WEBVTT - Sucky Daters Anonymous with Leah Block 0:00:01.440 --> 0:00:04.680 I Suck At Dating with de Nunglert and Dared Haven 0:00:04.920 --> 0:00:11.080 and I heard radio podcast What's going on? Everyone? Welcome 0:00:11.160 --> 0:00:14.320 to Thursday's color edition of Help I Suck At Dating. 0:00:14.840 --> 0:00:17.320 I hope you listen to Sunday's episode because we had 0:00:17.400 --> 0:00:19.759 Leah co host with us and she was fantastic and 0:00:19.760 --> 0:00:23.000 we got her for another one. We have three callers 0:00:23.040 --> 0:00:25.960 calling in again as we've been doing lately. Keep your 0:00:26.040 --> 0:00:27.880 questions coming. Maybe we can get you on the phone 0:00:27.920 --> 0:00:30.360 to email us at I Suck at Dating at i 0:00:30.440 --> 0:00:34.240 heeart media dot com. I think our first caller is 0:00:34.280 --> 0:00:35.839 going to be Beth, and let's see if we can 0:00:35.840 --> 0:00:41.000 get them in here. Hello, how are you? You know? 0:00:41.080 --> 0:00:44.800 I can't complain? How are you? I cannot complain? The 0:00:44.880 --> 0:00:49.040 sun is shining, It's absorbing into my skin. About it's 0:00:49.040 --> 0:00:51.640 a beautiful it's a beautiful day. Beth, what's going on 0:00:51.640 --> 0:00:54.680 in your life today? You know what? This is kind 0:00:54.680 --> 0:00:57.360 of embarrassing and it feels stupid, but I could definitely 0:00:57.760 --> 0:01:00.840 use your thoughts. Honestly, we should read in that podcast, 0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:05.039 this podcast to that Embarrassing and stupid hosted by Dana Jared. 0:01:05.440 --> 0:01:09.240 This is embarrassing and stupid, but I would listen. I 0:01:09.280 --> 0:01:13.080 would listen. So I've been on the apps for a 0:01:13.120 --> 0:01:18.600 couple of months now, and I just I can't get 0:01:18.600 --> 0:01:22.119 over the beards on these guys. Yeah, just for Lea 0:01:22.160 --> 0:01:23.679 and Jared. I was just hoping that she was going 0:01:23.760 --> 0:01:27.440 to say, well, I match with a really famous artist 0:01:27.560 --> 0:01:30.440 and I d menter and she blocked me and deleted 0:01:30.440 --> 0:01:34.640 the app twenty four hours later. Sorry, Beth, continue, It's okay, 0:01:35.600 --> 0:01:38.840 you know, It's not quite that dramatic. And maybe I'm 0:01:38.840 --> 0:01:41.760 being over sensitive. Maybe it's a location things. I'm in 0:01:41.800 --> 0:01:46.759 the rule Ish Midwest, but genuinely, it seems like nine 0:01:46.760 --> 0:01:50.720 out of ten of these guys have some scraggly, untrimmed 0:01:51.000 --> 0:01:54.480 one to two inch beards. And I'm not like, not 0:01:54.560 --> 0:01:58.320 a five o'clock shadow situation, not groomed, but this this 0:01:58.560 --> 0:02:03.320 patchy mess see beard And it makes swiping hard for 0:02:03.360 --> 0:02:05.840 me because it's all I can see after all these profiles, 0:02:05.880 --> 0:02:08.959 all these guys look the same, and I'm worried that 0:02:09.240 --> 0:02:12.560 I might be passing up a genuinely great guy over 0:02:12.639 --> 0:02:16.280 facial hair, which sounds stupid, but then do I really 0:02:16.280 --> 0:02:18.000 want to date someone who doesn't know what a trimor 0:02:18.120 --> 0:02:21.640 is like, do I just look past it or what 0:02:21.680 --> 0:02:23.680 do I do? I think it's so funny that you 0:02:23.720 --> 0:02:26.560 called into this podcast because Jared is maybe one of 0:02:26.560 --> 0:02:29.800 those guys. Jared's beard has been coming along really strong lately, 0:02:30.160 --> 0:02:33.760 and Leah lives in Denver although she has a boyfriend. Now, 0:02:33.960 --> 0:02:35.799 I feel like Denver has to be the scraggy beard 0:02:35.880 --> 0:02:38.280 capital of the world. It is absolutely And I will 0:02:38.280 --> 0:02:44.239 say I never dated anybody before my current boyfriend, Um 0:02:44.280 --> 0:02:46.080 that had you know, a lot of facial hair, and 0:02:46.120 --> 0:02:48.720 I've always been into facial hair. I love a good 0:02:48.760 --> 0:02:53.320 man bun and a beard. But that said, if the 0:02:53.440 --> 0:02:56.799 beard is not being taken care of, that's I mean, 0:02:56.840 --> 0:03:01.079 that's hygiene. So if you really like somebody, I mean 0:03:01.120 --> 0:03:03.560 I would just say at least go on a date 0:03:03.600 --> 0:03:06.160 because you never know they could be doing that because 0:03:06.280 --> 0:03:09.720 it's a new thing or it's no shave November. Well 0:03:09.760 --> 0:03:11.840 it's not yet, but you never know when those pictures 0:03:11.840 --> 0:03:15.720 are from. And if it works out, you can always 0:03:15.720 --> 0:03:18.240 invest in some really good beard oil and make it 0:03:18.320 --> 0:03:20.400 very soft, or in the middle of the night just 0:03:20.440 --> 0:03:26.480 go how what's a good way to comfortably tell someone that, 0:03:26.680 --> 0:03:29.359 especially someone that you just met, that you want them 0:03:29.400 --> 0:03:32.080 to trim their beard more. Is there like a way 0:03:32.120 --> 0:03:36.840 you can approach that well? I mean, for Ryan Um, 0:03:36.880 --> 0:03:43.840 whenever his beard gets too long and kind of puby 0:03:44.000 --> 0:03:46.960 a kiss and I'm like, oh, like that's scratchy or 0:03:47.080 --> 0:03:50.480 you know, it doesn't feel good, so I will I'm 0:03:50.520 --> 0:03:52.960 open and I say, you know, this doesn't feel good 0:03:53.000 --> 0:03:55.320 on my face, Like I don't want you to kiss 0:03:55.320 --> 0:03:58.680 me until you shave it down or put some oil 0:03:58.720 --> 0:04:02.080 in it, whatever you need to do. Because we women 0:04:02.120 --> 0:04:05.080 take so much care of ourselves. It's insane what we 0:04:05.160 --> 0:04:08.800 do as women to make men feel good and you know, 0:04:08.840 --> 0:04:12.320 feel beautiful for them. And if you can find a 0:04:12.320 --> 0:04:14.800 guy that has a beard and you can see him 0:04:14.840 --> 0:04:17.480 looking good without it, you just you have to take 0:04:17.520 --> 0:04:19.960 that risk because you have you have no idea of 0:04:20.040 --> 0:04:22.000 maybe they never had a beard before and it's like 0:04:22.040 --> 0:04:26.080 a new thing, and I would just say go for it. Yeah. 0:04:26.480 --> 0:04:29.560 It is pretty funny how men have these scraggly, disgusting 0:04:29.600 --> 0:04:32.240 beards and then they see like a little bit of 0:04:32.240 --> 0:04:34.680 body hair on a woman and they're like, oh, this 0:04:34.800 --> 0:04:40.560 is disgusting. I got you, lazy, painless, come see me. Yeah. Yeah, 0:04:40.320 --> 0:04:43.200 I'm fortunate where I can't really grow a beard at all. 0:04:43.279 --> 0:04:47.200 I can only grow this disgusting pubic goatee. So I 0:04:47.440 --> 0:04:49.720 like no choice really but to grow, but to keep 0:04:49.720 --> 0:04:52.480 it kind of clean shaven for the most part. Um. 0:04:52.520 --> 0:04:54.760 But I don't know, Jared, what are your thoughts on this. 0:04:57.800 --> 0:05:02.640 I like patchy beards. I know, listen, it's not that bad. 0:05:02.680 --> 0:05:04.160 I keep it cleaned up. You know, I need a 0:05:04.200 --> 0:05:07.039 trip now. But yeah, I have a patchy beard. You 0:05:07.040 --> 0:05:10.080 know who else has a patchy beard? And Ben Ben 0:05:10.080 --> 0:05:13.000 has a pretty patchy beard. Yeah, Ben's got patchy facial 0:05:13.040 --> 0:05:15.159 hair as well. He's got a patchy beard. I find 0:05:15.160 --> 0:05:18.520 all the cool kids have patchy beards. A patchy beard 0:05:18.680 --> 0:05:23.120 Jesus Christ, Okay, yeah, that's right patchy. I think that's 0:05:23.120 --> 0:05:28.040 like a full sick I don't agreed without knowing, but 0:05:28.160 --> 0:05:32.080 you're gonna go against j c uh. I don't know. 0:05:32.360 --> 0:05:37.520 I mean, it's I got nothing like just do I'll 0:05:37.520 --> 0:05:39.280 tell him to shave it or if, like I don't know, 0:05:39.320 --> 0:05:42.400 if you don't find it attractive, then don't go after him. Yeah, 0:05:42.760 --> 0:05:44.760 I don't know. It's tricky because, like you said, Beth, 0:05:44.800 --> 0:05:47.080 you're in the Midwest where I think they probably run 0:05:47.080 --> 0:05:51.520 a little rampant out there. Um, that is tricky, man, 0:05:51.600 --> 0:05:54.400 That is that is tricky. Maybe you can put in 0:05:54.440 --> 0:05:57.680 your profile like looking at beard cut man or something 0:05:57.800 --> 0:06:03.960 that's bad idea have a beer question mark, like you're 0:06:03.960 --> 0:06:07.640 gonna have to shave it, swipe right, get the clippers 0:06:07.680 --> 0:06:10.839 or swipe right. Yeah that's kind of funny. Yeah, but 0:06:10.880 --> 0:06:12.839 I do agree with what Leo is saying too, because 0:06:12.880 --> 0:06:17.320 like you, especially if you're kissing it all the time, 0:06:17.360 --> 0:06:19.560 like and your skin is not used to having that 0:06:19.600 --> 0:06:21.800 type of friction on it, you could break out, like 0:06:21.800 --> 0:06:23.880 you could have like skin reactions to it. So like 0:06:23.880 --> 0:06:26.800 it really does it is your It like boils down 0:06:26.800 --> 0:06:29.599 to your comfort level and like keeping you more comfortable, 0:06:29.600 --> 0:06:33.240 which I think is important. Um yeah, I don't know. 0:06:33.360 --> 0:06:35.240 I think I think you could just set the standard 0:06:35.279 --> 0:06:37.240 pretty early on, like, hey, if you want to take 0:06:37.279 --> 0:06:40.200 this seriously and you want to date me, trim the 0:06:40.200 --> 0:06:42.560 beer at least keep it clean shaven, or like LI said, 0:06:42.600 --> 0:06:45.800 put some oil in it, get it soft. I wish 0:06:45.800 --> 0:06:47.880 I had more experience with this issue, but I don't 0:06:47.880 --> 0:06:49.800 think I have very good advice for it. For your Beth, 0:06:49.839 --> 0:06:52.840 I'm so sorry. No, you know what Honestly, you guys 0:06:52.920 --> 0:06:55.520 validated me because I thought I was being really mean 0:06:55.560 --> 0:06:57.840 and overly picky. So at least I know it's okay 0:06:57.880 --> 0:07:01.839 to talk about it and maybe that mean. So there's 0:07:01.920 --> 0:07:05.080 definitely there's definitely something going on in the air. Over 0:07:05.120 --> 0:07:07.520 the past like five to ten years, guys have really 0:07:07.560 --> 0:07:12.200 stopped caring myself included, guys have just stopped caring in 0:07:12.200 --> 0:07:16.800 in their presentation of themselves with like the beard. Uh 0:07:16.920 --> 0:07:18.400 maybe it's going as far as saying, like the way 0:07:18.400 --> 0:07:20.960 they dress, so it's not just you. I think that. 0:07:21.000 --> 0:07:23.160 I think, really think there's been a shift in men 0:07:23.640 --> 0:07:26.360 where they just like are putting in minimal effort all 0:07:26.360 --> 0:07:28.520 the time. There has, but they would be livid if 0:07:28.680 --> 0:07:31.200 us women did that. I'm gonna stop shaving my armpits. 0:07:31.200 --> 0:07:36.480 I'm gonna whatever. Like the misogyny is very very real. Um, 0:07:36.560 --> 0:07:38.280 you could do that. You can fight fire with fire 0:07:38.360 --> 0:07:40.480 bath and just grow out some like nice armpit hair 0:07:40.600 --> 0:07:45.080 or something like that. Yeah, and say, look, I'll shave 0:07:45.120 --> 0:07:47.400 my armpits if you shave your beard, simple as that 0:07:47.520 --> 0:07:50.760 win win. That would save so much money with like 0:07:50.800 --> 0:07:54.400 waxing empoyments. You have no idea. I don't have any idea, 0:07:54.480 --> 0:07:57.080 but I think it'd be hilarious and I'm all for it. 0:07:58.120 --> 0:08:02.520 Is clutch, Uh, that's what I wanted to get t M. 0:08:02.560 --> 0:08:04.160 I well, and we probably should move on to the 0:08:04.200 --> 0:08:06.320 next collar. But I want to get my butt waxed, 0:08:06.520 --> 0:08:08.120 and I just have never done it. I always wanted 0:08:08.160 --> 0:08:11.760 to do it. Your's gonna be freezing if you come 0:08:11.760 --> 0:08:14.560 into Denver. I'll do laser harmonball on you on my 0:08:14.600 --> 0:08:16.400 but Calen wanted me to do it on my butt. 0:08:17.280 --> 0:08:21.440 I said, I said no, I thought it was painful. Anyways, Um, Beth, 0:08:21.640 --> 0:08:24.160 thank you for calling. We hope that helps. Best of luck. 0:08:24.640 --> 0:08:38.000 It does, Thank you so much. Who do we have next? 0:08:38.040 --> 0:08:44.559 We have Rachel calling in Hire. Good. How are you? 0:08:44.800 --> 0:08:47.720 We're good? Thank you for asking? What's going on? Well? 0:08:47.760 --> 0:08:52.920 I have like this really anxious attachment style. Um, I 0:08:53.040 --> 0:08:56.000 just like it, really like discouraged and immediately just like 0:08:56.480 --> 0:08:58.800 down on myself and sad when the person I've been 0:08:58.800 --> 0:09:01.520 talking to go silent for a few hours even like 0:09:01.840 --> 0:09:05.200 half a day, and I don't I'm just talking to 0:09:05.280 --> 0:09:07.600 this guy right now that like he's not the best 0:09:07.679 --> 0:09:11.760 at communication. He's like, you know, really over the phone 0:09:11.920 --> 0:09:15.120 and with texting. He does, all right, but um, he's 0:09:15.360 --> 0:09:17.800 not communicating now and it's been about five and a 0:09:17.800 --> 0:09:22.400 half hours. So I'm just getting really really anxious about that. Um, 0:09:22.679 --> 0:09:26.319 don't get anxious about that. You were gonna say five 0:09:26.320 --> 0:09:30.240 and a a half days and then I was gonna be like, girl, Yeah, 0:09:30.360 --> 0:09:32.600 no hours though. I mean he could be working, he 0:09:32.600 --> 0:09:34.760 could be working on something very important and can't look 0:09:34.800 --> 0:09:38.160 at his phone, or he's with his family and can't 0:09:38.200 --> 0:09:40.839 look at his phone. I don't know. There's there's multiple 0:09:41.200 --> 0:09:44.480 explanations for not texting back within you know, the span 0:09:44.559 --> 0:09:47.560 of like six to eight hours. Yeah, I just I like, 0:09:48.080 --> 0:09:51.040 I know realistically that he has a life outside of 0:09:51.080 --> 0:09:54.280 talking to me, And I mean it's dumb. I know, 0:09:54.360 --> 0:09:56.440 it's so dumb to be like anxious about it, but 0:09:56.520 --> 0:10:00.720 I just can't help. But it's like, just talk to me. Yeah, 0:10:00.760 --> 0:10:02.440 but it does come back to him a little bit too, 0:10:02.559 --> 0:10:06.280 especially if you can communicate that to him, like anxious 0:10:06.280 --> 0:10:09.800 attachment style. I haven't avoided an attachment style, So maybe 0:10:09.800 --> 0:10:11.400 that's what his is where I like, I always just 0:10:11.480 --> 0:10:14.080 kind of keep my space and distance and all that 0:10:14.120 --> 0:10:16.000 kind of stuff. So maybe that's what he is. And 0:10:16.040 --> 0:10:17.760 then you guys just need to figure out a balance 0:10:17.800 --> 0:10:19.360 that works for you. But I do think the first 0:10:19.400 --> 0:10:21.679 step is communicating that with him. How long have you 0:10:21.720 --> 0:10:25.600 guys been together for? Well, we've been talking for about 0:10:25.600 --> 0:10:29.840 a couple couple of months, so yeah, definitely something I 0:10:29.840 --> 0:10:32.760 can communicate with him. Yeah, long enough to where you 0:10:32.760 --> 0:10:35.800 should feel comfortable communicating that. And I don't think I don't, like, 0:10:35.920 --> 0:10:37.720 I mean, sure, I guess the simple fixes just to 0:10:37.760 --> 0:10:40.560 not be anxious about it, but like, I mean, you are, 0:10:40.720 --> 0:10:43.199 so I think the best thing to do is tell 0:10:43.280 --> 0:10:45.320 him you are that you are and why you are, 0:10:45.800 --> 0:10:48.000 and hope that it fixes itself. And if it doesn't, 0:10:48.040 --> 0:10:52.480 then maybe, uh then try to be less anxious about it. 0:10:52.520 --> 0:10:56.120 But I think it's pretty unfair to just say just 0:10:56.160 --> 0:10:58.800 don't be anxious. Whenever I try to use that logic 0:10:58.880 --> 0:11:01.200 on Kalin, she gets really upset at me. She's like 0:11:01.520 --> 0:11:03.320 worried about something, and I just say, oh, just don't 0:11:03.320 --> 0:11:05.400 worry about it. It's simple. It's like, well, no, it doesn't. 0:11:05.400 --> 0:11:08.920 It doesn't work that you know. Um, so, so hopefully 0:11:08.960 --> 0:11:10.520 you know, if he likes you enough, which it sounds 0:11:10.559 --> 0:11:11.920 like he does. If you guys been together a few 0:11:11.920 --> 0:11:14.720 months that it's something he's willing to work on. But 0:11:14.760 --> 0:11:16.680 it's not gonna happen, right, It's not gonna happen overnight. 0:11:16.679 --> 0:11:19.520 You know, you have to be patient with it and uh, 0:11:19.679 --> 0:11:22.800 maybe you guys can kind of meet in the middle somewhere. Yeah. Yeah, 0:11:22.840 --> 0:11:25.880 it's just I just started like thinking the worse and 0:11:25.960 --> 0:11:28.160 like my fears come up, and it's just is he 0:11:28.280 --> 0:11:30.960 just interested in to me? Or is you know why 0:11:31.040 --> 0:11:33.480 is he not talking anymore? So? I guess it's just 0:11:33.520 --> 0:11:36.360 a way of like working it out and talking about 0:11:36.400 --> 0:11:39.920 it that hopefully I can get some insight into his 0:11:40.200 --> 0:11:43.760 brain and what he's thinking. Yeah, well, Leah or Jared, 0:11:43.800 --> 0:11:50.400 do you guys know your attachment styles? Um? I don't. 0:11:50.480 --> 0:11:52.960 Actually don't I know that. Um. You know, I've been 0:11:53.000 --> 0:11:56.440 a relationship for many years and we'll go the entire 0:11:56.520 --> 0:12:01.760 day without talking. We're both jobs, both in some meetings. UM. 0:12:01.840 --> 0:12:03.720 And you just have to have that trust and that 0:12:04.320 --> 0:12:09.240 comes with time. Um. And you know, at the beginning 0:12:09.240 --> 0:12:12.320 of relationship, kind of in the honeymoon phase, you're talking 0:12:12.360 --> 0:12:16.960 more than you do later in life. Um. But I 0:12:16.960 --> 0:12:19.720 don't know what this guy's what your boyfriend's job is 0:12:20.240 --> 0:12:22.960 or um, you know, what he does during the day, 0:12:23.040 --> 0:12:25.200 but there could be so many reasons why he's not 0:12:25.240 --> 0:12:27.920 texting you back. And if everything else besides the fact 0:12:27.960 --> 0:12:30.880 that he hasn't text you back is going well and um, 0:12:30.960 --> 0:12:33.959 nothing seems off for sketchy, then I think maybe just 0:12:34.000 --> 0:12:36.880 give him a little bit of grace and wait to 0:12:36.920 --> 0:12:39.960 see what he says and if you know, if there's 0:12:40.000 --> 0:12:43.360 something sketchy going on him, that's a different story. I 0:12:43.400 --> 0:12:49.720 guess I'd probably be secure attachment because yeah, probably mean 0:12:49.760 --> 0:12:53.520 to I don't know, like I don't get too anxious. Uh, 0:12:53.559 --> 0:12:57.880 And then I certainly don't avoid, but I do very 0:12:57.960 --> 0:13:00.320 much like my alone time. So I guess I would 0:13:00.320 --> 0:13:03.520 be secure because I'm not looking to avoid, but I 0:13:03.559 --> 0:13:05.760 don't need to be together. I just kind of like, 0:13:06.280 --> 0:13:09.320 I mean, I love Ashley, I think obviously, yeah, but 0:13:09.480 --> 0:13:11.160 she wants to spend every minute with me and it's 0:13:11.200 --> 0:13:12.640 so sweet. I love her so much for it. But 0:13:12.640 --> 0:13:14.760 there are times where I'm like, I think I just 0:13:14.840 --> 0:13:16.680 kind of want to like close my door and listen 0:13:16.679 --> 0:13:21.079 to music, play video games that cool before dude, I spend. 0:13:21.160 --> 0:13:26.920 That's people wonder why guys spend It's like I close 0:13:27.000 --> 0:13:36.679 and locked that door and I audibly go, yeah, Lee, 0:13:36.720 --> 0:13:38.440 I know I don't know you that well, but Jared 0:13:38.440 --> 0:13:40.840 I would agree with you that your secure attachment as well. 0:13:40.880 --> 0:13:45.480 I think that's uh an astute assessment of yourself. Um. 0:13:45.520 --> 0:13:48.640 But yeah, Rachel, Hopefully that helps you know. Like we said, 0:13:48.679 --> 0:13:51.160 it's not something that's gonna happen overnight. Hopefully you guys 0:13:51.160 --> 0:13:52.880 are able to work through it and figure out what 0:13:52.920 --> 0:13:54.880 works best for you. Guys. But thank you for calling. 0:13:54.880 --> 0:14:08.760 We appreciate it. Best of thank you, thank you. By 0:14:10.400 --> 0:14:13.400 we have one more caller, ladies and gentlemen of help. 0:14:13.440 --> 0:14:18.120 I second dating. Their name is Wesley. Let's see what 0:14:18.320 --> 0:14:21.240 is going on in Wesley's life. It is a good name. 0:14:21.520 --> 0:14:23.800 Is it Wesley or Wesley? Which one of you guys 0:14:23.800 --> 0:14:30.480 think Wesley? Oh, Wesley, Wesley? It might be Wesley. I 0:14:31.280 --> 0:14:35.520 think Wesley has a T, doesn't it Wesley? Wesley? I 0:14:35.520 --> 0:14:37.960 don't know, you know, like Leslie or less like Whenever 0:14:38.000 --> 0:14:42.400 you say Leslie, I'm thinking Wes Wesley. Yeah, Leslie with 0:14:42.440 --> 0:14:46.880 the W. Well, let's find out, Leslie. How's it going. 0:14:47.440 --> 0:14:49.480 We're doing good? How do you pronounce your name? First 0:14:49.480 --> 0:14:53.920 and foremost? It's Wesley, Lesley? Yeah, No, with a hard 0:14:53.960 --> 0:14:58.680 ass Wesley. Wesley. Okay, okay, I'm thinking of have you 0:14:58.720 --> 0:15:03.200 ever seen The Prince Princess so many, many times, many times? 0:15:03.920 --> 0:15:06.720 So the lead actor in there, his name is Wesley, 0:15:06.880 --> 0:15:09.280 but it spelled with a t oh no, no, no, 0:15:09.560 --> 0:15:14.640 he's nothing like me. One hold on, I got it. 0:15:14.760 --> 0:15:20.320 So his is Wesley. Yeah, how do you say yours? Wesley? Yeah? 0:15:20.560 --> 0:15:25.880 It's almost like almost like yeah Wesley, Yeah, exactly, Leslie, 0:15:27.320 --> 0:15:29.480 That's what I was saying. That that was that was 0:15:29.560 --> 0:15:36.120 the most elegant pronunciation anybody has ever Alright, Wesley, what's 0:15:36.120 --> 0:15:40.120 going like? What's going on? All right? Here's the deal. Basically, 0:15:40.200 --> 0:15:43.160 I went out with this girl. Really like her, nice smart, 0:15:43.280 --> 0:15:45.720 We really click. We've been going out for like four 0:15:45.800 --> 0:15:47.800 or five four or five weeks, about a month something 0:15:47.880 --> 0:15:52.520 like that. Um, And she said that she wants to 0:15:52.520 --> 0:15:55.240 wait a while to sleep together, to have sex, which 0:15:55.280 --> 0:15:57.600 is cool. I got I mean, I totally get it. 0:15:57.640 --> 0:16:00.640 She told me that in the past, you know, guys 0:16:00.680 --> 0:16:04.960 have been less than cool with that. But also she's 0:16:04.960 --> 0:16:07.920 been used a lot and she wants to be careful. 0:16:08.080 --> 0:16:12.320 I do like her, um, but after like this much time, 0:16:12.360 --> 0:16:14.680 I do want to have sex. I want to sleep together, 0:16:14.840 --> 0:16:17.640 and I want to like make her feel comfortable, and 0:16:18.120 --> 0:16:22.360 I feel like I am, you know, committed and present, 0:16:22.400 --> 0:16:24.600 and then I take the relationship seriously and I don't 0:16:24.640 --> 0:16:28.400 really know how to demonstrate that to her without coming 0:16:28.440 --> 0:16:31.680 across as pushy, and so I just, you know, I 0:16:31.720 --> 0:16:33.400 don't know. I'm not sure how to play it or 0:16:33.680 --> 0:16:38.440 what to say. How long you've been together, We've been 0:16:38.480 --> 0:16:41.600 seeing each other for like four weeks, for four and 0:16:41.560 --> 0:16:46.360 a half weeks. Still pretty fresh, pretty fresh. Yeah, it's fresh, 0:16:46.360 --> 0:16:47.960 but it's like a pretty good connection. I think we 0:16:48.080 --> 0:16:51.640 both acknowledge that we like, we see real potential here, 0:16:53.160 --> 0:16:56.520 but also like sex as part of the intimacy process. 0:16:56.600 --> 0:17:01.000 So I'm not totally sure. I don't know. It's just 0:17:01.040 --> 0:17:06.760 it's a tough call. So so Wesley, uh, you you 0:17:06.800 --> 0:17:08.560 said you really like this girl and you have a connection. 0:17:08.600 --> 0:17:10.959 I do like this girl. We have a yeah, like 0:17:11.440 --> 0:17:15.399 a big connection. Yeah. So my advice, or what I 0:17:15.400 --> 0:17:20.439 would say, is that hopefully you will have sex with 0:17:20.520 --> 0:17:26.080 this girl many many times. Yes, what's the rush? Thousands 0:17:26.080 --> 0:17:28.680 of times? So I guess my question would be, what's 0:17:28.680 --> 0:17:31.159 the rush if she really wants to even take it further? Slow, 0:17:31.880 --> 0:17:33.520 you know, I mean, it's tough. There comes a point 0:17:33.520 --> 0:17:36.400 where obviously you know your needs have to be met too, 0:17:36.400 --> 0:17:37.880 and there needs to be a conversation. But I think, 0:17:37.920 --> 0:17:40.879 like a month in it's not unreasonable to say I'd 0:17:40.920 --> 0:17:43.640 like to wait a little bit longer. I waited over 0:17:43.680 --> 0:17:47.040 a month, and I wasn't needing to wait. I just 0:17:47.520 --> 0:17:50.639 actually I think Ryan was the one that said no 0:17:50.760 --> 0:17:56.040 to me. It's like you, uh so no, And I 0:17:56.080 --> 0:17:59.119 was like, oh, let's do let's do this. Um, have 0:17:59.240 --> 0:18:03.000 you guys had any other sexual Yeah, we've Yeah, yeah 0:18:03.000 --> 0:18:05.400 we have, We've we've done other stuff. Um. I don't 0:18:05.400 --> 0:18:07.320 know how detailed do you want me to get, but yeah, 0:18:07.359 --> 0:18:13.800 we've like been involved in amorous behavior. Um okay, but 0:18:14.720 --> 0:18:18.320 uh yeah. She seems pretty hesitant, and I can tell 0:18:18.400 --> 0:18:20.280 that some of it does have to do with her past, 0:18:20.400 --> 0:18:22.560 Like I don't know she explained it to me, but 0:18:22.600 --> 0:18:24.360 I can I can also just feel it like there 0:18:24.359 --> 0:18:27.520 are reasons and certain experiences that have led up to this. 0:18:27.600 --> 0:18:31.160 I can just I can feel that. You know, Yeah, 0:18:31.240 --> 0:18:33.600 it's tricky, man, that's a that's a tricky spot to be. 0:18:33.800 --> 0:18:36.639 I think, as much as it stinks, you do have 0:18:36.720 --> 0:18:38.480 to just kind of be patient and let her move 0:18:38.480 --> 0:18:41.840 at her own speed. Um especially you know, like like 0:18:41.880 --> 0:18:44.000 you're saying, you four weeks in not a lot of time, 0:18:44.040 --> 0:18:46.480 but not it's not obviously no time, Like that's still 0:18:46.480 --> 0:18:47.879 a good amount of time to get to know someone. 0:18:48.840 --> 0:18:52.119 Um yeah, I don't know. It's tricky. It's tricky, especially 0:18:52.160 --> 0:18:54.680 when you really like them, and a lot of times, 0:18:54.720 --> 0:18:58.440 like going that that last step can really dictate where 0:18:58.480 --> 0:19:00.600 relationship is going to go, whether for the better for 0:19:00.640 --> 0:19:02.320 the worst, if you guys are compatible in that way. 0:19:02.880 --> 0:19:05.560 Uh So, sometimes it's nice to just know sooner rather 0:19:05.600 --> 0:19:09.560 than later. But it's it's hard to like, like, you know, 0:19:09.920 --> 0:19:11.840 I think you should be as patient as you can 0:19:11.880 --> 0:19:13.400 be and kind of let her move ot her own pace. 0:19:13.920 --> 0:19:16.159 But I don't know. Is there a way that I 0:19:16.200 --> 0:19:21.040 can without actually directly addressing sex? Is there a way 0:19:21.040 --> 0:19:23.520 that I can sort of communicate or demonstrate to her 0:19:23.920 --> 0:19:28.080 that I am, like really invested in this and that 0:19:28.200 --> 0:19:31.080 I do see her as someone that could potentially be 0:19:31.160 --> 0:19:34.760 a partner, And how can I express that? That's a 0:19:34.760 --> 0:19:36.480 really good question. That's a really good question. What do 0:19:36.480 --> 0:19:41.480 you guys think? I mean, I I think open communication 0:19:41.600 --> 0:19:45.119 is the most important thing, really repeating. I think if 0:19:45.119 --> 0:19:48.440 you say it once, sure it lands and she might 0:19:48.480 --> 0:19:49.960 respect you for it. But I don't know if she 0:19:50.200 --> 0:19:53.320 necessarily has to believe you. But if you showcase with 0:19:53.480 --> 0:19:56.439 not only your words but your actions, which means, you know, 0:19:56.520 --> 0:20:00.520 making her feel as comfortable, um, you know, even has 0:20:00.560 --> 0:20:03.600 she been to your place yet, she's been over, so 0:20:03.720 --> 0:20:05.920 like having her over your place a couple more times 0:20:05.960 --> 0:20:09.040 and not even bringing up sex, you know, making sure 0:20:09.080 --> 0:20:10.880 that hey, like, just because I'm inviting you over doesn't 0:20:10.880 --> 0:20:12.760 mean that I'm implying that we need to be intimate 0:20:13.160 --> 0:20:16.560 communicating like I really like you, I completely understand where 0:20:16.560 --> 0:20:20.280 you're at um, and you know, I want you to 0:20:20.280 --> 0:20:23.840 know what my intentions are UM, so she feels comfortable 0:20:24.440 --> 0:20:28.320 um and not pressure because the pressure is what will 0:20:28.560 --> 0:20:32.840 make her run the other direction. Do you think that's 0:20:32.840 --> 0:20:34.919 a good idea to let your intentions be known? Like 0:20:34.960 --> 0:20:38.080 if you do see a long term relationship with this person, uh, 0:20:38.160 --> 0:20:40.320 that might help put her at ease when it comes 0:20:40.359 --> 0:20:44.080 to that aspect of things. Maybe, Like I don't know 0:20:44.119 --> 0:20:46.240 if you've met many of her friends or family yet, 0:20:46.400 --> 0:20:48.720 but I think once she sees you in that environment too, 0:20:48.800 --> 0:20:52.280 it'll help her feel more comfortable around you and make 0:20:52.320 --> 0:20:53.720 it seem like more of a long term thing, because 0:20:53.720 --> 0:20:55.879 that's really what it seems like to me. Is the 0:20:55.880 --> 0:20:58.560 big issue, Like the impact that she's having is, like 0:20:58.600 --> 0:21:00.520 you said, she's got these trust issues in the past, 0:21:01.200 --> 0:21:04.200 and if you make it clear to her that it's 0:21:04.240 --> 0:21:06.000 not just like a one off thing and you do 0:21:06.119 --> 0:21:07.960 intend to be around for a while, which you know, 0:21:08.000 --> 0:21:10.480 if you do intend for those things, then um, that's 0:21:10.480 --> 0:21:12.480 great and I think that will just kind of help things, 0:21:12.800 --> 0:21:16.000 maybe speed up the process a little bit. Um. But yeah, 0:21:16.000 --> 0:21:18.119 I do agree with Lee. I think making your intentions 0:21:18.680 --> 0:21:22.560 abundantly clear is uh not like your your your immediate 0:21:22.600 --> 0:21:26.880 sexual intentions, but like your long term relationship intentions. I think, Um, 0:21:26.920 --> 0:21:28.399 if you do plan on going that route, I think 0:21:28.440 --> 0:21:30.399 it's good to get that out there and let her 0:21:30.440 --> 0:21:33.520 know that that's how you feel. Jared, you actually have 0:21:33.600 --> 0:21:36.760 had a relationship, like you guys, probably took some time. 0:21:37.000 --> 0:21:40.480 You guys were friends, relationship up and down. Now you're 0:21:40.480 --> 0:21:44.119 married with a beautiful baby boy. Yeah. It was different 0:21:44.119 --> 0:21:46.520 though because we weren't committed from Radolf the start, so 0:21:46.560 --> 0:21:49.000 it wasn't a commitment, and then we made a conscious 0:21:49.000 --> 0:21:51.520 decision to wait on the intimacy. It was more like 0:21:52.040 --> 0:21:55.679 up and down, friends together, not together, um. And then 0:21:55.720 --> 0:21:58.719 we were strictly friends for a very long time, and 0:21:58.760 --> 0:22:01.520 then we got together, and then of course we had 0:22:01.520 --> 0:22:04.760