1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:02,880 Speaker 1: No one likes to talk about money. Am I saving enough? 2 00:00:02,960 --> 00:00:05,040 Speaker 1: Can I buy a house? Am I paying too much 3 00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:07,760 Speaker 1: in taxes? Will I be able to retire? What if 4 00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:10,360 Speaker 1: you could unlock insights about your finances in less than 5 00:00:10,360 --> 00:00:12,840 Speaker 1: five minutes, with a clear picture of where you stand 6 00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:15,720 Speaker 1: today and where your money can work harder. Now you 7 00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:18,759 Speaker 1: can visit facet dot com to take the free quiz 8 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:23,400 Speaker 1: and get your financial wellness score today. That's Facet dot com. 9 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,360 Speaker 1: This ad is sponsored by Facet. Fast Wealth in Corporated 10 00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:27,280 Speaker 1: is an sec registered investment advisor. This is not an 11 00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:29,080 Speaker 1: offer to buy your self securities or is it investment, 12 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:30,080 Speaker 1: legal or tax advice. 13 00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:33,120 Speaker 2: Are you ready to move your career forward? Make your 14 00:00:33,159 --> 00:00:36,640 Speaker 2: comeback with Perdue Global and get college credit for your work, school, life, 15 00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:39,840 Speaker 2: or military experiences. With these credits, you may have already 16 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:42,680 Speaker 2: completed up to seventy five percent of your undergraduate degree. 17 00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:44,800 Speaker 2: You've worked hard to get where you are. It's time 18 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:46,920 Speaker 2: to get the recognition you deserve and earn a degree 19 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:49,600 Speaker 2: you'll be proud of, one that employers will trust and 20 00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:51,840 Speaker 2: respect when you take the next step in your life 21 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:55,040 Speaker 2: and career. Make it count with Perdue Global produce online 22 00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:59,720 Speaker 2: University for working adults. Start your comeback at Purdueglobal dot edu. 23 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:02,200 Speaker 3: He'll forget about the video game you gave him on 24 00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:02,800 Speaker 3: his birthday. 25 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:05,000 Speaker 4: Wow, thanks Grandpa, but. 26 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:07,200 Speaker 3: He'll never forget how you invest it in his future 27 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:08,240 Speaker 3: with the uns stapp. 28 00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:10,400 Speaker 5: Wow, thanks Grandpa. 29 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:13,560 Speaker 3: The unit stap makes it easy for grandparents and family 30 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:16,280 Speaker 3: friends to give funds to a child's investment account for 31 00:01:16,319 --> 00:01:18,720 Speaker 3: a limited time. Download the uns stapp and use the 32 00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:20,800 Speaker 3: code I heeart fifty at sign up to receive a 33 00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:23,319 Speaker 3: fifty dollars bonus when you fund your account. That's code 34 00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:26,320 Speaker 3: iHeart fifty when you sign up at unest dot co 35 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:29,280 Speaker 3: for a fifty dollars bonus. See terms and conditions at 36 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:30,080 Speaker 3: UNEs dot co. 37 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:33,959 Speaker 4: Hi, this is Joel and Victoria. Thanks for listening to 38 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:36,759 Speaker 4: our podcast and thanks for supporting the ministry. 39 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:39,240 Speaker 5: If you enjoy today's message, why don't you be a 40 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:40,880 Speaker 5: blessing and share it with a friends. 41 00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:43,840 Speaker 4: We appreciate you and pray for God's very best in 42 00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:57,680 Speaker 4: your life. Oh God, bless you. It's a joy to 43 00:01:57,760 --> 00:02:00,120 Speaker 4: come into your homes each week. We love you, and 44 00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:02,480 Speaker 4: we know God has great things in store for each 45 00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:04,960 Speaker 4: one of you. We pray for you every single day. 46 00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:07,480 Speaker 4: I tell these people all the time, this is going 47 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:09,880 Speaker 4: to be your best year so far. If you're ever 48 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:12,079 Speaker 4: in our area, stop buying see this. We give you 49 00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:15,160 Speaker 4: a personal invitation. But thanks for tuning in. I like 50 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:17,440 Speaker 4: to get started each week with something kind of funny. 51 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:21,080 Speaker 4: And I heard about these two famous baseball pitchers. They 52 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:23,800 Speaker 4: were discussing whether or not there would be baseball up 53 00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:27,000 Speaker 4: in heaven. They made an agreement that whoever died first 54 00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:29,560 Speaker 4: would come back and tell the other if indeed there 55 00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:32,359 Speaker 4: was baseball in heaven. A few months later, one of 56 00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:35,120 Speaker 4: the pitchers died, and just like he promised, he came 57 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:37,800 Speaker 4: back said to his friend, I've got good news and 58 00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:40,760 Speaker 4: I've got bad news. The good news is there is 59 00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:44,239 Speaker 4: baseball up in heaven. The bad news is you're scheduled 60 00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:49,600 Speaker 4: to pitch next Thursday. All right, hold up your Bible. 61 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:52,400 Speaker 4: Say it like you mean it. This is my Bible. 62 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:55,320 Speaker 4: I am what it says I am. I have what 63 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:57,919 Speaker 4: it says I have. I can do what it says 64 00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:00,800 Speaker 4: I can do. Today I will be to the word 65 00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:05,400 Speaker 4: of God. I boldly confess. My mind is alert, my 66 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:09,200 Speaker 4: heart is receptive. I will never be the same. I 67 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:15,000 Speaker 4: am about to receive the incorruptible, indestructible, ever living seed 68 00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:19,640 Speaker 4: of the Word of God. I'll never be the same, never, never, never, 69 00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:24,360 Speaker 4: I'll never be the same. In Jesus' name, God bless you. 70 00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:27,360 Speaker 4: I want to talk to you today about how to 71 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:32,160 Speaker 4: improve your relationships. Our relationships have a lot to do 72 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:35,080 Speaker 4: with our happiness. You can have all the money in 73 00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:37,880 Speaker 4: the world, you can have your health, you can have 74 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:40,720 Speaker 4: great opportunities in front of you, but if you don't 75 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:44,200 Speaker 4: have good relationships, you're not going to enjoy your life 76 00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:48,119 Speaker 4: very much. Now. I know people that are successful in business. 77 00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:52,120 Speaker 4: They've done great in their careers, but their personal life 78 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:55,920 Speaker 4: is miserable. They can't get along with other people. One 79 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:59,880 Speaker 4: of the keys to having good relationships is to show respect, 80 00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:04,160 Speaker 4: be considerate, treat other people the way you want to 81 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:07,560 Speaker 4: be treated. Now, I found most of the time it's 82 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:11,160 Speaker 4: not the big things that keep people back in relationships. 83 00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:13,920 Speaker 4: It's just the small things. And if we will be 84 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:19,160 Speaker 4: willing to make minor adjustments, very often we'll see major improvements. 85 00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:23,159 Speaker 4: Some of you, if you just start giving more compliments, 86 00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:27,400 Speaker 4: that relationship would go to a new level. Others, if 87 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:30,359 Speaker 4: you would lower your voice tones and say things in 88 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:34,440 Speaker 4: a kinder way. You would see your relationships improve some 89 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:37,640 Speaker 4: of you. If you could just become better listeners and 90 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:42,159 Speaker 4: give that person your full undivided attention, you'd be amazed 91 00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:45,400 Speaker 4: at how much better that relationship could be. And you 92 00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:48,120 Speaker 4: need to study the people God's brought into your life. 93 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:52,680 Speaker 4: Study your spouse, study your friends, study your boss. See 94 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:56,800 Speaker 4: what they like and don't like. Watch what frustrates them, 95 00:04:57,120 --> 00:05:00,280 Speaker 4: Watch what makes them happy. What do they need they 96 00:05:00,279 --> 00:05:05,040 Speaker 4: respond to. Some people when they're stressed out, they need encouragement. 97 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:09,039 Speaker 4: Other people need space. They need you to back off 98 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:12,840 Speaker 4: and give them a little room. Some people need compliments, 99 00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:17,880 Speaker 4: they need constant affirmation. Other people just need a little time. 100 00:05:18,279 --> 00:05:20,440 Speaker 4: She'll take five minutes and say how you doing? Is 101 00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:24,719 Speaker 4: everything okay? But God made us all different. There's not 102 00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:28,000 Speaker 4: one size that fits all, And if you're gonna have 103 00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:31,240 Speaker 4: good relationships, you have to study the people that you're 104 00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:34,840 Speaker 4: in relationship with and find out what they need. I 105 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:38,960 Speaker 4: learned this firsthand from Victoria. I've never seen anyone more perceptive. 106 00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:43,480 Speaker 4: She constantly studies me. She knows down to the smallest 107 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:46,880 Speaker 4: detail what I like and don't like, and when to 108 00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:50,159 Speaker 4: ask something, when to give me some space. It takes 109 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:54,120 Speaker 4: an unselfish person to do this, but she realizes in 110 00:05:54,160 --> 00:05:57,560 Speaker 4: the long run, she's not only making my life easier, 111 00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:01,000 Speaker 4: she's making her life easier. Or she treats me that 112 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:03,160 Speaker 4: happier I am, the more I want to do for her. 113 00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:07,800 Speaker 4: I start studying for my weekend messages on Wednesdays and 114 00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:12,320 Speaker 4: most of the time from Wednesday to Saturday. Victoria won't 115 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:15,359 Speaker 4: bring up a heavy subject. If there's a problem we 116 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:19,000 Speaker 4: need to discuss, unless it's an emergency, unless it needs 117 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:22,359 Speaker 4: immediate attention, she won't bring it up till Monday. She 118 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:25,359 Speaker 4: waits till I'm fresh, till my mind is clear. You 119 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:29,600 Speaker 4: know what that is. That's respect, that's being considerate, And 120 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:31,920 Speaker 4: a lot of the tension in our homes, a lot 121 00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:35,280 Speaker 4: of the pressure in our relationships we bring on ourselves. 122 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:38,839 Speaker 4: It could be avoided if we be a little more sensitive. 123 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:42,039 Speaker 4: There's a scripture here in verse Peter, chapter three and 124 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:47,200 Speaker 4: verse seven, it says to live considerately. That means you 125 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:50,760 Speaker 4: have to consider the other person. You need to study 126 00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:54,440 Speaker 4: then and make the necessary adjustments so you can have 127 00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:59,159 Speaker 4: healthy relationships. For instance, if your spouse comes home from 128 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:02,040 Speaker 4: a long day of work, he sat in traffic for 129 00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:04,600 Speaker 4: an hour and dealt with all kinds of problems. But 130 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:07,160 Speaker 4: when he walks in the door, that's not the time 131 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:10,680 Speaker 4: to tell him the dishwasher broke and the dog is loose, 132 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:14,440 Speaker 4: and your mother in law's coming for two months. Now, 133 00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:18,320 Speaker 4: be sensitive and wait for the right time. If you 134 00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:21,320 Speaker 4: see how your boss tends to be more stressed out 135 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:24,280 Speaker 4: on Monday mornings, it's not the time to ask for 136 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:27,240 Speaker 4: a favor. If you'll wait till the afternoons or until 137 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:31,280 Speaker 4: another day, you'll not only have more success, but there'll 138 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:36,000 Speaker 4: be less tension in that relationship. Timing is everything. You 139 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:38,480 Speaker 4: can say the right thing, but if you say it 140 00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:42,520 Speaker 4: at the wrong time, it's still wrong. Husband's once a 141 00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:45,480 Speaker 4: month around that certain time, you have to give your 142 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:50,160 Speaker 4: wife a little more room. I heard somebody say PMS 143 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:56,080 Speaker 4: means pretty, means sister. That's not the time to discuss 144 00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:59,920 Speaker 4: important issues. That's not the time to try to solve problems. 145 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:03,400 Speaker 4: The time to smile and say yes, honey, whatever you say. 146 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:08,160 Speaker 4: Just simple things can make a big difference. Something I've 147 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:10,880 Speaker 4: learned is when I'm not feeling up to par, when 148 00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:14,280 Speaker 4: I'm kind of stressed or something's bothering me, I tell 149 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:17,640 Speaker 4: the people that I'm in close relationship with. The other day, 150 00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:22,160 Speaker 4: I told Victoria, my shoulder is really bothering me, not complaining, 151 00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:25,560 Speaker 4: not as an excuse to be sour, but it helps 152 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:30,920 Speaker 4: people to understand. Many times a simple explanation can keep 153 00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:34,120 Speaker 4: a lot of tension out of our relationships. A few 154 00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:37,280 Speaker 4: years back, I would write my sermons on Thursdays, and 155 00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:39,800 Speaker 4: I work out of my home and i'd come downstairs 156 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:42,360 Speaker 4: to have lunch, and every once in a while Victoria 157 00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:44,760 Speaker 4: would see me in there and join me, and of 158 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:47,679 Speaker 4: course I loved having her in there, but when I'm 159 00:08:47,679 --> 00:08:51,160 Speaker 4: writing my messages, I don't like to think about anything else. 160 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,520 Speaker 4: I like to stay in that frame of mind. And 161 00:08:53,559 --> 00:08:56,640 Speaker 4: I never said anything to her, but with my actions, 162 00:08:56,679 --> 00:09:00,520 Speaker 4: I was kind of unfriendly, not talkative. He never said 163 00:09:00,559 --> 00:09:04,120 Speaker 4: anything about it. But one day I realized that wasn't 164 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:07,200 Speaker 4: fair to her, and I finally said, Victoria, I'd love 165 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,360 Speaker 4: to talk to you, but I'm right in the middle 166 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:11,240 Speaker 4: of this message. I don't want to get my mind 167 00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:15,439 Speaker 4: on anything else. Just a simple ten second explanation. She 168 00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:18,960 Speaker 4: totally understood. But I thought about how all those years 169 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:22,160 Speaker 4: I kept that to myself and just sat there, unfriendly, 170 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:26,679 Speaker 4: not talkative. All that does is bring tension into a relationship. 171 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:30,760 Speaker 4: One person's thinking what's his problem? Why is he so unfriendly? 172 00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:32,679 Speaker 4: And the other one's thinking, well, I alwish they'd give 173 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:34,480 Speaker 4: me some room. I got so much on my mind. 174 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:37,800 Speaker 4: Much of this could be avoided if we just learned 175 00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:40,960 Speaker 4: to be open and honest with each other. And it's interesting. 176 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:44,559 Speaker 4: I never asked Victoria to not do that anymore, but 177 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:48,000 Speaker 4: from that day forward, on Thursdays, when I'm writing my messages, 178 00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:52,000 Speaker 4: she doesn't come in there to eat lunch. Why. She's respectful, 179 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:56,839 Speaker 4: she's considerate. She's constantly studying me to see what can 180 00:09:56,880 --> 00:10:00,360 Speaker 4: make my life easier. And that's the attitude we need 181 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:03,320 Speaker 4: to have. What can I do today to get along 182 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:06,640 Speaker 4: better with the people in my life? How can my 183 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:10,559 Speaker 4: boss change not How can my spouse treat me better? No? 184 00:10:10,679 --> 00:10:14,079 Speaker 4: Turn it around? What can you do? Study that person? 185 00:10:14,559 --> 00:10:17,400 Speaker 4: If you will help them come up higher, that's a 186 00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:20,880 Speaker 4: seed God will use to bring you a higher I'm 187 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:24,800 Speaker 4: asking us today to pay close attention to the people 188 00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:28,920 Speaker 4: you're in relationship with, find out what they need. The 189 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:31,960 Speaker 4: mistake I see us make very often is we try 190 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:35,480 Speaker 4: to give people what we need instead of what they need. 191 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:38,760 Speaker 4: For instance, you may not need a lot of encouragement, 192 00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:42,920 Speaker 4: but perhaps you're in relationship with somebody that does. You 193 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:44,840 Speaker 4: can't have the attitude. Well I don't need it, so 194 00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:47,840 Speaker 4: they shouldn't need it either. No, God made us different. 195 00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:50,600 Speaker 4: Remember one time I was talking to this couple that 196 00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:53,680 Speaker 4: was struggling in their marriage, and the man said, Joel, 197 00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:56,640 Speaker 4: I just don't understand it. I buy my wife anything 198 00:10:56,679 --> 00:10:59,560 Speaker 4: she wants. He told how they had put in a 199 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:01,720 Speaker 4: pool a couple of years ago, and he'd bought her 200 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:06,280 Speaker 4: a new car. But this wife, although she appreciated that, 201 00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:09,800 Speaker 4: that's not what she needed. She needed his affection, she 202 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:13,640 Speaker 4: needed his friendship, she needed his time. The problem was 203 00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:16,880 Speaker 4: the man was giving her what he needed, what made 204 00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:19,720 Speaker 4: him feel good. You've got to learn to give people 205 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:23,040 Speaker 4: what they need, not what you need. Well you say, 206 00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:25,880 Speaker 4: how do I know? Listen to what people are saying. 207 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:30,040 Speaker 4: Read between the lines. If you hear your wife say, man, 208 00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:32,120 Speaker 4: you've been working a lot, wish we could go out 209 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:35,880 Speaker 4: to dinner. That's her way of saying I need some attention, 210 00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:39,600 Speaker 4: I need some time. I'm feeling lonely. Don't say, oh, yeah, 211 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:42,920 Speaker 4: i've been busy. Maybe it'll stop one day, be more sensitive. 212 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:48,040 Speaker 4: Be sensitive, you know, plan a special outing, hire a babysit, 213 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:50,720 Speaker 4: or take her out to dinner, just a simple thing. 214 00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:53,360 Speaker 4: Or maybe you hear your husband one day say, man, 215 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:55,600 Speaker 4: no matter what I do for you, I can't seem 216 00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:59,079 Speaker 4: to please you. That man is crying out for your approval. 217 00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:02,520 Speaker 4: He's crying out for your affirmation. The way you meet 218 00:12:02,559 --> 00:12:05,599 Speaker 4: that need is not saying, Okay, let's go to dinner. No, 219 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:07,959 Speaker 4: he needs to hear you saying I'm proud of you. 220 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:10,840 Speaker 4: I think you're a great husband. I appreciate what you 221 00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:13,760 Speaker 4: do for this family. If you'll learn to give people 222 00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:17,040 Speaker 4: what they need and not what you need, it'll help 223 00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:20,880 Speaker 4: your relationships improve. I know when I've been working real 224 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:23,480 Speaker 4: hard and I come home kind of stressed and uptight, 225 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:26,360 Speaker 4: I don't need Victoria to say, well, come on in, Joel, 226 00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:29,240 Speaker 4: sit down, we'll talk about it. No, that may meet 227 00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:32,679 Speaker 4: her need, but I'm wired differently than she is. I 228 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:35,599 Speaker 4: know when I'm stressed, I need to go outside and exercise. 229 00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:38,240 Speaker 4: I need to go outside and play ball with my children. 230 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:41,120 Speaker 4: That's going to meet my need in the same way. 231 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:44,840 Speaker 4: When Victoria is a little uptight and tense, I don't 232 00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:47,280 Speaker 4: tell her, why don't you go outside and play with 233 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:53,720 Speaker 4: the children. I value my life more than that. Why 234 00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:57,200 Speaker 4: don't you go exercise? Works for me every time. I've 235 00:12:57,280 --> 00:12:59,880 Speaker 4: learned after more than twenty years of marriage, what she 236 00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:03,280 Speaker 4: likes and what she doesn't like. And I know when 237 00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:05,160 Speaker 4: she's kind of uptight. The best thing I can do 238 00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:06,880 Speaker 4: is just sit down and talk to her about it. 239 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:09,160 Speaker 4: I just need to hear her out. She needs to 240 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:12,000 Speaker 4: know that I understand and I've learned. I don't have 241 00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:14,440 Speaker 4: to solve the problem. That's not what she's looking for. 242 00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:16,440 Speaker 4: She just wants to get it out in the open. 243 00:13:16,679 --> 00:13:19,560 Speaker 4: When she does that, she feels much better. There are 244 00:13:19,559 --> 00:13:21,720 Speaker 4: other times I know she just needs to spend some 245 00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:25,079 Speaker 4: time by herself. I'll tell her, go get your nails done, 246 00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:27,360 Speaker 4: go see some friends, or go up to the mall. 247 00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:29,440 Speaker 4: Man an hour at the mall. She comes back a 248 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:35,480 Speaker 4: totally different person. She's refreshed, rejuvenating. What am I saying? 249 00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:38,800 Speaker 4: If I'm gonna have happy relationships, I got to study 250 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:41,280 Speaker 4: the people God's brought into my life and give them 251 00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:44,360 Speaker 4: what they need, not what I need. Another way to 252 00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:48,520 Speaker 4: improve a relationship is be a good listener When people 253 00:13:48,559 --> 00:13:52,559 Speaker 4: talk to you, give them your undivided attention, look them 254 00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:55,200 Speaker 4: in the eyes, and have an interest in what they're saying. 255 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:58,960 Speaker 4: These days, we're so busy and so many distractions, so 256 00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:02,000 Speaker 4: much multitask and going on. If we're not careful, we'll 257 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:06,160 Speaker 4: find we're really only halfway listening. When somebody's trying to 258 00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:08,000 Speaker 4: talk to you and you've got the computer on or 259 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:11,680 Speaker 4: the TV, or you're preoccupied with something else that's sending 260 00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:15,320 Speaker 4: the wrong message. Learn to stop what you're doing, pause 261 00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:18,680 Speaker 4: a few minutes, and give them your undivided attention. So 262 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:21,120 Speaker 4: I mentioned earlier, I'll work out of my home and 263 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:24,120 Speaker 4: probably two or three times a day, my children come 264 00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:27,200 Speaker 4: in to say hello or to tell me something. And 265 00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:29,880 Speaker 4: I used to be so caught up in my work 266 00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:32,800 Speaker 4: and so determined to stay on schedule. I would do 267 00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:35,000 Speaker 4: just what I'm asking you not to do. I would 268 00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:38,440 Speaker 4: acknowledge them, but I just keep on working away. Every 269 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:40,240 Speaker 4: once in a while I say, uh huh, yes, just 270 00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:44,080 Speaker 4: halfway listening. But one day I realized that's sending them 271 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:47,360 Speaker 4: the wrong message. With my words, I'm saying, I hear you, 272 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:51,800 Speaker 4: I'm listening, but with my actions I'm communicating I'm busy 273 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:55,200 Speaker 4: you're bothering me. Now I've learned to just take a 274 00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:58,120 Speaker 4: two minute break, look them in the eyes, and give 275 00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:01,600 Speaker 4: them every ounce of energy that I can. I want 276 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:04,680 Speaker 4: to communicate to them, not just through my words, but 277 00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:08,320 Speaker 4: through my actions. You're important to me. I've always got 278 00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:12,240 Speaker 4: time for you. You're extremely valuable. Now. Our children are 279 00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:15,360 Speaker 4: a lot more perceptive than we may think. They know 280 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:19,240 Speaker 4: when we're halfway listening. They know when we're hurrying them along. 281 00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:22,240 Speaker 4: Don't send that kind of message to the people around you. 282 00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:26,080 Speaker 4: There's a difference between hearing and listening. We can hear 283 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:29,360 Speaker 4: a lot of things, but when we're really listening, we're 284 00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:34,440 Speaker 4: fully engaged wanting to hear. I believe part of being respectful, 285 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:37,280 Speaker 4: part of being considerate, is to learn to be a 286 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:41,120 Speaker 4: good listener. This means when people are talking to you, 287 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:45,560 Speaker 4: don't interrupt them. Let them finish their thoughts. You may 288 00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:47,920 Speaker 4: already know what they're going to say. You may have 289 00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:50,720 Speaker 4: already heard the story, but you know what, that's okay, 290 00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:56,280 Speaker 4: Be considerate and let them finish anyway. Maybe somebody ask 291 00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:58,680 Speaker 4: you a question and you know the answer the first 292 00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:02,000 Speaker 4: five seconds. That tendency to jump in there and cut 293 00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:03,960 Speaker 4: them off. Here let me tell you what to do. No, 294 00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:07,720 Speaker 4: just be respectful and let them finish. It's not only 295 00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:10,600 Speaker 4: part of being considerate, but it makes them feel good. 296 00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:13,960 Speaker 4: I've had people explain things to me, maybe asked me 297 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:16,600 Speaker 4: to pray about a situation, and they go on and 298 00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:19,240 Speaker 4: on and I know exactly what they're talking about, but 299 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:22,760 Speaker 4: I've realized it's important that I hear what they want 300 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:25,480 Speaker 4: me to hear. When you take time to listen, it 301 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:27,880 Speaker 4: just shows that you care. It shows that you're concerned. 302 00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:30,440 Speaker 4: Do you know how many people have told me a 303 00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:34,360 Speaker 4: joke that I've heard four hundred and seventy times. I 304 00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:36,600 Speaker 4: could easily say, well, I've heard that one before. No, 305 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:39,600 Speaker 4: I give them the joy of telling it again. And 306 00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:41,600 Speaker 4: I laughed like it was the first time I ever 307 00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:45,600 Speaker 4: heard it, just like you do with mine. I'm so 308 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:48,960 Speaker 4: in a seed. Some people have gotten into a bad 309 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:53,200 Speaker 4: habit of finishing people's sentences for them. If they pause 310 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:56,600 Speaker 4: for a half second waiting for a word, they jump 311 00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:59,240 Speaker 4: right in there and take over. How many times have 312 00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:02,600 Speaker 4: I been guilty of finishing a story that Victoria starts 313 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:06,040 Speaker 4: she's telling someone else, but because I think I can 314 00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:08,320 Speaker 4: do it better, or because she will leave out one 315 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:11,640 Speaker 4: little detail, I jump in and take over. But now 316 00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:14,199 Speaker 4: I've learned, even though I can do it better, I 317 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:18,760 Speaker 4: need to let her do it, be patient, and show 318 00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:22,359 Speaker 4: respect by allowing people to finish their thoughts. I'm trying 319 00:17:22,359 --> 00:17:25,280 Speaker 4: to improve your relationships. I think I keep making mine worse. 320 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:30,119 Speaker 4: My personality type is if I miss an hour meeting, 321 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:33,840 Speaker 4: I like somebody to give me a thirty second overview. 322 00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:36,080 Speaker 4: I don't like to know all the details. I don't 323 00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:38,359 Speaker 4: want to know all the hows and whys. I just 324 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:42,760 Speaker 4: want the bottom line. Well, Victoria is exactly opposite. So 325 00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:46,320 Speaker 4: when she tells me something, she gives me all the details, 326 00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:49,800 Speaker 4: all the hidden meanings, what the people were wearing, what 327 00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:52,080 Speaker 4: they had for lunch, what kind of mood they were in, 328 00:17:52,359 --> 00:17:56,679 Speaker 4: what their cousin's uncle said. We're just different, and it's 329 00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:59,600 Speaker 4: easy for me to want to be selfish and to 330 00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:01,720 Speaker 4: think I want to hear that she needs to change. 331 00:18:02,119 --> 00:18:05,800 Speaker 4: But I've realized that's important to her, and so when 332 00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:09,480 Speaker 4: she's explaining something to me, I make myself relax and 333 00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:12,800 Speaker 4: be at ease knowing that me taking time to hear 334 00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:17,159 Speaker 4: the details is adding value to our relationships. Now, I 335 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:20,119 Speaker 4: may only want a thirty second overview. And for some 336 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,879 Speaker 4: people in my life that may be okay. But if 337 00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:25,800 Speaker 4: I'm going to give Victoria what she needs, I've got 338 00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:29,080 Speaker 4: to adapt and be willing to change. And when people 339 00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:32,080 Speaker 4: are talking to you, don't make them feel in a rushed, 340 00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:36,760 Speaker 4: hurried like they're bothering you. No fidgeting, tapping your fingers 341 00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:42,080 Speaker 4: back in a way that's communicating disapproval. By your body language, 342 00:18:42,119 --> 00:18:44,679 Speaker 4: you're saying I don't have time for you, you're bothering me. 343 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:48,560 Speaker 4: A while back, Victoria was telling me this story, and 344 00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:52,280 Speaker 4: she started talking faster and faster, and finally she said, 345 00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:53,760 Speaker 4: you don't want to hear this. I can tell you're 346 00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:56,679 Speaker 4: just hurrying me along. I hadn't said one word. It 347 00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:59,200 Speaker 4: was my body language. I had to do what I'm 348 00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:02,280 Speaker 4: asking you to do. Turn off the TV, look people 349 00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:05,600 Speaker 4: in the eyes, and give them your undivided attention. It's 350 00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:09,640 Speaker 4: a part of respect. Another important key when you come 351 00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:12,200 Speaker 4: home from work or you've been away for a while 352 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:15,400 Speaker 4: and you see your loved ones, what you do right 353 00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:19,000 Speaker 4: at the very first is the most important. Don't just 354 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:21,840 Speaker 4: run through the house and go to the back and think, oh, 355 00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:23,560 Speaker 4: I'm tired. I don't want to talk. I've had a 356 00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:26,880 Speaker 4: long day. Know the first two minutes that you see 357 00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:30,880 Speaker 4: them has more impact than spending hours with them later on. 358 00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:33,840 Speaker 4: If you can get in a habit of when you 359 00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:36,840 Speaker 4: haven't seen the people you care about for three or 360 00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:40,280 Speaker 4: four hours, I've just taken the first couple of minutes 361 00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:44,600 Speaker 4: and giving them your undivided attention. See how they're doing, 362 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:47,880 Speaker 4: Let them know that you're interested in them. What you're 363 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:51,760 Speaker 4: saying by your actions is I missed you. You're important 364 00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:55,320 Speaker 4: to me, You're valuable in my life. How many times 365 00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:57,760 Speaker 4: do we come home and we're not even aware of 366 00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:00,800 Speaker 4: the people around us, just in pass Hey I'm back. 367 00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:03,080 Speaker 4: I got to get off my feet. You take a 368 00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:06,600 Speaker 4: couple of minutes, Go kiss your spouse, go hug your children. 369 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,800 Speaker 4: Make them a priority right when you first get home. 370 00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:13,399 Speaker 4: This means when you pull up into the driveway, you 371 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:16,520 Speaker 4: need to finish that last cell phone call. Don't go 372 00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:19,280 Speaker 4: in the house talking on the phone, still doing business. 373 00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:22,320 Speaker 4: How many times have I sat in my garage to 374 00:20:22,359 --> 00:20:25,600 Speaker 4: finish a call because I know the importance of going 375 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:28,560 Speaker 4: in and right at the start giving my family my 376 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:31,360 Speaker 4: undivided attention. Well, you say, Joel, I'll do it. An 377 00:20:31,359 --> 00:20:33,359 Speaker 4: hour later. I'll do it after I take care of 378 00:20:33,359 --> 00:20:36,040 Speaker 4: some other stuff. Know, the studies say the first two 379 00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:39,919 Speaker 4: minutes has the most impact. And before you come home 380 00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:43,960 Speaker 4: you need to mentally switch gears, recognize you're moving into 381 00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:47,480 Speaker 4: a different environment, clear your mind, take some deep breaths, 382 00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:51,240 Speaker 4: and let the tension out. You have to close one door, 383 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:54,600 Speaker 4: so to speak, the stress, the pressure, the frustration, and 384 00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:58,479 Speaker 4: open another door. Too often we make a mistake of 385 00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:01,960 Speaker 4: bringing the pressures of the day in with us. When 386 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:05,040 Speaker 4: we're stressed and we're up tight, we may not say anything, 387 00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:08,040 Speaker 4: but before long the whole house is filled with tension. 388 00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:11,119 Speaker 4: You may have had a hard day, people may not 389 00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:13,119 Speaker 4: have treated you right, but you have to get in 390 00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:16,679 Speaker 4: a habit of leaving that outside. I heard about this 391 00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:19,399 Speaker 4: man that had a tree ripped by his back door. 392 00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:22,280 Speaker 4: There was a large plant in this pot, and every 393 00:21:22,359 --> 00:21:24,880 Speaker 4: day when he came home from work, he reached over 394 00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:27,640 Speaker 4: and rubbed the tree. And a friend saw him and said, 395 00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:30,080 Speaker 4: what in the world are you doing? He said, this 396 00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:33,720 Speaker 4: is my trouble tree. Before I go inside. I put 397 00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:36,880 Speaker 4: all my problems, all my worries, all my stress, all 398 00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:40,760 Speaker 4: my frustration on this tree. And really we all need 399 00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:44,800 Speaker 4: a trouble tree, even if it's an imaginary leave that outside. 400 00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:47,960 Speaker 4: Have Another friend takes him an hour to get home 401 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,639 Speaker 4: every day, and traffic's real bad, and he's got a 402 00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:53,000 Speaker 4: stressful job on top of that, and he used to 403 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:55,800 Speaker 4: come home so up tight and sow pressure. But he 404 00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:59,520 Speaker 4: told how he started pulling into a park right before 405 00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:02,320 Speaker 4: he got home and he would take five minutes to 406 00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:05,600 Speaker 4: just get in peace, to relax and quiet his mind. 407 00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:09,600 Speaker 4: What was he doing shifting gears? He knew the importance 408 00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:12,679 Speaker 4: of not bringing that inside. We need to keep a 409 00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:17,560 Speaker 4: peaceful atmosphere in our homes. When we're upset, stressed, worried, 410 00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:20,720 Speaker 4: it affects everyone around us, some of you. If you 411 00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:24,040 Speaker 4: just make a minor adjustment like this, you would see 412 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:27,960 Speaker 4: major improvements in your relationships. Instead of going home all 413 00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:30,800 Speaker 4: stressed and thinking I don't want to talk. No, leave 414 00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:34,320 Speaker 4: that outside. Take the first two minutes to invest in 415 00:22:34,359 --> 00:22:37,480 Speaker 4: the people you love, the fact that you made them 416 00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:39,920 Speaker 4: a priority, the fact that you came home in a 417 00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:43,480 Speaker 4: pleasant mood. It's not only setting the tone for the 418 00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:46,880 Speaker 4: rest of your time together, but you're speaking volumes into 419 00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:50,040 Speaker 4: their lives. And this not only works at home, can 420 00:22:50,119 --> 00:22:53,000 Speaker 4: work anywhere. We have people that you care about. At 421 00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:55,520 Speaker 4: the office, if you have a good friend and you've 422 00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:57,720 Speaker 4: been away for four or five hours, when you come 423 00:22:57,800 --> 00:23:00,720 Speaker 4: back just thirty seconds sick your head office, Hey, how's 424 00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:04,520 Speaker 4: everything going. You just made a huge deposit into their life. 425 00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:08,679 Speaker 4: By your actions, you're saying I really respect you. We're 426 00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:11,919 Speaker 4: going to improve our relationships. We have to watch the 427 00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:16,199 Speaker 4: way we say things, our voice, tones, our body language. 428 00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:21,320 Speaker 4: I read where sixty percent of communication is nonverbal. That 429 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:26,280 Speaker 4: means our facial expressions, the tone we use, our body language. 430 00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:30,360 Speaker 4: That's actually communicating more than even our words. You need 431 00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:33,360 Speaker 4: to learn to keep a pleasant demeanor, learn to smile, 432 00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:37,480 Speaker 4: and be careful the way you say things. How many 433 00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:40,119 Speaker 4: times have we come home we're kind of tired and 434 00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:43,320 Speaker 4: we just blurt out something very matter of fact. We 435 00:23:43,359 --> 00:23:46,400 Speaker 4: don't mean to be rude, but our whole body language, 436 00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:50,480 Speaker 4: our whole demeanor, the tone we used is basically saying, hey, 437 00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:52,800 Speaker 4: don't bother me. I've had a hard day. Let me 438 00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:56,880 Speaker 4: do my own thing. There's much more to communication than 439 00:23:56,880 --> 00:24:00,240 Speaker 4: our words. We may be saying the right thing, but 440 00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:04,239 Speaker 4: how we say it is equally important. Be sensitive and 441 00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:07,320 Speaker 4: learn to have a pleasant tone. Of voice, especially when 442 00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:10,919 Speaker 4: you're tired, especially when you're stressed. Before you answer, you 443 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,480 Speaker 4: need to take a deep breath and make sure you 444 00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:17,399 Speaker 4: say it in a kind, respectful way. Well, you say, Joel, 445 00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:20,320 Speaker 4: my personality is just a little bit stronger than yours. 446 00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:22,560 Speaker 4: I just believe in telling it like it is. I'm 447 00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:26,720 Speaker 4: just very straightforward. No, don't use your personality as an 448 00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:30,480 Speaker 4: excuse to be rude. You can be truthful, but you 449 00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:34,600 Speaker 4: can also be tactful. The Scripture says to speak the 450 00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:38,040 Speaker 4: truth in love. You can say a hard thing, but 451 00:24:38,119 --> 00:24:40,600 Speaker 4: if you'll say it in love with a smile on 452 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:43,480 Speaker 4: your face, people will swallow it a whole lot easier. 453 00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:48,159 Speaker 4: I heard some different definitions of being tactful. Being tactful 454 00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:52,040 Speaker 4: is the ability to make your point without making an enemy. 455 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:55,720 Speaker 4: Being tactful is when you tell someone to go jump 456 00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:58,960 Speaker 4: in the lake and they look forward to the journey. 457 00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:04,760 Speaker 4: Being tactful is changing the subject without changing your mind. 458 00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:08,960 Speaker 4: And being tactful is telling someone that he's open minded 459 00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:11,400 Speaker 4: when really he just has a hole in his head. 460 00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:15,640 Speaker 4: There's a difference between being frank and being rude. Don't 461 00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:18,639 Speaker 4: be matter of fact, don't be blunt. You have to 462 00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:23,040 Speaker 4: seizon your words with salt, and before you ever correct anyone, 463 00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:26,359 Speaker 4: you need to ask yourself, do I really need to 464 00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:29,439 Speaker 4: say this? Is it going to benefit them? Is it 465 00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:32,119 Speaker 4: going to further them down the road, or is it 466 00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:34,520 Speaker 4: just going to make me feel good? I found a 467 00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:37,440 Speaker 4: lot of times we say things just to prove our point. 468 00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:41,400 Speaker 4: You may know someone's wrong, you may know you're right, 469 00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:44,640 Speaker 4: but understand that doesn't mean you need to correct them. 470 00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:49,000 Speaker 4: You have to ask yourself is it really necessary. My 471 00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:51,639 Speaker 4: friend Johnny here, I've known him my whole life, and 472 00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:54,399 Speaker 4: he works with us, and after the services we go 473 00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:57,040 Speaker 4: up and greet the visitors. I can't tell you how 474 00:25:57,040 --> 00:26:00,560 Speaker 4: many times people have told him what a great worship 475 00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:04,560 Speaker 4: leader he is. They don't realize it's not Johnny, it's Steve. 476 00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:07,280 Speaker 4: They think he's the one up here leading to singing. 477 00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:10,480 Speaker 4: They kind of look alike. But believe me, Johnny can't sing. 478 00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:14,120 Speaker 4: I've heard him. But they'll go on and on telling 479 00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:16,639 Speaker 4: Johnny boy, the music was so good and we really 480 00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:19,480 Speaker 4: enjoyed you up there. We've learned time and time again 481 00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:21,800 Speaker 4: just to smile, say God bless you, and move on. 482 00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:25,639 Speaker 4: It's not worth correcting them. It's not a big deal. 483 00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:29,200 Speaker 4: After all, it's not harming them, and if anything, it's 484 00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:33,840 Speaker 4: helping Johnny believe that he can sing. But so often 485 00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:35,960 Speaker 4: we think we got to correct everybody, We got to 486 00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:38,679 Speaker 4: straighten them out. They're wrong, let me fix them. But 487 00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:41,000 Speaker 4: there are a lot of things in life that don't 488 00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:44,760 Speaker 4: really matter. To keep good relationships, you got to be 489 00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:48,440 Speaker 4: willing to let some things go. Don't ever correct anyone 490 00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:51,679 Speaker 4: unless he's gonna benefit them and not just make you 491 00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:54,760 Speaker 4: feel good. A couple of years ago, our son Jonathan 492 00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:57,280 Speaker 4: made a very poor grade on one of his tests, 493 00:26:57,440 --> 00:26:59,760 Speaker 4: and it's because he hadn't read his book. And I've 494 00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:02,560 Speaker 4: been telling him again and again how important it was 495 00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:04,919 Speaker 4: to keep up with his reading. And so when I 496 00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:07,479 Speaker 4: saw him, I had my two minute speech prepared and 497 00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:09,320 Speaker 4: I was gonna tell him how I told you to 498 00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:11,159 Speaker 4: do this, and I told you you want go make 499 00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:13,480 Speaker 4: good grace Jonathan, though when I saw me, he had 500 00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:15,879 Speaker 4: both hands up, had a big smile on his face. 501 00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:18,480 Speaker 4: It's hard to be mean to people that are smiling 502 00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:20,920 Speaker 4: at you, he said, Daddy, you don't need to say anything. 503 00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:23,600 Speaker 4: I already know. I promise I'm gonna do better next time. 504 00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:26,960 Speaker 4: But my pride wanted to give my speech anyway. It 505 00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:29,080 Speaker 4: was going to be good. I'd had it all prepared, 506 00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:32,240 Speaker 4: but I had to just swallow that pride and say, Okay, 507 00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:34,840 Speaker 4: if you promised to do better, there are a lot 508 00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:36,640 Speaker 4: of things that we don't need to make a big 509 00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:40,000 Speaker 4: deal about. Just let it go now. I'm asking you 510 00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:44,320 Speaker 4: today to look for ways that you can improve your relationships. 511 00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:47,399 Speaker 4: Maybe you can lower your voice tones a little, Maybe 512 00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:49,960 Speaker 4: you can become a better listener, maybe you can say 513 00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:52,960 Speaker 4: things more tactfully, or like I did with Jonathan, just 514 00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:56,439 Speaker 4: let some things go. Do your part to come up 515 00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:59,520 Speaker 4: higher in this area. Why don't you study the people 516 00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:02,520 Speaker 4: God put in your life. Learn to give them what 517 00:28:03,040 --> 00:28:06,520 Speaker 4: they need, not what you need. Remember before you get home, 518 00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:09,679 Speaker 4: switch gears. Don't bring the stress and the trouble of 519 00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:12,359 Speaker 4: the day with you. Leave that on your trouble tree, 520 00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:14,560 Speaker 4: and then take a couple of minutes right at the 521 00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:17,480 Speaker 4: first and sow into the people that you really love. 522 00:28:18,119 --> 00:28:20,840 Speaker 4: I believe if you'll make some of these simple changes, 523 00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:24,760 Speaker 4: you'll see major improvements. Your relationships will get better and better. 524 00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:28,320 Speaker 4: You'll have more peace, more joy, more harmony in your homes, 525 00:28:28,359 --> 00:28:30,840 Speaker 4: and you'll live the life of victory that God has 526 00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:34,159 Speaker 4: in store. Amen, do you receive it today? I know 527 00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:37,959 Speaker 4: you do well. We never like to close our broadcast 528 00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:40,880 Speaker 4: without giving you an opportunity to make Jesus the lord 529 00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:44,440 Speaker 4: of your life. Would you pray with me? Just say, Lord, Jesus, 530 00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:49,600 Speaker 4: I repent of my sins. Come into my heart. I 531 00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:53,360 Speaker 4: make you my Lord and savior. Friends, if you prayed 532 00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:56,160 Speaker 4: that simple prayer, we believe you got born again. Get 533 00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:59,080 Speaker 4: in a good Bible based church, Keep God first place. 534 00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:01,600 Speaker 4: He's going to take you places you've never dreamed of. 535 00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:05,760 Speaker 5: Thank you for listening to the joel Ostine podcast. Help 536 00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:08,560 Speaker 5: us continue to share the message of hope with those 537 00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:12,560 Speaker 5: all over the world. Visit joelostin dot com slash give 538 00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:14,320 Speaker 5: Hope to give a gift today. 539 00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:18,520 Speaker 4: Thanks so much for listening to today's message. I hope 540 00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:21,920 Speaker 4: you'll subscribe so you can receive the latest podcast to 541 00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:25,200 Speaker 4: keep you inspired all through the week. We're praying for you. 542 00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:27,840 Speaker 4: I know God's best is still ahead. We'll see you 543 00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:28,400 Speaker 4: next time.