Speaker 1: Don't answer the phone.
Speaker 2: Elvis Duran, the Elvis Duran phone tap. All right, scary,
Speaker 2: it's the return of mister Michael Oppenheimer. Yep, here we go.
Speaker 2: Jack wants a phone tap his grandfather, Jim. Jim hates
Speaker 2: being interrupted watching his afternoon TV programs by telephone telemarketers.
Speaker 2: So Jack wanted me to call him as Michael Oppenheimer,
Speaker 2: our resident relentless telephone telemarketer, and then.
Speaker 1: Later coaster Boy Josh makes a cameo, Oh my gosh, yes,
Speaker 1: this is a good day after all.
Speaker 2: In his phone tap day doo.
Speaker 1: And really he's never been on a phone tap before.
Speaker 1: I think he has.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is mister Michael Oppenheimer phone tap debut.
Speaker 1: All right, here we go today's phone tap listening. Hello,
Speaker 1: good afternoon. This is mister Michael Oppenheimer with clamsfou dot com.
Speaker 1: How are you doing today.
Speaker 3: Sir, clamso dot job. I'm fine, I'm fine. What do
Speaker 3: you want?
Speaker 1: It is becoming a problem to get fresh seafood.
Speaker 3: You're selling me something, right.
Speaker 1: Our clams sell themselves.
Speaker 3: Who the hell are you?
Speaker 1: You are the leading seafood processing and distribution company and
Speaker 1: we ship seafood direct.
Speaker 3: To you well, I don't want no package seafood for you.
Speaker 3: Send package seafood.
Speaker 1: We send you seafood fresh. It is caught and shipped.
Speaker 3: Listen to me, buddy, I don't have any time for
Speaker 3: this all right? Goodbye?
Speaker 1: Hello, This is mister Michael Oppenheimer with clams for you.
Speaker 1: Don't you gotta be after six years?
Speaker 3: You know, man, you gotta pail of balls calling me
Speaker 3: back again. What the hell's the matter with you? I
Speaker 3: told you I wasn't interested. I didn't want any seafood.
Speaker 1: I eat clams.
Speaker 3: I eat clams. You know you like Italian food.
Speaker 1: I love Italian food.
Speaker 3: Sir, eat my gi. Give up the damn phone. Goodbye.
Speaker 1: Hello, this is mister Michael Oppenheimer. So we didn't even
Speaker 1: tell you.
Speaker 3: What do you guys? Do you only cold during lunch
Speaker 3: and dinner? Don't you guys ever eat? Why did you
Speaker 3: get a real wife's sakes?
Speaker 1: We have a special today, sir.
Speaker 3: Who the hell cares will do? I don't care about
Speaker 3: your spec. How do I get food to you? Are
Speaker 3: you hard a feeling?
Speaker 1: Are you throwing a party anytime soon?
Speaker 4: Sir?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'll throw a body in your mouth. Get the
Speaker 3: hell off the phone. And lead me along way.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the daily staff on sixty nine clam shuckers working
Speaker 1: round the clock to give you.
Speaker 3: Why did to go shut yourself a get the hell
Speaker 3: out of it, moron, Get a real job. Hello, this is.
Speaker 1: Mister Michael Oppenheimer with clams for you dot com.
Speaker 3: You got a set?
Speaker 1: We have a daily catch for just forty nine ninety
Speaker 1: nine for two dozen little necks and thirty nine ninety
Speaker 1: nine for three dozen cherry.
Speaker 3: Yet, Well, I think I'd like to put my hands
Speaker 3: around your little neck and squeeze it a little bit.
Speaker 3: You How did you get my phone number? Anyhow? You
Speaker 3: we are.
Speaker 1: Calling Italians today?
Speaker 3: Oh? You call it all Italians? What's the matter with
Speaker 3: everybody else who says I'm Italian? And what if I am?
Speaker 3: And what if I'm not? Frederice son of a bitches?
Speaker 1: We did a computer generated search for names that ended
Speaker 1: in vowels, and yours came up at el ro.
Speaker 3: Maybe your computer's not working right. I think your brain's
Speaker 3: not working right. You know that's just something wrong with you.
Speaker 3: How can you keep pulling the same person back time
Speaker 3: and time again when they say that I'm interested? Because
Speaker 3: you need a lobottomy or something. You are a crazy
Speaker 3: son of a bitch.
Speaker 1: Our research finds that Italians consume more clams than any
Speaker 1: other nationality.
Speaker 3: If I am it Talgian, I'm gonna find out where
Speaker 3: you are, you stupid, and send somebody over there and
Speaker 3: break your kneecaps. All right, then we'll see who's Italian
Speaker 3: and who is it? I don't need yours. My wife
Speaker 3: goes to the fish market every Friday and she gets
Speaker 3: fresh fish right off that dock. What do I need
Speaker 3: your frozen clam?
Speaker 1: Your wife has the freshest clams.
Speaker 3: My wife gets the freshest clams. She gets the freshest
Speaker 3: coda everything my wife's got.
Speaker 1: How's your wife's snapper?
Speaker 3: My wife snapper enjoyed. She fries the people lazy. It's terrific.
Speaker 1: If you act now, I'll throw in a free jar
Speaker 1: of puntanesca sauce. Hello, sir, Our credo is to satisfy
Speaker 1: the customers.
Speaker 3: Manager on a phone, would you.
Speaker 1: I'm in charge here?
Speaker 4: Sir?
Speaker 3: No, you're not in charge. They can't have an like
Speaker 3: you in charge, but put your manager on the phone
Speaker 3: transferring call.
Speaker 4: Hello, who is it? This is Marty Schottenheimer.
Speaker 3: I told you I want to speak to your boss.
Speaker 4: So you're thinking of mister Michael Oppenheimer. I am mister
Speaker 4: Marty Schottenheimer.
Speaker 3: What you guys? You sound like zombies or something.
Speaker 4: Who can I help you today? Sir?
Speaker 3: Do you know that Dishmark has called me six times
Speaker 3: already to sell me some phones and plans? I told
Speaker 3: you guy ten times I'm not interested, and he just
Speaker 3: keeps calling and call and now I want to register
Speaker 3: a complaint.
Speaker 4: You sound Italian, sir, and Italians enjoy class.
Speaker 3: Well is this with you guys? With the Italians? Do
Speaker 3: you sell to anybody but Italians? Are you there? You zombie?
Speaker 3: Can you hear me?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I can hear you.
Speaker 4: I can hear you.
Speaker 3: I think you're a robot.
Speaker 4: I'm Marty Schottenheimer.
Speaker 1: I'm Michael Oppenheimer.
Speaker 3: Now I smell around. I think somebody's schooling with me.
Speaker 1: Here, sir.
Speaker 4: It sounds like you need to keep clam and carry on.
Speaker 3: But who is that? Who is there?
Speaker 4: This is Michael?
Speaker 3: And who's that? What do you like some clams today? Jack?
Speaker 2: Hey, Jim, this is Scary Jones with Elvis Duran in
Speaker 2: the morning show. And your grandson Jack is phone tapping you.
Speaker 3: You know Jack, you son of a Dodd. You know
Speaker 3: I'm gonna get you back for this, your little bastard.
Speaker 1: And the Frank coaster boy Josh is Marty Schottenheimer.
Speaker 3: What's up, Jim going guys? You know, the second he said,
Speaker 3: Marty shot and like a bell went off and I'm
Speaker 3: thinking I'm being pumped. Kids. Okay, well, this is Peyton
Speaker 3: Manning when you guys are a bunch of schmucks hel
Speaker 3: phone time.
Speaker 4: This phone table was pre recorded quin permission granted by
Speaker 4: all the
Speaker 3: Elvis Duran phone tap only on Elvis Duran in the
Speaker 3: Morning Show