WEBVTT - Mr. Michael Oppenheimer Clams For You

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<v Speaker 1>Don't answer the phone.

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<v Speaker 2>Elvis Duran, the Elvis Duran phone tap. All right, scary,

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<v Speaker 2>it's the return of mister Michael Oppenheimer. Yep, here we go.

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<v Speaker 2>Jack wants a phone tap his grandfather, Jim. Jim hates

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<v Speaker 2>being interrupted watching his afternoon TV programs by telephone telemarketers.

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<v Speaker 2>So Jack wanted me to call him as Michael Oppenheimer,

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<v Speaker 2>our resident relentless telephone telemarketer, and then.

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<v Speaker 1>Later coaster Boy Josh makes a cameo, Oh my gosh, yes,

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<v Speaker 1>this is a good day after all.

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<v Speaker 2>In his phone tap day doo.

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<v Speaker 1>And really he's never been on a phone tap before.

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<v Speaker 1>I think he has.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, this is mister Michael Oppenheimer phone tap debut.

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<v Speaker 1>All right, here we go today's phone tap listening. Hello,

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<v Speaker 1>good afternoon. This is mister Michael Oppenheimer with clamsfou dot com.

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<v Speaker 1>How are you doing today.

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<v Speaker 3>Sir, clamso dot job. I'm fine, I'm fine. What do

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<v Speaker 3>you want?

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<v Speaker 1>It is becoming a problem to get fresh seafood.

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<v Speaker 3>You're selling me something, right.

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<v Speaker 1>Our clams sell themselves.

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<v Speaker 3>Who the hell are you?

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<v Speaker 1>You are the leading seafood processing and distribution company and

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<v Speaker 1>we ship seafood direct.

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<v Speaker 3>To you well, I don't want no package seafood for you.

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<v Speaker 3>Send package seafood.

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<v Speaker 1>We send you seafood fresh. It is caught and shipped.

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<v Speaker 3>Listen to me, buddy, I don't have any time for

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<v Speaker 3>this all right? Goodbye?

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, This is mister Michael Oppenheimer with clams for you.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't you gotta be after six years?

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<v Speaker 3>You know, man, you gotta pail of balls calling me

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<v Speaker 3>back again. What the hell's the matter with you? I

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<v Speaker 3>told you I wasn't interested. I didn't want any seafood.

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<v Speaker 1>I eat clams.

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<v Speaker 3>I eat clams. You know you like Italian food.

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<v Speaker 1>I love Italian food.

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<v Speaker 3>Sir, eat my gi. Give up the damn phone. Goodbye.

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, this is mister Michael Oppenheimer. So we didn't even

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<v Speaker 1>tell you.

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<v Speaker 3>What do you guys? Do you only cold during lunch

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<v Speaker 3>and dinner? Don't you guys ever eat? Why did you

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<v Speaker 3>get a real wife's sakes?

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<v Speaker 1>We have a special today, sir.

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<v Speaker 3>Who the hell cares will do? I don't care about

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<v Speaker 3>your spec. How do I get food to you? Are

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<v Speaker 3>you hard a feeling?

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<v Speaker 1>Are you throwing a party anytime soon?

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<v Speaker 4>Sir?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I'll throw a body in your mouth. Get the

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<v Speaker 3>hell off the phone. And lead me along way.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, the daily staff on sixty nine clam shuckers working

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<v Speaker 1>round the clock to give you.

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<v Speaker 3>Why did to go shut yourself a get the hell

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<v Speaker 3>out of it, moron, Get a real job. Hello, this is.

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<v Speaker 1>Mister Michael Oppenheimer with clams for you dot com.

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<v Speaker 3>You got a set?

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<v Speaker 1>We have a daily catch for just forty nine ninety

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<v Speaker 1>nine for two dozen little necks and thirty nine ninety

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<v Speaker 1>nine for three dozen cherry.

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<v Speaker 3>Yet, Well, I think I'd like to put my hands

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<v Speaker 3>around your little neck and squeeze it a little bit.

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<v Speaker 3>You How did you get my phone number? Anyhow? You

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<v Speaker 3>we are.

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<v Speaker 1>Calling Italians today?

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<v Speaker 3>Oh? You call it all Italians? What's the matter with

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<v Speaker 3>everybody else who says I'm Italian? And what if I am?

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<v Speaker 3>And what if I'm not? Frederice son of a bitches?

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<v Speaker 1>We did a computer generated search for names that ended

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<v Speaker 1>in vowels, and yours came up at el ro.

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<v Speaker 3>Maybe your computer's not working right. I think your brain's

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<v Speaker 3>not working right. You know that's just something wrong with you.

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<v Speaker 3>How can you keep pulling the same person back time

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<v Speaker 3>and time again when they say that I'm interested? Because

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<v Speaker 3>you need a lobottomy or something. You are a crazy

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<v Speaker 3>son of a bitch.

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<v Speaker 1>Our research finds that Italians consume more clams than any

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<v Speaker 1>other nationality.

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<v Speaker 3>If I am it Talgian, I'm gonna find out where

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<v Speaker 3>you are, you stupid, and send somebody over there and

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<v Speaker 3>break your kneecaps. All right, then we'll see who's Italian

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<v Speaker 3>and who is it? I don't need yours. My wife

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<v Speaker 3>goes to the fish market every Friday and she gets

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<v Speaker 3>fresh fish right off that dock. What do I need

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<v Speaker 3>your frozen clam?

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<v Speaker 1>Your wife has the freshest clams.

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<v Speaker 3>My wife gets the freshest clams. She gets the freshest

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<v Speaker 3>coda everything my wife's got.

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<v Speaker 1>How's your wife's snapper?

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<v Speaker 3>My wife snapper enjoyed. She fries the people lazy. It's terrific.

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<v Speaker 1>If you act now, I'll throw in a free jar

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<v Speaker 1>of puntanesca sauce. Hello, sir, Our credo is to satisfy

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<v Speaker 1>the customers.

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<v Speaker 3>Manager on a phone, would you.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm in charge here?

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<v Speaker 4>Sir?

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<v Speaker 3>No, you're not in charge. They can't have an like

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<v Speaker 3>you in charge, but put your manager on the phone

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<v Speaker 3>transferring call.

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<v Speaker 4>Hello, who is it? This is Marty Schottenheimer.

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<v Speaker 3>I told you I want to speak to your boss.

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<v Speaker 4>So you're thinking of mister Michael Oppenheimer. I am mister

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<v Speaker 4>Marty Schottenheimer.

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<v Speaker 3>What you guys? You sound like zombies or something.

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<v Speaker 4>Who can I help you today? Sir?

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<v Speaker 3>Do you know that Dishmark has called me six times

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<v Speaker 3>already to sell me some phones and plans? I told

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<v Speaker 3>you guy ten times I'm not interested, and he just

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<v Speaker 3>keeps calling and call and now I want to register

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<v Speaker 3>a complaint.

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<v Speaker 4>You sound Italian, sir, and Italians enjoy class.

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<v Speaker 3>Well is this with you guys? With the Italians? Do

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<v Speaker 3>you sell to anybody but Italians? Are you there? You zombie?

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<v Speaker 3>Can you hear me?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah? I can hear you.

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<v Speaker 4>I can hear you.

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<v Speaker 3>I think you're a robot.

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<v Speaker 4>I'm Marty Schottenheimer.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm Michael Oppenheimer.

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<v Speaker 3>Now I smell around. I think somebody's schooling with me.

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<v Speaker 1>Here, sir.

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<v Speaker 4>It sounds like you need to keep clam and carry on.

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<v Speaker 3>But who is that? Who is there?

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<v Speaker 4>This is Michael?

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<v Speaker 3>And who's that? What do you like some clams today? Jack?

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<v Speaker 2>Hey, Jim, this is Scary Jones with Elvis Duran in

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<v Speaker 2>the morning show. And your grandson Jack is phone tapping you.

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<v Speaker 3>You know Jack, you son of a Dodd. You know

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<v Speaker 3>I'm gonna get you back for this, your little bastard.

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<v Speaker 1>And the Frank coaster boy Josh is Marty Schottenheimer.

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<v Speaker 3>What's up, Jim going guys? You know, the second he said,

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<v Speaker 3>Marty shot and like a bell went off and I'm

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<v Speaker 3>thinking I'm being pumped. Kids. Okay, well, this is Peyton

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<v Speaker 3>Manning when you guys are a bunch of schmucks hel

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<v Speaker 3>phone time.

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<v Speaker 4>This phone table was pre recorded quin permission granted by

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<v Speaker 4>all the

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<v Speaker 3>Elvis Duran phone tap only on Elvis Duran in the

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<v Speaker 3>Morning Show