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Speaker 1: Hey, folks, Amy and TJ here doing a bit of

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Speaker 1: a surprise podcast. We weren't expecting to record one today,

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Speaker 1: so it's going to be a surprise to our iHeart

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Speaker 1: team that even we have this podcast. And it's even

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Speaker 1: a surprise to Robot, who is sitting here next to me,

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Speaker 1: not in studio. We are in our living room right now.

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Speaker 2: Well, I'm surprised, and I still don't even know what

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Speaker 2: to expect. You sent me a text and asked, so

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Speaker 2: my youngest, who seventeen, is driving, and so she dropped.

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Speaker 2: She drove Ava and I to the airport where I

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Speaker 2: said goodbye to her moments ago, and Annalise was driving.

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Speaker 2: So I was able to respond to you when you

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Speaker 2: texted me and said, can Analse drop you off at

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Speaker 2: my place?

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Speaker 1: You know? Or I'm telling you now. I invited you

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Speaker 1: and I want you to come by because we ain't

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Speaker 1: right You and I aren't okay right now. I said,

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Speaker 1: you know what, let's set up and do a podcast.

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Speaker 1: Both of us just posted our first TikTok videos in

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Speaker 1: the past twenty four hours. It's the first time I

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Speaker 1: have actually seen comments on social media in a year

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Speaker 1: plus because of hasn't been on social media, and I

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Speaker 1: had comments off and a number of comments that I'm

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Speaker 1: reading calling us a cute, positive stuff, but a cute couple.

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Speaker 1: I'm sure you've seen some of this stuff, but people

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Speaker 1: are supportive and complementary, and you guys look so happy

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Speaker 1: and all of these things. And in reading that today,

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Speaker 1: at least, I felt like a fraud. Because you can

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Speaker 1: say it the way, or you put it in the

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Speaker 1: terms you want to put it in. But what you

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Speaker 1: can say, what you said with the phone to me,

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Speaker 1: or you can put it in whatever terms, but what

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Speaker 1: the past couple of days have felt like for us.

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Speaker 2: So we have been working on this podcast since summer,

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Speaker 2: and I've always said that expectations are absolutely a case

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Speaker 2: for suffering. So I continually have to remind myself and

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Speaker 2: try to remove them from my head. But when you

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Speaker 2: start working hard and digging in. And I have always

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Speaker 2: been fully confident in our ability to work together on

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Speaker 2: television or in whatever some sort of broadcasting capacity is

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Speaker 2: what we do. We're good at it, we're good at

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Speaker 2: it together. What we haven't, what I haven't done as

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Speaker 2: much of in my career, is be responsible for content, booking, ratings,

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Speaker 2: whatever it's downloads here. But the pressure of all of that,

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Speaker 2: I think has consumed both of us, and so we

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Speaker 2: have always been able to work together and enjoy it profusely,

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Speaker 2: have our downtime and our fun together, and it's just

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Speaker 2: been kind of our rhythm, even as friends, but especially

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Speaker 2: in this romantic relationship, and even when we were hunkering

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Speaker 2: down last year, we were in it together. And in

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Speaker 2: the last few days, I just think we're spending hours

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Speaker 2: and hours side by side working on things. We work differently,

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Speaker 2: We've discovered when it comes to brainstorming, coming up with ideas,

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Speaker 2: thinking about guests, thinking about content, I like to talk

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Speaker 2: it out and brainstorm and throw things out and up,

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Speaker 2: and you like to quietly do your thing by yourself.

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Speaker 2: And so what we've ended up doing is sitting in

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Speaker 2: silence for hours next to each other, and it's exhausting.

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Speaker 2: I'm not great at that, and there's obviously with everything

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Speaker 2: else going on in my life. It just I have

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Speaker 2: felt extremely disconnected from you. And I'm somebody who, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I think, especially when I feel the way I do.

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Speaker 2: I have realized that I do want and need and

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Speaker 2: prefer physical touch, words of affirmation communication. So when I'm

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Speaker 2: sitting next to somebody who I know we're both working hard,

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Speaker 2: but I feel is completely emotionally removed from our relationship.

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Speaker 2: So it's the struggle of yes, we're we've always worked

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Speaker 2: together and gotten along, but this is a different kind

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Speaker 2: of working together, And so the last few days I've

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Speaker 2: felt disconnected to you.

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Speaker 1: I said, there were two reasons I wanted to set

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Speaker 1: this up, and all the reason this was on my mind.

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Speaker 1: One had to do with the seeing all the positive

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Speaker 1: comments and everyone so complimentary of us and us in

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Speaker 1: pictures and look so happy, which we are, that is

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Speaker 1: not a question of it. The second thing that made

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Speaker 1: me want to set this up, you know, I had

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Speaker 1: breakfast with a friend of mine today, and that friend

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Speaker 1: of mine happens to have two divorces under his belt

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Speaker 1: and is on his third marriage. And we had a

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Speaker 1: conversation in which there was a comfort or relief of

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Speaker 1: camaraderie in that life experience that we now have both

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Speaker 1: gone through and can understand. And he was speaking about

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Speaker 1: us and our relationship and our podcast in such a

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Speaker 1: way that he appreciated and things other people appreciate. Knowing

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Speaker 1: that other people are in that struggle or have been

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Speaker 1: through that and there's not shame and you're not alone.

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Speaker 1: So with that being said, and I saw the complimentary

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Speaker 1: things being said about us, and like I said, I

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Speaker 1: felt like a fraud just for today and that we

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Speaker 1: talk about this is a place where we're going to

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Speaker 1: be open and honest and have an ability to be authentic.

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Speaker 1: On this podcast. We joke, we play, people hear us laugh,

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Speaker 1: and we're getting along perfectly all the time on the podcast.

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Speaker 1: But there is now a moment of, well why not

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Speaker 1: share and be that authentic that we say we're going

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Speaker 1: to be, Not because we're trying to air out some

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Speaker 1: dirty laundry, but there is a comfort I believe, I

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Speaker 1: certainly have it in knowing that somebody else shares in

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Speaker 1: that same struggle. Most people can't relate to all the

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Speaker 1: fun we have and the smiles we have and the

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Speaker 1: trips we take and the things we get to do.

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Speaker 1: I can't relate to that. Look at it and go wow,

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Speaker 1: they look happy, and we are. But there is an

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Speaker 1: authenticity and a connective tissue to us all when it

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Speaker 1: comes to relationships and the struggle those relationships bringing. And

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Speaker 1: right now we're in a little bit of a struggle

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Speaker 1: and we've been there for several days, and so if

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Speaker 1: we want to be what relatable or even an example,

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Speaker 1: then if we're going to talk about all the highs

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Speaker 1: and how great we're doing and the joy and the love,

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Speaker 1: and if we're going to do that, then I thought, well,

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Speaker 1: why not now do this? And that's why I had

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Speaker 1: you come over, because we're going to make it through

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Speaker 1: this what we're dealing with now, and usually we have to.

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Speaker 1: I mean, we might be in a fight and then

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Speaker 1: have to go to the studio and do a show

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Speaker 1: together and do an interview and just have to pretend

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Speaker 1: like we're okay even if we're not. We haven't had

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Speaker 1: to do that yet, but I'm saying there, this is

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Speaker 1: this is an opportunity to show that we are not

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Speaker 1: okay sometimes and this is how we get through it.

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Speaker 1: I'm not good at this, talked about it with doctor Guardia.

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Speaker 1: It takes me a couple of days sometimes, so I

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Speaker 1: am trying as well. But this was this was a

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Speaker 1: I've been talking authenticity a lot lately and today and

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Speaker 1: a couple of happenings really put me in the place tok,

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Speaker 1: you know, why not and let's go talk about it

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Speaker 1: and that's supposed to be the point of the podcast, and.

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Speaker 2: I think that when we set out on this path,

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Speaker 2: I was actually having a conversation with my seventeen year

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Speaker 2: old Annalise and then Ava's good friend Montgomery, who you

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Speaker 2: mentioned in TikTok because she's marketing major and has been

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Speaker 2: helping us with social media. She's actually the person who

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Speaker 2: encouraged me. And I think you too, to turn comments

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Speaker 2: back on to get on TikTok, to really embrace this

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Speaker 2: podcast and what we're trying to accomplish, which is to

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Speaker 2: do what we love to do, which is to share,

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Speaker 2: and to not only share our story, but others stories,

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Speaker 2: and hopefully I think we talked about what we wanted

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Speaker 2: our podcast to be. I know, for me, yes, entertainment

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Speaker 2: is a huge part of it. I love to entertain,

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Speaker 2: but I also want to inspire and I want to

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Speaker 2: be transparent, and I've talked a lot about living my

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Speaker 2: truth and so this is part of it. So I

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Speaker 2: am fine having these conversations because there isn't a couple

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Speaker 2: out there who doesn't and so yes, I don't, and

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Speaker 2: I know you don't want to put on some false

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Speaker 2: narrative that somehow we're the perfect couple and we found

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Speaker 2: our true love and that means we never fight and

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Speaker 2: we always get along and things are rosy and great.

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Speaker 2: No they're not. And even as much as we know

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Speaker 2: each other more than most people who have been in

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Speaker 2: a relationship for over a year, we've known each other

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Speaker 2: for a decade now pretty much, and we know each

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Speaker 2: other really, really well, it doesn't mean that we still don't. Like,

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Speaker 2: I'm learning things about you every day as we're We've

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Speaker 2: always worked together, but working with this kind of pressure

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Speaker 2: over our heads is a whole other thing where Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I'm just saying that pressure is a lot.

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Speaker 1: Oh are you talking about the work pressure or the

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Speaker 1: pressure now publicly for us to succeed as a couple.

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Speaker 2: Oh see, I don't. I don't feel the pressure from

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Speaker 2: the public to stay with you. I know that I

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Speaker 2: know you well enough and I've spend enough time with you,

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Speaker 2: and I knew how I felt. And love sometimes is

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Speaker 2: a choice. When it's hard, it's not just a feeling.

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Speaker 2: Lust is a feeling, but love is a choice, I believe,

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Speaker 2: and I have chosen to love you, So I don't

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Speaker 2: feel pressure from the public to be with you. I

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Speaker 2: would be devastated just personally because I want to be

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Speaker 2: with you and I chose you, but I feel the

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Speaker 2: pressure of our careers that I believe.

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Speaker 3: We're unfairly taken from us, and I really want to

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Speaker 3: be able to do what I love and I want

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Speaker 3: to be able to do it with you. So that's

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Speaker 3: more the pressure I feel. And funny enough, you talk

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Speaker 3: about the.

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Speaker 2: Comments, So this is the first time I've really read

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Speaker 2: the comments as well, and the TikTok thing has been amazing.

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Speaker 2: Like I would say, ninety five percent of them are positive,

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Speaker 2: but the negative ones sting and they hurt, and I

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Speaker 2: was I've been angry at the cancel culture mentality that

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Speaker 2: people think they know the story and then they just

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Speaker 2: throw barbs at you and they call you names, and

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Speaker 2: it's I'm not trying to say, poor me, whoya wow w.

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Speaker 2: There are so many people who have gone through this,

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Speaker 2: not just publicly but just personally. If you do something

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Speaker 2: that people don't like or they think is wrong, or

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Speaker 2: they think they know what happens, you know, no one

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Speaker 2: knows what happens in someone else's marriage, No one knows

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Speaker 2: what happens in your private life except for you. And

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Speaker 2: so just to see the unbelievable. Judgment is kind of

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Speaker 2: overwhelming still more than a year later, and I just

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Speaker 2: I sometimes get discouraged at people's unwillingness to either suspend

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Speaker 2: judgment or to just feel better about themselves by making

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Speaker 2: you into the villain for whatever reason they need to

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Speaker 2: do it. So even Annaly's actually got on to tick

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Speaker 2: Took yesterday and started deleting all the bad comments because

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Speaker 2: they didn't want me to see them.

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Speaker 1: Look, we can handle anything if you and I are okay.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: When you and I are not okay, it's the end

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Speaker 1: of the world. We went through a year of our

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Speaker 1: relationship strengthened because we were like the whole world it

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Speaker 1: felt like was against us, but I had you and

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Speaker 1: I was okay.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I mean that entire year was as good a relationship

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Speaker 1: as anyone could imagine, not just under the circumstances, but

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Speaker 1: we were great. We're in this position now, all that

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Speaker 1: pressure you're talking about, the work pressure, the public pressure,

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Speaker 1: everything's been going on family wise for a long time.

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Speaker 1: That turned a corner and everything has been great the

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Speaker 1: past month. But to now you and I for the

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Speaker 1: past several it feels like the end of the world.

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Speaker 1: And so I mean, I'm asking you, what are you

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Speaker 1: willing or are you waiting to let this cycle through?

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Speaker 1: Or was this just a weird stretch of time because

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Speaker 1: we haven't been together the past several nights just because

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Speaker 1: of schedules and things have happened, we haven't spent as

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Speaker 1: much time together, and the time we spent together was

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Speaker 1: spent working, So all of that feels different. So is

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Speaker 1: it that just going to go away once we get

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Speaker 1: back in the regular routine or whatever it may be.

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Speaker 2: No, I mean, I think we need to talk about

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Speaker 2: our different approaches to our feelings. If I'm feeling m

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Speaker 2: just you and I aren't on the same wavelength, it's

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Speaker 2: devastating to me, so.

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Speaker 1: Well on the same page about how we're feeling. What

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Speaker 1: are you talking about?

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Speaker 2: Well? Oh, because I just think how we communicate with

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Speaker 2: each other, like what I need versus what you need?

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Speaker 2: What you might not realize hurts me. I might I

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Speaker 2: say things or do things that I don't realize hurt you,

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Speaker 2: and I I think we have to be more open

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Speaker 2: about communicating what we need to feel supported, even when

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Speaker 2: it's tough, even when it's tense, even when we're in

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Speaker 2: our own zones.

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Speaker 1: Basically, but where is But where did that happen? Where

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Speaker 1: did that happen today? That you had? You said communication

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Speaker 1: with you one hundred percent, But we lost communication when

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Speaker 1: I knew something. And I'm speaking from my perspective here

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Speaker 1: and you have a different one on how I might

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Speaker 1: have been behaving as well, but you were, you were

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Speaker 1: I knew something was up and you wouldn't tell me

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Speaker 1: what it was. When on the phone today, over and over,

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Speaker 1: I asked, what's up? You just don't want to tell me,

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Speaker 1: So what's going on? So at that point I stopped probing.

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Speaker 1: I know you were completely silenced, not speaking one word answers.

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Speaker 1: There was nothing to it, and we are talking about

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Speaker 1: it now. That was how many hours ago? I mean

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Speaker 1: we didn't get it out until we got microphones in

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Speaker 1: front of us.

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Speaker 2: Now, well, I didn't even know that this was going

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Speaker 2: to happen.

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Speaker 1: Well I know that, but I'm saying, but why did

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Speaker 1: Why are we talking about it now and not talking

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Speaker 1: about it when you said you knew you had a problem,

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Speaker 1: You knew you had an issue, and you didn't communicate

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Speaker 1: it to me.

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Speaker 2: Well, I because I was in an emotional state about Ava,

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Speaker 2: and I just felt like there were so many things

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Speaker 2: that I was feeling. I wanted to make sure that

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Speaker 2: I had the space to recognize why I was feeling

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Speaker 2: what I was feeling. I really wanted to just be

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Speaker 2: able to put a space between those two things.

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Speaker 1: And what do you think now? There a space between?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, between the emotions, like, I don't know if one

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Speaker 2: is impacting the other. Do you know what I mean? Like,

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Speaker 2: I don't. I'm feeling emotional about Ava, So I'm just

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Speaker 2: in an emotional place right now.

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Speaker 1: Okay, you're suggesting that what's going on with you and

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Speaker 1: I is just a byproduct of what's happening with Ava.

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Speaker 2: No, I'm not.

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Speaker 1: So.

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Speaker 2: What I'm saying is two things can happen at the

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Speaker 2: same time, and the emotions from one can overwhelm the

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Speaker 2: other and make it more than it should be. I

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Speaker 2: wanted to be able to really think about why I

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Speaker 2: was feeling what I was feeling, and how much of

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Speaker 2: my emotions around Eva or We're adding to how I

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Speaker 2: was feeling. That's what I wanted to make sure I

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Speaker 2: was doing. And I didn't want to just break down

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Speaker 2: and cry. I wanted to think about it.

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Speaker 1: So what does that actually mean? Because I often end

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Speaker 1: up in this place with you in these conversations to

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Speaker 1: where I think we're dealing with one thing and you

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Speaker 1: explain it in a such a way and it's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: this is not that.

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Speaker 2: I just don't I just don't want to overreact. That's

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Speaker 2: all because I'm feeling emotional.

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Speaker 1: Okay, you think you have, I mean you.

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Speaker 2: No, I don't think I've overreacted.

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Speaker 1: Why didn't you speak to me freely on the phone.

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Speaker 2: Because I was crying. I just didn't want to cry

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Speaker 2: on the phone.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Well you're talking to me like it's nothing right,

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Speaker 1: you're talking to me now, I do I And yeah,

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Speaker 1: I know this sounds familiar to you because I've talked

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Speaker 1: about it before, like wow, this is the thing we're

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Speaker 1: talking about, and now now it ends up getting spent

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Speaker 1: in such a way that I don't know what the

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Speaker 1: problem is.

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Speaker 2: I just I think for me, I just I don't

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Speaker 2: like spending days not talking to you or being in

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Speaker 2: the same room with you and they're being silenced that

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Speaker 2: it just it throws me. It's not something I'm used

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Speaker 2: to and it scares me.

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Speaker 1: But you say it often, do you. But it always

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Speaker 1: feels like you put the onus on me for it.

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Speaker 1: There is what can be done or what can you

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Speaker 1: do in that situation now, But I always feel like

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Speaker 1: the onus is on me to control the room to

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Speaker 1: it because you say it to me like that, like

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Speaker 1: you didn't say anything and you were on your phone,

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Speaker 1: and it often comes off as not not like we

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Speaker 1: are in a place, but this thing is happening, TJ.

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Speaker 1: And I don't know what to do with you.

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Speaker 2: Let me ask you this. So I'm desperate to talk

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Speaker 2: to you to I don't know, collaborate, but vocally, like verbally,

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Speaker 2: not just you know, me think my thing and you

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Speaker 2: think your thing, and then seven hours later we'll come

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Speaker 2: together and see if we have something that we can

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Speaker 2: put together. If you can explain to me why you

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Speaker 2: like to I don't want to say shut down, but

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Speaker 2: put an emotional wall up or not really be into talking.

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Speaker 2: I feel like I annoy you. Yeah, I feel like

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Speaker 2: you kind of shut down and you don't. It's like

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Speaker 2: I feel like I don't. It's not the TJ that

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Speaker 2: I know you're in kind of like hyper focus mode,

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Speaker 2: which I get, but when it is an extended period

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Speaker 2: of time or multiple days, I start to feel nervous,

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Speaker 2: like what's going on? And then I feel like I'm

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Speaker 2: annoying you.

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Speaker 1: Nervous. Okay, let me just address the nervous nervous about.

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Speaker 2: Why how you're feeling about us and me?

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Speaker 1: Is that always on the table like everything that comes up?

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Speaker 1: Is it always that, because that's like nuclear like how

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Speaker 1: I'm feeling about you? Yeah, okay, And you asked me

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Speaker 1: about the emotional wall. I know I'm guilty of that,

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Speaker 1: but I think you're interpreting something the last few days

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Speaker 1: about a wall that wasn't there. You're sitting right next

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Speaker 1: to me when I'm in that work and focus mode,

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Speaker 1: and yeah, we sat at this table and we did

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Speaker 1: for hours almost and barely spoke. But that wasn't an

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Speaker 1: emotional wall I'm putting up. Whatever I was doing is

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Speaker 1: exactly what you were doing, because you weren't talking to me,

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Speaker 1: and I just refuse to speak or answer questions. You know,

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Speaker 1: you were staring at that phone for hours yesterday working

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Speaker 1: on and that's fine what I'm saying. That's not me

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Speaker 1: putting up an emotional wall when your head is down

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Speaker 1: for hours.

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Speaker 2: So if you remember, I was asking you, like, what

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Speaker 2: can we do? What could I do to help? How

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Speaker 2: can we do this together, or I take one thing,

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Speaker 2: you do another, we talk and you were just like

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Speaker 2: I got it on my own. And I'm not saying

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Speaker 2: that that's a wrong thing. What I'm saying is sometimes

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Speaker 2: it's really just almost your demeanor. It's not it's like

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Speaker 2: a smile. Oh my god, if there was just a smile,

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Speaker 2: that's all I'd need. It just felt robotic, I guess

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Speaker 2: over the last several days, and like I'm telling you,

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Speaker 2: if you smile at me, if you reached over and

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Speaker 2: grabbed my knee, or just like something that was just

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Speaker 2: a quick reminder that we're in this together, and hey, babe,

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Speaker 2: we got each other and just just the smallest of

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Speaker 2: emotion or a facial expression would just be like a

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Speaker 2: nice nod to what we are, who we are, and

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Speaker 2: then we're in it together. I think it's just.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's not reasonable for us too. I mean

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Speaker 1: you might in theory, yes, but in practice impossible to

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Speaker 1: separate working with somebody as a colleague and a business

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Speaker 1: partner and the relationship you're in with your business partner,

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Speaker 1: It is impossible, would you say, to work with me

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Speaker 1: and the emotion not be there for any period of

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Speaker 1: time because it no matter what. We are partners first,

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Speaker 1: business partners second. Correct, So can we ever sit up

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Speaker 1: and work as business partners and there not be a look,

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Speaker 1: not be a nod, not be a gesture, not be

381
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Speaker 1: a and just work because it seems like that feels

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Speaker 1: to you like something is wrong.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, when it goes on for many, many, many hours, Yes,

384
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Speaker 2: it feels unnatural, and it, honestly, it feels scary.

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Speaker 1: You always use that scary. I just I just didn't.

386
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Speaker 1: I didn't think that's still on the table no matter

387
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Speaker 1: what goes on. I'm done with the fear of us

388
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Speaker 1: not working out, or of you not loving me the

389
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Speaker 1: way you say you love me. I am done with that.

390
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Speaker 1: That has not crossed my mind since I a long

391
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Speaker 1: time ago, and you probably know when that was done.

392
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Speaker 1: So when you you still use it to this day,

393
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Speaker 1: talk about scary like, I'm just being honest. You think

394
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:30,160
Speaker 1: I'm going somewhere? What am I not reassuring you about?

395
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Speaker 2: I just think it's those moments that I described where

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Speaker 2: it feels clinical, and when it happens like for several

397
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Speaker 2: days in a row or it, Yeah, I get I

398
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Speaker 2: get worried.

399
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Speaker 1: Oay, I'm asking what is happening that you are still feeling.

400
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Speaker 1: Will you just forever feel that way? What is happening

401
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:51,840
Speaker 1: to where you aren't getting some assurance from me over

402
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:58,080
Speaker 1: the past year and a half that was I mean,

403
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Speaker 1: I'm asking you to answer that.

404
00:23:01,119 --> 00:23:03,919
Speaker 2: I think that you and you know this. You have

405
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Speaker 2: many different moods, and I've known that about you when

406
00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:10,679
Speaker 2: I was friends with you. You are moody. Not a

407
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:13,080
Speaker 2: disagreement at all, And I get we all have moods,

408
00:23:13,119 --> 00:23:15,040
Speaker 2: and we all wake up differently and we all feel

409
00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:18,840
Speaker 2: differently based on experiences in life or things that are happening.

410
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Speaker 2: I just feel like sometimes when you do have whatever,

411
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:29,639
Speaker 2: something serious, something pressure wise, something significant, you do tend

412
00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:33,720
Speaker 2: to emotionally and verbally withdraw from me. And that is

413
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Speaker 2: what makes me scared because I'd prefer it. I can't

414
00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:38,399
Speaker 2: tell you how to act or react because you are

415
00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:40,480
Speaker 2: who you are and I'm not in the business to

416
00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:42,680
Speaker 2: change anyone. But I'm just telling you when you do

417
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Speaker 2: do that, I don't feel like I worry about what

418
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:49,200
Speaker 2: I'd love for you to do. Let me just say

419
00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:51,760
Speaker 2: that what I'd love for you to do is to

420
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Speaker 2: confide in me, to lean on me, to share with me.

421
00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:01,119
Speaker 2: So that we're a part of the solution together whatever's

422
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:08,879
Speaker 2: going on. And in those moments you tend to stay

423
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:13,720
Speaker 2: in your own head and like so, and it wasn't

424
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:16,280
Speaker 2: even I think, just for me, the final nail was

425
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:21,080
Speaker 2: when you had that great meeting with your friend who

426
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:24,320
Speaker 2: was talking about his third marriage and whatever it is

427
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:25,760
Speaker 2: that you talked about. You sent me a text and

428
00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:28,880
Speaker 2: you said we need to talk, and I was like, cool.

429
00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:32,959
Speaker 2: I had forty minutes maybe before I had to do anything,

430
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:35,720
Speaker 2: and so I was like, okay, what is it. I

431
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:37,119
Speaker 2: was excited to hear. I was like, Oh, he's going

432
00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:39,359
Speaker 2: to share something with me. He's going to tell me

433
00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:40,919
Speaker 2: what happened. He's going to tell me what he's feeling.

434
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Speaker 2: He's going to tell me what his meeting was like.

435
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:47,280
Speaker 2: And you just I think you just said no, now's

436
00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:48,959
Speaker 2: not the time or something. I'm not sure what it

437
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:51,719
Speaker 2: was that you said, but that, like, after the few

438
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:54,200
Speaker 2: days we'd had, that was just for me, Like wow,

439
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:59,160
Speaker 2: So that was for me where I really got quiet

440
00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:02,280
Speaker 2: and sad on the phone and didn't talk.

441
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:04,640
Speaker 1: Okay, well, hey you're.

442
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:06,119
Speaker 2: No.

443
00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:10,480
Speaker 1: I didn't say it, but everything I was excited about

444
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:13,960
Speaker 1: in that conversation had to do with work, this podcast,

445
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:15,879
Speaker 1: and some opportunities that are going to be coming up

446
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:18,120
Speaker 1: down the road. Things that I didn't while you were

447
00:25:18,119 --> 00:25:20,719
Speaker 1: in the middle of getting Ava out the door and

448
00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:24,639
Speaker 1: going to school or going overseas for five months. Is

449
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:27,159
Speaker 1: not something I wanted to engage with you fully on,

450
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:29,240
Speaker 1: and I wanted to see you before I did it. Now,

451
00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:31,560
Speaker 1: I didn't explain all that because just saying hey, we'll

452
00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:34,199
Speaker 1: talk about it later wasn't a big deal to me.

453
00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:37,920
Speaker 1: It wasn't me withdrawing. It was just Okay, that's me,

454
00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:42,200
Speaker 1: and that's a communications issue. But you, well, babe, you

455
00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:45,359
Speaker 1: tell me the things you ask me to do, you

456
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:48,919
Speaker 1: want me to when I'm emotionally a certain way. You

457
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:50,760
Speaker 1: would like for me to do this, You would like

458
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:52,600
Speaker 1: for me to do that, You like me to communicate,

459
00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:55,639
Speaker 1: You like me to be open. I would like I

460
00:25:55,680 --> 00:26:01,119
Speaker 1: don't know how to be what you want me to

461
00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:04,040
Speaker 1: be when I'm struggling. And this is what I've always

462
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:07,840
Speaker 1: had a difficult time with, is that I end up

463
00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:10,439
Speaker 1: being put in a position to where today whatever is

464
00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:16,000
Speaker 1: going on with me trigger something in you, and now

465
00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:20,439
Speaker 1: I can't deal with my ship because you're upset with

466
00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:22,560
Speaker 1: me for dealing with the way I was dealing with

467
00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:25,200
Speaker 1: my ship. I understand what you're saying, and I can

468
00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:32,040
Speaker 1: absolutely try to be better, but you know it's it's hard,

469
00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:33,760
Speaker 1: and you know how hard it is, and you know

470
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:36,400
Speaker 1: how hard. You can understand me better than anybody else.

471
00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:42,240
Speaker 1: But it's just I don't know how in those moments

472
00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:45,440
Speaker 1: to take care of me and take care of somebody else.

473
00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:57,520
Speaker 2: And so what I'm asking for, honestly, is not for

474
00:26:57,560 --> 00:27:01,000
Speaker 2: you to take care of me. Hear me out, I'm

475
00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:03,920
Speaker 2: not I know. I'm not asking you to take care

476
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:08,080
Speaker 2: of me. I'm not asking you to comfort me. I

477
00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:11,119
Speaker 2: want to be able to comfort you. I want you

478
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:14,720
Speaker 2: to be able to trust me with your feelings enough

479
00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:20,000
Speaker 2: to just even say I'm going through some stuff. I

480
00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:22,000
Speaker 2: love your baby, but like I need some space, or

481
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:24,200
Speaker 2: I need some time, or I just need to think

482
00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:28,240
Speaker 2: it out, just acknowledging what's happening. The non acknowledgment. It's

483
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:29,760
Speaker 2: not that I need you to comfort me and make

484
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:33,560
Speaker 2: me feel good about your pain. I just want communication

485
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:37,000
Speaker 2: about what's happening with you. And if you were to

486
00:27:37,119 --> 00:27:44,400
Speaker 2: let me in, that would feel like a couple victory

487
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:46,679
Speaker 2: in the sense that we're leaning on each other. You

488
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:49,679
Speaker 2: trust me enough, not that I can fix anything, but

489
00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:51,919
Speaker 2: just to hear you out and to sit with you

490
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:54,840
Speaker 2: in whatever mood you're in. I don't need, I don't

491
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:57,240
Speaker 2: need to be comforted. But when I'm shut out or

492
00:27:57,280 --> 00:28:00,240
Speaker 2: I don't know what's going on, or I feel ful

493
00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:10,680
Speaker 2: of a big emotional change, that is a scary place

494
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:12,600
Speaker 2: to be in. And I'm not again, I'm not asking

495
00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:15,159
Speaker 2: for your comfort. I'm asking for your communication. I'm asking

496
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:26,760
Speaker 2: for your partnership or treating like giving me sharing with me.

497
00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:30,040
Speaker 2: I think it's about sharing, It's about That's how I feel.

498
00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:34,520
Speaker 2: So when I feel like I'm being shut out, it

499
00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:35,280
Speaker 2: doesn't feel.

500
00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:38,280
Speaker 1: Good, and we should mention it has been a bit

501
00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:41,080
Speaker 1: of a perfect storm the past several days. We're not

502
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:44,680
Speaker 1: used to not spending time together, quality time together. We're

503
00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:46,920
Speaker 1: not used to not spending the night together. And it's

504
00:28:46,960 --> 00:28:50,440
Speaker 1: just for a whole host of reasons and people in

505
00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:54,240
Speaker 1: and out, and you just haven't been able to with

506
00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:55,280
Speaker 1: the responsibilities.

507
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:58,200
Speaker 2: So we haven't had a lot of alone time, almost none.

508
00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:01,480
Speaker 1: That's a disconnect I used to and I think that's

509
00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:04,600
Speaker 1: a big deal. And in the time we did spend

510
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:07,920
Speaker 1: an extended amount of time together. It was something work related.

511
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:10,320
Speaker 2: It was all work related.

512
00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:15,280
Speaker 1: So I think that's an issue or as certainly needs

513
00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:15,720
Speaker 1: to be factor.

514
00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:17,800
Speaker 2: How are you feeling? Let me ask you this, how

515
00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:20,280
Speaker 2: are you feeling over the last few days.

516
00:29:20,480 --> 00:29:28,360
Speaker 1: I am focused and I am mentally exhausted and I

517
00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:30,080
Speaker 1: cannot recharge.

518
00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:34,719
Speaker 2: When I left yesterday and the elevator doors were shutting,

519
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:40,240
Speaker 2: what did I say to you? I miss you.

520
00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:43,400
Speaker 1: Oh, don't just tell me to f off.

521
00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:46,280
Speaker 2: Haha. I thought I miss you.

522
00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:48,800
Speaker 1: And I miss you.

523
00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:53,479
Speaker 2: To have a positive note on all of this, I

524
00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:58,600
Speaker 2: am in awe of what has transpired this past month

525
00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:02,240
Speaker 2: with my girls and you. I mean, we had I

526
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:05,960
Speaker 2: think three different nights where all of our girls were

527
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:10,280
Speaker 2: in the same room together, watching movies together, eating dinner together,

528
00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:14,160
Speaker 2: laughing together, playing games together. That if I could have

529
00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:16,320
Speaker 2: seen that a year ago, I would have taken the

530
00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:21,800
Speaker 2: biggest sigh of relief, like, thank God, it's all going

531
00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:24,440
Speaker 2: to be okay, It's all going to work out. And

532
00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:28,280
Speaker 2: we've had multiple days and nights like that in the

533
00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:32,400
Speaker 2: month of December and January, and that is a huge blessing.

534
00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:36,520
Speaker 2: And so I think I was also sad to see

535
00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:40,400
Speaker 2: Ava leave because things have been so good, and they

536
00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:42,720
Speaker 2: have been so peaceful and joyful.

537
00:30:42,880 --> 00:30:45,200
Speaker 1: I might even add, and now we're trying to screw

538
00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:49,240
Speaker 1: it up. We finally got everybody else good.

539
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:56,000
Speaker 2: The girls are great, all of them, and that I

540
00:30:56,040 --> 00:31:02,560
Speaker 2: want to focus on. That is huge. Yeah, that's everything.

541
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:16,600
Speaker 1: Look, and all this we learn every time we I mean,

542
00:31:16,640 --> 00:31:19,080
Speaker 1: I would still say in the year and a half,

543
00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:21,400
Speaker 1: we may have had five fights.

544
00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:23,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, well this wasn't even a fight.

545
00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:27,160
Speaker 1: That's true, It's not This wasn't a fight. This was just.

546
00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:33,120
Speaker 2: No. No, I'm not mad. I was sad. I actually

547
00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:35,480
Speaker 2: think I can handle anything as long as it's spoken

548
00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:40,400
Speaker 2: out loud and discussed. And because I do know that

549
00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:42,280
Speaker 2: you love me and I know that I love you,

550
00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:46,000
Speaker 2: I just like all couples, were still working through the

551
00:31:46,040 --> 00:31:52,000
Speaker 2: communication kinks and there is Look, I'll admit, I am

552
00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:55,480
Speaker 2: a I am a person who has insecurities like every

553
00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:58,880
Speaker 2: other human on the planet, and I get insecure and

554
00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:03,720
Speaker 2: I get scared. And your mind can be a mind

555
00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:06,600
Speaker 2: field if you let it. So I was trying to

556
00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:10,440
Speaker 2: make sure I was not taking the emotion I was

557
00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:14,240
Speaker 2: feeling from Ava and applying it to something that wasn't

558
00:32:14,240 --> 00:32:17,440
Speaker 2: that big of a deal. But just felt a little unnerving,

559
00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:20,239
Speaker 2: a little strange, a little frustrating.

560
00:32:19,800 --> 00:32:24,840
Speaker 1: You said the communication. What kept you from putting your

561
00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:28,920
Speaker 1: hand on my knee? What kept you from speaking up

562
00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:33,400
Speaker 1: when you felt things were uncomfortable or I was being emotionless?

563
00:32:33,480 --> 00:32:39,200
Speaker 1: What kept you from driving or carrying us through that moment?

564
00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:41,960
Speaker 2: Well, I was asking you what could I do? Can

565
00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:44,600
Speaker 2: we do this together? I was talking and communicating with you.

566
00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:47,880
Speaker 2: I didn't I also didn't want to bother you because

567
00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:50,560
Speaker 2: you looked super focused and I didn't want to disrupt

568
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:53,560
Speaker 2: your train of thought if we just made a commitment.

569
00:32:53,640 --> 00:32:55,440
Speaker 2: Let me just say this, because yes, both of us,

570
00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:59,240
Speaker 2: I'm not saying that I don't require or want things

571
00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:02,040
Speaker 2: from you. Of course I do. You feel the same

572
00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:05,160
Speaker 2: way about me, probably if you're being honest. So yes,

573
00:33:05,320 --> 00:33:08,600
Speaker 2: do I every now and then want a smile or

574
00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:11,880
Speaker 2: hey babe, or and I love you? Yes?

575
00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:12,400
Speaker 1: I do.

576
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:13,440
Speaker 2: I do want that.

577
00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:20,480
Speaker 1: Okay, we're going back to the same thing. It's on me.

578
00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:22,800
Speaker 1: We're going back to this way, is it?

579
00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:25,200
Speaker 2: But the thing is, if it's a hardship for you

580
00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:27,200
Speaker 2: every now and then we're in the middle of a

581
00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:31,640
Speaker 2: you know, an intense stretch to just show a little

582
00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:35,000
Speaker 2: affection that's tough for me, and then say the same

583
00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:36,880
Speaker 2: thing about me as well. But I'm just saying I

584
00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:38,840
Speaker 2: don't think it's wrong to want that or to ask

585
00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:39,920
Speaker 2: that of the person.

586
00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:42,560
Speaker 1: You love, but it's wrong to hold them accountable and

587
00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:45,560
Speaker 1: say that he is disrupted.

588
00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:49,800
Speaker 2: Or you're at risk or you're nervous. Because I'm just

589
00:33:49,840 --> 00:33:52,000
Speaker 2: saying it's how I felt. I can't I wasn't a

590
00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:55,640
Speaker 2: planned thought out thing where I'm trying to say he

591
00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:57,760
Speaker 2: owes me this and he should do that. I'm just

592
00:33:57,800 --> 00:33:58,840
Speaker 2: telling you how I felt.

593
00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:02,360
Speaker 1: This is where all of our fights end up. It's

594
00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:04,000
Speaker 1: and I say it at the end every time, and

595
00:34:04,040 --> 00:34:07,080
Speaker 1: it frustrates the hell out of you. Okay, baby, I'm sorry,

596
00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:10,120
Speaker 1: and I'll take care of it because this is where

597
00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:13,279
Speaker 1: I'm left. There's there's nothing and no admission you are

598
00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:17,960
Speaker 1: making of you being responsible for any of that taking place.

599
00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:21,600
Speaker 2: I have a hard time when you say that somehow

600
00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:24,400
Speaker 2: I think that you need to that you have to

601
00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:26,239
Speaker 2: take care of everything that you have to make it right,

602
00:34:26,239 --> 00:34:28,759
Speaker 2: that the onus is on you. I just don't think

603
00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:32,080
Speaker 2: that's fair. I think that both people in a relationship

604
00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:37,799
Speaker 2: would consider that something that is a part of being

605
00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:44,040
Speaker 2: in a relationship is wanting to know what their partner's

606
00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:46,840
Speaker 2: needs are and to do their best to keep that

607
00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:50,399
Speaker 2: in mind as they're operating in a relationship. I don't

608
00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:55,520
Speaker 2: think you need Yeah, I think like in a relationship.

609
00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:56,840
Speaker 1: I need to tell you what my needs are.

610
00:34:56,880 --> 00:35:01,080
Speaker 2: But when I ask you, i'd love to know. I

611
00:35:01,120 --> 00:35:02,040
Speaker 2: can't read your mind.

612
00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:07,480
Speaker 1: Okay, you know you're getting on to me for the

613
00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:10,640
Speaker 1: exact thing you did today.

614
00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:15,120
Speaker 2: I told you is about Eva, and it was.

615
00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:19,399
Speaker 1: I really don't know what to do because you want

616
00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:21,759
Speaker 1: me to tell you how I feel. You need to

617
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:25,239
Speaker 1: tell you how I interpret it everything that happened. Every

618
00:35:25,280 --> 00:35:28,160
Speaker 1: time I say it, you don't say, oh, I didn't

619
00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:30,000
Speaker 1: think you saw it that way. Oh I didn't know

620
00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:31,680
Speaker 1: you saw it that way. DJ, but that's not what

621
00:35:31,719 --> 00:35:35,200
Speaker 1: I meant, or oh TJ, I swear I said more.

622
00:35:35,239 --> 00:35:37,160
Speaker 1: But if you feel like I wasn't engaging with you

623
00:35:37,239 --> 00:35:39,560
Speaker 1: and wasn't being sweet with you, then that's how you feel.

624
00:35:39,640 --> 00:35:43,560
Speaker 1: There's never that room, that landing place for me for

625
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:50,440
Speaker 1: oh oh yeah, Maybe you go back and listen to

626
00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:54,320
Speaker 1: this later, maybe you'd not I'm not asking for an apology,

627
00:35:54,680 --> 00:35:58,759
Speaker 1: but you're not taking any responsibility. When that happens, all

628
00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:03,160
Speaker 1: I can do is say I'm sorry and take full,

629
00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:08,960
Speaker 1: full on responsibility and onus for making sure this doesn't happen.

630
00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:17,760
Speaker 2: I absolutely am willing to take responsibility.

631
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:20,279
Speaker 1: You said you don't know what you did wrong, but

632
00:36:20,320 --> 00:36:22,080
Speaker 1: don't think you did anything wrong. With that being the case,

633
00:36:22,120 --> 00:36:23,480
Speaker 1: then what are you taking responsibility for?

634
00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:27,279
Speaker 2: On the phone, I didn't want to tell you, and

635
00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:30,160
Speaker 2: it absolutely in part was because I was too emotional

636
00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:32,080
Speaker 2: about AVA and I didn't want to get into it

637
00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:36,759
Speaker 2: and I didn't feel like I was in a good

638
00:36:36,840 --> 00:36:39,960
Speaker 2: emotional space after knowing what I was about to go

639
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:42,880
Speaker 2: through and drop off my daughter to tell you that

640
00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:45,359
Speaker 2: it hurt my feelings after the last two days that

641
00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:47,760
Speaker 2: you weren't going to have a conversation with me about

642
00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:49,400
Speaker 2: something you said you wanted to have a conversation with

643
00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:52,759
Speaker 2: me about. So I apologize for that.

644
00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:06,799
Speaker 1: Okay, maybe okay, I'm sorry. I mean, that's all that

645
00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:15,960
Speaker 1: needs to be said is I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I

646
00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:21,120
Speaker 1: After every issue we have, I always and I've committed

647
00:37:21,200 --> 00:37:24,480
Speaker 1: to it and minted every time I said it, commit

648
00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:27,879
Speaker 1: to do better and for it to not happen again.

649
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:30,319
Speaker 1: So now I know.

650
00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:41,719
Speaker 2: Something else, and I'm sorry too.

651
00:37:49,719 --> 00:37:51,760
Speaker 1: I was hoping we would be at a better place

652
00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:52,480
Speaker 1: by the end of this.

653
00:37:58,000 --> 00:37:58,640
Speaker 2: Why aren't we?

654
00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:06,560
Speaker 1: Because I am incredibly frustrated by the conversation, and uh,

655
00:38:06,719 --> 00:38:13,400
Speaker 1: it's a continuation of many of our conversations. Oftentimes, sometimes

656
00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:17,600
Speaker 1: it takes time and reflection and some separation and we're

657
00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:23,040
Speaker 1: able to speak differently. But I do right, I'm trying

658
00:38:23,080 --> 00:38:24,960
Speaker 1: to tell you how I feel, and I do feel

659
00:38:25,080 --> 00:38:30,040
Speaker 1: walking away oftentimes that DJ you got to do better

660
00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:35,080
Speaker 1: and take on the responsibility to make sure everything's okay.

661
00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:40,239
Speaker 1: And in doing so, that's a it's a responsibility I take.

662
00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:47,000
Speaker 2: And you, well, let me ask you this? What? Let

663
00:38:47,040 --> 00:38:54,040
Speaker 2: me ask you this? What? What can Why don't you

664
00:38:54,120 --> 00:38:55,880
Speaker 2: let me in? Why don't you let me help you?

665
00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:59,160
Speaker 2: Why don't you take me along with you wherever you are?

666
00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:04,280
Speaker 1: Emotion I have bad days. I have really bad days,

667
00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:09,400
Speaker 1: and I have days that I am in my head.

668
00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:14,759
Speaker 1: I need on say space, but I need help and

669
00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:18,439
Speaker 1: I don't know where to get it.

670
00:39:19,239 --> 00:39:20,400
Speaker 2: Why wouldn't you turn to me?

671
00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:35,160
Speaker 1: You're not gonna like the answer, because when things get

672
00:39:35,239 --> 00:39:37,480
Speaker 1: that kind of bad and I'm that kind of focused

673
00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:42,400
Speaker 1: to that kind of quiet. The last thing in that moment,

674
00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:49,880
Speaker 1: I want to do is to tell you what I need.

675
00:39:52,520 --> 00:39:54,680
Speaker 1: That is how I feel, and that is the truth,

676
00:39:56,840 --> 00:39:59,200
Speaker 1: not that I think is your responsibility. Well you should

677
00:39:59,320 --> 00:39:59,680
Speaker 1: just know.

678
00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:01,520
Speaker 2: Now.

679
00:40:01,680 --> 00:40:05,920
Speaker 1: I know I'm a difficult one with my moods. I

680
00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:13,640
Speaker 1: know that, But in those moments, I can't imagine saying

681
00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:18,440
Speaker 1: to you or explaining to you what I need or

682
00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:20,080
Speaker 1: what I think you should do, or what I want

683
00:40:20,120 --> 00:40:28,920
Speaker 1: you to do. That's actually fine. The frustrating part is

684
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:37,640
Speaker 1: after the fact, when I am told that I did

685
00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:43,800
Speaker 1: something wrong for how I reacted to how I was feeling.

686
00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:50,120
Speaker 2: Do you know what it's like to feel shut out

687
00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:51,879
Speaker 2: from the person that you love.

688
00:40:54,400 --> 00:41:01,040
Speaker 1: I know that's no, that's difficult. Man apologized for that

689
00:41:01,080 --> 00:41:10,000
Speaker 1: in the past, but it's never intentional. It's never because

690
00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:15,760
Speaker 1: I want to do harm. I know that, but I

691
00:41:15,800 --> 00:41:29,560
Speaker 1: get continuously frustrated by being taken to task. You're worried again.

692
00:41:31,600 --> 00:41:33,000
Speaker 1: Scared is the word you use.

693
00:41:37,080 --> 00:41:39,800
Speaker 2: I'm not scared when we're talking. I'm scared when we're.

694
00:41:39,640 --> 00:41:43,000
Speaker 1: Not and I'm scared when we're talking.

695
00:41:45,680 --> 00:41:48,640
Speaker 2: But that's the only way you get through things is

696
00:41:48,680 --> 00:41:50,680
Speaker 2: to talk them out. And yeah, a lot of times

697
00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:53,680
Speaker 2: it gets worse before it gets better, but keeping it

698
00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:58,400
Speaker 2: in builds resentments, creates false narratives in your head of

699
00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:01,280
Speaker 2: why someone did something or why they didn't do something.

700
00:42:01,680 --> 00:42:05,719
Speaker 2: The only way to get into a better place, and

701
00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:09,279
Speaker 2: it is a better place after the conversation happens, is

702
00:42:09,320 --> 00:42:13,440
Speaker 2: sometimes to go into a darker, deeper place that's uncomfortable.

703
00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:15,080
Speaker 1: We've done the darker thing yet.

704
00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:18,640
Speaker 2: I think, so you sure, Oh yeah.

705
00:42:18,760 --> 00:42:19,840
Speaker 1: So we're on the way out.

706
00:42:20,280 --> 00:42:21,040
Speaker 2: I feel like that.

707
00:42:21,120 --> 00:42:33,640
Speaker 1: All right then, glad we talked. You mean that, yeah,

708
00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:37,320
Speaker 1: because right now you can't help it, but you're genuinely smiling.

709
00:42:38,040 --> 00:42:39,879
Speaker 1: You're actually trying to hold it in.

710
00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:45,480
Speaker 2: I was trying not to smile. Oh my god. One

711
00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:48,239
Speaker 2: of my favorite moments in the Age of Innocence is

712
00:42:48,280 --> 00:42:49,120
Speaker 2: happening right now.

713
00:42:49,360 --> 00:42:54,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're fighting, no, because they love each other so much,

714
00:42:55,480 --> 00:42:57,640
Speaker 1: So why is she crying because.

715
00:42:57,360 --> 00:43:00,480
Speaker 2: She can't be with him and he's telling her that

716
00:43:00,520 --> 00:43:02,840
Speaker 2: he loves her, and she's like, it's not possible. We

717
00:43:02,880 --> 00:43:06,080
Speaker 2: can't do anything about it. It's just like us. Look,

718
00:43:06,160 --> 00:43:09,600
Speaker 2: she's crying, just like me. Michelle Peiffer. I don't know

719
00:43:09,640 --> 00:43:11,319
Speaker 2: if anyone's seen Age of Nisnce, but when I was

720
00:43:11,320 --> 00:43:13,920
Speaker 2: in high school, I read Edith Wharton's book, and then

721
00:43:13,920 --> 00:43:16,920
Speaker 2: when the movie came out, Michelle Pfeiffer and Daniel day

722
00:43:16,960 --> 00:43:21,560
Speaker 2: Lewis and Winona Wryter. Yes, that's me. It was like

723
00:43:21,560 --> 00:43:23,240
Speaker 2: a perfectly timed scene.

724
00:43:23,239 --> 00:43:24,560
Speaker 1: That's playing, and that's me.

725
00:43:26,760 --> 00:43:31,680
Speaker 2: With tears in his eyes. Tears A little fun fact

726
00:43:31,680 --> 00:43:34,960
Speaker 2: TJ like And I didn't know this until we actually

727
00:43:35,120 --> 00:43:39,600
Speaker 2: became an item. You like to have movies on in

728
00:43:39,640 --> 00:43:42,880
Speaker 2: the background. Always, the TV is always on, the sound

729
00:43:42,960 --> 00:43:46,919
Speaker 2: is down, but you have a you have a movie

730
00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:50,040
Speaker 2: playing at all times. During Christmas it's Die Hard and

731
00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:53,040
Speaker 2: then on January I think it was January second this year,

732
00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:55,960
Speaker 2: you switched and then what do you cycle through? Age

733
00:43:55,960 --> 00:43:58,960
Speaker 2: of Innocence was brought into play from me.

734
00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:01,759
Speaker 1: But you like it? Well, I've seen this movie. I've

735
00:44:01,760 --> 00:44:03,920
Speaker 1: seen this movie fifty times. I still know what happens

736
00:44:03,960 --> 00:44:05,719
Speaker 1: in it because I never just sat down and washed

737
00:44:05,760 --> 00:44:08,000
Speaker 1: it from start to finish. I see moments and parts

738
00:44:08,040 --> 00:44:10,120
Speaker 1: of it, and I just always have some in the background.

739
00:44:10,160 --> 00:44:11,719
Speaker 1: The other one is Princess Bride.

740
00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:14,759
Speaker 2: And Princess Bride has always been one of my top ten.

741
00:44:14,880 --> 00:44:16,920
Speaker 1: I keep that on, But yeah, I don't know. It's

742
00:44:16,960 --> 00:44:18,640
Speaker 1: something that's just comforting. I think some of them. We're

743
00:44:18,680 --> 00:44:22,840
Speaker 1: sitting here arguing here or no, no, yeah, we're fighting

744
00:44:22,880 --> 00:44:25,319
Speaker 1: now if we weren't before, but then we just did.

745
00:44:25,480 --> 00:44:27,879
Speaker 1: We graduated to a fight. Have we come back?

746
00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:28,759
Speaker 2: Yes?

747
00:44:30,719 --> 00:44:32,840
Speaker 1: Perfect timing. You all saw this scene in Age of

748
00:44:32,920 --> 00:44:34,360
Speaker 1: Nisnce right now it's.

749
00:44:34,480 --> 00:44:41,600
Speaker 2: Depressing, crawling on each other, stopping the living room.

750
00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:48,680
Speaker 1: Oh my god, all right, sir god, All right, well,

751
00:44:48,680 --> 00:44:51,520
Speaker 1: I'm glad we talked that out. You're good, baby.

752
00:44:51,760 --> 00:44:53,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, we can end with the smile and I'll lie.

753
00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:54,680
Speaker 1: Are you better? Yes?

754
00:44:54,840 --> 00:44:56,080
Speaker 2: I am better? Are you better?

755
00:44:56,120 --> 00:44:58,120
Speaker 1: Did we get somewhere? I think so, you get to

756
00:44:58,160 --> 00:45:00,560
Speaker 1: a better place. Yes? Still love me?

757
00:45:00,800 --> 00:45:02,520
Speaker 2: I do love you. I never stopped loving you.

758
00:45:02,719 --> 00:45:03,520
Speaker 1: You're still scared.

759
00:45:04,400 --> 00:45:07,400
Speaker 2: I probably will be in moments here and there, but

760
00:45:08,120 --> 00:45:10,720
Speaker 2: less so. Are you never scared?

761
00:45:11,160 --> 00:45:13,759
Speaker 1: No, none of that. I'm not just getting out in

762
00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:16,960
Speaker 1: the least bit. I couldn't. I couldn't go forward with

763
00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:18,920
Speaker 1: you in this way, with all we've got going on

764
00:45:19,080 --> 00:45:20,920
Speaker 1: if I wasn't just I can't have that in the

765
00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:24,400
Speaker 1: back of my mind. Look, folks were explain why this

766
00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:28,440
Speaker 1: wasn't planned, But something was going on and look and

767
00:45:29,480 --> 00:45:31,200
Speaker 1: must have been happened in the past couple of days again

768
00:45:31,239 --> 00:45:33,000
Speaker 1: with talking to my friend and then seeing some of

769
00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:35,160
Speaker 1: the comments. This was just a good opportunity I thought

770
00:45:35,200 --> 00:45:36,400
Speaker 1: to talk. I didn't think it was going to get

771
00:45:36,440 --> 00:45:37,080
Speaker 1: that damn heavy.

772
00:45:37,520 --> 00:45:40,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, sorry, I apologized that that was a lot for people.

773
00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:44,560
Speaker 1: Didn't think I was going to get that mad. But sure,

774
00:45:44,840 --> 00:45:47,399
Speaker 1: matter is this is I don't know how we would

775
00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:49,200
Speaker 1: have talked it out in private, if it would have

776
00:45:49,200 --> 00:45:50,040
Speaker 1: been better or worse.

777
00:45:50,239 --> 00:45:52,000
Speaker 2: I think it would have been worse. I think it

778
00:45:52,040 --> 00:45:58,200
Speaker 2: was better to do it. You were tain, yes, sweetheart, dude, No,

779
00:45:58,280 --> 00:45:59,759
Speaker 2: I wasn't tame. I didn't hold anything back.

780
00:46:00,040 --> 00:46:02,920
Speaker 1: This is your lad. Once once I hit stop on

781
00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:08,160
Speaker 1: the recorder, that's it. I don't want anything else. I'm good,

782
00:46:08,680 --> 00:46:13,920
Speaker 1: all right, Well, folks, appreciate you going along.

783
00:46:15,480 --> 00:46:17,640
Speaker 2: I hope you all don't feel as bad about your

784
00:46:17,719 --> 00:46:20,000
Speaker 2: marriages or relationships now after you.

785
00:46:20,360 --> 00:46:24,239
Speaker 1: Have heard are as bad well, I mean as bad

786
00:46:25,280 --> 00:46:26,080
Speaker 1: as bad as us?

787
00:46:27,280 --> 00:46:31,320
Speaker 2: I mean it's yes, yes, yes, yes, like you. I

788
00:46:31,760 --> 00:46:35,879
Speaker 2: hope that it's I mean it's relatable. Right, everybody has

789
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:41,160
Speaker 2: disagreements and arguments and hurt feelings and insecurities and accusations

790
00:46:41,200 --> 00:46:43,600
Speaker 2: and denials and then apologies.

791
00:46:44,080 --> 00:46:46,080
Speaker 1: All right, all the guys are going to listen to

792
00:46:46,120 --> 00:46:49,799
Speaker 1: this and like, Wow, it's not just his girls, not

793
00:46:49,880 --> 00:46:52,640
Speaker 1: just not just my girl, it's his too. And then

794
00:46:52,640 --> 00:46:54,880
Speaker 1: all the women are going to say, Mmmm, she got

795
00:46:54,920 --> 00:46:59,480
Speaker 1: an idiot just like me. We're all in this together together,

796
00:46:59,600 --> 00:47:01,879
Speaker 1: so appreciate you all listening. Y'all know where to find

797
00:47:01,920 --> 00:47:03,600
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I guess I'm on TikTok. Now you'll know

798
00:47:03,600 --> 00:47:06,280
Speaker 1: where to find us at a V and TJ podcast

799
00:47:06,400 --> 00:47:09,200
Speaker 1: on Instagram and we're there our personal accounts as well.

800
00:47:09,239 --> 00:47:19,439
Speaker 1: But love you, baby, I love you too,