Speaker 1: Yeah, welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica
Speaker 1: and I'm Mela.
Speaker 2: And it's Wednesday. It's Wednesday, it's wet, it's weird. Okay. Honestly,
Speaker 2: I know I can sing better than that because you
Speaker 2: saw my singing kills on the Jessica Rowes episode. Everyone
Speaker 2: saw it. They said, wow, once the album's dropping, they did,
Speaker 2: They fucking did. They were like, whoa iout expecting that.
Speaker 2: They like thought I was about to like pull some
Speaker 2: bullshit and they were like, whoa bitch, I can't really sing.
Speaker 1: And I was like, duh, I'm just gonna keep the
Speaker 1: conversation going that.
Speaker 2: The Wednesday that was that was me just fucking around.
Speaker 2: That was me trolling you. Oh okay, but if it's
Speaker 2: oh my god, what a Wednesday? Wow?
Speaker 1: What have we done to deserve all of this this Wednesday? Wow?
Speaker 2: I drink a lot of water today, guys, so I'm
Speaker 2: feeling really healthy. I'm on my first day of my waterfast.
Speaker 2: Oh so it's just water, water and tea for how long?
Speaker 2: Last time? I did five days. I'm gonna prob, you're
Speaker 2: just gonna drink water and tea for five days. I
Speaker 2: did it last time that you're drinking some juices or something.
Speaker 2: Then I went to juice. So you start water and
Speaker 2: tea for how many days? First of all, I want
Speaker 2: to tell people, I'm not a health professional. This you die,
Speaker 2: you pass out, it's not my fucking problem. This works
Speaker 2: for me.
Speaker 1: Now if you pass out, it's not my fucking problem.
Speaker 2: I because people always ask me, like, when did your routine?
Speaker 2: I'm like, you don't want my routine. It's not good.
Speaker 2: It's not I don't know if it's healthy. I don't
Speaker 2: know if it's worth works for people, and it works
Speaker 2: for me. So it's water and tea, and then what
Speaker 2: it's water and tea for five days. I also do
Speaker 2: heated yoga during this time because I'm not sure to
Speaker 2: pass out, because I want to pass out a little bit,
Speaker 2: because you're not really doing anything unless you're passing out
Speaker 2: a little bit. And then I go into juicing for
Speaker 2: five days maybe seven, and then from there I eat
Speaker 2: raw for like three days and then I go vegetarian.
Speaker 2: So this is a a two week. My birthday is
Speaker 2: in like two weeks. I want to do you want
Speaker 2: to die on your birthday? I want to be fucking snatched. Okay,
Speaker 2: but you're not gonna drink on your birthday. So if
Speaker 2: you drink only water, that's by the time I eat food,
Speaker 2: I'll be eating food by then. Okay, But you know,
Speaker 2: the last time I did this past I realized how
Speaker 2: like I don't really need to eat, Like how food
Speaker 2: is really annoying.
Speaker 1: Honestly, I agree, food is really annoying. I'm addicted to
Speaker 1: it because there's they sprink a little bit of crack
Speaker 1: in it in America, for sure, they're sprinking a little
Speaker 1: bit of like addictive crack or something very addictive and
Speaker 1: harmful to your body.
Speaker 2: Not addictive crack. I'm pretty sure crack itself is just addicted.
Speaker 2: It's extra.
Speaker 1: It's extra extra, some extra credatives to the crack, for sure,
Speaker 1: because I go to the supermarket and my body doesn't
Speaker 1: feel good about it, Like I'm like buying stuff because
Speaker 1: I'm used to it, but I also know.
Speaker 2: It's absolute bullshit.
Speaker 1: Like have you ever had something sitting in your like
Speaker 1: your refrigerator too long and then you're like, this is
Speaker 1: not food.
Speaker 2: There's no way this is I literally just opened up
Speaker 2: Hawaiian bread that's been sitting in my cabinet, not even
Speaker 2: in the refrigerator and the cabinet for at least forty
Speaker 2: five days. You know, not one mold. Do you know
Speaker 2: how much plastic hasted be in our shit? And I
Speaker 2: definitely put in my daughter's lunch today, I know, I
Speaker 2: did the same thing. She's like, I want takis.
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is sugar and salt. Sure, it's disgusting.
Speaker 1: Even I bought some bananas and I don't know if
Speaker 1: they were not organic, but they were green, so I
Speaker 1: had time for them to like ripen. They like stayed
Speaker 1: green but still ripened. I was like, this is not real.
Speaker 1: None of this shit is real. I'm really I'm stressed
Speaker 1: about it, but I think maybe I need to stop
Speaker 1: eating too.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I know when I was on like day five
Speaker 2: of the water like around the last day at my
Speaker 2: water fast, I was like, because I was going to
Speaker 2: go from water back to like maybe vegetarian, and I
Speaker 2: was like, I'm good, what day is today? Oh? Day
Speaker 2: is one? I'm just like glad. I was just like
Speaker 2: the day four or five. I don't know if anyone's
Speaker 2: ever done a water fast, but I literally felt like
Speaker 2: I was becoming enlightened, Like something in my brain started
Speaker 2: shifting true and I felt something change in my brain
Speaker 2: like less foggy, less like super clear, almost like more joyful,
Speaker 2: and then just like hat more patient. Just I literally
Speaker 2: felt like Buddha a little bit. I was like, is
Speaker 2: this like the makings of Buddha? Water is the makings
Speaker 2: of Buddha. That's why I always say people going fast,
Speaker 2: that's true, but like you do have spiritual experiences when
Speaker 2: you fast, and every religion, no matter what religion, niggas
Speaker 2: be fasting. I really felt that way and then and
Speaker 2: then I really do like when I started to incorporate food,
Speaker 2: I was almost like hesitant. I was like, bitch, you
Speaker 2: have to eat, but I was like, not to, I
Speaker 2: don't really want to. I was like my body was
Speaker 2: so pure, and then I did. I trashed the fuck
Speaker 2: out of my body after that, like I think right
Speaker 2: after that, went to New Orleans.
Speaker 1: Bitch, I really want I really if anyone knows the
Speaker 1: gangster gardener, I really want him to come on our
Speaker 1: show because we need to start a garden.
Speaker 2: Bitch. I know I have a whole backyard. I know,
Speaker 2: why don't we have a garden. Why don't feel like
Speaker 2: we're eating corn from God knows where? But yeah, but yeah,
Speaker 2: so I'm doing my fast because my birthday is coming
Speaker 2: and this tour and just the past month, I've just
Speaker 2: been just not taking care of myself. And I feel
Speaker 2: it every time my body does this to me, it
Speaker 2: starts screaming at me, my insides her it feels like
Speaker 2: they're on fire. I'm irritating.
Speaker 1: It's really hard to take care. It's hard to take
Speaker 1: care of yourself when you're moving as quickly as we're moving,
Speaker 1: like in Costa Rica. It's easier because we're eating real
Speaker 1: foods because in Costa Rica they don't poison their people
Speaker 1: with the cracked and plastic, so like coming back here
Speaker 1: is always like a terrible adjustment to the plastic American food.
Speaker 2: Did they feed us? So I feel you? And also, yeah,
Speaker 2: we just got back from a tour.
Speaker 1: We've only been back a week, right, we've been back
Speaker 1: a week, and we were gone for eleven days and
Speaker 1: we went to five cities in eleven days. And yo,
Speaker 1: I've thought that I was a rock star, but I'm not.
Speaker 1: I'm not a rapper like I thought I had all
Speaker 1: the makings of like a super rock star.
Speaker 2: But I think you do, I think I don't. I
Speaker 2: think I watched you. I watched you rockstar your life away,
Speaker 2: and I had to take intermediate breaks. I had to
Speaker 2: take some intermediate breaks, and then I felt weird at
Speaker 2: one time, at the very end, it was like, what's wrong.
Speaker 2: I was like, I don't know, but I want to cry.
Speaker 2: She was like, are you sad? I was like maybe.
Speaker 2: I was like I don't know. She's like, I'm worried
Speaker 2: about you. I was like, don't be and then like
Speaker 2: a few days later she's like, I'm I think I'm
Speaker 2: cracking too. I cracked, you know what, Just I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's like if all this adrenaline built up about what
Speaker 1: you're about to do, and we did. We had so
Speaker 1: much adrenaline. We literally wrote the show the day of
Speaker 1: the show, like the first day on Chicago we had
Speaker 1: no show. We just were like, I think we should
Speaker 1: come up with the show now. We had like makings
Speaker 1: of a show. And then finally the day of the
Speaker 1: Chicago show, not like the day before.
Speaker 2: The day of. But that's how we work. That is
Speaker 2: we work.
Speaker 1: We work well under pressure, which I don't know if
Speaker 1: it's good for our mental health.
Speaker 2: It's not. It's really not. And then like we got
Speaker 2: into a fight.
Speaker 1: There was We got into like a little like we
Speaker 1: gotta a look caddy with each other because I was like.
Speaker 2: We need to go through that. Oh yeah you did.
Speaker 2: I don't like the way you talked to me. I
Speaker 2: think I'm tired of your fucking facial expression adopted from
Speaker 2: your fucking boyfriend.
Speaker 1: It was, you know what, we we work well under pressure,
Speaker 1: but we also may kill each other in the process.
Speaker 1: But yeah, and there's a lot happening.
Speaker 2: A lot happened.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you realize a lot happened in
Speaker 1: the whirlwind of.
Speaker 2: This the situation. What I mean with you, like you
Speaker 2: had you were dealing with a lot of ship. A
Speaker 2: lot of ship popped up.
Speaker 1: I'm like, why right now we have a ship to do.
Speaker 1: I'm like trying to be a supportive friend. I also
Speaker 1: want to curse you out because we need to have
Speaker 1: a show. I was like, if I go on stage
Speaker 1: night and I don't know ship, I'm.
Speaker 2: Gonna blame you. If I go up there and I
Speaker 2: don't know.
Speaker 1: Shit, I'm gonna blame you. And there wasn't There were
Speaker 1: a few moments. I was just like, I forgot but
Speaker 1: nobody noticed. I mean, there was we were, you know what.
Speaker 1: Shout out to us for having a very honest show
Speaker 1: because you can't really catch it slipping because we're gonna
Speaker 1: tell you.
Speaker 2: I was like, I got to pee up, be right back, y'all.
Speaker 2: She literally left me on stage to go pee. She
Speaker 2: was like, I gotta go.
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, I got a peep, be your back.
Speaker 1: Like where in America you ever gone to a show?
Speaker 1: And the bitch said, she has to be. I'm about
Speaker 1: to sing this song, but give me one moment.
Speaker 2: I gotta take a bath. But overall, the show was amazing,
Speaker 2: even though we made it at the last minute.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of times throughout the show I was
Speaker 1: just like, we're crazy.
Speaker 2: I was like, we're ridiculous.
Speaker 1: There's a time in phil Every show is special, but
Speaker 1: there was like a time in Philly where our guests
Speaker 1: didn't get the memother were coming out yet, probably because
Speaker 1: we didn't tell them because we're telling too many things.
Speaker 1: And I was like, it's okay, let's just dance a
Speaker 1: little bit.
Speaker 2: Do you remember. Yeah. I was like, Oh, she's not
Speaker 2: here yet, don't worry. I know because I can see
Speaker 2: or Lando go run to the back to go fetch her.
Speaker 2: And then I saw her with her sub on a
Speaker 2: leash walk walking. I was like, they're coming, They're coming,
Speaker 2: this up, Marley's coming, Okay. I was like, but in
Speaker 2: the meantime, just look at this dance move I can.
Speaker 1: Do like like a grown ass kid, like, look, mom, look.
Speaker 2: I put on this new outphit literally I was like, wow,
Speaker 2: this is crazy, ridiculous of us. But it was great.
Speaker 2: It was great. We had, our guests were amazing. I
Speaker 2: feel like every city had had its own special little
Speaker 2: twist and shout out to Tyomi and Chicago, so marvelous
Speaker 2: in Philly, wait, you know New York's Marley and Philly
Speaker 2: baby Mava and Cocktails in Atlanta and so Maaya in
Speaker 2: DC sexual aka Sexual Dot Essentials. Like it was just
Speaker 2: all perfect. It was really perfect. It was really perfect.
Speaker 2: And man, and then like selling out certain cities while
Speaker 2: we're on the road, Like I just I just can't
Speaker 2: believe we sold out cities in cities I don't know people,
Speaker 2: I'm like, what I know. I was like, wow, you're crazy.
Speaker 1: You like me, huh, that's so cool, that's so cool,
Speaker 1: that's so cool. I was really like pretty, I don't know,
Speaker 1: like not overwhelmed. But like, first I was very nervous.
Speaker 1: I said it like four hundred times. I'm sure you
Speaker 1: had listened, and I was like, I'm so nervous. And
Speaker 1: then I kept telling Erica. I'm like, it doesn't matter
Speaker 1: how nervous I am.
Speaker 2: We have to do it. I was like, no matter what,
Speaker 2: I still have to do it. Yeah, And then we
Speaker 2: did it in h City.
Speaker 1: It got easier and easier, and I get more confident,
Speaker 1: and I still fucked up sometimes, but it was still
Speaker 1: like it was the best, like the best.
Speaker 2: I cursed out somebody on stage. She sure did, Yeah
Speaker 2: she did.
Speaker 1: I was like, this, bitch, we'll get attacked even if
Speaker 1: I'm on stage.
Speaker 2: I don't care. I didn't know. I saw there was
Speaker 2: an attack happening, but I was like she just I thought,
Speaker 2: like spirit touched you, and like spirit like just compelled
Speaker 2: you to like just go in. I was like, so
Speaker 2: she's gone, She's gone preacher mode.
Speaker 1: It was just a bitch in the audience. I know,
Speaker 1: a regular bitch in the audience, one bad seed who
Speaker 1: wasn't even supposed.
Speaker 2: To be there. I know, why the fuck did? She
Speaker 2: was a weird, strange energy.
Speaker 1: When when Missus Marley came on stage with her sub
Speaker 1: I could just see. I just zoomed and then there
Speaker 1: was the bitch in the front and she was like, ah,
Speaker 1: this is wrong, this is wrong. Erica was like mid sentence,
Speaker 1: I was like, this is consensual and if you don't
Speaker 1: like it, I stood up out of my seat like
Speaker 1: you can.
Speaker 2: Get the fuck out. She literally creeped up like a.
Speaker 2: I saw her like creep crawl, and her next started
Speaker 2: thing you know, I get, and I was like whoa.
Speaker 1: I got like very feline like, like I was gonna
Speaker 1: pounce into the audience because I maybe would have, but
Speaker 1: I don't want to embarrass us, so I continued the
Speaker 1: show right after I nipped it in the butt. And
Speaker 1: then the bitch tried to like participate later and raise
Speaker 1: her hand and I was like, nah, bitch, you don't
Speaker 1: even You're never supposed to be here. You lucky to
Speaker 1: get kicked out. But security a security.
Speaker 2: Do you remember us walking through like the kitchen and
Speaker 2: her lingerie? Like the security. I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: we as professional stars. We got the curney that Securtie
Speaker 2: couldn't do shit. If anything went down, he did. I
Speaker 2: just don't know how we thought we were ever gonna
Speaker 2: have him makeup ARTISTO or makeup in any city. It
Speaker 2: would make it like I don't know who were thought.
Speaker 2: We were like as far as planning goes, like it
Speaker 2: didn't matter how early we got to sound check. We
Speaker 2: were barely making it by a thread to the stage
Speaker 2: on time.
Speaker 1: Every time, every single time there rest at a time.
Speaker 1: I'm like, at some point in this tour, we have
Speaker 1: got to be on time. And you know, poor Orlando,
Speaker 1: not only to we like caddy out each other, but
Speaker 1: then we bring Orlando into the mix, poor thing. We're
Speaker 1: usually only used to doing things alone and like, we
Speaker 1: couldn't have done this alone, so shout out to him.
Speaker 1: But there's probably a couple of times we almost like
Speaker 1: bit his head off too, yep. And I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm not your girlfriend, I'm your boss, and I'll fight you.
Speaker 1: I was like, is my relationship going to last after this?
Speaker 2: Oh? Yet here you are, Here, we are We made it.
Speaker 2: There are definitely some really epic moments during the tour,
Speaker 2: one specifically in Philly where we had a competition and
Speaker 2: the bitch pulled her whole fucking wig off to participate,
Speaker 2: literally peeled the wig off of her head.
Speaker 1: We have footage, so David, we're gonna send you this. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we got to insert it right here.
Speaker 2: Okay. People were like, I thought you plan that, No,
Speaker 2: but she can't plan no shit like that. Matter of fact,
Speaker 2: I don't even I don't even want to. This is
Speaker 2: it's gonna go on. It's got to go on Patreon
Speaker 2: because it was just that fucking good. It's that fucking good,
Speaker 2: you guys, and what she was doing for the reasons
Speaker 2: of pulling this wig off Patreon only because I don't
Speaker 2: think I think YouTube will kick us off for sure.
Speaker 1: But overall, you know, we're I've come to the conclusion
Speaker 1: we are very spicy bitches. You know when I when
Speaker 1: I think of our show and foot like full entirety.
Speaker 1: First of all, we had family members come to our
Speaker 1: shows throughout you.
Speaker 2: Had family members. Did my family really showed up? I
Speaker 2: don't think I'm ever gonna invite you. Actually, well had
Speaker 2: my brother came, but.
Speaker 1: My cousin came to d C. I mean my cousin
Speaker 1: came to Chicago. I had, I had. We didn't have
Speaker 1: any family in New York. We had like a lot
Speaker 1: of friends.
Speaker 2: My man was there, but that was the first one,
Speaker 2: and I had to be like, hey, babe, so listen,
Speaker 2: so I want to do something weird on stage, just
Speaker 2: so you know. And then he came to every show
Speaker 2: after that, so you know, I broke him in real good.
Speaker 1: Well, but that first show he came to, he kind
Speaker 1: of got the light version because he did get the
Speaker 1: lame Remember, we like we had to skip it, We
Speaker 1: had to skip some things.
Speaker 2: Wow, but now he knows full throttle proud proud boyfriend
Speaker 2: is he is proud?
Speaker 1: I mean we really, we really pushed the envelope with
Speaker 1: our boyfriends.
Speaker 2: It's true.
Speaker 1: I mean we really made it a point to get
Speaker 1: fine niggas in every city. We sourced them just so
Speaker 1: we could like rub on them and ship.
Speaker 2: And we're not talking about our men. We're talking about
Speaker 2: other men that we bought and made them come. We
Speaker 2: bought men. We didn't make them come, but we made
Speaker 2: them come to the show. Yeah they probably came after.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they for sure did. I was like, this is
Speaker 1: the best one hundred dollars you've ever made.
Speaker 2: It's true.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna rub up all over you. I'm the first
Speaker 1: time that greasy up with coconut oil. And then I'm
Speaker 1: gonna dance all over you with my dance moves, and
Speaker 1: then you're gonna enjoy this shit.
Speaker 2: They did. They I still think I think the finest men,
Speaker 2: the finest man and men were in Chicago and DC.
Speaker 2: Those are the two finest men.
Speaker 1: I could agree, except you know what, I don't care
Speaker 1: how fine you are. If you fucking spray me with
Speaker 1: tequila and my fucking eye, it's the fineness is over.
Speaker 2: That's true. I thought he was fine, and then I
Speaker 2: was like, I hate you. Get the fuck off stage. Actually,
Speaker 2: I was like, what the fuck. There was a moment
Speaker 2: where Jamila asked for him to pour alcohol in her mouth,
Speaker 2: and instead of pouring it in her mouth, she literally
Speaker 2: I watched it, just poured it directly in her eyeball.
Speaker 2: I was like, do you hate me? With the fun
Speaker 2: and the other guy? I asked him to pour alcohol
Speaker 2: in my mouth and he proceeded to fill my whole
Speaker 2: entire mouth with tequila, not like a shot, like it
Speaker 2: was overflowing. I had to spit the whole shit out.
Speaker 1: Bradley Gaines and your cousin are probably not gonna get
Speaker 1: hired for this role again unless there's no alcohol.
Speaker 2: They don't drink obviously. Yeah, well they f I can
Speaker 2: eat fruits and berries because what the fuck? No one's
Speaker 2: ever poured of some tequila ever and not even in
Speaker 2: a cup. I mean, but like when you can come,
Speaker 2: is that how you come? And bitches eyes like, what
Speaker 2: the fuck is wrong with you? I literally could have
Speaker 2: cursed him out on stage. What the fuck is wrong
Speaker 2: with you? Anyway? No, but you hooru at you huru.
Speaker 2: He was a sweet, kind guy and he was fine.
Speaker 2: He was fine, He was very fine. He only needed
Speaker 2: one of them. I know. I wish we could could
Speaker 2: have went on tour with us.
Speaker 1: I know we couldn't. He seemed quiet like he could
Speaker 1: he could do fine. The two guys in Philly were
Speaker 1: really kind too. They were They took their role to
Speaker 1: the next level. They were selling merch topless and apparently
Speaker 1: City Winery wasn't feeling that they made him put.
Speaker 2: Their shirt they did. They made him put their shirts
Speaker 2: back on. Really, we actually got to call Christian about that.
Speaker 2: I don't like that. What the fuck?
Speaker 1: Don't be telling my staff but their shirt back on?
Speaker 1: This is the experience.
Speaker 2: Wow. I had no idea because it was Sunday. I
Speaker 2: don't know. They were tripping on Sundays and alcohols and things.
Speaker 1: You know, we live in it like a very free state,
Speaker 1: so there's rules in other places.
Speaker 2: I had no idea. Yeah, what else did we do
Speaker 2: in this stop? We did a lot. We did a
Speaker 2: lot of partying a lot.
Speaker 1: We had to really embody our full rocks to ourselves
Speaker 1: in order to like last.
Speaker 2: We did, I did. I had to. I had to
Speaker 2: keep drinking, even though I didn't want to. I didn't
Speaker 2: want to drink anymore, but I had like I had to.
Speaker 2: I mean it was part of the show.
Speaker 1: We got drunk every night day one, and when we
Speaker 1: had a show with the next day and had to
Speaker 1: wake up at five in the morning for a flight,
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't.
Speaker 2: Know, mak No. There was one night I had to
Speaker 2: tap out, like y'all went out, even my man went
Speaker 2: out with y'all. I was like, I'm going to sleep now,
Speaker 2: you guys, good luck, have fun. I'm going to sleep
Speaker 2: and rest. I think that's the only reason I survived.
Speaker 2: Plus I had to get on a flight because mom guilt.
Speaker 2: I think we talked about this in an episode before
Speaker 2: where I said I was gonna fly back to la
Speaker 2: for one day. Oh yeah, with Macey. I was gonna
Speaker 2: fly back to LA for one day to see my daughter,
Speaker 2: but daughter do ants for five minutes, maybe three and
Speaker 2: a half minutes. I did that. I left Atlanta, flew
Speaker 2: to La surprised Iri. She was super excited. Then took
Speaker 2: her to school in the morning. She disrespected me. My
Speaker 2: daughter's at the age now where she doesn't want me
Speaker 2: to doesn't want to acknowledge me when I walk her
Speaker 2: into school, but wants me to walk her to school.
Speaker 2: It's the most confusing shit, Like she wants me there
Speaker 2: but like ten feet behind her. And obviously I was
Speaker 2: super tired, so I was like, what the fuck, Like
Speaker 2: I just flew out here, you better like walk with me,
Speaker 2: Like you don't have to kiss me, but like walk
Speaker 2: with me. Then that day, we had the homecoming dance,
Speaker 2: so I was like, okay, I'm going to do makeup
Speaker 2: on her. I put all this glitter on her. I
Speaker 2: brought the glitter with me because I knew he friends
Speaker 2: were gonna want the glitter. I'm like, gonna be fucking
Speaker 2: cheer mom. Put the glitter on all these little little girls,
Speaker 2: and she does her performance and I'm like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: it's so great. Wow, so amazing. I go find her
Speaker 2: and I can't find her. Finally I find and I'm like, hey, babe,
Speaker 2: like that was so great, and like try to give
Speaker 2: her a high five, and she's like she curved. She
Speaker 2: can curve the fuck out of me. And I was like, hey,
Speaker 2: good job, and she's like anyways, I'm just like what
Speaker 2: the fuck? I cursed her out, I know, like an
Speaker 2: adult from gront of her friends, and I was like,
Speaker 2: you think I am embarrassing, Now I will embarrass the
Speaker 2: fuck out of you. And then I felt bad because
Speaker 2: I did curse at her in fron of her white friends,
Speaker 2: in front of her white friends. I also kind of
Speaker 2: cursed at her little friend too, because her little friend
Speaker 2: is being a brat too, and so Bash'm was about
Speaker 2: to curse her out and I was like, no, you
Speaker 2: are stranger danger. I know this little girl. You need
Speaker 2: to both need to relax. And then I had to
Speaker 2: take Iri to her friend's house because I was leaving
Speaker 2: on the Red Eye that night, and I was like,
Speaker 2: if I wasn't leaving right now, there'd be no fucking
Speaker 2: way you'd be going over to this little girl's house
Speaker 2: right now. I hope you fucking know that, and she's
Speaker 2: like okay, Mommy, okay. And then we get to the
Speaker 2: house and I'm like almost about to cry. My seven
Speaker 2: year old was gonna make me fucking cry. And the
Speaker 2: mom is like, are you okay? I'm like no. She's
Speaker 2: like do you want to drink? I'm like no. She's like,
Speaker 2: do you want to talk to my friends? I'm like no, no,
Speaker 2: take my child, bye, take her? And then I said
Speaker 2: bye to Iri. She again played me, and then I
Speaker 2: went in the car and cried on the way to
Speaker 2: the airport. Poor thing. When she got to d C,
Speaker 2: I was like, are you okay? She's like no.
Speaker 1: Like what She's like, she speak to me, I'm not
Speaker 1: having any more kids. I'm just decided today. She was like,
Speaker 1: I just decided this weekend. I don't want to do
Speaker 1: this shit again. Use there's no telling they might be
Speaker 1: mean to you, and they're true. Parentod do is a
Speaker 1: thankless job.
Speaker 2: It is. I was like, it is. They don't give
Speaker 2: a fuck, there's no It's so true. I was like, really,
Speaker 2: I'm still hurt by it. Oh I'm paid. I literally
Speaker 2: brought it up like four times to her. I'm never
Speaker 2: gonna let her live it down. I know.
Speaker 1: And then thing I said something to her like are
Speaker 1: you waiting mean to my friend at your cheer performances,
Speaker 1: these bitches are nuts.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, especially after our time in Atlanta. We
Speaker 2: had quite a wild time there. So I was like
Speaker 2: coming down.
Speaker 1: Oh that was after Atlanta. I after Atlanta, I came down.
Speaker 1: I was, you know what, like.
Speaker 2: I was coming down from my fucking show highs of
Speaker 2: all the highs of highs.
Speaker 1: Well, I didn't think about it, but I think having
Speaker 1: a lot of shows like that, there's so much there's
Speaker 1: so much of your serotonin and you're endorphins are running high,
Speaker 1: so much adrenaline is up down, up down. But when
Speaker 1: it's over and it's just so much like exchange, you're
Speaker 1: meeting so many people and you're getting like we're getting
Speaker 1: so many kind words, I was like, whoa, Like it's
Speaker 1: just like you see everything in real time. It is
Speaker 1: a lot a lot. It's like doing a lot of drugs.
Speaker 1: It's like having a drug binge without the drugs.
Speaker 2: That's what I mean. Like I'm coming down, like it
Speaker 2: was so much and then to be like, basically, you're
Speaker 2: so amazing, it's so great. And my daughter to play
Speaker 2: the fuck out of me. I was like, whoa crashings
Speaker 2: like the worst come down coke come down of all time,
Speaker 2: Like by your child Jesus, to come down has nothing
Speaker 2: on cocaine. Come down, It's true.
Speaker 1: And then we got super crazy in Atlanta, mostly because
Speaker 1: it was my fault. And then I was pissed, and
Speaker 1: then I was mad at myself and I had to
Speaker 1: do all his work, Like I had to do all
Speaker 1: this self work, and like, I don't know if it's
Speaker 1: because A we were in retrograde during our tour, which
Speaker 1: I was like, why the fuck do we do this?
Speaker 1: Because we didn't confront the witches first. B it was
Speaker 1: about to like now, I mean, Monday was a full moon,
Speaker 1: Today's a full moon Wednesday. There's still like full moon energy.
Speaker 1: But I have been feeling so many emotions and I
Speaker 1: really like.
Speaker 2: And I'm in fuck and I'm in Tantra school.
Speaker 1: So the day after Atlanta's show, I like was still
Speaker 1: drunk and I was like looking and I realized, I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, it's eight thirty in the morning.
Speaker 2: Pacific standard time. I have class right now.
Speaker 1: I couldn't get the internet to work. I was like
Speaker 1: in basketball shorts that were not mine and Cowgirl Boots
Speaker 1: in the lobby drunk with my laptop and.
Speaker 2: I was like, I can't get the internet to work.
Speaker 2: I gotta go to class.
Speaker 1: It was almost like, it's okay, baby, you was not
Speaker 1: about to miss your class.
Speaker 2: Oh.
Speaker 1: So then I got on Tanker School and I was
Speaker 1: just like, I think I'm overwhelmed. My teacher is like,
Speaker 1: are you okay? I might be drunk. I might still
Speaker 1: be drunk.
Speaker 2: You told her, yeah, But you know what it's like
Speaker 2: being in Okay, having this experience and being in school.
Speaker 2: Tantra is just teaching me to.
Speaker 1: Pay attention to like the pleasure, what brings me pleasure,
Speaker 1: and like in all the categories, but you don't really
Speaker 1: you have to in order to think about your pleasure,
Speaker 1: you have to think about the things that don't bring
Speaker 1: you pleasure. And I've realized how much I haven't really
Speaker 1: paid that a lot of attention. We rarely really study
Speaker 1: our sources of pleasure physical, spiritual, emotional, and we don't
Speaker 1: really like we don't think about it. So sometimes we're
Speaker 1: doing things that are gratifying and instead of pleasurable, they're
Speaker 1: like they're people pleasing sometimes or they're pleasing like you
Speaker 1: think it's gonna So I was just like having all
Speaker 1: these internal I was coming down. I was having all
Speaker 1: these internal thoughts. I was drunk, I was in school,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I'm not happy.
Speaker 2: I thought it was gonna make me happy. It made
Speaker 2: me pissed. I was just like all over the place.
Speaker 2: I was crying and shit.
Speaker 1: I had to literally sleep for a full day. And
Speaker 1: I just feel like with Retrograde, with five.
Speaker 2: Cities, with the full moon that was coming and I
Speaker 2: was on my period, there was a lot. It was
Speaker 2: a lot, girl, there's a lot of energy. I think
Speaker 2: I just thought about me and my man having a
Speaker 2: fight at the sex club we also went. We also
Speaker 2: made time to go to the sex club throughout this
Speaker 2: Throughout this tour, we went to the sex club in
Speaker 2: New York, and me and my man literally had a
Speaker 2: fight in the sex club. Not only wait, now, let
Speaker 2: me go to the sex club.
Speaker 1: It maybe clear we had a show, did all these
Speaker 1: things so that we stayed up all night to go
Speaker 1: to the sex club and then went to.
Speaker 2: Drove to Philly. Right after the sex club.
Speaker 1: We got from the sex club, packed up the car,
Speaker 1: took a car to Philly. Me and Erica had to
Speaker 1: immediately go to a speaking engagement with children. We did
Speaker 1: a speaking engagement directly after leaving a sex party with
Speaker 1: the Sun. Came out driving to Philadelphia going to a
Speaker 1: speaking engagement, and then we had a show two hours
Speaker 1: after that. It was the dumbest I'm like, we're not adults.
Speaker 1: There's no reason we should have money.
Speaker 2: And I tried to be an adult, and then like
Speaker 2: last minute, I was like, fuck it, let's us go.
Speaker 2: I booked us a car. I was like, I found
Speaker 2: us a car.
Speaker 1: They'll take us to Philly and there Lando got mad
Speaker 1: at me at the sex party. I was like, we
Speaker 1: did all this to go to the sex party, only
Speaker 1: for a niggas to curse us.
Speaker 2: Out, like all stupid. I was like, they're ungrateful, I
Speaker 2: tell her. I'm like, they're fucking ungrateful.
Speaker 1: We took them, we made this happen, and then we're
Speaker 1: the only ones that paid and suffered because we're dumb,
Speaker 1: fucking on fumes and Philly was a great show anyway, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was, well, no one's gonna hire us anymore if
Speaker 1: they keep thinking we're gonna come.
Speaker 2: Hey, it was great. You had a lot of great
Speaker 2: things to say, I don't know what I said at
Speaker 2: that speaking engagement. I literally told you me and I
Speaker 2: was like, bitch, I'm leaning on you because I have
Speaker 2: nothing left. I think you know what.
Speaker 1: We wore the same outfits from the sex party to
Speaker 1: the speaking engagement.
Speaker 2: We didn't even change our outfits. We were just like,
Speaker 2: this is it. Once she came downstairs and the same shit.
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm glad you're wearing the same shit,
Speaker 1: because so am I.
Speaker 2: I couldn't. I had no capacity to figure out an outfit. Bitch.
Speaker 1: You know what, No matter how much talking we do,
Speaker 1: like we still have to grow up and do some
Speaker 1: self reflection.
Speaker 2: I feel like we've grown up a lot over the
Speaker 2: last four and a half years, almost five years.
Speaker 1: We have grown up a lot, But there's always space
Speaker 1: for more growth. Yeah, and I'm always perplexed that there's
Speaker 1: more to do.
Speaker 2: Because I'm not Buddha yet. Maybe if I keep starving myself,
Speaker 2: I think I'm gonna start starving myself too. I don't
Speaker 2: think you can afford to starve yourself, I know, but
Speaker 2: I need to be Buddha.
Speaker 1: What the fuck I am. I'm gonna be the size
Speaker 1: no matter what. If I starve myself if I eat
Speaker 1: every thing I am yesterday, and also like I haven't
Speaker 1: been like alone a lot, so like I had a break.
Speaker 1: Luna went to her the other side of this family
Speaker 1: and like, Orlando want to play basketball, and I was
Speaker 1: just like in my room, I started feeling high a
Speaker 1: little bit and I just cried. I just needed to
Speaker 1: cry really badly and just like let it out, you know,
Speaker 1: like I felt. I don't know, I feel like when
Speaker 1: we came back, I've been feeling like overwhelmed with gratitude
Speaker 1: but having a hard time not feeling grateful. But I
Speaker 1: don't know, like me and Orlando went for a hike
Speaker 1: and he was like saying, like, oh my god, something
Speaker 1: about like our love has moved so quickly, and I
Speaker 1: was like mm hmm, it's like I know, it's so beautiful.
Speaker 1: And he's like it's like you're saying it, but it
Speaker 1: looks like it hurts you to say.
Speaker 2: And I was like, oh my god.
Speaker 1: I was like what I've never had anyone like pinpoint
Speaker 1: how I was feeling so with words so easily, and
Speaker 1: it was like I am happy, but it was hard,
Speaker 1: like my face and.
Speaker 2: My feeling was like why I'm like, am I an
Speaker 2: evil bitch?
Speaker 1: But I realized that I'm not used to things going
Speaker 1: as well. I'm not used to like feeling this good.
Speaker 1: Like I'm like in love. I'm going on tour. People
Speaker 1: are telling me that love me. They're giving me waste
Speaker 1: beads and shit. People are just giving this stuff. I'm like,
Speaker 1: this is too much, it's too good. I'm too happy.
Speaker 1: I'm like literally sometimes bracing myself for something to go
Speaker 1: wrong and looking for things to be wrong, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: nothing's wrong. And I realized that in that moment, He's like,
Speaker 1: I know you're saying that you're happy, but your face
Speaker 1: looks like you're mad about it.
Speaker 2: I was like, WHOA.
Speaker 1: And I didn't even say anything because I was like, damn,
Speaker 1: I never I've never had anyone pinpoint the way I
Speaker 1: was feeling. I'm like, why am I feeling like it
Speaker 1: hurts to say I'm happy? And I was like, probably,
Speaker 1: I've never seen it. I've never seen that. I've never
Speaker 1: existed in this space before, like where I'm not like,
Speaker 1: you know, like I find things to worry about. I
Speaker 1: find fear. I'm fearing the future, I'm fearing the past.
Speaker 1: I'm like whyen I do this like obsessing over shit,
Speaker 1: even like all the shit that we did, I was
Speaker 1: just like obsessing over it and it's like, bitch, it's over.
Speaker 1: But it was just like I'm having to I realized
Speaker 1: yesterday and my ie was high, but I wasn't high
Speaker 1: cry session that I have to believe that I deserve
Speaker 1: it and believe that I'm worthy of it to actually
Speaker 1: be present in it. And if I don't believe it,
Speaker 1: then it's like I'm happy, but I'm fighting it because
Speaker 1: it feels foreign. I'm like, am I just an angry
Speaker 1: black woman? And I'm like, no, you just haven't. You
Speaker 1: haven't been in this place like im. I'll never forget
Speaker 1: Zosha telling us on her episode during Trigger, We're like
Speaker 1: Happily ever After and she was like white women and
Speaker 1: I like chuckled and laughter. But it's true, like if
Speaker 1: you only see people that don't like, if you've never
Speaker 1: seen it on yourself, it's hard to feel.
Speaker 2: Worthy of it when you're in it.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I have the best friend the world,
Speaker 1: I have the best boyfriend in the wild, the best child,
Speaker 1: the best business. But I'm still like, like, is it
Speaker 1: gonna like something gonna happen. So I just had to
Speaker 1: like take a moment to like cry that out and
Speaker 1: like shed that those feelings of like.
Speaker 2: Like you're safe.
Speaker 1: You like when you have only existed in a place
Speaker 1: of survival, it's you do not know how to exist
Speaker 1: in a place of being present and just being happy
Speaker 1: and being not afraid of things didn't go wrong. So
Speaker 1: I just had to take a moment and tell myself,
Speaker 1: like you're worthy, you're deserving. You worked hard for this shit,
Speaker 1: and like you did the work and that's why you
Speaker 1: have a relationship that's like damn, they're perfect, and a
Speaker 1: friendship that stam, they're perfect, and all these things that
Speaker 1: you deserve because you've done the work to get here.
Speaker 1: But like I had to cry it out by myself.
Speaker 2: I was like, am I did I do mushrooms? I
Speaker 2: don't know. I feel like I for me, I have
Speaker 2: felt like not that I don't not that I'm not worthy,
Speaker 2: it's more so like I'm always like I'm such a
Speaker 2: futurist and thinking of like what's next, what's next, What's next,
Speaker 2: that it's really hard for me to be present.
Speaker 1: The futurists just make it up. I don't think, so
Speaker 1: oh I never heard that word.
Speaker 2: But like just like always thinking about what's next, what's next,
Speaker 2: because like I don't like things are shifting in my
Speaker 2: life but not I guess, like financially, like they haven't
Speaker 2: shifted in the way yet that I want. So therefore
Speaker 2: I'm not totally satisfied. And then I'm like, Okay, well,
Speaker 2: when you get that financial shift, will you then be
Speaker 2: satisfied Erica yea. And that's like my biggest and that's
Speaker 2: like one of my biggest fears is like not being
Speaker 2: satisfied there. And then also I'm still I'm still working
Speaker 2: through totally walking in my choices and like saying to
Speaker 2: myself like this is whether or not this is who
Speaker 2: you are, This is what you're exploring right now and
Speaker 2: who you are and that's okay. Like thinking about some
Speaker 2: of the stuff we did, like even our show, like
Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god, was it too much?
Speaker 2: Did I do too much? Like how is this gonna
Speaker 2: reflect on me? Like is this too much for our brand?
Speaker 2: Our brands? Like literally I was having after the show
Speaker 2: like thoughts like thinking about like is it like are
Speaker 2: wetting the line of sex and like too much? Like
Speaker 2: is target going to pass on me, Is this brand
Speaker 2: going to pass on me? Is like is my is
Speaker 2: beauty blender? Is my mom gonna see this and be disappointed?
Speaker 2: Am I disappointment? Like? Am I doing too much? Is
Speaker 2: this me? Am I being Jamila? Or am I being me?
Speaker 2: Like oh no, not it's me, no, not you. But
Speaker 2: like these are all thoughts I'm having, Like am I
Speaker 2: walking authentically as myself? Or am I being influenced by
Speaker 2: like other people or other things? Or like is this me?
Speaker 2: Like like these are all things that like are like
Speaker 2: the sources of my anxiety of like really really being grounded,
Speaker 2: and like this is my these are my choices, this
Speaker 2: is what I'm doing, and like this is who I
Speaker 2: am right now. I might not be this person in
Speaker 2: six months. I might say you know what, hey, I
Speaker 2: don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to
Speaker 2: do this anymore, and like feeling essentially insecure about it.
Speaker 1: It is, but I totally get that, Like it's we're
Speaker 1: doing a lot, we're doing a lot on camera, and we're.
Speaker 2: Doing it to ourselves. But I do because same, I
Speaker 2: did a lot.
Speaker 1: I did a lot, and I like I said, like me,
Speaker 1: and then I was like mad at myself and it
Speaker 1: made me realize not like am I you or am
Speaker 1: I being myself?
Speaker 2: But like what choices have been my own?
Speaker 1: And what choices have been because I thought, like I
Speaker 1: thought it would be fun, and how many choices have
Speaker 1: I made that I thought would be fun? And then
Speaker 1: in it I didn't want to do anymore and then
Speaker 1: didn't stop myself and then really was upset with myself
Speaker 1: for days or months and for me like maybe like
Speaker 1: Harbord in my body forever or not ever because I'm
Speaker 1: making the choice to release it. But I understand like
Speaker 1: the exploration of is this me?
Speaker 2: Is this what I want to do?
Speaker 1: Is this bringing me joy and pleasure and fulfillment or
Speaker 1: did it seem fun at the time? I think, like
Speaker 1: we're in this like you know, you'll be, you'll be.
Speaker 1: We're in our mid thirties, and I think when you
Speaker 1: function as a woman, especially in your twenties and your teens,
Speaker 1: it's heavily influenced by other people and by being liked
Speaker 1: women women. A lot of times in our society, women's
Speaker 1: value is about them being liked, and us being liked
Speaker 1: is about playing by certain rules or being wifed or
Speaker 1: our relationship status and it's it's rarely because it's like
Speaker 1: this is what I fucking wanted to do, fuck you,
Speaker 1: and even us being so deeply in fuck you, it's
Speaker 1: like did I need to do that?
Speaker 2: Do I really want to do that? Am I that person?
Speaker 1: You know? And so it's a constant like figuring it out,
Speaker 1: but like it's even hard to figure out what's my
Speaker 1: voice and what's like things people have told me or
Speaker 1: me acting out and rebellion because I do that too,
Speaker 1: Like sometimes I see myself pushing envelopes even in my
Speaker 1: relationship because I'm like, you can leave me, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like it's just but it's not like,
Speaker 1: but it's not necessary to do that to begin with.
Speaker 1: So I understand, like I kind of feel so much
Speaker 1: insecure about the show is because we've got a lot
Speaker 1: of love and stuff.
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't want to say I don't feel insecure,
Speaker 2: it's just I think I've not I've had questions about
Speaker 2: some of the things, like would I do that again
Speaker 2: if I did it again, Like if we want tour again,
Speaker 2: am I gonna do some of these other things that
Speaker 2: I did on stage again? Or will I or should
Speaker 2: I stand in that? Is that something that I really
Speaker 2: want to go forth towards even more so, like just
Speaker 2: just questioning all of the things. Essentially, I feel like
Speaker 2: I whenever I've acted out of my own normal character
Speaker 2: or like what I've been told to act, like, I
Speaker 2: have anxiety because I've been trained, I've trained myself to
Speaker 2: act a certain way for so long. I've trained myself
Speaker 2: to really care deeply about what my mom thinks, what
Speaker 2: you know? And then and also like those people have
Speaker 2: also made me feel like what would your daughter think?
Speaker 2: What would this person think? You know? And it's like
Speaker 2: people are always gonna have thoughts, you know. People are
Speaker 2: always gonna have thoughts, and people are always gonna have opinions,
Speaker 2: But it's really about like, Okay, what do I fucking think?
Speaker 2: What do I think about this choice? Like if I'm
Speaker 2: standing outside of myself looking at myself, am I proud
Speaker 2: of myself? Am I saying go girl, yeah fuck that,
Speaker 2: go do that shit? Or am I saying, m that
Speaker 2: was cool for the time, Like do you really do
Speaker 2: you want to do that again? Maybe not? I don't know,
Speaker 2: And like that's what I think It's been has been
Speaker 2: like me stepping outside of myself and really trying to
Speaker 2: like look at myself, look at my my choices, look
Speaker 2: at my even my brand, and like think long term,
Speaker 2: what is it? What is the end goal here? Or
Speaker 2: what is the goal or what is like what am
Speaker 2: I trying to feel? What is what is pleasurable to me?
Speaker 2: And sometimes I can feel overwhelming and confusing. And sometimes
Speaker 2: I have the answers and there's really very very clear,
Speaker 2: and then sometimes they're not very clear. It's not very
Speaker 2: clear for me. We've had we've talked about how like
Speaker 2: finding men that would accept us for who we are,
Speaker 2: and how like we've put because of what we do,
Speaker 2: what we talk about, what we share, we've essentially xed
Speaker 2: out a large population. We've essentially x out, We've eliminated
Speaker 2: we've eliminated a large We've xed out a very large
Speaker 2: population of men that would feel comfortable wifing us. Essentially.
Speaker 2: You know, it sounds horrible, but it's not. It's not
Speaker 2: horrible because I don't want those men and it wasn't
Speaker 2: gonna work out. And but like now that I have
Speaker 2: found a partner that you know accepts me, and you
Speaker 2: know we've had and and because I'm still learning, like
Speaker 2: I've said, like I'm going back and forth about I'm
Speaker 2: still learning exactly what who I am, what my boundaries are,
Speaker 2: and like even that was like that confusion was even
Speaker 2: experienced in Costa Rica, you know, like where it's like, well,
Speaker 2: yesterday you said this was fine, and today it's not.
Speaker 2: It's like, well, because I'm still figuring it out. I'm
Speaker 2: figuring out what this looks like for me as a girlfriend,
Speaker 2: for me as a woman, Like I don't, like I
Speaker 2: don't have all the answers all the time, and so
Speaker 2: sometimes friendships experience the byproduct of.
Speaker 1: That almost our friendship over. But but.
Speaker 2: Like now having someone that you know, you know is
Speaker 2: super proud of me and still feeling like this thing's
Speaker 2: weird anxiety about like like okay, I have the safe space,
Speaker 2: but like, no, I do believe him. I think it's
Speaker 2: just it's my own inner work and it's has nothing
Speaker 2: to do with anyone, and like I think I maybe
Speaker 2: put this expectation of like this partner's gonna come in
Speaker 2: and then it's gonna like I'm gonna feel totally safe
Speaker 2: in all of my choices, and it's like I don't
Speaker 2: always feel safe in all my choices, and I realize
Speaker 2: it's not because of a person, it's because of the
Speaker 2: work that I have to do to feel safe in
Speaker 2: my choices.
Speaker 1: That that that is what I feel very.
Speaker 2: Like, you know, there's not on anyone else, Like there
Speaker 2: are things that he's healed in me, and like partners
Speaker 2: do that, like people come together and they heal certain
Speaker 2: parts of one another.
Speaker 1: Well, also then it's also you have to you've never
Speaker 1: experienced the safety of being able to be in a
Speaker 1: relationship and address those parts of you. I think for women,
Speaker 1: we're so like, yeah, we're so busy pleasing our partners
Speaker 1: or performing in a way that's acceptable so we can
Speaker 1: be liked by ninety five percent and not not that
Speaker 1: it's we we forget that it's only here, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: But when we're not feeling safe enough to do that
Speaker 1: self work, it's difficult to do that. And now that
Speaker 1: we're in places that we feel safe enough to do that, now.
Speaker 2: That's almost like where the real work begins.
Speaker 1: And it's daunting and it's really about like it's not
Speaker 1: even just like what brings me pleasure, but like even
Speaker 1: me feeling like happy but sad and like kind of
Speaker 1: like an attitude in ways, but having to question that,
Speaker 1: like where is that spirit coming from? And like in
Speaker 1: every every part of my life where that feeling comes up,
Speaker 1: that's not like super likable because I've thrived feeling like
Speaker 1: I am a pretty bubbly, like friendly, loving person. But
Speaker 1: if I can't even address like the underlying darkness and
Speaker 1: not even darkness, it's just like are you really are
Speaker 1: you really moving out of love right now? For yourself
Speaker 1: for others, like even with my child. I read something
Speaker 1: recently about like you can't possibly know how to parent
Speaker 1: or what's going to come up, and I think it
Speaker 1: was DJ Smiles. She had a post And you can't
Speaker 1: possibly know what's going to come up, you know, because
Speaker 1: you haven't parented before and you and you only are
Speaker 1: really parenting the way you've you've had it done to you.
Speaker 1: So there are times where I'm like, like I said,
Speaker 1: I'm not being like a gentle parent. I'm like girl,
Speaker 1: like I'm not, and I'm having to check myself. But
Speaker 1: it's in those moments that I have to go within
Speaker 1: even and like look at my mom, look at my grandmother,
Speaker 1: and look at parts of them that I'm reflecting in myself,
Speaker 1: and like I've been like my mom just had a
Speaker 1: fucking attitude for no reason, and I'm like, what the
Speaker 1: fuck is wrong with you? My grandmother like sweet woman,
Speaker 1: but sometimes like that mouth, but then seeing glimpses of
Speaker 1: that in myself and having to a be like I
Speaker 1: think we have to recognize like we do inherit certain
Speaker 1: things from our parents, absolutely cellular cellular and just be
Speaker 1: like that's not mine, like literally saying that to yourself,
Speaker 1: releasing that's not mine, like any insecurities all like the
Speaker 1: root of everything is weirdly where the work, the shadow
Speaker 1: work begins, and it's it's not like necessarily beautiful, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Like I realized too, like how
Speaker 1: I can have an attitude with people close to me
Speaker 1: like or just like get it. I'll never do that
Speaker 1: with the stranger most of the time, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. And it's like what is that? How is
Speaker 1: it that we forget to like operate in that place
Speaker 1: with you know, I always want to make strangers feel good.
Speaker 1: I always want to make people feel good because like
Speaker 1: that's my gift.
Speaker 2: Well, you give strangers the benefit of the doubt more
Speaker 2: than you give the people that you love closest to you,
Speaker 2: because you've you've experienced them strangers you haven't really experienced.
Speaker 2: It's easy to love them, true, you know, but no,
Speaker 2: I feel you. I feel that. I feel that a lot.
Speaker 2: I feel like even just trying to like not like
Speaker 2: with that quote that she said or that whatever you
Speaker 2: saw on her Instagram, like me not have. I don't
Speaker 2: have certain tools. I have to build them. I have
Speaker 2: to start from scratch because I don't possess certain tools
Speaker 2: that I need to as a woman, as a as
Speaker 2: a mother. And that's been one too, like because I
Speaker 2: did receive something as a child, I saw no example
Speaker 2: of it me having to now almost like face I
Speaker 2: have to face it because I don't have to have
Speaker 2: these tools for her. So it's like you have to
Speaker 2: remind yourself to constantly talking to her as like as
Speaker 2: a single mother to her whose father is not around. Really,
Speaker 2: like how do we have these conversations because I never
Speaker 2: I've never had this conversation with anyone ever, Like even
Speaker 2: like that wasn't given to me either, because like that
Speaker 2: just I mean not that it wasn't given to me,
Speaker 2: but it was just like I don't know, like my
Speaker 2: mom did try, but it wasn't in the way that
Speaker 2: I think I needed and that's not her fault, you know.
Speaker 2: And like same with Iri. It's like I'm trying to
Speaker 2: learn what she needs, but like I might, i might fail,
Speaker 2: you know, like because I'm literally building these tools in
Speaker 2: It's like I'm walking and like building something at the
Speaker 2: same time. Like I'm just like grabbing things like Okay,
Speaker 2: well this may be okay, let me try that. Okay,
Speaker 2: that didn't work. Let me ask this person.
Speaker 1: And I've never seen it, how do you do it?
Speaker 1: And it's like big and it seemed but it's like it's.
Speaker 2: But you do it. You just do it. And that's
Speaker 2: what I realized too. It's like okay, and sometimes you're
Speaker 2: gonna do it wrong. I like was really sad about
Speaker 2: this fee because I've been feeling it for like a
Speaker 2: while now. And then I was like, literally the other day,
Speaker 2: I was like, okay, so you're work. Like I really
Speaker 2: feel like I've a I'm finally figuring something out. Something
Speaker 2: is happening like where I'm like I feel like there's
Speaker 2: more space in my life lately, or I'm really allowing
Speaker 2: it to be and I'm being able to understand and
Speaker 2: be more intuitive to what she's needing. But I just
Speaker 2: feel like also like you you don't know what you
Speaker 2: don't know, like you said, like and I might not
Speaker 2: get it right. And that's okay too, because that's part
Speaker 2: of the whole the whole journey of figuring it out.
Speaker 2: But I don't know. I was reading something about this
Speaker 2: full moon and it was saying something about like it's
Speaker 2: being it's a heavy one for some especially like I
Speaker 2: think it was. I think it was sister's village Instagram.
Speaker 2: I don't know if you've ever looked, yeah, followed, Yeah,
Speaker 2: they're really good, and she was saying like tell me
Speaker 2: a rising sign and I'll tell you what the effects
Speaker 2: of this moon has on you. And so I was
Speaker 2: reading the comments and I got to Scorpio and it
Speaker 2: said like something about what was it? I want to
Speaker 2: read it? Like did I take a screenshot of it?
Speaker 2: I hope I did. But it was just like basically
Speaker 2: inner child work, healing your inner child, like working on
Speaker 2: your a very important relationship, really finding the time to
Speaker 2: do it, and like like right now, like that's like
Speaker 2: so important to me because it's like it's crazy. I
Speaker 2: see the change in her. I see that she is
Speaker 2: literally like there's a shift happening.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's this age right now is like from girl
Speaker 1: like little girl to like young lady, Like, oh you're
Speaker 1: a person person. Oh you're communicating clearly. Oh you're having
Speaker 1: feelings and thoughts and opinions. It is like Luna has
Speaker 1: told me some stuff in the last week, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: who the fuck are you? And I'm like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: my fucking child. Yeah me, Like it's just like and
Speaker 1: doing it friendly than our parents did. I was.
Speaker 2: I don't know, like I wasn't I wasn't sheltered.
Speaker 1: But I I like my parents. My parents talk to
Speaker 1: me like a human And so I try to let
Speaker 1: Lunam feel comfortable enough to be honest, but I'm like
Speaker 1: overwhelmed by the information that she knows because it feels like, damn,
Speaker 1: you're a fucking adult.
Speaker 2: This is what it's said. It said for Scorpio rising,
Speaker 2: this full moon is guiding you to reevaluate your daily
Speaker 2: routine and how you spend your time. Are there are
Speaker 2: things you shouldn't be spending each day doing or doing
Speaker 2: less of. It's calling you to release yourself of perfectionism
Speaker 2: and allow yourself to surrender to the flow of life.
Speaker 2: And so like, that's what I think is like happening
Speaker 2: to me too. I'm just like, I'm never gonna be
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna be perfect. There's no way, like because
Speaker 2: even the pressure of having a platform like what we have,
Speaker 2: like where we talk openly about like trying to reparent
Speaker 2: ourselves and repairent our children and you know, do all
Speaker 2: this work essentially and then still in some ways fail
Speaker 2: like in this work that we're doing like privately essentially,
Speaker 2: Like it just like it feels overwhelming sometimes and daunting,
Speaker 2: like I have to get it right right, Like.
Speaker 1: I have all the resources, Like am I supposed to
Speaker 1: give a fuck? I'm I'm not supposed to give a fuck. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like your's which your just Leo right my rising?
Speaker 1: Yeah uh yeah Leo. Let me see if I can
Speaker 1: find it.
Speaker 2: But yeah, it was just it was just it's been
Speaker 2: like feeling that way, but I feel different of Leo rising.
Speaker 2: For Leo Rising, the full moon is guiding you to
Speaker 2: reflect on the stories you have been telling yourself and
Speaker 2: how they have been holding you back from your growth,
Speaker 2: connect with what life means to you, what do you
Speaker 2: want out of this life? But yeah, so, but me
Speaker 2: and Iri have a So I was like literally on
Speaker 2: Discord the other day crying in the carpool line at
Speaker 2: Iris school because I asked everyone on Discord like I
Speaker 2: need advice because I was feeling really defeated after the
Speaker 2: way she treated honestly, honestly and and then you're telling
Speaker 2: me like that thing like the she like like are
Speaker 2: my nanny? Such as being mean? And I was like
Speaker 2: what the fuck? Like this is not my child, Like
Speaker 2: what what is happening? And I've been noticing her behavior
Speaker 2: and I'm like it's I just feel like I'm seeing
Speaker 2: things that like granted are just probably you know, seven
Speaker 2: year old things, but also like, Okay, what can I
Speaker 2: do to like nurture this more? Like figure this out? More?
Speaker 2: What am I not doing? And so I'm like on
Speaker 2: Discord and like texting the Discord like Mom's like mom, emergency,
Speaker 2: help me help literally, And so all these people started
Speaker 2: messaging me all this great advice. Like, man, I'm just
Speaker 2: so grateful for like the community we have because there's
Speaker 2: so many different perspectives and there's so many like older parents,
Speaker 2: like people that I can call on and be like, hey,
Speaker 2: what did you do? What didn't you do? Tell me
Speaker 2: what to do? What did you what would worked for you,
Speaker 2: Like what does a be specific? I need a specific thing,
Speaker 2: and so yeah, they were all messaging me and then
Speaker 2: like that, I picked her up and I was like, hey,
Speaker 2: so I've decided that every Thursday, we're gonna have a
Speaker 2: mommy daughter day. We're gonna go home, we're gonna get
Speaker 2: dressed up, and we're gonna go pick a place. You
Speaker 2: pick this week. I pick next week. And she was
Speaker 2: like so excited. I was excited. Then my phone died.
Speaker 2: I was like, bitch, this is was supposed to happen,
Speaker 2: Like this is what it's about, Like I'm supposed to
Speaker 2: be here, like I need to really be able to
Speaker 2: commit to this connection with her, and like it made
Speaker 2: me feel good, it made her feel good, and like
Speaker 2: I just feel like sometimes working parents, like you know,
Speaker 2: it's fucking hard, like you're trying. I just felt like
Speaker 2: I've been in this mode of just like did you eat,
Speaker 2: did you do your homework? Go to sleep? Did you eat?
Speaker 2: Did your homework? Plate it okay? Okay here like you know,
Speaker 2: or it's like there's no real special time that I've
Speaker 2: that I've really carved out really just for her, and
Speaker 2: I'm excited to see how that moves moves a relationship forward.
Speaker 2: But like it's just been a weird time. I've been
Speaker 2: crying a lot and trying to figure this shit out. Well,
Speaker 2: it's okay cry. You need to cry, you need to
Speaker 2: move the emotion. You know.
Speaker 1: I realize, like it's really important to cry, it's really
Speaker 1: important to feel, and like it's okay to cry even
Speaker 1: if you don't know why you're crying.
Speaker 2: You know, it's it's important to like let it all
Speaker 2: come out however it comes out, and it's important to
Speaker 2: move your body. Yeah, it's yeah, I know, it's crazy.
Speaker 2: It's crazy to have so many emotions. Like they're good,
Speaker 2: like the tour was amazing, I'm so grateful. Then there's
Speaker 2: like this like so like emotional like vulnerability with my daughter.
Speaker 2: Then there's like anger because my baby daddy's is not
Speaker 2: shit and he's a fucking asshole. And then I'm just
Speaker 2: like why would I choose you? Get out? Like please God,
Speaker 2: why just remove this person from my life? And then
Speaker 2: I have this amazing man who's just like the shit amazing,
Speaker 2: but also chat where he challenges me as well, and
Speaker 2: like we challenge each other but in like the best
Speaker 2: way possible. But like it's all like a lot of
Speaker 2: energy exchanges happening currently in my life, which I know
Speaker 2: feels like this grand tornado that's going to like shift
Speaker 2: a lot soon, and it's already on its way shifting.
Speaker 2: So I don't know. It's life is lifing. Life is lifing.
Speaker 2: But you know, and I'm turning thirty something, yeah, and
Speaker 2: then I'm turning thirty something and I think that's too.
Speaker 2: It's a lot. There's a lot happening. Yeah, but it's fine.
Speaker 2: It's fine. I look good and everything's good, and I'm
Speaker 2: young and it's fine. It's just like the best time
Speaker 2: of your fucking life. I know. Birthdays are so weird.
Speaker 2: I just I don't know. It's like I don't want
Speaker 2: to do anything, but I know when it gets like
Speaker 2: on the day, i'm'd be like, why did I decide
Speaker 2: not to do anything? I'm mad and I want to
Speaker 2: hang out with my friends, but also like leave me
Speaker 2: the fuck alone. That's just fucking scorpio. Yeah. Well, it's
Speaker 2: almost Scorpio season. It is Libra season, and they matter,
Speaker 2: but I'm just gonna go ahead and just call it
Speaker 2: declare Scorpio season now. It's Scorpio season. Now, A month
Speaker 2: Scorpio season.
Speaker 1: What a beautiful thing it is to feel though, right like,
Speaker 1: at least we feel and let's says know we're alive.
Speaker 2: And we're self aware.
Speaker 1: Thank God for self awareness and for the ability to
Speaker 1: grow and to dig deeper.
Speaker 2: No, being self aware is the greatest gift, you know,
Speaker 2: it is, and it's also my greatest curse, because sometimes
Speaker 2: a bitch wish it could just be like whatever, I
Speaker 2: know it, but whatever you know, it's like too much,
Speaker 2: Like I'm too it's too much. Sometimes it is so much.
Speaker 2: There's so many feelings. I feel so much. I'm like,
Speaker 2: is this because I'm a cancer? What the fuck? It's
Speaker 2: too much. I get tense. Literally, I freeze up.
Speaker 1: There's too many things in my head and just like
Speaker 1: worried about too many things, everything is feeling hard.
Speaker 2: I feel like though, I do feel like I have
Speaker 2: more space. Though I've been getting more space. I'm tired
Speaker 2: as fuck, but literally I feel like I have more
Speaker 2: space in my brain. The last few days, I think
Speaker 2: because I've just the wa No, No, I don't think. No,
Speaker 2: it's not that I think because it's been a weekend
Speaker 2: and I really didn't do work. I really was like
Speaker 2: I looked at stuff and I was like Monday, and
Speaker 2: I never do that. I'm always like okay, but I
Speaker 2: just don't. I just feel like there's space in our
Speaker 2: business too, because we're investing in our business in a
Speaker 2: bigger way to create space in our lives. It's important
Speaker 2: and sometimes you have to do that. Sometimes you have
Speaker 2: to like do whatever has to do, whatever you have
Speaker 2: to do for that sanity in space. So I'm just
Speaker 2: but I'm grateful to be able to be able to
Speaker 2: do that. I've worked really hard and we've worked really
Speaker 2: hard to be able to do that. And to people listening,
Speaker 2: like you've worked really hard to be able to create
Speaker 2: space in your life too. There's different ways that you
Speaker 2: can create space, and we have to do it or
Speaker 2: else we will go fucking I know.
Speaker 1: That's what I keep thinking, Like how like sustainability, like
Speaker 1: how long can we go like this?
Speaker 2: How long can our kids go like this? A long?
Speaker 1: Like, you know, because we realize how quickly time moves
Speaker 1: when we see our kids like come huge overnight.
Speaker 2: So yeah, yeah, that's where I think I'm at with
Speaker 2: it too. It's just like okay, wait, hold on, what
Speaker 2: let's recalibrate here, because like this is important, but there's
Speaker 2: a lot of other things that are important.
Speaker 1: How am I going to be feeling at the most high,
Speaker 1: like the most How am I making use of my
Speaker 1: time where I'm like really having a good life, Like
Speaker 1: I feel really good about where I've put my time,
Speaker 1: what I'm doing, who I'm with. I don't feel bad
Speaker 1: about shit I shouldn't feel bad about. I can literally
Speaker 1: just be in joy and love, like not some underlying
Speaker 1: shit and not some like just really, how can I
Speaker 1: maintain being happy and having peace? And sometimes it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: making making it.
Speaker 2: Happen, boundaries and finances, finances. But that's why you have
Speaker 2: to listen to our episode with Loose, because she's the
Speaker 2: money witch and all of it's possible, and it's October.
Speaker 2: It's witchy October guys, and there's witchy vibes, and there's
Speaker 2: a lot of magic. And it's really about pulling all
Speaker 2: those things together and like acknowledging the things, right, we
Speaker 2: just acknowledge them, but then also like getting activated in them.
Speaker 2: And that's also what I've been feeling too. It's like
Speaker 2: when I just feel activated, I'm like, Okay, I can
Speaker 2: do this. I got this. Yeah, you know, and believing that.
Speaker 2: And it's a full moon, it's Wednesday, but then full
Speaker 2: moon energy is still from Ari's moon is still present,
Speaker 2: and it's still vibing and doing its things. So if
Speaker 2: you're listening to this, I encourage you to go home,
Speaker 2: write something down, think about what it is that you
Speaker 2: want to release or indulge in. Because it was also
Speaker 2: saying that this moon is all about like also kind
Speaker 2: of tapping into like your childlike energy, like being laughing, dancing,
Speaker 2: doing cartwheels. I think that's what I don't do. Do
Speaker 2: some cartwheels. Do a cart wheel today, See how makes
Speaker 2: you feel. It's usually pretty fun. Mm hmm. Don't hurt
Speaker 2: yourself first, just like I don't advise you starve yourself
Speaker 2: like me. Also, do you do a cart will you
Speaker 2: hurt yourself? It's not my fault. Strive yourself and then
Speaker 2: do a cartrail like it gonna be freeze but it's
Speaker 2: the eight when eight diet and alkaline water at least. Also,
Speaker 2: I read one cart wheel a day.
Speaker 1: I'm reading Debbie's book, and there's a therapist, a family,
Speaker 1: a famous family therapist that says four hugs a day
Speaker 1: is for survival. Eight hugs a day is for maintenance
Speaker 1: and twelve hugs a day is for growth. M So
Speaker 1: make sure you're getting your twelve plus twelve, twelve, make
Speaker 1: it twelve, make it twelve or more?
Speaker 2: Which one? Survival? Four? Four? Damn like just yeah, it
Speaker 2: feels like it. Oh my god, it is like for survival.
Speaker 2: It's like.
Speaker 1: It's like the half hug you gotta give people, like
Speaker 1: deep long hugs.
Speaker 2: Yeah, cuddle people. I'm gonna pull a card because at
Speaker 2: the beginning of the episode, the Two of Ones two
Speaker 2: of One's let me two, we also have an advice
Speaker 2: question today, guys, it's been a while since. Uh, I
Speaker 2: feel like we've done advice questions.
Speaker 1: Two of One's Personal goals inner alignment, fear of unknown progress,
Speaker 1: decisions discovery. That was reverse personal goals inner alignment for them. No, okay,
Speaker 1: a lot of pop ups a very popular sect.
Speaker 2: It's become very popular. It's all because of us. They
Speaker 2: blew up. They didn't know why people do ask about
Speaker 2: them a lot. They do.
Speaker 1: Really do we need a partnership with Biddy. Two of
Speaker 1: Wand's upright. The Two of Wands takes the spark of
Speaker 1: inspiration from the Ace of Wands and turns it into
Speaker 1: a clear action plan. You went through the discovery phase,
Speaker 1: and now that you want to manifest. Now that you
Speaker 1: went to discovery phase and know what you want to manifest,
Speaker 1: now you need to figure out how you're exploring your
Speaker 1: options and carefully plotting out the path ahead, accounting for
Speaker 1: all possibilities and potential challenges. You are open to growth
Speaker 1: and exploring new territories so long as you maintain a
Speaker 1: level of certainty that efforts will work out in the end.
Speaker 1: When the two of one appears in a terror reading,
Speaker 1: you are not ready to make your move. It is
Speaker 1: more important that you establish a clear path before proceeding.
Speaker 1: The two of Wands is also about discovery, particularly as
Speaker 1: you step outside of your comfort zone and explore new
Speaker 1: world and experiences. It may take courage to set out,
Speaker 1: but this card gives you the confidence of self knowledge.
Speaker 1: You know what your goal is and you are sure
Speaker 1: of its eventual fulfillment. Let your intuition and pression and
Speaker 1: passion and guide you as you confirm your next steps.
Speaker 2: Hmm. That resonates a lot.
Speaker 1: You have already come so far and now you feel
Speaker 1: ready for the change, this time with your long term
Speaker 1: future in mind. You may be complimenting como contemplating overseas travel,
Speaker 1: further education, or significant career switched to expand your horizons
Speaker 1: beyond your immediate environment.
Speaker 2: Okay, with careful planning and moderate approach, you will set
Speaker 2: yourself up for success. Yeah, it's kind of what I
Speaker 2: feel too, like just planning out and like really taking
Speaker 2: time to really decide how I can nurture different parts
Speaker 2: of my life right now.
Speaker 1: The two interiros often represents decisions of some sort. With
Speaker 1: this too, you may make a choice between sticking with
Speaker 1: what you know or taking a risk. You understand the
Speaker 1: world has something bigger or more meaningful to offer you,
Speaker 1: Yet you also realize that you must leave your familiar
Speaker 1: grounds to capitalize on the opportunity. Even though you already
Speaker 1: invested a lot into your current circumstances, it is imperative
Speaker 1: that you step out and explore your options.
Speaker 2: I'm exploring all parts of what brings me pleasure right now,
Speaker 2: publicly and privately. Right, you know, publicly and privately. So
Speaker 2: what's that? That was the two of one? You hear
Speaker 2: my stomach? Yeah? I did. My stomach scrowling, guys, because
Speaker 2: I'm starving, diet guys, I'm not starving. Don't worry like,
Speaker 2: don't I'm not herexic geez trigger warning. Hold on, this
Speaker 2: is not arexia.
Speaker 1: I want to be very clear here, spiritual, spiritually eight
Speaker 1: when eight de tax it is.
Speaker 2: I'm going to start praying tonight. You're supposed to pray
Speaker 2: instead of eat in place of your meals. I know
Speaker 2: I'm good. I told you tonight tonight, I started praying.
Speaker 2: Last night, I did some manifest I mean irin, it's
Speaker 2: some manifesting. Last night. I let some candles said some things.
Speaker 2: We did too. We broughte our ancestor money. We burned it.
Speaker 2: I gotta release it.
Speaker 1: I left some eggs at the crossroads. All the things perfect, beautiful.
Speaker 2: We have an advice question, okay, and this is from
Speaker 2: It's a mom advice question. It's very rude. Actually it's rude. Yeah, okay, Hi,
Speaker 2: I just started listening to your show, and wow, I'm
Speaker 2: so glad I found it. I love you, guys, love you.
Speaker 2: Can you please give me some advice to single moms
Speaker 2: who have been dumped by a long term boyfriend because
Speaker 2: he just wasn't ready to spend his free time with
Speaker 2: me and my kid. My boyfriend of almost three years
Speaker 2: finally met my five year old daughter, and after hanging
Speaker 2: out with us a few times, he said he didn't
Speaker 2: feel right and didn't like that he was just there.
Speaker 2: I'm feeling like at I'm feeling at an all time low.
Speaker 2: Now I'm afraid no man will ever want me because
Speaker 2: I'm a mom. Plus I'm thirty four now and all
Speaker 2: my friends are married and live far. I can't even
Speaker 2: go out nowadays. Help fucking rude, rude? What the fuck?
Speaker 2: First of all, thank god, thank god? First, like, thank
Speaker 2: god that he was like he just kept him moving.
Speaker 2: But let this be a lesson. Don't wait three years? Yeah,
Speaker 2: you don't. Don't. Why did you wait three years? The
Speaker 2: girl like she was two? Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think that we do ourselves a disservice when we
Speaker 1: wait so long, because then people don't get to know
Speaker 1: you as the mom that you are.
Speaker 2: There's a real whole other side of you, probably the
Speaker 2: one of the largest parts of you, especially at that age,
Speaker 2: because your daughter is like what two years old when
Speaker 2: you met this man, like you're in it, in it.
Speaker 2: He is not experiencing this person like that? Is you
Speaker 2: so coming into a space like that, like uh uh no,
Speaker 2: I don't even know why he would have waited. I
Speaker 2: wouldn't even waited that long. I was like, I need
Speaker 2: to meet your child, right right?
Speaker 1: I mean he just I mean and honestly the let
Speaker 1: the week move on, you know if it's yeah, he's
Speaker 1: not about that life good.
Speaker 2: Like keep it moving.
Speaker 1: I'm happy or honest with me, but I wouldn't give up.
Speaker 1: There's definitely like there's definitely men that will love you
Speaker 1: and love your child and you're still worthy.
Speaker 2: It doesn't matter if your mom.
Speaker 1: For sure, one or three or five, whatever the fuck,
Speaker 1: Like if you went love that's something that is accessible. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and the right one, the right person that gets it.
Speaker 2: But you have to be honest about your motherhood like
Speaker 2: you cannot be. You kind of hid your motherhood from
Speaker 2: him too, Like I don't know what the circumstances are,
Speaker 2: like you know, if you want to further explain or
Speaker 2: not explain, if you want to further share, like I'm
Speaker 2: interested to know, but like you hid your child too,
Speaker 2: like you kind of you manifest these kind of situations
Speaker 2: when you hide parts of especially the major parts of
Speaker 2: yourself like that from someone who's supposed to love you,
Speaker 2: like especially I'm sure after three years I hope you
Speaker 2: guys are in love, Like fuck that guy. But also
Speaker 2: next time, I recommend if you're feeling my first date, yeah,
Speaker 2: but like I recommend like reconsidering like the time in
Speaker 2: which you wait to introduce or at least I don't
Speaker 2: know present.
Speaker 1: It's also it's also doing a disservice for your child
Speaker 1: because she's like, who the fuck is this.
Speaker 2: The fact that your mother is like the coolest part
Speaker 2: of you. Actually, you're a natural nurturer. You know how
Speaker 2: to take care of a person, like you have this amazing, incredible, yes,
Speaker 2: anxiety filled responsibility. But it's literally like I look at
Speaker 2: motherhood as like that's my biggest flex that's my asset,
Speaker 2: Like I have no qualms or ways or like there's
Speaker 2: nothing around it at this point, you know, So just
Speaker 2: start trying to look at it that way. Definitely don't
Speaker 2: look at it as that and thirty four year young girl.
Speaker 1: And also like, yeah, I have a kid, I'm a mom.
Speaker 1: I have shit to do. I don't have time for
Speaker 1: any bullshit. So of your some bullshit, it's best you
Speaker 1: let me know now. I don't have a lot of
Speaker 1: time to play games. This is what I want, this
Speaker 1: is what I don't want.
Speaker 2: And you can go out with your married friends. Go
Speaker 2: out with your married friends. This is not like you
Speaker 2: don't have to. I mean, obviously you guys are living
Speaker 2: in different lives. But make new friends or go out
Speaker 2: with your married friends. Don't not go out and make
Speaker 2: excuses to why you can't go out, Like it's not
Speaker 2: even about going out, but like, go outside, go outside,
Speaker 2: definitely go outside. Meet people. Yeah, connect join our discord,
Speaker 2: that's what that's what Discord's for. Go join the discord,
Speaker 2: make some friends and meet up. Yeah. So I'm sorry
Speaker 2: that happened too, though. That's trash. It's really really whack.
Speaker 2: Do you have a hurry, Yeah, we do have a hurry.
Speaker 2: Let's see if I can find it. Oh it was
Speaker 2: a pegging horry. Oh I love those it was pegging
Speaker 2: hoy one moment. Please what I find the pegging horry?
Speaker 2: Who stories? Proceed with caution. This is from an OG
Speaker 2: listener shout out to you. So I was dating this
Speaker 2: woman at the time and she was very lesbian, very lesbian.
Speaker 2: Note I know the time she was a total top
Speaker 2: and never wanted to receive, which is cool but was
Speaker 2: new but was new to me back then. I was
Speaker 2: twenty two, and I was young and dumb and full
Speaker 2: of cum. Okay, stream to it. Huh. One day I
Speaker 2: heard her talking with a gay boy best friend about
Speaker 2: how she topped him. I was so curious. That was
Speaker 2: the first day I heard about pegging my friend was
Speaker 2: My mind was blown and I was full, and I
Speaker 2: was full of dirty, fucking fantasies. So of course I
Speaker 2: jumped on the Internet and joined some gay hookup site.
Speaker 2: For some reason, I thought only gay or by men
Speaker 2: be into this, ha ha ha, since the site was
Speaker 2: traditionally gay man. Since the site was a traditionally gay
Speaker 2: man site, and I was definitely a beautiful, big titty chick,
Speaker 2: I decided to be fully upfront and posted in my bio.
Speaker 2: I was there to meet someone who wanted to peg
Speaker 2: strictly for experimenting and no ongoing relationship. My inboxes flooded. Wow.
Speaker 1: I never heard someone hear about a kink and go
Speaker 1: full fledged, like I have to do this.
Speaker 2: Getting a gay profile just so like a fulfillment. She
Speaker 2: has big tits. Okay, she's ambitious, she has big titties,
Speaker 2: and she's going to get what she wants. I like it.
Speaker 2: I was so surprised even straight dudes who just wanted
Speaker 2: to fuck me, which I was confused about. But hey,
Speaker 2: the Internet is a safe space. I had my pick
Speaker 2: of the litter, so I decided I wanted the hottest,
Speaker 2: most masculine straight man with muscular body, tattoo, tall, dark,
Speaker 2: and handsome, because at the time I was fucking mostly
Speaker 2: women and the hard body was mess was missing in
Speaker 2: my sex life. Okay, after finally talking for a while,
Speaker 2: we decided to meet up. I met the guy at
Speaker 2: Starbucks first to make sure I felt safe with him.
Speaker 1: Starbucks, not even like a night bar.
Speaker 2: They went for croissants you're getting okay, and a chai
Speaker 2: latte you're getting coffee to discuss pegging in the daylight.
Speaker 2: Just to meet him, to make sure she felt safe. Okay,
Speaker 2: she's okay. He was six to two, ripped. You know
Speaker 2: this person, He was six too, ripped, light green eyes,
Speaker 2: dark hair. He wore his wedding ring on one hand,
Speaker 2: which gave me a girl boner. He admitted he was
Speaker 2: He admitted he was stepping out on his wife to
Speaker 2: fulfill his desires because he felt uncomfortable admitting to them
Speaker 2: to her. Of course, my moral compass was off that day,
Speaker 2: and I was thinking with my dick, so my devil
Speaker 2: horns were showing. My pussy was so wet for him,
Speaker 2: and I was ready to get it. He found not.
Speaker 2: He was opening up to you, and all you thought
Speaker 2: about was, oh my god, I love this bitch. He
Speaker 2: followed me back to the apartment. We walked to my
Speaker 2: walk past my gay roommate, and I threw him a wink.
Speaker 2: I got one of your kind. As we entered my room,
Speaker 2: I had already set the scene for him. Dildo's on
Speaker 2: the bed so he could pick his sighs. I had
Speaker 2: some other toy set out. I was surprised that I
Speaker 2: wasn't nervous. I was fully tapped into my top energy
Speaker 2: and felt so powerful. He was six ' two and
Speaker 2: super muscular and strong, but he had such a soft,
Speaker 2: sweet personality. I knew he was about to be my
Speaker 2: little bitch. Wait the whey She wrote this strip slowly,
Speaker 2: as I said to him, no, no strip. Slowly, I
Speaker 2: said to him, make sure you keep eye contact with me.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, I really like how she's going from Starbucks
Speaker 1: straight to like strip.
Speaker 2: He stripped down. His body was beautiful, every muscle so defined,
Speaker 2: his dick was smaller than I expected. I laughed. He
Speaker 2: liked it, and I could notice him smile as I laughed.
Speaker 2: I walked up to him and grabbed his penis what
Speaker 2: the fuck is this all this body? And where's the
Speaker 2: rest of this cock? He smiled and shrugged. Okay, so
Speaker 2: he is a sub got it. Get down on your knees,
Speaker 2: you little slut. As he got down on his knees,
Speaker 2: I grabbed his chin and made him look up at me,
Speaker 2: stick my fingers inside of his mouth and made him suck.
Speaker 2: You're gonna be my little bitch today and obey every
Speaker 2: single command. If you are a good little bitch, then
Speaker 2: I will fuck the shit out of you. Then I
Speaker 2: will fuck the shit out of your tight asshole. His
Speaker 2: eyes widened and with joy, and he choked on my
Speaker 2: fingers and teared up. Stay on your knees and rust
Speaker 2: your head on my bed. Put your arms behind your back.
Speaker 2: I handcuffed his hands together. Now hold still, this is
Speaker 2: gonna sting, a little, not a little bit sting. I
Speaker 2: dripped candle wax down his muscular back. His muscles flinched,
Speaker 2: but he did not move. He let out small moans
Speaker 2: with every drop, watching the wax harden on his back
Speaker 2: was It was turning me on way more. My God.
Speaker 2: I suddenly had an idea. I needed to save this
Speaker 2: memory forever. I asked him for consent to record our session.
Speaker 2: Can you send the video? I need to see this video.
Speaker 2: You know who you are. Send the video. He consented,
Speaker 2: and so I invited my roommate into film us. He
Speaker 2: was elated. He grabbed my digital camera and was getting
Speaker 2: all the angles digital camera with my roommate in the room,
Speaker 2: the music pumping. Fine, This fine ass man at my fingertips,
Speaker 2: This fine ass man at my fingertips, ready for me
Speaker 2: to use and abuse him. I felt high. I needed
Speaker 2: that ass right now. He got on all fours. I
Speaker 2: made him look straight into the camera and prepare for entry.
Speaker 2: His mouth was watering it. I looped up his ass
Speaker 2: and rubbed a loub all over my dildo. I traced
Speaker 2: his crack with my dick and rolled the tip around
Speaker 2: his asshole. His body quivered. I started to push my
Speaker 2: dildo into his ass and he let out a deep breath.
Speaker 2: My clip jumped and I felt the wolf inside me.
Speaker 2: How ooh. My friend made eye contact with me from
Speaker 2: behind the camera and he says, Oh, he likes it.
Speaker 2: He had a great view of my little bitch's face
Speaker 2: and him. Being a gay man, he knew when a gig,
Speaker 2: when a guy was enjoying that ass. Fuck. Oh, oh
Speaker 2: my god, this is so long. Wait this is okay, girl,
Speaker 2: hold on, we might have just skip through some of this. Okay,
Speaker 2: where's the howling? Okay, he loved the feed by way.
Speaker 2: Wait wait wait wait, I continued to where is she
Speaker 2: gonna dildo this? Quickly I switched positions and made my
Speaker 2: little bitch get on top to ride me, and I
Speaker 2: rubbed his on his chest and complimented how sexy he
Speaker 2: looked riding me. He looked, he looked. He loved the
Speaker 2: feedback in the dirty talk. It was so intense and passionate.
Speaker 2: We made heavy eye contact as he grinned deeper into
Speaker 2: Oh god, Jesus, not grinned, Yeah, grinded deeper. It is yeah,
Speaker 2: this is I don't know, this is you like this
Speaker 2: kind of porn? Though? Don't you pegging porn? No? Not really, no, okay,
Speaker 2: because this is not turning me on. I don't like
Speaker 2: pegging porn. I like like bisexuals as part of it
Speaker 2: is like the definitely like the little bitchness of it all. Okay.
Speaker 2: I fucked him slow and told him I want to
Speaker 2: see him shoot his load on his chest, fucking him hard,
Speaker 2: stroking his cock fast, looking him in his eyes as
Speaker 2: I told him, you're such a good slut, talking all
Speaker 2: the dick, taking all the dicks like a good boy.
Speaker 2: Can't wait to find out who this is. I stroked
Speaker 2: along with the rhythm and started to moan. He shot
Speaker 2: his load and hid it all over his own face.
Speaker 2: I screamed in ecstasy, mind blown that we had just
Speaker 2: come together on the first time fucking. We all let
Speaker 2: out a laugh and a huge breath. I looked over
Speaker 2: and asked my roommate, did you get that on camera?
Speaker 2: All of it? He said, what a downass roommate. Oh wow,
Speaker 2: that's a good roommate. Oh god, the story gets worse.
Speaker 2: There's more. Wait, let me just read this last part.
Speaker 2: Oh god wait. I let the man go shower while
Speaker 2: my roomy and I sat on the bed and shook
Speaker 2: our head, blown away by what had just went down.
Speaker 2: I knew then that Peggy was one of my all
Speaker 2: time favorite things, and I was hooked on the power
Speaker 2: it gave me. I showed that video to anyone who
Speaker 2: would watch. Eventually, my backpack got stolen with my laptop
Speaker 2: and camera in it. I wonder if whoever stole it
Speaker 2: got to see that video. I'd love to run across
Speaker 2: it on some porn sites someday. Deaf great homemade film.
Speaker 2: The best part about the story. About seven years after this,
Speaker 2: I was a company Christmas party for my friend's work.
Speaker 2: I was sipping a beer panting the room, and a
Speaker 2: tall man caught my attention. His back was turned towards me,
Speaker 2: but something about the back of his head looked familiar.
Speaker 2: He turned around and boom, it was my little bitch.
Speaker 2: We made a quick eye contact, and I got so
Speaker 2: flushed I had to turn around quickly. My friend noticed
Speaker 2: my energy shift and asked what was wrong. Told her
Speaker 2: that that guy over there was the first guy I pegged,
Speaker 2: and she was like Jason. She happened to work with
Speaker 2: his wife and daughter. I noticed they had left shortly
Speaker 2: after we made eye contact, and never saw my little
Speaker 2: bitch again. But I have made men my bitch since,
Speaker 2: and they were always very grateful. How many bitches men?
Speaker 2: She has since made other men her bitch? Oh wow?
Speaker 2: You know? And they were always grateful for her for
Speaker 2: her guidance.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the story of one determined bitch who was
Speaker 1: going to figure out if that was her kinkin.
Speaker 2: I did not read that first. Before reading, I also
Speaker 2: didn't know how long it was. It was a novel. Wow,
Speaker 2: that was that's that's our first pegging. Oh no, it
Speaker 2: was on second second pegging. We had one on Juneteenth.
Speaker 2: I'll never forget that one. That was a very important one.
Speaker 2: So that's it. That was it for our horror stories.
Speaker 2: And if you have horror stories that you'd like to
Speaker 2: share on the show, please please message them. We need
Speaker 2: more horries. We need good juice, well written short horries,
Speaker 2: like maybe like three paragraphs maximum. Send them to production
Speaker 2: at Good Mom's Bad Choices. Subject line, subject line horries.
Speaker 2: Mm hm, so I think that's a wrap, my friend. Yeah, ready,
Speaker 2: you're ready. I'm gonna go do yoga yoga. I'm gonna
Speaker 2: go do heatd yoga, drink alcohol water. What do you
Speaker 2: go to heat yoga? In short?
Speaker 3: Oaks?
Speaker 2: A few different ones, different ones.
Speaker 1: I gotta be like, okay, Colon, tell our location, which
Speaker 1: specific one?
Speaker 2: What time? My teacher? Anyone know our general vicinity? I
Speaker 2: live in Alabama, guys, I actually don't live here. Well,
Speaker 2: this has been nice. I love you. I love you.
Speaker 2: I love you very much. I love you very much too.
Speaker 2: And you're beautiful. You can have the best birthday ever. Whoa, whoa,
Speaker 2: wait a fine ass friend thirty something here I come.
Speaker 2: She's so fun. Oh my god, thank you. I'm excited
Speaker 2: for my birthday. It's it's good. It's life. I'm just
Speaker 2: I'm getting better, bitch, I know I'm getting better. I'm not.
Speaker 2: I know I'm getting better. And it's it's crazy. I
Speaker 2: think it's just more so like thinking about the more
Speaker 2: moral mortality of life. I've been thinking about more, like damn,
Speaker 2: it's really short. It is short, and the bigger scheme
Speaker 2: of things. That's sure being pleasure the whole time. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's too short to be like mad about you. You
Speaker 2: don't even know why you're mad. Just be like, be happy.
Speaker 2: This is the best ship ever. We're living a dream.
Speaker 2: We're like, fight it for it. Yeah, fight to live.
Speaker 1: If I'm gonna fight to be happy, to be healthy,
Speaker 1: to be happy and be having fucking fun, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: fight for that ship because I.
Speaker 2: Don't we don't know. It's a short.
Speaker 1: Span and hopefully like that radiates, you know, to our friends, circle,
Speaker 1: to our kids.
Speaker 2: Like you gotta live a little. You gotta live a
Speaker 2: lot every second, all day, every day.
Speaker 1: Babe out what makes you happy for real and do
Speaker 1: that whatever it takes.
Speaker 2: I'm a motherfucking philosopher. And on that note, DJ Jam
Speaker 2: Jam DJJ jam J Jam Pepe and Jam. Well, guys,
Speaker 2: make sure you go follow us on YouTube if you
Speaker 2: haven't watched this episode. We're fine. We all we do
Speaker 2: look cute today, we're looking cute. I feel like I'm
Speaker 2: like comfy comfy cash.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was kind of overcast today.
Speaker 2: How do we always get the same memo? Are we
Speaker 2: both wearing baggy pants? And like we're Beyonce House of
Speaker 2: Dairy on.
Speaker 1: We have the House of Dairy on fucking alert system.
Speaker 1: It's built in alert system. It doesn't matter what. We
Speaker 1: never discussed what we're wearing. It always goes together.
Speaker 2: Though. Every time someone the other day was like, did
Speaker 2: you guys plan this cheetah look, I was like, no,
Speaker 2: we didn't. No, Like what do you think? I fucking
Speaker 2: called her and.
Speaker 1: Said, hey, you're gonna you're gonna work out of dinner?
Speaker 1: So what are you gonna wear you're gonna rear treat
Speaker 1: a print O me too crazy?
Speaker 2: What the fuck would we look like doing that? That'd
Speaker 2: be crazy? Oh my goodness. Anyway falls on YouTube. Also
Speaker 2: go check out our retreat. We just launched two more
Speaker 2: retreats in Coasta, Rica, So come hang out with your
Speaker 2: girls in February twenty twenty three and get chose natal
Speaker 2: chart reds. Do some healing, do some toerking, do some explorations,
Speaker 2: hang out with us. Eat healthy, eat healthy, get better,
Speaker 2: feel better, look better, find friends. I just want like
Speaker 2: people look better too. Do you want to get like
Speaker 2: a real quick fine? Uh? Boast? It is I retreat.
Speaker 2: I retreat like botas, it's like health. It's it's botox
Speaker 2: of the whole spirit. It's like juvenidi for your life.
Speaker 2: It's Juvedim for your spirit.
Speaker 1: And like unlimited syringes for five days.
Speaker 2: So many syringers, but they don't hurt.
Speaker 1: The non surgical botax of Costa Rica is so crazy.
Speaker 2: I came back looking eight years younger. Yeah, then the
Speaker 2: effects last we like at least six months.
Speaker 1: If you go to the jungle and just nestle your
Speaker 1: feet in, you'll get so beautiful.
Speaker 2: Look young again. Just lay in the sun for five minutes.
Speaker 2: Costa Rica is plastic surgery. Fuck plastic surgery. You go
Speaker 2: to Costa Rica. Fuck doc to Miami. You only need
Speaker 2: Costa Rica. Honestly, I do look sexier there. Absolutely me too.
Speaker 2: I'm moisturized immediately, I'm hydrated. I'm happy. I'm like I'm moving. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm just moving, you know. An I clicked the link
Speaker 2: in this episode description to check out your to book
Speaker 2: your next Botox Costa.
Speaker 1: Rica Surgical box trip, and check out our Patreon to
Speaker 1: be on our close friends and be included in our
Speaker 1: Discord community. There's a lot of things happening over there.
Speaker 1: They're doing some fellas, there's there's a lot of things
Speaker 1: going on this show.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you've heard us talk about Discord a few
Speaker 2: times on this episode. If you don't know what it is,
Speaker 2: it's a community over there, So download the app, click
Speaker 2: the link for Patreon, and we'll add you to our
Speaker 2: Discord which is very much popping and they're fine friends
Speaker 2: in your city, like minded people. There's a lot going on.
Speaker 2: It's been The horri section on Discord has been going
Speaker 2: nuts this week. I don't know if you've seen it,
Speaker 2: it's shifted. There's a shift in the horrist section on discord.
Speaker 2: I just think I saw a little bit. I was like, whoa, Okay,
Speaker 2: we don't need Yoni xx no more. Huh.
Speaker 1: They said, we're gonna get it in an all shut
Speaker 1: and whatever when it sounds a little bit xx.
Speaker 2: Oh my god. Anyway, we love you guys, and we'll
Speaker 2: see you next week.
Speaker 3: Bye bye.
Speaker 2: Likes Yo Ellena J.
Speaker 1: Solova record the Lallos and Elasti.
Speaker 2: They asked, mm hmm,