Speaker 1: I Suck At Dating with de Nunglert and Dared Haven
Speaker 1: and I heard radio podcast What's going on? Everyone? Welcome
Speaker 1: to Thursday's color edition of Help I Suck At Dating.
Speaker 1: I hope you listen to Sunday's episode because we had
Speaker 1: Leah co host with us and she was fantastic and
Speaker 1: we got her for another one. We have three callers
Speaker 1: calling in again as we've been doing lately. Keep your
Speaker 1: questions coming. Maybe we can get you on the phone
Speaker 1: to email us at I Suck at Dating at i
Speaker 1: heeart media dot com. I think our first caller is
Speaker 1: going to be Beth, and let's see if we can
Speaker 1: get them in here. Hello, how are you? You know?
Speaker 1: I can't complain? How are you? I cannot complain? The
Speaker 1: sun is shining, It's absorbing into my skin. About it's
Speaker 1: a beautiful it's a beautiful day. Beth, what's going on
Speaker 1: in your life today? You know what? This is kind
Speaker 1: of embarrassing and it feels stupid, but I could definitely
Speaker 1: use your thoughts. Honestly, we should read in that podcast,
Speaker 1: this podcast to that Embarrassing and stupid hosted by Dana Jared.
Speaker 1: This is embarrassing and stupid, but I would listen. I
Speaker 1: would listen. So I've been on the apps for a
Speaker 1: couple of months now, and I just I can't get
Speaker 1: over the beards on these guys. Yeah, just for Lea
Speaker 1: and Jared. I was just hoping that she was going
Speaker 1: to say, well, I match with a really famous artist
Speaker 1: and I d menter and she blocked me and deleted
Speaker 1: the app twenty four hours later. Sorry, Beth, continue, It's okay,
Speaker 1: you know, It's not quite that dramatic. And maybe I'm
Speaker 1: being over sensitive. Maybe it's a location things. I'm in
Speaker 1: the rule Ish Midwest, but genuinely, it seems like nine
Speaker 1: out of ten of these guys have some scraggly, untrimmed
Speaker 1: one to two inch beards. And I'm not like, not
Speaker 1: a five o'clock shadow situation, not groomed, but this this
Speaker 1: patchy mess see beard And it makes swiping hard for
Speaker 1: me because it's all I can see after all these profiles,
Speaker 1: all these guys look the same, and I'm worried that
Speaker 1: I might be passing up a genuinely great guy over
Speaker 1: facial hair, which sounds stupid, but then do I really
Speaker 1: want to date someone who doesn't know what a trimor
Speaker 1: is like, do I just look past it or what
Speaker 1: do I do? I think it's so funny that you
Speaker 1: called into this podcast because Jared is maybe one of
Speaker 1: those guys. Jared's beard has been coming along really strong lately,
Speaker 1: and Leah lives in Denver although she has a boyfriend. Now,
Speaker 1: I feel like Denver has to be the scraggy beard
Speaker 1: capital of the world. It is absolutely And I will
Speaker 1: say I never dated anybody before my current boyfriend, Um
Speaker 1: that had you know, a lot of facial hair, and
Speaker 1: I've always been into facial hair. I love a good
Speaker 1: man bun and a beard. But that said, if the
Speaker 1: beard is not being taken care of, that's I mean,
Speaker 1: that's hygiene. So if you really like somebody, I mean
Speaker 1: I would just say at least go on a date
Speaker 1: because you never know they could be doing that because
Speaker 1: it's a new thing or it's no shave November. Well
Speaker 1: it's not yet, but you never know when those pictures
Speaker 1: are from. And if it works out, you can always
Speaker 1: invest in some really good beard oil and make it
Speaker 1: very soft, or in the middle of the night just
Speaker 1: go how what's a good way to comfortably tell someone that,
Speaker 1: especially someone that you just met, that you want them
Speaker 1: to trim their beard more. Is there like a way
Speaker 1: you can approach that well? I mean, for Ryan Um,
Speaker 1: whenever his beard gets too long and kind of puby
Speaker 1: a kiss and I'm like, oh, like that's scratchy or
Speaker 1: you know, it doesn't feel good, so I will I'm
Speaker 1: open and I say, you know, this doesn't feel good
Speaker 1: on my face, Like I don't want you to kiss
Speaker 1: me until you shave it down or put some oil
Speaker 1: in it, whatever you need to do. Because we women
Speaker 1: take so much care of ourselves. It's insane what we
Speaker 1: do as women to make men feel good and you know,
Speaker 1: feel beautiful for them. And if you can find a
Speaker 1: guy that has a beard and you can see him
Speaker 1: looking good without it, you just you have to take
Speaker 1: that risk because you have you have no idea of
Speaker 1: maybe they never had a beard before and it's like
Speaker 1: a new thing, and I would just say go for it. Yeah.
Speaker 1: It is pretty funny how men have these scraggly, disgusting
Speaker 1: beards and then they see like a little bit of
Speaker 1: body hair on a woman and they're like, oh, this
Speaker 1: is disgusting. I got you, lazy, painless, come see me. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm fortunate where I can't really grow a beard at all.
Speaker 1: I can only grow this disgusting pubic goatee. So I
Speaker 1: like no choice really but to grow, but to keep
Speaker 1: it kind of clean shaven for the most part. Um.
Speaker 1: But I don't know, Jared, what are your thoughts on this.
Speaker 1: I like patchy beards. I know, listen, it's not that bad.
Speaker 1: I keep it cleaned up. You know, I need a
Speaker 1: trip now. But yeah, I have a patchy beard. You
Speaker 1: know who else has a patchy beard? And Ben Ben
Speaker 1: has a pretty patchy beard. Yeah, Ben's got patchy facial
Speaker 1: hair as well. He's got a patchy beard. I find
Speaker 1: all the cool kids have patchy beards. A patchy beard
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ, Okay, yeah, that's right patchy. I think that's
Speaker 1: like a full sick I don't agreed without knowing, but
Speaker 1: you're gonna go against j c uh. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's I got nothing like just do I'll
Speaker 1: tell him to shave it or if, like I don't know,
Speaker 1: if you don't find it attractive, then don't go after him. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's tricky because, like you said, Beth,
Speaker 1: you're in the Midwest where I think they probably run
Speaker 1: a little rampant out there. Um, that is tricky, man,
Speaker 1: That is that is tricky. Maybe you can put in
Speaker 1: your profile like looking at beard cut man or something
Speaker 1: that's bad idea have a beer question mark, like you're
Speaker 1: gonna have to shave it, swipe right, get the clippers
Speaker 1: or swipe right. Yeah that's kind of funny. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: I do agree with what Leo is saying too, because
Speaker 1: like you, especially if you're kissing it all the time,
Speaker 1: like and your skin is not used to having that
Speaker 1: type of friction on it, you could break out, like
Speaker 1: you could have like skin reactions to it. So like
Speaker 1: it really does it is your It like boils down
Speaker 1: to your comfort level and like keeping you more comfortable,
Speaker 1: which I think is important. Um yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think I think you could just set the standard
Speaker 1: pretty early on, like, hey, if you want to take
Speaker 1: this seriously and you want to date me, trim the
Speaker 1: beer at least keep it clean shaven, or like LI said,
Speaker 1: put some oil in it, get it soft. I wish
Speaker 1: I had more experience with this issue, but I don't
Speaker 1: think I have very good advice for it. For your Beth,
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. No, you know what Honestly, you guys
Speaker 1: validated me because I thought I was being really mean
Speaker 1: and overly picky. So at least I know it's okay
Speaker 1: to talk about it and maybe that mean. So there's
Speaker 1: definitely there's definitely something going on in the air. Over
Speaker 1: the past like five to ten years, guys have really
Speaker 1: stopped caring myself included, guys have just stopped caring in
Speaker 1: in their presentation of themselves with like the beard. Uh
Speaker 1: maybe it's going as far as saying, like the way
Speaker 1: they dress, so it's not just you. I think that.
Speaker 1: I think, really think there's been a shift in men
Speaker 1: where they just like are putting in minimal effort all
Speaker 1: the time. There has, but they would be livid if
Speaker 1: us women did that. I'm gonna stop shaving my armpits.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna whatever. Like the misogyny is very very real. Um,
Speaker 1: you could do that. You can fight fire with fire
Speaker 1: bath and just grow out some like nice armpit hair
Speaker 1: or something like that. Yeah, and say, look, I'll shave
Speaker 1: my armpits if you shave your beard, simple as that
Speaker 1: win win. That would save so much money with like
Speaker 1: waxing empoyments. You have no idea. I don't have any idea,
Speaker 1: but I think it'd be hilarious and I'm all for it.
Speaker 1: Is clutch, Uh, that's what I wanted to get t M.
Speaker 1: I well, and we probably should move on to the
Speaker 1: next collar. But I want to get my butt waxed,
Speaker 1: and I just have never done it. I always wanted
Speaker 1: to do it. Your's gonna be freezing if you come
Speaker 1: into Denver. I'll do laser harmonball on you on my
Speaker 1: but Calen wanted me to do it on my butt.
Speaker 1: I said, I said no, I thought it was painful. Anyways, Um, Beth,
Speaker 1: thank you for calling. We hope that helps. Best of luck.
Speaker 1: It does, Thank you so much. Who do we have next?
Speaker 1: We have Rachel calling in Hire. Good. How are you?
Speaker 1: We're good? Thank you for asking? What's going on? Well?
Speaker 1: I have like this really anxious attachment style. Um, I
Speaker 1: just like it, really like discouraged and immediately just like
Speaker 1: down on myself and sad when the person I've been
Speaker 1: talking to go silent for a few hours even like
Speaker 1: half a day, and I don't I'm just talking to
Speaker 1: this guy right now that like he's not the best
Speaker 1: at communication. He's like, you know, really over the phone
Speaker 1: and with texting. He does, all right, but um, he's
Speaker 1: not communicating now and it's been about five and a
Speaker 1: half hours. So I'm just getting really really anxious about that. Um,
Speaker 1: don't get anxious about that. You were gonna say five
Speaker 1: and a a half days and then I was gonna be like, girl, Yeah,
Speaker 1: no hours though. I mean he could be working, he
Speaker 1: could be working on something very important and can't look
Speaker 1: at his phone, or he's with his family and can't
Speaker 1: look at his phone. I don't know. There's there's multiple
Speaker 1: explanations for not texting back within you know, the span
Speaker 1: of like six to eight hours. Yeah, I just I like,
Speaker 1: I know realistically that he has a life outside of
Speaker 1: talking to me, And I mean it's dumb. I know,
Speaker 1: it's so dumb to be like anxious about it, but
Speaker 1: I just can't help. But it's like, just talk to me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but it does come back to him a little bit too,
Speaker 1: especially if you can communicate that to him, like anxious
Speaker 1: attachment style. I haven't avoided an attachment style, So maybe
Speaker 1: that's what his is where I like, I always just
Speaker 1: kind of keep my space and distance and all that
Speaker 1: kind of stuff. So maybe that's what he is. And
Speaker 1: then you guys just need to figure out a balance
Speaker 1: that works for you. But I do think the first
Speaker 1: step is communicating that with him. How long have you
Speaker 1: guys been together for? Well, we've been talking for about
Speaker 1: a couple couple of months, so yeah, definitely something I
Speaker 1: can communicate with him. Yeah, long enough to where you
Speaker 1: should feel comfortable communicating that. And I don't think I don't, like,
Speaker 1: I mean, sure, I guess the simple fixes just to
Speaker 1: not be anxious about it, but like, I mean, you are,
Speaker 1: so I think the best thing to do is tell
Speaker 1: him you are that you are and why you are,
Speaker 1: and hope that it fixes itself. And if it doesn't,
Speaker 1: then maybe, uh then try to be less anxious about it.
Speaker 1: But I think it's pretty unfair to just say just
Speaker 1: don't be anxious. Whenever I try to use that logic
Speaker 1: on Kalin, she gets really upset at me. She's like
Speaker 1: worried about something, and I just say, oh, just don't
Speaker 1: worry about it. It's simple. It's like, well, no, it doesn't.
Speaker 1: It doesn't work that you know. Um, so, so hopefully
Speaker 1: you know, if he likes you enough, which it sounds
Speaker 1: like he does. If you guys been together a few
Speaker 1: months that it's something he's willing to work on. But
Speaker 1: it's not gonna happen, right, It's not gonna happen overnight.
Speaker 1: You know, you have to be patient with it and uh,
Speaker 1: maybe you guys can kind of meet in the middle somewhere. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just I just started like thinking the worse and
Speaker 1: like my fears come up, and it's just is he
Speaker 1: just interested in to me? Or is you know why
Speaker 1: is he not talking anymore? So? I guess it's just
Speaker 1: a way of like working it out and talking about
Speaker 1: it that hopefully I can get some insight into his
Speaker 1: brain and what he's thinking. Yeah, well, Leah or Jared,
Speaker 1: do you guys know your attachment styles? Um? I don't.
Speaker 1: Actually don't I know that. Um. You know, I've been
Speaker 1: a relationship for many years and we'll go the entire
Speaker 1: day without talking. We're both jobs, both in some meetings. UM.
Speaker 1: And you just have to have that trust and that
Speaker 1: comes with time. Um. And you know, at the beginning
Speaker 1: of relationship, kind of in the honeymoon phase, you're talking
Speaker 1: more than you do later in life. Um. But I
Speaker 1: don't know what this guy's what your boyfriend's job is
Speaker 1: or um, you know, what he does during the day,
Speaker 1: but there could be so many reasons why he's not
Speaker 1: texting you back. And if everything else besides the fact
Speaker 1: that he hasn't text you back is going well and um,
Speaker 1: nothing seems off for sketchy, then I think maybe just
Speaker 1: give him a little bit of grace and wait to
Speaker 1: see what he says and if you know, if there's
Speaker 1: something sketchy going on him, that's a different story. I
Speaker 1: guess I'd probably be secure attachment because yeah, probably mean
Speaker 1: to I don't know, like I don't get too anxious. Uh,
Speaker 1: And then I certainly don't avoid, but I do very
Speaker 1: much like my alone time. So I guess I would
Speaker 1: be secure because I'm not looking to avoid, but I
Speaker 1: don't need to be together. I just kind of like,
Speaker 1: I mean, I love Ashley, I think obviously, yeah, but
Speaker 1: she wants to spend every minute with me and it's
Speaker 1: so sweet. I love her so much for it. But
Speaker 1: there are times where I'm like, I think I just
Speaker 1: kind of want to like close my door and listen
Speaker 1: to music, play video games that cool before dude, I spend.
Speaker 1: That's people wonder why guys spend It's like I close
Speaker 1: and locked that door and I audibly go, yeah, Lee,
Speaker 1: I know I don't know you that well, but Jared
Speaker 1: I would agree with you that your secure attachment as well.
Speaker 1: I think that's uh an astute assessment of yourself. Um.
Speaker 1: But yeah, Rachel, Hopefully that helps you know. Like we said,
Speaker 1: it's not something that's gonna happen overnight. Hopefully you guys
Speaker 1: are able to work through it and figure out what
Speaker 1: works best for you. Guys. But thank you for calling.
Speaker 1: We appreciate it. Best of thank you, thank you. By
Speaker 1: we have one more caller, ladies and gentlemen of help.
Speaker 1: I second dating. Their name is Wesley. Let's see what
Speaker 1: is going on in Wesley's life. It is a good name.
Speaker 1: Is it Wesley or Wesley? Which one of you guys
Speaker 1: think Wesley? Oh, Wesley, Wesley? It might be Wesley. I
Speaker 1: think Wesley has a T, doesn't it Wesley? Wesley? I
Speaker 1: don't know, you know, like Leslie or less like Whenever
Speaker 1: you say Leslie, I'm thinking Wes Wesley. Yeah, Leslie with
Speaker 1: the W. Well, let's find out, Leslie. How's it going.
Speaker 1: We're doing good? How do you pronounce your name? First
Speaker 1: and foremost? It's Wesley, Lesley? Yeah, No, with a hard
Speaker 1: ass Wesley. Wesley. Okay, okay, I'm thinking of have you
Speaker 1: ever seen The Prince Princess so many, many times, many times?
Speaker 1: So the lead actor in there, his name is Wesley,
Speaker 1: but it spelled with a t oh no, no, no,
Speaker 1: he's nothing like me. One hold on, I got it.
Speaker 1: So his is Wesley. Yeah, how do you say yours? Wesley? Yeah?
Speaker 1: It's almost like almost like yeah Wesley, Yeah, exactly, Leslie,
Speaker 1: That's what I was saying. That that was that was
Speaker 1: the most elegant pronunciation anybody has ever Alright, Wesley, what's
Speaker 1: going like? What's going on? All right? Here's the deal. Basically,
Speaker 1: I went out with this girl. Really like her, nice smart,
Speaker 1: We really click. We've been going out for like four
Speaker 1: or five four or five weeks, about a month something
Speaker 1: like that. Um, And she said that she wants to
Speaker 1: wait a while to sleep together, to have sex, which
Speaker 1: is cool. I got I mean, I totally get it.
Speaker 1: She told me that in the past, you know, guys
Speaker 1: have been less than cool with that. But also she's
Speaker 1: been used a lot and she wants to be careful.
Speaker 1: I do like her, um, but after like this much time,
Speaker 1: I do want to have sex. I want to sleep together,
Speaker 1: and I want to like make her feel comfortable, and
Speaker 1: I feel like I am, you know, committed and present,
Speaker 1: and then I take the relationship seriously and I don't
Speaker 1: really know how to demonstrate that to her without coming
Speaker 1: across as pushy, and so I just, you know, I
Speaker 1: don't know. I'm not sure how to play it or
Speaker 1: what to say. How long you've been together, We've been
Speaker 1: seeing each other for like four weeks, for four and
Speaker 1: a half weeks. Still pretty fresh, pretty fresh. Yeah, it's fresh,
Speaker 1: but it's like a pretty good connection. I think we
Speaker 1: both acknowledge that we like, we see real potential here,
Speaker 1: but also like sex as part of the intimacy process.
Speaker 1: So I'm not totally sure. I don't know. It's just
Speaker 1: it's a tough call. So so Wesley, uh, you you
Speaker 1: said you really like this girl and you have a connection.
Speaker 1: I do like this girl. We have a yeah, like
Speaker 1: a big connection. Yeah. So my advice, or what I
Speaker 1: would say, is that hopefully you will have sex with
Speaker 1: this girl many many times. Yes, what's the rush? Thousands
Speaker 1: of times? So I guess my question would be, what's
Speaker 1: the rush if she really wants to even take it further? Slow,
Speaker 1: you know, I mean, it's tough. There comes a point
Speaker 1: where obviously you know your needs have to be met too,
Speaker 1: and there needs to be a conversation. But I think,
Speaker 1: like a month in it's not unreasonable to say I'd
Speaker 1: like to wait a little bit longer. I waited over
Speaker 1: a month, and I wasn't needing to wait. I just
Speaker 1: actually I think Ryan was the one that said no
Speaker 1: to me. It's like you, uh so no, And I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, let's do let's do this. Um, have
Speaker 1: you guys had any other sexual Yeah, we've Yeah, yeah
Speaker 1: we have, We've we've done other stuff. Um. I don't
Speaker 1: know how detailed do you want me to get, but yeah,
Speaker 1: we've like been involved in amorous behavior. Um okay, but
Speaker 1: uh yeah. She seems pretty hesitant, and I can tell
Speaker 1: that some of it does have to do with her past,
Speaker 1: Like I don't know she explained it to me, but
Speaker 1: I can I can also just feel it like there
Speaker 1: are reasons and certain experiences that have led up to this.
Speaker 1: I can just I can feel that. You know, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's tricky, man, that's a that's a tricky spot to be.
Speaker 1: I think, as much as it stinks, you do have
Speaker 1: to just kind of be patient and let her move
Speaker 1: at her own speed. Um especially you know, like like
Speaker 1: you're saying, you four weeks in not a lot of time,
Speaker 1: but not it's not obviously no time, Like that's still
Speaker 1: a good amount of time to get to know someone.
Speaker 1: Um yeah, I don't know. It's tricky. It's tricky, especially
Speaker 1: when you really like them, and a lot of times,
Speaker 1: like going that that last step can really dictate where
Speaker 1: relationship is going to go, whether for the better for
Speaker 1: the worst, if you guys are compatible in that way.
Speaker 1: Uh So, sometimes it's nice to just know sooner rather
Speaker 1: than later. But it's it's hard to like, like, you know,
Speaker 1: I think you should be as patient as you can
Speaker 1: be and kind of let her move ot her own pace.
Speaker 1: But I don't know. Is there a way that I
Speaker 1: can without actually directly addressing sex? Is there a way
Speaker 1: that I can sort of communicate or demonstrate to her
Speaker 1: that I am, like really invested in this and that
Speaker 1: I do see her as someone that could potentially be
Speaker 1: a partner, And how can I express that? That's a
Speaker 1: really good question. That's a really good question. What do
Speaker 1: you guys think? I mean, I I think open communication
Speaker 1: is the most important thing, really repeating. I think if
Speaker 1: you say it once, sure it lands and she might
Speaker 1: respect you for it. But I don't know if she
Speaker 1: necessarily has to believe you. But if you showcase with
Speaker 1: not only your words but your actions, which means, you know,
Speaker 1: making her feel as comfortable, um, you know, even has
Speaker 1: she been to your place yet, she's been over, so
Speaker 1: like having her over your place a couple more times
Speaker 1: and not even bringing up sex, you know, making sure
Speaker 1: that hey, like, just because I'm inviting you over doesn't
Speaker 1: mean that I'm implying that we need to be intimate
Speaker 1: communicating like I really like you, I completely understand where
Speaker 1: you're at um, and you know, I want you to
Speaker 1: know what my intentions are UM, so she feels comfortable
Speaker 1: um and not pressure because the pressure is what will
Speaker 1: make her run the other direction. Do you think that's
Speaker 1: a good idea to let your intentions be known? Like
Speaker 1: if you do see a long term relationship with this person, uh,
Speaker 1: that might help put her at ease when it comes
Speaker 1: to that aspect of things. Maybe, Like I don't know
Speaker 1: if you've met many of her friends or family yet,
Speaker 1: but I think once she sees you in that environment too,
Speaker 1: it'll help her feel more comfortable around you and make
Speaker 1: it seem like more of a long term thing, because
Speaker 1: that's really what it seems like to me. Is the
Speaker 1: big issue, Like the impact that she's having is, like
Speaker 1: you said, she's got these trust issues in the past,
Speaker 1: and if you make it clear to her that it's
Speaker 1: not just like a one off thing and you do
Speaker 1: intend to be around for a while, which you know,
Speaker 1: if you do intend for those things, then um, that's
Speaker 1: great and I think that will just kind of help things,
Speaker 1: maybe speed up the process a little bit. Um. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I do agree with Lee. I think making your intentions
Speaker 1: abundantly clear is uh not like your your your immediate
Speaker 1: sexual intentions, but like your long term relationship intentions. I think, Um,
Speaker 1: if you do plan on going that route, I think
Speaker 1: it's good to get that out there and let her
Speaker 1: know that that's how you feel. Jared, you actually have
Speaker 1: had a relationship, like you guys, probably took some time.
Speaker 1: You guys were friends, relationship up and down. Now you're
Speaker 1: married with a beautiful baby boy. Yeah. It was different
Speaker 1: though because we weren't committed from Radolf the start, so
Speaker 1: it wasn't a commitment, and then we made a conscious
Speaker 1: decision to wait on the intimacy. It was more like
Speaker 1: up and down, friends together, not together, um. And then
Speaker 1: we were strictly friends for a very long time, and
Speaker 1: then we got together, and then of course we had
Speaker 1: conversations about intimacy because anytime you go from being friends
Speaker 1: to in a relationship. But I don't know if those
Speaker 1: conversations are pertinent, because it was more of making sure
Speaker 1: that this felt right, which honestly did. Like the first
Speaker 1: time we kissed, it was like, okay, yeah, this is
Speaker 1: not weird at all, which is a great sign. But
Speaker 1: for you, Wesley, um, yeah, I think it's more about
Speaker 1: just reassuring her that you are putting her first before
Speaker 1: your own needs. And then there will certainly come a
Speaker 1: point if you guys, aren't intimate, where you're going to
Speaker 1: have to have a conversation with her saying Okay, you
Speaker 1: know i've been as patients I can, and I want
Speaker 1: to continue moving forward and I want to make you
Speaker 1: feel as comfortable as possible, but I am attracted to you.
Speaker 1: I would love for us to move forward in this
Speaker 1: part of the relationship. And then, of course, if she
Speaker 1: keeps saying no, no, no, no, and you're talking about
Speaker 1: three months now, of course, then you have to decide, Okay,
Speaker 1: you know, is there something wrong here, She's not attracted
Speaker 1: to me, what's going on? Yeah, that's really good advice.
Speaker 1: You brought up another really good point to and I
Speaker 1: that I've been thinking about. I realized she hasn't met
Speaker 1: my social circle, and that is a big thing that
Speaker 1: sort of sends the message, Hey, I'm introducing you to
Speaker 1: my people, and I want you to know that that
Speaker 1: just it communicates so much about your intentions. And I
Speaker 1: think it's not by design. It's not like I've kept
Speaker 1: her away from my friends or anything, but that does
Speaker 1: feel like a step in the right direction. Yeah. I've
Speaker 1: definitely been in relationships in the past where I've maybe
Speaker 1: waited to introduce them to my friends, and it's become
Speaker 1: a point of contention at times. So I do agree
Speaker 1: with you Wesley that introducing her to your friends would
Speaker 1: it would be a step in the right direction at
Speaker 1: least for sure. Yeah, I agree. I think that's gonna
Speaker 1: be so. And maybe I just won't bring all this
Speaker 1: stuff up, I mean, not talking about it is a way,
Speaker 1: like you all said, sort of just maybe like hands
Speaker 1: off for a minute, focus on other things and that
Speaker 1: will sort of like unfold on its own and comfort
Speaker 1: will just grow organically. And I do. Yeah, it's good advice. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I'll tell you what too. If if you're in
Speaker 1: a relationship where like not being physically intimate isn't the
Speaker 1: only thing keeping guys together, then that's a good thing, right, Like,
Speaker 1: if you guys genuinely enjoy spending time together and then
Speaker 1: you also find out later on that you enjoy having
Speaker 1: sex with each other, that's a win win rather than
Speaker 1: many relationships nowadays are sex first and then figure out
Speaker 1: if you guys get along after, where then you find
Speaker 1: out there's nothing to get like you guys just still
Speaker 1: get along and the only thing you like about each
Speaker 1: other is having sex with each other. Then that I
Speaker 1: think that's kind of why a lot of relationships fail.
Speaker 1: But if you guys find out the friendship and like
Speaker 1: the relationship component before the sex, then I just think
Speaker 1: it's kind of more leads you to be more successful
Speaker 1: in the end. I think, do you guys think like
Speaker 1: in the other things that we've done, like obviously we've
Speaker 1: made out and stuff like that, And again I won't
Speaker 1: go into it, but there's that stuff has felt good
Speaker 1: that like beginning sexual stuff that's felt pretty good. Do
Speaker 1: you guys think that that's usually a trustworthy, dependable indication
Speaker 1: that sexual chemistry and all that stuff will like be
Speaker 1: in line and it will fall into place. Where do
Speaker 1: you think that's like not necessarily true? I think I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm monopolizing a conversation here. I think I
Speaker 1: think you fall in line. I think I remember when
Speaker 1: Calen and I first made out, like the first week
Speaker 1: or so of us making out, she kept like doing
Speaker 1: something weird, like she was like biting my lip or something,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I don't like this, please stop.
Speaker 1: And then sure enough eventually she figured out what I like,
Speaker 1: and vice versa, I figured out what she likes, etcetera. Um,
Speaker 1: So I think a lot of that stuff can be
Speaker 1: like learned with your partner. Uh, And sometimes you have
Speaker 1: habits that you think are good and aren't good for
Speaker 1: the specific person. So yeah, I definitely, I definitely think
Speaker 1: that's something that, Uh, if it's not great right away,
Speaker 1: it's not, which is not what you're saying, Um, it
Speaker 1: be great later and like you're saying, and see, like
Speaker 1: the non sexual like makeout sessions you guys are having,
Speaker 1: if those are good. That's a good sign for later
Speaker 1: on two, I would say, true, Yeah, I mean I
Speaker 1: wouldn't call them totally non sexual, but you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: they're Yeah, it's it's it's a tough thing to navigate,
Speaker 1: especially these days because, like I guess, in the media,
Speaker 1: not that I feel one way or another about it,
Speaker 1: and on social media there's so much sexual content and
Speaker 1: relationship so built on that, so it does get tough
Speaker 1: to just sort of find your own rhythm. I guess
Speaker 1: it's so weird because, like you said, to social media
Speaker 1: does such a bad job of portraying what like a
Speaker 1: healthy relationship is supposed to be. Like they oversexualize everything,
Speaker 1: and so it's just like it's it's like everyone wants
Speaker 1: to carry to that standard, but in reality it's nothing
Speaker 1: like that, and it shouldn't be because that's like an
Speaker 1: over sexualization of all those things anyways. But it is still,
Speaker 1: like like you're saying, Wesley, it's still an important facet
Speaker 1: of any relationship. Um, But like, like we've all kind
Speaker 1: of agreed, I do think that taking time, especially like
Speaker 1: being mindful of her speed, is definitely the most important
Speaker 1: and it does set you up for hopefully more success
Speaker 1: down the line. But I agree with you that social
Speaker 1: media is kind of ruining a lot of things in that.
Speaker 1: The one thing I'll say is, Wesley, just be careful
Speaker 1: about who you engage with on social media as far
Speaker 1: as like liking very attractive women's photos, because I can
Speaker 1: tell you from my experience and many other women's experiences
Speaker 1: that it definitely rubs us the wrong way. It makes
Speaker 1: us feel like we're not your priority. So um, just
Speaker 1: keep that. Don't get Jared started on that. He will
Speaker 1: go on a big rank about liking models pictures on Instagram.
Speaker 1: What does it like do? What does it like do
Speaker 1: for you? What does it do for them? It's just like,
Speaker 1: come on, But I agree, I mean, I fully agree
Speaker 1: with you. Leah. Yeah, that's good advice. You gotta be careful. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I know. I think it's the same is true for men.
Speaker 1: I mean I think maybe not to the same degree,
Speaker 1: but on it does that phenomenon does play out. Um
Speaker 1: when the gender rules are reversed as well. I think, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I felt for sure. Um. Well, best of luck, Wesley.
Speaker 1: We appreciate you calling in. Thank you guys, have a
Speaker 1: good one, see you later. We just get a little
Speaker 1: puppy this is my dog who got attacked driving. She
Speaker 1: needs a haircut really bad, but she's she looks great.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, you got your lip bus open,
Speaker 1: but I couldn't even tell I have lipstick on. But
Speaker 1: when I got it was literally split in half and
Speaker 1: it was hanging open. She was in the r I
Speaker 1: was in the yar at a different place, and I
Speaker 1: was like, look, guy, like this is my face. But
Speaker 1: at the same time, I really didn't care. I didn't
Speaker 1: even know what happened until after excited so much adrenaline
Speaker 1: um during the act that Ryan actually looked at me
Speaker 1: was like, I'm like, what what? Yeah, we got to
Speaker 1: take Darlin, And then he looked at me and pointed.
Speaker 1: I went in the bathroom and was like, holy, it
Speaker 1: was literally holding my lip together the whole ride. Well
Speaker 1: that's good to know because Calin also got bit by
Speaker 1: our dog. Seven stitches on our lips, and she's like
Speaker 1: kind of self conscious about the scar. It's gone. It's
Speaker 1: basically unnoticeable now, but it has gone a lot better
Speaker 1: over time and it will And also, like what I've
Speaker 1: been doing is it's very I you know, I have
Speaker 1: some lipstick on, it's very very hard to see, but
Speaker 1: I've been micronatling it, like if I go get in
Speaker 1: my creative treatment, Um you just micronei over scar helps
Speaker 1: break down that scar tissue. Um that goes with any
Speaker 1: scar on your face. So I think it's cool. Dudes
Speaker 1: love scars, so it's love scars. Women don't, but dudes do. Yeah, exactly. Um. Well,
Speaker 1: it's nice to meet Darla and Leah. Thank you so
Speaker 1: much for co hosting these last two episodes with us.
Speaker 1: We appreciate it absolutely. Thank you for having me on.
Speaker 1: It was great, of course. Thank you. We'll be on
Speaker 1: the lookout for some big news from you and Ryan
Speaker 1: pretty soon. Yeah all right, thanks guys. Follow help by
Speaker 1: suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you
Speaker 1: listen to podcast.