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Speaker 1: My white racist aunt just gave birth to a bi

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Speaker 1: racial baby, and now they want to get rid of

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Speaker 1: the baby. You want to get rid of it? I

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Speaker 1: mean by racial, bro, that's I eighteen, female, am adopted.

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Speaker 1: My aunt and uncle have made comments about this in

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Speaker 1: the past, how I'm not really in the family or whatever.

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Speaker 1: Already already awful right right off the b that's so mean.

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Speaker 2: It's like, hey, this person doesn't have any family's going

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Speaker 2: to make them well, I mean they have you, or

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Speaker 2: they should have it.

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Speaker 1: They should have you, but they you know, they came

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Speaker 1: for where It's like, Okay, I didn't have parents. Now

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Speaker 1: I'm joining a family, thinking I'm joining the family, but

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Speaker 1: uh not the case. I guess, my god, it doesn't

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Speaker 1: really bother me anymore because I barely see them apart

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Speaker 1: from family reunions and stuff. They're also homophobic, racist, and

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Speaker 1: every kind of ist you can think of.

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Speaker 2: Ah, we love when they collect them all just the

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Speaker 2: isst collectors.

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Speaker 1: Just being a bigot ash catch them of biggest tree.

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Speaker 1: They couldn't get pregnant for various reasons, including the fact

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Speaker 1: that my aunt is pushing forty Oh okay, that would

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Speaker 1: make sense. Go ahead, honestly, I don't know if I

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Speaker 1: want you raising a baby.

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Speaker 2: No, no, we don't need to passing down those good

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Speaker 2: old family values.

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Speaker 1: Yeah no, no, no, no, no no. Anyways, they spent a

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Speaker 1: bunch of money on fertility treatments before eventually using an

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Speaker 1: egg donor. Also, I had just gotten a hysterectomy at

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Speaker 1: the time for medical reasons, and my aunt made some

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Speaker 1: weird comment to my mom about how I was wasting

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Speaker 1: my purpose as a woman and how I could have

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Speaker 1: been a surrogate for them.

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Speaker 2: Direct me is when you remove your let's don't check that.

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Speaker 2: Why do they call it a hysterectomy instead of a

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Speaker 2: hers directomy removal viwterus.

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Speaker 1: Boom boy, we're ready to pass the medical exam. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: doctor John and Sae. They also said that they didn't

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Speaker 1: want to adopt, They wanted their own kids and didn't

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Speaker 1: want an abandoned problem kid. Wow.

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Speaker 2: Wow, Why are they saying all this out loud? Keep

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Speaker 2: it to your have the the understanding that you might

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Speaker 2: get a lot of it for coming out and saying

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Speaker 2: these terrible things literally.

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Speaker 1: Then the type of person just walk and be like, Hi,

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Speaker 1: you're ugly. Oh bro.

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Speaker 2: This morning I was running with my friend's dog. And

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Speaker 2: there's this couple that passes by and is doing a

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Speaker 2: morning walk, and this crazy homeless dude goes by and.

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Speaker 1: It was like, bro, why are you with her? She's ugly,

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Speaker 1: she's ugly. You could do so much better. Fail fail, fail,

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Speaker 1: just the the alarm of like insulting what and would

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Speaker 1: not stop saying it. And so that's like what I imagine.

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Speaker 1: These this aunt and uncle are like, that's what I'm imagining.

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Speaker 1: So hold me rent a story coming up that's so bad.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god. It's like you're trying to have a

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Speaker 1: nice morning walk literally and it's like ugly, please die. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: oh my god. But saying some news news the baby

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Speaker 1: was born and to the shock and horror and surprise

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Speaker 1: of my and uncle, the baby is brown. Their baby,

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Speaker 1: their baby, their baby, white uncle and white aunt's baby

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Speaker 1: is brown. Wow. And they're racist and they're racist. If

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Speaker 1: you recall a little bit ago, they ended up going

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Speaker 1: with a donor. But don't they scream the don't one

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Speaker 1: would think one would think they would do. So maybe

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Speaker 1: maybe it's like a logic Malcolm cloudwell donor maybe where

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Speaker 1: they're like, oh, I didn't come up on my logic eggs.

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Speaker 1: Apparently the egg donor wrote Caucasian as the ethnicity, but

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Speaker 1: had a Guyanese grandmother. What's I believe it's Southeast Asian Guyanese,

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Speaker 1: but I believe it's like South. You imagine a frat

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Speaker 1: guy says when he's just try and talk to his bros.

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Speaker 1: It's like, we're just speaking Guyanese. You don't understand we're

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Speaker 1: speaking Guyanese, just guy talk. Is it Ghana? I believe, No,

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Speaker 1: it's not Ghana, y Guyana. I think I think it's

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Speaker 1: a it's a it's an interesting situation. It's a South

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Speaker 1: American kind of like it's a South American country where

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Speaker 1: Southeast Asian, like I like from India or something like

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Speaker 1: that came up. It's in South America. It's a country.

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Speaker 1: It's it's it's South America. But what's the country called geography?

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Speaker 1: Lesson Sam and John Guyana? Guyana? Is it Ghana? Guy

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Speaker 1: g u y a n a guy South America? Guyana?

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Speaker 2: In South America, South America. That is a country.

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Speaker 1: Okay.

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Speaker 2: If anyone in the audience is either from Guyana or

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Speaker 2: has someone they know that's from Guyana, please tell us.

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Speaker 1: What it's like. Please, please, please, let us know.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So the racist aunt and uncle have a egg

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Speaker 2: donor that is from Guyana, which is a country in

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Speaker 2: South America, as.

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Speaker 1: A Guyanese grandmother. So it's like it is a logic situation.

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Speaker 1: The recessive jeans popped in it just the right time.

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Speaker 1: Maybe nice, we love it.

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Speaker 2: Maybe they'll be less racist after having a darker baby.

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Speaker 1: One can hope. Yeah, but my hopes and dreams are

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Speaker 1: always squashed on these. Probably not have faith. I have zero.

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Speaker 2: If it's being posted to Reddit that I know it's

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Speaker 2: just going to be terrible.

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Speaker 1: So they had the baby with them at the family reunion,

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Speaker 1: and my aunt in particular looked tired and upset. I

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Speaker 1: couldn't resist making a comment to my mom within earshot

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Speaker 1: of them that if they'd adopted, they could have picked

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Speaker 1: a nice white baby and maybe mistook the IVF clinic

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Speaker 1: for a build a bear workshop. God, whoa, that's a bit. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I heard they might be trying to sue the clinic.

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Speaker 2: Good, yes, excuse me, my baby came out darker than

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Speaker 2: I was expecting.

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Speaker 1: Oh damn, you saw. My aunt got really upset and

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Speaker 1: started crying, and my uncle turned red and yelled at

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Speaker 1: me about how I have no right to talk about

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Speaker 1: their private life, that I was a bish and all

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Speaker 1: of this other crap. I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I think when like you continually are racist and prejudice

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Speaker 2: and just downright rude.

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Speaker 1: Yeah to family member, you've earned a little, A little

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Speaker 1: will come back. Yeah, yeah, I feel I feel some

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Speaker 1: come up and says to yes, then they left. My

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Speaker 1: mom thought my comments were funny, but says I should

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Speaker 1: apologize to keep the piece. I think they're funny me too,

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Speaker 1: and my dad says that they needed to hear the truth.

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Speaker 1: I think I might be the a hole because it's

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Speaker 1: kind of unfair to the baby to bring her into it.

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Speaker 1: So am I the A hole? There is a quick

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Speaker 1: update as of now, how are we feeling everybody? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: are we feeling sane?

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Speaker 2: Well, well, put your answers of what you think is

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Speaker 2: OP the A hole? I guess I see where Ope's

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Speaker 2: coming from, where it's like, oh, I might be the

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Speaker 2: a hole for kind of insulting almost like the.

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Speaker 1: Baby, Yeah, and build bear.

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Speaker 2: I was like, hmmm, yeah, it's like it feels almost

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Speaker 2: insulting to the baby, but not quite. I mean, like really,

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Speaker 2: what OP he's using is like like they're like they're

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Speaker 2: shauncasm yeah right, it's like all.

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Speaker 1: The essentially yeah exactly.

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Speaker 2: And so it's like Op's almost taking on this and

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Speaker 2: this idea of being super prejudiced.

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Speaker 1: It's like almost ironic.

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Speaker 2: And I think maybe that irony and that joking is

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Speaker 2: actually helping this couple see how terrible they've been.

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Speaker 1: One can only hope and I think what the dad

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Speaker 1: is saying, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes exactly. So update

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Speaker 1: to clarify some things. One, I am Chinese. However, even

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Speaker 1: if I had been white, my comment would still not

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Speaker 1: have been racist. Racist means to show prejudiced or discrimination

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Speaker 1: to one race because of their race. I don't think

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Speaker 1: anyone would argue that white people are a oppressed minority. One.

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Speaker 1: As for the racist stuff they've said, they were hardcore

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Speaker 1: Trump supporters during both the twenty sixteen and twenty twenty

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Speaker 1: elections and have called my mixed raced friend a half breed.

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Speaker 1: That's this is unfair for the baby. I do feel

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Speaker 1: sorry for her. I regret bringing an innocent baby into this.

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Speaker 1: I hope my aunt and uncle learn from this and

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Speaker 1: maybe become less prejudiced. Yeah this aunt uncle sound odd,

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Speaker 1: I am. I feel so so bad for this baby.

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Speaker 1: Like even if the aunt uncle do become more progressive

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Speaker 1: because of this or like racist, hope, it's probably still

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Speaker 1: at the expense of the baby, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: Like there probably are going to like fumble like so

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Speaker 1: many things in the process to get there.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, well, so there there was a comment where

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Speaker 2: it was like if like someone said, oh, you're being

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Speaker 2: racist to.

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Speaker 1: I think I think it was the build a bear thing.

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Speaker 1: I didn't really see that as being like racist to

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Speaker 1: the baby. I didn't.

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Speaker 2: I guess I didn't really see it as that. I

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Speaker 2: just feel like OP has been really shat on by

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Speaker 2: this this.

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Speaker 1: Couple, and and it's trying to show them. I mean

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Speaker 1: maybe not in the most empathetic quest smooth smoothest style,

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Speaker 1: but I mean they need to know like what time

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Speaker 1: it is, yeah, or some edge action up classes in session. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: let us know what you think. We'll talk to you

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Speaker 1: said pig. Cop tries to ruin this girl's life for

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Speaker 1: totaling my car, so I serve him sweet justice. Fuck

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Speaker 1: the police. Period. I was in traffic traffic sexy, and

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Speaker 1: I was going the speed limit fifty five miles an hour,

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Speaker 1: and then there was a dead stop around the curve,

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Speaker 1: and I only had five hundred feet to stop. Oh jeez,

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Speaker 1: and it had just started raining. Oh God, I in

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Speaker 1: my Honda Cord managed to stop literal inches from the

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Speaker 1: person in front of me, had enough time to have

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Speaker 1: a sigh of relief before I was rear ended so

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Speaker 1: hard the can of tea in my waist level console

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Speaker 1: cup holder wound up splattered all over the windshield. Oh God.

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Speaker 1: I get out of the car and the person who

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Speaker 1: hit me is literally crying blood. She's driving a Saturn

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Speaker 1: that is at least a decade old, and the ancient

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Speaker 1: airbag broke her nose and blackened both of her eyes. Geez,

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Speaker 1: she is not looking good. She's also crying for real

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Speaker 1: because this is her only transportation. I grab an umbrella

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Speaker 1: out of my now weirdly shaped back seat and I

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Speaker 1: hold it over for her while she sobs, explaining her

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Speaker 1: brakes had been locking up lately and she was literally

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Speaker 1: on her way to the mechanics and tries to text

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Speaker 1: her boyfriend to pick her up. She's crying so hard

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Speaker 1: that she drops her phone twice. I also like, how

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Speaker 1: OPI is the whatever? It like? The victim in the

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Speaker 1: car crashes the one that's like holding the umbrella, okay,

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Speaker 1: and then the cop shows up. Baltimore cops are bastards,

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Speaker 1: so he writes this girl a ticket about failure to

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Speaker 1: control speed to avoid an accident and reckless endangerment and

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Speaker 1: a half dozen other bs things to where the ticket

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Speaker 1: would literally cost more than a new car and she

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Speaker 1: might get her license revoked or jail time. This cop

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Speaker 1: like a rearing somebody. This cop is out to get her.

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Speaker 1: That is like way od way over that she's hysterical.

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Speaker 1: I talked to her and reassure it's not her fault

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Speaker 1: and managed to swap insurance and fell Fast forward two months.

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Speaker 1: I had mild whiplash, but I'm healed up and mostly

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Speaker 1: good regarding the accident. I have a new car and everything.

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Speaker 1: And I get a notice in the mail that I

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Speaker 1: am requested to be a witness for this poor girl

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Speaker 1: trial for her ticket. I don't have to show, but

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Speaker 1: it'd be nice. Right.

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Speaker 2: Well, there is no way I'm just gonna let that

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Speaker 2: cop roast her, I was asked, So I'm taking the

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Speaker 2: day off work to show up and be a good person.

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Speaker 1: Dude, op hold on round of Appla.

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Speaker 2: Round applause snaps around. I turn up the court dressed

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Speaker 2: in my civil servant best. I was working for the

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Speaker 2: state government at the time. So, however, stay, do you

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Speaker 2: imagine multiply it by three and even toss on some

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Speaker 2: makeup to impress the jet Uh huh, because I'm not

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Speaker 2: going to be late for this three hours early bro ops.

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Speaker 2: Literally the greatest human never was amazing. Mother Teresa, get

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Speaker 2: out of here.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, get here.

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Speaker 2: So the cop goes first, making up a bunch of

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Speaker 2: bs about how recklessly she was driving to have to

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Speaker 2: hit me in an accident he was probably ten miles

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Speaker 2: away from and because he was like he like responded

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Speaker 2: after he has no idea what he's talking about. The

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Speaker 2: judge then calls me and I stand up. The cop

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Speaker 2: is this weird combo of surprise Pikachu dot jpeg and

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Speaker 2: pissed he didn't expect.

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Speaker 1: Me to show.

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Speaker 2: The poor girl was already crying, and she starts crying

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Speaker 2: some more. So I get to the stand, I get

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Speaker 2: sworn in, and I tell the truth, the whole truth,

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Speaker 2: and nothing but the truth.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, baby. So I say that we were going

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Speaker 1: exactly the speed limit. I know because I checked my

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Speaker 1: speedometer in surprise there wasn't more traffic, and that she

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Speaker 1: was following a proper distance behind me because I checked

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Speaker 1: my rear view mirror and she was a ways off.

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Speaker 1: That it had just started raining after a dry week,

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Speaker 1: so the road was greasy as f and I knew

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Speaker 1: that because I almost slid into the car in front

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Speaker 1: of me, only saved by my car's automatic braking syst

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Speaker 1: that her wheels had locked because I'd heard the screech

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Speaker 1: and seen the skid marks, and that she definitely wasn't

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Speaker 1: at fault because she was on her way to get

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Speaker 1: her old ass automatic breaking system fixed. And I mentioned

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Speaker 1: that the cop didn't show up until nearly twenty minutes later,

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Speaker 1: so how could he know anything? He knew nothing.

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Speaker 2: I know it sounds like an everyone clap moment, but

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Speaker 2: the judge did actually thank me for doing my duty

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Speaker 2: and turning out, and I got a quick hug from

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Speaker 2: the poor girl after the judge dismissed her charges. Anyway,

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Speaker 2: Baltimore cups are bastards, and if you can turn up

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Speaker 2: in court to fight a traffic ticket, even someone else's,

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Speaker 2: you should do so.

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Speaker 1: Dude, man op, I don't know what award the okop award. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you can for niceness. That's right. Today I afket up

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Speaker 1: by trying polyamory, which means blinking with multiple people. I

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Speaker 1: know it is. It's potentially dangerous.

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Speaker 2: Territory that it is. It makes it very complicated. Indeed,

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Speaker 2: it does relationships. You know it can work, but it

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Speaker 2: can it can work. Have I seen it work?

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Speaker 1: No.

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Speaker 2: A few weeks ago, me twenty seven female and my partner,

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Speaker 2: twenty seven male, broached the topic of potentially dating other people. Also,

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Speaker 2: we do the entire negotiation of boundaries, rules, rules for

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Speaker 2: making things work, hard, limits on what's okay great. I

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Speaker 2: am more than interested in adding another partner to our relationship,

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Speaker 2: but my partner wanted to try dating separately first, just

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Speaker 2: to see. I'm a reasonable girl. So I'm game to

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Speaker 2: try it, and after a few weeks of attempts, we

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Speaker 2: set up our dates for the same day today. I

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Speaker 2: chose friendly acquaintances guy from another department at work, and

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Speaker 2: he chose hot rando girl from Tinder. We excitedly wish

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Speaker 2: one another luck and head off on our respected dates.

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Speaker 1: Like how they're both going on a day at the

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Speaker 1: same time like that. It's just kind of funny.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, It's like it's like the their moon cycles are

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Speaker 2: lined up. I don't even know what that means, but

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Speaker 2: I'm sticking about it though. Yeah, my date, who will

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Speaker 2: call Mark, and I meet up at a cute seafood

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Speaker 2: restaurant for dinner together. Things start off rocky, becomes immediately

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Speaker 2: clear that Mark has never been within six feet of

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Speaker 2: a human woman.

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Speaker 1: Why did you choose Mark, bro? Yeah, if you work

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Speaker 1: with him, you have to know at least a little

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Speaker 1: bit a little bit, right, Yeah, I mean hopefully Marks

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Speaker 1: just like a haughty or something. Yeah, off as haughty,

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Speaker 1: but just freaking python. Yeah, maybe that's the real print. Anyway,

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Speaker 1: I'm doing all the top and he is staring at

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Speaker 1: me intently and nodding his head in silence. I mean

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Speaker 1: that's potentially okay, he's a good listener.

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Speaker 2: I eventually run out of things to say because he

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Speaker 2: isn't participating at all, and start desperately looking at my phone,

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Speaker 2: texting and browsing Reddit to avoid the unbearable awkwardness. That's

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Speaker 2: even more awkward, bro, I don't know if you've ever

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Speaker 2: gone to a restaurant and seen the tables where like

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Speaker 2: both people are just on their phones.

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Speaker 1: I'm like you feel like awkward for them? Yeah, not bad?

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Speaker 1: Why go to dinner? At that point?

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Speaker 2: Eventually, Mark takes some initiative and participates in conversation. Go Mark, finally,

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Speaker 2: and he's actually telling me more about himself. Maybe he

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Speaker 2: isn't a serial killer after all, just a little nervous.

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Speaker 2: After some really fun and invigorating conversation, Mark then decides

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Speaker 2: to drop all of his bomb shells on me at random,

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Speaker 2: with no warning whatsoever. He lets me know that he

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Speaker 2: lives with his parents or has a small penis and

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Speaker 2: enjoys playing with dolls.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's so amazing. Wow, I live with

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Speaker 1: my mom and my penis small and I like dolls. Man,

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Speaker 1: that could be a song somebody remix that I my mom,

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Speaker 1: I'll watch. Okay. I did not ask for that information.

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Speaker 2: I reassure him that these things are fine, probably, and

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Speaker 2: kind of laughed and off as a weird joke that

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Speaker 2: fell flats. At this point, I'm just ready to flee,

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Speaker 2: but Mark mentions the movie I had planned for us at.

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Speaker 1: My house after dinner.

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Speaker 2: I begrudgingly accept because I'm a huge pushover and I'm

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Speaker 2: still holding out hope that Mark will surprise me and

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Speaker 2: completely change back into the normal guy that I know

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Speaker 2: from work. Also, like, don't choose the guy from work

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Speaker 2: for your polyamory experimentation, Like like this, that's right, it's

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Speaker 2: gonna be so weird to go work together after this. Like,

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Speaker 2: come on, choose the hot tinder guy.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, for real? A himbo.

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Speaker 2: Obviously you all know this didn't happen. As we were

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Speaker 2: watching the movie, Mark tries to pull a move on me,

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Speaker 2: and by pull a move, I mean by basically jumping

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Speaker 2: off the couch ripping his pants down. And then I

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Speaker 2: just panic because one, there's not been any indication I

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Speaker 2: am interested in having sex with him at all, and two,

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Speaker 2: his penis was actually so small that there was no

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Speaker 2: way I could have sex with him even if I

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Speaker 2: wanted to.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god.

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Speaker 2: I am not one to body shame at all, and

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Speaker 2: I've never cared about my partner size, but I just

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Speaker 2: don't see how it would even be possible. So my

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Speaker 2: body does when it normally does when I get into

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Speaker 2: a state of panic, I immediately vomit.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, just right on the floor. Oh my god.

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Speaker 2: We're both frozen, staring at the vomity carpet. I look

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Speaker 2: him directly in the eyes and quietly tell him I

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Speaker 2: don't think dinner agreed with me, and that he should

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Speaker 2: probably leave.

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Speaker 1: He does.

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Speaker 2: Imagine stripping down and the girl immediately vomit, But.

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Speaker 1: Also imagine just like you're sitting there just like and

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Speaker 1: all of a sudden you get up and you're just like,

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Speaker 1: make love to me. Oh goodness.

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Speaker 2: My partner returned some a little later and said his

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Speaker 2: date was also a bust. His lovely lady pulled out

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Speaker 2: a bag of cocaine on the drive home and proceeds

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Speaker 2: to turn on all the interior lights in his car

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Speaker 2: so that she can scoop up a spoonful using her

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Speaker 2: special coke spoon that was preparedly decoratively attached to her wallet.

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Speaker 2: I am just in shock. Dating is tough. I'm not

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Speaker 2: thinking we'll be trying this again for quite some time. Godspeed,

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Speaker 2: godspeed to any single people out there.

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Speaker 1: Okay, just real quick, number one ten trillion times worse.

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Speaker 1: She she just basically was was doing coke, which is

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Speaker 1: weird and whatever.

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Speaker 2: But just like inside the car also, like I mean,

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Speaker 2: is it like the coke to go everywhere because it's

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Speaker 2: like the bumps of the road, the bumps of the road. Hey,

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Speaker 2: the bumps in the road with the bumps in the road, bro,

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Speaker 2: that's that's a rap lyric right there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, bumps the road on the road about to

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Speaker 1: go to the abode because I gotta use the komode

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Speaker 1: ooh do dragon, because I got a Kimodo dragon in

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Speaker 1: my pants. I opened up my ass and I did

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Speaker 1: a little dance. That's our raft, ladies and gentlemen.