WEBVTT - Things Ain't Right 0:00:03.640 --> 0:00:07.600 Hey, folks, Amy and TJ here doing a bit of 0:00:07.640 --> 0:00:11.360 a surprise podcast. We weren't expecting to record one today, 0:00:12.280 --> 0:00:14.960 so it's going to be a surprise to our iHeart 0:00:14.960 --> 0:00:18.599 team that even we have this podcast. And it's even 0:00:18.640 --> 0:00:21.560 a surprise to Robot, who is sitting here next to me, 0:00:22.400 --> 0:00:25.759 not in studio. We are in our living room right now. 0:00:26.360 --> 0:00:31.280 Well, I'm surprised, and I still don't even know what 0:00:31.320 --> 0:00:33.680 to expect. You sent me a text and asked, so 0:00:34.280 --> 0:00:37.440 my youngest, who seventeen, is driving, and so she dropped. 0:00:37.479 --> 0:00:41.600 She drove Ava and I to the airport where I 0:00:41.640 --> 0:00:44.880 said goodbye to her moments ago, and Annalise was driving. 0:00:44.920 --> 0:00:46.640 So I was able to respond to you when you 0:00:46.960 --> 0:00:50.839 texted me and said, can Analse drop you off at 0:00:51.080 --> 0:00:51.640 my place? 0:00:52.320 --> 0:00:54.400 You know? Or I'm telling you now. I invited you 0:00:54.440 --> 0:00:55.840 and I want you to come by because we ain't 0:00:55.880 --> 0:01:00.640 right You and I aren't okay right now. I said, 0:01:00.640 --> 0:01:03.000 you know what, let's set up and do a podcast. 0:01:03.960 --> 0:01:07.080 Both of us just posted our first TikTok videos in 0:01:07.080 --> 0:01:09.800 the past twenty four hours. It's the first time I 0:01:09.840 --> 0:01:14.120 have actually seen comments on social media in a year 0:01:14.600 --> 0:01:17.360 plus because of hasn't been on social media, and I 0:01:17.400 --> 0:01:20.759 had comments off and a number of comments that I'm 0:01:20.800 --> 0:01:26.360 reading calling us a cute, positive stuff, but a cute couple. 0:01:26.360 --> 0:01:28.640 I'm sure you've seen some of this stuff, but people 0:01:28.680 --> 0:01:32.400 are supportive and complementary, and you guys look so happy 0:01:32.640 --> 0:01:37.840 and all of these things. And in reading that today, 0:01:37.880 --> 0:01:42.280 at least, I felt like a fraud. Because you can 0:01:42.319 --> 0:01:43.520 say it the way, or you put it in the 0:01:43.600 --> 0:01:46.600 terms you want to put it in. But what you 0:01:46.600 --> 0:01:48.120 can say, what you said with the phone to me, 0:01:48.360 --> 0:01:52.640 or you can put it in whatever terms, but what 0:01:52.960 --> 0:01:54.920 the past couple of days have felt like for us. 0:01:56.960 --> 0:02:02.120 So we have been working on this podcast since summer, 0:02:02.560 --> 0:02:09.079 and I've always said that expectations are absolutely a case 0:02:09.080 --> 0:02:11.840 for suffering. So I continually have to remind myself and 0:02:11.840 --> 0:02:14.400 try to remove them from my head. But when you 0:02:14.440 --> 0:02:18.720 start working hard and digging in. And I have always 0:02:18.800 --> 0:02:24.400 been fully confident in our ability to work together on 0:02:24.480 --> 0:02:28.880 television or in whatever some sort of broadcasting capacity is 0:02:28.880 --> 0:02:31.200 what we do. We're good at it, we're good at 0:02:31.200 --> 0:02:35.840 it together. What we haven't, what I haven't done as 0:02:35.919 --> 0:02:43.480 much of in my career, is be responsible for content, booking, ratings, 0:02:44.560 --> 0:02:47.880 whatever it's downloads here. But the pressure of all of that, 0:02:49.919 --> 0:02:54.840 I think has consumed both of us, and so we 0:02:55.000 --> 0:02:59.000 have always been able to work together and enjoy it profusely, 0:03:00.080 --> 0:03:01.920 have our downtime and our fun together, and it's just 0:03:01.960 --> 0:03:05.600 been kind of our rhythm, even as friends, but especially 0:03:06.760 --> 0:03:09.640 in this romantic relationship, and even when we were hunkering 0:03:09.720 --> 0:03:13.800 down last year, we were in it together. And in 0:03:13.800 --> 0:03:18.560 the last few days, I just think we're spending hours 0:03:18.600 --> 0:03:23.760 and hours side by side working on things. We work differently, 0:03:24.040 --> 0:03:28.079 We've discovered when it comes to brainstorming, coming up with ideas, 0:03:28.160 --> 0:03:32.799 thinking about guests, thinking about content, I like to talk 0:03:32.840 --> 0:03:35.800 it out and brainstorm and throw things out and up, 0:03:35.840 --> 0:03:40.160 and you like to quietly do your thing by yourself. 0:03:40.640 --> 0:03:43.040 And so what we've ended up doing is sitting in 0:03:43.080 --> 0:03:45.720 silence for hours next to each other, and it's exhausting. 0:03:48.520 --> 0:03:54.520 I'm not great at that, and there's obviously with everything 0:03:54.520 --> 0:03:56.240 else going on in my life. It just I have 0:03:56.320 --> 0:04:04.840 felt extremely disconnected from you. And I'm somebody who, yeah, 0:04:04.880 --> 0:04:07.280 I think, especially when I feel the way I do. 0:04:07.480 --> 0:04:15.760 I have realized that I do want and need and 0:04:15.840 --> 0:04:23.000 prefer physical touch, words of affirmation communication. So when I'm 0:04:23.000 --> 0:04:26.520 sitting next to somebody who I know we're both working hard, 0:04:26.600 --> 0:04:32.920 but I feel is completely emotionally removed from our relationship. 0:04:33.000 --> 0:04:35.480 So it's the struggle of yes, we're we've always worked 0:04:35.480 --> 0:04:37.480 together and gotten along, but this is a different kind 0:04:37.480 --> 0:04:40.279 of working together, And so the last few days I've 0:04:40.360 --> 0:04:45.000 felt disconnected to you. 0:04:45.160 --> 0:04:47.440 I said, there were two reasons I wanted to set 0:04:47.480 --> 0:04:49.520 this up, and all the reason this was on my mind. 0:04:49.560 --> 0:04:51.839 One had to do with the seeing all the positive 0:04:51.839 --> 0:04:54.160 comments and everyone so complimentary of us and us in 0:04:54.240 --> 0:04:56.159 pictures and look so happy, which we are, that is 0:04:56.200 --> 0:04:59.120 not a question of it. The second thing that made 0:04:59.160 --> 0:05:00.520 me want to set this up, you know, I had 0:05:01.320 --> 0:05:05.000 breakfast with a friend of mine today, and that friend 0:05:05.040 --> 0:05:09.360 of mine happens to have two divorces under his belt 0:05:09.440 --> 0:05:13.200 and is on his third marriage. And we had a 0:05:13.240 --> 0:05:17.279 conversation in which there was a comfort or relief of 0:05:17.320 --> 0:05:22.840 camaraderie in that life experience that we now have both 0:05:22.920 --> 0:05:26.400 gone through and can understand. And he was speaking about 0:05:26.480 --> 0:05:28.880 us and our relationship and our podcast in such a 0:05:28.920 --> 0:05:33.880 way that he appreciated and things other people appreciate. Knowing 0:05:33.880 --> 0:05:36.320 that other people are in that struggle or have been 0:05:36.360 --> 0:05:40.440 through that and there's not shame and you're not alone. 0:05:40.680 --> 0:05:43.800 So with that being said, and I saw the complimentary 0:05:44.520 --> 0:05:46.599 things being said about us, and like I said, I 0:05:46.600 --> 0:05:50.080 felt like a fraud just for today and that we 0:05:50.160 --> 0:05:51.800 talk about this is a place where we're going to 0:05:51.800 --> 0:05:54.080 be open and honest and have an ability to be authentic. 0:05:54.200 --> 0:05:59.039 On this podcast. We joke, we play, people hear us laugh, 0:05:59.040 --> 0:06:01.760 and we're getting along perfectly all the time on the podcast. 0:06:02.960 --> 0:06:08.599 But there is now a moment of, well why not 0:06:09.240 --> 0:06:12.440 share and be that authentic that we say we're going 0:06:12.480 --> 0:06:14.080 to be, Not because we're trying to air out some 0:06:14.120 --> 0:06:18.640 dirty laundry, but there is a comfort I believe, I 0:06:18.760 --> 0:06:23.200 certainly have it in knowing that somebody else shares in 0:06:23.279 --> 0:06:26.039 that same struggle. Most people can't relate to all the 0:06:26.040 --> 0:06:27.880 fun we have and the smiles we have and the 0:06:27.920 --> 0:06:30.000 trips we take and the things we get to do. 0:06:30.320 --> 0:06:32.080 I can't relate to that. Look at it and go wow, 0:06:32.120 --> 0:06:35.960 they look happy, and we are. But there is an 0:06:36.000 --> 0:06:40.680 authenticity and a connective tissue to us all when it 0:06:40.720 --> 0:06:43.839 comes to relationships and the struggle those relationships bringing. And 0:06:43.960 --> 0:06:45.600 right now we're in a little bit of a struggle 0:06:45.600 --> 0:06:49.520 and we've been there for several days, and so if 0:06:49.520 --> 0:06:54.600 we want to be what relatable or even an example, 0:06:56.040 --> 0:06:57.880 then if we're going to talk about all the highs 0:06:57.920 --> 0:07:00.719 and how great we're doing and the joy and the love, 0:07:01.040 --> 0:07:06.360 and if we're going to do that, then I thought, well, 0:07:06.360 --> 0:07:10.200 why not now do this? And that's why I had 0:07:10.240 --> 0:07:13.520 you come over, because we're going to make it through 0:07:13.520 --> 0:07:19.480 this what we're dealing with now, and usually we have to. 0:07:19.680 --> 0:07:22.480 I mean, we might be in a fight and then 0:07:22.560 --> 0:07:23.960 have to go to the studio and do a show 0:07:23.960 --> 0:07:25.960 together and do an interview and just have to pretend 0:07:26.000 --> 0:07:30.120 like we're okay even if we're not. We haven't had 0:07:30.120 --> 0:07:32.520 to do that yet, but I'm saying there, this is 0:07:33.720 --> 0:07:36.560 this is an opportunity to show that we are not 0:07:36.680 --> 0:07:40.000 okay sometimes and this is how we get through it. 0:07:41.400 --> 0:07:45.400 I'm not good at this, talked about it with doctor Guardia. 0:07:45.440 --> 0:07:47.200 It takes me a couple of days sometimes, so I 0:07:47.240 --> 0:07:50.520 am trying as well. But this was this was a 0:07:51.000 --> 0:07:55.400 I've been talking authenticity a lot lately and today and 0:07:55.440 --> 0:07:59.080 a couple of happenings really put me in the place tok, 0:07:59.160 --> 0:08:02.480 you know, why not and let's go talk about it 0:08:02.520 --> 0:08:04.960 and that's supposed to be the point of the podcast, and. 0:08:13.040 --> 0:08:15.040 I think that when we set out on this path, 0:08:15.080 --> 0:08:18.080 I was actually having a conversation with my seventeen year 0:08:18.080 --> 0:08:21.760 old Annalise and then Ava's good friend Montgomery, who you 0:08:21.800 --> 0:08:24.760 mentioned in TikTok because she's marketing major and has been 0:08:24.800 --> 0:08:27.240 helping us with social media. She's actually the person who 0:08:27.400 --> 0:08:29.880 encouraged me. And I think you too, to turn comments 0:08:29.920 --> 0:08:35.920 back on to get on TikTok, to really embrace this 0:08:37.360 --> 0:08:40.320 podcast and what we're trying to accomplish, which is to 0:08:41.000 --> 0:08:45.560 do what we love to do, which is to share, 0:08:45.679 --> 0:08:48.520 and to not only share our story, but others stories, 0:08:48.559 --> 0:08:51.160 and hopefully I think we talked about what we wanted 0:08:51.160 --> 0:08:54.200 our podcast to be. I know, for me, yes, entertainment 0:08:54.240 --> 0:08:55.960 is a huge part of it. I love to entertain, 0:08:56.080 --> 0:08:59.000 but I also want to inspire and I want to 0:08:59.040 --> 0:09:02.400 be transparent, and I've talked a lot about living my 0:09:02.480 --> 0:09:06.840 truth and so this is part of it. So I 0:09:06.840 --> 0:09:09.520 am fine having these conversations because there isn't a couple 0:09:09.559 --> 0:09:11.800 out there who doesn't and so yes, I don't, and 0:09:11.840 --> 0:09:13.520 I know you don't want to put on some false 0:09:13.880 --> 0:09:17.400 narrative that somehow we're the perfect couple and we found 0:09:18.760 --> 0:09:21.040 our true love and that means we never fight and 0:09:21.080 --> 0:09:23.480 we always get along and things are rosy and great. 0:09:23.559 --> 0:09:26.240 No they're not. And even as much as we know 0:09:26.360 --> 0:09:28.360 each other more than most people who have been in 0:09:28.360 --> 0:09:31.000 a relationship for over a year, we've known each other 0:09:31.040 --> 0:09:33.360 for a decade now pretty much, and we know each 0:09:33.360 --> 0:09:36.360 other really, really well, it doesn't mean that we still don't. Like, 0:09:36.440 --> 0:09:39.600 I'm learning things about you every day as we're We've 0:09:39.600 --> 0:09:42.600 always worked together, but working with this kind of pressure 0:09:42.679 --> 0:09:45.960 over our heads is a whole other thing where Yeah, 0:09:45.960 --> 0:09:48.240 I'm just saying that pressure is a lot. 0:09:48.600 --> 0:09:50.000 Oh are you talking about the work pressure or the 0:09:50.000 --> 0:09:52.319 pressure now publicly for us to succeed as a couple. 0:09:52.400 --> 0:09:55.160 Oh see, I don't. I don't feel the pressure from 0:09:55.160 --> 0:09:58.720 the public to stay with you. I know that I 0:09:58.840 --> 0:10:00.880 know you well enough and I've spend enough time with you, 0:10:00.920 --> 0:10:03.800 and I knew how I felt. And love sometimes is 0:10:03.840 --> 0:10:06.480 a choice. When it's hard, it's not just a feeling. 0:10:07.440 --> 0:10:10.160 Lust is a feeling, but love is a choice, I believe, 0:10:10.240 --> 0:10:12.000 and I have chosen to love you, So I don't 0:10:12.000 --> 0:10:14.560 feel pressure from the public to be with you. I 0:10:14.559 --> 0:10:18.320 would be devastated just personally because I want to be 0:10:18.360 --> 0:10:21.439 with you and I chose you, but I feel the 0:10:21.480 --> 0:10:30.679 pressure of our careers that I believe. 0:10:30.400 --> 0:10:38.640 We're unfairly taken from us, and I really want to 0:10:38.679 --> 0:10:40.600 be able to do what I love and I want 0:10:40.600 --> 0:10:42.160 to be able to do it with you. So that's 0:10:42.240 --> 0:10:44.719 more the pressure I feel. And funny enough, you talk 0:10:44.720 --> 0:10:45.120 about the. 0:10:45.080 --> 0:10:48.880 Comments, So this is the first time I've really read 0:10:48.920 --> 0:10:53.319 the comments as well, and the TikTok thing has been amazing. 0:10:53.440 --> 0:10:56.520 Like I would say, ninety five percent of them are positive, 0:10:56.960 --> 0:11:03.679 but the negative ones sting and they hurt, and I 0:11:03.800 --> 0:11:09.120 was I've been angry at the cancel culture mentality that 0:11:09.200 --> 0:11:11.640 people think they know the story and then they just 0:11:11.679 --> 0:11:14.520 throw barbs at you and they call you names, and 0:11:15.280 --> 0:11:18.439 it's I'm not trying to say, poor me, whoya wow w. 0:11:18.679 --> 0:11:20.200 There are so many people who have gone through this, 0:11:20.280 --> 0:11:23.120 not just publicly but just personally. If you do something 0:11:23.160 --> 0:11:25.319 that people don't like or they think is wrong, or 0:11:25.360 --> 0:11:28.520 they think they know what happens, you know, no one 0:11:28.600 --> 0:11:33.160 knows what happens in someone else's marriage, No one knows 0:11:33.679 --> 0:11:36.320 what happens in your private life except for you. And 0:11:36.360 --> 0:11:38.920 so just to see the unbelievable. Judgment is kind of 0:11:38.920 --> 0:11:41.760 overwhelming still more than a year later, and I just 0:11:42.120 --> 0:11:49.679 I sometimes get discouraged at people's unwillingness to either suspend 0:11:49.760 --> 0:11:54.280 judgment or to just feel better about themselves by making 0:11:54.480 --> 0:11:57.080 you into the villain for whatever reason they need to 0:11:57.080 --> 0:12:01.080 do it. So even Annaly's actually got on to tick 0:12:01.080 --> 0:12:03.280 Took yesterday and started deleting all the bad comments because 0:12:03.280 --> 0:12:04.880 they didn't want me to see them. 0:12:05.880 --> 0:12:11.480 Look, we can handle anything if you and I are okay. 0:12:12.080 --> 0:12:12.440 Yeah. 0:12:12.480 --> 0:12:14.040 When you and I are not okay, it's the end 0:12:14.080 --> 0:12:18.360 of the world. We went through a year of our 0:12:18.440 --> 0:12:23.680 relationship strengthened because we were like the whole world it 0:12:23.720 --> 0:12:25.520 felt like was against us, but I had you and 0:12:25.600 --> 0:12:26.480 I was okay. 0:12:26.880 --> 0:12:27.120 Yeah. 0:12:27.320 --> 0:12:31.960 I mean that entire year was as good a relationship 0:12:31.960 --> 0:12:34.760 as anyone could imagine, not just under the circumstances, but 0:12:34.840 --> 0:12:37.800 we were great. We're in this position now, all that 0:12:37.800 --> 0:12:40.920 pressure you're talking about, the work pressure, the public pressure, 0:12:42.000 --> 0:12:45.439 everything's been going on family wise for a long time. 0:12:45.840 --> 0:12:48.760 That turned a corner and everything has been great the 0:12:48.800 --> 0:12:53.040 past month. But to now you and I for the 0:12:53.040 --> 0:12:55.280 past several it feels like the end of the world. 0:12:56.160 --> 0:13:01.680 And so I mean, I'm asking you, what are you 0:13:01.800 --> 0:13:04.400 willing or are you waiting to let this cycle through? 0:13:04.800 --> 0:13:08.000 Or was this just a weird stretch of time because 0:13:08.240 --> 0:13:11.360 we haven't been together the past several nights just because 0:13:11.400 --> 0:13:13.440 of schedules and things have happened, we haven't spent as 0:13:13.480 --> 0:13:15.480 much time together, and the time we spent together was 0:13:16.080 --> 0:13:21.960 spent working, So all of that feels different. So is 0:13:21.960 --> 0:13:25.280 it that just going to go away once we get 0:13:25.320 --> 0:13:28.240 back in the regular routine or whatever it may be. 0:13:28.360 --> 0:13:31.120 No, I mean, I think we need to talk about 0:13:32.360 --> 0:13:37.079 our different approaches to our feelings. If I'm feeling m 0:13:40.480 --> 0:13:43.440 just you and I aren't on the same wavelength, it's 0:13:43.600 --> 0:13:45.000 devastating to me, so. 0:13:45.760 --> 0:13:47.640 Well on the same page about how we're feeling. What 0:13:47.720 --> 0:13:48.319 are you talking about? 0:13:48.400 --> 0:13:50.600 Well? Oh, because I just think how we communicate with 0:13:50.640 --> 0:13:52.720 each other, like what I need versus what you need? 0:13:52.800 --> 0:13:57.040 What you might not realize hurts me. I might I 0:13:57.120 --> 0:13:59.640 say things or do things that I don't realize hurt you, 0:13:59.760 --> 0:14:01.160 and I I think we have to be more open 0:14:01.200 --> 0:14:04.800 about communicating what we need to feel supported, even when 0:14:04.840 --> 0:14:10.920 it's tough, even when it's tense, even when we're in 0:14:11.000 --> 0:14:12.120 our own zones. 0:14:12.200 --> 0:14:16.840 Basically, but where is But where did that happen? Where 0:14:16.840 --> 0:14:20.280 did that happen today? That you had? You said communication 0:14:20.960 --> 0:14:24.360 with you one hundred percent, But we lost communication when 0:14:24.400 --> 0:14:27.320 I knew something. And I'm speaking from my perspective here 0:14:27.320 --> 0:14:28.880 and you have a different one on how I might 0:14:28.920 --> 0:14:32.480 have been behaving as well, but you were, you were 0:14:32.720 --> 0:14:34.800 I knew something was up and you wouldn't tell me 0:14:34.840 --> 0:14:38.680 what it was. When on the phone today, over and over, 0:14:38.760 --> 0:14:41.000 I asked, what's up? You just don't want to tell me, 0:14:41.320 --> 0:14:44.760 So what's going on? So at that point I stopped probing. 0:14:45.080 --> 0:14:49.120 I know you were completely silenced, not speaking one word answers. 0:14:49.120 --> 0:14:53.840 There was nothing to it, and we are talking about 0:14:53.880 --> 0:14:56.480 it now. That was how many hours ago? I mean 0:14:56.880 --> 0:14:59.160 we didn't get it out until we got microphones in 0:14:59.160 --> 0:14:59.560 front of us. 0:14:59.600 --> 0:15:02.720 Now, well, I didn't even know that this was going 0:15:02.760 --> 0:15:03.160 to happen. 0:15:03.320 --> 0:15:05.160 Well I know that, but I'm saying, but why did 0:15:05.440 --> 0:15:07.520 Why are we talking about it now and not talking 0:15:07.600 --> 0:15:09.960 about it when you said you knew you had a problem, 0:15:10.520 --> 0:15:12.560 You knew you had an issue, and you didn't communicate 0:15:12.560 --> 0:15:12.960 it to me. 0:15:13.440 --> 0:15:16.320 Well, I because I was in an emotional state about Ava, 0:15:16.440 --> 0:15:19.640 and I just felt like there were so many things 0:15:20.040 --> 0:15:22.320 that I was feeling. I wanted to make sure that 0:15:22.360 --> 0:15:28.320 I had the space to recognize why I was feeling 0:15:28.400 --> 0:15:32.800 what I was feeling. I really wanted to just be 0:15:32.880 --> 0:15:36.720 able to put a space between those two things. 0:15:36.760 --> 0:15:39.000 And what do you think now? There a space between? 0:15:39.360 --> 0:15:42.560 Yeah, between the emotions, like, I don't know if one 0:15:42.600 --> 0:15:44.560 is impacting the other. Do you know what I mean? Like, 0:15:44.680 --> 0:15:47.240 I don't. I'm feeling emotional about Ava, So I'm just 0:15:47.320 --> 0:15:48.760 in an emotional place right now. 0:15:49.960 --> 0:15:52.720 Okay, you're suggesting that what's going on with you and 0:15:52.800 --> 0:15:56.360 I is just a byproduct of what's happening with Ava. 0:15:56.480 --> 0:15:56.960 No, I'm not. 0:15:57.280 --> 0:15:57.400 So. 0:15:57.440 --> 0:15:59.360 What I'm saying is two things can happen at the 0:15:59.400 --> 0:16:01.760 same time, and the emotions from one can overwhelm the 0:16:01.800 --> 0:16:04.600 other and make it more than it should be. I 0:16:04.640 --> 0:16:07.080 wanted to be able to really think about why I 0:16:07.120 --> 0:16:08.720 was feeling what I was feeling, and how much of 0:16:08.760 --> 0:16:14.080 my emotions around Eva or We're adding to how I 0:16:14.120 --> 0:16:16.720 was feeling. That's what I wanted to make sure I 0:16:16.760 --> 0:16:18.240 was doing. And I didn't want to just break down 0:16:18.240 --> 0:16:19.640 and cry. I wanted to think about it. 0:16:20.400 --> 0:16:22.760 So what does that actually mean? Because I often end 0:16:22.800 --> 0:16:24.480 up in this place with you in these conversations to 0:16:24.480 --> 0:16:26.000 where I think we're dealing with one thing and you 0:16:26.000 --> 0:16:27.440 explain it in a such a way and it's like, oh, 0:16:27.480 --> 0:16:28.320 this is not that. 0:16:32.560 --> 0:16:34.720 I just don't I just don't want to overreact. That's 0:16:34.760 --> 0:16:37.040 all because I'm feeling emotional. 0:16:39.480 --> 0:16:41.480 Okay, you think you have, I mean you. 0:16:41.760 --> 0:16:43.200 No, I don't think I've overreacted. 0:16:43.280 --> 0:16:45.400 Why didn't you speak to me freely on the phone. 0:16:45.120 --> 0:16:46.560 Because I was crying. I just didn't want to cry 0:16:46.600 --> 0:16:47.080 on the phone. 0:16:48.480 --> 0:16:51.640 Okay, Well you're talking to me like it's nothing right, 0:16:51.920 --> 0:16:55.480 you're talking to me now, I do I And yeah, 0:16:55.520 --> 0:16:57.280 I know this sounds familiar to you because I've talked 0:16:57.320 --> 0:16:59.000 about it before, like wow, this is the thing we're 0:16:59.000 --> 0:17:02.280 talking about, and now now it ends up getting spent 0:17:02.360 --> 0:17:06.000 in such a way that I don't know what the 0:17:06.040 --> 0:17:06.600 problem is. 0:17:08.840 --> 0:17:12.560 I just I think for me, I just I don't 0:17:12.680 --> 0:17:17.119 like spending days not talking to you or being in 0:17:17.160 --> 0:17:19.359 the same room with you and they're being silenced that 0:17:19.600 --> 0:17:22.800 it just it throws me. It's not something I'm used 0:17:22.840 --> 0:17:23.879 to and it scares me. 0:17:24.000 --> 0:17:25.760 But you say it often, do you. But it always 0:17:25.800 --> 0:17:28.120 feels like you put the onus on me for it. 0:17:28.160 --> 0:17:30.919 There is what can be done or what can you 0:17:31.040 --> 0:17:34.199 do in that situation now, But I always feel like 0:17:34.240 --> 0:17:38.600 the onus is on me to control the room to 0:17:38.920 --> 0:17:41.359 it because you say it to me like that, like 0:17:41.640 --> 0:17:43.760 you didn't say anything and you were on your phone, 0:17:43.800 --> 0:17:46.520 and it often comes off as not not like we 0:17:47.080 --> 0:17:50.680 are in a place, but this thing is happening, TJ. 0:17:50.800 --> 0:17:51.960 And I don't know what to do with you. 0:17:52.040 --> 0:17:54.960 Let me ask you this. So I'm desperate to talk 0:17:55.040 --> 0:17:59.400 to you to I don't know, collaborate, but vocally, like verbally, 0:17:59.520 --> 0:18:02.000 not just you know, me think my thing and you 0:18:02.000 --> 0:18:04.560 think your thing, and then seven hours later we'll come 0:18:04.560 --> 0:18:06.720 together and see if we have something that we can 0:18:06.880 --> 0:18:11.600 put together. If you can explain to me why you 0:18:11.840 --> 0:18:14.840 like to I don't want to say shut down, but 0:18:15.880 --> 0:18:20.160 put an emotional wall up or not really be into talking. 0:18:21.680 --> 0:18:25.320 I feel like I annoy you. Yeah, I feel like 0:18:25.359 --> 0:18:27.760 you kind of shut down and you don't. It's like 0:18:28.480 --> 0:18:32.919 I feel like I don't. It's not the TJ that 0:18:33.040 --> 0:18:35.440 I know you're in kind of like hyper focus mode, 0:18:35.440 --> 0:18:38.840 which I get, but when it is an extended period 0:18:38.840 --> 0:18:42.440 of time or multiple days, I start to feel nervous, 0:18:42.840 --> 0:18:46.040 like what's going on? And then I feel like I'm 0:18:46.040 --> 0:18:46.879 annoying you. 0:18:49.040 --> 0:18:51.880 Nervous. Okay, let me just address the nervous nervous about. 0:18:51.640 --> 0:18:56.760 Why how you're feeling about us and me? 0:18:58.640 --> 0:19:02.560 Is that always on the table like everything that comes up? 0:19:02.640 --> 0:19:06.639 Is it always that, because that's like nuclear like how 0:19:06.680 --> 0:19:15.359 I'm feeling about you? Yeah, okay, And you asked me 0:19:15.359 --> 0:19:18.480 about the emotional wall. I know I'm guilty of that, 0:19:20.160 --> 0:19:23.359 but I think you're interpreting something the last few days 0:19:23.400 --> 0:19:27.920 about a wall that wasn't there. You're sitting right next 0:19:28.000 --> 0:19:31.360 to me when I'm in that work and focus mode, 0:19:31.720 --> 0:19:34.920 and yeah, we sat at this table and we did 0:19:35.000 --> 0:19:38.879 for hours almost and barely spoke. But that wasn't an 0:19:38.920 --> 0:19:43.280 emotional wall I'm putting up. Whatever I was doing is 0:19:43.320 --> 0:19:46.359 exactly what you were doing, because you weren't talking to me, 0:19:46.400 --> 0:19:50.720 and I just refuse to speak or answer questions. You know, 0:19:50.800 --> 0:19:54.280 you were staring at that phone for hours yesterday working 0:19:54.320 --> 0:19:56.840 on and that's fine what I'm saying. That's not me 0:19:56.920 --> 0:19:59.240 putting up an emotional wall when your head is down 0:19:59.240 --> 0:19:59.760 for hours. 0:20:00.840 --> 0:20:03.080 So if you remember, I was asking you, like, what 0:20:03.080 --> 0:20:05.480 can we do? What could I do to help? How 0:20:05.480 --> 0:20:07.679 can we do this together, or I take one thing, 0:20:07.720 --> 0:20:10.679 you do another, we talk and you were just like 0:20:10.720 --> 0:20:12.280 I got it on my own. And I'm not saying 0:20:12.320 --> 0:20:15.520 that that's a wrong thing. What I'm saying is sometimes 0:20:15.320 --> 0:20:19.040 it's really just almost your demeanor. It's not it's like 0:20:19.160 --> 0:20:22.800 a smile. Oh my god, if there was just a smile, 0:20:23.600 --> 0:20:27.760 that's all I'd need. It just felt robotic, I guess 0:20:27.880 --> 0:20:30.399 over the last several days, and like I'm telling you, 0:20:30.480 --> 0:20:35.000 if you smile at me, if you reached over and 0:20:35.040 --> 0:20:39.399 grabbed my knee, or just like something that was just 0:20:39.440 --> 0:20:42.440 a quick reminder that we're in this together, and hey, babe, 0:20:42.440 --> 0:20:45.880 we got each other and just just the smallest of 0:20:47.800 --> 0:20:51.439 emotion or a facial expression would just be like a 0:20:51.560 --> 0:20:56.399 nice nod to what we are, who we are, and 0:20:56.440 --> 0:20:58.160 then we're in it together. I think it's just. 0:20:59.760 --> 0:21:03.439 Yeah, but it's not reasonable for us too. I mean 0:21:03.480 --> 0:21:07.280 you might in theory, yes, but in practice impossible to 0:21:07.440 --> 0:21:13.720 separate working with somebody as a colleague and a business 0:21:13.760 --> 0:21:19.159 partner and the relationship you're in with your business partner, 0:21:19.640 --> 0:21:25.600 It is impossible, would you say, to work with me 0:21:25.960 --> 0:21:29.119 and the emotion not be there for any period of 0:21:29.160 --> 0:21:32.399 time because it no matter what. We are partners first, 0:21:33.040 --> 0:21:37.560 business partners second. Correct, So can we ever sit up 0:21:37.600 --> 0:21:41.720 and work as business partners and there not be a look, 0:21:41.800 --> 0:21:44.720 not be a nod, not be a gesture, not be 0:21:44.800 --> 0:21:47.440 a and just work because it seems like that feels 0:21:47.480 --> 0:21:49.399 to you like something is wrong. 0:21:49.920 --> 0:21:52.680 Yeah, when it goes on for many, many, many hours, Yes, 0:21:52.800 --> 0:21:57.760 it feels unnatural, and it, honestly, it feels scary. 0:21:58.000 --> 0:22:01.639 You always use that scary. I just I just didn't. 0:22:01.720 --> 0:22:04.320 I didn't think that's still on the table no matter 0:22:04.359 --> 0:22:06.920 what goes on. I'm done with the fear of us 0:22:07.000 --> 0:22:10.399 not working out, or of you not loving me the 0:22:10.440 --> 0:22:13.240 way you say you love me. I am done with that. 0:22:13.240 --> 0:22:15.960 That has not crossed my mind since I a long 0:22:16.000 --> 0:22:18.040 time ago, and you probably know when that was done. 0:22:19.000 --> 0:22:21.639 So when you you still use it to this day, 0:22:21.720 --> 0:22:24.959 talk about scary like, I'm just being honest. You think 0:22:25.000 --> 0:22:30.160 I'm going somewhere? What am I not reassuring you about? 0:22:32.119 --> 0:22:34.120 I just think it's those moments that I described where 0:22:34.119 --> 0:22:37.440 it feels clinical, and when it happens like for several 0:22:37.480 --> 0:22:41.199 days in a row or it, Yeah, I get I 0:22:41.240 --> 0:22:41.800 get worried. 0:22:41.880 --> 0:22:45.320 Oay, I'm asking what is happening that you are still feeling. 0:22:45.320 --> 0:22:48.000 Will you just forever feel that way? What is happening 0:22:48.720 --> 0:22:51.840