Speaker 1: Hi, guys, it is your celebrity mentor, Jen Fessler, and
Speaker 1: guess what I am bringing back my dear friend Jen
Speaker 1: Pedantry and Ryan from Housewives of Orange County. Let's dive
Speaker 1: back into our convo with them. So give me a
Speaker 1: couple tips guys for people going through divorce or separation
Speaker 1: right now.
Speaker 2: You know, I'll give you a little bit of a
Speaker 2: nugget that I don't think anyone on the show knows,
Speaker 2: and I don't think it's made its way onto the
Speaker 2: show about Jen nine jenas don't know what I'm going
Speaker 2: to say here. I applaud Jen, and I'll speak through
Speaker 2: my limits. I was not faithful in my marriage and
Speaker 2: there was infidelity the minute Jen. This is really cool
Speaker 2: and makes me emotional. The minute Jen and I went past, Hi,
Speaker 2: how are you nice to meet you?
Speaker 3: You know what Jen did? She went home and told
Speaker 3: her husband, Yeah, yeah, there was no like.
Speaker 2: We held hands first, we kissed first, we had sex first,
Speaker 2: and she got caught.
Speaker 3: That's what you would think by.
Speaker 2: Watching the show Jen, where's the scarlet letter A? But
Speaker 2: none of that is what happened. Their marriage was three
Speaker 2: years failed. At this point, I would say, you know,
Speaker 2: just hanging on because of situational COVID.
Speaker 3: Well, I was scared and I had kids, and so
Speaker 3: when I when I knew this man, was like, I
Speaker 3: just looked forward to a conversation that I knew I
Speaker 3: shouldn't look forward to, right, I'm like, why am I
Speaker 3: excited to run into him at the gym? Why do
Speaker 3: I love like texting with him? I am looking forward
Speaker 3: to this. I remember I went home and I just
Speaker 3: told Will like I told him about Ryan. He's like,
Speaker 3: who is this guy? I'm like, I don't know, Like
Speaker 3: I really don't know, but something is waking up and
Speaker 3: something is so wrong here.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, I get that. Well, two things first, Jennifer,
Speaker 1: I don't see any scarlet letter anywhere near you, So
Speaker 1: let's get there's a scarlet letter on you. There's a
Speaker 1: scarletletter on pretty much all of us. Okay, So that's
Speaker 1: the first thing. But the second thing is, Ryan, would
Speaker 1: you suggest that as a tip to tell people that
Speaker 1: are going through Yes, we share that.
Speaker 3: I mean, I mean that realistic though.
Speaker 2: You wouldn't have said that at forty. But where I
Speaker 2: sit today with what my kids have had to experience,
Speaker 2: and you know, I can't blame their mom at the
Speaker 2: time for using that against me, and Will has done
Speaker 2: that again to an extent, so I could have avoided that.
Speaker 2: I can help protect my kids.
Speaker 3: Have to say before even if you're thinking outside the box,
Speaker 3: you're saying be a bigger person. Yes, have the hard
Speaker 3: conversation because it makes the road way less Monty.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it does it Just not only that, not only
Speaker 2: for the sake of the process that a divorce takes
Speaker 2: from separation to divorce, but there's so much the emotional
Speaker 2: draggage and baggage that you get along the way. Where
Speaker 2: Jen was able to what I would say, do it
Speaker 2: the right way, mine was probably the more instinctive just
Speaker 2: do it and face the consequences later. And looking back now,
Speaker 2: I just wish I was a more stand up guy.
Speaker 2: I knew I wasn't happy in the relationship. I knew
Speaker 2: it wasn't long term. We had tried therapy, counseling. At
Speaker 2: the end of the day, and like I started with,
Speaker 2: it was still on me and I wish I would
Speaker 2: have been a better partner, a better father, a better
Speaker 2: human being, and I expected more of myself so today.
Speaker 3: Would be different, because doing what you want to do
Speaker 3: and apologizing later is very painful, even whenever it's ending.
Speaker 3: So you're saying your advice to men, I'm assuming or
Speaker 3: I guess women too, is if you're going down the
Speaker 3: path and you think there's something else out there to
Speaker 3: have the hard conversation, first, let that person respectfully know
Speaker 3: and go before you selfishly fulfill.
Speaker 2: Right, Yes, but before all of that, I'd say, turn
Speaker 2: over every stone at home. And if you feel like
Speaker 2: there is not another option and something else is peaking
Speaker 2: your interest and or just playing the field is speaking
Speaker 2: your interest, or not being married is peaking your interest,
Speaker 2: take care of that step before the other door opens,
Speaker 2: whatever that door looks like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I think that's great advice. I think that
Speaker 1: our listeners probably do know this because not all of them,
Speaker 1: but a lot of them are have been through divorce,
Speaker 1: and not just divorce. A lot of our listeners have
Speaker 1: been widowed but divorced. They say, is you leave, you
Speaker 1: finally get divorced when you can't do anything else where
Speaker 1: the money doesn't matter, and not that the kids don't matter,
Speaker 1: but you know there is no other alternative here, Like,
Speaker 1: you can't live like this anymore because divorce is hard, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: I always say something, Jen, I'm what nine years divorce now,
Speaker 2: I know my ex Heather still has emotional scarring and
Speaker 2: emotional pain. Even though I would say our marriage was
Speaker 2: like done, how would you not? That's why, if you
Speaker 2: asked me, the number one reason why I do it
Speaker 2: different is that I've still left some carnage emotionally, some
Speaker 2: baggage for her that ten years later, to a level
Speaker 2: one out of ten or a level two or twenty
Speaker 2: out of ten, she still carries all because of my
Speaker 2: selfish actions or my inability to be face my own
Speaker 2: conflict and be an adult.
Speaker 3: So that's why I would change it.
Speaker 2: There's a multitude of other reasons beneath that, but to
Speaker 2: know I can look back and say, Heather and I
Speaker 2: are nine years divorced, and I know she still has
Speaker 2: pain for the way it ended, because of the way
Speaker 2: I chose to do it. That is the reason why.
Speaker 3: I change it.
Speaker 1: And listen, Jen, with as admirable as it is that
Speaker 1: you went to Will and said this is what's going
Speaker 1: on with me, and listen, there's so many many things
Speaker 1: about you that I find admirable. I'm sure he has
Speaker 1: some scarring. I mean, it's still early on and.
Speaker 3: So when I went to Will and I said, I
Speaker 3: got to tell you something, and I told him about
Speaker 3: this guy named Ryan at the gin. Will did this
Speaker 3: thing where he would kind of laugh at me, and
Speaker 3: he did it. He laughed, and I remember thinking, like,
Speaker 3: that's funny to you, Like I'm actually telling you something
Speaker 3: that should be like you should be on the grip
Speaker 3: you love me, Like what are you telling me right now?
Speaker 3: And then it just it was validating for me, Jen,
Speaker 3: because from that point on, it wasn't even about Will
Speaker 3: and I he wanted to. It was all just about
Speaker 3: who he was. So you know, I tried, I kind
Speaker 3: of did the right thing, kind of didn't. I still
Speaker 3: did what I wanted to do. I will.
Speaker 1: Do you have any tips specifically, Jen, besides so anything
Speaker 1: that you would suggest to I would just.
Speaker 3: Say, for people going through a divorce, what are my tips?
Speaker 1: Just one?
Speaker 3: Just one? If you can stay friends and co parent,
Speaker 3: it's the best thing for the kids because the one
Speaker 3: person that the people that lose out and divorce, like
Speaker 3: Will and I are better off, but are kids lost out?
Speaker 3: So I would do anything to co parent. And I
Speaker 3: think if I could give any tips or advice for
Speaker 3: anybody going through a divorce, put yourself a side, and
Speaker 3: do the best you can to co parent for your kids.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think that is everything. I think that
Speaker 1: one of the reasons Jeff and I will be able
Speaker 1: were able to get back together is because for both
Speaker 1: of us with our kids. Like there's one specific time,
Speaker 1: remember my daughter called me. I was in the car.
Speaker 1: I think I feel like I've told this on the
Speaker 1: on the pod before, but she called me and she
Speaker 1: was complaining about Jeff and daddy, you know, for whatever
Speaker 1: it was. And I was like, honey, you called the
Speaker 1: wrong number. I have no interest in like hearing you
Speaker 1: be disrespectful about your father and so sorry, and you
Speaker 1: know he was great about that as well. And I
Speaker 1: would that if you have kids, to me, that is
Speaker 1: such great advice.
Speaker 3: That great advice, And even if you don't want.
Speaker 1: To because you know, hate your ex's guts, it comes
Speaker 1: back to you because you see your kids happier and
Speaker 1: healthier and all of that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I agree with that. Jen.
Speaker 1: All right, so quick, some some specifics you guys that
Speaker 1: I have to ask you know that. So you don't
Speaker 1: have a date yet at all? Do we have any idea?
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm dying. We were at Bravo Klan Bravo Kan,
Speaker 3: and everybody is like, when are you getting married? When
Speaker 3: you're getting married day two of Bravo Kan, everybody was
Speaker 3: coming up. I'm so excited about March. I can't wait
Speaker 3: for March. And I'm like, what is happening in March?
Speaker 3: He goes, I'm so sick of being asked about the date.
Speaker 3: I'm just telling everybody it's March, okay, Ryan, so apparently Mark, yeah, no.
Speaker 1: But in all seriousness, you guys, don't you seem casual
Speaker 1: about the actual Like you're together, there's no doubt that
Speaker 1: you have committed to each other.
Speaker 3: Which a lot of getting married for the kids. True,
Speaker 3: I mean, we want to be married, but we're home.
Speaker 3: We're in this home together with all of our children.
Speaker 3: We're doing life together. But I just want my kids
Speaker 3: and his kids to know, like my step parents are
Speaker 3: together and it's not just some like, hey, mom and
Speaker 3: I maybe moving in six months if something happens with
Speaker 3: her and Ryan. So we've been saying Jen like we
Speaker 3: need all these kids around, and we're finding like it's impossible.
Speaker 3: I like literally cannot get a time with Dawson and
Speaker 3: Thes and the two boys graduating college.
Speaker 2: And your job possibly in Georgia, going across the country
Speaker 2: for We're going to figure it.
Speaker 1: Out, and I promise, I'm sorry, excuse me, where are
Speaker 1: you going? You have a job George Joyed Housewives of Atlanta.
Speaker 1: No no, no, no, no, my oldest, my oldest, you said,
Speaker 1: in your job in Georgia. I'm like, what I'm missing?
Speaker 3: Okay, no, no no. But when we know, we obviously, Jen,
Speaker 3: we will, you will know for sure.
Speaker 1: Yeah. M a couple more specifics and you can choose
Speaker 1: to answer or not. But I have to ask questions.
Speaker 1: Do you guys believe in prenups?
Speaker 3: Yeah? We do, we do. I won't ever be in
Speaker 3: the position I've been left in, and I'm just grateful
Speaker 3: that Ryan sees that for what it is.
Speaker 2: And so.
Speaker 3: We we actually talked about it very openly, very often.
Speaker 3: I mean not very often, but when we're when we're like,
Speaker 3: we if we're going to get married, we need to
Speaker 3: get these things in place, and we talk about it.
Speaker 1: Listen, I was we didn't have a prenup. I was,
Speaker 1: you know, I was young, but I would only tell
Speaker 1: you know, people our age, especially on part two, get
Speaker 1: that in writing it not because you're not going to
Speaker 1: be together forever. It's just I feel like it's.
Speaker 3: Just what he says.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Sometimes I'm the female and I'm like, but what are
Speaker 3: you saying? He' said, Oh my god, stop, I'm not
Speaker 3: saying that. But we are going to be smart about this.
Speaker 3: I think women is different to somebody.
Speaker 2: I think we look at things as for me, this
Speaker 2: is a dotting the ice crossing the t's. There's zero
Speaker 2: emotion involved in it. For me, it's just a simple
Speaker 2: function of finance finances, and those usually don't bring emotional side.
Speaker 2: I think for you, that's where we differ. Right, it
Speaker 2: brings when Jen here's prena specific get that. It makes
Speaker 2: her say, are you is there a plan to the end,
Speaker 2: because then why would we be talking about this? And
Speaker 2: I say that now you've added an element that we're
Speaker 2: just simply talking about a legal document, that's it. And
Speaker 2: then I give her this example.
Speaker 3: I'm forty nine and I've had life.
Speaker 2: Insurance for years, and I tell her what you should
Speaker 2: be saying to me, do you plan on dying? I'd say, well, no,
Speaker 2: not for thirty plus years, but I still have to
Speaker 2: do the financial piece of the puzzle, right, So It's
Speaker 2: like same thing with a prenup. Why are you doing
Speaker 2: your prenup if you're not planning to get divorced? Well,
Speaker 2: the same reason I get life insurance. I'm not planning
Speaker 2: on dying tomorrow, you know, but I still have to
Speaker 2: do the financial piece.
Speaker 1: And I think you can structure a prenup so that
Speaker 1: Jen you don't feel insecure about it. So, I mean,
Speaker 1: because you've spoke, You've spoken very openly about finances, you know,
Speaker 1: on the show, and I know that you are you
Speaker 1: have struggled, and I'm not telling you both what to do,
Speaker 1: but I think that prenups can be formatted so that,
Speaker 1: you know, everyone feels more comfortable. Right. So that's that's
Speaker 1: just my two cents. But I get how you would
Speaker 1: feel that way. I just would tell all of my friends,
Speaker 1: no matter what the differences were in terms of finances
Speaker 1: to people going in, we're too old.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Opinion to deal with.
Speaker 3: That answer is yes, we believe in Yeah.
Speaker 1: All right, So now, just some cheesy questions that I
Speaker 1: can't help myself. Also asking, so if the wedding is March,
Speaker 1: who from the cast is invited?
Speaker 3: Well, obviously if we did it on the show, I
Speaker 3: think i'd have to have everybody. I mean, the only
Speaker 3: person I ever sit in a weird spot with, unfortunately,
Speaker 3: is Tamra. It's I haven't talked to Katie so long
Speaker 3: that I don't know how. Actually Katie reached out to
Speaker 3: me after Bravo con to you, she did. She texted
Speaker 3: me after Bravo Kan and just said, you know what,
Speaker 3: I thought we would connect at Bravo Khan and I
Speaker 3: would like to get together and talk. And I can
Speaker 3: see at some point Katie and I possibly needing a conversation.
Speaker 3: I've known Tama so long that I neither at this
Speaker 3: spot Jen where I'm really ready to have that conversation
Speaker 3: where both of us are going to show up and
Speaker 3: be very brutally honest about what the hell has happened
Speaker 3: within this friendship or just loving her from afar and
Speaker 3: that being fun. So who would come to the wedding
Speaker 3: if it was just Ryan and I on our own
Speaker 3: Right now, I'd say everybody but Tamra and Katie. And
Speaker 3: that's not a isolate them, that's just because I don't
Speaker 3: have a relationship with them, right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, now I get it. Listen, You're gonna
Speaker 1: I am I am thinking that you're going to have
Speaker 1: to resolve things because you're going to be working together
Speaker 1: again soon. But don't comment on that, not not looking
Speaker 1: for anything about that, about those specifics. That is my guess.
Speaker 1: So funny and this is off subject, but being at
Speaker 1: Bravacon now and getting to know, you know, women from
Speaker 1: other franchises and just liking them, like, you know, I
Speaker 1: got to know Katie a little bit. Tam and I
Speaker 1: have been friends for so long, and it's so it's
Speaker 1: it's not that sticky because I feel like people are
Speaker 1: we're grown ups and we understand that and loving you
Speaker 1: so much and you know, but it's it's weird because
Speaker 1: you see what goes down on the show and you
Speaker 1: love your friends and you hate to see it, but
Speaker 1: you do sort of develop these other relationships they go,
Speaker 1: you know, in and out and but whatever.
Speaker 3: That's what I love about women like you, Jen, because
Speaker 3: I don't. I could walk into a room and see you,
Speaker 3: Katie and Tamar all at a table together and I'm
Speaker 3: not like, oh gosh, is Jen going to change the
Speaker 3: way she feels about me? Because I know You're not
Speaker 3: that kind of ever, and you know what, I would
Speaker 3: still sit here today and say, I'm so happy that
Speaker 3: you have a friendship with Tamar and Katie because guess what,
Speaker 3: I saw the best of Katie for almost two years.
Speaker 3: I loved that.
Speaker 1: I know you did.
Speaker 3: Heartedly, and I would tell you before I was ever
Speaker 3: on this show, I thought Tamar and Eddie were like
Speaker 3: one of the best couples I ever knew. And so
Speaker 3: you're seeing a side of these women that I saw,
Speaker 3: and how could you not be drawn to them?
Speaker 1: So I also I also see the show and I see,
Speaker 1: you know, everybody and what goes down, and women can
Speaker 1: be mean, and I see the awful things that happen.
Speaker 1: And that's not just I'm not just talking about Tamaron Katie.
Speaker 1: I'm talking about all the franchises, all the women. So
Speaker 1: you know, you're watching that and you see a friend
Speaker 1: of yours get hurt and you're not, you know, immune
Speaker 1: to that. But yeah, I'm not on the show. So
Speaker 1: I do see the really good, sweet, warm sides when
Speaker 1: I'm with these people now. And again, I'm not just
Speaker 1: talking about Tammer and Katie anyway, That's not what this
Speaker 1: is about. This is about, uh part two, your part two.
Speaker 1: I really am happy for you, guys. I really hope
Speaker 1: that you get to show more of this and it's
Speaker 1: so it's so impressive and heartwarming, and I mean that truly.
Speaker 1: You know, I don't feel like everybody, you know, it's
Speaker 1: everything is salacious on the show. And that's why I
Speaker 1: was a viewer of you know, since the beginning, because
Speaker 1: I love this. Can't help it, just do right. It's
Speaker 1: like I I watched every Every Housewives episode on every franchise,
Speaker 1: you know, forever. But I just think that this is
Speaker 1: so it just hasn't been shown, showcased, and it's special.
Speaker 1: That's that's the way I feel about it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's interesting from my side. You know, Jeff Pessler
Speaker 3: knows this.
Speaker 2: Yes, the men and Jeff's different, right because your guys
Speaker 2: show the men are more involved and engaged. For us,
Speaker 2: we're like an ancillary piece in the back and should
Speaker 2: stay that way. I learned my lesson we should see
Speaker 2: in the back.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I would.
Speaker 2: Say it's a bummer because we'll still get comments of, oh,
Speaker 2: he's gonna this, Jen, Jen, be careful, Jen, watch out
Speaker 2: for Ryan. It's like we've been together five years, seven kids,
Speaker 2: we all live under one roof, going on year three.
Speaker 2: We're the sole financial emotional support system for Jen's five kids. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so it's you know, it's it's some It's funny because
Speaker 2: the commentary comes in like we're a brand new relationship
Speaker 2: and Jen be be careful, there's red flags.
Speaker 3: Yet we're you know, nearing year six.
Speaker 2: Yeah, all of us integrated.
Speaker 3: We look at each other saying like I should. So
Speaker 3: it's a bummer selfishly.
Speaker 1: That I should get more love. Though now I feel
Speaker 1: like I.
Speaker 3: Feel like.
Speaker 2: The bummer that I think if they were to show
Speaker 2: our real relationship.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2: I think there's a lot more to offer on that
Speaker 2: side than the you know, I think it's that they.
Speaker 3: Don't show our real relationship. I think it's more fun
Speaker 3: to show Ryan like trying to get me in a
Speaker 3: bikini and slapping my ass whatever. You know, they don't
Speaker 3: know that we're actually just very boring and on the couch.
Speaker 1: Watching right right right right. I love you guys, Thank
Speaker 1: you for doing this. I really appreciate it.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I hope we get a lot of listeners. I really do.
Speaker 1: I mean we do, we do pretty well, but this
Speaker 1: one is this is a good one. So I've had
Speaker 1: like a few questions.
Speaker 3: Yeh, next time, all right, remember what you wish, carefully
Speaker 3: you wish.
Speaker 1: Okay, listen, you had this was not I don't think
Speaker 1: this was like a walk in the park. I don't
Speaker 1: think it was. You guys were very honest. So I
Speaker 1: don't know how much harder it could be, but I'll
Speaker 1: work on it.
Speaker 3: No, just yeah, we're grate YEA love you okaye, thank.
Speaker 1: You, bye you guys, So thank you guys for being
Speaker 1: so open. Chapter two is not always perfect, but you
Speaker 1: guys are a great example that you can find love
Speaker 1: after a difficult situation. Are you ready to find love
Speaker 1: in your chapter two? Call us or email us. All
Speaker 1: of the info is in the show notes. We are
Speaker 1: here to help follow us on socials. Make sure to
Speaker 1: rate and review the podcast I Do Part two, an
Speaker 1: iHeart podcast where falling in love is the main objective.