us doing this work together was about 1249 01:03:40,760 --> 01:03:43,920 Speaker 1: me leaving the harbor and just sitting in the waves, 1250 01:03:44,160 --> 01:03:47,080 Speaker 1: And it was something that at first I didn't even 1251 01:03:47,120 --> 01:03:50,560 Speaker 1: receive the benefit of because I had really bad coping mechanisms. 1252 01:03:50,880 --> 01:03:54,320 Speaker 1: I'm eleven months into not having a drink. Thanks well, 1253 01:03:54,360 --> 01:03:57,800 Speaker 1: I'm eleven months into not having a drink because I 1254 01:03:57,880 --> 01:03:59,760 Speaker 1: committed to not drinking for a year. I wanted to 1255 01:03:59,800 --> 01:04:01,680 Speaker 1: get to the point where the book came out, but 1256 01:04:02,200 --> 01:04:04,800 Speaker 1: I think I'll probably, to be honest, I don't know yet, 1257 01:04:04,880 --> 01:04:06,480 Speaker 1: and I've decided I'm not going to make the decisions 1258 01:04:06,520 --> 01:04:09,720 Speaker 1: so I get through the year. But I was definitely 1259 01:04:09,920 --> 01:04:14,360 Speaker 1: not in this congruence place a year ago because all 1260 01:04:14,480 --> 01:04:17,200 Speaker 1: of the things that were coming at me with anxiety 1261 01:04:17,240 --> 01:04:20,560 Speaker 1: and fear and identity and everything else, I was not 1262 01:04:20,840 --> 01:04:23,480 Speaker 1: handling well, and so I had to find a different 1263 01:04:23,520 --> 01:04:27,960 Speaker 1: coping mechanism. I started running instead of drinking. Just to 1264 01:04:28,000 --> 01:04:30,560 Speaker 1: give you a sense of how chaotic life has been, 1265 01:04:31,080 --> 01:04:35,000 Speaker 1: I have run one thousand miles and eleven months I 1266 01:04:35,160 --> 01:04:38,480 Speaker 1: have I have run a lot of miles now. Captain 1267 01:04:38,520 --> 01:04:41,200 Speaker 1: though for me is I am closer now to congruents 1268 01:04:41,200 --> 01:04:47,000 Speaker 1: than I've been in a long time. Because these waves. 1269 01:04:47,280 --> 01:04:50,680 Speaker 1: To me, I am built for this. I am the 1270 01:04:50,760 --> 01:04:54,080 Speaker 1: boat on the water. Let's go. And just because it's rocky, 1271 01:04:54,160 --> 01:04:57,440 Speaker 1: and just because failure is happening in our business, that 1272 01:04:57,560 --> 01:05:00,680 Speaker 1: is more successful than it's ever been. I f I 1273 01:05:00,720 --> 01:05:03,760 Speaker 1: don't know, three or four hours, I have now just 1274 01:05:03,840 --> 01:05:06,160 Speaker 1: come to realize that that is the way that this 1275 01:05:06,280 --> 01:05:08,800 Speaker 1: small business operates. That's just the way that it works, 1276 01:05:08,840 --> 01:05:11,680 Speaker 1: and I'm growing from it. But I'm way more congruent 1277 01:05:11,720 --> 01:05:14,040 Speaker 1: and consistent with the things I say I want today 1278 01:05:14,480 --> 01:05:17,760 Speaker 1: than I was a year ago, and wildly more consistent, 1279 01:05:17,840 --> 01:05:19,800 Speaker 1: like by a magnitude of five or six times more 1280 01:05:19,840 --> 01:05:22,680 Speaker 1: consistent than five years ago. Do you think about congruin's 1281 01:05:22,800 --> 01:05:28,400 Speaker 1: Daniel Um not really, to be honest, I sometimes think 1282 01:05:28,480 --> 01:05:32,360 Speaker 1: I feel balanced, Like, yeah, chemicals seem to be okay today. 1283 01:05:32,360 --> 01:05:34,880 Speaker 1: That's the EMO word balance, because we're, like you said, 1284 01:05:34,960 --> 01:05:37,560 Speaker 1: you were juggling all these different types of types of things. 1285 01:05:38,080 --> 01:05:44,440 Speaker 1: I definitely resonates congruent. I know it's matching who you 1286 01:05:44,560 --> 01:05:47,360 Speaker 1: want to be with who you actually are. It's how 1287 01:05:47,440 --> 01:05:50,000 Speaker 1: do I show up in I whatever. That never crosses 1288 01:05:50,080 --> 01:05:53,240 Speaker 1: my mind. I agree, You're you are very congruent. You 1289 01:05:54,080 --> 01:05:57,160 Speaker 1: you love people and you genuinely show that you love 1290 01:05:57,240 --> 01:05:59,280 Speaker 1: your job, you show up for that. Do you both 1291 01:05:59,320 --> 01:06:04,480 Speaker 1: think congruents is also equivalent or on the scale with happy, Like, 1292 01:06:04,600 --> 01:06:08,440 Speaker 1: if you're congruent, are you happier? Damn right way happier. 1293 01:06:08,720 --> 01:06:11,840 Speaker 1: But I also like my congruents is in part because 1294 01:06:12,040 --> 01:06:14,560 Speaker 1: the posture I say I want to be in is 1295 01:06:14,640 --> 01:06:17,600 Speaker 1: one where I'm growing, and that's where fulfillment lives for me. 1296 01:06:18,200 --> 01:06:21,040 Speaker 1: Right Like, if I if I'm not growing, it's like 1297 01:06:21,280 --> 01:06:23,200 Speaker 1: I don't even know if I've heard the word congruent 1298 01:06:23,400 --> 01:06:26,320 Speaker 1: more than four times before today. Well, this is like 1299 01:06:26,360 --> 01:06:28,240 Speaker 1: a bingo game and you can fill the entire car. 1300 01:06:28,440 --> 01:06:32,200 Speaker 1: This is fantastic. Um. It's so, here's the thing. If 1301 01:06:32,240 --> 01:06:35,160 Speaker 1: you are not, if somebody is not congruent in their life, 1302 01:06:35,520 --> 01:06:38,600 Speaker 1: at some point, you're going to face that. You're gonna 1303 01:06:38,720 --> 01:06:41,040 Speaker 1: when you're by yourself in a dark room, whatever, there's 1304 01:06:41,040 --> 01:06:42,600 Speaker 1: gonna be a dis sect, there's gonna be a mirror, 1305 01:06:42,600 --> 01:06:45,919 Speaker 1: there's gonna be a reckoning where you understand what you've 1306 01:06:45,960 --> 01:06:49,360 Speaker 1: said is different than how you've acted. And your true friends, 1307 01:06:49,400 --> 01:06:52,160 Speaker 1: you're the people around you, they'll know it, they will 1308 01:06:52,200 --> 01:06:53,800 Speaker 1: see it, and they'll know it as much as your 1309 01:06:53,880 --> 01:06:56,920 Speaker 1: people listening, how do we help them understand it? Well, 1310 01:06:57,560 --> 01:07:00,120 Speaker 1: my question is how do you feel about yourself when 1311 01:07:00,160 --> 01:07:03,680 Speaker 1: you're by yourself? How you feel about yourself when you're 1312 01:07:03,720 --> 01:07:09,920 Speaker 1: by yourself is everything. So here's yeah. The reality is 1313 01:07:10,080 --> 01:07:16,440 Speaker 1: if you're incongruents, you'll know because you'll feel pain, shame, anger, insecurity, fear. 1314 01:07:16,920 --> 01:07:20,160 Speaker 1: If you are congruent, you'll feel peace, You feel free. 1315 01:07:21,520 --> 01:07:25,600 Speaker 1: And there's um one way that I always try and 1316 01:07:25,640 --> 01:07:29,200 Speaker 1: figure things out as I ask myself. I directly ask 1317 01:07:29,320 --> 01:07:33,160 Speaker 1: myself the question, and my system, my heart, question my 1318 01:07:33,280 --> 01:07:35,240 Speaker 1: heart just sec I'll get to it. But whatever question 1319 01:07:35,280 --> 01:07:37,840 Speaker 1: do I want to ask myself, my heart my system 1320 01:07:37,960 --> 01:07:41,240 Speaker 1: will not lie to me. It will undeniably not lie. 1321 01:07:41,360 --> 01:07:43,600 Speaker 1: It will reveal the truth. So if I ask myself, 1322 01:07:44,200 --> 01:07:49,080 Speaker 1: am I proud of the man? I am? And I close. 1323 01:07:49,160 --> 01:07:50,920 Speaker 1: I always close my eyes because I don't want any 1324 01:07:50,960 --> 01:07:53,800 Speaker 1: other visual I don't want any other sensory stimulation. I'll 1325 01:07:53,840 --> 01:07:55,840 Speaker 1: have a blindfold on sometimes or I'll close my eyes. 1326 01:07:55,840 --> 01:07:57,320 Speaker 1: I'll have a lot of times I do my thinking 1327 01:07:57,400 --> 01:08:01,000 Speaker 1: with headphones on because I don't want to hear of things. Um. 1328 01:08:01,480 --> 01:08:03,520 Speaker 1: And if you for me, this is how I do it. 1329 01:08:03,560 --> 01:08:06,000 Speaker 1: I close my eyes. I asked myself this question, and 1330 01:08:06,120 --> 01:08:08,360 Speaker 1: my system will not lie to me. The heart does 1331 01:08:08,400 --> 01:08:10,560 Speaker 1: not have an ability to lie to you too, as 1332 01:08:10,560 --> 01:08:15,200 Speaker 1: a human. I'm damn proud of myself. I'm also damn 1333 01:08:15,240 --> 01:08:18,280 Speaker 1: excited and curious and scared for what I still need 1334 01:08:18,360 --> 01:08:22,760 Speaker 1: to learn. I like I like the process, but I 1335 01:08:22,800 --> 01:08:26,280 Speaker 1: actually do it in a way that compartmentalizes individual pieces 1336 01:08:26,439 --> 01:08:29,040 Speaker 1: of my life, because I can be proud of myself 1337 01:08:29,160 --> 01:08:32,000 Speaker 1: on the whole and not have pride for the way 1338 01:08:32,000 --> 01:08:35,280 Speaker 1: I'm showing up against a certain dimension of my life. Right, 1339 01:08:35,360 --> 01:08:40,640 Speaker 1: So am I proud? I write down ten statements in 1340 01:08:41,400 --> 01:08:45,240 Speaker 1: a journal every day as though they've already happened, as 1341 01:08:45,280 --> 01:08:48,560 Speaker 1: a trigger for my unconscious to search for ways to 1342 01:08:48,720 --> 01:08:51,400 Speaker 1: make that happen. And and one of them is I 1343 01:08:51,520 --> 01:08:55,840 Speaker 1: intentionally pursue my wife. I actively intentionally pursue my wife. 1344 01:08:55,960 --> 01:08:58,120 Speaker 1: I write down every day as though it already has happened, 1345 01:08:58,400 --> 01:09:00,479 Speaker 1: and then I have to during the day look for 1346 01:09:00,560 --> 01:09:03,519 Speaker 1: ways to be in pursuit, Like we haven't yet even 1347 01:09:03,760 --> 01:09:07,160 Speaker 1: had the wedding ceremony, right, Like I want to pursue 1348 01:09:07,200 --> 01:09:09,880 Speaker 1: my wife as though there aren't guarantees that she'll stick 1349 01:09:09,960 --> 01:09:12,519 Speaker 1: with this, I want to pursue my wife. Right. I 1350 01:09:13,080 --> 01:09:16,559 Speaker 1: am close to my children and so every day right, 1351 01:09:17,080 --> 01:09:20,599 Speaker 1: But in doing that, I can I can be proud 1352 01:09:20,680 --> 01:09:23,720 Speaker 1: of who I am overall, but I can realize, oh 1353 01:09:23,800 --> 01:09:27,360 Speaker 1: my goodness, I'm on my phone while my kids are 1354 01:09:27,439 --> 01:09:31,160 Speaker 1: sitting here on their device and we're in the same room, 1355 01:09:31,240 --> 01:09:35,240 Speaker 1: but we're not actually connecting. I am not proud right 1356 01:09:35,280 --> 01:09:38,080 Speaker 1: now of myself in this because I could do more 1357 01:09:38,200 --> 01:09:40,400 Speaker 1: to be intentional in connecting with one of my kids. 1358 01:09:40,600 --> 01:09:45,599 Speaker 1: My answer to all the questions is ish, that's great, 1359 01:09:45,640 --> 01:09:49,479 Speaker 1: that's great, that's great. Awareness. You can question you guys 1360 01:09:49,520 --> 01:09:52,640 Speaker 1: say that's okay. But I'm telling you, whatever question you 1361 01:09:52,760 --> 01:09:54,680 Speaker 1: want to ask could be a specific question, could be 1362 01:09:54,680 --> 01:09:56,439 Speaker 1: a general question. Am I proud of myself? Could be 1363 01:09:56,479 --> 01:09:59,479 Speaker 1: a specific question, am I doing my best at work? 1364 01:10:00,120 --> 01:10:09,120 Speaker 1: If you truly ask yourself's I mean one of the 1365 01:10:09,200 --> 01:10:12,479 Speaker 1: things that we've had to institute, like our life, your life, 1366 01:10:12,600 --> 01:10:15,200 Speaker 1: all life, it's so hectic and crazy that if you 1367 01:10:15,439 --> 01:10:18,080 Speaker 1: hope and you use the word hope, so I'm gonna 1368 01:10:18,120 --> 01:10:19,320 Speaker 1: have to come at the word hope. But like if 1369 01:10:19,400 --> 01:10:22,040 Speaker 1: you hope that an exceptional life is going to show up. 1370 01:10:22,040 --> 01:10:24,080 Speaker 1: If you hope that an exceptional relationship is going to 1371 01:10:24,120 --> 01:10:26,200 Speaker 1: show up. If you hope that feeling a certain way 1372 01:10:26,200 --> 01:10:28,280 Speaker 1: at work is going to show up, you are setting 1373 01:10:28,320 --> 01:10:32,240 Speaker 1: yourself up for being at the mercy of life doing 1374 01:10:32,320 --> 01:10:35,439 Speaker 1: whatever life will do. And life is not that. Life 1375 01:10:35,560 --> 01:10:38,760 Speaker 1: is not engineered to create exceptional No, no, no, no no. 1376 01:10:38,960 --> 01:10:40,320 Speaker 1: Life will come around the corner and kick you in 1377 01:10:40,360 --> 01:10:43,439 Speaker 1: the shins. So you have to frontload the life that 1378 01:10:43,560 --> 01:10:45,599 Speaker 1: you say you want to have. We have a saying. 1379 01:10:45,800 --> 01:10:48,000 Speaker 1: It's whether it's our saying or someone else is saying 1380 01:10:48,040 --> 01:10:50,160 Speaker 1: that hope is not a strategy. You need to have 1381 01:10:50,240 --> 01:10:53,599 Speaker 1: a strategy for how you hope your exceptional life will 1382 01:10:53,640 --> 01:10:56,360 Speaker 1: show up. So, before we go, what do you think 1383 01:10:56,400 --> 01:10:59,439 Speaker 1: of trust the universe? I think there's a place for that, 1384 01:10:59,680 --> 01:11:01,840 Speaker 1: But also too, I also want to give credence to 1385 01:11:01,920 --> 01:11:04,320 Speaker 1: what Dave is saying, is that and you are this 1386 01:11:04,400 --> 01:11:06,639 Speaker 1: Amy sometimes I've I've told you many times on the show. 1387 01:11:06,640 --> 01:11:09,960 Speaker 1: I don't think you give yourself enough credit. I think 1388 01:11:10,000 --> 01:11:12,400 Speaker 1: you're very I think you're very self critical and don't 1389 01:11:12,400 --> 01:11:15,080 Speaker 1: think you give yourself enough credit credit because you are 1390 01:11:15,479 --> 01:11:18,840 Speaker 1: what he's talking about, a creator of circumstance. You you 1391 01:11:19,040 --> 01:11:23,679 Speaker 1: literally created this podcast. You've literally created every other podcast 1392 01:11:23,760 --> 01:11:26,000 Speaker 1: we are all in this room right now because you 1393 01:11:26,240 --> 01:11:28,880 Speaker 1: created it. You are a creator of circumstance in the 1394 01:11:28,960 --> 01:11:32,719 Speaker 1: world more than you know. And I think I sometimes 1395 01:11:32,760 --> 01:11:35,519 Speaker 1: think you don't give yourself enough credit. Thank you. No, 1396 01:11:35,600 --> 01:11:37,160 Speaker 1: I appreciate it. Like if we need to affirm me, 1397 01:11:38,760 --> 01:11:42,120 Speaker 1: I'm happy to make things up, I do it. No, 1398 01:11:42,320 --> 01:11:44,920 Speaker 1: it's about you today and also everyone listening. So what 1399 01:11:45,000 --> 01:11:48,080 Speaker 1: I hope people listening are like taking because there's some 1400 01:11:48,200 --> 01:11:51,040 Speaker 1: good meat. Like sometimes I think people like Dave that 1401 01:11:51,120 --> 01:11:55,720 Speaker 1: are in your career our way too broad strokes and this, 1402 01:11:55,960 --> 01:11:58,320 Speaker 1: I think that we give people some real practical things 1403 01:11:58,400 --> 01:12:01,080 Speaker 1: to do and how to do it. I really appreciate 1404 01:12:01,600 --> 01:12:03,720 Speaker 1: he's given it today. He's very taking. Like I love 1405 01:12:03,800 --> 01:12:06,080 Speaker 1: with those ten things you write down, I intentionally pursued 1406 01:12:06,120 --> 01:12:10,920 Speaker 1: my wife. I love that thing. All men should totally 1407 01:12:11,080 --> 01:12:15,479 Speaker 1: do Easton because it's like that will help your marriage 1408 01:12:15,600 --> 01:12:19,800 Speaker 1: if you are acting like that every day the way 1409 01:12:19,840 --> 01:12:30,280 Speaker 1: around too. Though, I think, let's talk about this for 1410 01:12:30,360 --> 01:12:35,200 Speaker 1: a second. This is why I'm here to your significant 1411 01:12:35,200 --> 01:12:43,720 Speaker 1: other like you just met them. I have a question 1412 01:12:43,800 --> 01:12:45,680 Speaker 1: for you, Dave, so in your book, which I want 1413 01:12:45,680 --> 01:12:46,880 Speaker 1: to get to in a minute, but get out of 1414 01:12:46,920 --> 01:12:50,719 Speaker 1: your own way. Um, you talk about what ways people 1415 01:12:50,880 --> 01:12:53,920 Speaker 1: prevent their own success? So what is for our listeners, 1416 01:12:54,000 --> 01:12:56,320 Speaker 1: what is like some of the two or three most 1417 01:12:56,479 --> 01:13:01,479 Speaker 1: common ways that you feel people prevent their own success, 1418 01:13:01,560 --> 01:13:05,640 Speaker 1: whether that's in business, whether that's in fulfillment, enjoy happiness, 1419 01:13:05,920 --> 01:13:08,639 Speaker 1: in relationship, go at it how you want. I want 1420 01:13:08,640 --> 01:13:10,040 Speaker 1: to leave it open to you. But what are some 1421 01:13:10,160 --> 01:13:12,680 Speaker 1: of the ways that people prevent their own success? Well, 1422 01:13:12,720 --> 01:13:16,400 Speaker 1: the first is that we are the believers in a 1423 01:13:16,680 --> 01:13:19,719 Speaker 1: series of stories that have been told to us about 1424 01:13:19,880 --> 01:13:25,280 Speaker 1: how life works, how life shows up or avails itself 1425 01:13:25,400 --> 01:13:30,120 Speaker 1: to us through our family of origin, through societal norms, 1426 01:13:30,320 --> 01:13:33,160 Speaker 1: through some voice of authority at some point in time 1427 01:13:33,280 --> 01:13:37,599 Speaker 1: that we ascribed value too. And if we're not asking 1428 01:13:37,920 --> 01:13:42,720 Speaker 1: all the time, if that story was told by a 1429 01:13:42,840 --> 01:13:47,679 Speaker 1: credible source, then we are just living through the lens 1430 01:13:47,720 --> 01:13:49,960 Speaker 1: potentially of someone else's fear and not our truth. Right. 1431 01:13:50,000 --> 01:13:53,360 Speaker 1: And so I, in the simplest form running right, I 1432 01:13:53,479 --> 01:13:55,800 Speaker 1: had somebody tell me for years, thirty six years of 1433 01:13:55,880 --> 01:13:58,519 Speaker 1: my life that tall people can't run. Right. Tall people 1434 01:13:58,560 --> 01:14:00,960 Speaker 1: can't run because of their hips, because of their knees, 1435 01:14:01,160 --> 01:14:03,040 Speaker 1: because of their back. People can't run. So I just 1436 01:14:03,120 --> 01:14:06,520 Speaker 1: believe that story to be true and never tested the hypothesis. 1437 01:14:07,000 --> 01:14:09,439 Speaker 1: Then one day I went on a run and my 1438 01:14:09,520 --> 01:14:12,639 Speaker 1: knees hips back didn't hurt, and I went on another run, 1439 01:14:13,040 --> 01:14:15,840 Speaker 1: and so I had to go back to the source. 1440 01:14:15,960 --> 01:14:18,200 Speaker 1: The source is that a credible source? It turns out 1441 01:14:18,240 --> 01:14:20,200 Speaker 1: it is a credible source actually kind of like his 1442 01:14:20,320 --> 01:14:23,320 Speaker 1: hallucinations thing. It is like his hallucinations thing, right, But 1443 01:14:23,600 --> 01:14:25,280 Speaker 1: the source was still credible. But then I had to 1444 01:14:25,280 --> 01:14:28,120 Speaker 1: ask do they have credibility on this subject? And the 1445 01:14:28,200 --> 01:14:30,599 Speaker 1: reality was as much as that person who I crave 1446 01:14:30,720 --> 01:14:34,439 Speaker 1: left from is someone who is a credible source, they 1447 01:14:34,479 --> 01:14:37,160 Speaker 1: had no credibility on the topic of running. Be free 1448 01:14:37,479 --> 01:14:39,960 Speaker 1: from this story. It no longer bears any weight for you. 1449 01:14:40,400 --> 01:14:43,640 Speaker 1: What's right for what's right for them isn't right for you. 1450 01:14:43,800 --> 01:14:46,040 Speaker 1: So you have to choose carefully what stories you believe. 1451 01:14:46,120 --> 01:14:47,880 Speaker 1: And if you believe a story, you've kept it as 1452 01:14:47,880 --> 01:14:50,519 Speaker 1: a capital t truth in your life. Do the work 1453 01:14:50,560 --> 01:14:54,000 Speaker 1: of understanding who was the storyteller? Do they have credibility? 1454 01:14:54,400 --> 01:14:56,439 Speaker 1: Do they have credibility on the topic right? And it 1455 01:14:56,520 --> 01:14:58,680 Speaker 1: could be that they were a credible source when they 1456 01:14:58,760 --> 01:15:01,000 Speaker 1: told the story, when you were five, I've but have 1457 01:15:01,240 --> 01:15:03,760 Speaker 1: lost credibility over time. Be free. It could be that 1458 01:15:03,880 --> 01:15:07,200 Speaker 1: they had credibility on the topic then, but don't have 1459 01:15:07,439 --> 01:15:10,439 Speaker 1: application to that topic in your life. Be free, Like, 1460 01:15:10,680 --> 01:15:12,639 Speaker 1: there's so many ways to be free. It's so good. 1461 01:15:12,680 --> 01:15:14,439 Speaker 1: I had a therapist when I was twenty say don't 1462 01:15:14,520 --> 01:15:17,160 Speaker 1: do stories, and like, I know exactly what she's saying, 1463 01:15:17,200 --> 01:15:20,599 Speaker 1: because it's exactly what you're saying. Don't do stories. Don't 1464 01:15:20,680 --> 01:15:22,920 Speaker 1: make up your own stories in your head, and don't 1465 01:15:23,000 --> 01:15:26,439 Speaker 1: buy into somebody else's made up stories. Just don't do stories. 1466 01:15:26,720 --> 01:15:29,000 Speaker 1: The other another one, I mean, like the amount of 1467 01:15:29,080 --> 01:15:31,320 Speaker 1: time that we waste worrying about what other people are 1468 01:15:31,400 --> 01:15:34,439 Speaker 1: thinking about the things that we're doing is singularly the 1469 01:15:34,720 --> 01:15:37,519 Speaker 1: like one of the biggest paralyzed. It's just paralyzing. And 1470 01:15:38,120 --> 01:15:42,200 Speaker 1: I was like, having stayed at Disney for longer than 1471 01:15:42,439 --> 01:15:45,479 Speaker 1: I should have. The reason I stayed longer than I 1472 01:15:45,479 --> 01:15:47,320 Speaker 1: should have was the worry of what they would think 1473 01:15:47,360 --> 01:15:49,880 Speaker 1: of me leaving something that made so much sense to 1474 01:15:50,040 --> 01:15:53,519 Speaker 1: them but would not have like totally helped me in 1475 01:15:53,680 --> 01:15:57,200 Speaker 1: my journey. And so I, on the other side of leaving, 1476 01:15:58,040 --> 01:16:01,800 Speaker 1: was afforded a gift that pierced ego and my identity. 1477 01:16:02,280 --> 01:16:05,000 Speaker 1: They weren't thinking about me, And it's not an indictment 1478 01:16:05,040 --> 01:16:07,000 Speaker 1: on them as human beings. It's just a reflection of 1479 01:16:07,040 --> 01:16:09,760 Speaker 1: their humanity. No one's thinking about anybody else, Like for 1480 01:16:09,840 --> 01:16:12,560 Speaker 1: the most people still in relationships because they're worried of 1481 01:16:12,640 --> 01:16:15,040 Speaker 1: what somebody else is going to think of them leaving 1482 01:16:15,080 --> 01:16:18,160 Speaker 1: the relationship, right, No one. I mean there are a 1483 01:16:18,240 --> 01:16:20,760 Speaker 1: hand I would say, like maybe ten percent of people 1484 01:16:20,960 --> 01:16:25,799 Speaker 1: are truly truly thinking about you, but they are usually 1485 01:16:25,880 --> 01:16:28,040 Speaker 1: thinking about you through the lens of their fear or 1486 01:16:28,040 --> 01:16:31,839 Speaker 1: their insecurity, and not necessarily what is in your absolute 1487 01:16:31,880 --> 01:16:34,240 Speaker 1: best interest if they're judging right, if they're what I'm 1488 01:16:34,240 --> 01:16:36,640 Speaker 1: saying is if they're judging right right, And so it's like, 1489 01:16:37,120 --> 01:16:40,840 Speaker 1: be free, Holy Cabby free. I I will say, like, 1490 01:16:41,000 --> 01:16:43,640 Speaker 1: in the like Catharsis of writing this book, man, it 1491 01:16:43,760 --> 01:16:46,200 Speaker 1: was hard. It was really hard to be as honest 1492 01:16:46,240 --> 01:16:48,160 Speaker 1: and vulnerable in this book as I ended up being. 1493 01:16:48,880 --> 01:16:51,000 Speaker 1: But on the other side of having the words on 1494 01:16:51,040 --> 01:16:55,320 Speaker 1: the page and having now had some early reception, I 1495 01:16:55,439 --> 01:16:59,360 Speaker 1: have never been so proud of owning fully the struggle 1496 01:16:59,439 --> 01:17:02,200 Speaker 1: that I have gone through and the way that I 1497 01:17:02,280 --> 01:17:05,400 Speaker 1: feel progress for having persevered through it. If you are 1498 01:17:05,479 --> 01:17:08,880 Speaker 1: someone who is struggling, I want to acknowledge your humanity. 1499 01:17:09,040 --> 01:17:12,439 Speaker 1: Good news, brother, sister, you and I have something in common. 1500 01:17:12,880 --> 01:17:15,880 Speaker 1: You struggle, I struggle. We all struggle, and if you're 1501 01:17:15,920 --> 01:17:19,800 Speaker 1: going through something, you are not alone. But also the 1502 01:17:19,960 --> 01:17:22,120 Speaker 1: only way that you will get help. Truly, the only 1503 01:17:22,160 --> 01:17:24,400 Speaker 1: way I was able to get help was by actually 1504 01:17:24,439 --> 01:17:28,479 Speaker 1: acknowledging that the struggle existed. Because in darkness, nothing can 1505 01:17:28,560 --> 01:17:30,840 Speaker 1: come there, nothing will be there to help you. And 1506 01:17:30,960 --> 01:17:35,000 Speaker 1: so like be okay, finding someone to represent whatever it 1507 01:17:35,120 --> 01:17:37,880 Speaker 1: is that you're going through, it will be the rope 1508 01:17:37,920 --> 01:17:40,120 Speaker 1: that gets thrown in your ditch if you're you know, 1509 01:17:40,280 --> 01:17:42,920 Speaker 1: find yourself in one. I'm telling you it wasn't until 1510 01:17:42,960 --> 01:17:44,560 Speaker 1: I could admit the things that I was struggling with 1511 01:17:44,640 --> 01:17:46,639 Speaker 1: that I was able to actually reach you see the rope, 1512 01:17:46,640 --> 01:17:49,080 Speaker 1: because you said it was hanging there for a long 1513 01:17:49,200 --> 01:17:52,800 Speaker 1: term there forever, Dude, you're awesome. Also, I want to 1514 01:17:52,800 --> 01:17:55,559 Speaker 1: add to that what you're talking about about people thinking 1515 01:17:55,600 --> 01:17:58,080 Speaker 1: other people judge them when you look at when you 1516 01:17:58,200 --> 01:18:01,439 Speaker 1: really look at that act of that in individual, it's 1517 01:18:01,680 --> 01:18:06,080 Speaker 1: an incredibly selfish act for me to think that you're 1518 01:18:06,160 --> 01:18:08,599 Speaker 1: wasting your time. And Danielle and Amy all you guys 1519 01:18:08,640 --> 01:18:10,840 Speaker 1: are looking at me and you're thinking about something about me. 1520 01:18:11,320 --> 01:18:15,280 Speaker 1: How selfish of me to actually think that your lives 1521 01:18:15,320 --> 01:18:18,000 Speaker 1: are consumed about what I'm doing. And when you actually 1522 01:18:18,080 --> 01:18:21,160 Speaker 1: get clear to you're like, oh, like nobody's given a 1523 01:18:21,240 --> 01:18:25,160 Speaker 1: damn about me, nobody cares about me. Like you turn 1524 01:18:25,240 --> 01:18:27,720 Speaker 1: that selfishness off. It's amazing. And also what you touched on. 1525 01:18:27,840 --> 01:18:30,759 Speaker 1: Prior to that, I was reading about stories about maintaining 1526 01:18:30,800 --> 01:18:33,080 Speaker 1: and holding onto stories. I was literally I was reading 1527 01:18:33,120 --> 01:18:36,240 Speaker 1: the book The Untethered Soul today. Have you read that book? 1528 01:18:36,640 --> 01:18:38,800 Speaker 1: Credible book? And I'm on I think chapter six and 1529 01:18:38,840 --> 01:18:41,920 Speaker 1: he was talking about his best friends. Now, this guy 1530 01:18:42,040 --> 01:18:46,679 Speaker 1: is like my older brother. I've never had an older brother. 1531 01:18:46,840 --> 01:18:49,680 Speaker 1: This guy's like my older brother. I love it. Um, 1532 01:18:49,840 --> 01:18:51,880 Speaker 1: And you, by no means look old at all. I 1533 01:18:51,960 --> 01:18:55,120 Speaker 1: probably look older than you. Um. But Sam Scara, you 1534 01:18:55,160 --> 01:18:59,400 Speaker 1: ever heard the term sam Scara? It's about congruent. Okay, 1535 01:19:00,040 --> 01:19:02,400 Speaker 1: I had no sound scar until today. From Untethered Soul. 1536 01:19:02,439 --> 01:19:04,880 Speaker 1: It's about how we are heart traps, things that we 1537 01:19:04,920 --> 01:19:08,599 Speaker 1: don't process. So everything that comes into our lives comes 1538 01:19:08,600 --> 01:19:10,439 Speaker 1: into our lives and it's supposed to move in us, 1539 01:19:10,479 --> 01:19:13,360 Speaker 1: through us and then be as Dave said, free, be 1540 01:19:13,640 --> 01:19:16,640 Speaker 1: free of it. But there's certain things that trigger us. 1541 01:19:17,240 --> 01:19:21,160 Speaker 1: Tucson triggered you earlier. That's stuck in. Yeah, that's stuck. 1542 01:19:21,360 --> 01:19:24,400 Speaker 1: I'll never go to Tucson again. But that's that's now 1543 01:19:24,640 --> 01:19:27,240 Speaker 1: energy that's closing off a valve of like your energy 1544 01:19:27,320 --> 01:19:30,720 Speaker 1: flow in your heart about Tucson. Okay, but it's still there, 1545 01:19:30,760 --> 01:19:32,639 Speaker 1: Like why did you respond to it? Because it wasn't 1546 01:19:32,680 --> 01:19:35,280 Speaker 1: able to pass in and through you. That experience still 1547 01:19:35,360 --> 01:19:37,800 Speaker 1: has a grip on you in some way. There's weight there, 1548 01:19:38,880 --> 01:19:41,960 Speaker 1: I gotta tell you. Like I I was so skeptical. 1549 01:19:42,040 --> 01:19:44,560 Speaker 1: I thought it was hooie the idea of journaling for 1550 01:19:44,640 --> 01:19:48,559 Speaker 1: a long time. Okay, yeah, I'm still there to try 1551 01:19:48,600 --> 01:19:52,880 Speaker 1: it once, And I was like, I want to just 1552 01:19:52,880 --> 01:19:54,960 Speaker 1: piggyback on what you just said, though, because as a 1553 01:19:55,040 --> 01:19:57,160 Speaker 1: person who hated it until I went and had this 1554 01:19:57,240 --> 01:20:00,400 Speaker 1: experience in Tucson where I had no technolog g and 1555 01:20:00,439 --> 01:20:02,640 Speaker 1: all I had was a blank piece of paper. You 1556 01:20:02,680 --> 01:20:05,160 Speaker 1: spend the first twenty minutes writing about things that are 1557 01:20:05,240 --> 01:20:08,880 Speaker 1: sitting in like they're on your consciousness, that you actually 1558 01:20:08,960 --> 01:20:11,519 Speaker 1: know what you're you're writing about, you're thinking about all 1559 01:20:11,560 --> 01:20:14,080 Speaker 1: the things that you think about, and then at minute 1560 01:20:14,479 --> 01:20:18,599 Speaker 1: one forty one you just have to keep writing. All 1561 01:20:18,680 --> 01:20:21,879 Speaker 1: of a sudden, all the things that you're holding Tucson, 1562 01:20:22,160 --> 01:20:26,560 Speaker 1: your Tucson comes up and lands on a page and 1563 01:20:26,840 --> 01:20:32,559 Speaker 1: it coming out of Phoenix. Oh jeez, I mean whatever 1564 01:20:33,520 --> 01:20:37,639 Speaker 1: it imprinted so strongly that you got the city wrong, 1565 01:20:38,640 --> 01:20:42,280 Speaker 1: even the state time in Tucson. But the one is 1566 01:20:42,320 --> 01:20:46,400 Speaker 1: really but continue, Dave. The bottom line is if you 1567 01:20:46,560 --> 01:20:51,840 Speaker 1: can bring this experience out of your consciousness, the weight 1568 01:20:51,960 --> 01:20:54,200 Speaker 1: that you afford something when you are not able to 1569 01:20:54,360 --> 01:20:58,880 Speaker 1: actually ask is this real? Does this matter? Is there 1570 01:20:58,880 --> 01:21:02,639 Speaker 1: a possibility that I have conjured something? This like phantom 1571 01:21:03,200 --> 01:21:07,639 Speaker 1: stories stories? This it's a lie. But now that it's 1572 01:21:07,640 --> 01:21:09,960 Speaker 1: sitting on a piece of paper, I mean, that's part 1573 01:21:10,000 --> 01:21:11,680 Speaker 1: of what happens in therapy, but it's also part of 1574 01:21:11,720 --> 01:21:13,479 Speaker 1: what can happen in journaling. Now of a sudden, you're 1575 01:21:13,479 --> 01:21:16,920 Speaker 1: bringing something from your unconscious subconscious into your consciousness, and 1576 01:21:16,960 --> 01:21:19,400 Speaker 1: when you see it, you're like, this is so ridiculous. 1577 01:21:19,520 --> 01:21:22,680 Speaker 1: Why would I have even wasted any time thinking about this? 1578 01:21:23,640 --> 01:21:27,840 Speaker 1: Bring Phoenix, not Tucson, out of your consciousness, and figure 1579 01:21:27,880 --> 01:21:29,760 Speaker 1: out why the heck you're still carrying it. May I 1580 01:21:29,880 --> 01:21:36,600 Speaker 1: apologize to the good people of Tucson. They have cactus there. 1581 01:21:36,840 --> 01:21:43,599 Speaker 1: It was it was Phoenix, Scottsdale. Okay, we'll be taking 1582 01:21:43,640 --> 01:21:46,719 Speaker 1: the show to Arizona. They don't want you. I'm gonna 1583 01:21:46,720 --> 01:21:49,320 Speaker 1: be honest after this. They have let us know they're 1584 01:21:49,439 --> 01:21:51,880 Speaker 1: not interested. We have some healing to do my yeah, 1585 01:21:51,960 --> 01:21:54,519 Speaker 1: we have some healing to do with with Tucson, Arizona. 1586 01:21:54,680 --> 01:21:58,240 Speaker 1: I think it was Scottsdale. M Dave. I want to 1587 01:21:58,280 --> 01:22:01,760 Speaker 1: ask you a question because listening to you and for 1588 01:22:01,840 --> 01:22:03,640 Speaker 1: our listeners that have listened to you, and looking at 1589 01:22:03,720 --> 01:22:05,479 Speaker 1: you now, if somebody looks you up on social or 1590 01:22:05,560 --> 01:22:10,040 Speaker 1: looks up a holical on social, I mean you look uber, happy, fulfilled, 1591 01:22:10,520 --> 01:22:13,960 Speaker 1: amazing wife, kids, family, life, career. I mean everything is 1592 01:22:14,000 --> 01:22:17,240 Speaker 1: going on, and you've shared so much of what what 1593 01:22:17,600 --> 01:22:21,439 Speaker 1: got you there? Negative things, how you're even digging yourself. Um. 1594 01:22:21,600 --> 01:22:24,320 Speaker 1: I want to ask you this question. What mistake or 1595 01:22:24,479 --> 01:22:28,960 Speaker 1: misstep in your life helped you the most, helped you 1596 01:22:29,360 --> 01:22:34,160 Speaker 1: the most? Oh man, what mistake helped me the most? 1597 01:22:34,160 --> 01:22:36,960 Speaker 1: Because I have a saying everything is an opportunity. Yeah, 1598 01:22:37,720 --> 01:22:42,719 Speaker 1: I mean at the very beginning of my relationship with Rachel. 1599 01:22:43,520 --> 01:22:47,800 Speaker 1: My decision to tell her that we should not stay 1600 01:22:47,880 --> 01:22:51,519 Speaker 1: together when I was moved by the company Disney from 1601 01:22:51,720 --> 01:22:54,880 Speaker 1: l A to Minneapolis was a great misstep that worked 1602 01:22:54,920 --> 01:22:59,960 Speaker 1: out because it was only maybe because of having created 1603 01:23:00,040 --> 01:23:02,880 Speaker 1: did that distance, that I was able to appreciate the 1604 01:23:02,960 --> 01:23:05,240 Speaker 1: thing that I actually had. I mean, it was still 1605 01:23:05,320 --> 01:23:07,840 Speaker 1: a jackass in some of that window, as evidenced in 1606 01:23:08,080 --> 01:23:10,960 Speaker 1: chapter five of Grow Wash Your Face, but still it 1607 01:23:11,240 --> 01:23:16,120 Speaker 1: was it was it was a it was a good mistake, uh. 1608 01:23:17,439 --> 01:23:19,679 Speaker 1: I mean, a story that I'd tell in the book 1609 01:23:19,760 --> 01:23:23,840 Speaker 1: is one of me feeling this imposter syndrome and having 1610 01:23:23,880 --> 01:23:30,160 Speaker 1: been the beneficiary of having received more promotions than most 1611 01:23:30,200 --> 01:23:32,040 Speaker 1: people receive in a short window of time. And so 1612 01:23:32,080 --> 01:23:35,519 Speaker 1: I found myself sitting in a room where I was 1613 01:23:35,640 --> 01:23:38,280 Speaker 1: certain that everyone was judging whether I was worthy of 1614 01:23:38,400 --> 01:23:41,960 Speaker 1: having been given this third promotion in three years in 1615 01:23:42,080 --> 01:23:46,120 Speaker 1: a way that manifested where every time the room would 1616 01:23:46,280 --> 01:23:48,800 Speaker 1: fall silent, I would try to fill that room with 1617 01:23:48,960 --> 01:23:52,600 Speaker 1: something smart so that I could justify my worthiness of 1618 01:23:52,680 --> 01:23:55,519 Speaker 1: having the seat. And it didn't even a lot of 1619 01:23:55,600 --> 01:23:57,760 Speaker 1: times have anything to do with what was happening in 1620 01:23:57,800 --> 01:23:59,400 Speaker 1: the conversation. I was just like, oh, I have a 1621 01:23:59,439 --> 01:24:01,960 Speaker 1: smart factor, woid. Let me jam it in here so 1622 01:24:02,120 --> 01:24:04,360 Speaker 1: that you can all see how smart I am. And 1623 01:24:05,439 --> 01:24:08,719 Speaker 1: it was after one of these meetings where the boss's 1624 01:24:08,840 --> 01:24:12,000 Speaker 1: boss asked, Hey, can I see you in my office? 1625 01:24:12,080 --> 01:24:14,800 Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh, They're gonna make a bronze of 1626 01:24:14,920 --> 01:24:19,240 Speaker 1: this moment. I'm getting like memorialized for having contributed beyond 1627 01:24:19,280 --> 01:24:21,280 Speaker 1: the call of duty in a meeting like, let's not 1628 01:24:21,360 --> 01:24:23,120 Speaker 1: go for the high five, Let's make it a high ten. 1629 01:24:24,520 --> 01:24:27,240 Speaker 1: Announced myself like this is gonna be amazing. And I 1630 01:24:27,360 --> 01:24:31,559 Speaker 1: walk in door closes and he says, shut the f up. 1631 01:24:31,960 --> 01:24:36,960 Speaker 1: I mean, just like destroys me, like soul piercing. And 1632 01:24:37,120 --> 01:24:39,920 Speaker 1: he said, look, if we didn't think that you were 1633 01:24:39,920 --> 01:24:41,320 Speaker 1: the right person for this job, we wouldn't put you 1634 01:24:41,400 --> 01:24:46,000 Speaker 1: in the job. And here you are undermining your credibility 1635 01:24:46,479 --> 01:24:50,200 Speaker 1: by trying to convince people who are not actually worried 1636 01:24:50,200 --> 01:24:51,880 Speaker 1: about whether or not you are good enough to have 1637 01:24:52,000 --> 01:24:56,800 Speaker 1: this job that you are qualified. Knock it off just 1638 01:24:57,360 --> 01:25:01,320 Speaker 1: at value when value is requested, and otherwise sit back 1639 01:25:01,400 --> 01:25:04,360 Speaker 1: and listen. And it was, you know, maybe three years 1640 01:25:04,360 --> 01:25:07,080 Speaker 1: into my seventeen years at Disney, and it fundamentally changed 1641 01:25:07,120 --> 01:25:09,920 Speaker 1: the way that I sat at tables and felt the 1642 01:25:10,520 --> 01:25:13,880 Speaker 1: need to overcompensate and spaces where I've been given more 1643 01:25:13,880 --> 01:25:16,879 Speaker 1: opportunity than my resume deserved. What a gift and kudos 1644 01:25:16,920 --> 01:25:20,840 Speaker 1: to you for being receptive to such a blessing. Wow, dude, 1645 01:25:21,439 --> 01:25:25,920 Speaker 1: you're superhero. You are Dude, You're a superhero. Okay, where 1646 01:25:25,960 --> 01:25:27,400 Speaker 1: can I want to get this book? It comes out 1647 01:25:27,400 --> 01:25:29,920 Speaker 1: when March tenth, tenth? Okay, where can what the name 1648 01:25:29,960 --> 01:25:31,400 Speaker 1: of the book is, get out of your own way? 1649 01:25:31,439 --> 01:25:34,600 Speaker 1: Where can people find it? Literally anywhere? I mean they 1650 01:25:34,640 --> 01:25:36,680 Speaker 1: can go to Amazon, they can go to get out 1651 01:25:36,720 --> 01:25:39,439 Speaker 1: of your own Way, the book dot com, Um, they 1652 01:25:39,520 --> 01:25:42,479 Speaker 1: can go to Target, they can go literally anywhere books 1653 01:25:42,479 --> 01:25:44,920 Speaker 1: are sold. Awesome. Uh, and where can people find more 1654 01:25:45,040 --> 01:25:48,160 Speaker 1: of you? Hang out on social I'm Mr Dave Hollis 1655 01:25:48,200 --> 01:25:50,960 Speaker 1: on Instagram, Dave Hollis on Facebook. If you go to 1656 01:25:51,000 --> 01:25:54,240 Speaker 1: the Hollis Code dot com. We throw rat events, have 1657 01:25:54,439 --> 01:25:58,160 Speaker 1: coaching that that exists. There's uh journals you can but 1658 01:25:58,280 --> 01:26:00,360 Speaker 1: there's a whole host of things you can do. Our 1659 01:26:00,479 --> 01:26:02,600 Speaker 1: our company exists to put tools in people's hands to 1660 01:26:02,640 --> 01:26:05,000 Speaker 1: help them have a better life. And we're gonna come. 1661 01:26:05,240 --> 01:26:06,760 Speaker 1: You know, we're committed to trying to have as much 1662 01:26:06,800 --> 01:26:10,639 Speaker 1: impact as possible, so and making a event for dudes, 1663 01:26:11,000 --> 01:26:13,760 Speaker 1: and making an event for dudes where Brooks will headline 1664 01:26:13,840 --> 01:26:17,840 Speaker 1: with me, Holy count, We're gonna change some lives. Yeah. Uh, 1665 01:26:18,160 --> 01:26:20,519 Speaker 1: last word, anything you have for a community or something 1666 01:26:20,640 --> 01:26:23,479 Speaker 1: that you're extremely proud of, anything you want to share 1667 01:26:23,840 --> 01:26:26,120 Speaker 1: your last words with our community. I'm going to go 1668 01:26:26,240 --> 01:26:29,320 Speaker 1: back to the tattoo because it has been my mantra, 1669 01:26:29,479 --> 01:26:31,479 Speaker 1: this idea that a ship is safe in harbor, but 1670 01:26:31,600 --> 01:26:33,960 Speaker 1: that's not what ships were built for. I want to 1671 01:26:34,080 --> 01:26:38,519 Speaker 1: encourage anyone who in any way isn't today feeling totally fulfilled, 1672 01:26:38,640 --> 01:26:43,200 Speaker 1: to ask if they've left the harbor of certainty, because 1673 01:26:43,760 --> 01:26:47,960 Speaker 1: I in now realizing why I was stuck and how 1674 01:26:48,640 --> 01:26:52,160 Speaker 1: my ditch digging had a genesis. It was connected to 1675 01:26:52,280 --> 01:26:55,120 Speaker 1: the way the rope was still on the dock. You 1676 01:26:55,960 --> 01:26:58,160 Speaker 1: have been given a certain amount of gifts that this 1677 01:26:58,280 --> 01:27:00,200 Speaker 1: world needs. You have a certain amount of lie that 1678 01:27:00,280 --> 01:27:03,720 Speaker 1: this dark space that we all inhabit need, and it 1679 01:27:03,840 --> 01:27:06,720 Speaker 1: can only truly be unleashed if you are willing to 1680 01:27:07,000 --> 01:27:08,880 Speaker 1: leave the thing you know for the thing you need. 1681 01:27:09,280 --> 01:27:12,559 Speaker 1: The choppy waters where growth really will actually unlock fulfillment 1682 01:27:12,600 --> 01:27:16,800 Speaker 1: for you. About this guy, Come on, I appreciate your brother, 1683 01:27:17,280 --> 01:27:23,080 Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Can we have Dave back now? 1684 01:27:23,680 --> 01:27:25,679 Speaker 1: I'm going to go to Tuson and try and men fancy, 1685 01:27:26,240 --> 01:27:28,920 Speaker 1: I mean this show is honestly of course we need 1686 01:27:29,040 --> 01:27:31,120 Speaker 1: to now bring Dave back with the other guys. I 1687 01:27:31,200 --> 01:27:32,960 Speaker 1: wanted to do it with you guys first, so that, 1688 01:27:33,120 --> 01:27:36,080 Speaker 1: like you know, Daniel probably already booked me a ticket 1689 01:27:36,120 --> 01:27:40,360 Speaker 1: to Tucson to go. Um. What about your podcast? Where 1690 01:27:40,360 --> 01:27:43,080 Speaker 1: can people find? Because your your mission, your voice, just 1691 01:27:43,200 --> 01:27:48,160 Speaker 1: as everyst what's it called? So we have a very 1692 01:27:48,240 --> 01:27:50,200 Speaker 1: bizarre thing. My wife and I do a morning show 1693 01:27:50,320 --> 01:27:53,040 Speaker 1: every day on Facebook and Instagram called the Start Today 1694 01:27:53,120 --> 01:27:55,960 Speaker 1: Morning Show. It also does a replay on iTunes and 1695 01:27:56,040 --> 01:27:59,759 Speaker 1: everywhere podcasts exists. We have a relationship podcast called Rise Together, 1696 01:28:00,000 --> 01:28:02,320 Speaker 1: and then my wife has a business podcast called Rise. 1697 01:28:03,080 --> 01:28:05,080 Speaker 1: These guys are crushing. Let's go. I need to come 1698 01:28:05,120 --> 01:28:06,720 Speaker 1: hang out with you a day, for a day or two, 1699 01:28:06,840 --> 01:28:10,679 Speaker 1: or a week or a month. At first, I thought 1700 01:28:10,680 --> 01:28:14,360 Speaker 1: I said, I was going to say Arizona. I would 1701 01:28:14,439 --> 01:28:17,600 Speaker 1: never I would never go to Arizona. You guys execute 1702 01:28:18,000 --> 01:28:20,559 Speaker 1: so well like you guys at something in my life 1703 01:28:20,560 --> 01:28:22,760 Speaker 1: that I know. I'm failing miserably. I don't know like 1704 01:28:22,880 --> 01:28:25,479 Speaker 1: you are. You have a standing invite. Come over see 1705 01:28:25,520 --> 01:28:27,280 Speaker 1: the place we bought a Baptist church that we turned 1706 01:28:27,280 --> 01:28:29,240 Speaker 1: into a headquarters. It's got a Jay Z quote on 1707 01:28:29,240 --> 01:28:31,439 Speaker 1: the wall. There's a studio that looks nothing like this 1708 01:28:31,520 --> 01:28:34,800 Speaker 1: when we record our shows. This guy isn't there, So 1709 01:28:35,800 --> 01:28:38,080 Speaker 1: I mean I miss I miss him not working for us. 1710 01:28:38,200 --> 01:28:41,400 Speaker 1: But otherwise you are. You are welcome. I'll give you 1711 01:28:41,479 --> 01:28:43,360 Speaker 1: the full playbook. Brother. I love it, buddy. Thank you 1712 01:28:43,439 --> 01:28:45,200 Speaker 1: so much. Thank you, Dave. I appreciate you more than 1713 01:28:45,240 --> 01:28:47,760 Speaker 1: you know. Thank you you forgot your ending. I was 1714 01:28:47,840 --> 01:28:50,880 Speaker 1: doing it right. I was worried. You Just going to 1715 01:28:51,000 --> 01:28:54,240 Speaker 1: thank everybody for listening today and leave them with this 1716 01:28:54,800 --> 01:28:57,360 Speaker 1: till next week. Take care of one another, love one another, 1717 01:28:57,479 --> 01:28:59,120 Speaker 1: and we'll see you back here for another episode of 1718 01:28:59,160 --> 01:28:59,680 Speaker 1: How Men Think