1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:01,760 Speaker 1: Let's do it. Buckle up and hold on type we 2 00:00:01,800 --> 00:00:06,640 Speaker 1: got to fight you in the Strawberry letta subject selfish 3 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:10,080 Speaker 1: or being played just Steven Shirley Steve. I met a 4 00:00:10,119 --> 00:00:13,960 Speaker 1: man recently, the type that most women would love to have. Tall, 5 00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:23,320 Speaker 1: six three pounds, college professor, hey homeowner, forty one years old. 6 00:00:24,079 --> 00:00:28,040 Speaker 1: I am cute, sexy, fifty and enjoying my life. We 7 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:31,280 Speaker 1: have a lot in common music, church, art, school, and 8 00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:35,080 Speaker 1: several other things. We've had some really special moments together, 9 00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:39,160 Speaker 1: great chemistry. He is a single parent, born in Nigeria, 10 00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:43,760 Speaker 1: living in California, raising two boys. I met him before 11 00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:46,120 Speaker 1: the boys came to live with him. Now that the 12 00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:49,600 Speaker 1: boys are here, obviously his days are full. I see 13 00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:53,920 Speaker 1: him maybe once or twice every week if I am lucky. Nowadays, 14 00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:57,680 Speaker 1: I have registered my concerns with him regarding this. He 15 00:00:57,760 --> 00:01:00,200 Speaker 1: seems to think that I am not being understanding or 16 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:05,119 Speaker 1: sympathetic to how busy his days can become. When we 17 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:08,240 Speaker 1: do get together. Now we go out to dinner, a movie, 18 00:01:08,319 --> 00:01:11,680 Speaker 1: and a night between the sheets. I've raised four kids 19 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:14,880 Speaker 1: as well, but I always made time for date. Even 20 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:17,040 Speaker 1: when I was married, my husband and I went out 21 00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:19,720 Speaker 1: on date. I have stopped the between the sheets dates 22 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:22,160 Speaker 1: because I'm beginning to think he makes time for me 23 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:25,200 Speaker 1: only when he wants some special attention, and my eyes, 24 00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:28,240 Speaker 1: it boils down to him getting what he wants while 25 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:31,040 Speaker 1: I am liking the quality time I want from him. 26 00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:34,320 Speaker 1: He texts. He texts during the day to say hello 27 00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:37,200 Speaker 1: or send an email from work, but rarely do we 28 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:39,800 Speaker 1: talk over the phone. Now. Even when we do speak 29 00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:43,360 Speaker 1: over the phone, sometimes his English can be hard to understand. 30 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:46,080 Speaker 1: What do you think, Steve, am I the selfish one, 31 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:48,640 Speaker 1: as he puts it? Or is he simply playing me? 32 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:52,840 Speaker 1: Dear self? Selfish are being played? Uh? You know, I'm 33 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:54,960 Speaker 1: just of the belief that people make time for what 34 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:57,320 Speaker 1: they want to make time for. I just don't think 35 00:01:57,360 --> 00:02:00,440 Speaker 1: anyone is that busy. Yeah, the boys are there, so 36 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:03,120 Speaker 1: there has to be better time management on his part. 37 00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:05,240 Speaker 1: But of course it can be done. People do it 38 00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:07,840 Speaker 1: all the time. Uh. Now, you see him once or 39 00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:10,679 Speaker 1: twice a week if you're lucky, you say, and you've 40 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:13,360 Speaker 1: spoken to him about it. Uh, You've let him know 41 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:16,160 Speaker 1: how you feel. Uh, I just say the rest is 42 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:18,080 Speaker 1: up to you. Now. If you don't want just dinner, 43 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:20,400 Speaker 1: a movie and a night between the sheets as you 44 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:23,280 Speaker 1: call it, then stop. You say you've stopped the nights 45 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:27,399 Speaker 1: between the sheets. All I can say is you control you. Uh. 46 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:29,840 Speaker 1: He can't do anything if you don't want him to 47 00:02:29,919 --> 00:02:32,959 Speaker 1: do it. So uh, if you know, all of a 48 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:36,000 Speaker 1: sudden he's changed his ways, maybe baby mamas come back, 49 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:38,920 Speaker 1: maybe some other stuff is going on. But trust me, 50 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:41,400 Speaker 1: if he really, really really wanted to be with you, 51 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:43,720 Speaker 1: he would be with you. And that's the bottom line. 52 00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:45,959 Speaker 1: I don't think you're being selfish. I think you're onto 53 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,600 Speaker 1: something and uh, maybe you need to really have a 54 00:02:48,639 --> 00:02:51,440 Speaker 1: serious talk with him about it. Twelve minutes after Ko 55 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:55,040 Speaker 1: Cracker any codes in this one, lots of them. We'll 56 00:02:55,080 --> 00:03:05,080 Speaker 1: be back with a subjects selfish or being played? Did 57 00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:09,200 Speaker 1: Steven Shirley Steve? I met a man recently, the type 58 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:13,440 Speaker 1: that most women would love to have. Tall, six ft three, 59 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:18,560 Speaker 1: two hundred and thirty five pounds, college professor, homeowner, forty 60 00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:23,440 Speaker 1: one years old. Now I'm acute, sexy, fifty and enjoying 61 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:28,960 Speaker 1: my life. We have a lot in common music, church, arts, school, 62 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:33,080 Speaker 1: and several other things. We've had some really special moments together, 63 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:36,600 Speaker 1: great chemistry. He's a single parent, born in Nigeria, living 64 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:39,680 Speaker 1: in California raising two boys. I met him before the 65 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:42,320 Speaker 1: boys came to live with him. Now that the boys 66 00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:44,960 Speaker 1: are here, obviously his days are full. I see him 67 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:48,040 Speaker 1: maybe once or twice a week if I'm lucky. Nowadays, 68 00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:50,880 Speaker 1: I've registered my concerns with him regarding this. He seems 69 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:53,160 Speaker 1: to think that I'm not being understanding or sympathetic to 70 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,960 Speaker 1: how busy his days can become. When we do get 71 00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:58,440 Speaker 1: together now we go out to dinner. When we do 72 00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:00,960 Speaker 1: get together, now we go out to dinner, a movie, 73 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:04,160 Speaker 1: and a night between the sheets. I've raised four kids 74 00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:07,440 Speaker 1: as well, but I always made time for dates. Even 75 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:09,600 Speaker 1: when I was married, my husband and I went out 76 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:12,880 Speaker 1: on dates. I have stopped it between the sheet dates 77 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:16,200 Speaker 1: because I'm beginning to think he makes time for me 78 00:04:16,279 --> 00:04:19,200 Speaker 1: only when he wants some special attention. In my eyes, 79 00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:21,479 Speaker 1: it boils down to him getting what he wants while 80 00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:24,560 Speaker 1: I am lacking the quality time that I want from him. 81 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:26,640 Speaker 1: He may text doing a day to say hello or 82 00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:29,400 Speaker 1: send an email from work, but rarely do we talk 83 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:32,200 Speaker 1: over the phone. Now. Even when we do speak over 84 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:36,080 Speaker 1: the phone, sometimes his English can be hard to understand. 85 00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:39,600 Speaker 1: What do you think, Steve am I the selfish one 86 00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:45,400 Speaker 1: as he puts it, or is he simply playing me? Well, 87 00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:53,039 Speaker 1: you know you have met this Nigerian dude. He's six three, 88 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:58,039 Speaker 1: two thirty five pounds, college professor, home owner, forty one 89 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:01,320 Speaker 1: years old. Sounds cute, you know, and you you say 90 00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:03,800 Speaker 1: yourself that this is somebody that most women would love 91 00:05:03,839 --> 00:05:07,200 Speaker 1: to have. And then you say you cute, sexy and 92 00:05:07,279 --> 00:05:14,839 Speaker 1: fifty enjoying your life. Um, if you enjoying your life 93 00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:19,400 Speaker 1: so much. But now you seem to have complicated it. 94 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:23,880 Speaker 1: But I don't really see the problem though. Uh, his 95 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:27,080 Speaker 1: two boys have come and now he has custody of 96 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:30,560 Speaker 1: my guests and moved in with him. Okay, he's forty one, 97 00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:34,760 Speaker 1: so I'm assuming that the boys have should be probably 98 00:05:34,839 --> 00:05:41,479 Speaker 1: teenagers somewhere. That takes some time. It really really does, man, 99 00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:44,080 Speaker 1: especially when you're a single father and you're trying to 100 00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:46,960 Speaker 1: keep these boys on the straight and arrow. I think 101 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:52,520 Speaker 1: that maybe, just maybe the man could be quite busy. 102 00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:55,279 Speaker 1: But then, like Shirley said, when the man wants to 103 00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:57,760 Speaker 1: make time for something he wants, he gonna make time 104 00:05:57,839 --> 00:06:00,280 Speaker 1: for it. Well, he is making time, you say, y'all, 105 00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:03,360 Speaker 1: only uh go out a couple of times a week now, 106 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:06,080 Speaker 1: I think that's what she said, and we do that. 107 00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:08,240 Speaker 1: We go out to dinner, a movie, and the night 108 00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:11,599 Speaker 1: between the sheets. Now, you raise folk kids yourself, but 109 00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:15,080 Speaker 1: you always made time for dates. Even when I was married, 110 00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:17,960 Speaker 1: My husband and I went out on dates. Well, you 111 00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:21,400 Speaker 1: and your husband lived at the same house. See see 112 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:24,480 Speaker 1: you in two separate households. Right now, you can't run 113 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:28,160 Speaker 1: his house from from cross town, no more than you 114 00:06:28,279 --> 00:06:31,280 Speaker 1: expected him to run your house from cross town. So 115 00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:34,120 Speaker 1: I think that you are being a big selfish But 116 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:38,279 Speaker 1: then here's the thing that sticks out. You say, he 117 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:40,760 Speaker 1: only has time for me when he wants some special attention. 118 00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:46,480 Speaker 1: That's most people. Or could it be that he's making 119 00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:48,640 Speaker 1: the time for you that he has while he's still 120 00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:51,320 Speaker 1: trying to raise his boys. And yeah, he wants some 121 00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:54,760 Speaker 1: special attention, and you do too. But now you've cut 122 00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:59,520 Speaker 1: off the between the sheet dates because you think that's 123 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:02,159 Speaker 1: what it is she said it. But see whatn't that 124 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:05,240 Speaker 1: what it was for you too? Though? M so not. 125 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:08,239 Speaker 1: He ain't the only one getting cut out. You're getting 126 00:07:08,279 --> 00:07:12,480 Speaker 1: cut out two Sometimes ladies, y'all seem to think that 127 00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:15,240 Speaker 1: that's the cure all for everything, And you gotta stop 128 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:18,679 Speaker 1: thinking that you gotta stop thinking if you quit giving 129 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:22,240 Speaker 1: up when he's supposed to say cooking no more. Cause 130 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:27,640 Speaker 1: of that lady with the email, okay, cool cookie, what 131 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:30,000 Speaker 1: do we say it was cookie? We tried to call 132 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:33,080 Speaker 1: it something else when she was wrong. So when you 133 00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:34,720 Speaker 1: you think if you cut the cookie off, that that's 134 00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:38,560 Speaker 1: the answer to everything, that your cookie might not have 135 00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:42,320 Speaker 1: nothing to do with it. You know, maybe you're really 136 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:44,760 Speaker 1: driving a wedge between this man because maybe you ain't 137 00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:47,120 Speaker 1: being understanding of how busy is life and God, he 138 00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:49,120 Speaker 1: has these two boys that just got in there with him, 139 00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:51,239 Speaker 1: and he trying to tighten up the ship. It could 140 00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:54,640 Speaker 1: be that the man is that busy. Kids take time. 141 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:58,560 Speaker 1: But now let's get to it, he says, your email. 142 00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:01,360 Speaker 1: But we were rarely talk over the phone. Now here's 143 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:04,320 Speaker 1: what we're getting into. Even when we do speak over 144 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:09,280 Speaker 1: the phone, sometimes his English can be hard to understand. 145 00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:12,160 Speaker 1: What do you think, Steve? And myself is one okay, 146 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,480 Speaker 1: wait a minute, hold on, where are all of a 147 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:17,400 Speaker 1: sudden the English got that what I want? That's where 148 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:19,040 Speaker 1: I need to go. So what I want to do 149 00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:21,080 Speaker 1: right now, Sherley, I want you to be the woman 150 00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:24,880 Speaker 1: and ask me some questions I'm gonna be the Nigerian 151 00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:28,040 Speaker 1: and We're gonna see how what the line of thinking 152 00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:35,240 Speaker 1: could be. Hellok, hey baby, how you doing? I am fine? 153 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:38,480 Speaker 1: How you I'm good? Thank you. I was wondering, you know, 154 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:41,600 Speaker 1: if we could get together tonight for date night? Gon 155 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:49,920 Speaker 1: what I said? I am now, honey, I just want 156 00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:52,000 Speaker 1: to know if we can get together for a date that. 157 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:55,480 Speaker 1: That's all. What are you saying? I said? And listen 158 00:08:55,520 --> 00:09:02,920 Speaker 1: to me, Kevin, I'm ok. Alright, Steve, we gotta go. 159 00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:05,600 Speaker 1: You can email or instagram us your thoughts on today's 160 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:08,520 Speaker 1: Strawberry Letter at my Girl. Surely. I just want to 161 00:09:08,559 --> 00:09:11,199 Speaker 1: take a special moment out to thank everyone who joined 162 00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:14,480 Speaker 1: me yesterday for our first Strawberry Letter after show on 163 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:17,679 Speaker 1: Facebook Live. It was great. We'll do him every week. 164 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:21,520 Speaker 1: Thank you guys. We appreciate it so much for your participation. 165 00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:29,560 Speaker 1: Every Thursday, We'll be right here. It makes for a better, 166 00:09:29,679 --> 00:09:32,920 Speaker 1: little better letter.