00:00:00 Speaker 1: M and I invited you here. I thought I made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest in my home, you gotta come to me empty. And I said, no, guests, you're our presences. Presence and I already had too much stuff, So how did you dare to surbey me? 00:00:47 Speaker 2: Welcome to, I said, no gifts. I'm Richard Wineker. I'm in a perfect, perfect place right now. I you know, I spilled a little water on my shoe a few minutes ago, and I thought it was a little bit of water. Now I feel it's soaking through to my sock, which is something that I'm just going to let happen for the next hour. There's nothing I can do at this point. Maybe i'll slowly I'm slowly taking off my shoe with my other shoe, or just going to take my shoes off and my sock is wet. That none of this matters. None of it matters to you, the listener. I'm so happy you're here, and I'm so happy our guest is here. Everybody loves Joe Firestone, Joe, Welcome to. I said, no gifts. 00:01:31 Speaker 3: Wouldn't it be amazing? 00:01:32 Speaker 2: No? If my name was Raymond, everybody loves Raymond. 00:01:39 Speaker 3: It's Raymond. Everybody Raymond. 00:01:43 Speaker 2: How are you? 00:01:44 Speaker 3: Oh, I'm good. I just I had dinner right before this, and I, you know, oh, we don't really talk during dinner. We watched television in our home and I just watched the first twenty minutes of a juicy episode of The Guilded Age. 00:01:58 Speaker 2: Oh wait, of the very first episode of that show. 00:02:02 Speaker 3: No, the eighth episode. 00:02:03 Speaker 2: Oh so you're deep into it. 00:02:05 Speaker 3: Yeah, have you seen this show? 00:02:06 Speaker 2: I've seen half of the pilot. 00:02:09 Speaker 3: Okay, you know exactly what it's about. It doesn't change from there. 00:02:13 Speaker 2: That's it. I've seen the first season of Downton Abbey, uh huh, and then just you know, heard what happened through the rest of the fourteen seasons or whatever, car crashes, amnesia, whatever, And then watch the first half of this and I was like, oh, so this is just kind of an American version with more CGI. 00:02:34 Speaker 3: Okay, there is more CGI, but one big difference. And I don't know if you have familiars in Britain or whatever insight on this. Here's the thing in Downton Abbey. Whenever somebody doesn't mean bad, somebody's always watching. So there's consequences to every bad thing that they do. But in America that a lot of things go bad and nobody sees it. 00:02:58 Speaker 2: People are just going hog wild. 00:03:00 Speaker 3: Yeah, and there's like there's kisses, and there's all sexual overtures and bad business deals and nobody sees it. 00:03:08 Speaker 2: So it's just kind of chaos anarchy. 00:03:11 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, there's no consequences. But do you think there's something there about the cultural differences? What do you think? 00:03:17 Speaker 2: Oh? Absolutely, I mean I think we're getting a nice look at two different countries and how they deal with manners and society. Now, when there's no fence with for example, the Gilded Age, the social fence, does it feel detrimental to the entertainment value of the show? 00:03:40 Speaker 3: You know, I actually like a little bit better because you know something about Downton Hebby. Every time somebody does something, somebody else is walking right into it, and it's a little bit stressful. So this one really no rules Gilded Age. Everybody can do whatever accent they choose. 00:03:57 Speaker 2: Oh, the accents. The thing I noticed for the first half of the episode I watched was that the kind of the overriding accent is important to accent. I think I would call it the everyone's doing an important accent? Is that accent? 00:04:10 Speaker 3: Is the accent? That's the accent? I never knew that was what it was called, but that is what it's called. 00:04:14 Speaker 2: Yeah, and they're all doing it impeccably. I don't know. I mean I think that it varies from person to person what that actually means. Yeah, but they're all doing it. 00:04:24 Speaker 3: I want to try to talk like that. 00:04:25 Speaker 2: Could you try it right now? 00:04:26 Speaker 3: Yeah? Is the podcast starting? You think I should start now? Well, I'll work on it throughout that. I'll pepper it in, you know, not all once, but I'll pepper it in. 00:04:39 Speaker 2: That's perfect. I mean, you should be on the show. 00:04:42 Speaker 3: Do you want to try it? No? 00:04:45 Speaker 2: I don't, Actually I think I would be deeply uncomfortable. Okay, I think when we stop recording, I'm going to go in a closet and try it, maybe, like you know, point out different things in my clause and use the accent that way, see how I feel about it, and then maybe I'll return for another episode doing that accent. 00:05:04 Speaker 3: Yeah, give me a call or whatever. Yeah? Are you? Yeah? Hello? Is important? Do you are you inspired by anything right now? 00:05:15 Speaker 1: Is it? 00:05:15 Speaker 3: Like? Do you have a Gilded Age equivalent. 00:05:18 Speaker 2: I mean, as far as television goes, I'm watching something called Escape to the Chateau. Have you heard of this? 00:05:26 Speaker 3: No? 00:05:27 Speaker 2: This show is incredible. This it's a British couple, Dick and Angel. They've purchased a forty five bedroom chateau in France that is absolutely not functioning, just it hasn't been lived in for decades, and they are remodeling at room by room and Dick is an engineer kind of they're kind of vague about what that actually means. And Angel's kind of a decorator, which is also kind of vague, and they are just truly rebuilding this thing room by room. It's kind of a bake off energy, kind of almost the same music. It's very lovely. They really get along, although I was thinking earlier like I wonder if they get into big blowout fights that we're not seeing. I hope they don't. 00:06:15 Speaker 3: A lot of people get into fights about house repairs. That's a big source fight. 00:06:20 Speaker 2: Yeah, small house repairs cause a lot of stress, like stress remodeling a chateau. Wow, putting in a sewer system in a like one hundred and fifty year old building or something. I can't imagine this screaming matches. 00:06:35 Speaker 3: Oh my gosh. Wait wait wait, so it's non fiction. 00:06:38 Speaker 2: It's a complete reality show. But again not like you know, it's not like an HGTV kind of slap dash remodel where it's like, this feels like a scam. It feels like a almost documentary. 00:06:54 Speaker 3: And are they remodeling it for it to look like the chateau or is it like now modern. 00:07:00 Speaker 2: Well that's where we run into some problems because they are taking some liberties where it's not like, let's get it back into authentic shape. Angel kind of you know, she has flights of fancy. She's obviously obsessed with the circus, and so that kind of gets in. She has kind of like a I don't even know if I would say a colectic. I think she's kind of the person who would be who would say she loves like funky boutiques, which can be tricky at times. That's it. They're doing a nice job. It looks pleasant, and they're also they're running like fourteen business businesses out of this thing. Now, they have weddings, they're letting people glamp. At some point they were trying to turn their moat into a fishing pond and then they have two adorable children. I mean, it's it's a perfect television show. 00:07:48 Speaker 3: Wow. You know, if you really want to get rich, you do have to have multiple streams of income. That's what I learned from Mark Wahlberg. 00:08:00 Speaker 2: When did Mark Wahlberg just his life in general? 00:08:03 Speaker 3: He had a docu series on HBO, I believe during During the Pandemic where we learned that he has six streams of income. What you know them? You know them? Which ones? You know? 00:08:17 Speaker 2: Movies? 00:08:18 Speaker 3: Movies? Okay, so that's acting producing? Those are two? Okay? 00:08:23 Speaker 2: Uh yeah, Let's I assume some sort of car dealership. 00:08:27 Speaker 3: Okay, really good thinking, but no one, he hasn't ventured in the cars yet. Okay, podcast, no surprisingly, no podcast. Okay, I'll give you a hint. It rhymes with Seth Dorty. 00:08:41 Speaker 2: Dive, Seth doherty dive, Beth caath meth uh Seth dorby dive. What are we talking? What could that possibly rhyme with? 00:08:55 Speaker 3: Okay? So there's a gym called F forty five, okay, and that's that's he owns some of those. He also owns a water company, okay, and clothing and Wallburgers. 00:09:09 Speaker 2: Oh, I've heard of Wallburgers and yeah, I've seen f next to forty five in some venue, and I assume it's his gym. 00:09:20 Speaker 3: Yeah. 00:09:20 Speaker 2: And then water. He owns it like a bottled water company or like an irrigation company. 00:09:24 Speaker 3: I think it's like water like hm hmmm, I don't know. I think it's bottled water. Maybe. 00:09:32 Speaker 2: Now he went for Wallberg the pun with Wallburgers. It's strange he didn't try for one with water. 00:09:38 Speaker 3: What would that be in your mind? 00:09:41 Speaker 2: Mark Waterberg? 00:09:42 Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, yeah, no, Yeah, I'm glad you'd said Mark Waterburg. 00:09:53 Speaker 2: I think that's probably I will find out. 00:09:55 Speaker 3: What it's called, Helen Mark Wallberg water. I'll find out, holl. Then you'll okay you any more guesses. 00:10:02 Speaker 2: Let me say wallberg Burg wall we uh Wetburg. 00:10:14 Speaker 3: Oh, Wetburg is a great name for water, for sure, there's no question about it. Wetburg is a winner. Unfortunately it was. The answer is aqua hydrate? 00:10:25 Speaker 2: The Oh no, that's a terrible Do you think that? 00:10:32 Speaker 3: Do you think that's a good name? Do you think you'd rather drink a water called aquhydrate or name a cat aquahydrate? 00:10:38 Speaker 2: Cat? Absolutely, aqua hydrate sounds like maybe a that could possibly be a deodorant Aqua hydrate. The first the first thing I think of as not like a bottled water. It seems too direct or something. 00:10:55 Speaker 3: I know, it's a little bit Yeah. 00:10:57 Speaker 2: Does it look like fancy water or what is it? 00:11:01 Speaker 3: Yeah? It I would say no, but I don't know. I you know, the fancies water to me seems to be that Fiji. And then of course, but do you see it? Do you see Yeah, it kind. 00:11:14 Speaker 2: Of looks like a maybe they're trying to compete with smart water. 00:11:18 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, it kind of looks like a little bit like a candy bar. Also, that was kind of. 00:11:26 Speaker 2: I would love a very water oriented candy bar, kind of a wet center, kind of slips through your fingers. 00:11:35 Speaker 3: Wouldn't it be so good? They don't like those really good? 00:11:41 Speaker 2: Wow, So he owns those are six different. I mean, I feel like you're cheating a bit when you when he says like acting and producing, I think he's got to just lump Hollywood into one ye. 00:11:52 Speaker 3: Once you think so yeah, I mean it's you know, I think it's tricky nowadays everybody's a multi hyphen it, so, you know, I think that a lot of people you think, well, you know, just do one. You know, that's a lot of people. Do Do you do one or do you do multiple? 00:12:08 Speaker 2: I well, I mean if we're lumping all of them into entertainment, I do one, okay. 00:12:13 Speaker 3: But where you prefer multi? 00:12:18 Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess you kind of have to write you have trapped. You've got to let people know you do different things. 00:12:23 Speaker 3: You have to. You have to and you. 00:12:26 Speaker 2: I mean you, you're a kind of multi. 00:12:29 Speaker 3: Everybody has to be. There's no other way to be. Even if you can't do them all, you have to say you can. That's the truth. You have to say you can do them all. 00:12:39 Speaker 2: That's very true. Yeah, you just look at every facet of entertainment and say that you've done it in some capacity. Whether you can prove it on the spot or. 00:12:49 Speaker 3: Not exactly, you have to say it. You have to. There's all the It's really tricky. 00:12:57 Speaker 2: I mean, I'm just The Wohlberg strategy is interesting to me because I've never really thought of becoming a multi hyphenate. Have through different outside of entertainment means, like I would love for my producers to be pitching me as like writer podcast or water bottle magnate Like that feels like something that could be you can add layers that are very easy outside of the business that no one can call you on. Yeah, and I. 00:13:23 Speaker 3: Would recommend you do that. I mean, what do you think your strong students? To be honest? Outside of entertainment? Where could we go with you to be honest? Where could we go? 00:13:30 Speaker 2: I could get my barber's license. Oh, some some sort of barber school. Feels like what is that? Probably a year of school. You can probably take night classes, yeah, yeah, writer, podcasts or barber Yeah. I don't know what Where do your skills lie outside of entertainment? 00:13:49 Speaker 3: I actually have no other skills. And that's something I learned. I learned it. I actually thought I was going to quit comedy over the pandemic because I was like, this is not I don't see I don't see any reason why I should be doing this. I can't do it anymore. I'm It was like, I'm kind of broken, and so I applied to school to become an acupuncturist. 00:14:12 Speaker 2: No, and what happened It was a this. 00:14:15 Speaker 3: Is I'm not a healer, and that's the truth. I have no healing. It was like okay, so basically like I took I started taking classes. It was gonna take six years. 00:14:28 Speaker 2: I can't add six years. 00:14:31 Speaker 3: Yeah, and okay, but let me tell you this. This is what broke me. I'm gonna pull it up because this was really what broke me for sure, for sure. Okay, okay, let's see where I just went. This was the worst part of it. It was basically an inventory that you had to ask your partner in a breakout room about feces okay. And this was like it was a role play where you had to basically be like, what's the texture of your fecis round, long pellets, pencil than sweat, and then they answer, so you say, you say okay, so say you're doing it with me, and you say pencil. 00:15:13 Speaker 2: Thin, pencil than of course you tell. 00:15:15 Speaker 3: Me pencil thin, And then I have to say right, and I have to move on to the next question. And I was so out of my ailment. I'm so immature, and I kept saying I didn't know what this sound was, so flabbergasted. I kept saying interesting after every response. It was horrible. 00:15:37 Speaker 2: It was really how did the partner respond. 00:15:41 Speaker 3: The partner was great, the partner was like, and what kind of feaces do you have? And then you have to like list the colors. And I was like and like I could not stop laughing, and she was like, this is. 00:15:55 Speaker 2: Wait. So was she part of like who was this partner? Was she part of a school? Was she another student? 00:16:01 Speaker 3: She was another student? And I knew she was going to go far based on that experience. I knew she was going to become a really successful acupuncturist. Not me. No, no, so much to wait. 00:16:12 Speaker 2: Were you enrolled in the school or. 00:16:15 Speaker 3: Yeah, I applied to the school. I rolled in the school. 00:16:17 Speaker 2: And how far into it did you actually get? I did two classes and one fecal role play? 00:16:23 Speaker 3: Yeah? And then I said, I don't think I I'm cut out. I don't think I could. I don't know if I could keep doing comedy. But I can't do this. This is not what I can do. This is I actually would be detrimental as a healing practitioner. 00:16:39 Speaker 2: Yes, interesting, so interesting. 00:16:42 Speaker 3: That's what I learned is that it's not so. 00:16:45 Speaker 2: What was the backing out of that process? Did they try to stop you or was there was it just a good luck? 00:16:52 Speaker 3: No, they didn't seem to invest it. I said, yeah, I gotta go, and they're like okay then, and that was pretty much it. You know, I think that are you good at school? 00:17:03 Speaker 2: I'm uh, I'm fine at school. I'm a huge procrastinator, which was always my greatest weakness with school. I mean, you can procrastinate on a lot of things, but there are you know, like doing the reading. There's only so much you can push that to the point where you can no longer do it the day before. Yeah, are you decent at school? 00:17:25 Speaker 3: You know? I struggled. I struggled with I just am not good at retaining knowledge or doing the work on time. Those are two things that are pretty hard for me. The only thing I can seem to retain is Mark Wehlberg income sources. But I think that it's like, do you are you procrastinator? Still? Like? With with your work? Are you really? 00:17:47 Speaker 1: No? 00:17:48 Speaker 2: Everything is pushed to the very last minute. I don't know if I can. I don't know if I can work in any other condition other than oh I have to do this or I will be ruined. 00:17:58 Speaker 3: Do you still have all nighters? 00:18:00 Speaker 2: I don't have all nighters. Okay, it'll just be you know, like I'll wait till I'll be on script or something, and I'll wait till the last day and I'm just you know, typing away and sweating and hoping that it seems okay or like, you know, just essentially, if I especially if I don't have a deadline, the work's not getting done. Yes, it will just be the rest of my life. Do you procrastinate at all? I? 00:18:27 Speaker 3: You know, I did for a very long time, but I realized that I actually don't do very good work at the last minute. I feel, really it's really evident, like some people can get away with it, Like really, it's very evident. I did it at the last minute. 00:18:42 Speaker 2: So how did you break the habit? 00:18:44 Speaker 3: You know? I think I worked at one of those places where you have to do work every day and that or like one of those shows. Yeah, most places you have to work every day, but this show you had to turn something in like every hour. Almost was like kind of like it felt like we were all Durabils or something that we're like being trained to like bring the carrot, bring the carrot to the corner, okay, and then we we did that. Have you had to work from one of those places. 00:19:12 Speaker 2: Yes, I have, And like during that time, I got my work in on time. There was no choice daily work, but as soon as I was done with it, you know, I think it's one of these things where it's just like I could probably just go out and fall in a ditch and be dead, and like my concern for my I'm very concerned about people in my life, my loved ones, my friends, but as far as my own well being, it's kind of a last thought. So as soon as I'm kind of just responsible for myself, taking care of anything becomes the bottom. 00:19:48 Speaker 3: Of the list. You feed yourself dinner. 00:19:51 Speaker 2: I do feed myself dinner, but I don't make it. I go out to dinner, which feels bad most of the time. 00:20:01 Speaker 3: With people, you go by yourself. 00:20:03 Speaker 2: I'll go with my boyfriend, I'll go by myself, I'll go with friends. I'm very flexible as who I'm eating, with what I'm eating, where I'm eating, but it does need to be about six pm, six between six and seven pm. I'm a very early eater. 00:20:18 Speaker 3: That is LA though every time I talk to people that move to LA, they start eating at six pm. That is I'm not exaggerating, that's that's what I'm truing. 00:20:26 Speaker 2: What time are you eating dinner. Seven? 00:20:29 Speaker 3: Sure? Well what seven? Eight? What's going on over there? Why is everybody eat at six pm? 00:20:35 Speaker 2: I have I guess maybe we're waking up earlier. I mean, what time are you waking up? 00:20:40 Speaker 3: Eight? 00:20:41 Speaker 2: I'm waking up at about these days, about six forty five? 00:20:44 Speaker 3: What? Why you have some you have a child? 00:20:48 Speaker 2: I have four daughters who need me. No, I'm just like my body's kind of taken over in the last I would say four years has just decided it's time to wake up sixty five and I have now made like a morning you know, ritual of reading and eating breakfast, and it's something to look it's, you know, the one very pleasant part of my day. So it's a nice thing to get up to. But then I'm I'm tired by eleven pm. Well six six forty five, I'm eating breakfast by six fifty overnight? Ohs what what arotein bar and some college? 00:21:24 Speaker 3: Wow? Well that's what you're wake up okay, okay? And then you read the newspaper, you read a book. 00:21:30 Speaker 2: I'll read a book and then I'll read the news. I try to read it, you know, a chapter two, and then I get into some light news. I'm obviously now doing the wordle, I'm doing the hurdle. 00:21:41 Speaker 3: What's the hurdle? 00:21:43 Speaker 2: Hurdle is kind of a name that tune version of wordle, which, if you like to guess songs, is very fun. Although I have to say I have a lot of complaints about the game. Okay, it's an imperfect product. It could definitely be if I were in charge, it would be a mutt better and hurdle reach out to me. I've got plenty of complaints. Now, Joe, what are you doing in the morning? Is are you like slowly crawling out of bed or is it getting the day going? 00:22:12 Speaker 3: No? Well, I got a dog and so at eight am, I go, I go take the dog out. That's the first thing. 00:22:19 Speaker 2: The dog up. 00:22:20 Speaker 3: He's like he's like twenty pounds or something. He's right here. I don't know if you want to see him, of course, Oh no, he doesn't. Real quick, real quick, real quick. Okay, so this is him. He's pretty huge, but toto, he looks like a big total like total eight total kind of but he's Yes, we get up at eight am and we go for a walk and then we'll play with toys and eat breakfast. By we I mean he eats breakfast and then I'll drink some coffee and I like to read a book as well as My favorite thing is to read a book with coffee. 00:22:58 Speaker 2: Oh it's the best feeling in the world. Thing beats it. Yeah, but you're not eating breakfast. 00:23:04 Speaker 3: I don't like breakfast anymore. 00:23:06 Speaker 2: This doesn't make sense to me. 00:23:07 Speaker 3: I know breakfast, I don't. I could do eat breakfast. If I got to do breakfast, I'll do a piece of a piece of toast. 00:23:15 Speaker 2: Okay, just some dry toast or a jam. What that's stopping? 00:23:20 Speaker 3: What actually stopping with? That's the only way. 00:23:23 Speaker 2: To get duckuit eat out of a pond. 00:23:25 Speaker 3: Yes, it's pregnantly I gotta ring it out. It's got so much. Yeah, it's a butter butter heavy toast. 00:23:32 Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, so well, yeah, I have to I get I become very nauseous if I'm not if I don't have some sort of food before within a half hour of waking up. 00:23:43 Speaker 3: WHOA do you know? Do you remember did you see Fargo the movie or the TV show the movie the movie the movie? 00:23:50 Speaker 2: Yes? 00:23:51 Speaker 3: So do you know that seeing where Francis McDormand has to get up at like four a m. Yeah, pregnant, Yeah, pregnant, and her husband makes her this like huge breakfast feast that she eats happily. That scene makes me so sick. And for some people it like would be the best thing ever. But I'm like that it sounds horrible, horrible, this dark outside. You're eating all of this. 00:24:15 Speaker 2: Food if it's a dark outside, I do agree, Like I don't. I don't know that I want to be eating a big breakfast. If I can see the sun, I would happily eat a you know, Midwest minute are they they're They're not in Fargo, They're actually in Where does Francis's character live in Fargo? Outside of Fargo? I believe I would eat a nice, big breakfast from whatever city that is any day. Pregnant not pregnant. My husband's whipping up breakfast. I mean, here's my question there is he's got to be clanging around in the kitchen, and that takes a while to make. Yeah, so your partner, her partner is a giant nuisance. As far as I can tell, I would be furious. I don't care what you're doing for me. Let me sleep. But she is trying to solve a. 00:25:05 Speaker 3: Mystery she is does and she does a good job, and. 00:25:08 Speaker 2: They love each other. In that movie, they have a very nice relationship. 00:25:11 Speaker 3: That's great. What a great thing to have a nice relationship in a movie. 00:25:15 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, just two adults who love each other. 00:25:17 Speaker 3: Wouldn't it be nice? Do you do? You? What do you read? You read mystery books by Agatha Christie. 00:25:23 Speaker 2: I haven't read an Agatha Christie in a while. I have read in the past a couple Agatha Christie's. I'm currently reading something called In the Distance, which is a Western, which is tremendous. I can't recommend it enough western. It's a Western about a Swedish immigrant who gets separated from his brother. They're both on on He ends up in California. His brother is apparently in New York, and he's making his way against the stream of various travelers flowing through the country. He's going the other direction, having a horrible time, running into scammers, mysterious naturalists, this kind of thing, and having just a difficult time, as I believe a te Swedish teen would in pioneer times. WHOA, now, what are you reading? 00:26:14 Speaker 3: Well, I asked, because I'm reading Agatha Christie and I thought maybe what were the chances that maybe you read the same one. I just finished it today, The Moving Finger. 00:26:26 Speaker 2: Oh, I've never heard of the Moving Finger. 00:26:28 Speaker 3: It's okay, it's okay. Yeah, I just found out who did it? 00:26:31 Speaker 2: So, oh was it a surprise? 00:26:34 Speaker 3: Yeah? It always is, It always is. 00:26:36 Speaker 2: Did you have did you feel like you came close to guessing? 00:26:40 Speaker 1: No? 00:26:40 Speaker 3: I'm always wrong. But they say that, they say that there's like so there's like that. I forget what they're called. It's like a like it's like a association of mystery writers. They were like these famous mystery writers in Britain that like they all had a pledge where they had to write mystery stories where it had to be plowed and it had to be solvable, and they all took this oath and Agatha Christie was part of that. So I guess technically it's solvable. Never done it. 00:27:12 Speaker 2: Those I mean, I you know, I guess she's Agatha or let's say was was Agatha Christie for a reason she had all these mysteries she I mean, it's hard to really prove if they're actually solvable. I mean, how do you actually, you know, scientifically say yes, people could have guessed this well, I mean I guess probably because people guessed. 00:27:32 Speaker 3: It could be could be. Ye, that's science. If if it happens, it happens. That's what they say about science. But that's yeah. 00:27:41 Speaker 2: But I've never guessed. I've never guessed an Agatha Christie. I mean I read, uh, what is the uh? And then there were none? And have you read that book? 00:27:51 Speaker 3: I have read that one. 00:27:52 Speaker 2: I mean, the the person who did it. I don't know. It feels a little unfair, I. 00:27:58 Speaker 3: Would say, I would say as well, Yeah, I would say I said huh at the end of that one. 00:28:06 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a look, Agatha did her thing, and we love her for it. Yeah, we're all. She's written a lot of books. I read a lot of Mary Mary Higgins Clark in seventh grade. 00:28:20 Speaker 3: Yeah, I did that last year. 00:28:22 Speaker 2: Yeah, Mary, how did you feel about it? 00:28:26 Speaker 3: I love that stuff. But here's the thing is, I was I was by myself while I was reading it, and it's all it's so scary. She's she's really I don't know how you did this as a seventh grader. It's really loved it. 00:28:39 Speaker 2: I lapped it up. Saw me reading that. They should have said, we've got a gay son. That should have been very clear, but I was balancing it at the time. With Tom Clancy novels, I was kind of like a grandma and a grandpa, but a seventh grade Wow. 00:28:54 Speaker 3: Wow Tom Clancy and Mary Higgins clerk. 00:28:58 Speaker 2: Yeah, kind of these, you know, best sellers. She's the queen of suspense. He's the I don't know, army guy. I don't remember as much about Tom Clancy as I do Mary Higgins. We'll say that she made a bigger impression. 00:29:15 Speaker 3: She's yeah, me too. I tried reading a spy novel and I didn't understand one cent of that industry. That doesn't it doesn't make any sense to me. Can you do you understand spy networks? 00:29:28 Speaker 2: Be honest spy networks. I frequently just say I'm too dumb. Just keep reading. Eventually this will resolve itself, you know. I just kind of let a spy thing wash over me because eventually it's just like, there's so much double crossing, there's so many disguises and ins and outs that I just think I have to trust that the author has figured it out for me, and I try to enjoy the you know, going to an exotic location or you know, a backstabbing but the mystery a spy thing frequently confuses me. 00:30:02 Speaker 3: Yeah, really confusing stuff. Yeah, really confusing. 00:30:05 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean speaking of confusing, yes, speaking of mysteries. This feels like there has never been a better moment to kind of just go at you here. Look, you and I are just kind of meeting as of right now. But I was aware of you from Afar. We have a lot of mutual friends and what have you is And I've always loved Joe Firestone from Afar, and so I was so excited when you agreed to be on this podcast. I said, no gifts. I thought, Joe's gonna come on. She does it all, she knows it all, She'll be the perfect guest. Nothing will go wrong, you know, we won't come close to blows and then eventually maybe we'll meet in person and continue to have a pleasant time. So I was a little upset yesterday. You know, I went out to the mailbox as I do, and you know, you never know what you're going to find in the mailbox, something stressful, something exciting, maybe the weekly circular. And I opened it and found a little red envelope address to me, and it was the return address, I will say, says Firestone, and I thought that's strange. Joe, or at least someone with the last name Firestone will be on the podcast tomorrow. I put it away. I didn't give it a second thought. And now, just talking to you here, I'm kind of having a you know, flashback to yesterday, and I'm thinking, oh, maybe I should just approach you and ask you is this a gift for me? 00:31:53 Speaker 3: Yeah? I know you sent no gifts, but. 00:31:58 Speaker 2: Sometimes that's all you have to say for yourself. 00:32:02 Speaker 3: Well, you know, I heard you the host with the most and I couldn't come and be handed. 00:32:09 Speaker 2: Well, should I open it here on the show? 00:32:13 Speaker 3: I suppose. 00:32:34 Speaker 2: Okay, I'm happy to get into this. It's a little envelope. As I said, it's red. It has both of our addresses on it, which I will politely not share publicly. 00:32:46 Speaker 3: Your choice. 00:32:49 Speaker 2: There's a little there's a beautiful stamp on it with a black cat and a raven, which I love. It's a little spooky, little Halloween yes, And so now we're just gonna try to get some envelope noise. Let's see if that it's too bad. I don't have an envelope A letter opener for a sword or hopefully we're getting a little creek. Something's just dropped into my lap. 00:33:14 Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, what's happened. 00:33:17 Speaker 2: I've got a backup. Something has spilled it. I've okay, give me one moment. Okay, there's okay. So there is something else in here. There's some sort of letter or some paper or a card. But and I could be wrong, correct me if I'm wrong. But the thing they just spilled into my lap are an orange and a green tic tac? 00:33:44 Speaker 3: Mm hmm. 00:33:48 Speaker 2: Should I before we get into the tic TACs? Should I open the card and read it? 00:33:54 Speaker 3: Yeah? Why not? Oh? 00:33:59 Speaker 2: This is an adorable It's kind of a little everything about this package is very autumn. You know, it's kind of a it is. 00:34:08 Speaker 3: The first day of spring, so I figured why not. 00:34:12 Speaker 2: This episode was recorded in October twenty eighteen. No, it's a little mountain scene with you know, some fall leaves. It's absolutely gorgeous. And now we're going to open it up, it says Hay Bridger. And now this is addressed, I mean dated three sixteen of twenty two, twenty twenty two. Sorry, I know you said no gifts. Hope you enjoy these fruity tic TACs. I bet you've never tasted anything like the green one show Firestone, and You're absolutely right. I've never had I've had an orange tictac, have never had a green Tictac, and I'm gonna I'm gonna taste it. I mean, it's obviously interesting that we were just talking about kind of a difficult journey across the country with my book, and now we have two tic TACs who did the same. 00:35:06 Speaker 3: Can I can im I get this recommendation? Please please have the orange one first, okay, because I have had more experiences and. 00:35:15 Speaker 2: I yeah, I want to talk about the orange because I think it's an incredibly undervalued, underrated flavor which has been around about as long as I can remember. I'm putting it into my mouth now. So far it tastes nothing. It takes a minute for a tick Tack to kind of kick in. 00:35:34 Speaker 3: Not sure, guess I'm not sure. 00:35:37 Speaker 2: But and I could be proven wrong in this very moment because I haven't had an orange tic Tack and probably I would say seven years I bet seven years ago I had a tictack biting them to it to try to get. 00:35:52 Speaker 3: Is it coming out? 00:35:54 Speaker 2: It's coming out? In the lightest, lightest possible away. I wonder if it's lost. 00:36:04 Speaker 3: No, it was sealed in by an envelope. There's no way it could have lost a hundred flavor. 00:36:13 Speaker 2: This is making me. I'm not kidding. The flavor is as weak as a tictac possibly could be. It feels like a mildly sweet, like the most mild I could. I could almost mistake this as a pebble. I'm like, if I had never had an orange tictack, I would not be able to even begin to sense the flavor of this thing. 00:36:42 Speaker 3: Well, I just don't know where the flavor would have gone. Can you taste the letter? Taste the letter? 00:36:48 Speaker 2: Let me taste the Oh, I'm using my molars. I'm grinding the tictac. I'm finally tasting a spark of orange. 00:36:57 Speaker 3: Oh, spark. 00:36:58 Speaker 2: A spark doesn't smell okay. I just licked it, okay, and it tastes like nothing. 00:37:06 Speaker 3: Okay. Well, and there's that's a mystery. 00:37:10 Speaker 2: Okay. I'm I am going to get I'm going to taste the green one in a minute. But I do need so, But I don't have some sort of palate cleanser. I'm gonna have a glass drink of water here. 00:37:19 Speaker 3: Yeah, it seems s if you know, that would be worse. What are you cleansing if it didn't, if it only had a spark, you knows. 00:37:28 Speaker 2: I just want to make sure my palate is absolutely as neutral as possible for this experience that you're promising in the card, unlike anything I've ever tasted. Now, are you a regular tic tac eater? But you had two different types of tic TACs that you were, and enough to spare two of one of each to send across the country. Did you go out and buy tic TACs in order to send them to me? 00:37:54 Speaker 3: One could say so? 00:37:57 Speaker 2: And where are the rest of the tic TACs now? 00:37:59 Speaker 3: Well? Eating them quite a bit, and so now we're down to the very drinks if you can. 00:38:06 Speaker 2: That's my favorite part of I mean, outside of, of course, the flavor that I was kind of championing earlier. Uh, the package of a tic tac, although probably not good for the environment at this point, it's a deeply plastic case, deeply plastic, but I love it. It's almost like a little medical device. It's it looks like something out of a lab. You know, you could fill that with blood. It's the perfect shape. It has the fun little lid that you can pull off, open up, and close. And honestly, for what does a box of tic TACs cost at this point a dollar? Fifty? 00:38:45 Speaker 3: Well, I actually use two dollars. 00:38:47 Speaker 2: Two dollars, but you're in New York and I feel like you're getting, you know, are fifty cents more. 00:38:58 Speaker 3: Hey did you ever? Did you have? I don't know how old you are, I'm sure you're in your twenties. But if you are familiar with the smint. 00:39:06 Speaker 2: Smint, describe what it is because that sounds vaguely familiar. 00:39:11 Speaker 3: If you like the tic Tac container, you're gonna love smint. Smint is a blue container with a push button top, so you push down the top and then out comes one single smint at the bottom. 00:39:21 Speaker 2: Oh no, that's like kind of a Gerbil device. 00:39:25 Speaker 3: It's exactly like that. 00:39:26 Speaker 2: And why is is there a reason it's called smint? What does the S do for mint? 00:39:32 Speaker 3: Probably like sneaky. Sneaky probably stands for sneaky mint. 00:39:41 Speaker 2: Are they a good flavor? 00:39:43 Speaker 3: I was either a strong flavor, probably the strongest on the market when it was around. 00:39:47 Speaker 2: Like a nice that to me seems like an early thousands product, does that? 00:39:51 Speaker 3: Yes, yes, a fresh breath fresh breath aid. When you were in high school. 00:39:57 Speaker 2: Was that one of the little strips you would put on your tongue and it would dissolve? 00:40:03 Speaker 1: No? 00:40:03 Speaker 3: Oh those are fun those, but you really can't have more than one. And you ever have you ever put one of those? If you put that in? Have you put that in? Put a mask on? Oh boy, you're gonna have trouble, trouble, trouble trouble. 00:40:17 Speaker 2: You had one of those that recently? Yeah, yeah, within the pandemic, you've had one of the what are those even called, like a breath strip or something? 00:40:25 Speaker 3: Yeah, breath strip. Yeah, I had one of those that put a mask on. Oh, my eyes were upset. 00:40:33 Speaker 2: That sounds intoxicating. 00:40:35 Speaker 3: Yeah, it was pretty bad, as you know, blinded by my own breath. 00:40:42 Speaker 2: Where do you even buy those? Because I don't feel like you see them by the gum. 00:40:46 Speaker 3: No, they're not with the gum, are they by the flaws? There? 00:40:50 Speaker 2: By the flaws, they're kind of like a little skin or a scale. 00:40:55 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's kind of like skin, tongue skin. 00:40:58 Speaker 2: That's the experience of an eating skin. While we have something for. 00:41:02 Speaker 3: You, Yeah, eating skin that hurts your eyes. Yeah, you're gonna love this though. It's great. 00:41:10 Speaker 2: Do you feel like it's time for me to get into this green tic tac. 00:41:14 Speaker 3: Or do you think it's sounded there? Are you ready? Yeah? 00:41:16 Speaker 2: I mean I don't want you to tell me what flavor it is. I want to try to guess because I think that this could either be green apple or lime. I mean, there are other green things that could potentially be, but it's not a vegetable flavor. I'm gonna put it in my mouth and begin the journey. This might take a minute, so I might as well put it in. It's too have a microphone right in my mouth so people could hear my saliva? 00:41:43 Speaker 3: Can you do gives teeth? 00:41:44 Speaker 2: Sound the two? This is aurll hell? Pretty much? Everyone? Okay the flavor. I already am sensing a flavor which is way beyond what the orange was doing. The orange, as you know, did not work until I had completely crunched it in the back of my mouth, off the top of my I mean, my initial reaction is this is green apple, but it's becoming more and more clear that this is green apple. Am I right? 00:42:17 Speaker 3: Yeah? What have you ever tasted that No, have. 00:42:23 Speaker 2: I ever tasted green apple candy you're asking, or this sensation of a green apple. 00:42:28 Speaker 3: In a candy, sensation of green apple in a candy. 00:42:33 Speaker 2: Never. I have actually have a very personal relationship to green apple because in third grade the Saint Patrick's Day party, everyone got to bring some green food. Everyone brought green apple candy and it made me sick. Oh, this might be the first time I've had green apple flavor since I was nine years old. It's not third grade, and it's not making me sick. Oh, I've just beitten into it. And it's sour, and this is sensational. That's truly like an apple. I love this. This is way better than the orange. Are you do like this? Do you like the slavers? I think it's incredible. 00:43:18 Speaker 3: I thought it was fantastic. That's what I sent it to you, that this is a fantastic wind? 00:43:24 Speaker 1: Is that? 00:43:25 Speaker 3: I mean? 00:43:26 Speaker 2: My question though, obviously the job of a tic tac is to make your mouth smell fresher, But the idea of this making my mouth my breath's more sour, I don't know that that's quite what you want. I mean, I'm not mister tic tac. Uh never will be but I imagine they know more than I do as far as breath freshening, so I think, I mean, as far as just a snack. What an absence? I mean flavor perr an inch. You're not gonna get a better I'm going to say on this podcast right now, that thing is the size of a bead, and my mouth is exploding with flavor. I could eat an entire sandwich and not get that burst of flavor. I think it's amazing, and I'm not exaggerating. I truly think that that is a delicious mint tick attack reach out. Do they describe this tick tac as a sour apple or just green apple? They don't say, They don't say, they don't say anything. No can be true. 00:44:35 Speaker 3: There's no copy. 00:44:38 Speaker 2: You found a plastic container with green pill shaped items in it and sent me one. 00:44:45 Speaker 3: I'll tell you. Wait. Wait questions hold on, there's hold on, there's a oh gosh, wait my press stickers covering those things this questions Okay, okay, hold on, this is really getting good. Okay. Questions one eight hundred six eight eight three five five two. 00:45:06 Speaker 2: Should I try to call them now? 00:45:08 Speaker 3: Yes? Call them now? Okay? 00:45:14 Speaker 2: At this point, uh Tictac brand ambassador, did pick up the phone, was not happy to be talking to me, did not want to tell me what the green flavor of the tic Tac was, told me to go to the website, and hung up before I could even ask if we could record the audio. So that's, you know, a little behind the scenes of reaching out to Tic Tac, reaching out to your favorite brands is you know, it's not always a sunny experience. And that's fine. Oh yeah, hung up on now, wow to use the audio? 00:45:46 Speaker 3: Okay, hold on, Ticktac. 00:45:49 Speaker 2: How do you call yourself a brand ambassador if you're not willing to answer a simple question about Ticktack? 00:45:54 Speaker 3: Really tough. 00:45:55 Speaker 2: That guy was not happy to hear from me. 00:45:58 Speaker 3: He was. He was really not in a good place with us. But listen, here's the thing. Here's the Tictac flavors we have. Okay, that was a bust, but here we go. So we have now Okay, so there's a new tic Tac, a new tic Tac coca cola flavor. 00:46:14 Speaker 2: Oh no, that doesn't feel right to me. 00:46:16 Speaker 3: Well, there's a lot going on here. 00:46:19 Speaker 2: How many flavors do they have? 00:46:21 Speaker 3: I'm looking right now and it's looking like a there's a tic TAC messenger. Do we want to go through the head? 00:46:27 Speaker 2: Is that like a chat bot? 00:46:29 Speaker 3: Yeah? 00:46:29 Speaker 2: Uh huh ask the chatbot, see if that has an answer for us. 00:46:34 Speaker 3: Okay, great, create your message type here. Okay, So I say, okay, idea, Oh this is not this is not helpful at all. I mean, I'll put this in the chat. This is really not helpful. This is not customer service at all. 00:46:49 Speaker 2: Okay, it's sending a tic TAC generator. What share? This is just something to put a message on a like a picture of a tic tac. Is that what I'm looking at here? 00:47:02 Speaker 3: I'm not sure what this is for. 00:47:04 Speaker 2: You create like a little tic tac character almost you can put a hat on a tictac. They're blushing. U. There's let's see, there's nothing to show. This is as far from customer service as you're going to get. It says, it's an augmented reality experience. What so I can have the tic tac like up here in my room? Is that what we're talking about? 00:47:26 Speaker 3: Okay? Okay, I figured out there's Okay. There's currently one, two, three, four five. There are five flavors of tic Tac on the market. 00:47:34 Speaker 2: Are you basically creating jelly beans at this point? Breath mint Okay, let's hear them. 00:47:40 Speaker 3: Coca Cola winter green okay, Big Berry Adventure, Oh, I love fresh mint? Orange? And fruit Adventure. 00:47:52 Speaker 2: Why none of them are green? 00:47:55 Speaker 3: Fruit Adventure is where the green comes from? Now? The fruit a Venture now that I read on the website has four flavors. 00:48:03 Speaker 2: Oh, tanny orange? Okay? Which is that? That's what I had? 00:48:08 Speaker 3: Yeah? 00:48:09 Speaker 2: Which was not? I mean this? 00:48:11 Speaker 3: I mean yeah? Yes? Two is sweet cherry. 00:48:15 Speaker 2: Oh okay, nice red? I imagine that was bright red. 00:48:20 Speaker 3: Three is a juicy passion fruit. 00:48:23 Speaker 2: Oh what color is that? 00:48:25 Speaker 3: Yellow? 00:48:26 Speaker 2: Yellow? How cand that makes sense? 00:48:28 Speaker 3: Are you ready for the one I need to know? Tart apple? 00:48:34 Speaker 2: Tart apple? So I was wrong with both of my guesses, neither sour nor green. 00:48:42 Speaker 3: This is really hard. I mean, we really tried our best to figure out the answers here, and luckily the tic tac A website was very helpful ultimately, but wow, really tough. 00:48:54 Speaker 2: I don't want to get anyone in trouble, but that was I thought I was going to get answers to whatever I wanted, and I can't even get a you know what? The green flavor is. 00:49:03 Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean this is you know, I think that honestly, this is the tic Tac. I guess what we learned is that TikTok's down to business, no poppy, no funny business. And that's that's exactly what happens. So then when they get apple, it's tart apple strictly business, although. 00:49:24 Speaker 2: They're talking about big berry adventures. And I mean the question, the thing that I'm thinking about Tiktac is, you know, they have one that's just literally called orange, and then they have one called big beer. Why is the orange not fun sounding? Why isn't it like outrageous orange? 00:49:40 Speaker 3: You think that big berry adventure sounds more fun than orange? 00:49:48 Speaker 2: I mean only I can only speak to my own experience, but a big berry adventure sounds like something I'd rather do than orange. 00:49:55 Speaker 3: You'd rather go. If I said you want to go on a big berry adventure, you would say yeah. 00:50:02 Speaker 2: I would say, my bag is packed, when do you pick me up? 00:50:09 Speaker 3: What if I asked you, do you want to go on a fruit adventure? 00:50:12 Speaker 2: Fruit adventure? It would be like how much dow tickets cost? Oh, let me look at my calendar. I would seriously consider it. 00:50:23 Speaker 3: But yeah, you really wouldn't be as enthusiastic as a big berry adventure. 00:50:28 Speaker 2: No no, no, no, and orange or winter Green or Coca Cola. Don't pick up the phone, don't email me, don't ask, not even it's not happening. I mean, would you go on a big berry adventure? 00:50:43 Speaker 3: Well, I guess it kind of depends you know what's going on there. The thing is is if it's involved in picking berries, I am in. Have you had a berry picked in? Have you picked it? 00:50:55 Speaker 2: I've never I mean outside of like, you know, strawberry plants and people's gardens, or it sounds like I'm going through people's gardens looking through strawberries like a badger or something, a little deer just eating people's berries. But you know, like a neighbor would have a strawberry plant or whatever, and you would. I nothing better in the world. There's nothing better than just eating a strawberry directly off the plant. Have you gone on like a berry picking, for lack of a better word, adventure. 00:51:26 Speaker 3: I went on a big berry adventure ones I picked blackberries. Oh, I tell you what, a lot of people don't think you should microwave fruit. But that's because they never had hot blackberries? Whoa that so much better than cold? You gotta put your microwave in the fruit, I mean whatever. You will switch that. 00:51:50 Speaker 2: In post right, Oh yeah, that will all be flipped around. We'll use computers to make that the perfect statement, just a beautiful poetic you know. But no, I look this is This may come as a surprise to you, but one of my favorite ways to eat a BlackBerry is hot in a BlackBerry cobbler. Oh phenomenal, Yeah it is. I love that cold BlackBerry, but hot? Who never microwaved? 00:52:17 Speaker 3: You have one? 00:52:19 Speaker 2: How long are you microwaving the berry? 00:52:21 Speaker 3: Fifteen seconds? 00:52:24 Speaker 2: They're just popping it in your mouth. Are is like a full bowl of blackberries? Or do you just place one in the middle of the carousel and let it go? 00:52:31 Speaker 3: Well, you know, it depends on you're serving size. But you really don't have to chew these things. And you know, the microwave breaks the skin right down, makes you wonder what it's doing in there, But it is. It's nice. 00:52:42 Speaker 2: It's nice, kind of a mush. Are you eating it with a spoon? 00:52:46 Speaker 3: Yeah? You should, you should because otherwise you're going to get you know, every time you touch markers, do you get them all over your hands. 00:52:53 Speaker 2: Oh, there's no question. No matter how careful I am, I. 00:52:57 Speaker 3: Get markers all And this is the same with fruit. With you know, fruit, get it all over my hands. 00:53:05 Speaker 2: And when you're eating the hot fruit with a spoon, are you drinking anything? Are you combining it with a dry toast? 00:53:13 Speaker 3: Yeah? You make my life sound so cool. I guess, I guess, I guess. If I'm eating hot fruit, usually I would do it something. Just have fruit by itself. Sounds like it's kind of, you know, a little bit tough. You know that's that's kind of it's tough. You got to add it to something, right, I. 00:53:30 Speaker 2: Mean, I'm picturing you doing this in a corvette cut or like a ski boat or something, So if that helps. 00:53:38 Speaker 3: Do you have a convertible? 00:53:39 Speaker 2: I would love to have a convertible. I would love to cruise around. 00:53:44 Speaker 3: You don't have one. 00:53:45 Speaker 2: I don't have a convertible. Have you ever driven a convertible? 00:53:49 Speaker 3: No? 00:53:49 Speaker 2: I've never driven one either, and I don't I actually don't know that. I would enjoy myself really too much wind. Oh you don't like windet, I don't like wind. Okay, do you think you'd have a good time. 00:54:04 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think i'd have a great time. Well, one time, I'd tell you this. One time. I used to be caterer and my boss she lived next near me, in the same neighborhood, so she'd take me home sometimes at night, she'd drive me home into convertible. Oh this woman didn't even like me, and boy, were those the best times of my life. Driving over the bridge, wind in the hair, smelling like food is the best. It's the best feeling. 00:54:30 Speaker 2: A convertible is an excellent car for someone who works in food service, because every time I worked in food service, I would come home smelling like the restaurant. But if you're in a convertible, you can just go to your next destination that's getting blown out and you smell like the night air. 00:54:44 Speaker 3: Oh it was heaven. It was heaven. 00:54:47 Speaker 2: What sort of convertible was it, I. 00:54:50 Speaker 3: Don't know, something probably green. 00:54:53 Speaker 2: Was it like a fancy new convertible or was it like an older I think it was. 00:54:57 Speaker 3: An older model. I mean, this was really this was really the taps for me. It was really really nice that convertible ride. 00:55:06 Speaker 2: Now that we're getting into it, I will say one of my two dream cars is the Chrysler le Baron, which is a convertible car. You know. I think they were probably made between nineteen eighty six and nineteen ninety two. Snappy little convertible car. I would be happy to drive one of those. I would have to put on a lot of sunscreen. Yeah, maybe I have a goggle. But I saw a woman driving one a few months ago, and I'm not an advocate of smoking, you know, I don't think that smoking is healthy. This woman, she had kind of a shock of blonde hair. She was driving a white Chrysler Le Baron convertible, giant cigarette in her hand, and I thought, that is the coolest woman I've ever seen. 00:55:55 Speaker 3: Yeah, I've been, so that's really cool. 00:55:58 Speaker 2: I want to be that person. Wow, So maybe I would drive a convertible. It's hard to say. 00:56:05 Speaker 3: Have you ever had somebody say, oh, I saw you walking near I saw you driving, and then they didn't say hi, And then you are afraid of what you are truly. 00:56:15 Speaker 2: Like because the fact that they chose not to approach me, or they just. 00:56:22 Speaker 3: That they like, you know, maybe they just couldn't come say hi, but they saw you in your natural elements. 00:56:27 Speaker 2: Oh, kind of just in the wild and I got to observe you without me putting up whatever, putting on whatever mask I put on to interact with them. Basically, huh. I've never thought about that, but it's terrifying. 00:56:41 Speaker 3: It is a little bit. Yeah. 00:56:43 Speaker 2: I mean with car situations, I'm usual. I'm frequently singing or clapping my hands. 00:56:48 Speaker 3: Clapping your hands, you would, I'll. 00:56:51 Speaker 2: Clap along to a song, I'll dance. I have the time of my life in the car. I think everyone should have the time of their life in a car. If you're not listening to music the exact music you want at a high volume, why are you paying for a car at your little personal dance machine? 00:57:09 Speaker 1: Do it? 00:57:10 Speaker 3: Wow? Do you like that? Do you like that song Boys by Carly XCX? Oh? 00:57:17 Speaker 2: Of course it's an incredible song. 00:57:19 Speaker 3: That one's a really good song. 00:57:21 Speaker 2: It's got the little like Mario Coin sound. Yeah, huh, which is so addictive. 00:57:26 Speaker 3: Do you have any other good songs? 00:57:29 Speaker 2: Off the top of my head? Oh, too much pressure. You can't do that to me. 00:57:34 Speaker 3: Okay, just one other song? Okay, what just one other song? That's cool. Just we can have a playlist of two to remember us back. 00:57:45 Speaker 2: Oh, I'll say there's a song by a band called Young Gov and it's called Can I Just Call You? That's very fun to listen to, but also a little heartbreaking, but also reflective of our time. 00:57:58 Speaker 3: I can't wait, I can't wait kind of. 00:58:01 Speaker 2: I think it kind of deals with the you know, texting or bing on your phone with someone without actually calling them. It's a perfect song as far as I'm concerned. 00:58:10 Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh. Hey, have you ever heard that song? On the telephone? 00:58:16 Speaker 2: Under the telephone, on the telephone? Oh h the I believe that the band was The Nerves and then Blondie covered it. 00:58:25 Speaker 3: Wait wait, wait, wait, hold on on the telephone, hanging on the telephone, hold on, Oh I see what you're talking about. That's because I said the name wrong. Okay, Okay, I figured it out. 00:58:38 Speaker 1: What is it? 00:58:39 Speaker 3: Bless the telephone, Bless the telephone? 00:58:43 Speaker 2: Yeah? Who sings it? 00:58:45 Speaker 3: Uh? Lobby sifferent? 00:58:47 Speaker 2: What is this song? I want to hear a little bit of it. I'm gonna play a little bit for myself and try to describe. Okay, YouTube is loading. Okay, we're getting a New York Times article or advertisement. I'm skipping. I'm already into it. It's a little folky. It's kind of a fingerpicked acoustic guitar. This is a This is the sort of song that will make me ball. 00:59:15 Speaker 3: I don't listen to it right now. 00:59:18 Speaker 2: This if that is a I mean, I haven't even I listened to ten seconds of that song, and I can't recommend that song enough. That is that's the sort of song that you put on a playlist to, you know, and people are so impressed with you. That's a gorgeous song. I made a playlist last year and I put this song. What is it called. It's by a band called The Female Species, and it's called Till the Moon Don't Shine. 00:59:43 Speaker 3: Ooh, okay, such. 00:59:45 Speaker 2: A gorgeous piece of music. 00:59:47 Speaker 3: Till the Moon Don't Shine just. 00:59:49 Speaker 2: You know, one of these old songs that makes you just feel the entire human experience. 00:59:56 Speaker 3: Wow. 00:59:58 Speaker 2: Wow, Well, this is a nice little recommendation corner we've kind of found. 01:00:01 Speaker 3: Is nice, really nice. 01:00:06 Speaker 2: Okay, But just to be clear for the listener, if you're looking up Bless the Telephone, it's by an artist. You want to spell the artist's name. 01:00:14 Speaker 3: Yeah, is l A b I uh? And then seth is s I F F R E. 01:00:24 Speaker 2: Where did you find that song. It's so beautiful it came, it came through. I do think songs about telephones and calling other people are by nature very sad, poignant things because it's about connecting over a distance. Yeah, you're just you're kind of This is a tip to all songwriters, our large songwriting audience. If you're looking to Penna hit, think about calling someone and the experience of hearing someone's voice right next to your ear, The intimacy, the connection, maybe the loss of connection, the echoes of time. It's a perfect arena for songwriting. 01:01:11 Speaker 3: It's good. That's really good. I'm so glad. You know there's multi hyphenite musicians around here that's listen to this. It's really good. 01:01:20 Speaker 2: Joe, I think it's time to play a game. Will you play a game with me? Yes, you're very good at games. You've kind of you are, you know, a game genius. So I'm a little intimidated. But I think we're going to play a game called Gift Master. Okay, I need a number between one and ten from you. 01:01:36 Speaker 3: I want to say eight. 01:01:37 Speaker 2: Okay. I have to do just some light calculating to get our game pieces right. 01:01:42 Speaker 1: Now. 01:01:42 Speaker 2: You can recommend something promote something. You have the microphone for some amount of time. I'll be right back. 01:01:48 Speaker 3: Okay, well, I guess, you know, I guess it's really sometimes I feel like I can't draw, and today I go gold Flower and then I clicked on the images, and you know, I just kind of tried to draw what I saw it. Did it turn out? No, but it kind of did. It kind of did a little bit look like what I thought of Flower did look like closer than I've ever gotten. So if you think you can, you also, yesterday I couldn't. My sink was broken, and so I YouTube how to fix sink and I actually did remove a lot of stuff. Didn't fix it, but did remove a lot of stuff. So I'm just saying, the internet pretty is helpful. Pretty much. 01:02:36 Speaker 2: That's a perfect recommendation. Okay, you've been very helpful. This is how the game played. The game works, gift Master, I tell you three gifts. You'll be giving away three items, experiences, what have you. And I'm going to name three celebrities, famous people. You're gonna tell me which person you're going to give which gift? And why does that make sense? 01:02:57 Speaker 3: Yes? 01:02:58 Speaker 2: Pretty simple? Okay, these are the gifts you'll be giving. So this first one is combat training, so that's kind of an experience or a skill you'll be giving them. Number two is certainly an experience a food born illness, So take your pick. As far as food born illness goes, salmonilla tapeworm, I don't know. I guess the tapeworm is more of a parasite. So, but that's up to you. And number three is hardwood floors. So that is a beautiful addition to a home. Okay, these are the people you'll be giving them to. Number one is actor Dustin Hoffman, okay. Number two is actor Salma Hayek, and number three is NBA great Scottie Pippen. 01:03:49 Speaker 3: Okay, So, Samahayek, I think I'm giving her combat training, Okay. Why I think she's so strong and she could only get stronger. 01:04:03 Speaker 2: That's a good piece, a good way to go about that. 01:04:06 Speaker 3: Yeah, Skottie pipping, I would say, I want to give him hardwood floors. There's nothing like giving a basketball, but her hardwood floors. That's the best gift you to give it. 01:04:15 Speaker 2: It was exactly what to do with them. 01:04:17 Speaker 3: He knows exactly what to do with him. 01:04:19 Speaker 2: You can never have too many hardwood floors. 01:04:21 Speaker 3: Yeah, you cover in wat and then you jump, but you jump around, that's what you do. So then I got to give a food born illness to Dustin Hoffman. It's hard to say it as a sentence and it's harder even to execute. But I'll do it. I'll do it. 01:04:39 Speaker 2: I mean, can you imagine what sort of food borne illness he would get? 01:04:43 Speaker 3: Well, one time I got something from rice. You had to it comes from rice more than you think because rice it sits in a temperature that's not food safe sometimes because you make a big bat of rice and then you don't think about make it a food safe certified just so you know. And so I would say that the rice could get you something where you have to choose whether you're gonna get which which product on the rug. You know, one of one end is going in the toilet and one end goes on the rug. So you got to pick which one. And there is a right answer, you know what it is. You know which one you want on the rug. 01:05:25 Speaker 2: You had this conversation with a fellow chiropractor. 01:05:29 Speaker 3: Sure sure, sure, I said, yeah, listenday, you wanna you wanna what do you wanna do? You wanna you want to put the pencil things in the in the rug or you want to pencil things in the toilet, And the answer is pencil things in the toilet. 01:05:44 Speaker 2: Pencil. I think that's a beautifully played Dustin Hoffman. He's probably it's probably been years since he had a food bornail. Once, you know, you get to a certain level and you kind of leave food borne illness behind. And it's always nice to have a memory of your you know, your diarrheas you're throwing ups even late in life. 01:06:07 Speaker 3: Yes, you just don't eat it again. You know, you just cust your clear. That's all, no big deal. 01:06:12 Speaker 2: That's tricky with rice though, I mean, are you does the thought of eating rice now make you sick? 01:06:18 Speaker 3: I love rice. 01:06:19 Speaker 2: It's so my, It's so just a mild thing to eat. 01:06:22 Speaker 3: I love rice. I love it. I love it. I love it. I make it with Oh, I put that. I put butter in there, and I put it with them with the with this bullion. Oh it turns out so salty. Oh, it's so good. You ever do that. 01:06:44 Speaker 2: I've never, shockingly, I've never had butter and rice. What I don't know. 01:06:48 Speaker 3: You try to put bullion and butter. 01:06:51 Speaker 2: How much butter? 01:06:53 Speaker 3: Tablespoon? 01:06:54 Speaker 2: Tablespoon? Okay, so not a whole cube of butter. 01:06:58 Speaker 3: Kind of depends on how you look at a cube. But yeah, it's really good. You really are gonna love it. 01:07:03 Speaker 2: Sounds lovelyather. Are you eating it with a vegetable? 01:07:06 Speaker 3: Sure? You put something on top of it. And you can't just eat rice sometimes because sometimes you really do need to eat protein. But it is so can't recommend it enough. 01:07:16 Speaker 2: It's a lovely recipe that's free to the listener. Yeah, okay, you played that perfectly. Let's answer a listener question before people freak out. 01:07:26 Speaker 3: Okay, you know people. 01:07:28 Speaker 2: Write into I said no gifts at gmail dot com. Oh, and they have problems. They have concerns things are not going right in their lives, mostly about gifts or social situations. And then I end up kind of having to deal with their garbage. And so I bring a guest along. Will you answer one with me? 01:07:47 Speaker 3: Yeah? I'd love to. 01:07:49 Speaker 2: Okay, here's here's a good one, says dear Bridger and sparkling guest. My husband and I need your help with a gift for our retired nextdoor neighbors. A friendly older couple who been so lovely to us since we moved in about three and a half years ago. To give some background, our homes are close together and we have street parking. The husband, let's call him Paul, is very personnicoty about parking. We learned in the very few We learned in the first few months of being neighbors, so we listen. Whoever wrote this is overusing comments. I don't want to be unkind, but maybe take the gas take the foot off the gas on the commas. Well, we learned in the first few months of being neighbors, so we try our best to respect that that is persincitty about parking. Okay, they're both retired teachers, have a couple grandkids, and the wife plays the piano. The situation is this on trash days, Mondays and Thursdays, either Paul or his wife let's call her Meg, has been lugging our trash cans, which are heavy, back up our yard to the side of the house for us after the trash has been picked up. While this is a nice gesture, I can't help but wonder if Paul is annoyed that our cans are sitting at in the street too long. Okay, I'm seeing what's happening here, messing with parking, and he just takes matters into his own hands by passive aggressively bringing our cans back up for us before I even get the chance to go out there and do it myself. With every passing trash day, my husband and I feel more indebted to this couple. Please help. We want them to know we're grateful, but don't really want them doing this for us. I need to give them a gift before they think that we assume this is just their job now, Sincerely, Jay and B. So basically what's happened is Jay and B have kind of turned this elderly couple into their servants and are trying to back out in a way that feels like they don't want to take responsibility, and they think that just a one time gift is going to be enough for all of the times that Paul dragged heavy. And that's something else that I'm a little confused about. Heavy heavy garbage cans which are empty. 01:09:57 Speaker 3: We're empty. 01:09:59 Speaker 2: My experience with a trash can you know that's given to me by the city or what have you, is a large plastic thing on wheels, which are I don't know what seven pounds and what J and B are describing here sounds like lead mm, which is illegal. Thank you, So the already we know someone's breaking the law. I don't know if it's the city that they live in they're distributing lead garbage cans, or if J and B have kind of, you know, taken on a hobby of making their own lead garbage cans, which then they then have, you know, nearby seniors drag around the city. 01:10:41 Speaker 3: Terrible. 01:10:45 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think there is a decent amount of shame that these people should be feeling, whether Paul and Meg are helping them or not filling the air with lead. Yeah, but what sort of gift do we give these I'm going to assume injured, uh, retired teachers who dedicated their lives to service. They've probably changed. Paul and Meg are retired teachers. They Jamie say, uh, these two people have molded young lives, young minds and are now dragging garbage. 01:11:22 Speaker 3: It's that right, shameful? 01:11:23 Speaker 2: And I don't know, uh it is. I mean, it's just flat out shameful. And I don't know that is there any gift big enough to pay this debt? 01:11:35 Speaker 3: Yeah? Maybe just maybe some t shirts to say my neighbors are shameful. 01:11:41 Speaker 2: That they can wear while dragging the garbage cans. 01:11:44 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that'd be really nice. And and Harry and David. 01:11:53 Speaker 2: Like a nice nuts sampler, uh. 01:11:56 Speaker 3: Moose munch payers oranges from Florida, that all kinds of things. I think those are called ariola oranges, Aerola oranges. 01:12:06 Speaker 2: Pretty sure I've never heard of the stife of orange. What kind of what are Harry and David doing? 01:12:14 Speaker 3: I'm pretty sure it's called ariola oranges. I'll double check, but be sure. What do you think they should give? 01:12:21 Speaker 2: I mean, I can't imagine that Paul or Meg has ever had a big berry adventure. Maybe like a small box of tic TACs. I think that to me, for me, giving them something as small as a box of tic TACs will truly solve the problem. Because there's also the possibility that Paul and Meg are they feel like they're doing this kind of subtle way of the growing debt towards them that they don't think their neighbors have quite noticed yet, and they think that they're going to eventually be able to call on the neighbors and ask for the ultimate favor I don't know what the ultimate favor is going to be. 01:12:57 Speaker 3: But that's really scary. 01:12:59 Speaker 2: They could ask them to get hill something along those lines, and you don't want to end up in that place with your neighbors. So yeah, nip it in the butt, give them a box of tic TACs. They're insulted, they stop doing, but you're you're not getting assaulting it. 01:13:20 Speaker 3: I just want to say this is that they're not called Ariola oranges. They're called kara oranges. So I'm sorry, where did ariola come from? I don't know. I'm sorry I mentioned it. 01:13:34 Speaker 2: I wouldn't be surprised if there's a you know, variety of oranges called Ariola oranges, maybe not sold by Harry and David. It feels a little risque for the company. Uh, but so they're selling a kara orange. 01:13:47 Speaker 3: Yes, Kara oranges. So I would recommend, you know, I recommend the orange super pack Orange tick Tacks Kara oranges if you could find them Ariola oranges and put them over there, and you know, because red means stuff and green means gold, but what about orange? Just keep it, keep it a casual. That's the perfect gifts, a perfect. 01:14:10 Speaker 2: Gift, and you know then maybe for all we know, Paul loves doing it and this is his little pastime. You know, he thought he was going to do something with else with his life in retirement and found this new passion. So don't rain on his parade. 01:14:25 Speaker 3: Yeah, probably ripped a hell. 01:14:27 Speaker 2: Yeah, his arms are just gigantic, his calves. He's dragging that thing up the driveway. This man looks incredible at seventies, never looks better. 01:14:36 Speaker 3: Really good. Yeah, And you got to think about these people, you know, Vanity. 01:14:43 Speaker 2: You have these deeply vain neighbors only care about their bodies, and they'll do anything in including dragged lead garbage cans around the driveway to keep it tight. And so you're giving them t shirts that say my neighbors are shameful. We're giving them an orange super pack Tic TACs. And eventually you're gonna go out there one day and Paul will probably be pinned beneath one of these garbage cans, and you say you lifted off of him and the debt is repaid. I think it's perfect. 01:15:20 Speaker 3: Seems like a fair square deal to. 01:15:22 Speaker 2: Me, Joe. We've answered the question more than perfectly. I've had a new experience it's been exhilarating. It was mysterious. Yeah, I think this feels very agathic. Christy, let's just say it. You wrote your own little mystery today. 01:15:40 Speaker 3: Well, Linnoy, didn't we? 01:15:43 Speaker 2: Thank you. I've had such a wonderful time with you. 01:15:46 Speaker 3: Thank you so much for having me on this incredible podcast. I appreciate it. I loved it. 01:15:53 Speaker 2: Listener, Now go do your thing. I feel like whatever it is, whatever's in store for you today is going to be perfect and incredible, and you'll look back on this moment as when you knew that your day was everything in your life was going to change for the better. Take care of yourself. Bye bye. I said, No Gifts is an exactly right production. It's produced by our dear friend Analise Nilson and it's beautifully mixed by John Bradley. The theme song, of course, could only come from miracle worker Amy Man. You must follow the show on Instagram. At I said no Gifts, I don't want to hear any excuses. That's where you get to see pictures of all these gorgeous gifts I'm getting. And don't you want to see pictures of the gifts? Now, make sure to listen, follow, and most important, they leave a heartfelt review on Amazon Music, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts and don't forget. You can listen to new episodes one week early on Amazon Music or early and ad free by subscribing to Wondery Plus in the Wondering app. 01:17:04 Speaker 1: And I invited you here, thought, I made myself perfectly clear. 01:17:12 Speaker 2: But you're I guess to my home. 01:17:17 Speaker 1: You gotta come to me empty. And I said, no, guess your own presences. Presence enough that I already had too much stuff. 01:17:30 Speaker 2: So how did you dan to surbey me